I Spy (2002) Movie Script

This is Helo 1. I have
visual confirmation on Hodaddy.
Still negative on our bad boy.
Repeat. Still negative on the pickup.
Heading for rendezvous
at LZ Alpha Echo.
All right, where are you, Percy?
Come on. Come on.
Wait a second. There's our turncoat.
For crying out loud.
Special Agent Scott.
Mac here.
Tell me you found that pilot.
Absolutely. He's right here.
- Here you go.
- Is he alive?
Yeah, he's okay.
Don't screw this up, Alex.
I want him in one piece.
Consider it done.
- You okay?
- No, my leg's broken!
You got ice on it right away.
That should help.
Let's go before the Russians
get here.
Hey, let me ask you something.
What'd you do with that plane
that you stole?
Here they come.
I'm not talking until you get me out.
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
All right, let's go.
God! Okay! Gundars!
I sold the plane to Arnold Gundars.
Now get me out of here!
Get up.
Hurry! The American pilot
has escaped!
Search the woods!
He must be in the woods!
What is this?
Stalin's butt!
He tricked us!
- They're coming!
- I got it.
No, I don't.
You okay?
Ladies and gentlemen,
now making his way to the ring...
...really needing no introduction
the world over, he is undefeated...
...with 56 wins, no losses...
...here is the one and only...
...Kelly "K. O." Robinson!
When I say break, break clean.
Keep those punches up high.
I'm fair, but I'm firm.
You'll have your first
Sports Illustrated cover.
Even though you'll be on it like this:
- We'll see who looks like that.
- Touch them up.
Yeah, shit.
He's scary as hell, ain't he?
Kelly Robinson has come up with
an exotic new challenge for himself.
If he defends his title tonight...
...he'll do it again Thursday
in Budapest, Hungary.
I know what this means.
I know what this mean
when you do that.
And Lirette is on queer street.
You know what's gonna
happen now, right?
Boy, fight now! What you doing?
Kelly's getting frustrated
because Lirette won't fight.
I'll give you a free shot.
I won't chase you around the ring.
Take a shot at this here.
Don't be scared. I'll close my eyes.
How about that?
Three! Four!
Five! Six!
Seven! Eight! Nine!
Ten! You're out!
Warm up the goulash in Budapest.
Kelly Robinson is coming.
I told you. Hold on. Come on,
get this shot for Sports Illustrated.
Yeah, 57 and 0. Gonna be 58 and 0
in couple of days.
Put infinity on there because
I'll never lose.
I know what you saying.
You better retire. You gonna
run out of space on that arm.
Jerry, you ain't got to do that.
You been my boy for 10 years.
Don't blow smoke up my ass.
Get your head out my ass.
- Head's out the ass.
- Relax, man.
Yeah, seriously, Jerry.
That's pathetic.
You've only worked three years.
Keep your head where it's at.
- Now, about the drawers.
- Yeah.
I think I got some drawers
your size made of licorice.
Hello, sir. Yes, right. Hold on, sir.
- Kelly!
- Yeah? What's going on?
It's the president.
President of the United States.
The president want to talk
to Kelly Robinson.
- Mr. President?
- What"s up, homey?
- What's up?
- What"s up, dog?
- It's all good. How you doing?
- Kicking with Putin.
G.W.B., you should've called
when the cameras was on.
- My bad. I got a mucho hush-hush.
- All right.
Hear you"re going to Budapest. We
got us a muy secret-o situation.
- Really?
- America needs your help.
- No problem.
- We need a little civilian cover.
- You got it, baby.
- Owe you one.
- All right, I'll talk to you real soon.
- I will not forget...
President want me to do him a favor.
He said something
about America needs me.
- What kind of favor?
- Some kind of top-secret mission.
Oh, you mean like 007?
Yeah, except only I'm
gonna be 009 and a half.
Know what I'm saying? 007. You
know what 009 and a half means?
- I think so.
- It's an innuendo.
- You're going to Budapest?
- Yes, I am. Kind of exciting.
- I'm a little nervous.
- I'm sure you'll do fine.
No, I know I will.
That's got a kick to it.
This is my first chance to work
with Special Agent Rachel Wright.
Rachel. You're still hung up on her?
Edna, I'm not hung up on her.
I find her interesting,
and I admire her work.
There's a certain allure she has.
You know, a blind man could
see that.
Well, why don't you tell her?
I will tell her. It's just, I get nervous,
and I end up sounding like an idiot...
Want me to tell you how
to melt Rachel's heart?
- Yeah.
- Talk to Carlos.
What does that mean?
They had a thing?
Two-week stakeout.
She could barely walk.
Rachel and Carlos?
You called, Edna?
You are a vision, as always.
Hello, Alex.
Hello, Carlos. How was Cuba?
Oh, adequate, my eye.
He single-handedly averted
another Bay of Pigs.
- No, I didn't...
- Yes.
- You exaggerate.
- Oh, well, I...
- You do exaggerate sometimes.
- Okay, at times, yeah.
And you, Alex?
How did you fare in the tundra?
You know, I did pretty good.
I got selected for a new mission, so
obviously everybody was satisfied.
And the pilot?
The pilot...
Was able to talk to him, get some
valuable information from him.
Successful mission.
Alex, you didn't go and get
him killed, now, did you?
No, no, no. I mean...
You know, sort of. I mean...
Yeah, he's dead.
He's dead.
What are you gonna do?
- Let me tell you something, Alex.
- Yeah.
You're an excellent agent.
Don't let results like this fool you.
All right?
My car. Be back for my things later.
See you, Carlos. La vida loca!
What a phony.
I'd give anything to go on
a two-week stakeout with that man.
What happened on the stakeout
between him and Rachel?
- I didn't hear anything.
- It's not what I heard, it's what I saw.
It's what I saw.
I saw the look on her face.
Every woman recognizes that look.
- What's that look?
- Look of total satisfaction.
Guy gets a couple missions in Latin
America, and he's a Julio Iglesias.
You know, he's from Iowa,
by the way.
You know, he's from Iowa,
by the way.
- Is this my stuff?
- Oh, easy.
This is Carlos' stuff. This is yours.
Where's my monofilament
phone descender?
I didn't get one of these exploding
pagers. I don't see one of those.
You got the micro GPS.
This is your spy-cam.
This is Carlos' spy-cam,
and this is my spy-cam?
Look at the size of this thing!
Size matters.
But in the spy world, it's reversed.
You want people to say, "Look how
small and sexy and sleek this is. "
Not, "How huge this is! Look what he
pulled out of his pants. It's huge!"
People will laugh at me if I pull this
out. Is that his escape module?
Yes, it is. I know, everybody wants
to be like Carlos.
I don't want to be like Carlos,
but I notice...
...my stuff looks like you can get it
from RadioShack in 1972.
Yes, it is.
Right away.
All right, we'll finish this later.
It's a good start, though.
Kelly Robinson, seen here making
his typical flamboyant entrance...
Shouldn't this be on the
Weather Channel or something?
- With a first-round knockout
of Blake "The Blade" Lirette.
Yeah! 57 and 0, baby!
Kelly Robinson, baby!
That guy is so annoying.
Everybody "Hungary"
for his showdown...
...with the European
heavyweight king, Cedric Mills.
You don"t understand
how important it is...
...that I be 58 and 0.
L"m 57 and 0 right now.
This man gonna be 58!
- That guy is a born jerk.
- Cheese. Cheese.
That"s right, take my picture.
Cheese. Cheese.
Get my right side. Cheese.
Gen. Tucker, this is
Special Agent Alex Scott.
- General.
- Special agent.
I love hearing that. I was a regular
agent a couple weeks ago...
...and then around Christmas,
I got promoted to special.
We were going over the op.
We call it the "Switchblade. "
It was the first electrochromatic
invisible stealth aircraft.
But in the hands of the evildoers...
...it's an untraceable delivery system
for weapons of mass destruction.
New owner: Arnold Gundars.
The boys over at CIA have access
to his overseas accounts.
The past five days, there's been
a depletion of funds...
...without reimbursements.
The bastard's bought
the damn plane.
He just hasn't sold it yet.
I'll get it back, general.
Give me a minute.
Are you sure we can't use Carlos?
No, they all know him.
Without plastic surgery, he wouldn't
last five minutes on this case.
That's a shame.
That Carlos is amazing.
This guy...
You sure about this, Mac?
He'll get the job done.
Shouldn't Rachel be here?
She's already in Budapest
setting up.
You've worked with her
before, right?
I have but not
in a stakeout situation.
This mission doesn't call
for a stakeout.
It wouldn't hurt to keep
our options open.
The European middleweight
...is being held in Budapest
in two days.
Gundars is a boxing fanatic. He's
throwing a party the night before.
Okay. Classic stakeout
scenario, right?
No, Alex. No stakeout. This is
more about hacking and tracking.
Now, take a look at this guest list.
You got to be kidding. This is like a
who's who of international bad guys.
Obviously, Gundars is using this
party as cover to auction the plane.
Your mission is to get
into his palace...
...find out where the plane is
and stop him from selling it.
With these heavy hitters in one
place, security's gonna be insane.
Exactly. The way we see it, there's
only one shot to get you in there.
We've arranged cover.
You'll be working with a civilian
to secure entry.
A civilian?
57 and 0. Gonna be 58 and 0.
You know how Kelly Robinson do.
Listen to me now. I don't
care what Gen. Patton says.
We don't need to do it this way.
I think if...
I kicked ass all around the world.
For crying out loud. Can we turn
this off or change the channel?
He gives me a headache...
Watch what come out of your
mouth, blond surfer boy.
He never shuts up. He's lighting
into some reporter.
No, I"m talking to you. Watch
what come out of your mouth.
You digging your grave with your
tongue. You"ll get your ass whipped.
Video conference.
Alex Scott, meet Kelly Robinson.
That's gotta be him.
Yeah, girl, you crazy. Come on out
here and give me some sugar, girl.
I had too much fun last night.
And you too.
Let's bounce. I got y'all's numbers.
I'll call you y'all soon.
I'll talk to you all soon.
No Kelly, no stretchie.
Back of the bus.
Move the camouflage booty to the
back of the bus. Come on.
Hey, I'm Alex Scott.
We met yesterday, sort of.
Yeah, I remember.
The pleasure's all mine.
Is that your plane?
Step away! No autographs!
It's all right. He's my new assistant.
Kelly, I thought I was your assistant.
T.J., what'd I tell you?
The secret mission? Secret mission.
Secret mission.
- Yeah, yeah, the Mission Man.
- Right. Right.
It's not a good idea to tell them who
I am. We should keep that down.
I ain't no fool. I ain't
tell them who you was.
I said I had to take care
of the president's retarded nephew.
- What?
- Yeah, they think you're a retard.
All you do is get some drool, a helmet
and zip your jacket up.
You get that
mentally challenged look.
Hold on just a second. That's good.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah, go ahead. What's up?
Excuse us. Uncomfortable.
Too many brothers standing around.
We're getting off on the wrong foot.
You think you're
the Harlem Globetrotters...
...and I'm the team
that looks like an idiot.
- Yeah, that's it.
- But that's not how it's gonna work.
We're on the same team.
I'm Meadowlark Lemon.
You're Curly Neal. You feed
me the ball. Remember Curly, he...
He do the dribbling.
You Meadowlark?
I'm pulling down the ref's shorts,
throwing pie in the face.
- The bucket of confetti.
- They think it's water.
- And the rubber band on the ball.
- Right, doing the...
Meadowlark, you get me
some of this chicken...
...some sodas, jelly beans and get
these bags and get on the plane.
Meadowlark. You heard
what he said to me?
He told me that in this situation, he
would be Meadowlark and I'm Curly.
What kind of bullshit is that?
Curly, my ass. I'm Meadowlark.
- I'm not Kelly Robinson.
- No, you ain't.
- He don't make his own phone calls.
- He don't call his mama!
Come on. I'm just trying
to confirm the man's reservation.
- All we need is a room.
- That's all.
- Don't make me get on that phone.
- What the hell is:
It means, "I speak English,
just not to you, sucker. "
Guys, I speak Hungarian.
Need some help?
- Okay.
- Yeah, knock yourself out.
The brother gonna
speak Hungarian now.
- Szia.
- Hello?
Igen, igen.
You guys want the junior suite
or the high-roller suite?
We go with the high-roller.
The cheapest room you've got.
In the basement.
- It's all taken care of.
- Did you get an extra kusenum?
I'm gonna get these bags onboard.
- Don't wanna get yelled at again.
- Yeah, yeah. Hustle. Hustle on.
You better watch your job.
Rain Man got skills.
Kelly just took the stick.
- I thought he was doing an interview.
- What? He was napping.
What? Now he's flying the plane?
Come on, Kelly!
There's a lot of stuff
for us to go over...
Did you see me turn on
the seat-belt light?
No, I didn't see that.
Sit your ass down!
When you get up, sit down.
He's a funny guy.
I gotta remember that one.
When you did the stick up, I went
flying there! That's a good trick.
I'm glad you got that
out of your system.
I'm gonna need you
at the party at 8.
Know something?
We got to change the schedule.
Kelly Robinson don't go to parties
at 8:00. I ain't about to start.
Are you gonna refer to yourself
in the third person?
That can get irritating.
It won't get irritating until 11:00...
...because that's when I'm
showing up for your little party.
Okay. Excuse me, gents.
I can't risk that. The party could
clear out by 11:00.
Ain't no party that Kelly Robinson
at gonna end at 11:00.
- That attitude can destroy a mission.
- Know what destroys a mission?
A lame-ass party that end at 11:00.
Let that shit go, man.
- Drop the shit.
- Okay.
- I'll get T.J. Or Jerry to get me in.
- Yeah, go get T.J. He'll help you.
I just hope that the optical
diaphanous polyalloy transducers...
...can fit on one of their retinas.
What you say?
What you got over there?
It's one of the things we've got
for the mission. It's cool.
It opens up. I put this little camera
in my eye...
...and I give this to T.J.
Then he can see everything I see.
Wait. I don't want T.J.'s eye juices
on something that goes in my eye.
Maybe I should try it.
What you call it?
- Polyalloy transducers.
- The polyalloy should be for me.
Let me put it in my eye, then.
- I put this in my eye?
- Put it in your eye.
- This is some spy shit?
- Yeah.
Okay, I'll put this in.
And I got
the camera in my eye.
What's gonna happen now?
Can you see anything?
What about now?
- Hey, I see me!
- Look, watch this.
That's bad. Shit, now I see the TV.
I'm seeing what you seeing.
- Exactly.
- I see me looking at you looking at me!
Hey, Kelly Robinson.
Look at this. Put this behind
your ear. It's a listening device.
- Just stick it back here?
- Can you hear me?
Yeah, it sound like you
in my head. Shit, I like this!
We'll do that on the mission.
- At 11:00, though.
- No, not 11:00.
I already spoke. Kelly Robinson
has spoke. I said 11, it's 11.
It's a dead issue. Let it go.
I said 11, goddamn it!
Get out my face!
- That shit is bad.
- Then give them back.
I ain't giving back shit. Take them.
That look like I'm yelling at me.
Take them!
I'm Kelly Robinson, baby, 57 and 0!
I'll kick your ass!
This is what it look like when I'm
whupping somebody's ass.
That's scary. Kelly.
Oh, yeah, that's scary.
Look at that move.
Kelly Robinson.
Why you staring at me?
Do something.
- Okay, Kelly.
- I heard that in my head.
You looking in the cockpit right now.
That's a trip.
- What's our altitude?
- About 37,000 feet.
- Is that a Cessna on the horizon?
- Where?
Surfer boy!
- You seeing this?
- What are you doing?
- Come fly the plane.
- Wake him back up!
- He fell asleep.
- You put that dart in his back!
- I thought you knew how to fly it.
- Wake him up.
I don't know how to fly it!
He put it on automatic for me!
The deal is, we go at 8,
and I wake the pilot up.
Okay, then let the plane crash.
Let it crash.
You know that ride I just took?
Get ready for a great ride.
I'm ready to die, baby.
I'm Kelly Robinson.
Death? That's how I feel
about death. Go on. Crash it.
This is getting crazy.
Wake the man up.
- Do we have a deal?
- Yes. Just wake the man up!
- Hey, Ken. He ain't woke.
- He'll wake up. He'll be fine.
- So you a pilot this whole time?
- I can fly a little.
Okay, I see how this is gonna work.
I ain't coming to no party at 8:00.
I told you 11:00. Here's your eye.
- Hey, be careful with that.
- Hey, my ass.
If you broke something in my plane,
if something in my plane is broke...
You in trouble, T.J.
Oh, God.
It wasn't my fault, man.
It was Mission Man.
I'm going downstairs! No, we in
the basement. I'm going upstairs.
You got five minutes to get me
the most expensive suite...
...or else, T.J.! Or else!
- Or else what?
I don't know what else, because
I don't think good underground.
But whatever it is, it's gonna be bad!
Let me tell you something.
You falling off. You're gonna
be back in St. Louis, frying fish.
Now, you mess up one
more time again. I'm waiting.
Please do it one more. Just please.
One more time.
One more time. Please let him do it
one more time.
Oh, my God.
Hey! How's the room?
My room is fine. Oh, did I say
11? I meant to say 12. Maybe.
- What's with the attitude?
- Excuse me!
- Kelly Robinson? The famous boxer?
- Yeah, one and the same, baby.
- I can't believe it!
- It's a big thrill for you, huh?
You don't know. I know you from
the advertisement for your perfume.
- Kelly Robinson. TKO.
- TKO. That's right.
It's not perfume. It's cologne.
Perfume is for ladies and sissies.
I put out cologne.
I so stupid.
So, Kelly, tell me...
...do you really wear it?
Well, you tell me.
I'd love to go to your room
and get your autograph.
Is that right? I'd really love to, but
unfortunately, my room ain't ready.
Let's go to mine. Is very...
...very close.
- Hey, hey.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Excuse me.
- No. Come here for a second.
- Excuse me.
- What's wrong with you?
- What are you doing?
Nothing. But if you let go
of my arm...
...I'm gonna go across
and wax that ass.
You are a spy right now.
I can't have you running off...
...with a strange Hungarian woman.
I'm Kelly Robinson. Going off
with a strange woman is what I do.
Mind your own business.
Have a good evening, all right?
- I'm just jealous.
- I know, but she chose Kelly.
I'll hit it once for you, all right?
- See if she's got a sister.
- Lf so, it'll be the three of us.
Why don't you go see the city?
What you say your name was?
- Are you going to scream it?
- I will scream your name if I know it.
I had a couple of interesting
situations where...
- What happened?
- The girl tried to press charges...
Hey, slow it down!
I got a lady over here.
Hey, that's some serious road rage.
What's up, man?
What's all this?
How long have you been working
for the U.S. Government?
- I work for Kelly Robinson.
- There was BNS agent on your jet.
- I don't know.
- Who was he?
- You've been reading spy novels.
- Maybe we should cut off his penis.
Cut off my penis? What happened
to "rough the man up"?
- Cut it off!
- Wait a second!
You ain't cutting off nobody's penis!
I'll answer all your questions, but...
- Who's the agent?
- I'm not sure if he's an agent.
- Who's the agent?
- I don't know if he's an agent or not!
- He's 5 foot 9. Blond hair...
- His name?
I'm not sure, but he's very annoying.
He's definitely a BNS agent.
His name?
Y'all got these knives and guns
pointing at me, so I'm blocking!
He got one of them white names.
Alan or...
- Take off his pants.
- Why you gonna take my pants off?
Please don't cut off
Kelly Robinson's penis.
Kelly! Kelly, shoot her!
Shoot her!
Did I kill her?
Not yet.
- Stop shooting that.
- What the hell's going...?
I'm sorry, I'm being rude.
Special Agent Rachel Wright.
- Nice to officially meet you.
- You're a spy!
Don't tell anyone.
- You're all BNS?
- It's all BNS.
- Big fan, Mr. Robinson!
- Crazy way of showing it.
- God, Alex, you been working out?
- Yeah, a little. Why?
- You just got buff.
- Just doing curls.
Two, three drops of me
come out of this.
Alex wanted to test you
before we put you in the game.
- So this whole thing was a big test?
- Unbelievable. That was great.
- Really?
- Really.
Oh, cool.
- Guys, excuse us for a second.
- Yeah.
- Hey, good job.
- Nice work, nice work. Good.
I have seen hundreds of agents...
...put through that exercise, and
I've never seen it handled so well.
- Never.
- Never.
Yeah. Well, Kelly Robinson.
It was like your instincts
were perfect.
Give them unimportant information.
Like he's blond, 5'9".
How many guys fit that description?
That doesn't mean anything.
You'd never name names.
You know what you are? You're a
"why not" guy, not a "why" guy.
- What's the difference?
- A "why" guy's like:
"Why are we gonna do this?"
They're afraid to make a decision.
Afraid they might get in trouble.
As opposed to a "why not" guy.
- He's like, "Roll the dice. "
- That's me. Kelly Robinson.
The "why not" guys are
like eagles. They don't flock.
The few, the proud, the "why not. "
The president wouldn't have called
me if I wasn't a "why not" guy.
Let me see everything.
Now, Kelly, we gotta
get you up to speed.
You're about to hear
a national secret.
This is Arnold Gundars, premier
arms dealer. He has this plane...
...the Switchblade.
It's a sophisticated prototype
stolen from the U.S. Government.
This is the next generation
of stealth technology.
Undetectable to radar, infrared,
even the human eye.
- Our mission is to get it back.
- To make a long story short...
...we can't find it,
because we can't see it.
Here it is with the electrochromatic
cloaking device engaged.
Like one of those bugs
that look like a leaf.
- One of the who?
- There's this bug that...
...stays safe because
it looks like a leaf.
But it's not really a leaf.
It can make itself look like one.
A leafy bug. It's a good name for it.
You should call that the "Leafy Bug. "
- That's a good idea.
- I'll pass that on.
The Leafy Bug. We gotta go. We'll be
late for the mission. It's almost 8:00.
You owe me one belt. Yamaguchi.
Hey, you got a cell phone?
- Tuxedo.
- I'm gonna set that all up.
Hey, Alex, I'm sorry I kneed you and
roughed you up in there. You okay?
My gosh, don't be ridiculous.
I thought that was great.
When you kneed me, I loved that.
- You did? You loved that?
- I just felt it helped sell it.
Made it convincing.
Wait to turn this on. The satellite's
only good for the next 72 hours.
Let's hope that's more than we need.
All right, set us up.
You know the drill.
- Hey, what's in that bag?
- Spy stuff.
Rule number one:
Always have a sure way out.
- Hey, Rachel.
- What's up?
It's weird. It feels like
a stakeout, doesn't it?
No. Not really.
And we are live.
Hey, what's that for?
This is how I'm gonna break
this case wide open with your help.
It's a replica of the pen
Gundars carries.
There's an IHB
tracking device built in.
If Alex can plant it on him,
we can follow his movements.
Okay. Let's do this, then.
Nice shifting, Rachel. These
stick shifts can be a little tricky.
You make it look easy.
Thank you.
Please tell me you didn't
say, "nice shifting. "
- Don't worry about it.
- You really like that girl, huh?
- Rachel? No.
- Yes, you do.
- Mr. Robinson!
- Hey.
- Welcome!
- Hey.
- I am very big fan.
- How you doing? You a fan too?
It's going around, baby. How you
doing? Kelly Robinson, 57 and 0.
- You got that?
- No, no, no, I'm with him.
Kelly! Tell these guys
I'm with you. I'm with the boxer.
I've never seen that man before.
Shoot him in his ass.
- Hey, no, he's...
- I'm just playing. It's a joke.
Don't shoot the guy. He's with me.
Sorry about that, guys.
That's a bad start.
That's revenge for the hotel.
Now we're even.
Okay, you did your job.
Now let me do mine.
Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Yeah. Yeah.
Kelly Robinson, y'all, in the flesh.
Y'all looking at the fastest man in the
world! Y'all can do better than that!
Y'all ready for the Slugfest
in Budapest? That's good.
Yeah! How y'all doing?
Hello, Mr. Robinson.
This is great honor to meet you.
Hey, look, it's an honor for me to let
you meet me. How about that, huh?
All right, good meeting you.
Take it easy.
I like him. I like the way he talks.
- You just met Marwan Motaheeshi.
- Who's that?
He controls death squads. They kill
thousands of people every year.
- All right, here he comes.
- Okay, that's Gundars?
- That's a bad-ass jacket he got on.
- Turn around.
- Yeah, okay.
- Disappear. Get away.
- I won't disappear. I'll do the pen.
- Give me the pen. Give...
- Back up before...
- Mr. Robinson. Good to meet you.
Mr. Gundars, the pleasure's mine.
Thank you. Your fight here promises
to be the most exciting event...
...that Budapest has seen
in some time.
Since you such a nice guy...
...I ain't gonna break
your boy up too bad.
- Thank you
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Mr. Robinson, your champagne.
- Thank you.
I'm sorry to interrupt you. One
of the ladies wants an autograph.
No problem at all, but
you have a pen I could use?
I don't.
Didn't I tell you at all times
to keep a pen?
- I apologize.
- My assistant's penless.
- It won't happen again.
- I said to have a pen...
Mr. Gundars.
Mr. Gundars is always prepared.
Thank you. Hold this champagne.
You have to be prepared.
I'm disappointed,
I want you to know.
Take that. Here you go.
Clown ass. It's hard to get somebody
that'll do their job the right way.
I'm sorry about that. Force of habit.
Here's your pen, Mr. Gundars.
- Well, enjoy the party.
- Yeah.
Nice to see you.
I have some business.
Take care of your business.
Take care of your business.
Hey, you a real player.
I had it under control
until you showed up.
I know you did.
Okay, he's taking off.
I need you to create a distraction.
Create a distraction?
What do you mean? Do what?
Make a scene or do something.
That should come easy for you.
Make a scene?
Yeah! Baddest man on the planet!
Cedric Mills, where you at? Come on,
everybody. Cedric, where you at?
Let's get a show going here.
Where's Cedric Mills?
Everybody gather around.
Hey, come on.
Break that up. Come on,
y'all look great, but get out the ring.
It's about me and Cedric.
Cedric Mills, where you at?
Hey, Cedric! You in the house?
I know I seen you!
There you go, Cedric.
What you doing down there?
Having a steroid cocktail?
I do not take the steroids.
You need something
if you get in the ring with me.
Let's give the people a preview.
Don't be scared.
I ain't gonna hurt you.
Cedric Mills, everybody! In the flesh!
That's a brave man there.
That's like swimming with Jaws.
Well. Are you ready?
I want to see the plane first.
Only the highest bidder
will have that privilege.
Is it really invisible?
How long have you been
in Budapest?
- Three days.
- Three days.
Well, you've probably driven past it
at least half a dozen times.
Now, if you'd enter your
bid into the computer.
I usually make the predictions,
but let's do a little flip.
Let's let Cedric make the predictions.
What round will I knock you out in?
Hey, you stop jokes now.
- Or what?
- I will!
You gonna stop...? Isn't he a doll?
"I will stop them!" I like that.
Give them a preview. Open-handed.
Let's see how fast you are.
Y'all like to see that, wouldn't you?
Open-handed scrap?
Put your hands up. What you got?
That's what you coming with?
You're gonna get your ass whipped.
I'll hit your jaw.
Right jaw with left hand.
Put your guard up, now. I'm pretty
fast, now. You ready? Here it come.
I told you I would slap you.
Why didn't you block the punch?
What's wrong with you,
coming all hard like that?
You're supposed to give them
a taste. You wanna hit me hard.
What if I kick your ass
in front of everybody?
There you go! A preview.
Robinson vs. Mills.
The transatlantic championship...
...tomorrow night, here in Budapest.
- Done.
- Excellent.
Well, the best of luck.
Thank you.
Would you care for champagne?
We have an excellent fountain.
An undetectable
nuclear delivery system...
...could transform your tiny
country into a superpower.
What you doing, hanging
from the ceiling like that?
What are you doing?
You're supposed to be outside.
- I figured you'd need help.
- Don't walk in here.
Don't tell me what to do.
I'm Kelly Robinson.
57 and 0. Don't talk to me like that.
What's wrong?
You tripped the alarm.
Yeah, you tripped it.
I didn't trip no alarm.
I don't hear it.
See this?
- Oh, shit.
- Yeah, oh, shit. Come here.
We'll get caught because
you didn't tell me about the alarm.
- This is your fault.
- Put that on.
- What is this?
- It's a mask. Put it on.
- This look like a sock.
- It's a mask.
It's a special spy mask. Put it on.
Look like a sock.
Hey, man, this is a sock!
What you doing?
Putting this on.
Let me do this.
Quit tickling me.
Would you come here?
- Just tell me what's going on.
- I am losing it.
I'm nervous and ticklish
at the same time.
Not in my wildest imagination did
I dream it would be this difficult.
Before you enter your bid,
Mr. Abi, let me remind you...
...that an undetectable
nuclear delivery system...
- Why we spinning?
- Be still.
- Don't breathe.
- We can't spin like this.
- It's cracking.
- I'm getting queasy...
...and I don't like heights. And I'm
spinning, and I'm gonna vomit.
What kind of cheap-ass equipment
they send you on this mission with?
- The anchor broke.
- You check the anchor first.
I wasn't expecting you to be here.
Hey, that's cool.
The funds will be verified
...and the highest bidder
will be informed tomorrow.
I would like you to enjoy
our local specialty.
Sir? Sir.
The silent alarm has just been
set off.
Please, I need a few moments alone.
- What about my bid?
- Don't worry.
You'll get your chance. Enjoy.
Lock the door.
Get on the roof.
- Just go through the opening.
- Don't make me fall.
- Go through it.
- Lock this wing down.
I was born semipsychic, and I had
a hunch something would happen.
- Then why'd you go into the room?
- I ain't Miss Cleo.
They are on the dome.
It's like you're a double agent.
Like you're working against me.
Just get them. Now.
Oh, man!
- I liked this better when it was a test!
- We gotta jump!
- You crazy? I ain't jumping.
- Got a better idea?
No, but you better
come up with something.
Okay, new plan. Wait right here.
What you gonna do?
Don't leave me.
- What's that?
- What?
Oh, God!
- Okay, that wasn't that bad.
- What'd I say? Are your legs numb?
No, come on. Let's do it.
What's next?
Rule number one: Always have
a sure way out. Walk, walk, walk.
- Hey! You guys!
- Run, run. Now we run. Now we run.
- This is your sure way out?
- It's the way to the sure way out.
- Go through it.
- Come on, man!
Could you move? Look out.
Lose the jacket!
Are we still on the way
to the sure way, or is this it?
This is the sure way out.
Okay. Come on.
It's slow. I'm nervous.
- Don't panic.
- Look how slow we moving!
Kelly, it's here.
We are home free, my friend.
There's a guy coming.
Kick him.
Kick him in the balls!
How I'm gonna kick him
if he got a gun?
- Don't be defeatist! Stay on my side!
- Hey, watch out!
They're gonna kill Kelly Robinson.
Don't be negative.
Check outside!
Hey, that guy's still coming.
I'm gonna get him.
I'm gonna get him.
- Tell me when. Now?
- No!
- Now?
- Now!
- Okay.
- Throw it. Lob it over there!
- What's this?
- Smoke grenade.
- They got bullets and we got smoke?
- Lob it!
It's smoking.
- Now what?
- Here. Grab this.
I knew you had something
up your sleeve.
- Of course.
- I never doubted you.
- That's right.
- Yeah. All right. Okay.
How we gonna
get down from here?
I don't think we're gonna have
to worry about that.
Okay, you worried now?
I'm a little worried now.
We'll bring her gently down
on that grassy hill there.
We're going down faster than I want.
Get ready!
Brace yourself!
Hey, what happened
to the soft, grassy hill?
We missed it.
Let go when I say so.
Hey, man, I'm not letting go.
You wanna die?
We've dodged some bullets...
...and I don't know how many more
lives we've got. We gotta let go.
Get set. Let go!
I broke my leg. It's broken.
That's what your ass gets
for this crazy balloon shit.
Kelly Robinson
hanging from a balloon.
- No, it's okay. It's okay.
- I wish it was broke.
- They're still coming.
- Man, these guys won't give up.
- Now what?
- I wish that balloon worked better.
The balloon is over!
What are we gonna do?
Let me think. Hold on.
I got an idea. Move around.
Get in the car.
You've got an idea?
This I want to see.
Now you be in the hot seat.
I used to be in a different business.
- What are you doing?
- They keep the keys here. See?
- What? You used to transport cars?
- Something like that.
Here we go.
You did it.
Show them something there.
- Hey!
- Okay, I got an idea.
- What you gonna do?
- You inspired me.
We're gonna try a little Carlos.
- What are you doing?
- Pull forward.
- What?
- Pull forward.
- Did you see that?
- Goddamn!
- That was a big explosion.
- Man!
That's why they think Carlos
is a better spy than me!
- Carlos?
- Everyone thinks he's great.
- He's got more potent bombs.
- His bombs are more potent?
That ain't right.
Another one!
Here they come.
This one's mine.
Let me show you something they
don't teach over at the BNS.
Oh, wow. That's pretty good.
- You were unbelievable back there.
- That was you.
You had the thing going down, the
Kelly Robinson... I had one little bomb.
- Little bomb?
- It was like...
- You're crazy.
- Here they are.
- Good driving.
- Kelly Robinson, Kelly Robinson.
What we got here?
Hey, no outlet in here.
We stuck, man.
Hey, pull over here. Pull right here.
Stop, stop, stop. Give me the keys.
Look what I got! Keys!
Convertible. It's all yours.
You take that car.
We'll take your scooter.
Jump on. Jump on!
Kelly Robinson ain't getting on
no scooter like no bitch.
All right. Okay, let's do it.
Come on, man.
Get your feet up.
Okay. Hold on!
- Hold on. Okay, hold on.
- I am holding on.
Go, go, go!
- It's a nightmare!
- Yeah, it's a nightmare.
They shooting, and I'm in the back.
- Better come up with something.
- We'll make a break for daylight.
Tuck your elbows in.
What's that smell?
Oh, man.
Go down the tunnel.
- This is the sewer!
- We're stuck. Is there an opening?
There's bars and shit over here.
We can't get out.
Just stand back to the side.
Oh, shit!
You okay?
I made $24 million last year, and I'm
standing in a river of human sludge.
You ask me, am I okay!
You made $24 million last year?
Yeah, 24.7.
- They ain't leaving.
- It's late night.
- We'll wait them out.
- Shit, it stinks down here.
Just don't breathe in too deep.
Methane'll make you loopy.
I'm gonna get loopy from standing
and breathing in this human...
You know what this is, right?
This is the nastiest place
in all of Hungary.
You feeling loopy? You look loopy.
Yes. It feels kind of dizzy.
I got a buzz.
- Where'd you grow up?
- Hey, man...
...no offense, but I ain't one
of those guys that, you know...
...start pouring his heart out
and get personal with another guy...
...so save it for somebody else.
My grandmother raised me.
My grandmother.
No kidding?
Yeah, she's the one
that put the time in.
The day-to-day, you know,
feeding, and you know.
Sounds like a sweet woman.
Sweet! The sweetest thing
you ever wanna meet.
Angel. My grandmother's the first
person ever punched me in the face.
None of that hard shit, a jab,
just to let me know she was serious.
Parents don't take the time anymore.
No, that's love, you know.
I mean, only...
You got to love somebody's baby
to punch a baby in the face.
Kelly Robinson was a scared little
boy. That's all. A scared little boy.
Keep going. Keep digging.
I mean, I put on a show, but inside,
man, lots of time I be crying.
You ready for a bomb?
Tell me.
You and I are basically
the same guy.
Take away the boxing,
take away the money...
Take away my money?
It's a metaphor.
Take away all your women.
Take away all the trappings
of success.
And you and I are the same guy.
- You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, I know. I know. I'm you.
- No, I'm you.
- Yeah, that's what I mean.
We're twins.
Oh, I've got a crush
on Rachel for years.
I just love her power.
And sexy and... You saw
the way she threw me over.
It was just like I was nothing.
Just a powerful woman.
You know what? I'll tell you what.
If you feel that way about a girl...
...then you got to act on it.
- Oh, I do.
You see how it is when I try
to talk to her.
- You gotta...
- Fumbling over myself...
I see, but you need to change that.
- Be honest. We're in the sewer.
- Hey, I ain't gonna lie to you. What?
I don't have the savoir-faire,
that devilish charm.
- I've seen you, and I don't have that.
- I beg to differ. I disagree.
No, I'm not gonna sit here
and listen to your...
Bust it, bust it.
You do have savoir-faire.
You just have to unleash it.
Unleash it.
Unleash your savoir-faire.
I don't know.
You know, if you forget that this is a
sewer, it's kind of a beautiful place.
Thank God! What happened?
I thought you two were dead.
- Gundars' men had us pinned.
- Did they see you?
No. Have you been tracking
the pen?
It's at the palace.
He moved until 1:30...
...and it's been in the bedroom
since. He's not onto us.
Let us know, Jim, the minute
that pen moves.
The plane is still in Budapest,
but the deal's going down today.
Bob, get a helicopter in the air.
Scan every rooftop, parking lot,
playground in the city.
UV, infrared, throw
everything you got at it.
We're on it.
Just zoom in on it.
Rachel, you look bad.
Tired. You must be exhausted.
What a night.
I was driving around,
looking for you all night.
Why don't you go take a nap?
We'll give a yell if the pen moves.
Sure you guys can handle this?
You've been working hard. I'm sure
he got this covered. Take a nap.
All right, maybe I will for a sec,
but call me if anything happens.
I'm glad you're okay.
All right. Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
I know what you thinking,
and the answer is yes, playboy.
- Yes. You going in there.
- I'm not going in there.
You are going, and you gonna be
devilishly charming.
- This isn't one of your floozies.
- It's a girl. A girl's a girl.
She's special. You gotta
put her on a pedestal.
Well, we don't have a pedestal.
All we got is a cot in the back.
- I'll do it tomorrow.
- No, today...
...right now on the cot in the back.
- I don't know.
- I do know.
- Okay.
- Let's do it.
I know you in a good mood now.
Let's do it.
You can be charming as hell.
I'll show you how we'll do it.
I'm gonna unleash
your savoir-faire.
Hey, it's me, Alex.
I love the way
you say my name.
It"s the way the L
flicks off your tongue...
...when you say
the L in Alex.
It's like the way the L
flicks off your tongue.
It's like, "Alex, Alex, Alex. "
Say it one more time for me.
Just let me hear you say it.
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
I'm just...
I'm getting ready to make love
to you so good and long...
...you'll be begging me to stop
and keep going at the same time.
I'll tell you what I'm doing.
I'm getting ready to...
Baby, I'm gonna make
sure that you're okay.
Now that I see that you are,
you're all tucked in, doing fine...
...I'm gonna go back out. Everything's
fine here. Don't worry about us.
Go back to sleep. Don't...
Forget I came in. I'll just...
That's not what I said. Hey!
Get back in there!
Your rap's not working.
Try tomorrow. We did our best.
No shame in that.
Kelly Robinson's rap works! Get your
ass back there. This is good shit.
Give me...
Hey, I'm just... I'm sorry
to keep barging in like this.
I just wanna...
Let me just take a...
Just collect myself for a second.
I have something that I want
to say, and if you don't mind...
...I just have a...
It's like a story that I feel
I need to tell you.
That's good. I'm gonna
give you my secret weapon.
This shit always works.
Now listen, now.
Look in her eyes.
Now sing.
Say that.
Baby, when I woke up
this morning...
...I felt like there was a sea
storming inside of me.
Inside of me.
And baby...
...I think I'm capsizing.
I think I'm capsizing,
and the waves just keep rising.
Rising and...
When I get that feeling...
...I need sexual healing.
I just need it. I just need it.
Sexual... I know,
it sounds crazy. I'm just...
I'm probably delirious,
but it just makes me feel so fine.
And it's good for us.
It's sexual.
It's healing. Okay?
I don't know what else
I can say.
You're cute.
I've always had
a little crush on you.
- I told you!
- Really? You did?
- I'm hot. It's hot in here, isn't it?
- My gosh.
Good Lord.
Shit, yeah, that's
what I'm talking about.
Now go over there, and
bite her on the ass real hard.
- No!
- Yes!
- No, no, no, no.
- No?
No, no, no, no.
Yes to you.
- Yes?
- Bite her. Bite her!
- No!
- No?
No, yes.
Go back to where you were.
- I'm just... I'm...
- Bite! Bite! Bite her!
They love that shit.
Don't break the skin, but bite it good
so that there's a mark on her ass.
She"ll show all her friends.
"Look at my mark, what he did. "
I know what you want.
It's okay.
You can trust me.
- My...
- You okay?
I think you broke my spine.
But in a good way.
Hey, come on, now.
Let me at least see the goods.
Hey, the pen just moved!
Let's go!
Let's move!
Gotta go! Let's go!
- Pen moved.
- No.
- Are you sure?
- Come on. Yes.
It looks like he's out of the car
and headed for the baths.
Wait. Why is he
going to the baths?
As long as he's not going
to a pen store, who cares?
Stakeout. Stakeout.
Stakeout, guys.
This needs a stakeout.
- I'll take the back, okay?
- Wait a second. Be careful.
You too, okay?
Please. Come on, man.
Come on.
You realize I can save the world
and make boxing history in one day?
- All right.
- They'll give me a parade.
Ticker-tape parade.
Confetti and all that shit.
Bigass parade.
Get my own day.
Kelly Day.
Kelly Robinson Day parade.
Nasty as hell up in here.
It smells like ass soup
all over the place.
- I just lost the signal.
- What?
Maybe the walls
are too thick in here.
No, no. Something's wrong.
Come on.
We can't walk away from this.
We got to get that plane!
You're fired up. I like your
enthusiasm, don't wanna lose it.
But sometimes you move forward,
sometimes back. We're moving back.
Hell, no! Listen to me.
I told you I was semipsychic.
I got a hunch on this.
Seven out of 10 of my hunches
are correct. That's a high ratio!
We got to go with them numbers.
Like, here, in this area...
...I'm vibing this. Right now,
I know the plane is in here.
Trust me on this.
What you know
about the Leafy Bug?
- Kick your ass if I find it in here.
- Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.
Hell, yeah. Come on, now.
You don't feel that?
- There's nothing in here.
- You must be crazy. I feel something.
A lot of old guys
hitting each other with sticks.
There's something else.
I feel it.
Something's going on in here.
Something's definitely going on.
What's your name, boy?
He talking all that shit
because he knows something.
Something's in here.
I feel it.
You know what?
We learned we can't trust your gut.
You can trust my gut.
I told you...
Maybe the plane's over there
in the whirlpool. We should check...
- Maybe those three out of 10...
- Gun!
- You said there was a plane!
- I said, a vibe! A vibe!
Like a fool, I listened!
You got a way out of here?
I followed you in here.
Why would I have a way out?
- What are you shooting at?
- Trying to hit the pipes.
Throw this up there. We'll create
a spark. When I say ready. Go!
I got it. I got it.
It's gonna blow.
It's gonna blow!
We gotta warn Rachel.
There goes Gundars!
Rachel, no!
It's a setup!
No! No!
Let's go.
- That's it?
- Yeah, Kelly, that's it.
- You all right?
- What do you think?
I think you're messed up,
and you need to talk.
Is that what you think?
Rachel's dead!
She's dead because I've been
listening to you. I'm done.
You're upset.
Rachel was a good woman.
She was a good woman,
and she's gone.
You're still here, though,
semipsychic guy.
Wait. You ain't blaming
that back there on me.
No. Who could blame you?
It's not your fault.
You're the king of the universe.
You want Kelly Robinson Day.
- Have the parade. You'll get it.
- Slow it down. Back off.
I don't like your tone. You fixing
to get your ass whipped.
Really? Is that
one of your hunches?
Or some of the normal crap
that comes out of your mouth?
Remember what I said
about how we're the same guy?
I'm not you.
Thank God, I'm not you!
- I would hate to be you.
- All right.
That's the last straw.
I got to whup your ass now.
- You wanna fight me?
- I'll whip your ass!
Let me take off my jacket.
This is gonna amuse me.
If going to the dentist is amusing,
then this is getting ready to be funny.
- There's no ref here.
- I don't need no referee.
From this position, I know 11 ways
I can totally immobilize you.
End your life right...
How much from that position?
That was my left.
If it was my right, you'd be
drinking meat through a straw.
Will you look at surfer boy!
Show me some good spy shit.
Hey, shit!
If that had gone 6 inches higher,
you'd be in a coma right now.
You okay?
You know how to use your feet good.
Throw kicks like a little bitch!
You got me!
Hands up! What's going on here?
The black guy!
The black guy mugged me!
I'd like to file a complaint!
Why am I being arrested?
Why am I being arrested?
This is bullshit! He kicked me first!
He kicked me in my nuts!
Why am I getting arrested
if I got kicked in my nuts?
How come you just arresting
the black man? My nuts was kicked!
- Yeah?
- Alex.
Where are you?
I've been calling for three hours!
I know.
We hit a few snags.
Snags? L"m sending backup now.
What"s your location?
- It's all fine.
- It"s all fine?
I'm headed to the castle tonight.
I'll try to track Gundars to the plane.
You don"t know where it is yet?
I knew you"d screw this up. Look...
I gotta go, Mac.
I gotta go.
Dude never been this late.
The brother can't tell time no more.
That's the problem.
- Kelly! Where you been?
- Better yet, who you been with?
If you hang with us,
this shit wouldn't happen.
He ain't our problem no more.
Let's go down here and get 58.
Piece of shit microtracker.
You're a very lucky man,
Mr. Zhu Tam.
I feel like I just won the lottery.
It's funny, isn't it?
You winning makes me rich.
My government's point of view
is that no price is too high.
So how's your golf game?
I haven't had much time
since I've been here.
In the 15th hole. Eagle.
- First time ever.
- Really?
Yeah! This is it, baby!
Driver, take the car off the bridge,
away from the traffic.
I don't see it.
That's the whole point, isn't it?
That you can't see it.
- That's what you're buying, isn't it?
- That's true.
Thank you.
Wait a second.
Come on.
Is that...?
Please. Finally!
Now you'll believe me
when I tell you...
...that you've driven past it
half a dozen times.
It is the most incredible thing
I have ever seen.
Shall we conclude our business?
Gentlemen, to the center
of the ring.
I explained the instructions
in the dressing room.
You're both professional fighters.
I expect you to conduct
yourself professionally.
- Shake hands.
- You ready to do this?
Let's do it.
It looks like my computer
is a billion dollars healthier.
Which makes you the proud owner...
...of the most advanced piece
of weaponry on the planet.
Watch this.
The ignition code.
Round one
for the super middleweight...
...championship of the world!
- Cedric, come on.
Do you want the swelling
on the left or right?
Mills goes right to work.
Left hand up!
Left hand up!
He's spun around by...
What are you doing?
I'm working.
That looks like an old-fashioned
thermonuclear warhead.
- It's a bit primitive, isn't it?
- They won't think so in Washington.
Tell your men to drop their guns.
- Tell them!
- Do as he says.
Get your hands up!
You too, Mr. Zhu Tam.
Do it!
You didn't think you could
fool BNS, did you?
- Rachel?
- I guess we did.
- You're alive?
- Don't tell anyone.
Robinson having his way.
Combination to the head.
And a left hook jars the challenger.
Here comes Robinson,
and here comes Mills.
Body shots by the challenger, Mills.
Holding on to him.
Tying the champion up.
That was pretty convincing.
The whole "I'm dead" thing.
You pick up a few tricks
over the years.
- You certainly do.
- You really should have caught it.
Yeah, I should have.
I guess I was a little distracted
by the sound of my heart breaking.
Code invalid.
That's not good.
Is that good?
- What the hell did you do?
- I entered the ignition code.
Self-destruct sequence
It has a self-destruct mechanism
if the wrong code is entered.
No, that is the correct code. I saw
Lt. Percy fire the engine myself.
Just get it handled, Agent Wright.
That's what you're paid to do.
He ain't done nothing
to earn your respect!
It's number 58 going down
right now. You hear?
- How you feeling?
- 58.
- You good?
- Good, yeah.
Damn! She may wanna
braid that.
And this world championship fight
rages on.
The code times out?
What, like a safety precaution?
In case the plane were stolen?
You're flying the plane home.
I assume you know the correct code.
Assumptions have a way of coming
back and kicking you in your ass.
Robinson measuring Mills up.
A wicked left hook by Robinson.
- How much is he paying you?
- I don't have time for this.
If I'd known you were for sale,
I would have bid!
I know that hurt.
You got a hard-ass head.
The code, Alex.
Come on, Cedric.
Robinson dancing around.
What's going on here?
It looks like he's fighting
an invisible opponent.
And down goes Robinson!
Rachel, you"re not getting
this plane off the bridge.
Five. Six...
Kelly Robinson is down
for the first time in his career!
- Can you continue?
- I'm okay.
- Let's go.
- All right.
Let's go. Fight!
Now it"s gonna get messy.
It's time to go down.
And Mills is down!
- Now we're talking!
- Five.
- Come on, come on!
- Six.
Seven. Eight. Nine.
- He's not gonna make it.
- Ten! You're out!
It's over!
Kelly Robinson is still...
...the super middleweight
champion of the world!
Robinson foregoing his usual
flamboyant victory lap.
He bolts the ring.
I'm impressed, Alex.
You're tougher than I thought.
There's one thing that
will always make a man talk.
Cutting my belt?
- Take off his pants.
- Take off my pants?
Hold it.
Wait a second.
Easy. Easy.
Come on, take it easy.
- What are you doing here?
- You turned on the eye thing...
...so I had to come save your ass!
- I did?
That's a huge gesture!
That must mean you really love me.
Don't get this twisted.
I did this to secure my parade!
- No getting around it. You love me.
- This is for the parade!
- It's love!
- Parade!
- It's love!
- Parade!
- Love!
- Kelly Robinson Day parade!
I'm starting to regret this shit!
Move! Move!
Cover me!
Hold your fire!
Hold your fire!
Who the hell is this guy?
It's Carlos. I guess Mac
sent him in as backup for us.
He's like a superspy.
He's a spy, the same as me.
Not a superspy.
He got a fly-ass
ninja outfit and parachute.
We hanging from balloons
and shit.
Gundars! Tell your men
to put down their weapons.
It seems to be quite
a trend tonight. Down!
Alex, the code
before we all blow up.
That's what I'm doing.
I was on my way to do it.
- Doing fine before you got here.
- Mr. Zhu Tam, I believe.
Carlos, careful.
Rachel's a double agent!
Yes, I know, Alex.
Yours too, Rachel.
Apparently, you've been a bad girl.
Now hold up.
Wait a second. Hey, Alex...
...this James Bond is with Rachel.
- Not now.
I got a hunch. This guy is bad.
I can feel it right now.
I said, not now.
Let me figure this out!
How did big shot know
she was bad?
I got 45 seconds to figure out
this logarithmic code...
...or we'll all die
because we'll blow up.
Why don't you stick to your perfume
ads and leave the espionage to me?
No, don't say that to him.
Hey, Zorro, it's not perfume.
It's cologne.
No, Kelly! No!
Come on, come on.
Here we go.
- Code invalid.
- Come on.
Eighteen, seventeen...
Nine, eight, seven.
Sequence aborted.
I got it. I got it.
No, I don't. No, I don't.
No, I don't.
Don't do it! Put that shit down.
Put the gun down right now.
Putting it down. Okay?
But I'm on your side.
I'm with BNS.
What do BNS stand for?
Bitch that Need Slapping?
I tried to make sure Carlos
doesn't get to this computer.
Think I believe that?
What's wrong with you?
- Hear her trying to flip the script?
- She's saying she's good?
I gotta hear this.
This should be rich.
We've suspected Carlos
was dirty for months.
Mac and me teamed up with him
so we could nail him.
- Why didn't they tell me?
- You know how this works.
It's all on a need-to-know basis.
You know that.
Mac didn't want you protecting me
at the wrong time.
That's all Carlos would have
needed. He's jealous of us.
- He is?
- Lf he knew how we felt...
Go easy now.
Don't be creeping up and shit.
She got long legs.
Bitch is sneaky. She'll kick you.
He's always known
I wanted to work with you.
- You wanted to work with me?
- Yeah.
What, like on a stakeout?
Don't you know
how I feel about you?
- That's bullshit.
- My head's spinning. I don't know...
- Can't deny it. I feel the same...
- You dizzy from massive blood loss...
...because the bitch stabbed you
15 minutes ago!
I could have crippled him
for life if I wanted to.
- You've got full mobility in your leg?
- It doesn't feel that bad.
Son of a gun.
I had no idea.
Carlos was jealous of us?
I can't listen to this shit.
What's wrong with you?
You booty-blinded right now.
It's like being snow-blinded with
no snow, just a cute piece of ass.
No. She's telling the truth.
You don't understand the spy world.
There are agents.
There are double agents, and
there are pseudo-double agents.
It's actually pretty standard stuff.
Y'all stabbing each other is standard?
Yeah. It's pretty standard.
Look out!
I'm watching your ass.
Alex, you idiot!
I'm on your side!
I've had enough of this!
There's Vitalis and shit all over...
He was coming like a buzz saw. If you
didn't grab him, he was gonna kill me.
It was like looking
in the eyes of the devil.
Where's Rachel?
Yeah, where is Rachel, huh?
She gone.
Didn't I tell you
that bitch was bad?
Why didn't you keep
an eye on her?
- You said she was good!
- You can't listen to what I say.
I'm bleeding from a knife wound.
I'm delusional!
You said yourself I'm booty-blind.
I'm blinded by ass.
You blinded now, but a minute ago...
You two fools just let Rachel
escape with Gundars' computer?
That has all the passwords
to his numbered accounts.
It's worth billions of dollars!
Mac knew you would screw this up.
That's why he sent me...
"Worth billions of dollars. "
You hear this guy?
He's still a bad guy, right?
Yeah, he...
Well, I don't know.
Everybody keeps flip-flopping
around. I can't keep it straight.
It's murky.
- You said it was standard...
- I know what I said!
It's murky when there ain't
no girl involved, huh?
I see how it go.
I'll tell you one thing. Good
or bad, I'm tying this guy up.
We tie everybody up.
That's the new rule.
Why don't you stop stressing?
There's the Leafy Bug, baby.
That's what we set out to do,
and we got it!
We got the plane.
We heroes.
- You're right. Let's go home.
- Look at that.
- You wanna see something cool?
- What?
Man, that is some superfly,
superspy shit!
Let me see.
What you pressing?
- Just press that button.
- Okay.
- Invisible.
- Invisible.
Gotta get that on my cars. You know
how clean my garage is gonna look?
Visible. Invisible.
- Don't wear out the battery.
- Let me have some fun.
- It loses its specialness. Give it back.
- Come on, why you acting...?
Why you gotta be tripping?
Why can't I play with it?
- You broke it.
- I broke the shit? How I break it?
Like a child, you knock it
out of my hand. I broke it?
You happy now?
How will I explain this?
I show up with the plane
and a broken remote.
You think they're worried
about the remote?
There's dead bodies all over the roof.
You think they'll care about that?
- Come on, man!
- You're right. Let's go.
- We're heroes.
- I'm gonna get my parade, huh?
- Maybe so.
- I'll definitely get a parade behind this.
All right. Settle back,
and I'm gonna fire this baby up.
And that is why they call it
the Switchblade.
All right. Ready
for the ride of your life?
Yeah, let's do this.
Watch this.
Punch it!
Got a little wrinkle.
Not to worry.
Kelly Robinson ain't supposed
to go out like this!
I'm supposed to die in the ring!
Kelly, you okay?
Come here. You okay?
Hell, no! I ain't okay.
You just crashed my parade
down into the river.
We had nozzle failure. Then the
thrust manifold went all haywire.
You didn't check it, did you?
Huh? This is perfect!
My first mission, I do everything right.
Now thanks to you, I ain't a hero!
- What is that?
- This is my flotation device.
- That's a bomb!
- What?
That's a thermonuclear bomb.
Why you gotta throw them
around here, then?
No, it's okay. It's not armed.
Can you imagine if this had gone off?
This would have killed millions!
- And they didn't arm it?
- They didn't get a chance to.
You know why
they didn't get a chance to?
Because we stopped them!
We stopped them.
Know what that means?
- I think so.
- We heroes again!
- Damn, you're right.
- Bet your pink ass I'm right!
We're heroes again!
Even without the plane.
- We're heroes!
- This is the proof right here!
- This bomb.
- I can't wait to call the president.
We gonna get the Congressional
Medal of Honor and a parade!
This will be fantastic.
Has my bank transfer come through?
Not yet, Ms. Tessio.
Where you going?
You forgot your drink.
Alex, how are you?
- God!
- Came prepared this time.
Where you going?
Back up.
You thought
you was gonna get away?
Thought you was gonna
make a fool out of Kelly Robinson?
When I have my parade, I'll tie
your ass to the front of a float.
How about a stakeout
in Greece for two weeks?
- Stakeout?
- Yeah.
Two weeks?
Hey! The answer is still no.
I know. I was just imagining
for a second. There's no harm in...
You taking a long time. Tell her no.
You getting lost in this. No!
- No.
- In fact, say, "Hell, no!"
- Hell, no.
- Hell, no, bitch!
The spell wore off.
Well, boys, I'm glad you guys
got all the news coverage.
- What's that mean?
- Always got to have the last word.
She always gotta say some shit, huh?
What she talking about, news
coverage? Ain't been no news...
Is that Carlos?
- "Superspy hero thwarts... "
- Carlos was good.
- We the ones that saved the day!
- Is this a parade?
Yes! Look at the spectacle
and the glitter and shit!
That's my parade!
He stole my parade!
- I don't know what to say.
- I know what to say. Bullshit!
We gotta go to Washington
and get debriefed.
- I ain't going!
- I don't blame you.
It's just, I was looking forward
to testing out the hover gel with you.
- The whatsit gel?
- Hover.
It's a gelatinous hydrogen diphyoxide.
It's 12 times lighter than air.
You smear it all over your body...
...and if you're in an
oxygen-rich environment...
...it allows you to float
down to earth like a bird.
Like a jelly bird?
Yeah. That's the street name for it.
"Jelly Bird. " Exactly.
They have a couple
on the transport plane.
Plan was, they drop us off over D.C.,
and we float down like birds.
There's press and photographers.
It's gonna be a whole spectacle, but...
What we waiting on?
Let's do this.
- You'll do it?
- Hell, yeah, I'll do it!
Float like a jelly bird?
Let's go right now.
I used to always dream
I'd be able to fly.
- You serious?
- My grandma said I was a fool.
That's what made her
punch me the first time!
- See, I told her and...
- Hold on.
Get some jelly on the plane
and two parachutes.