Gingerclown (2013) Movie Script
1
President Reagan today officially
announced the Space Defense Program.
The Strategic Defense initiative
is officially started
against the ballistic missiles
armed with nuclear warheads.
Are you okay?
Of course.
- The night's beautiful.
- Told you so.
Only the best for my girl.
Isn't that right, guys?
Woo, woo, woo, Wolf pack!
If we keep up the effort like this,
then I can get a scholarship easy!
Then there's no stopping
till I turn pro.
- You know what that means?
- That you can be a pro?
Yeah, damn fuckin' right
I can be a pro athlete.
Fame, money, women.
And all the booze and weed
we can get our hands on!
Woo, woo, woo, Wolf pack!
I'm happy that makes you happy,
but I have to go.
I said I'd be back by 9:00.
Don't be a party pooper, babe.
You ain't a kid anymore.
You're a big girl. Your dad
needs to understand that.
He's bugging you, 'cause you're
the only one he's got power over.
He thinks he can tell you where
to go and who to go with,
but for Christ's sakes, the bastard
doesn't even have a job. He's a zero!
- It's not his fault.
- Yeah, right.
Biff, how about we get everybody
together and go up to my place?
My parents are gone to San Diego for
the weekend. The whole house is ours.
Your parents are probably fixing their
marriage with some sex in the zoo,
banging in the water park, checking
out the kangaroos, how they do it.
- Fucking funny, McNeal.
- I think it is. How about you, babe?
Is it funny?
Hey, Tully! Why in such a hurry?
Mommy probably slept with someone again,
but she didn't leave the key.
He cannot go home!
Tully! Wouldn't you like to join us?
It's time to start acting like a man!
All the girls are beautiful
over here, and the moonlight,
and the best football
team in the world!
Yeah, yeah!
If you spend only five minutes with us,
your balls will drop for sure!
How about we forgive each
other for what we did
and become friends?
I never did anything to you.
Of course you didn't!
Of course you didn't.
But you know what, Tully?
This... was the part
of the initiation!
Now you're one of us.
Did you know that?
Now you're a member of the Wolf pack!
You're a wolf! The most
dangerous animal in the forest!
Woo, woo, Wolf pack!
- Jenny? Tell him.
- Biff, leave him alone!
Jenny thinks the same too! Girls?
- We love you, Tully!
- Do you hear that?
Hey, Earth calling Sam!
Lose the bike and join us.
City lights.
Stars.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Do you know what's more
beautiful than this?
Pussy! And I know that's
what you want, Sammy boy!
That is what you want.
A girl, right?
Rather than those nicely cut
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
as your best friends during breaks!
Ain't that right?
- I gotta go, guys.
- Of course you should, of course.
But I know something
much more interesting.
Something that would make you feel
like a real fucking man!
- A trial, if you wish.
- Biff, leave him alone!
That was enough! You're not funny!
Do you see, Sam?
She is such a good girl.
She tries to protect everyone
and does everything for you.
Whatever you like.
And I mean everything!
You know what I mean?
So how about it, Tully?
Would you like her?
You would like the girl,
ain't that right?
You're an asshole, Biff!
Take me home now!
Now, you listen to me, Tully.
What would you do for
a kiss from my babe?
- From my sexy Jenny?
- Go to hell!
What would you give for that?
I... I've really got to
go home now, I'm sorry.
He should go to the old amusement park
and come back with some kind
of evidence like, some corpses.
- Would you do it?
- Tully, yes!
Would you go in the
old amusement park?
Is our little Jenny
worth that much to you?
You're out of your mind! If you
don't take me home right now,
I'm gonna walk.
But I'm not going alone.
- Come on, Sam, let's go!
- Tully!
Just look at this body.
Wouldn't it be worth it?
Biff, that is not a funny joke.
That's enough!
Shut the fuck up, Lou!
Who said that I'm joking?
So, Tully, would it
be worth it to you?
Yes or no?
And I only want to hear one word.
Yes! Tully, yes!
- Tully, yes!
- Tully, Tully, Tully!
- I...
- So?
I...
All right, I'll do it!
You know what, big boy?
Biff. That might not be such a good idea.
You know that place is not cool.
Did you shit yourself?
Are you fucking chicken?
Of course not, you idiot! Only my dad's
gonna kill me if he finds out I was there.
I only know one thing,
and that's Tully is gonna
show us all tonight
that he has real balls!
Gentlemen!
Let's... broaden our minds!
- To the park!
- To the park!
The coach awaits, my lady.
Come on, babe!
Westlake is pretty far from here.
I'll take you home.
And now, let's drink to Tully!
Our new hero who's gonna
show us poor dogs
what true love really means.
Tully, Tully!
Tully, Tully, Tully!
Are you ready Tully?
You don't have to do this, Sam.
I'm ready.
I love this kid!
It's time, buddy. Right now it's...
10:00.
- So...
- Tully, Tully!
Five minutes...
past midnight.
So, five minutes after midnight,
you should come out and
bring something with you.
Something scary.
My old man told me no one's set
foot on these grounds since 1928.
- It was like Black Friday or something.
- So that's why you are so smart.
Family heritage or,
you know, something.
Fuck off, jerry! I'm serious!
They reopened it in the '60s,
but they had another accident. Like 50
people died, so they closed it down again.
The clock is ticking, man.
- Tully boy!
- Woo, woo, woo!
- Tully boy!
- Woo!
And don't forget, Tully!
Bring me something nice!
Something nice, I said!
We won't see him again.
- We should really go now, guys.
- Not on my watch.
- What, you want to wait until midnight?
- Of course.
The little prick will bring me a gift.
Isn't that right, kitty cat? What a
man wouldn't do for a real woman.
Go to hell, Biff!
You can all go to hell!
What's wrong, babe? Maybe you'd
like to go in with the little moron.
You know what?
You don't know anything!
And none of your idiot friends do!
And if anyone is a complete moron
in this place, it would only be you!
Stupid Biff. Stupid friends. Stupid.
- Sam!
- Jenny, what are you doing here?
I came in after you. It was
silly of you to come in here.
Biff and the others
are complete idiots.
- You shouldn't be here at all.
- Jenny!
I appreciate you doing this for me,
but this whole thing...
their stupid game,
Biff's stupid game...
- Jen!
- Oh, when he's drunk...
oh, it's complicated,
but I don't want you to
do this just 'cause of me.
- What the hell was that?
- I have no idea.
Something weird,
like eastern magic and freaks.
But whatever it is, I'm pretty sure
that now everyone knows we're here.
The "Sea of Love."
There might be someone there.
- What? What are you waiting for?
- I just hate spiders.
- Sam?
- Jenny.
Sam, I think that
someone's in that boat.
And he's watching me. Hey, sir?
- Jenny, don't get any closer!
- Sir?
Biff! Not funny!
Stop this stupid game!
- Stop it right now!
- Jen, this isn't a good idea.
Look, the boat is empty.
Look, I can see a way out!
This really isn't the Sea of Love.
Do you hear that?
- What?
- That noise.
It's coming from over there!
Something is really messed
up about this place.
- What?
- We've got to get away from here!
- I can't hear you! I can't hear anything!
- We got to get out of here!
Jenny!
Welcome to my fairy tale.
Let's get this party started!
Feel free to call me
something like this:
Clown... Clowney... Mr. Clown.
But never, never call me Dorothy!
I hate that fuckin' name!
This... this...
Sam, I'm scared... please.
And I thought school was bad.
That thing was not human!
A teeny tiny mouse
sneaked into my house.
He wants to find some cheese
or some juicy freshy peas,
but finally what he found
buries him into the ground.
My rhymes are probably crap.
But you walked into my trap.
Did you see that thing?
It looked like a clown.
Clown or not, that's what we saw.
I've had enough of the
lights turning on and off.
- Look! We'll go inside and call for help.
- Do you think the phone still works?
I'm calling my dad, and then
I'm gonna call the police.
And then I'm gonna
grab Biff Russell's head
and beat it against the side of
his stupid car until I feel better.
What?
Sam. Can I ask you something?
What's in your bag? You've had
it ever since we got in here.
And you're holding on to it
like your life depends on it.
This... it's just a backpack.
I see.
Just a backpack, huh?
These...
These are important things to me.
Like this comic book. I've read it
like a hundred times already...
because in comic books,
anything can happen.
The good guy always wins
and... anything is possible.
And it's so... it's so colorful.
I...
I just carry the bag because I'm afraid
that if I put it down somewhere,
it'll get lost and I'll lose
all the things that I love.
Of course, it's just a comic
book and... and some crap, but...
somehow, that's me.
My whole life's in this.
You're saying your
whole life is in this bag?
Maybe.
I'm gonna go and take a look
over there. There might be an exit.
Well, hello.
Did you say something?
Not a single word.
A little bit to the right.
Right. Lower.
It's a rare moment to find such
a beautiful couple around here.
This has got to be a bad dream.
Compared to what awaits
you here, this is really nothing.
What...
What are you?
I'm a teakettle, asshole!
What'd you think? Marilyn Monroe?
What is this place? And are you the
one that keeps playing with the lights?
Are you a fucking retard or what?
As I said, I'm a fucking teakettle,
not a stupid lamplighter from
"The Little Prince"!
What is this place, you ask? Well, honey,
this place is your worst nightmare,
the hell of those who
were expelled from hell,
the rollercoaster of death,
the asshole of Cerberus
- or at least something very similar.
- Sam, let's get the hell out of here!
Would you just shut your dirty, diseased
traps? You're driving me fucking nuts!
Hey, Biff! Aren't you
going after your girl?
They might be riding the
merry-go-around together
or, you know, something else.
Shut the fuck up, Jerry!
This is not funny.
The little whore called me a moron!
The little whore called me a moron...
and she kicked a dent in my car!
My beautiful fucking car!
Now what?
Well, if we don't go out at midnight, maybe
Biff and the others will come in after us.
What? Biff, the knight
in shining armor?
Look, I'm really sorry you
have to deal with this.
It's my fault.
You're here because of me.
Biff and...
I hate Biff. He's a selfish,
arrogant, bullying,
dumb, envious, cocky egomaniac.
- Are you hearing this, too?
- Yeah, there's music.
Maybe there is someone
here who can help!
Maybe it's whoever is
playing with the lights.
Or another talking creature.
Like a talking clock,
or a reindeer...
or maybe it's the clown.
Maybe.
So this is where you want to wait for my
selfish, dumb, bullying, arrogant, envious,
- cocky... did I miss something?
- Egomaniac.
Yeah. So this is where you want to wait
for my selfish, egomaniac ex-boyfriend
and his stupid friends, or are we
going to get the hell out of here?
A dickhead. That's what I left out.
A major dickhead.
Captain of the dickheads.
Wait a minute.
What did you say? Your...
your ex-boyfriend?
Yeah.
I'm not dating a selfish,
egomaniac guy.
I... I...
Oh, I don't know if you've noticed,
but it stinks like a skunk in here.
Biff's been here before.
Oh, the stench is awful.
Let's move on. I could throw up!
Fuck me! This piece
of shit is stuck again!
Dennis! Dennis!
Are you sitting on your fucking ears?
What took you so long?
I was putting the clothes out to dry.
Fucking funny.
You don't even have hands.
It could be that I'm lying, then.
What do you want, wormface?
This shitty gramophone
is busted again.
No, don't give me that surprised look.
It was expected.
I don't know why we
have to dick around
with these old pieces of shit.
Why can't we use something...
modern stuff?
I'm sick of these gothic losers.
I mean, why don't we modernize?
Why do we have to do
the same old crap for 500 years?
Sure, sure, I understand...
tradition and all that boring shit.
But this is not the fucking
Buckingham Palace!
And I am not the royal family!
Or is that how I look like to you?
Seriously now, Dennis.
Do I look like a fucking prince?
Are you finished?
- I'm gonna go look at the gramophone.
- Just getting started!
I am absolutely en-ra-ged!
Sometimes I would just like to say
the boss is a cheap bastard.
He has no balls to change anything.
Suck my balls, Drew.
You won't drag me into this crap.
If you want to modernize so much, you could
really just change music once in a while.
It's just that it would be
nice to hear something else.
Johnny Cash or Bowie.
Bowie my ass!
That guy is giving me the willies.
What does that man look like?
Does he have just one
mirror in the house?
- Sinatra, Sammy, Dino...
- Jenny...
I think we have three choices.
- One...
- ...Bing.
...we go through there, but I
don't want to go through there.
Two, we go back to
the talking teakettle.
But I don't want to go back
to the talking teakettle.
And three,
- the clown.
- Bored of sex.
- I don't want to see the clown again.
- How could you
be bored of it?
You're just a fucking...
- I think we have another option.
- ...sphere.
Let's get the fuck out of here!
Pretty good joke, wasn't it?
You little shit!
Don't touch anything.
What the hell happened here?
Some people set fire to this place...
after they lost their jobs.
They didn't want to have fun.
They just wanted to be
able put food on the table.
How do you know that?
My dad.
He, reads a lot now
that he stays home.
- I'm sorry about that.
- About what?
That he can't get a job.
Oh, he'd get one, but...
it's easier to stay home and drink.
You know, Biff was right.
Jenny, I'm sorry.
Don't be.
Ever since my mom died, it's like...
he's just trying to find his
place in the world, I guess.
It's not his fault. I really love him.
- What was that?
- I think it's just a bat.
I think it's dozens of bats!
Okay.
Fuckin' shithole of a house.
Biff!
Biff! Hey!
- Who's there?
- Don't you recognize my voice?
Who the hell are you, asshole?
I'm your horny mommy.
Then get ready to
have your ass kicked!
Do you want a diaper?
Tell me...
how's about a little... tongue?
Hey, hey, hey,
look at those two beauties!
Oh, my goodness. What a lovely...
smell it.
Oh, no, not again!
I can't restrain myself.
I have to chew their brains out.
I want to feel that juicy taste.
I want to suck 'em all to the last drop.
I want to lick it down from their...
from their broken skulls. I want 'em.
Shut up, you stupid perv!
What's wrong with you?
I'm so horny, man. Freakin' horny.
Hey, you sexy, brainy beast. Come to papa!
I'm gonna eat your brains out!
Slowly, softly...
yum-yum. Yum.
Did you hear that noise?
What noise?
Never mind.
I just hate this place so much.
I've had it up to here
with this whole place!
Sam?
Sam?
Sam!
Sam!
Sometimes everyone
needs to relax a bit.
You wouldn't like to fall apart either,
would you, Sammy boy?
You wouldn't want to fall to pieces.
Don't run away, partner.
I'm just a tiny, lonely yellow duck
who wants to play with his duck-dude.
Just like my momma said,
"Quack, quack, quacker.
Time to die, motherfucker!"
Sam?
Jenny.
Jenny. Jenny.
He wants you, Jenny.
He kill you, Jenny.
Jenny.
He'll kill you, Jenny.
Sam! Sam!
Sam! Sam!
Sam...
Here comes your nasty little friend!
I came as soon as I could.
I hope I'm not late.
What do you want from me?
Oh, it would take a long time to tell.
I'd rather show you.
Samuel Tully!
You will come back right now
and I will tear out
your heart!
Hello, my pretty.
Did you come to play with me?
To... to play?
Yes. You can start.
Start what? Oh, my God.
Are you a talking spider?
What are the rules?
The rules are made up during play.
You have to make a move.
If you lose, I'll eat well today.
No. You go first.
I'll give you a little
bit of a head start.
So, I'm facing a master of games.
Good. Very good.
Let's see. Use the head to throw.
Excuse me?
Now, I made a throw
and I will say what I am supposed to.
One, two, four, six.
These fine little corpses
can do no tricks.
Talk about blind luck.
A good throw, a nice throw.
Won't you say the line?
The... the line?
The line, of course.
Five, one...
four and two.
I hope these lines are
good enough for you.
Oh, you are good. Very good.
But let's see how you deal with this!
Two, seven, six, three.
I'll cut your head off
and eat your knee!
Seven, three, nine, two.
You'll lose if you
don't let me go, too.
This can't be true!
You must be a true champion!
I have to get myself together.
One, six, seven, four.
I'll rip your heart out
on the second floor.
Five, three, two, seven and five.
I believe it's your final jive.
I'm gonna shit my pants!
No... hell no! This can't be true!
No one has ever beaten me! No!
- Take it!
- It's... it's a...
I couldn't bear the shame.
I had to quit on top.
I'm gonna eat... your...
soul...
buddy.
- Jenny!
- Sam!
I thought I'd never see you again.
Let's get out of here!
Where we came in, we should also
be able to get out that way.
It's like we've been
wandering around for years.
Do you think its past midnight?
What happened to Biff?
- Jenny.
- Yeah?
I have to tell you something, and I
have to tell you something right now,
because if I don't tell you now,
I might never get the chance to.
Sam, I don't think now's the time.
Jenny, I have to tell you something
right now, because I might never...
You're such a wonderful girl...
and you deserve so much better than
that idiot Biff and his stupid buddies.
You're smart and funny...
and charming and smart and...
unbelievably beautiful.
I just want you to know that I... I...
Somebody help!
I'm begging you!
I'm bleeding!
I ate her brains. Completely, totally.
I didn't dick around with it.
I did it right.
This woman was tasty.
As always, so damn exciting.
You know what? You are the most
cynical scumbag on this planet.
So what's going on otherwise?
Ginger said that he doesn't want
to be cleaning bloody mirrors
for the next few days. He didn't
have an appetite for that rat.
Shut up!
Couldn't you do this somewhere else?
It's grossly disgusting.
I'm sorry.
My stomach's been acting up.
Biff! We can't let them kill him, Sam!
Let's tear him apart, here and now.
I want his brain.
I smell it. I wanna chew it out.
Why here? Why can't you
wait a little bit longer?
You are a fucking lazy brainman.
I'm carrying this heavy rat.
So tell me... tell me now...
why the hell can't you wait?
Why can't we take him to the
Ferris wheel and tear him apart?
Oh, I love tearing stuff apart.
Maybe it's because we've done
this a thousand times? It's boring.
I still don't think the
Ferris wheel is boring.
I don't! I really don't.
That's because you are a major ass.
Fine! Fine! Fine! Fine!
Fine! Fine! Fine!
I've had freakin' enough!
It's fucking unbelievable!
Unbelievable that you can't
shut your giant trap.
And "blah, blah, blah,"
all day long, all day long.
And since there is no other
dumb-ass who can listen to you,
I have to do it all the fucking time!
And a little bit more.
Oh my God, oh my God!
You are such an antisocial prick!
Antisocial? Me? Have you ever
looked in a fucking mirror?
What the hell are you thinking, man?
Look at yourself!
Like a fuckin' twin sister of
that fuckin' elephant man.
- That hurt.
- I'm not done yet.
Do you think you are so damn entertaining
that you're gonna be the next Eddie Murphy
or the next Arsenio Hall?
- Oh, hell no!
- Let me go!
Oh my God, what is that fucking smell?
Never mind. The issue is,
what do we do with this rat?
Shut up!
You know what? Fuck it.
Do it yourself.
Fine, fine! Fine!
Oh my God, fine!
So be it!
I don't care either!
I won't do your work for you!
You fucking brain-eating moron!
- Moron!
- I heard that!
Then fuck you!
And fuck you too.
Biff! Biff, are you okay?
Jenny?
Jenny! Those...
did you see them?
You have to stand up.
We have to get out of here.
What are they? What were they?
They were not human! Those... those...
What?! This is all your fault,
you little shit!
- Biff, don't do this!
- If this little dumb-ass
hadn't come along trying
to steal my girlfriend,
I wouldn't be in this much shit now.
What I want to do more than anything
else is run your guts up a flagpole,
you little worm!
If I ever see...
- Jenny, run! I'll lead one away!
- Sam, no!
I hate this fucking amusement park!
All right. Fuck it!
Nobody fucks with Biff
Russell, you hear?
Nobody fucks with...
Let me off this thing!
Just let me off! Let me off!
Hello, Sam.
I hope you got some rest.
Let me go!
I can't do that, unfortunately.
- There's nothing funny in it.
- This is funny? Killing people?
Torturing them? This whole goddamn
place is the brainchild of your sick mind!
You call this a joke?
How can it not be funny?
After all... I'm laughing!
I will tell you a story, my friend.
I like good stories. May I?
So, the fish, the penguin...
Well, sorry, it's just hard
to tell it without laughing.
So, the fish, the penguin
and the chainsaw
go on a camping trip.
They go on a small
hike on the third day.
Nothing too serious...
just to the next wood over...
but they still get lost.
Can you follow?
Well, now.
As they mope around
the woods, night falls.
They can barely see
a thing in the dark.
They stumble about.
They're scared shitless.
You know how it is.
So, the fish speaks up and says,
"We've got to make a
plan to live through this.
If we don't get out of here soon,
we must sacrifice one of us
to have something to eat."
You sick animal, untie me!
Wait. It's not even remotely over.
The penguin thinks about
what the fish said
and asks the chainsaw, "Look, buddy.
How long can you go without food?"
In response, the chainsaw
cuts off the penguin's head
without a word and turns to the fish,
"I hope you don't mind."
The fish replies, "Of course not.
"I didn't get it anyway... what is a
penguin doing in a fucking forest?"
It kills me.
Just so that you understand,
you have no business here whatsoever.
Neither you nor
your little girlfriend.
Hereabouts,
we easily sacrifice anybody
to help the others survive...
those long days...
extremely easily.
With your permission,
I have some minor
business to deal with...
your little girlfriend.
She is being very naughty.
Leave her alone!
You hear me? I'm right here!
She's not the one you need!
Oh, she is.
I think I need her
more than anything.
Sam? Sam?
Maybe you are waiting
for someone, my dear?
If I was mean,
I would think that you
were not happy to see me.
What's wrong?
Maybe you don't find me
as good as good old Sam?
What have you done to him?
Nothing... yet.
He still has both of his eyes.
Hereabouts, that's pretty rare.
- You're not a real clown, are you?
- You may be right,
but don't tell anyone!
But in truth, if you ask me what I am,
I can tell you easily,
I am the worst nightmare
you've ever had.
I'm the eternal scream
in the innocent
children's frozen minds!
I am the Grim Reaper
of every hope and every soul!
I am the great collector.
The bone crusher.
The spawn of darkness!
I'm your last friend
in this stinking place.
Feel free to call me
something like this:
Clown...
Clowney...
Mr. Clown.
But never, never call me Dorothy!
I hate that fucking name.
"Dorothy." You wouldn't dare.
Take this shit off of me!
Fuck you!
Release me!
The fish, the penguin and the
chainsaw go camping together.
Release me, or I swear
I will kill you!
They go on a small hike on the
third day... nothing too serious,
- just over to the next wood.
- Fuck you!
They still get lost. Can you follow?
As they mope around
the woods, night falls.
They can barely see a thing in
the dark. They stumble about.
They're scared shitless.
You know how it is.
So the fish speaks up and says, "We've
got to make a plan to live through this.
If we don't get out of here soon,
we must sacrifice one of us to have
something to eat." So the penguin replies,
"Fuck your plan!
Fuck yourself, you little..."
That's not how the joke goes.
You screw up...
even my joke!
Fucking fish!
Oh, you really lit me up.
- You're bleeding.
- It's just a scratch.
- What happened to your glasses?
- You won't believe me if I told you.
I had to shoot out the brain of
a giant spider with a shotgun.
Okay. Okay, you won.
I...
thank you.
It's... it's nothing.
It's what I'm here for.
Your drawings are rubbish by the way.
They look nothing like me.
All right, sorry.
You're such a smart alec.
- Excuse me, Mr. Comic Book.
- It's good that you got a pretty face.
It's good that you... I don't...
Okay, so... so you're
all brave now, yeah?
You're gonna not be afraid
of spiders or anything?
- Excuse me, I can handle myself, okay?
- God, what was that?
- Oh, you're trying to freak me out now.
- Shut up.
- Oh, I'm so scared. Biff! Biff!
- That's not funny.
- Don't speak ill of the dead.
- Okay, okay, sorry.
What was that?
I think it's a velociraptor.
I think it's dozens of velociraptors!
- Yes!
- Cut!
President Reagan today officially
announced the Space Defense Program.
The Strategic Defense initiative
is officially started
against the ballistic missiles
armed with nuclear warheads.
Are you okay?
Of course.
- The night's beautiful.
- Told you so.
Only the best for my girl.
Isn't that right, guys?
Woo, woo, woo, Wolf pack!
If we keep up the effort like this,
then I can get a scholarship easy!
Then there's no stopping
till I turn pro.
- You know what that means?
- That you can be a pro?
Yeah, damn fuckin' right
I can be a pro athlete.
Fame, money, women.
And all the booze and weed
we can get our hands on!
Woo, woo, woo, Wolf pack!
I'm happy that makes you happy,
but I have to go.
I said I'd be back by 9:00.
Don't be a party pooper, babe.
You ain't a kid anymore.
You're a big girl. Your dad
needs to understand that.
He's bugging you, 'cause you're
the only one he's got power over.
He thinks he can tell you where
to go and who to go with,
but for Christ's sakes, the bastard
doesn't even have a job. He's a zero!
- It's not his fault.
- Yeah, right.
Biff, how about we get everybody
together and go up to my place?
My parents are gone to San Diego for
the weekend. The whole house is ours.
Your parents are probably fixing their
marriage with some sex in the zoo,
banging in the water park, checking
out the kangaroos, how they do it.
- Fucking funny, McNeal.
- I think it is. How about you, babe?
Is it funny?
Hey, Tully! Why in such a hurry?
Mommy probably slept with someone again,
but she didn't leave the key.
He cannot go home!
Tully! Wouldn't you like to join us?
It's time to start acting like a man!
All the girls are beautiful
over here, and the moonlight,
and the best football
team in the world!
Yeah, yeah!
If you spend only five minutes with us,
your balls will drop for sure!
How about we forgive each
other for what we did
and become friends?
I never did anything to you.
Of course you didn't!
Of course you didn't.
But you know what, Tully?
This... was the part
of the initiation!
Now you're one of us.
Did you know that?
Now you're a member of the Wolf pack!
You're a wolf! The most
dangerous animal in the forest!
Woo, woo, Wolf pack!
- Jenny? Tell him.
- Biff, leave him alone!
Jenny thinks the same too! Girls?
- We love you, Tully!
- Do you hear that?
Hey, Earth calling Sam!
Lose the bike and join us.
City lights.
Stars.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Do you know what's more
beautiful than this?
Pussy! And I know that's
what you want, Sammy boy!
That is what you want.
A girl, right?
Rather than those nicely cut
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
as your best friends during breaks!
Ain't that right?
- I gotta go, guys.
- Of course you should, of course.
But I know something
much more interesting.
Something that would make you feel
like a real fucking man!
- A trial, if you wish.
- Biff, leave him alone!
That was enough! You're not funny!
Do you see, Sam?
She is such a good girl.
She tries to protect everyone
and does everything for you.
Whatever you like.
And I mean everything!
You know what I mean?
So how about it, Tully?
Would you like her?
You would like the girl,
ain't that right?
You're an asshole, Biff!
Take me home now!
Now, you listen to me, Tully.
What would you do for
a kiss from my babe?
- From my sexy Jenny?
- Go to hell!
What would you give for that?
I... I've really got to
go home now, I'm sorry.
He should go to the old amusement park
and come back with some kind
of evidence like, some corpses.
- Would you do it?
- Tully, yes!
Would you go in the
old amusement park?
Is our little Jenny
worth that much to you?
You're out of your mind! If you
don't take me home right now,
I'm gonna walk.
But I'm not going alone.
- Come on, Sam, let's go!
- Tully!
Just look at this body.
Wouldn't it be worth it?
Biff, that is not a funny joke.
That's enough!
Shut the fuck up, Lou!
Who said that I'm joking?
So, Tully, would it
be worth it to you?
Yes or no?
And I only want to hear one word.
Yes! Tully, yes!
- Tully, yes!
- Tully, Tully, Tully!
- I...
- So?
I...
All right, I'll do it!
You know what, big boy?
Biff. That might not be such a good idea.
You know that place is not cool.
Did you shit yourself?
Are you fucking chicken?
Of course not, you idiot! Only my dad's
gonna kill me if he finds out I was there.
I only know one thing,
and that's Tully is gonna
show us all tonight
that he has real balls!
Gentlemen!
Let's... broaden our minds!
- To the park!
- To the park!
The coach awaits, my lady.
Come on, babe!
Westlake is pretty far from here.
I'll take you home.
And now, let's drink to Tully!
Our new hero who's gonna
show us poor dogs
what true love really means.
Tully, Tully!
Tully, Tully, Tully!
Are you ready Tully?
You don't have to do this, Sam.
I'm ready.
I love this kid!
It's time, buddy. Right now it's...
10:00.
- So...
- Tully, Tully!
Five minutes...
past midnight.
So, five minutes after midnight,
you should come out and
bring something with you.
Something scary.
My old man told me no one's set
foot on these grounds since 1928.
- It was like Black Friday or something.
- So that's why you are so smart.
Family heritage or,
you know, something.
Fuck off, jerry! I'm serious!
They reopened it in the '60s,
but they had another accident. Like 50
people died, so they closed it down again.
The clock is ticking, man.
- Tully boy!
- Woo, woo, woo!
- Tully boy!
- Woo!
And don't forget, Tully!
Bring me something nice!
Something nice, I said!
We won't see him again.
- We should really go now, guys.
- Not on my watch.
- What, you want to wait until midnight?
- Of course.
The little prick will bring me a gift.
Isn't that right, kitty cat? What a
man wouldn't do for a real woman.
Go to hell, Biff!
You can all go to hell!
What's wrong, babe? Maybe you'd
like to go in with the little moron.
You know what?
You don't know anything!
And none of your idiot friends do!
And if anyone is a complete moron
in this place, it would only be you!
Stupid Biff. Stupid friends. Stupid.
- Sam!
- Jenny, what are you doing here?
I came in after you. It was
silly of you to come in here.
Biff and the others
are complete idiots.
- You shouldn't be here at all.
- Jenny!
I appreciate you doing this for me,
but this whole thing...
their stupid game,
Biff's stupid game...
- Jen!
- Oh, when he's drunk...
oh, it's complicated,
but I don't want you to
do this just 'cause of me.
- What the hell was that?
- I have no idea.
Something weird,
like eastern magic and freaks.
But whatever it is, I'm pretty sure
that now everyone knows we're here.
The "Sea of Love."
There might be someone there.
- What? What are you waiting for?
- I just hate spiders.
- Sam?
- Jenny.
Sam, I think that
someone's in that boat.
And he's watching me. Hey, sir?
- Jenny, don't get any closer!
- Sir?
Biff! Not funny!
Stop this stupid game!
- Stop it right now!
- Jen, this isn't a good idea.
Look, the boat is empty.
Look, I can see a way out!
This really isn't the Sea of Love.
Do you hear that?
- What?
- That noise.
It's coming from over there!
Something is really messed
up about this place.
- What?
- We've got to get away from here!
- I can't hear you! I can't hear anything!
- We got to get out of here!
Jenny!
Welcome to my fairy tale.
Let's get this party started!
Feel free to call me
something like this:
Clown... Clowney... Mr. Clown.
But never, never call me Dorothy!
I hate that fuckin' name!
This... this...
Sam, I'm scared... please.
And I thought school was bad.
That thing was not human!
A teeny tiny mouse
sneaked into my house.
He wants to find some cheese
or some juicy freshy peas,
but finally what he found
buries him into the ground.
My rhymes are probably crap.
But you walked into my trap.
Did you see that thing?
It looked like a clown.
Clown or not, that's what we saw.
I've had enough of the
lights turning on and off.
- Look! We'll go inside and call for help.
- Do you think the phone still works?
I'm calling my dad, and then
I'm gonna call the police.
And then I'm gonna
grab Biff Russell's head
and beat it against the side of
his stupid car until I feel better.
What?
Sam. Can I ask you something?
What's in your bag? You've had
it ever since we got in here.
And you're holding on to it
like your life depends on it.
This... it's just a backpack.
I see.
Just a backpack, huh?
These...
These are important things to me.
Like this comic book. I've read it
like a hundred times already...
because in comic books,
anything can happen.
The good guy always wins
and... anything is possible.
And it's so... it's so colorful.
I...
I just carry the bag because I'm afraid
that if I put it down somewhere,
it'll get lost and I'll lose
all the things that I love.
Of course, it's just a comic
book and... and some crap, but...
somehow, that's me.
My whole life's in this.
You're saying your
whole life is in this bag?
Maybe.
I'm gonna go and take a look
over there. There might be an exit.
Well, hello.
Did you say something?
Not a single word.
A little bit to the right.
Right. Lower.
It's a rare moment to find such
a beautiful couple around here.
This has got to be a bad dream.
Compared to what awaits
you here, this is really nothing.
What...
What are you?
I'm a teakettle, asshole!
What'd you think? Marilyn Monroe?
What is this place? And are you the
one that keeps playing with the lights?
Are you a fucking retard or what?
As I said, I'm a fucking teakettle,
not a stupid lamplighter from
"The Little Prince"!
What is this place, you ask? Well, honey,
this place is your worst nightmare,
the hell of those who
were expelled from hell,
the rollercoaster of death,
the asshole of Cerberus
- or at least something very similar.
- Sam, let's get the hell out of here!
Would you just shut your dirty, diseased
traps? You're driving me fucking nuts!
Hey, Biff! Aren't you
going after your girl?
They might be riding the
merry-go-around together
or, you know, something else.
Shut the fuck up, Jerry!
This is not funny.
The little whore called me a moron!
The little whore called me a moron...
and she kicked a dent in my car!
My beautiful fucking car!
Now what?
Well, if we don't go out at midnight, maybe
Biff and the others will come in after us.
What? Biff, the knight
in shining armor?
Look, I'm really sorry you
have to deal with this.
It's my fault.
You're here because of me.
Biff and...
I hate Biff. He's a selfish,
arrogant, bullying,
dumb, envious, cocky egomaniac.
- Are you hearing this, too?
- Yeah, there's music.
Maybe there is someone
here who can help!
Maybe it's whoever is
playing with the lights.
Or another talking creature.
Like a talking clock,
or a reindeer...
or maybe it's the clown.
Maybe.
So this is where you want to wait for my
selfish, dumb, bullying, arrogant, envious,
- cocky... did I miss something?
- Egomaniac.
Yeah. So this is where you want to wait
for my selfish, egomaniac ex-boyfriend
and his stupid friends, or are we
going to get the hell out of here?
A dickhead. That's what I left out.
A major dickhead.
Captain of the dickheads.
Wait a minute.
What did you say? Your...
your ex-boyfriend?
Yeah.
I'm not dating a selfish,
egomaniac guy.
I... I...
Oh, I don't know if you've noticed,
but it stinks like a skunk in here.
Biff's been here before.
Oh, the stench is awful.
Let's move on. I could throw up!
Fuck me! This piece
of shit is stuck again!
Dennis! Dennis!
Are you sitting on your fucking ears?
What took you so long?
I was putting the clothes out to dry.
Fucking funny.
You don't even have hands.
It could be that I'm lying, then.
What do you want, wormface?
This shitty gramophone
is busted again.
No, don't give me that surprised look.
It was expected.
I don't know why we
have to dick around
with these old pieces of shit.
Why can't we use something...
modern stuff?
I'm sick of these gothic losers.
I mean, why don't we modernize?
Why do we have to do
the same old crap for 500 years?
Sure, sure, I understand...
tradition and all that boring shit.
But this is not the fucking
Buckingham Palace!
And I am not the royal family!
Or is that how I look like to you?
Seriously now, Dennis.
Do I look like a fucking prince?
Are you finished?
- I'm gonna go look at the gramophone.
- Just getting started!
I am absolutely en-ra-ged!
Sometimes I would just like to say
the boss is a cheap bastard.
He has no balls to change anything.
Suck my balls, Drew.
You won't drag me into this crap.
If you want to modernize so much, you could
really just change music once in a while.
It's just that it would be
nice to hear something else.
Johnny Cash or Bowie.
Bowie my ass!
That guy is giving me the willies.
What does that man look like?
Does he have just one
mirror in the house?
- Sinatra, Sammy, Dino...
- Jenny...
I think we have three choices.
- One...
- ...Bing.
...we go through there, but I
don't want to go through there.
Two, we go back to
the talking teakettle.
But I don't want to go back
to the talking teakettle.
And three,
- the clown.
- Bored of sex.
- I don't want to see the clown again.
- How could you
be bored of it?
You're just a fucking...
- I think we have another option.
- ...sphere.
Let's get the fuck out of here!
Pretty good joke, wasn't it?
You little shit!
Don't touch anything.
What the hell happened here?
Some people set fire to this place...
after they lost their jobs.
They didn't want to have fun.
They just wanted to be
able put food on the table.
How do you know that?
My dad.
He, reads a lot now
that he stays home.
- I'm sorry about that.
- About what?
That he can't get a job.
Oh, he'd get one, but...
it's easier to stay home and drink.
You know, Biff was right.
Jenny, I'm sorry.
Don't be.
Ever since my mom died, it's like...
he's just trying to find his
place in the world, I guess.
It's not his fault. I really love him.
- What was that?
- I think it's just a bat.
I think it's dozens of bats!
Okay.
Fuckin' shithole of a house.
Biff!
Biff! Hey!
- Who's there?
- Don't you recognize my voice?
Who the hell are you, asshole?
I'm your horny mommy.
Then get ready to
have your ass kicked!
Do you want a diaper?
Tell me...
how's about a little... tongue?
Hey, hey, hey,
look at those two beauties!
Oh, my goodness. What a lovely...
smell it.
Oh, no, not again!
I can't restrain myself.
I have to chew their brains out.
I want to feel that juicy taste.
I want to suck 'em all to the last drop.
I want to lick it down from their...
from their broken skulls. I want 'em.
Shut up, you stupid perv!
What's wrong with you?
I'm so horny, man. Freakin' horny.
Hey, you sexy, brainy beast. Come to papa!
I'm gonna eat your brains out!
Slowly, softly...
yum-yum. Yum.
Did you hear that noise?
What noise?
Never mind.
I just hate this place so much.
I've had it up to here
with this whole place!
Sam?
Sam?
Sam!
Sam!
Sometimes everyone
needs to relax a bit.
You wouldn't like to fall apart either,
would you, Sammy boy?
You wouldn't want to fall to pieces.
Don't run away, partner.
I'm just a tiny, lonely yellow duck
who wants to play with his duck-dude.
Just like my momma said,
"Quack, quack, quacker.
Time to die, motherfucker!"
Sam?
Jenny.
Jenny. Jenny.
He wants you, Jenny.
He kill you, Jenny.
Jenny.
He'll kill you, Jenny.
Sam! Sam!
Sam! Sam!
Sam...
Here comes your nasty little friend!
I came as soon as I could.
I hope I'm not late.
What do you want from me?
Oh, it would take a long time to tell.
I'd rather show you.
Samuel Tully!
You will come back right now
and I will tear out
your heart!
Hello, my pretty.
Did you come to play with me?
To... to play?
Yes. You can start.
Start what? Oh, my God.
Are you a talking spider?
What are the rules?
The rules are made up during play.
You have to make a move.
If you lose, I'll eat well today.
No. You go first.
I'll give you a little
bit of a head start.
So, I'm facing a master of games.
Good. Very good.
Let's see. Use the head to throw.
Excuse me?
Now, I made a throw
and I will say what I am supposed to.
One, two, four, six.
These fine little corpses
can do no tricks.
Talk about blind luck.
A good throw, a nice throw.
Won't you say the line?
The... the line?
The line, of course.
Five, one...
four and two.
I hope these lines are
good enough for you.
Oh, you are good. Very good.
But let's see how you deal with this!
Two, seven, six, three.
I'll cut your head off
and eat your knee!
Seven, three, nine, two.
You'll lose if you
don't let me go, too.
This can't be true!
You must be a true champion!
I have to get myself together.
One, six, seven, four.
I'll rip your heart out
on the second floor.
Five, three, two, seven and five.
I believe it's your final jive.
I'm gonna shit my pants!
No... hell no! This can't be true!
No one has ever beaten me! No!
- Take it!
- It's... it's a...
I couldn't bear the shame.
I had to quit on top.
I'm gonna eat... your...
soul...
buddy.
- Jenny!
- Sam!
I thought I'd never see you again.
Let's get out of here!
Where we came in, we should also
be able to get out that way.
It's like we've been
wandering around for years.
Do you think its past midnight?
What happened to Biff?
- Jenny.
- Yeah?
I have to tell you something, and I
have to tell you something right now,
because if I don't tell you now,
I might never get the chance to.
Sam, I don't think now's the time.
Jenny, I have to tell you something
right now, because I might never...
You're such a wonderful girl...
and you deserve so much better than
that idiot Biff and his stupid buddies.
You're smart and funny...
and charming and smart and...
unbelievably beautiful.
I just want you to know that I... I...
Somebody help!
I'm begging you!
I'm bleeding!
I ate her brains. Completely, totally.
I didn't dick around with it.
I did it right.
This woman was tasty.
As always, so damn exciting.
You know what? You are the most
cynical scumbag on this planet.
So what's going on otherwise?
Ginger said that he doesn't want
to be cleaning bloody mirrors
for the next few days. He didn't
have an appetite for that rat.
Shut up!
Couldn't you do this somewhere else?
It's grossly disgusting.
I'm sorry.
My stomach's been acting up.
Biff! We can't let them kill him, Sam!
Let's tear him apart, here and now.
I want his brain.
I smell it. I wanna chew it out.
Why here? Why can't you
wait a little bit longer?
You are a fucking lazy brainman.
I'm carrying this heavy rat.
So tell me... tell me now...
why the hell can't you wait?
Why can't we take him to the
Ferris wheel and tear him apart?
Oh, I love tearing stuff apart.
Maybe it's because we've done
this a thousand times? It's boring.
I still don't think the
Ferris wheel is boring.
I don't! I really don't.
That's because you are a major ass.
Fine! Fine! Fine! Fine!
Fine! Fine! Fine!
I've had freakin' enough!
It's fucking unbelievable!
Unbelievable that you can't
shut your giant trap.
And "blah, blah, blah,"
all day long, all day long.
And since there is no other
dumb-ass who can listen to you,
I have to do it all the fucking time!
And a little bit more.
Oh my God, oh my God!
You are such an antisocial prick!
Antisocial? Me? Have you ever
looked in a fucking mirror?
What the hell are you thinking, man?
Look at yourself!
Like a fuckin' twin sister of
that fuckin' elephant man.
- That hurt.
- I'm not done yet.
Do you think you are so damn entertaining
that you're gonna be the next Eddie Murphy
or the next Arsenio Hall?
- Oh, hell no!
- Let me go!
Oh my God, what is that fucking smell?
Never mind. The issue is,
what do we do with this rat?
Shut up!
You know what? Fuck it.
Do it yourself.
Fine, fine! Fine!
Oh my God, fine!
So be it!
I don't care either!
I won't do your work for you!
You fucking brain-eating moron!
- Moron!
- I heard that!
Then fuck you!
And fuck you too.
Biff! Biff, are you okay?
Jenny?
Jenny! Those...
did you see them?
You have to stand up.
We have to get out of here.
What are they? What were they?
They were not human! Those... those...
What?! This is all your fault,
you little shit!
- Biff, don't do this!
- If this little dumb-ass
hadn't come along trying
to steal my girlfriend,
I wouldn't be in this much shit now.
What I want to do more than anything
else is run your guts up a flagpole,
you little worm!
If I ever see...
- Jenny, run! I'll lead one away!
- Sam, no!
I hate this fucking amusement park!
All right. Fuck it!
Nobody fucks with Biff
Russell, you hear?
Nobody fucks with...
Let me off this thing!
Just let me off! Let me off!
Hello, Sam.
I hope you got some rest.
Let me go!
I can't do that, unfortunately.
- There's nothing funny in it.
- This is funny? Killing people?
Torturing them? This whole goddamn
place is the brainchild of your sick mind!
You call this a joke?
How can it not be funny?
After all... I'm laughing!
I will tell you a story, my friend.
I like good stories. May I?
So, the fish, the penguin...
Well, sorry, it's just hard
to tell it without laughing.
So, the fish, the penguin
and the chainsaw
go on a camping trip.
They go on a small
hike on the third day.
Nothing too serious...
just to the next wood over...
but they still get lost.
Can you follow?
Well, now.
As they mope around
the woods, night falls.
They can barely see
a thing in the dark.
They stumble about.
They're scared shitless.
You know how it is.
So, the fish speaks up and says,
"We've got to make a
plan to live through this.
If we don't get out of here soon,
we must sacrifice one of us
to have something to eat."
You sick animal, untie me!
Wait. It's not even remotely over.
The penguin thinks about
what the fish said
and asks the chainsaw, "Look, buddy.
How long can you go without food?"
In response, the chainsaw
cuts off the penguin's head
without a word and turns to the fish,
"I hope you don't mind."
The fish replies, "Of course not.
"I didn't get it anyway... what is a
penguin doing in a fucking forest?"
It kills me.
Just so that you understand,
you have no business here whatsoever.
Neither you nor
your little girlfriend.
Hereabouts,
we easily sacrifice anybody
to help the others survive...
those long days...
extremely easily.
With your permission,
I have some minor
business to deal with...
your little girlfriend.
She is being very naughty.
Leave her alone!
You hear me? I'm right here!
She's not the one you need!
Oh, she is.
I think I need her
more than anything.
Sam? Sam?
Maybe you are waiting
for someone, my dear?
If I was mean,
I would think that you
were not happy to see me.
What's wrong?
Maybe you don't find me
as good as good old Sam?
What have you done to him?
Nothing... yet.
He still has both of his eyes.
Hereabouts, that's pretty rare.
- You're not a real clown, are you?
- You may be right,
but don't tell anyone!
But in truth, if you ask me what I am,
I can tell you easily,
I am the worst nightmare
you've ever had.
I'm the eternal scream
in the innocent
children's frozen minds!
I am the Grim Reaper
of every hope and every soul!
I am the great collector.
The bone crusher.
The spawn of darkness!
I'm your last friend
in this stinking place.
Feel free to call me
something like this:
Clown...
Clowney...
Mr. Clown.
But never, never call me Dorothy!
I hate that fucking name.
"Dorothy." You wouldn't dare.
Take this shit off of me!
Fuck you!
Release me!
The fish, the penguin and the
chainsaw go camping together.
Release me, or I swear
I will kill you!
They go on a small hike on the
third day... nothing too serious,
- just over to the next wood.
- Fuck you!
They still get lost. Can you follow?
As they mope around
the woods, night falls.
They can barely see a thing in
the dark. They stumble about.
They're scared shitless.
You know how it is.
So the fish speaks up and says, "We've
got to make a plan to live through this.
If we don't get out of here soon,
we must sacrifice one of us to have
something to eat." So the penguin replies,
"Fuck your plan!
Fuck yourself, you little..."
That's not how the joke goes.
You screw up...
even my joke!
Fucking fish!
Oh, you really lit me up.
- You're bleeding.
- It's just a scratch.
- What happened to your glasses?
- You won't believe me if I told you.
I had to shoot out the brain of
a giant spider with a shotgun.
Okay. Okay, you won.
I...
thank you.
It's... it's nothing.
It's what I'm here for.
Your drawings are rubbish by the way.
They look nothing like me.
All right, sorry.
You're such a smart alec.
- Excuse me, Mr. Comic Book.
- It's good that you got a pretty face.
It's good that you... I don't...
Okay, so... so you're
all brave now, yeah?
You're gonna not be afraid
of spiders or anything?
- Excuse me, I can handle myself, okay?
- God, what was that?
- Oh, you're trying to freak me out now.
- Shut up.
- Oh, I'm so scared. Biff! Biff!
- That's not funny.
- Don't speak ill of the dead.
- Okay, okay, sorry.
What was that?
I think it's a velociraptor.
I think it's dozens of velociraptors!
- Yes!
- Cut!