Buddy (2003) Movie Script

March 5, 1:30 a.m.
Elisabeth claims that I snore.
Ridiculous.|I'll show her!
Saturday, January 7. Geir and I just|moved in with a guy called Stig Inge.
And this place is incredibly tidy.
It's like moving in|to some old lady's place.
February 2. Geir and I just found|a perfect new roommate.
- Welcome, John Goodman!|- He looks just like Stig Inge.
- This other bakery is better.|- No one's there!
Here's the subway entrance.
Look out for the baby carriage!
One more time.
Don't do that!
You have to sweep it out, like this.
Ticket inspection!
He called my bluff.
April 3.|My first kebab at the Tyen Center.
- Just try a different one.|- But I always buy this type.
- There's no difference.|- Of course there is!
April 6. We forgot our key again,|but Geir has a solution.
How's it going, Geir?
Watch this.
Stig Inge,|where is the Raga Rockers CD?
Will they make you work this early|every day?
I think it's about time|I gave you my spare keys.
Want them?
I'll call you later.|Bye.
- What do I do now?|- Just give them back to her.
Say, "Sorry,|things are happening too fast."
Everything's perfect,|so why does she have to change it?
Is she looking this way?
Nobody's driving the car, Geir.
- Who was that?|- Some chick I...
And I ask for your advice?
- Give me another sheet.|- Maybe I could just lose those keys.
- So are we moving in together now?|- Just tell her you need some space.
That's what you need.
- You like her, right?|- Sure.
But do I need keys to prove that?
It isn't that high.
It seems high from here.
Go ahead.
I leave you my stereo, Kristoffer.
One, two...
How awesome was that?
- What's going on?|- Uh... I just dropped something.
What happened?
- What kind of place is this?|- A PR agency, I think.
Go inside|and tell her who wears the pants.
Hi, I just...
Excuse me a second.|I'll be right back.
- I'm in the middle of a meeting.|- I need to talk to you.
We called about that clogged toilet|two hours ago.
Nikolai, this is Kristoffer.
- Oh, so that's you.|- Nikolai is my boss.
Come with me.
- Nice place.|- What did you want?
I like you a lot.|You know that.
I just feel we're rushing things|a little bit.
Maybe it's a little early|for spare keys -
- and all that|"moving in together" stuff.
It just seems like a lot of|responsibility, with keys and...
What do you think?
You agree?
Things are great the way they are,|so why mess with that?
I guess I left the keys in the car.|Want me to get them?
- I'll come by after work.|- Great. We could go see a movie.
They're waiting for me.|I have to go.
I'll check what movies are running.
Jesus Christ!
Look at this cheap bag.
Kristoffer leads 9-8.
- Could you get that, Stig Inge?|- I'm doing the dishes.
Please?|We're in the middle of a game.
Just a minute.
- Did you check the movies?|- No.
We can get a paper on the way.
I think we should break up.
- Break up?|- Our relationship is going nowhere.
- Does it have to go anywhere?|- I don't see a future in this.
No future?|But I love you!
I have to go.|Sorry.
Thursday, August 23.
I just discovered you can't commit|suicide by holding your breath.
Roadside Urban Analysis.|Helene speaking.
This is... Jarle Hansen.|Is Elisabeth there?
Uh... One moment.
Hi.|Where should I put my stuff?
- Henriette?|- Hi!
- I'm Stig Inge. Welcome.|- Could you keep it down?
Here's your room.
I'm on the phone!
Kristoffer? This is Nikolai.|Call here again, and you'll be sorry!
- Clean apartment.|- We like it like that.
You'd think three girls lived here.
- What's going on?|- That's Bnna's little sister.
- Thanks for asking me.|- I thought I did.
She's only staying for a few weeks.|And it's Stig Inge's apartment.
Isn't that nice?
- Is there a problem?|- He's just heartbroken.
And your longest relationship|lasted two hours!
- You're going sailing?|- To New Zealand.
- Have you been there?|- I lived there for six months.
In addition to Angola, Jamaica,|Dubai, Switzerland, and Hamar.
And here at Tyen.|This center has everything.
- Hardly.|- It does!
- Let me show you around.|- Want to go to a party first?
Uh... I think I forgot to turn off|the oven. You guys go ahead.
Should we call him,|tell him where the party is?
- What is it?|- He never leaves Tyen Center.
- We haven't known him that long.|- But the rent is incredibly cheap.
It turns out he never leaves.|We think he's a Web designer.
Where are we going?
Dag, this is Kristoffer and Geir.
I'm going on that sailing trip|with Dag. It's his boat.
What an awesome apartment!
I bought it cheap|and fixed it up myself.
You don't exactly get rich working|for an environmental organization.
See you later.
It's a party.|Forget about Elisabeth.
- Lots of people will be there.|- What kind of people?
- Remember that tall journalist?|- The one who can't write for shit?
This is Kristoffer, he's in...|What business are you in?
Ingunn and Steinar|do video montages.
The Contemporary Art Museum|just bought one of Steinar's works.
- So you do poster art?|- I just hang them up around town.
You think your art is more credible|just because you work on the fringe?
- You should respect street artists.|- I don't understand them.
- It's a form of rebellion.|- Compared to your show maybe.
Fancy seeing you here.
Want something to drink?
- Are you stalking her?|- I was invited.
Elisabeth, there's someone|I'd like you to meet.
- Sorry!|- Where have you been?
- The after party.|- You left the shit work for me!
Lousy, miserable, piece-of-shit job!
At least we get to be outside.
This is why Elisabeth dumped me.|I don't do anything.
I should be an artist,|have a career, wear a suit.
- Instead I've got this loser job.|- You're full of shit.
- That was TV2.|- How did they find you?
I dropped a bunch of tapes|when I ran.
Anders Stang.|Come with me.
- Are you kidding?|- Let me be frank:
We had someone else for|the feature on "Karsten Tonight," -
- but it sucked so bad|that we had to find something new.
And we start on Monday.
- Why would anyone watch that?|- It will be a huge hit. I'm sure of it.
It needs work, but it's funny.
Like "Jackass," but with a heart.|Something different.
I don't know.|I don't want to make a fool of myself.
The attention would be nice, though.
Sometimes you have to take a|chance. This is one of those times.
- Karsten, this is Kristoffer.|- Hi, nice to meet you.
If Anders believes in you,|I believe in you.
I'm glad you could do it|on such short notice.
- Have you talked about Stig Inge?|- Can he handle the TV exposure?
- He seems a little anxious.|- Is that a problem?
Here are the questions you wanted.
Or is it just an act?
- He's worried about his reputation.|- Your job depends on my reputation.
- Let me talk to the boys first, but...|- You'll be a huge hit!
You're in!
- They want us to have our own...?|- Feature.
You don't have to do anything.|I'll film and do all the dirty work.
- What do they want us to do?|- What we normally do.
I've been working on the boat, OK?
What's going on here?
- We're going to be on TV.|- You three?
The mood after a race|is always nice.
Hi, you have reached Elisabeth.|Leave a message after the tone.
Elisabeth, it's Kristoffer.
Turn on TV2.
You may see someone you know.
Thank you for coming.|And now to a new segment:
Kristoffer lives with his two friends|at Tyen Center.
They are like most other|young guys. Well... almost.
Here is the first installment|of "Kristoffer's Video Diary."
March 27.|Excellent.
- The Center doesn't offer everything.|- What can't you do here?
I want to go on a picnic|out in nature.
A premiere party.|Wow!
Did you feel that, Stig Inge?|The subway wind.
The train should be here|any second now.
I think I forgot to lock the door.
I'll check.|You guys go ahead.
Excellent, boys!
I'll get us a drink.
Hey, guys!|Talk to you later.
That was hilarious.|Hi, I'm Karsten.
- Where is Stig Inge?|- Eh... I think he's coming later.
Talk to you later.
I thought it was good. He|communicates well with his guests.
And the video diary was awesome.
- Kristoffer! My man!|- Hi... Tore?
Frode. You celebrities|can't remember everyone's name.
This is Espen.|Like you didn't already know that!
- Hello! "The Money Pit"?|- Of course. "The Money Pit." Hi.
- He's the one who...|- Congratulations. Excellent work.
I was this close|to being on "Survivor."
Now I'm going to try my luck|as a stand-up comic.
Sorry about you and Elisabeth.|I'll drop by with some of my flyers.
Here. The line was long.|Who was that?
A friend of Elisabeth's.
How's that broken heart going?
Fancy seeing you here.
I haven't seen you for a while,|but you've probably seen me.
- Quite a bit has happened lately.|- Yes, it has.
- How are things?|- Fine.
I have to go.|I have a meeting.
I could call you some day?
- Could you be any more pathetic?|- She said I could call her.
Can I play?
You're that guy from TV!
- What's your favorite team?|- United.
- Mine's Ham-Kam.|- I've never heard of them.
Martin, it's time to go inside.
We've been on TV twice, and|already 7-year-olds recognize us!
Let's go, dammit!
Bye!|What's your problem?
Should I call her now,|or does that seem desperate?
There's the 3 Day Rule, but if I wait|3 days, she'll know I'm desperate.
Get your camera out.
What are you doing?
Are you filming?
Film, Kristoffer!
Don't do that!
Come down, Geir!
This is a huge drop!
When I fry them, I usually...|But now you're frying, so you decide.
Hungry?|Today's special is fruits of the sea.
Fish sticks.
- You hungry, Geir?|- I have to go out.
- Are you all right?|- Fine. I just need to go out.
- Who do you know in Florida?|- Dad. He works over there.
Have you lived there too?
No. We did move a lot, but you can't|follow your dad all your life.
- Don't you want to travel again?|- I have everything I need right here.
Not to Florida,|but just to another part of town?
I think you should make the best|out of where you are.
How long has it been|since you left this place?
Two years.
Once I started working on the Web,|I no longer had to go anywhere.
Could you chop some onions,|Kristoffer?
Go like this...
Sorry.|I didn't mean to interrupt.
We're just making dinner.
I can see that.
I just came to get my keys.
Are you hungry?
- We're making fish sticks.|- I'm kind of in a hurry.
That guy at work, is that...?
It was wrong of me to come here.|Sorry.
- Elisabeth...|- Bye.
Hurry up, Geir!
Happy birthday, Stig Inge.|Love, dad.
Here's an idea for the show:|Let's drive across town in reverse.
Hi.|Is Geir here?
- It's been a while.|- What are you doing here?
I've moved to the area.|Got a job at a hair salon.
Funny show.|We talk about it at work.
What are you doing here?
He wondered who you were.|He saw us staring at each other.
He saw you on TV.|Martin isn't stupid.
- Yes, his name is Martin.|- Leave.
- Please listen to me.|- No. I want you to leave.
- You haven't changed at all.|- Then why did you come here?
- You have a son?|- No.
- Why didn't you tell me?|- That girl is crazy.
- Who were you talking about?|- No one.
- Then what was that?|- It was nothing.
Promise not to tell anyone.
August 30. I just got an idea.|I need Geir to do me a favor.
Here's a list of what I need.
Just make sure it gets on TV.
His name is Stig Inge?
- One more game!|- I'd like to, but I have to...
- Come on!|- My thumbs are getting sore.
What's going on?
Happy birthday to you...
Happy birthday!
I read your dad's postcard. Always|make the best out of where you are.
She was only 16.
We met at a party.|Weren't even dating.
Shit, she could have had an abortion.
- What are you going to do?|- Nothing.
I can't handle that dad stuff.|No way.
You'd be great. You could take him|to amusement parks, go skiing...
I'd be the weekend dad from hell.|There's no way.
Promise not to tell anyone?
Not even my mom knows.
Hey, guys!|There you are.
You'll come, right?|It's my first show.
Would be nice to have|some buddies there. Can you come?
- All right.|- It's a deal. Bring your camera.
Are you having a party?
Talk to you later.
He's no match for you, Kristoffer.
- Come on.|- She's going sailing for six months.
It's like table hockey.
To win, you have to let go of the|goalie and attack with both hands.
- No way.|- Come on.
You're great.
Stig Inge is lucky to have a friend|who'd do something like this.
- He said you were his best friend.|- Won't take much. There aren't many.
After party at the bakery!
I think I'm going to bed.
You can use the bathroom first.
No, you go ahead.
This might not be such a good idea.|You have a...
And you...
It's Dag.
Shouldn't we clear things up?
I screwed up. It meant nothing.|Is that clear enough?
Two minutes.
Are you leaving now?
Not for another week. But we're going|to test the boat for a couple of days.
I like your... show.
It works well, for the genre. I don't|usually watch commercial stations.
I don't have room for all that|in my electric car.
- I can drive her stuff.|- No, I'll take it on my lap.
Could you help us?|That's really nice of you.
Can I come too?
See you at the dock.
What do you think?
I bought it used. Fixed it up myself.|Let's go.
- Have a nice trip.|- Thank you.
I'm sure you'll have|a great time together.
- He was all alone.|- Asshole!
He could have gotten lost.
- Would you like some juice?|- Shut up, Stig Inge!
I'm not really thirsty.
Can't we at least drive him home?
There.|Off you go.
So that was your son.
- Cool kid.|- He was, wasn't he?
My uncle's name is Martin.
Turn that off.
We're going to Romss.
Where are you going?|You have a ticket...
- Are you going out?|- Yes. To a stand-up show.
Want to come along?
That would be nice,|but I should be heading home.
I don't understand group sex.
It's hard enough|trying to pick up one person.
What do you say?
"What's a group like you|doing in a place like this?"
- A beer, please.|- Make that two. I'm buying.
A beer for my star.|You're a big hit.
But we're running out of good|material. Could use something new.
- I have some tapes here.|- I can take them now.
Tomorrow's show won't be live.
Karsten's watching it at his place|with some friends.
Bring a girlfriend and come on by.
Here is a newcomer.|Frode Giertsen from Lrenskog!
Hey and ho!
My name is Frode Giertsen.|Not much of a name.
I thought I'd change it|to Thomas... Giertsen.
But I can't, because Thomas|is my brother. Just kidding!
You look sweet.|Do you eat a lot of sugar?
I was at the airport the other day...
What did you think? My timing was|maybe a little off at the end, but...
- You guys still struggling?|- No problem.
- Are you here with him?|- No.
- How's it going?|- Great. Work keeps me busy.
Actually, it's not that great.
Nikolai shoved all his paperwork|over on me.
I even had to baby-sit his kids.|It turned out he was married.
Go ahead, let me have it, TV star.
I should head home.
It was just those keys.
That really hurt me.
I jumped ship in Drbak. Almost|died from an overdose of folk music.
- Things got so stupid when I left.|- It's OK.
It's my fault.|I can't handle situations like that.
I hardly noticed.
I just don't want to end up|like my mom.
Dumped and hurt enough|to end up on Ricki Lake.
I like you, Kristoffer.
I was wondering if you like me.|In the same way.
Hi, Henriette!
Are you making breakfast?
Are you all right?|You look tired.
Are you sailing today?
I just came to pick up some stuff.|I'm moving out.
Is it me, or is she a little weird?
I had a great time.
Talk to you later?
- There's a dinner at Karsten's...|- Great!
Hi there!
Call me.
See? Once you're on TV, they love|you. People love emotional stuff.
- TV2 paid us yesterday.|- A lot?
- Hi, nice of you to come.|- Elisabeth.
Go up and have a seat.|The show is about to start.
- Kristoffer, meet Anne.|- Anne Pedersen.
- We love your segments.|- Anne is head of programming.
This is Elisabeth, my... girlfriend.
We hope you plan|on staying with us at TV2.
I'm not going anywhere.
How would you like to take six months|to develop a new concept?
A travel show.|They're always popular.
You want me to use six months...|to think about something?
- It's starting!|- Let's talk later.
His own show!|Not bad, huh?
- Do you have a job for me too?|- Drop by tomorrow, we'll talk.
Let's go in|before Karsten gets cranky.
Monday, June 3. Geir claims that old|milk is not hazardous to your health.
- This is nasty!|- Holy shit!
Thank you, Tine Dairy!
- What's your favorite team?|- United. What's yours?
- So that was your son? Cool kid.|- Wasn't he?
- Where are you going?|- I have to talk to Geir.
Dinner is served. And Anne|had that new job offer for you.
- This is important, Elisabeth.|- So is this.
Try to act professional.
You promised not to tell anyone!
I'm going to bed.
- It was an accident.|- Now he knows I'm his dad!
You didn't even come home|to explain!
- I was at an important dinner.|- What's happening to you?
- I said I'm sorry.|- Don't ever film me again.
- Don't be a baby.|- You can forget it.
- You have a contract.|- I don't give a shit!
- Try to act professional!|- What did you say?
I told you a secret|because I thought we were buddies.
We have to go to work.
We're leaving in two days. I'll come|and get Henriette's things tomorrow.
We have to go get vaccinated.
If that isn't absurd...
- Congratulations on your new job.|- I get to receive guests and stuff.
- Let me get a beer.|- Bring me one too.
Two beers, please.
Could you turn that up?
Today there seem to be no limits|to what is allowed on TV.
You talk about ethical rules, -
- but on your show|you ridicule Stig Inge, -
- a person who clearly has problems.
I forgot to turn off the TV.|I'll come later.
That isn't real.|He's just acting.
- He's an actor?|- We wouldn't air it otherwise.
That's part of the fun.|What is fact, what is fiction?
- Are you all right?|- Sure. Fine.
That talk show on TV...
It was a misunderstanding.|I understand if you were hurt.
Don't worry about it.
I'm from Hamar.|That's always been my team.
Wherever Ham-Kam plays|They have victorious days
And so we sing our refrain|Ham-Kam, Ham-Kam, Ham-Kam
Are you a true hardcore fan?
Not now.|I was when I was a kid.
They had good teams back then.
- Are you from Hamar?|- Yes. I moved here after the divorce.
We may have been|to the same games.
They may suck now, but...
You root for your favorite team, even|when they make fools of themselves.
You always believe in them.
Even when nobody else does.
They'll be back on top soon enough.
Kristoffer, that TV stuff...
I do put on an act.
I do.
- Have you told them something else?|- No.
Don't say anything else,|or people will think I'm...
Elisabeth is here, so I should...|Good night.
It's Dag.|See you at the editorial meeting.
Want to play a game?
Kristoffer attacks.|Geir seems paralyzed.
He scores!|Kristoffer leads 1-0.
There's another goal in the air.|The crowd goes wild.
I liked that piece on your son.|Touching.
Give me a break!
You forgot this.
So you can enjoy a bath on board.
This isn't mine.
It must be Elisabeth's.
I saw that show last night. Why|did they say Stig Inge is an actor?
- It's complicated.|- Did you tell them that?
Sort of.
I thought it was the only way|to get the show. I was wrong.
- I thought you were friends.|- We are.
It just happened.
Nothing turned out as I had planned.
- Have you told them it isn't true?|- I'm heading over there now.
Did I forget something?
What would we do without that?
We're leaving tomorrow.|We have a lot to do.
We'll send you a postcard.
- Where have you been?|- Did you watch the show last night?
Stig Inge's antics may seem funny,|but we have to consider our viewers.
Karsten wants you and Stig Inge|in the studio tonight.
So you can talk about the new|humor and your celebrity status.
- I don't think he's ready for that.|- Stig Inge said he's coming.
I called him up. He was very|understanding. He'll be here.
Time for you to cooperate.
So we're all agreed?
- We can't bring him up here.|- Sure we can. If he's with you.
Don't screw up.|You're about to get your own show.
Take the subway tonight, and shoot|something funny for us to use.
Elisabeth will pick you up|at the station.
Mette, can you deliver|a press release?
I have to go.|Bye.
You sure you want to do this?
Imagine if we didn't.|They'd probably go nuts.
Fine.|Let's do it.
It'll be cool. Just the two of us.|We can discuss Ham-Kam.
This time you can't say you forgot|to turn off the oven, understand?
Are you going to be on TV tonight?
With "that comical figure" Stig Inge?
What are you thinking?|You can't bring him up there.
- He wants to.|- He may snap!
- What are you talking about?|- Even time tables make you sweat!
I can take the subway|any time I want.
Right, Kristoffer?
Let's go.
We don't want to be late.|It's a live broadcast, after all.
I'm moving out.
Wait, Stig Inge!
Let's skip this.|We'll go home and rent a video.
That's what you want, right?|Just the two of us.
Don't you get it?|You think it's fun being me?
I hate the Tyen Center!|But I'm so scared.
And I just want you to like me,|and not be embarrassed.
I thought we could be buddies.|The two of us. For real.
Wait!|Stig Inge!
- The train's on its way.|- Just get him here.
- He may snap, Elisabeth.|- What's going on?
I'll call you back.
What are you doing here?
Never mind that.|What did you do to Stig Inge?
Let's just find him.
Ticket inspection.
May I see your ticket?
You're the guy from that TV show.|That's some funny stuff.
But you still have to pay.
I'll let you get off here.
What if something happens to him?|I didn't think you were like this.
- Like what?|- You use people!
You're cold enough to sail off with|someone who's in love with you.
- How can you go out with him?|- Don't you get it?
Dag would never hurt me.
Stig Inge!
We have to hurry.
Where's Kristoffer?
Martin had to sign autographs|at school.
- Really?|- Yeah.
We should go, Martin.
He can stay for a couple of hours.|If he... wants.
- Do you?|- Yes.
I'll call in a couple of hours.
You scared me. We can still make it.|What's she doing here?
- Where is he?|- You need make-up.
Stig Inge is ready.|Come on!
Don't fuck up.
You use a lot of yourself|in your shows.
Four is ready.|Switch to three.
Ready in one minute.
Karsten, the boys will be ready|in one minute.
Let's hear it for Synnve Svab!
I'm glad everything worked out.
Come with me, Kristoffer.
Let's just go home.
Cue lights, and up!
Kristoffer's Diary has been|a regular segment this season.
And for those who thought|Stig Inge would never leave home:
Here are Kristoffer and Stig Inge!
How was your trip on the subway?
It went just fine.
Stig Inge, this is a new trend, where|people no longer know what is real.
Back to Karsten!
- I think he's a little nervous.|- With a million people watching?
It could be my perfume.|I used a whole bottle for the boys.
What was your first TV performance,|Synnve?
It was at a shopping mall, actually,|although not the Tyen Center.
I hogged the camera after|a bank robbery when I was seven.
Karsten, talk to Kristoffer.
Kristoffer, most young people|dream of being on TV.
You have actually succeeded.|How does that feel?
How does it feel to be famous?
He's not well.|We should leave.
No, don't leave yet.|We still need you here. Let me see...
Stig Inge?
Say something.
Who played on our team|when we were kids?
- What team?|- Ham-Kam.
Terje Kojedal, Stle Solbakken,|Vegard Solheim...
And then there was the defense.
One of them scored an own goal.|Who else was on that defense?
Hallgeir Finnbrten and Knut Holte!
Move on, Karsten.
Thank you, Kristoffer. We have to|move on to our next guest.
Dagfinn Lyngb has just...
Wherever Ham-Kam plays|They have victorious days
And so we sing our refrain|Ham-Kam, Ham-Kam, Ham-Kam
Illegal kicks and yellow cards|As a sport, soccer is hard
The ball goes from man to man|at Ham-Kam, Ham-Kam, Ham-Kam
Go to a commercial break.
Give us a commercial break, dammit!
Let's go home.
Just get out.
I'll take care of it.
Get the tape from Strmstad.|And get Dagfinn Lyngb in here!
Elisabeth,|can you get Dagfinn Lyngb?
- I'll come by after the show.|- That's not such a good idea.
Bye, my friend.
I'm in love with someone else.
Dagfinn Lyngb is waiting for you.
Where is she?
She left.|She sails tomorrow.
I feel like walking home.
Are you all right?
- Are we still buddies?|- Of course.
- A lot has changed out here.|- Stig Inge?
- Who's that?|- A girl from computer class.
- Hi. It's been a while.|- Yes, it has.
I saw you on TV the other night.|Didn't know you were an actor.
It would be nice to meet some day.
- You forgot Cato Erstad.|- He played like a cow!
He played over 200 games for them.
That doesn't help if you're no good.
Could you keep it down?
We're both a little queasy.|Pigged out on candy.
Is it OK if he spends the night?
I saw you on TV.|That was some weird stuff.
I think our TV career is over.
I'll join you at work tomorrow.
I'm going to bed.|Will you wake me up?
What's with him?
He's in love.
Come on.
- What's going on?|- You have a job to do.
What kind of a campaign is that?|The product is missing.
Let me out.|I don't want to do this.
Will you please pull over?
H + K = TRUE
- It would end like it always does.|- You'll never know if you leave.
Please stop bothering us, Kristoffer.
Sometimes you have to let go of the|goalie and attack with both hands.
I love you!
Have a nice trip.
Holy shit!