House Party: Tonight's the Night (2013) Movie Script
Morning, Christopher.
You all ready to finish high school?
Yeah, uh, I'm excited. Very excited.
Oh, I can see that.
Yo, two more weeks
and we're high-school graduates.
Tick tock. You gonna ask Autumn
out before the buzzer rings?
All right. A, she has a boyfriend.
B, he's a monster.
Come on, dude, take action.
I mean, you been spinning
for her since like grade two.
Chris. Hey. Why don't you
come and get yourself...
...one of mama's
famous breakfast sandwiches?
Famous with who?
Dylan got sick last time he had one.
Yeah, Dylan.
You know, I worry about him.
Don't get me wrong,
I like the boy and all...
...but what's he gonna do after high school?
He never set himself up for his future.
Just made one bad mistake after another.
Not like you, superstar.
Heh-heh-heh.
- So come on down, all right?
- All right. I'll be down.
Move your butt.
- I'll be down.
Oh, hey, man, um,
about what he just said, don't...
I was just talking to my mom. What's up?
Nothing, man.
Hey, hey, my man.
Yo, what up?
- What's up, what's up?
Yo Chris,
Stomp and Deathgrave are outside
talking smack about you.
You need to check those fools, man.
You made out with her?
- Well, not exactly.
Wait, what does that mean?
Well, not at all.
So, what did you do?
Ever hear of the fine art
of conversation?
Oh, you suck.
Yo, man, you want sound?
You want heavy?
You want 180 grams, my brother.
Yeah, 180 grams
don't come cheap, though.
Yeah, what's cost
when it comes to quality?
Show you something right now.
Call yourself a DJ.
What? What? What you got?
Boom!
See this right here, bro.
It's weight, density.
Ain't no needle gonna
skip over that mo'fo.
Needle ain't gonna skip on me, period.
Yeah, because you ain't a real DJ.
You pre-mix your shit on your iPad...
...when you should be doing it on the fly.
Listen, I take the time to get shit right.
You let the whole club hear your mistakes.
Because I'm human.
- It's, uh, real.
- Yeah, well, it's imperfect.
That's why it's perfect.
Yo, it's on.
They call me stomp, boy
'Cause that's what I do to you
Put you in your place
And erase every clue to ya
You don't have the heart
Like stomp do
Battle me and you'll be
Headlining the Fox News
They call me Deathgrave
'Cause I'm the troublin' type
And I'm handin' out obituaries
When I'm on the mic
Man, I'm up for a fight
say I'm buggin' you, right
Keep poppin' that lip
And you gon' see what it's like
You got bummy school gear
'Cause your pockets are light
Man, I'm shining up the hall
'Cause my pockets is right
Got your girl always talkin'
Like, "It's nice ta see ya"
'Cause my cheese stays drippin'
Like a slice of pizza
Ho, step right up
'Cause Dylan's stealin' the show
And you about to get dissed
By my main man Chris
Hey, Dylan, I got this. This is light work.
If you stomp and he Deathgrave
I'm the grim reaper
Make stomp Deathgrave
And put him in a sleeper
six feet ya, ha
Deeper than your mom's voice
Yo, she sound like Darth Vader on steroids
Ha
I'm-a get this poppin'
Them ain't skinny jeans
You're wearing your mama's stockings
And Deathgrave, man
Your raps are so simple
The only thing you ever keep popping
Is pimples
Yeah, I said it, you're done
Get back to your fun
This battle was over
Before it even begun
- That's bullshit.
- That's what I'm talking about!
Step off, boys.
Maybe next time for the little sisters.
Pfft.
- Yo, you got some wrong skills, son.
- It's all you. It's all you.
Yo, we got skills, you know?
You really gonna walk away
from all this for college?
I'm not really walking away
from anything, man.
We can still do the rap thing,
it just gotta be on the side.
So I been talking to my boy Doobie.
He just started this gig
at Kickpower Records in New York.
He's gonna get us in.
Look man, I told you, Doobie's an intern.
And he does coke.
Yo, he only does ecstasy and weed.
- Okay.
That's not what happened!
- Why are her books in your bag, Quentin?
- Because I was holding them for her.
Why?
- That's my friend, and I'm into
Twilight now. - That's your friend.
- Yes.
- You're into Twilight now?
Yeah. Mm-hm.
Really?
- Yes.
- Since when?
- No, stop and talk to me.
- Since today.
- Since today?
- Yep.
Okay. You on Team Eric or Team Jacob?
Well, first, I mean, you got Jacob,
and he's all that.
Then you got your Eric and he's so
just kind of wishy washy and all that, so...
- Heh.
- I mean, whatever.
All right. Who's Sookie Stackhouse?
The girl that's in love with both of them.
Wouldn't be Twilight without her.
You'd be right.
If we were talking about True Blood.
Take your fucking books.
Call from my moms. I gotta take it.
I didn't hear it ring.
It's on vibrate.
Fuck, man.
Yo, what the fuck you looking at?
I ain't got no food for your fat ass.
Ugh. Watch out.
- Seriously, Quentin?
Deuces.
She's just so damn fine.
I'm so sorry.
How come the assholes
get the good girls, man?
Assholes roll the dice. Take risks.
- What should I say?
- Think of something.
She's not just gonna put them
up on the glass.
You know, when you rapping,
you Superman.
Music fade, tsk, Clark Kent.
Oh, really? Oh, for sure, okay.
Then watch me fly.
Hey, uh, Autumn, Autumn, heh,
how you living, girl?
What's up?
- Been better.
- Yeah.
You hear all that?
Nah, except that he, uh,
might be creeping with some ho...
...but, you know,
obviously the guy's into hoes...
Not saying that you're a ho.
The schools full of hoes, you know?
Here a ho, there a ho, everywhere a ho-ho.
And then, poof. Ho be gone.
What are you saying, Chris?
Uh... Heh.
I'm really trying to say
I think you're a princess.
Yes! Whoo!
You're sweet.
I try.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Dude, I thought you were toast
with that "ho be gone" nonsense...
...but you rallied!
I thought it was funny.
Nah.
This is crazy.
Oh, thank you, baby.
Look, why can't the CPAs I hire
get their clients...
...to put the invoice numbers
on their check stubs?
- Devis in the details.
- Yeah.
And that's why you're
the V.P. of Finance.
Mm. You mean, the V.P of that fine ass.
- What, you want the double stuff?
- Ha-ha-ha.
Ugh. I can do that all day long, babe.
Oh, he's home. He's here.
Look who's home from school.
Ha, ha. Look who's home from school.
Hey, buddy, how was school?
You know, the usual.
I'm gonna be upstairs.
Wait, hey, hey.
Uh, Dad, are you on the pipe?
You acting kind of strange today.
What's up?
Son, for 18 years...
...you have been hard-working,
and responsible.
And we're so relieved
you realized...
...the whole music thing ain't for you.
You guys didn't give me
much of a choice on that one, but thanks.
It's not true.
There's always a choice.
You just have a knack
for making the right ones.
Can I do it? Can I tell him?
Yes.
Should I?
Follow me.
Chris, Chris, Chris.
Wow!
You got yourself
a beautiful car here, Pops.
Yeah, you know, I figured
this is probably the...
...uh, you know, perfect
car for a college kid.
- Oh, hell, no!
- Oh, hell, yes.
Oh!
Yeah, I figured a guy like you
could use a fine ride.
Dad, this is amazing! Thanks!
Whoa! Hey, uh-uh. No, no, no.
Let's hold off a couple of weeks,
then make it official.
Don't worry, son.
You're gonna be slicing
some serious poontang pie up in this here.
Poontang pie.
Ladies. Ha.
Melvin!
What did you just say to him?
Uh...
- Son...
- Speeding.
Uh, uh, don't be speeding,
and to respect women at all times.
All times.
Hello?
Yes.
Oh, Lord, no! No!
Who dead?
Ugh. Aunt Coot.
Aunt Coot?
- Oh, the humpback?
- Tsk.
- Oh, they still on the phone?
- Grr.
I'm sorry.
All right, baby, we gotta hurry.
It's gonna be hours to get to Barstow.
I just can't believe
they called the day of the funeral.
She's been dead a week,
and they just call now?
Yes. Because they don't like us.
Wait, I'm confused.
Was it Aunt Maybelline who died?
- It was Aunt Coot.
- Coot?
You may not remember her.
It's been a while.
Oh, the humpback?
Yeah, she was texting
on the stairs, son...
...and that weight of that hump
just became too much...
...and she fell down,
just hump over hump over hump.
She was humped to death.
Wow.
Damn hump took her out.
- We'll be back Saturday.
- Okay.
I know I don't have to say this...
You don't have to say it.
I'll take care of the house. I got it.
Heh, heh. Baby, you're forgetting, you're
talking to our responsible and mature son.
And you know how your mama is
about girls in the house while she's away...
- ... so cool it on that front.
- Gotcha.
And remember what's waiting on you.
Okay?
Okay.
- No mistakes.
All right.
Right. Okay.
All right, y'all. Y'all drive safe.
No texting and driving.
Remember what happened to Aunt Hump.
Let's go, homey, it's Friday.
Get your ass in the car.
Come on, it's Friday.
Friday, Friday.
When you gonna get rid
of this broke-down hooptie?
Don't hate on the car.
Got my first hand job in this car.
Yeah, from your own hand.
What's up, Doobie?
That's great.
Yeah.
Yeah, just text me when it's going down.
Oh, you got that right, Doobie.
Guess who that was?
I don't know. Doobie?
In town with his boss, Keniston Scott!
Oh, shit! Keniston Scott! Who's that?
- The record exec!
- Well, okay.
Too bad we don't have
a decent demo to give them.
Forget a demo.
That don't show what we do in a crowd.
We need to find a house party.
I'm down. I can roll all night.
The parents are out of town.
- Back up the Escalade.
- Whoa.
Are you saying your parents are out of town
and you got the crib to yourself?
Oh, no! Don't even think it.
We're gonna have the house
party in your house.
No, because we're not destroying
my parents' house.
- You're crazy.
- Don't you see? It's fate.
This is your moment.
My moment?
Look, I like rap, all right?
But I don't know if I want to do it
for the rest of my life.
Bullshit! You want to be a rap star, Chris.
You always have.
Look, I told my folks I'd be mature.
I didn't tell you,
but they got me a graduation gift.
A '85 Camaro.
Riding.
That's a crazy vehicle!
- And I will do sex in it when
the time comes. - No, you won't.
But in the meantime,
we're gonna make this party...
...an exclusive, invite-only affair.
I'll invite Doobie and Keniston Scott,
you invite Autumn Rose.
She's just a beautiful flower
waiting on you to pollinate her.
- All right, 10 people at the most?
- Fifteen, hard limit.
How about that?
- You think Autumn really likes me?
- Yeah.
But she needs to see you in star mode
to seal the deal.
And tell her to leave
the boyfriend at home.
For sure. All right.
Keeping it small, right?
- Real small.
- Miniscule.
- All right.
- Like your package.
Oh, don't even play me, dog,
I'm blessed, all right?
House party?
Hell, yeah, I'll be there.
We gotta make sure we get
all the furniture out of the room.
Yeah, check. I'll be right back.
Chris, dude!
The house orgy's on, man!
- What?
Hey, Chris!
Going to perpetrate some nasty
ass strange inside your house!
Long and wide, from behind
and from the side, baby!
I'm gonna give a girl
a baby on your couch!
I'm getting blown
in your bedroom, man.
- Oh, hell, no! Dylan!
- Yeah, what's up, bro?
Yo, why is everybody saying
they're gonna bang in my house.
Bang out some tunes, yo.
They just talking.
I mean, they're just kids.
No, man, this is getting out of hand.
I'm shutting it down, right now.
Come on.
Hey, Chris...
...everybody's going to your party.
I'll see you there tonight.
I'll see you there.
Later, Dylan.
You were saying?
How the hell did this happen?
Uh, Chris? Dylan?
- What's up, Precocious?
- Yeah, we a little busy here.
I've been hearing
about your house party...
- Where did you hear about this?
- On Facebook.
On Facebook!
And Twitter, and Tumblr,
and Instagram and...
What do you want?
Well, I was wondering...
Can I come?
Sorry, I mean,
too many bodies as it is.
But I'm gonna try and make
some room for you, Precocious.
- Really?
Yeah.
Yo, you got heart, G.
And with any luck,
you'll get Autumn too.
Get Autumn too.
Hey, Chris! Yo! Chris, man!
How you gonna hire Hardcap
to DJ your party when I'm your boy?
I didn't hire no DJ.
You great, Bootytime.
But Hardcap is hot.
Tsk! Man, that's messed up, Dylan.
You too, Chris.
Us three go back since forever.
Bootytime, you rock the house.
But that shit you got
is always breaking down.
- He's right. - It's not. My shit
is fixed. Hand to God, yo.
Plus, you said these players
was looking for old school...
...not Hardcap's disco
electro crypto bullshit.
Better than your played-out
hood rat grab bag!
Yeah, whatever.
- So, what's the verdict?
- Yeah, what's the verdict?
Look, this is how it has to go down.
Hardcap, I know Bootytime five years
longer than you, so you got the gig.
You gonna have to be on standby.
Just in case, bro.
Don't trip. Ain't gonna be
no "just in case. "
Chuck E. Cheese
is looking for a DJ, though.
See you in class. Peace.
Standby, man?
Sorry, bro.
- It's Chuck E. Cheese, man.
- I mean, they are hiring.
- Chuck E. Cheese.
I got to get to my class. Chuck E. Cheese.
That's whack, man.
Gentlemen,
we need to avenge Gotham City.
What do you mean?
We need to find a way
to get into Chris' party.
- We can bring him some food.
- You can make sushi.
I'm not Japanese.
Guys, I could sell my father's
porn collection.
No!
Well, well, well.
Heaven just pulled up
in a green hooptie.
Heh. Tracey, just look at Chris.
I been waiting for that young
tender ass to turn 18.
You're old enough to be his mother.
I think the term is "cougar. "
And as said cougar,
I'm gonna tear that ass up.
Victoria!
I'm serious.
Girl, you know Lisa Ann?
Porn actress.
You know, when she was younger,
she was just another porn ho.
Then she turn 40...
...pfft, shoot, she the number one name
in adult entertainment.
Hottest thing.
How you think Demi Moore
got Ashton Kutcher?
Or how Susan Sarandon,
with her big ole titties...
...how you think she got Tim Robbins?
Because them sisters know what's up.
And you know what's up?
The slightly older...
...but still damn sexy woman.
Hello! Ha!
Ooh, girl, look.
I think somebody's having a little party.
And I sure hope he invites me
because I wanna provide that young man...
...with some MILF and cookies.
Move that?
- Yeah, just, uh, put it in my room.
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
- Yep.
- Bootytime's here.
- Good, he's early.
Whoo! Yo, Chris, you got any Hot Pockets
up in the fridge, man?
I'm hungry. Gotta get ready...
Oh, shit.
- Come on.
- Hey, yo, Chris, don't even trip, man.
You already know DJ Bootytime...
...brought enough super glue
and duct tape...
...to fix any problem that comes up.
It's called preparation, man.
Come on, you already know this.
Yeah, let me move this right quick.
Goddamn, this thing is heavy.
- Like this.
- Oh, hell, no!
- What y'all talking about? Oh, shit.
Ugh.
Hey, man, don't even trip, bro.
- Chris, I got some Clorox sheets
in the trunk. - Clorox sheets!
Bro, it'll scrub out any scratches
that happens on this floor.
Pops ain't even gonna notice.
Keep your chin up.
You know DJ Bootytime got you.
Deal! We're gonna have
some fine ladies up in here.
And they gonna be
all over DJ Bootytime...
...like I can't believe it ain't butter.
Why? - Because it DJ Bootytime!
Spread it out,
let it melt down your chin, bitches!
- Whoo!
- Does this guy really get laid?
What you mean, I get laid?
They call me Frito,
that's how much I get laid so much.
They couldn't keep their hands
off me in the front yard.
Your neighbors was on me, man.
Pfft! Scratch it up tonight.
Underclassmen.
You don't really think
you're getting in, do you?
We brought you some high-end booze,
you know, for the house.
Yo, ho, ho
And three bottles of rum
Come on in if you're coming.
Go, go, go. Up top, man.
Got a drink in my hand
But don't spill it
With a chick on my arm
That's what I'm dealin' with
When I rush the boss
He wants to answer the party
They put me in charge
so I'm-a kill it
Got a drink in my hand
But don't spill it
With a chick on my arm
That's what I'm
There she is.
Get on in here with your bad self.
Pfft. Get in there!
Hey
We turn up till the night's gone
Grab a cup
Until we break dawn
Goin' hard till we fall
Then we do, do, do it again
House party
Tell her bring friends
Hey, no, no, no. Yo, yo, yo.
Will you relax? It's all chill.
That scratch Bootytime
put in the floor is not all chill.
We already started
the night off on a deficit.
- Is Autumn here?
- Not yet.
But she best be bringing Morgan
because she be looking fine as hell.
- Doobster!
- Doobie.
Slow down. No! Food poisoning?
Listen to me, you get
your ass off that toilet...
...and get over here
with Keniston Scott!
Doobie, don't...
- He hung up.
- What's the crisis?
He ate some bad sushi or something.
- He's out.
- I knew it. Doobie's full of shit.
- Literally.
So the record exec is out.
So this was all for nothing?
No, Keniston Scott's
coming without Doobie.
Yeah, okay.
I'll believe that when I see it.
And even if he does come,
we don't even know what he looks like.
Doobie's not picking up.
Keniston could be here now
and we won't even know it.
No, I'll just look
for the old guy in a suit.
Believe me,
I can sniff out a record executive.
We need to make a name for ourselves.
Yeah. And how do we do that?
I mean, we are who we are, right?
No, look at that guy from that sitcom,
the one who acted all whacky.
Then he did some crazy interviews,
and suddenly he's the rock star from Mars.
Yeah. And he rose again,
all new and powerful, like the Phoenix.
Like freaking caw-caw, caw-caw.
That's what we need to do.
- Yeah.
To our time!
- Our time.
Now, that guy is weird.
Way weird.
Do, do, do it
Do, do, do it again
Yo, what's up, man?
You see I'm in my zone!
Yo, get my track cued up
and ready to pop in a snap.
I'm gonna need two hot mics
for me and Chris.
That guy from Kickpower
Records still coming?
Yep. Me and Chris
gonna blow shit up.
For sure.
Hey, I can remix your shit too.
You know, put my freak in it, cut it up!
Go easy. Don't remix too much
so people can't recognize it.
I got you, let's go, do this.
Pop, pop, pop, pop
Let it drop, drop, drop
If you got paid
And feel famous
You sippin' on something
Outrageous
Then pop
Uh-oh. Who are you getting
all Beyonce'd up for?
Heh. That Dylan looking good lately.
Heh, Dylan.
So, what's up with you and Chris?
He's cute. Nice guy.
Yeah.
- Ever get the feeling that
Quentin is kind of...? - An asshole?
- Yeah.
- All the time.
Bounce that ass
Bounce that ass
she on that tworky shit
Twork, twork, twork
she did a headstand
Twork, twork, twork
I threw a couple bands
Welcome to mi casa.
Told you I'd be here.
So, uh, you figured out
the directions and everything, right?
- I'm here, right?
- True.
Um, how was traffic?
Why don't you fix us a drink?
That's a great idea. I got you.
What's up, baby?
Mm. You're looking exceptional.
Just trying to represent, you know.
- You representing and presenting.
- You know it.
- Mm. Get over here, come on.
- Ha, ha.
Down, boy. The night is young.
Just put a little rum in there.
No, that's gross.
All right, let's see, let's see.
- Uh, a little vodka, okay.
- Mm-hm.
A little rum.
- Triple sec.
- All right.
Little more vodka.
How about a splash of orange juice?
That's quite a drink.
What, you wanna split it?
- Yeah, sure.
- All right. Here you go.
Mm, here you go.
Thank you.
And how about to, uh, endless possibilities
and, uh, no more high school.
Endless possibilities.
I like that.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
I like your earrings.
They're, uh, very unusual.
Thank you.
I take different pieces from random things
and put them together to make something new.
- You know.
- That's real hot.
- Thanks.
- Creative.
I have this idea to start
like a nonprofit clothing line.
Get some duds on the poor.
- Wow.
- Something like that.
- Sounds amazing.
- Thanks.
Uh, so, what're you planning
on doing after graduation?
- UC Santa Barbara.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Um, I wanna study fashion...
...but my dad wants me to have
like a fall-back real degree.
Oh, see, that's my pop's thing too.
- I do music, I rap here and there.
- I've heard you rap, Chris.
The whole school has.
You guys are dope.
Ah, we're not...
We do a little something, something.
- Aw.
- A lot of folks can.
Don't minimize it. Own it.
The truth is, I like to do both.
Rap and school.
Yo, uh, this party isn't
as whack as I thought.
I heard on, uh, Black Planet
there was supposed to be a donkey.
Chris, um, you know Quentin.
What's up? How you doing?
- And look what you got.
You know I ain't all flossy like that.
Baby, it's not about being flossy.
It's about letting everybody know
that you're my number one girl.
- Number one girl.
What up, Q?
I see a couple of my cats over there.
It's a bird! It's a plane.
No, no, no, it's a Q! Ha-ha-ha.
Excuse me.
Mm. I hate that guy.
Let me dream, set me free
Take me away
You can tie me down, throw me 'round
Have it your way
Curtis and skippy
Flirtin' with hippies
At the house party
smokin' blunt full spiffy
Light it up, smoke it up
And let's get trippy
Let's go insane
No pain, no gain
Three dime pieces. Tens ahead.
Hey, how about over there?
Three nickels. Fives at best.
You know what they say...
...one man's Khloe is another man's Kim.
Nobody actually says that.
- No?
- No.
Yes, sir, we'll take those nickels,
thank you very much.
Huh?
Three nickels is 15.
It's five more than a 10.
- Oh, I like that.
- Yeah.
Hold on now.
- Lions...
- ... tigers...
...and bears.
Oh, my.
Neighborhood watch
There's a party round the block
Tell the crew we got to get there
Before we call cops
Hey, hey, don't go upstairs. Hey.
Oh. Mrs. Meyer.
Oh, come on. Hello, Christopher.
We're both adults now.
You can call me Kee Kee.
Oh, okay. Uh...
Well, you gonna invite us in or what?
Um...
Come on, Christopher,
I know you're throwing a party...
...and I ain't here to bust you, baby.
Uh-uh. I'm here just to have a little fun.
Right. Heh.
Come on in.
The drinks are in the kitchen.
You help yourself.
Oh, I always do.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Watch your step.
Wait for me.
Now don't be blocking
my action tonight.
Yo, yo, King Louis.
Purple Kush?
Hey. Hey.
Yo, yo, yo. Hey, hey, hey.
- No.
- Hey, whoa, whoa.
- Excuse me, man.
- You're excused.
This liquor's off-limits.
Damn.
Yo, dog. Dog. Dog.
There is a real live gnome outside.
What? Yo, who are all
these people in my house?
- I guess word got out.
- Because you put it out.
This is not what we talked about.
You were supposed to keep it under control.
There's gotta be people here...
...so Keniston Scott could see
how we get them hopping.
- You want him to see us rapping
to crickets? - Okay. Right. Right.
At least get crowd control or something.
- Get somebody at the door.
- Already on it.
Got my boy Pete
guarding the golden entrance.
We all good.
Ain't you a little old for this party?
I've got business here.
Well, get your ass in there.
Take care of business.
Call ya
Can you hear me call ya
Can you hear me call ya
Can you hear me call ya
I thought you supposed
to be watching the door.
I am.
You see any music executive
types come through?
- You know, a mover-shaker type?
- Nah.
Wait, actually...
Nope.
Lookin' so fine
In the club
Everybody showin' me love
fly in the club
Everybody love
On top like the pop
since noon
I keep goin' out
Like a house of balloons
I swear, I'm a groom
Hip to a loon
Hey!
I sweep her off her feet
Now she call me Mr. Broom
Ha, see, first they said
I wouldn't make it
same people come around
And don't say shit
Uh, Chris, what's wrong?
Oh, nothing.
You know.
Except for my so-called "guests"...
...are lighting fire bombs in my backyard...
...and destroying my parents' crib.
Other than that, it's all good.
Heh. So I take it you didn't get
permission to throw this party?
Heh. To be honest with you, hell no.
Chris, I've watched you
bust ass since grade school.
- You realize, you deserve a party, right?
- Maybe.
Not maybe. You do.
Plus, nothing has happened you can't clean,
so just calm down, have some fun.
Okay.
Uh, where's Quentin?
Thought y'all were dancing.
We were, but, uh, he vanished, as usual.
Or he read the invite and left.
Because it specifically said,
"Everybody's welcome...
...except serial killers,
the walking dead...
...and conceited jocks
who don't know a great thing...
...when they have it. "
Well, hello, Mr. Chris.
How's it hanging, baby?
Half-mast?
Or full staff?
Mrs. Meyer.
How about you meet
my friend Autumn?
Hey.
Why don't you and I
go hit that dance floor...
...and get all hot and sweaty together?
Uh, you mind if I take
a rain check on that one?
A rain check?
That's cute. A rain check.
Rain check. Mm-hm.
Okay. I'll see you a little later.
Hmm. Ahem.
Excuse me. Excuse me, baby.
- It's getting a little tight.
- It is a little tight.
It's a little tight up in here. Okay?
That kind of tight.
All right, Mrs. Meyer.
That's the next door neighbor.
Uh, apparently she's recently single.
Uh, apparently
she wants to jump your bones.
- Really? You think so?
- Yeah.
Maybe just a little.
Wow.
Wanna check out
my graduation present?
- Sure, yeah.
- Come on.
I get the keys when they get back tomorrow.
Not bad, huh?
Not bad?
This car is the bomb dot com.
So are you.
- Come here.
Me?
Oh, really?
You know I'm just playing, right?
Hell, yeah. Ha, ha.
No, I didn't really know that.
So when she finally stopped screaming...
...I said to her,
"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
seems to me
I'm Mr. Man on the block
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Look up, it's a bird
It's a plane
The whole entire town's
Going to hear me when I say
I'm flossy and I'm bossy
I'm flossy and I'm bossy
I'm flossy and I'm bossy
Okay
Tryin' to get a stack, baby
Call me green thumb
Make, make, make it hot
Make, make it hot like
Girl, this is our jam!
Ooh. Would you excuse me
for one second?
- Do your thing.
- Okay.
All my girls get behind me.
Girls over here, boys over there.
Come on, let's go. Back up, girls.
Make it hot like
Make it hot
Make it hot like
Make it hot
Make it hot
Make it hot like
It's your chance, baby
Let me see you dance, baby
Let me see what you got
I'm-a put you on the spot
Better, better make it hot
Make it hot like
It's your chance, baby
Let me see you dance, baby
Let me see what you got
I'm-a put you on the spot
Better, better make it hot
Make it hot like
- That's the best y'all got?
- You got something better?
- Yo, let's do it!
- Back 'em up!
Back 'em up!
Make it hot
Make it hot like
What the fuck?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Those girls are hot.
Oh, hell to the no.
Them skinny bitches?
Shit. They ain't no what they doing.
Yo, what's with you
hijacking my jam, son?
You done just stepped into some shit.
Yo, what do you think
I came down here for?
To watch these peeps get bored to death
with your bullshit old school?
I took it because you didn't
know what to do with it.
Look, man, you don't ever, ever,
ever, ever mix with a man's mix, boy.
Are you crazy?
What's wrong with you?
Hey, yo, yo, yo. Tyson, Tyson. Holyfield.
Yo. You're tripping,
go back to your corners, man.
Hardcap.
I remember back in the day
when we did some real dancing.
You know, we did stuff like this,
and the Hustle.
We weren't all over the floor
like some skank hos.
I'm Dylan.
So glad you made it.
Yeah, loving me some
old school house party.
Yo, let me tell Chris
you're here, all right?
He'd love to meet you too.
You almost got it.
Chris.
Aw, baby, that little dance
you and Morgan did was cute.
You too, Stomp The Yard.
But isn't all that "You Got Served"
pop-locking played out?
What are we watchin' here,
Footloose or Flashdance?
As played out as the medallion
with your initials on it?
Or did the rest of your name fall off
because it ain't really real platinum?
Uh, this here is more real than anything
you gonna get your hands on.
It's time! Keniston Scott is here,
we need to get on the mic!
- Who?
- The record exec.
Oh, shit.
Like a bomb went off
In the middle of the night
It had me trippin'
Jumped up out my bed for a peek
I walked over to my window
But my knees felt weak
Yo, yo, don't trip. I got this.
Please don't tell me your board
did not just go out.
My board did not just go out, man.
You're about to set off
all the smoke alarms.
I got this.
I got my amp in the car, man.
- All right. Hardcap, you on. Go get it.
- Ha! You done, son.
Hardcap is on.
- I'm sorry.
- Chris.
Hey. Hey, Chris!
Chris!
You're still gonna give me
50 dollars for the night?
Oh, my God.
Dude, oh, my God.
So we got a small technical issue
but we're getting it fixed.
- You in a rush?
- Not particularly.
Okay, so you can hang?
Because we really want you
to see us do our thing.
Only if I can get a drink in this place.
I'll be right back.
Twenty-five-year single malt scotch.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
All right. All right, everybody, don't trip.
The music will be back on in a second.
- So everybody just, uh, mingle
or something. - Hey, Chris. Chris.
- Yo, what's up.
- Hey, you got some wire cutters?
- Maybe, man, I might have to look.
- All right. Please.
- All right.
- Hey. About the sidekick.
Really, Tom don't need Jerry.
Batman don't need Robin.
- Ooh.
- What are you doing?
I'm doing what the kids
call "sexting. "
Kee Kee.
You ever think about
giving this whole thing up?
Vict...
Victoria.
Hello, Christopher,
you got a second to talk?
Um, actually,
I gotta get back downstairs.
No, no, no, don't you go anywhere.
Now, Christopher, listen.
I know I'm just a little
bit older than you...
...and, well, you've got all those
little young girls down there...
...just putting their little cotton tails...
...all up in your face,
and that's what college is for.
Let's just say you and me
go across the street back to my house...
...and let me break you off into a real man?
Mrs. Meyer, actually,
I gotta get downstairs.
Stop it. Just stop it, stop it.
- Ow.
- Just wait a second.
At least look at
what's being offered, baby.
Oh. Those are, uh, insanely explicit.
- Uh...
- Ooh.
Okay, I don't even know what that is.
You don't know what that is?
I love this.
Let me tell you what it is.
Hi. I'm Jerry.
And I'm Precocious.
Wanna go
where it's a little quieter and talk?
That sounds really nice, Jerry.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Christopher, you cannot tell me...
...that you don't notice me
noticing you noticing me...
...when I come out
to get my morning paper.
And you don't think
I notice that big morning woody?
Yeah, that big morning...
You don't think I would possibly...
Whoa. Whoa.
You ain't got no panties on.
I know. And I'm so much wetter
than that sock under your bed.
How'd you know?
Baby, I know everything.
Miss Meyer, Miss Meyer!
To the left.
To the left, son.
Whoo! Yes, yes.
Yes. Oh, no.
I was just looking for you.
Um, news flash.
I'm not in her vagina.
I wasn't in her vagina.
Not yet! Ugh.
I swear, it's not what it looks like.
I don't have time to explain
because I gotta get on the mic.
Do what you have to do.
All right. All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You see, this is still my gig,
these are still my speakers...
...so I'm still rocking this party.
Sorry, dog.
I'm the only one who works my board, man.
Okay, that's cool.
Just, uh, unplug your shit, homey.
Go get your own speakers,
and maybe you can rock this party.
Oh, yeah?
Whoa, gentlemen.
We don't have time for this.
Y'all need to work this out.
How we gonna do that?
Look, y'all are both DJs tonight.
Y'all gotta switch and take turns.
Y'all sharing equipment,
y'all gotta share time.
Let's go.
Come on, cue my track, let's go.
Come on, Bootytime, you in it.
All right, all right, all right.
Where are we going?
Oh, do you want me
to wait outside?
Shut up and kiss me, stud!
Oh, damn, you're hot.
Now you shut up
and do what I say, little man.
Look what we've got here.
- What's this?
- It's blue boner magic.
Now chew it up
and swallow me down!
Oh, yeah.
What's cracking up in here?
Y'all wanna see how it's done?
Let's go, unh, unh
I'm swaggeriffic
supercalifragalistic
Party with the baddest chicks
It's a two-piece combo
And a biscuit
Unh, Chris really go H.A.M
No imitation pork, no sPAM
Try music like this
Oh, damn
Go, stupid girls
Clap your hands
Haters gonna hate
I just look the other way
We got models poppin' bottles
And I got the Alize
What you know about money?
I throw it in your face
Let me know how it taste
'Cause you lookin' at a great
Slap me.
Slap me like a bass guitar.
Oh, yeah.
Slap that ass.
Oh, yeah. Slap it some more.
Whoo-hoo!
Go in on it
Drinks up
Go in on it
Drinks up
Go in on it
Drinks up
Go in on it
Drink up
Come on, baby, you gotta pound!
DJ Hardcap salute
One last thing I got to do
Whack chain Q I'm watchin' you
Then wink at your girl
I got you, boo
'Cause you treat her bad
Dump him, let me be your man
Q stands for Quit
I'm gonna bust a nut.
Here it comes!
Oh!
Get back!
Oh, shit.
You took it all.
You pounded that pussy
and beat it up.
You rocked my world, girl.
She caved in the damn ceiling.
Oh, hell no.
What the hell are you doing?
Damn, the dance floor is jacked up.
Yeah, I guess this party's over.
Yeah.
Yo, wait! Why don't we just
take it to the back yard?
Man, you ain't so dumb
for a fake DJ.
Let's take it to the yard!
Take it the yard, everybody!
Whoa, glad you're still here, man.
Hey, Dylan! What up, partner?
Plumbing problems, you know?
- Anyway, this is my partner
on the mic, Chris. - Chris.
- Nice to meet you, man. Thanks for coming.
- Nice to meet you.
- Sorry about all this. - At least
you got some scotch out of the deal.
Finest libation these lips
have ever experienced.
So, um, what'd you think?
Of our performance?
I mean, despite everything.
You can be honest with us.
Well, until the shit hit the fan,
I say you guys did a damn good job.
Great, in fact.
Me and Chris,
we write the lyrics together...
...but he's the featured rapper,
I basically just back him up.
But, you know, I lay down all the beats,
you know, produce it.
So we both know our roles here.
So, uh, you saying we both
have a shot at a record deal?
Better than a shot.
I'm gonna go on record right now
and say it is going to happen.
- All right!
- Whoo!
- Now we're talking!
- Yeah!
- This is amazing!
- This is crazy.
All right, uh, so how does this work?
Do we do it here or do we fly to New York?
You know, sign it there?
What's up?
- What you talking about, Willis?
- How does it normally work with the label?
- What label?
- Uh, Kickpower Records?
You know, your label.
You are Keniston Scott, right?
I'm Gary. The limo driver.
Limo...
- Limo driver?
Man, I brought...
I brought those kids there, man.
Whoo!
So why did you pretend like you
were some big shot record executive?
Look, man, I just came in for a drink.
I never said I was anybody.
If there was some misunderstanding,
I'm sorry.
He's got my scotch, dog.
Did you even ask his name?
I saw the suit, he had the attitude,
I just thought...
You thought you knew what
a record executive looks like?
Did you even Google him?
Look, guys,
this seems like an honest mistake.
But what you guys did up there,
that was inspiring.
Look, I might not be in the business...
give up your dreams...
...you end up in a black
suit driving a limo.
Believe it.
Thanks.
Whoo-hoo!
I got them moving again with my set.
No, because it was my set
got the party jumping at first.
Whatever, DJ Duct Tape.
Ready to go back to the party?
I can't go back down there.
They all hate me.
You're really beautiful.
Whoo! Precocious!
Precocious! Precocious!
Just play the music
Get sound together
Friday night
And the club is packed
Yeah, yeah. Dip it low, dip it low.
Yeah, yeah.
Dip it low, dip it low.
Yo, it's a shame, uh, you can't
really mix on the fly.
Because we could have had
a serious battle to see who's best.
What? You wanna battle?
Like... Like you and me?
Yo, wouldn't be a battle.
It'd be an ass whooping. You know that.
All right, you said it. Let's do it.
Age before beauty, son.
That's a great line,
but, um, I'm younger than you, idiot.
Oh, okay.
But prepare to get served
on the ones and twos, homey.
Bring it.
Man, that sounds like
shoes in a dryer.
Always hating, man.
See, I keep it unfamiliar.
A little of what we grew up to...
...but mostly what we growing into.
Check this out.
Oh. Ooh.
That's cool and all, that's cute.
Uh, but check this out, bro.
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Jump it, you need it
I know you feel it
Like you wanna stay
six in the morning
No one yawning
We no go away
Everybody dancing, prancing
Wind it every way
so get somebody, move
And go to the early day
Party people, lookin' fly
Put your hands up to the sky
Party people,
Put your hands up to the sky
Put your hands
Up to the sky
Put your hands
Up to the sky
Whoo, we blew this thing up.
For reals.
Yo, okay, I gotta admit,
that was mad cool.
Those were some sick fades, yo.
You know, we could do this again,
and you know what?
I think peeps'd like it.
You mean, like a producing
team or something?
Maybe.
You willing to ease up
on the pre-mix a little bit?
Let things happen at the right time?
All right. You willing
to ease up on the old school?
- Call us Bootytime and Hardcap.
- Oh, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's Hardcap and Bootytime.
Don't think I didn't notice that last fade.
It was far from smooth.
You know what it's called?
It's called human. Hell, yeah.
All right, so you can keep
working on mine.
Let's dance.
I'm not really in the mood.
Well, I am. Let's go.
I believe the young
lady is winning the war.
Or what do you call
her? "The piece of shit".
Oh, the war ain't over yet, baby.
You see these girls?
They got special powers.
Back up, watch this.
Move out of the way.
Go get you something to eat, bitch.
Hello, Christopher. How you doing?
May I have this dance?
- What's the matter with you?
Oh, come on, dance with me.
No, no. Right over here.
Uh-uh. Autumn's gone. I'm here, baby.
- Please.
- Now, now, listen, Christopher.
When are we gonna talk about bofa?
- Bofa?
- Mm-hm.
- Bofa these nuts.
Oh!
Yeah, baby.
Oh, come on,
you know you like it.
Yeah, baby. Stop fighting, stop fighting.
Oh, so you like it on the floor.
Hey. No, no. No!
- Come on, cowboy, let me ride you!
Put your head up in here.
Oh!
Relax. Whoo!
Yes, Lord, yes.
Whoo!
Man, uh, I underestimated
your boy Chris.
The man does enjoy his cougars.
Get up in there.
Don't leave one unturned! No!
Oh, so you wanna stay on the floor?
- Okay. I got something for you.
- No, no, no.
Listen, baby, do you know how wet I get...
...when I see you in the morning,
I'm going to get my paper?
Oh, you make we wetter
than a puppy in a downpour.
She about to get in
on that Johnson, Johnson!
- Just lay back, it'll be cool!
- Help me.
I'm-a help you.
- I'm-a help you.
- No, no, no. No, no.
- Victoria, please.
- Please!
Oh, I'm gonna please you.
Ow.
Oh.
Well, looks like somebody
needs a drink now.
Thank you for the dance, Christopher.
Somebody get me a drink.
He's all yours, Twiggy.
All right, everybody,
ain't nothing to see here.
- Looks like you're having fun.
- Really?
You call getting attacked
by a wildebeest, fun?
- Autumn.
- Yo, she get her mouth around the tip?
She get her mouth around the tip?
- No! What are you talking about?
- Not even a taste?
No! DyI... Dylan. Dylan.
You can take your stupid chain back.
- What did you say to me?
- Let go of me, Quentin.
- Quit being such a bitch.
- You're hurting me.
- Let go.
Yo.
- Mind your business. Step off.
- This is my house, it is my business.
Been bird-dogging my girl all night.
- Step off, punk.
- Yo, get out my house.
And I don't remember inviting Chris Brown.
Come on with it.
You gonna get this ass-whooping...
- ... you been earning since third grade.
- I was thinking the same thing.
Come on, let's go.
- Take it to him, Chris.
- Don't do this.
Oh.
Get him, Chris.
Stick and move, baby.
Mayweather in the house.
Come on, little Chris, come on.
Ha, ha. That's all you got?
Uh-uh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, okay.
Come on. Come on.
That's my homey. That's my homey.
Get him, Chris.
Oh!
- Oh, damn.
Told you, punk!
Yo, Autumn, let's go.
- We leaving right now.
- Screw you.
What?
- Screw you.
You want this bologna pony?
You can have him.
I'll call one of my other bitches.
This party's whack.
Later for y'all.
Oh, hell no. Who threw that?
Oh, I swear. Argh!
What on earth moved you
to speak at the reception?
Come on, Mimi,
people do speak at funerals.
Yeah, but, you got up there...
...and said "Don't blame God.
Blame the hump. "
Yes. I was trying to offer comfort.
You saw her in that casket.
Look... Looked like she was
trying to reach out after everybody...
...with that hump holding
her up, just... Grr.
Honestly, they probably
should've cremated her.
You know your Aunt Coot, huh?
You think that hump would burn?
I'm sorry, I know it's your family,
but that was freakish.
I mean, you saw her in that casket...
...just still slowly rocking
back and forth on that hump.
That was scary.
Kids were screaming,
"Close the casket!"
They couldn't close the casket.
She had a big old hump.
Yo, move away from the light.
Stay away from the light.
You okay, Rocky?
More like Apollo Creed.
- Yo, what'd he hit me with? A pipe?
- That'd be his fist, bro.
He way too big for you. Come on.
Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing,
taking on a monster.
Letting you talk me
into this party wasn't either.
Oh, so now it's my fault
you got knocked the hell out?
Look at my crib, bro.
Look at it.
Shit's broken!
The good booze is gone.
The floor is destroyed.
Now there's a hole in my ceiling...
...and the toilet's
sitting in the living room!
You did me wrong, partner.
Hold up.
We made this decision together.
No. You made this decision
and guilted me into going along.
Guilted you?
Don't... Don't you see? The second you're
done with tonight you're done with me.
Come on, that's bullshit.
You don't think I know
why you went along with all this?
You feel sorry for me, don't you?
Damn.
It's true.
So let's just call this
what it really was then.
A going-away present from a college-bound
winner to a neighborhood loser.
I even heard your father say it,
and you didn't say shit about it.
I do what I always do
when it comes to you, Dylan.
I suck it up because you're
my best friend, Dylan.
But, damn, best friend
only gets you so far, man.
- Truth is, you're just selfish, dude.
- You know what? You're just scared.
I'm scared?
Think you might not
make it as a rapper...
...so you act like you don't want it,
but that's punk ass shit.
What else do you want, man?
I got new responsibilities.
Look, one of these days, bro,
you're gonna have to grow up.
Because if you ain't noticed,
we ain't kids no more.
Look, man, look...
- Go, Dylan.
- Yo, whatever, dude.
You were so mean to him.
He's still your best friend, Chris.
I know. I know.
I'm gonna call him later or something.
Okay.
Well, thanks for standing up for me.
That was some crazy ass heroics.
But why'd you do it?
Heh. You know, uh,
I sat behind you in second grade...
...and, uh, ever since then,
I known exactly what I wanted.
Well, why didn't
you ever ask me out?
What if you rejected me?
Oh, my bad, Chris.
What?
That's it! All right.
Everybody, the hell out!
Drive safe.
Did you see what happened?
I guess these old bones
just don't attract anybody no more.
Guess that makes me an old fool.
That is where you're wrong.
- You've been waiting for Chris?
- Heh.
Guess what.
I've been waiting for you.
Through all those years
of your bad marriage...
...you think I just stuck around
out of friendship?
Let's go back to your place
and talk about it.
Kee Kee, baby.
Tracey!
Oh, I feel so alive.
Let's go. Let's go.
Damn.
Best house party ever.
Chill out.
- Everybody.
- Thanks.
All right, man. Yeah.
Drive safe.
Especially you.
I would have rode that driver's bald head.
Come on. Whoo!
I love you! I love you!
Wow.
Yo, Chris.
You want us to help you
clean up this shit-hole?
We got all our gear packed up,
but we can hang for a while.
Thanks, man, but unless you think...
...you got enough Clorox sheets
and duct tape to fix it...
What you think?
Nah. But you throw another jam,
holler at your boy...
...I'll bring my junior partner,
we'll blow it up for you.
Yo, later, Chris.
Yo, what you mean, "junior partner"?
Where's Morgan?
I think she left with Dylan.
Mind if I stay with you for a little while?
If this is some kind of
suicide watch, don't worry.
I gotta stay alive long enough
for my parents to kill me anyway.
Right.
But, uh, I don't really feel
like being alone.
So, yeah, I'd appreciate it.
Okay.
Baby, sometimes I honestly...
I have a hard time reading you.
Okay, honestly, me and you...
...have you ever faked an orgasm?
No.
Okay, see, that's what I thought.
Because I come from love-making stock.
You know, we Johnsons.
My name is Johnson.
I mean, the name says it all.
My daddy, Richard Johnson.
His uncle was Harry Johnson.
I mean, it's in the family...
My name, Melvin, that's from my ancestry.
I'm a Hausa.
The Hausa language.
"Melvin" in Hausa means "massive. "
Massive Johnson.
For years in college,
I was known as Massive Johnson.
M- A-S-S, I use that as a first name,
"Ive" as my middle name.
I was just Massive Johnson.
We're the original
love-makers of Africa.
People would come around the African camp
to learn how to make love from my people.
Get up, bro.
What are you doing?
Cleaning up the mess I made, man.
I told you already, there's no point.
Oh, yeah?
Don't be so sure about that.
Come on in.
Let's go.
- Let's go. Let's go.
Come on, I got four maids
for the basic cleaning.
Yo, come on, hurry up.
I got a couple plumbers
to install a new toilet...
...and carpenters to fix
that hole in the ceiling.
And lastly, top shelf booze
to fill the cabinet.
Your pops won't even know
it went dry.
Yo, I can't believe this.
But how we gonna pay
for all this, though?
It's all good. I sold my car.
You sold your car?
You was right, bro.
I used you tonight.
And that's messed up.
I'm not even a good rapper.
Don't... Don't talk like that, bro.
Seriously.
I mean, you produced all the tracks,
you hustled the connects.
You don't need me
to make you a success, bro...
...because you make you a success.
You were right about
one other thing too, man.
I am afraid to fail.
I mean, without you, bro, I probably
wouldn't have taken any risk at all.
Maybe we both messed up.
But we threw one
crazy ass party, huh?
Come on.
Great.
Okay, so tell me the truth.
Are you the one who convinced
him to sell his car?
I'll never tell.
What you doing?
I'm just imagining the possibilities.
I see.
Get in the back seat.
- Back...?
- Mm-hm. Yeah.
Is that your phone?
Uh, don't stop. Don't worry.
There you go, baby, here are the keys.
Oh, I just wanna curl up
in my bed and sleep.
Yeah, me too. After we... Heh.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, uh-huh,
we'll see about all that.
Oh, yeah, we will see.
You can talk all you want to,
but you are a woman in trouble.
You don't know what's gonna
happen up in the bedroom.
Uh-huh. Promises, promises.
You can scream all you want,
but I cannot hear you.
Call 911 now.
- Aah! Baby.
- It was the neighbor.
You are so naughty.
Oh, my God.
I don't believe it.
Damn!
It's cleaner than we left it.
Oh, that's my boy, baby.
My boy did this.
Not your boy, that's my boy.
- I'm gonna check upstairs.
- Oh, you do that.
Huh. Yeah.
Come on.
Chris.
Oh, um, uh...
Hi, Mr. Johnson.
Uh, Pops, uh...
Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
What did I tell you
about having girls in the house?
You're lucky it was me
and not your mother.
I know.
You Dylan?
Yeah, that's me.
Can I help you?
I'm Keniston Scott
from Kickpower Records.
You missed a great party.
Yeah, but I saw the best part.
Rapping Toilet Porn.
DJ Hardcap salute
One last thing I got to do
Whack chain Q I'm watchin you
Then wink at your girl
I got you, boo
'Cause you treat her bad
Dump him, let me be your man
Q stands for Quit
I don't ever flush but I am the sh...
Get back!
You've had eight million views
in less than 12 hours.
Huh?
Melvin!
Just don't tell your mom, okay?
Oh, hey. Uh-oh.
What's going on, baby?
I just saw our house...
...completely destroyed
in a video online.
You've got a lot of
explaining to do, young man.
We famous, dog!
Yo, that record exec
from Kickpower Records...
...he saw Rapping Toilet Porn.
- He loved it!
- What?
How much ecstasy did
this boy do last night?
How much?
So, uh, you really liked our rap last night?
- I loved it.
- Wow.
If marketing is the name of this game...
...you two have created something
money can't buy:
- A viral audience.
- What does that mean exactly?
It means you have
made a name for yourselves...
...and you've got the skills
and the talent to back it up.
So, gentlemen, on behalf of
Kickpower Records...
...I'd like to offer you
a development contract.
I want you in New York in two weeks
to meet the heads of the label...
...start working in the studio...
...and let us start capitalizing
on all that publicity.
What do you say?
I say, hell yes!
Uh...
Moms, uh, Pops...
...I really want this.
But, you know,
not if you guys are not behind me.
And I'm still going to college,
right on schedule.
I promise. I've never broken
any promises to you guys.
Oh, okay, so that wasn't our toilet
we saw scattered all over the internet...
...with a big girl humping the...?
Okay, that one time. But, Pops, I promise...
Your father and I need a talk.
Well, this is pretty suspenseful.
Who you telling?
Okay, you want our opinion?
Give me that contract.
I'll let our lawyer take a look at it.
Yeah! Whoo!
Son, you're a...
You're a grown man now, son.
Despite you doing that footsy
dance with your best friend.
Ha, ha. I'm kidding, son.
It's time for you to start
making your own decisions.
Here you go, that's for you.
Oh, Chris, hold on.
And this, uh... This is for you.
- Wow.
Ha, ha.
My boy is going to New York in style.
Yeah. Oh, what you looking at?
Oh, this is our boy. Yes.
The one with the college,
the babe, the car...
...and the record deal.
I've always liked you Australians.
I'm from London.
Oh.
Did you know there's
a London in Australia?
That's what he said.
Give me some of that.
Okay. All right.
Son, I'm so proud of you
I could just bust.
Come on.
Whoo.
I'll miss you, Mom.
Go on before your mama start crying.
Hey, fool.
Take care of that fool!
Wouldn't be here without you.
No shit.
Chris, call me!
Call me now!
Bye-bye.
Oh, boy.
Why don't we go upstairs...
...and see if we can
break another toilet?
Whoo!
Hey.
Get ready
to go to Dylan Town. I mean, uh...
What's up? What's up?
Hey.
How you feeling, love?
Good.
It's on.
Whoo-hoo!
I got your purple urple...
...white Rolexes, blue dolphins,
mall E, purple pterodactyls...
...red leprechauns,
pink Playboys, black market Advil.
Anything you need, really.
You guys don't realize
how lucky you are.
The founders of this label...
Actually, the hottest
producers in the business...
...took time away from
their world tour...
...to produce your first single.
Well, good luck. You'll need it.
Let's do it, man.
Thanks, Doobie.
Bass right there in that spot,
you wanna play it again.
I think we need some boom bap.
Give me that boom bap.
What are you talking about?
The boom bap era is over.
You have to drop the bass there
and play it again.
What? What? What?
Oh, that's right.
Hey, uh, Chris and Ryan, right?
- Dylan.
- Yeah.
Yeah, whatever.
Yo, man, they don't look
like such a big deal to me.
Not much to look at, true...
...but they kind of remind me
of two other clueless guys...
...who used to be just like them.
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
Oh, well,
I guess you gotta start somewhere.
Mm-hm.
Gentlemen, pick your jaws up off the floor,
it's time to get busy. Let's do this.
Remember, pressure is a privilege.
What?
Man, never mind here what
Confucius is trying to say.
After we finish carving this turkey up,
we're gonna call our peoples...
...we gonna get together
and show y'all what...
...a real house party's
supposed to be, you hear me?
- You feel me?
Yeah.
- I heard y'all was doing our dance.
- We kill it, let me show you.
Don't do that no more.
- Don't do that no more.
- No more. No more.
Uh-uh.
Spread it out
and let it melt down your chin, bitches.
You all ready to finish high school?
Yeah, uh, I'm excited. Very excited.
Oh, I can see that.
Yo, two more weeks
and we're high-school graduates.
Tick tock. You gonna ask Autumn
out before the buzzer rings?
All right. A, she has a boyfriend.
B, he's a monster.
Come on, dude, take action.
I mean, you been spinning
for her since like grade two.
Chris. Hey. Why don't you
come and get yourself...
...one of mama's
famous breakfast sandwiches?
Famous with who?
Dylan got sick last time he had one.
Yeah, Dylan.
You know, I worry about him.
Don't get me wrong,
I like the boy and all...
...but what's he gonna do after high school?
He never set himself up for his future.
Just made one bad mistake after another.
Not like you, superstar.
Heh-heh-heh.
- So come on down, all right?
- All right. I'll be down.
Move your butt.
- I'll be down.
Oh, hey, man, um,
about what he just said, don't...
I was just talking to my mom. What's up?
Nothing, man.
Hey, hey, my man.
Yo, what up?
- What's up, what's up?
Yo Chris,
Stomp and Deathgrave are outside
talking smack about you.
You need to check those fools, man.
You made out with her?
- Well, not exactly.
Wait, what does that mean?
Well, not at all.
So, what did you do?
Ever hear of the fine art
of conversation?
Oh, you suck.
Yo, man, you want sound?
You want heavy?
You want 180 grams, my brother.
Yeah, 180 grams
don't come cheap, though.
Yeah, what's cost
when it comes to quality?
Show you something right now.
Call yourself a DJ.
What? What? What you got?
Boom!
See this right here, bro.
It's weight, density.
Ain't no needle gonna
skip over that mo'fo.
Needle ain't gonna skip on me, period.
Yeah, because you ain't a real DJ.
You pre-mix your shit on your iPad...
...when you should be doing it on the fly.
Listen, I take the time to get shit right.
You let the whole club hear your mistakes.
Because I'm human.
- It's, uh, real.
- Yeah, well, it's imperfect.
That's why it's perfect.
Yo, it's on.
They call me stomp, boy
'Cause that's what I do to you
Put you in your place
And erase every clue to ya
You don't have the heart
Like stomp do
Battle me and you'll be
Headlining the Fox News
They call me Deathgrave
'Cause I'm the troublin' type
And I'm handin' out obituaries
When I'm on the mic
Man, I'm up for a fight
say I'm buggin' you, right
Keep poppin' that lip
And you gon' see what it's like
You got bummy school gear
'Cause your pockets are light
Man, I'm shining up the hall
'Cause my pockets is right
Got your girl always talkin'
Like, "It's nice ta see ya"
'Cause my cheese stays drippin'
Like a slice of pizza
Ho, step right up
'Cause Dylan's stealin' the show
And you about to get dissed
By my main man Chris
Hey, Dylan, I got this. This is light work.
If you stomp and he Deathgrave
I'm the grim reaper
Make stomp Deathgrave
And put him in a sleeper
six feet ya, ha
Deeper than your mom's voice
Yo, she sound like Darth Vader on steroids
Ha
I'm-a get this poppin'
Them ain't skinny jeans
You're wearing your mama's stockings
And Deathgrave, man
Your raps are so simple
The only thing you ever keep popping
Is pimples
Yeah, I said it, you're done
Get back to your fun
This battle was over
Before it even begun
- That's bullshit.
- That's what I'm talking about!
Step off, boys.
Maybe next time for the little sisters.
Pfft.
- Yo, you got some wrong skills, son.
- It's all you. It's all you.
Yo, we got skills, you know?
You really gonna walk away
from all this for college?
I'm not really walking away
from anything, man.
We can still do the rap thing,
it just gotta be on the side.
So I been talking to my boy Doobie.
He just started this gig
at Kickpower Records in New York.
He's gonna get us in.
Look man, I told you, Doobie's an intern.
And he does coke.
Yo, he only does ecstasy and weed.
- Okay.
That's not what happened!
- Why are her books in your bag, Quentin?
- Because I was holding them for her.
Why?
- That's my friend, and I'm into
Twilight now. - That's your friend.
- Yes.
- You're into Twilight now?
Yeah. Mm-hm.
Really?
- Yes.
- Since when?
- No, stop and talk to me.
- Since today.
- Since today?
- Yep.
Okay. You on Team Eric or Team Jacob?
Well, first, I mean, you got Jacob,
and he's all that.
Then you got your Eric and he's so
just kind of wishy washy and all that, so...
- Heh.
- I mean, whatever.
All right. Who's Sookie Stackhouse?
The girl that's in love with both of them.
Wouldn't be Twilight without her.
You'd be right.
If we were talking about True Blood.
Take your fucking books.
Call from my moms. I gotta take it.
I didn't hear it ring.
It's on vibrate.
Fuck, man.
Yo, what the fuck you looking at?
I ain't got no food for your fat ass.
Ugh. Watch out.
- Seriously, Quentin?
Deuces.
She's just so damn fine.
I'm so sorry.
How come the assholes
get the good girls, man?
Assholes roll the dice. Take risks.
- What should I say?
- Think of something.
She's not just gonna put them
up on the glass.
You know, when you rapping,
you Superman.
Music fade, tsk, Clark Kent.
Oh, really? Oh, for sure, okay.
Then watch me fly.
Hey, uh, Autumn, Autumn, heh,
how you living, girl?
What's up?
- Been better.
- Yeah.
You hear all that?
Nah, except that he, uh,
might be creeping with some ho...
...but, you know,
obviously the guy's into hoes...
Not saying that you're a ho.
The schools full of hoes, you know?
Here a ho, there a ho, everywhere a ho-ho.
And then, poof. Ho be gone.
What are you saying, Chris?
Uh... Heh.
I'm really trying to say
I think you're a princess.
Yes! Whoo!
You're sweet.
I try.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Dude, I thought you were toast
with that "ho be gone" nonsense...
...but you rallied!
I thought it was funny.
Nah.
This is crazy.
Oh, thank you, baby.
Look, why can't the CPAs I hire
get their clients...
...to put the invoice numbers
on their check stubs?
- Devis in the details.
- Yeah.
And that's why you're
the V.P. of Finance.
Mm. You mean, the V.P of that fine ass.
- What, you want the double stuff?
- Ha-ha-ha.
Ugh. I can do that all day long, babe.
Oh, he's home. He's here.
Look who's home from school.
Ha, ha. Look who's home from school.
Hey, buddy, how was school?
You know, the usual.
I'm gonna be upstairs.
Wait, hey, hey.
Uh, Dad, are you on the pipe?
You acting kind of strange today.
What's up?
Son, for 18 years...
...you have been hard-working,
and responsible.
And we're so relieved
you realized...
...the whole music thing ain't for you.
You guys didn't give me
much of a choice on that one, but thanks.
It's not true.
There's always a choice.
You just have a knack
for making the right ones.
Can I do it? Can I tell him?
Yes.
Should I?
Follow me.
Chris, Chris, Chris.
Wow!
You got yourself
a beautiful car here, Pops.
Yeah, you know, I figured
this is probably the...
...uh, you know, perfect
car for a college kid.
- Oh, hell, no!
- Oh, hell, yes.
Oh!
Yeah, I figured a guy like you
could use a fine ride.
Dad, this is amazing! Thanks!
Whoa! Hey, uh-uh. No, no, no.
Let's hold off a couple of weeks,
then make it official.
Don't worry, son.
You're gonna be slicing
some serious poontang pie up in this here.
Poontang pie.
Ladies. Ha.
Melvin!
What did you just say to him?
Uh...
- Son...
- Speeding.
Uh, uh, don't be speeding,
and to respect women at all times.
All times.
Hello?
Yes.
Oh, Lord, no! No!
Who dead?
Ugh. Aunt Coot.
Aunt Coot?
- Oh, the humpback?
- Tsk.
- Oh, they still on the phone?
- Grr.
I'm sorry.
All right, baby, we gotta hurry.
It's gonna be hours to get to Barstow.
I just can't believe
they called the day of the funeral.
She's been dead a week,
and they just call now?
Yes. Because they don't like us.
Wait, I'm confused.
Was it Aunt Maybelline who died?
- It was Aunt Coot.
- Coot?
You may not remember her.
It's been a while.
Oh, the humpback?
Yeah, she was texting
on the stairs, son...
...and that weight of that hump
just became too much...
...and she fell down,
just hump over hump over hump.
She was humped to death.
Wow.
Damn hump took her out.
- We'll be back Saturday.
- Okay.
I know I don't have to say this...
You don't have to say it.
I'll take care of the house. I got it.
Heh, heh. Baby, you're forgetting, you're
talking to our responsible and mature son.
And you know how your mama is
about girls in the house while she's away...
- ... so cool it on that front.
- Gotcha.
And remember what's waiting on you.
Okay?
Okay.
- No mistakes.
All right.
Right. Okay.
All right, y'all. Y'all drive safe.
No texting and driving.
Remember what happened to Aunt Hump.
Let's go, homey, it's Friday.
Get your ass in the car.
Come on, it's Friday.
Friday, Friday.
When you gonna get rid
of this broke-down hooptie?
Don't hate on the car.
Got my first hand job in this car.
Yeah, from your own hand.
What's up, Doobie?
That's great.
Yeah.
Yeah, just text me when it's going down.
Oh, you got that right, Doobie.
Guess who that was?
I don't know. Doobie?
In town with his boss, Keniston Scott!
Oh, shit! Keniston Scott! Who's that?
- The record exec!
- Well, okay.
Too bad we don't have
a decent demo to give them.
Forget a demo.
That don't show what we do in a crowd.
We need to find a house party.
I'm down. I can roll all night.
The parents are out of town.
- Back up the Escalade.
- Whoa.
Are you saying your parents are out of town
and you got the crib to yourself?
Oh, no! Don't even think it.
We're gonna have the house
party in your house.
No, because we're not destroying
my parents' house.
- You're crazy.
- Don't you see? It's fate.
This is your moment.
My moment?
Look, I like rap, all right?
But I don't know if I want to do it
for the rest of my life.
Bullshit! You want to be a rap star, Chris.
You always have.
Look, I told my folks I'd be mature.
I didn't tell you,
but they got me a graduation gift.
A '85 Camaro.
Riding.
That's a crazy vehicle!
- And I will do sex in it when
the time comes. - No, you won't.
But in the meantime,
we're gonna make this party...
...an exclusive, invite-only affair.
I'll invite Doobie and Keniston Scott,
you invite Autumn Rose.
She's just a beautiful flower
waiting on you to pollinate her.
- All right, 10 people at the most?
- Fifteen, hard limit.
How about that?
- You think Autumn really likes me?
- Yeah.
But she needs to see you in star mode
to seal the deal.
And tell her to leave
the boyfriend at home.
For sure. All right.
Keeping it small, right?
- Real small.
- Miniscule.
- All right.
- Like your package.
Oh, don't even play me, dog,
I'm blessed, all right?
House party?
Hell, yeah, I'll be there.
We gotta make sure we get
all the furniture out of the room.
Yeah, check. I'll be right back.
Chris, dude!
The house orgy's on, man!
- What?
Hey, Chris!
Going to perpetrate some nasty
ass strange inside your house!
Long and wide, from behind
and from the side, baby!
I'm gonna give a girl
a baby on your couch!
I'm getting blown
in your bedroom, man.
- Oh, hell, no! Dylan!
- Yeah, what's up, bro?
Yo, why is everybody saying
they're gonna bang in my house.
Bang out some tunes, yo.
They just talking.
I mean, they're just kids.
No, man, this is getting out of hand.
I'm shutting it down, right now.
Come on.
Hey, Chris...
...everybody's going to your party.
I'll see you there tonight.
I'll see you there.
Later, Dylan.
You were saying?
How the hell did this happen?
Uh, Chris? Dylan?
- What's up, Precocious?
- Yeah, we a little busy here.
I've been hearing
about your house party...
- Where did you hear about this?
- On Facebook.
On Facebook!
And Twitter, and Tumblr,
and Instagram and...
What do you want?
Well, I was wondering...
Can I come?
Sorry, I mean,
too many bodies as it is.
But I'm gonna try and make
some room for you, Precocious.
- Really?
Yeah.
Yo, you got heart, G.
And with any luck,
you'll get Autumn too.
Get Autumn too.
Hey, Chris! Yo! Chris, man!
How you gonna hire Hardcap
to DJ your party when I'm your boy?
I didn't hire no DJ.
You great, Bootytime.
But Hardcap is hot.
Tsk! Man, that's messed up, Dylan.
You too, Chris.
Us three go back since forever.
Bootytime, you rock the house.
But that shit you got
is always breaking down.
- He's right. - It's not. My shit
is fixed. Hand to God, yo.
Plus, you said these players
was looking for old school...
...not Hardcap's disco
electro crypto bullshit.
Better than your played-out
hood rat grab bag!
Yeah, whatever.
- So, what's the verdict?
- Yeah, what's the verdict?
Look, this is how it has to go down.
Hardcap, I know Bootytime five years
longer than you, so you got the gig.
You gonna have to be on standby.
Just in case, bro.
Don't trip. Ain't gonna be
no "just in case. "
Chuck E. Cheese
is looking for a DJ, though.
See you in class. Peace.
Standby, man?
Sorry, bro.
- It's Chuck E. Cheese, man.
- I mean, they are hiring.
- Chuck E. Cheese.
I got to get to my class. Chuck E. Cheese.
That's whack, man.
Gentlemen,
we need to avenge Gotham City.
What do you mean?
We need to find a way
to get into Chris' party.
- We can bring him some food.
- You can make sushi.
I'm not Japanese.
Guys, I could sell my father's
porn collection.
No!
Well, well, well.
Heaven just pulled up
in a green hooptie.
Heh. Tracey, just look at Chris.
I been waiting for that young
tender ass to turn 18.
You're old enough to be his mother.
I think the term is "cougar. "
And as said cougar,
I'm gonna tear that ass up.
Victoria!
I'm serious.
Girl, you know Lisa Ann?
Porn actress.
You know, when she was younger,
she was just another porn ho.
Then she turn 40...
...pfft, shoot, she the number one name
in adult entertainment.
Hottest thing.
How you think Demi Moore
got Ashton Kutcher?
Or how Susan Sarandon,
with her big ole titties...
...how you think she got Tim Robbins?
Because them sisters know what's up.
And you know what's up?
The slightly older...
...but still damn sexy woman.
Hello! Ha!
Ooh, girl, look.
I think somebody's having a little party.
And I sure hope he invites me
because I wanna provide that young man...
...with some MILF and cookies.
Move that?
- Yeah, just, uh, put it in my room.
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
- Yep.
- Bootytime's here.
- Good, he's early.
Whoo! Yo, Chris, you got any Hot Pockets
up in the fridge, man?
I'm hungry. Gotta get ready...
Oh, shit.
- Come on.
- Hey, yo, Chris, don't even trip, man.
You already know DJ Bootytime...
...brought enough super glue
and duct tape...
...to fix any problem that comes up.
It's called preparation, man.
Come on, you already know this.
Yeah, let me move this right quick.
Goddamn, this thing is heavy.
- Like this.
- Oh, hell, no!
- What y'all talking about? Oh, shit.
Ugh.
Hey, man, don't even trip, bro.
- Chris, I got some Clorox sheets
in the trunk. - Clorox sheets!
Bro, it'll scrub out any scratches
that happens on this floor.
Pops ain't even gonna notice.
Keep your chin up.
You know DJ Bootytime got you.
Deal! We're gonna have
some fine ladies up in here.
And they gonna be
all over DJ Bootytime...
...like I can't believe it ain't butter.
Why? - Because it DJ Bootytime!
Spread it out,
let it melt down your chin, bitches!
- Whoo!
- Does this guy really get laid?
What you mean, I get laid?
They call me Frito,
that's how much I get laid so much.
They couldn't keep their hands
off me in the front yard.
Your neighbors was on me, man.
Pfft! Scratch it up tonight.
Underclassmen.
You don't really think
you're getting in, do you?
We brought you some high-end booze,
you know, for the house.
Yo, ho, ho
And three bottles of rum
Come on in if you're coming.
Go, go, go. Up top, man.
Got a drink in my hand
But don't spill it
With a chick on my arm
That's what I'm dealin' with
When I rush the boss
He wants to answer the party
They put me in charge
so I'm-a kill it
Got a drink in my hand
But don't spill it
With a chick on my arm
That's what I'm
There she is.
Get on in here with your bad self.
Pfft. Get in there!
Hey
We turn up till the night's gone
Grab a cup
Until we break dawn
Goin' hard till we fall
Then we do, do, do it again
House party
Tell her bring friends
Hey, no, no, no. Yo, yo, yo.
Will you relax? It's all chill.
That scratch Bootytime
put in the floor is not all chill.
We already started
the night off on a deficit.
- Is Autumn here?
- Not yet.
But she best be bringing Morgan
because she be looking fine as hell.
- Doobster!
- Doobie.
Slow down. No! Food poisoning?
Listen to me, you get
your ass off that toilet...
...and get over here
with Keniston Scott!
Doobie, don't...
- He hung up.
- What's the crisis?
He ate some bad sushi or something.
- He's out.
- I knew it. Doobie's full of shit.
- Literally.
So the record exec is out.
So this was all for nothing?
No, Keniston Scott's
coming without Doobie.
Yeah, okay.
I'll believe that when I see it.
And even if he does come,
we don't even know what he looks like.
Doobie's not picking up.
Keniston could be here now
and we won't even know it.
No, I'll just look
for the old guy in a suit.
Believe me,
I can sniff out a record executive.
We need to make a name for ourselves.
Yeah. And how do we do that?
I mean, we are who we are, right?
No, look at that guy from that sitcom,
the one who acted all whacky.
Then he did some crazy interviews,
and suddenly he's the rock star from Mars.
Yeah. And he rose again,
all new and powerful, like the Phoenix.
Like freaking caw-caw, caw-caw.
That's what we need to do.
- Yeah.
To our time!
- Our time.
Now, that guy is weird.
Way weird.
Do, do, do it
Do, do, do it again
Yo, what's up, man?
You see I'm in my zone!
Yo, get my track cued up
and ready to pop in a snap.
I'm gonna need two hot mics
for me and Chris.
That guy from Kickpower
Records still coming?
Yep. Me and Chris
gonna blow shit up.
For sure.
Hey, I can remix your shit too.
You know, put my freak in it, cut it up!
Go easy. Don't remix too much
so people can't recognize it.
I got you, let's go, do this.
Pop, pop, pop, pop
Let it drop, drop, drop
If you got paid
And feel famous
You sippin' on something
Outrageous
Then pop
Uh-oh. Who are you getting
all Beyonce'd up for?
Heh. That Dylan looking good lately.
Heh, Dylan.
So, what's up with you and Chris?
He's cute. Nice guy.
Yeah.
- Ever get the feeling that
Quentin is kind of...? - An asshole?
- Yeah.
- All the time.
Bounce that ass
Bounce that ass
she on that tworky shit
Twork, twork, twork
she did a headstand
Twork, twork, twork
I threw a couple bands
Welcome to mi casa.
Told you I'd be here.
So, uh, you figured out
the directions and everything, right?
- I'm here, right?
- True.
Um, how was traffic?
Why don't you fix us a drink?
That's a great idea. I got you.
What's up, baby?
Mm. You're looking exceptional.
Just trying to represent, you know.
- You representing and presenting.
- You know it.
- Mm. Get over here, come on.
- Ha, ha.
Down, boy. The night is young.
Just put a little rum in there.
No, that's gross.
All right, let's see, let's see.
- Uh, a little vodka, okay.
- Mm-hm.
A little rum.
- Triple sec.
- All right.
Little more vodka.
How about a splash of orange juice?
That's quite a drink.
What, you wanna split it?
- Yeah, sure.
- All right. Here you go.
Mm, here you go.
Thank you.
And how about to, uh, endless possibilities
and, uh, no more high school.
Endless possibilities.
I like that.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
I like your earrings.
They're, uh, very unusual.
Thank you.
I take different pieces from random things
and put them together to make something new.
- You know.
- That's real hot.
- Thanks.
- Creative.
I have this idea to start
like a nonprofit clothing line.
Get some duds on the poor.
- Wow.
- Something like that.
- Sounds amazing.
- Thanks.
Uh, so, what're you planning
on doing after graduation?
- UC Santa Barbara.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Um, I wanna study fashion...
...but my dad wants me to have
like a fall-back real degree.
Oh, see, that's my pop's thing too.
- I do music, I rap here and there.
- I've heard you rap, Chris.
The whole school has.
You guys are dope.
Ah, we're not...
We do a little something, something.
- Aw.
- A lot of folks can.
Don't minimize it. Own it.
The truth is, I like to do both.
Rap and school.
Yo, uh, this party isn't
as whack as I thought.
I heard on, uh, Black Planet
there was supposed to be a donkey.
Chris, um, you know Quentin.
What's up? How you doing?
- And look what you got.
You know I ain't all flossy like that.
Baby, it's not about being flossy.
It's about letting everybody know
that you're my number one girl.
- Number one girl.
What up, Q?
I see a couple of my cats over there.
It's a bird! It's a plane.
No, no, no, it's a Q! Ha-ha-ha.
Excuse me.
Mm. I hate that guy.
Let me dream, set me free
Take me away
You can tie me down, throw me 'round
Have it your way
Curtis and skippy
Flirtin' with hippies
At the house party
smokin' blunt full spiffy
Light it up, smoke it up
And let's get trippy
Let's go insane
No pain, no gain
Three dime pieces. Tens ahead.
Hey, how about over there?
Three nickels. Fives at best.
You know what they say...
...one man's Khloe is another man's Kim.
Nobody actually says that.
- No?
- No.
Yes, sir, we'll take those nickels,
thank you very much.
Huh?
Three nickels is 15.
It's five more than a 10.
- Oh, I like that.
- Yeah.
Hold on now.
- Lions...
- ... tigers...
...and bears.
Oh, my.
Neighborhood watch
There's a party round the block
Tell the crew we got to get there
Before we call cops
Hey, hey, don't go upstairs. Hey.
Oh. Mrs. Meyer.
Oh, come on. Hello, Christopher.
We're both adults now.
You can call me Kee Kee.
Oh, okay. Uh...
Well, you gonna invite us in or what?
Um...
Come on, Christopher,
I know you're throwing a party...
...and I ain't here to bust you, baby.
Uh-uh. I'm here just to have a little fun.
Right. Heh.
Come on in.
The drinks are in the kitchen.
You help yourself.
Oh, I always do.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Watch your step.
Wait for me.
Now don't be blocking
my action tonight.
Yo, yo, King Louis.
Purple Kush?
Hey. Hey.
Yo, yo, yo. Hey, hey, hey.
- No.
- Hey, whoa, whoa.
- Excuse me, man.
- You're excused.
This liquor's off-limits.
Damn.
Yo, dog. Dog. Dog.
There is a real live gnome outside.
What? Yo, who are all
these people in my house?
- I guess word got out.
- Because you put it out.
This is not what we talked about.
You were supposed to keep it under control.
There's gotta be people here...
...so Keniston Scott could see
how we get them hopping.
- You want him to see us rapping
to crickets? - Okay. Right. Right.
At least get crowd control or something.
- Get somebody at the door.
- Already on it.
Got my boy Pete
guarding the golden entrance.
We all good.
Ain't you a little old for this party?
I've got business here.
Well, get your ass in there.
Take care of business.
Call ya
Can you hear me call ya
Can you hear me call ya
Can you hear me call ya
I thought you supposed
to be watching the door.
I am.
You see any music executive
types come through?
- You know, a mover-shaker type?
- Nah.
Wait, actually...
Nope.
Lookin' so fine
In the club
Everybody showin' me love
fly in the club
Everybody love
On top like the pop
since noon
I keep goin' out
Like a house of balloons
I swear, I'm a groom
Hip to a loon
Hey!
I sweep her off her feet
Now she call me Mr. Broom
Ha, see, first they said
I wouldn't make it
same people come around
And don't say shit
Uh, Chris, what's wrong?
Oh, nothing.
You know.
Except for my so-called "guests"...
...are lighting fire bombs in my backyard...
...and destroying my parents' crib.
Other than that, it's all good.
Heh. So I take it you didn't get
permission to throw this party?
Heh. To be honest with you, hell no.
Chris, I've watched you
bust ass since grade school.
- You realize, you deserve a party, right?
- Maybe.
Not maybe. You do.
Plus, nothing has happened you can't clean,
so just calm down, have some fun.
Okay.
Uh, where's Quentin?
Thought y'all were dancing.
We were, but, uh, he vanished, as usual.
Or he read the invite and left.
Because it specifically said,
"Everybody's welcome...
...except serial killers,
the walking dead...
...and conceited jocks
who don't know a great thing...
...when they have it. "
Well, hello, Mr. Chris.
How's it hanging, baby?
Half-mast?
Or full staff?
Mrs. Meyer.
How about you meet
my friend Autumn?
Hey.
Why don't you and I
go hit that dance floor...
...and get all hot and sweaty together?
Uh, you mind if I take
a rain check on that one?
A rain check?
That's cute. A rain check.
Rain check. Mm-hm.
Okay. I'll see you a little later.
Hmm. Ahem.
Excuse me. Excuse me, baby.
- It's getting a little tight.
- It is a little tight.
It's a little tight up in here. Okay?
That kind of tight.
All right, Mrs. Meyer.
That's the next door neighbor.
Uh, apparently she's recently single.
Uh, apparently
she wants to jump your bones.
- Really? You think so?
- Yeah.
Maybe just a little.
Wow.
Wanna check out
my graduation present?
- Sure, yeah.
- Come on.
I get the keys when they get back tomorrow.
Not bad, huh?
Not bad?
This car is the bomb dot com.
So are you.
- Come here.
Me?
Oh, really?
You know I'm just playing, right?
Hell, yeah. Ha, ha.
No, I didn't really know that.
So when she finally stopped screaming...
...I said to her,
"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
seems to me
I'm Mr. Man on the block
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Get low, get low
Let's go, let's go
Dojo
Look up, it's a bird
It's a plane
The whole entire town's
Going to hear me when I say
I'm flossy and I'm bossy
I'm flossy and I'm bossy
I'm flossy and I'm bossy
Okay
Tryin' to get a stack, baby
Call me green thumb
Make, make, make it hot
Make, make it hot like
Girl, this is our jam!
Ooh. Would you excuse me
for one second?
- Do your thing.
- Okay.
All my girls get behind me.
Girls over here, boys over there.
Come on, let's go. Back up, girls.
Make it hot like
Make it hot
Make it hot like
Make it hot
Make it hot
Make it hot like
It's your chance, baby
Let me see you dance, baby
Let me see what you got
I'm-a put you on the spot
Better, better make it hot
Make it hot like
It's your chance, baby
Let me see you dance, baby
Let me see what you got
I'm-a put you on the spot
Better, better make it hot
Make it hot like
- That's the best y'all got?
- You got something better?
- Yo, let's do it!
- Back 'em up!
Back 'em up!
Make it hot
Make it hot like
What the fuck?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Those girls are hot.
Oh, hell to the no.
Them skinny bitches?
Shit. They ain't no what they doing.
Yo, what's with you
hijacking my jam, son?
You done just stepped into some shit.
Yo, what do you think
I came down here for?
To watch these peeps get bored to death
with your bullshit old school?
I took it because you didn't
know what to do with it.
Look, man, you don't ever, ever,
ever, ever mix with a man's mix, boy.
Are you crazy?
What's wrong with you?
Hey, yo, yo, yo. Tyson, Tyson. Holyfield.
Yo. You're tripping,
go back to your corners, man.
Hardcap.
I remember back in the day
when we did some real dancing.
You know, we did stuff like this,
and the Hustle.
We weren't all over the floor
like some skank hos.
I'm Dylan.
So glad you made it.
Yeah, loving me some
old school house party.
Yo, let me tell Chris
you're here, all right?
He'd love to meet you too.
You almost got it.
Chris.
Aw, baby, that little dance
you and Morgan did was cute.
You too, Stomp The Yard.
But isn't all that "You Got Served"
pop-locking played out?
What are we watchin' here,
Footloose or Flashdance?
As played out as the medallion
with your initials on it?
Or did the rest of your name fall off
because it ain't really real platinum?
Uh, this here is more real than anything
you gonna get your hands on.
It's time! Keniston Scott is here,
we need to get on the mic!
- Who?
- The record exec.
Oh, shit.
Like a bomb went off
In the middle of the night
It had me trippin'
Jumped up out my bed for a peek
I walked over to my window
But my knees felt weak
Yo, yo, don't trip. I got this.
Please don't tell me your board
did not just go out.
My board did not just go out, man.
You're about to set off
all the smoke alarms.
I got this.
I got my amp in the car, man.
- All right. Hardcap, you on. Go get it.
- Ha! You done, son.
Hardcap is on.
- I'm sorry.
- Chris.
Hey. Hey, Chris!
Chris!
You're still gonna give me
50 dollars for the night?
Oh, my God.
Dude, oh, my God.
So we got a small technical issue
but we're getting it fixed.
- You in a rush?
- Not particularly.
Okay, so you can hang?
Because we really want you
to see us do our thing.
Only if I can get a drink in this place.
I'll be right back.
Twenty-five-year single malt scotch.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
All right. All right, everybody, don't trip.
The music will be back on in a second.
- So everybody just, uh, mingle
or something. - Hey, Chris. Chris.
- Yo, what's up.
- Hey, you got some wire cutters?
- Maybe, man, I might have to look.
- All right. Please.
- All right.
- Hey. About the sidekick.
Really, Tom don't need Jerry.
Batman don't need Robin.
- Ooh.
- What are you doing?
I'm doing what the kids
call "sexting. "
Kee Kee.
You ever think about
giving this whole thing up?
Vict...
Victoria.
Hello, Christopher,
you got a second to talk?
Um, actually,
I gotta get back downstairs.
No, no, no, don't you go anywhere.
Now, Christopher, listen.
I know I'm just a little
bit older than you...
...and, well, you've got all those
little young girls down there...
...just putting their little cotton tails...
...all up in your face,
and that's what college is for.
Let's just say you and me
go across the street back to my house...
...and let me break you off into a real man?
Mrs. Meyer, actually,
I gotta get downstairs.
Stop it. Just stop it, stop it.
- Ow.
- Just wait a second.
At least look at
what's being offered, baby.
Oh. Those are, uh, insanely explicit.
- Uh...
- Ooh.
Okay, I don't even know what that is.
You don't know what that is?
I love this.
Let me tell you what it is.
Hi. I'm Jerry.
And I'm Precocious.
Wanna go
where it's a little quieter and talk?
That sounds really nice, Jerry.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Christopher, you cannot tell me...
...that you don't notice me
noticing you noticing me...
...when I come out
to get my morning paper.
And you don't think
I notice that big morning woody?
Yeah, that big morning...
You don't think I would possibly...
Whoa. Whoa.
You ain't got no panties on.
I know. And I'm so much wetter
than that sock under your bed.
How'd you know?
Baby, I know everything.
Miss Meyer, Miss Meyer!
To the left.
To the left, son.
Whoo! Yes, yes.
Yes. Oh, no.
I was just looking for you.
Um, news flash.
I'm not in her vagina.
I wasn't in her vagina.
Not yet! Ugh.
I swear, it's not what it looks like.
I don't have time to explain
because I gotta get on the mic.
Do what you have to do.
All right. All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You see, this is still my gig,
these are still my speakers...
...so I'm still rocking this party.
Sorry, dog.
I'm the only one who works my board, man.
Okay, that's cool.
Just, uh, unplug your shit, homey.
Go get your own speakers,
and maybe you can rock this party.
Oh, yeah?
Whoa, gentlemen.
We don't have time for this.
Y'all need to work this out.
How we gonna do that?
Look, y'all are both DJs tonight.
Y'all gotta switch and take turns.
Y'all sharing equipment,
y'all gotta share time.
Let's go.
Come on, cue my track, let's go.
Come on, Bootytime, you in it.
All right, all right, all right.
Where are we going?
Oh, do you want me
to wait outside?
Shut up and kiss me, stud!
Oh, damn, you're hot.
Now you shut up
and do what I say, little man.
Look what we've got here.
- What's this?
- It's blue boner magic.
Now chew it up
and swallow me down!
Oh, yeah.
What's cracking up in here?
Y'all wanna see how it's done?
Let's go, unh, unh
I'm swaggeriffic
supercalifragalistic
Party with the baddest chicks
It's a two-piece combo
And a biscuit
Unh, Chris really go H.A.M
No imitation pork, no sPAM
Try music like this
Oh, damn
Go, stupid girls
Clap your hands
Haters gonna hate
I just look the other way
We got models poppin' bottles
And I got the Alize
What you know about money?
I throw it in your face
Let me know how it taste
'Cause you lookin' at a great
Slap me.
Slap me like a bass guitar.
Oh, yeah.
Slap that ass.
Oh, yeah. Slap it some more.
Whoo-hoo!
Go in on it
Drinks up
Go in on it
Drinks up
Go in on it
Drinks up
Go in on it
Drink up
Come on, baby, you gotta pound!
DJ Hardcap salute
One last thing I got to do
Whack chain Q I'm watchin' you
Then wink at your girl
I got you, boo
'Cause you treat her bad
Dump him, let me be your man
Q stands for Quit
I'm gonna bust a nut.
Here it comes!
Oh!
Get back!
Oh, shit.
You took it all.
You pounded that pussy
and beat it up.
You rocked my world, girl.
She caved in the damn ceiling.
Oh, hell no.
What the hell are you doing?
Damn, the dance floor is jacked up.
Yeah, I guess this party's over.
Yeah.
Yo, wait! Why don't we just
take it to the back yard?
Man, you ain't so dumb
for a fake DJ.
Let's take it to the yard!
Take it the yard, everybody!
Whoa, glad you're still here, man.
Hey, Dylan! What up, partner?
Plumbing problems, you know?
- Anyway, this is my partner
on the mic, Chris. - Chris.
- Nice to meet you, man. Thanks for coming.
- Nice to meet you.
- Sorry about all this. - At least
you got some scotch out of the deal.
Finest libation these lips
have ever experienced.
So, um, what'd you think?
Of our performance?
I mean, despite everything.
You can be honest with us.
Well, until the shit hit the fan,
I say you guys did a damn good job.
Great, in fact.
Me and Chris,
we write the lyrics together...
...but he's the featured rapper,
I basically just back him up.
But, you know, I lay down all the beats,
you know, produce it.
So we both know our roles here.
So, uh, you saying we both
have a shot at a record deal?
Better than a shot.
I'm gonna go on record right now
and say it is going to happen.
- All right!
- Whoo!
- Now we're talking!
- Yeah!
- This is amazing!
- This is crazy.
All right, uh, so how does this work?
Do we do it here or do we fly to New York?
You know, sign it there?
What's up?
- What you talking about, Willis?
- How does it normally work with the label?
- What label?
- Uh, Kickpower Records?
You know, your label.
You are Keniston Scott, right?
I'm Gary. The limo driver.
Limo...
- Limo driver?
Man, I brought...
I brought those kids there, man.
Whoo!
So why did you pretend like you
were some big shot record executive?
Look, man, I just came in for a drink.
I never said I was anybody.
If there was some misunderstanding,
I'm sorry.
He's got my scotch, dog.
Did you even ask his name?
I saw the suit, he had the attitude,
I just thought...
You thought you knew what
a record executive looks like?
Did you even Google him?
Look, guys,
this seems like an honest mistake.
But what you guys did up there,
that was inspiring.
Look, I might not be in the business...
give up your dreams...
...you end up in a black
suit driving a limo.
Believe it.
Thanks.
Whoo-hoo!
I got them moving again with my set.
No, because it was my set
got the party jumping at first.
Whatever, DJ Duct Tape.
Ready to go back to the party?
I can't go back down there.
They all hate me.
You're really beautiful.
Whoo! Precocious!
Precocious! Precocious!
Just play the music
Get sound together
Friday night
And the club is packed
Yeah, yeah. Dip it low, dip it low.
Yeah, yeah.
Dip it low, dip it low.
Yo, it's a shame, uh, you can't
really mix on the fly.
Because we could have had
a serious battle to see who's best.
What? You wanna battle?
Like... Like you and me?
Yo, wouldn't be a battle.
It'd be an ass whooping. You know that.
All right, you said it. Let's do it.
Age before beauty, son.
That's a great line,
but, um, I'm younger than you, idiot.
Oh, okay.
But prepare to get served
on the ones and twos, homey.
Bring it.
Man, that sounds like
shoes in a dryer.
Always hating, man.
See, I keep it unfamiliar.
A little of what we grew up to...
...but mostly what we growing into.
Check this out.
Oh. Ooh.
That's cool and all, that's cute.
Uh, but check this out, bro.
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Hey, hey
Jump it, you need it
I know you feel it
Like you wanna stay
six in the morning
No one yawning
We no go away
Everybody dancing, prancing
Wind it every way
so get somebody, move
And go to the early day
Party people, lookin' fly
Put your hands up to the sky
Party people,
Put your hands up to the sky
Put your hands
Up to the sky
Put your hands
Up to the sky
Whoo, we blew this thing up.
For reals.
Yo, okay, I gotta admit,
that was mad cool.
Those were some sick fades, yo.
You know, we could do this again,
and you know what?
I think peeps'd like it.
You mean, like a producing
team or something?
Maybe.
You willing to ease up
on the pre-mix a little bit?
Let things happen at the right time?
All right. You willing
to ease up on the old school?
- Call us Bootytime and Hardcap.
- Oh, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's Hardcap and Bootytime.
Don't think I didn't notice that last fade.
It was far from smooth.
You know what it's called?
It's called human. Hell, yeah.
All right, so you can keep
working on mine.
Let's dance.
I'm not really in the mood.
Well, I am. Let's go.
I believe the young
lady is winning the war.
Or what do you call
her? "The piece of shit".
Oh, the war ain't over yet, baby.
You see these girls?
They got special powers.
Back up, watch this.
Move out of the way.
Go get you something to eat, bitch.
Hello, Christopher. How you doing?
May I have this dance?
- What's the matter with you?
Oh, come on, dance with me.
No, no. Right over here.
Uh-uh. Autumn's gone. I'm here, baby.
- Please.
- Now, now, listen, Christopher.
When are we gonna talk about bofa?
- Bofa?
- Mm-hm.
- Bofa these nuts.
Oh!
Yeah, baby.
Oh, come on,
you know you like it.
Yeah, baby. Stop fighting, stop fighting.
Oh, so you like it on the floor.
Hey. No, no. No!
- Come on, cowboy, let me ride you!
Put your head up in here.
Oh!
Relax. Whoo!
Yes, Lord, yes.
Whoo!
Man, uh, I underestimated
your boy Chris.
The man does enjoy his cougars.
Get up in there.
Don't leave one unturned! No!
Oh, so you wanna stay on the floor?
- Okay. I got something for you.
- No, no, no.
Listen, baby, do you know how wet I get...
...when I see you in the morning,
I'm going to get my paper?
Oh, you make we wetter
than a puppy in a downpour.
She about to get in
on that Johnson, Johnson!
- Just lay back, it'll be cool!
- Help me.
I'm-a help you.
- I'm-a help you.
- No, no, no. No, no.
- Victoria, please.
- Please!
Oh, I'm gonna please you.
Ow.
Oh.
Well, looks like somebody
needs a drink now.
Thank you for the dance, Christopher.
Somebody get me a drink.
He's all yours, Twiggy.
All right, everybody,
ain't nothing to see here.
- Looks like you're having fun.
- Really?
You call getting attacked
by a wildebeest, fun?
- Autumn.
- Yo, she get her mouth around the tip?
She get her mouth around the tip?
- No! What are you talking about?
- Not even a taste?
No! DyI... Dylan. Dylan.
You can take your stupid chain back.
- What did you say to me?
- Let go of me, Quentin.
- Quit being such a bitch.
- You're hurting me.
- Let go.
Yo.
- Mind your business. Step off.
- This is my house, it is my business.
Been bird-dogging my girl all night.
- Step off, punk.
- Yo, get out my house.
And I don't remember inviting Chris Brown.
Come on with it.
You gonna get this ass-whooping...
- ... you been earning since third grade.
- I was thinking the same thing.
Come on, let's go.
- Take it to him, Chris.
- Don't do this.
Oh.
Get him, Chris.
Stick and move, baby.
Mayweather in the house.
Come on, little Chris, come on.
Ha, ha. That's all you got?
Uh-uh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, okay.
Come on. Come on.
That's my homey. That's my homey.
Get him, Chris.
Oh!
- Oh, damn.
Told you, punk!
Yo, Autumn, let's go.
- We leaving right now.
- Screw you.
What?
- Screw you.
You want this bologna pony?
You can have him.
I'll call one of my other bitches.
This party's whack.
Later for y'all.
Oh, hell no. Who threw that?
Oh, I swear. Argh!
What on earth moved you
to speak at the reception?
Come on, Mimi,
people do speak at funerals.
Yeah, but, you got up there...
...and said "Don't blame God.
Blame the hump. "
Yes. I was trying to offer comfort.
You saw her in that casket.
Look... Looked like she was
trying to reach out after everybody...
...with that hump holding
her up, just... Grr.
Honestly, they probably
should've cremated her.
You know your Aunt Coot, huh?
You think that hump would burn?
I'm sorry, I know it's your family,
but that was freakish.
I mean, you saw her in that casket...
...just still slowly rocking
back and forth on that hump.
That was scary.
Kids were screaming,
"Close the casket!"
They couldn't close the casket.
She had a big old hump.
Yo, move away from the light.
Stay away from the light.
You okay, Rocky?
More like Apollo Creed.
- Yo, what'd he hit me with? A pipe?
- That'd be his fist, bro.
He way too big for you. Come on.
Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing,
taking on a monster.
Letting you talk me
into this party wasn't either.
Oh, so now it's my fault
you got knocked the hell out?
Look at my crib, bro.
Look at it.
Shit's broken!
The good booze is gone.
The floor is destroyed.
Now there's a hole in my ceiling...
...and the toilet's
sitting in the living room!
You did me wrong, partner.
Hold up.
We made this decision together.
No. You made this decision
and guilted me into going along.
Guilted you?
Don't... Don't you see? The second you're
done with tonight you're done with me.
Come on, that's bullshit.
You don't think I know
why you went along with all this?
You feel sorry for me, don't you?
Damn.
It's true.
So let's just call this
what it really was then.
A going-away present from a college-bound
winner to a neighborhood loser.
I even heard your father say it,
and you didn't say shit about it.
I do what I always do
when it comes to you, Dylan.
I suck it up because you're
my best friend, Dylan.
But, damn, best friend
only gets you so far, man.
- Truth is, you're just selfish, dude.
- You know what? You're just scared.
I'm scared?
Think you might not
make it as a rapper...
...so you act like you don't want it,
but that's punk ass shit.
What else do you want, man?
I got new responsibilities.
Look, one of these days, bro,
you're gonna have to grow up.
Because if you ain't noticed,
we ain't kids no more.
Look, man, look...
- Go, Dylan.
- Yo, whatever, dude.
You were so mean to him.
He's still your best friend, Chris.
I know. I know.
I'm gonna call him later or something.
Okay.
Well, thanks for standing up for me.
That was some crazy ass heroics.
But why'd you do it?
Heh. You know, uh,
I sat behind you in second grade...
...and, uh, ever since then,
I known exactly what I wanted.
Well, why didn't
you ever ask me out?
What if you rejected me?
Oh, my bad, Chris.
What?
That's it! All right.
Everybody, the hell out!
Drive safe.
Did you see what happened?
I guess these old bones
just don't attract anybody no more.
Guess that makes me an old fool.
That is where you're wrong.
- You've been waiting for Chris?
- Heh.
Guess what.
I've been waiting for you.
Through all those years
of your bad marriage...
...you think I just stuck around
out of friendship?
Let's go back to your place
and talk about it.
Kee Kee, baby.
Tracey!
Oh, I feel so alive.
Let's go. Let's go.
Damn.
Best house party ever.
Chill out.
- Everybody.
- Thanks.
All right, man. Yeah.
Drive safe.
Especially you.
I would have rode that driver's bald head.
Come on. Whoo!
I love you! I love you!
Wow.
Yo, Chris.
You want us to help you
clean up this shit-hole?
We got all our gear packed up,
but we can hang for a while.
Thanks, man, but unless you think...
...you got enough Clorox sheets
and duct tape to fix it...
What you think?
Nah. But you throw another jam,
holler at your boy...
...I'll bring my junior partner,
we'll blow it up for you.
Yo, later, Chris.
Yo, what you mean, "junior partner"?
Where's Morgan?
I think she left with Dylan.
Mind if I stay with you for a little while?
If this is some kind of
suicide watch, don't worry.
I gotta stay alive long enough
for my parents to kill me anyway.
Right.
But, uh, I don't really feel
like being alone.
So, yeah, I'd appreciate it.
Okay.
Baby, sometimes I honestly...
I have a hard time reading you.
Okay, honestly, me and you...
...have you ever faked an orgasm?
No.
Okay, see, that's what I thought.
Because I come from love-making stock.
You know, we Johnsons.
My name is Johnson.
I mean, the name says it all.
My daddy, Richard Johnson.
His uncle was Harry Johnson.
I mean, it's in the family...
My name, Melvin, that's from my ancestry.
I'm a Hausa.
The Hausa language.
"Melvin" in Hausa means "massive. "
Massive Johnson.
For years in college,
I was known as Massive Johnson.
M- A-S-S, I use that as a first name,
"Ive" as my middle name.
I was just Massive Johnson.
We're the original
love-makers of Africa.
People would come around the African camp
to learn how to make love from my people.
Get up, bro.
What are you doing?
Cleaning up the mess I made, man.
I told you already, there's no point.
Oh, yeah?
Don't be so sure about that.
Come on in.
Let's go.
- Let's go. Let's go.
Come on, I got four maids
for the basic cleaning.
Yo, come on, hurry up.
I got a couple plumbers
to install a new toilet...
...and carpenters to fix
that hole in the ceiling.
And lastly, top shelf booze
to fill the cabinet.
Your pops won't even know
it went dry.
Yo, I can't believe this.
But how we gonna pay
for all this, though?
It's all good. I sold my car.
You sold your car?
You was right, bro.
I used you tonight.
And that's messed up.
I'm not even a good rapper.
Don't... Don't talk like that, bro.
Seriously.
I mean, you produced all the tracks,
you hustled the connects.
You don't need me
to make you a success, bro...
...because you make you a success.
You were right about
one other thing too, man.
I am afraid to fail.
I mean, without you, bro, I probably
wouldn't have taken any risk at all.
Maybe we both messed up.
But we threw one
crazy ass party, huh?
Come on.
Great.
Okay, so tell me the truth.
Are you the one who convinced
him to sell his car?
I'll never tell.
What you doing?
I'm just imagining the possibilities.
I see.
Get in the back seat.
- Back...?
- Mm-hm. Yeah.
Is that your phone?
Uh, don't stop. Don't worry.
There you go, baby, here are the keys.
Oh, I just wanna curl up
in my bed and sleep.
Yeah, me too. After we... Heh.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, uh-huh,
we'll see about all that.
Oh, yeah, we will see.
You can talk all you want to,
but you are a woman in trouble.
You don't know what's gonna
happen up in the bedroom.
Uh-huh. Promises, promises.
You can scream all you want,
but I cannot hear you.
Call 911 now.
- Aah! Baby.
- It was the neighbor.
You are so naughty.
Oh, my God.
I don't believe it.
Damn!
It's cleaner than we left it.
Oh, that's my boy, baby.
My boy did this.
Not your boy, that's my boy.
- I'm gonna check upstairs.
- Oh, you do that.
Huh. Yeah.
Come on.
Chris.
Oh, um, uh...
Hi, Mr. Johnson.
Uh, Pops, uh...
Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
What did I tell you
about having girls in the house?
You're lucky it was me
and not your mother.
I know.
You Dylan?
Yeah, that's me.
Can I help you?
I'm Keniston Scott
from Kickpower Records.
You missed a great party.
Yeah, but I saw the best part.
Rapping Toilet Porn.
DJ Hardcap salute
One last thing I got to do
Whack chain Q I'm watchin you
Then wink at your girl
I got you, boo
'Cause you treat her bad
Dump him, let me be your man
Q stands for Quit
I don't ever flush but I am the sh...
Get back!
You've had eight million views
in less than 12 hours.
Huh?
Melvin!
Just don't tell your mom, okay?
Oh, hey. Uh-oh.
What's going on, baby?
I just saw our house...
...completely destroyed
in a video online.
You've got a lot of
explaining to do, young man.
We famous, dog!
Yo, that record exec
from Kickpower Records...
...he saw Rapping Toilet Porn.
- He loved it!
- What?
How much ecstasy did
this boy do last night?
How much?
So, uh, you really liked our rap last night?
- I loved it.
- Wow.
If marketing is the name of this game...
...you two have created something
money can't buy:
- A viral audience.
- What does that mean exactly?
It means you have
made a name for yourselves...
...and you've got the skills
and the talent to back it up.
So, gentlemen, on behalf of
Kickpower Records...
...I'd like to offer you
a development contract.
I want you in New York in two weeks
to meet the heads of the label...
...start working in the studio...
...and let us start capitalizing
on all that publicity.
What do you say?
I say, hell yes!
Uh...
Moms, uh, Pops...
...I really want this.
But, you know,
not if you guys are not behind me.
And I'm still going to college,
right on schedule.
I promise. I've never broken
any promises to you guys.
Oh, okay, so that wasn't our toilet
we saw scattered all over the internet...
...with a big girl humping the...?
Okay, that one time. But, Pops, I promise...
Your father and I need a talk.
Well, this is pretty suspenseful.
Who you telling?
Okay, you want our opinion?
Give me that contract.
I'll let our lawyer take a look at it.
Yeah! Whoo!
Son, you're a...
You're a grown man now, son.
Despite you doing that footsy
dance with your best friend.
Ha, ha. I'm kidding, son.
It's time for you to start
making your own decisions.
Here you go, that's for you.
Oh, Chris, hold on.
And this, uh... This is for you.
- Wow.
Ha, ha.
My boy is going to New York in style.
Yeah. Oh, what you looking at?
Oh, this is our boy. Yes.
The one with the college,
the babe, the car...
...and the record deal.
I've always liked you Australians.
I'm from London.
Oh.
Did you know there's
a London in Australia?
That's what he said.
Give me some of that.
Okay. All right.
Son, I'm so proud of you
I could just bust.
Come on.
Whoo.
I'll miss you, Mom.
Go on before your mama start crying.
Hey, fool.
Take care of that fool!
Wouldn't be here without you.
No shit.
Chris, call me!
Call me now!
Bye-bye.
Oh, boy.
Why don't we go upstairs...
...and see if we can
break another toilet?
Whoo!
Hey.
Get ready
to go to Dylan Town. I mean, uh...
What's up? What's up?
Hey.
How you feeling, love?
Good.
It's on.
Whoo-hoo!
I got your purple urple...
...white Rolexes, blue dolphins,
mall E, purple pterodactyls...
...red leprechauns,
pink Playboys, black market Advil.
Anything you need, really.
You guys don't realize
how lucky you are.
The founders of this label...
Actually, the hottest
producers in the business...
...took time away from
their world tour...
...to produce your first single.
Well, good luck. You'll need it.
Let's do it, man.
Thanks, Doobie.
Bass right there in that spot,
you wanna play it again.
I think we need some boom bap.
Give me that boom bap.
What are you talking about?
The boom bap era is over.
You have to drop the bass there
and play it again.
What? What? What?
Oh, that's right.
Hey, uh, Chris and Ryan, right?
- Dylan.
- Yeah.
Yeah, whatever.
Yo, man, they don't look
like such a big deal to me.
Not much to look at, true...
...but they kind of remind me
of two other clueless guys...
...who used to be just like them.
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
Oh, well,
I guess you gotta start somewhere.
Mm-hm.
Gentlemen, pick your jaws up off the floor,
it's time to get busy. Let's do this.
Remember, pressure is a privilege.
What?
Man, never mind here what
Confucius is trying to say.
After we finish carving this turkey up,
we're gonna call our peoples...
...we gonna get together
and show y'all what...
...a real house party's
supposed to be, you hear me?
- You feel me?
Yeah.
- I heard y'all was doing our dance.
- We kill it, let me show you.
Don't do that no more.
- Don't do that no more.
- No more. No more.
Uh-uh.
Spread it out
and let it melt down your chin, bitches.