Fresh Meat (2012) Movie Script

- You wouldn't believe it, but ...
- Let me guess: no soap?
You wouldn't mind if I, eh...
Dad! Dad!
- Hey, it's mom.
- Yeah, she's ubiquitous.
- Ubiquitous?
- She's everywhere.
- Oh.
- She's probably watching us now.
A visitor from Tijuana gave me this one.
Plenty of jalapeo gives
it a whole lot of bite.
Ah, but don't make the
mistake of using cheap meat.
Now, I'm just adding a wee
bit of rosemary here.
It really bring out the-the flavor
and the tenderness of the pork.
Got a chip?
I'm gonna fuck your hairless
ass all the way back to China.
He will. I've seen it.
Butter is your friend.
Do you speak English?
- I am from Otaki.
- No shit?
We got a place here in New Zealand
sounds just like that, eh?
They're all right, mate.
Should have bought a lotto ticket.
- Guys, what'll it be?
- Meats and cheese, give me that.
Ah, shit.
- Ah, bugger.
- Fucking idiot!
Fuckin' hell.
Meats and cheese.
Get me the fuck out of here!
Did you keep away from that boy's school?
Dad, I'm not even interested in boys.
I'm way too busy for that sort of stuff.
- What is this shit?
- Shit?
This music has its roots in an
ancient culture. Go on, try it.
Dad, it's shit.
In today's show, we've
touched briefly on jalapeos.
But let's not forget
these little hotties...
- also work as a dessert.
- Shhh. She's filming.
Next week we'll be making jalapeo
jelly. Now, open up, Bruce.
- So. What do you think?
- Strong!
I would like to thank Bruce
Takutai for coming into
my kitchen today and talking
about his new book.
"Sharkbait - a story of survival."
Would you look at that? Amazing.
Until next week: See you later, friends.
- Cut.
- Oh, my baby!
- Is he all right?
- Oh, Pepe's sort him out.
Look at you! Skin and bone! You
need some good home-cooking.
Glove box, glove box! Tape him up,
stop him bleeding on the velour.
- Who the fuck is the dick?
- We needed an explosives star.
We might have overdone it a bit.
Sorry, mate.
Okay, baby, this is gonna hurt.
- Slowly.
- What's this?
Morphine. Better than aspirin.
- Stop the fuckin' car. Let Gigi drive.
- Hey, I only take orders from your bro.
Is that right? Little
Paulie all grown-up now, huh?
Fuck you, Richie.
- Kiaora Rina.
- Shaun.
- What?
- You've got bosoms.
It's just an observation. You go away for
six months and you come back all womanly.
You're a woman. A woman.
Ah, God, you haven't changed at all.
You know
nothing's ever gonna
happen between us, right?
You can't see the future.
Only I can.
The treaty partnership fully realised.
These balls are really heavy.
Yeah, I weighted them with rocks,
to make my wrists stronger.
- I love your poise, Rina.
- Oh!
Where the hell are we?
- That's a big box of chocolates.
- The first copy.
And what's the marketing
plan for this one?
I've decided to be a
guest on your show.
Oh, of course you did.
And it's gonna be better than
the crap you usually have on.
Right, you have to leave. If Jay catches
a boy in my room, he'll go mental.
- Well, don't you think it's time
I met him proper then. - No.
- That's quite a long way down, Rina.
- Tough.
- You wouldn't.
- I might.
- You don't have a nasty bone in your body.
- Oh, come on.
I'm gonna keep this and imagine you
inside it with your lovely new bosom.
You lose a lung, you
become a victim of incest,
suddenly you're on the best-seller list
and you're being promoted on
Cappuccino Television show.
Oh, maybe you should cut
something off, Jerry.
You've already chopped my balls off,
sweetheart, what more do you want?
Come on, it'll be great. I just want
a stab at the big time, you know.
- You're like the Oprah of the future.
- Oprah?
- Uh-huh.
- And what exactly is that supposed
to mean. Are you saying I...
- What's that?
- Oh! That.
We agreed that you tell you.
- Role change.
- So now I have to perform all day,
think of dinner and do the big talk.
Please tell me what this
is doing in our fridge?
It's fake, right?
Oh, baby.
While you've been away, your father
and I have had a wee life-style change.
You eat people?
- What is wrong with this car?
- Well, it was checked by the AA.
- Paul, shoot this fucker right now.
- Cops!
Oh, go into that garage. Go, go.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Hey! What are you doing?
Not a word! Not a fucking word!
- Hi, honey. I'm home.
- My nose.
Where's the switch to the garage door?
- Hurry up!
- Okay, okay.
Come on.
- Now move it. Sit down.
- Sit down.
Come on. Calm down, calm down.
- Nice drapes.
- Sit down.
I know you.
Get out of my house
before I call the cops!
- No! Please don't!
- We're the new home owners. So shut up.
- They can't just disappear.
- Could've gone into one of the houses.
Yeah, but which one?
- Anybody else live here?
- No.
Gigi and I'll check the rooms.
You sort his wounds out.
Whose hand was that?
Sweetheart, let's just
deal with this first, okay?
You fuck up again, wonder
boy, and I will kill you.
- You need some more morphine, bro.
- Yeah.
You're a little uptight.
Where'd you find that guy?
Anthony Cheever?
This has nothing
to do with you!
- Talked to Ritchie about it?
- He was in fucking jail!
Besides, Gigi, I'm not like
you, I can think for myself.
- You check the rooms?
- The longer we stay here,
harder it is to get out.
Look, just leave it to me, OK, because
I'm the one who set this whole thing up.
So, I say when we stay and when we go.
Brothel under in Seaview? Ah, a
teacher at Reparoa Intermediate?
- Where's the boy?
- Leave her alone!
- Where?
- Margaret! Margaret Crane!
Shoot her! Shoot her! Shoot her!
Hey, man, her book, "Food for Flatmates",
saved my life when I was a student.
Look, she wrote a cookbook, OK.
A harmless little cookbook.
You lied.
No, I didn't. Technically he
doesn't live here, all right?
- He's always at his mates.
- Where is he now?
- His name is Glenn and he's at his...
- He's at his cricket game, okay?
Is there anyone else in this fucking
house, technically or otherwise?
- No.
- Weren't expecting anyone else?
You have my word.
- Whoa!
- Run, Glenn!
You're gonna have to remodel
this living room, maggots.
I'll kill you fucking all!
Now, now. That's just the speed talking.
Split them up.
It's just a suggestion, little
brother. We're in the burbs now.
The neighbors don't like
their lives disturbed.
I'll take the girl.
- I'll take that fucker.
- All right. Gigi gets the kid.
- And wonder boy, here, gets the writer.
- I'm the writer.
I'm the damn writer here.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Shut up!
Why don't I take the girl?
- Why should I listen to you?
- I just risked my life breaking you out.
You nearly got me killed.
Don't you remember the good times, Ritchie?
You really can't live without me.
Hey, baby?
- Just let me get the girl.
- Fuck you.
Get in that room.
So, when did you emigrate from Taiwan?
What makes you think I'm
from Taiwan, fuck knuckles?
I feel it. In here.
You and I have the same blood
running through our veins.
- Are you nuts?
- No, no. D-N-A.
We share the same DNA, my friend.
The origins of the Maori take us all
the way back to the highlands of Taiwan.
And I'm publishing a book about it.
Steal these off your dad?
You turned me onto cooking, Mrs.
Crane. Crock pots, in particular.
I always thought they were for old people
and families before I read your book.
I really connected to how
it was for you when you
left Morrinsville and went
fledding in the Big Smoke.
I came off a farm, too.
"50 ways to cook a spud."
You're a.. Do you mind
if I call you Margaret?
- Johnny.
- You're a culinary genius, Margaret.
- You're a Maori, right?
- Yeah. What else would I be?
I don't know. A Pacific Islander?
You all look the same to me, anyway.
Look, I've got nothing against the Maoris.
Not the girls, anyway.
You wanna save your family, yeah?
Take these off.
I've only got one hand at the moment.
And it makes it
a bit difficult, especially
when I'm holding the gun.
The fall of the tahiwalker.
The fall of the tahiwalker.
And do you where the beating heart
of this new culture lies, my friend?
Martial arts.
Oh, that's great! That's fucking great!
Quite possibly the dumbest shit I've ever
seen. Who the hell do you think you are?
My name is Crane. Dr. Hemi Crane, professor
of religious studies at Central University.
That says Associate Professor.
Some people are doing their best to ensure
us Maori don't move up the academic ranks.
You're funny, Doc.
Hands full. Sorry.
I've got other skills.
Well, then, you better show me your CV.
You seem more interested
in those than I am.
- Have a line.
- I'm OK.
Have a line.
- Have you tried my sausage rolls?
- Fuckin' A.
Dad had his sixtieth
earlier this year and Mom
ordered all to meat
dishes from your site.
I've just got one question.
It's about pettis...
Ask away.
It's such a delicate flavor.
No quite pork, but close.
I never tasted anything like them.
Thin, but tender.
It almost turns to jelly
before melting in your mouth.
Got the little bastard.
Jesus! What the fuck is that?
- It's a prosthetic.
- Well, looks like a hand to me.
A fake hand. A prop.
- Ah, this is the shit!
- You can say that again.
- Solomon Ihaia Smith.
- Ihaia.
Solomon Ihaia Smith was
a 19-century prophet.
His father was Irish
Catholic, his mother Maori.
He and his congregation committed
mass suicide by swallowing poison.
- But his word lives on.
- Boom, what a badass motherfucker!
And get this. To his most loyal followers,
he promised the gift of immortality.
What? Why did you do that? I'm
your biggest fan, Margaret.
Put the gun down.
- No!
- What the fuck!
You, too. Hey, you wanna tell
the whole neighborhood we're here?
Scream was loud enough to wake the dead.
- What happened?
- She came on to me.
And just bit me when I was pushing her off.
She made you put on her
panties, didn't she, babe?
That's right.
- And her bra?
- That's right!
You're a sick little girl.
- But I didn't...
- ...dangerous.
Girls like you should be locked up.
Throw him his clothes.
You better go see if Johnny's got
something in his magic first-aid kit.
Watch her. She's pretty frisky.
Don't look too immortal now, bro.
You're gonna let him get away with that?
You're fine about your boyfriend
molesting school girls?
And by the way, he couldn't even get
a hard-on until he put on my undies.
- But, you already know the prick.
- You need to shut your face, kid.
Her name's Hine Whae Ao.
- What's her special power?
- I haven't decided yet.
Everyone's got a special property.
Had me going there for a bit, Doc.
Almost believed you were immortal.
No more fucking mumbo-jumbo.
Hey, bring them all to the living
room. We've gotta stick together.
Such stealth.
There's something I have to tell you.
It's about Mom and Dad.
Don't freak. I found a hand in the fridge.
- Oh, that.
- What do you mean, "that"?
I told you about a
person's hand in the fridge.
Just leftovers.
Don't worry about it.
Dad's reviving one of the eighteenth-
century post-colonial religions.
The Solomonites. It's
all about eating people.
Dad initiated me into the
religion while you were away.
I've been Solomonized.
He would actually force you
to eat human flesh, yet.
- Right?
- They didn't have to force me.
- Just like they didn't have to force you.
- They ain't.
You know those pork and
rosemary pies we sent you.
That wasn't pork. You're a cannibal, too.
No! No.
- I even helped Dad find the meat.
- What meat? What do you mean "find"?
Try anything, I'll break your nose.
It's sticking to me.
Lift your arms up.
- Need help with your pants?
- Yeah, I got ...
- Hurry up. Get dressed.
- But I still stink.
A little soap might help.
Where's that bitch girl?
She bit me. Fucking kill her!
Whoa, dude!
- Kill the fucking lot of them. Let's go.
- You having your period?
- Hey! That's my brother!
- You, wonder boy. Kill 'em now.
Do you have any idea how
famous the mother is?
Stop pointing your
gun at my brother.
- She's a New Zealand icon.
- I wouldn't go that far.
Point the gun away!
She's my hostage, not yours.
I decide what happens to her.
Thank you, Johnny.
Don't think I'm finished
with you yet, Margaret.
Oh, first names, how sweet.
Dude, you hurt her, the whole
country'll be after us.
Guns down, boys. Still need the hostages.
You need a rest.
And he's even got a girl's ass.
Eh, I'm just saying.
Sit down.
Hey, chef! Is there anything
to eat in your house?
- There's food in the pantry.
- Kid's a genius.
Food in the pantry.
You made me eat someone
without my knowledge.
- And let's talk about this later.
- You're sick?
That's what you think
now,'ll get
used to the idea, maybe
even see the benefits.
You're my parents. You're
supposed to be my moral compass.
- How could you?
- We're still here for you, babe.
And Solomon is your future. It's because
of him our family will grow strong.
- Blood is thicker than water.
- And a lot tastier.
- Where is Paul with the munchies?
- Maybe he took off.
- Made a deal with the police.
- No, he fucking didn't!
If he's gone, it's 'cos
he's run out of drugs.
Wow, Paul's on drugs.
I'll go find him.
Remember, dead hostages
are an oxymoron.
- A what?
- They don't work.
- What are they doing?
- Praying.
Well, they can cut it out.
Maori language week is over.
Only smart thing you've
done all day, wonder boy.
I read that article in the
"New Idea". Now that I've
met him, I don't blame you
for having the affair.
The cops are here. Paul's
gone, I can't find him.
He wouldn't just leave.
Ritchie, he's an addict, he gone. I'm
the boss now, you do what I say, okay?
- Sure thing, little lady.
- Get up.
Well, hi there.
Officer Lance Nisbet.
I've come to inform you that there
are criminals at large in the area
and we request that you stay inside
with your door and windows locked.
You seen anything unusual
in the last few hours?
You home alone? Oh.
Where are Mom and Dad, then?
Ah, they're at a
parent-teacher interview.
- Do you mind if I come inside?
- Yes.
I just need to make
sure you're safe, Rina.
I know.
- Is there a problem?
- Let's... Let's just say that I...
I lied to you.
What is it, love?
My parents. They're not really
at a parent-teacher interview.
They're at the,
Not the sort of place I'd
expect gamblers to live in.
Big house.
Got your own bedroom?
We have to get out in a week.
Mortgage deed sale.
Well... that's too bad, love.
Ah, you don't have to do that.
Dad's a security freak.
Well, he's certainly got a few
valuables to be concerned about.
Mom and Dad had a fight
before they went out.
- So, remember what it was about?
- No.
- You on something, Rina?
- No.
That's not mine.
What is this? Methamphetamine?
It's the root of all
evil in this country.
You could be in a lot
of trouble here, Rina.
This is not looking good, love.
Well, well...
Could this be the secret meth-lab?
Rina, Rina, Rina...
Fuck. Hey, what the hell's going on here?
Johnny! Help me!
- Johnny!
- Who's the boss?
- Stop it! Damn you!
- Say it! Who's the boss?
Call 111, Rina!
You are!
- It's an antidote. For pepper spray.
- Rina!
I'm the boss.
There are whole websites
dedicated to chicks doin' this.
Damn it!
Damn it! Don't fuck with me again.
I need to rely on you.
Otherwise I'm gonna have to kill you.
- Which is it, dickhead?
- Okay, okay. You're the boss.
I'm taking your gun.
You're on probation.
Put the body in...garage.
Thanks, kid.
Well, can we go now?
- We need to talk.
- About what?
You. Us. What kind of
future we have together.
I hadn't really thought about it much.
I mean, I hadn't really
thought about you guys much.
Look, either you love Gigi, or you don't.
- I sense that you don't.
- Why the fuck is she still alive.
- I like her.
- She's a fucking schoolgirl.
Stand up to him.
- Ritchie.
- Do it!
- Shut up!
- Ritchie!
I've stuck with you
through everything. Yeah.
- Prostitute.
- She wasn't a prostitute.
You don't need this floozer.
You can have anyone you want.
Should I leave the room while
you two have a gay wedding?
It's not one of your
porn videos, Ritchie.
Fuck you, Ritchie.
You talk too much.
You leave her alone.
Are you for real? Kill me and
you'll never know what happened.
You'll be all alone, wonderin'.
Is she dead?
Is she alive?
What did big, bad Ritchie do to my baby?
Woke up one day and my baby was gone.
Told me that I'd get her
back if I was good to him.
- That he'd tell me where she was.
- You should have called the cops.
No...girls like me don't call the cops.
We're even. No more fantasy.
Love in the burbs.
Get off!
Die! Die!
Die, you filthy, freaking, fucking fool...
Going somewhere?
Switch the car off.
Go on!
Look, little lady, I just wanna go.
Okay? I don't wanna be part
of this whole fuck-up. Ow!
Mr. Updike, he's my
brother's cricket coach.
And the cub scout leader. And
the junior boy swim coach.
Looks like he fiddled with the wrong
kid. Johnny, take the belt off him.
I really don't know my family at all.
Who does?
Ebony and Ivory.
He's about to tie dickhead up.
Nothing tight.
- What would your mother think?
- I'm not my mother.
- Get in!
- No, I'm claustrophobic.
Get in.
You've got the meanness in you, lady.
Mean. She's changed you.
If you don't watch out, she'll
turn you into a mick lesbian.
- You have five seconds to get lost.
- So, what are you gonna do?
- Clean up and get out.
- No! You can't.
If you want to kill my family,
then you have to start with me.
Sorry, sweetheart.
Where's my daughter?
Margaret! I'm so glad to see you.
- Johnny.
- Margaret?
No! Not the crock pot!
- Did you HAVE to?
- Did YOU have to?
We've already
talked about this.
You don't talk to me about
anything you do, Margaret.
A photograph of me having
dinner with my publicist
does not mean we are
sleeping together.
Well, you're not sleeping with me.
- Where are you taking her?
- To where we keep the meat.
No, Dad, you can't eat Gigi.
- Gigi?
- Well...that's her name.
Not anymore. It's Coco.
Rina, what are you doing here?
I got close to my secretary,
Meadow, at one point.
- But in the end, she had to go.
- You killed her.
She made a nice Bourguignon pie.
It was always Meadow's
dream to go to Paris.
Oh, my God.
Well, where do you think we
got our meat from, dear.
It's gotta be fresh
killed, fresh meat.
And no one else is gonna do that
for us. Well, not yet, anyway.
When it comes to meat, anyone who
isn't a Solomonite, is food.
- Is that the indoor barrow?
- Yep.
Mmm. Smells good, Mom.
- Want another line, fuck knuckle?
- What's happened to you?
Where's my Dad gone?
Our family are the
last of the Solomonites.
Followers of the boy, the Prophet Solomon
Smith. And he had a vision from God.
That if his followers took the life force
of others, his kingdom would flourish.
God told him, by eating human
flesh and drinking of their blood
his family would grow strong.
Well, don't give me that look.
Evidence of
ritualistic cannibalism
dates back to 1000 BC.
To the Hun phase in Germany. The Bible
itself refers to the siege of Samaria.
In which two women made a pact to eat
their children. The Aztecs, the French...
The Brits. They all had a
go at it at some point.
Your ancestors probably did it.
I know mine did.
- Maori only ate their enemies, Dad.
- Too damn fussy.
- Don't bruise the meat, boy.
- Sorry.
- Bloody hell, isn't that Mr. Updike?
- Yep.
- The perv.
- Did you perform the purification ritual?
- Uh, no, not yet.
- Go help your mother.
- I wanna help you.
- Rina can do this.
But Rina doesn't even like eating people.
She's not gonna enjoy cutting them up.
If I need you, I'll call.
Well, you could have finished him off.
Bloody useless.
What have you done to him?
Look, if I'm tough on
him, it's for his own good.
The boy needs discipline. Don't get
me wrong, I do care about him very much.
But he's the youngest and
that's what makes him special.
Both of you are special.
No balls to you, too, Peter.
Welcome home, darling.
Little late for our family meal.
Oops, that'll be for me.
Is it Api, your amorous publicist?
It will be the police.
- Well, they can't come in here.
- They'll be looking for the dead cop.
- The nosy bastards!
- I'll deal with it.
Glenn, watch your sister.
Don't do anything silly.
Bloody police states.
All they seem to do is give us good
folks speeding tickets. And arrest Maoris.
- Kiaora Rina.
- Go home, Shaun. We're busy.
I can't stop thinking about you.
Please don't judge me by my color.
I might be white, but
I've got a Maori heart.
- I feel Maori, Rina. I really do.
- Who is it?
- It's a friend of Rina's.
- Which friend?
It's just Shaun from over the road.
Well, don't be rude. Tell him
to come in. We can have him for dinner.
- Is that your Dad?
- Go.
If Dr. Crane met me, and
understood that I'm more
than just some slightly
too old paper boy...
he'd get to see the
real me, the likeable me.
- And then, you and I could...
- Go home. No...
Shaun! Don't!
- Everyone, this is...
- Called Shaun Armstrong. How are ya?
- I've been reading your books, Dr. Crane.
- Really.
- You're familiar with my work?
- Well, I'm just starting to study it.
- He's lying.
- Shaun wouldn't lie, would you?
What was the book about, dear?
- Is,, dinosaurs, was it?
- I get it.
You're sweet talking the father, so
you can get in my daughter's panties.
That'd be a complete waste of time
when the daughter's a puppy licker.
- Oh, you're experimenting with seafood?
- No, Mom, eh, Rina likes munching rug.
- Glenn, shut up!
- Rug munching?
Sometimes, to save hot water,
me and the other girls at
school, would shower together.
It's no big deal.
How sweet. Now, Shaun, eat up,
there's plenty to go around.
Eh, Shaun can't stay.
He has to be somewhere.
Look, the boy's accepted our
offer for dinner. Enough.
- You don't like my cooking, Shaun?
- No. No, of course I do. It's...
- It's just that, um...
- He's not hungry.
- No. It's just that I-I...
- He doesn't like food.
- Rina, I can speak for myself.
- I don't eat meat, Mrs. Crane.
That can't be, dear.
You're wearing the bone of
an animal around your neck.
Oh, this sperm whale was already dead.
I helped Spin Ateniya remove its bones.
Afterward we'd wept and
prayed over them, the tribe
presented me with this
cut piece of vertebrae.
And blessed me with a Maori name.
- Don't, Shaun.
- Asha Nua.
Or "He who builds bridges
between the worlds. "
Why is that funny?
Because Asha Nua has
nothing to do with bridges.
That means "big nose".
And did your tribe tell you that it's
rude to sit at a Maori table and not eat?
Especially that tasty morsel.
It's the best part.
Drop it. Now.
Very, um...
- Just drop it, you dumb fuck.
- Oops, language.
That's the way, boy. Come on. Eat up.
Goodness, is that...?
An ear?
Index finger.
So what...what did I just eat?
Come with me, I'm not leaving you here.
Come on!
Don't bruise the meat.
Let him go.
Rina, you have to have a serious
think about where your loyalties lie.
Who you worship has
nothing to do with Shaun.
It's time you were blooded.
Lift it high and strike
through the neck. Here.
Well, all right. Would you rather kill her?
I'm sorry, Shaun.
I'm sorry I was born into a
family that eats people.
I'm so sorry you had the bad
luck of being my friend.
Just get it over with.
Look, I accept that cannibalism was
once a part of the Maori way of life.
Oh, we're not Maori cannibals. We're
cannibals...that just happen to be Maori.
I love you.
- Whatever you are.
- He's way too nice, Dad.
God, don't call me nice, Rina. I'm a man!
- I'm a man.
- Just do it now.
If I have to be murdered by
anyone, I'd want it to be by you.
My pocket.
I've kissed it, like a thousand times.
I know that there is another world.
A world where people and
animals are friends.
Where the dawn-chorus of birds that
once filled the air of Outoudor
with song, has returned.
Where commercial whaling
is a distant memory.
Where there's no war, or pollution.
Where people embrace an
environmentally-sustainable life style.
Where Maoris and Pkeh are as one.
And all the children are
bilingual...and also learning Samoan.
Where the green party runs the government
- and whales are important.
- For God's sake!
Watch her.
You're insane.
This whole place is insane.
Rina, this place is the engine
and these dead people are the fuel.
And they will carry us
to a greater destination.
What destination?
- What is he raving about, Glenn?
- There's a golden glory coming.
A strength that every Solomonite will have.
- A new dawn...
- Snap out of it!
He's deranged. You're
killing people, Glenn.
Why do you always have to make
- everything so hard for yourself.
- Glenn!
He's making it all up. He's
just on some power trip.
Oww! Glenn! Glenn!
No! Glenn!
I'm your sister!
- Go around this.
- Around the house that way.
Back the chopper off.
Well, Professor?
How's this gonna go?
I'm thinking.
Hello? This is the police negotiator.
Is that Paul Tan?
Are the hostages... ?
Is everybody all right?
Yeah, this Paul Tan.
Hostage okay. But you fuck
with me, they all fucking dead.
What's your name?
This is Detective
Inspector Jimmy Katene.
Okay, Mr. Jimmy. This what I want.
Okay, I want a hairy copter
with a pirot. I wanted a...
A hairy what?
A hairy copter with a pirot. Deliver it in
one hour, in front of hou on the road. Okay?
And make sure it got a full tank.
You got that? Asshole.
- Yeah.
- Okay. Demand number two:
At Central University, there's Associate
Professor. He very clever man.
But white people conspire to stop him
moving up academic rank because he's Maori.
I want him to have
professorship now. His name...
Yeah, yeah.
Hold on, hold on.
Hold on?
I won't fucking hold on!
I don't get this. What is...Tan
brothers' Maori activists?
- They're Asian.
- What type of Asian?
- Huh?
- "Asian" is a broad
term that covers many
different cultural groups.
Oh, who gives a shit, really?
Japanese, Chinese, Taiwanese.
They all look the same to me.
That's because you're a moron.
Ignorant son-of-a-...
Paul Tan's old man was Tommy Tan.
Used to be this fruit-and-veg
out of Oteki for years.
Often front for drugs.
He's in shit up to his ears and he's
still got time to make racial slurs.
Paul Tan just messed
with the wrong Maori.
You're not getting a fucking chopper.
Bloody redneck! No one speaks to
Solomon Smith's high priest like that.
- So, it's high priest now, is it?
- I have always been the high priest.
You know, and it's not like
anyone else applied for the job.
You don't even believe in
Solomon Smith, do you?
Swing to me.
Swing to me, okay?
I keep getting it wrong, then.
There, keep going.
Look, I know you've been through some
terrible stuff since I was away.
I know Mom's fed you people and
Dad's fucked with your mind.
But, please, we have to
get out of here. Now!
I'm not ten anymore, Rina.
You can't tell me what to do.
I know that Mr. Updike
is some kind of crazy...
Don't say his name. Don't
you dare say his name.
- He's dead. He doesn't exist anymore!
- But he did exist, didn't he?
And he hurt you.
Oh, my poor baby brother.
Why did you have to come
back and mess everything up.
That went well.
You're not the only one
with a fucked-up family.
Listen, I'm not gonna touch your
Mom or your brother...but your Dad...
He'll hurt you if he isn't stopped.
You have to hide.
You and me against
this hawker, Solomon.
Your...Your fucking
religion has destroyed us.
- You bloody whore.
- Brute.
Get out of my temple!
- It is not a temple, it is a kitchen.
- Dad?
I messed up.
It's all right, son. It's
all right, my youngest.
- I'm sure you'll make it up to me.
- I will, Dad. Promise.
Glenn, come over here, baby.
He doesn't want to, Margaret.
Do you, son?
- Would you die for me, ...?
- I just wanna make you proud of me, Dad.
- And you will... And you will.
- Glenn, get here, now.
In Solomon's name.
- No!
- I love you dad.
This is the greatest of all
of Solomon's gifts, my dear.
By eating the still-beating
heart of my youngest son,
I'm halfway towards immortality.
You bastard!!
But I still need to drink the
blood of my virgin daughter.
Is that why you sent me to
a girl's boarding school?
That, and the excellent
kapa haka team.
Api was a magnificent lover.
We met every day.
Sometimes he was still in
our bed when you came home.
Oh! Oh, Api, amore mio!
That slimy little bastard.
- Come to me, my virgin daughter.
- I'm not a virgin.
It's just a couple of times.
In the showers.
- I accidentally fell into a girl's quim.
- You lie!
Get in there!
Back 'em up!
- Where are we at? Hey West?
- Put two officers in first.
I am immortal!
I am Solomon Smith.
One, two, three!
- Check upstairs!
- Go! Go! Go! Go!
Maybe she isn't a virgin.
No, no, no, no. I just didn't
drink enough of her blood.
I will die before I let
that monster hurt you.
You stay away from my daughter!
You rot in hell!
You're wrong, Margaret.
I will never die.
Glory be to Solomon Smith.
Rina! Where are you?
Where are you?
You can't kill me.
Rina, put the gun down.
I will never die. Never.
You wouldn't, would you?
You wanna bet?
Goodbye, fucked-up family.
- Stay away from the back!
- Get 'em out of there!
- Good work, officer.
- Hey, you two? Check the house.
I know where you get
your special powers from.
Gas. Gas!
It's gonna go again!