Barbershop (2002) Movie Script

She a ho. I said, she a ho.
No, Billy! What the hell you doin'?
Billy, stop this car!
- JD, where you at?
- What the hell's wrong with you?
What's wrong with you, fool?
Get that flashlight outta my face!
Hey! What the hell's wrong with you?
- I thought I heard you say go.
- I did not say go!
The last thing we was talkin' about
was Linda, and you said she...
Ho! I said Linda is a ho!
Get the goddamn chain. Come on, man.
Let's go. Come on, pull it!
Pull the chain, fool!
- Take this money.
- We about to get paid, baby!
We're about to get paid!
This ain't Christian, but it's gonna do.
Throw it up in there! Go! Go! Go!
What the hell?
Where's it tied to? Get out and get it.
Go. Get out. Get it.
Hey, Billy? The future's behind us, baby.
That is our future behind us.
- Calvin, what are you doing?
- Hey, baby.
Tryin' to get this studio together
so we can finally make some money.
That's what you said about
the T-shirt company. And those vitamins.
Why you gotta bring that up? That's in the
past. This is a whole new venture for us.
- Really?
- Let me show you something.
- Can I show you something?
- Yes.
- You got a picture.
- Yes. Look. See that?
That right there is Oprah's guesthouse.
That's just the guesthouse.
So if Stedman act up,
this is where he gotta sleep.
OK. Why do you have this?
Cos that's what
I'm gonna buy for my baby.
Both my babies.
Soon as I get somebody to rent the studio,
make a platinum CD, we get paid.
You don't like strangers
coming in and out of the shop.
You gonna have 'em
coming in and out of the house?
OK. It's seven o'clock.
You gonna be late for work.
I got some eggs for you.
You better come on and get 'em.
That damn shop.
Boy, they sure know how
to kill a man's dreams.
Come on, Stedman.
Calvin. Come here.
What was that for?
It has been a whole two years
since you took over the barbershop.
I mean, look at you.
You have hung in there.
Baby, you have no idea
how proud I am of you.
Your father would have been
proud of you, too. Come here.
- Go.
- All right, I'm goin'.
Stay off your feet, OK?
My store! Look at my store. It is destroyed.
Get away from my shop! Get away!
No! God, no! No! Get away from my store.
Hey, yo, bro! Bro!
- Stay strong, bro.
- Yeah, stay strong.
Calvin. Always somethin'
on a Saturday, isn't it?
- What's up, Janelle?
- Hey.
Tanesha Jenkins' boy got a drug problem.
You think he did that?
Damn, you gossiping already? First
get your shop open, then start rumours.
You are not talkin' to me
about how to run my shop.
I don't tell you how to run your business.
Anyway, did you hear...
You're too damn nosey.
Hey, did you hear about Clarinda?
Her husband caught her in
a hootchie-kootchie with another man.
How you doin'?
Fine. How you doin'?
What happened across the street?
You know this neighbourhood.
It's getting worse.
- How's Jennifer?
- She gettin' big. Mean, too.
So, got some good news for me?
Calvin, I need a cut.
Like how you did Ronnie last week.
Little off the top, long in the back, but
not quite no shag. Hook that up for me.
- You got any money, Lamar?
- I'll pay you back. I got a job interview.
- When you get that job...
- Calvin, don't do me like that.
No. I don't cut hairs for free.
- Your father would have hooked me up.
- Go get hooked up.
Come on, dog.
Don't do me like that, Calvin.
See what I got to deal with every day?
No. Get outta here. Go.
- So what'd they say?
- Bank's not gonna give you another loan.
We've already given you a loan, and
a grant that you used on other businesses.
You know I wanna help you,
but if you don't pay the property taxes,
the bank is gonna foreclose
on the shop. I'm sorry.
Is there nobody you can talk to?
Calvin, it's not gonna happen.
All right. What can you do?
I appreciate your coming by. I really do.
Don't worry about it.
How'd you do this for 40 years?
I gotta do my own thing.
Hey. How you doin', Mr Wallace?
This is Calvin.
You know, over at the shop? Yeah.
I was wonderin', was you still interested
in what we talked about the other day?
I'll see you then. All right.
Thank you, Mr Wallace. OK.
- You got it?
- Yeah.
We gonna get paid.
I never knew money could be so heavy.
Slow down.
- You all right?
- Yeah. I got it now.
- Hell, no, man.
- What?
What's up, big guy?
This is my grandmama's oxygen machine.
She can't breathe without it.
You see us carryin' this thing.
Move out the way.
Come on, man. This thing heavy.
You do this all the time.
- Billy.
- He do this all the time.
All right, big man.
My mama be tryin' to come back
and he be doin' that.
It's cool. Just take it down.
Just take it down.
Kevin, come open this door. Kevin!
What is wrong with you?
Why didn't you answer the door?
I worked a double.
I just got home two hours ago.
Don't play with me, Kevin. Where is she?
- Let's not do this again.
- Where is she?
You ain't finished in here yet.
Look under the bed.
Look under the bed. I bet you
I would hide a woman under that bed.
If you gonna look...
I'm sorry.
Terri, I even look like I'm thinkin'
about somebody else?
I don't know.
You wanna know how I really feel about
you? Just think about that Babyface song.
Which one?
There are a lot of Babyface songs.
All of 'em, baby. You know I do.
Come on, I got some time. Real quick.
Real quick. Come on. OK.
- Like that.
- Let me take my jacket off.
- What are you doing?
- Helping you get your jacket off, baby.
Who is she?!
I don't know.
I'll make you remember. I can't believe
you got somebody here! Where you goin'?
- Nowhere.
- Get up. Get up.
Cover your face, girl.
How can I help you today?
OK. I want a grande, triple, nonfat,
half decaf, soya milk,
French-roast caramel cappuccino.
OK? Now, with just a splash,
just a splash, of hazelnut.
Orange extract.
With the extra foam in a separate cup.
I'll spoon it on myself
cos y'all never get it right.
You understand? Thank you.
You have to find the guys.
We'll take you inside and get your
information. We'll be right with you.
Then I walked in. Like, pa-dow! Ass so big
it look like two midgets in a sleeping bag.
Tyrone, can we talk about somethin'
other than big fat juicy asses, please?
We could talk about somethin' else.
But why?
When does a woman
just have too much ass?
- Hey, Rick.
- You can never have too much.
Hey, Rick. Yo. School these boys
on your philosophy about ass.
They can't distinguish between a woman
with a big ass and a big-ass woman.
It's mathematics. It's the ratio. A'ight?
If you measure around a woman's waist
and then you measure around that ass,
you come up with
a ratio about three, five.
That means that a 24-inch waist
is gonna yield a 40-inch ass.
- The mathematics is correct.
- That's good, right?
So give me an example. Break it down.
All right.
Jennifer Lopez.
- Right?
- Woman with a big ass.
Now, on the other side,
we got Mother Love.
Big-ass woman.
Good mornin'.
What's up?
- Know who poked that hole in Samir's?
- No.
Sure about that?
Just playing with you, man. Relax.
How you doin'?
What's going on across the street?
They got me on this convenience-store
thing, so somebody gettin' locked up.
- Ricky here?
- No.
He'll be in later. You don't think
he had nothin' to do with that?
Ricky's been keepin' his nose clean
since he's been working here.
Hey, Rick. You come in the back?
Is this chair free? I figured not.
You mind just trimmin' me up a little bit?
Why you come over here?
Why you sweatin' me?
Are you sweating, Richard?
You're a two-time felon.
One more, it's all over for you, brother.
I mean, Calvin went out on a limb
for you with this job.
Why you wanna play him like that?
We got a surveillance tape from
the cheque-cashin' place next door.
By the end of the day,
I will know something.
Do you understand?
- Later, Calvin.
- All right.
I gotta go. I can't hear you. All right.
I love you, boo.
I'll see you later, baby.
What's up, man?
A'ight, then.
- What you singin'?
- What?
- What are you singin' at?
- Mind your business.
Here come Jumbo Mutumbo.
Where I come from,
to have girth is a sign of opulence.
- What'd he just say?
- In Africa, fat people got loot.
- I heard they circumcise the women, too.
- How?
Anything that's extra, they just clip it off.
- A'ight, fellers, I'm free. Who's next?
- Not me.
Not me.
- I'm cool.
- Forget you.
Thought you had
a Negro membership card, huh?
Shut up. Calvin wouldn't gimme
a chair if I couldn't cut hair.
Three days, front chair, no customers.
Cut that noise. Everybody starts out in
the first chair. That's where you started.
Listen up. I don't want no trouble.
Give me your wallet and your jewellery,
and there won't be no problems.
Don't you make me.
You one of them rappers?
You got a Rolex? A platinum chain?
- Eddie.
- What?
Leave them boys alone.
Sit your old ass down.
See him? That boy almost turned over the
money. You all right, brother. You all right.
He was shaking like booty meat,
wasn't he? I had him.
I had him shaking like Don Knotts.
We tryin' to raise money for Johnnie
Brown's shoes. Scout will be here.
I need $20. $20, give it up.
Just give it up. Come on.
You smell good. Is that Obsession?
Five minutes.
Hey, man. Where you goin'?
You see that attitude?
She can't cut my hair like that.
- It's OK. I'm free. I'll cut your hair.
- No. I'm straight.
Who drank my apple juice?
- Y'all don't hear me?
- Hey.
- Who drank my goddamn apple juice?
- Terri.
- Stop cussin'. This ain't Def Comedy Jam.
- I put a big-ass red...
Terri. Stop cussin'.
I put a big red sign that said
"Do not drink me."
Maybe no one drank it.
Maybe it evaporated.
Maybe I'm about to slap you. Don't get
on my bad side. You been here a minute...
It ain't like a bottle of Hennessey.
This is funky-ass apple juice.
This is my funky-ass apple juice.
I don't touch nobody else's stuff.
- Terri.
- What?
Jimmy drank your apple juice.
- Hold up.
- Why'd you touch my juice?
You touched my apple juice?
- Did you see me drink it?
- You asked about it.
- Do you have the ocular proof?
- Ocular?
- I said I didn't have to see you.
- Shit.
- What did you see?
- Say you ain't drink it.
Knock his college ass out.
Hey, hey. C'mon.
No, Calvin. Let 'em go.
This ain't the projects.
It's a place of business.
Your father wouldn't
put up with this mess.
Checker Fred, just play checkers.
Do I look like my father?
Pretty much. In the nose, here.
- DVDs, CDs.
- Not today, man.
Whatever you want.
Got that new DMX, baby.
- Go now. Go.
- You always puttin' somebody out.
Look, it's a possibility that Jimmy drank
your apple juice. A small possibility.
You didn't see him,
so all you can do is ask.
That's not right. You takin' his side.
I'm not. Ask him. If he say yeah,
kick his ass. If he say no, then squash it.
Ask him.
Did you drink my apple juice?
Did you? Inquiring minds wanna know.
- Did you?!
- Nope.
Pa-yah. Answer. Done deal. C'mon.
Case closed.
One of y'all MFs drank it. I'm tired of y'all.
Y'all better not touch my stuff no more.
Stop slammin' them doors.
I know it wasn't me. I'm lactose intolerant.
- It's cool.
- She messed up your arrangement.
How much them roses cost? $2, $3?
Topping the news - last night,
someone stole the new ATM machine...
That's cos people don't know
how to raise their kids right. Gabby!
The first thing I'm gonna do...
- Did you lock your door?
- Yeah. I ain't stupid.
- Then why your sister in the room?
- Ooh! I'm gonna tell Mama. Mama!
Ooh, what? Close the door, dog.
Close the door!
- This ain't nothing but a big video game.
- No. It looks like a cash machine to me.
And this ain't no supermarket,
so I'm gonna tell Mama.
No, no. You can't tell nobody
about this. You hear me?
- Why not?
- Cos I said so.
Think about it. Who'll take care of you?
My mama.
- She got you on that one.
- How do I keep your mouth shut?
- Pay me.
- Pay you?!
I gettin' a headache. I just paid you $10.
- I don't care!
- Hey, whup her ass.
- You ain't gonna touch me.
- I'll whup her.
- You gonna gimme my money back.
- I'll give it back.
Take it, girl. That's all I got.
Go on. Get out the room there, girl.
Go on, get out. Get on.
That's how you lock a door, dog.
That's how you lock a door.
- What?
- This is your fault.
We gotta take this someplace else.
I gotta think of a way to do that.
The same way we stole it - the truck.
I won't mess with my crazy-ass cousin.
He too violent.
He come from a broken home.
He don't even know his mama.
After last night,
I ain't messing with that fool no more.
- You should have locked the door.
- I did.
Your sister's a demon child.
How your mom ain't got no real silverware
so we could get in here?
Come on, man. Let's just take it up.
Hey, Billy? Take it down, dog.
Take it down.
We goin' down. Take it down, Billy.
C'mon, big man.
We're gonna get you this time.
Push it through.
My finger!
My hand! My hand!
My hand!
You got it, Billy?
This is good chicken, too.
How you gonna sit here with
all that chicken and not offer us any?
I paid for this.
Put a quarter on the counter,
I might give you some mashed potatoes.
- How come he gets to eat out front?
- Cos Eddie old.
You see this? Know what that means?
That mean I got senorority.
- Se... who?
- Senorority.
- Don't you mean "seniority"?
- Whatever.
That ain't nothing but grey hair poking up
out your follicle. It means nothing.
Don't mean nothin'?
I was here in '68 when they robbed and
burned everything but this barbershop.
I was here in '74 when
desegregation started,
and they were bussin' in white kids
and bussin' out black kids.
I remember that.
And then I was here in '77,
when Walter Payton came in here
the day after he had rushed
for 275 yards against Minnesota.
I lined him up here in this chair.
And there go the picture to prove it.
- How do we know that's really Payton?
- That's Walter. That's him.
The signature say "Sweetness".
What more do you want?
- I don't know. A real picture?
- That's Sweetness all right.
What'd you do? I got a patch in my head.
All them patches.
I told you to keep your head still.
Look over there. He cut a patch in the
boy's head. Lookin' like 101 Dalmatians.
You ever heard of that movie? That's 102.
- Why don't you mind your business?
- I didn't move my head!
- I'll take care of it.
- Ain't takin' care of a thing.
- Man, wait till my mom gets here.
- I've got it.
Jimmy, what you doing?
That little boy look like a leopard.
He need to cut little spots all around,
and have him...
How's everybody doin'?
My bad.
It's OK. It's OK.
Clean you up or somethin'?
- How you doin', Mr Wallace?
- How you doin'?
Thanks for comin' by.
You wanna go in the back and talk?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Eddie.
- Nigga.
I'm glad you called me back. I was
beginning to think you don't like Lester.
Heard you bought Big Carl's auto shop.
Left everything the same.
- Was hopin' you'd do the same here.
- I told you. I'm a man of my word.
You know, Calvin,
if you can't make the payments,
you're gonna lose the shop
and have nothing.
Or, if you sell it to me,
you make sure that the sign outside on
that window always says "Barbershop".
I can live with that.
If you take this money,
that's as good as a contract.
I wouldn't wanna have any
misappropriations goin' on up in here.
Yeah. Me neither.
You know, I made your father
the same offer, but he turned it down.
But you're a better businessman.
You got vision.
20 G, that's your buyout.
I'll take over the bank payments.
And I'll get the paperwork
to you next week.
You sure you're gonna keep
the barbershop open?
I'm a businessman.
And a barbershop ain't a cash cow. So
I'm gonna turn it into a gentleman's club.
Wait a minute. That's not what
we discussed, Mr Wallace.
You told me that the sign outside
would always say "Barbershop".
It will. It's gonna be called
"The Barbershop".
I'm gonna keep that same theme.
Girls dressed up like barbers.
You can come in and they'll give you
a trim. And you can get some trim.
Hold it, Mr Wallace.
Mr Wallace!
You have a nice day.
I don't understand why someone
would drive into the store like that.
Now, see, I told Sitting Bull
across the street over there
not to put no cash machine in his store,
cos black people don't know how to act.
That's why black people
can't have nothin'.
- Apparently, neither can Indian folks.
- Samir is not Indian. OK?
He's Pakistani. He's from Pakistan.
All I know is he can pack and stand
his ass on that corner all he want to,
but if Geronimo keep on,
somebody liable to bust a cap in his ass.
You're right, Eddie.
Samir is not Native American. He's not
Arab. He's not Mexican. He's not Eskimo.
- He is from Pakistan.
- Pakistan, Yakistan, Youbackistan.
He ain't from around here. And he ain't
goin' nowhere in this South Side, either.
Boy, what's wrong with you?
- He cut a patch in the back of my head.
- Sorry. He kept moving, so...
I did not keep moving.
Bless her.
- You know you kept moving.
- What you talkin' about?
It don't look that bad.
Just think of it as a new style.
Before you know it everybody gonna be
walkin' around with a patch in their head.
Why would people
be walkin' around with a patch?
So that makes it free. Right?
Ain't that right? Right?
Jimmy will never touch
your head again. I promise.
C'mon, man. This thing heavy, dog.
- My phone ringing.
- JD.
- What?
- Would you please back up?
- My bad.
- Thank you. I couldn't breathe.
Get in there.
Hold it. Is that that punk Jay?
- Jay! You all right?
- My foot!
Come here, you punk.
I'm gonna get your black ass.
Get up. Get up.
Come here.
What the hell you doin', man?
You just let him get away.
He owe me five dollars from a crap game.
- I ain't paying you nothin'.
- What?
Billy! Billy, bring your ass back over here.
C'mon, bring your ass back over here.
Five dollars? You gonna cause
a scene in public for five dollars?
- He owe me money.
- We got $50,000 back at the motel.
You gonna cause a scene, man,
for five dollars? Five dollars?!
It ain't about the money. It's the principle.
- What?
- He owe me money, he supposed to pay.
This Chi-Town's finest.
I ain't going out like no sucker.
- You ain't going out like no sucker?
- No.
You know what? We're gonna get caught.
- You wanna know why?
- Why?
Cos there's a stupid nigger in every bunch
that mess it up. And you know what?
You that dumb nigger.
You know what? If he owed you
some money, you'd be chasing him too.
I would have whupped his ass last week.
- What you mean?
- Shit.
What? Keep it moving.
Ain't nothin' to see here.
C'mon, man. I lost my head.
But you understand? Money is money.
I'm telling you,
they got about 15 or 20 Gs in that ATM.
I read the machines are worth more.
There may even be a reward.
- For an ATM machine?
- I wish the money in it was mine.
I'd use that money. I'd take my girl out
to a real nice dinner. Like Red Lobster.
- That's upscale.
- Red Lobster is the IHOP of shellfish.
Don't hate cheese toast just cos I'm eating
scampis and shrimps and scallops.
You are ignorant. A scallop ain't
even a shellfish. You know that?
- Did you know you get on my nerves?
- Condoms. Pampers if you're too late.
- What's with the dogs?
- Get them out.
- You like dogs.
- Don't make me smack you.
- I told you once.
- I know y'all need dogs.
- If you buy this one, this one's half off.
- Don't come back, man.
Never coming in this shop again.
I work for me.
- Calvin, what's that boy's name?
- That's Ricky.
Ricky? Ricky?
- What?
- What you doing?
Tryin' to get him clean,
like them commercials.
That's the problem with y'all today.
Y'all know nothin'.
You just watch too much TV
and listen to that Jigga Ray and all them
folk and their hippity-hoppity nonsense,
and don't know nothin'.
Sir, you mind?
Rick, get that off there and lean him back.
Lean him back right there.
- Roots, get me a hot towel.
- Dinka, Eddie. Dinka.
These young boys don't know nothin'.
Let's get you lathered up here.
Put that towel on his face.
Get your foam nice and lathery.
Y'all come here and learn somethin'.
You finish that up.
Put that on there, Ricky.
See, in my day, a barber
was more than just somebody
that sit around in a FUBU shirt
with his drawers hanging all out.
In my day, a barber was a counsellor.
He was a fashion expert.
He was a style coach. Pimp.
Just general all-around hustler.
But the problem with y'all cats today
is that you got no skill.
No sense of history.
And then, with a straight face,
you got the nerve to wanna be somebody,
want somebody to respect you.
But it take respect to get respect.
See, I'm old but, Lord willing,
I'll be spared the sight of seeing
everything that we done worked it for
flushed down the drain by someone
who don't know no better, or care.
Calvin? Can we talk in the back?
That's smooth. When he get through,
his face'll be smooth, like Gary Coleman.
- Calvin, what's going on?
- What d'you mean?
- Janelle saw Lester Wallace in here.
- Janelle won't stay outta my business.
Since when did you start
doing business with a loan shark?
Lester Wallace is not a loan shark.
He's just a businessman from the street.
Baby, why was he here?
To get a haircut.
Calvin, Lester Wallace wears a hairpiece.
He had to get that faded a little, so I...
No? Let me show you something.
I'm gonna show you somethin'
that's gonna make you much happier.
Check it out.
- What did you do?
- I sold the barbershop.
You sold your father's barbershop
to Lester Wallace? Don't "sshh" me.
We're trying to get
our recording studio off the ground.
Have you forgotten?
You almost electrocuted yourself.
What matters is, I made this move for us.
- Us?
- Yes.
Tell me, why is it you make
all these spontaneous decisions,
and then we gotta get us out of it?
I had to do something
to get the monkey off our back.
But, listen, your grandfather
opened this shop.
He handed it down to your father,
who left it to you.
And all he did was
give away free haircuts.
Now they want freebies now.
He let all those barbers use their stations
and pay rent whenever they wanted to.
And we in debt because of that.
It's because of him.
I'm not gonna work my ass off for that.
What they sayin'?
Something about a monkey coming back,
but his ass has too much pressure.
You deserve more.
I'm tryin' to give you the world.
I don't need the world, Calvin.
I don't need Oprah's house.
It's not Oprah's.
It's Stedman's guesthouse.
It's a five-bedroom,
four-and-a-half bath, with...
Calvin, listen.
This shop had very little debt
until you spent the money
on those get-rich-quick schemes.
It's my fault?
Let me hear you say it. It's my fault?
- It's your fault.
- How? I'm just tryin' to better myself.
Wait a minute. I see what this is about.
This is about you.
- OK.
- No.
- Yeah.
- No.
You know what? Think about it,
how could you sell this place?
I met you here. My father used to come
here every Saturday. He loved this place.
You used to love it, too. What happened?
You know what?
This is too much for me right now.
You're gonna send me
into premature labour.
I cannot believe
you sold your father's shop.
Still couldn't hear nothin'.
Help me with this shoe.
From the heel. From the heel, dog.
Let the toe go!
- Pull the sock off.
- Are they clean?
They my mama's socks.
You know, we wear the same sized shoe.
Damn! You need a Band-Aid.
I'll go get that for you.
No. Hey, no. I'll go get the Band-Aid,
cos you can't seem to do nothin' right.
All right? You just stay here,
work on the ATM.
Damn. Your foot jacked up.
That ain't nothing but some dead skin.
All I need is some cocoa butter.
I can get that. Excuse me, dog.
OK, man. Are we straight or what?
- Next.
- Hold on, man.
- 20 bucks.
- All right.
Here's a little somethin' extra
for Johnnie's shoe fund. Take care.
- Yo, wait.
- Hook me up.
- I was next.
- I was here earlier.
Wait. Lamar, you got any money?
- I got your money.
- I got money, too.
- I'll do you next.
- What?
Sit over there, fish. I'll do you next.
Either that, or go see Eddie.
- I'm busy.
- I don't wanna see Eddie.
Come on. You know I got stuff to do.
Get these nose hairs for me.
Nose hairs, huh? You ain't got my money,
I'm gonna get them ass hairs.
I hear Evander Holyfield's
gonna put a Red Lobster in a church.
- How's he call himself a man of God?
- You right.
When he's in Georgia slingin'
his thing through half the state!
I'm willing to bet that y'all didn't know
Jesus wasn't a Christian. He was a Jew.
- Hey, Jimmy?
- Yo?
Why you always throw out trivia
like you know everything?
I'm just sayin' that being educated
guarantees I won't end up in jail, unlike...
So that's what this is about?
Me bein' in the pen?
- I'm sayin'...
- You're not talkin' about me?
I'm just sayin', education
means you have opportunities...
And the rest of us are doin' what?
What we doin'?
Can you guys stop arguing for once?
You're like a bunch of kids.
Back and forth, back and forth.
I'm getting a headache.
I'm not gonna get worked up. This is not
the end of the line for Jimmy James.
- Well, leave.
- You can do worse than be a barber.
- Yeah, and a lot better.
- That's the look right there.
- You're a black Picasso.
- Barber's a respectable occupation.
I'm gonna have my own mural,
my own shop.
I might even take over this shop
if Calvin don't give it to his own son.
- You will never own a black barbershop.
- I will if I want to.
If Tony Roma can make ribs better than
blacks, Isaac can own a barbershop.
Ribs better than black people?
You want some good ribs,
you should go to C&K on 75th.
Tony Roma boils his ribs.
That is not authentic.
Tony Roma's is delicious.
I don't see white or black.
I just see red sauce on everything.
You new here.
- He don't boil his ribs.
- I like them.
Jimmy got a point. Because nobody here
wanna be a barber for the rest of their life.
Thank you. That's all I'm sayin'.
- I like cutting hair.
- A barber is a craftsman.
It's respectable. I must admit, I like it.
So I guess I agree with Terri.
- You agree with everything Terri say.
- Watch it, Jimmy.
- You a hater.
- No, I'm not.
- Hey, Lamar.
- Run!
Hey, Lamar. Don't bring
your skinny ass back.
See that? That's why you can't have
no business in the ghetto.
You must not know me.
I'm Chi-Town's finest.
I'll whup into you like that.
I'm gonna have to poke ya.
I think I got it.
Just give us the money.
What's my mama's code?
Thank you, cutie.
You're welcome, my beautiful black sister.
I got an announcement to make.
I bought some more apple juice.
I want nobody in here to drink it.
Have some respect and decency
for other people's stuff.
- What you lookin' at me for?
- You drank my juice.
- Did you see me drink it?
- I don't care. I'm being nice right now.
Don't touch my juice
or there will be repercussions.
- Repercussion my nuts.
- Grow some.
You heard her.
Terri, it's Kevin.
- I'm not here.
- What?
- I'm not here.
- I know you heard that.
All right.
Hold on. Let's kill all this applause.
We all know that she's gonna go
runnin' back to him, like she always do.
Don't make me run
these clippers up your ass.
She told you.
T, you all right?
- I should thank you.
- For what?
This morning,
I made such a spectacle of myself.
But your words were kind.
I believe they were "Stay strong, brother."
Somethin' like that. How much?
For one brief embarrassing moment,
I chose to give up.
But your words were
just the reminder I needed.
Perhaps insignificant to you,
but sometimes, I think,
we are unaware of how the little things
for us can be so huge for others.
- Hey, honeybun.
- Hey, boo.
This is too much. Hi.
It's OK. Take your time. My boo.
I find it amusing that the people who stole
my ATM will not get any money out of it.
- You can't break into those things.
- Cos there is no money in it.
It is brand-new.
It had not even been loaded yet.
There's no money in it?
- That's a trip.
- Yes.
- How much I owe you for this?
- Put your money away. This is for you.
Thanks, man.
So what you gonna do?
I rebuild. I fix the store
and I stay right here.
The fight must go on.
Either that, or I go back to India.
India? I thought you was from Pakistan.
Heavens, no.
Who would tell you such a thing?
- Jimmy.
- No, no. India.
Punjab State. Northwest side.
Close to Pakistan.
- I appreciate this.
- Your words were payment enough.
- What else can I have free?
- Nothing.
- What about those...?
- No.
- Thanks for the juice.
- You're welcome.
Hey, fellers. What's up? I got the shoes.
I'll show you who gonna play.
Hey, y'all, look at this lady.
Somebody out there
doin' somebody's car?
She wanna be real, crack that windshield.
I'll get you good.
I'm gonna get you real good.
- What kinda car is it?
- Toyota Camry.
That's a good car.
I got one of them. I just bought one.
- What colour is it, man?
- Silver.
Silver. That's a good colour.
Has it got a chrome rocker panel?
That's my car!
Hold it! What the hell are you doing?
That's my car!
Your car? This is Malcolm Brown's car!
Put the bat down!
I don't know Malcolm Brown!
Leave my car alone! Stop hitting my car!
Stop it! Put the bat down!
- This ain't Malcolm Brown's car?
- No! I just bought this damn car!
- It looks like his car.
- I don't care what it looks like.
- It's my car.
- So this ain't Malcolm's car?
- Who the hell is Malcolm Brown?
- Damn.
- My bad.
- Your what?
What'd you say? Your bad? Come back.
I hope I never make a woman that angry.
Hey, Ricky.
What's up?
I'm fittin' to go get some fish.
So, Ricky, what advice can you offer a
guy like me on the art of wooing women?
- On the what?
- You know, getting the hook-up.
The digits, the skins, ill nana,
snappy nappy, oochie wally.
Dinka, just be yourself.
I'm big boned, Rick. Hefty. Rotund.
There's too much of myself to go around.
Hold tight. There's plenty of fat brothers
pulling good ass. Look at Biggie, Heavy D.
They were world-famous rappers.
I, on the other hand,
am an overweight barber from West Africa
with a fondness for poetry.
Attitude will put you on. Confidence.
She got to know that
at a moment's notice you will not hesitate
to put the pimp hand down on Jesus
himself if he ever disrespected her.
How you think Captain Kirk
got all that booty?
Yes. Yes.
- Thank you, brother. Thank you.
- Put me down.
Hey, hey. How you doin', Mr Wallace?
Yeah. This is Calvin.
You think it'd be all right
if I come through there and talk to you?
First thing I'm gonna do is get
a tattoo say "Thug Nasty. Nasty Thug."
I'm gonna get myself a Bentley
with some twenties on it.
Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do.
Thanks to you.
I'll get some twenty-fives. And you
the reason why. That's what I'm gonna do.
You wanna act like you ain't givin' it up,
but I'm gonna get that, just like I got you.
You better have my money.
Help me!
Somebody help me!
Open this door!
- Who is it?
- It's the manager. Open this door.
- What's going on up in there?
- Nothin'.
What d'you mean, nothin'?
What is that smell?
- I got diarrhoea.
- Diarrhoea? If you done messed up...
- You actin' like the police.
- If you messed up this room...
Nobody messed up your room.
You better open up this door.
Diarrhoea, my ass.
Do I hear keys?
Come in this room, see what happens.
- Fine. I'm calling the cops.
- Call the cops, then.
See how you like it
when the cops get here.
Wait a minute. I take that back.
Don't do that. Come back.
- Damn!
- Hey...
I'm calling the cops on you too!
What the hell?
Put it down. Put it down.
Watch your toes.
All right, this what we're gonna do.
I'll take this to my grandmama house.
You see what the word on the street is.
Hang out at the barbershop.
Sure you can handle that?
- Yes.
- Do I have to draw you a picture?
But can I go change my drawers first?
Cos they're sticking to me.
Yeah. But when you're at the barbershop,
you keep your mouth shut.
I want you to be inconspicuous.
The Panthers, you gotta give it up to them.
You gotta give it up to Martin Luther King,
Jesse Jackson and Rosa Parks. Period.
Because they was on
the front line in the '60s.
- Who the hell's Rosa Parks?
- Who's Rosa Parks?
- The founder of the civil-rights movement.
- Cos she sat her ass down on a bus?
You know who Rosa Parks is.
She was tired. That's what you do
when you tired, you sit your ass down.
I sat on a bus and I got thrown in jail.
Ain't hear from nobody.
- Laptops. Computers.
- I told you two or three times...
No, no, Calvin. He need to hear this.
You, sit down. You need to hear this, too.
Sit down, Rayford.
I probably wouldn't say this in front of
white folk, but I'm gonna speak my mind.
Rosa Parks ain't do nothin'
but sit her black ass down.
Hold on now, Seinfeld.
You might learn something right now.
I'm gonna give her
her just due for what she did.
Her act led to the movement
and everything.
But she damn sure ain't special.
No. It was a whole lot of black folk sat
down on buses and they got thrown in jail,
and they did it way 'fore Rosa did.
Only difference between them and her is
that she was a secretary at the NAACCP,
and she know Martin Luther King,
and it got publicity.
Sound like you got
a little haterism in your game.
Like hell. This ain't no hateration
or holleration in this dancerie.
What I'm saying is,
is that black people need to stop lying.
There are three things black people
need to tell the truth about.
One. Rodney King should have got his ass
beat for driving drunk in a Hyundai.
- Two. OJ did it.
- OJ did it?
And three. Rosa Parks ain't do nothin'
but sit her black ass down.
That's right, I said it.
I said it. That's my opinion.
I'm gonna back you up. He was on the bus
back in the day and he on the bus now.
Not only is what you're saying not true.
It is disrespectful for you
to discuss Rosa Parks in that way.
Wait, wait. Hold on here.
Is this the barbershop?
This is a barbershop, ain't it?
If we can't talk straight in the barbershop,
then where can we talk straight?
This ain't nothin' but healthy conversation.
- Why you gotta tear Rosa Parks down?
- Ain't nobody exempt in a barbershop.
You can talk about whoever
and whatever in a barbershop.
Why you gotta tear Rosa down?
You know you're wrong. Keep on walkin'.
I ain't with you. You better never let
Jesse Jackson hear you talkin' that way.
Man, fuck Jesse Jackson!
What is wrong with you?
Jesse, Randy, Tito, Freddie, Action -
I'll take 'em all on.
Man, I love this place.
Man, you got to have it with you.
Calvin, where you goin'? You can't
just walk past me like you don't see me.
Yo, Calvin. I'm talking to you, dog.
You can't just walk past me.
What you? Magic Juan or somethin'?
- Is Mr Wallace in there?
- He here.
I lead. You follow.
OK. Lead.
Two steps, motherfucker. Two steps.
You know, Calvin,
I have never come across anybody
just wantin' to give me my money back.
The whole thing frankly
vexes me, to be honest.
I swear to God, Mr Wallace,
I'm not tryin' to vex you.
I don't even know what that mean.
I done had a change of heart.
I had all day to think about it.
If I'm gonna lose my shop,
I don't wanna lose it this way.
Which way is that?
So my money ain't
good enough for you, huh?
I'm just some old street dude, is that it?
Walk your black ass
into some white man's bank,
and you'll find out
that I'm the only friend you got.
Now, on the subject of the money
I gave you this morning.
The money is yours. The shop is mine.
But, you know, I'd be willing
to call off the whole deal
if you were to get me
my money by, say seven o'clock?
Sev...? No problem. I can do better
than that. Give it to you right now.
40 G.
But you only gave me 20.
That's double.
You expect me to pay you double
by seven o'clock?
- C'mon, Mr Wallace.
- Get outta my office.
Here go your money back. I'm putting
it right here on the table for you.
I'm sorry about any misunderstanding.
If I led you on in any kinda way, I'm sorry.
But I can't sell my shop to you.
Calvin. Calvin! You forgot somethin'.
- That don't belong to me.
- What?
- I don't want it. Keep it.
- You gonna take this money.
How you gonna renege? Man. Hey, hey.
- You keep it.
- You forgot something.
- No!
- Take this money!
- Take it!
- I don't want it!
Do I look like Barry Sanders?
Lawrence Taylor?
- I don't want it!
- Shut up. I got a job to do.
And you ain't allowing me to do it.
What is wrong with you? Got me runnin'
all over the goddamn place.
This money is yours. You hear me?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
My grandmama home. Wooh!
Girl, you got a great future behind you.
Shit. Shit.
That's us. We gotta go.
Forget about the cash.
Damn. You gotta buy lunch.
I don't have any money.
The machine broke, y'all.
I said, the machine broke!
Wait. I'm sorry I messed up
your flowers and everything.
They were real pretty.
- You talking to me?
- You're the only one standin' here.
Yes. Yes, this is true. This is true.
And the card, what it said,
that was pretty, too.
You wrote that yourself?
No, no.
Actually, that's a love poem
by a man named Pablo Neruda.
He knows what to say.
Got me feelin' all gentle.
So, Terri, I know you have
a boyfriend and everything,
but, you know,
I was wondering, maybe we could... you...
- Kevin.
- Kevin?
Hey, baby. Excuse me, bro.
These are for you.
We need to talk.
Hold on. Supersize-Me Mandela,
you wanna get up off my neck?
- Kevin.
- Hold on. You don't understand English?
Be gone, Mandingo.
I'm talking to my lady.
- Kevin, look...
- Can you believe Shaka Zulu?
I need to say something. I don't know
exactly what I'm trying to say...
Terri, Terri. I love you.
- Bullshit.
- You know that.
Everybody up in here knows this.
So, look...
Why don't we just go outside,
talk about this?
No. I can't do this no more.
- Do what?
- This. Us. This game.
- I ain't playin' games.
- Let's just move on.
So what? You gonna break up with me?
You're breaking up with me?
I mean, look at you. You ain't even
all that fine. You're just average.
I didn't mind at first, cos you was good in
bed and do that thing, but I can find better.
I didn't mean that. I want you. Look, let's...
You are sorry.
You're so sorry.
Leave. Get out.
- Don't put your finger in my...
- Leave.
Out! Clown.
I'll get my blade.
Yeah. I'm gonna cut me
somebody up in here.
Get him on outta here.
Almost messed up my partin'.
Damn! Damn!
- Ray Ray?
- It's me.
I didn't know you was cleanin' the street.
- What you got?
- Nothin'.
- Do you and "nothing" need a ride?
- Yeah.
Bring that nothin' on. C'mon.
Can you see all right? I'll watch out
on this side. Right round the corner.
- Thanks.
- OK. Jalen, you take care.
Good to have you here in Chicago.
Welcome to the Bulls. Michael who?
- See you on SportsCenter.
- See y'all soon.
If he can't be the best,
he can go to hell, too. All right.
They're gonna be good.
What the hell you lookin' at?
I'm curious. I been gettin' my hair cut
here ever since I was a kid,
and I ain't never seen
nobody in your chair.
I got customers.
You just come on the wrong day.
Monday to Saturday.
Which leaves Sunday, when we're closed.
- Don't worry about it.
- Terri, can you hook me up like Iverson?
Cos you know that's my dog.
Boo. Fade away, booya.
- What you laughin' at?
- Don't hate on me cos you're a sellout.
- What was that?
- You heard me.
You got the black girlfriend,
and I'm a sellout?
You're a minstrel show turned on its ear.
Al Jolson in a FUBU hat.
Black face for the new millennium.
Could you hook me up with
your girlfriend's white girlfriends?
How come the only thing
you talk about is me?
Cos you don't belong here.
The white barbershop is uptown.
You know what I think?
You wish you were me.
Wish you had my girlfriend
and my pimped-out ride.
You even wish you had
my clothes, my style, my walk.
Why d'you think my girl ain't with you?
Cos your bitch-ass can't compete.
I got news for you, white boy.
You're not black.
Jimmy, I'm blacker than you. And in
your best day, you could never be me.
Man. You gonna take that?
- Turn it up.
- Here's Marvin.
- Rufus, what you gonna gimme for it?
- That piece of junk barely run.
It run. It's the hottest thing on the street.
All the youngsters askin' about this car.
Cutlass Sierra? All it need is a little paint
and a tune-up cos it backfires that much.
A little? Every time you go home,
I think I'm in a drive-by.
I can't put that on my lot.
I got a reputation to think about.
You understand?
I don't understand.
- Thanks.
- I got that plate number.
And there were a bunch of people lined up
at an ATM outside Poppy's Liquor Mart.
It just showed up, and then it was gone.
Let's go. Come on.
I heard on BET we supposed
to make some money.
- Black people gettin' reparations.
- Everybody here would love a hand-out.
If they handin' it out, I ain't gonna
turn down nothin' but my collar.
Pay up.
Not everybody think reparations
is a good idea. Reparations is stupid.
I'm surprised you say that. I figured
you'd say how slavery got y'all oppressed.
Givin' out money wouldn't do nothin'.
Look at Hammer.
That boy ain't doin' nothin' now
but infomercials.
Slavery, it ruined my whole life.
I ain't taking no reparations cos, as a
black man, I got my pride and my dignity.
That's bull, cos you got bills. And your
brothers ain't lettin' no money get by.
Next you'll say Jews got money
from the Holocaust.
Jews didn't get money.
Holocaust survivors got money.
We have welfare and affirmative action.
Is that not respirations?
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
I think every black person
should at least get $100,000.
What's that gonna do?
That won't do nothin' but make Cadillac
the number-one dealership in the country.
So everywhere you look
there's opportunity.
I had an opportunity to get this job,
and this cracker tell me I need a diploma.
Right there, that's racism, that's classism,
that's eroticism. I'm talkin' about isms.
We don't need reparations, a'ight?
We need restraint.
- Restraint?
- Restraint. Discipline.
Don't buy a Range Rover
when you live with your mama.
And pay your mama some rent.
And can we please try and teach our kids
somethin' other than a Chronic album?
Black people, be on time for somethin'
other than "free before 11" at the club.
Drink down right there.
That was a passionate and
surprisingly well-articulated argument.
- You mocking me?
- Not at all, sir. I applaud your virtuosity.
Know what, schoolboy? For your
information, a scallop is a shellfish.
- No, I'm afraid it isn't.
- No, I'm afraid it is.
Because it's a mollusc.
Before it come to your dinner plate, it got
two shells wrapped around it, like a clam.
Hey, Grandma. It's me, JD.
Thelma's son. Your grandson.
- JD.
- Grandma.
- Nigga never come to see me.
- Did you say somethin'?
Grandma don't see or hear too good.
You want somethin' to eat?
That's OK. I'm gonna be
out back at the tool shed.
- OK.
- I'll see you later.
Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.
- Get this phone. Two for one.
- The last one didn't work.
Ray. What you doin'?
Sellin' my phones.
How many times I told you
not to come in here soliciting?
- I'm just selling my phones.
- Are you retarded?
- Retarded?
- Are you stupid, simple or slow? Which?
- None of that.
- Come back in here, I'll call the police.
Hold up. What you mean,
you're callin' the police?
How you gonna do that to me?
Everything you ever needed I got for you.
When the air conditioner broke,
who got the Freon? Me.
And when Eddie had tax problems?
I got him a new social. Not you, me.
- I'm part of this shop, too.
- I don't wanna hear that.
What's up? You ain't right, Calvin.
You ain't right.
I don't want him back in this shop
no more. Don't buy nothin' from him.
What was that all about?
You know that boy don't want no trouble.
He ain't gonna cause no problem.
I messed up, Eddie. I messed up bad.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
What'd you do? Can't get it up?
Viagra ain't workin' for you?
I lost the shop.
I actually sold it to Lester Wallace.
I just realised today that
this was somethin' worth saving.
Worth saving?
Worth saving?
This ain't no goddamn school
for the blind, Calvin.
This is the barbershop!
Where a black man means somethin'.
Cornerstone of the neighbourhood.
Our own country club.
I mean, can't you see that?
You know, that's the problem
with your whole generation.
You know, y'all don't believe in nothin'.
But your father,
he believed in somethin', Calvin.
He believed and understood that
somethin' as simple as a little haircut
could change the way
a man felt on the inside.
My father died broke and frustrated
after trying to help everybody in this...
Boy, listen. Listen.
Your daddy may not have had
a whole lot of money.
But he was rich,
cos he invested in people.
What you think? You think I'm
the only one he gave a job to? Calvin? No.
That man opened up the doors to anybody
and any knucklehead in Chicago that
wanted to make somethin' outta theirself.
Gave 'em an opportunity to be somebody -
a licensed, professional barber.
Now, me, myself, personally,
I wouldn't have gave half
these bail jumpers the opportunity.
But it's hard enough you tryin'
to cut somebody's hair,
ain't gotta worry about
this fool tryin' to shank you.
But let me tell you somethin',
at the end of the day,
at the end of the day,
I was glad I was here.
And now you...
They know?
You gonna have to tell 'em.
Don't look at me.
Yo, Cal!
You got some nerve
bringing your ass back.
I got the job.
Now I can put my girl in real daycare.
My sister-in-law been keepin' her.
But she a crackhead, and I can't have that.
Thanks, Cal. Keep the change.
Yo, Lamar.
- No charge.
- No, Calvin, keep that.
No charge.
Congratulations on your new job.
Looking good for a change. Take it easy.
- Thanks, Cal.
- Never mind.
C'mon. Your drop.
- I'm only saying he's a cripple.
- He's not a cripple. He's cute.
Hey, yo. Listen up, everybody.
Hold on. Listen. Yo, Fred.
Listen up, listen up, listen up.
I just wanna say,
from the bottom of my heart,
that I appreciate everybody in here.
- We appreciate you having us.
- I'm serious.
Hold up. I'm serious. I appreciate
everything you guys do for the shop.
I know some of the customers
don't leave tips like they supposed to.
If I had the money, I'd tip you myself.
Big C, what's wrong, dude?
We're gonna be closin' up the shop today.
- Closing early?
- What do you mean by "today"?
- We only got an hour.
- You're not hearing me.
When I took this shop over two years ago
I didn't know what I had.
I was young. I didn't know.
Hold tight. What you tryin' to say, Calvin?
Eddie, what you doin'?
What's going on?
- I sold the shop.
- You what?
- Like, you don't own the shop no more?
- I don't understand.
He said he sold the shop.
- But this is your shop.
- Can't nobody run this shop like you.
For real, man.
Why you ain't tell us? Huh?
Who we gonna be workin' for?
Like I was saying that...
When I close the shop tonight
it's closin' for good.
- You can't close the shop.
- Eddie, can I talk to you? Eddie.
- Eddie?
- Hey, Eddie.
Hey, Eddie. Eddie. Hey, Eddie.
- I still don't understand.
- Go home. Just go home. It's over.
I ain't mean that, man.
Just pack up. Go home.
No warning, huh?
No warnin', Calvin? That's it?
That's foul, Joe. I'm outta here.
You could have told us.
Shut up. You just stay right there.
What did he do?
I ain't do nothin'! Calvin!
That ain't necessary right there.
Williams, can I talk to you?
I'll get back at you.
Let me get him squared away.
Rick! Call me soon as
they let you use a phone.
What's up, JD?
- Where you been?
- At the barbershop.
All day?
- You got cut.
- Yeah.
I wanted to get braided,
but Terri, she be trippin'.
- Who lined you up?
- It was Jimmy who...
Man. What you doin'?
Braidin' your hair, sucker!
Stop. You better stop playin'.
- What'd you learn at the barbershop?
- A lot.
- What about the police?
- They know what's up.
They came up in there ten deep.
"Get up against the wall!"
Hold on, man. My foot.
I'm telling you, it was like S.W.A.T.
- You serious?
- Yeah.
I wouldn't have made it alive if I hadn't
done the shake move. I crept outta there.
Hold on.
- Hello?
- I gotta ask you a question.
- Who this?
- Ricky, fat ass. Guess where I'm at.
Ricky? What's up, dog?
It's the last place I'm gonna be for life.
What you talkin' about?
I'm talking about that
smash-and-grab the other night.
The same night you borrowed my truck.
I been callin' you about the bumper.
Now they got photos of the plate.
They traced it back to me,
a two-time loser.
Ricky, did you just say "two-time loser"?
As in your third strike?
You're going to jail for life. And when
you do get out, I'm gonna be long gone.
Hey, don't drop the soap. C'mon.
What'd he say? What we gonna do?
Crack this piggy bank and get paid.
Hey, man, lemme tell you somethin'.
Just cos you go to some fancy college
don't make you better than me or no one.
I probably won't ever go to school,
but I'm gonna do somethin' with my life.
I'm gonna have me a business.
I'm gonna open up a shop.
And, despite what you may think, I ain't
pretending to be someone I saw on TV.
This is who I am.
Whether you like it or not,
I'm gonna be like this tomorrow.
- All right, man. Let's see it.
- See what?
You're saying this is who you are,
who you're gonna be.
So prove it. Hook me up.
That's not bad.
Actually, it's pretty good.
I shouldn't have disrespected you
like that in front of everybody.
It's cool, man. I'm kinda glad
you came to your senses.
- Why's that?
- Cos I was runnin' out of insults.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Thanks, baby.
So I guess you can
invest in that studio now.
Look, Calvin, I'll support you.
You know that.
If it's a studio, fine.
You wanna sell used hubcaps or -
I don't know - thong underwear,
whatever, I'm with you. You know that.
Whatever it is you do,
make it mean something to you.
And if it doesn't work out,
you can always just go work for my uncle.
- You know I can't stand your uncle.
- He can't stand you.
But he'll give you a job as a favour to me.
- Where are you going?
- Be right back.
Thanks for bringin' my coat.
I didn't do it.
If I thought you did it,
I wouldn't have never bailed you out.
And I damn sure wouldn't be
out here freezin' my balls off.
Let's go, man.
- Why'd Williams come get you?
- My cousin did this to me.
- Cousin?
- JD did this to me.
Man, that dude is crazy.
Don't worry about him. People like that
always get theirs in the end.
- I'm gonna make sure that he get his.
- Don't go there with that.
I ain't gonna let that fool
roll over me like that.
You've come too far, man.
I ain't even tryin' to have this
conversation. Just drop me off at 79th.
You know what? Look.
- Here. Is that what you want?
- That's what I'm talkin' about. My man.
It dropped out your locker.
Go on and throw your life away.
And throw away
the bail money I put up for you.
You know what, Cal?
Just pull over. Just pull over.
Pull over?
OK. I'm gonna pull over.
- Now you're usin' your head.
- Whatever. Where we goin'?
We're goin' to see Lester Wallace.
Get my barbershop back.
You wait till I throw out my gun
to tell me we're goin' to see Lester?
- We ain't even supposed to be in here.
- I used to work here.
- That's "used to", JD.
- That means I still know what I'm doin'.
Let me look at this.
Now, that's a fire.
- Gimme that.
- It just went out. I can start it again.
These used to be my tools.
This used to be my station.
- You can't even click it right.
- Clap your hands and stomp your feet.
Clap. Stomp 'em.
Look at that.
- Give it to me.
- Billy!
- What's the problem?
- Why you always gotta push somebody?
You want some of this?
- I don't see Lester's car.
- Hold tight.
That look like
my grandmama truck right there.
Wait a minute.
Don't open the door. Is this hers?
Yo, Rick, hold up!
Gotta call some backup for us.
Get us the money, player.
- JD.
- Hey, Rick, no!
Pretty Ricky, what's up?
How d'you like your chicken?
Original or extra crispy? Bitch!
What are you doin' in my shop?
What's goin' on up in here?
What's goin' on?
What are you doin' in my shop?
I don't know what they doin' here,
but you know what I'm here for.
- I want my shop back.
- You got my money?
- No.
- What?
I had to use it to help
my man Ricky get outta jail.
But I promise you that
I'll get you all your money back.
Let me get this right.
You demand to get back a barbershop
that you don't have any more?
You don't have the 40 grand to buy it, and
you don't have the 20 grand I gave you?
- This man is crazy.
- Must be crazy.
I told you I'd get you your money back.
But only 20,000.
If you got a problem with that,
I think Chicago PD might have a problem
with this ATM machine sittin' on your
floor, cos they been lookin' for it all day.
What the hell is this?
Hold tight, Lester.
You got bigger problems than that.
Like them stolen car parts. Somebody
might mistake this place for a chop shop.
- Monk.
- Courage? What you gonna do?
Gonna have to use that on me
cos, like I said, I ain't goin' nowhere.
I got too much to lose. I can't leave
here without it. Simple and plain.
It's been in my family too long.
40 years.
I can't just let you take it,
turn it into some strip club.
What you wanna do?
Chicago PD! Freeze!
Calvin, you all right?
Am I all right?
Yeah. Yeah.
- I'm all right.
- Are you sure?
I'm good. There go
the thugs you want over there.
- Simmons, Fred.
- These dudes are fine.
C'mon, man, we found that!
My dog.
Don't you ever do that shit again.
Are you crazy?
- How'd we get out of that?
- He wasn't gonna shoot nobody.
- Peep this out.
- What?
You get a reward if you turn this in.
Did you know that?
Hey, yo, Detective Williams!
Remember who found this!
I ain't gonna be around here that long.
I'm gonna retire and I'm gonna move
to Arizona. It's nice down there.
Black folks oughta boycott it. They won't
recognise Martin Luther King's birthday.
Wait, wait. Fred, do not get this fool
started on Martin Luther King.
Let me tell you.
Martin Luther King was a ho.
He was a freak. He freaked
everything and everybody.
So, come his birthday, I want everybody
to take the day off and get your freak on.
Watch your mouth. We got little kids.
Let me see those report cards.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Yo! Who drank my goddamn apple juice?
Come on. Jimmy, I know it was you.
What a day, what a day.