Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo (1977) Movie Script

- Destination, monsieur?
- Monte Carlo.
[ Broken French ]
Au rue, ah- de "Boisie-arie. "
Au rue Dubec...
a d-droite
a Place "Dee-i-eena. "
- Will you give it to me in English?
- Sure. We're lost.
- Thanks. Hey!
- [ Tires Screeching ]
- Herbie!
- What's he doing?
I think he's getting us
- [ Chuckling ]
- Hi, there.
Say, uh, we're looking
for the Trans France Race Exposition.
Oui, straight ahead on your right. You
can't miss it. That's going to be some race.
- Yeah.
- Well, you're looking at the winner right here!
This car?
The winner?
- He didn't.
- He did.
[ Crowd Murmuring ]
All of this
for the museum payroll?
The most magnificent diamond
in the world! L 'etoile dejoie.!
Could we have just
a little peek?
On this very afternoon,
at 1:00, precisely...
you and all of Paris
will be able to take the peek!
[ Cheering, Applauding ]
Now, fresh from his triumphs on the
European racing circuit, Bruno Von Stickle...
- who'll be driving his Lazer 917 GTE coupe.
- [ Crowd Applauding ]
Here we have
a magnificent Pantera-
Ah, I see the American entry
is just arriving, Mr. Jim Douglas.
[ Crowd Laughing ]
Mr. Douglas will
be driving a-
a- a-
Mr. Douglas will be driving
a- a most unusual entry.
[ Laughing Continues ]
- Something funny must've happened.
- Uh-huh. Us.
How about giving Jim Douglas
and his partner Wheely Applegate...
- a nice, warm welcome, huh?
- [ Crowd Cheering ]
Eh, this little car of yours
is the toast of America.
- When was your last win?
- Uh... 12 years ago.
That was only because,
uh, that was our last race.
- Yeah.
- [ Crowd Laughing ]
Yes, this race-
We're kind of staging a comeback here...
and so it's very
important to us.
I- I mean, we won't be coming back
very far unless we qualify, will we?
Are you kiddin'?
Don't let his modesty or this little car
coming out of retirement fool ya!
There isn't a finer-tuned,
cleaner engine anywhere!
I'm sure it should
be easy to keep clean.
All you have to do is drop it in the
washing machine along with your socks.
[ Crowd Laughing ]
Appreciate your humour...
but just don't you worry about
this little washing machine- car!
- [ Chuckling ]
- It's a real jewel!
But Monsieur Ribeaux,
isn't it too much responsibility...
- for one man?
- One man?
One man and the finest security system
that can be devised.
- [ Beeping ]
- All in the computer.
Now, this alone will keep the diamond
safe from the grasp of a thief.
- But monsieur, one would only have
to reach in and- - [ Alarm Blaring ]
[ Alarm Continues ]
[ Alarm Stops ]
The pillow is sensitive to the heat of
the hand when it gets close to the diamond.
I'm sorry, monsieur.
What does that do?
I'm engaging a system of electric eye
beams that surrounds the pedestal.
One last precaution,
Would you please
step out of the room?
Now the entire floor
is a trap!
The mere ashes from a cigar
would activate the alarm.
Right on schedule.
Only ten steps to six million dollars.
One step to Devil's Island
if anything touches that floor.
Pardon, Monsieur Ribeaux, but you forgot
to give me the computer and the numbers.
I did not forget! They were put in
my trust and will remain with me.
One does not part
with the only copy in existence!
Patience, Quincey.
Electronics is the answer.
This notebook is our passport
to the future.
I think I shall put my trust
in this bit of rope.
[ Beeping ]
When the man has it all worked out
for us, silly not to use it.
[ Chuckling ]
You had to bring
the whole kit, didn't you?
- I was just checking for the radar beam.
- It's there.
Now it isn't.
Some chunk of rock, eh?
One could spend a lifetime without
setting eyes on a rock like that.
Do love getting
your hands on it. Ah!
Patience, Quincey.
Pillow's the trap.
One more set of numbers.
Why can't a man write
an "O" that looks like an "O"?
Or is it a "9"?
Can't take a chance.
I don't trust nobody.
I'm glad I come prepared.
The old ways are still the best ways.
We've got six minutes
before the guard checks.
Get on with it.!
[ Alarm Blaring ]
[ Alarm Stops ]
Aren't you ever gonna
get that thing fixed?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. I-
- Excuse me! Oh, I just, eh-
- Oh.
[ Chuckles ]
A word to the wise.
Paris may be the land of love, but it
can also be the land of heartbreak.
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll make a deal with you.
I'm willing to resist
the girls, if you are.
- Well, that's some sacrifice.
- I know. But I'm willing to make it.
You're made of
strong stuff, Wheely.
Patience, patience,
[ Panting ] You tell that to the guard.
He'll be here in two minutes.
Give me that!
Well, we're comin' into this
big right hand sweeper, see.
Dropped him into third gear and really
jumped on it. Took three cars.
Then back into fourth,
and we were flyin'!
seven or eight thousand.
We blew off the lead car
100 yards from the finish line.
Won it going away.
How about that? [ Chuckling ]
Je ne comprens pas,
parlez anglais.
I didn't understand
what he was saying.
That's okay. He didn't understand
what you were saying either.
Come to think of it, I don't think
I understood what you were saying.
There's no more time.
That guard's practically in the door.
You want that stone,
don't ya?
Yeah, and there's
only one way to get it.
[ Alarm Blaring ]
[ Alarm Continues ]
It's not possible.
[ Yelling ]
[ Ribeaux Stamping
His Feet ]
[ Police Siren ]
[ Police Officer ] Attention.!
[ Speaking French ]
[ French Continues ]
[ Siren Continues ]
Attention, everyone,
Nobody is to leave
the area. I repeat.
- Nobody is to leave the area.
- We still have to qualify! Come on!
- What's the trouble?
- I-I don't know!
Ladies and gentlemen,
there has been a theft in the museum.
Everyone will be searched
before leaving the area.
I repeat. Nobody is to leave the area
until they have been searched.
Here, mate, there's no point
in us both getting caught, is there?
No point in either of us
getting caught.
I repeat. Nobody is
to leave the area.
I repeat. Nobody is to leave the area
until he has been searched.
[ Herbie Starting ]
[ Honking ]
- We'll never see it again!
- That little car there? Indeed you can.
It will be in a showroom on the
Champs-Elysees at 4:30 this afternoon.
Yes, yes, yes.
But are you sure all the security
precautions had been taken?
I've searched my memory.
Could I have forgotten something?
Inspector, some residue from a
footprint. I might have overlooked it...
but I seemed to hear
your voice calling out...
"Fontenoy, remember,
no clue is too small!"
Did you also hear me saying, "Take it
to lab and get it analyzed, Fontenoy?"
Yes, sir,
and I'm doing just that.
No! No, I couldn't have
forgotten anything.
I am as sure the security was on
yesterday as I am sure it's off today!
[ Alarm Blaring ]
[ Man On P.A.]
Attention, please.
- The qualifying rounds will begin in eight minutes.
- [ Engines Revving ]
[ Man On P.A.
Speaking French ]
- Douglas and Applegate.
- Douglas.
Ah, yes, Monsieur Douglas.
You're in the heat after this one.
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
That's the same heat
I'm in, Douglas.
And you're going to need more than luck.
You're going to need wings.
Oh, yeah? Well, you may
be in for a little surprise.
[ Chuckling ]
I can see your surprise.
It is very little.
[ Man On P.A.] Attention...
[ Speaking French ]
Look for an even bigger surprise
when the race starts.
[ Man On P.A.] There will be qualifying
today and tomorrow...
with the top 16 times running
in the Trans France Race.
[ Tires Braking ]
[ Speaking French ]
Come back.!
[ Grunting ]
Say, Herbie, where you going?
[ Brakes Screaming ]
- Herbie, you could get us disqualified!
- He could get us killed!
[ Honking ]
[ Flapping, Knocking
Rattling Sounds ]
- What was that?
- I don't know!
[ Romantic ]
Forget the music.!
[ Continues ]
He's out of his mind.
He's out of his mind,
all right.
Over that luscious
little Lancia.
What is-
[ Continues ]
I'm telling you,
Paris and women have got him.
I'm gonna have to warn him the same
way I did you. Like father, like car.
What are you doing?
[ No Audio ]
- Now, wait a minute, buddy-
- What do you mean, "buddy"?
- Uh, Miss buddy.
- You- You-
- Yeah,Jim Douglas. And I'm very sorry.
- You think...
that because I'm a woman driver, you
can get away with anything you please!
Well, I'm not a pigeon for your fun
and games. I've had it with you clowns!
No, I'm not the clown.
Believe me, it was Herbie.
Oh, yes, you're blaming
your dizzy mechanic.
No, no, it's-
Herbie's the car,
and he's kinda like a person.
He's- Now, I know
that sounds funny.
is more like it!
Well, what were you doing
out there, Douglas?
- Well, it's kinda hard to explain,
sir- - Not for me, it isn't.
- He doesn't want a woman in the race.
- Look, Miss Darcy...
you'll be given another
chance to qualify. We're terribly sorry.
You're sorry, he's sorry,
everybody's sorry.
But I didn't qualify!
[ Man On P.A.]
Attention, Antonio Vittoro.
If you wish to qualify, Mr. Douglas,
you have exactly 10 minutes.
Hear that, Herbie? You forget that
powder puff and get your mind on racing!
You better believe it!
You're going to cook that
chicken, European-style.
When he sticks out
his neck...
- we will chop it off.
- Uh-huh. Oui, oui.!
We'll see whose neck
gets chopped off. Right, Herbie?
[ Man On P.A.]
Attention, attention, attention.!
[ Speaking French ]
[ Engines Revving ]
You better close
your mouth, turkey...
'cause you're gonna get our tire marks
right across your teeth!
- Where'd they go?
- I really got snookered.
I'm even rustier
than I thought.
Hey! Herbie,
what are you doing?
It's her again!
Oh, no!
Well, it took a crowd
to do it.
But at least we lost
the Lancia.
And not to mention the
first qualifying round.
- Did you get a hold of Double X?
- He wasn't very happy.
Who is? Where is
that stupid little car?
Patience, patience-
Oh, excuse me, sir.
There are impressive racing cars here, but
I don't seem to see the little Volkswagen.
Ah, you mean the Douglas car.
It will be here.
Patience, my friend,
One more person says
"patience" to me, I'll-
We better have it now, because if we
don't turn up with that diamond...
Double X is going to mark
the spot where we're buried.
Here, here.
Don't dig our graves just yet.
Come on,
let's grab it.
- Don't tell me, "patience"!
- In front of 100 witnesses?
- We need a plan.
- Attention, everyone. Attention.
We would like to show a film of the route the
racing cars will take when they leave Paris.
If someone will catch
the lights while I draw the drapes-
I think the gentleman
just gave us a plan. [ Clears Throat ]
The fine machines you have seen here will
be among those testing the grueling route...
stretching through our fair city,
twisting through the French Alps-
Back up slowly,
as if nothing was the matter.
In the city, the cars will
be able to pick up speed...
as they race along
the French countryside.
- [ Alarm Blaring ]
- [ Man Continues, Indistinct ]
- [ Alarm Stops ]
- ... only by the challenge that becomes evident...
as we approach
the famous French Alps.
- It's not here, Max. The car's just not here.
- ... will test the endurance...
- of even the sturdiest of cars.
- Perhaps we're backing in the wrong direction.
- Just keep backing up.
- There remains the final dash for Monte Carlo.
And for someone,
victory is just a step away.
- [ Loud Crash ]
- [ Crowd Gasping ]
- Herbie! Excuse me.
- You mean, no Herbie.
[ Crowd Laughing ]
[ Horn Honking ]
- [ Yelling In French ]
- [ Horn Honking ]
[ Yelling In French ]
[ Yelling Continues ]
[ Woman Yelling ]
[ Horn Honking,
Yelling Continues ]
[ Herbie Honking ]
[ Speaking French ]
[ Sad Honk ]
Excusez moi.!
[ Speaking French ]
[ Yelling In French ]
[ Yelling Continues ]
- [ Herbie Honking ]
- [ Lancia Honking ]
[ Yelling In French ]
Faites attention.!
- Etes-vous cuckoo?
- Oui. Cuckoo.
[ Horns Honking ]
My car. My car!
Has anybody seen my car?
- Oh, that was your car?
- Yes, yes. It's gone!
- Yes, it's gone.
- Did you see who took it?
- Not exactly, mademoiselle.
- Excuse me, I hate to bother you-
You! I should have known I'd see you.
You and trouble go together.
Yeah, okay.
Look, we've lost our car...
and I'djust like to know
if you'd seen it, by any chance.
Who cares about your silly Volkswagen?
My Lancia has been stolen!
- Stolen?
- Uh, uh, your car?
- And your car.
- Yeah.
- I saw them both.
- Then you saw who stole them!
You would not believe this.
I would not believe this.
- No one would believe this.
- What?
I think they steal
each other.
Come on.
[Jim ] Taxi.!
Cuckoo! Coo!
Talk about a needle in a haystack.
How are we gonna find 'em?
I don't know.
Just keep looking.
- My life is riding on that car.
- Lady, I got a few things to prove myself.
Where would you take a boyfriend
on first night to Paris?
"Boyfriend"? Don't tell me
this is your cute way of making a pass.
- If I had romance in mind, would he be along?
- Right.
- It's Herbie.
- Herbie. I don't believe this.
Well, it's true!
There's something about that car.
He's got a- He-
Well, we've been through a lot together.
Yeah, well,
nothing like this.
Regardons.! Regarde.!
- [ Yelling ]
- [ Honking ]
- [ Radio ]... Bateaux-Mouche. - Do you
think this is something to laugh about?
Forgive me, mademoiselle.
I laugh at the radio.
Two automobiles, they take a ride
on the Bateaux-Mouche.
- Would you believe such a thing?
- Bateaux-Mouche?
Take a left
at that bridge!
[ Horns Honking ]
[ Boat Horn Honking ]
Maybe I can explain this
over dinner tonight.
Maybe not.
I don't know, Herbie.
12 years is a long time.
Hope we can handle it.
Hope I can handle it.
- Well, all taken care of,Jim.
- Yeah?
Had a little talk with Herbie.
Had to straighten him out.
I don't mind havin'
a car that's got a heart...
but I will not tolerate a car
falling in love with another car.
What did you expect him to fall
in love with, the Goodyear blimp?
The Goodyear-
Yeah. [ Laughing ]
Anyway, I said, "Listen Herbie,
we're here for one thing only.
'And that's to make the biggest
comeback in racing history.
"So, no women in training camp.
Just forget that little chick.
And you can do it.
Just a matter of mind over metal. "
[ Knock At Door ]
- You expecting company?
- No.
Detective Fontenoy here. And this
is the famous Inspector Bouchet.
I'm Jim Douglas and this is
my partner Wheely Applegate.
Look, if there's a problem about our car
cruisin' on the Bateaux-Mouche-
Eh, no, no.
It's about the six million dollar
diamond stolen this morning.
- Perhaps the most beautiful diamond in all the world.
- Fontenoy.
We are questioning everyone
who was in the area at the time.
Perhaps you can help us.
Pushing the car
won't help me get the cap off.
- Must've rolled.
- Well, pull the hand brake on.
Door's locked.
The window!
Put your hand through the window!
- [ Knuckles Cracking ]
- Ooh!
[ Panting ]
Let me get at it!
[ Growling ]
I'm gonna hot-wire this car.
We'll get the diamond at the garage.
[ Grunting ]
Well, I'm not waiting.
Car, it's either you... or me!
[ Coughing ]
I suppose you're going to tell me that
car started up and drove away by itself.
No, and I'm not going
to tell Double X that either.
[ Engines Revving ]
What's happening?
There's seven cars ahead of us and we're
in last place. That's what's happening!
- Darcy.
- Oui. Qualifying today?
I hope so.
[ Herbie Sputtering ]
New Herbie? He's not even an old Herbie.
He's not any Herbie at all!
My whole lecture must've
fallen on a deaf carburetor.
He doesn't need a lecture.
He needs an old-age pension.
You listen to me, Herbie,
and you listen good.
You and I didn't come out of moth balls
to be the laughingstock of the continent.
Either get the lead out
of your pants right now...
or I'm going to ship you back to the States,
have you stuffed and hung on a wall...
in retirement village!
[ Sputtering,
Knocking ]
Oooh! Now you're talking.
We got the old Herbie back!
The old Herbie
and the new Herbie, rolled into one!
I'm telling you, it's the old Herbie,
and he's doing it for us!
He's not doing it for us.
He's doing it for her.
Okay, so he did it for her.
[ Muttering Excitedly ]
I never saw
anything like that.
[ Crowd Cheering ]
- Congratulations, you did it!
- Thank you, thank you!
- Somebody did it.
- Who cares, Wheely? It's hello, comeback.
In record time for this track.
You shattered Von Stickle's mark.
Congratulations, Douglas. You havejust
won the right to taste my dust tomorrow.
And mine, Douglas.
Today,you break
my record.
Tomorrow, I will turn your "hello,
comeback" into "goodbye forever. "
Auf wiedersehen.
- Couple of charm school dropouts.
- Yeah.
Well, one showboat
deserves another.
I'll go get him.
- [ Crowd Cheering ]
- Felicitations.!
- Absolutely amazing! - I knew
I had a good car under me, but-
- The exact same time as the Douglas car. A track record!
- What?
- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
Oh, thank you for staying off the track.
It's one way I can prove what I can do.
Well, it wasn't
exactly you.
You've got a real problem
about women in racing, Mr. Douglas.
What is it?
We drive too slow... or too fast?
Oh, I didn't mean that.
It's not you at all; it's your car.
- And my car.
- Excuse me, I don't want to hear about your car.
No, I have to tell you this. I know
it's gonna be hard to believe, but-
You see, Herbie's
not just a car.
I didn't believe it myself at first,
but the little guy has actually got a-
When a car like Herbie
comes to Paris...
he meets a beautiful Lancia,
that is also a car like Herbie...
with a, with a-
You know, it's natural
that they're gonna fall in-
You're right.
I wouldn't believe it either.
When the men come by
from the booby hatch...
go quietly.
- Just trying to warn you about your car.
- Let me warn you about me.
I'm in this race to win,
and frankly, I'd like to see...
you and your car
disappear entirely.
- Oh.
- [ Man On P.A. Speaking French ]
Pull over!
We want that car!
What are you
going to do?
I'm gonna pull over.
Hang on!
Darkness is about
to fall upon you.
[ Bleating ]
[ Whimpering ]
Hot, hot, hot!
- They're still comin'!
- I think they are trying to kill us!
Mon Dieu.!
Mon Dieu.!
[ Sighs ] I never thought she'd go
that far to make us disappear.
- Who's that?
- That cute little time bomb, Diane.
She set us up to knock us
out of the race,just like she said.
Now, wait a minute.
She didn't say that.
Oh, of course not.
They never say what they mean.
That's what makes the female
of the species deadlier than the male.
You read that someplace.
Yes, and I've got a mother, three
sisters and two ex-wives to prove it.
They never told me they wanted me out, but
every time I came home, the lock was changed.
I don't take that kind of strong-arm
stuff from anybody, male or female!
Then somebody better teach
this female the rules of the game...
before the game is over.
If she doesn't know 'em now,
she will when I get through with her!
You might as well
settle back, Herbie.
OnceJim gets started,
nothin' can stop him.
Who hired thugs? I'm just as good
as anybody out there on that track!
- And I don't need anybody
to win my races for me! - We-
That is the trouble
with you, all of you!
You don't think
a woman can do anything!
Yeah, I know he seems
like a quiet sort of guy...
but when a fight is inevitable,
he never ducks.
Women are supposed to be nurses
and secretaries and school teachers!
I've taken that all my life.
I took it from my mother and my father!
And my aunts
and my uncles!
But I'm not going
to take it from you!
When old Jim gets started,
I'd hate to get in his way.
He's a regular steamroller.
- Whoa!
- Coward!
I'm a race driver
and I can win it on my own!
You know,
I think you can.
Double X?
[ Nervous Chuckle ] Uh, yeah.
I'm afraid we-we-we've
had another complication.
[ Double X ] I'm beginning to think
you are the complication.
That item should have been
in my hands by now!
Oh, don't worry, sir.
It's still in the gas tank.
Then bring me the gas tank!
What are you waiting for?
We've lost them again, sir.
We don't know where they are.
- Excuse me. I'm looking for Inspector Bouchet.
- Oui, monsieur.
Impossible! Are you trying to tell me
a couple of simpleminded Americans-
[ Muttering ]
Hold on.
- Hope we're not disturbing you, Inspector.
- No, gentlemen!
- Your timing could not be more perfect.
- Good.
I want to thank you for
your continued cooperation...
in this matter
of the stolen diamond.
- Tonight, we're asking for your help.
- Somebody's out to get our car!
- Ah, that's impossible.
- I think they're trying to knock us out of the race!
- Ahh!
- I was wondering if there's some way, I don't know...
we can put the car
in protective custody for the night.
That is, if you're not too busy
trying to find that diamond.
No, no! One is just as important
as the other, I assure you.
I'll only be a moment.
I- I mean, uh-
- We'll wait in the car.
- Good idea.
We wouldn't want anything
to happen to it. Not now.
The car is here.
Never mind how!
[ Quietly ] Never mind how.
No, no!
It's too risky for me.
I will see to it that the car will be at
number 32, Avenue Mozart within the hour.
Don't get lost
on the way!
Your worry is now my worry,
gentlemen. Rest easily.
I'll take personal charge
of this valuable possession.
- Inspector.!
- What is it, Fontenoy?
Off duty or not, sir, I couldn't sleep,
thinking about the diamond...
- and how it would be weighing on your mind.
- At the moment, Fontenoy...
I have a car
weighing on my mind.
Somebody's trying to knock
us out of the race.
Well, with your
incredible time in the trials...
it would not take a master of deduction
like Inspector Bouchet...
to see that you have
an excellent chance to win!
Which is why I personally will ensure
the safety of this automobile.
Now, put your minds at ease.
Get a good night's sleep.
Thank you!
You too, Herbie.
- A big day tomorrow, pal. Good night.
- Good night.
No, no.
Permit me, sir.
- What do you mean?
- You have enough responsibility trying to find the diamond.
- I'll look after the car.
- Don't be ridiculous!
- Aah, aah!
- [ Chuckling ]
- [ Herbie Starting ]
- What are you doing?
- Anything for you and the force.
- Get out of the car!
[ Laughing Nervously ]
Leave it to me, sir. I'll keep this
little car hidden so no one will find it.
My best man.
[ Chuckling ]
[ Chuckling ]
- Good night.
- Good night.
My very best.
We've checked that, sir.
It's nowhere.
We've covered the whole city.
Now what?
In the morning,
before the race...
that ridiculous little car
will get gasoline.
When it does,
you'll be there.
[ Man ] Welcome, everyone, to the
inaugural running of the Trans France Race.
They're all here: qualifying drivers
and cars from the world over...
each looking forward, expectantly, for
the chance at the magnificent trophy...
- and the $20,000 winner-take-all prize.
- [ Engines Revving Loudly ]
This promises to be one
of the most punishing races ever.
And these drivers
know it.
They've no doubt gone through
these cars, time after time after time.
And yet, we have them all here, still
refining and tuning car after car...
each preparing
for the gruelling race...
that will test the endurance
of man and machine.
I just wish I had
a machine to test.
I hope, uh, what's-his-name didn't
hide Herbie so well, he can't find him.
I wish you hadn't said that.
I mean, I'm a mechanic.
And a mechanic is nothing
without his car.
A million and one details
have to be taken care of for a race.
You know me,
how I pride myself on being thorough.
My tools!
Where's my tools!
- Right here.
- I knew that.
[ Man On P.A.
Speaking French ]
Inspector, the race is about to begin!
Where's our car?
Believe me,
I am as concerned as you are!
But I'm sure Fontenoy
will be here.
- He's unpredictable, but he's dependable.
- What?
Let me check with
headquarters again.
He'll be here.
You be ready.
- Who's that?
- He's Double X, you dummy.
Uh-oh, better duck.
Here comes trouble.
- Uh, look, about last night.
- I know. Me too.
- Not about missing me with that vase, I hope.
- [ Laughing ] No, no.
I guess I was a little uptight
last night. Nervous about the race.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I threw a few brick bats myself.
- In the wrong direction.
- We didn't get off to a flying start, did we?
Herbie and I take
a little getting used to. [ Chuckling ]
When you keep including Herbie like
that, you take a lot of getting used to.
By the way,
where is... it?
- Well, I- - Douglas, did
you misplace your little car?
Just temporarily.
You should look under a rock or two.
You might find it.
No, not under a rock, Gilbert.
Under a gravestone.
[ Man On P.A.] Attention. All drivers,
bring your machines to the grid.
Five minutes 'til race time.
It's just as well, Douglas.
You know the saying:
"They never come back. "
- Well, I better go.
- Diane!
- Good luck.
- I think you mean that.
Drivers will please take
your position...
as quickly as possible.
[ Repeats Announcement
In French ]
[ Crowd Cheering,
Applauding ]
[ Man On P.A. Announcing
Racing Positions In French ]
- Well, take the brake off.
- The brake is off.
You know somethin'?
That Lancia's waiting on Herbie.
Well, so are we, and all we need
is her hanging around.
All right!
Push it, push it!
- No, mademoiselle!
- Listen, I-
I hope you had nothing
to do with this.
- I didn't, but I think I can tell you who did.
- I know, it's your Herbie.
That's right! Herbie's missing
and your Lancia's missing Herbie.
You must think I'm an absolute fool
with this "Herbie, Herbie, Herbie. "
Well, I don't believe
in fairy tales or Herbie or you.!
Jim, pop the hood,
will ya?
What are you doing?
You want your car
started, don't ya?
Listen, uh,
I know how you feel...
but you better get
over it right now.
Forget Herbie.
You know why he isn't here, don't you?
He's found somebody else,
that's why.
He didn't have the guts
to tell you himself,so I'm telling you.
Oh, yeah, we're talkin'
about the same guy, all right.
Old Herbie.
Old fun-lovin',
fickle Herbie.
Now you see him...
- now you don't.
- He's right, you know.
So far, we've had to tell this to a
Fiat, a Thunderbird and an Austin-Healey.
I know how you feel.
fun while it lasted, but...
you know, the truth is, you weren't
the first and you won't be the last.
You might as well take off.
Will somebody help me
start my car?
Oui, mademoiselle.
S'il vous plait.
Let me have a look.
- [ Engine Starts ]
- Thank you!
- No problem.
- I was beginning to think everybody around here was crazy.
[ Engine Rewing ]
Well, so much
for the Lancia.
Yeah. So much for
both of them, I guess.
- [ Crowd Cheering, Shouting ]
- [ Announcer Speaking French ]
[ Announcer Continues ]
Douglas, let's go. Don't you realize
you've got pole position?
- I also realize we don't have a car.
- But it'll be here.
It'd better be. In two minutes,
Douglas, or you can try again next year.
[ Announcer ]
Mesdames et monsieurs...
[ French Continues ]
[ Announcer ]
Ladies and gentlemen...
the first running
of the Trans France Race...
is about to begin.
[ Engines Rewing ]
[ Rewing Continues ]
[ Engines Roaring ]
[ Announcer
Speaking French ]
What's that?
[Jim ]
It's an armored truck.
- [ Truck Horn Honking ]
- That armored truck is us.!
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Yes. Yes.
Where's Herbie?
Are you crazy?
We're supposed to be in a race, and here
you are guarding the Bank of England...
or the crown jewels
or who knows what!
We didn't travel 6,000 miles just to see some
French pastry dressed up like a tin soldier.
I'll tell you something. I've had it
with the French- the men, women and the-
- Are we still in it?
- You'll be starting and finishing in last place.
Quickly, you've no time to lose.
You have things to attend to.
- Gas! Let's move it, Wheely!
- Check! Top of my list!
Fill it up!
Monsieur Douglas, stop!
What do you mean, stop?
The tank is full.
I filled it this morning.
Let's go, Wheely.
[ Herbie Starts ]
Come on, Herbie. What're you doing?
The race is back there.
I know what he's doing. He can't
fool me. He's looking for that Lancia.
Well, what I was going
to say, sir-
Suppose there was a connection between
the men who attacked the little car...
- and the men who stole the diamond.
- Not now, Fontenoy!
But, sir, what if they've
hidden the stolen diamond in the car?
- What?
- If I may suggest, sir...
- we should have our men search that car immediately.
- Search?
- There is no time! Yes?
- The car is still here.
Yes, but it is
tuning up, or something.
Just say the word,
and the men and I...
will search that car
from bumper to bumper.
The word is no, Fontenoy!
N- No?
What you don't seem
to understand is that, um...
a thorough search
would take over an hour.
And an hour's delay would deprive
Douglas of winning a race...
he has traveled
halfway around the globe to enter.
Sir, I admire you
for your consideration.
[ Chuckles ] And I understand now
exactly how you are thinking.
Sorry, sir.
Forget the Lancia, Herbie.
She's gone.
You heard him right.
Gone, split!
Yeah, that's right.
She took off in that race
like you never existed.
She wanted me to tell you,
it was fun while it lasted...
but when push came to shove,
she shoved off.
That's just the way
women are.
Might as well face it.
You've been deserted,
jilted. Abandoned!
[ Herbie Rewing ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
Too late now. We'll get it in
Monte Carlo after the race.
Inspector, I think
you will be proud of me.
What now, Fontenoy?
I have done exactly what I knew
you would have wanted me to:
notified Monte Carlo.
- Their police will search the car as soon as it arrives.
- [ Screams ]
- [ Chuckling ]
- [ High-Pitched Gasp ]
- [ Gasping ]
- I'll take care of the truck, sir.
- Whoa!
- [ Screaming ]
Uh... [ Clears Throat ]
catch anything?
[ Clears Throat ]
I didn't think so.
- [Jim Bubbling ] Which way?
- Right.
[ Chokes, Coughing ]
[ Coughing ]
[ Both Grunt ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Tires Screeching,
Engine Revving ]
Hope they get that trophy to Monte Carlo
on a fast jet. We may beat 'em to it.
Unfortunately, somebody
put the Alps in our way.
The way Herbie's flyin', nothing can
stop him, including the Himalayas.
[ Chuckling ]
Some road. It's not even on the map.
Maybe you oughta ask directions.
- From who, a French mountain goat?
- There must be somebody.
[ Shouts ]
[ Whispering ]
Wheely, you-
- Maybe I'll just call from in here.
- Yeah.
[ Yodeling ]
[ Yodel Echoing ]
- Hey, there's somebody out there.
- [ Echo Continues ]
[ Echo Continues ]
No, that's just me!
I never heard a real echo before.
[ Yodeling ]
- Will you sit down, Wheely?
- [ Echo ]
Just one more, okay?
[ Yodeling ]
[ Yodeling ]
[ Echo ]
- Come on, Wheely.!
- [ Echo Continues ]
- [ Rumbling ]
- [ Echo Continues ]
Uh, I got somebody.
Those are the guys
who were after Herbie.
Get out of the car.
[ Herbie Starting ]
I'm taking over.
I'll drive the car!
[ Herbie Rewing ]
[ Honks Yodel ]
If it worked once,
maybe it'll work again.
- [ Yodeling ]
- [ Honking Continues ]
[ Yodeling, Honking
Continue ]
[ Yodel Echoing ]
Hey, buddy, I like
your "yodel-ay-hee-oo"!
[ Tires Squeal ]
Well, we're back
on the beam.
- How many cars you figure are ahead of us?
- Would you believe all of'em?
- [ Knocking Sounds ]
- Is that a knocking I hear in the gas tank?
Not in my gas tank.
- [ Knocking ]
- Sounds like something clunking around in there.
Well, we either listen
to the driver...
and stop to take
the gas tank apart...
or we listen to the mechanic
and try to win this race.
Well, I'm listening to the mechanic.
Let's go, Herbie!
[ Herbie Honks, Revs ]
[ Herbie Sputtering,
Backfiring ]
- What's wrong?
- I don't know.
- The oil pressure's up, there's plenty of gas.
- But he's not getting it.
[ Sputtering ]
[ Sputtering ]
I hate to
mention this again...
- but I heard some clunking- - You
mean that nonsense about the gas tank?
- Yeah, that's- - All right, let's
get it straight, once and for all...
who the mechanic is
around here, okay?
You say it's the gas tank,
and I say it isn't the gas tank.
You see?
It isn't the gas tank.
It's this... rock
that was in the gas tank.
- [ Clears Throat ]
- Hold it!
- There's only one kind of rock that glistens like that.
- Well, sure, quartz.
You can find millions of'em
around any quarry in Philly.
But... not one
that's worth...
six million bucks.
- Huh?
- L 'etoile dejoie.
The tall, the what?
Etoile dejoie.
[ Gasps ]
Oh, wow!
[ Gasps ]
That's the biggest hunk
of diamond I've ever seen in my life.
What I don't understand is how it-
The black sedan!
- Huh? Where?
- No, no, no.
They're the ones that robbed
the museum. Don't you see?
They weren't trying to knock us out of
the race. They were trying to get this.
Thank you for helping us,
gentlemen, and up with your hands.
You gave us the slip
for the last time.
- We'll take the rock.
- [ Clearing Throat ]
I don't suppose you'd believe
that was just a big hunk of quartz.
[ Chuckles ] The rock.
Let me have it.
[ Revving,
Sputtering ]
[ Shouting ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Shouting ]
The rock.
Well, come on, hand it over.
[ Grunting ]
[ Man's Pocket Watch
Alarm Sounds ]
[ Groaning ]
Oh! Oh!
[ Both Groaning ]
Ooh! Ooh!
[ Grunting ]
[ Panting ] Well, what do we do
with them now?
[ Herbie Honking ]
Thanks, Herbie.
We tie 'em up!
[ Panting ]
Double X, we lost them.
First time we've ever
been done in by a car.
[ Panting ] The goods will be in
Monte Carlo in a couple of hours.
[ Panting ]
No chance of stopping them.
[ Panting ] See, we- we're rather
tied up at the moment.
[ Intercom Buzzing ]
Get me the airport.
- We passed every car on the road.
- All except the Lancia.
Well, after the way
she jilted Herbie...
that's one car he won't wanna
come in second to. Right, Herbie?
Hey, isn't that it?
[ Sputtering ]
It sure is.
- Maybe we should've stopped.
- Stop? Are you kidding?
Throw away 100 grand
and the biggest comeback of our lives?
We've got this thing.
We're a shoe-in.
- She's in trouble.
- Well, sure...
plenty of cars get in trouble.
Let the rescue boys bail her out.
Yeah, but I-I mean,
she could be in real danger.
I'm sorry, Wheely.
Sometimes a comeback comes second.
Herbie doesn't seem
to think so.
Well, yeah, sure.
Why should Herbie want to stop...
- after the lies you told him back there?
- Shh!
Yeah, the jilted lover.
Why, if he knew that
that little Lancia...
had been waiting on him at the
starting line, wouldn't even budge...
until you lied to her about
him throwing her over-
I mean, she-
Why, he'd-
I mean, he'd be back
at her side right now.
I hate to say this,Jim,
but you got a big mouth. You know that?
Hang on, Diane!
[ Gasping ]
[ Coughing ]
Thank you.
[ Coughing ]
Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You okay?
I think so.
I missed a shift and lost control.
That's not all
you could've lost.
[ Wheely ] Herbie, what're you doin'?
Herbie, there's no time.!
Forget it, Wheely.
He's gonna get his girlfriend
out of the mud.
And us out of the race.
I see it,
but I don't believe it.
Well, you can believe this:
We are now out of the money...
because "sometimes
a comeback comes second. "
Who's giving up, buddy?
Not me!
- Come on,you come with us.
- No, no, I... I'm gonna stay with my car.
Looks like we're all
gonna stay with her car.
Let's go, Wheely!
[ Engine Cranking ]
- You're not going anyplace, are you?
- [ Engine Cranking ]
[ Engine Cranking ]
Uh, Herbie?
Now listen to me.
Uh, Herbie, I know
just how you feel...
but I also know
you're not a quitter.
Now show 'em
you can do it, Herbie.
- Win it for them!
- [ Lancia Honking ]
And for her.
- [ Herbie Starting ]
- Oh, hey! [ Laughing ]
The rest is up to you.
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
Aw, come on, Herbie!
Open up, will ya? Come on!
I know you're sore about
what I told you, but I'm sorry, okay?
Look, I did it for you.
Okay, okay,
I did it for us.
What do you want me to do,
get down on my knees?
- [ Honk, Honk ]
- Okay.
All right, I lied to ya,
and I'm sorry.
And I promise I'll never,
never do it again, okay?
Boy, you sure don't
forgive easy, do ya?
Bouchet, did you miss a turn
on your way to the Eiffel Tower?
[ Laughing ] No.
A little unfinished business, Emile.
You've wounded me, my friend. You think
I cannot handle a little diamond search?
Five of my best men are waiting
for the cars to enter Monte Carlo.
- That is exactly why I'm here.
- Aha!
Afraid I will steal
some of your glory?
There is no glory
to be stolen.
I wish to rectify
a terrible mistake...
and save everyone
from embarrassment.
- The search is off.
- Off?
The message was an error
by another zealous young detective...
anxious to make an overnight
reputation for himself.
Ah, yes, but for this kind of news
they invented the telephone.
Ooh-la-la! This is a matter
that needed my personal attention.
Who knows
what complications could arise...
from a situation
like this?
This is a big race.
It could cause...
an international incident.
Well, it, uh, seems
your young man in Paris...
has caused you
a lot of trouble.
I assure you, Emile,
I intend to put an end to it.
Wiser heads are always called upon
to clean up the mistakes of the young.
- It's true.
- And our reward...
we get it
when we reach heaven.
Perhaps a bit sooner.
Three down
and two to go.
Dirty road hog!
Why doesn't he learn how to drive?
He knows how to drive.
That's the trouble.
Yeah, I see
what you mean.
If we don't get him
by the tunnel-
There's no way
we can pass him!
Bruno was right.
They never come back.
[ Honking, Revving ]
H- H-Herbie!
[ Tires Screeching ]
Ha-ha! I don't b-
believe it!
[ Cheering ]
- [ Crowd Cheering ]
- [ Together] We did it!
- They don't come back, huh?
- I guess Herbie wasn't listening.
- Whoo!
- Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo! Ha-ha!
[ Cheering, Shouting ]
- [ Woman ] Herbie.! Herbie.!
- [ Man ] Herbie.! Herbie.!
- [ Cheering, Whistling ]
- Herbie! Herbie!
- How does it feel to be back in the winner's circle?
- Pretty good!
Well, for the 20th time,
it was a great race...
and we enjoyed every minute of it-
almost every minute of it.
Well, I'm enjoying every minute of this,
I can tell you that.
And, uh, both of us would like
to thank you all very, very much.
Au revoir.!
i Buenas noches.!
See ya around, Douglas.
Hey, that's some cute little memento
you got there, old buddy.
Well, this little memento's
as much yours as mine, old buddy;
- and it's more Herbie's than anybody's.
- You can say that again.
[Jim ]
Well, look who's here.
May I add
my congratulations.
You'll congratulate us even more
when you see what we've got for ya.
- It was right in Herbie's gas tank.
- Ah!
- [Jim ] This whatcha been lookin'for?
- Yes.
It's had a rough trip,
hasn't it?
But it's winding up
in the right hands.
Indeed, it is.
Don't know how we missed connections,
sir, but here I am.
You see?
I knew the diamond would be found.
It's an honour to be at your side
in this moment of triumph, Inspector.
And I have
more good news, sir.
The two thieves
have been captured.
[ Bouchet Chuckling ]
Good! Then I'd say
the case is concluded.
- [ Chuckling ]
- [Jim ] Yeah.
But, you know, there seems there'd be
a mastermind behind this kind of thing.
[ Wheely ] Yeah, or that museum
has some pretty lousy security.
Sir, men have been challenged to a duel
for such an accusation.
The museum's security
was virtually foolproof.
- I made an interesting discovery just today, sir.
- Fontenoy.
From the sensitized
to the radar beam surrounding
the pedestal to the very pillow...
on which the diamond rested, all the traps
were conceived and executed by one man.
- Fontenoy.
- No, sir...
give credit
where credit is due.
The combinations to the entire security
system were devised and known only to you!
The only question is,
who besides the Inspector...
knew the details
of these precautions?
Who besides the Inspector?
The answer to
that question is...
My retirement has been
delayed too long.
Now I hope no one
will be foolish enough to make a move.
- [ Bone Cracking ]
- [ Gasps ]
Move this ridiculous car,
or I'll be forced to kill you!
[ Gasps ]
Even a mastermind can be
outsmarted by this car. Thanks, Herbie.
I always hoped you'd be present
when I cracked my first big case, sir.
[ Growling ]
- Uh, excuse me, sir.
- [ Handcuffs Clicking ]
- Sorry, sir. Sorry.
- [ Groaning ]
I think you'll find
it's all here, monsieur.
I'm so happy!
I personally
will see to it...
that this magnificent
receives the greatest honour
France can bestow.
S'il vous plait,
the, uh, VW?
Yes, the VW.
The white one with the 53 on the side.
Yes, yes,
I know the car.
- It is the toast of all Monte Carlo.
- Yes.
It's also our transportation,
if you wouldn't mind.
Oh, I wouldn't mind,
monsieur, but it is no longer here.
It was stolen.
you would not believe this.
I would not believe this.
No one would believe this.
It was stolen...
by another car.
I know that you believe about Herbie,
but you're probably not ready to believe-
Giselle can do anything
she wants to.
- Giselle?
- Mm-hmm.
We're strong women, she and I.
Shall we make it a foursome?
- Let's go.
- [ Chuckles ]
[ Faking French Accent ] Take us to
ze most romantic spot in Monte Carlo.
[ Fireworks
Whistling, Popping ]
[ Clearing Throat ]
Yeah, bein' chief mechanic
is important...
but I didn't exactly
win the race all by myself.
Well, almost.