Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas (1977) Movie Script
( Banjo and Piano )
( "The Bathing Suit
that Grandma Otter Wore" )
Together:
LONG, LONG AGO
THERE LIVED A LADY
SIMPLE BUT ELEGAN AS ANY ON THE SHORE.
SHE WAS KNOWN FOR
HER GENEROUS SILHOUETTE,
Together:
AND YET...
SHE WAS KNOWN
EVEN MORE FOR...
THE BATHING SUIT SHE WORE.
EVEN SO IT WAS HER BATHING
SUIT THAT MADE HER FAMOUS,
IT WAS ALMOST HEAVEN-SENT.
MANY TIMES WHEN IT WAS
DRYING ON THE LINE
A TOURIST WOULD MISTAKE I FOR A CIRCUS TENT...
OH, HI, EMMET.
I'M FISHING!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DELIVERING LAUNDRY
AND GOIN' TO WATERVILLE!
SEE YA, WENDELL!
Together:
NOW SHE HAS GONE.
NOW SHE HAS LEFT US.
LEFT WITH
SWEET MEMORIES
AND LEFT WITH
SOMETHING MORE;
WE'VE MADE CURTAINS
AND HANDKERCHIEFS
AND CLOTHING
FOR THE...
Together:
POOR...
FROM THE ONE BATHING SUI THAT YOUR GRANDMA OTTER WORE.
FROM THAT ONE BATHING SUI THAT YOUR GRANDMA OTTER WORE.
SAY, MA, THAT SOUNDED
PRETTY NICE.
BETTER LEAN INTO
THAT STARBOARD OAR.
THERE'S OLD GRETCHEN FOX
ON HER DOCK,
WAITIN' FOR HER LAUNDRY.
WHEW-HOO, SHE LOOKS
FRIENDLY AS A POLECAT TODAY.
WELL, IT'S ABOUTTIME
YOU GOT HERE.
SAME TIME
WEALWAYSGET HERE.
YES, YOU'RE LATE
EVERY WEEK.
AND LAST WEEK WHEN I
OPENED THE LAUNDRY PARCEL
THERE WAS A SCORCH MARK
ON ONE OF THE SHEETS.
OH!
WELL, MAYBE I CAN
KNOCK OFF A LITTLE BI ON THE PRICE.
I, UH--
YOU CERTAINLY SHALL.
REMIND ME OF THA WHEN I PAY YOU NEXT WEEK.
WELL, I'VE GOT THE BILL
RIGHT HE-HERE.
AND SINCE IT'S
THREE DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS,
I'D REALLY
APPRECIATE IT IF---
TA!
WELL, THAT'S
TELLING HER, ALICE.
MORNIN',
WILL POSSUM.
MORNIN'.
I DIDN'T SEE YOU
SITTING THERE.
WELL, THAT'S
OKAY, ALICE.
LISTEN, YOU GOT ANYTHING
TO BARTER WITH TODAY?
OH, GLAD
YOU ASKED.
JUST KNITTED UP
A FINE PAIR OF WOOL SOCKS.
GREAT! I'VE GO A FEW BIG OL' PUMPKINS.
PUMPKINS, HUH?
I COULD MAKE 'EM INTO PIES
AND SELL 'EM AT A PROFIT.
WELL, THEY'RE IN THE GARDEN
RIGHT OVER HERE.
( Quacking )
CAN YOU MAKE MUCH MONEY
ON THOSE PUMPKIN PIES, MA?
OOH, ABOUT ENOUGH
TO BUY WOOL
FOR ANOTHER PAIR OF SOCKS,
I GUESS.
GOOD THINKING, MA.
NOW YOU CAN KNIT MORE SOCKS
TO BUY MORE PUMPKINS
TO SELL MORE PUMPKINS
TO BUY MORE WOOL--
( Laughing )
OH, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
LEAN INTO THOSE OARS
OR WE'LL NEVER
GET TO WATERVILLE.
( Engines Revving )
( Brakes Screech! )
( Crash! )
STOP!
( Brakes Screech! )
HEY, WHADYA
DO THAT FOR,
RIGHT, BOSS?
AAAGGHH!
ME AND CHUCK'S
GOING TO LUNCH,
WE DON'T WANT TO STOP;
RIGHT, CHUCK?
MY NECK!
OH, I'M SORRY,
I'M SORRY.
YEAH, THERE'S
A MUSIC STORE OVER THERE
AND SNAKE NEEDS
A NEW STRING FOR HIS GUITAR.
MM-HMM.
GET OFF MY SHOULDER.
I-I'M GOING,
I'M GOING...
JEEZ, A FELLA SHOULD BE
GRATEFUL HE'SGOTSHOULDERS...
COME ON, GUYS,
LET'S GO IN THE STORE.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
ME AND CHUCK DON'T WANNA GO
TO NO DUMB MUSIC STORE.
NAW, NAW,
WE DIDN'T THINK SO.
I'D LIKE TO.
( All Agree )
I'LL STAY HERE.
IT'S TOO DRY IN THERE.
HEY, YOU,
YOU YOUNG RAGSCAMPS!
YOU JUST MESSED UP
MY FRUIT STAND.
AWW, SO SORRY!
( Pfft! )
( Splash! )
( Excited Chatter )
RIGHT, CHUCK
SORRY ABOUT THAT...
IS THAT ALL THE ERRANDS
WE HAVE TO DO?
NOPE, BUT IT'S
THE END OF THE MONEY
WE HAVE
TO DO 'EM WITH.
( Chuckling )
DI
WAIT NOW, EMMET.
DN'T SAM TURTLE PAY YOU
FOR FIXING HIS STEPS YESTERDAY?
UH, NO...
I WAS THE ONE
WHO BROKE 'EM.
OH, EMMET,
YOU WITH
YOUR ODD JOBS,
ME WITH MY SOCKS
AND PUMPKINS...
NO WONDER
WE'RE SO RICH.
AWW, WE'LL MAKE OUT.
YOU GOTTA
HAVE FAITH, MA.
OOH, I'VE GO PLENTY OF FAITH.
I SPENT ALL THOSE YEARS
MARRIED TO A SNAKE OIL
SALESMAN, DIDN'T I?
WELL, PASHOULD'VE
GOTTEN RICH ON SNAKE OIL.
BUT, "THERE JUS AREN'T ENOUGH PEOPLE
Together:
"WHO WANT TO OIL A SNAKE!"
( Laughing )
OH, PA USED TO ALWAYS SAY THA WHEN BUSINESS WAS BAD.
YEP, HE SAID I A LOT.
WAIT NOW...
WOULD YA
LOOKAT THAT.
WHAT?
THAT SWELL GUITAR!
MOTHER-OF-PEARL
INLAYS, TOO!
NOW, MA,THAT'SWHA YOU CAN GET ME FOR CHRISTMAS!
OH, SURE...
AFTER ALL,
IT'S ONLY $40!
SAY, WHAT IS
THAT RACKET?
( Loud Rock Music )
OH, NO,
NO, NO...
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT'S HAPPENING
HERE IN MY STORE!
WHO ARE THEY, MA?
BEATS ME.
HOOLIGANS
IS WHAT THEY ARE.
PROBABLY SOME OF
THOSE RIVERBOTTOM BOYS.
( Crash! )
Store Owner:
NOW SEE WHA YOU'VE DONE?!
I WANT ALL OF YOU
OUT OF HERE AT ONCE!
( Excited Chatter )
HERE YA GO,
IT AIN'T EVEN HURT.
IF THEY DIDN'T WAN THESE THINGS TO ROLL,
THEY SHOULDA
MADE 'EM SQUARE.
( Laughter )
HEY!
YEAH, CHUCK?
I'M HUNGRY.
HEY, EVERYBODY,
CHUCK'S HUNGRY.
NO, I'M NO HUNGRY...
I'MHUUUNNNGRY!
CHECK, CHUCK!
NOW!
( All Agree )
( Engine Starts & Revs )
OHH, GETTING COLDER
EVERY DAY NOW.
BE WALKING
THE RIVER SOON.
AND SKATING ON IT.
GOT TO EXPEC COLD WEATHER,
JUST A FEW DAYS
BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
DON'T TALK ABOU CHRISTMAS ALL THE TIME.
THERE'S NO POINT,
IS THERE?
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH
FOR REGULAR DAYS.
SORRY.
I REMEMBER THE LAS CHRISTMAS BEFORE PA DIED...
OH, EMMET.
I REMEMBER DECORATING
THE CHRISTMAS BRANCH AND...
PA SANG AND...
YOU PLAYED
THAT OL' PIANO WE HAD.
I REMEMBER ALL RIGHT.
SELLING THAT OLD PIANO
WAS ONE OF THE SADDEST THINGS
I EVER HAD TO DO.
SEEMS LIKE WE'VE SOLD
JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING
LAST COUPLE OF YEARS.
ABOUT ALL I'VE GOT LEFT IS
A SENSE OF HUMOR AND A WASHTUB.
WELL, AT LEAST THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
HEAD FULL OF GOOD THOUGHTS,
BELLY FULL OF GRUB,
MONEY IN YOUR POCKET,
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
SWEET AS HONEYSUCKLE
ON THE VINE, MA.
Together:
YOUR NAILS WON'T BREAK
AND YOUR TOES WON'T STUB,
YOU NEVER GET A FEVER
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
IF YOU LOOK
TO THE GOOD SIDE,
FALLING DOWN'S A FREE RIDE
SLIPPING AND A-SLIDING
IN THE MUD.
IF YOUR BACK IS HURTIN'
I CAN SAY FOR CERTAIN
I'LL BE THERE TO TREAT YOU
TO A SOOTHING BACK RUB.
Emmet:
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
LUNCH WITH
THE UPPER CRUST,
DINNER AT THE CLUB,
HIGH ON THE HOG
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
WATERMELON GARDEN,
BERRIES ON THE SHRUB,
COOKIES IN THE KITCHEN
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
HI, EMMET.
LOOK WHAT I CAUGHT!
( Chuckling )
GOOD CATCH, WENDELL!
YEAH, THEY'RE
REALLY BITING TODAY!
( Splash! )
I'LL BE THERE TO TREAT YOU
TO A SOOTHING BACK RUB.
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
THERE GO TWO OF THE NICEST FOLK
ON THE RIVER.
IF YOU LOOK
TO THE GOOD SIDE,
FALLING DOWN'S A FREE RIDE
SLIPPING AND A-SLIDING
IN THE MUD.
THOUGH IT TWISTS
AND CONTORTS YOU,
THAT BARREL SUPPORTS YOU.
YOU CAN FEED
AND CLOTHE YOURSELF
WITH A RUB-A-DUB-DUB
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
AIN'T NO HOLE
IN THE WASHTUB.
AIN'T NO HOLE
IN THE WASHTUB.
( Music )
( Music Continues )
PHEW! BOY,
IT'S COLD THIS MORNING.
WOW! RIVER'S FROZEN UP SOLID.
BOY, MA WILL BE NEEDING
A MESS OF WOOD TODAY.
HI, EMMET!
EMMET!
MORNING, WENDELL.
GUESS WHAT?
OLD LADY POSSUM WILL GIVE ME 50
IF I MEND HER FENCE.
50?!
GOOD DEAL.
YEAH, BUT...
I DON'T HAVE ANY TOOLS.
OH...
I'VE
GOT THE TOOLS
IN PA'S OLD TOOL CHEST.
HEY! IF YOU COULD HELP,
MAYBE WE COULD SPLIT THE MONEY.
SURE THING!
I'LL BE
RIGHT WITH YOU.
GOOD!
OH, LET'S SEE...
UM, HALF OF 50...
HALF OF 50...
OH, MORNING,
MRS. MUSKRAT.
MORNING, EMMET.
IS YOUR MA HOME?
SHE SURE IS.
OH, LET ME GE THE DOOR FOR YA.
OH, THANK YOU.
COMPANY, MA!
HETTY!
COME IN,
COME IN.
OH, DON'T FUSS, ALICE.
I'M JUST HERE
TO USE THE SPINNING WHEEL
YOU KEEP BORROWIN' FROM ME.
SIT DOWN.
( Gasp! )
MERCY!
I DON'T EVEN HAVE
WATER ON FOR TEA!
Ma:
GOODNESS GRACIOUS!
MA, ME 'N WENDELL GOT A JOB.
REAL MONEY THIS TIME.
SEE YA!
WATCH OUT FOR THIN ICE
ALONG THE RIVERBANK.
OKAY,
BYE, MA.
( Slam! )
WHOO, CAN THAT BOY
MOVE FAST.
NOW, WHERE'D
I PUT THE TEAPOT?
WELL, EMMET, ARE YA
GOING TO ENTER?
ENTER WHAT?
THE CONTEST.
I DON'T KNOW ABOU ANY CONTEST.
GOLLY, IT'S
A TALENT CONTEST...
AT THE TOWN HALL...
ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
NO KIDDIN'.
AND FIRST PRIZE
IS$50!
$50?!
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY,
HETTY.
YOU SURE
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT?
$50 CASH!
THAT'S THE PRIZE!
LOTTA MONEY...
I THOUGHT YOU MIGH BE INTERESTED, ALICE.
YOU DO HAVE
A MIGHTY FINE SINGING VOICE.
HMM...HMM.
ANYBODY'D BE INTERESTED
IN $50...
HEY, WHY DON' YOU ENTER, EMMET?
YOU'RE A GOOD SINGER...
I
ARE YOU KIDDING?
COULDN'T GET UP THERE
AND SING ALL BY MYSELF.
IT'D BE EMBARRASSING!
HI, HARVEY.
HI, CHARLEY.
HEY, EMMET...
WENDELL,
HEY, LISTEN,
YOU TWO ARE JUST WHO
WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.
YOU BET.
OH, YEAH?
WHAT'S UP, HARVEY?
WELL, YOU KNOW ABOU THE WATERVILLE TALENT CONTEST?
SURE, EVERYBODY'S
HEARD OF THAT.
RIGHT, EMMET?
WELL, YOU SEE,
CHARLIE AND ME
WERE JUST TALKING ABOU WHAT WE SHOULD DO IS
ORGANIZE A JUG-BAND.
YEAH, WOULDN' THAT BE SWELL?!
SEE, I PLAY KAZOO
AND WASHBOARD
AND CHARLIE HERE PLAYS
A GOOD CIGAR BOX BANJO.
I REALLY DO...
UH...MY MA SAYS.
MM-HMM.
SO ALLS WE NEED IS
A COUPLE OF OTHER GUYS
TO FILL OUT THE BAND.
WELL, HOW COME US?
WELL, YOU SEE,
YOU CAN BLOW
A JUG, WENDELL.
YEAH!
HEY, THIS IS
A GOOD IDEA, EMMET.
MAYBE.
WHAT WOULD I PLAY?
WHAT ELSE?
YOU GET TO PLAY
WASHTUB BASS.
WHY ME?
WELL, BECAUSE YOUR
MA'S GOT THE WASHTUB!
OH, NO!
FORGET IT,
COUNT ME OUT!
I'M NOT IN YOUR BAND,
AND THAT'SFINAL!
All:
AWWWWW.
CO
ME ON,
WHY NOT, EMMET?
BECAUSE, TO MAKE
A WASHTUB BASS,
YOU HAVE TO PU A HOLE IN THE WASHTUB!!
HMM...I DON'T EVEN HAVE
A PROPER COSTUME.
HETTY, I CAN'T POSSIBLY
ENTER THAT CONTEST!
YOU'RE RIGHT, ALICE.
FORGET THE WHOLE THING.
HETTY MUSKRAT, YOU STOP TRYING
TO SWEET-TALK ME INTO THIS!
THIS IS THE FENCE
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MEND?
WELL...
YEAH.
THAT'S NOT REPAIRING,
THAT'S REBUILDING.
DON'T JUS STAND AROUND, BOYS.
YA GOT WORK TO DO.
( Banjo )
( Thinking )
JUST ONCE I'D LIKE TO GIVE
A FINE STORE-BOUGHT PRESEN TO EMMET FOR CHRISTMAS.
AND WITH $50...
( Tap! Tap! Tap... )
( Thinking )
I'VE NEVER GIVEN MA
A NICE CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
NEVER GAVE ONE TO PA, EITHER...
AND...NOW IT'S TOO LATE.
HARVEY SAYS $50
SPLIT FOUR WAYS IS $12.50.
LOTTA MONEY.
THAT GUITAR WE SAW IN TOWN...
THE ONE WITH
THE MOTHER-OF-PEARL INLAYS...
EMMET REALLYWANTS IT.
BUT...$40!
I CAN'T BUY A PIANO
FOR $12.50 ANYWAY...
BUT YOU COULDPU A DOWN PAYMENT ON A USED ONE.
BUT IF I DO ENTER,
I GOTTA HAVE A COSTUME.
AND TO BUY A COSTUME,
I'D HAVE TO HOCK SOMETHING.
HMM...
NOTHING LEFT TO HOCK.
OF COURSE, THERE'S
PA'S OLD TOOL CHEST.
BUT EMMET USES THA FOR ODD JOBS!
WE WOULDMAKE
A GOOD JUG-BAND...
BUT TO PUT A HOLE
IN MA'S WASHTUB...
HE SURE WOULD
LIKE THAT GUITAR.
NOTHIN' WOULD MAKE HER HAPPIER
THAN HAVING
A GOOD OL' PIANO AGAIN.
I JUST DON'T KNOW...
( Sigh! )
I JUST CAN'T DECIDE...
MA...
I'M HOME!
I CUT THE CHRISTMAS BRANCH.
OH, I SEE YOU DID.
WELL, AFTER ALL,
TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS EVE
AND EVEN IF WE
DON'T HAVE PRESENTS,
AT LEAST WE CAN
HAVE THE BRANCH.
IT'S A NICE ONE, EMMET.
JUST LIKE
PA USED TO BRING HOME.
YUP.
EVERY YEAR HE'D GO OUT VOWING
HE WAS GOING TO BRING HOME
AREALWHOLE CHRISTMAS TREE.
HA! BUT HE NEVER HAD
THE HEART TO DO IT.
AND EVERY YEAR HE'D SAY...
( Big, Deep Voice )
"BECAUSE I DIDN'T CUT IT DOWN,"
"THE REST OF THAT TREE WILL
STILL BE ALIVE IN 100 YEARS."
( Laughing )
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
YOU EVEN SOUND LIKE YOUR PA!
MA, DO YOU SUPPOSE IT'D BE
SAFE TO USE PA'S SLIDE NOW?
OH, I SHOULD
THINK SO!
THE ICE MUST BE SOLID
BY THIS TIME.
RACE YA TO HER!
HEY, WAIT FOR ME NOW...
FIRST SLIDE OF THE YEAR...
WHOOPEE!
( Laughing )
WOW!
I FORGO HOW MUCH FUN
THAT IS!
( Laughing )
WELL, STAND BACK!
IT'S MY TURN!
WHOOOO!
( Laughing )
WOW, WASN' THAT GREAT?
IT'S GOOD ENOUGH.
GOOD ENOUGH
FOR WHAT?
GOOD ENOUGH
TO DO AGAIN!
( Laughing )
HEY, NOW,
MY TURN NEXT!
( Laughing )
WATCH, EMMET,
IT'S MY TURN AGAIN.
( Laughing )
WHHHEEEEE!
( Laughing )
OH, BOY!
OH, WATCH
THIS ONE, MA.
OHHHHHH!
( Laughing )
OH, BOY.
THAT OLD SLIDE'S JUST ABOU THE BEST THING PA EVER BUILT.
YEAH, HE MAY NO HAVE LEFT US MUCH,
BUT THAT OLD SLIDE
IS JUST ABOUT ENOUGH.
GEE, I THINK
HE LEFT US A LOT.
WELL, HE LEF WHAT HE COULD.
PA USED TO SAY,
"A PERSON'S GO TO TAKE SOME CHANCES
"OR LIFE WILL NEVER
COME TO NOTHIN'."
HE TOOK HIS CHANCES
ON SNAKE OIL.
FACT THAT IT DIDN' COME TO MUCH HARDLY MATTERS.
PA WOULD HOCK
THAT TOOL CHEST.
PA WOULD PUT A HOLE
IN THAT WASHTUB.
MA, REMEMBER
PA'S FAVORITE SONG?
HMM...
WHEN THE MOUNTAIN
TOUCHES THE VALLEY
ALL THE CLOUDS
ARE TAUGHT TO FLY.
THUS OUR SOULS SHALL LEAVE
THIS LAND MOST PEACEFULLY.
Together:
THOUGH OUR MINDS
BE FILLED WITH QUESTIONS,
IN OUR HEARTS
WE'LL UNDERSTAND
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE SEA.
LIKE A FLOWER
THAT HAS BLOSSOMED
IN THE DRY
AND BARREN SAND,
WE ARE BORN AND BORN AGAIN
MOST GRACEFULLY.
THUS THE WINDS OF TIME
SHALL TAKE US
WITH A SURE
AND STEADY HAND
Together:
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE SEA.
PATIENCE, MY BROTHERS,
AND PATIENCE, MY SONS,
IN THAT SWEE AND FINAL HOUR
TRUTH AND JUSTICE
WILL BE DONE.
Ma:
LIKE A BABY
WHEN IT IS SLEEPING
IN ITS LOVING MOTHER'S ARMS
WHAT A NEWBORN BABY DREAMS
IS A MYSTERY,
BUT HIS LIFE
WILL FIND A PURPOSE
AND IN TIME HE'LL UNDERSTAND
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE SEA,
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE ALMIGHTY SEA.
HOOT! HOOT!
( Music )
( Music Continues )
Emmet:
DEAR MA,
I'LL BE GONE ALL DAY.
I'LL EXPLAIN ABOUT THE WASHTUB
WHEN I SEE YOU LATE TONIGHT.
LOVE, EMME Ma:
DEAR EMMET,
I'LL BE HOME LATE TONIGH AND I'LL EXPLAIN ABOU THE TOOL CHEST WHEN I SEE YOU.
LOVE, MA.
( Thud! )
( Jug-Band Plays "Bar-B-Que" )
All:
WHEN YOU MEET SOMEBODY
THAT DON'T LIKE SOUL FOOD
THEY'VE STILL GOT A SOUL.
AND IT DON'T MEAN THA YOU'VE GOT NO RHYTHM
IF YOU DON'T LIKE
ROCK AND ROLL.
BUT IF YOUR TASTE'S
LIKE MINE,
YOU LIKE CIDER,
NOT WINE.
AND YOUR VERY FAVORITE THING
TO DO
IS GET A PRETTY GIRL
DANCIN'
TO JUG-BAND MUSIC
AND A MESS
OF MAMA'S BAR-B-QUE.
BAR-B-QUE...
LIFTS MY SPIRIT.
I SWEAR IT NEVER FAILS.
AND THE SAUCE MAMA MAKES
JUST STAYS THERE FOREVER
IF YOU DARE TO GET I UNDER YOUR NAILS.
WELL, YOU...
MAY BE POOR,
WITH THE WOLF AT YOUR DOOR,
BUT MONEY
ISN'T EVERYTHING;
YOU'VE STILL GOT THE SUN
AND A RIVER FULL OF FUN
AND YOU'LL ALWAYS
HAVE A SONG TO SING.
Emmet:
SO GET THE FROWN
OFF YOUR FACE,
WE'RE GONNA
REPLACE I WITH A GRIN
AND A DREAM COME TRUE
WITH A PRETTY
GIRL DANCIN'
TO JUG-BAND MUSIC
AND A MESS
O' MAMA'S BAR-B-QUE.
( Kazoo Solo )
BAR-B-QUE...
LIFTS MY SPIRIT.
I
SWEAR THA IT NEVER FAILS.
AND THE SAUCE MAMA MAKES
JUST STAYS THERE FOREVER
IF YOU DARE TO GET I UNDER YOUR NAILS.
SO...GET THE...
FROWN OFF YOUR FACE,
WE'RE GONNA REPLACE I WITH A GRIN
AND A DREAM COME TRUE
WITH A PRETTY
GIRL DANCIN'
TO JUG-BAND MUSIC
AND A MESS
O' MAMA'S BAR-B-QUE.
THAT'S A PRETTY GIRL DANCIN'
TO JUG-BAND MUSIC
AND A MESS
O' MAMA'S BAR-B...
MESS O' MAMA'S BAR-B...
MESS O' MAMA'S BAR-B-QUE.
A MESS O' MAMA'S BAR-B-QUE!
OH, BOY!
THAT WAS FUN!
OH, WOW!
THAT WASI CA
FANTASTIC!
N FEEL
THE PRIZE MONEY IN MY POCKET.
REALLY?!
WE SOUND GREAT!
WELL, WE SOUND FAIR.
LET'S DO IT AGAIN.
GEE, HAVEN'T WE
DONE IT ENOUGH.
YEAH, WE'VE DONE I ALL AFTERNOON.
WELL, LET'S
DO IT SOME MORE.
I PUT A HOLE IN MA'S WASHTUB
FOR THIS CONTES AND...WE GOTTA WIN!
NOW HERE WE GO.
GEE...
MR. BIG-TIME CONDUCTOR.
ARE YOU READY,
HARVEY?
SURE, SURE.
( Jug-Band Music )
THANKS FOR
LETTING ME COME OVER
AND USE YOUR
SEWING MACHINE, HETTY.
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU ACTUALLY TOOK
THAT TOOL CHES AND HOCKED I TO BUY DRESS FABRIC.
I HAD TO!
I'VE GOT TO WEAR SOMETHING
FOR THE CONTEST, DON'T I?
BESIDES, WHEN I WIN,
I'LL HAVE ENOUGH MONEY
TO UNHOCK IT.
WHAT IF YOU DON'T WIN?
GOT TO WIN.
EMMET IS GOING TO HAVE
A GUITAR WITH MOTHER-OF-PEARL
INLAY THIS CHRISTMAS!
UMM, WHATEVER YOU SAY, ALICE.
( Sewing Machine Whirrs )
WELL, WE BETTER
HEAD FOR WATERVILLE.
I'D LIKE TO BE THERE
EARLY FOR THE CONTEST.
BOY, I KNOW WE'RE
GONNA WIN!
I JUST KNOW IT!
HE
( Engines Revving )
Y, FELLAS,
DO YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
SOUNDS LIKE A CAR
OR A MOTORCYCLE.
( Engines Revving Loudly )
( Engine Backfires )
HE
Y, WHO ARE
THOSE GUYS?
I THINK THEY'RE
FROM RIVERBOTTOM.
LOOK AT THE BIRDS
UP IN THE TREES.
YEAH?
WELL, WE'RE NOT BIRDS!
WE'RE A JUG-BAND.
YEAH, PRACTICING FOR
THE TALENT CONTEST.
OH, SURE!
THEY'REGONNA WIN
THE TALENT CONTEST,
RIGHT, BOSS?!
( Laughter )
SHUT UP!
( Engines Rev and Backfire )
COME ON, EVERYBODY,
LET'S GO.
HERE WE GO!
COME ON!
WHAT WAS THA ALL ABOUT?
( Music )
( Excited Chatter )
Mayor Fox:
CONTESTANTS!
CONTESTANTS!
I'D LIKE YOU ALL TO GO TO
YOUR DRESSING ROOMS NOW, PLEASE,
IF YOU WOULD.
ALL LADIES OVER HERE
TO THE LEFT...
AND MEN
TO THE RIGHT, PLEASE.
UH, MISS,
TO THE LEFT HERE...
AND, UH...
BOYS, YES,
OVER THERE TO THE RIGHT.
UH, LADIES
TO THE LEFT...
WHAT?!
AND MEN
TO THE RIGHT.
OH!
( Ripping! )
SORRY, DEAR.
OH...OH.
SEE YOU
LATER, NAT.
SORRY TO SPLIT YOU UP
LIKE THAT.
PARDON ME...
UH, IS THIS THE,
UH, TALENT CONTEST?
YES, IT IS;
YOUR DRESSING ROOM
IS RIGHT OVER THERE.
OH, THANK YOU.
I'M VERY NICE
TO HAVE HELPED YOU.
OH, IMEAN,I'M
VERY NICE YOU'VE...
EXCUSE ME!
YOU'RE TERRIBLY NERVOUS!
( Crash! )
SORRY!
WELL, GUYS,
THIS IS THE COMPETITION.
( Excited Chatter )
I TELL YOU,
IT'S A SNAP.
TWO QUICK CHORUSES
OF "BAR-B-QUE"
AND THE MONEY IS OURS.
QUIET!
IT'S STARTING!
THE SHOW IS STARTING!
( Sigh! )
OKAY, WILL, STAND BY
ON THE HOUSELIGHTS...
DIM THE HOUSELIGHTS.
AND FADE UP
ON THE SPOTLIGHTS.
( Applause )
( Piano Intro )
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU.
WELCOME TO WATERVILLE'S
FIRST ANNUAL CHRISTMAS
TALENT CONTEST.
( Piano )
AS SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW,
I AM HARRISON FOX,
MAYOR OF WATERVILLE.
AND FIRST OFF,
LET ME INTRODUCE
OUR JUDGES FOR TONIGHT.
NOW RIGHT DOWN
IN THE FRONT ROW...
WE HAVE JAMES BADGER,
MY LOVELY WIFE, GRETCHEN,
AND THIS YEAR'S
CHAIRMAN OF THE JUDGES,
THE OWNER OF THE RIVERSIDE REST,
WATERVILLE'S FAVORITE
CAFE AND NIGHTSPOT...
DOC BULLFROG!
( Applause )
AND RIGHT NOW LET'S
GET THINGS STARTED WITH, UH,
SHIRLEY AND NAT MUSKRAT AS...
"CARROTS,
THE DANCING HORSE!"
( Vaudeville Dance Tune )
( Thud! )
( Laughter )
WELL, IF THE ACTS
DON'T GET BETTER THAN THAT,
WE'VE GOT NO TROUBLE.
AND NOW, MR. YANCY WOODCHUCK
TO SING FOR YOU
THE EVER-POPULAR "BAR-B-QUE."
( Applause )
"BAR-B-QUE?!"
BUT THAT'S OUR SONG!
( "Bar-B-Que" )
WHEN YOU MEET SOMEBODY
THAT DON'T LIKE SOUL FOOD
THEY'VE STILL GOT A SOUL.
AND IT DON'T MEAN THA YOU'VE GOT NO RHYTHM
IF YOU DON'T LIKE
ROCK AND ROLL...
WE CAN'T SING THE SONG
AFTER HE'S DONE IT.
PEOPLE WILL THINK
WE'RE COPYING.
YEAH, WE'RE REALLY
GONNA LOSE NOW.
NO, WE AREN'T!
COME ON!
WHERE ARE
WE GOING?
OUT IN THE ALLEY.
WE'RE NO ON FOR A WHILE YET.
WE GOTTA REHEARSE
A NEW SONG!
...AND THE SAUCE MAMA MAKES
JUST STAYS THERE FOREVER
IF YOU DARE TO GET I UNDER YOUR NAILS.
BAR-B-QUE.
( Laughing )
( Applause )
THANK YOU!
Mayor Fox:
WELCOME, IF YOU WILL,
GEORGE AND MELISSA RABBIT!
( Can-Can Tune )
( Can-Can Continues )
( Sigh! )
WELL
, IT'S GOING TO BE
A LONG NIGHT.
YOU THERE...
AREN'T YOU
IN THIS CONTEST?
YOU GET IN HERE
THIS MINUTE!
YOU MIGHT MISS
YOUR ENTRANCE
AND WE WANT THIS SHOW
TO LOOK PROFESSIONAL!
( Music )
WONDERFUL!
MARVELOUS!
( Applause )
WONDERFUL!
OH! OH! OH!
AND NOW, WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGH ONE OF OUR OWN TRADITIONAL SONGS
OF THE RIVER...
RENDERED BY
A DEAR LITTLE LADY...
ALICE OTTER!
( Applause )
( "Our World" )
WE'RE CLOSER NOW
THAN EVER BEFORE.
THERE'S LOVE IN OUR WORLD
AND WE'RE SHOWING IT MORE.
OUR WORLD SAYS,
"WELCOME STRANGER,
EVERYBODY'S A FRIEND."
FAVORITE STORIES
DON'T END IN OUR WORLD...
IT'S MA!
YEAH, AN
D SHE'S
BETTER'N WE ARE.
...SOME SAY OUR WORLD
IS GETTING TOO SMALL.
I SAY WITH KINDNESS
THERE'S ROOM FOR US ALL.
OUR WORLD IS ALWAYS CHANGING
EVERY DAY'S A SURPRISE.
LOVE CAN OPEN YOUR EYES
IN OUR WORLD.
WHEN NIGH LAYS SAD UPON YOU,
GO WATCH A SIMPLE SUNRISE.
LOVE CAN OPEN YOUR EYES
IN OUR WORLD.
( Cheers & Applause )
MA, YOU WERE
FANTASTIC!
WAS I ALL RIGHT?
THEY SEEMED TO LIKE ME.
MA, YOU WERE
THE BEST, HANDS DOWN!
YOU'VE GO THIS CONTEST WON!
WAIT A MINUTE...
EMMET, WHAT ARE
YOUDOING HERE?
WELL, ME'N THE GUYS
HAVE ORGANIZED A JUG-BAND.
HEY, HEY,
EMMET...
THE MAYOR'S
INTRODUCING US!
UH-OH!
COME ON!
...FOUR YOUNG LADS
WHOM I'M SURE YOU'LL ENJOY.
THEY CALL THEMSELVES
THE FROGTOWN HOLLOW
JUBILEE JUG-BAND!
( Applause )
( "Brothers" )
HOW MUCH ALIKE WE ARE,
PERHAPS WE'RE
LONG-LOST BROTHERS.
WE EVEN THINK THE SAME.
YOU KNOW,
THERE MAY BE OTHERS.
WE CAN ALWAYS USE A FRIEND.
THIS FAMILY
JUST KEEPS GROWING,
THIS FAMILY
DOESN'T HAVE TO END.
( Puff! Puff! Puff! Puff! )
BROTHERS...
BROTHERS...
SO MANY THINGS TO LEARN
BUT WE'LL ENJOY EACH LESSON.
PROBLEMS DON'T WORRY US
WHEN HALF THE FUN
IS GUESSIN'.
LIVE A LIFETIME OF SURPRISE.
WE'LL ALL BECOME MAGICIANS
AND LEAVE THE WONDER
IN THEIR EYES.
(
Puff! Puff! Puff! Puff! )
BROTHERS...
BROTHERS...
( Cheers & Applause )
BOYS, YOU WERE
WONDERFUL!
DID IT SOUND
ALL RIGHT, MA?
YOU WERE
BETTER THAN BEST!
YOU'RE CERTAIN
TO WIN!
WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THATWASTO HAVE BEEN
OUR LAST ACT.
NORMALLY WE WOULDN'T ALLOW
ANY LAST-MINUTE ENTRIES,
BUT THESE KIDS
HAVE COME A LONG WAY...
ALL THE WAY
FROM RIVERBOTTOM!
YES,
THESE RIVERBOTTOM BOYS...
COME ON, LET'S
CLEAR A WAY NOW, HUH?
COME ON,
CLEAR IT OUT!
WHERE DO YOU
WANT THIS STUFF?
YEAH, HOW ABOU THAT RIGHT THERE, HUH?
YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.
Mayor Fox:
SO LET'S WELCOME, PLEASE,
TONIGHT'S LAST CONTESTANTS...
HERE THEY ARE,
THE ROCK GROUP
KNOWN AS "THE NIGHTMARE!"
( Heavy Metal )
Together:
WE TAKE WHAT WE WANT.
WE DO ANYTHING THAT WE WISH.
WE GOT NO RESPEC FOR ANIMAL, BIRDIE OR FISH.
THE GRASS DOES NOT GROW
ON THE PLACES
WHERE WE STOP AND STAND.
RIVER BOTTOM
NIGHTMARE BAND!
( Musical Interlude )
WE KNOW WE'RE A MESS.
OUR TYPE DOES NOT LIKE
TO BE CLEAN.
NO, NO, NO, NO...
WE DON'T BRUSH OUR TEETH
'CAUSE OUR TOOTHACHE
CAN HELP US STAY MEAN.
YEAHHHH!
WE DON'T WISH TO LEARN
BUT WE HATE
WHAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND.
RIVER BOTTOM!
WHEN YOU SEE US COMIN',
YOU BETTER START A-RUNNIN'.
WE'RE ALWAYS
STARTIN' TROUBLE
AND WE'RE HAPPIES WHEN THINGS ARE OUT OF HAND.
OOH! AHH!
OOH! AHHHHH!
TEMPERS ARE FOR BOILIN',
PARTIES ARE FOR SPOILIN'
WE EITHER LIKE
TO SIT AND POU OR ELSE GO OU AND TERRORIZE THE LAND.
OOH-HOO-HOO!
RIVER BOTTOM NIGHTMARE BAND!
( Music )
AHHHHH!!!
WE LAUGH IN YOUR FACE
OR WE PRACTICE
OUR GROWL AND OUR SNEER.
YEAHHHH!
WE BREAK UP YOUR PLACE;
WE ARE DANGEROUS
WHEN WE ARE NEAR.
AND WHEN WE ARE DONE
WITH OUR SONG
WHO WILL GE THE BIGGEST HAND?
WHO?
RIVER BOTTOM
NIGHTMARE BAND!
RIVER BOTTOM
NIGHTMARE BAND!
WHA-HAA!!
OOOHHH!
( Musical Flourish )
( Cheers & Applause )
AND SO THE WINNER
OF OUR FIRST ANNUAL
TALENT CONTEST IS...
THE NIGHTMARE!
( Applause )
EMMET...
I HOCKED
THE TOOL CHES TO GET THE MATERIAL
FOR MY COSTUME.
OH?
OH...
WELL, YOU CAN SEE
WHAT I DID TO YOUR WASHTUB.
YEP.
EVENING,
MRS. OTTER...
EVENING, BOYS.
( Murmur Greetings )
I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW
THAT THE JUDGES WERE IMPRESSED
BY BOTH OF YOUR ACTS.
THEY JUST NEEDED...
WELL, THAT LITTLE
SOMETHING EXTRA.
KEEP WORKING ON IT.
YES, SIR.
WELL, GOTTA BE
GETTIN' TO WORK;
THE RESTAURANT'S
BUSY TONIGHT.
AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
SIR.
( Heavy Sigh )
WELL, BOYS...
LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE
CLOSING THINGS DOWN.
BETTER HEAD FOR
THE RIVER.
QUICKER TO GET HOME
IF WE WALK ON THE ICE.
YOU KNOW, EMMET...
IF I'D HAVE WON
THAT CONTEST,
I'D HAVE GIVEN YOU
THAT GUITAR
WITH THE MOTHER-OF-PEARL
INLAYS.
WOULD YA
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
GOSH, I WAS GONNA
GET A PIANO FOR YOU.
A PIANO?
WERE YOU REALLY?
YES'M.
OH, EMMET,
THAT'S ABOU THE NICEST PRESEN ANYBODY EVER TRIED
TO GIVE ME.
YOU KNOW, EMMET...
I GUESS I SHOULD
FEEL PRETTY BAD.
BUT THE FUNNY THING
IS THAT I DON'T.
I FEEL PRETTY GOOD.
SO DO I...
I DON'T KNOW WHY,
BUT I DO.
I GUESS IT'S
'CAUSE WE DID
JUST WHAT PA
WOULDA DONE.
( "Snow on the Rooftop" )
Ma:
MIGHTY NICE
KAZOO BLOWING, HARVEY.
YEAH, IT WAS
A GREAT-SOUNDIN' SONG.
WE SHOULDA WON.
WELL, IT JUST DIDN' TURN OUT THAT WAY.
I THOUGHT MA'S SONG
WAS NICE, TOO.
HMM...I HADN'T THOUGHT OF
THAT OLD SONG IN YEARS.
BUT WHEN I DID,
IT JUST FELT RIGHT.
( Humming with Kazoo )
SAY...THOSE TWO SONGS
COULD FIT TOGETHER.
HOW DO YOU MEAN,
MA?
UH, HERE.
BOYS, BOYS...
I'M GONNA STAR SINGING MY SONG,
AND YOU COME IN SINGIN' YOURS
WHEN I SHOW YOU, OKAY?
OKAY.
YEAH.
WE'RE CLOSER NOW
THAN EVER BEFORE.
HOW MUCH ALIKE
WE ARE.
PERHAPS WE'RE
LONG, LOST BROTHERS.
THERE'S LOVE IN OUR WORLD
AND WE'RE SHOWING IT MORE.
WE EVEN THINK THE SAME,
YOU KNOW,
THERE MAY BE OTHERS.
OUR WORLD SAYS,
"WELCOME, STRANGER,"
EVERYBODY'S A FRIEND.
WE CAN ALWAYS
USE A FRIEND.
FAVORITE STORIES
DON'T END.
WELCOME, BROTHER...
Together:
IN OUR WORLD.
GEE, MA,
THAT SOUNDS FINE!
IT SURE DOES,
EMMET.
SOME SAY OUR WORLD
IS GETTING TOO SMALL.
SO MANY THINGS TO LEARN,
BUT WE'LL ENJOY
EACH LESSON.
I SAY WITH KINDNESS,
"THERE'S ROOM FOR US ALL."
PROBLEMS DON'T WORRY US
WHEN HALF THE FUN IS GUESSIN'.
OUR WORLD
IS ALWAYS CHANGING,
EVERY DAY'S A SURPRISE.
LIVE A LIFETIME OF SURPRISE.
LOVE CAN OPEN YOUR EYES.
BROTHER, LOOK AROUND.
Together:
IN OUR WORLD.
WHEN NIGHT LAYS SAD
UPON YOU,
GO WATCH A SIMPLE SUNRISE.
SEE WONDER IN YOUR EYES.
LOVE CAN OPEN YOUR EYES.
WELCOME, BROTHER...
TO OUR WORLD.
( Applause )
THAT'S FINE MUSIC,
FOLKS!
I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED SOMETHING
A LITTLE EXTRA,
BUT IT APPEARS TO ME
THAT WHAT YOU NEEDED
WAS EACH OTHER.
WELL, WE'RE MIGHTY HONORED
YOU LIKED IT.
YOU WOULDN'T CONSIDER WORKING A THE RIVERSIDE REST, WOULD YOU?
( Excited Chatter )
Ma:
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
IS THE PAY REGULAR
WHEN WE PLAY REGULAR?
SURE IS.
AND MEALS
ARE ON THE HOUSE.
GOODY!
YOU GOT MASHED POTATOES?
SURE...AND YOU CAN
START TONIGHT.
( Group Gasps )
PEACHY KEEN!
EMMET,
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
SOUNDS BETTER'N
SELLING SNAKE OIL.
WELL, SURE!
NOBODY WANTS TO OIL
A SNAKE THESE DAYS!
( Jug-Band Begins )
WE'RE CLOSER NOW
THAN EVER BEFORE.
HOW MUCH ALIKE WE ARE.
THERE'S LOVE IN OUR WORLD,
WE'RE SHOWING IT MORE.
YOU KNOW,
THERE MAY BE OTHERS.
OUR WORLD SAYS,
"WELCOME, STRANGER."
EVERYBODY'S A FRIEND.
FAVORITE STORIES DON'T END.
WELCOME...
Together:
TO OUR WORLD.
Ma:
I SURE ENJOYED
OUR FIRST NIGHT'S WORK.
GONNA ENJOY
THE REST OF 'EM, TOO.
GONNA LOVE
THE MASHED POTATOES!
LET'S FACE IT, MA.
WE'RE BETTER
AT SINGIN' AND PLAYIN'
THAN WE ARE A LAUNDRY AND ODD JOBS.
( Chuckles )
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, BOYS, I'D LIKE
TO DO A SONG FOR PA,
RIGHT HERE AND NOW.
HE TOOK A CHANCE
ON SNAKE OIL
AND YOU TOOK A CHANCE
ON A WASHTUB.
OKAY BY ME, MA.
( Hymn Style )
WHEN THE MOUNTAIN
TOUCHES THE VALLEY
ALL THE CLOUDS
ARE TAUGHT TO FLY.
THUS OUR SOUL
SHALL LEAVE THIS LAND
MOST PEACEFULLY.
PEACEFULLY.
THOUGH OUR MINDS
BE FILLED WITH QUESTIONS
IN OUR HEARTS
WE'LL UNDERSTAND
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE SEA.
PATIENCE,
MY BROTHERS,
AND PATIENCE,
MY SONS.
IN THAT SWEE AND FINAL HOUR,
TRUTH AND JUSTICE
WILL BE DONE.
LIKE A BABY
WHEN IT IS SLEEPING,
IN ITS LOVING MOTHER'S ARMS,
WHAT A NEWBORN BABY DREAMS
IS A MYSTERY.
A MYSTERY.
BUT HIS LIFE
WILL FIND A PURPOSE
AND IN TIME
HE'LL UNDERSTAND,
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE SEA,
WHEN THE RIVER MEETS
THE ALMIGHTY SEA.
( Fast Country Style )
CAPTION TECHNOLOGIES INC.
( "The Bathing Suit
that Grandma Otter Wore" )
Together:
LONG, LONG AGO
THERE LIVED A LADY
SIMPLE BUT ELEGAN AS ANY ON THE SHORE.
SHE WAS KNOWN FOR
HER GENEROUS SILHOUETTE,
Together:
AND YET...
SHE WAS KNOWN
EVEN MORE FOR...
THE BATHING SUIT SHE WORE.
EVEN SO IT WAS HER BATHING
SUIT THAT MADE HER FAMOUS,
IT WAS ALMOST HEAVEN-SENT.
MANY TIMES WHEN IT WAS
DRYING ON THE LINE
A TOURIST WOULD MISTAKE I FOR A CIRCUS TENT...
OH, HI, EMMET.
I'M FISHING!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DELIVERING LAUNDRY
AND GOIN' TO WATERVILLE!
SEE YA, WENDELL!
Together:
NOW SHE HAS GONE.
NOW SHE HAS LEFT US.
LEFT WITH
SWEET MEMORIES
AND LEFT WITH
SOMETHING MORE;
WE'VE MADE CURTAINS
AND HANDKERCHIEFS
AND CLOTHING
FOR THE...
Together:
POOR...
FROM THE ONE BATHING SUI THAT YOUR GRANDMA OTTER WORE.
FROM THAT ONE BATHING SUI THAT YOUR GRANDMA OTTER WORE.
SAY, MA, THAT SOUNDED
PRETTY NICE.
BETTER LEAN INTO
THAT STARBOARD OAR.
THERE'S OLD GRETCHEN FOX
ON HER DOCK,
WAITIN' FOR HER LAUNDRY.
WHEW-HOO, SHE LOOKS
FRIENDLY AS A POLECAT TODAY.
WELL, IT'S ABOUTTIME
YOU GOT HERE.
SAME TIME
WEALWAYSGET HERE.
YES, YOU'RE LATE
EVERY WEEK.
AND LAST WEEK WHEN I
OPENED THE LAUNDRY PARCEL
THERE WAS A SCORCH MARK
ON ONE OF THE SHEETS.
OH!
WELL, MAYBE I CAN
KNOCK OFF A LITTLE BI ON THE PRICE.
I, UH--
YOU CERTAINLY SHALL.
REMIND ME OF THA WHEN I PAY YOU NEXT WEEK.
WELL, I'VE GOT THE BILL
RIGHT HE-HERE.
AND SINCE IT'S
THREE DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS,
I'D REALLY
APPRECIATE IT IF---
TA!
WELL, THAT'S
TELLING HER, ALICE.
MORNIN',
WILL POSSUM.
MORNIN'.
I DIDN'T SEE YOU
SITTING THERE.
WELL, THAT'S
OKAY, ALICE.
LISTEN, YOU GOT ANYTHING
TO BARTER WITH TODAY?
OH, GLAD
YOU ASKED.
JUST KNITTED UP
A FINE PAIR OF WOOL SOCKS.
GREAT! I'VE GO A FEW BIG OL' PUMPKINS.
PUMPKINS, HUH?
I COULD MAKE 'EM INTO PIES
AND SELL 'EM AT A PROFIT.
WELL, THEY'RE IN THE GARDEN
RIGHT OVER HERE.
( Quacking )
CAN YOU MAKE MUCH MONEY
ON THOSE PUMPKIN PIES, MA?
OOH, ABOUT ENOUGH
TO BUY WOOL
FOR ANOTHER PAIR OF SOCKS,
I GUESS.
GOOD THINKING, MA.
NOW YOU CAN KNIT MORE SOCKS
TO BUY MORE PUMPKINS
TO SELL MORE PUMPKINS
TO BUY MORE WOOL--
( Laughing )
OH, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
LEAN INTO THOSE OARS
OR WE'LL NEVER
GET TO WATERVILLE.
( Engines Revving )
( Brakes Screech! )
( Crash! )
STOP!
( Brakes Screech! )
HEY, WHADYA
DO THAT FOR,
RIGHT, BOSS?
AAAGGHH!
ME AND CHUCK'S
GOING TO LUNCH,
WE DON'T WANT TO STOP;
RIGHT, CHUCK?
MY NECK!
OH, I'M SORRY,
I'M SORRY.
YEAH, THERE'S
A MUSIC STORE OVER THERE
AND SNAKE NEEDS
A NEW STRING FOR HIS GUITAR.
MM-HMM.
GET OFF MY SHOULDER.
I-I'M GOING,
I'M GOING...
JEEZ, A FELLA SHOULD BE
GRATEFUL HE'SGOTSHOULDERS...
COME ON, GUYS,
LET'S GO IN THE STORE.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
ME AND CHUCK DON'T WANNA GO
TO NO DUMB MUSIC STORE.
NAW, NAW,
WE DIDN'T THINK SO.
I'D LIKE TO.
( All Agree )
I'LL STAY HERE.
IT'S TOO DRY IN THERE.
HEY, YOU,
YOU YOUNG RAGSCAMPS!
YOU JUST MESSED UP
MY FRUIT STAND.
AWW, SO SORRY!
( Pfft! )
( Splash! )
( Excited Chatter )
RIGHT, CHUCK
SORRY ABOUT THAT...
IS THAT ALL THE ERRANDS
WE HAVE TO DO?
NOPE, BUT IT'S
THE END OF THE MONEY
WE HAVE
TO DO 'EM WITH.
( Chuckling )
DI
WAIT NOW, EMMET.
DN'T SAM TURTLE PAY YOU
FOR FIXING HIS STEPS YESTERDAY?
UH, NO...
I WAS THE ONE
WHO BROKE 'EM.
OH, EMMET,
YOU WITH
YOUR ODD JOBS,
ME WITH MY SOCKS
AND PUMPKINS...
NO WONDER
WE'RE SO RICH.
AWW, WE'LL MAKE OUT.
YOU GOTTA
HAVE FAITH, MA.
OOH, I'VE GO PLENTY OF FAITH.
I SPENT ALL THOSE YEARS
MARRIED TO A SNAKE OIL
SALESMAN, DIDN'T I?
WELL, PASHOULD'VE
GOTTEN RICH ON SNAKE OIL.
BUT, "THERE JUS AREN'T ENOUGH PEOPLE
Together:
"WHO WANT TO OIL A SNAKE!"
( Laughing )
OH, PA USED TO ALWAYS SAY THA WHEN BUSINESS WAS BAD.
YEP, HE SAID I A LOT.
WAIT NOW...
WOULD YA
LOOKAT THAT.
WHAT?
THAT SWELL GUITAR!
MOTHER-OF-PEARL
INLAYS, TOO!
NOW, MA,THAT'SWHA YOU CAN GET ME FOR CHRISTMAS!
OH, SURE...
AFTER ALL,
IT'S ONLY $40!
SAY, WHAT IS
THAT RACKET?
( Loud Rock Music )
OH, NO,
NO, NO...
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT'S HAPPENING
HERE IN MY STORE!
WHO ARE THEY, MA?
BEATS ME.
HOOLIGANS
IS WHAT THEY ARE.
PROBABLY SOME OF
THOSE RIVERBOTTOM BOYS.
( Crash! )
Store Owner:
NOW SEE WHA YOU'VE DONE?!
I WANT ALL OF YOU
OUT OF HERE AT ONCE!
( Excited Chatter )
HERE YA GO,
IT AIN'T EVEN HURT.
IF THEY DIDN'T WAN THESE THINGS TO ROLL,
THEY SHOULDA
MADE 'EM SQUARE.
( Laughter )
HEY!
YEAH, CHUCK?
I'M HUNGRY.
HEY, EVERYBODY,
CHUCK'S HUNGRY.
NO, I'M NO HUNGRY...
I'MHUUUNNNGRY!
CHECK, CHUCK!
NOW!
( All Agree )
( Engine Starts & Revs )
OHH, GETTING COLDER
EVERY DAY NOW.
BE WALKING
THE RIVER SOON.
AND SKATING ON IT.
GOT TO EXPEC COLD WEATHER,
JUST A FEW DAYS
BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
DON'T TALK ABOU CHRISTMAS ALL THE TIME.
THERE'S NO POINT,
IS THERE?
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH
FOR REGULAR DAYS.
SORRY.
I REMEMBER THE LAS CHRISTMAS BEFORE PA DIED...
OH, EMMET.
I REMEMBER DECORATING
THE CHRISTMAS BRANCH AND...
PA SANG AND...
YOU PLAYED
THAT OL' PIANO WE HAD.
I REMEMBER ALL RIGHT.
SELLING THAT OLD PIANO
WAS ONE OF THE SADDEST THINGS
I EVER HAD TO DO.
SEEMS LIKE WE'VE SOLD
JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING
LAST COUPLE OF YEARS.
ABOUT ALL I'VE GOT LEFT IS
A SENSE OF HUMOR AND A WASHTUB.
WELL, AT LEAST THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
HEAD FULL OF GOOD THOUGHTS,
BELLY FULL OF GRUB,
MONEY IN YOUR POCKET,
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
SWEET AS HONEYSUCKLE
ON THE VINE, MA.
Together:
YOUR NAILS WON'T BREAK
AND YOUR TOES WON'T STUB,
YOU NEVER GET A FEVER
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
IF YOU LOOK
TO THE GOOD SIDE,
FALLING DOWN'S A FREE RIDE
SLIPPING AND A-SLIDING
IN THE MUD.
IF YOUR BACK IS HURTIN'
I CAN SAY FOR CERTAIN
I'LL BE THERE TO TREAT YOU
TO A SOOTHING BACK RUB.
Emmet:
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
LUNCH WITH
THE UPPER CRUST,
DINNER AT THE CLUB,
HIGH ON THE HOG
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
WATERMELON GARDEN,
BERRIES ON THE SHRUB,
COOKIES IN THE KITCHEN
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
HI, EMMET.
LOOK WHAT I CAUGHT!
( Chuckling )
GOOD CATCH, WENDELL!
YEAH, THEY'RE
REALLY BITING TODAY!
( Splash! )
I'LL BE THERE TO TREAT YOU
TO A SOOTHING BACK RUB.
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
THERE GO TWO OF THE NICEST FOLK
ON THE RIVER.
IF YOU LOOK
TO THE GOOD SIDE,
FALLING DOWN'S A FREE RIDE
SLIPPING AND A-SLIDING
IN THE MUD.
THOUGH IT TWISTS
AND CONTORTS YOU,
THAT BARREL SUPPORTS YOU.
YOU CAN FEED
AND CLOTHE YOURSELF
WITH A RUB-A-DUB-DUB
WHEN THERE AIN' NO HOLE IN THE WASHTUB.
AIN'T NO HOLE
IN THE WASHTUB.
AIN'T NO HOLE
IN THE WASHTUB.
( Music )
( Music Continues )
PHEW! BOY,
IT'S COLD THIS MORNING.
WOW! RIVER'S FROZEN UP SOLID.
BOY, MA WILL BE NEEDING
A MESS OF WOOD TODAY.
HI, EMMET!
EMMET!
MORNING, WENDELL.
GUESS WHAT?
OLD LADY POSSUM WILL GIVE ME 50
IF I MEND HER FENCE.
50?!
GOOD DEAL.
YEAH, BUT...
I DON'T HAVE ANY TOOLS.
OH...
I'VE
GOT THE TOOLS
IN PA'S OLD TOOL CHEST.
HEY! IF YOU COULD HELP,
MAYBE WE COULD SPLIT THE MONEY.
SURE THING!
I'LL BE
RIGHT WITH YOU.
GOOD!
OH, LET'S SEE...
UM, HALF OF 50...
HALF OF 50...
OH, MORNING,
MRS. MUSKRAT.
MORNING, EMMET.
IS YOUR MA HOME?
SHE SURE IS.
OH, LET ME GE THE DOOR FOR YA.
OH, THANK YOU.
COMPANY, MA!
HETTY!
COME IN,
COME IN.
OH, DON'T FUSS, ALICE.
I'M JUST HERE
TO USE THE SPINNING WHEEL
YOU KEEP BORROWIN' FROM ME.
SIT DOWN.
( Gasp! )
MERCY!
I DON'T EVEN HAVE
WATER ON FOR TEA!
Ma:
GOODNESS GRACIOUS!
MA, ME 'N WENDELL GOT A JOB.
REAL MONEY THIS TIME.
SEE YA!
WATCH OUT FOR THIN ICE
ALONG THE RIVERBANK.
OKAY,
BYE, MA.
( Slam! )
WHOO, CAN THAT BOY
MOVE FAST.
NOW, WHERE'D
I PUT THE TEAPOT?
WELL, EMMET, ARE YA
GOING TO ENTER?
ENTER WHAT?
THE CONTEST.
I DON'T KNOW ABOU ANY CONTEST.
GOLLY, IT'S
A TALENT CONTEST...
AT THE TOWN HALL...
ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
NO KIDDIN'.
AND FIRST PRIZE
IS$50!
$50?!
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY,
HETTY.
YOU SURE
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT?
$50 CASH!
THAT'S THE PRIZE!
LOTTA MONEY...
I THOUGHT YOU MIGH BE INTERESTED, ALICE.
YOU DO HAVE
A MIGHTY FINE SINGING VOICE.
HMM...HMM.
ANYBODY'D BE INTERESTED
IN $50...
HEY, WHY DON' YOU ENTER, EMMET?
YOU'RE A GOOD SINGER...
I
ARE YOU KIDDING?
COULDN'T GET UP THERE
AND SING ALL BY MYSELF.
IT'D BE EMBARRASSING!
HI, HARVEY.
HI, CHARLEY.
HEY, EMMET...
WENDELL,
HEY, LISTEN,
YOU TWO ARE JUST WHO
WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.
YOU BET.
OH, YEAH?
WHAT'S UP, HARVEY?
WELL, YOU KNOW ABOU THE WATERVILLE TALENT CONTEST?
SURE, EVERYBODY'S
HEARD OF THAT.
RIGHT, EMMET?
WELL, YOU SEE,
CHARLIE AND ME
WERE JUST TALKING ABOU WHAT WE SHOULD DO IS
ORGANIZE A JUG-BAND.
YEAH, WOULDN' THAT BE SWELL?!
SEE, I PLAY KAZOO
AND WASHBOARD
AND CHARLIE HERE PLAYS
A GOOD CIGAR BOX BANJO.
I REALLY DO...
UH...MY MA SAYS.
MM-HMM.
SO ALLS WE NEED IS
A COUPLE OF OTHER GUYS
TO FILL OUT THE BAND.
WELL, HOW COME US?
WELL, YOU SEE,
YOU CAN BLOW
A JUG, WENDELL.
YEAH!
HEY, THIS IS
A GOOD IDEA, EMMET.
MAYBE.
WHAT WOULD I PLAY?
WHAT ELSE?
YOU GET TO PLAY
WASHTUB BASS.
WHY ME?
WELL, BECAUSE YOUR
MA'S GOT THE WASHTUB!
OH, NO!
FORGET IT,
COUNT ME OUT!
I'M NOT IN YOUR BAND,
AND THAT'SFINAL!
All:
AWWWWW.
CO
ME ON,
WHY NOT, EMMET?
BECAUSE, TO MAKE
A WASHTUB BASS,
YOU HAVE TO PU A HOLE IN THE WASHTUB!!
HMM...I DON'T EVEN HAVE
A PROPER COSTUME.
HETTY, I CAN'T POSSIBLY
ENTER THAT CONTEST!
YOU'RE RIGHT, ALICE.
FORGET THE WHOLE THING.
HETTY MUSKRAT, YOU STOP TRYING
TO SWEET-TALK ME INTO THIS!
THIS IS THE FENCE
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MEND?
WELL...
YEAH.
THAT'S NOT REPAIRING,
THAT'S REBUILDING.
DON'T JUS STAND AROUND, BOYS.
YA GOT WORK TO DO.
( Banjo )
( Thinking )
JUST ONCE I'D LIKE TO GIVE
A FINE STORE-BOUGHT PRESEN TO EMMET FOR CHRISTMAS.
AND WITH $50...
( Tap! Tap! Tap... )
( Thinking )
I'VE NEVER GIVEN MA
A NICE CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
NEVER GAVE ONE TO PA, EITHER...
AND...NOW IT'S TOO LATE.
HARVEY SAYS $50
SPLIT FOUR WAYS IS $12.50.
LOTTA MONEY.
THAT GUITAR WE SAW IN TOWN...
THE ONE WITH
THE MOTHER-OF-PEARL INLAYS...
EMMET REALLYWANTS IT.
BUT...$40!
I CAN'T BUY A PIANO
FOR $12.50 ANYWAY...
BUT YOU COULDPU A DOWN PAYMENT ON A USED ONE.
BUT IF I DO ENTER,
I GOTTA HAVE A COSTUME.
AND TO BUY A COSTUME,
I'D HAVE TO HOCK SOMETHING.
HMM...
NOTHING LEFT TO HOCK.
OF COURSE, THERE'S
PA'S OLD TOOL CHEST.
BUT EMMET USES THA FOR ODD JOBS!
WE WOULDMAKE
A GOOD JUG-BAND...
BUT TO PUT A HOLE
IN MA'S WASHTUB...
HE SURE WOULD
LIKE THAT GUITAR.
NOTHIN' WOULD MAKE HER HAPPIER
THAN HAVING
A GOOD OL' PIANO AGAIN.
I JUST DON'T KNOW...
( Sigh! )
I JUST CAN'T DECIDE...
MA...
I'M HOME!
I CUT THE CHRISTMAS BRANCH.
OH, I SEE YOU DID.
WELL, AFTER ALL,
TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS EVE
AND EVEN IF WE
DON'T HAVE PRESENTS,
AT LEAST WE CAN
HAVE THE BRANCH.
IT'S A NICE ONE, EMMET.
JUST LIKE
PA USED TO BRING HOME.
YUP.
EVERY YEAR HE'D GO OUT VOWING
HE WAS GOING TO BRING HOME
AREALWHOLE CHRISTMAS TREE.
HA! BUT HE NEVER HAD
THE HEART TO DO IT.
AND EVERY YEAR HE'D SAY...
( Big, Deep Voice )
"BECAUSE I DIDN'T CUT IT DOWN,"
"THE REST OF THAT TREE WILL
STILL BE ALIVE IN 100 YEARS."
( Laughing )
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
YOU EVEN SOUND LIKE YOUR PA!
MA, DO YOU SUPPOSE IT'D BE
SAFE TO USE PA'S SLIDE NOW?
OH, I SHOULD
THINK SO!
THE ICE MUST BE SOLID
BY THIS TIME.
RACE YA TO HER!
HEY, WAIT FOR ME NOW...
FIRST SLIDE OF THE YEAR...
WHOOPEE!
( Laughing )
WOW!
I FORGO HOW MUCH FUN
THAT IS!
( Laughing )
WELL, STAND BACK!
IT'S MY TURN!
WHOOOO!
( Laughing )
WOW, WASN' THAT GREAT?
IT'S GOOD ENOUGH.
GOOD ENOUGH
FOR WHAT?
GOOD ENOUGH
TO DO AGAIN!
( Laughing )
HEY, NOW,
MY TURN NEXT!
( Laughing )
WATCH, EMMET,
IT'S MY TURN AGAIN.
( Laughing )
WHHHEEEEE!
( Laughing )
OH, BOY!
OH, WATCH
THIS ONE, MA.
OHHHHHH!
( Laughing )
OH, BOY.
THAT OLD SLIDE'S JUST ABOU THE BEST THING PA EVER BUILT.
YEAH, HE MAY NO HAVE LEFT US MUCH,
BUT THAT OLD SLIDE
IS JUST ABOUT ENOUGH.
GEE, I THINK
HE LEFT US A LOT.
WELL, HE LEF WHAT HE COULD.
PA USED TO SAY,
"A PERSON'S GO TO TAKE SOME CHANCES
"OR LIFE WILL NEVER
COME TO NOTHIN'."
HE TOOK HIS CHANCES
ON SNAKE OIL.
FACT THAT IT DIDN' COME TO MUCH HARDLY MATTERS.
PA WOULD HOCK
THAT TOOL CHEST.
PA WOULD PUT A HOLE
IN THAT WASHTUB.
MA, REMEMBER
PA'S FAVORITE SONG?
HMM...
WHEN THE MOUNTAIN
TOUCHES THE VALLEY
ALL THE CLOUDS
ARE TAUGHT TO FLY.
THUS OUR SOULS SHALL LEAVE
THIS LAND MOST PEACEFULLY.
Together:
THOUGH OUR MINDS
BE FILLED WITH QUESTIONS,
IN OUR HEARTS
WE'LL UNDERSTAND
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE SEA.
LIKE A FLOWER
THAT HAS BLOSSOMED
IN THE DRY
AND BARREN SAND,
WE ARE BORN AND BORN AGAIN
MOST GRACEFULLY.
THUS THE WINDS OF TIME
SHALL TAKE US
WITH A SURE
AND STEADY HAND
Together:
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE SEA.
PATIENCE, MY BROTHERS,
AND PATIENCE, MY SONS,
IN THAT SWEE AND FINAL HOUR
TRUTH AND JUSTICE
WILL BE DONE.
Ma:
LIKE A BABY
WHEN IT IS SLEEPING
IN ITS LOVING MOTHER'S ARMS
WHAT A NEWBORN BABY DREAMS
IS A MYSTERY,
BUT HIS LIFE
WILL FIND A PURPOSE
AND IN TIME HE'LL UNDERSTAND
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE SEA,
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE ALMIGHTY SEA.
HOOT! HOOT!
( Music )
( Music Continues )
Emmet:
DEAR MA,
I'LL BE GONE ALL DAY.
I'LL EXPLAIN ABOUT THE WASHTUB
WHEN I SEE YOU LATE TONIGHT.
LOVE, EMME Ma:
DEAR EMMET,
I'LL BE HOME LATE TONIGH AND I'LL EXPLAIN ABOU THE TOOL CHEST WHEN I SEE YOU.
LOVE, MA.
( Thud! )
( Jug-Band Plays "Bar-B-Que" )
All:
WHEN YOU MEET SOMEBODY
THAT DON'T LIKE SOUL FOOD
THEY'VE STILL GOT A SOUL.
AND IT DON'T MEAN THA YOU'VE GOT NO RHYTHM
IF YOU DON'T LIKE
ROCK AND ROLL.
BUT IF YOUR TASTE'S
LIKE MINE,
YOU LIKE CIDER,
NOT WINE.
AND YOUR VERY FAVORITE THING
TO DO
IS GET A PRETTY GIRL
DANCIN'
TO JUG-BAND MUSIC
AND A MESS
OF MAMA'S BAR-B-QUE.
BAR-B-QUE...
LIFTS MY SPIRIT.
I SWEAR IT NEVER FAILS.
AND THE SAUCE MAMA MAKES
JUST STAYS THERE FOREVER
IF YOU DARE TO GET I UNDER YOUR NAILS.
WELL, YOU...
MAY BE POOR,
WITH THE WOLF AT YOUR DOOR,
BUT MONEY
ISN'T EVERYTHING;
YOU'VE STILL GOT THE SUN
AND A RIVER FULL OF FUN
AND YOU'LL ALWAYS
HAVE A SONG TO SING.
Emmet:
SO GET THE FROWN
OFF YOUR FACE,
WE'RE GONNA
REPLACE I WITH A GRIN
AND A DREAM COME TRUE
WITH A PRETTY
GIRL DANCIN'
TO JUG-BAND MUSIC
AND A MESS
O' MAMA'S BAR-B-QUE.
( Kazoo Solo )
BAR-B-QUE...
LIFTS MY SPIRIT.
I
SWEAR THA IT NEVER FAILS.
AND THE SAUCE MAMA MAKES
JUST STAYS THERE FOREVER
IF YOU DARE TO GET I UNDER YOUR NAILS.
SO...GET THE...
FROWN OFF YOUR FACE,
WE'RE GONNA REPLACE I WITH A GRIN
AND A DREAM COME TRUE
WITH A PRETTY
GIRL DANCIN'
TO JUG-BAND MUSIC
AND A MESS
O' MAMA'S BAR-B-QUE.
THAT'S A PRETTY GIRL DANCIN'
TO JUG-BAND MUSIC
AND A MESS
O' MAMA'S BAR-B...
MESS O' MAMA'S BAR-B...
MESS O' MAMA'S BAR-B-QUE.
A MESS O' MAMA'S BAR-B-QUE!
OH, BOY!
THAT WAS FUN!
OH, WOW!
THAT WASI CA
FANTASTIC!
N FEEL
THE PRIZE MONEY IN MY POCKET.
REALLY?!
WE SOUND GREAT!
WELL, WE SOUND FAIR.
LET'S DO IT AGAIN.
GEE, HAVEN'T WE
DONE IT ENOUGH.
YEAH, WE'VE DONE I ALL AFTERNOON.
WELL, LET'S
DO IT SOME MORE.
I PUT A HOLE IN MA'S WASHTUB
FOR THIS CONTES AND...WE GOTTA WIN!
NOW HERE WE GO.
GEE...
MR. BIG-TIME CONDUCTOR.
ARE YOU READY,
HARVEY?
SURE, SURE.
( Jug-Band Music )
THANKS FOR
LETTING ME COME OVER
AND USE YOUR
SEWING MACHINE, HETTY.
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU ACTUALLY TOOK
THAT TOOL CHES AND HOCKED I TO BUY DRESS FABRIC.
I HAD TO!
I'VE GOT TO WEAR SOMETHING
FOR THE CONTEST, DON'T I?
BESIDES, WHEN I WIN,
I'LL HAVE ENOUGH MONEY
TO UNHOCK IT.
WHAT IF YOU DON'T WIN?
GOT TO WIN.
EMMET IS GOING TO HAVE
A GUITAR WITH MOTHER-OF-PEARL
INLAY THIS CHRISTMAS!
UMM, WHATEVER YOU SAY, ALICE.
( Sewing Machine Whirrs )
WELL, WE BETTER
HEAD FOR WATERVILLE.
I'D LIKE TO BE THERE
EARLY FOR THE CONTEST.
BOY, I KNOW WE'RE
GONNA WIN!
I JUST KNOW IT!
HE
( Engines Revving )
Y, FELLAS,
DO YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
SOUNDS LIKE A CAR
OR A MOTORCYCLE.
( Engines Revving Loudly )
( Engine Backfires )
HE
Y, WHO ARE
THOSE GUYS?
I THINK THEY'RE
FROM RIVERBOTTOM.
LOOK AT THE BIRDS
UP IN THE TREES.
YEAH?
WELL, WE'RE NOT BIRDS!
WE'RE A JUG-BAND.
YEAH, PRACTICING FOR
THE TALENT CONTEST.
OH, SURE!
THEY'REGONNA WIN
THE TALENT CONTEST,
RIGHT, BOSS?!
( Laughter )
SHUT UP!
( Engines Rev and Backfire )
COME ON, EVERYBODY,
LET'S GO.
HERE WE GO!
COME ON!
WHAT WAS THA ALL ABOUT?
( Music )
( Excited Chatter )
Mayor Fox:
CONTESTANTS!
CONTESTANTS!
I'D LIKE YOU ALL TO GO TO
YOUR DRESSING ROOMS NOW, PLEASE,
IF YOU WOULD.
ALL LADIES OVER HERE
TO THE LEFT...
AND MEN
TO THE RIGHT, PLEASE.
UH, MISS,
TO THE LEFT HERE...
AND, UH...
BOYS, YES,
OVER THERE TO THE RIGHT.
UH, LADIES
TO THE LEFT...
WHAT?!
AND MEN
TO THE RIGHT.
OH!
( Ripping! )
SORRY, DEAR.
OH...OH.
SEE YOU
LATER, NAT.
SORRY TO SPLIT YOU UP
LIKE THAT.
PARDON ME...
UH, IS THIS THE,
UH, TALENT CONTEST?
YES, IT IS;
YOUR DRESSING ROOM
IS RIGHT OVER THERE.
OH, THANK YOU.
I'M VERY NICE
TO HAVE HELPED YOU.
OH, IMEAN,I'M
VERY NICE YOU'VE...
EXCUSE ME!
YOU'RE TERRIBLY NERVOUS!
( Crash! )
SORRY!
WELL, GUYS,
THIS IS THE COMPETITION.
( Excited Chatter )
I TELL YOU,
IT'S A SNAP.
TWO QUICK CHORUSES
OF "BAR-B-QUE"
AND THE MONEY IS OURS.
QUIET!
IT'S STARTING!
THE SHOW IS STARTING!
( Sigh! )
OKAY, WILL, STAND BY
ON THE HOUSELIGHTS...
DIM THE HOUSELIGHTS.
AND FADE UP
ON THE SPOTLIGHTS.
( Applause )
( Piano Intro )
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU.
WELCOME TO WATERVILLE'S
FIRST ANNUAL CHRISTMAS
TALENT CONTEST.
( Piano )
AS SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW,
I AM HARRISON FOX,
MAYOR OF WATERVILLE.
AND FIRST OFF,
LET ME INTRODUCE
OUR JUDGES FOR TONIGHT.
NOW RIGHT DOWN
IN THE FRONT ROW...
WE HAVE JAMES BADGER,
MY LOVELY WIFE, GRETCHEN,
AND THIS YEAR'S
CHAIRMAN OF THE JUDGES,
THE OWNER OF THE RIVERSIDE REST,
WATERVILLE'S FAVORITE
CAFE AND NIGHTSPOT...
DOC BULLFROG!
( Applause )
AND RIGHT NOW LET'S
GET THINGS STARTED WITH, UH,
SHIRLEY AND NAT MUSKRAT AS...
"CARROTS,
THE DANCING HORSE!"
( Vaudeville Dance Tune )
( Thud! )
( Laughter )
WELL, IF THE ACTS
DON'T GET BETTER THAN THAT,
WE'VE GOT NO TROUBLE.
AND NOW, MR. YANCY WOODCHUCK
TO SING FOR YOU
THE EVER-POPULAR "BAR-B-QUE."
( Applause )
"BAR-B-QUE?!"
BUT THAT'S OUR SONG!
( "Bar-B-Que" )
WHEN YOU MEET SOMEBODY
THAT DON'T LIKE SOUL FOOD
THEY'VE STILL GOT A SOUL.
AND IT DON'T MEAN THA YOU'VE GOT NO RHYTHM
IF YOU DON'T LIKE
ROCK AND ROLL...
WE CAN'T SING THE SONG
AFTER HE'S DONE IT.
PEOPLE WILL THINK
WE'RE COPYING.
YEAH, WE'RE REALLY
GONNA LOSE NOW.
NO, WE AREN'T!
COME ON!
WHERE ARE
WE GOING?
OUT IN THE ALLEY.
WE'RE NO ON FOR A WHILE YET.
WE GOTTA REHEARSE
A NEW SONG!
...AND THE SAUCE MAMA MAKES
JUST STAYS THERE FOREVER
IF YOU DARE TO GET I UNDER YOUR NAILS.
BAR-B-QUE.
( Laughing )
( Applause )
THANK YOU!
Mayor Fox:
WELCOME, IF YOU WILL,
GEORGE AND MELISSA RABBIT!
( Can-Can Tune )
( Can-Can Continues )
( Sigh! )
WELL
, IT'S GOING TO BE
A LONG NIGHT.
YOU THERE...
AREN'T YOU
IN THIS CONTEST?
YOU GET IN HERE
THIS MINUTE!
YOU MIGHT MISS
YOUR ENTRANCE
AND WE WANT THIS SHOW
TO LOOK PROFESSIONAL!
( Music )
WONDERFUL!
MARVELOUS!
( Applause )
WONDERFUL!
OH! OH! OH!
AND NOW, WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGH ONE OF OUR OWN TRADITIONAL SONGS
OF THE RIVER...
RENDERED BY
A DEAR LITTLE LADY...
ALICE OTTER!
( Applause )
( "Our World" )
WE'RE CLOSER NOW
THAN EVER BEFORE.
THERE'S LOVE IN OUR WORLD
AND WE'RE SHOWING IT MORE.
OUR WORLD SAYS,
"WELCOME STRANGER,
EVERYBODY'S A FRIEND."
FAVORITE STORIES
DON'T END IN OUR WORLD...
IT'S MA!
YEAH, AN
D SHE'S
BETTER'N WE ARE.
...SOME SAY OUR WORLD
IS GETTING TOO SMALL.
I SAY WITH KINDNESS
THERE'S ROOM FOR US ALL.
OUR WORLD IS ALWAYS CHANGING
EVERY DAY'S A SURPRISE.
LOVE CAN OPEN YOUR EYES
IN OUR WORLD.
WHEN NIGH LAYS SAD UPON YOU,
GO WATCH A SIMPLE SUNRISE.
LOVE CAN OPEN YOUR EYES
IN OUR WORLD.
( Cheers & Applause )
MA, YOU WERE
FANTASTIC!
WAS I ALL RIGHT?
THEY SEEMED TO LIKE ME.
MA, YOU WERE
THE BEST, HANDS DOWN!
YOU'VE GO THIS CONTEST WON!
WAIT A MINUTE...
EMMET, WHAT ARE
YOUDOING HERE?
WELL, ME'N THE GUYS
HAVE ORGANIZED A JUG-BAND.
HEY, HEY,
EMMET...
THE MAYOR'S
INTRODUCING US!
UH-OH!
COME ON!
...FOUR YOUNG LADS
WHOM I'M SURE YOU'LL ENJOY.
THEY CALL THEMSELVES
THE FROGTOWN HOLLOW
JUBILEE JUG-BAND!
( Applause )
( "Brothers" )
HOW MUCH ALIKE WE ARE,
PERHAPS WE'RE
LONG-LOST BROTHERS.
WE EVEN THINK THE SAME.
YOU KNOW,
THERE MAY BE OTHERS.
WE CAN ALWAYS USE A FRIEND.
THIS FAMILY
JUST KEEPS GROWING,
THIS FAMILY
DOESN'T HAVE TO END.
( Puff! Puff! Puff! Puff! )
BROTHERS...
BROTHERS...
SO MANY THINGS TO LEARN
BUT WE'LL ENJOY EACH LESSON.
PROBLEMS DON'T WORRY US
WHEN HALF THE FUN
IS GUESSIN'.
LIVE A LIFETIME OF SURPRISE.
WE'LL ALL BECOME MAGICIANS
AND LEAVE THE WONDER
IN THEIR EYES.
(
Puff! Puff! Puff! Puff! )
BROTHERS...
BROTHERS...
( Cheers & Applause )
BOYS, YOU WERE
WONDERFUL!
DID IT SOUND
ALL RIGHT, MA?
YOU WERE
BETTER THAN BEST!
YOU'RE CERTAIN
TO WIN!
WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THATWASTO HAVE BEEN
OUR LAST ACT.
NORMALLY WE WOULDN'T ALLOW
ANY LAST-MINUTE ENTRIES,
BUT THESE KIDS
HAVE COME A LONG WAY...
ALL THE WAY
FROM RIVERBOTTOM!
YES,
THESE RIVERBOTTOM BOYS...
COME ON, LET'S
CLEAR A WAY NOW, HUH?
COME ON,
CLEAR IT OUT!
WHERE DO YOU
WANT THIS STUFF?
YEAH, HOW ABOU THAT RIGHT THERE, HUH?
YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.
Mayor Fox:
SO LET'S WELCOME, PLEASE,
TONIGHT'S LAST CONTESTANTS...
HERE THEY ARE,
THE ROCK GROUP
KNOWN AS "THE NIGHTMARE!"
( Heavy Metal )
Together:
WE TAKE WHAT WE WANT.
WE DO ANYTHING THAT WE WISH.
WE GOT NO RESPEC FOR ANIMAL, BIRDIE OR FISH.
THE GRASS DOES NOT GROW
ON THE PLACES
WHERE WE STOP AND STAND.
RIVER BOTTOM
NIGHTMARE BAND!
( Musical Interlude )
WE KNOW WE'RE A MESS.
OUR TYPE DOES NOT LIKE
TO BE CLEAN.
NO, NO, NO, NO...
WE DON'T BRUSH OUR TEETH
'CAUSE OUR TOOTHACHE
CAN HELP US STAY MEAN.
YEAHHHH!
WE DON'T WISH TO LEARN
BUT WE HATE
WHAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND.
RIVER BOTTOM!
WHEN YOU SEE US COMIN',
YOU BETTER START A-RUNNIN'.
WE'RE ALWAYS
STARTIN' TROUBLE
AND WE'RE HAPPIES WHEN THINGS ARE OUT OF HAND.
OOH! AHH!
OOH! AHHHHH!
TEMPERS ARE FOR BOILIN',
PARTIES ARE FOR SPOILIN'
WE EITHER LIKE
TO SIT AND POU OR ELSE GO OU AND TERRORIZE THE LAND.
OOH-HOO-HOO!
RIVER BOTTOM NIGHTMARE BAND!
( Music )
AHHHHH!!!
WE LAUGH IN YOUR FACE
OR WE PRACTICE
OUR GROWL AND OUR SNEER.
YEAHHHH!
WE BREAK UP YOUR PLACE;
WE ARE DANGEROUS
WHEN WE ARE NEAR.
AND WHEN WE ARE DONE
WITH OUR SONG
WHO WILL GE THE BIGGEST HAND?
WHO?
RIVER BOTTOM
NIGHTMARE BAND!
RIVER BOTTOM
NIGHTMARE BAND!
WHA-HAA!!
OOOHHH!
( Musical Flourish )
( Cheers & Applause )
AND SO THE WINNER
OF OUR FIRST ANNUAL
TALENT CONTEST IS...
THE NIGHTMARE!
( Applause )
EMMET...
I HOCKED
THE TOOL CHES TO GET THE MATERIAL
FOR MY COSTUME.
OH?
OH...
WELL, YOU CAN SEE
WHAT I DID TO YOUR WASHTUB.
YEP.
EVENING,
MRS. OTTER...
EVENING, BOYS.
( Murmur Greetings )
I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW
THAT THE JUDGES WERE IMPRESSED
BY BOTH OF YOUR ACTS.
THEY JUST NEEDED...
WELL, THAT LITTLE
SOMETHING EXTRA.
KEEP WORKING ON IT.
YES, SIR.
WELL, GOTTA BE
GETTIN' TO WORK;
THE RESTAURANT'S
BUSY TONIGHT.
AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
SIR.
( Heavy Sigh )
WELL, BOYS...
LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE
CLOSING THINGS DOWN.
BETTER HEAD FOR
THE RIVER.
QUICKER TO GET HOME
IF WE WALK ON THE ICE.
YOU KNOW, EMMET...
IF I'D HAVE WON
THAT CONTEST,
I'D HAVE GIVEN YOU
THAT GUITAR
WITH THE MOTHER-OF-PEARL
INLAYS.
WOULD YA
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
GOSH, I WAS GONNA
GET A PIANO FOR YOU.
A PIANO?
WERE YOU REALLY?
YES'M.
OH, EMMET,
THAT'S ABOU THE NICEST PRESEN ANYBODY EVER TRIED
TO GIVE ME.
YOU KNOW, EMMET...
I GUESS I SHOULD
FEEL PRETTY BAD.
BUT THE FUNNY THING
IS THAT I DON'T.
I FEEL PRETTY GOOD.
SO DO I...
I DON'T KNOW WHY,
BUT I DO.
I GUESS IT'S
'CAUSE WE DID
JUST WHAT PA
WOULDA DONE.
( "Snow on the Rooftop" )
Ma:
MIGHTY NICE
KAZOO BLOWING, HARVEY.
YEAH, IT WAS
A GREAT-SOUNDIN' SONG.
WE SHOULDA WON.
WELL, IT JUST DIDN' TURN OUT THAT WAY.
I THOUGHT MA'S SONG
WAS NICE, TOO.
HMM...I HADN'T THOUGHT OF
THAT OLD SONG IN YEARS.
BUT WHEN I DID,
IT JUST FELT RIGHT.
( Humming with Kazoo )
SAY...THOSE TWO SONGS
COULD FIT TOGETHER.
HOW DO YOU MEAN,
MA?
UH, HERE.
BOYS, BOYS...
I'M GONNA STAR SINGING MY SONG,
AND YOU COME IN SINGIN' YOURS
WHEN I SHOW YOU, OKAY?
OKAY.
YEAH.
WE'RE CLOSER NOW
THAN EVER BEFORE.
HOW MUCH ALIKE
WE ARE.
PERHAPS WE'RE
LONG, LOST BROTHERS.
THERE'S LOVE IN OUR WORLD
AND WE'RE SHOWING IT MORE.
WE EVEN THINK THE SAME,
YOU KNOW,
THERE MAY BE OTHERS.
OUR WORLD SAYS,
"WELCOME, STRANGER,"
EVERYBODY'S A FRIEND.
WE CAN ALWAYS
USE A FRIEND.
FAVORITE STORIES
DON'T END.
WELCOME, BROTHER...
Together:
IN OUR WORLD.
GEE, MA,
THAT SOUNDS FINE!
IT SURE DOES,
EMMET.
SOME SAY OUR WORLD
IS GETTING TOO SMALL.
SO MANY THINGS TO LEARN,
BUT WE'LL ENJOY
EACH LESSON.
I SAY WITH KINDNESS,
"THERE'S ROOM FOR US ALL."
PROBLEMS DON'T WORRY US
WHEN HALF THE FUN IS GUESSIN'.
OUR WORLD
IS ALWAYS CHANGING,
EVERY DAY'S A SURPRISE.
LIVE A LIFETIME OF SURPRISE.
LOVE CAN OPEN YOUR EYES.
BROTHER, LOOK AROUND.
Together:
IN OUR WORLD.
WHEN NIGHT LAYS SAD
UPON YOU,
GO WATCH A SIMPLE SUNRISE.
SEE WONDER IN YOUR EYES.
LOVE CAN OPEN YOUR EYES.
WELCOME, BROTHER...
TO OUR WORLD.
( Applause )
THAT'S FINE MUSIC,
FOLKS!
I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED SOMETHING
A LITTLE EXTRA,
BUT IT APPEARS TO ME
THAT WHAT YOU NEEDED
WAS EACH OTHER.
WELL, WE'RE MIGHTY HONORED
YOU LIKED IT.
YOU WOULDN'T CONSIDER WORKING A THE RIVERSIDE REST, WOULD YOU?
( Excited Chatter )
Ma:
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
IS THE PAY REGULAR
WHEN WE PLAY REGULAR?
SURE IS.
AND MEALS
ARE ON THE HOUSE.
GOODY!
YOU GOT MASHED POTATOES?
SURE...AND YOU CAN
START TONIGHT.
( Group Gasps )
PEACHY KEEN!
EMMET,
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
SOUNDS BETTER'N
SELLING SNAKE OIL.
WELL, SURE!
NOBODY WANTS TO OIL
A SNAKE THESE DAYS!
( Jug-Band Begins )
WE'RE CLOSER NOW
THAN EVER BEFORE.
HOW MUCH ALIKE WE ARE.
THERE'S LOVE IN OUR WORLD,
WE'RE SHOWING IT MORE.
YOU KNOW,
THERE MAY BE OTHERS.
OUR WORLD SAYS,
"WELCOME, STRANGER."
EVERYBODY'S A FRIEND.
FAVORITE STORIES DON'T END.
WELCOME...
Together:
TO OUR WORLD.
Ma:
I SURE ENJOYED
OUR FIRST NIGHT'S WORK.
GONNA ENJOY
THE REST OF 'EM, TOO.
GONNA LOVE
THE MASHED POTATOES!
LET'S FACE IT, MA.
WE'RE BETTER
AT SINGIN' AND PLAYIN'
THAN WE ARE A LAUNDRY AND ODD JOBS.
( Chuckles )
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, BOYS, I'D LIKE
TO DO A SONG FOR PA,
RIGHT HERE AND NOW.
HE TOOK A CHANCE
ON SNAKE OIL
AND YOU TOOK A CHANCE
ON A WASHTUB.
OKAY BY ME, MA.
( Hymn Style )
WHEN THE MOUNTAIN
TOUCHES THE VALLEY
ALL THE CLOUDS
ARE TAUGHT TO FLY.
THUS OUR SOUL
SHALL LEAVE THIS LAND
MOST PEACEFULLY.
PEACEFULLY.
THOUGH OUR MINDS
BE FILLED WITH QUESTIONS
IN OUR HEARTS
WE'LL UNDERSTAND
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE SEA.
PATIENCE,
MY BROTHERS,
AND PATIENCE,
MY SONS.
IN THAT SWEE AND FINAL HOUR,
TRUTH AND JUSTICE
WILL BE DONE.
LIKE A BABY
WHEN IT IS SLEEPING,
IN ITS LOVING MOTHER'S ARMS,
WHAT A NEWBORN BABY DREAMS
IS A MYSTERY.
A MYSTERY.
BUT HIS LIFE
WILL FIND A PURPOSE
AND IN TIME
HE'LL UNDERSTAND,
WHEN THE RIVER
MEETS THE SEA,
WHEN THE RIVER MEETS
THE ALMIGHTY SEA.
( Fast Country Style )
CAPTION TECHNOLOGIES INC.