Bounty Hunter, The (2010) Movie Script
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Nic?
Nicole!
Holy shit.
Did you really think I was gonna stay
in there the whole time?
Come back here.
-Bingo.
-Jackpot.
Hey, Sam!
-Hey!
-Yeah, you, you ding-dong.
-Come here.
-Surprise.
-Not now, Dwight. I'm kind of busy.
-You owe my boss money.
Hey, I owe everybody money.
Hey!
You hit my leg, you dummy.
You really gonna
make me chase you?
Excuse me.
Get back here!
Hands behind your head. Now.
Take it easy, skippy.
I'm on the job.
Oh, wow, look at this. Bounty hunter.
Figures. Why don't you get
a real job?
Why don't you kiss my ass?
Come here.
Oh, your mother
must be very, very proud.
Oh, I'm so insulted.
You know, for your information...
...l don't even know who my mother is.
So joke's on you.
-Turn around. Hands behind your back.
-What?
You heard me. Let's go.
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
-Hey, Gary. You get my e-mail?
-About the suicide, yeah?
He's got a sister in Atlantic City.
Address is on your desk.
-Thank you.
-Anytime.
Day or night.
Very funny.
Who's Mr. Ed?
I actually think it's sexy
that you're out on bail.
-Stewart, get off my desk.
-Right. Oh, sorry. l forgot.
Ridiculous that l was even arrested
in the first place.
I mean, assaulting an officer?
It's a joke.
Yeah. Oh, tell me about it.
Been there.
Did you ever get anything going
on that suicide story?
-No.
-Because know what I was thinking?
Maybe we should work together on it,
as a team.
You know?
Woodward-Bernstein styIe. Yeah.
That way, you can knock it out
just that much faster.
Plus, it wouId give us time
to reconnect in our relationship.
Stewart, we are not in a reIationship.
We made out one time
at the Christmas party.
I was very drunk.
And I was heartbroken.
I would've made out with Terry.
Wait, you mean Terry the guy
or Terry the girl?
Exactly.
Really wouldn't have mattered.
You're right.
Because you made out with me.
Yes, l did.
All right, l'm gonna use the bathroom.
-This is Jimmy.
-Jimmy, Nicole from the Daily News.
Nicole?
Long time no talk.
Where you been hiding yourself?
I'm actually hiding
in the bathroom at work.
Listen, I need you to ask around
about a suicide.
A Walter Lilly, Rivington Street...
...the night of June 23rd.
Twenty-three. Anything eIse?
Yes. Yes. l have proof
that there was a black SUV...
...with stolen plates
parked at the scene.
Might be something.
You never know.
All right. Cool.
I hear anything, I'll give you a shout.
Okay, great. Thanks.
Who you talking to?
Stewart.
-What are you doing in the ladies room?
-You see, l wa--
I-- Well, you know, I was standing
out front there, by the door.
-But l started to feel creepy.
-And this is less creepy?
Yeah, l think so.
-Get out of here.
-Oh, come on.
Hey, let me buy you a drink.
-I have a date.
-I didn't say what night.
Then l have a date every night.
Every night until the end of time.
Okay? So just please
stop asking me.
Love is so funny. Isn't it?
-Hi, Ma.
-ls this a bad time?
Well, yeah, I'm actually
kind of in the middle of something.
But you know what,
while l have you on the phone....
If you were gonna jump off a building...
...would you choose the side
with trees?
Or would you choose the side
that's a straight shot to the cement?
Well, the trees wouId certainly be
prettier on the way down.
Kind of a nice last picture.
It might break your fall.
You could end up a vegetable.
-I don't think I could take that on.
-So the cement?
Definitely. Why do you ask?
I'm on a rooftop at 6th and Rivington.
I was wondering--
Now, you listen here, young lady.
-You have every right to hate your Iife.
-Mom.
Who wouldn't after some
of the choices you've made.
-Mom?
-That thing with MiIo--
-Mom.
-What?
I'm working.
I'm gonna call you later.
Well, okay.
Well, just to clarify, you know...
...we aIl make mistakes, but you
married a man who made you crazy...
...and divorced him for the same
reason. You just have to--
I'll take the big ugly one.
I do not like getting
these phone calls.
I'd bail you out
if you ever got in trouble.
But you can't,
because you ain't no cop anymore.
And what do you mean,
"these calls," huh?
That's the second time
you bailed me out.
"These" implies way more than two.
Look, l know that this is a very tough
time of the year for you.
What are you talking about? It's
summer. Who doesn't love summer?
And I am trying to be sensitive
to your situation.
What, a guy who works his own hours?
Has his freedom? Lives the high life?
Have you talked to her?
-Talked to who?
-Katie Couric. Who do you think?
-Why the hell would I talk to her?
-You know what?
-Maybe I should've left your ass in jail.
-Would you reIax? I'm fine.
Oh, you're-- No. You are not fine, okay?
You are a man in pain.
How do you think that makes me feel
since I'm the one who set you up?
Well, I guess that makes
this whole thing your fault, huh?
Hey. Where are you?
I toId you to be here
half an hour early.
Now I see you.
I'm stiIl leaving you this message
to let you know...
...that l hate being your Iawyer
and you're killing me. Goodbye.
-HeIlo. You're late.
-But only fashionably.
Better take this seriously, Miss HurIey.
It's you against the N.Y.P.D.
How can l take this seriously, Arthur?
It's a fender bender.
-Well, we got four minutes.
-Oh, wait, hold on. I gotta take this.
No. Four minutes.
This will take one,
and then we'll have three.
-HeIlo.
-It's Jimmy. I got something for you.
Oh, hi. Great. Listen,
I need to caIl you back in an hour.
Can't wait, NicoIe. I might aIready
be in trouble with this shit.
Wha--? Jimmy, well, I'm kind of in
some hot water myself over here.
Dunkin' Donuts, Sunset Park
under the BQE. Half an hour.
Bring cash. Five hundred,
or l'm selling it to somebody else.
-No, Jimmy. Wait--
-Okay. Let's go.
Wait. l have to make
one more phone call.
-Nicole.
-Go on in.
I wilI-- I promise,
I wilI be right behind you.
When the judge calls your case,
you better be sitting right next to me.
And your client is where?
Well, she was here, Your Honour.
And I think
she deserves points for that.
I'm sure she'Il be coming
through that door any second.
Any second.
Rather than keep the court waiting,
if we could set another date.
Counsel, your client's bail
is revoked.
A bench warrant is hereby ordered
by this court.
Next case.
-Come here.
-Okay. All right. Okay.
Get in the car.
And don't move.
Goddamn it. I mean,
how many retainers do I have to buy?
-They're twins, for God's sake.
-It's not my fault.
Tell him to borrow
his brother's. Man.
Hey, princess.
You're drooling on my sofa.
You do have an apartment, don't you?
With a bed of some kind?
Teresa should be in any second.
-I suppose you wanna get paid.
-Yep. WelI, l got him, didn't I?
I said, "They're my kids.
If anyone's gonna take them camping...
...l am," which she took literally,
as opposed to the spirit...
-...in which it was said.
-The spirit of bullshit?
-Any plans for the long weekend?
-The usual.
What, getting drunk on cheap whisky
and smashing your fist through a wall?
Jealous?
No, I understand.
Fourth of July and alI.
Don't worry. l'Il get somebody eIse.
-Somebody eIse for what?
-An open bond just came in.
But you know what?
Your thing sounds a lot more fun.
Don't worry about it.
I mean, l'll find somebody else.
Whoa, hold up, Heidi. I need this gig.
Come on, man, I'm in the hole.
-You're always in the hole.
-What's your point?
My point is I don't know
if you're the right person for the job.
This thing could be a disaster.
But you asked for it.
-Is this a joke?
-Nope.
She got arrested?
I don't understand it myself,
but all I know is that she skipped bail.
Well, why the hell did you post it?
Hey, I'm a businessman.
I don't have time to wait for you.
All I know is, is that l'm out 50,000...
...if she's not
in that courtroom Monday.
You're teIling me
that I'll get 5 grand...
...to go pick up my ex-wife
and bring her to jail.
You're a good listener.
-Yes. Yes.
-I take it you're interested?
-Am I interested?
-Oh, God. Okay.
-You are the best friend...
-All right. Okay.
-...any guy could ever have.
-Milo. Cheque.
Okay. Can I have my gum back?
You know what this is?
This, baby, is karma.
-Are you sure you can handle this?
-Why wouldn't l?
Because it's her, and around her
you're not rational.
Sweetheart,
I won't even break a sweat.
Oh, shit.
Hello, love.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, God. Kitty?
I was in the neighbourhood...
...and I had lent her
some paintbrushes months ago.
-And she just refuses to--
-Okay, okay, okay.
She didn't show up to court today.
And I think it's because she has a lead
on some story.
And I wanna work on it with her
as a team because l....
Because I'm kind of hoping
it would help solidify...
...our thing.
Are you sleeping with her, Stewart?
-We have a history.
-A history, huh?
Yeah, well, good luck with that.
Don't be such a wuss.
Come on, l'm sorry.
Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.
-You're not Jimmy.
-Oh, God. No, I'm not.
-But l'm looking for him.
-Under the chair?
-Maybe you could help me.
-I can't fit under there.
-No--
-Who are you?
-I'm-- I'm his girlfriend.
-You're Lakeisha?
Yeah, that would be me. Lakeisha.
Named after my Aunt Lakeisha.
-Well, maybe I shouId call the cops.
-No, no, no. Jimmy's in trouble.
What kind of trouble?
Money trouble? Drug troubIe?
-I don't--
-Sex-change trouble?
I don't really know.
I just know that he's missing.
Yeah, well, l had a lousy week too.
My cousin Linda
fell off the cruise ship.
I'm so sorry.
Well, a grown woman
ought to know how to swim.
Yes, l hear you.
Now would you mind
if I just took a quick look around...
...just to see if l can find some clue
as to where he might be?
Thing is, Stew, she'll make you think
she's interested in you.
But really she's only interested
in her big hotshot career.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait a minute. Wait, you're Milo.
You're Milo, right?
She talks about you all the time.
-Really?
-Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, man, absolutely.
Yeah, she hates you.
Wait, what do you mean?
She hates me?
Oh, yeah. Big time. Yeah.
She says-- She says you're, like,
the most selfish, immature--
-Wait, l'm seIfish?
-Yeah. Stubborn.
-I'm immature?
-I don't know. That's what she says.
You know what? Forget it. Okay?
I'm not even gonna
dignify that with-- Whatever.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, look, l'm on your team, man.
No, you're not, Geraldo.
I don't allow reporters on my team.
Oh, and for the record,
I'm the one who hates her.
Okay? So just shut up
and stop pissing me off.
Okay. Sorry.
Borgata Hotel, Atlantic City.
How may I direct your call?
Figures. Run home to Mommy.
What audit?
Jimmy? You mean the bartender
from O'Doul's?
I'm really worried about him. His car
was there. His window was smashed.
There was something not right.
What was he looking into?
That suicide on Rivington
a couple of weeks ago.
Something about it
just does not add up.
-Why? What do you got?
-I was at traffic court the other day...
...and I met this guy who swears
that his car was parked at JFK...
...the night that he got a ticket
on Rivington.
-Stolen plates.
-Yeah, well, that's what I'm thinking.
Look, if I hear anything on the kid
I'll let you know, but you...
-...be careful, okay?
-Okay, great. Bobby, thanks.
More pink, Tony.
Way the hell more pink.
I wanna sparkle
with the illusion of youth.
And in a room this small,
hell, forget lighting.
We might have to use nerve gas.
Hello, Kitty.
Milo?
Milo, sweetheart.
Come and give your mother-in-law
a hug.
A long time.
That's for being a shit
and for ruining my daughter's life.
-Your daughter's fine.
-Well, then that's for ruining my life.
Come here.
It stiIl kills me,
you and Nicole splitting up.
What happened between you
devastated her.
-Yeah, devastated her right to the top.
-She has done well, hasn't she?
Listen, Nicky may be a strong,
independent woman on the outside...
...but on the inside, she's just a girl
wanting to be loved by her man.
I mean, come on.
Such a beautifuI couple...
...and you threw it away.
The grandchildren
would have been angeIs.
Not that l wanted grandchildren.
You prick.
I've missed you, Kitty.
I'm gonna pretend l believe you.
I'm looking for your girl.
-I know she called here.
-We were gonna grab a bite.
She blew me off
for some interview.
Said she needed to go somewhere
to suck up some luck.
Like l'm supposed to know
what that means.
-HeIlo.
-Listen, you're in trouble.
-Now, where are you?
-I'm in the city, actually.
No, you're not. No, you're not.
You're here. You're at the track.
You're here?
How did you know where l was?
Hello, Nic.
Let's just say
Stewart knows what he's doing...
...when it comes to following people.
Hi, Milo.
Fancy meeting you here.
Yeah.
Fancy. Fancy that.
How are you?
Good. You?
SweIl.
Beautiful day.
You Iook great.
As beautiful as the day we first met.
This has been grand.
I don't know what you're up to,
but I'm working.
Oh, working?
Me too.
I heard you got kicked off the force.
You been checking up on me?
-Nope.
-Concerned about me?
I haven't given you
a thought, actually.
Trying to keep some small connection
alive between us.
Are you gonna move this leg?
No.
I thought we'd be adults the first time
we saw each other after the divorce.
But why would I think that when
only one of us is actually an adult?
Like l said, I've been working.
And what l do is I hunt down criminals.
Idiots who jump bail, specificaIly.
-You are a bounty hunter?
-Yep.
And much as it pains me to say this,
and it really does...
...l gotta take you to jail.
Oh, God. All right.
Come on, who put you up to this?
-Somebody at the paper?
-No, just the old State of New York.
-Are you--? Don't you touch me.
-Shall we?
You really think
you're taking me anywhere?
No, not anywhere. Just jail.
Oh, goddamn it, Milo.
You don't seem to understand.
I am in the middle of something
really important.
Tell you what.
You wanna make a break for it...
...l will give you
a 1 0-second head start.
-I am an adult, Milo. I'm--
-Ten.
-Nine. Eight.
-Do you really think l--?
Seven.
Six.
Five. Four.
Three. Two.
One.
Try again.
-God.
-Extra salt, just the way you like it.
-Jesus. Stewart, no.
-I wanna help. Let me help. Please.
Why'd you hang up on me?
Taxi.
Oh, shit.
-Get in the car.
-I am not going to jail.
Oh, I beg to differ.
-Oh, what, you're gonna shoot me?
-Nope.
-I'm gonna shoot a cab driver.
-No, he's kidd-- He doesn't mean it.
No, I mean it.
Chickenshits!
All right.
Can we just talk about this?
Fine.
What do you wanna say?
I'm not letting you take me to jail.
-DuIy noted.
-And I'm--
Milo. Oh, my--
You have got to be kidding me.
You have got to be kidding me.
Don't you--
Milo, stop it.
Seriously, put me down.
Milo, goddamn it.
You cannot be putting me in a trunk.
You cannot be seri--
I'm dead "seri."
Hey, Mi-- Hey!
Oh, my God. I'm gonna have
a panic attack. Oh, my God. MiIo!
Milo. Goddamn it!
Open this trunk, Milo.
Right now. Milo.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah, l've got
a couple of small tats myself.
But l'm still amazed at the level of pain
people will go through...
...to make an impression.
Do you know what l mean?
I was just asking around.
Okay? I swear to God,
I don't know anything.
What if I tattoo the word "snitch"
on your eyelids?
-Or better yet, "dead snitch."
-Look, okay, look. Look.
All I know
is there's this reporter, okay?
And she said something about
a car with stolen plates at a suicide.
What's her name?
Sid's Bail Bonds.
Guess what I've got in my trunk.
Is that some sort
of perverted innuendo? Who is this?
Oh, come on, Teresa, it's me.
You know it's me.
-Hey, I need to taIk to Sid.
-Yeah, Sid's not available right now.
Last I heard, he was trying to start
a fire with two sticks and pure rage.
Just teIl him that I got her,
all right? l'm bringing her in.
I'll be back in two hours, and l want
a bonus for bringing her in so quick.
Well, I want a bonus for getting through
the week without stabbing somebody.
Week's not over yet.
I got another call.
Yeah, l gotta go too.
Very busy. Bye-bye.
This is Milo. I'm sorry, but I'm not in
at the moment to take your caIl.
Milo, get me out of the trunk. Please.
Nope. Oh, by the way, your boyfriend
Stewart's been following me.
-He is not my boyfriend.
-Well, he seems to think he is.
Well, I remember a time
I thought you were quite the catch...
-...and that didn't pan out, either.
-He doesn't really seem your type.
Listen. Okay, Milo, please. Please.
I shouldn't have run. That was--
Look, you caught me off-guard.
To tell you the truth, I think l realIy
need your advice about something.
That's a real shame...
...because I wouldn't help you
if you were the last baby sea turtIe...
...dragging your tiny littIe body
across the burning sand...
...whiIst hungry seagulls
circled overhead.
Nope, I'd just pull up a chair...
...sip a pia colada,
and watch nature take its course.
-HeIlo?
-You stop.
Hello?
Nic?
Nicole?
What?
Hey, remember
how we used to be in love?
Yeah.
Well, that means I know
when you're crying for real...
...and when you're faking it. Bye-bye.
What?
God, Milo!
-Do you hear the tone of my voice?
-Oh, God. So good.
Milo! Oh, shoot. MiIo? Milo?
Hello, NicoIe Hurley.
Hey, hey, it's me. Jimmy.
Jimmy. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Jimmy,
I thought you were dead.
Where are you?
I've Ieft you like 40 messages.
Yeah, sorry. My phone ran out.
Listen, about this story--
Jimmy. What happened
at Dunkin' Donuts?
Oh, nothing. My friend showed up,
and he needed my help with something.
Was that before
he busted your window?
I locked my keys in--
Whatever. It's a piece of shit.
Listen, hey, where are you?
You sound like you're in a closet.
I'm-- I'm in Atlantic City.
Listen, Jimmy, I went to your apartment,
and l found the coaster.
Has there been evidence stolen
from the depository?
Well, that's kind of why I'm calling.
The whole thing turned out
to be nothing but a waste of time...
-...for everybody involved.
-Who else is involved, Jimmy?
Very good.
Jimmy-- Jimmy?
Listen, I need a favour.
Nicole Hurley, 1 34 Perry Street.
Credit check
and her recent activity, okay?
Beautiful. Thanks.
Nic?
-What the hell happened to you?
-Milo Boyd. Asshole head-butted me.
If only I gave a shit.
Did you get my money?
Ray!
Milo Boyd. Ex-cop.
Fired last year for neglect of duty.
His current gambIing debt
is just over 1 1 grand.
We haven't seen a penny
in two months.
This is not good.
We Iet this bum slide, people gonna
start thinking Irene's gone soft...
...they don't have to pay up.
Get him in here, Dwight,
break some part of his person...
...l'Il get my money,
and we'll have a nice holiday weekend.
Swear to God.
UnbeIievabIe.
How did you find me?
Well, I knew you called your mother,
so l went to see her.
You went to see my mother?
She didn't know I was there.
Yeah, she said you went to
"suck up some luck."
And I remembered your dad
had some crazy theory...
...about how all the losing at the track
must leave this extra luck lying around.
I knew you'd be in section D
because D is your lucky letter.
I mean, who has a lucky letter?
I had no idea
you knew all that stuff about me.
Of course. We were married.
But honestly, l love being single.
I love everything about my life.
Great job...
...good friends...
...hot girlfriend.
-Girlfriend?
-Oh, you didn't know?
Oh, yeah, I've had a number of casual,
crazy, sex-filled relationships...
...since you and l crapped out.
But l think this lady might be the one.
What's her name?
Teresa.
Smoking hot body.
Yeah. Great cook.
Smart. Very, very smart.
-Smart for a stripper.
-She's not a stripper.
Well, then, what does Teresa do?
-Judge.
-What?
Circuit court of appeals judge.
Oh, bullshit. BuIlshit.
No, I'm not bulIshitting.
She really is a judge.
Actually, just like the one
you skipped out on.
It's funny,
the little coincidences in life.
All right, that's it. l'm done.
I give up. l give up.
Just-- I don't wanna play anymore.
Here. Take it.
-What's that?
-Five hundred dollars.
Take it and dump me anywhere
on the side of the road.
Here. l don't care.
Honey, I'm getting 5 grand just to
bring your ass to justice. Do the math.
-No. You do it.
-No.
The Milo Boyd that I knew?
He could take $500,
walk into any casino...
...turn it into $5000 like that.
-He could turn it into $1 0,000.
-Yeah, try 50.
I don't know. l wouIdn't go that far.
-Why not?
-I don't know. You think you still got it?
Hell, yeah, l still got it.
You know,
this isn't about the money.
No, this is about me doing my job.
All right. Now, listen.
Remember: you win, you Iet me go.
That's our deal. Right?
You get what you want,
and l get to go--
Don't tell me your story.
How could I forget? Come on.
Yeah, l found you.
God, Stewart, you are a huge stud.
Dwight, be honest. Apart from chasing
some guy down, breaking his legs...
...beating his face to a bloody pulp,
you don't get a lot of aerobic exercise.
-Why we talking about this?
-You're gonna get me kiIled...
...when you're too slow to react
in a life-and-death situation.
I am not too slow.
It's lrene.
-Yeah?
-They spotted Boyd at the Taj.
-He's driving a blue Delta 88.
-I'm on it.
Okay, listen, there's this kid.
He works at O'DouI's.
He gives me information sometimes.
-You mean he's a snitch.
-Yes.
I think he's in a lot of trouble.
I had him ask about this suicide,
this guy that dove off of a roof.
Shows me what you know.
-What?
-Suicides don't dive. They go feet-first.
Is that true? How do you know that?
Every cop knows that.
Well, if every cop
knows that a suicide goes feet-first...
...and this guy went headfirst, then why
would a cop ruIe it as a suicide?
-How the hell should l know?
-Well--
Why don't you ask the cop
that fiIled out the report?
Nicole.
Nicole, it's Stewart.
I'm here to save you.
Oh, my God. She's passed out.
All right, hero time. Let's go, buddy.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
Okay, here you go. I got you.
Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit.
Hey.
It's a Delta 88.
-Yeah.
-It's a nice car.
Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, this is....
This is my car,
in case you were wondering.
Yeah.
It was once used in
a Ice Cube video.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Yeah. You a big fan of cars?
What l love about it is that it actually--
The steering wheel--
Five hundred on the pass line.
New shooter.
Five hundred on the line.
Wait a minute. You're betting all of it?
What if you lose?
Then we're back in the car.
So if I lose, I still win.
-Here. Blow on them.
-No.
-You always did before.
-Oh, come on.
You want me to win, don't you?
If l win, you go free, remember?
-Let's go, let's go.
-Let's go, shooter. Coming out.
Here we go.
-Winner. Seven.
-Seven. Big winner.
Winner. EIeven.
-Yes. Eleven.
-Front-line winner.
Winner, seven.
Seven.
Winner, eleven.
Count it out nice and slow.
Eight grand. It's so beautiful.
You did it.
I said you couId and you did.
I'm out of here. You win, l walk.
What? Wait.
What are you talking about?
-Where you going?
-Are you kidding?
We had a deaI.
You win 5 and I get to waIk.
No, you said 1 0.
I said 5, Milo.
In the car, you said I could turn 500
into 1 0,000.
-Yes. But first I had said--
-No "buts."
Come on. Why would I try
and win 5 thousand...
...when I get 5 thousand
for turning you in?
-Doesn't make sense.
-You know what does make sense?
-I'm leaving. That's it. I'm out of here.
-Hey, no. You will stay here...
...untiI l win 1 0 grand
and then you walk. Okay?
You have my word. Now bIow.
Your word is worth shit.
Let's go, shooter.
You know what? Fine. l can
do this myself. lt's alI me, anyway.
Watch. Milo Boyd
makes his own luck.
Yeah, here we go.
Four. Easy. The point is four.
Okay, four. lt's okay.
No worries. l can do four.
That's two twos...
-...a three and a one.
-Yeah. Or a four and a zero.
Shut up.
Of course you're to blame.
A four and a zero?
-God.
-You mocked the gods of craps.
"The gods of craps"?
Do you hear yourself?
No. All I hear is the sound of $8000
in chips being swept away from me.
Milo. MiIo, you have got to let me go.
No, I don't have to do anything
except win my money back...
...which I wilI do
as soon as I can find the damn room.
This place is nice.
Yeah. Glad you like it.
Because you paid for it.
-I--? Me?
-Yeah. I lifted your credit card.
Pretty shitty thing to do.
I feel better now that you know.
-You stole my credit card?
-See, that's what you always do.
You know, I borrow your card,
and it turns into stealing.
You always blow things
out of proportion.
You know what, would you stop it
with this "always" crap?
We dated for six months.
We were married for nine months.
That is 1 5 months, okay?
That is not "always," champ.
You don't even know "always."
Hey, what are you doing? What's--?
Hey, hey, hey. Where you going?
Milo, don't you dare
leave me here like this. Milo.
-You'Il probably have to pay for that.
-You know what?
Don't let me down.
-What are you doing?
-What?
Are you trying to seduce me?
Yeah. l am.
What would you like to touch first?
You always loved my shoulders.
Oh, yes, your shoulders.
And especially in the right jacket?
So impressive.
My chest.
So strong, so solid.
-My lips.
-Your lips.
A perfect match for mine.
What you'd realIy like
to touch first...
...is powerfuI.
Sometimes dangerous.
-It's hard.
-Yes.
And that would be my gun.
Oh, you're such a dick.
You are such a dick.
Yeah. But in the right jacket....
Ray wants to show you something.
Okay. All right. Okay, yeah.
Okay, bring your buddies in.
Now that I have your attention...
...l will have you know that my
colIege roommate is a partner...
...at the biggest law firm
in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
All right, and while they specialise
primarily in real estate law...
...l am calling him maana.
And he will be on your asses
like white on rice.
Pick something and break it.
No, hold on one sec.
I don't know him that well.
We're not-- We dated
some of the same girls in college.
Hey. Hey, is that a Ping?
A Rapture? l had--
Oh, shit. God. Shit.
-FeeI better?
-Yeah, I do, actually.
-Damn it.
-Who is this guy, anyway?
-Where's Boyd?
-That's Boyd.
That's not Milo Boyd.
-I'm not Boyd.
-He was in Boyd's Oldsmobile.
I'm not Boyd.
The two of you go together
this time. Morons.
-Housekeeping.
-Oh, good, yes. Come in.
Good morning.
You're probably wondering
why I'm handcuffed to the bed.
I just came from a room where a man
was lying in a bathtub of mayonnaise...
...wearing a dog collar.
-Well, to each his own.
-You're not the one...
-...who has to clean the tub.
-That's a very good point.
-I'lI come back.
-No. PIease.
Would you mind grabbing my bag
from over there, please.
What was that?
What? Sorry? What? What was what?
That.
Listen, I have to
go to the bathroom, please.
Can you--?
How did you sleep?
-Better than you.
-Jerk.
-Would you--?
-Sorry.
What are you doing?
Can l have some privacy?
Something tells me
I should frisk you.
Oh, right.
Do I look like I'm hiding a weapon
between my breasts?
Seriously.
-Do you mind?
-Okay, okay.
God.
"Max power button.
Put open end in direct contact
with the skin.
Press button."
-Hey, who you talking to?
-Nobody.
Who would l be talking to
in a bathroom, anyway? God.
Okay, you're up to something.
I'm coming in.
-No, I'm not done, Milo.
-You're done.
Nope, I'm not. Jesus.
Son of a--
Did you really jump bail?
Gary, l need the name of the cop
who signed off on the suicide.
Okay. Looking Iike...
-...Bobby Jenkins.
-Bobby?
Are you sure?
I'm reading it right here.
-Do you know where Stewart is?
-Why would I know that?
-I thought you two were together.
-We are not together. We made out once.
I meant together on the story.
-You made out with Stewart?
-Hey, you know-- Gary, that's it.
-Need a lift?
-What?
Yes, yes, l do. Oh, God.
What a nightmare.
Don't get married.
I'm 1 7. l don't even have a girlfriend.
I'm saving all my money for college.
You know what? I just gave
all of my money to my ex-husband.
I don't know
how l'm gonna pay you.
You could show me your boobs.
Excuse me?
I toId you l don't have a girlfriend.
Give me a break.
Show me your boobs.
All right, pull over.
You serious?
Watch out. Watch out, watch out.
Come on, bring it back.
My boss, she's gonna kill me.
Show her your penis.
Taser this, baby.
Get in the car.
Come on, come on.
Are you serious? ReaIly?
Right now, you're gonna do this?
I promise,
I promise l won't do it again.
Come on.
Cannot believe
I was ever married to you.
I don't know why you keep falIing
for that old "get in the car" trick.
What?
Oh, what are you doing?
No. No, no, no.
No, I'm not buying it. No--
Oh, shit. That's real.
Nicole, come on, let's go.
-Look, I was just fooling around.
-Not because of you, jerk.
Shit.
Oh, thank God. A doctor.
Sir, my leg, I think it's broken...
...and all I've eaten today is a
doughnut. That is --That is quite large.
Wait a minute.
Wait, you are a doctor, right?
Of course. I'm the track vet
at Atlantic City Race Course.
-What?
-He's very good.
He just put down
one of our horses last week.
-I don't think it felt a thing.
-But l'm not a horse.
Well, actually, in that case,
it did feel it. A lot.
Well, those are the tough ones.
Okay, you are gonna feeI
a massive pinch.
But then your leg
should feel just fine.
Don't-- Don't--
Come on, is this really necessary?
After 250 volts through my neck?
You're lucky you're not in the trunk.
I feel Iike I got a hickey
from jumper cables.
-You know, I could arrest you for this.
-Great. Do it, I dare you.
Wait, you'd have to be a real cop.
Which, by the way...
...was the single most attractive thing
about you.
I can go back to being a cop
any time I want.
Yeah, right.
-You know why?
-Why?
Because I'm good at it, that's why.
I disagree with you.
-And you're basing that on?
-Based on the fact...
...that there's a black SUV following us,
and you haven't even noticed.
-Who says he's following us?
-It's the same one I saw...
...at Dunkin' Donuts
when I went to meet Jimmy.
There are a miIlion black SUVs
and 20 million Dunkin' Donuts...
-...and that's just in New Jersey.
-Listen.
There is a very good chance
cops are involved in the story...
-...that l'm working on.
-Suicide?
They grabbed Jimmy. Jimmy may have
given them my name. l don't know.
-They may wanna kilI me.
-You think you're hot shit...
...but l'm sure the only person
that wants to kill you is me.
-God! Look out. Go.
-What the hell are you doing?
God. Shit.
Why don't you ever listen to me?
-I do listen, but--
-No, you don't.
Look out.
Don't stop.
Milo!
-Yes. I am so onto some--
-Only you could be happy right now.
-Milo--
-Stay here.
No, don't you leave me here, Milo.
Get me out of here. Milo.
Shit.
-Jesus.
-Christ.
I toId you to stay in the car.
So, what?
You are not the boss of me.
-You're gonna pay for that.
-I owe you a nickel.
Stop the car. Get out.
Get out of there.
Shit.
What the hell
have you gotten yourself into?
-Really? Now you're interested?
-Yeah, hell, yeah. He shot up my car.
I toId you
someone was following me.
Did you listen to me? No.
Do you ever listen to me?
You told me
somebody jumped off a roof.
He worked for the N.Y.P.D.
in the evidence depository.
He was afraid of heights and
it's stilI ruled as a suicide? Come on.
You know, you can tell me aIl this
on the way to jaiI.
-You can't be serious.
-Oh, you wanna bet?
Bobby signed the report.
What?
Bobby was the cop who signed off
on the suicide.
-The same one that you said--
-Watch yourself. Very thin ice here.
-He is my friend too.
-What is this? A friendly accusation?
No, this is not an accusation.
This is simply connecting the dots.
No, this is about you
caring about someone...
...then, alI of a sudden...
...no warning, you don't care
about him and you're out the door.
-This is not about us, Milo.
-Bobby.
Bobby walked you down the aisle.
I know. I wiIl be heartbroken.
But l am not gonna stand around...
...with my head in the sand.
I know where your head is,
and it ain't in the sand.
-What are you doing?
-I'm gonna find this prick.
When I do,
I'm gonna prove Bobby innocent...
...and show you
exactly what loyalty looks like.
No VIN number. No registration.
Yeah, this guy was definitely a pro.
Well, I got a Starbucks cup
with the name EarI on it.
Well, maybe it's not his cup.
Is that all you've got?
More than you've got, Kojak.
-I got these.
-What does it matter that he plays golf?
You see, I don't think he does.
These clubs have barely been used.
Plus, they're lefties.
The guy who shot at us was a righty.
Not to mention the fact
that all the pockets are empty.
So what?
There is not a golfer in the world...
...who doesn't have tees and pencils
and balls, shoes, you name it.
Why is he a member...
-...at the Castle Hill Country Club?
-That is a good question.
That's why I asked it.
For once, that is a good question.
All right, here's the deaI.
We're interested
in becoming members of the club...
...and we are friends with John.
Okay. John who?
Just say John.
They fill in the last name.
-Clever.
-Thank you. Works every time.
All right, now you have to come up
with an occupation.
Why can't I be who I am?
A bounty hunter?
We're trying to get into a private club,
not a tractor pull.
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.
The club's closed today
for a private event for members.
It's the Fourth of July.
Is it?
It's already the fourth, honey.
I can't believe it, honey.
Well, honey, neither can l.
See, the thing is John actually said
that it would be all right...
...if we stopped by today.
John...?
He's a member here.
You know John.
-Everybody knows John.
-Big John.
I'm actually
the membership director here...
...and I don't believe
we have a singIe member named John.
That's weird, honey.
-This never fails.
-Oh, wait.
Do you mean Jack Willit? They call him
Jack, but I think his name's John.
-Yes. Big John Jack Willit.
-Big John. Yeah, how could I forget.
After aIl the years that John and I
have actualIy worked together...
-...I forget people still call him Jack.
-Jack.
Oh, you're also in the Senate?
Yes.
Which state?
-OkIa--
-Kansas.
Kansas.
Well, what a pleasure,
Senator and Mrs. Boyd.
Let me find someone who'll give you
the grand tour. Lucky us...
...another celebrity at Castle Hill.
I'm actually a former model.
Really?
How long ago was that?
Why don't you just find that person
that will be giving us the tour.
Just stay right here.
I'll be back in two shakes.
All right, so let's split up.
I take the tennis courts and the pool,
and you take the pro shop.
You're just gonna run around asking
people if they know a guy named Earl?
Well, do you have a better idea?
Learn from me, honey. You wanna know
every dirty little thing...
...that goes on at a country club,
you gotta ask the right people.
Who would that be?
The caddies.
-Hey there.
-Yeah?
-What's going on?
-Hey.
Hey, do any of you fellas
know a guy named Earl?
No?
Hey.
-I'lI take that as a yes.
-Wait. Where are you--?
Milo!
Shit.
A little out of shape there, senator?
The kid's got 20 years on me.
-Oh, come on, get in the cart.
-Only if you let me drive.
-What is that supposed to mean?
-That you're a sucky driver.
I am-- I am not a sucky driver.
I'm a great driver.
You know what? I don't have time
for this. Get in here. Come on.
How could we lose him?
He knows the course
better than we do.
Gentlemen.
There.
Stay with him.
-God. Milo.
-Get right up next to him.
-We're moving too fast. Oh, no.
-No.
I got you. I got you.
That was not my fault.
I don't know anything.
The drugs, the cash.
-I didn't know anything about it.
-I didn't ask about drugs or money.
Good. I don't know anything.
I'm a caddy.
-Well, then why were you running?
-Look, I'm just a kid saving for college.
Fine!
A Jet Ski, I'm saving for a Jet Ski.
Who's Earl?
Okay, look, all I know is,
he plays here...
...with a couple big shots
every three or four months.
Dude doesn't know the difference
between a wedge and a paddle.
What's his last name?
I don't know anything about him.
Why don't you use your college brain
and think.
You can drown me.
I'm not gonna know his last name.
And he's a big tipper,
sometimes 1 00 bucks.
Oh, he got me this.
He got you a tattoo?
When my girlfriend
dumped me, yeah.
He sent me to this place in Queens.
Blue lnk.
I don't know, maybe he owns it.
Blue lnk Tattoo.
Yeah, let me speak to Earl.
Not in.
-We got him.
-Tell him a Walter Lilly calIed.
Tell him Walter Lilly called,
all right?
All right. Walter LiIly? Thanks.
Very nice work, detective.
Hey, you--
-You got some--
-What?
-Some--
-What?
-On your neck.
-What is it?
-It's pond scum.
-Get it off. Oh, God.
-Looks good.
-Get it off. Milo, get it off. Not funny.
-Okay. Calm down, calm down.
-Get it.
What else? Where else is it?
-Wanna see it? Look.
-Just get it out of the car.
-I'm gonna keep it. Press it in a book.
-Oh, Jesus.
I'll always remember the special day
we just had.
See, you joke, Milo,
but just look at us.
We're this close to solving a murder
that nobody even knows has happened.
-Speak of the devil.
-Really?
Hey, Bobby, what's up?
Get off the road, and I mean now.
Yeah, this holiday traffic's--
-It's a real bitch.
-HaIf of New Jersey is looking for you.
The other half is looking for your ex,
who is apparently a felon.
For what, I have no idea.
So much for "what happens
in Jersey, stays in Jersey."
Where are you, man? Exactly?
What?
Listen, Bobby, maybe you and I
should meet for a beer later.
You know, talk about old times.
Goddamn it, Milo. l can only
protect you if you do what I say.
And right now l am telling you:
lay low, stay there.
-What?
-He says we shouId get off the road.
-I believe him.
-We are in the middle of nowhere.
You know what?
I know exactly where we are.
Really? Here?
Couldn't have driven five minutes,
found a Best Western?
We'll be safe here
until we figure out what's what.
Think they remember us?
You kidding? Do you know how many
honeymooners they've had since us?
Hey, can I help--?
Wait.
It can't be.
Edmund. Edmund. Come quick.
-Looks Iike they remember us.
-You think?
Be stiIl, my beating heart.
Oh, my.
Listen, we get a lot
of young marrieds here, but you two....
Have we ever had a couple
more madly in love than these two?
No. No, we still talk about you two...
...honest to Betsy, as the
quintessential Cupid's couple Cabin.
Cupid's Cabin coupIe.
Oh, you know.
Let's get you a nice room.
Come on inside.
Welcome back.
Welcome. Welcome, welcome.
Oh, Iook, here's....
Oh, my goodness.
What, it's been three years?
-Three years. Has it?
-Oh, my God. l don't even remember.
So you came back
for your anniversary.
I do have to ask you
my favourite question.
How do you keep
your romance alive?
Well, I gotta tell you, Dawn...
...l'm not naturally
a romantic kind of guy.
True. He's not.
I mean, l don't tend to go
for cards or flowers.
Actually, gifts of any kind.
If it's your birthday, Milo thinks
the best surprise is the gift of nothing.
And you'd probably have to put a gun
to old Nic's head here...
...to get her to actually say,
"I Iove you."
Well, that's true love.
That is right. Two people who know
all each other's faults...
-...and weaknesses, and yet--
-They just love each other all the more.
Thank you.
Oh, gosh.
The cesspool's backed up.
Gotta call the guy.
No, honey, I think it's them.
They're a little stinky.
Well, we actually--
We crashed into a pond.
She was driving.
Oh, my goodness, you two.
Let's get you settled, and then you
can come back down for dinner.
We'll get you fresh duds.
Pop those in the wash,
have them back by bedtime.
Excuse me,
but what happened to your neck?
She Tasered me.
She Tase-- He's too funny.
"She Tasered me."
-What?
-Oh, just....
This whole situation.
I mean, really,
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you could see yourself
in that dress, cry.
What?
Said the man who couldn't decide what
colour to wear, so he wore them all.
Do you remember
when we broke that--?
Yeah, l do.
Although I tried very hard
to block that out, to be honest.
Oh, really?
How's that working out for you?
-What, being honest?
-Denial.
Great. Yeah.
Until about an hour ago.
Yeah.
Why--? Why do people do that?
Why do people do what?
Deny that they've ever done
anything wrong in the relationship.
Why can't people take responsibility
for their shit and move on?
Which people are you talking about?
-I don't know.
-What?
I don't know.
You. Me.
Everybody.
Well, maybe everybody's afraid...
...that any admission of guilt
would be seen as a sign of weakness.
You know,
that's where everybody's wrong.
I see it as a sign of maturity.
Don't you think?
-Absolutely.
-I mean, life--
Life is about making mistakes.
Right?
And death is about
wishing you made a whole lot more.
Hey, I just made that up.
Look at you, Milo Boyd.
Well....
Well, then.
Here...
...is to our big, fat, ugly mistake.
The kind
that knocks you on your ass.
And makes you wanna
do them all over again.
What do you mean?
Well, I--
Well, wait, wait.
What mistake were you talking about?
No, you just said
you had made a mistake.
I did.
So we're in agreement?
But so did you.
Yeah, so we both
made a huge mistake.
By getting married.
Oh, yeah, that. Yeah.
And getting divorced.
But you know what?
Hey, I screwed up.
I screwed up, and I'm sorry.
Sometimes I....
Sometimes I really think
it was all me.
This is crazy.
I know.
But l kind of....
I kind of miss it.
-What?
-This.
Us. You know, you.
But you don't even like me.
Are you kidding me?
Of course I like you.
What are you thinking about?
Nothing.
Liar.
That's the nicest thing
you've said to me aIl weekend.
Okay. Here you go, Kitty.
-Hi, it's me.
-Oh, Steve?
No, it's Nicole. lt's your daughter.
Who's Steve?
The drag queen who does
Sunday nights. What's up, kitten?
Mom, advice, advice.
I need your advice.
Listen, I am locked in the bathroom
of the honeymoon suite...
...at Cupid's Cabin...
-...and MiIo is right outside the door.
-Lord in heaven.
You've barricaded
yourself from him?
That's hot.
No, Mom-- Okay. Focus.
Room service.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
Dawn wanted me to make sure...
-...you got the rest of your champagne.
-Great. Hang on.
Your clothes are almost dry.
I'll have them up in a jiffy.
No rush. Might not need them
for a little bit, if you know what l mean.
She must have
a couple of bucks in here.
What's this?
Yeah, thanks for the champagne.
Oh, you forgot my--
So what was this moment
of honesty?
I don't know.
We were down at dinner...
...and then all of a sudden
I could not remember why I hate him.
Well, what did he say?
-He said he missed me.
-What?
He said he missed me
and that he was sorry.
He actually said he was sorry?
Was he taking your clothes off?
How naked were you?
-Mom, we were on the patio.
-You were naked on the patio?
What can I say,
the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Ma, we were at dinner on the patio.
There was no sex.
-And he said "I'm sorry"?
-Twice.
-With no sex?
-Yeah.
Hold on a sec.
Yeah. Continue.
I don't know.
Like, she's acting really weird.
I mean, she admitted for the first time
that the divorce was all her fault.
-Yeah? What'd she say?
-Well, I said I screwed up a little bit.
But then she said,
"No, Milo, it was me."
And then I find this picture?
Tell me, do you keep your ex's picture
in your wallet?
Number of times I've been married,
they don't make a wallet that big.
Come on, pick it up. Let's go.
-I wanna do more camping.
-This is camping.
We're camping in Dad's office.
-Just don't telI your mother about this.
-It's Milo.
What's the problem now?
Nicole keeps the wedding photo
in the wallet.
Numb nuts wants to know
what that means.
I'll tell you what it means. It means she
hasn't cleaned out her wallet in a year.
You know, I'm pretty sure I'm carrying
around a condom from 1 987.
Don't tell your mother that, either.
You know something?
I think that means she loves you.
I think so too.
Open your eyes, honey.
How often
do people get second chances?
I say get naked and get busy.
You're right.
-I'm gonna go for it.
-You do that.
Oh, and take your phone with you.
One picture of his ass,
that's all I'm asking.
-Mother, you are so dirty.
-Thank you.
-I love you, sweetie.
-I love you.
Boy. Okay.
Well, why do you care?
This woman makes you crazy.
You drunk yourself out of a job
because of her.
-No. I quit my job.
-You were fired.
I quit by getting myself fired.
Okay, you're thinking with your dick.
How many times I gotta tell you?
Stop thinking with your dick, all right?
I am not thinking with my dick.
Listen, even if I do get Iaid tonight,
then it doesn't change a thing.
I'm stiIl bringing her ass to jail, okay?
So just chill out.
Hey.
Is everything okay?
Why wouldn't it be?
They brought champagne.
-I thought maybe you and l--
-Well, you thought wrong.
What are you doing?
I'm going to bed.
What does it look like?
A great big blast from the past,
that's what.
Oh, Nic shuts down again.
Oh, boy, does this take me back.
Goddamn it.
If it's so familiar,
you know you're sleeping on the couch.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
The hell I am.
Are you gonna swallow that
any time soon?
-Tastes great.
-Oh, God, you are so-- That's it.
That is it.
Are you happy now?
Overjoyed.
Oh, sorry, did I wake you?
I just wanna say thank you...
-...for a really lovely, lovely evening.
-No, Nic.
-What? No, Nic. Wait.
-Tickles, huh?
Hey, come back here.
Nic. I swear to God.
Shit.
Hey. No. Wait. Nic.
Nic, get back here.
Don't you dare, you--
Shit.
-What are you doing?
-I forgot my wallet.
That's lrene's money.
-It's $1 0.
-It's lrene's money.
-I will pay it back.
-Irene will kill you.
Irene wilI have me kill you.
Dwight! Dwight!
-Yeah.
-It's Milo's car.
No, I--
Listen, here is a list of the other
bed and breakfasts in the area...
...for your next visit.
-Come on, sweetheart.
-Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
-Park that for you, sir?
-Don't scratch it.
Roger that.
Shoot. Okay.
Excuse me.
Pilates World is across the street.
Well, no.
Actually, I want a tattoo.
Let me guess. A cute little butterfly
on your shoulder?
-Well--
-We're by appointment only.
DarIa...
...go get me some beers.
What do you want?
I want a panther...
...down the length of my body.
I'd like the paws
to be about right here.
Then l was thinking the mouth,
the teeth...
...about right here.
And then the tail....
I'll let you figure that out.
Cancel my appointments.
DarIa.
I'm Bone.
Bone?
Is that short for something?
Boner.
Boner. That's catchy.
-Is Earl here?
-Haven't seen him.
Now...
...pull up your shirt.
Give me a Iook at the canvas.
Yes.
Yes, but do you mind, though,
if I hit the head first?
Make it quick.
Oh, my God.
Bobby.
Jimmy. Oh, my God.
-Earl. What happened?
-Give me the keys to your pickup.
I need to get some junk
out of my office.
-Okay.
-Okay. Come on.
-Wait.
-Oh, and a Walter LiIly called.
He didn't leave a number.
Come here, this way.
Son of a bitch.
-The guy's a cop.
-I know.
-And a drug dealer.
-I know.
-Isn't that against the law?
-Yeah, last I checked.
It's Earl. Call me back
as soon as you get this, all right?
I heard him on the phone.
He was arranging some meeting
with a guy named Bobby.
Bobby?
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
I got a better question.
Where the hell is Milo?
-I'm having the worst weekend.
-Who is this person?
-How would I know that?
-Nobody. Nobody. I'm nobody.
Well, that's wonderful. Now, is
Nobody gonna get out of this car?
Or are we gonna put a big hole
in Nobody's head?
Run.
-No. Jimmy.
-I can't.
Your hair shimmers
like sunlight on the ocean.
-You are such a jerk.
-You know what you are?
You're an emotional cripple,
that's what.
You'd rather hunt down a guy
who's trying to kill you...
...than deal with the guy
who vowed to put up with your shit...
-...for the rest of his life.
-You know what?
An $1 1 ,000 gambling debt.
Call that getting a handle on it?
-Not what I told you to say.
-Sorry.
-HeIlo. We have your girlfriend.
-I'm not his girlfriend.
No, she is my girlfriend.
But l'll tell you what,
why don't you keep her. Call it square.
-He hung up.
-What?
Holy shit.
What the--?
Let me guess,
she's driven you nuts already.
-Damn it, Milo, they are not kidding.
-I wish l could help you. I really do.
There's just one small problem.
You handcuffed me
to Cupid, remember?
How was l to know that a couple
of Neanderthals wanted you dead?
-Whoa, not a couple.
-Why would you think we're a couple?
You know what?
Put Chubby on the phone.
-HeIlo?
-Really, Dwight?
Since when do bookies
kidnap people?
It's a little outside of my jurisdiction,
but we're under new management.
Tell your partner he's got
about five seconds to release her...
...or I'm gonna ruin his life.
He says release her or else.
I'm paraphrasing.
Bring it on.
-Did you hear that?
-You know what? Put Nic on the phone.
-What?
-Tell your paIs I'll be there in 20.
-He said he'll be here in 20 minutes.
-That's good. That's good.
-Wait, Milo, I--
-Stop shifting in your seat.
Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
Don't look around. Just do it.
Okay, if he's not here in 20 minutes--
I need to pee.
You need--?
-Let's go pee.
-Okay.
Yeah?
Oh, God.
Yep.
-Oh, please tell me you have a plan.
-Stay put until I come get you.
-Wait a minute.
-What?
She said he'd be here
in 20 minutes.
-So?
-So...
...she never told him where she was.
Here, folks. Some money.
There you go. Yeah.
-Ho, ho, ho, ladies. Happy Fourth.
-Oh, shit. That is Milo Boyd.
Grab some of this, girls.
-HoIy shit.
-What?
-Everybody have a good time.
-That's Irene's money.
Step over here.
Come on, come on.
Yes, here we go.
Plenty for everybody.
Ladies, ladies. Here you go, ladies.
That's my money.
Get your hands off my dough!
Time to go. You all right?
Car keys in the bag?
-Yeah.
-Let's get the heIl out of here.
Why can't you be this guy
all the time?
I am this guy all the time.
No. A hotshot detective
that I fell so madly in love with.
Instead, this bounty hunter who's
always bragging about getting laid.
Oh, wait.
Is that what you're pissed about?
I was talking to Sid.
What am I supposed to say,
that I'm sweet on my girl again?
Yeah.
Yes, you say it.
If that's what you mean, you say it.
You were honest
about your feelings?
All I'm saying is this night could've
gone a lot differently if you had.
Yeah. Just like our marriage.
Maybe.
Some detective I turned out to be.
Can't even figure you out.
She's strong for a stripper.
Watch it, Ray.
That was very painful.
-I'm gonna kick your Amazo--
-Shut up, you little pussy.
-Twenty Seventh squad, Griswald.
-Hey, Kenny, it's Milo.
Hey, Mr. Boyd. What's up?
I'm looking for Bobby. l called his cell,
but he's not picking up. Is he there?
With you not being on the force
anymore and everything...
-...I'm not really supposed to--
-Hey, Kenny, I don't have a lot of time.
Now, you used to follow me around,
kiss my ass. You still into that?
Yes, sir.
-Well, pucker up. Where's Bobby?
-On his way to the depository.
Why? It's the middle of the night.
Lieutenant's got us working double
to complete the move.
-What move?
-To the new facility.
I heard they had to inventory
something like 1 94,000...
-...pieces of evidence.
-Thank you. Take it easy.
That must have been quite an audit.
Do you know what happens to evidence
when the case doesn't go to trial?
-What?
-Not a damn thing.
So it just sits there?
Forever?
Ripe for the picking.
I'm hungry.
I'll wait here for Bobby.
Take the car. There's a pizza parlour
on Yonkers. Anything but peppers.
There is no way
you're getting rid of me.
I wouldn't let you drive
my car, anyway.
That was an accident.
-What?
-The whole N.Y.P.D. thing.
Reason I got arrested.
You can make all the jokes you want.
-But l'm an excellent driver.
-Wait.
Your rap sheet
said you assauIted an officer.
What--? Are you saying
you ran over a cop?
I didn't run over anything.
-Then what did you do?
-Nothing.
I was late for a press conference.
Traffic was stopped...
...so I thought I could squeeze by...
...and I grazed it.
You grazed a cop.
No, I grazed a horse.
Okay? Are you happy?
A big, dumb, old police horse...
...whose big, dumb, old police ass...
...swayed in front of my car
as l was trying to pass it.
-You hit a horse?
-I tapped him.
Tapped him. There was one little,
little tuft of hair on my bumper.
It was-- Seriously. l can go to jail.
-Yeah, for like...years.
-You're just-- You know--
You're the world's worst driver.
WiIl you just be quiet?
Now, listen. We don't know
anything for sure, all right?
-Maybe it's not what it Iooks Iike.
-It's almost aIways what it looks like.
Hey, Bobby.
Been looking all over for you.
-You get my message?
-About the missing drugs? Yeah.
We got a problem. You know that?
Yeah, yeah, we do.
-Can l help you?
-We're here to see Bobby Jenkins.
Can l tell him what it's regarding?
-Put the bag down, Earl.
-What, this?
-What's wrong with you?
-Don't make this harder...
-...than it has to be.
-The bag's down.
You know, I gotta--
Buzz me in. Now.
Got it.
Sorry.
Jesus.
-What?
-There's blood.
Oh, my God.
-Bobby.
-You okay, partner?
-What the hell are you doing here?
-Looking for some answers.
-Who shot you?
-Earl Mahler.
Yeah, l've been tracking him
for the last couple of weeks.
After he murdered Walter.
Walter Lilly.
Yeah, he's got my gun.
-What--?
-Stay with him.
Where are you going?
-Stay with him.
-Where are you going?
Baby, I'll be back. All right.
Hey, he's gonna be all right.
He's a good cop.
You're a good cop.
Look what happened to you.
Oh, yeah. You got a point.
Hey. Hey, where you going?
Drop it.
You were easy.
Oh, God.
You already shot one cop.
Shooting another one's...
-...not gonna help things with the jury.
-You're not a cop.
-Well, that's just hurtful.
-Get down on your knees.
My knees, they're not so great,
you know. Took a jump off a roof.
The last thing I care about
is your knees, your health.
Now get down on your knees.
Now what?
Should have minded
your own business.
-Not concerned about your future?
-It's time for you to go, asshole.
Drop it. And I'm the only one
who gets to call him "asshole."
You better tell your girl--
That's for calling me a girI.
That's for shooting at my wife.
So Earl Mahler was using Walter Lilly
to gain access to the narcotics cage.
That's right. He was gonna come clean,
but by the time l got to his apartment...
...he was already dead.
-But there was no proof it was Mahler.
-Right.
If it wasn't for that parking ticket,
he might have gotten away with it.
That's because
she's a hell of a reporter.
Thank you.
But you did get one thing wrong.
Oh, are you kidding? Come on.
I'm just saying.
Bobby, it Iooked really bad.
It really did.
I mean, your name
was on the suicide report.
-The bowling alley photo.
-I walked you down the goddamn aisle.
-That's what I said.
-Great. That's what he said.
Wait. You serious?
She really thought I was involved?
Yeah. But then, you know,
she never liked you.
You know what?
Never liked your ass, either.
I gotta get this story in.
-HeIlo?
-I just want you to know that it is over.
You and me, we are through.
Stewart, are you drunk?
No, that is the aftereffects
of horse tranquilizers...
...that were injected
into my now-broken leg...
...by a local veterinarian, Nicole.
Oh, we had something beautiful
and special and rare...
...but if these are the kinds of people
you hang out with, you can forget it.
If that's the way you really feel....
Wait, no, no, no. Wait, no, hold on.
No, no, no, stop.
Are you admitting that we had
something beautiful, special and rare?
Stewart, l gotta go, okay?
Okay, you go. But just know
you have given my heart wings.
For moments ago,
I was barely able to waIk...
...but now, now l will run to your side
with the--
-Goddamn!
-Stewart?
Hello?
-Do you know what l really wanna do?
-What?
I wanna blow off this story,
and l wanna take you home.
-Yeah?
-Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But l gotta get this story in before
anybody gets wind of it. I just have to.
-You understand that, right?
-Oh, totally. Don't--
-Listen, I get it.
-Yeah?
I get it. You're just doing your job.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Thank you.
That's not gonna be
an issue this time.
We both will sometimes
have to put our job first.
It's like that, right?
Yeah.
Yep. But after....
We're actually doing this.
Yes, we are.
Why are we pulling over here?
Here?
No.
You wouldn't.
I toId you l was bringing you in.
And we have, oh,
five minutes to spare.
Now, don't be mad, babe...
...because we're never gonna get this
marriage going again...
...if you come into it
with anger and resentment.
I would like to be
taken into custody, please.
Officer?
Let's go.
This is ridicuIous. UnbeIievabIe.
Where did you--?
Aren't I entitled to a phone call?
It's the bounty hunter.
How was your weekend, asshole?
Did you set any more parades on fire?
Actually, Gelman, the rest
of my weekend was pretty quiet.
-Yeah?
-Until now.
It'll go to the Internet edition...
...and then all media outlets will have
to come through us directly for details.
Great. Thanks.
Using your one caIl
to phone in a story. That is so you.
What are you doing here?
It's a special night, remember?
No way we're not
spending it together.
Hey, can we go
in the same ceIl together?
Get in the cell, dickhead.
-Let's go.
-I'm going.
You're crazy.
Maybe I am.
Come here.
Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
ArabLionZ.CoM
Nic?
Nicole!
Holy shit.
Did you really think I was gonna stay
in there the whole time?
Come back here.
-Bingo.
-Jackpot.
Hey, Sam!
-Hey!
-Yeah, you, you ding-dong.
-Come here.
-Surprise.
-Not now, Dwight. I'm kind of busy.
-You owe my boss money.
Hey, I owe everybody money.
Hey!
You hit my leg, you dummy.
You really gonna
make me chase you?
Excuse me.
Get back here!
Hands behind your head. Now.
Take it easy, skippy.
I'm on the job.
Oh, wow, look at this. Bounty hunter.
Figures. Why don't you get
a real job?
Why don't you kiss my ass?
Come here.
Oh, your mother
must be very, very proud.
Oh, I'm so insulted.
You know, for your information...
...l don't even know who my mother is.
So joke's on you.
-Turn around. Hands behind your back.
-What?
You heard me. Let's go.
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
-Hey, Gary. You get my e-mail?
-About the suicide, yeah?
He's got a sister in Atlantic City.
Address is on your desk.
-Thank you.
-Anytime.
Day or night.
Very funny.
Who's Mr. Ed?
I actually think it's sexy
that you're out on bail.
-Stewart, get off my desk.
-Right. Oh, sorry. l forgot.
Ridiculous that l was even arrested
in the first place.
I mean, assaulting an officer?
It's a joke.
Yeah. Oh, tell me about it.
Been there.
Did you ever get anything going
on that suicide story?
-No.
-Because know what I was thinking?
Maybe we should work together on it,
as a team.
You know?
Woodward-Bernstein styIe. Yeah.
That way, you can knock it out
just that much faster.
Plus, it wouId give us time
to reconnect in our relationship.
Stewart, we are not in a reIationship.
We made out one time
at the Christmas party.
I was very drunk.
And I was heartbroken.
I would've made out with Terry.
Wait, you mean Terry the guy
or Terry the girl?
Exactly.
Really wouldn't have mattered.
You're right.
Because you made out with me.
Yes, l did.
All right, l'm gonna use the bathroom.
-This is Jimmy.
-Jimmy, Nicole from the Daily News.
Nicole?
Long time no talk.
Where you been hiding yourself?
I'm actually hiding
in the bathroom at work.
Listen, I need you to ask around
about a suicide.
A Walter Lilly, Rivington Street...
...the night of June 23rd.
Twenty-three. Anything eIse?
Yes. Yes. l have proof
that there was a black SUV...
...with stolen plates
parked at the scene.
Might be something.
You never know.
All right. Cool.
I hear anything, I'll give you a shout.
Okay, great. Thanks.
Who you talking to?
Stewart.
-What are you doing in the ladies room?
-You see, l wa--
I-- Well, you know, I was standing
out front there, by the door.
-But l started to feel creepy.
-And this is less creepy?
Yeah, l think so.
-Get out of here.
-Oh, come on.
Hey, let me buy you a drink.
-I have a date.
-I didn't say what night.
Then l have a date every night.
Every night until the end of time.
Okay? So just please
stop asking me.
Love is so funny. Isn't it?
-Hi, Ma.
-ls this a bad time?
Well, yeah, I'm actually
kind of in the middle of something.
But you know what,
while l have you on the phone....
If you were gonna jump off a building...
...would you choose the side
with trees?
Or would you choose the side
that's a straight shot to the cement?
Well, the trees wouId certainly be
prettier on the way down.
Kind of a nice last picture.
It might break your fall.
You could end up a vegetable.
-I don't think I could take that on.
-So the cement?
Definitely. Why do you ask?
I'm on a rooftop at 6th and Rivington.
I was wondering--
Now, you listen here, young lady.
-You have every right to hate your Iife.
-Mom.
Who wouldn't after some
of the choices you've made.
-Mom?
-That thing with MiIo--
-Mom.
-What?
I'm working.
I'm gonna call you later.
Well, okay.
Well, just to clarify, you know...
...we aIl make mistakes, but you
married a man who made you crazy...
...and divorced him for the same
reason. You just have to--
I'll take the big ugly one.
I do not like getting
these phone calls.
I'd bail you out
if you ever got in trouble.
But you can't,
because you ain't no cop anymore.
And what do you mean,
"these calls," huh?
That's the second time
you bailed me out.
"These" implies way more than two.
Look, l know that this is a very tough
time of the year for you.
What are you talking about? It's
summer. Who doesn't love summer?
And I am trying to be sensitive
to your situation.
What, a guy who works his own hours?
Has his freedom? Lives the high life?
Have you talked to her?
-Talked to who?
-Katie Couric. Who do you think?
-Why the hell would I talk to her?
-You know what?
-Maybe I should've left your ass in jail.
-Would you reIax? I'm fine.
Oh, you're-- No. You are not fine, okay?
You are a man in pain.
How do you think that makes me feel
since I'm the one who set you up?
Well, I guess that makes
this whole thing your fault, huh?
Hey. Where are you?
I toId you to be here
half an hour early.
Now I see you.
I'm stiIl leaving you this message
to let you know...
...that l hate being your Iawyer
and you're killing me. Goodbye.
-HeIlo. You're late.
-But only fashionably.
Better take this seriously, Miss HurIey.
It's you against the N.Y.P.D.
How can l take this seriously, Arthur?
It's a fender bender.
-Well, we got four minutes.
-Oh, wait, hold on. I gotta take this.
No. Four minutes.
This will take one,
and then we'll have three.
-HeIlo.
-It's Jimmy. I got something for you.
Oh, hi. Great. Listen,
I need to caIl you back in an hour.
Can't wait, NicoIe. I might aIready
be in trouble with this shit.
Wha--? Jimmy, well, I'm kind of in
some hot water myself over here.
Dunkin' Donuts, Sunset Park
under the BQE. Half an hour.
Bring cash. Five hundred,
or l'm selling it to somebody else.
-No, Jimmy. Wait--
-Okay. Let's go.
Wait. l have to make
one more phone call.
-Nicole.
-Go on in.
I wilI-- I promise,
I wilI be right behind you.
When the judge calls your case,
you better be sitting right next to me.
And your client is where?
Well, she was here, Your Honour.
And I think
she deserves points for that.
I'm sure she'Il be coming
through that door any second.
Any second.
Rather than keep the court waiting,
if we could set another date.
Counsel, your client's bail
is revoked.
A bench warrant is hereby ordered
by this court.
Next case.
-Come here.
-Okay. All right. Okay.
Get in the car.
And don't move.
Goddamn it. I mean,
how many retainers do I have to buy?
-They're twins, for God's sake.
-It's not my fault.
Tell him to borrow
his brother's. Man.
Hey, princess.
You're drooling on my sofa.
You do have an apartment, don't you?
With a bed of some kind?
Teresa should be in any second.
-I suppose you wanna get paid.
-Yep. WelI, l got him, didn't I?
I said, "They're my kids.
If anyone's gonna take them camping...
...l am," which she took literally,
as opposed to the spirit...
-...in which it was said.
-The spirit of bullshit?
-Any plans for the long weekend?
-The usual.
What, getting drunk on cheap whisky
and smashing your fist through a wall?
Jealous?
No, I understand.
Fourth of July and alI.
Don't worry. l'Il get somebody eIse.
-Somebody eIse for what?
-An open bond just came in.
But you know what?
Your thing sounds a lot more fun.
Don't worry about it.
I mean, l'll find somebody else.
Whoa, hold up, Heidi. I need this gig.
Come on, man, I'm in the hole.
-You're always in the hole.
-What's your point?
My point is I don't know
if you're the right person for the job.
This thing could be a disaster.
But you asked for it.
-Is this a joke?
-Nope.
She got arrested?
I don't understand it myself,
but all I know is that she skipped bail.
Well, why the hell did you post it?
Hey, I'm a businessman.
I don't have time to wait for you.
All I know is, is that l'm out 50,000...
...if she's not
in that courtroom Monday.
You're teIling me
that I'll get 5 grand...
...to go pick up my ex-wife
and bring her to jail.
You're a good listener.
-Yes. Yes.
-I take it you're interested?
-Am I interested?
-Oh, God. Okay.
-You are the best friend...
-All right. Okay.
-...any guy could ever have.
-Milo. Cheque.
Okay. Can I have my gum back?
You know what this is?
This, baby, is karma.
-Are you sure you can handle this?
-Why wouldn't l?
Because it's her, and around her
you're not rational.
Sweetheart,
I won't even break a sweat.
Oh, shit.
Hello, love.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, God. Kitty?
I was in the neighbourhood...
...and I had lent her
some paintbrushes months ago.
-And she just refuses to--
-Okay, okay, okay.
She didn't show up to court today.
And I think it's because she has a lead
on some story.
And I wanna work on it with her
as a team because l....
Because I'm kind of hoping
it would help solidify...
...our thing.
Are you sleeping with her, Stewart?
-We have a history.
-A history, huh?
Yeah, well, good luck with that.
Don't be such a wuss.
Come on, l'm sorry.
Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.
-You're not Jimmy.
-Oh, God. No, I'm not.
-But l'm looking for him.
-Under the chair?
-Maybe you could help me.
-I can't fit under there.
-No--
-Who are you?
-I'm-- I'm his girlfriend.
-You're Lakeisha?
Yeah, that would be me. Lakeisha.
Named after my Aunt Lakeisha.
-Well, maybe I shouId call the cops.
-No, no, no. Jimmy's in trouble.
What kind of trouble?
Money trouble? Drug troubIe?
-I don't--
-Sex-change trouble?
I don't really know.
I just know that he's missing.
Yeah, well, l had a lousy week too.
My cousin Linda
fell off the cruise ship.
I'm so sorry.
Well, a grown woman
ought to know how to swim.
Yes, l hear you.
Now would you mind
if I just took a quick look around...
...just to see if l can find some clue
as to where he might be?
Thing is, Stew, she'll make you think
she's interested in you.
But really she's only interested
in her big hotshot career.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait a minute. Wait, you're Milo.
You're Milo, right?
She talks about you all the time.
-Really?
-Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, man, absolutely.
Yeah, she hates you.
Wait, what do you mean?
She hates me?
Oh, yeah. Big time. Yeah.
She says-- She says you're, like,
the most selfish, immature--
-Wait, l'm seIfish?
-Yeah. Stubborn.
-I'm immature?
-I don't know. That's what she says.
You know what? Forget it. Okay?
I'm not even gonna
dignify that with-- Whatever.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, look, l'm on your team, man.
No, you're not, Geraldo.
I don't allow reporters on my team.
Oh, and for the record,
I'm the one who hates her.
Okay? So just shut up
and stop pissing me off.
Okay. Sorry.
Borgata Hotel, Atlantic City.
How may I direct your call?
Figures. Run home to Mommy.
What audit?
Jimmy? You mean the bartender
from O'Doul's?
I'm really worried about him. His car
was there. His window was smashed.
There was something not right.
What was he looking into?
That suicide on Rivington
a couple of weeks ago.
Something about it
just does not add up.
-Why? What do you got?
-I was at traffic court the other day...
...and I met this guy who swears
that his car was parked at JFK...
...the night that he got a ticket
on Rivington.
-Stolen plates.
-Yeah, well, that's what I'm thinking.
Look, if I hear anything on the kid
I'll let you know, but you...
-...be careful, okay?
-Okay, great. Bobby, thanks.
More pink, Tony.
Way the hell more pink.
I wanna sparkle
with the illusion of youth.
And in a room this small,
hell, forget lighting.
We might have to use nerve gas.
Hello, Kitty.
Milo?
Milo, sweetheart.
Come and give your mother-in-law
a hug.
A long time.
That's for being a shit
and for ruining my daughter's life.
-Your daughter's fine.
-Well, then that's for ruining my life.
Come here.
It stiIl kills me,
you and Nicole splitting up.
What happened between you
devastated her.
-Yeah, devastated her right to the top.
-She has done well, hasn't she?
Listen, Nicky may be a strong,
independent woman on the outside...
...but on the inside, she's just a girl
wanting to be loved by her man.
I mean, come on.
Such a beautifuI couple...
...and you threw it away.
The grandchildren
would have been angeIs.
Not that l wanted grandchildren.
You prick.
I've missed you, Kitty.
I'm gonna pretend l believe you.
I'm looking for your girl.
-I know she called here.
-We were gonna grab a bite.
She blew me off
for some interview.
Said she needed to go somewhere
to suck up some luck.
Like l'm supposed to know
what that means.
-HeIlo.
-Listen, you're in trouble.
-Now, where are you?
-I'm in the city, actually.
No, you're not. No, you're not.
You're here. You're at the track.
You're here?
How did you know where l was?
Hello, Nic.
Let's just say
Stewart knows what he's doing...
...when it comes to following people.
Hi, Milo.
Fancy meeting you here.
Yeah.
Fancy. Fancy that.
How are you?
Good. You?
SweIl.
Beautiful day.
You Iook great.
As beautiful as the day we first met.
This has been grand.
I don't know what you're up to,
but I'm working.
Oh, working?
Me too.
I heard you got kicked off the force.
You been checking up on me?
-Nope.
-Concerned about me?
I haven't given you
a thought, actually.
Trying to keep some small connection
alive between us.
Are you gonna move this leg?
No.
I thought we'd be adults the first time
we saw each other after the divorce.
But why would I think that when
only one of us is actually an adult?
Like l said, I've been working.
And what l do is I hunt down criminals.
Idiots who jump bail, specificaIly.
-You are a bounty hunter?
-Yep.
And much as it pains me to say this,
and it really does...
...l gotta take you to jail.
Oh, God. All right.
Come on, who put you up to this?
-Somebody at the paper?
-No, just the old State of New York.
-Are you--? Don't you touch me.
-Shall we?
You really think
you're taking me anywhere?
No, not anywhere. Just jail.
Oh, goddamn it, Milo.
You don't seem to understand.
I am in the middle of something
really important.
Tell you what.
You wanna make a break for it...
...l will give you
a 1 0-second head start.
-I am an adult, Milo. I'm--
-Ten.
-Nine. Eight.
-Do you really think l--?
Seven.
Six.
Five. Four.
Three. Two.
One.
Try again.
-God.
-Extra salt, just the way you like it.
-Jesus. Stewart, no.
-I wanna help. Let me help. Please.
Why'd you hang up on me?
Taxi.
Oh, shit.
-Get in the car.
-I am not going to jail.
Oh, I beg to differ.
-Oh, what, you're gonna shoot me?
-Nope.
-I'm gonna shoot a cab driver.
-No, he's kidd-- He doesn't mean it.
No, I mean it.
Chickenshits!
All right.
Can we just talk about this?
Fine.
What do you wanna say?
I'm not letting you take me to jail.
-DuIy noted.
-And I'm--
Milo. Oh, my--
You have got to be kidding me.
You have got to be kidding me.
Don't you--
Milo, stop it.
Seriously, put me down.
Milo, goddamn it.
You cannot be putting me in a trunk.
You cannot be seri--
I'm dead "seri."
Hey, Mi-- Hey!
Oh, my God. I'm gonna have
a panic attack. Oh, my God. MiIo!
Milo. Goddamn it!
Open this trunk, Milo.
Right now. Milo.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah, l've got
a couple of small tats myself.
But l'm still amazed at the level of pain
people will go through...
...to make an impression.
Do you know what l mean?
I was just asking around.
Okay? I swear to God,
I don't know anything.
What if I tattoo the word "snitch"
on your eyelids?
-Or better yet, "dead snitch."
-Look, okay, look. Look.
All I know
is there's this reporter, okay?
And she said something about
a car with stolen plates at a suicide.
What's her name?
Sid's Bail Bonds.
Guess what I've got in my trunk.
Is that some sort
of perverted innuendo? Who is this?
Oh, come on, Teresa, it's me.
You know it's me.
-Hey, I need to taIk to Sid.
-Yeah, Sid's not available right now.
Last I heard, he was trying to start
a fire with two sticks and pure rage.
Just teIl him that I got her,
all right? l'm bringing her in.
I'll be back in two hours, and l want
a bonus for bringing her in so quick.
Well, I want a bonus for getting through
the week without stabbing somebody.
Week's not over yet.
I got another call.
Yeah, l gotta go too.
Very busy. Bye-bye.
This is Milo. I'm sorry, but I'm not in
at the moment to take your caIl.
Milo, get me out of the trunk. Please.
Nope. Oh, by the way, your boyfriend
Stewart's been following me.
-He is not my boyfriend.
-Well, he seems to think he is.
Well, I remember a time
I thought you were quite the catch...
-...and that didn't pan out, either.
-He doesn't really seem your type.
Listen. Okay, Milo, please. Please.
I shouldn't have run. That was--
Look, you caught me off-guard.
To tell you the truth, I think l realIy
need your advice about something.
That's a real shame...
...because I wouldn't help you
if you were the last baby sea turtIe...
...dragging your tiny littIe body
across the burning sand...
...whiIst hungry seagulls
circled overhead.
Nope, I'd just pull up a chair...
...sip a pia colada,
and watch nature take its course.
-HeIlo?
-You stop.
Hello?
Nic?
Nicole?
What?
Hey, remember
how we used to be in love?
Yeah.
Well, that means I know
when you're crying for real...
...and when you're faking it. Bye-bye.
What?
God, Milo!
-Do you hear the tone of my voice?
-Oh, God. So good.
Milo! Oh, shoot. MiIo? Milo?
Hello, NicoIe Hurley.
Hey, hey, it's me. Jimmy.
Jimmy. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Jimmy,
I thought you were dead.
Where are you?
I've Ieft you like 40 messages.
Yeah, sorry. My phone ran out.
Listen, about this story--
Jimmy. What happened
at Dunkin' Donuts?
Oh, nothing. My friend showed up,
and he needed my help with something.
Was that before
he busted your window?
I locked my keys in--
Whatever. It's a piece of shit.
Listen, hey, where are you?
You sound like you're in a closet.
I'm-- I'm in Atlantic City.
Listen, Jimmy, I went to your apartment,
and l found the coaster.
Has there been evidence stolen
from the depository?
Well, that's kind of why I'm calling.
The whole thing turned out
to be nothing but a waste of time...
-...for everybody involved.
-Who else is involved, Jimmy?
Very good.
Jimmy-- Jimmy?
Listen, I need a favour.
Nicole Hurley, 1 34 Perry Street.
Credit check
and her recent activity, okay?
Beautiful. Thanks.
Nic?
-What the hell happened to you?
-Milo Boyd. Asshole head-butted me.
If only I gave a shit.
Did you get my money?
Ray!
Milo Boyd. Ex-cop.
Fired last year for neglect of duty.
His current gambIing debt
is just over 1 1 grand.
We haven't seen a penny
in two months.
This is not good.
We Iet this bum slide, people gonna
start thinking Irene's gone soft...
...they don't have to pay up.
Get him in here, Dwight,
break some part of his person...
...l'Il get my money,
and we'll have a nice holiday weekend.
Swear to God.
UnbeIievabIe.
How did you find me?
Well, I knew you called your mother,
so l went to see her.
You went to see my mother?
She didn't know I was there.
Yeah, she said you went to
"suck up some luck."
And I remembered your dad
had some crazy theory...
...about how all the losing at the track
must leave this extra luck lying around.
I knew you'd be in section D
because D is your lucky letter.
I mean, who has a lucky letter?
I had no idea
you knew all that stuff about me.
Of course. We were married.
But honestly, l love being single.
I love everything about my life.
Great job...
...good friends...
...hot girlfriend.
-Girlfriend?
-Oh, you didn't know?
Oh, yeah, I've had a number of casual,
crazy, sex-filled relationships...
...since you and l crapped out.
But l think this lady might be the one.
What's her name?
Teresa.
Smoking hot body.
Yeah. Great cook.
Smart. Very, very smart.
-Smart for a stripper.
-She's not a stripper.
Well, then, what does Teresa do?
-Judge.
-What?
Circuit court of appeals judge.
Oh, bullshit. BuIlshit.
No, I'm not bulIshitting.
She really is a judge.
Actually, just like the one
you skipped out on.
It's funny,
the little coincidences in life.
All right, that's it. l'm done.
I give up. l give up.
Just-- I don't wanna play anymore.
Here. Take it.
-What's that?
-Five hundred dollars.
Take it and dump me anywhere
on the side of the road.
Here. l don't care.
Honey, I'm getting 5 grand just to
bring your ass to justice. Do the math.
-No. You do it.
-No.
The Milo Boyd that I knew?
He could take $500,
walk into any casino...
...turn it into $5000 like that.
-He could turn it into $1 0,000.
-Yeah, try 50.
I don't know. l wouIdn't go that far.
-Why not?
-I don't know. You think you still got it?
Hell, yeah, l still got it.
You know,
this isn't about the money.
No, this is about me doing my job.
All right. Now, listen.
Remember: you win, you Iet me go.
That's our deal. Right?
You get what you want,
and l get to go--
Don't tell me your story.
How could I forget? Come on.
Yeah, l found you.
God, Stewart, you are a huge stud.
Dwight, be honest. Apart from chasing
some guy down, breaking his legs...
...beating his face to a bloody pulp,
you don't get a lot of aerobic exercise.
-Why we talking about this?
-You're gonna get me kiIled...
...when you're too slow to react
in a life-and-death situation.
I am not too slow.
It's lrene.
-Yeah?
-They spotted Boyd at the Taj.
-He's driving a blue Delta 88.
-I'm on it.
Okay, listen, there's this kid.
He works at O'DouI's.
He gives me information sometimes.
-You mean he's a snitch.
-Yes.
I think he's in a lot of trouble.
I had him ask about this suicide,
this guy that dove off of a roof.
Shows me what you know.
-What?
-Suicides don't dive. They go feet-first.
Is that true? How do you know that?
Every cop knows that.
Well, if every cop
knows that a suicide goes feet-first...
...and this guy went headfirst, then why
would a cop ruIe it as a suicide?
-How the hell should l know?
-Well--
Why don't you ask the cop
that fiIled out the report?
Nicole.
Nicole, it's Stewart.
I'm here to save you.
Oh, my God. She's passed out.
All right, hero time. Let's go, buddy.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
Okay, here you go. I got you.
Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit.
Hey.
It's a Delta 88.
-Yeah.
-It's a nice car.
Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, this is....
This is my car,
in case you were wondering.
Yeah.
It was once used in
a Ice Cube video.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Yeah. You a big fan of cars?
What l love about it is that it actually--
The steering wheel--
Five hundred on the pass line.
New shooter.
Five hundred on the line.
Wait a minute. You're betting all of it?
What if you lose?
Then we're back in the car.
So if I lose, I still win.
-Here. Blow on them.
-No.
-You always did before.
-Oh, come on.
You want me to win, don't you?
If l win, you go free, remember?
-Let's go, let's go.
-Let's go, shooter. Coming out.
Here we go.
-Winner. Seven.
-Seven. Big winner.
Winner. EIeven.
-Yes. Eleven.
-Front-line winner.
Winner, seven.
Seven.
Winner, eleven.
Count it out nice and slow.
Eight grand. It's so beautiful.
You did it.
I said you couId and you did.
I'm out of here. You win, l walk.
What? Wait.
What are you talking about?
-Where you going?
-Are you kidding?
We had a deaI.
You win 5 and I get to waIk.
No, you said 1 0.
I said 5, Milo.
In the car, you said I could turn 500
into 1 0,000.
-Yes. But first I had said--
-No "buts."
Come on. Why would I try
and win 5 thousand...
...when I get 5 thousand
for turning you in?
-Doesn't make sense.
-You know what does make sense?
-I'm leaving. That's it. I'm out of here.
-Hey, no. You will stay here...
...untiI l win 1 0 grand
and then you walk. Okay?
You have my word. Now bIow.
Your word is worth shit.
Let's go, shooter.
You know what? Fine. l can
do this myself. lt's alI me, anyway.
Watch. Milo Boyd
makes his own luck.
Yeah, here we go.
Four. Easy. The point is four.
Okay, four. lt's okay.
No worries. l can do four.
That's two twos...
-...a three and a one.
-Yeah. Or a four and a zero.
Shut up.
Of course you're to blame.
A four and a zero?
-God.
-You mocked the gods of craps.
"The gods of craps"?
Do you hear yourself?
No. All I hear is the sound of $8000
in chips being swept away from me.
Milo. MiIo, you have got to let me go.
No, I don't have to do anything
except win my money back...
...which I wilI do
as soon as I can find the damn room.
This place is nice.
Yeah. Glad you like it.
Because you paid for it.
-I--? Me?
-Yeah. I lifted your credit card.
Pretty shitty thing to do.
I feel better now that you know.
-You stole my credit card?
-See, that's what you always do.
You know, I borrow your card,
and it turns into stealing.
You always blow things
out of proportion.
You know what, would you stop it
with this "always" crap?
We dated for six months.
We were married for nine months.
That is 1 5 months, okay?
That is not "always," champ.
You don't even know "always."
Hey, what are you doing? What's--?
Hey, hey, hey. Where you going?
Milo, don't you dare
leave me here like this. Milo.
-You'Il probably have to pay for that.
-You know what?
Don't let me down.
-What are you doing?
-What?
Are you trying to seduce me?
Yeah. l am.
What would you like to touch first?
You always loved my shoulders.
Oh, yes, your shoulders.
And especially in the right jacket?
So impressive.
My chest.
So strong, so solid.
-My lips.
-Your lips.
A perfect match for mine.
What you'd realIy like
to touch first...
...is powerfuI.
Sometimes dangerous.
-It's hard.
-Yes.
And that would be my gun.
Oh, you're such a dick.
You are such a dick.
Yeah. But in the right jacket....
Ray wants to show you something.
Okay. All right. Okay, yeah.
Okay, bring your buddies in.
Now that I have your attention...
...l will have you know that my
colIege roommate is a partner...
...at the biggest law firm
in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
All right, and while they specialise
primarily in real estate law...
...l am calling him maana.
And he will be on your asses
like white on rice.
Pick something and break it.
No, hold on one sec.
I don't know him that well.
We're not-- We dated
some of the same girls in college.
Hey. Hey, is that a Ping?
A Rapture? l had--
Oh, shit. God. Shit.
-FeeI better?
-Yeah, I do, actually.
-Damn it.
-Who is this guy, anyway?
-Where's Boyd?
-That's Boyd.
That's not Milo Boyd.
-I'm not Boyd.
-He was in Boyd's Oldsmobile.
I'm not Boyd.
The two of you go together
this time. Morons.
-Housekeeping.
-Oh, good, yes. Come in.
Good morning.
You're probably wondering
why I'm handcuffed to the bed.
I just came from a room where a man
was lying in a bathtub of mayonnaise...
...wearing a dog collar.
-Well, to each his own.
-You're not the one...
-...who has to clean the tub.
-That's a very good point.
-I'lI come back.
-No. PIease.
Would you mind grabbing my bag
from over there, please.
What was that?
What? Sorry? What? What was what?
That.
Listen, I have to
go to the bathroom, please.
Can you--?
How did you sleep?
-Better than you.
-Jerk.
-Would you--?
-Sorry.
What are you doing?
Can l have some privacy?
Something tells me
I should frisk you.
Oh, right.
Do I look like I'm hiding a weapon
between my breasts?
Seriously.
-Do you mind?
-Okay, okay.
God.
"Max power button.
Put open end in direct contact
with the skin.
Press button."
-Hey, who you talking to?
-Nobody.
Who would l be talking to
in a bathroom, anyway? God.
Okay, you're up to something.
I'm coming in.
-No, I'm not done, Milo.
-You're done.
Nope, I'm not. Jesus.
Son of a--
Did you really jump bail?
Gary, l need the name of the cop
who signed off on the suicide.
Okay. Looking Iike...
-...Bobby Jenkins.
-Bobby?
Are you sure?
I'm reading it right here.
-Do you know where Stewart is?
-Why would I know that?
-I thought you two were together.
-We are not together. We made out once.
I meant together on the story.
-You made out with Stewart?
-Hey, you know-- Gary, that's it.
-Need a lift?
-What?
Yes, yes, l do. Oh, God.
What a nightmare.
Don't get married.
I'm 1 7. l don't even have a girlfriend.
I'm saving all my money for college.
You know what? I just gave
all of my money to my ex-husband.
I don't know
how l'm gonna pay you.
You could show me your boobs.
Excuse me?
I toId you l don't have a girlfriend.
Give me a break.
Show me your boobs.
All right, pull over.
You serious?
Watch out. Watch out, watch out.
Come on, bring it back.
My boss, she's gonna kill me.
Show her your penis.
Taser this, baby.
Get in the car.
Come on, come on.
Are you serious? ReaIly?
Right now, you're gonna do this?
I promise,
I promise l won't do it again.
Come on.
Cannot believe
I was ever married to you.
I don't know why you keep falIing
for that old "get in the car" trick.
What?
Oh, what are you doing?
No. No, no, no.
No, I'm not buying it. No--
Oh, shit. That's real.
Nicole, come on, let's go.
-Look, I was just fooling around.
-Not because of you, jerk.
Shit.
Oh, thank God. A doctor.
Sir, my leg, I think it's broken...
...and all I've eaten today is a
doughnut. That is --That is quite large.
Wait a minute.
Wait, you are a doctor, right?
Of course. I'm the track vet
at Atlantic City Race Course.
-What?
-He's very good.
He just put down
one of our horses last week.
-I don't think it felt a thing.
-But l'm not a horse.
Well, actually, in that case,
it did feel it. A lot.
Well, those are the tough ones.
Okay, you are gonna feeI
a massive pinch.
But then your leg
should feel just fine.
Don't-- Don't--
Come on, is this really necessary?
After 250 volts through my neck?
You're lucky you're not in the trunk.
I feel Iike I got a hickey
from jumper cables.
-You know, I could arrest you for this.
-Great. Do it, I dare you.
Wait, you'd have to be a real cop.
Which, by the way...
...was the single most attractive thing
about you.
I can go back to being a cop
any time I want.
Yeah, right.
-You know why?
-Why?
Because I'm good at it, that's why.
I disagree with you.
-And you're basing that on?
-Based on the fact...
...that there's a black SUV following us,
and you haven't even noticed.
-Who says he's following us?
-It's the same one I saw...
...at Dunkin' Donuts
when I went to meet Jimmy.
There are a miIlion black SUVs
and 20 million Dunkin' Donuts...
-...and that's just in New Jersey.
-Listen.
There is a very good chance
cops are involved in the story...
-...that l'm working on.
-Suicide?
They grabbed Jimmy. Jimmy may have
given them my name. l don't know.
-They may wanna kilI me.
-You think you're hot shit...
...but l'm sure the only person
that wants to kill you is me.
-God! Look out. Go.
-What the hell are you doing?
God. Shit.
Why don't you ever listen to me?
-I do listen, but--
-No, you don't.
Look out.
Don't stop.
Milo!
-Yes. I am so onto some--
-Only you could be happy right now.
-Milo--
-Stay here.
No, don't you leave me here, Milo.
Get me out of here. Milo.
Shit.
-Jesus.
-Christ.
I toId you to stay in the car.
So, what?
You are not the boss of me.
-You're gonna pay for that.
-I owe you a nickel.
Stop the car. Get out.
Get out of there.
Shit.
What the hell
have you gotten yourself into?
-Really? Now you're interested?
-Yeah, hell, yeah. He shot up my car.
I toId you
someone was following me.
Did you listen to me? No.
Do you ever listen to me?
You told me
somebody jumped off a roof.
He worked for the N.Y.P.D.
in the evidence depository.
He was afraid of heights and
it's stilI ruled as a suicide? Come on.
You know, you can tell me aIl this
on the way to jaiI.
-You can't be serious.
-Oh, you wanna bet?
Bobby signed the report.
What?
Bobby was the cop who signed off
on the suicide.
-The same one that you said--
-Watch yourself. Very thin ice here.
-He is my friend too.
-What is this? A friendly accusation?
No, this is not an accusation.
This is simply connecting the dots.
No, this is about you
caring about someone...
...then, alI of a sudden...
...no warning, you don't care
about him and you're out the door.
-This is not about us, Milo.
-Bobby.
Bobby walked you down the aisle.
I know. I wiIl be heartbroken.
But l am not gonna stand around...
...with my head in the sand.
I know where your head is,
and it ain't in the sand.
-What are you doing?
-I'm gonna find this prick.
When I do,
I'm gonna prove Bobby innocent...
...and show you
exactly what loyalty looks like.
No VIN number. No registration.
Yeah, this guy was definitely a pro.
Well, I got a Starbucks cup
with the name EarI on it.
Well, maybe it's not his cup.
Is that all you've got?
More than you've got, Kojak.
-I got these.
-What does it matter that he plays golf?
You see, I don't think he does.
These clubs have barely been used.
Plus, they're lefties.
The guy who shot at us was a righty.
Not to mention the fact
that all the pockets are empty.
So what?
There is not a golfer in the world...
...who doesn't have tees and pencils
and balls, shoes, you name it.
Why is he a member...
-...at the Castle Hill Country Club?
-That is a good question.
That's why I asked it.
For once, that is a good question.
All right, here's the deaI.
We're interested
in becoming members of the club...
...and we are friends with John.
Okay. John who?
Just say John.
They fill in the last name.
-Clever.
-Thank you. Works every time.
All right, now you have to come up
with an occupation.
Why can't I be who I am?
A bounty hunter?
We're trying to get into a private club,
not a tractor pull.
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.
The club's closed today
for a private event for members.
It's the Fourth of July.
Is it?
It's already the fourth, honey.
I can't believe it, honey.
Well, honey, neither can l.
See, the thing is John actually said
that it would be all right...
...if we stopped by today.
John...?
He's a member here.
You know John.
-Everybody knows John.
-Big John.
I'm actually
the membership director here...
...and I don't believe
we have a singIe member named John.
That's weird, honey.
-This never fails.
-Oh, wait.
Do you mean Jack Willit? They call him
Jack, but I think his name's John.
-Yes. Big John Jack Willit.
-Big John. Yeah, how could I forget.
After aIl the years that John and I
have actualIy worked together...
-...I forget people still call him Jack.
-Jack.
Oh, you're also in the Senate?
Yes.
Which state?
-OkIa--
-Kansas.
Kansas.
Well, what a pleasure,
Senator and Mrs. Boyd.
Let me find someone who'll give you
the grand tour. Lucky us...
...another celebrity at Castle Hill.
I'm actually a former model.
Really?
How long ago was that?
Why don't you just find that person
that will be giving us the tour.
Just stay right here.
I'll be back in two shakes.
All right, so let's split up.
I take the tennis courts and the pool,
and you take the pro shop.
You're just gonna run around asking
people if they know a guy named Earl?
Well, do you have a better idea?
Learn from me, honey. You wanna know
every dirty little thing...
...that goes on at a country club,
you gotta ask the right people.
Who would that be?
The caddies.
-Hey there.
-Yeah?
-What's going on?
-Hey.
Hey, do any of you fellas
know a guy named Earl?
No?
Hey.
-I'lI take that as a yes.
-Wait. Where are you--?
Milo!
Shit.
A little out of shape there, senator?
The kid's got 20 years on me.
-Oh, come on, get in the cart.
-Only if you let me drive.
-What is that supposed to mean?
-That you're a sucky driver.
I am-- I am not a sucky driver.
I'm a great driver.
You know what? I don't have time
for this. Get in here. Come on.
How could we lose him?
He knows the course
better than we do.
Gentlemen.
There.
Stay with him.
-God. Milo.
-Get right up next to him.
-We're moving too fast. Oh, no.
-No.
I got you. I got you.
That was not my fault.
I don't know anything.
The drugs, the cash.
-I didn't know anything about it.
-I didn't ask about drugs or money.
Good. I don't know anything.
I'm a caddy.
-Well, then why were you running?
-Look, I'm just a kid saving for college.
Fine!
A Jet Ski, I'm saving for a Jet Ski.
Who's Earl?
Okay, look, all I know is,
he plays here...
...with a couple big shots
every three or four months.
Dude doesn't know the difference
between a wedge and a paddle.
What's his last name?
I don't know anything about him.
Why don't you use your college brain
and think.
You can drown me.
I'm not gonna know his last name.
And he's a big tipper,
sometimes 1 00 bucks.
Oh, he got me this.
He got you a tattoo?
When my girlfriend
dumped me, yeah.
He sent me to this place in Queens.
Blue lnk.
I don't know, maybe he owns it.
Blue lnk Tattoo.
Yeah, let me speak to Earl.
Not in.
-We got him.
-Tell him a Walter Lilly calIed.
Tell him Walter Lilly called,
all right?
All right. Walter LiIly? Thanks.
Very nice work, detective.
Hey, you--
-You got some--
-What?
-Some--
-What?
-On your neck.
-What is it?
-It's pond scum.
-Get it off. Oh, God.
-Looks good.
-Get it off. Milo, get it off. Not funny.
-Okay. Calm down, calm down.
-Get it.
What else? Where else is it?
-Wanna see it? Look.
-Just get it out of the car.
-I'm gonna keep it. Press it in a book.
-Oh, Jesus.
I'll always remember the special day
we just had.
See, you joke, Milo,
but just look at us.
We're this close to solving a murder
that nobody even knows has happened.
-Speak of the devil.
-Really?
Hey, Bobby, what's up?
Get off the road, and I mean now.
Yeah, this holiday traffic's--
-It's a real bitch.
-HaIf of New Jersey is looking for you.
The other half is looking for your ex,
who is apparently a felon.
For what, I have no idea.
So much for "what happens
in Jersey, stays in Jersey."
Where are you, man? Exactly?
What?
Listen, Bobby, maybe you and I
should meet for a beer later.
You know, talk about old times.
Goddamn it, Milo. l can only
protect you if you do what I say.
And right now l am telling you:
lay low, stay there.
-What?
-He says we shouId get off the road.
-I believe him.
-We are in the middle of nowhere.
You know what?
I know exactly where we are.
Really? Here?
Couldn't have driven five minutes,
found a Best Western?
We'll be safe here
until we figure out what's what.
Think they remember us?
You kidding? Do you know how many
honeymooners they've had since us?
Hey, can I help--?
Wait.
It can't be.
Edmund. Edmund. Come quick.
-Looks Iike they remember us.
-You think?
Be stiIl, my beating heart.
Oh, my.
Listen, we get a lot
of young marrieds here, but you two....
Have we ever had a couple
more madly in love than these two?
No. No, we still talk about you two...
...honest to Betsy, as the
quintessential Cupid's couple Cabin.
Cupid's Cabin coupIe.
Oh, you know.
Let's get you a nice room.
Come on inside.
Welcome back.
Welcome. Welcome, welcome.
Oh, Iook, here's....
Oh, my goodness.
What, it's been three years?
-Three years. Has it?
-Oh, my God. l don't even remember.
So you came back
for your anniversary.
I do have to ask you
my favourite question.
How do you keep
your romance alive?
Well, I gotta tell you, Dawn...
...l'm not naturally
a romantic kind of guy.
True. He's not.
I mean, l don't tend to go
for cards or flowers.
Actually, gifts of any kind.
If it's your birthday, Milo thinks
the best surprise is the gift of nothing.
And you'd probably have to put a gun
to old Nic's head here...
...to get her to actually say,
"I Iove you."
Well, that's true love.
That is right. Two people who know
all each other's faults...
-...and weaknesses, and yet--
-They just love each other all the more.
Thank you.
Oh, gosh.
The cesspool's backed up.
Gotta call the guy.
No, honey, I think it's them.
They're a little stinky.
Well, we actually--
We crashed into a pond.
She was driving.
Oh, my goodness, you two.
Let's get you settled, and then you
can come back down for dinner.
We'll get you fresh duds.
Pop those in the wash,
have them back by bedtime.
Excuse me,
but what happened to your neck?
She Tasered me.
She Tase-- He's too funny.
"She Tasered me."
-What?
-Oh, just....
This whole situation.
I mean, really,
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you could see yourself
in that dress, cry.
What?
Said the man who couldn't decide what
colour to wear, so he wore them all.
Do you remember
when we broke that--?
Yeah, l do.
Although I tried very hard
to block that out, to be honest.
Oh, really?
How's that working out for you?
-What, being honest?
-Denial.
Great. Yeah.
Until about an hour ago.
Yeah.
Why--? Why do people do that?
Why do people do what?
Deny that they've ever done
anything wrong in the relationship.
Why can't people take responsibility
for their shit and move on?
Which people are you talking about?
-I don't know.
-What?
I don't know.
You. Me.
Everybody.
Well, maybe everybody's afraid...
...that any admission of guilt
would be seen as a sign of weakness.
You know,
that's where everybody's wrong.
I see it as a sign of maturity.
Don't you think?
-Absolutely.
-I mean, life--
Life is about making mistakes.
Right?
And death is about
wishing you made a whole lot more.
Hey, I just made that up.
Look at you, Milo Boyd.
Well....
Well, then.
Here...
...is to our big, fat, ugly mistake.
The kind
that knocks you on your ass.
And makes you wanna
do them all over again.
What do you mean?
Well, I--
Well, wait, wait.
What mistake were you talking about?
No, you just said
you had made a mistake.
I did.
So we're in agreement?
But so did you.
Yeah, so we both
made a huge mistake.
By getting married.
Oh, yeah, that. Yeah.
And getting divorced.
But you know what?
Hey, I screwed up.
I screwed up, and I'm sorry.
Sometimes I....
Sometimes I really think
it was all me.
This is crazy.
I know.
But l kind of....
I kind of miss it.
-What?
-This.
Us. You know, you.
But you don't even like me.
Are you kidding me?
Of course I like you.
What are you thinking about?
Nothing.
Liar.
That's the nicest thing
you've said to me aIl weekend.
Okay. Here you go, Kitty.
-Hi, it's me.
-Oh, Steve?
No, it's Nicole. lt's your daughter.
Who's Steve?
The drag queen who does
Sunday nights. What's up, kitten?
Mom, advice, advice.
I need your advice.
Listen, I am locked in the bathroom
of the honeymoon suite...
...at Cupid's Cabin...
-...and MiIo is right outside the door.
-Lord in heaven.
You've barricaded
yourself from him?
That's hot.
No, Mom-- Okay. Focus.
Room service.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
Dawn wanted me to make sure...
-...you got the rest of your champagne.
-Great. Hang on.
Your clothes are almost dry.
I'll have them up in a jiffy.
No rush. Might not need them
for a little bit, if you know what l mean.
She must have
a couple of bucks in here.
What's this?
Yeah, thanks for the champagne.
Oh, you forgot my--
So what was this moment
of honesty?
I don't know.
We were down at dinner...
...and then all of a sudden
I could not remember why I hate him.
Well, what did he say?
-He said he missed me.
-What?
He said he missed me
and that he was sorry.
He actually said he was sorry?
Was he taking your clothes off?
How naked were you?
-Mom, we were on the patio.
-You were naked on the patio?
What can I say,
the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Ma, we were at dinner on the patio.
There was no sex.
-And he said "I'm sorry"?
-Twice.
-With no sex?
-Yeah.
Hold on a sec.
Yeah. Continue.
I don't know.
Like, she's acting really weird.
I mean, she admitted for the first time
that the divorce was all her fault.
-Yeah? What'd she say?
-Well, I said I screwed up a little bit.
But then she said,
"No, Milo, it was me."
And then I find this picture?
Tell me, do you keep your ex's picture
in your wallet?
Number of times I've been married,
they don't make a wallet that big.
Come on, pick it up. Let's go.
-I wanna do more camping.
-This is camping.
We're camping in Dad's office.
-Just don't telI your mother about this.
-It's Milo.
What's the problem now?
Nicole keeps the wedding photo
in the wallet.
Numb nuts wants to know
what that means.
I'll tell you what it means. It means she
hasn't cleaned out her wallet in a year.
You know, I'm pretty sure I'm carrying
around a condom from 1 987.
Don't tell your mother that, either.
You know something?
I think that means she loves you.
I think so too.
Open your eyes, honey.
How often
do people get second chances?
I say get naked and get busy.
You're right.
-I'm gonna go for it.
-You do that.
Oh, and take your phone with you.
One picture of his ass,
that's all I'm asking.
-Mother, you are so dirty.
-Thank you.
-I love you, sweetie.
-I love you.
Boy. Okay.
Well, why do you care?
This woman makes you crazy.
You drunk yourself out of a job
because of her.
-No. I quit my job.
-You were fired.
I quit by getting myself fired.
Okay, you're thinking with your dick.
How many times I gotta tell you?
Stop thinking with your dick, all right?
I am not thinking with my dick.
Listen, even if I do get Iaid tonight,
then it doesn't change a thing.
I'm stiIl bringing her ass to jail, okay?
So just chill out.
Hey.
Is everything okay?
Why wouldn't it be?
They brought champagne.
-I thought maybe you and l--
-Well, you thought wrong.
What are you doing?
I'm going to bed.
What does it look like?
A great big blast from the past,
that's what.
Oh, Nic shuts down again.
Oh, boy, does this take me back.
Goddamn it.
If it's so familiar,
you know you're sleeping on the couch.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
The hell I am.
Are you gonna swallow that
any time soon?
-Tastes great.
-Oh, God, you are so-- That's it.
That is it.
Are you happy now?
Overjoyed.
Oh, sorry, did I wake you?
I just wanna say thank you...
-...for a really lovely, lovely evening.
-No, Nic.
-What? No, Nic. Wait.
-Tickles, huh?
Hey, come back here.
Nic. I swear to God.
Shit.
Hey. No. Wait. Nic.
Nic, get back here.
Don't you dare, you--
Shit.
-What are you doing?
-I forgot my wallet.
That's lrene's money.
-It's $1 0.
-It's lrene's money.
-I will pay it back.
-Irene will kill you.
Irene wilI have me kill you.
Dwight! Dwight!
-Yeah.
-It's Milo's car.
No, I--
Listen, here is a list of the other
bed and breakfasts in the area...
...for your next visit.
-Come on, sweetheart.
-Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
-Park that for you, sir?
-Don't scratch it.
Roger that.
Shoot. Okay.
Excuse me.
Pilates World is across the street.
Well, no.
Actually, I want a tattoo.
Let me guess. A cute little butterfly
on your shoulder?
-Well--
-We're by appointment only.
DarIa...
...go get me some beers.
What do you want?
I want a panther...
...down the length of my body.
I'd like the paws
to be about right here.
Then l was thinking the mouth,
the teeth...
...about right here.
And then the tail....
I'll let you figure that out.
Cancel my appointments.
DarIa.
I'm Bone.
Bone?
Is that short for something?
Boner.
Boner. That's catchy.
-Is Earl here?
-Haven't seen him.
Now...
...pull up your shirt.
Give me a Iook at the canvas.
Yes.
Yes, but do you mind, though,
if I hit the head first?
Make it quick.
Oh, my God.
Bobby.
Jimmy. Oh, my God.
-Earl. What happened?
-Give me the keys to your pickup.
I need to get some junk
out of my office.
-Okay.
-Okay. Come on.
-Wait.
-Oh, and a Walter LiIly called.
He didn't leave a number.
Come here, this way.
Son of a bitch.
-The guy's a cop.
-I know.
-And a drug dealer.
-I know.
-Isn't that against the law?
-Yeah, last I checked.
It's Earl. Call me back
as soon as you get this, all right?
I heard him on the phone.
He was arranging some meeting
with a guy named Bobby.
Bobby?
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
I got a better question.
Where the hell is Milo?
-I'm having the worst weekend.
-Who is this person?
-How would I know that?
-Nobody. Nobody. I'm nobody.
Well, that's wonderful. Now, is
Nobody gonna get out of this car?
Or are we gonna put a big hole
in Nobody's head?
Run.
-No. Jimmy.
-I can't.
Your hair shimmers
like sunlight on the ocean.
-You are such a jerk.
-You know what you are?
You're an emotional cripple,
that's what.
You'd rather hunt down a guy
who's trying to kill you...
...than deal with the guy
who vowed to put up with your shit...
-...for the rest of his life.
-You know what?
An $1 1 ,000 gambling debt.
Call that getting a handle on it?
-Not what I told you to say.
-Sorry.
-HeIlo. We have your girlfriend.
-I'm not his girlfriend.
No, she is my girlfriend.
But l'll tell you what,
why don't you keep her. Call it square.
-He hung up.
-What?
Holy shit.
What the--?
Let me guess,
she's driven you nuts already.
-Damn it, Milo, they are not kidding.
-I wish l could help you. I really do.
There's just one small problem.
You handcuffed me
to Cupid, remember?
How was l to know that a couple
of Neanderthals wanted you dead?
-Whoa, not a couple.
-Why would you think we're a couple?
You know what?
Put Chubby on the phone.
-HeIlo?
-Really, Dwight?
Since when do bookies
kidnap people?
It's a little outside of my jurisdiction,
but we're under new management.
Tell your partner he's got
about five seconds to release her...
...or I'm gonna ruin his life.
He says release her or else.
I'm paraphrasing.
Bring it on.
-Did you hear that?
-You know what? Put Nic on the phone.
-What?
-Tell your paIs I'll be there in 20.
-He said he'll be here in 20 minutes.
-That's good. That's good.
-Wait, Milo, I--
-Stop shifting in your seat.
Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
Don't look around. Just do it.
Okay, if he's not here in 20 minutes--
I need to pee.
You need--?
-Let's go pee.
-Okay.
Yeah?
Oh, God.
Yep.
-Oh, please tell me you have a plan.
-Stay put until I come get you.
-Wait a minute.
-What?
She said he'd be here
in 20 minutes.
-So?
-So...
...she never told him where she was.
Here, folks. Some money.
There you go. Yeah.
-Ho, ho, ho, ladies. Happy Fourth.
-Oh, shit. That is Milo Boyd.
Grab some of this, girls.
-HoIy shit.
-What?
-Everybody have a good time.
-That's Irene's money.
Step over here.
Come on, come on.
Yes, here we go.
Plenty for everybody.
Ladies, ladies. Here you go, ladies.
That's my money.
Get your hands off my dough!
Time to go. You all right?
Car keys in the bag?
-Yeah.
-Let's get the heIl out of here.
Why can't you be this guy
all the time?
I am this guy all the time.
No. A hotshot detective
that I fell so madly in love with.
Instead, this bounty hunter who's
always bragging about getting laid.
Oh, wait.
Is that what you're pissed about?
I was talking to Sid.
What am I supposed to say,
that I'm sweet on my girl again?
Yeah.
Yes, you say it.
If that's what you mean, you say it.
You were honest
about your feelings?
All I'm saying is this night could've
gone a lot differently if you had.
Yeah. Just like our marriage.
Maybe.
Some detective I turned out to be.
Can't even figure you out.
She's strong for a stripper.
Watch it, Ray.
That was very painful.
-I'm gonna kick your Amazo--
-Shut up, you little pussy.
-Twenty Seventh squad, Griswald.
-Hey, Kenny, it's Milo.
Hey, Mr. Boyd. What's up?
I'm looking for Bobby. l called his cell,
but he's not picking up. Is he there?
With you not being on the force
anymore and everything...
-...I'm not really supposed to--
-Hey, Kenny, I don't have a lot of time.
Now, you used to follow me around,
kiss my ass. You still into that?
Yes, sir.
-Well, pucker up. Where's Bobby?
-On his way to the depository.
Why? It's the middle of the night.
Lieutenant's got us working double
to complete the move.
-What move?
-To the new facility.
I heard they had to inventory
something like 1 94,000...
-...pieces of evidence.
-Thank you. Take it easy.
That must have been quite an audit.
Do you know what happens to evidence
when the case doesn't go to trial?
-What?
-Not a damn thing.
So it just sits there?
Forever?
Ripe for the picking.
I'm hungry.
I'll wait here for Bobby.
Take the car. There's a pizza parlour
on Yonkers. Anything but peppers.
There is no way
you're getting rid of me.
I wouldn't let you drive
my car, anyway.
That was an accident.
-What?
-The whole N.Y.P.D. thing.
Reason I got arrested.
You can make all the jokes you want.
-But l'm an excellent driver.
-Wait.
Your rap sheet
said you assauIted an officer.
What--? Are you saying
you ran over a cop?
I didn't run over anything.
-Then what did you do?
-Nothing.
I was late for a press conference.
Traffic was stopped...
...so I thought I could squeeze by...
...and I grazed it.
You grazed a cop.
No, I grazed a horse.
Okay? Are you happy?
A big, dumb, old police horse...
...whose big, dumb, old police ass...
...swayed in front of my car
as l was trying to pass it.
-You hit a horse?
-I tapped him.
Tapped him. There was one little,
little tuft of hair on my bumper.
It was-- Seriously. l can go to jail.
-Yeah, for like...years.
-You're just-- You know--
You're the world's worst driver.
WiIl you just be quiet?
Now, listen. We don't know
anything for sure, all right?
-Maybe it's not what it Iooks Iike.
-It's almost aIways what it looks like.
Hey, Bobby.
Been looking all over for you.
-You get my message?
-About the missing drugs? Yeah.
We got a problem. You know that?
Yeah, yeah, we do.
-Can l help you?
-We're here to see Bobby Jenkins.
Can l tell him what it's regarding?
-Put the bag down, Earl.
-What, this?
-What's wrong with you?
-Don't make this harder...
-...than it has to be.
-The bag's down.
You know, I gotta--
Buzz me in. Now.
Got it.
Sorry.
Jesus.
-What?
-There's blood.
Oh, my God.
-Bobby.
-You okay, partner?
-What the hell are you doing here?
-Looking for some answers.
-Who shot you?
-Earl Mahler.
Yeah, l've been tracking him
for the last couple of weeks.
After he murdered Walter.
Walter Lilly.
Yeah, he's got my gun.
-What--?
-Stay with him.
Where are you going?
-Stay with him.
-Where are you going?
Baby, I'll be back. All right.
Hey, he's gonna be all right.
He's a good cop.
You're a good cop.
Look what happened to you.
Oh, yeah. You got a point.
Hey. Hey, where you going?
Drop it.
You were easy.
Oh, God.
You already shot one cop.
Shooting another one's...
-...not gonna help things with the jury.
-You're not a cop.
-Well, that's just hurtful.
-Get down on your knees.
My knees, they're not so great,
you know. Took a jump off a roof.
The last thing I care about
is your knees, your health.
Now get down on your knees.
Now what?
Should have minded
your own business.
-Not concerned about your future?
-It's time for you to go, asshole.
Drop it. And I'm the only one
who gets to call him "asshole."
You better tell your girl--
That's for calling me a girI.
That's for shooting at my wife.
So Earl Mahler was using Walter Lilly
to gain access to the narcotics cage.
That's right. He was gonna come clean,
but by the time l got to his apartment...
...he was already dead.
-But there was no proof it was Mahler.
-Right.
If it wasn't for that parking ticket,
he might have gotten away with it.
That's because
she's a hell of a reporter.
Thank you.
But you did get one thing wrong.
Oh, are you kidding? Come on.
I'm just saying.
Bobby, it Iooked really bad.
It really did.
I mean, your name
was on the suicide report.
-The bowling alley photo.
-I walked you down the goddamn aisle.
-That's what I said.
-Great. That's what he said.
Wait. You serious?
She really thought I was involved?
Yeah. But then, you know,
she never liked you.
You know what?
Never liked your ass, either.
I gotta get this story in.
-HeIlo?
-I just want you to know that it is over.
You and me, we are through.
Stewart, are you drunk?
No, that is the aftereffects
of horse tranquilizers...
...that were injected
into my now-broken leg...
...by a local veterinarian, Nicole.
Oh, we had something beautiful
and special and rare...
...but if these are the kinds of people
you hang out with, you can forget it.
If that's the way you really feel....
Wait, no, no, no. Wait, no, hold on.
No, no, no, stop.
Are you admitting that we had
something beautiful, special and rare?
Stewart, l gotta go, okay?
Okay, you go. But just know
you have given my heart wings.
For moments ago,
I was barely able to waIk...
...but now, now l will run to your side
with the--
-Goddamn!
-Stewart?
Hello?
-Do you know what l really wanna do?
-What?
I wanna blow off this story,
and l wanna take you home.
-Yeah?
-Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But l gotta get this story in before
anybody gets wind of it. I just have to.
-You understand that, right?
-Oh, totally. Don't--
-Listen, I get it.
-Yeah?
I get it. You're just doing your job.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Thank you.
That's not gonna be
an issue this time.
We both will sometimes
have to put our job first.
It's like that, right?
Yeah.
Yep. But after....
We're actually doing this.
Yes, we are.
Why are we pulling over here?
Here?
No.
You wouldn't.
I toId you l was bringing you in.
And we have, oh,
five minutes to spare.
Now, don't be mad, babe...
...because we're never gonna get this
marriage going again...
...if you come into it
with anger and resentment.
I would like to be
taken into custody, please.
Officer?
Let's go.
This is ridicuIous. UnbeIievabIe.
Where did you--?
Aren't I entitled to a phone call?
It's the bounty hunter.
How was your weekend, asshole?
Did you set any more parades on fire?
Actually, Gelman, the rest
of my weekend was pretty quiet.
-Yeah?
-Until now.
It'll go to the Internet edition...
...and then all media outlets will have
to come through us directly for details.
Great. Thanks.
Using your one caIl
to phone in a story. That is so you.
What are you doing here?
It's a special night, remember?
No way we're not
spending it together.
Hey, can we go
in the same ceIl together?
Get in the cell, dickhead.
-Let's go.
-I'm going.
You're crazy.
Maybe I am.
Come here.
Happy anniversary, sweetheart.