Fathom (1967) Movie Script

Fly away with me, sky-girl
We'll go racing
chasing the sun
Swallows on the wing around us
And the sunlight shining
On our rainbow run
Ever tried to chase moonbeams
While the stars shine
Twinkling and bright
No, you'll never find a joy
for girl and boy
Like floating in the air
There's just nothing to compare
With the joy
that we'll be sharing
And now, jumping
in the individual accuracy competition,
Miss Fathom Harvill
of the United States team.
Senorita, a smile
would make it perfect.
They never make a fuss
over me when I land.
Maybe you ought to let
your hair grow longer.
Senorita, how did you
ever get a name like Fathom?
A fathom is six feet. Papa was hoping
for a tail son. Papa was disappointed.
- Think the U.S. team will beat the French
next week? - That's the idea, isn't it?
Miss Harvill? Miss Harvill?
I'm supposed to drive you back to town.
- Thank you. - How come the rest
of us have to take the bus?
I keep telling you, you ought
to let your hair grow longer.
I'll be with you
as soon as I change.
The one thing I'll never understand
about you skydivers-
how do you get the nerve
to take the first jump?
It's easy. You learn parachute
packing, study up on meteorology,
wind currents, aerodynamics,
and then, when the big day comes,
you get someone
to give you a big push.
Say, didn't we pass
the road to Malaga?
Yes, we're taking a slight detour.
Nothing to worry about.
Colonel Campbell wants to see you.
- Colonel Campbell?
- He'll explain everything.
But I don't know
any Colonel Campbell.
You will.
Good day to you, Miss Harvill.
A very good day.
I've been looking forward
to our meeting.
Oh, uh, come inside, won't you?
In you go, love.
Do sit down.
Oh, uh, excuse me.
I'm not a very good housekeeper.
Now, I'm going to be very calm
about this whole thing.
If you take me back to my hotel room in the
next ten minutes, I'll forget all about it.
If you don't, I'm gonna holler
bloody murder to the American embassy.
A very normal reaction,
Miss Harvill.
I'll tell you what. If my credentials
don't entirely satisfy you,
I'll holler with you.
- HADES? - Headquarters Allied
Defenses Espionage and Security.
Impressive signatures.
Or I've been kidnapped
by a mad autograph collector.
Very good, but not mad.
Colonel Douglas Campbell,
late of the Scots Guards,
presently in charge of this very
powerful and very secret organization.
Do sit down.
Get that, Timmy.
Let me introduce you.
Flight Lieutenant Timothy Webb,
Royal Air Force, on leave of absence.
Leave of senses is more like it, volunteering
for a potty outfit like this one.
I apologize, Miss Harvill, for having
brought you here in this unorthodox way,
but you'll see it's a matter
of the utmost urgency.
I don't believe a word of this.
I assure you it's very
desperately real. Please.
It's Washington, sir.
N.S.A. frequency, code 12.
I'll put it through the scrambler.
Oh, I'm squeaking again.
The sea air disagrees with the lubricant
in my titanium knee joint.
- HADES One to N.S.A. liaison. Over.
No negative information, eh?
Thank you kindly. HADES One out.
No worries there. That message
was about you, Miss Harvill.
You've been cleared by Washington
at the very highest level.
- Cleared? For what?
- Whitehall code check A-okay.
Good. Excuse me.
- Take a message, will you?
- Sir.
To U.S. Navy, Force F.D.,
via liaison Gibraltar.
Tell them HADES won't be needing
any assistance at the moment.
Assuming that Miss Fathom Harvill,
"dental assistant,
La Jolla, California,"
on a three-week tour
with a U.S.jumping team...
is half what I think she is.
Well, half of her is fascinated,
but the other half
tells me to get out of here.
The first half is the one I like...
the brave and bonnie one who's gonna
help us find the Fire Dragon.
Fire Dragon 7
The name of this game, lassie.
And Lord have mercy on this
poor sad world if we should fail.
Some time ago,
there was a calamity in the air.
One of our hydrogen bombs
was lost in the Mediterranean Sea.
- A fantastic search was made.
- I remember.
- It was found, finally.
- Aye, the bomb was found. That's history.
The bomb they found,
but not the Fire Dragon.
Code name for the contents
of this wee box-Fire Dragon.
Well named.
It's a fail safe device...
which triggers the hydrogen bomb
by electronic signal.
Need I say what it would mean if this
Fire Dragon fell into hostile hands?
For a year or more, not a trace,
though we scoured the earth
and veritably sieved the sea.
Not a trace. Then, a week
past Tuesday, newsreel pictures.
A corrida. Malaga.
With the Fire Dragon file still open,
we look over everything
from the South of Spain...
Watch now.
One Peter Merriwether.
Next to him, his great
good friend, Miss Jo-May Soon.
They're from Hong Kong.
- Popped up on the scene just the day before
these were taken. - Devoted aficionados.
Really Red Chinese agents.
Pure and simple, lassie,
with this wee box in their hands,
they'd have the power to turn the world
into a black broiled mushroom.
Merriwether's current headquarters...
this villa above the sea
near Malaga.
They are passing
as perfectly innocent tourists.
Valid passports,
papers quite in order.
The place is walled
and guarded, impregnable from land.
They didn't
exactly appreciate our flyover.
You?! see what I mean.
- Major Jo-May Soon.
- "Major"?
That was the rank she held
in the Mongolian K.G.B.
Tasty fortune cookie, that one.
Enter the boss, Peter Merriwether.
Closely attended
by underlings, the Trivers family.
Mr. Tis the boss's
second in command.
Not having bullet-proof trousers on...
exit hastily, yours truly.
Only one reason for them being
in this area... the Fire Dragon.
The infernal thing's known to be
their number one objective.
- You think they have it?
- Not yet,
or they'd be halfway
across the world by now.
But they're on its trail.
We're quite certain the Fire Dragon's
been found by some person unknown.
And Merriwether fully intends
to get it from him.
- Problem: Who's that person?
- Milk?
- Phase.
- The problem we tried to solve...
by dropping a wee radio
transmitting bug from that helicopter.
the device malfunctioned,
and that, lassie,
is where you come in.
- Don't tell me. I can see it perfectly.
- Do you 7
I was sitting there thinking
while you were showing me those movies.
"Why me?" I said to myself.
"Why Fathom Harvill?
"Couldn't be 'cause
she's fun at a party.
"Couldn't be 'cause someone
needs their teeth cleaned.
"Has to be some special knack.
Has to be her skydiving."
- Right? - Obviously. Plus
the fact that you're a girl.
And a very pretty one too,
if I may say so.
Gets nicer and nicer. I skydive into
a pad full of mad Mongolian butchers...
and seduce the boss
into telling all.
- My dear lassie, you don't have to do
a thing. - Just land there, that's all.
A bonnie girl skydiver swept helplessly
off course by treacherous winds.
The secret will be
under your hat, you see.
A skydiver's helmet
with a slight modification...
- a small radio transmitter.
- A bee in your bonnet.
A bee to sting life into
the wee bug we dropped on the roof.
It needs the stimulation of another radio
signal very close and very powerful.
Your mere entry into the villa
will do the trick.
Why don't you send
for your own paratroopers?
The nearest parachute battalion's
in Aden, a day away.
We can't risk the time.
But I've spent all year cooped up
in an office staring at molars.
I've been looking forward
to this trip.
And the team leaves
for Perpignan this evening.
And you'll be with them tomorrow...
with first class transportation
and our grateful thanks.
How long does one jump take?
Good luck, love.
The radio-The bee in your bonnet,
start it operating.
Act perfectly natural.
Tell them you've turned an ankle.
They won't hurt you, love.
The last thing they want
is to give themselves away.
See the beauty of it?
Good luck, Fathom Harvill.
Very good luck.
Hello? Anybody home?
P, "
Is someone there?
I think you moved a bit.
Hold it just the way you are, will you?
- What are you...
- Hold it right there. That's fine.
Could be a journalistic first.
"Killer caught in act." - Mm-hmm.
Run through it once more, would you?
Holding your blunt instrument.
Now, wait just a minute.
- You can't think that I...
- Murder unknown stranger?
Oh, yes.
I can think most easily.
As a matter of fact, I can't imagine
what else one could think.
You and your chum obviously broke in
here while Miss Soon and I were out...
driving our friends
to the beach with their kiddies.
You had a wild party, and then, under the
combined influence of my very best champagne...
and your undoubted charms,
the poor fellow
must've lost his head.
So... you bumped him.
- Just one small mistake.
- Really? What's that?
I don't make a habit of murdering people
I haven't been introduced to.
I found him dead in your living room,
no doubt where you just left him.
The impudence of this creature.
And so lovely too.
I hate disbelieving
lovely girls.
Merriwether's my name.
" P" for Peter.
- What's yours?
- Harvill, Fathom.
"F" for fathead. I dropped in
by mistake at the end of a parachute.
- A parachute?
- I was making a practice skydive,
and I drifted off course
into your terrace.
Well, what do you know.
There is parachute
on the terrace.
What an extraordinary way for
a girl to drop in. - Isn't it?
Not at all.
Happens to parachutists every day.
I'm sure of that. However, if you're
just an accidental dropper inner,
you can't have anything
to hide, can you, poppet?
Arms extended, please.
No, no, not folded.
Good girl.
Will suffice, Peter.
Huh? Uh, no.
Not quite, I'm afraid.
We do have to be
completely thorough.
Leave no fair stone unturned.
Enjoying the view?
That's highly gratifying.
You've nothing concealed.
A lightning right hand.
- What did you expect to find?
- Oh, come on. Campbell didn't tell you?
- Campbell?
- Mm-hmm.
Tall man.
He has a false leg.
I once knew a Camberry.
Nice guy.
Tall enough. Red hair.
But it couldn't be him.
He was a pole vaulter.
You're either the coolest cookie
I've ever met,
or, exactly as you said,
a skydiver...
with the nuttiest
sense of direction.
For the time being, we'll give you
the benefit of the doubt.
Very handsome of you,
Mr. Merriwether.
Believe me, it's a pleasure...
for the time being.
- Anywhere special you'd like to be taken?
- The nearest town" do.
Fine. Saddle up two horses, Jo.
You ride, don't you?
Well, I'm better in cars.
So am I.
But on this trip you'll see
that horses have a definite advantage.
Jo, get her some riding clothes
so she doesn't look too conspicuous.
- But, Peter, don't you think...
- No questions. I know what I'm doing.
Yes, Peter.
- Splashy way you have with women, Mr.
Merriwether. - My friends call me Peter.
What do your enemies call you?
Enemies? Me?
No. I live in a world of love.
I've never met a Fathom.
Where did you ever get
a kinky name like that?
First initials for uncles. Freddie,
Arthur, Tom, Harry, Oscar, Milton.
They were all rich, and Papa
wasn't taking any chances.
- Unlike me.
- Chance is what life is made of, poppet.
For example, who would've thought an hour
ago you and I would be transporting...
an unlucky stranger
to his last resting place?
Necessity has made us allies.
Speak for yourself, Merriwether.
What do you want to do?
Whistle for the police?
Where I come from, that's usually
what we do when we find dead bodies.
That's right. But when they arrive, we'd have
to show them some embarrassing pictures.
Do you want that? Hmm?
Well, maybe reluctant allies.
What say we drop the " reluctant"
and make it a full-time partnership?
- You and me? A partnership?
- Mm-hmm.
- In what?
- Getting what we're after.
I haven't the slightest notion
what you're after.
All right. Let's stop
playing games, shall we?
I know you're working
for Douglas Campbell.
Campbell? Campbell.
You're obsessed with that name.
Campbell's a loser. He can't win.
Don't you understand that?
A loser in what?
I've never heard of the man.
You know, I like you.
You jump well.
You ride well. You lie well.
I hope you lose well.
There's a nice blind curve
on the highway below. Lend a hand.
What's the matter?
Sort of goes against
the grain somehow.
So will ten years
in a Spanish pokey.
And just...
Yeah, a truck hits a hiker
around a curve.
It happens every clay.
The town is full of lousy drivers.
I'm sorry about this, chum,
more than you'll ever know.
You're next, poppet.
Why the panic? You did say
the nearest town, didn't you?
Here's where you get off
Thanks, Merriwether.
It's been gruesome.
Do yourself a favor, poppet.
Throw away that parachute and fly
right back to wherever you came from.
Hey, Mike, I ordered champagne
for everybody. Didn't you hear me?
I heard you, angel. The trouble is,
I didn't hear your money.
Trustless beast.
Kurt will be here any minute
with more money than you've ever seen.
I don't doubt it,
but I'm waiting till he comes back.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Whoo. I think you have
a reservation for me.
- I hope so.
- The name's Fathom Harvill.
Fathom 7 How'd you get
a name like Fathom?
- It's short for Elizabeth.
- You've got a room.
Some fellow brought your bags in...
about an hour ago.
Didn't say you were
a parachutist.
You have something
against parachutists?
No. Your stuffs
in number five.
Help yourself to a key.
Hey! Is everyone in
this country camera-crazy?
What's the matter? A girl like you should
be used to having her picture taken.
Mike takes photos of everyone who stays
here. It's the custom of the house.
But for you, angel,
I'll find a good spot.
- If I were you, I'd lock my door at night.
- No, that's no use.
- The proprietor always has a passkey.
- Thanks. I'll remember that.
By the way, didn't your group
take off for Perpignan last night?
That's right. I was just getting in
some last-minute practicing.
Greetings, love.
I took the shortcut...
up the trellis and through the window.
You'd better take the same way
out again, and quick. I'm blown.
- "Blown"? - Isn't that the
expression you agents use?
Oh, yes, of course. - The only reason they
let me out was to lead them to Campbell.
- How do you know that P
- Merriwether thinks I work for him.
- What's more, they already have me
half framed for murder. - Whose murder?
A young fellow I found in the villa.
His head bashed in.
- They have a picture of me bending over
him. - Fathom, did they search you?
I'll put it this way,
my next jumpsuit won't have a zipper.
- It fits. It fits perfectly.
- What fits?
What I heard ten minutes ago.
Listen to this playback. Tape recording
via bug from Merriwether's villa.
The bee in your bonnet
worked perfectly.
- I'm glad something worked perfectly.
- The first voices you hear...
will be Jo-May Soon
and the Trivers family.
Ow! Ow, Daddy! Daddy!
- What was that? - The Trivers kids
with a severe case of sunburn.
They must've come back from the beach
just after you and Merriwether left.
- Shh. Listen.
Hello? Yes?
- Oh, never mind. - Mr. Trivers, take
shrieking children elsewhere, please.
Come on, sweeties.
Auntie Jo-May has to talk on the blower.
Come on, up we go.
Come on, up.
Up we go.
- There we are.
- Repeat, please.
- Doesn't sound like much.
- Shh, shh. Wait.
- Something up, dearie?
- Yes. Stunning development.
Cable is intercepted in London.
Cable addressed to Dr. Vlak.
He is invited
to come here at once.
Object: To authenticate Fire Dragon.
This is something we didn't count on.
Who sent for him?
It's surprise, and yet not surprise.
Of course, you don't know
about him. I'll fill you in.
Dr. Vlak is a nuclear scientist.
- Don't you see how it all adds up?
- In words of one syllable-uh-uh.
You will. Listen to the rest
of the tape. I'll take it back a bit.
This is something we didn't count on.
- Who sent for him?
- It's surprise, and yet not surprise.
Sergei Serapkin.
- Then it wash? The girl?
- No. It was Serapkin who lured us away...
when the young man was due
to arrive with the Fire Dragon.
He killed the young man, not the girl
with parachute. -
That's why they searched you. They really
thought you'd killed him and taken it.
- But it was this Serapkin fellow.
- And his credentials fit.
Sergei Serapkin,
one-time street peddler,
now a peddler
in the unobtainable.
A millionaire middle man
for anything in short supply.
- In the '40s, penicillin; In the '50s,
gold. - And in the '60s, atomic: Devices.
He's got the button,
and they know it too.
He's aboard his yacht. We're racing Mr.
Merriwether, so we'd better move fast.
I'm moving fast,
all right, to Perpignan.
- Jolly lucky we have one piece of
equipment they lack. - Oh, no, you don't.
I wouldn't set foot on board that yacht
if I had the U.S. Marines as escort.
We have something
much more effective.
This should display it well.
Oh, I forgot to add,
Sergei Serapkin,
also world's champion bird chaser.
Jo-May to Headquarters.
Most urgent.
Do you read me?
Jo-May to Headquarters.
Answer, please.
Do you read me?
10-May to Headquarters. Answer, please.
Headquarters here.
I read you.
Parachute girl and young man
depart in boat.
It's curious, no? So soon after we
received word of intercepted cable.
Relax, Jo-May.
I'll handle it.
Right. Here's where
we part company.
The boat is anchored
around the next point.
- You think he'll take the bait?
- You're too modest. He'll bite on you.
Now let's run over it again.
I vamp my way aboard, start fire,
and drive rat from the sinking ship,
keeping fingers crossed that the rat
takes the Fire Dragon with him.
You can bet on it.
He's planning to sell it for millions.
He won't leave that behind.
Here's your fire starter.
- The, uh, left one's the bang-bang, right?
- Correct.
It's triggered automatically
when you take it off.
- Drop it in any ventilator. Thirty
seconds later... - Yes, yes, I know.
Thirty seconds later-pow.
Hop aboard your pleasure barge.
Mind your step.
Fathom, love?
You're a real killer.
I wish you hadn't said that,
Timothy. So is he.
- Strange. A pirate ship?
- You address its captain.
It's beautiful.
In the presence of real beauty,
it must take second place.
How charming.
- May I come aboard?
- But obviously.
You are expected.
I must've overlooked
my invitation.
Serapkin's secret.
He expects the unexpected.
Yes, master?
We will not be disturbed
for 20 minutes.
half an hour.
Shall we leave this chill
and go to my cabin?
Lovely hothouse
you have here, Mr. Serapkin.
If I were an orchid,
I'd be blooming.
You find the heat too great?
Hardly regulation for tropic waters.
I suffer from
an unfortunate malady.
My body temperature
is ten degrees below normal.
In the presence of beauty,
it drops even further.
Thank you.
But how does a guy
breathe in here?
I'm very sensitive to drafts.
I wish I'd known.
I brought my own oxygen tanks.
Serapkin provides oxygen...
warm oxygen.
Purified and inducted
from the engine room...
at a rate of
three cubic meters a second.
No companion of Serapkin's
ever caught pneumonia.
We will commence.
Why, Mr. Serapkin, I'll bet you
could run a mile in three minutes.
There is nothing
more precious than time.
My family comes from Circassia,
and we have an ancient saying:
"Each hour is a wound,
the last one fatal."
Where I come from, we have
a little ancient saying of our own:
"Men on the make can go jump
in the lake."
This coyness bores me.
My companions are not selected
for their skill at chess.
"Companions" 7
You were not sent here by
the concierge of the Hotel Solymar?
Oh, I see what you mean.
lam sorry, but I'm not
one of your... playmates.
It is Sergei Serapkin
who must apologize.
Please sit down, Miss, uh...
Harvill. Fathom Harvill. Uh...
And please don't ask me
howl got the name Fathom.
Let me guess.
Your father wanted
a very tall son,
or you were named
after wealthy relatives,
or as a child,
you were very deep.
Two out of three.
That's not bad.
lam appalled at my crudeness
and bad manners.
Serapkin will make amends.
Now, let me see.
Oh, yes.
just the thing.
Black pearls for plastic.
A fair exchange, huh?
- Oh, I couldn't.
- But I insist.
Serapkin is quite aware
enchanting women do not find him Apollo.
Really, I'm just
a mariner who lost her way.
A lost mariner for whom
black pearls are not sufficient.
Does she sail
for richer treasure?
What have you got to offer?
You are a pirate.
But then, so am I.
Come, we will go ashore.
Ashore? Now?
Yes. I must meet
a gentleman from London.
The result of our meeting
may recompense me...
for the more gentle plunder
you have denied me here.
Uh... Sergei?
Oh, you're so cool.
Fire! Fire!
Fire, master! Fire! Fire!
Don't you ever knock?
Sorry, sir.
There is fire in the engine room.
- Go quickly,
before the fuel tanks explode.
Hurry, mistress! Hurry!
You will fetch my flask of brandy.
Don't worry. We will wait.
- Vamonos.
- Okay.
Somebody has to fight the fire.
Friends of the bride?
Bride's not that sporty.
I'd say friends of the groom.
The wedding will be interesting,
the exchange of gifts.
Look out!
Turn, turn, turn!
On the left!
On the left, imbecile!
On the right!
On the right!
Turn, you fool!
It's amazing the fish you can pull
from the sea if you're just patient.
- This fish feels a bit shaky. - Any
fish would with what you were carrying.
- We'll cut it open back at the trailer.
- All right.
Merriwether. He never gives up,
even when he's lost.
Keep following, chum.
Colonel Campbell's got a nice
reception committee waiting for you.
Look out!
- Leaving so soon, dear?
- Get out of my way.
That's not a bit polite.
Nice girls always stay for breakfast.
- Please, get away from the door. - But
then, you're not a nice girl, are you?
Whoa. Hold it, poppet.
- Hold it.
- She's killed my missus!
She's killed my missus!
You're getting a bad reputation. Every time
you show up here, somebody ends up dead.
- I didn't mean to. - I gave you the
benefit of the doubt yesterday.
There's none today. Jo.
I hate bad jokes.
What did you do with the Fire Dragon?
Did you give it to Campbell?
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Your boyfriend's in the hospital.
There's no one here to help you.
Hey, don't underrate us.
We let you go to Serapkin.
We wanted you
to do our dirty work.
Then you and your boyfriend
pulled a switch.
Last time.
Where is it? Hmm?
I said, "Where is it?"
I said...
It's all right.
Jo. Trivers, take that door.
- Where's Campbell?
- Oh!
Poppet, over here.
Quick, give me your hand.
- The Fire Dragon, where is it?
- I don't know!
Try to remember.
Who's going to get tired first,
you or the bull?
Aah! Toro!
You owe me something,
ducks, for my missus.
You'd better answer
those questions.
Make it easy on yourself, poppet.
You're young.
Life can be fun.
It's a beautiful world.
Then why do you wanna blow it up?
Isn't that a bit melodramatic?
What are H-bombs?
Light comedy?
H-bombs? How the devil did H-bombs
creep into this cozy chat?
H-bombs, fail safe devices.
What's the difference?
We're all after the same thing!
I'll die before
I help you get it!
Aah! Toro!
Aah! Toro! Toro! Aah!
Hey, Trivers, give her a hand.
Aah! Aah!
Toro! Aah!
Whoa, whoa.
- Thank you.
- Anytime.
Drink your coffee, poppet,
and listen to a strange story.
It begins quite a time ago,
during the Korean War.
There was an officer with the U.N.
forces who was listed missing in action.
He wasn't missing at all. He just
walked across the lines one night...
and gave himself up
to the Chinese.
He had a crazy scheme.
His name was Douglas Campbell.
Pass the sugar, please.
His objective
was to get to Peking,
but crossing the lines that night,
he stepped on a mine.
He was nearly killed. The next three
years-a hospital in Sinkiang Province.
- Accounting neatly for his tin leg.
- Skepticism duly noted.
However, he convinced them of his reliability
by then and was sent to Hankow University.
He was still
a long way from Peking.
But I have a feeling
you'll get him there.
Oh, yeah. It took him
quite a while, but he got there.
One rainy day he took a stroll to
the virtually unguarded Imperial Museum.
He walked inside
carrying a large guidebook.
Five minutes later,
he walked out again.
In the hollowed-out interior of
that guidebook was his glittering prize.
- Prize?
- Mm-hmm.
The needle in our haystack,
poppet... the Fire Dragon.
The most important piece from the
ancient treasure of the Ming Dynasty.
But if Campbell's
a jewel thief, who are you?
A creature of circumstance. Well,
look at the spot the Chinese were in.
They could hardly call up Interpol
or any Western government...
and say, "One of our
national treasures is missing."
Unthinkable loss of face.
So they did the only thing
they could do... they came to us.
Peter Merriwether and Company.
Enquiry agents.
21 Marlborough Street, Hong Kong.
In our lingo-private eye.
He fooled us too, poppet,
more than once.
He gave us the slip in Honk Kong
and again in Manila.
Next stop: San Francisco.
There he devised
a master stroke.
Bribed some sap
of an air force type...
to smuggle it
halfway across the world.
Destination: Ankara,
where it was to be broken up.
- It might've worked too, except for a fantastic
mischance. - The atom bomber that blew up.
Like Campbell, we thought the
Fire Dragon was irretrievably lost...
until two weeks ago,
when a young scuba diver, Kurt Wolff,
fished it right out
of the Mediterranean.
We were about to make a deal
with Kurt when...
Well, you know what happened.
Mr. Serapkin got there first.
What's the matter?
Don't turn around. A black Fiat.
Been following us since Malaga.
Serapkin 7
Or Campbell. What do you think
brought him to Spain?
That's his system...
robber follows cops. Hold tight.
Is this death grip
entirely necessary? - Shh, shh, shh!
- I'm protecting you. - The way you incited
that bull to make hamburger meat out of me?
Don't hold that against me. At that point
I assumed you were on Campbell's side.
I never dreamed we'd be forming
our partnership, partner.
Hold the phone, Merriwether.
What makes you think I buy your story?
- Because of my devastating sincerity.
- Ha!
Yeah, it shines like a candle
in this naughty world.
I'm sorry, but all you've shown me
so far is a slightly used calling card.
I'm not jumping out of one traffic jam
to get crunched in another.
I'm afraid a crunch is
exactly what you're in. Yeah.
That cabbage head of Serapkin's,
that's a pointless joke,
unless he knew we expected
to find the Fire Dragon.
Either way,
he knows where it is.
Go ask him, okay?
Go to Serapkin?
I'd rather go back into the bullring.
I'm suggesting it
as penance, poppet,
penance for the eighth
deadly sin... gullibility.
How much are you getting
for this job anyway, Merriwether?
- Hundred thousand dollars.
- Good-bye, Mr. Merriwether.
Okay, here's another reason
why you'll help me:
If you don't, I'll turn you
over to the cops.
Mrs. Trivers. Remember?
Crawl back under your rock.
You're making a nice, fat target.
That mysterious black Fiat,
it never was following us, was it?
But I rather doubted you'd fall for
the "running out of gas" bit.
And I did want
to get close to you.
You won't believe this, but I don't
enjoy throwing you back to the lions.
No, but you do get a kick
out of sending me to jail.
On the other hand, it's the only way you'll
discover I'm the good guy in this story.
Suddenly I can't think
of anything more important.
You've got to be
out of your mind.
Don't touch it!
Miss Harvill, I must have heat,
but I dislike
firecrackers, please.
Take off your earrings
and your bracelet.
Put them down there.
- mysterious speedboats,
ingenious explosives.
Serapkin is exhilarated
by competition,
but only when he knows
who his competitors are.
Your employers.
Their names? Who are they?
I'll make you a deal.
I'll give you the answers,
you give me the Fire Dragon.
I admire you, Miss Harvill.
Oh, I admire you greatly.
You're cool.
From Serapkin, there is
no greater compliment.
Your offer is generous
but quite impossible.
I do not have the Fire Dragon.
Then why did you send to London
to have someone authenticate it?
You're well-informed...
I did send to London, but all
I had to show was a picture...
taken by the man
who proposes to sell it to me.
The Fire Dragon, Miss Harvill,
the grail for which
we all thirst.
He's a bit cross-eyed,
isn't he?
A defect on the camera's eye,
not the dragon's.
Then you really don't have it?
No... but I know who does.
That's good enough. Tell me
where he is. I'll get it from him.
Very well.
You go to Malaga.
You go to the market.
You go to the third stall
on the left.
The man is there.
He's a cabbage salesman.
Your coolness exceeds
even my own, Miss Harvill.
Why, apart from your...
amply evident charms,
should I give you the one piece
of the puzzle which only I possess?
You're a distinguished man,
Mr. Serapkin.
You wouldn't want to clutter up
your house with a lot of stolen objects.
My dear girl, half the objects
in the Louvre are stolen.
All right.
Then here's a better reason:
Because you might want
to live a little longer,
and the man you're dealing with
is a murderer.
What makes you think so?
The Fire Dragon was found
by a skin diver named Kurt.
Kurt took his last dive yesterday.
What a delightful bit of news.
You see, Miss Harvill,
lam a collector.
I am not interested in
the past history of a work of art,
only its acquisition.
Your information has merely
dealt me a stronger hand,
unlike yours,
which I fear has entirely
run out of cards.
Beauty is a fragile thing,
Miss Harvill.
It can be so easily destroyed.
who are you working for?
That's a good question.
I wish I knew that myself.
Serapkin always gets
what he wants.
Who are these people?
Who are my enemies?
Pencil me Ln as number one.
Let her go!
I have a funny house rule.
I like my customers...
in shape to pay their bill.
Do you know to whom
you speak, senor?
I don't care if you're
king of the Eskimos. Out.
You will hear
from Serapkin, senor.
Oh, yes, you will hear
very, very soon.
Good day, dovchik.
The travel agents did say...
that Spain wouldn't be boring.
- Thank you.
- Oh, bed, breakfast and bouncing...
all for three pounds a day.
If you like, we can talk
about it over coffee.
- No, I wouldn't
say I was in any trouble.
Aside from a little treason,
arson, murder...
and a parking ticket four days ago
in Seville, I'm having a picnic.
I've a funny feeling that's what's
known as "kidding on the square."
Senor Mike, the langosta
for the lunch.
Yes, I know. Miss Harvill and I
are going out to get them now.
Where are we going?
We've got lobster on the menu for lunch,
and I have to go out and pull them in.
- The boat's a good place to talk.
- Sounds lovely.
I'll just get my gear.
I won't be a second.
If you want to put some cognac
in your coffee, I wouldn't blame you.
Someone you know?
- We were never introduced.
- That's funny.
Kurt was run over before you came
into town. How'd you meet him?
Well... you-know
was telling me about him.
He was a good boy.
Wish I had a better picture of him.
It's that damned camera of mine.
- Your camera?
- Yes. It has a scratch on the lens.
I'll have to get myself
a new one sometime.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
Why are you so interested
in my pictures?
I like looking at pictures.
That's what they're here for, isn't it?
You know, you're right.
Come on.
Careful, angel.
Those things are dangerous.
What luck in Lobsterville?
Let's see, shall we?
Well, what do ya know?
Funny-looking lobster.
Yeah. Looks more
like a fire dragon.
Don't you want to touch it,
after all the trouble it's given you?
That was a mistake.
I've been making
quite a few of those lately.
This one's fatal.
When you showed so much
interest in my pictures,
I had a feeling you knew about me,
and now I'm sure.
You know I murdered Kurt.
He found this thing one day when he
was diving, and he showed it to me.
I took a picture of it
and showed it to my friend Serapkin.
He made me a big offer.
So when Kurt told me he was doing a deal
with your friends up at the villa,
I got him out of the house and...
- It would have been much easier if you
hadn't turned up. - It just ain't fair.
Murderers get such lousy breaks.
See you in jail!
Welcome home, lassie.
- Stay away from me!
- Oh, now, you're among friends.
Stop it, Timothy. I'm a hundred years
older than the day we met.
- I'm afraid Merriwether's been talking
to her, sir. - Aye, to be expected.
And very convincing, no doubt.
The tale of a rogue who deserted in
Korea long years ago. Was that not it?
The tale was true, lassie, every word
of it, with one wee exception.
That rogue who deserted was not myself
but one Peter Merriwether.
He simply twisted the truth.
We're the cops, they're the robbers.
My card.
Campbell and Associates, Enquiry Agents,
7 Prince Of Wales Street,
Hong Kong.
Some little man in a cellar must be making
a lot of money printing up these things.
If true, why the story
about the H-bomb?
Oh, that. A hoax, old girl.
Rather brilliantly engineered.
You see, there's a bloody great fee
for bagging the Fire Dragon...
and that Merriwether chap.
- Haven't you lost something, Campbell?
- Hmm?
Whither the
roiling Highland burr? - Oh.
Corroborative detail, old girl,
to lend verisimilitude to an otherwise
bald and unconvincing narrative.
I thought it might make me
sound more... official.
- And we needed a skydiver.
- Needed one desperately.
- Had I told you the truth, would you ever
have made that jump? - Jolly unlikely, love.
You'd scarcely have risked your neck for a
mere bauble stolen from the Red Chinese.
Which reminds me, you haven't
popped into the dear thing...
in your recent adventures,
have you 7
I was wondering when
you'd get around to that.
It could even explain how you so
conveniently "popped into" me just now.
Come again, old girl?
There's a funny kind of
"guardian angel" watching over me.
He just saved my life.
Of course, he's not all angel.
- He did run off with the Fire Dragon.
- You saw it 7
Yes, but not my unknown angel.
I was in the boat with Mike
when he fished it out of the sea.
He won't be fishing anymore.
- Merriwether.
- Or Serapkin.
Or you, Colonel Campbell.
Or Mr. Campbell...
or whatever you're calling
yourself this season.
I know you've been
through a hellish lot,
but I hope, for your own sake,
you can still recognize the truth.
All I believe is what I see
with my own eyes,
like Mrs. Trivers...
who I shot this morning.
Spain, land of
passion and romance...
and resurrection.
Behold the dead Mrs. Trivers.
The rascal's rigged it, obviously;
Planted a gun loaded with blanks.
- They wanted a strong hold on you.
- Well, it's broken now.
If I were you, old girl, I'd get out
of Spain with a minimum of delay.
I can't believe it. Is someone
inviting me out of this party?
With my blessings,
Fathom Harvill,
and my profound apologies
for having placed you in such danger.
Oh, um, this will see you back
to your merry troupe of skydivers.
Come on, love. I'll drive you back
to town. - Don't bother, "love?
I can find my own way.
You're leaving so soon, Fathom.
Mike will be surprised.
Don't count on that.
Will you ever come back here?
Maybe, someday, if I'm
in a plane over Malaga...
and the pilot says I have to make
a forced landing or crash,
and even then
I'll think twice about it.
Hmm. That's funny.
It never did that before.
I'm late. Will you do me a favor
and run down and pay the bill?
Can I help you?
I'll take the little one.
No, thanks. There's someone else
waiting to do that.
I see no one waiting.
You wouldn't,
but believe me, he's waiting.
- Where 7
- That's a good question.
But don't worry about it. I'll know him
when I see him, if he doesn't see me first.
- Get what I mean?
- Absolutely not.
Lucky girl.
Poppet! Hey, hey,
where are you going?
- I've been looking for you everywhere.
- Sorry about that.
- I was hoping you wouldn't be.
- What does that mean?
Why don't you ask Mrs. Trivers?
Maybe she can explain.
Excuse me, please.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Por favor. Excuse me.
Hey. Poppet!
I've been expecting you, dovchik.
- Join me.
- Think fast, Serapkin.
- All right, love. You're safe now.
- Timothy!
I know they're aboard.
Campbell was certain you'd be followed.
- Which one of them do you suppose it is?
- How did Campbell know?
Only one reason you got out
of that boat... someone needs you.
- Someone wanted you to run.
- Why?
One possibility: I think someone's
cast you as a pigeon, carrier type.
- Allow me.
- Oh, I'm...
- Where are you going?
- Poppet!
Why are you running away from me?
I can explain about Mrs. Trivers.
- You...
- I could do with a little comic relief.
Well, at last, the face that
launched a thousand wanted posters.
Very funny. The notorious
Korean deserter has a sense of humor.
Let's go, poppet.
Where are the rest of your things?
What are you doing
on this train?
Surely you don't believe this
criminal stooge, do you? - Dovchik!
Why, Mr. Serapkin. Oh.
I was so rude to you a moment ago.
Won't you join us?
Love, are you crazy? - I'm a girl who
loves to be surrounded by men, lots of men.
It makes me feel so secure.
I feel quite
a different sensation.
Ordinarily, Serapkin is chilled,
but this gathering warms his blood.
I feel on fire, dragon fire.
Excuse me, sir.
I would like
to thank you, dovchik,
for arranging this meeting
of my congenial competitors.
Yes. Isn't it a coincidence?
One cozy little family,
all with a sudden,
irresistible urge to travel.
No coincidence, poppet.
I saw that juvenile menace on your trail
and hopped aboard to protect you.
Oh, isn't it sad?
Everybody wants the other fellow's job.
How sweet.
Three gallant protectors.
Do not include me, dovchik.
I do not wish you any harm,
but my presence here...
is motivated by man's
purest emotion... greed.
Thank heaven for an honest man.
Hmm. Gentlemen,
lam going to win.
Now, how do you propose
we play the game?
I'm a detective, Serapkin.
I'm playing hide-and-seek.
- Somebody hid it, and I seek it.
- A child's game.
I trust, Mr. Merriwether, you can offer
something a little more... formidable?
Oh, I play all games... golf, tennis,
poker. I even toss the caber.
The only game I ever lost was spin
the bottle, and that was on purpose.
- How sad.
- Mm-hmm.
lam a lone professional
in a field of amateurs.
Well, then, let me tell you
what kind of a game I'm playing.
- Gesundheit.
- Bless you.
Thank you. Could one of you
hand me my bag, please?
Thank you.
The name of the game,
gentlemen, is...
"Little Bo Peep
Comes Out Of Her Sleep."
Excuse me.
When this train gets to Madrid,
I'm taking a cab ride straight
to the American embassy.
There, I'll tell them a story
about three fascinating gentlemen...
I met in the south of Spain.
About a Mr. Merriwether,
a might-be detective...
or a maybe Korean defector.
And about a phony colonel
and his phony lieutenant...
who could be public enemies
number one and two.
Ah, and then there's that very
hothouse flower. No doubt about him.
A man with
a treacherous timepiece...
who always has time
for something treacherous.
I'm going to spill
every last bean in the can.
Anyone want to take that
cab ride with me? Well?
- Well, what's wrong? Is my slip showing?
- Oops. -
What's going on?
I just found out
who the bad guys are.
- I don't get it.
- I do.
The Fire Dragon,
it was in her case.
Game's over.
I'm suddenly frozen again.
I don't feel so hot myself.
From my Circassian ancestors,
I have inherited an admirable trait...
the gift of losing gracefully.
Well, I shall feel better
after a cup of warm brandy.
- A pleasure to have met you, sir.
- Oh, thank you, sir.
Don't mention it, sir.
You drive a speedboat
very carelessly, sir.
It's just not my clay.
What are you doing? - Gotta contact
Campbell, tell him to look for Merriwether.
You've got it twisted, love.
Tell him Merriwether
is looking for us.
Fathom, love, you're brilliant.
Brilliant, indeed.
It dazzles me.
I'll take it.
Come on, now. You don't expect me to
be afraid of a silly little watch again.
Don't ever underestimate me, dovchik.
This way out, love.
- Why'd you do that?
- We have to get to Madrid.
There's a fine, you know. Conductor,
this is the bloke. -
- I saw him myself.
- And he's got a watch with a knife in it.
- Wait. I forgot my suitcase.
- Forget it, love.
With what you've got in that handbag, I'll
buy you a new wardrobe when we get to Paris.
- Paris?
- Campbell's waiting at an airstrip.
Let's get out of Spain
before Merriwether picks up the scent.
Gracias, old man.
Come on, love.
You called the tune, sir. She had
it, all right. - Let me see it.
I hope I never do again.
One of the great glories
of Chinese culture.
No wonder they want it back.
- I'll fire up the plane, sir.
- Good.
Come along, old girl.
I've got some flying togs for you.
Thank you.
Oh, um... I know
it sounds inadequate, but...
but I am most grateful.
Thank you.
Oh! How nice, sitting
in a parachute again.
Always insist on it in a plane
I haven't checked out. You too, sir?
Not likely. I'm not taking
any chances at this stage.
If the engine conks out, we can draw
straws, who takes the Fire Dragon, eh?
- Close the door, love.
- Right.
Verily it is said,
"Great shall be the rejoicing...
for that which was lost
and has been found."
Better check the weather.
Right, sir.
Calling Barcelona Weather.
Cessna Golf Alpha Tango
Sierra Lima. Over.
We read you,
Golf Alpha Tango Sierra Lima. Over.
Heading northeast,
Barcelona. What's the weather? Over.
A trough
of depression 100 miles northeast.
Suggest alter heading
to 0-16. Over.
Thank you, Barcelona Weather. Out.
We couldn't have it better.
That's good news for us.
Then it's three for Ankara.
- Did I hear you say Ankara?
- That's right.
What happened to Paris?
A rather risky place
to dispose of stolen gems, Paris.
You see, your friend
Mr. Merriwether spoke the truth.
He is the detective.
I'm the thief.
Well, I don't suppose you'd consider
landing this crate and letting me off?
I'd like to very much, indeed.
Unfortunately, you're just the sort
of girl who'd go running to the police.
- How about trying to corrupt me a little?
- What do you think, governor?
A delightful idea, but I'm afraid
it's just not on, old lad.
What a shame.
It could've been fun trying.
Well, in that case...
Go ahead!
You've rigged it!
It won't open!
How did you guess, love?
I guess you're right.
There will be three for Ankara.
Exactly three...
Timothy, yours truly
and the Fire Dragon.
You were heading in
the right direction the first time.
"Girl Skydiver Victim of Tragic:
Carelessness." Get out of that door.
- Get out!
- No!
- Oh! Oh.
- Reckless maniac!
Hello, Campbell? Do you want to land
now, or do I follow you to Ankara?
Blasted cheek. He's been
tuning in on our transmissions.
What the devil is he doing?
Watch closely, Merriwether.
Here comes a flying lesson.
Keep your head down, poppet.
Let him come round.
Now throttle back.
Hold her steady.
Not quite close enough.
I'm gonna push that cocky devil
right into the cliff.
- Where did he go?
- Don't look now,
Timmy boy, but that propeller
on your tail, that's me.
Silly creature.
You're laughing at me.
It's not funny.
Sorry about that, governor.
Come on, poppet. Don't panic. Get into
that seat. I can get you out of this.
One hand on wheel,
the other on throttle.
Feet on rudder pedals.
Wheel, hard left. Push it forward
Back on throttle.
Come on, poppet.
Back on throttle.
Wheel forward, I said Forward.
Don't be afraid of diving. You've
gotta dive before-Poppet, watch out.
Watch out! Pull up!
Pull, poppet!
Poppet... you can fly!
Well, here we are.
just you, me and the Fire Dragon.
Yep, I guess that's right. - And to get
it, you stopped Mike from killing me.
- Right.
- You hid the little devil in my handbag...
so you wouldn't have to share
with Jo-May and the others.
- I did?
- Then you were going to catch up,
split it with me, right?
Oh, right, right.
Absolutely right.
Well, where shall it be?
Tahiti? Zanzibar?
The Golden Trail to Samarkand?
An igloo in Baffin Land
would be heaven with you to warm it.
We've got the whole rainbow.
Right. - The sun in the
morning and the moon at night.
We'll stand this whole crazy
planet on its head, poppet. - Right.
It's ours! All...
Poppet, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
I wish. I wish...
Oh, no. N-No, uh,
don't do that, poppet.
Poppet, please, I beg you. I'll
do anything. Please. Please, don't!
- Don?!
- Bye-bye, dragon baby.
Have a nice trip home to China.
How could you?
How could you do such a thing?
I'm sorry. I guess I'm not
cut out for a life of crime.
Excuse me for sounding nervous,
but, uh, what happens
to me now 7
You've had no problem.
You've returned the Fire Dragon.
Your friends don't even have
to know the truth.
You may even wind up a hero.
I may at that.
Oh, that's very nice of you, poppet.
Just call it a farewell gift
to a friend who saved my life.
Toodle-oo, Merriwether.
Hey! Hey, hey!
Where do you think you're going?
Back to my merry group
of skydivers.
Oh, that's funny. I had a feeling
we'd meet at Pedro's Bar at 7:30.
Sorry, I'm heading for Perpignan.
Pedro's is in Torremolinos,
not Perpignan.
Remember now, 7:30.
You may have a long wait.
I don't think so. I have a hunch
you're going to be very prompt.
You seem very sure of yourself
Tell me something, poppet.
Does 2-4-4-3-7-7-1
mean anything to you?
Why, that's my passport number!
You know, your picture
really doesn't do you any justice.
You see, poppet, I don't intend
to be a loser twice in one day.
Where did you say we'd meet?
Pedro's, 7:30.
And don't be late.
When I try to chase moonbeams
While the stars shine
Twinkling and bright
Well, you'll never find a joy
For girl or boy
Like floating in the air
There's just nothing to compare
With the joy
that we'll be sharing