Don't Think Twice (2016) Movie Script
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Severn Darden will do
a spot improvisation for you.
Okay, a little bit of history.
In 1955, a group
of actors in Chicago
invented the idea that
improvisational theater
could be an art form
unto itself,
not just a warm-up
for other theater.
We're going to be playing
with the all-American football.
That's an odd shape, isn't it?
It's not actually round.
Everyone has their own take on
what's most important in improv.
But even 60 years later they still
boil down to three basic rules.
Sly and the family stone.
Jody and Buffy. Buffy
and the vampire slayer.
Um, vampires...
Weekend.
Number one: Say yes.
Duck season.
Duck hunt.
Nintendo.
Which really means just agreeing with
the reality your partner creates
and then building on that...
Pong.
Burp.
And then building on that.
Burp. Burp.
And then building on that
and building on that.
Defender.
Oh, um, Frogger?
Mmm.
Oh, my god, that is amazing.
Jack, you have worked on that.
Yeah, yeah, that's a good...
That's a prepared bit.
That's not improvised. What?
I don't accept that as improv.
Number two:
It's all about the group.
- Yes. -It's not about
you looking good.
It's also not about
looking funny.
No.
Or showboating.
It's about a group working
together in the moment
to create something
that never happened before,
you know, or will
never happen again.
Five minutes, guys.
"Five minutes, guys."
"Five minutes-ah."
Why am I Japanese?
Remember when you said, "please
tell me when I'm racist"?
This is one of those times.
Thanks.
Whoa! Finally, and this is
the most important one:
He's swinging free!
Don't think.
It's all about
getting out of your head.
It's about impulse.
It's about living in the moment.
It's about now.
- Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
- No!
We all said we would wear the same outfit.
Everybody agreed.
"Let's start wearing
matching outfits."
I felt like this was the only thing
all of us owned. Say, "yes, and."
Nobody's "yes, and-ing" me
right now.
You've gotta go. You've gotta go.
I'm being a professional.
In improv,
there are no mistakes.
Like Del close once said,
"fall and then figure out
what to do on the way down."
- Welcome to the improv
- for America theater.
Please turn off your cell phones.
There's no talking.
All right, got your back.
Got your back, got your
back, got your back.
Guys, I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, no.
Sorry.
"Guys, I'm sorry I'm late."
"Sorry." "There was this
sun in the sky and... oh!"
Guess what.
What?
Don't care that you're late.
I don't care that you're late.
Please welcome the commune!
All right, you guys, let's go.
Hi. I'm Sam.
I'm miles.
I'm bill.
Allison.
Lindsay.
Jack.
And we are the commune.
Everything you see tonight
is gonna be improvised.
This show is really
all about you guys.
So we want to know, has anybody out
here had a particularly hard day?
And something actually hard, not
like your roommate ate your yogurt.
It was still shitty
when you ate my yogurt, miles.
Go ahead.
I'm looking for
an apartment, and it sucks.
Like, why specifically
does it suck?
The only one I can afford has the
bathroom in the kitchen. Hmm.
Hi.
Great.
Hi.
As you can see,
there's two bedrooms.
Lovely.
Here is the kitchen.
Nice. There's a
beautiful bathroom.
Is that a toilet?
Yes, that is.
The toilet is in the kitchen.
Hmm, mm.
Mm-hmm, yes. Mm-hmm.
And, um, who are they?
They... they are...
Uh, they are orphans.
They are orphans.
Hi.
Uh, did you say "orphans"?
Yes. The apartment
comes with orphans.
Oh.
Yes, yes, yes.
Does the landlord mind
if I paint?
You can't paint the orphans, no,
but you can paint the walls.
This is the place I was telling you about.
It has a lot of character.
This is my husband.
I love it.
It's great. Hey, guys, this is it.
It's gonna sell today.
You gotta go for it.
I'll take it.
No, I'm gonna take it. We'll
pay 30 percent over asking.
Well, I'll pay
50 percent over asking.
Well, we'll pay
100 percent over asking.
No, well, I'll pay $2 million
for this apartment.
For... really?
Yes.
Okay, yeah. What makes you
want this apartment so badly?
It's the orphans.
I want to raise them.
- Mm-hmm. -This was my first
group, the awakening, in 1997.
That had me, bill,
Brad Burke. He's on...
He's on stuck in the middle. Yeah, yeah.
He's done really well.
And this guy's on weekend live, right?
Hugh Finn, yeah.
Wow. I auditioned that year too.
I was... inches.
And you're very talented. I mean, you're
upper third of your class, but...
Most of these guys,
they're just not gonna make it.
Three percent...
Excuse me just a second.
No, Bonnie,
we could move the theater.
We could find a space
in Brooklyn.
We could move
to long island city, Astoria.
- All the music venues, they're
heading to Bushwick. -Or Gowanus.
The business model
for selling $5 tickets to a show
is not exactly sound.
The theater's closing. We've gotta
be out of there in four weeks.
They're selling.
Another trump building, I think.
New York City is over.
New York City, you're fired.
Improv for America,
you're fired.
All of America, you're fired.
- What the hell was that?
- That was trump.
JFK.
That was JFK.
Your impersonation
is so bad, you're fired.
We're not leaving.
We could start a protest.
We could do
like an online campaign.
Occupy!
Miles, come on.
Protest! Protest!
Whoa! Whoa!
Jesus.
It was a bit.
A bit gone bad.
Samantha Byrne, you took that bit too far.
You're fired.
I concur. You're fired.
JFK.
Most of us live here.
Oh, really? Jack and Sam
moved out last year.
They have their own place.
Lindsay lives with her parents.
- My parents live with me.
- Yeah, whatever.
This is my room.
Watch your head on the pipe.
Oh.
It's, uh, not huge, but...
Neither am I, so...
What if I threw up
in your mouth?
That's it.
You throw up?
I'd go, "thanks, baby bird."
So weird. You're so...
You're so weird, I love you.
It's too gross even for me.
It's too gross.
I like that you went with it though.
I did.
I like that you went with it.
I like that you went with it.
I need to work on my Irish.
I like that you went for it. No.
That's just a speech impediment.
I thought it was a good show.
Oh, let me show you something.
Look at this.
- Hmm? -I don't know
what you're showing me.
It's called Bucky's.
It looks like a porn house.
It is. I bought it
for practically nothing.
I'll wipe the splooge off the
walls and flip it into a sephora.
Dad, I've told you I'm not
interested in real estate.
All right.
You still giving out
hummus samples?
No. I got a new job.
Great.
Hummus and chips?
No, thank you.
Hummus and chips?
No.
Okay. Follow me.
Like, I'm the most talented
copy editor at my agency,
and they fired me.
What's crazy is,
I don't even need the job.
It's hard to have
wealthy parents, Lindsay.
Can we have another suggestion?
Uh, pen.
Hey, man, I got you
this new pen.
It's actually not a pen.
That's a fish.
And you dumb.
Pause there.
So, good stuff, you guys.
Um, I think what we wanna do
is think in positives.
So Natasha says, "here's a
pen." You might add to that.
You know, "oh, thanks." It's got an
inscription. It says "happy anniversary."
Okay, cool. That's tight if you
wanna be doing improv forever.
But I wanna do weekend live.
Like, how do you do that?
You wait in line, Gary.
You looked good.
It's weekend live!
I'm glad you're keeping score.
It's the sports of comedy. It's the
only live sporting event of comedy.
But comedy isn't a sport.
"It's the sports of comedy."
It shouldn't have winners and losers,
and there shouldn't be points.
They got Gary Cho,
and then it's like, who else?
You know what I mean?
Everybody else is... White.
Even if it wasn't me, there should
be somebody else on this show
that represents another... Different
shades of white, certainly.
Yes, definitely. They've
got eggshell. Ecru.
To ecru to off-white
to almost ochre.
I enjoy ochre performers.
It was good when I was little.
You never know if it was good
when you were little
or you were just little,
so you didn't know.
It's the great paradox of weekend
live, is was it good ever?
Or did we think so
because we were 12?
You should not have
said that in your audition.
I brought that up
at my interview.
Hi.
Sarah, we're gonna hold ten.
Why are we holding ten?
I called Hugh Finn. He's bringing over
some producers from weekend live.
Hey, Jack, don't pull
some showboat shit out there.
What? When do I do that?
You always do that.
Anyone from the industry shows up, you
turn into a one-man audition tape.
You did it when the guy from Conan
came, when law and order came.
You guys, where's bill?
Where is bill?
He doesn't wanna miss this.
"Where are you?"
Bill?
Where's bill?
Where's bill? Where's bill?
Bill, bill, bill,
bill, bill, bill.
Bill's not gonna be happy
about missing weekend live.
- I love bill, but we gotta do the show.
- Here we go, guys.
Please welcome the commune!
Hi. I'm Sam.
Miles.
Allison.
Lindsay.
Jack.
And we are the commune.
In fact, everything you see tonight
is going to be improvised,
and it's all about you guys.
So did anybody out there
have a particularly hard day?
Hmm? Yes.
Yeah, I saw my dad for the
first time in ten years today.
What? Really? Where?
He drives a taxi, and I just
randomly got into his cab.
Wait. No, no, no.
Wow.
Fact-checking.
Uh, you got into a taxi.
You did not know it was your dad.
Then you said, "hi, dad"?
Yes, I said, "hi, dad."
Well, okay.
Wow. Hop in.
Oh.
Thanks. I didn't think anyone was gonna
pick me up. It's raining so hard.
Yeah. Where you headed?
I'm going to a restaurant
on west fourth and Broadway.
What do you got goin' on there?
A blind date with a man I'll probably
engage in sexual congress with.
That seems a little fast.
Well...
Thank you. I...
I consider myself quite fast.
In fact, I...
I have abandonment issues.
My father left me.
So I basically only relate
to men through sex.
That's challenging
for me to hear.
Um... in that case,
I think I'll get out here.
Okay.
Welcome to la Traviata.
How many?
Two. I'm meeting someone.
I'll be right back.
Thank you.
Dad?
I'm just trying to be
part of your life.
And you drove the cab?
Well, uh, now, look,
as the president of
the United States of America,
I believe that it's not only
my duty to find your father
but also have him pick you up in a cab
and take you to your destination.
This is a new program we're working
on right now called cabs for dads,
but my critics like
to call it Obamacabs.
Uh, as if that would bother me.
I was justifying why a man would be
picking up his daughter in a cab.
You also justified why you should
be doing your best impression.
When weekend live is there.
When weekend live is there.
I thought it was very strong.
Thank you.
No, you know, they're right.
You guys are right. I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that. I went out
there. I shouldn't have done that.
That's Alicia Bonham
and Hugh Finn.
Should I go over there?
Why would you go
over there and not us?
I don't care.
It doesn't Matt...
I could go over there. You could
go over there. We can't all go.
Hi. I'm Jack.
Alicia.
That show was so good.
Thank you. Oh, my god.
I'm so flattered. We are so flattered.
Such an honor.
We're all so flattered,
you know.
I started the group 11 years ago.
Hi. I'm Lindsay.
I love these guys. We were
in the trenches together.
Miles and I are, like,
stage brothers for life.
So I'll see you
at Hugh's wedding then.
Oh, um, you're getting married?
It's actually just
a really small thing, so...
I don't care. I don't
wanna go to a wedding.
I hate weddings.
And babies.
If you ever have a baby,
don't invite me to it.
I follow you on Twitter.
I fucking hate Twitter.
My publicist made me join.
But, I mean, it's part of it,
though, you know, right? Right?
Yeah.
If you ever wanna
hate it together,
I'm Jack-underscore-Mercer,
so...
Underscore is my middle name.
I have an Instagram
for my neighbor's dog, actually.
So if you wanna check that out,
really fun stuff.
You don't have to be
an animal lover.
It's just like really human
moments but also dog moments.
Uh, tulipbone,
'cause the dog's name is tulip.
She likes bones. Easy to remember.
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
Nice to meet you.
It is weird that he didn't
invite me to his wedding.
Is it though?
I wasn't invited either.
Smug son of a bitch. I'm not
invited to his wedding?
I introduced him to his wife.
I just tagged Alicia
on some tulipbone pictures.
Oh, nice.
You mispronounced Alicia.
Alicia.
No, it's not pron...
This is Natasha. She's one of my students.
She's staying with us this week.
Hey. I got evicted.
My roommate sells crack.
Oh, man.
How was your show?
It was good.
Weekend live showed up.
Oh, god. Seriously?
Are they casting?
'Cause I've been working
on my characters. Yeah?
Like, "y'all want some crack?
Y'all want some crack
in your eggs?"
I'm not sure they're casting.
Anyway...
Oh, my god. You guys, Bonnie
just texted me. They loved Sam.
Sam? You hear that? Yeah?
Did they mention me?
You know, I auditioned for the
show in 2003. I was... inches.
"Inches. I was, like, inches.
I was, like, inches."
Don't break my phone.
Boom. Yes.
So who wins Jenga?
The person who does not
knock it over.
Like, everybody
who doesn't lose Jenga wins.
Such a weird game.
Well done.
Yes, I can.
Mm-hmm. I'm there.
What's going on?
Sam. Sam.
More points for riskier moves?
You know that Americans eat
one trillion eggs a year?
- We do not. Is that
even true, data?
Why do you call her data?
You don't know data from Star Trek?
How old are you?
Okay, we will be there.
So, are you okay?
Yeah. That was Bonnie.
Okay.
We have an audition
on Thursday for weekend live.
You and me?
You and me.
She's losing right now, right?
You have to put...
Bill! Bill, where were you?
Sorry I missed the show.
"Sorry."
"Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry I missed the show."
You don't wanna...
You don't wanna do that.
Just stop.
It's real, okay? Just stop.
You did it!
You did it. We did it.
My dad, he rode
his motorcycle home.
And, uh...
On the highway
this 18-Wheeler
kind of edged him off the highway,
and he hit the guardrail.
He's in the hospital. I gotta
take the train to see him.
- We're sorry. -I'll get my dad's car.
I'll drive you down there.
We'll all come.
I'm sorry.
What's going on?
Bill's dad had a motorcycle accident.
Some truck hit it.
He got hit.
We're gonna go to Philadelphia tomorrow.
I'll get my dad's car.
We actually have some news too.
We have...
We're auditioning on
Thursday for weekend live.
- Congrats, man.
- Thanks, man.
Weekend live, they came
to tonight's show?
Yeah.
Alicia and Hugh.
Motherfuck.
Sorry.
They're not gonna come again, right?
That's it. They might.
The theater's closing. Maybe
they'll wanna take another shot.
Maybe they'll come again, you know?
Probably not.
I'm sorry.
Do you know which bits
you're gonna do?
We just heard, like,
ten minutes ago, so...
You gotta do Alex Rodriguez
at the cell phone store.
I forgot all about that one.
Oh, my gosh.
You gotta do the rock when the
rock loses all the weight.
- Slim-fast rock. What did you call it?
- The pebble.
The pebble, right.
"Can you smell
what the pebble's cookin'?"
"Not much, and that's why
I lost the weight."
It's weird that they
didn't want me to audition.
In some ways, it makes sense.
It's like they don't want more generals.
They want infantry.
Yeah. Yeah.
When I did it, it was three
characters, three impersonations.
What I did... nobody cares, miles.
What are you doing, Sam?
I don't know yet.
Jack, what are you gonna do?
Oh, you should do uncle John.
What's that one?
"Okay, look.
Kids down there makin' noise.
Come down to the basement
half in the bag, talkin' 'bout,
'all you kids in the basement!
I ain't gonna have it
with none of you kids.
Y'all down here, you break
anything, you make any noise,
then there's the door.'"
okay. Then what?
The premise of the character
is that he points to the door?
"That's always the way he
exclamation-points the end of the sentence.
You kids out here makin' noise,
I don't want you in here,
breaking my antiques.
There's the door.
There's the door.
There's the door.
There's the door."
Uncle John, uncle John.
What?
I'm Bambi, and I don't
know where my mom is.
"You know what?
There's the Doe."
There's the Doe!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Uncle John, uncle John.
"Yeah. What's goin' on?"
I make pizza. I can find my sauce and
cheese, but I can't find the other part.
"It's right here, dude. There's...
the dough." There's the dough!
"There's the dough."
Kneading the dough!
Miles, it's weird when you do it.
"Go out the door."
We had to do an emergency
craniotomy to remove blood.
Your dad understands
what happened and where he is,
but he can't vocalize
more than a word or two.
We are past this point, trying to
remember when the turning point was,
but there actually was
a turning point.
We should head out.
We should head out.
I'll come visit again soon, dad.
Thank you.
You're welcome, dad.
Bye, Mr. Coughlin.
See you later, Mr. Coughlin.
Feel better, Mr. Coughlin.
See you soon.
Bye, Mr. Coughlin. We'll be back.
All right.
I know it's not about me,
but I don't want my dad to
die thinking I'm a failure.
You're not a failure, bill.
You're in the commune.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, bill,
I know it seems,
like, grim right now,
but, boy, he's really a fighter.
Yeah.
And there was that one moment
where he was like, "thank you."
And that was actually pretty good.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
He was really present.
Yeah, he was like,
"thank you."
Miles, that's wrong. You're
doing an impersonation?
It was more like,
"thank you."
Oh!
Oh, Lindsay, let me see your talent.
"Thank you."
"Thank you."
"Thank you."
"Thank you."
No, that's Bob Dylan.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only one
that should impersonate my dad
when he's basically in a coma.
- Mine was good though.
- Oh, god, miles.
It was pretty good, but it
was really inappropriate.
"Thank you."
There we go.
Yea!
"Hello. Hello.
My name is Liam Neeson.
If it's money
that you're looking for,
I've got none.
I've used all of it
the last six times
my daughter was taken.
I mean, didn't you find it
very easy to kidnap her?"
"No, you and I should sit.
You have to go over there.
God, are we glued here?
We're glued here."
Can't we have a stationary table?
Uh...
"Can't we get a table that
doesn't move?" Nobody answers!
"Nobody answers!
In this business."
that doesn't wobble here?
What?
"What?"
- Move the table aside.
- "What?"
I wanna put my feet on it.
"Feet on it.
Can't we get a stationary table?
Can't... can't we get
a stationar...
Nobody listens in this...
Nobody!"
"If one hair on her head
is harmed...
What, she's dead?
To be quite honest,
there's a bit of relief there."
So I was thinking about doing
Gena Rowlands... Yeah.
From a woman under
the influence as an umpire.
Okay. Well, that was obscure
in 1974, but okay.
"Pfft! Yeah.
Nick, you're out."
"What?
How could I be out?"
"You missed the base.
You're out. Pfft!"
"Missed the base? I didn't even
swing." "Rain delay! Pfft."
"I didn't swing
at the ball."
You have to do
the porches things too.
"P-o-r-c-h-e-s.
We have aluminum porches.
Enclosed por..."
"listen, Anne prima
Donna." "Yes, papa?"
"You're the prettiest girl
in Brooklyn.
If anyone tells you different, they're
outta their minds." "Oh, papa."
"Look at these lips.
Those are kissable lips."
"What could you do for my lips, papa?"
"I could do just about anything.
Let me check the lips first, and
we'll see what we're doing here.
Oh.
Mmm.
Boy, my daughter's
good at everything."
Just kid...
You trained her well.
All right.
We gotta get moving.
"Oh, but an elf has confused
my legs for trees
and sawed them off
for firewood."
I'm serious. Here we go.
Come on, Sam.
"Can't we just lie here in
the Meadow?" Come on, Sam.
"Yes, magical tree, we can
lie here in the Meadow
as long as that Meadow
is the train."
"Oh."
"Oh, here we are, magical..."
No, no, Jack, put me down.
We're going to...
I'm sorry...
I need time.
We don't have much time, hon.
But yours is at 4:00, and mine's at 4:15.
So I'll just meet you there.
I can wait if you
want me to stay with you.
"Just go, Jack.
I'll meet you there.
Don't worry about me."
It's better if I meet you there?
Honey, I got it. I'm good.
Welcome.
Can I see your I.D.?
Ray Romano
singing "happy birthday."
Hi. Sam Byrne, weekend live.
See some I.D.
Rath, it was unbelievable.
I killed it, man.
I absolutely crushed it!
I can't believe it.
I did ray Romano sings.
They had to stop because
everyone was laughing so hard.
No! You shut up!
A character called
the ticket taker.
He's an old timey ticket taker, but
he works at a modern cineplex.
And he doesn't understand.
He's, like, delusional.
He thinks that we've lost the
classic kind of feel of the cinema.
And so he's stuck
in this world. So...
Hi. Hello.
Hi. I'm here to
quit show business.
Well, hello.
Hi. I'm here to quit
show business as well.
What? Jugglers
almost never quit.
What else do they have to do?
So then he says,
"that's how it goes."
And then
I was like, "okay."
So I walk back into the
lobby, out of his office.
And Gary Cho was sitting there.
He looks at me.
Gary Cho says,
"we're all really excited."
And then I'm going,
"uh-oh. What?"
And at that moment, Timothy's
assistant comes out of the office...
And made it official.
Oh, my god!
Ahh!
- Yeah!
- That is amazing.
Jack! Oh, man, that is amazing.
Awesome.
Congratulations.
I know, I know.
I'm fucking spinning.
Dude! Yes! Dude!
Thank you, man.
My man!
That's so... I can't believe I
know someone on weekend live.
So that's it?
You just got it?
For years, I was like, "it's either
Jack or miles, but probably Jack."
I always thought that.
No, but that's what you get.
That's what you get.
Right? Uh, yeah.
Where's Sam?
You know what?
We showed up separately.
She hasn't texted me back yet.
So I don't know what's going on.
Can you still do our shows?
We only have three weeks left.
You can still do our shows.
I don't know.
I don't... you know, uh...
I mean, it's late night.
It's just the weekday.
I don't know, 'cause you're
writing all the time.
It's our first week. I wanna
put my best foot forward.
There she is.
There she is.
Hi. I'm so sorry I missed the show.
How was it?
- It doesn't matter. What happened?
- How'd it go?
Um...
I was late, and they wouldn't let me in.
What? Why? Why?
I don't know.
How late were you?
I was, like, 20 minutes late.
Twenty minutes late,
and they wouldn't let you in?
All right. Maybe I was
30 minutes late.
But how was it for you?
Listen. I told you I would wait for you.
I told you I would go...
I know. How was it
for you though?
Honey, yeah, I got the show.
I got it.
That's great.
Yeah, yeah.
That's...
Honey, but I...
Thank you.
I wanted us both to get it. I
really wanted us both to get it.
I know.
Look, guys, this is, um...
This is a victory for the whole
group, okay? 'Cause I'm gonna...
- you mean you'll talk to
Timothy about us? -Uh...
When you talk to him,
my name's bill.
Just to remind you, I'm bill. We've
known each other many years.
A lot of guys who get on that
show can hire their own writers
or, you know, suggest it.
Seriously.
Yeah. I mean, I'm...
To Jack, everybody! To Jack!
Cheers! All right! Jack.
This is huge.
Bill!
Put me down.
I was Jack's
first teacher, actually.
Oh.
You're my first teacher.
Exactly.
That's cool.
Crazy.
Yeah. It's just like
anything could happen.
I was just so in it, and I felt,
"if I don't get this,
I'm gonna kill myself."
I literally thought that, and
I believe that to be true.
Oh, you mean like
if you had to live our lives?
Like, if you had to continue living
like us, you'd kill yourself?
I don't have OCD.
I used to when I was a kid.
I had it kind of like... Basically, I
had this thing with picture frames.
If I saw a picture frame, I would
have to touch the four corners of it,
but it would have to feel right.
If you want to talk to anybody,
I have a great therapist.
That's so sweet of you,
but I'm fine.
Okay.
I'm fine.
She's always struggled
with this. It's like, um...
She ran away from home
when she was 16
to become a ballerina.
Like an actual point toes.
Yeah.
Pirouettes and all that?
Nutcracker, yeah.
Black swan kind of thing.
It didn't work out.
She's great,
but it didn't work out.
Then she started coming
to commune shows,
and she became kind of
obsessed with our group.
Then I asked her to join the group.
Wow.
Sam, honey.
Honey, what happened?
You can't just have been
20 minutes late.
Doesn't matter.
Cool.
- Thanks a lot, ma'am.
Oh, my god.
Where you going?
Uh...
I kind of feel like a whore.
What do you mean?
We had a great time.
You're, like, 40.
I just turned 36.
I need you to teach my classes.
Why?
I can't take it anymore.
Another one of my students gets my
dream job, I'm still teaching 101?
I gotta focus on me,
writing for me.
I'm gonna get the job
at weekend live.
That's good for you, miles,
but I can't teach.
Why? I'm good in a group.
I'm no good on my own.
To the improv
for America theater.
Please turn off
your cell phones.
No photography is allowed.
What's that phrase?
"A house is made
of brick and stone,
but a home is made
of love alone"?
You ever hear that one?
No, Greg, I haven't.
I read it, uh...
It was like hanging up
in a doctor's office one time.
You guys ever hear
a phrase that's like,
"a bird in the hand
is like two in a bush"?
I heard that one.
Yeah?
Yeah. You guys
ever hear that phrase,
"there's nothing that
feels better than feeling
someone's last breath
come out of their mouth"?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I heard that one.
I heard that one.
What about, like,
that one where it's like,
"the final drop of blood
in a man's body
is the sweetest nectar
you'll ever drink"?
Yeah. Yeah.
So I met this guy.
He owns this space in midtown.
It's kind of fancy for us.
It's mostly like jazz and
classical music and stuff,
but he said we could rent it
on one of the off-nights.
We might even be able to
make some money. Really?
Yeah.
Wow. Is it expensive or...
That's the thing. We would
have to front like $4,000.
But once we match it in ticket
sales, we split up any profits.
That sounds good.
Can we see the space?
Hey. Come on, guys. Look.
Is this a lovely room, huh?
It's nice.
Is that a Steinway?
Biggest one in the city.
It's got a good vibe.
He seems like he really likes our
show, but he also seems like,
if I'm being honest, like he's
slimy enough to get it done.
Yeah.
Good slimy.
I actually gotta get going.
But I'll see you at 9:00?
Can we make it 9:30? What
are you guys working on?
Writing packet for weekend live.
Cool.
I would get in on that.
What do you mean?
Like, I'd submit
with you guys as a team.
Writing teams are two people.
And we already kind of...
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, I'll do...
I'll do my own.
They should all...
You want the scenes, guys,
to run about three minutes to
four minutes, tops. Gotcha.
The whole packet should have
like three parody pieces,
a commercial piece, a political piece.
That's good.
Do you think they would
want like cartoon form?
I was thinking about
drawing them out
so they read it
almost like a comic.
Maybe draw a couple little
cartoons next to the script.
There's this girl,
and she's on a dating show,
and she doesn't know that
she's fighting to win the love
of an alien and Sasquatch
and Abe Lincoln's ghost.
All right. And then
she wins Abe Lincoln.
He's like, "I can't 'cause I'm
married," and she's like,
"well, then why did you
even join this game show?"
He's like, "'cause I had
a gun to my head."
And then it's actually...
It's John Wilkes booth,
and he's gonna shoot him.
Then John Wilkes booth
is, like, a handsome ghost,
and he's like,
"well, I'm single."
And she's into it
'cause she likes ghosts.
That's out there.
That's awesome.
Gary Cho could play that
Sasquatch, no problem. No problem.
It's too plot heavy.
I don't like it.
They have to order for him
'cause they're like...
Hey, I've got a few friends that
want to submit some writing.
When would be, like, a good time
to talk to Timothy about that?
Is this like a bet?
No, I'm just asking.
Oh, this is like a real thing?
Oh, never.
Don't ever talk to Timothy
about your funny friends.
First year, just don't get fired.
Right, right.
So just don't ever do it
during the first year?
I'm sorry. Was my, like,
tone not sarcastic enough?
Never do it. Ever.
Um... um...
So... I'm filling in
for miles today.
I have to confess, this is
my first ever time teaching.
So it's new for me, it's new for you,
but I think it's gonna be great.
I really think you guys...
I see bright shiny eyes,
and you're making me happy.
Um... what did I
wanna talk to you about?
I wanted to talk to you
about group minds.
We're on the verge. I feel it, right?
So I want...
Even when you're just coming in
and doing warm-ups, zip zap zop,
I want you guys to really be
connecting with each other.
Um...
Does anybody have any questions?
Yes.
I'm sorry.
I'm just finding this
really confusing.
Good note. Good note.
Um, has anybody had
a particularly hard day?
I had to come back
from France early.
Oh!
Oh!
I went to Europe, and I had to come
home early. Oh, the poor girl.
The poor girl
had to go to Europe.
I had to go to France.
Oh, honey.
She had to go to Europe. Is
there anything we can do? I...
This is really depressing.
I'm sorry.
I donate at the office
for kids who have to
come back from Europe.
Yes. I was gonna go to Belgium.
Is there anything you can do?
I don't know.
I mean, I'm kind of dealing
with my own stuff right now.
What kind of stuff?
I have no bone marrow.
- Hey, guys. This is Liz.
- Hey.
Came to the show tonight. We went
to Naperville high school together.
Hi. We used to do high
school theater together.
We did high school theater. We did
a midsummer night's dream. Yeah.
I used to watch her change.
What?
Yeah, true. True story.
That's terrible.
Weird.
This was such a nice surprise.
Oh. Well, you know,
I'm on my world tour.
And I've been following your posts on
Facebook about the commune for years.
I had to check it out.
That's so cool.
I remember in high school you
were the star of every play
and I was always, like,
the milkman or the messenger.
Narrator.
Narrator.
I was a clown
or the stage manager.
Watch your head on the pipe.
This is it.
You know, not huge,
but neither am I.
Wow. This is moving
pretty fast.
No, no, I...
Gosh, no, I...
I wasn't gonna suggest
that we...
I'm not staying here. No, no, no,
I didn't think that you would.
I'm a 36-year-old woman. I'm not
gonna stay in your college dorm.
No, no, of course.
Here. Sorry, sorry.
You're misunderstanding.
I'm 36 as well.
So I'm here for a few weeks.
Oh, I'd love to see you
as much as, you know...
As much as my schedule allows?
Yeah. Hey!
I had a great time.
Oh. Uh...
You should come by tomorrow.
We're gonna watch Jack on TV.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll do that.
Yeah. So...
Oh.
"Thank you forever."
Just be careful with those.
"Art which is most exciting
today is impermanent
and not meant to last
except as an act of love.
It just comes out
between people.
It doesn't want
to be written down.
It passes in the moment
and disappears."
So, for tomorrow,
do you wanna...
Do you want me to get you seats or do
you wanna hang out in my dressing room?
I don't know if I can
go back in that building.
Okay.
I could meet you at the party.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good. Yeah.
It's weekend live!
We're gonna watch the show here, but
Jack is gonna get us into the party.
And...
Jack Mercer!
ICK.
Fuck.
- He did it.
- That's our guy.
Musical guest, Elel.
Five, four,
three, two, one. Go.
Step right up!
I can get your tickets
for you right here!
Tickets! Yeah. Uh, I was
gonna get two tickets,
but I was gonna use a kiosk.
Look no further than me, friend.
I can get you tickets
right here,
and I can get 'em for you
at a g-r-e-a-t price.
Not funny.
Skillful, but not funny.
It's like when something sounds
funny, but it isn't funny.
Please welcome Elel!
We gotta go.
I... dude, I'm coming.
I'm coming. Just give me one second.
Do not leave without me!
No room for your
funny friends, Jack.
Robbie, do not leave without me.
We'll hang
outside the time Warner.
Jack said meet at the stage door.
Stage door?
We're not waiting
outside a building.
Why not? He's probably there
looking for us right now.
That's not even where the party is!
Let's go.
Fine.
Liz and I are not doing that.
We are 36-year-old adults.
Lena! Lena! Lena!
Excuse me.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
Hey, you think any more of 'em
will come out? That's probably it.
My man, you know where the party's at?
I don't know.
Where'd you get that picture?
That's our friend Jack.
I don't know who he is. I
found it on a message board.
That's my boyfriend.
Okay.
That's my arm around him
in that picture.
Yeah, that's her.
Yeah.
Can you guys give me a
little space or something?
I'm taking off, you guys.
I think Liz and I are done.
Yeah, I'm outta here.
Really?
- Hey.
- Have a seat.
Thank you.
You were very good.
Thank you so much. It's
just been so surreal.
- Don't thank me now.
It's weak. -Right.
Thank me if I don't fire
you after the first season.
Right.
Yeah.
I'm kidding.
Oh.
But I got you something.
I'm gonna give you a hint.
It's Swedish.
It's wooden.
It's a bicycle.
Oh!
Yeah, when Bjrk did the show, she
brought her designer Artipelag,
and, uh, he made that by hand.
Really?
Thank you so much. I...
Um...
Uh, should I take it
back over to my table, or...
Oh, we'll store that for you.
Gotcha. Gotcha.
Or you can ride.
Oh.
Hey.
Mmm.
Oh, boy, there she is.
Mmm. Hi.
No, buddy.
Hello.
Ain't happenin'.
Oh, that was like a baby bird.
You know what? I'm gonna sleep
on the couch. You sleep in here.
Hello.
Oh, hello.
Yeah, Timothy recommended these.
- Um, they were imported
from Holland. -God.
He gave them to Dorothy Goodwin
when she went into rehab.
Oh! Not these
particular flowers.
I'm just saying,
it's from that place.
Rehab flowers.
Yeah.
Hey. Sweetie.
I am so sorry about last night.
I'm so sorry, and we're gonna
get through this, okay?
I know.
All right?
Thank you.
All right.
Love you.
Where you going?
I... I gotta go to work.
He had a seizure last week,
actually, which is not a good sign.
Really? Yeah. We're
all really on edge.
God, that sucks, bill.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah.
It's been pretty grim.
It's been pretty grim, you know?
So, um, here's our writing packet.
Yes.
All right. We worked
really hard on it.
Yeah, it's good.
It's good.
Got it. No, no, okay,
guys, absolutely.
Um...
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
Remember, don't thank me yet.
All I can do is try to get
it toward Timothy's desk.
You know what I mean?
Much appreciated.
Yeah. Absolutely.
I want you to know that I
am recommending everybody.
I'm recommending you guys
and miles and... you know.
Yeah. Miles, yeah.
Just remember, we're the two that
have never talked shit about you.
You know, miles, I'm gonna
put in a good word for you,
but it's not my job to give.
Right.
But they'll want me, right?
I...
I taught you.
I know.
I taught you everything.
Just tell them that.
They have Jack Mercer. Now
they can get his teacher.
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna recommend
all you guys.
'Cause I think that's only fair.
This is very unattractive.
Your, like, little hat...
And your... your attitude.
This whole like,
"I'm bigger than everybody."
It's like...
You're just like us.
Your head is so big right now.
Your-your whole
egocentric world...
You just have...
You're completely unaware.
You are st...
You are striking out at me right
now, and I don't understand why,
because I already told you all
I can do is submit your packet
and let the chips fall
where they may.
I just don't feel
like he believes in me.
My dad always told me,
"the thing with an easy sell
is that the thing has
to actually be easy to sell."
What does that even mean?
You have to have the goods.
I don't have the goods?
You can work on the goods
instead of working on Jack.
Do the work.
Oh, I've been working
on the goods.
What are you doing?
Like, are you working right now?
Are you applying for anything?
Uh, unemployment.
Unemployment?
Your parents own a brownstone
on the upper West Side.
Yeah, they do.
I'm separate from them.
You go to therapy twice a week.
Who pays for that?
I'm not having
this conversation.
I just think it's weird that
you're the richest one among us...
And you get checks from the
government that we pay for.
Don't you think that's true, Mr. Coughlin?
Miles, let this one go.
Dog, dog!
Hey, look what I got for you!
My dad bought two tickets
to the Marshfield high school
production of Peter Pan.
Aw.
You look like Peter Pan.
I think he's just nostalgic
for back when I was the star
of every play, you know.
When I was in high school,
I won the Eisner award
for most promising cartoonist,
and I've never had
one book published.
Data's working on this graphic novel.
It's amazing.
Oh, I don't know.
What's it about?
Okay.
So it's about this girl and
she lives in this small town,
and then...
Well, she's a sculptor,
and the whole town
saves up money
and sends her
to the sculpture academy.
And when she gets there,
she never sculpts again.
Why not?
Because she's intimidated.
Can we read it?
Well, it's not done yet.
- Got your back.
- Got your back.
- Got your back.
- Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back.
Please welcome the commune!
We never even really left. No.
Wow.
You just had to wish for us.
Here I am, 58 years old
and twice divorced,
and finally
my imaginary friends return.
Even if we're imaginary,
we love you.
It's the only love
you've ever felt.
You guys...
You feel more real than you
did even when I was a kid.
You're such a great guy.
Sorry none of your wives
ever said that.
And the most
important thing is, don't think.
Del close was the first one who said that.
It's everything.
You don't think, you don't memorize,
you don't... you don't get paid.
Oh, Gary, so true.
But isn't that
kinda fun too? Right?
I remember that one. What am I doing?
Oh, my god.
Remember that? Oh, yeah! I
totally remember that one.
Yeah.
Let's use this box for storage.
So we'll just put stuff in here.
Okay.
- Why are we wearing pajamas?
- Nighttime with us.
They wanna dream in these
improv for America shirts?
They were supposed to go... guys.
You're not gonna believe what I just found.
Do you remember this?
These tuxedos my dad gave us after
he bought out that dry cleaner?
We used to actually
wear these in shows.
All right, what are we thinking?
Storage or garbage?
No, storage.
People loved these.
Why'd we stop wearing them?
It's so small.
I'm so small.
They were fun to wear.
Not a bad idea.
I was seriously worried that other
teams were gonna rip off the idea.
Do you guys feel like this
whole process is kinda like...
Life telling us
to just maybe move on?
Your writing packet is
really good, you guys.
You know, like, weekend live
would be lucky to have you.
Oh, my old...
You don't want it?
No.
I feel like your 20s
are all about hope,
and then your 30s are all about
realizing how dumb it was to hope.
Oh, my god.
Look at you.
You look like a little
claymation seven-year-old.
Wait. Let me see. That's me.
That's a boy.
Who is the one who looks like
he's made of flour and water?
I was 21 years old.
Like, without the commune,
who am I?
It's like when I go
to the grocery store
and people treat me
like I don't exist,
I'm in my head, "boy, I got a secret.
I go onstage. I kill.
I crush. I'm a superhero."
But without improv,
I'm kinda just a loser.
So it was like a silent meditation retreat?
Yeah. In Brazil.
And everyone was quiet.
Okay.
For days.
Okay.
It was...
It was incredible.
I could hear myself think for the first
time, I think, in my whole life.
I bet you got in trouble
for humming.
What do you mean?
'Cause you hum.
I remember that from algebra class.
What?
Mrs. green always
used to get mad
because you would hum
while you were doing equations.
You'd get this faraway look in
your eye and start humming.
I could never figure out
what the song was.
Okay, you know
way too much about me.
That's the tip of the iceberg.
You're freaking me out.
I'm onto you! Now will you
sleep in my college dorm?
No!
I like you.
I like me too.
You just said,
"I like me too."
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
Yeah, you did. You did. No.
The point is, I like you too.
Mmm.
Oh, hey. Hey. What's going on?
I snuck out early
to go to a pharmacy.
I'm pregnant.
Oh!
Um...
Great.
That was fast.
Usually it takes... At
least four to six visits.
No, it's this guy I met in Brazil.
I'm pretty sure.
The... the silent retreat guy?
Yeah.
The silent guy?
You guys just got
straight to it, no talking?
Yeah. No words required.
Um...
Is he gonna be the dad, or...
No. He's young.
Young? Fifteen? Illegal?
What kinda thing?
I can keep a secret.
The first thing I thought when I
found out was I can't keep it.
But then it hit me.
I'm not 19.
I gotta tell you something.
Yeah?
I didn't...
What-what is it?
I didn't go to
my weekend live audition.
I just didn't go.
Why?
I mean, why?
Why wouldn't you go?
I don't know. I freaked out.
I told you I would...
Life is so short, and you have to
do things that you believe in,
or what is the point of all of this?
Yeah.
And I watch that show,
and it's not for me.
I like my life how it is right now.
I like the commune.
I know, Sam. I know.
The day you guys asked me to join the
commune was the greatest day of my life.
It was the greatest day
of my life.
But, honey, you can't do
improv forever, okay?
It just...
It ends, all right?
And I don't want it to end either,
but it will. It just will.
We've gotta jump
to the next Lily pad.
But I like this Lily pad.
Honestly, you should be on this show.
You'd be better than me.
Okay?
Think if, uh, I invited the producers to
come to my improv show, they would come?
'Cause I just want 'em
to see Sam again.
Okay. I don't even wanna
go to your improv show.
The only universe
I see that happening in
is if you got the host to go,
then maybe they would tag along.
Zip! Zap! Zop!
Zip! Zap! Zop!
Zap! Zop! Zap!
Zop!
Wait. Where's miles?
He's in Naperville with Liz.
What are they doing?
The new guy
is sanding the walls.
- Who's the new tenant?
- Urban outfitters.
Placards.
Anyway, but it's a really
beautiful neighborhood
with great restaurants.
Zip! Zap! Zop!
Zip! Zap! Sorry.
We should get onstage.
All right.
You sure?
Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back. Got
your back, buddy.
And we are the commune!
Has anyone had
a particularly hard day?
Do the ticket taker guy!
That's a character
that Jack played on TV, yeah.
Could we get
a different suggestion?
Weekend live!
That is...
That's the name of a television show.
You nailed that. Um...
Anything... anything else?
Ben stiller?
Ben stiller.
Ben stiller is a member of
tonight's audience, correct.
Yeah, I'm... not... yeah.
Um, anything about
a personal hard day?
Something that happened to you?
Uh...
Here, here!
I got a bushel of tickets!
I mean, there's no show,
but I got tickets!
I got tickets!
Holy mackerel, look at you!
Is that... is that... is that
Gena Rowlands, the actress?
Hey-hey-hey!
It's not.
I, uh... I'm just a regular
ticket-loving lady.
You're telling me you're
not Gena Rowlands, huh?
I'm telling you
I'm not Gena Rowlands.
This is my improv group. This is Ben, guys.
Hi. I'm Ben.
How's it going?
Hi.
Great show. Great show.
You guys were great.
- Really, really funny. -Oh, thanks,
but you don't have to say that.
No, I know
I don't have to say it.
- Right. Right.
- You guys were great.
I'm sorry. I have to ask.
I've always wondered.
When you wake up in the morning,
are you just like, "oh,
my god, I'm Ben stiller"?
Um... yeah. Probably in the same
way you wake up in the morning
and go, "I'm Allison."
In heavyweights and dodgeball
and reality bites,
you've never shied away from
playing an unlikable character.
Like, what... what gives
you that courage?
Um... wow.
You know, I never really thought
of myself as unlikable, but...
Oh, I didn't...
You're not.
No, no, no, I'm just saying
as the character obviously...
You know.
Did you think that the reality
bites guy was unlikable?
My question is, who wrote the Eddie
Munster sketch? Did you write it?
Uh, yeah, yeah,
with my buddy Jeff Kahn.
That's the best sketch.
That's such a long time ago.
I didn't think you were
unlikable in that...
oh, no, no, no. I know.
Is the bathroom right over here?
Yeah.
Be right back.
Guys. This is awesome.
It's great.
Please don't ask so many questions, okay?
This isn't 60 minutes.
Wow.
My students just arrived.
I see Gary and some
of the other guys.
- I'm gonna hang out with them.
- Why? Why?
'Cause I don't wanna
get scolded tonight.
I'm not gonna scold you.
Why? Was i... am I scolding?
I don't understand how I was...
was I scolding you guys?
Wait. Don't sit here.
Ben'll sit here.
Mm. No. No.
There are two types
of bad shows.
There's the type of bad show where
we sell each other out onstage...
And nobody hangs out afterwards,
and then there's
the type of bad show
where you all go down together,
and then you come to the bar
afterwards and you laugh about it.
That is the type of bad show
I want you to have.
Yeah, no, yeah, we do that all the time.
You gotta love each other, okay?
You gotta be willing
to be broke.
You gotta be willing to hit rock bottom.
Duh. Duh.
Together! Oh, we're
definitely broke.
We all share a one-bedroom in Bushwick.
It's terrible.
Way to own it, guys!
This is a game
called "blurt."
Pick one person. Say the first thing about
them that comes to your mind. Connor. Go.
Fat.
Dangerous.
A little slow. This
game hurts my feelings.
Twenty years from now, oceans are
gonna wipe out the eastern seaboard,
and no one's gonna care
who made what album,
whereas the beach boys
already had a 50-year run.
We're still talking about pet
sounds, and that came out in '67?
Nobody's talking
about pet sounds.
In 2050,
will people know who Drake is?
Once the eastern
seaboard's flooded,
are you gonna care
about the beach boys?
Yeah, more! Surfing songs
will be more relevant.
There'd be more
water surface area.
Yeah.
Uh, these are
some writing samples
from some of the improvisers
in my group,
and they're really
a talented bunch of guys.
I just wondered
if you wanted to look at 'em.
Jack, you should worry
about yourself.
Oh, okay.
I'm cutting you
from "jugglers with vertigo."
Oh. Okay.
You know, you're not
what we call a pure talent.
You're not a virtuoso.
You're the kind of player
who should write for himself.
And if I don't get it, then I'll
move to Naperville with you guys.
Miles. No.
You don't...
This... this isn't for you.
This is...
No, this is for me.
I'm just...
Will you give me a chance?
Come on.
If it's a boy,
we name him Rodrigo.
To respect his Brazilian roots.
Rodrigo.
Have an open mind.
I know when you look at me, I get
what you're seeing, but I'm also...
I want to think
that I can be better than that.
Tickets are now on sale
for our show this weekend
at the 45th street lounge.
Will Jack be there?
No, he has a show that night,
but this is kind of like
a test run for a longer run.
And if it goes well,
we'll have more shows,
and then Jack will
definitely be at those.
Oh.
You wouldn't "aw"
if you knew him better.
How much are tickets?
They're $45, but down the
road there may be discounts.
But don't wait
for "down the road," okay?
'Cause we don't know that there's
gonna be a road to go down.
So please come.
And that's more expensive than
you're used to paying for our shows,
but, you know, we promise that
it'll be of a high quality,
and we're just trying to keep the
thing alive, so, uh, thanks.
Okay. Anybody had
a particularly hard day?
Yeah, we're sad Jack's not here.
Well, he was a very good man.
Loved him.
I loved him so much.
He died so young.
But not as young
as you think he is.
And he also had bad skin. Hmm.
I miss, um...
When you talked to him, he
would "uh-huh" and be there
and you could almost forget that he was
just waiting for you to stop talking
so he could talk.
Friends, I have terrible news.
Worse than Jack being dead?
Um, it turns out Jack
is really popular in heaven.
And, uh, his, uh...
His new friends
are having a funeral
for him there.
In heaven?
Uh, yeah, in Brooklyn.
And, uh, they have his body.
Bill, Allison: What?
Yeah.
What's in this casket?
Ah, it's just his head shot.
Let me help you
with that there, honey.
Oh, you got a memento
from the theater there, huh?
Maybe I'll keep
the theater going somewhere.
Okay. I gotta...
I gotta go to work.
We've got "Scooby-doo
gets put down,"
"Kim JONG-un on
the bachelorette."
They're not getting on.
Is there anything from your live shows?
Any go-to characters you do?
All right, so we're in the red.
Live and learn.
You can keep that.
I heard from my guy at weekend
live about your writing sample.
It's not gonna happen
for you there, miles.
Did you talk to Bonnie? Yeah.
We didn't get it.
So all of us got rejected?
Fuck.
It's got two bedrooms,
a kitchen, beautiful bathroom.
Is that a toilet?
Well, obviously the bathroom
is in the kitchen.
Oh.
And then who are they?
Oh. Those are
two small orphans.
Hi.
Orphans?
The apartment comes
with these two orphans.
You can put a piece of
furniture in front of 'em.
Put 'em in a hamper.
He can't do that.
And does
the landlord mind if I paint?
We've been replaced
by Ben stiller.
Fuck that!
I'm going to the party.
Hey, Jack!
Oh, excuse me.
One second.
Miles, what's going on?
What are you guys doing here?
We saw the show tonight.
One of those sketches
looked pretty familiar.
We can talk about this, but not right here.
Grab a drink.
Everything okay, Jack?
We're fine. We're good.
You're a fucking thief!
Miles, you don't understand
how hard this job is, okay?
I have tried to sell you.
It is not easy.
Oh, my god!
Are you okay?
You're going outside.
Hey!
- Don't push me like that.
- What's going on?
What was that?
- Wow! Jesus! -Miles, that
wasn't the fuckin' plan.
That's just how I felt. I'm sorry.
What the fuck, miles?
What happened?
I stuck up for all of us.
And I'm going back in there!
You fucking psycho!
Miles, just relax.
- Where were you?
- I was out here.
Doing what?
I didn't wanna embarrass myself
in front of my coworkers.
What does that mean?
I got the writing job
on weekend live.
Motherfuck!
They gave it to you?
You didn't even tell us you were
submitting. That's so weird.
We showed you our packet. And
you didn't even say a thing?
I didn't think I was gonna get
it, and I was embarrassed.
That is so shady. And you're not
even gonna last five minutes there.
'Cause you have no work ethic.
Bill's right.
You've taken nine years,
and you still haven't
finished your doodle book.
I think what kills me
is that you don't even know
what it's like to work.
You've had everything in your life
handed to you on a silver platter.
I didn't get handed this.
I turned in a writing
submission and it was good.
No one wants to say this, miles,
but you don't have it.
You were never inches away
from anything.
Fuck you, Lindsay.
You won't, 'cause I'm not 22
and I'm not your student.
You gotta let go, miles.
All this weekend live shit
is meaningless.
You've got the commune.
We only got one more show.
I don't wanna do it alone.
Please welcome the commune!
Has anybody had
a particularly hard day?
Yeah. You have.
You're right.
You're right.
I have had a hard...
Month.
And I just feel like I'm...
I feel like I'm in a...
Guys!
I'm down here!
I'm in a well!
"Sam is in a well?
Oh, my god,
this is a disaster!"
"She's in a well.
What will we do?
She's in a well.
Oh, my god. It's so bad."
Guys, stop worrying
about me. I'm fine.
I... I actually kinda
like it down here.
It's quiet and it's cool.
There's... there's water.
Oh.
Ow.
Ow! Somebody
throwing pennies?
"I'm, uh, sorry, milady.
I was making a wish
for my dying aunt Fiona."
Oh.
That's a... that's an unplaceable
accent you've got there.
But if it's for your
sick aunt Fiona, please.
Is that my boyfriend Jack?
"Yeah. What do you need?
I'll get it for you."
No, I'm... I'm fine.
That's what I want you to
know is that I'm fine.
You don't have
to worry about me.
I'm not worried about you, honey.
I'm not worried at all.
I'm just...
I'm just here to support you.
Uh...
Hey.
What's going on?
Did you...
Did you, uh, fall in a well?
I did.
Ah, yes, that's...
Because that's... yes.
Uh, but you don't have
to worry about me,
because I like it down here.
No, I will not leave you, okay?
I'm lowering down the bucket.
Oh, you could never pull me up though.
I have very heavy bones.
I'm fully aware of that,
and i... and I took precautions.
Those magical beans sitting on the counter
this morning? They gave me super strength.
I'm so sorry to tell you, but those
were just black beans from Chipotle.
Right.
But the good thing is that...
That I hired a wizard,
who was surprisingly affordable,
and he cast a spell over those beans,
and now I have super strength.
I'm just saying, you know,
I am not gonna leave you.
Sam.
Honey.
Maybe I belong in the well.
I think we both know it's over.
It's okay.
Del close once said
watching great improv
is like watching people put the plane
together when they're already in the sky.
It's not meant to last,
except as an act of love.
It passes in a moment
and disappears.
Oh, my goodness!
Hello, hello!
Oh, my god.
Hi.
Oh, my gosh!
You're great!
Oh, don't cry.
He's sad!
Don't be sad!
He's sad!
You're in America.
Before weekend live and second
city and improv Olympic
and all the TV shows that came
out of these theater movements,
Viola Spolin
and Paul Sills and Del Close
and a bunch of people in Chicago and
San Francisco in the 1950s and '60s
created this art form.
My dad lived
one kind of lifestyle.
I live a very
different lifestyle.
He didn't always understand me,
but he always respected me.
I loved that about my dad.
The last six months,
I got to know my dad better than
the rest of our lives combined.
Listen. I'll be on the next
train home, all right?
It's not even gonna make dress,
so don't worry about it. Bye.
Hey, great service. Thank you so
much, father. That was great.
I missed just a tiny bit.
Thanks, buddy.
Wait. So who wins Jenga?
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Thanks for making it down.
I know it's not
very convenient, so...
- Oh, my god. Of course.
- Yeah, buddy, absolutely, man.
Thanks for letting me and Liz and
Rodrigo crash in the guest room.
Yeah, no sweat, man.
He has your eyes, you know?
Not my biological son.
I don't know.
You look pretty Brazilian.
Yeah, and the consistency
of the hair is uncanny.
"Thank you."
Aw, man.
That is entirely unacceptable.
He's dead.
That's a dead man
you're mocking.
"Thank you."
Um, I just called a car
to come get Jack,
bring him to the train station.
We'll wait outside for that, and then after
that, I can show you guys the theater.
Oh, yeah?
What's the theater?
Well, my dad actually bought
this old porn theater,
and we're gonna fix it up,
turn it into an improv space.
Yeah, we're gonna
teach and have shows.
We're actually doing a show
for data's graphic novel.
- Oh!
- You finished it.
- Yeah.
- That a girl.
Well, that's you, Jack. Yeah.
Well, here we go, guys.
Bye, Jack.
See ya.
Have a good one.
See ya soon.
Bye, buddy.
You know, I think maybe I'll go
to the theater with you guys.
How about that?
No.
It's the last train
to New York. Get on it.
You know
you're cutting it close.
We love you, pal.
All right, I'll see
you Monday at work.
Billy.
Got your back.
Bye.
Wow.
Come on!
Well, it needs a lot of
work, but it's ours.
We get to program
the whole thing,
and we're just gonna try to find some,
like, local kids who are hungry,
try to build a scene
here in town, you know?
Has anyone had
a particularly hard day?
You.
I...
- I buried my dad.
- Oh!
Mr. Severn Darden will do
a spot improvisation for you.
Okay, a little bit of history.
In 1955, a group
of actors in Chicago
invented the idea that
improvisational theater
could be an art form
unto itself,
not just a warm-up
for other theater.
We're going to be playing
with the all-American football.
That's an odd shape, isn't it?
It's not actually round.
Everyone has their own take on
what's most important in improv.
But even 60 years later they still
boil down to three basic rules.
Sly and the family stone.
Jody and Buffy. Buffy
and the vampire slayer.
Um, vampires...
Weekend.
Number one: Say yes.
Duck season.
Duck hunt.
Nintendo.
Which really means just agreeing with
the reality your partner creates
and then building on that...
Pong.
Burp.
And then building on that.
Burp. Burp.
And then building on that
and building on that.
Defender.
Oh, um, Frogger?
Mmm.
Oh, my god, that is amazing.
Jack, you have worked on that.
Yeah, yeah, that's a good...
That's a prepared bit.
That's not improvised. What?
I don't accept that as improv.
Number two:
It's all about the group.
- Yes. -It's not about
you looking good.
It's also not about
looking funny.
No.
Or showboating.
It's about a group working
together in the moment
to create something
that never happened before,
you know, or will
never happen again.
Five minutes, guys.
"Five minutes, guys."
"Five minutes-ah."
Why am I Japanese?
Remember when you said, "please
tell me when I'm racist"?
This is one of those times.
Thanks.
Whoa! Finally, and this is
the most important one:
He's swinging free!
Don't think.
It's all about
getting out of your head.
It's about impulse.
It's about living in the moment.
It's about now.
- Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
- No!
We all said we would wear the same outfit.
Everybody agreed.
"Let's start wearing
matching outfits."
I felt like this was the only thing
all of us owned. Say, "yes, and."
Nobody's "yes, and-ing" me
right now.
You've gotta go. You've gotta go.
I'm being a professional.
In improv,
there are no mistakes.
Like Del close once said,
"fall and then figure out
what to do on the way down."
- Welcome to the improv
- for America theater.
Please turn off your cell phones.
There's no talking.
All right, got your back.
Got your back, got your
back, got your back.
Guys, I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, no.
Sorry.
"Guys, I'm sorry I'm late."
"Sorry." "There was this
sun in the sky and... oh!"
Guess what.
What?
Don't care that you're late.
I don't care that you're late.
Please welcome the commune!
All right, you guys, let's go.
Hi. I'm Sam.
I'm miles.
I'm bill.
Allison.
Lindsay.
Jack.
And we are the commune.
Everything you see tonight
is gonna be improvised.
This show is really
all about you guys.
So we want to know, has anybody out
here had a particularly hard day?
And something actually hard, not
like your roommate ate your yogurt.
It was still shitty
when you ate my yogurt, miles.
Go ahead.
I'm looking for
an apartment, and it sucks.
Like, why specifically
does it suck?
The only one I can afford has the
bathroom in the kitchen. Hmm.
Hi.
Great.
Hi.
As you can see,
there's two bedrooms.
Lovely.
Here is the kitchen.
Nice. There's a
beautiful bathroom.
Is that a toilet?
Yes, that is.
The toilet is in the kitchen.
Hmm, mm.
Mm-hmm, yes. Mm-hmm.
And, um, who are they?
They... they are...
Uh, they are orphans.
They are orphans.
Hi.
Uh, did you say "orphans"?
Yes. The apartment
comes with orphans.
Oh.
Yes, yes, yes.
Does the landlord mind
if I paint?
You can't paint the orphans, no,
but you can paint the walls.
This is the place I was telling you about.
It has a lot of character.
This is my husband.
I love it.
It's great. Hey, guys, this is it.
It's gonna sell today.
You gotta go for it.
I'll take it.
No, I'm gonna take it. We'll
pay 30 percent over asking.
Well, I'll pay
50 percent over asking.
Well, we'll pay
100 percent over asking.
No, well, I'll pay $2 million
for this apartment.
For... really?
Yes.
Okay, yeah. What makes you
want this apartment so badly?
It's the orphans.
I want to raise them.
- Mm-hmm. -This was my first
group, the awakening, in 1997.
That had me, bill,
Brad Burke. He's on...
He's on stuck in the middle. Yeah, yeah.
He's done really well.
And this guy's on weekend live, right?
Hugh Finn, yeah.
Wow. I auditioned that year too.
I was... inches.
And you're very talented. I mean, you're
upper third of your class, but...
Most of these guys,
they're just not gonna make it.
Three percent...
Excuse me just a second.
No, Bonnie,
we could move the theater.
We could find a space
in Brooklyn.
We could move
to long island city, Astoria.
- All the music venues, they're
heading to Bushwick. -Or Gowanus.
The business model
for selling $5 tickets to a show
is not exactly sound.
The theater's closing. We've gotta
be out of there in four weeks.
They're selling.
Another trump building, I think.
New York City is over.
New York City, you're fired.
Improv for America,
you're fired.
All of America, you're fired.
- What the hell was that?
- That was trump.
JFK.
That was JFK.
Your impersonation
is so bad, you're fired.
We're not leaving.
We could start a protest.
We could do
like an online campaign.
Occupy!
Miles, come on.
Protest! Protest!
Whoa! Whoa!
Jesus.
It was a bit.
A bit gone bad.
Samantha Byrne, you took that bit too far.
You're fired.
I concur. You're fired.
JFK.
Most of us live here.
Oh, really? Jack and Sam
moved out last year.
They have their own place.
Lindsay lives with her parents.
- My parents live with me.
- Yeah, whatever.
This is my room.
Watch your head on the pipe.
Oh.
It's, uh, not huge, but...
Neither am I, so...
What if I threw up
in your mouth?
That's it.
You throw up?
I'd go, "thanks, baby bird."
So weird. You're so...
You're so weird, I love you.
It's too gross even for me.
It's too gross.
I like that you went with it though.
I did.
I like that you went with it.
I like that you went with it.
I need to work on my Irish.
I like that you went for it. No.
That's just a speech impediment.
I thought it was a good show.
Oh, let me show you something.
Look at this.
- Hmm? -I don't know
what you're showing me.
It's called Bucky's.
It looks like a porn house.
It is. I bought it
for practically nothing.
I'll wipe the splooge off the
walls and flip it into a sephora.
Dad, I've told you I'm not
interested in real estate.
All right.
You still giving out
hummus samples?
No. I got a new job.
Great.
Hummus and chips?
No, thank you.
Hummus and chips?
No.
Okay. Follow me.
Like, I'm the most talented
copy editor at my agency,
and they fired me.
What's crazy is,
I don't even need the job.
It's hard to have
wealthy parents, Lindsay.
Can we have another suggestion?
Uh, pen.
Hey, man, I got you
this new pen.
It's actually not a pen.
That's a fish.
And you dumb.
Pause there.
So, good stuff, you guys.
Um, I think what we wanna do
is think in positives.
So Natasha says, "here's a
pen." You might add to that.
You know, "oh, thanks." It's got an
inscription. It says "happy anniversary."
Okay, cool. That's tight if you
wanna be doing improv forever.
But I wanna do weekend live.
Like, how do you do that?
You wait in line, Gary.
You looked good.
It's weekend live!
I'm glad you're keeping score.
It's the sports of comedy. It's the
only live sporting event of comedy.
But comedy isn't a sport.
"It's the sports of comedy."
It shouldn't have winners and losers,
and there shouldn't be points.
They got Gary Cho,
and then it's like, who else?
You know what I mean?
Everybody else is... White.
Even if it wasn't me, there should
be somebody else on this show
that represents another... Different
shades of white, certainly.
Yes, definitely. They've
got eggshell. Ecru.
To ecru to off-white
to almost ochre.
I enjoy ochre performers.
It was good when I was little.
You never know if it was good
when you were little
or you were just little,
so you didn't know.
It's the great paradox of weekend
live, is was it good ever?
Or did we think so
because we were 12?
You should not have
said that in your audition.
I brought that up
at my interview.
Hi.
Sarah, we're gonna hold ten.
Why are we holding ten?
I called Hugh Finn. He's bringing over
some producers from weekend live.
Hey, Jack, don't pull
some showboat shit out there.
What? When do I do that?
You always do that.
Anyone from the industry shows up, you
turn into a one-man audition tape.
You did it when the guy from Conan
came, when law and order came.
You guys, where's bill?
Where is bill?
He doesn't wanna miss this.
"Where are you?"
Bill?
Where's bill?
Where's bill? Where's bill?
Bill, bill, bill,
bill, bill, bill.
Bill's not gonna be happy
about missing weekend live.
- I love bill, but we gotta do the show.
- Here we go, guys.
Please welcome the commune!
Hi. I'm Sam.
Miles.
Allison.
Lindsay.
Jack.
And we are the commune.
In fact, everything you see tonight
is going to be improvised,
and it's all about you guys.
So did anybody out there
have a particularly hard day?
Hmm? Yes.
Yeah, I saw my dad for the
first time in ten years today.
What? Really? Where?
He drives a taxi, and I just
randomly got into his cab.
Wait. No, no, no.
Wow.
Fact-checking.
Uh, you got into a taxi.
You did not know it was your dad.
Then you said, "hi, dad"?
Yes, I said, "hi, dad."
Well, okay.
Wow. Hop in.
Oh.
Thanks. I didn't think anyone was gonna
pick me up. It's raining so hard.
Yeah. Where you headed?
I'm going to a restaurant
on west fourth and Broadway.
What do you got goin' on there?
A blind date with a man I'll probably
engage in sexual congress with.
That seems a little fast.
Well...
Thank you. I...
I consider myself quite fast.
In fact, I...
I have abandonment issues.
My father left me.
So I basically only relate
to men through sex.
That's challenging
for me to hear.
Um... in that case,
I think I'll get out here.
Okay.
Welcome to la Traviata.
How many?
Two. I'm meeting someone.
I'll be right back.
Thank you.
Dad?
I'm just trying to be
part of your life.
And you drove the cab?
Well, uh, now, look,
as the president of
the United States of America,
I believe that it's not only
my duty to find your father
but also have him pick you up in a cab
and take you to your destination.
This is a new program we're working
on right now called cabs for dads,
but my critics like
to call it Obamacabs.
Uh, as if that would bother me.
I was justifying why a man would be
picking up his daughter in a cab.
You also justified why you should
be doing your best impression.
When weekend live is there.
When weekend live is there.
I thought it was very strong.
Thank you.
No, you know, they're right.
You guys are right. I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that. I went out
there. I shouldn't have done that.
That's Alicia Bonham
and Hugh Finn.
Should I go over there?
Why would you go
over there and not us?
I don't care.
It doesn't Matt...
I could go over there. You could
go over there. We can't all go.
Hi. I'm Jack.
Alicia.
That show was so good.
Thank you. Oh, my god.
I'm so flattered. We are so flattered.
Such an honor.
We're all so flattered,
you know.
I started the group 11 years ago.
Hi. I'm Lindsay.
I love these guys. We were
in the trenches together.
Miles and I are, like,
stage brothers for life.
So I'll see you
at Hugh's wedding then.
Oh, um, you're getting married?
It's actually just
a really small thing, so...
I don't care. I don't
wanna go to a wedding.
I hate weddings.
And babies.
If you ever have a baby,
don't invite me to it.
I follow you on Twitter.
I fucking hate Twitter.
My publicist made me join.
But, I mean, it's part of it,
though, you know, right? Right?
Yeah.
If you ever wanna
hate it together,
I'm Jack-underscore-Mercer,
so...
Underscore is my middle name.
I have an Instagram
for my neighbor's dog, actually.
So if you wanna check that out,
really fun stuff.
You don't have to be
an animal lover.
It's just like really human
moments but also dog moments.
Uh, tulipbone,
'cause the dog's name is tulip.
She likes bones. Easy to remember.
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
Nice to meet you.
It is weird that he didn't
invite me to his wedding.
Is it though?
I wasn't invited either.
Smug son of a bitch. I'm not
invited to his wedding?
I introduced him to his wife.
I just tagged Alicia
on some tulipbone pictures.
Oh, nice.
You mispronounced Alicia.
Alicia.
No, it's not pron...
This is Natasha. She's one of my students.
She's staying with us this week.
Hey. I got evicted.
My roommate sells crack.
Oh, man.
How was your show?
It was good.
Weekend live showed up.
Oh, god. Seriously?
Are they casting?
'Cause I've been working
on my characters. Yeah?
Like, "y'all want some crack?
Y'all want some crack
in your eggs?"
I'm not sure they're casting.
Anyway...
Oh, my god. You guys, Bonnie
just texted me. They loved Sam.
Sam? You hear that? Yeah?
Did they mention me?
You know, I auditioned for the
show in 2003. I was... inches.
"Inches. I was, like, inches.
I was, like, inches."
Don't break my phone.
Boom. Yes.
So who wins Jenga?
The person who does not
knock it over.
Like, everybody
who doesn't lose Jenga wins.
Such a weird game.
Well done.
Yes, I can.
Mm-hmm. I'm there.
What's going on?
Sam. Sam.
More points for riskier moves?
You know that Americans eat
one trillion eggs a year?
- We do not. Is that
even true, data?
Why do you call her data?
You don't know data from Star Trek?
How old are you?
Okay, we will be there.
So, are you okay?
Yeah. That was Bonnie.
Okay.
We have an audition
on Thursday for weekend live.
You and me?
You and me.
She's losing right now, right?
You have to put...
Bill! Bill, where were you?
Sorry I missed the show.
"Sorry."
"Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry I missed the show."
You don't wanna...
You don't wanna do that.
Just stop.
It's real, okay? Just stop.
You did it!
You did it. We did it.
My dad, he rode
his motorcycle home.
And, uh...
On the highway
this 18-Wheeler
kind of edged him off the highway,
and he hit the guardrail.
He's in the hospital. I gotta
take the train to see him.
- We're sorry. -I'll get my dad's car.
I'll drive you down there.
We'll all come.
I'm sorry.
What's going on?
Bill's dad had a motorcycle accident.
Some truck hit it.
He got hit.
We're gonna go to Philadelphia tomorrow.
I'll get my dad's car.
We actually have some news too.
We have...
We're auditioning on
Thursday for weekend live.
- Congrats, man.
- Thanks, man.
Weekend live, they came
to tonight's show?
Yeah.
Alicia and Hugh.
Motherfuck.
Sorry.
They're not gonna come again, right?
That's it. They might.
The theater's closing. Maybe
they'll wanna take another shot.
Maybe they'll come again, you know?
Probably not.
I'm sorry.
Do you know which bits
you're gonna do?
We just heard, like,
ten minutes ago, so...
You gotta do Alex Rodriguez
at the cell phone store.
I forgot all about that one.
Oh, my gosh.
You gotta do the rock when the
rock loses all the weight.
- Slim-fast rock. What did you call it?
- The pebble.
The pebble, right.
"Can you smell
what the pebble's cookin'?"
"Not much, and that's why
I lost the weight."
It's weird that they
didn't want me to audition.
In some ways, it makes sense.
It's like they don't want more generals.
They want infantry.
Yeah. Yeah.
When I did it, it was three
characters, three impersonations.
What I did... nobody cares, miles.
What are you doing, Sam?
I don't know yet.
Jack, what are you gonna do?
Oh, you should do uncle John.
What's that one?
"Okay, look.
Kids down there makin' noise.
Come down to the basement
half in the bag, talkin' 'bout,
'all you kids in the basement!
I ain't gonna have it
with none of you kids.
Y'all down here, you break
anything, you make any noise,
then there's the door.'"
okay. Then what?
The premise of the character
is that he points to the door?
"That's always the way he
exclamation-points the end of the sentence.
You kids out here makin' noise,
I don't want you in here,
breaking my antiques.
There's the door.
There's the door.
There's the door.
There's the door."
Uncle John, uncle John.
What?
I'm Bambi, and I don't
know where my mom is.
"You know what?
There's the Doe."
There's the Doe!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Uncle John, uncle John.
"Yeah. What's goin' on?"
I make pizza. I can find my sauce and
cheese, but I can't find the other part.
"It's right here, dude. There's...
the dough." There's the dough!
"There's the dough."
Kneading the dough!
Miles, it's weird when you do it.
"Go out the door."
We had to do an emergency
craniotomy to remove blood.
Your dad understands
what happened and where he is,
but he can't vocalize
more than a word or two.
We are past this point, trying to
remember when the turning point was,
but there actually was
a turning point.
We should head out.
We should head out.
I'll come visit again soon, dad.
Thank you.
You're welcome, dad.
Bye, Mr. Coughlin.
See you later, Mr. Coughlin.
Feel better, Mr. Coughlin.
See you soon.
Bye, Mr. Coughlin. We'll be back.
All right.
I know it's not about me,
but I don't want my dad to
die thinking I'm a failure.
You're not a failure, bill.
You're in the commune.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, bill,
I know it seems,
like, grim right now,
but, boy, he's really a fighter.
Yeah.
And there was that one moment
where he was like, "thank you."
And that was actually pretty good.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
He was really present.
Yeah, he was like,
"thank you."
Miles, that's wrong. You're
doing an impersonation?
It was more like,
"thank you."
Oh!
Oh, Lindsay, let me see your talent.
"Thank you."
"Thank you."
"Thank you."
"Thank you."
No, that's Bob Dylan.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only one
that should impersonate my dad
when he's basically in a coma.
- Mine was good though.
- Oh, god, miles.
It was pretty good, but it
was really inappropriate.
"Thank you."
There we go.
Yea!
"Hello. Hello.
My name is Liam Neeson.
If it's money
that you're looking for,
I've got none.
I've used all of it
the last six times
my daughter was taken.
I mean, didn't you find it
very easy to kidnap her?"
"No, you and I should sit.
You have to go over there.
God, are we glued here?
We're glued here."
Can't we have a stationary table?
Uh...
"Can't we get a table that
doesn't move?" Nobody answers!
"Nobody answers!
In this business."
that doesn't wobble here?
What?
"What?"
- Move the table aside.
- "What?"
I wanna put my feet on it.
"Feet on it.
Can't we get a stationary table?
Can't... can't we get
a stationar...
Nobody listens in this...
Nobody!"
"If one hair on her head
is harmed...
What, she's dead?
To be quite honest,
there's a bit of relief there."
So I was thinking about doing
Gena Rowlands... Yeah.
From a woman under
the influence as an umpire.
Okay. Well, that was obscure
in 1974, but okay.
"Pfft! Yeah.
Nick, you're out."
"What?
How could I be out?"
"You missed the base.
You're out. Pfft!"
"Missed the base? I didn't even
swing." "Rain delay! Pfft."
"I didn't swing
at the ball."
You have to do
the porches things too.
"P-o-r-c-h-e-s.
We have aluminum porches.
Enclosed por..."
"listen, Anne prima
Donna." "Yes, papa?"
"You're the prettiest girl
in Brooklyn.
If anyone tells you different, they're
outta their minds." "Oh, papa."
"Look at these lips.
Those are kissable lips."
"What could you do for my lips, papa?"
"I could do just about anything.
Let me check the lips first, and
we'll see what we're doing here.
Oh.
Mmm.
Boy, my daughter's
good at everything."
Just kid...
You trained her well.
All right.
We gotta get moving.
"Oh, but an elf has confused
my legs for trees
and sawed them off
for firewood."
I'm serious. Here we go.
Come on, Sam.
"Can't we just lie here in
the Meadow?" Come on, Sam.
"Yes, magical tree, we can
lie here in the Meadow
as long as that Meadow
is the train."
"Oh."
"Oh, here we are, magical..."
No, no, Jack, put me down.
We're going to...
I'm sorry...
I need time.
We don't have much time, hon.
But yours is at 4:00, and mine's at 4:15.
So I'll just meet you there.
I can wait if you
want me to stay with you.
"Just go, Jack.
I'll meet you there.
Don't worry about me."
It's better if I meet you there?
Honey, I got it. I'm good.
Welcome.
Can I see your I.D.?
Ray Romano
singing "happy birthday."
Hi. Sam Byrne, weekend live.
See some I.D.
Rath, it was unbelievable.
I killed it, man.
I absolutely crushed it!
I can't believe it.
I did ray Romano sings.
They had to stop because
everyone was laughing so hard.
No! You shut up!
A character called
the ticket taker.
He's an old timey ticket taker, but
he works at a modern cineplex.
And he doesn't understand.
He's, like, delusional.
He thinks that we've lost the
classic kind of feel of the cinema.
And so he's stuck
in this world. So...
Hi. Hello.
Hi. I'm here to
quit show business.
Well, hello.
Hi. I'm here to quit
show business as well.
What? Jugglers
almost never quit.
What else do they have to do?
So then he says,
"that's how it goes."
And then
I was like, "okay."
So I walk back into the
lobby, out of his office.
And Gary Cho was sitting there.
He looks at me.
Gary Cho says,
"we're all really excited."
And then I'm going,
"uh-oh. What?"
And at that moment, Timothy's
assistant comes out of the office...
And made it official.
Oh, my god!
Ahh!
- Yeah!
- That is amazing.
Jack! Oh, man, that is amazing.
Awesome.
Congratulations.
I know, I know.
I'm fucking spinning.
Dude! Yes! Dude!
Thank you, man.
My man!
That's so... I can't believe I
know someone on weekend live.
So that's it?
You just got it?
For years, I was like, "it's either
Jack or miles, but probably Jack."
I always thought that.
No, but that's what you get.
That's what you get.
Right? Uh, yeah.
Where's Sam?
You know what?
We showed up separately.
She hasn't texted me back yet.
So I don't know what's going on.
Can you still do our shows?
We only have three weeks left.
You can still do our shows.
I don't know.
I don't... you know, uh...
I mean, it's late night.
It's just the weekday.
I don't know, 'cause you're
writing all the time.
It's our first week. I wanna
put my best foot forward.
There she is.
There she is.
Hi. I'm so sorry I missed the show.
How was it?
- It doesn't matter. What happened?
- How'd it go?
Um...
I was late, and they wouldn't let me in.
What? Why? Why?
I don't know.
How late were you?
I was, like, 20 minutes late.
Twenty minutes late,
and they wouldn't let you in?
All right. Maybe I was
30 minutes late.
But how was it for you?
Listen. I told you I would wait for you.
I told you I would go...
I know. How was it
for you though?
Honey, yeah, I got the show.
I got it.
That's great.
Yeah, yeah.
That's...
Honey, but I...
Thank you.
I wanted us both to get it. I
really wanted us both to get it.
I know.
Look, guys, this is, um...
This is a victory for the whole
group, okay? 'Cause I'm gonna...
- you mean you'll talk to
Timothy about us? -Uh...
When you talk to him,
my name's bill.
Just to remind you, I'm bill. We've
known each other many years.
A lot of guys who get on that
show can hire their own writers
or, you know, suggest it.
Seriously.
Yeah. I mean, I'm...
To Jack, everybody! To Jack!
Cheers! All right! Jack.
This is huge.
Bill!
Put me down.
I was Jack's
first teacher, actually.
Oh.
You're my first teacher.
Exactly.
That's cool.
Crazy.
Yeah. It's just like
anything could happen.
I was just so in it, and I felt,
"if I don't get this,
I'm gonna kill myself."
I literally thought that, and
I believe that to be true.
Oh, you mean like
if you had to live our lives?
Like, if you had to continue living
like us, you'd kill yourself?
I don't have OCD.
I used to when I was a kid.
I had it kind of like... Basically, I
had this thing with picture frames.
If I saw a picture frame, I would
have to touch the four corners of it,
but it would have to feel right.
If you want to talk to anybody,
I have a great therapist.
That's so sweet of you,
but I'm fine.
Okay.
I'm fine.
She's always struggled
with this. It's like, um...
She ran away from home
when she was 16
to become a ballerina.
Like an actual point toes.
Yeah.
Pirouettes and all that?
Nutcracker, yeah.
Black swan kind of thing.
It didn't work out.
She's great,
but it didn't work out.
Then she started coming
to commune shows,
and she became kind of
obsessed with our group.
Then I asked her to join the group.
Wow.
Sam, honey.
Honey, what happened?
You can't just have been
20 minutes late.
Doesn't matter.
Cool.
- Thanks a lot, ma'am.
Oh, my god.
Where you going?
Uh...
I kind of feel like a whore.
What do you mean?
We had a great time.
You're, like, 40.
I just turned 36.
I need you to teach my classes.
Why?
I can't take it anymore.
Another one of my students gets my
dream job, I'm still teaching 101?
I gotta focus on me,
writing for me.
I'm gonna get the job
at weekend live.
That's good for you, miles,
but I can't teach.
Why? I'm good in a group.
I'm no good on my own.
To the improv
for America theater.
Please turn off
your cell phones.
No photography is allowed.
What's that phrase?
"A house is made
of brick and stone,
but a home is made
of love alone"?
You ever hear that one?
No, Greg, I haven't.
I read it, uh...
It was like hanging up
in a doctor's office one time.
You guys ever hear
a phrase that's like,
"a bird in the hand
is like two in a bush"?
I heard that one.
Yeah?
Yeah. You guys
ever hear that phrase,
"there's nothing that
feels better than feeling
someone's last breath
come out of their mouth"?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I heard that one.
I heard that one.
What about, like,
that one where it's like,
"the final drop of blood
in a man's body
is the sweetest nectar
you'll ever drink"?
Yeah. Yeah.
So I met this guy.
He owns this space in midtown.
It's kind of fancy for us.
It's mostly like jazz and
classical music and stuff,
but he said we could rent it
on one of the off-nights.
We might even be able to
make some money. Really?
Yeah.
Wow. Is it expensive or...
That's the thing. We would
have to front like $4,000.
But once we match it in ticket
sales, we split up any profits.
That sounds good.
Can we see the space?
Hey. Come on, guys. Look.
Is this a lovely room, huh?
It's nice.
Is that a Steinway?
Biggest one in the city.
It's got a good vibe.
He seems like he really likes our
show, but he also seems like,
if I'm being honest, like he's
slimy enough to get it done.
Yeah.
Good slimy.
I actually gotta get going.
But I'll see you at 9:00?
Can we make it 9:30? What
are you guys working on?
Writing packet for weekend live.
Cool.
I would get in on that.
What do you mean?
Like, I'd submit
with you guys as a team.
Writing teams are two people.
And we already kind of...
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, I'll do...
I'll do my own.
They should all...
You want the scenes, guys,
to run about three minutes to
four minutes, tops. Gotcha.
The whole packet should have
like three parody pieces,
a commercial piece, a political piece.
That's good.
Do you think they would
want like cartoon form?
I was thinking about
drawing them out
so they read it
almost like a comic.
Maybe draw a couple little
cartoons next to the script.
There's this girl,
and she's on a dating show,
and she doesn't know that
she's fighting to win the love
of an alien and Sasquatch
and Abe Lincoln's ghost.
All right. And then
she wins Abe Lincoln.
He's like, "I can't 'cause I'm
married," and she's like,
"well, then why did you
even join this game show?"
He's like, "'cause I had
a gun to my head."
And then it's actually...
It's John Wilkes booth,
and he's gonna shoot him.
Then John Wilkes booth
is, like, a handsome ghost,
and he's like,
"well, I'm single."
And she's into it
'cause she likes ghosts.
That's out there.
That's awesome.
Gary Cho could play that
Sasquatch, no problem. No problem.
It's too plot heavy.
I don't like it.
They have to order for him
'cause they're like...
Hey, I've got a few friends that
want to submit some writing.
When would be, like, a good time
to talk to Timothy about that?
Is this like a bet?
No, I'm just asking.
Oh, this is like a real thing?
Oh, never.
Don't ever talk to Timothy
about your funny friends.
First year, just don't get fired.
Right, right.
So just don't ever do it
during the first year?
I'm sorry. Was my, like,
tone not sarcastic enough?
Never do it. Ever.
Um... um...
So... I'm filling in
for miles today.
I have to confess, this is
my first ever time teaching.
So it's new for me, it's new for you,
but I think it's gonna be great.
I really think you guys...
I see bright shiny eyes,
and you're making me happy.
Um... what did I
wanna talk to you about?
I wanted to talk to you
about group minds.
We're on the verge. I feel it, right?
So I want...
Even when you're just coming in
and doing warm-ups, zip zap zop,
I want you guys to really be
connecting with each other.
Um...
Does anybody have any questions?
Yes.
I'm sorry.
I'm just finding this
really confusing.
Good note. Good note.
Um, has anybody had
a particularly hard day?
I had to come back
from France early.
Oh!
Oh!
I went to Europe, and I had to come
home early. Oh, the poor girl.
The poor girl
had to go to Europe.
I had to go to France.
Oh, honey.
She had to go to Europe. Is
there anything we can do? I...
This is really depressing.
I'm sorry.
I donate at the office
for kids who have to
come back from Europe.
Yes. I was gonna go to Belgium.
Is there anything you can do?
I don't know.
I mean, I'm kind of dealing
with my own stuff right now.
What kind of stuff?
I have no bone marrow.
- Hey, guys. This is Liz.
- Hey.
Came to the show tonight. We went
to Naperville high school together.
Hi. We used to do high
school theater together.
We did high school theater. We did
a midsummer night's dream. Yeah.
I used to watch her change.
What?
Yeah, true. True story.
That's terrible.
Weird.
This was such a nice surprise.
Oh. Well, you know,
I'm on my world tour.
And I've been following your posts on
Facebook about the commune for years.
I had to check it out.
That's so cool.
I remember in high school you
were the star of every play
and I was always, like,
the milkman or the messenger.
Narrator.
Narrator.
I was a clown
or the stage manager.
Watch your head on the pipe.
This is it.
You know, not huge,
but neither am I.
Wow. This is moving
pretty fast.
No, no, I...
Gosh, no, I...
I wasn't gonna suggest
that we...
I'm not staying here. No, no, no,
I didn't think that you would.
I'm a 36-year-old woman. I'm not
gonna stay in your college dorm.
No, no, of course.
Here. Sorry, sorry.
You're misunderstanding.
I'm 36 as well.
So I'm here for a few weeks.
Oh, I'd love to see you
as much as, you know...
As much as my schedule allows?
Yeah. Hey!
I had a great time.
Oh. Uh...
You should come by tomorrow.
We're gonna watch Jack on TV.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll do that.
Yeah. So...
Oh.
"Thank you forever."
Just be careful with those.
"Art which is most exciting
today is impermanent
and not meant to last
except as an act of love.
It just comes out
between people.
It doesn't want
to be written down.
It passes in the moment
and disappears."
So, for tomorrow,
do you wanna...
Do you want me to get you seats or do
you wanna hang out in my dressing room?
I don't know if I can
go back in that building.
Okay.
I could meet you at the party.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good. Yeah.
It's weekend live!
We're gonna watch the show here, but
Jack is gonna get us into the party.
And...
Jack Mercer!
ICK.
Fuck.
- He did it.
- That's our guy.
Musical guest, Elel.
Five, four,
three, two, one. Go.
Step right up!
I can get your tickets
for you right here!
Tickets! Yeah. Uh, I was
gonna get two tickets,
but I was gonna use a kiosk.
Look no further than me, friend.
I can get you tickets
right here,
and I can get 'em for you
at a g-r-e-a-t price.
Not funny.
Skillful, but not funny.
It's like when something sounds
funny, but it isn't funny.
Please welcome Elel!
We gotta go.
I... dude, I'm coming.
I'm coming. Just give me one second.
Do not leave without me!
No room for your
funny friends, Jack.
Robbie, do not leave without me.
We'll hang
outside the time Warner.
Jack said meet at the stage door.
Stage door?
We're not waiting
outside a building.
Why not? He's probably there
looking for us right now.
That's not even where the party is!
Let's go.
Fine.
Liz and I are not doing that.
We are 36-year-old adults.
Lena! Lena! Lena!
Excuse me.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
Hey, you think any more of 'em
will come out? That's probably it.
My man, you know where the party's at?
I don't know.
Where'd you get that picture?
That's our friend Jack.
I don't know who he is. I
found it on a message board.
That's my boyfriend.
Okay.
That's my arm around him
in that picture.
Yeah, that's her.
Yeah.
Can you guys give me a
little space or something?
I'm taking off, you guys.
I think Liz and I are done.
Yeah, I'm outta here.
Really?
- Hey.
- Have a seat.
Thank you.
You were very good.
Thank you so much. It's
just been so surreal.
- Don't thank me now.
It's weak. -Right.
Thank me if I don't fire
you after the first season.
Right.
Yeah.
I'm kidding.
Oh.
But I got you something.
I'm gonna give you a hint.
It's Swedish.
It's wooden.
It's a bicycle.
Oh!
Yeah, when Bjrk did the show, she
brought her designer Artipelag,
and, uh, he made that by hand.
Really?
Thank you so much. I...
Um...
Uh, should I take it
back over to my table, or...
Oh, we'll store that for you.
Gotcha. Gotcha.
Or you can ride.
Oh.
Hey.
Mmm.
Oh, boy, there she is.
Mmm. Hi.
No, buddy.
Hello.
Ain't happenin'.
Oh, that was like a baby bird.
You know what? I'm gonna sleep
on the couch. You sleep in here.
Hello.
Oh, hello.
Yeah, Timothy recommended these.
- Um, they were imported
from Holland. -God.
He gave them to Dorothy Goodwin
when she went into rehab.
Oh! Not these
particular flowers.
I'm just saying,
it's from that place.
Rehab flowers.
Yeah.
Hey. Sweetie.
I am so sorry about last night.
I'm so sorry, and we're gonna
get through this, okay?
I know.
All right?
Thank you.
All right.
Love you.
Where you going?
I... I gotta go to work.
He had a seizure last week,
actually, which is not a good sign.
Really? Yeah. We're
all really on edge.
God, that sucks, bill.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah.
It's been pretty grim.
It's been pretty grim, you know?
So, um, here's our writing packet.
Yes.
All right. We worked
really hard on it.
Yeah, it's good.
It's good.
Got it. No, no, okay,
guys, absolutely.
Um...
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
Remember, don't thank me yet.
All I can do is try to get
it toward Timothy's desk.
You know what I mean?
Much appreciated.
Yeah. Absolutely.
I want you to know that I
am recommending everybody.
I'm recommending you guys
and miles and... you know.
Yeah. Miles, yeah.
Just remember, we're the two that
have never talked shit about you.
You know, miles, I'm gonna
put in a good word for you,
but it's not my job to give.
Right.
But they'll want me, right?
I...
I taught you.
I know.
I taught you everything.
Just tell them that.
They have Jack Mercer. Now
they can get his teacher.
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna recommend
all you guys.
'Cause I think that's only fair.
This is very unattractive.
Your, like, little hat...
And your... your attitude.
This whole like,
"I'm bigger than everybody."
It's like...
You're just like us.
Your head is so big right now.
Your-your whole
egocentric world...
You just have...
You're completely unaware.
You are st...
You are striking out at me right
now, and I don't understand why,
because I already told you all
I can do is submit your packet
and let the chips fall
where they may.
I just don't feel
like he believes in me.
My dad always told me,
"the thing with an easy sell
is that the thing has
to actually be easy to sell."
What does that even mean?
You have to have the goods.
I don't have the goods?
You can work on the goods
instead of working on Jack.
Do the work.
Oh, I've been working
on the goods.
What are you doing?
Like, are you working right now?
Are you applying for anything?
Uh, unemployment.
Unemployment?
Your parents own a brownstone
on the upper West Side.
Yeah, they do.
I'm separate from them.
You go to therapy twice a week.
Who pays for that?
I'm not having
this conversation.
I just think it's weird that
you're the richest one among us...
And you get checks from the
government that we pay for.
Don't you think that's true, Mr. Coughlin?
Miles, let this one go.
Dog, dog!
Hey, look what I got for you!
My dad bought two tickets
to the Marshfield high school
production of Peter Pan.
Aw.
You look like Peter Pan.
I think he's just nostalgic
for back when I was the star
of every play, you know.
When I was in high school,
I won the Eisner award
for most promising cartoonist,
and I've never had
one book published.
Data's working on this graphic novel.
It's amazing.
Oh, I don't know.
What's it about?
Okay.
So it's about this girl and
she lives in this small town,
and then...
Well, she's a sculptor,
and the whole town
saves up money
and sends her
to the sculpture academy.
And when she gets there,
she never sculpts again.
Why not?
Because she's intimidated.
Can we read it?
Well, it's not done yet.
- Got your back.
- Got your back.
- Got your back.
- Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back.
Please welcome the commune!
We never even really left. No.
Wow.
You just had to wish for us.
Here I am, 58 years old
and twice divorced,
and finally
my imaginary friends return.
Even if we're imaginary,
we love you.
It's the only love
you've ever felt.
You guys...
You feel more real than you
did even when I was a kid.
You're such a great guy.
Sorry none of your wives
ever said that.
And the most
important thing is, don't think.
Del close was the first one who said that.
It's everything.
You don't think, you don't memorize,
you don't... you don't get paid.
Oh, Gary, so true.
But isn't that
kinda fun too? Right?
I remember that one. What am I doing?
Oh, my god.
Remember that? Oh, yeah! I
totally remember that one.
Yeah.
Let's use this box for storage.
So we'll just put stuff in here.
Okay.
- Why are we wearing pajamas?
- Nighttime with us.
They wanna dream in these
improv for America shirts?
They were supposed to go... guys.
You're not gonna believe what I just found.
Do you remember this?
These tuxedos my dad gave us after
he bought out that dry cleaner?
We used to actually
wear these in shows.
All right, what are we thinking?
Storage or garbage?
No, storage.
People loved these.
Why'd we stop wearing them?
It's so small.
I'm so small.
They were fun to wear.
Not a bad idea.
I was seriously worried that other
teams were gonna rip off the idea.
Do you guys feel like this
whole process is kinda like...
Life telling us
to just maybe move on?
Your writing packet is
really good, you guys.
You know, like, weekend live
would be lucky to have you.
Oh, my old...
You don't want it?
No.
I feel like your 20s
are all about hope,
and then your 30s are all about
realizing how dumb it was to hope.
Oh, my god.
Look at you.
You look like a little
claymation seven-year-old.
Wait. Let me see. That's me.
That's a boy.
Who is the one who looks like
he's made of flour and water?
I was 21 years old.
Like, without the commune,
who am I?
It's like when I go
to the grocery store
and people treat me
like I don't exist,
I'm in my head, "boy, I got a secret.
I go onstage. I kill.
I crush. I'm a superhero."
But without improv,
I'm kinda just a loser.
So it was like a silent meditation retreat?
Yeah. In Brazil.
And everyone was quiet.
Okay.
For days.
Okay.
It was...
It was incredible.
I could hear myself think for the first
time, I think, in my whole life.
I bet you got in trouble
for humming.
What do you mean?
'Cause you hum.
I remember that from algebra class.
What?
Mrs. green always
used to get mad
because you would hum
while you were doing equations.
You'd get this faraway look in
your eye and start humming.
I could never figure out
what the song was.
Okay, you know
way too much about me.
That's the tip of the iceberg.
You're freaking me out.
I'm onto you! Now will you
sleep in my college dorm?
No!
I like you.
I like me too.
You just said,
"I like me too."
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
Yeah, you did. You did. No.
The point is, I like you too.
Mmm.
Oh, hey. Hey. What's going on?
I snuck out early
to go to a pharmacy.
I'm pregnant.
Oh!
Um...
Great.
That was fast.
Usually it takes... At
least four to six visits.
No, it's this guy I met in Brazil.
I'm pretty sure.
The... the silent retreat guy?
Yeah.
The silent guy?
You guys just got
straight to it, no talking?
Yeah. No words required.
Um...
Is he gonna be the dad, or...
No. He's young.
Young? Fifteen? Illegal?
What kinda thing?
I can keep a secret.
The first thing I thought when I
found out was I can't keep it.
But then it hit me.
I'm not 19.
I gotta tell you something.
Yeah?
I didn't...
What-what is it?
I didn't go to
my weekend live audition.
I just didn't go.
Why?
I mean, why?
Why wouldn't you go?
I don't know. I freaked out.
I told you I would...
Life is so short, and you have to
do things that you believe in,
or what is the point of all of this?
Yeah.
And I watch that show,
and it's not for me.
I like my life how it is right now.
I like the commune.
I know, Sam. I know.
The day you guys asked me to join the
commune was the greatest day of my life.
It was the greatest day
of my life.
But, honey, you can't do
improv forever, okay?
It just...
It ends, all right?
And I don't want it to end either,
but it will. It just will.
We've gotta jump
to the next Lily pad.
But I like this Lily pad.
Honestly, you should be on this show.
You'd be better than me.
Okay?
Think if, uh, I invited the producers to
come to my improv show, they would come?
'Cause I just want 'em
to see Sam again.
Okay. I don't even wanna
go to your improv show.
The only universe
I see that happening in
is if you got the host to go,
then maybe they would tag along.
Zip! Zap! Zop!
Zip! Zap! Zop!
Zap! Zop! Zap!
Zop!
Wait. Where's miles?
He's in Naperville with Liz.
What are they doing?
The new guy
is sanding the walls.
- Who's the new tenant?
- Urban outfitters.
Placards.
Anyway, but it's a really
beautiful neighborhood
with great restaurants.
Zip! Zap! Zop!
Zip! Zap! Sorry.
We should get onstage.
All right.
You sure?
Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back.
Got your back. Got
your back, buddy.
And we are the commune!
Has anyone had
a particularly hard day?
Do the ticket taker guy!
That's a character
that Jack played on TV, yeah.
Could we get
a different suggestion?
Weekend live!
That is...
That's the name of a television show.
You nailed that. Um...
Anything... anything else?
Ben stiller?
Ben stiller.
Ben stiller is a member of
tonight's audience, correct.
Yeah, I'm... not... yeah.
Um, anything about
a personal hard day?
Something that happened to you?
Uh...
Here, here!
I got a bushel of tickets!
I mean, there's no show,
but I got tickets!
I got tickets!
Holy mackerel, look at you!
Is that... is that... is that
Gena Rowlands, the actress?
Hey-hey-hey!
It's not.
I, uh... I'm just a regular
ticket-loving lady.
You're telling me you're
not Gena Rowlands, huh?
I'm telling you
I'm not Gena Rowlands.
This is my improv group. This is Ben, guys.
Hi. I'm Ben.
How's it going?
Hi.
Great show. Great show.
You guys were great.
- Really, really funny. -Oh, thanks,
but you don't have to say that.
No, I know
I don't have to say it.
- Right. Right.
- You guys were great.
I'm sorry. I have to ask.
I've always wondered.
When you wake up in the morning,
are you just like, "oh,
my god, I'm Ben stiller"?
Um... yeah. Probably in the same
way you wake up in the morning
and go, "I'm Allison."
In heavyweights and dodgeball
and reality bites,
you've never shied away from
playing an unlikable character.
Like, what... what gives
you that courage?
Um... wow.
You know, I never really thought
of myself as unlikable, but...
Oh, I didn't...
You're not.
No, no, no, I'm just saying
as the character obviously...
You know.
Did you think that the reality
bites guy was unlikable?
My question is, who wrote the Eddie
Munster sketch? Did you write it?
Uh, yeah, yeah,
with my buddy Jeff Kahn.
That's the best sketch.
That's such a long time ago.
I didn't think you were
unlikable in that...
oh, no, no, no. I know.
Is the bathroom right over here?
Yeah.
Be right back.
Guys. This is awesome.
It's great.
Please don't ask so many questions, okay?
This isn't 60 minutes.
Wow.
My students just arrived.
I see Gary and some
of the other guys.
- I'm gonna hang out with them.
- Why? Why?
'Cause I don't wanna
get scolded tonight.
I'm not gonna scold you.
Why? Was i... am I scolding?
I don't understand how I was...
was I scolding you guys?
Wait. Don't sit here.
Ben'll sit here.
Mm. No. No.
There are two types
of bad shows.
There's the type of bad show where
we sell each other out onstage...
And nobody hangs out afterwards,
and then there's
the type of bad show
where you all go down together,
and then you come to the bar
afterwards and you laugh about it.
That is the type of bad show
I want you to have.
Yeah, no, yeah, we do that all the time.
You gotta love each other, okay?
You gotta be willing
to be broke.
You gotta be willing to hit rock bottom.
Duh. Duh.
Together! Oh, we're
definitely broke.
We all share a one-bedroom in Bushwick.
It's terrible.
Way to own it, guys!
This is a game
called "blurt."
Pick one person. Say the first thing about
them that comes to your mind. Connor. Go.
Fat.
Dangerous.
A little slow. This
game hurts my feelings.
Twenty years from now, oceans are
gonna wipe out the eastern seaboard,
and no one's gonna care
who made what album,
whereas the beach boys
already had a 50-year run.
We're still talking about pet
sounds, and that came out in '67?
Nobody's talking
about pet sounds.
In 2050,
will people know who Drake is?
Once the eastern
seaboard's flooded,
are you gonna care
about the beach boys?
Yeah, more! Surfing songs
will be more relevant.
There'd be more
water surface area.
Yeah.
Uh, these are
some writing samples
from some of the improvisers
in my group,
and they're really
a talented bunch of guys.
I just wondered
if you wanted to look at 'em.
Jack, you should worry
about yourself.
Oh, okay.
I'm cutting you
from "jugglers with vertigo."
Oh. Okay.
You know, you're not
what we call a pure talent.
You're not a virtuoso.
You're the kind of player
who should write for himself.
And if I don't get it, then I'll
move to Naperville with you guys.
Miles. No.
You don't...
This... this isn't for you.
This is...
No, this is for me.
I'm just...
Will you give me a chance?
Come on.
If it's a boy,
we name him Rodrigo.
To respect his Brazilian roots.
Rodrigo.
Have an open mind.
I know when you look at me, I get
what you're seeing, but I'm also...
I want to think
that I can be better than that.
Tickets are now on sale
for our show this weekend
at the 45th street lounge.
Will Jack be there?
No, he has a show that night,
but this is kind of like
a test run for a longer run.
And if it goes well,
we'll have more shows,
and then Jack will
definitely be at those.
Oh.
You wouldn't "aw"
if you knew him better.
How much are tickets?
They're $45, but down the
road there may be discounts.
But don't wait
for "down the road," okay?
'Cause we don't know that there's
gonna be a road to go down.
So please come.
And that's more expensive than
you're used to paying for our shows,
but, you know, we promise that
it'll be of a high quality,
and we're just trying to keep the
thing alive, so, uh, thanks.
Okay. Anybody had
a particularly hard day?
Yeah, we're sad Jack's not here.
Well, he was a very good man.
Loved him.
I loved him so much.
He died so young.
But not as young
as you think he is.
And he also had bad skin. Hmm.
I miss, um...
When you talked to him, he
would "uh-huh" and be there
and you could almost forget that he was
just waiting for you to stop talking
so he could talk.
Friends, I have terrible news.
Worse than Jack being dead?
Um, it turns out Jack
is really popular in heaven.
And, uh, his, uh...
His new friends
are having a funeral
for him there.
In heaven?
Uh, yeah, in Brooklyn.
And, uh, they have his body.
Bill, Allison: What?
Yeah.
What's in this casket?
Ah, it's just his head shot.
Let me help you
with that there, honey.
Oh, you got a memento
from the theater there, huh?
Maybe I'll keep
the theater going somewhere.
Okay. I gotta...
I gotta go to work.
We've got "Scooby-doo
gets put down,"
"Kim JONG-un on
the bachelorette."
They're not getting on.
Is there anything from your live shows?
Any go-to characters you do?
All right, so we're in the red.
Live and learn.
You can keep that.
I heard from my guy at weekend
live about your writing sample.
It's not gonna happen
for you there, miles.
Did you talk to Bonnie? Yeah.
We didn't get it.
So all of us got rejected?
Fuck.
It's got two bedrooms,
a kitchen, beautiful bathroom.
Is that a toilet?
Well, obviously the bathroom
is in the kitchen.
Oh.
And then who are they?
Oh. Those are
two small orphans.
Hi.
Orphans?
The apartment comes
with these two orphans.
You can put a piece of
furniture in front of 'em.
Put 'em in a hamper.
He can't do that.
And does
the landlord mind if I paint?
We've been replaced
by Ben stiller.
Fuck that!
I'm going to the party.
Hey, Jack!
Oh, excuse me.
One second.
Miles, what's going on?
What are you guys doing here?
We saw the show tonight.
One of those sketches
looked pretty familiar.
We can talk about this, but not right here.
Grab a drink.
Everything okay, Jack?
We're fine. We're good.
You're a fucking thief!
Miles, you don't understand
how hard this job is, okay?
I have tried to sell you.
It is not easy.
Oh, my god!
Are you okay?
You're going outside.
Hey!
- Don't push me like that.
- What's going on?
What was that?
- Wow! Jesus! -Miles, that
wasn't the fuckin' plan.
That's just how I felt. I'm sorry.
What the fuck, miles?
What happened?
I stuck up for all of us.
And I'm going back in there!
You fucking psycho!
Miles, just relax.
- Where were you?
- I was out here.
Doing what?
I didn't wanna embarrass myself
in front of my coworkers.
What does that mean?
I got the writing job
on weekend live.
Motherfuck!
They gave it to you?
You didn't even tell us you were
submitting. That's so weird.
We showed you our packet. And
you didn't even say a thing?
I didn't think I was gonna get
it, and I was embarrassed.
That is so shady. And you're not
even gonna last five minutes there.
'Cause you have no work ethic.
Bill's right.
You've taken nine years,
and you still haven't
finished your doodle book.
I think what kills me
is that you don't even know
what it's like to work.
You've had everything in your life
handed to you on a silver platter.
I didn't get handed this.
I turned in a writing
submission and it was good.
No one wants to say this, miles,
but you don't have it.
You were never inches away
from anything.
Fuck you, Lindsay.
You won't, 'cause I'm not 22
and I'm not your student.
You gotta let go, miles.
All this weekend live shit
is meaningless.
You've got the commune.
We only got one more show.
I don't wanna do it alone.
Please welcome the commune!
Has anybody had
a particularly hard day?
Yeah. You have.
You're right.
You're right.
I have had a hard...
Month.
And I just feel like I'm...
I feel like I'm in a...
Guys!
I'm down here!
I'm in a well!
"Sam is in a well?
Oh, my god,
this is a disaster!"
"She's in a well.
What will we do?
She's in a well.
Oh, my god. It's so bad."
Guys, stop worrying
about me. I'm fine.
I... I actually kinda
like it down here.
It's quiet and it's cool.
There's... there's water.
Oh.
Ow.
Ow! Somebody
throwing pennies?
"I'm, uh, sorry, milady.
I was making a wish
for my dying aunt Fiona."
Oh.
That's a... that's an unplaceable
accent you've got there.
But if it's for your
sick aunt Fiona, please.
Is that my boyfriend Jack?
"Yeah. What do you need?
I'll get it for you."
No, I'm... I'm fine.
That's what I want you to
know is that I'm fine.
You don't have
to worry about me.
I'm not worried about you, honey.
I'm not worried at all.
I'm just...
I'm just here to support you.
Uh...
Hey.
What's going on?
Did you...
Did you, uh, fall in a well?
I did.
Ah, yes, that's...
Because that's... yes.
Uh, but you don't have
to worry about me,
because I like it down here.
No, I will not leave you, okay?
I'm lowering down the bucket.
Oh, you could never pull me up though.
I have very heavy bones.
I'm fully aware of that,
and i... and I took precautions.
Those magical beans sitting on the counter
this morning? They gave me super strength.
I'm so sorry to tell you, but those
were just black beans from Chipotle.
Right.
But the good thing is that...
That I hired a wizard,
who was surprisingly affordable,
and he cast a spell over those beans,
and now I have super strength.
I'm just saying, you know,
I am not gonna leave you.
Sam.
Honey.
Maybe I belong in the well.
I think we both know it's over.
It's okay.
Del close once said
watching great improv
is like watching people put the plane
together when they're already in the sky.
It's not meant to last,
except as an act of love.
It passes in a moment
and disappears.
Oh, my goodness!
Hello, hello!
Oh, my god.
Hi.
Oh, my gosh!
You're great!
Oh, don't cry.
He's sad!
Don't be sad!
He's sad!
You're in America.
Before weekend live and second
city and improv Olympic
and all the TV shows that came
out of these theater movements,
Viola Spolin
and Paul Sills and Del Close
and a bunch of people in Chicago and
San Francisco in the 1950s and '60s
created this art form.
My dad lived
one kind of lifestyle.
I live a very
different lifestyle.
He didn't always understand me,
but he always respected me.
I loved that about my dad.
The last six months,
I got to know my dad better than
the rest of our lives combined.
Listen. I'll be on the next
train home, all right?
It's not even gonna make dress,
so don't worry about it. Bye.
Hey, great service. Thank you so
much, father. That was great.
I missed just a tiny bit.
Thanks, buddy.
Wait. So who wins Jenga?
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Thanks for making it down.
I know it's not
very convenient, so...
- Oh, my god. Of course.
- Yeah, buddy, absolutely, man.
Thanks for letting me and Liz and
Rodrigo crash in the guest room.
Yeah, no sweat, man.
He has your eyes, you know?
Not my biological son.
I don't know.
You look pretty Brazilian.
Yeah, and the consistency
of the hair is uncanny.
"Thank you."
Aw, man.
That is entirely unacceptable.
He's dead.
That's a dead man
you're mocking.
"Thank you."
Um, I just called a car
to come get Jack,
bring him to the train station.
We'll wait outside for that, and then after
that, I can show you guys the theater.
Oh, yeah?
What's the theater?
Well, my dad actually bought
this old porn theater,
and we're gonna fix it up,
turn it into an improv space.
Yeah, we're gonna
teach and have shows.
We're actually doing a show
for data's graphic novel.
- Oh!
- You finished it.
- Yeah.
- That a girl.
Well, that's you, Jack. Yeah.
Well, here we go, guys.
Bye, Jack.
See ya.
Have a good one.
See ya soon.
Bye, buddy.
You know, I think maybe I'll go
to the theater with you guys.
How about that?
No.
It's the last train
to New York. Get on it.
You know
you're cutting it close.
We love you, pal.
All right, I'll see
you Monday at work.
Billy.
Got your back.
Bye.
Wow.
Come on!
Well, it needs a lot of
work, but it's ours.
We get to program
the whole thing,
and we're just gonna try to find some,
like, local kids who are hungry,
try to build a scene
here in town, you know?
Has anyone had
a particularly hard day?
You.
I...
- I buried my dad.
- Oh!