Dream Wife (1953) Movie Script

The Khan of Bukistan is pleased that you have taken
a fancy to his daughter Tarji.
So am I.
She is only a girl.
Yes, isn't she?
My, she's a wonderful girl.
I didn't know they still made them like this.
In Bukistan we are old fashioned.
Women are wives and mothers,
as Allah intended them to be.
They are not taxi cab drivers and wrestlers.
Yes, I see what you mean.
I do not understand your country.
In America machines do everything.
Hm, not quite.
American ingenuity will find a way.
And when it does do not try and sell it to us.
It is the custom for the princess to dance
for an honored guest.
That's a delightful custom, by all means.
The princess would be sensational in America.
There are many suitors for the princess Tarji's hand.
But the Khan has found them unworthy of her.
I don't wonder.
It's a pity.
Our women have been taught from birth
the perfect art.
How to make a man happy.
The princess Tarji would be the ideal wife.
Every secret and every skill of five thousand years
have been imparted to her
every day and night of her life.
You see before you a woman who's entire being
is dedicated to but one desire.
The desire to bring to her husband the gift
of complete happiness.
A pity you cannot stay.
Yes, isn't it?
But I'm getting married next week.
Well, then, of course you cannot stay.
No, sir, I...
Oh, you speak English!
Well, I'm glad, because there's something
I'd like to add to that deal we made...
Now I see.
Thank you very much.
Please thank the princess for me.
And tell the Khan how grateful I am
for his hospitality.
Shall we have the pleasure of seeing you again?
No, I'm afraid not.
My plane leaves first thing in the morning.
But do tell Tarji that I shall think of her often
and remember the time we spent together.
If I were free, I...
His excellency is pleased to present you
with this remembrance of your visit here.
Oh, thank you. That's very thoughtful of you, sir.
Uh... that's very thoughtful of him.
And please accept this from the princess
as a token of her friendship.
Oh, Tarji... thank you, dear.
I won't forget you.
She's asking you for a remembrance.
She admires your tie.
Oh, well, of course.
She speaks English like a native, doesn't she?
Well, goodbye.
Your name, please.
Clemson Reade.
Under the "R"s.
Thank you.
Hello, it's nice to see you again, Mr. Reade.
Thank you, Evelyn.
May I park this stuff here?
Certainly. I'll tell Miss Effington you're here.
Don't do that. I want to surprise her.
Oh, Clem, this is Mr. Portman, Mr. Whitley,
Mr. Bexton...
Mr. Reade, my fianc.
Mr. Reade.
I must say I'm delighted to meet you.
Mustn't I?
I think that about covers everything.
You'll each get a copy of the report
and the Secretary of State will take action
on it next week.
Thank you.
Thank you, Miss Effington.
Good day, gentlemen.
Welcome home, darling.
You can say that again.
Now then, tell me all about your trip.
Oh, well, Effie, it was the most amazing...
Sorry, dear.
Yes, Mac.
When is the revised report going out?
It's ready now, but I think it would be better
to condense it first.
All right. But don't let them lose any time on it.
Is Kramer going to take it himself?
Yes, he's leaving on the 15th.
Be sure he doesn't go in cold.
Give him the background on the situation.
Right, he's being briefed on it.
What about Camfrid?
I'm keeping after him,
but I'll check on it again this afternoon.
Thank you.
Well, that sounds just wonderful, darling.
What else did you do?
What else did I...
Oh, I'm sorry.
Effington... Yes, I'm ready.
It's Aberdan.
Hello, Givney.
Yes, we received it. It's an interesting idea,
but we don't think it's practical.
It might cause a great deal of trouble.
Hm... well you can trust Mr. You-know-who
but you've got to be careful of the other one.
Well, my suggestion is that you let them
make the first proposal
and tell them you're awaiting instructions on it.
What? Oh, nonsense.
Don't let them rush you.
Right. You'll get an answer on it
within 48 hours.
I'm sorry, darling. The oil situation
is a little tense right now
but I am glad you had such a successful trip.
I hope I haven't bored you with any of it.
Oh, no. You know I'm interested in everything you do.
I'll bet that's for you.
You win.
Your mother?
Effie, why don't we go somewhere and be alone?
Oh, I'd love to, darling, but there isn't a chance.
I'm scheduled for a meeting at the Consulate in 15 minutes...
Things haven't changed much, have they?
It's just the oil crisis, dear.
There are so many plans to discuss.
We had some plans of our own, remember?
Oh, I certainly do.
All right. We'll discuss them at dinner tonight.
We are having dinner together.
Of course!
I've just talked to Givney again.
Here, take a look at Kaempfert's report.
This thing is really snowballing.
Now, what I think we should...
How are you, Reade?
Have a nice trip?
Effie will tell you all about it.
This just arrived.
Oh, thank goodness, Annie.
How's everything in the kitchen?
Oh, everything's fine.
Fine, stop worrying, sir.
I'll give you plenty of time between courses.
Thank you.
Well, Brutus, how do you like it, huh?
Soft music, flowers, candlelight, huh?
Wait till you see this.
We,, do you approve?
Well, here we go.
Sorry I'm late, darling.
What a day I've had.
You could have fooled me.
Oh, hello, Brutus.
Oh, isn't that a new hat?
Yes, do you like it?
Oh, it's very pretty.
It's awfully dark in here, dear.
There, that's better.
Fix me a drink, will you, darling?
Champagne coming up.
Make it a Scotch and water, would you, Clem?
Yes, dear, yes.
No ice, just a lemon and easy on the water.
Well, here we are, dear.
Well, darling, here's to...
I'm so glad you're back.
Oh, darling, I'm glad to be back.
I can assure you.
Hello, Annie.
Good evening, Miss Effington.
Dinner in ten minutes.
Ten minutes?
What's the matter?
I have to go and make the salad dressing.
O know how you love it.
Excuse me, dear, I'll only be a minute.
Everything under control in the kitchen?
Oh, yes, wait until you taste it.
Is that a new bow tie?
Yes, do you like it?
Hmm, I do.
I always like your bow ties.
Now, that's better.
This is the first time I've relaxed in three weeks.
Honestly we never dreamed there'd be
this much fuss about the oil leases.
First Iraq, then Iran, and now Bukistan is in the act.
Thank heavens I'm a woman. A man couldn't take it.
Never, my darling.
A week from tomorrow
you can forget about everything except us.
I've been thinking about that, Clem.
Oh, so have I.
Now, I can't make up my mind
where we ought to spend our honeymoon.
Bermuda, Honolulu, the farm in Vermont,
or shall we just throw the key away?
I'm afraid we'll have to postpone the wedding
till after the oil deal is signed.
I don't see any other way, truly I don't.
There are so many things to get done.
Meetings, conferences, reports,
and all of them so urgent.
So is our wedding.
But I mean really urgent.
Oh, for God's...
I mean, we can wait. The Middle East can't.
We can get married any time.
Can we?
Look, darling, I want us to be together
just as much as you do.
But I can't let MacBride down.
He's counting on me.
Of course not.
Perhaps we could work in the wedding somehow.
You know, between phone calls.
Now just a minute. Don't you think you're being
a little selfish?
You mean for wanting to get married?
No, for putting your own happiness
before the welfare of the United States.
Oh, Effie, if I thought the welfare of the United States
depended upon your answering a telephone...
Oh, so that's it.
You think what I'm doing is like belonging to a garden club
or having a hot game of Mahjong with the girls.
No, no, I didn't say that.
You didn't have to.
You just can't believe that anything I'm doing
can be important enough to really matter.
Oh, please, let's not get into that again.
We are in it, and we might as well have it out.
Come over here.
Here's Bukistan.
I know, I've been there.
Here's the United States.
I've been there too.
We have just one thing in common. Oil.
Every plan we've make for peace or war
depends on that oil.
Is that so?
I don't have to tell you what happened in Iran.
Half the free world had to learn to pronounce
the name Mosaddegh.
I still can't pronounce it.
The same thing is happening again...
only this time there'll be a lot of new names to learn.
And the only way we can get that oil
is to get those names on the dotted line.
And that's why this deal is so important.
And I'm in charge, Clem,
whether you like it or not, I am in charge.
Yes, yes...
And if that's the Julliard Matron's Needlepoint Society,
I'll leave my hat.
Don't remember what you were going to say
until I get back. Be a good girl.
Sorry to break in on you, Reade,
but your phone's out of order.
I've been calling all evening.
We had a cable from Marley.
Givney's walked out. The pot's really boiling.
Givney's walked out?
Givney walked.
It must have been over his ears.
He can outweigh a pyramid.
I hate to be upsetting your evening,
but this is so hot the words
are just jumping off the papers.
Here, let me see it.
I'm afraid this is going to postpone your honeymoon.
Don't worry about it.
You see, we were right about this cookie.
Yes, but Glenson's weaker than we thought.
Dinner is ready.
Oh, start without me, Clem, I'll be right there.
No, no, no...
I don't believe you heard Annie.
Dinner is ready.
Pull up a chair, Mac.
I've eaten already.
I will have a little coffee, though.
I wish you'd go over that fourth paragraph.
Right in here, now.
You see...
We'll have to change our tactics, I can see that.
We'll have to take part IV and put it
under the heading of Administration and Supply.
Pass the salt, please.
There are still a few things to be worked out,
but I'm sure you can handle them.
Pass the pepper, please.
Now, under this heading here, uh...
Contract Negotiations, part III
I don't use butter.
You know, Bukistan may turn out to be
the key to this whole thing.
If they fall in line, the rest will follow.
Right now we have to get to Haroun.
First things first.
Right... right!
Now hear this and hear it good.
This is only going to take a minute but it may be
the most important minute in our lives.
You can put it under the heading of Clem and Effie,
Basic Principles, Part I.
Perhaps I'd better...
No, I want you to hear it, too.
I'm in love with you, not the State Department.
I didn't...
I'm not through.
Now, if a woman can run a home and still find time
to have a career, that's fine.
But first things first.
No, just a minute.
We haven't been able to make a definite plan
since we met.
We went to Vermont for two weeks.
Yes, yes, that's right.
To her grandfather's farm.
For two wonderful relaxing weeks in glorious Vermont.
It's heavenly there in September.
We spent one day there.
She had to leave to take care
of a crisis in the Sahara.
Some of the sand was missing.
Well, you stayed on.
Yes, with grandfather.
It wasn't the same thing.
No, no...
No, no, I don't like this idea,
we can work in the wedding somehow...
Or if we can't leave on our honeymoon together
I can start without you...
I don't like that.
Perhaps we're both looking for different things.
And if we are, it's best to find it out now
and call it quits.
Clem, I can't just toss this all over,
it's too important.
Well, now we know what's important, don't we?
Oh, I wish you'd understand.
I think I've understood all along.
I've just been kidding myself.
I want a full-time wife and you want
a part-time husband, it's as simple as that.
Look, you two. You'll both think differently
about this in the morning.
No, Mac, I'm afraid this is morning.
It's time to go back counting sand.
Oh, I didn't mean that. What you're doing is important.
But not as important as cooking your breakfast.
Well you don't need me for that.
You can buy it for a dollar an hour.
We've been emancipated, Mr. Reade.
Have you ever heard of Susan B. Anthony?
Can she cook?
It just so happens she got women the right to vote.
Oh, now, really. You're not going to give me that
Amelia Bloom and Harriet Beecher Stowe routine.
What's wrong with them?
They were probably lousy housekeepers.
Come on, Mac.
Thanks for the coffee.
Hello, gentlemen.
Hello, again.
Sorry I'm late.
Ken, you're just in time.
We were just discussing Rogers and the Fuller account.
That was a beautiful job.
Nothing to it.
Rogers got unlucky, I got lucky.
Yeah, I'll say.
He did that account for over 15 years.
I'd like to see the look on his face
when he found out he'd lost it.
Ten days ago on that Russell account we...
we put the canteloupes in the oven because
the ice cubes fell off the little boy's scooter.
Hm? Oh, that's fine, Charlie, just fine.
What's fine?
Charlie, tell me something.
How long have you been married?
Seventeen years, why?
What's your wife like?
Well, May's like...
You fellows know May. What's she like?
Well, she's nice, a little bossy.
Yeah... plays lousy bridge.
Yeah, that's what she's like.
Jean and I haven't had a quarrel in 10 years.
Whenever we're in the same room long enough.
I make it a practice to take May little presents
every now and then.
It's something I picked up from her first husband.
He told me about it in court.
It does help keep her quiet.
Of course I think you fellows are all wrong.
Take it from the veteran with the service stripes.
No, no, let's hear what the newlywed has to say.
Go ahead, shoot.
Well, I've only been married a year, but
I think you can make a marriage anything you want it to be.
Of course the trick is to find a girl like Louise.
When I go home at night
I know she's there waiting for me.
It's got feeling.
It doesn't matter what we do, we always have fun.
Sometimes we'll take a walk somewhere,
or maybe go to a movie.
Maybe we'll just stay home
in front of the fire and read.
It's great.
And then sometimes, when we're in the mood,
we three of us go to a nightclub.
The three of you?
Why, yes.
My mother-in-law lives with us.
Now wait a minute, fellows.
We shouldn't talk like this in front of Clem.
He's gonna be a bridegroom next week.
No, I'm not.
Effie and I called the whole thing off last night.
Oh, I'm sorry, Clem. I'm really sorry.
Why are you sorry?
You just got finished showing me how lucky I am.
There isn't one of you can look me straight in the eye
and tell me you're happily married.
You've had to make a million compromises.
Why do we always have to cater to women?
We put them on pedestals,
we make up cockeyed rules about the weaker sex.
You get into an elevator with one of the weaker sex
and you take off our hat in some kind of pagan tribute.
Twenty minutes later the same delicate female is driving
a taxicab through traffic and cursing like a muleskinner.
We keep treating them like flowers
and they keep outliving us.
Right now they control 70% of the wealth
of this country and are they satisfied?
No, they want to control the country.
They're Ambassadors, they're in the senate,
they're even in the State Department.
That fight with Effie must have been a lulu.
No, I'm glad it happened.
We were all wrong for each other.
We both saw that last night.
Most people are afraid to face such problems.
They get married, find out they don't belong together
then they have to get a divorce.
You took a shortcut.
There must be a girl somewhere who thinks
it's a wonderful career just to have a home and babies,
whose only thought is to make her husband happy.
That kind of girl went out with the cavemen.
Only if they had money.
What's the matter?
Suppose there were a girl like that.
Suppose I had found a girl who was trained
from the day she was born
to be a dream wife. What would you say?
I'd say she got a friend.
It was right under my nose and I couldn't see it.
I said no.
You sound like a schoolboy in love.
Miss Temple. Take a cable.
Princess Tarji Suleimani, Bukistan.
May I come in?
Would it make any difference if I said no?
Before you get any ideas I think you should know
I'm here on official business.
Did you send a cable this afternoon?
Yes, yes I did.
But I hardly think that concerns the State Department.
I'm afraid it does.
It was addressed to the Princess of Bukistan.
Now look. Your beloved State Department
can butt into almost anything they like,
but this time my love life does not concern them.
That cable is a personal matter.
Every cable that goes out of here to Bukistan
has to clear through the State Department.
And I don't think your idea of a joke
is very funny.
What joke?
You know perfectly well.
This cable reads like a proposal of marriage
to the princess.
That's exactly what it is.
Are you serious?
Are you asking as a woman or a member
of the State Department?
I thought you went over there to work.
As a woman.
My interest in this is purely political.
We happen to have a very tense oil situation
over there at the moment
and a joke like this may be misconstrued.
I don't consider a proposal of marriage a joke.
You're really serious.
What's the matter with that?
You hardly know the girl.
I know her well enough to want to spend
the rest of my life with her.
By that time I should know her even better.
Clem, if this is a rebound thing, I...
It isn't.
Well, you don't know
what you'll be letting yourself in for.
It's not like marrying an American girl.
I hope not.
Now tell me, is there any law against
my marrying Tarji?
Of course not.
Then I intend to.
You can tell that to your State Department.
All right.
Would you like to give the cable to me?
No, I would not.
Besides, I've already sent the cable.
Why would I want to give it to you?
I have it here. They referred it back to our office.
They did?
If you would like to dictate another one,
I'll see that it's sent out.
Oh, for heaven's...
Oh, well, all right, in that case, uh...
Dear Miss... no.
Dear Princess
Though I have known you but a few short weeks,
I find that I cannot forget you. Stop.
I have never felt this way about any girl before.
I mean, I've never felt this way about any girl
from Bukistan before.
Uh.... never mind. Start again.
Darling, Though I have known you but a few short weeks,
I find that I cannot forget you.
Yes, that's all right. Stop.
Would appreciate your marrying me at once.
Please advise, yours truly, Clem Reade.
Did you get that?
May I make a suggestion?
What is it?
Well, first of all, I wouldn't send it to her,
I'd send it to her father.
I don't want to marry her father...
It's a custom.
Secondly, there are certain lingual
and formal amenities to be observed.
I'll see that it's properly reworded.
I know a little more about the East
than you do, Clem.
She's an important princess.
Don't be surprised if you don't get an answer.
Thanks, I won't.
Good night, Clem.
Good night.
It's been three weeks!
Oh, that's it.
I can't understand why I haven't heard.
These things take time.
Well, gentlemen, get this.
The entire order from Bukistan has been cancelled.
They can't have cancelled it!
They've been offended.
It's the cable you sent.
I didn't send it, Effie did.
Effie! That double crosser!
Miss Temple.
Get me Miss Effington at the State Department.
Yes, sir.
I got a delivery for Clemson Reade.
Where will I put it?
This is his office. Bring it in.
Okay, lady. Anything you say.
Why, why... How do I know why?
All I know is that 20 minutes ago we got this cable.
Reade's proposal of marriage has been accepted.
You confirmed it, didn't you?
Yes, yes.
I still don't see what's so terrible about it.
Then I 'll tell you.
All this deal needs is one little match
to blow it sky high.
And this could be that match.
Oh, the khan seems friendly enough at present...
but all his future son-in-law has to do is to whistle
to a pretty blonde and we're dead.
Well, what can we do?
There's only one thing we can do.
We've got to see to it that this is
the happiest courtship since Romeo and Juliet.
Nothing must go wrong.
Because if they pfft!,
it'll be a pfft! all around the world.
We need someone to make sure
that nothing does go wrong.
Someone who knows the Bukistanian language,
Bukistanian customs and diplomatic protocol.
And, if possible, Mr. Clemson Reade himself.
Oh, no, wait a minute, Mac, I...
Have you reached Miss Effington yet?
She what?
Well, keep try...
What are these goats doing here?
The lady said to bring them in.
Oh, oh... I've been trying to get a hold of you.
What did you say in that cable to Tarji?
She's obviously turned me down.
What do you think this is?
It's your dowry.
My dowry?
Oh, that's wonderful.
What are all these things?
It's a Bukistanian custom to give the bridegroom a dowry.
It may be goats, or sheep, or even camels.
Well, then, why did they cancel the order?
They probably consider it "forpeit".
For what?
Forpeit. Another custom.
Bad manners to deal in business till after the wedding.
Well, I have a thousand and one problems.
I have to get plane reservations...
hotel accommodations,
she'll probably be here in a month or two.
What are you doing Saturday morning?
Nothing, why?
Drop by at the airport. Your bride is arriving.
Uh... fine.
I wonder how many people the princess
will bring in her party...
Look Mommy, look at the funny man.
Don't point, darling. It's rude.
What is it?
He's probably some kind of nut.
Maybe he's making a movie.
I bet he's advertising some kind of cigarette.
No, that's an authentic costume.
I wonder how many wives he has.
I'll bet he's from India.
Huh-huh, Afghanistan.
Let go!
What are you doing here?
I work here.
We are the official reception committee.
What are you made up for?
The student prince?
I wouldn't expect you to understand.
I'm just showing a little consideration for my fiance.
I want her to feel at home.
Why didn't you tell me?
You didn't ask me.
Next time let's just shake hands.
Katan, katan!
Now, you've had your turn.
Now it's hers.
I'm sorry, Reade, but we'd like
to get on with this. Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
That's very nice. I couldn't have said it
better myself.
Now, if you'll all excuse me,
I'd like to be alone with my fiance.
Reade, there's a little matter of protocol
to be observed.
We've made a few plans for the princess.
Well, it happens I've made some plans of my own.
Now, Reade, don't give us any trouble.
This girl is a princess.
The way she is treated happens to be very important
at this time.
Is that clear?
Good. We'll escort her to the hotel.
Oh, wait!
I thought we'd never be alone.
May we quote you on that?
Here he is! Mr. Reade,
when are you and the princess getting married?
How does it feel to be marrying to a rich princess?
When you marry her, will you be a prince?
Where did you meet Tarji?
If you don't mind, this is a personal matter.
Are you kidding? We got 10 million readers
who want to hear about this.
Do you have any immediate plans?
Yes, I'm going up.
I was afraid you were lost, Reade.
I want to give you our schedule.
Tomorrow night is the official banquet.
Saturday we've arranged lunching...
and Monday... I'll see that you get a list
of the other activities.
Now look! If Washington thinks they're going to turn this
into a three-ring circus, they're crazy.
I'll marry whomever I please
and I don't need any help from you.
Now I'd appreciate it if you'd all get out
and leave us alone.
What's she saying?
Well, she said something about a hot dog.
Shall I have some sent up?
Yes... no!
Reade wants to handle everything.
Let him arrange it. Come on.
Oh, yes, of course, your friends.
How do you do?
Which one speaks English?
You mean none of you speaks English?
Oh, I have a feeling I should have taught you more.
Oh, now that won't do at all.
Just put the rest of the luggage in there.
I wonder if you could help me.
I'm at your service, sir.
Do you happen to speak Bukistanian?
I majored in French.
You mean none of them speaks English?
No, unfortunately.
It shouldn't be too difficult.
One can communicate without words.
See, she's trying to tell me something.
Yes, darling, you go ahead, I'm listening.
It's too hot in here?
Palm trees?
Goodbye, Arthur...
No, it's something else.
Oh, I am an angel.
He hasn't done anything yet.
There's something.
Oh, yes, this is good.
A woman! Woman,
No, smaller than that.
Pretty, pretty girl, eh?
A pretty girl is like a melody.
Yes... a pretty girl...
Does this fellow...
I think he's doing something new.
He's eating. He's eating something.
Chewing... food. Food?
No, no. Meat!
Sounds like... Sounds like meat.
How can he do a word that sounds like another word
if he doesn't know the other word?
I don't care. I think I'm on the track of something.
I something, something, mate.
Something, something, pretty girl.
I've got it!
I brought you a mate,
now you find pretty girl for me.
For him?
Sure, that's what he's been saying.
Probably some kind of a custom.
Naturally, it's absolutely against the rules of the hotel.
I know, I know...
Who's winning?
Oh, Effie. You're a lifesaver.
Would you help me?
Now, he wants me to provide a girl for him.
Would you explain that...
What they're trying to tell you is
The Princess Tarji has heard so much about them
she would very much like to have an American hot dog.
Well, I guess you'll be running along.
Yes, yes.
I'll see to it that the princess gets a frankfurter.
Why don't you run along
and give them a chance to get moved in?
I haven't had a chance to be with Tarji yet.
You can be with her tonight.
Yes, dear. We'll spend the evening alone,
just the two of us together.
She won't have any trouble understanding me tonight.
Ta-ta, dear.
There he goes katanning again.
Goodbye, dear.
Oh, badibani.
Good evening, Mr. Reade.
I just want you to know...
that I have my entire staff alerted for anything,
anything at all.
Any little special services that the princess may require.
After all, strangers in a foreign land, you know.
That's very kind of you,
but I don't think it will be necessary.
They're no different from any of us.
They live just like you and me.
Good night.
Now, what are you doing here?
I think you'd better sit down.
Why, has something happened to Tarji?
No, and we don't want anything to happen to her.
That's why I'm here.
And what does that mean?
You're not going to like this any more than I do
but there's nothing we can do about it.
About what?
I have been assigned to take care of you and Tarji.
You've been what?
That's ridiculous. That's utter nonsense.
If I need a nursemaid, I'll send for one.
Now, why don't you just get your briefcase
and your horn book
and run on down to the office and solve
all the little international problems
This happens to be one of the little international problems.
At least it could, be and I'm here to see
that it isn't.
Oh, no, you're not. And if you think
I'm going to let you interfere...
I'm not going to interfere. I'm going to help you.
This is just as important to us as it is to you.
You can look upon me as a stick of furniture.
No. Absolutely not. No, no...
Oh, Tarji.
Tarji, did you hear what she said?
She thinks that...
That... uh...
Can I tell her something for you?
Yes, yes you can.
Tell her that she looks like a beautiful flower.
Katan, katan!
Stop that. It's all right now.
We're engaged.
Oh, please. Will you explain to him?
Oh, he knows it better than you do.
Until the wedding you can't embrace her,
or kiss her, or anything.
After the wedding she becomes your property.
You make me sound like a landlord.
Certainly a little kiss.
As far as they're concerned
there's no such thing as a little kiss.
You'll just have to control yourself
till after the wedding.
Then will you please explain to him
that all that's been arranged for next Tuesday.
What's the matter?
He says the date of the wedding has already been set
according to astronomical calculations.
For when?
Three months from today.
Three months? Why, that's ridiculous!
It won't do you any good to argue with him.
Tell him I refuse to wait three months.
There was nothing about the three months
in the arrangements.
I don't believe in long engagements.
My whole family feels the same way.
My grandfather and my grandmother were married
the same day they met.
Good enough for them.
Three months! Do you realize that's ninety days?
Do you know how many hours that is?
Neither do I, but it must be an awful lot.
Three months. I won't stand for it.
Three months. That's the end.
Oh, I don't know.
Three months of this might not be too bad.
While I searched the book of love...
a wise voice whispered happy is he...
happy is he who holds in his house a love...
a love more lovely than the moon...
and dreams...
dreams of a lifetime longer than a year.
Did she say that?
Omar Khayyam said it.
My love for you called you to me
across half the world.
I'm so sorry. I didn't hear that.
My love for you... I mean her, of course.
Has called you... I mean...
I understand who's who.
Well, then, tell her yourself.
What did you tell her?
I said you wished to cut your tongue out
because you could not speak
your love for her in her own language.
That's very good!
Yeah, hm-hmm.
After we're married, ask her how many er...
How many what?
Never mind. I'll wait until she learns English.
I'll ask her that myself, thank you.
Bukistanians believe in large families,
if that answers your question.
Now wait a minute, just...
Tarji, darling...
Now listen, listen...
Table... table...
That's very... Oh, this is going to be a cinch.
I don't think I'll need you for the moment.
Would you mind going over to the corner, relaxing?
That's a good girl.
Go somewhere, thank you.
Good, Tarji. Humm...
Couch... couch.
Yes, darling, couch.
Yes, yes...
Uhm... Oh, ashtray, see?
Ashtray see.
No, no, not the "see", dear, just the...
Never mind. We'll get to that later.
Well, hmm...
That's better, but uh...
You big silly ox!
Here, catch.
Now how long can a man stand this?
In three months I'll be a nervous wreck.
What does he think he is, the Iron Curtain?
He is until you're married.
You tell him we're in America now.
There are certain customs that...
What were you saying?
Uh, what was I saying? What, what?
Something about customs.
Oh, oh!
Well, there are certain customs that are sacred.
And I'm not the man to violate them.
I should say not.
If they want to separate their boys and girls,
then I say separate them.
What are three months?
Why, they go by like that.
Do you know the mark of a mature man?
Patience. The ability to wait for what he wants.
That is the key to the situation.
Well, I think I'll be running along.
Give everybody a chance to get
a good night's sleep.
I think that's a very good idea.
Yes, would you do me a favor?
Would you please tell Tarji that I'll see her very soon.
She says her heart will be unable to wait.
May I drop you at your house?
No, thanks. I think I'll get a cab.
Well, good night all.
Darling, I'm back.
Oh, I wish I could speak with you in your language.
There's so much I want to tell you.
But all you need to know now is that I love you.
It won't be easy to be patient but I want you to know
that I'll wait as long as necessary.
And that I'll want you more each day.
Darling, it seems I've waited all my life for you.
And in just a little while we...
And in just a little while...
Katan, katan!
Shhh! You'll wake everyone up!
Mr. Reade!
I'm certainly not going to stay
in such a noisy hotel.
You may go in now, Mr. Reade.
With our deepest regrets and sincere assurance
to your excellency
that there will not be a repetition of last night's er...
Last night's unfortunate incident.
Good. How does the whole thing sound?
Fine, I'll send it by special cable.
Good morning, Romeo.
Yes, yes, yes...
You sent for me?
Yes, sit down, Reade.
Now you look here. I'm a citizen...
And there are a few things
that I've got to make clear to you, citizen.
The State Department has enough troubles
without worrying about your love life.
As far as I'm concerned you can have a harem.
But when your irresponsible actions jeopardize
the functions of this Office
then I'm going to crack down.
You were warned about this sort of thing, Reade.
You're making a mountain out of a mole hill.
And you were told to keep away
from that mole hill until after you were married.
Tarji is my fiance. If I want to kiss her,
what do you expect me to do?
Telephone the Secretary of State?
Now look, Reade. I don't care to have the State Department
put in the position of playing Peeping Tom.
But for the next three months you're going to behave
like Whistler's Mother.
You stick to protocol
and we will not have any more trouble.
Whistler's Mother?
Just remember what I told you. Don't get too friendly.
Thank you. I'll remember.
You forgot to give me the key.
I haven't any...
I beg your pardon.
I'll show myself out.
Did you explain the facts of life to him?
He knows them. That's our problem.
Now that he understands, maybe...
My dear Effie, you know all about countries,
but there are a few things
you've got to learn about men.
You are moving in with the princess tonight.
Oh, Mr. Reade.
Good evening.
I've been waiting to talk to you.
Really? Anything wrong?
It's about that bearded gentleman.
You mean our friend the skyscraper.
He's been trying to buy our chambermaids.
He has?
Yes, he's been offering them physicians in the Khan's harem.
I hope he hasn't offended them.
Offended them?
Six of the girls have already accepted.
Well, I'll speak to Miss Effington about that.
Good evening, Tarji.
Oh, she shouldn't do that.
You're telling me.
Oh, yes, it's the lady from the translation bureau.
Why don't you run along and see
a French movie or something?
This is better than a French movie.
There's a good chance I may not need you anymore.
What's the matter, what...
What are you trying to say?
"Nonmoki"... you know...
Oh, you mean "Monkomi Bukistani sabeh"
Here, Katan, kattatch.
That fellow catches everything, except pneumonia.
Now that you're here
you might as well make yourself useful.
Tell Tarji that she looks enchanting tonight.
And don't spare the adjectives.
Yeah... here we go again.
This is the life.
You'd have been a smash in the Middle Ages.
Yes, yes, yes.
Tell Tarji I've been longing to see her all day.
And put a little feeling into it.
What did she say?
She said there is no moon until you walk
into her presence.
Oh, isn't that nice.
Is there any answer, Moon Man?
Tarji, now that we're alone...
I want you to know how sorry I am
about the key last night.
Yes, dear, the key.
You see, I'm afraid it was
one of those unfortunate things...
No, no, darling...
you don't understand. You keep this.
No, I can't take the key.
Tarji, you mustn't do this.
I'd love to, but we need oil.
I mean, we'll have plenty of time to be together.
Right now, a little thing like a key seems important...
But, but...
Oh, Tarji...
I'm sorry about the interruption.
One of the dancing girls discovered the telephone
and she won't get off it.
She probably thinks she's an American woman.
Shall I translate that for Tarji?
No, no, let's wait for something funnier.
Well, it's been a hard day...
You're not going already?
Do you mind?
MacBride neglected to tell me my bedtime...
but I'm sure the State Department won't object
if I retire early.
May I drop you?
No, thanks, I'm going to stick around for a while.
Tell Tarji that until I see her again
the birds will have no song.
Oh, brother.
Now, look!
All right, all right, the birds will have no song.
Well, good night.
Oh, Moon Man...
You forgot your shoes.
Darling, I'm back, I'm back!
You see, nothing can ever keep us apart.
Not the State Department, nor protocol,
nor Effie.
Especially Effie.
We will be rid of them soon
and your little moon man will be all yours.
Oh, it seems I've waited all my life for you.
I never loved anyone before I met you, dear.
I'm afraid I must go now
so there won't be any trouble.
But just one kiss before I leave...
Oh, there you are!
I've been looking everywhere for you.
I know, I can go in now.
Oh, you're not MacBride, he's taller.
Where's he?
On the phone trying to explain you to Washington.
I know you won't believe this, but I only
went back there to give her a good night kiss.
I didn't expect to start a riot.
Look at that?
Where'd you get the key?
I found it.
At least you're a chivalrous liar.
Tarji told me she gave you the key.
She thought you were asking for it.
I was asking for it, all right.
I wish I could explain Tarji to you, Clem.
Her only concern is to please you.
That's the way she was brought up.
Any whim of yours is law to her.
That's a terrible power to hold over anybody.
No one will ever hold that power over you,
will they, Effie?
We're not discussing me.
Oh, well, citizen.
You're becoming quite a problem.
Oh, not really, I'm just a normal, high-spirited
American boy.
We're going to see if we can control those high spirits.
I don't know why I have to feel like Benedict Arnold
every time I want to kiss the girl I'm going to marry.
The American people have stood
for inflation and high taxes
but let Washington try to control everything
and you'll have a revolution.
Well, I'll remember.
Miss Effington tells me that you're not entirely
to blame for last night.
She did?
She came up with a very excellent suggestion.
We've just cabled to Bukistan...
for permission to have the wedding right away.
Well, now we're getting somewhere.
I thought it would serve the best interests of everyone.
I never doubted it.
Now, there's to be a reception for Tarji
tonight at the Bukistanian Consulate.
You're welcome to invite your friends.
Oh, really, you're too kind.
Technically you'll be on Bukistanian soil this evening
so you'll be expected to behave accordingly.
You can always count on me.
I'll be there to explain their customs to you.
I had a feeling you'd be there.
Have you had a chance to look at that?
Well, I'll see you at the party tonight,
is that right?
We'll need their approval on this.
We'll meet over there, huh?
This pertains to Raffidat.
Yeah, well, Raffidat.
Where is she?
You'll meet her.
Here, put my gloves in your pocket.
But, darling, I'm already carrying your compact.
Do as I tell you.
There she is.
Good evening, Clem.
Hello, Eff.
Good evening, Tarji.
Hey, did you see that?
I certainly did.
Tell her that she looks like a goddess.
Why don't you say those things to me?
I think you know everyone here.
Would you introduce them, please?
Oh, thank heavens, I'm so thirsty I could die.
Don't! You mustn't touch that.
The drinks are just for the men.
I'm afraid I don't understand.
I explained it to Clem this afternoon.
This is the Bukistanian Consulate and there are certain
strict customs which we are expected to observe.
Well, I never!
Thank you, Tarji.
Now, gentlemen, help yourselves.
Well, very nice, thank you.
Well, to the ladies.
I never heard of such a thing.
When in Rome, Jean...
Don't you dare enjoy that.
No, darling.
What else can't the Bukistanian women do?
Oh, they can do everything. And do it better.
How do you know?
Thank you, Tarji.
That means dinner is served.
Good, I'm starved.
Would you walk three paces behind
your husbands, please?
Well, these fellows really live, eh?
I'm sorry. This table is for the men.
Do you mean to say I can't eat with my husband?
In Bukistan the women do not eat with the men.
They eat separately at their own table.
The women will eat over there.
How far did you say it is to Bukistan?
Clem, I've never seen anything like Tarji.
I thought you were exaggerating.
She's incredible.
If I ever treated May that way, she'd shoot me.
Clem, how did you train her to light your cigarette?
I didn't train her.
She's not a trick dog.
All she cares about is whether I'm happy.
It's a natural instinct.
Some instinct.
Tell us about some of her other instincts.
You haven't seen anything yet.
I can't wait.
Hey, delicious, what is it?
Goat meat.
Oh, dear. You know, I'm getting tired of all this.
All these crowds all the time.
Nothing but people.
What exactly did you have in mind?
I'd just like to be alone with Tarji sometime.
Just alone with her.
We could go walking somewhere.
We might even go walking in the park.
If you're planning on disappearing with her, forget it.
When you're out with Tarji there are certain
protocol that must be observed.
Of course.
And we will observe it.
Tomorrow we can go for a nice walk in the park.
Now, lie down, Bonzo. It's feeding time.
Oh, for heaven's sakes. Will you tell her
she's in America now? She can't go on like this.
But this is what you wanted, isn't it?
Certainly not. She's like Brutus.
Darling, you eat with me.
We eat together.
Explain it to her, will you?
It's going to be pretty difficult.
I'm doing 3000 years of history, but I'll try.
Just tell her that now... now...
She adores me.
Good morning, sir, or madam,
or a small child...
...as the case may be.
As the case may be. That's very good, Tarji. Go on.
In the morning I have breakfast with my brother...
Why Clem angry?
Yes, he not do like me anymore.
Ah, it isn't that, Tarji. In America it's different.
Women walk with their husbands and eat with them.
American women are proud. They fought
for their freedom and they've become a part of history.
Women like Harriet Beecher Stowe and Amelia Bloomer.
Yes, Bloomer.
Tell me, Bloomer.
Clara Barton started American Red Cross.
Yes... Now what has that to do with any...
Good night.
It's been quite an evening.
Darling, fetch me a drink.
No ice, a twitch of lemon and easy on the water.
No, no, you've had enough.
Put her to bed. I'll see her tomorrow.
Oh, my goodness. She's high as a kite.
Flown by Benjamin Franklin, a man.
Good night, Mrs. Frankenstein.
For me?
Thank you.
Hey, you!
That's okay, I'll take care of her.
Hey, wait a minute.
You forgot to pay for your drink back there.
Sure, you don't get anything for nothing, you know.
But that's all right. I took care of it myself.
You ate very friendlike.
I was hoping you'd look at it that way.
I wouldn't want you to think I was one of those fresh guys.
Fresh? What is fresh?
That's what I always say.
What is fresh?
What's the matter whether you introduce yourself
or somebody else does it for you.
My name's George Seegley. What's yours?
You live around here, honey?
I live in big hotel.
You certainly do.
Are you free tonight?
Of course. I am free woman all the time.
What do you mean you told her she could go out?
I don't like the idea of her roaming
around the streets all by herself.
She just went for a little walk.
Now, what could possibly happen?
She's not a child, Clem.
She can take care of herself.
I don't like it. She's changed.
And it's all your fault.
It's time someone freed her.
Oh, look, Pygmalion.
Pygmalion was a man.
Don't tempt me.
Oh, don't you understand, Clem?
She's like a kid with a new television set.
She's learned a new word, freedom.
And now she's just fiddling with all the knobs.
After you're married she'll settle down
and be everything you want her to be.
After we're married?
By that time I'll be in a wheelchair.
Have you heard from the Khan
about our wedding yet?
We've been notified to expect an answer today.
And while we're at it I think there are one or two things
I'd better explain to you about the wedding ceremony.
And what happens afterwards.
Isn't anything sacred?
Everything. That's what I want to talk to you about.
Evelyn, I'll have to cancel my 3 o'clock appointment.
And tell Gregorovitch I won't need him.
Who's Gregorovitch?
He's a spy.
Now, let's begin at the beginning.
The wedding ceremony itself lasts for three days.
And it's called the "huffi".
I don't care what it's called.
And then what happens?
Well, the ceremony consists of feasting,
dancing and incantations.
Since Tarji is a princess, the honeymoon
will last eight weeks.
It's called the "broukha".
Don't wear bow ties.
Now, during the "broukha"...
Wait a minute... what's that? What did you say?
I said during the broukha...
No, about the bow ties.
Oh, don't wear them.
You mean to say there's some kind of Bukistanian law
about bow ties?
No, it's just that you don't look very good in them,
that's all.
Now, during the broukha...
Whoa, wait a minute...
You always said you liked me in bow ties.
You always wore them what could I say?
Well, that's a fine thing.
May I explain the broukha?
Never mind the broukha.
What else?
What else what?
What else didn't you like about me?
I think it's rather pointless to reminisce about
our likes and dislikes when we were engaged.
No, I'd like to hear it.
Oh, it's nothing important, just little things.
Like your salad dressing.
Why, you loved my salad dressing.
Well, didn't you?
If every woman told the man she's going to marry
what she really thinks, this would be a nation of old maids.
I wouldn't mind if your criticism was justified.
Perhaps I should have told you about your hats.
It so happens that my salad dressing...
What about my hats?
Nothing. It happens that my salad dressing...
What about my hats?
Well, if you really want to know,
they're the most ridiculous hats I've ever seen.
They all look like crackerjack prizes.
But did I complain? No...
You used to compliment me on my hats.
Isn't that what you wanted me to do?
Not if it wasn't sincere.
We shouldn't even discuss it now.
It seems to me we ought to get back
to the broukha.
What else?
What else what?
Since my hats were so ridiculous I'm sure there were
other things you found equally ridiculous.
All right, now that you're asking,
your perfume.
It happens to be very good perfume.
What do you call it? Protocol Number 5?
How dare you?
You always used to ask me to put it on.
What was I going to do?
Ask you to take it off?
What else?
Your lipstick. I always got smeared.
If you knew how to kiss.
Now wait a minute!
The first time I kissed you
you told me it was like an earthquake.
Did I?
Oh, I see, It was like my salad dressing.
It was pleasant.
Hm... pleasant.
Let's see.
No earthquake.
Hm... forget I did it.
That won't be difficult.
Hmm... give my regards to Gregorovitch.
Mr. MacBride has asked me to give you this.
It's just arrived.
The Khan has agreed to hold the wedding next week
when we sign the oil agreement.
Thanks, Pat.
Evelyn, get out Givney's report for me
and have Ben call me on Monday.
Then get me Francis Gordon in Washington...
Earthquake! It's an...
Oh, no!
Did you feel s shaking?
No, sir. Maybe it's a vibration from the service elevator.
It gets pretty strong sometimes.
Thank you.
Would you like some more ice?
Oh, no, don't trouble.
It's no trouble at all.
Well, I think I'll recite a little poetry tonight.
What will it be?
Anything that pleases you.
How about Keats? He's always good.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
Its loveliness increases...
It's not very romantic, is it?
I like it.
I learned new thing today.
That's fine! Tell Clem.
I open charges account.
I go in many stores. They are very nice.
Macy, Gimble, Sak.
One store much fun. Many games.
You put money in and you win sandwich,
soup, coffee.
I win all time.
That's the automat.
Doorbell. I go.
Hiya, honey! I bet you thought
I wasn't gonna make it, didn't you?
Hello, George. Come in.
Oh, a double date. I'm mighty glad to meet you.
My name is George Seegley.
George my friend. Very fresh.
Is that so?
I think there must be some mistake.
I'll get it.
Oh, man, this is crazy!
I'll get to you later. Where's the doll?
Who is he?
I happen to have a date with this young lady.
Yeah, well so do I.
Wait a minute. Nobody has a date with this lady.
I have a date with this lady.
This dame does the land office business.
Where did you meet her?
If it's any of your concern, I met her in Bukistan.
Tarji, I think you should explain things to these gentlemen.
Now why don't you just run along, huh, fellows?
Look, bud, why don't you go out
and get a girl of your own?
Yeah, and that goes for you, too.
Go away!
Who do you think you're cutting in on?
Get your coat, honey. We're going dancing.
Who's he?
He promised to teach Tarji jitterbug.
What am I supposed to do?
Why don't you join the marines?
Sorry, I must have the wrong... Tarji!
What is this, a convention?
Hey, you don't have any shoes on.
I know!
Tarji, where did you meet all these people?
I bought her an orange drink.
We went walking in the park.
I bought her a banana split.
I met her in the movies.
With Lana Turner.
How did you find time to go to the automat?
I beg your pardon, but I...
Oh, Tarji!
Uncle Clarence.
Uncle Clarence?
We were just leaving, Unc.
Look, I met her first, fellows,
so if you all don't mind running along.
Are you kidding?
Come on, Tarji, we're going dancing.
Imagine! I'm taking her to a nightclub.
I'll toss you all out.
Come on, honey.
Now wait a minute!
Nobody is taking no one nowhere.
I don't believe we've met.
I'll attend to you in a minute.
Now listen, my friend.
Butt out, chum!
Who are you pushing?
You, chum!
Oh, big fight!
Clem, be careful!
Ouch! What did you do that for?
That's my shoe!
You wait till I find my shoe!
Oh, look out!
I'll come back and do the room later.
Stop it! Stop it!
Oh, hello.
They're not even registered.
Hello, this is Bob. Signal red! Signal red!
Never mind that! Help me find my other shoe.
What? Where are you going?
There is a young lady to see you.
I do not need any.
Do I?
No, Your Excellency.
Who is she?
Send her in.
She dares to face me
after what she's done to the princess.
We shall see.
Your Excellency.
Never mind that.
You are the American friend of my daughter.
I have that honor.
The one who has filled her mind
with your Western nonsense.
Why are you here?
I am from the State Department.
Your country is foolish to allow women
to meddle in government.
The coach of State cannot be driven
from the back seat.
That is excellent. Make a note of it.
I came to speak about the princess Tarji
and Mr. Reade, Your Excellency.
Their marriage means very much.
There will be no marriage.
If Tour Excellency will listen, I...
We can read!
The princess involved in a public scandal.
It's a disgrace.
In the rest of the world women know their place.
In your country women have forgotten
to be women.
American women are not mothers. They're fathers.
I will not let my daughter become a father.
Oh, she isn't going to be... I mean.
I shall see to it.
She will not remain in this country and be blinded
to what a woman should be.
One sees with the heart, not the eyes.
You speak Bukistanian.
I speak all the important languages, Your Excellency.
And what you say is true of some American women.
But that is because we need guidance.
The guidance of men who are wise and strong.
Men who can make women what they were meant to be.
As it is written...
One of my own quotations.
I know.
A native wine made from rice.
I have good news, Your Excellency.
The princess has returned.
She can wait.
The araq is pleasing to you?
Oh, yes.
To the bride and groom.
You American women.
Yes, that's Effie, all right.
Always there when you need her.
Remarkable girl.
You know, I remember one summer...
Oh, dear me, he was in a hurry, wasn't he?
The Khan cannot see me tonight.
He does not wish to be disturbed until morning.
Oh, never mind, dear...
What's wrong?
Well, Effie's in there!
They won't let you go in.
Let them try to stop me.
Katan! Katan!
Oh, please...
Effie! Effie! I'm here, I'm...
Are you all right?
Does he always enter a room like that?
Forgive him. He was eager to see you,
Your Excellency.
Yes, Your Excellency, I was eager to see you.
You are welcome, my son. You may join us.
Thank you, sir.
How are you doing?
I have him eating out of my hand.
Sweet meat?
Oh, I see...
Why are you doing all that?
I'm trying to make His Excellency comfortable.
You do want your future father-in-law
to be comfortable, don't you?
My future...
Oh, yes, of course...
Oh, well, that isn't necessary!
What's that?
It's a wine made from rice.
Hmm... thank you.
Tastes like milk.
Sweet meat
Forgive me for leaving you, but duty calls.
Next time I'll leave them at home.
I will see you tomorrow at the wedding.
Effie, I want to tell you how...
Skip it. Courtesy of the State Department.
We're going to have lots of oil.
That's why I'm celebrating.
Everybody's happy.
Don't you think you've had enough?
Of course not! It's just rice.
A little old rice never hurt anybody.
In China they live on rice.
Why don't you get some sleep?
What for? Complete waste of time.
Old Effie mustn't waste time.
Old Effie's a machine.
You didn't think I knew you thought
I was a machine, did you?
A little rice?
Uh, no, thank you.
Sure, click, click, push, pull, that's Effie.
You know, that isn't even my right name.
Do you want to know what my right name is?
Priscilla. Priscilla Effington.
I know.
Isn't that a pretty name.
Say it.
You want to know something?
Priscilla twisted the khan around her little finger.
Oh, hmm...
Oh, yes, thank you.
You want to know how?
It's a secret, but I'll tell you.
I can be a woman, too.
I know...
Oh, no, a woman's work is never done.
Gotta wash him, dress him, feed him, and burp him.
Oh, now, stop it.
No, I'm just warming up.
Don't you think it's time to go to bed?
The night is filled with muted sounds.
The air is still, but in the hush
the whispers of a thousand lovers...
you and I together here to dream a thousand wonders
the night is still, we kiss...
and in my heart a thousand thunders
Thanksgiving, three years ago.
That was the night that we met
at that silly State dinner.
It wasn't silly. Not until you got up to make a speech
and started reciting poetry.
I couldn't help it. I couldn't take my eyes off you.
You mean my hat.
I love your hats.
You were wearing a sweet kind of airplane hat...
with gumdrops hanging down.
Oh, darling...
Oh, you better get some sleep.
You should be rested for your broukha tomorrow.
And don't call me Priscilla.
Clem not love Tarji.
Clem love my friend, Effie.
Well, uh... Tarji, you mustn't blame her.
It's all over between Effie and me,
but uh...
Well, you see... once upon a time...
Bedtime story?
Yeah... yeah.
Bedtime story.
My friend Effie make you very happy.
You know, I didn't plan it this way, I just...
I not have to marry you now.
I free!
I beg your pardon?
Effie teach me. Woman not have to obey man
she does not love.
You're amazing, Tarji!
Well, all right. Now go and tell your father
right away.
Wait. I tell him I free woman.
I tell him I no love Clem.
You forget our wedding is in the morning.
You come to wedding tomorrow, I not arrive.
I jilt you.
You will? That's perfect.
I don't know how to thank you, Tarji.
I very happy. You be my friend.
Oh, indeed I will, always.
You're going to make someone a very lucky man.
Then, uh, I'll see you at the wedding.
I mean, I won't see you at the wedding.
Goodbye, dear, dear Tarji.
Or rather, badibani.
Father, welcome to America.
I must talk to you right away.
I have so much to tell...
Any minute now you're gonna be
the happiest man in the world.
You don't know how right you are.
What have you got to be so happy about?
You're getting married.
Sure you feel all right?
Never felt better in my life.
I wonder what's keeping Effie.
I mean Tarji.
Oh, there's a girl in a million.
She's gonna make some man a wonderful wife.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, hello, Mac! Any terrible news?
I mean, what's new?
Nothing. What's new with you?
That's interesting.
We must have another nice chat sometime, huh?
You know, there's nothing like a wedding.
I wonder why bridegrooms are always supposed
to be so nervous.
What is there to be nervous about?
The ceremony...
Oh, Effie... Priscilla.
I've got to see you. What are you doing tonight?
No wonder I'm the happiest man in the world.
Clem, whatever it is you're taking,
don't take any more.
Oh, you should have seen Tarji last night.
She was magnificent.
There was fire in her eyes when she...
Who did you expect?
What is she doing here?
Maybe she came to get married.
No, no, she promised.
My son.
No, I'm not, sir. I mean...
The ceremony can start immediately.
I have long looked forward to this happy day.
Your Excellency will be pleased to know
that the Bukistanian ceremony will come first...
then the American ceremony,
and then we can sign the agreement.
We are pleased.
But, sir, didn't Tarji tell you?
Tell me what?
Here we go. I know how anxious you must be.
No, Tarji!
Come on!
No, I tell you, I won't go through with this.
It never fails, they all go the same way.
I tell you, I love her!
That's why you're here!
Come on, everybody's watching.
Double crosser! Coward!
I thought you were a free woman.
What about Amelia Bloomer?
Doesn't she mean anything to you?
Well, what can you expect from a woman?
You're weak, helpless and nothing but trouble.
And that goes for all of you.
Harriet Beecher Stowe.
She wrote about slaves didn't she?
Well, it sure take one to know one.
She great woman. She write Uncle Tom's Cabin.
Susan B. Anthony.
Susan B, Anthony fight for women's vote.
And that not all. Carrie Country.
Carrie Nation!
Carrie Nation.
I will not silence! I free woman!
I not love Clem.
She jilted me! She jilted me!
Do not worry, my son, she will marry you.
I'm not worth bothering about, I...
What have you done now, what's wrong?
Nothing's wrong. The wedding's off.
You do not wish to marry my daughter?
Of course he does.
It's just a little nervous breakdown, Your Excellency.
You keep out of this.
In Bukistan we do not use our women for political tricks.
What about the oil agreement?
It will be as you say.
It will be signed after the wedding.
And there will be no wedding.
Well spoken, Your Excellency.
You are wise not to be deceived by this man.
And you should be proud that your daughter
has inherited your wisdom.
You are using psychology.
No, Your Excellency, truth.
The daughter of the Khan is not merchandise to be sent
on approval to a man with the judgment of a camel.
That is truth.
Oh, absolutely.
I know how easy it is to be deceived by this man.
I myself was engaged to him.
I admit it. With shame.
He would have made the princess as unhappy
as he made me.
He was unsatisfactory.
Completely. He was conceited, and selfish and unbearable.
Surely the Khan will not allow a man like this
to stand in the way...
of signing an oil agreement that will benefit your country.
That is true. You are a remarkable woman,
Miss Effington.
He will not stand in the way.
I knew you would understand.
I do.
You must love him very much.
What was that again?
Clem, I've got so much to tell you.
You mean you've forgotten something?
I'm a selfish monster, I'm foolish, arrogant...
In other words, you're just an average man.
Oh, Clem, make an earthquake for me.
It's just an expression she uses.
Don't talk like that. They'll get the wrong idea.
Come here. I owe you a bloukha.