Hannah Montana: One in a Million (2008) Movie Script

Y'all come back now, you hear?
Thank you all for coming.
Great PTA meeting.
That vegetarian lasagna was delicious.
Ooh, and those pork-free pork chops,
that's some good eating. (laughs)
(both) Yeah.
Dang it, honey, don't anybody
in California eat meat anymore?
That's a large pepperoni, sausage pizza
and a big old bucket
of bacon on the side.
Oh, l'm sorry,
did you guys want something?
Now, Lilly,
that's what l love about your mom.
Looks like an angel,
but eats like a truck driver.
Was that supposed to be a compliment?
From him? Oh, yeah.
Finally, they're gone! Dad,
the next time you host a PTA meeting,
at least do it out in the hot tub
so l can see Lilly's mom in...
...the kitchen! (chuckl)
Hey, Ms. T! Warn a guy!
And he don't have a girlfriend.
Go figure!
l appreciate you and Lilly staying,
but you don't have to
stick around to help clean.
Ah, you just want
that pizza all to yourself.
That is not true. But l will wrtle you
for that bucket of bacon.
(laughs) Why isn't he laughing?
The man don't joke about his bacon.
Jackson, you could help
clean up too, if you like.
l am helping. Man,
this chocolate pudding tast awful.
That's because it's Mrs. Devahl's
fast-acting prune butter.
Why do they call it...?
Excuse me.
ls it just me, or are they
actually starting to like each other?
You mean like or... ''like'' like?
l'll tell you the bt steakhouse in LA,
Jimmy's down on Third.
Oh, one time l heard a cow say,
''When l go,
just serve me up at Jimmy's.''
- (laughing)
- (both) ''Like'' like!
Man, l haven't seen my mom even
look at a guy since the divorce.
lt'd be so cool if they started dating.
Cooler if they got married.
- (gasps)
- So how about Saturday?
lt's a date.
(both) We're gonna be sisters!
What are we eating?
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, boy! Oh!
# Come on
# You get the limo out front
# Hot styl, every shoe, every color
# Yeah, when you're famous
it can be kind of fun
# lt's really you
but no one ever discovers
# Who would have thought
that a girl like me
# Would double as a superstar
# You get the bt of both worlds
# Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show
# You get the bt of both worlds
# Mix it all together and you know
that it's the bt of both worlds #
Ooh, make sure your dad
wears his earring.
My mom says it mak him look
like a pirate and she lov her pirat.
Perfect! He's always looking
for an excuse to wear his puffy shirt.
Tell your mom to wear that drs that
she wore at my folks' Christmas party
She looked so ho...
- ...lidayish.
- (school bell rings)
Very ftive. (chuckl) l got to go.
OK, that was gross,
but he's not wrong about the drs.
- True. After you, sis.
- No, after you, sis.
Oh, tell her not too much perfume.
She's gonna have
to keep laughing at jok,
even when they stop being funny.
And trust me, that day will come.
OK, perfume, jok,
Oliver's ''ho... liday'' drs.
Write a list
and l'll write one for you.
- Cool.
- (laughing)
,Buenos dias!
Guten Tag!
(French accent) Welcome to the wonderful
world of international relations.
- Ooh! Ooh, good one!
- Well, thank you, Miss Truscott.
lt's always nice to be appreciated.
Now, next week, all of you will be
ambassadors of an imaginary country
as we try to rolve
problems peacefully.
- Oh, this is gonna work great!
- (Scottish accent) Aye.
And it certainly will if everyone
shows that kind of enthusiasm.
Stewart, Truscott, the two of you
are a great joy to have in class.
Right back at ya! (laughs)
Why are we
a (Scottish accent) great joy?
(Scottish accent)
l don't know. Keep writing!
Something don't look right, but what?
- What could it be?
- Hmm.
Maybe it's the annoying
little twerp staring back at you.
(fak laugh) No.
lt's the sand around the shack.
lt all just, l don't know, blends in.
That's because we're,
l don't know, on a beach.
Watch and learn, Jackson.
(laughs) Or in your case, just watch.
Bring it in, Charlie!
Sand. You actually bought sand.
This isn't just sand.
lt's... Costa (rolls ''r'') Rican sand.
Fint in the world.
Feel it, (sniffs) smell it, unload it.
- Excuse me?
- Remember to lift with your kne.
Oh, l'll lift with my kne all right.
Now this l'll be happy to unload.
Let me go! Jackson! Put me down!
Oh, l'll put you down.
(exhal) There.
Have fun hanging out.
Jackson, get back here!
You're the worst employee in the world!
You're the worst boss in the world.
You wouldn't last a week
working for a jerk like you.
And you wouldn't last a week
managing a bonehead like you.
l bet you 50 bucks
you couldn't even last the weekend.
Wait, you're willing to pay me 50
bucks to switch plac? You are so on.
Fine. For the rt of the weekend,
l'm Jackson, you're Rico.
Now, get me down from here.
Sorry, Jackson.
Rico don't take orders from you.
Get yourself down. (cackl)
# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #
Whee, doggi,
it sure feels good to be puffy again!
Yeah, yeah, you're a regular puff daddy.
OK, let's review, shall we?
So she lov the Boston Red Sox,
hat when people drs their dogs
- and her favorite ice cream is...
- Chocolate crunchy.
Not chocolate crunchy,
it's fudgey munchy!
Sweet niblets,
how'd you get out of high school?
By doing my homework, which
is exactly what you should be doing.
OK. l'm sorry, Pops,
but l mean, it's you and Lilly's mom.
lt would be so cool...
Mile, l appreciate the coaching.
l know what you're trying to do,
but face it.
l've already got the duds and the 'do,
anything else would be just unfair.
OK, remember, he lov...
Car racing, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and, um,
those Japane game shows
where people fall off logs.
l've never been so proud of you.
- (doorbell rings)
- Ooh, lipstick check.
How ya doing?
- We're very close.
- Move your finger, honey.
- That is one beautiful drs.
- That is one puffy shirt.
- Drive safe!
- Next stop, sister town.
(both) Bye!
# Ooh, yeah #
Man, Lilly,
this is harder than l thought.
lf we just concentrate,
we'll figure it out.
l've gone over the numbers ten tim.
Once you move in, there is no way
all of our sho are gonna fit.
Well, what are we gonna do?
l gus l could give some away.
You would give away sho for me?
- You're the bt sister ever!
- l know!
(computer beeps)
Oh, hold on,
l'm getting a video msage.
People of Earth,
people of Earth, people of Earth!
Don't be alarmed, it's Mr. Corelli!
Just a gentle little reminder
to all of you
that lnternational Relations Week
starts on Monday, so be prepared.
(woman) Francis,
do you want one fish stick or two?
Not now, Ma! l'm on the computer!
Mr. Corelli, over and out.
Four! And don't hog the tartar sauce!
This explains so much.
Once we get our parents together,
we have got to get that man a date.
- (car door closing)
- (gasps)
(both) They're back!
l can't wait to hear how the date went!
Me neither.
Slow down, slow down, slow down.
Give them space. They'll let us know
how it went when they're ready.
- OK.
- How'd it go?
Great? Perfect? Awome?
Fantastic? Tell me.
Fine. l had a wonderful time.
So did l. Let's go.
- But...
- The woman wants to leave,
let's not stop her.
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
What goofy thing did your dad
do this time? (laughs)
My dad? How do you know
it was my dad's fault?
Have you met your dad?
Yeah, l have.
And l've also met your uptight mother.
- My mother is not uptight.
- (horn honks)
(Heather) Lillian, move it!
Oh, yeah, she's a real ray of sunshine.
- This is not her fault!
- lt's not my daddy's fault either!
l was gonna give up sho for you.
- Well, now you don't have to.
- Fine.
- Good!
- Goodbye.
- (horn honks)
- She is not uptight!
You know what? l don't need a sister.
l like being an only child.
Hey, Mil, l got a pimple on my back
l can't reach. Could you...?
Let me go get my goggl.
# Ooh, oh, oh #
Morning, Daddy! l made you breakfast.
Thanks, honey,
but l'm still not gonna tell you.
What happened last night
was between Lilly's mom and me.
And l rpect that.
Really? So why did you write
''please, please tell me''
in little tiny piec of bacon?
'Cause the full strips
would've taken up all the room. Duh.
Sorry, honey,
this just isn't your fight.
- You're gonna have to stay out of it.
- Get your own darn breakfast.
Fine. Woman insists on paying half the
check and won't take no for an answer.
- lt's ridiculous.
- That's why you're mad?
l said l'm not talking about it.
Man tri to be a gentleman
and suddenly he's a caveman.
That's what y'all were upset about?
Both of you wanted to pay the check?
This is so awome!
l've got to go tell Lilly!
And, Daddy, you might want
to get the shells out of there.
l like my eggs extra crunchy.
She's the one that slapped
down that card so fast,
it got meat juice
all over my puffy shirt.
- Lilly! l found out everything!
- l know!
l can't believe they fought
over something so stupid.
l know. Now we can still be sisters.
Yeah. All your dad has to do is
apologize for not letting my mom pay.
Uptight momma's daughter say what?
l said your dad just has to apologize.
For what? Being a gentleman?
Your mother needs to apologize.
For what? Asserting her independence?
Well, she asserted it all over
my daddy's little puffy shirt.
- Well, he was being pigheaded!
- He was being polite.
Haven't you ever heard of Southern
hospitality? Now get off my land!
There, Rico.
That's the last of the sand. Happy?
Something don't look right, Jackson.
But what? What could it be?
- Oh, no.
- Oh, y.
The new sand do not please me.
Put it all back.
- l spent two hours...
- Unls you admit
that you can't take what you dish out.
Hold up, Jackson.
Let me help you with that.
Oh, wait, l don't help anybody
because l'm (rolls ''r'') Rico.
- Oh, so you're Rico?
- Uh, yeah.
- l'm enjoying every minute of it.
- Yeah?
l'm gonna enjoy every minute
of pounding your face in.
- What?
- You picked on my brother
- for the last time.
- What little brother?
Oh, you remember, don't you, Rico?
The kid with the unibrow very similar
to this handsome gentleman.
l believe you called it
an ''ay-ay-eyebrow.''
- What did you do?
- Me?
l'm not the one who said ''bring it on''
when the kid told you
his big brother
was gonna beat you up Sunday at noon.
Oh. Well, look at that. Right on time.
Wait a minute.
He set me up. He's Rico.
You just love picking on little kids,
don't you?
- lt's true. He's a bad man.
- (fabric rips)
(Jackson) Look out! Move, move, move.
Wah! (Jackson grunts)
Nobody do Rico like Rico.
And then she was like... (scoffs)
And then l was like, ''What?'' Chicks.
Hi, Oliver.
Ready for lnternational Relations Week?
Oh, totally. My country,
Okenland, is ready to rock.
We've got, uh,
we got gorgeous beach, gorgeous girls,
and our main export is love. (chuckl)
Good for you.
Want to hear about Sarahtopia?
Not really.
Our national color is green,
we use only alternative fuels
and our chief export is mulch
made from our own waste products.
- You have an army?
- No.
(whispers) Good luck.
You won't be so smug when your people
get sick of paying $ 1 8
for a gallon of gas, revolt
and hang you by your thumbs.
- Blocking my locker.
- You're blocking mine.
Show some (Southern accent)
Southern hospitality and move.
Assert your independence and move me.
OK, what are you two arguing
about this time?
Did somebody forget their
friendship week-aversary?
We don't have week-aversari anymore
because we are no longer friends.
And this would've been our 200th
and Lilly would've gotten that
charm bracelet she wants. Oh, well.
Well, l don't need prents
from someone who insults my family.
- l insulted your family?
- Thanks for admitting it.
l wasn't finished!
Check-grabbing mother...
- (gasps)
- Your ''me man, you woman'' pappy.
You know what you two need? A vacation
on the beautiful beach of Okenland.
- Wear a bikini, get a free churro.
- This isn't funny!
- This isn't funny!
- l said it first.
l can sing. Ha!
''l can sing. Ha!''
Welcome to the first day
of lnternational Relations Week.
(plays fanfare on kazoo)
Today, four nations
will demonstrate world trade.
Which will they be?
Well, we have Okenland,
Sarahtopia, Lillitania and...
Somebody else, somebody else,
somebody else, somebody else.
Hello! Milantis!
Uh, you know, uh,
today is a Milantian holiday.
Banks, post office, all closed.
Please rpect our tradition.
Yeah, her old, backwards traditions.
Then again, Milantis is always ready
to stand up for what it believ in.
And those beliefs will be tted
in today's debate
over a big pile of fish!
Ooh, sorry they're a little ripe.
l'm on a teacher's salary.
Now, you four nations
border the Corellian Sea.
Milantis has had an excellent
fishing season and, holy mackerel,
owns all the fish.
What will you do to get what you need?
Let's start trading.
Well, my country
harns the power of wind.
We could trade you energy for fish.
Or l could just give you the fish,
because in Milantis,
that's the classy thing to do.
Well, in Lillitania,
we don't take handouts.
We like to pay for our own fish
and half the tip!
lt's not a handout.
lt's a generous, loving gture
from the people of Milantis.
l wouldn't expect you
to know about that
since you are
from Lilly-tiny-brainia.
Well, at least my country
don't sound like a cure for diarrhea.
l'll take the fish if it gets me an A.
At least Okenland isn't threatened
when someone wants
to buy them one little dinner.
We don't need you buying us anything.
Lillitania is an independent nation!
Milantis is a country rich in tradition!
Now take the dang fish!
- l don't want your stinking fish!
- (screams)
This one's mine.
- Great, then this one can be yours.
- (gasps)
- Oh! Cold fish! Cold fish!
- Just like your mother!
(gasps) This one's for Mom!
- Well, this one is for Dad!
- No!
- Lilly, chill!
- Guys, l was gonna return those!
Don't be an idiot, just take the fish.
Hey, if she wants to pay,
it's her right.
- Well, her right is stupid.
- You're stupid.
Pretty brave talk without an army.
Who needs an army
when you've got an arm?
Oh! Oh, gross!
All right, that's it.
l want the fish and l want them now.
Next time, we're trading cooki.
Guys! Guys! Can't we all just get along?
Ow! Oh, come on. Those are expensive.
Eww! Oh, l smell like low tide.
(coughs) Me too... na.
- Don't make me laugh, l'm mad at you.
- l'm mad at you.
(both) Flying fish.
- (both laugh)
- What are we doing?
Exactly what they're doing in there.
Fighting someone else's stupid fight.
Well, l'm ready to stop if you are.
Well, l got to be hont.
My dad can be little bit old-fashioned.
Yeah, and my mom
can be a wee bit uptight.
A wee bit? (laughs) She's a...
...lovely woman that can fight
her own battl, just like my daddy.
- Friends?
- Practically sisters.
- (Sarah) Eat it, Oken!
- Help!
l'm being attacked by Sarahtopia!
# Life's what you make it
# So let's make it right
Let's make it right
# Life's what you make it
# So come on, come on
# Everybody now
Let's celebrate it
# Join in, everyone
# You decide
# 'Cause life's what you make it
# Life is what you make it #
- Honey, you were on fire tonight.
- l was, wasn't l?
lt's because l was so happy
Lilly and l made up.
Aww. lt's really great that you
and my mom worked everything out too.
l know. Do you think she had
a good time at the concert?
Rock and roll! Yeah!
A little bit.
(mak guitar noise)
Five letter word:
sixth prident of the United Stat.
That would work
if his name was John Quincy Ugh.
Dad, l need to record now.
What is taking so long?
Hannah is in the zone!
So, what time's that big shoe sale
you're meeting Lilly at?
3:30, and you know
all the six go first.
No, honey,
l'm proud to say l don't know that.
Now what you need to do is just relax.
Whoever's in there's just running late.
They'll be done any minute.
They'll be done sooner than a minute.
- Hey!
- OK, who do you think you are?
- (harmonizing)
- Sweet mama, it's the Jonas Brothers!
Daddy, l told you somebody was in here.
l am so sorry, guys.
He gets so impatient.
Sorry, fellas, l've got
a big shoe sale l need to get to.
Dud, it's Hannah Montana!
- We're such big fans.
- We love your music.
You're pretty.
Uh, pretty good with the singing
and the dancing that you do.
- Wow, you're pretty.
- Nice save. l'm Kevin.
The cute, romantic one.
And you're Joe, the cute, funny one.
And you're Nick, the cute,
sensitive one. (giggl)
And l'm her daddy,
the cute, protective one.
You're Robby Ray!
He writ all the songs!
l know! Nobody's Perfect is genius.
l like the cute, romantic one.
l love how it starts all soft,
and then bam!
# Everybody mak mistak
Everybody has those days
# Everybody knows what l'm talking about
Everybody gets that way #
l was wrong, l like them all.
Step aside, cowboy, l saw them first.
So is it true that you guys
got discovered at a barber shop?
Yeah. Funny story.
l can't believe
how many hits you've written.
Yep. Robby Ray writ them
and Hannah sings them.
- Uh-huh.
- Sure.
You're like a legend, dude.
Uh, sir. Sir dude.
(chuckl) Yep.
He's the bt and he's all mine.
Yeah. Uh-huh. Well,
you know what would be a great idea?
- Write a song for us.
- Yeah, awome.
(laughs) l hate to disappoint you boys,
but he only writ songs...
- l'd love to.
- Song-writing daddy say what?
Y. Yeah!
# Come on
# You get the limo out front
# Hot styl, every shoe, every color
# Yeah, when you're famous
it can be kind of fun
# lt's really you
but no one ever discovers
# Who would have thought
that a girl like me
# Would double as a superstar
# You get the bt of both worlds
# Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show
# You get the bt of both worlds
# Mix it all together and you know
that it's the bt of both worlds #
# Whoa, whoa #
Where is Dad? He was
supposed to be home two hours ago.
- Ow!
- Stupid cute Jonas Brothers!
Ow! You're braiding hair,
not starting a chainsaw.
l'm sorry, but they're guys
and he's a guy,
and what if he figur out
that he lik writing for guys
more than he lik writing for Hannah?
Well, then you'll be out of work
and l'll be bald.
Lilly, this isn't funny.
You should've seen the way
they glommed onto him.
''You are awome,
will you write a song for us?''
''Yee doggi, l'd love to!''
He was putty in their hands.
Putty, l tell you!
Relax, l'm sure your dad's just late
because the Jonas Brothers are arguing
about his music or changing his lyrics
and making him miserable.
Whoo! l love the Jonas Brothers!
Wow, l was way off.
Where have you been? You were
supposed to be home two hours ago.
Start talking, mister!
Oh, l'm sorry, honey,
but the time just got away from us.
One minute we're spitballing song ideas,
the next thing l know
we're having a spitball fight.
Then we started playing air hockey
and video gam.
lt was a regular P-A-R-T-Y party
You said you were working.
Well, it turns out l was.
Listen to this.
# Anywhere we go
Anywhere we are
# Everybody knows
You got to party with us
# Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah #
Well, it's a lot cooler
when the Jo-Bros do it.
The Jo-Bros?
He's even got a pet name for them.
Oh, come on,
l'm sure he has a pet name for you too.
Yeah, Miley.
You know, l know it's not
the way that l usually work,
but goofing around with those boys
is pulling a great song out of me.
And look at this.
Fish on a hook. Joe taught it to me.
You're right, he is the funny one.
Yeah. Hilarious.
l got to go get on the webcam and show
Uncle Earl. He's gonna love this. Whoo!
OK, l don't care how cute they are.
l hate those backstabbing,
daddy-nabbing Jonas Brothers.
(chuckl) Hey, this is funny.
lf you're a stupid boy. Pshht.
Pssht. Pssht!
Stretch all you want,
you're not getting any taller.
Trust me, l've tried.
l may not be getting any taller,
but l'm about to be a whole lot richer.
How? You gonna open a
''take your picture with an idiot'' booth?
(high-pitched) ''You gonna open
a take your picture with...?''
Nakamora Sporting Goods
is offering $5,000
to anyone who breaks the world record
on the new Nakamora Extreme.
- Five big on for riding a bike?
- A bike?
Please, the Nakamora Extreme
is a precision instrument
that requir a
special blend of endurance, skill
and natural born talent.
Now let's do this.
ln 20 hours and 42 minut,
l'm gonna be bouncing
all the way to the bank.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
Helmet-cam is a go.
This is Jackson Rod Stewart,
recording my hop to dtiny!
(chuckl) Starting now.
Once again, this is Jackson Rod Stewart
hopping my way to history.
(singsong) l'm gonna be rich.
l'm gonna be rich.
# Yeah, yeah, ooh #
# lt's Friday and there's nowhere to be
# We're kicking it together
lt's so good to be free #
Oh, those boys are gonna love this.
- (blows)
- Hey, what the...?
What are you doing?
l'm just goofing off, getting those
creative juic flowing. Try it with me.
You know, spitballing could pull
a great song out of you! (blows)
- Are you OK?
- Never better.
Just hanging out with my old man.
Come on. (grunting)
Hey, Daddy, why don't we
have an arm tootin' contt?
l'll go first.
- (farting sounds)
- Beat that.
l don't have time for this.
l'm trying to finish this song.
- But, Dad...
- (phone rings)
Excuse me. Hello?
No, there's no one here
by the name of Gunnar.
Sorry, this ain't the Tinkle ridence.
Well, l don't care what you say,
l'm not Gunnar Tinkle.
Gonna tinkle? Joe, is that you?
- We so own you!
- Busted!
- That was sick!
- Oh, you boys. L-O-L.
- You know L-O-L?
- Yeah, Nick taught it to me.
Hey, you guys want to hear
the chorus of your new song?
- Yeah!
- Go for it!
OK, hold on. lt's a little rough.
- (farting sounds)
- (laughing)
Beat that!
Oh, sorry. Hold on,
l'm getting another call.
Hello? What?
You're looking for who?
Amanda? Amanda Hugginkiss?
A man to hug and kiss. Miley, l don't
have time for this foolishns.
- l'm trying to work here.
- So am l!
l'm inspiring you with my humor.
Dad, listen to this one.
So why was six afraid of seven?
'Cause seven ate nine!
Whoo, that is hysterical!
Hang up and we could write a hit.
Sorry, guys, it was
just my daughter being silly.
Yeah. Well, sure, of course.
l'll be right there.
Hey, darlin', l'm gonna go meet
the boys and finish this song.
Daddy, what about
we just hang out today?
Hey, here's Lilly to keep you company.
You guys have a good night now.
- He looks happy.
- Of course he's happy.
He's hanging out with... them.
Oh, my gosh,
your dad's having a bro-mance.
Worse, he's having a Jo-bro-mance.
l used to be the one
that he loved to write for.
Now they're all he thinks about.
Why aren't l enough anymore?
Give me one good reason!
Well, they're new, there's three of
them and they're so cute! (chuckl)
l said one.
Right. (clears throat)
And to think, you gave him
the bt 1 4 years of your life.
- Years you will never get back!
- Exactly.
l am not about to get thrown away
like yterday's moo-shoo pork!
You had moo-shoo pork yterday?
ls there any left?
Lilly, focus!
l am not about
to let Larry, Curly and Moe-bro
waltz in and steal him away.
My daddy writ for me and nobody else!
- So, what are you gonna do?
- l have no idea!
# Whoa #
Pardon me. Breaking a record.
Getting hungry.
(grunts) Thank you. (chuckl)
Lilly! l figured out
how to get my daddy back.
- How?
- OK.
The ''Jo-Bros'' aren't
gonna wanna record Dad's song
- if he stole it from another guy band.
- What guy band?
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah.
# Oh, yeah, yeah #
l'm gonna meet the Jonas Brothers!
(low voice) Guy voice.
(low voice) l'm gonna meet
the Jonas Brothers!
(both in low voice) Yeah.
(grunts) Rico,
- l got to use the bathroom.
- That ought to be interting.
Just open the door!
Sure. For half your winnings.
- l am not gonna split $5,000...
- Whoops.
Look at that.
Drip, drip, drip.
OK, deal!
Partner! Open the door.
(toilet flush)
Mission accomplished.
He shoots, he scor!
Nothing but bowl.
(continu panting)
Eat marshmallow, fro-bro!
Chew on this, sucker!
Put this in your cocoa.
- Hey, let's blast Robby Ray.
- Great idea.
Guys, guys, but it's three against one.
l like it.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah.
(low voice) Yo, guys,
we're working here.
(low voice) Yeah, dud.
Be cool. Dud. Yo.
Uh, sorry, guys. We got a text
from the guy we're working with.
He told us to be here early. Our bad.
No big. We're just working
on our guy band stuff.
lf you guys want to hang
until we guys are done, that's cool.
'Cause we're all, you know, guys.
OK, sure.
This is Joe and Kevin. And l'm Nick.
We know who you are.
Your music rocks.
And you're so hot.
On the charts.
Burning them up. Yeah!
Yeah, that's what l meant. Dud. Yo.
So who are you guys?
l'm Mi... lo.
- Milo.
- And l'm Otis.
Right. We're Milo and... Otis.
- So, what are you guys working on?
- New song we just wrote.
Ourselv. We wrote it.
Milo and Otis. Two guys. Football!
They get it. Let's play it for them.
Coolio. Monster trucks!
- # Anywhere we are
- # Anywhere we go
- # Everybody knows
- (both) # We got the party with us
# Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah #
Yeah! Whoo!
(grunts) Oh, yeah!
That's... That's our song...
...isn't it?
l can't hear you.
My ears are full of melted brain.
l kind of liked it.
- So do we, like, rock or what?
- What'd you think?
- l think that's our song.
- (both) What?
- Robby Ray wrote that song for us.
- Oh, man!
Robby Ray, lying,
cheating, stinking, stealing...
- Easy, Otto.
- Ottis... Otis!
What are you talking about?
Robby Ray didn't write that song.
He stole it from us.
He came in while we were rehearsing
and said he was ''just listening.''
- Unbelievable.
- He ripped you off?
- Totally.
- Robby Ray hurt us.
- He hurt us deep.
- Way deep, man. ln the gut.
And then he li to us.
How bogus is that?
l feel so used.
You? l shared my nachos with that guy.
l don't even want to see this guy again.
l'm out.
Sorry, guys. lt's your song.
- Are we cool?
- We cool.
- No hard feelings?
- Nothing a hug couldn't fix.
That dude smells really good.
And that is what happens
when you try to steal
Miley Stewart's daddy.
Funny you should mention him...
Oh, sweet niblets!
- What are we gonna do?
- OK. (exhal)
We have a chance. They'll be so angry,
they won't even talk to him.
(whispers) Right.
OK, they're talking.
But that don't necsarily mean
they're telling him about us.
(whispers) OK. All right.
# Ooh, yeah #
(pants) How... much... longer?
Just a few more minut, champ.
You're almost there.
Hop, kangaroo boy, hop!
- (all) Hop! Hop! Hop!
- Ah!
Can't... hop. Must... stop.
(groans, grunts)
(groan) No!
(pants) l was hops away from history
and l couldn't do it.
Oh, you hopped into history
four hours ago.
You broke the record four hours ago.
l just wanted to see
how long you could go.
Because of you,
l've been bouncing for four hours
with a wedgie l'll probably
need surgery to remove?
Yep. Ain't l a little stinker?
Come here.
- Uh-uh.
- l'm gonna get you.
Doubt it.
(grunts) No!
# Yeah, oh #
# Oh, oh, oh #
Hey, Mile.
l gus you know we're gonna
have to talk about this sooner or later.
Don't worry, Daddy. Hannah called
the Jonas Brothers and told them
that she hired Milo and Otis
and it was all a prank.
So you can run off and go play air
hockey with your new bt friends.
l'm sure it's a lot more fun than
hanging around with boring old me.
- OK, see ya.
- Daddy!
You can't seriously be jealous of me
spending time with the Jonas Brothers.
You're having fun writing for them.
And that song you wrote's really good.
They're just gonna
keep wanting more, Dad,
and then other people will, and then...
And l won't have time
for Hannah Montana?
Or Miley.
Now, darlin', let me tell you something.
You know, l could write
a hundred songs for those boys,
but there's one thing l can't do:
That's put my arm around them
and say they're my little girl.
Well, l could,
but it'd be extremely weird.
- So you're not bored with me?
- Bored with you?
l love writing songs for Hannah Montana.
Almost as much
as l love being Miley's daddy.
You know, it is a shame
you didn't like those boys though.
l had a vision
about getting them and Hannah...
Hold on, Pops.
l said l didn't like them spending
so much time with you.
Now, with me?
That would be off the hook.
Get it? Off the hook.
# Come on, guys
Tell me what we're doing
# We're hanging around
when we could be all over the place
# The sun is shining
just the way we like it
# Let's get out of this hallway
Show the world our face
# lt's Friday
but there's nowhere to go
# Anywhere is cool
'cause we're not going home
# We can do anything we want to do
# lt's all up to me and you
# Turn this park into a club
# The stars are lights
and the moon is the vibe from above
# This skateboard here's our ride
So pull on up
# Everyone is waiting for us
# Anywhere we are, anywhere we go
Everybody knows
# We got the party with us
Anywhere we are, anywhere we go
# Everybody knows
We got the party with us
# Anywhere we are, anywhere we go
Everybody knows
# We got the party with us
- # We got the party with us #
- (cheering)
- Ready, darlin'?
- Oh, yeah.
All right, Daddy, you take Joe
and Kevin. Nick is all mine.
- # Oh, when the saints
- Eat this, suckers!
- Whoopsi.
- Wrong studio. (chuckl)
Our bad. Keep on marching in.
- Where are they?
- l don't know.
They promised they
were gonna be here.
And we always keep our promis!
Duck and cover, Daddy!
lt's the return of the Jonai! (squeals)
- (gasping)
- Loser!
- (pants) How do you do that?
- The lungs of a singer, baby,
which means Mamaw sleeps
in (singsong) your room!
But this isn't fair!
Why should l have to give up my room?
Because you've got
the lungs of a (singsong) loser!
She wouldn't even be coming here
if it wasn't for your stupid award.
An lnternational Music Award
is like winning an Oscar.
lf it was a stupid award,
you'd win brains down. (chuckl)
Oh, man, this is really
gonna ms up your back. (laughs)
Well, careful with that box, Robby Ray.
That's got my fancy wig. l only
air it out for parti and funerals.
- Sorry, Mom.
- l can't believe you had the music on
so loud in the car. You didn't
hear a word l was saying.
Really. What in the world
was l thinking?
Well, you missed my whole story
about that big old hairy mole
- that l had found on my...
- Kids!
- Say hello to your grandma, quick!
- (both) Mamaw!
Oh, there they are. My handsome
grandson and my beautiful granddaughter,
the youngt person ever to win the
lnternational Music Awards Female Artist
of the Year! (exaggerated inhal)
My word, that is a mouthful. No wonder
those award shows are always so long.
Hey, you know what else is long? The
walk from my bedroom to the bathroom.
Miley's is right next door.
And it has a view of the ocean.
See dolphins in the morning.
Would you give it a rt?
She's in your room.
Mamaw, Sunday is gonna be perfect.
l am getting an award
l've always dreamed of,
Daddy's prenting it to me
and now everyone l love is here.
You, (under her breath) Aunt Dolly...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Back this tractor trailer up.
You mean to tell me that bottle-blonde,
shrink-wrapped five pounds of baloney
- in a three-pound bag...
- l know you don't like her, but...
Son, it is not just her butt
l don't like.
lt's her head, her to
and everything in between.
Mamaw, this is
the biggt award of my life.
Can't you guys just get along
for a weekend? Please, Mamaw?
Oh, sweetie, l gus
for your sake l can look the other way.
And l do mean the other way.
l don't even want to see that woman.
- That might be kind of hard.
- Why? We don't have to pick her up?
Can't she just hitch a ride
on one of her flying monkeys?
We don't have to pick her up, Mamaw.
(under her breath) She's staying here.
Award-winning granddaughter say what?
l can see dolphins
from my gut room.
Well, shoot, that's nothing.
There's a snot-green blowfish
right here in the living room.
Now, Ruthie, if you're gonna be mean,
talk to the booty
'cause the hand's off duty
Well, l would love to, but that booty
has been nipped and tucked
so many tim
l just can't hardly find it.
Well, l ain't having
no problem finding yours.
Family! So glad to have you here.
Good tim, good tim. Yeah.
# Come on
# You get the limo out front
# Hot styl, every shoe, every color
# Yeah, when you're famous
it can be kind of fun
# lt's really you
but no one ever discovers
# Who would have thought
that a girl like me
# Would double as a superstar
# You get the bt of both worlds
# Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show
# You get the bt of both worlds
# Mix it all together and you know
that it's the bt of both worlds #
- # Yeah, yeah #
- This whole feud started over a boy?
Yep. lt was high school.
Mamaw was having a summer romance,
and then Aunt Dolly bounced in and...
Well, that was pretty much
all she had to do.
Mamaw never forgave Dolly
for stealing the love of her life,
- Mr. Elvis Prley.
- No!
- Y!
- No!
- Y!
- No!
Y! Y! Elvis.
Elvis with the pelvis and the hair
and the hunka, hunka burnin' love.
Guys, l haven't slept all night
and my back is killing me.
So please, for the love of all that is
good and pure in this forsaken universe,
zip it!
Good morning, everybody!
Well, Jackson, you lazy bon.
Get your rump out of bed!
Well, what do you know? The floor's
more comfortable than the couch.
- Morning, Mamaw Stewart.
- Hey, Lilly, you cutie-patootie.
lt's too bad Dolly isn't here
to see what a real blonde looks like.
- Mamaw...
- l'm sorry. l'll chillax.
l'm Hannah Montana's grandma.
l got to keep up on the teen scene
so l can be fricky-fricky frh.
OK, now that is just wicky-wicky-weird.
Hey, Mamaw, come here.
Will you look at my nails?
What should l do for the awards show?
Uh, sparkly or non-sparkly?
l think non-sparkly.
Sparkly just kind of feels trampy.
Hey, look at my sparkly nails!
Just had them done for the awards show.
Exhibit A.
Come on, Mamaw.
Now, you promised you'd be nice.
Aunt Dolly's being nice.
Well, of course. l'm always nice.
At least that's what
The King used to tell me.
You know, l gave Elvis that nickname.
We used to play checkers
and he would be like,
''King me, baby, uh-huh.'' So l started
calling him The King. True story.
Now, Ruthie, there's no need
to get your granny panti in a twist.
Why don't you come on over here,
l'll give yours a twist.
Your family's better than cable.
Pull your claws in, Miss Kitty.
l'm just here to celebrate
my goddaughter's big night.
And l am here to celebrate
my granddaughter's big night.
That is my granddaughter,
my kinfolk, a blood relation.
l'm just gonna get my purse.
l'm gonna take you to find
something beautiful for your show.
Oh, how sweet. Don't worry, darlin',
l'll take you shopping later
and l'll buy you something
you'll actually want to be seen in.
(boy) Rico's public accs commercial,
take one.
And action!
Hey-o. My name is Rico.
And this is Rico's.
Do you like hot dogs?
We've got hot dogs.
- Do you like...?
- Cut! Cut!
OK, maybe l was a little nervous.
lt was my first take. l'll loosen up.
Just give me a minute.
Hey-o, l'm Rico! Hey-o, l'm Rico!
OK, l'm good.
Rico's public accs commercial,
take two. And action!
- Hey-o. My name is Rico. And...
- Cut! Cut! (clears throat)
Stupid. Stupid.
No, you're not stupid.
You just can't act.
Face it, Rico. We need a better Rico.
Fine. Who's first?
(all) Hey-o. Hey-o. Hey-o.
# Yeah, yeah #
OK, open your ey.
Wow, your mamaw
has better taste than l thought.
Aunt Dolly bought me this.
Mamaw bought me this.
Wait for it.
Yeow with lights!
l thought having both here
would make this night perfect,
but now l just can't wait for it
to be over. What am l gonna do?
Well, too bad you can't just
put them in front of a mirror
and show them how ridiculous they look.
Wait a minute.
l got an idea.
OK, that was weird.
- E-7.
- Miss. Again.
- A-2.
- Hit. Again.
Dang it, woman, l'm your son.
Don't that account for anything?
Excuse me, uh, l'm a little hungry,
but l was just wondering if
l should eat this apple ''before'' lunch?
- B-4?
- Hit.
- A-3.
- Miss.
Excuse me, could you tell me
where l might find a napkin,
'cause l don't ''see one.''
All right, l will tell you what l see.
The woman who put the old
in the Grand Ole Opry.
- You sank my submarine.
- He did that.
For crying out loud,
he couldn't beat me at tiddlywinks.
Let that live forever!
(Lilly) Don't you walk away from me, you
shrink-wrapped, rhintone hillbilly!
Let it go, you sour old prune!
You are just mad 'cause Elvis chose me.
He didn't choose you, you stole him, you
big-haired, two-timing yackity-yodeler!
Well, l'd rather have big hair
than a double-wide backside.
Well, at least l don't have a
triple-wide ego and a mouth to match.
Ladi, please, you're ''all shook up.''
''Don't be cruel.''
You got to take all that anger
and... mmmm...
''return to sender,'' baby.
Elvis, didn't you love me the most?
Pretty mamas,
when it com down to it,
l would've traded you for a
fried peanut butter and banana sandwich.
So you mean to tell me we've been
fighting all the years for nothing?
And forgetting
that we both married wonderful men?
And we should just stop arguing
and celebrate Miley's big night?
l believe it's your turn now, ladi.
Well, don't that beat all.
Well, don't l feel foolish. How come
l never thought of ''yackity-yodeler''?
That one's a keeper.
l'm gonna do you a favor. l'm gonna
pretend like l didn't hear that.
Oh, like you've been pretending
for the past 30 years
that that's your real hair?
You wanna dance, Mamaw?
Well, bring on the music!
Bring it on, Blondie!
(martial arts yells)
OK, stop it!
l love you both, but l gus you
don't love me enough to stop this.
And if this is how you're gonna act,
l don't want either of you guys
there tonight.
ln fact, why don't you both
just... just go home?
# Whoa, whoa, whoa #
# Whoa, whoa #
Sweetie, could we talk
to you for just a minute?
Well, because you really
are important to us, angel.
And if you'll let us come to
the awards show, we promise to behave.
- We really will.
- Why believe anything y'all say?
Well, we'll prove it to you.
Ruthie, do this outtit
make me look trampy?
(stammers) No, not at all.
- Wait a minute. l can do better.
- Mamaw, it's OK.
You're trying.
That is all l've ever wanted.
- So we can come?
- lt would mean the world to us.
Fine, but l'm picking out my own outtit.
(both) But... OK.
Hey-o! My name is Rico.
And this is (rolls ''r'') Rico's.
Do you like hot dogs? Well,
we've got the bt hot dogs in town.
- Perfect! He's great!
- l'm not feeling it.
He don't have the right look.
Are you kidding?
He could be your brother!
l am his brother.
Now that's a Rico!
ln what world?
Let's just see what he's got.
Whenever you're ready, beautiful.
lt's like looking in a mirror.
(high-pitched voice)
Hey-o, my name's Rico.
OK, l know how to fix this.
l'm Rico. And l'll
be waiting for you. Hey-o!
(all sigh)
l am ashamed to be a part of this.
Nothing sells hot dogs
like some sweet relish.
# Ooh, ooh, whoa #
OK, Daddy, now remember
when you introduce me,
it is not about you.
You get on and get right back off.
Just for that, l'm gonna tell them how
you used to put that diaper on your head
and run around the house. ''Captain
Diaperhead.'' They're gonna love that.
That is exactly why l brought pictur
of you in your chubby years.
Fine. Captain Diaperhead triumphs again.
(man) Now prenting the award
for Female Artist of the Year,
award-winning singer
and songwriter, Robby Ray.
- (cheering)
- Take your seats now.
No, l'm fine right here.
l want to be the first one to hug you
when you come off the stage.
l wanted to be the only one
wearing pink, so it looks like
we're both gonna be disappointed.
- Well, we'll hug her together.
- What a nice idea.
l'm watching you.
Fifteen years ago, l was lucky enough
to win Artist of the Year,
and tonight it is my honor
to prent this to my own daughter.
Ladi and gentlemen,
give it up for Miss Hannah Montana!
- (cheering)
- Thanks, Daddy.
l couldn't have asked
for a better introduction.
l have to say that, he's my ride home.
You know, that girl
has such a wonderful sense of humor.
She got that from my side of the family.
Oh, really? l always thought
she learned how to get a chuckle
out of an audience
from watching me on stage.
Watching me on stage.
Me, me, me, me, me.
This is such an incredible honor,
and getting it from my dad
mak it all the more special.
You know, actually l never really
thought you were all that funny.
Well, Elvis thought
l had a wonderful comic mind.
Oh, l know what Elvis
was thinking about and, honey,
it had nothing to do with your mind.
- You take that back.
- You make me.
And what mak this night perfect
is l can share it
with the two women who've
inspired me with their character,
- strength and of course...
- (Mamaw) Man stealer!
(Dolly) Sore loser!
- ...their class.
- (grunting)
l can always count
on the two very special ladi
to stop what they're doing
when l need them.
Uh, l remember when l...
when l got my first review,
they both cut it out
and sent it to me.
They sent me so many clippings,
l finally just had
to say enough already!
l'll be right back.
Jackson, l leave the room for two
minut and you turn on wrtling.
Flip back to the show.
This is the awards show.
Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark.
- (Miley) You guys promised!
- (grunting)
(Miley) Now break it up!
Wow! Your family really
is better than cable.
(sighs) Once again,
l would just like to thank you
so much for this award.
l mean, this award.
Oh, sweet niblets.
l hope you two are happy!
- Good night, everybody! Whoo!
- (cheering)
# Whoa, whoa, ooh #
Miley, slow down.
l think l broke a heel.
Yeah, well, l think l broke a hip.
Will you two stop it?
You turned one of the bt nights
of my life into some...
...some kind of granny smackdown.
Oh, Miley. Sweetie, how many tim
do we have to say we're sorry?
You can say you're sorry a million
tim, but l will never forgive you.
l learned that from the bt. (sighs)
# Ooh, ooh #
- Mile?
- Great night, huh? Whoo-hoo.
Hey, listen, darlin'...
Dad, don't ask me to go out there
and forgive them, 'cause l won't.
(scoffs) l don't blame you. l think
those women dislocated my shoulder.
l wouldn't blame you
if you never spoke to them.
- Good, 'cause l'm not.
- Good for you.
Why treat them different
than they treat each other?
Where you going with this?
Well, wherever your heart
tells you l'm going.
Think about it.
l hate when he go
all fortune cookie on me.
# Whoa, whoa, whoa #
l'll put your luggage in the car.
Ow. Gee, l wonder what's wrong
with my shoulder.
Oh, that's right. l was
body-slammed into the stage door!
- Sorry about that.
- My bad, sweetie.
- Well, l gus she's not coming down.
- l don't blame her.
Hey, don't go yet.
l'm still incredibly mad at you.
- l don't blame you, sweetie.
- Me, neither.
But... that don't mean
l'll never forgive you.
Because if l don't, l lose you.
And l've seen what that looks like.
So y'all can go on hating each other,
but l'll never hate you.
l don't think the two
most important women in my life
- would want me to act that way.
- Oh.
She's a pretty remarkable girl,
isn't she?
Y, she is, and smart too.
You know, l am kind of tired
of acting this way.
So am l.
Hating burns up a lot of energy.
Thirty years worth.
What do you say we start trying
to be nice to each other again?
Well, l'd like that.
(grunts) Hello.
Squishing the pop star.
- Oh, sorry.
- l didn't say l didn't like it.
Aw. (chuckl)
# You're a true friend
# You're here till the end
# You pull me aside
when something ain't right
# Talk with me now and into the night
# No need to pretend
# You're a true friend #
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
# Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah #
Hey, great things are happening here
at the United People's Relief Telethon
thanks to you
and to our amazing volunteers.
Look who we have with us this hour!
Teen pop sensations, Hannah Montana...
...and Mikayla.
l wish you could feel
the love in this room.
l still hate you.
Hate mak you ugly.
Oops, too late. (chuckl)
Well, let's see how we're doing.
That is so generous.
- l have a pledge for $300, Colin.
- Outstanding!
l just got 400.
And l've got tears in my ey.
We'll be right back,
but you keep calling.
- (phone rings)
- Hey, what's up? lt's Hannah Montana.
- What would you like to give?
- Singing lsons.
Just heard your new single. Ouch!
Well, l just heard yours
and l thought it was fantastic.
Yeah, my brother ate some bad cattish,
so we played it for him
to induce vomiting.
lt was like bam! lnsta-puke!
- Has-been!
- Never was.
- Bottle blonde.
- Lip-syncher.
- Bra-stuffer.
- (gasps)
- l hate you.
- Like l care.
- (grunts)
- (man) We're back in three, two...
# Ooh #
l'll tell you what l'd like to stuff:
my knuckl up her nose.
Mil, don't let her push your buttons.
She's not worth it.
You're right.
My life is complicated enough.
The last thing l need is more drama.
Hey, Miley.
Hello, Drama.
# Come on
# You get the limo out front
# Hot styl, every shoe, every color
# Yeah, when you're famous
it can be kind of fun
# lt's really you
but no one ever discovers
# Who would have thought
that a girl like me
# Would double as a superstar
# You get the bt of both worlds
# Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show
# You get the bt of both worlds
# Mix it all together and you know
that it's the bt of both worlds #
# Ooh, whoa #
Jake. What a surprise.
- Awkward!
- Anyhoo...
...why don't we, um...
- Uh... Um... (stammers)
- Go inside?
That could work.
Come in. Let's talk.
Oh, man,
he wants to get back together with me.
Don't you dare leave me alone with him.
Why would l leave my sister
when she and her ex are gonna talk
about relationships and feelings
and blabadee-blabadee-blech!
You two kids have fun.
- You look great.
- Oh, boy.
- Listen, Miley, l, uh...
- l know, l know.
You haven't been able
to forget about me,
your life feels empty without me,
you see my face everywhere you look
and you've come back to say...
l just want to be friends.
Big blonde sack of drama say what?
l've been thinking about it, and because
things didn't work out don't mean
we can't still be
in each other's liv.
So... you're not into me at all?
Not even a little?
lt's only been a couple of months.
What are you, made of stone?
Miley, if this is too hard
for you l can...
Me? Oh. (scoffs) Are you kidding?
l was worried about you.
l mean, this is so great.
- l... l would love to be friends.
- (sighs)
Oh, yeah. This is... This is great.
Great? lt's perfect.
- (laughs) Yeah!
- You think this is funny?
Yeah. Hence the laughter.
Dude, get over it. lt's only two days.
l wish. The plumber said our water's
gonna be out for at least a week.
- What am l gonna do?
- Grow up. Release your inner man stink.
Easy for you to say.
l'll bet you guys free hotdogs
for a month that you guys can't go
without showering or changing cloth
until they turn my water back on.
- (stammers) Free...
- ...hot dogs? Oh!
You are so on! lt's gonna be like
taking candy from a stanky baby.
Now, wait. Wait.
lf we lose, what do you get?
The satisfaction of looking at you guys
and saying... (cackling)
Did l mention
l haven't brushed my teeth either?
Yeah, we kind of figured that out.
- l think l got some in my mouth.
- Oh, gross. Oh, gross.
And we're back on Wake Up, lt's Wendy,
with former zombie slayer
and current teen screen sensation,
Jake Ryan.
That's right. lsn't he just yummy?
lsn't he, isn't he? He is.
So, Jake, you're back in town.
You're here to shoot scen
from your new movie,
Roger Bucks:
lntergalactic Bounty Hunter.
Ooh! You better
set your phasers on fun! (laughs)
Tell us all about it. Right?
Tell us. Tell us!
- (audience) Tell us. Tell us.
- OK. All right. Well...
First, l'm really glad
to have a few days in LA
before we go to Antarctica
to do the rt of the movie.
- Oh.
- lt giv me a chance to spend time
- with some really good friends.
- You hear that? Great friends.
(chuckl) That's me.
There is no way you
and Heartbreak Jake can be friends.
Y, we can.
You know what? Being friends is the
bt thing that's ever happened to us.
We can finally hang out
without any of that relationship junk.
lt's so simple.
No more insecurity or anger or jealousy.
And l'm so excited to introduce
the intergalactic alien babe
that l'll be kissing
for the next eight weeks.
Put your hands together
for my beautiful co-star, Mikayla!
- (Wendy screams)
- What?
# Yeah, yeah #
Well, that's our show for today.
We're gonna see you tomorrow when your
alarm clocks will ring and say...
- (all) ''Wake up, it's Wendy!''
- Buh-bye.
And we're out.
- Thank you so much for having us.
- Oh, you're welcome.
Y, you are! Oh, y, you are!
Wendy, you don't have to yell,
we're right here.
Oh, l know! lt tak me 20 minut after
every show to stop talking like this!
lt do, it really do!
Hey. So, what did you think?
You were great. That big announcement,
boy, was that...
...great and... and big.
Didn't see that one coming.
l thought about asking, you know,
Hannah Montana to play my love intert,
but l didn't want to do anything
that might risk the new friendship.
Little late for that, buddy boy.
So you went with Mikayla
instead of asking me
because you didn't want
to risk our friendship?
Exactly. l mean,
you know, how awkward would that be?
The alien babe and l kiss from one end
of the universe to the other.
l mean, it's like every single scene
is kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss...
l got it.
Miley, you're not jealous, are you?
Are you kidding? (scoffs)
l'm happy for you!
Friend. (chuckl)
- Amigo!
- Ow. Ow.
You get any happier
you're gonna break my arm.
Hey, Jake. And l know who you are.
- You do?
- Of course.
- You're Jake's ex-girlfriend.
- Right.
- We've never met or anything.
- Or worked together or anything.
- Lilly!
- Well, you haven't.
Excuse me, Mr. Ryan.
A couple of guys
from the crew were wondering
if they could get a picture with you.
Well, l'm not gonna say no to that.
l just want you to know
how amazing l think you are.
- Really?
- Of course.
l could never watch my ex-boyfriend
macking on a girl and stay friends.
Well, it's true, l am amazing.
And it's just a movie, right?
Oh, l sure hope not.
l mean, come on, he's beyond cute.
l can't believe you dumped him.
Yep. She's just a little dumpster.
So you're really into him?
Are you kidding? l'm working
on our celebrity couple nam.
Right now, it's between
''Jakayla'' and ''Mikake.'' (chuckl)
Too bad you're not old enough
for, uh, Donald Trump.
You could be ''Old MikDonald.'' (laughs)
Hey, you're funny! Man,
it's too bad you're not famous too.
We could've been good friends.
(whispers) No!
lt had to be Mikayla?
Relax, so what if she's into him.
He may not even like her.
Are you kidding?
Two months in Antarctica.
You're cold. You're lonely.
And your snuggle options are between
a penguin and her. Do the math.
- So go warn him.
- l can't.
lf l tell him that l hate Mikayla, he'll
just think it's because l'm jealous.
But you do hate her and you are jealous.
- l am not jealous!
- Oh!
l am his friend.
And as his friend,
it's my job
to get Mikayla fired off that set
before they start
sharing mukluks in Antarctica.
Please tell me your plan
don't involve me. Oh, boy!
Come on.
Here's your lunch, boy.
Come on, this is stupid.
Can't l come back in the house now?
No way. You smell worse than that
week-old sardine Uncle Earl found
in his fat fold
when he was looking for the remote.
Oh, come on. lt's just a little
man funk! What are you afraid of?
Poor little guy,
flew right through the stank zone.
# Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh #
Oh, hey, guys.
Hey, thanks for coming by.
No problem. We wanted
to wish you luck on your first day,
'cause, you know,
that is what friends do.
They're there for each other,
they support each other...
- So where's Mikayla?
- Uh, in makeup. Why?
Oh, we just wanted to wish her luck.
Not like we're here
to get her fired or anything.
That's... That's crazy talk 'cause...
Well, good luck. Break a leg.
Got to go. Bye. (chuckl)
- You stink under prsure.
- Then stop putting me under prsure.
Listen, you flunky, Mikayla demanded
extra cashews in her trail mix.
And if there isn't a boatload of curvy
nuts in her drsing room pronto,
you're gonna be looking
for a new alien babe, OK?
- l don't like cashews.
- (whispers) l know, but l do.
- Mikayla, hi.
- Oh, great. Little fans. (chuckl)
l thought this was a closed set!
Uh, it's OK, Margot.
The are Jake's friends.
Oh, hi!
- lt's so nice to meet you! Oh!
- (grunts)
- (phone rings)
- Oh. What?
Listen, mister, we had a contract
and it is legally binding.
lf l get home and your bedroom is not
clean, you can forget about allowance.
(mak kissing sounds) OK, bye-bye.
So guys, what do you think of my
costume? Don't l look fabulous?
Ooh, and check this out.
(distorted) Kiss me, Roger Bucks, as if
the fate of the galaxy depends on it.
Because it do. (chuckl)
That is so cool. You know
who would like that? Johnny Depp.
- Yeah, and he's right outside.
- What?
We were just talking to him and
he said he really wanted to meet you.
- He did?
- He did!
- He did?
- He did! Come on, let's go!
Say hi to Johnny for me.
- Wait, he's not out here.
- Huh. Too bad.
- See you, sucker.
- (laughs)
Phase one complete.
(in robot voice) Commencing phase two.
Hey, consider yourselv lucky.
At least you can run away from it.
That's close enough!
- Hey, you showered!
- You're clean!
- We won! Yeah!
- Yeah, baby! Whoo! No!
Congratulations! Have a hot dog.
Ah, the first of many.
So, Rico,
when did your water go back on?
- lt was never off.
- What?
And now, thanks to your man stink,
l'm the only sweet-smelling guy
within mil of this place.
And you're happy about that because...
Excuse me.
l'm looking for the photo shoot.
Oh, the one for the...
...swimsuit calendar?
- Let me walk you over.
- Oh, girls, it's this way.
- (mumbl indistinctly)
- Thanks. You are so cute.
Oh, you set us up.
lt was like taking candy
from two stanky babi.
Shall we?
- Hey, ladi. Come back. l'm a Taurus.
- Oliver.
Very good to meet you. (grunts)
# Ooh, yeah
Whoa, whoa #
- Are you sure this is gonna work?
- lt will.
As soon as l'm done being Mikayla,
she's gonna be Mik-fired.
Ooh, so evil.
lt's like you really are Mikayla.
(distorted) Thank you. (laughs)
Oh, wow, Mikayla, you look great.
(distorted) That mak one of us.
(distorted) And l have to kiss you.
Well, l gus that's why
they call it ''acting.''
Look, l know you're nervous,
but it would help
if you'd stop slamming me.
(distorted) lt would help me
if you were better looking.
- OK, seriously...
- OK, kids, now in this scene,
you have just discovered
Lord Zordac's cloning chamber, OK?
lt's tense, it's romantic,
and l know they're not real,
but the little bug-eyed things are
kind of giving me the heebie-jeebi.
OK, let's shoot this sucker
and get out of here, OK?
And... action.
We've got two minut
to dtroy the clon.
But don't worry, Roger Bucks has a plan.
(distorted) l hope it includ
an acting coach. That was pitiful.
Cut! What?
# Yeah, yeah #
(director) And... action.
We may never get out of here,
so let me say this and say it quick.
l don't care if your mother
was a rainbow trout...
- (phone rings)
- (distorted) Hold that thought.
Oh, l got to take this.
- l'm not busy. What's going on, girl?
- (director) Cut!
OK, quick!
Throw me the flumium crystals.
(distorted) You got hands.
Get them yourself.
- What?
- (director) Cut!
What is wrong with you?
Those aren't the lin.
(distorted) They're better
than the garbage in this script.
Who wrote this,
a monkey with a computer?
(fake laughs) l wrote it.
(distorted) Would've been better
with the monkey. (monkey sounds)
Mikayla, sweetheart.
What are you doing?
l told you, don't act like a jerk
until your second movie.
(distorted) Then what's your excuse?
Oh, yeah. l went there.
- (coughs)
- Mikayla. Mikayla!
Listen, pop star,
one more of your little diva mov
and you're gonna be off this movie.
(distorted) Good to know.
What are you doing? Whoa!
Hey! Turn it off!
(distorted) Turn it up? OK.
(distorted) Oh, off!
(grunts) l want her fired!
(distorted) Took you long enough.
Get your hands off me!
l'm the star of this movie!
No. No. No. No. (grunting)
Don't listen to her!
She's a... a real alien! (gasps)
- l told you l'm bad at this.
- What? Mikayla?
- Yeah.
- Miley?
(distorted) Oh, sweet niblets.
# Ooh #
Mile, you must have known Jake
was gonna find out sooner or later.
What in the world were you thinking?
That Mikayla would get fired,
no one would believe her story
and Jake would spend two months
snuggling with a penguin in Antarctica.
l had to ask.
Dad, l'm sorry.
Hey, l appreciate that, but you know
l'm not the one
you need to apologize to.
Sure, now he leav me alone with a boy.
l cannot believe what you did!
l gus l kind of ruined
the friendship thing, huh?
You sure didn't do it
a whole lot of good!
lf you were jealous,
why didn't you just say?
- l was not jealous...
- Oh, Miley!
OK, fine, l was.
Man, l mean, you don't want to be a
couple, and when l try to be friends,
you almost wreck my movie.
What am l gonna do with you?
l don't know! Maybe we should
forget about each other.
- Maybe we should!
- Fine!
OK, this isn't working for me.
- Me, neither.
- (exhal)
Look, last time, you were the one
with some growing up to do,
and now it's my turn.
But if l promise not to wreck another
movie, can we try to be friends again?
- l'd like that.
- Me too.
This isn't helping the friendship thing.
Oh. Couldn't agree more.
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #
Great work today, sweetie.
Seriously, changed my life.
- Mikayla.
- Security
No, no, no. We're here to apologize.
l was jealous and stupid and l'm sorry.
And l'm just a sidekick
who needs to learn how to say no.
Wait a second.
(exhal) Truth is,
if l still liked a guy,
- l would've done the same thing.
- Really?
Well, l would've done it a little
better, but l appreciate the attempt.
That was surprisingly nice of you.
l don't care if you're not famous.
l'll let you be my friend.
- Cool.
- Oh, sorry, not you.
(mouths) Ouch.
Really, uh, Mikayla,
you don't have to...
This is gonna be so much fun!
We can do all of my favorite things:
shop, get our nails done
and talk about how much l hate
Hannah Montana! Let's start now!
Yay! Help!
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