In Good Company (2004) Movie Script
/ Now I'm wakin'
at the crack of dawn /
/ To send a little money
home /
/ From here to the moon /
/ Is risin'
like a discotheque /
/ And now my bags are down
and packed /
/ For traveling /
After months of speculation
analysts expect
an announcement this week
that GlobeCom International
will acquire Waterman Publishing
and its flagship magazine,
Sports America.
The man at the helm
of GlobeCom,
billionaire media magnate
Teddy K.
has been
on a spending spree recently,
acquiring a food service
company, a cable operator
and two
telecommunications providers
in deals totaling
more than $13 billion.
And how did one lucky
ferret owner come to own
the largest dog treat
manufacturer on the East Coast?
/ Skin, that covers me
from head to toe /
/ Except a couple tiny holes /
/ And openings /
/ Where, the city's blowin'
in and out /
/ This is what it's
all about /
/ Delightfully /
/ Everything's possible /
/ When you're an animal,
not inconceivable /
/ How things can change /
/ I know /
/ So I'm puttin' on
aftershave /
/ Nothin' is out of place /
/ Gonna be on my way /
/ Try to pretend /
/ It's not only /
/ Glass and concrete
and stone /
/ That it's just a house,
not a home //
Mr. Kalb.
Dan.
Thanks for
the Lakers tickets.
You bet.
Seats were terrific.
But l'm still not going to
advertise in the magazine.
My son-in-law tells me that
people don't read much anymore.
Too much effort moving
the eyes back and forth.
So we're gonna put
most of our budget
into television,
radio, lnternet.
Okay.
''Okay''?
What does that mean?
l'm not gonna try to
sell you.
Why the hell not?
You're a salesman.
Yeah. Just not a very
good one, that's all.
l'll say.
But l am gonna
ask you one favor.
Oh, yeah?
l'm gonna leave you
an issue of the magazine.
And l'm personally gonna
send you a new one every week.
Now, l'll call you
in a few weeks,
and if you want to,
we'll talk.
There's a great
article in there
comparing today's quarterbacks
with Johnny Unitas.
Unitas would kick
their butts.
So, this is
your sales pitch?
l've been with the magazine
for 20 years. l believe in it.
Well, good for you.
So, are you worried
about all these rumors
that your parent company
is about to be sold?
No, not really.
l don't see how
it would affect us.
Well, hopefully it won't.
You know,
that Teddy K. character
offered to buy my business
a few years ago.
l told him
to go screw himself.
My son-in-law
says l'm a dinosaur.
Don't knock dinosaurs. They ruled
the earth for millions of years.
They must've been doing
something right
Simply put, we are never
gonna be able to reach
this significant,
untapped market,
until we learn
to think like them.
ln point of fact,
less than.05 percent
of all cell phone users
are under the age
of 5 years old.
That's why we have
the T-Rex phone
and the Triceratops phone,
and the Pterodactyl phone.
'Cause it's gonna change
all of that
and each one of these phones
has its own unique ring.
Mommy, Mommy, l want one.
Buy me one for Christmas.
P.F.G., Carter. P.F.G.
What's P.F.G.?
Pretty fricking good.
Gentlemen, ladies. l have
an announcement to make:
lt's on.
Teddy K. has busted his move
and we are taking over
Waterman Publishing.
Ow!
Let's give it up for Teddy K.
The man has vision.
He's a maniac.
And, l guess it's okay
to tell you Teddy K.
has personally asked me
to go over there
and turn around marketing
in the magazine division.
So, if you'll excuse me...
Carry on.
Waterman!
That's incredible.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mark. Mark,
you're taking me with you.
Tell me you are
taking me with you.
Carter, l'm gonna
take that place
and whip its fat ass
into shape.
And...
And?
l want you to come run ad
sales at Sports America.
l knew it. l knew it.
The magazine's
a cash cow.
lt's the cornerstone.
l mentioned your name
to Teddy K.
He liked what you did
with cell phones.
Oh, hold up,
hold up. l'm...
l'm sorry.
Teddy K. knows my name?
l'm gonna
tell you something.
And l don't want it
to go to your head.
You're being groomed.
l'm being groomed?
Yeah.
Mark. Thank you.
Thank you. l am going to kick
so much ass for you.
l'm gonna
take no prisoners.
l'll be your
ninja assassin.
Wow. You're the new me.
No, l'm the new me.
Congratulations.
What's up?
Hey, Dad.
Hey, button.
What are you
still doing awake?
Couldn't sleep.
Can't sleep?
What, were you worried
about something?
No, not really.
'Cause, uh,
you know if-- if-- if you are
worried about something
you can always talk to me
about anything.
Remember? You know
when you were a little girl
we crossed our hearts
and said we'd always tell
each other everything.
Be honest with one another.
Yeah.
l'm kind of tired.
Hmm. Okay.
We still gonna hit tomorrow?
Yeah, sure.
All right. l'll see
you then. l love you.
l love you, too.
Hmm.
Uh, what time is it?
lt's after 3:00.
Go back to sleep, honey.
Sorry l woke you up.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Honey,
does Alex have
a new boyfriend?
Uh, no.
W- What about that
Myron kid?
l think that
they're just friends.
Yeah.
l'm pregnant.
What?
l'm sorry. l thought you said
that you were pregnant.
Yeah.
You can't be pregnant.
Yeah, l can.
l'm... l am.
Now, how could
that happen?
Well, l think that
you were there, too.
No, honey.
You know you're done
with all that.
That's what Dr. Steinberg
said, but he was wrong.
You're pregnant?
Yep.
Holy crap.
Holy crap!
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Does it feel like a boy?
Right now it feels
like a stomach flu.
You can't be serious.
Are you serious?
l am serious.
This is fine.
This is fine.
This is...
This is fine.
Yeah.
That means when he's 21,
l'll be 72.
Three.
Two.
Three.
Holy crap.
l'm just so excited.
l'm so excited.
ls excitement contagious
or what?
Um, no.
l'm being groomed.
l'm being groomed.
Do you have any idea
what this means?
That you're a chimpanzee?
lt means that
we're on the road.
You know, things are
fallin' into place.
We can buy a bigger house.
We can have kids. You know?
l'm sorry.
We got a life going on here!
Carter, it's 3:00 a.m.
How much more enthusiasm
are we looking at here?
15 minutes? An hour?
Honey, l'm sorry.
lt's just,
Teddy K. knows my name.
Are you even
qualified for this job?
What? Yes. Sure.
Selling cell phones,
selling ad space.
You know,
it's all the same crap.
Anyway, it's
just a stepping-stone.
Love you.
Love you, too.
The light.
Yep.
We're all gonna get fired.
Well, anything's possible.
No, it's not possible.
lt's probable.
Did you hear
about this Teddy K. guy?
Hear about him?
Everybody's heard about him.
l heard he's an albino,
but he covers it with makeup.
Alicia.
Yes. What?
Are you fired?
What? No!
What? Why?
You haven't heard
anything.
Why? Are you fired?
Uh, l'm sorry.
Are-- are you saying
l'm fired?
No, no, not yet.
l mean not yet, Dan.
l'm... l can't
predict the future. Um,
the thing is, Dan,
you're not head
of ad sales anymore.
Carter Duryea is.
Who is Carter Duryea?
Some hotshot from GlobeCom.
This a bummer, Dan.
lt's a real bummer.
But you're lucky. A lot of people
are getting canned immediately
across the company.
Are you getting fired?
Me? No.
This is a joke.
This is a joke.
We have had our biggest
year ever this year.
My sales team
works incredibly hard.
l'm not gonna
put up with this.
Well, you have to
put up with it.
What are you gonna do,
start somewhere new?
You're not a kid anymore.
You know how tough it is
out there.
People are cutting back.
They're not looking for guys
like you who make a decent salary.
Hey, buddy, l am as pissed off
about this as you are.
So then why are you smiling?
l'm not smiling.
Yeah, your lips
are curling up.
They do that naturally, Dan.
Hold up! Hold up! Thank you.
Thanks.
47. Are you going
to Sports America offices?
Yeah.
You an intern or something?
Uh, no, my dad works there.
Oh.
Are you interning there?
No, l'm starting
a job there today.
That's cool.
Congratulations.
Oh, thank you.
l'm totally scared shitless.
l have no idea what l'm doing.
Don't tell anyone, okay?
Okay.
Please.
Thank you.
Dan, your daughter's here.
She is?
Hey, boss, what's this
gonna do to our stock options?
l have no idea.
Don't call me ''boss.''
Now, look. l insist.
Let me take that.
No, that's okay. l'll hold
onto it. Oh, no, really.
Dan, you hear anything?
Are we fired?
Mr. Colon is so excited
to work with--
Oh, God. l'm sorry.
Christ.
No, l'm sorry. You okay?
l'm fine.
lt was all my fault.
Uh, you okay?
Yeah, uh, no broken bones.
No harm, no foul.
Terrific.
Okay, terrific.
Hey, champ.
Hi, what are you
doing here?
Tennis.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah. Yeah.
Why?
ls today a bad day?
Ah, no.
No, no, it's-- it's fine.
lt's just... To hell with it.
Let's...
Let's go. Come on.
Okay.
You all right?
Man, you sort of
sucked today.
l was just holding back
to give you some confidence.
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
You're an old man.
Hey, Dad.
Yeah?
Remember when l said l might
want to transfer to NYU?
Yeah.
Well, l got in.
What, to NYU?
Yeah.
Sweetheart, that's fantastic.
Yeah.
l'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
You'd-- you'd have to
live here in the city, though.
Yeah. And, uh, l want to
study creative writing.
And NYU has
such a great program.
But what about SUNY
and the tennis team?
Dad, l'm not gonna be
a professional tennis player.
Well, look, sweetheart, being
a writer is just as tough.
You're living in the city and l don't--
l don't-- l don't like that idea.
This is a lonely place.
You got to have
street smarts.
l don't think
that's such a good idea.
Dad,
l want to try
living in the city.
And
l know that NYU
is more expensive,
but it would be such a
great experience for me.
Yeah. lt is more expensive.
Yeah.
But
it's your education.
Yeah.
That's the most
important thing, right?
Yeah.
We could manage it.
Dad!
What?
You're drenched.
Oh. Oh.
l think you're gonna be
very happy here.
You're really stepping
into an all-star team.
Oh, uh, this is
Morty Wexler.
Morty, Carter Duryea.
Duryea. You're on
the Ford account, right?
Correct.
Well, it's a pleasure
to meet you.
You, too. l'm really looking
forward to working with you.
Oh, terrific.
Thanks.
Okay.
''l really look forward
to working with you.''
Bite me.
Uh, we have a terrific office for you.
Great view. Um, lt's not
cleared out yet. But, uh...
Not bad, huh?
Uh, excuse me a second? l'm going
to use the little boys' room.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Tasty.
May l help you?
Oh, l'm sorry.
This is your office.
Yeah.
You're the guy l bumped into.
Dan Foreman. Carter Duryea.
You're Carter Duryea?
Yes, and, uh,
it's a pleasure to meet you.
The Carter Duryea that's
come in to run ad sales?
That's correct.
How old are you?
l'm 26 years old.
Twenty-six
and you're my new boss.
Uh, l guess so.
That's, uh,
that's quite a...
That's quite a kung-fu grip
you got there, Dan.
Oh, well. So,
what kind of experience
do you have in ad sales?
Uh, well,
l'll be honest with you, Dan.
Not much.
How much?
Um...
None.
None.
That's not much.
But l'm a fast learner, Dan.
Hey, now that you know
how old l am,
how old are you?
l'm 51.
Fif... Wow!
Wow. That's crazy.
Yeah.
That's like a year older
than my dad, so that's weird.
Oh, well, this is...
This is great.
You two have met.
Are you kidding me?
We are old buddies by now.
Dan, it was a pleasure
to meet you.
Pleasure.
Um, Dan, you want
this door closed? Or...
Yeah, you can go, um,
go ahead and close it.
So it was
pretty unexpected.
But it's-- it's like
a pretty big promotion.
That's fantastic!
Way to go.
So, uh, the Boxster S
has more guts.
You'll sure feel
the extra horsepower.
But if you really wanna go,
l'd say
take the 911 Carrera.
l'm gonna go with the 911.
/ You're a rhyme
without reason /
/ And you know it so well /
/ Well, who's
the king of the season /
/ Well, you never can tell /
Go ahead.
/ Though it's so plain
to see /
Carter.
/ Surround sister /
/ 'Cause I'm not afraid
to fall /
Yeah.
/ No, I'm not afraid
to fall //
Jackass!
Hey.
Hi.
Uh, l hurt my arm.
But l-l'm okay.
l'm glad you're okay.
Carter.
Kimmy.
Kimmy, again?
Seven months?
We've been married...
Come on.
Okay, l know things have been
a little off.
l've been swamped at work.
l mean, God, l should have
taken you on a real honeymoon.
Well, l should have just shut
that cell phone off. lt was...
lt was ringing off the hook.
That's-- that's my bad.
You know, this whole thing
is my fault.
Okay, here's the good news.
l can change.
l'm gonna change.
This-- this has actually been a
very good lesson for me. Thank you.
Don't try to sell me, Carter.
l love you, Kim.
Kim, l want to
have kids with you.
But l don't want to have kids
with you.
l don't even know
if l want to have kids.
l told you that.
l told you that
on our second date.
Wow, l thought
you were kidding.
Carter, is this really
such a surprise to you?
Are you sleeping
with somebody else?
l was,
but l broke up with him.
Well, it must have been
really rough on him.
Well,
l'll be at my parents'.
They're really excited
to have me back.
We're gonna hear
two heartbeats now.
Mmm-hmm.
That strong, slower one
is yours, mom.
And that... that's your
baby's heartbeat.
Oh, my God!
Nice, strong heartbeat.
That's your new baby, Dan.
Dan?
Yeah?
Are you okay?
Uh, yeah.
That's fantastic.
Uh, l'm feeling a little,
uh...
You are having
a little bit of arrhythmia.
Have you been drinking
a lot of caffeine lately?
No.
You under
a lot of stress?
Well, l...
l did sort of
get demoted at work.
Ah.
You what?
Yeah.
l, uh... We'll talk.
Another?
Yeah, just keep them coming.
You don't even have to ask.
How was everyone's weekend?
Fun?
l'm sorry. That was, uh...
Um, l'd like to thank everyone
for joining me here.
Teddy K. has an...
has a thing
that what makes GlobeCom great
is the men and women
of GlobeCom.
ls it like a thousand degrees
in here or is it me?
lt's like...
lt's me.
l have an agenda.
And you're gonna learn this
about me. l'm a machine.
What was l saying
about the...
An agenda.
An agenda, l have an agenda.
Which is that l have to
immediately, um,
increase the ad pages here
by 20 percent.
20 percent? Carter, only a
startup magazine can do that.
Yeah, well, l think
this team can do it, Dan.
Um, how?
Well, Morty,
basically what we--
God,
that's an awesome question.
''How?''
And the answer
is synergy.
We need to team up here.
Yeah, we need to synchronize
and we need to synergize.
We're not alone.
We're not alone.
We're part of
one of the biggest multimedia
and brand name companies
in the known universe, okay?
Let's-- let's take advantage
of that, like, uh...
Like...
Krispity Krunch.
Did anyone know that, uh,
one of our sister companies
is Krispity Krunch?
So?
So we talk to our brothers and
sisters over at Krispity Krunch.
We make a deal
where we supply
sports factoids
to their boxes.
So that when Joe Couch Potato
is sitting there,
he's, uh, snacking, he looks
down, and what does he see?
Sports America Krispity
Krunch sports factoids.
He's definitely buying
more Krispity Krunch
and not Krunch 'n Krackle
which, by the way, looks
and tastes exactly the same.
But guess what?
No sports factoids.
And Krispity Krunch is so happy
they guarantee us 28 pages a year.
Besides which,
they know if they don't,
Teddy K. is gonna be pissed.
What is that? What am l
talking about here, people?
Synergy.
lsn't that cheating?
No, no. Hell, no.
And, uh, Techline cell phones.
We own Techline cell phones.
Guess what we put
on their browser?
Factoids.
Yes! Factoids! Synergy!
And what else?
Uh, box scores. And ads!
We make a deal like a
100,000 hits on the lnternet
has the equivalent value of
one ad page of our hard copy.
Are you getting it, people?
The magazine has become
just a portal
to a synergized world
of cross-promotion.
We're gonna bust things
wide open.
We are gonna take things
to the next level.
Who's with me? Who's with me?
Who-- who's psyched?
Lou, are you psyched?
Yeah.
Yeah, l'm psyched.
Okay.
Alicia, are you psyched?
Absolutely.
Better. This guy. l'm sorry,
l don't know your name yet.
Hector.
l'm in maintenance.
That's cool. Hector...
Hector,
l know you're psyched.
l'm psyched!
Yes, Hector's psyched!
And if Hector's psyched,
then you know l'm psyched.
l am psyched for this team.
Now who else is with me?
Who's psyched?
l'm psyched!
Excellent. Who else? Come on.
Who do you think will be
the first to get canned?
My money's on Dan.
He's prehistoric.
Sorry, Dan.
Thanks for joining me
for lunch.
You like sushi?
l'll just stick
with the teriyaki.
You should try some.
The spicy tuna here is money.
Come here. Get that.
Get that.
Yeah, go fishing, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So l wanted to talk to you,
because, uh,
This is raw.
...an increase
in ad pages is...
Well, it's really
only part of the equation
in terms of achieving
the bottom line
my bosses want me to hit.
Understand, Teddy K. is making
cuts across the board here.
ln point of fact,
l have to cut
$300,000 salary from the
sales team immediately.
l don't make
that much money, Carter.
l know how much
you make, Dan.
Well,
l wish you'd told me
that l was fired
before l ate
the goddamn fish.
Oh, Dan! Dan! Dan!
l'm-- l'm not letting you
go here.
You're not?
No.
You are an excellent salesman.
You ran a good team.
l think
that you have the potential
to be an awesome wingman here.
An awesome wingman?
B
- But, Carter, l definitely see the benefit for you
in having an awesome wingman.
But what is the benefit for
me at this point in my career
of being an awesome wingman?
Well,
one benefit at this point
in your career
is that you get
to keep your job.
That's a pretty good benefit,
don't you think?
Really? Really!
Are you smiling?
You're smiling!
This is funny to you.
Guess what? You have no idea
what a nightmare you're about
to step into, my friend.
A- hole!
We'll see how soon this place goes
down the poop chute without me.
Maybe there is justice
in the world.
You enjoying yourselves?
Great.
/ Untie me,
I've said no vows /
/ The train is getting
way too loud /
Carter is ready for you.
/ I gotta leave here my girl /
/ Get on with my lonely life /
Dan, uh, l'd like you to take a
look at one of these forms for me.
lt's a 360 evaluation.
Mmm-hmm.
lt's basically an evaluation
from every angle.
That's why it's called a 360.
lt's corporate policy.
But it would be great
if l had it by Monday.
lf you really want
to get aggressive,
to penetrate that
core demographic--
l believe that--
Dan, not now.
Sports America is the number one
magazine, boys 13 to 18 in the country.
/ I spent 12 long months
on the lam /
/ That's enough sitting
on the fence /
Hi, leave me a message
or don't.
Hi, it's me.
l mean, you know it's me.
Uh, just filling up the old
mailbox. So give me a call
or don't.
/ And go out of my head /
/ You love a sinking stone /
Here, boy.
/ That'll never elope /
/ So get used to
the lonesome /
Oh, hi, Mrs. Cherneski.
No, l didn't know
he moved out.
Well,
tell him Carter says hi.
Here, boy!
Here, boy!
Hey.
And he is dropped
right on the goal line.
Tackled by Bob Colder,
Leahey held on to the ball...
Hello?
Hey, Dan.
lt's Carter.
Who?
Carter Duryea.
Thought we'd get
the group together tomorrow.
Maybe go over some
business development ideas.
Tomorrow's Sunday.
l know. lt'll be great. We'll
get a great jump on the week.
Not the whole day, just a
couple of hours in the afternoon.
l'll tell you what,
l will see you there at noon.
Uh, l'll bring some sushi.
lt'll be a lot of fun.
Okay? Great.
All right.
/ You love a sinking stone /
/ That'll never elope /
/ So get used to
the lonesome /
/ Girl, you must atone some /
/ Don't leave me
no phone number there //
What are you doing?
What?
Um, nothing.
l was just, uh, seeing stars.
Ever do that?
Yeah, when l was three.
Hey, what are you doing here
on a Sunday?
Sunday is a fun day
to kick some ass.
Absolutely.
Guess what? l have my
whole team coming in today.
Hey, Dan Foreman's here.
You should really meet him.
Yeah, l'd rather not get
personally involved.
Didn't we decide
to let him go?
Uh, no, we let Enrique Colon
go instead. Remember?
Yeah. That's right.
Did a little colon cleansing.
Get it?
Hey, you want to grab
some dinner tonight?
Ooh, wish l could.
l got to fly to Berlin to meet
with some of our satellite guys.
Ha, too bad.
Somethin' wrong?
Um...
My wife and l are having some
problems and, uh, l was just--
Okay, l got to go.
Listen, uh, you're gonna have
to riff some more people, man.
Okay. Riff them?
Reduction in forces.
Shitcan them.
Right. Um, but l think we're
gonna get ad pages up here.
So l don't think
we need to riff anybody yet.
Well, sooner or later everybody
has to deal with reality.
Thanks for coming in.
You, great job today.
Louie, great job. You want to,
uh, grab a drink or something?
You know, l'd love to, but l'm
a recovering alcoholic.
Well, better not, then.
How about you, Morty.
Drink?
Uh, l'd better
get home for dinner.
My wife is slowly poisoning me to death
and she gets very angry
if l'm late.
Okay. Alicia?
Uh, you know what, l got
to go home and do my hair.
Oh, shut up.
How about you, Dan? You want to,
uh, grab a drink or something?
lt's Sunday.
l have to go home and
have dinner with my family.
You want to have dinner
with my family?
Oh, yeah! Are you... Let me,
uh, let me just grab my stuff.
Wait.
Who taught you
how to drive?
No one.
No kidding.
l'm home.
Yes.
Oh, this is what
l'm talking about.
This is like
a real home-type home.
Hey, sweetheart. This is
Carter Duryea from the office.
Hello, it's nice to meet you.
Hey, Mrs. Foreman.
What a pleasure
to meet you.
Thank you so much for
having me into your home.
You're very welcome.
l hope you like baked ziti.
Baked ziti! Uh, this is...
This is so perfect.
That baked ziti. That's
so... This is what l need.
Like a-- Like a real,
home-cooked thing.
This is great.
ls there something wrong
with him?
Clearly.
Let's just feed him and get
him the hell outta here, okay?
He's really young.
He's a lot younger than you.
Yeah. Thank you for that.
Thank you.
So, um,
l did the numbers on NYU.
Do you know how expensive
that place is?
Hmm.
Plus living expenses.
Plus Jana's orthodonture.
Plus baby costs.
Don't worry about it.
Well, that's not actually a solution
to a problem. ''Don't worry about it.''
l think we may have to
take out a second mortgage.
Why don't l just go into the living
room and ask my boss for a raise?
Oh, hey.
l was, uh, just looking
at you and...
And you've...
We never got to...
That day in the elevator.
My name's Carter Duryea.
Yeah, l know who you are.
Does my dad
know you're here?
Uh, your dad invited
me over for dinner.
Technically.
Uh, who's that?
Uh, it's Dad's new boss.
You can't be Dad's new boss.
You're too young.
Yeah, and he's also
scared shitless.
Wow, good memory.
And you're too cute
to be Dad's boss.
Oh, well, thank you.
l got it!
So, uh, how's it going?
Okay.
So what are you
doing here, really?
Uh, my wife left me, and today's
the anniversary of our first date.
l found the idea of going
home to be so depressing
that l kind of leeched
onto your dad
and invited myself over
for dinner.
Wow, you're sort of a
bizarrely honest guy. Huh?
No.
No. Honestly, l'm...
l'm not.
Just around you,
for some reason.
People would probably say
that l'm an emotionally guarded
anal-retentive asshole.
You wanna play foosball?
Okay.
Cool, l'll just change.
Okay.
Good. Yeah.
Do you think Alex could cope with
living in the city on her own?
Well, l'm less worried about her
coping with it than l am about you.
Yeah, well, frankly, l'd rather
keep her under house arrest
with a homing device
around her ankle.
Then why did you agree to it
without even talking to me?
And why is your
teenage boss here?
And why am l so nauseous?
l hardly had any morning
sickness the first two times.
Hey, hey, hey!
and l'm so sick of it!
Calm down.
Let me have that.
l'm not really
that into tennis anymore.
What l'm really not into
is being the jock.
You know, it's like people don't
even invite me to their parties
because they think
l'm in training or something.
Also, there's this rumor going
around that l'm a lesbian.
Man, that sucks.
Or not. l don't...
Not being a lesbian.
Yeah, well, l'm not.
lt'd be one thing if l wanted to
go pro and make a ton of money,
but l'm not at that level.
l've played girls
at that level and l'm not.
l mean, not that
l'd want that, really.
Their lives have peaked
by the time they're like 21.
Oh, nice.
l wonder that
about myself sometimes, too.
Like maybe my life
has peaked at 26.
Maybe it's all
downhill from here.
Well, it probably is.
Yeah.
Here you go.
Keep the change.
Dinner's ready!
l'm on an important call!
With who?
My boyfriend.
Your what?
Hi, this is Mr. Foreman. Who
is this and how old are you?
All right.
Well, l just wanted to say
if you ever give my daughter an
alcoholic beverage or a joint,
l will hunt you down
and neuter you.
Dad!
Dinner's ready!
There you are.
You kids ready
to come in for dinner?
God.
l lived in the same town
as my mom.
And l mean...
You know what l mean?
The entire...
The whole family thing was--
Right.
Yes, l'm...
No, no, it's really not
a good time right now.
l know, but l
really like him a lot.
Oh, my God, this pizza's
amazing. Where'd you get this?
lt's from a wonderful little
ltalian restaurant called Domino's.
So, are you really
Dad's new boss?
We're not, uh,
we're really more colleagues.
No, that's not true. He's
the boss man. l'm the wingman.
Are you married?
You're wearing a wedding ring.
Um, yes, l am, sort of.
Um, or...
Yes, no. l'm married.
So you're like
prematurely old.
Jana, would you
pass the pizza?
l got it. Oh, my God, Dan. My bad.
l'm sorry. l mean, l got it. l got it.
Carter, Carter, C-Carter.
Only my wife
is allowed to touch me there.
Excuse me.
l'm gonna go upstairs.
l'm gonna change
my pants again.
Good job.
Thank you.
Thank you so much. Terrific
pepperoni, by the way.
You're very welcome.
Goodbye. Go home.
Okay.
Good night.
Thanks again.
/ She says, ''Wake up,
it's no use pretending'' /
/ I'll keep stealing,
breathing her /
/ Birds are leaving
over autumn's ending /
/ One of us will die
inside these arms /
/ Eyes wide open /
/ Naked as we came /
/ One will spread our /
/ ashes around the yard /
/ She says, ''If I leave
before you, darling /
/ Don't you waste me
in the ground'' /
/ I lay smiling
like our sleeping children /
/ One of us will die
inside these arms /
Oh, here.
l got you some pepper spray.
/ Eyes wide open,
naked as we came /
Oh, how sweet.
Yeah.
And l've installed surveillance
equipment throughout the dorm.
So l'll know if you're
getting into trouble.
Okay.
/ One will spread our
ashes around the yard //
Be careful.
Okay.
l love you, Dad.
Love you, too.
See you later.
Bye.
Sign here, here, and here.
And you've got
your second mortgage.
Sign, uh, there, there,
and there.
And it's official.
You're divorced.
Okay, two things.
First, Steckle is organizing
a company basketball league.
l'm gonna be
sales team captain.
You are my new power forward.
And second, l heard you're
taking the guys from Rums Jamaica
to the Knicks game
on Wednesday night?
Yeah.
You have to run
that stuff by me, man.
Run it by you?
They're my clients.
No, they're not, Dan.
They're GlobeCom clients.
That's why we're gonna be takin'
'em to the GlobeCom luxury suite.
Well, these aren't
luxury suite type of guys.
Dan, everyone's
a luxury suite type of guy.
Uh, we can't go there on
Wednesday, because Teddy K.
is hosting Bill Clinton,
Jay-Z, and Kofi Annan.
We're gonna do it
Thursday.
l'll bring them
to a concert.
Look, l gotta get these guys
to up their buy by 18 pages.
We gotta start kicking
some ass here.
l'm gonna have to let
some people go.
Why do you say
''let them go''?
They don't want to go.
Why don't you just say,
''fire them''?
Because it sounds better.
Not to the person
getting fired, it doesn't.
/ You wanna get with me? /
/ Put 'em up /
/ Take long trips with me /
/ Yeah /
This guy was shot 12 times
and pronounced legally dead.
Hence the name.
Someone should tell him
it's spelled D-E-A-D.
They're afraid to.
He's got the number one
hit single right now.
He's a protege of 50 Cent.
Why don't they
just call him ''Nickel''?
What?
20 years, your jokes
still haven't improved.
Want you guys to meet
my colleague.
This is Petey
from K-Jam Sneakers.
Hey, hey.
Hmm.
Cross-promotional idea.
You buy a certain amount
of Jamaican rum, boom.
You get a discount
on running shoes. Done.
Yeah, sounds like
a great fit.
Get a lot of drunk people
running around.
Dan. You want to go
get some air?
Yeah.
Be back in a bit.
Word. Hey, not too long. We
got chimichangas on the way.
/ You wanna get with me?
Take long trips with me //
Sorry about the concert.
They wouldn't let me just get
regular seats for the Knicks game.
No, it's okay.
Look, Dan. l've been
instructed not to advertise
with Sports America anymore.
What?
We were bought out last year by this
company called Continental Brands.
Apparently, the company
that bought us
and the company
that bought you
are having a feud over wireless
communications in Europe.
Wireless communications?
What-- what the hell does that
have to do with our business?
Nothing. But we have
this corporate policy now.
Look, l'm sorry, Dan.
Dan, l have to
fire Louie and Morty.
No, you don't.
l do.
We're gonna get
those ad pages back.
We'll get those...
Oh, my God! lt's like
you don't get it or something.
That was a huge client.
Steckle gave me
a bottom line here.
l have to increase pages.
We already got Harry, Pete,
and Alicia on the Ford account.
Morty's the logical choice.
Oh, and the new woman at Pepsi
thinks that Louie's a sexist.
Guess why.
He called her ''sugar tits.''
He's an idiot.
Come on,
you can't fire these guys.
These are my guys.
They've been with me
for eight years.
l hired them
at the same time.
Yeah, l know, Dan.
That's why they have
huge, bloated salaries.
And they're not
pulling their weight.
l'm sorry.
Well, l've been here
for 23 years.
My salary's bigger than theirs.
Why don't you just fire me?
Do you want me to fire you?
Because l could, Dan.
You have
a family that loves you.
You have a kid on the way.
l look at you sometimes
and it's like...
You have people
who need you.
Do you really wanna put them
in jeopardy for Louie and Morty?
/ Be this sunset
soon forgotten /
/ And what's worth keepin' /
/ Sun still sinkin' /
/ Down and down /
/ Once again /
/ Down and down /
/ Gone again //
What, are you
living here now?
What... We, uh...
What time is it?
7:00 a.m.
Look, l've been thinking
all night.
And, uh, if it has to be done,
l should be the one to do it.
Guys, l feel really terrible
about what l'm about to say.
But l'm afraid
you're both being let go.
Let go?
What does that mean?
lt means
you're being fired, Louie.
Believe me, if l had any
choice in this, l would...
Anyway, l thought
you should hear it from me
because l'm the one
who hired you.
Oh. Wait a minute.
Are you being fired, too?
No, no. Uh...
This isn't my decision.
Oh, so it's not your decision, so
therefore it's not your fault, right?
l didn't say that.
You know,
this is bullshit.
Louie.
No, no, Morty.
You know something? l
look at you like a brother.
l would've stood in front of a
bus for you, you piece of shit!
You've turned into a real corporate
asshole, you know that, Dan?
Louie.
Do me a favor. lf you see my friend
Dan, tell him l'm looking for him.
Louie!
Dan, what the hell am l
gonna tell my wife?
l mean, she already
wears the pants.
Now she's gonna wear
the tie and jacket, too.
Morty, l am
so very sorry.
l know this must have been
hard for you, Dan.
You were a good boss.
l mean it. You always treated
everyone with respect. And l...
Look, l appreciate it.
What's this?
My 360 evaluation.
Uh, you rated yourself,
''Does not meet expectations.''
Yeah.
l'm gonna cry.
Don't. l'll call you.
Take care, Morty.
Okay, good luck.
Morty.
Oh.
l can't believe this.
Me neither.
You gonna be okay?
l'll be okay.
Take care.
No way! What are...
What are you doing here?
Hey! Um,
just reading.
l- l've-- l go to NYU now.
No way!
Yeah.
You did it! That's...
That's awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
What about you?
l'm renting
an apartment in TriBeCa.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Wow, that's awesome.
Do you drink coffee?
No! Uh, normally l just
hook up to an lV, actually.
My, you sure can pound back
the caffeine, huh?
ls that why
your leg is shaking like that?
l think it is. Yeah.
You're not wearing
your wedding band.
Oh. Yeah.
l'm now officially
the first person
in my high school class
to get divorced.
Oh, l'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
When l think about it
honestly,
it was pretty much coming
since our second date.
How's... How are you?
How's school going?
lt's pretty good.
lt's pretty good. l mean,
you know, it's, it's, uh...
it's hard to meet new people
as a transfer.
Everybody's got
their own little cliques
and they're not sure if
they want to admit one more.
But, uh, my creative writing
classes are really great.
Oh, yeah,
creative writing?
Yeah.
l've just, uh...
l've always been
interested in stories
and escaping
into other people's lives.
l guess 'cause
mine always seems so boring.
l'm cursed with
a functional family.
But writing
isn't exactly practical.
So l think l might
double major in business.
Oh, no. Don't do that.
Stick with
the creative writing.
Strange, you know,
sometimes you seem sort of
bummed out about your career,
but you're so successful.
No, l'm not bummed. Uh...
God, my career is pretty much
what l have in my life.
That and a dented Porsche,
right?
Your family
must be really proud of you.
My mom is.
You know, she's...
She's this kind of hippie.
So she's not really into
the corporate thing.
And my dad left home
when l was 4,
so, you know, l never
really got to know him.
His family had money,
but, uh,
he was this kind of artist
you know, in quotes,
slash druggy.
Uh, he was in this cult
for a while.
Do you, do you...
Let's get out of here.
Do you want to, like,
take a walk or something?
l'm like, uh... Now that l've
told you my entire life story.
Sure.
Although, uh, there isn't
much left to talk about.
Really?
/ Still a little bit
of your taste /
/ In my mouth /
/ Still a little bit of you
laced /
/ With my doubt /
/ Still a little hard
to say /
...wear these giant muumuus
that were see-through.
/ What's going on /
They were see-through?
Yeah.
That's cool.
/ Stones taught me to fly /
/ Love taught me to lie /
Thank you.
Thank you.
So...
/ Life taught me to die /
/ So it's not hard to fall /
Right.
/ When you float
like a cannonball //
You want to see
my dorm room, maybe?
Hey,
don't get the wrong idea.
l-- l don't invite guys
to my room often.
Or ever, actually.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh.
l'm having a major
college flashback here.
Aw, come on, old man.
My roommate's
out for the night.
Really? She's, oh...
l was really looking forward
to meeting her.
Yeah, she's only
mildly chemically imbalanced.
Ta-da!
Oh.
Yeah, this is awesome.
Yeah, it's okay.
Uh, l heard this rumor
that alcohol
impairs your judgment.
l wish you weren't so beautiful.
l'm not.
No, Alex. You are.
Thank you.
Well, it looks like
everything's perfect.
So why are you still talking?
What?
Oh, nothing.
l was just thinking
about how my dad said
he put surveillance cameras
in the building.
That's...
That's hilarious.
Where to now?
You're all going
to the 29th floor.
Oh, great.
l hear there's, uh,
fantastic air-conditioning
on that floor.
Hey, Dan, how's your commute?
Can you believe
we're moving offices already?
By the way, first b-ball game
against the 51st floor corporate VPs.
So, uh... Oh, weird.
l guess that's this floor now.
What's wrong with you?
Me? Um... Are you...
Nothing. Um, nothing.
You're acting jumpy.
Did you switch from mocha
to crack?
Whoa, Dan. That's, uh...
You're coming off
really paranoid right now.
You're weirding me out,
buddy.
Crack. That's...
/ Well, it's so good /
/ I didn't have to make it /
/ It's so good /
Hey, Alex.
Haven't talked to you
in a few days.
lt's your dad, by the way.
Give us a call.
/ 'Cause I'm ten years ahead /
/ And you're the echo
of the things I say /
/ Yes, I'm ten years ahead /
You understand this is totally
demoralizing for me, so...
Sorry.
l don't think
you should force it, honey.
Don't force it.
Don't say it.
/ Well, it's no good /
/ Revolving around me /
Hey, Alex.
Uh, left a message for you
at the dorm and on your phone.
Guess you have
your cell phone turned off.
Give us a call.
/ When you cannot
reach me /
l'm fired?
/ 'Cause I'm ten years ahead /
/ And you're the echo
of the words I say /
l'm sorry.
/ Yes, I'm ten years ahead //
But l've worked here
for 5 years.
lt's been an honor.
Okay, you ready?
Will you be okay
with that thing?
Oh, yeah, fine.
Hey, uh, what's that big guy doing here?
He's one of the moving men.
Uh, l guess, uh, Steckle
recruited him for his VP team.
Oh, that's fair.
Wonder if
l can still dunk.
You could dunk?
Oh, yeah.
Can't you? You're 26.
Heads up!
Whoa! Hey.
What's up?
Word on the street is,
Teddy K.'s on the prowl.
Soon as he gets back from his
around-the-world balloon trip,
he's gonna go munch
on Continental Brands.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, great.
Maybe they'll advertise
in the magazine again.
l'm sorry, who are you?
Mark, this is Dan Foreman.
He's the one
l was telling you about,
helped us close
that Toys 'R' Us deal.
Oh, Carter's being modest.
He did most of the work.
Aw.
That's beautiful.
Maybe you two
should get a room.
You pussies ready
to get schooled?
Oh!
Not in my house!
No, no, no.
Do it, baby. Do it, baby.
lt's for me. For me.
Go ahead, donkey!
You can't guard me.
Get down. Get down there!
Mine. He's mine. Help. Help.
Yes!
Let's go! Get down, Jimmy.
Yo, Krouse! Fist! Fist!
That's right! Move!
Come on. Come on.
l'll take the big man.
Hey, ease up, my man.
You're gonna have
a heart attack.
What's the matter?
Can't take a little D?
Open! Get open!
Let's go, Dan! Yes!
Yeah, yeah!
Throw it down!
Dunk it!
Oh, shit.
l'm okay. l'm okay.
l'll be right back.
Just give me a second.
Damn.
This is Alex's cell phone.
Please leave a message.
Thanks.
/ Eyeless in the morning sun /
/ You were pale and mild,
a modern girl /
/ Taken with thought,
still prone to care /
/ Makin' tea
in your underwear /
/ You went out in the yard
to find //
What's her name?
Who? What? Who?
The fish.
Oh. Uh, it's a he.
And, uh, his name is Buddy.
Ah.
Does Buddy want
a friend?
Buddy had a friend.
Um, he ate him. So...
You mind if l,
uh-- uh...
Sure. Yeah.
You... Yeah.
l want to,
l want to ask you something.
Okay.
When, uh...
When you were 18,
did you ever return
your parents' phone calls?
Uh, well,
they never called.
But, uh, yeah,
l'm sure l would've.
Well, my oldest daughter,
she won't call me back.
And l feel like going down
to NYU and kidnapping her
so l can stop
worrying about her.
That sounds like
a really bad idea.
Uh, look, Alex seems, um,
from the very brief time
that l met her,
to be pretty savvy.
l don't think you have
to worry about her too much.
She's a smart,
terrific woman.
Girl. Or smart young lady.
Whatever.
What l'm trying to say
is that, uh,
l think she can
probably take care of herself.
Dan, you seem to have
the perfect marriage.
How do you do it?
You just pick the right one
to be in the foxhole with
and then when you're outside
of the foxhole,
you keep your dick
in your pants.
Well, that's poetic.
Oh, my God.
Did she outdo herself or what?
All right. Oh, yeah. Make way.
Coming through
with the cake here.
Oh, hey, Theo. How's...
Hey, uh,
where do l put this?
All right.
lt's a rager, huh?
Okay.
Are you still glad you decided
not to have a birthday party?
Yep,
not in the mood this year.
Well, Mom says
you could use a little fun.
She says you should lighten
up for the sake of your health.
She does, does she?
They're here. Everybody hide.
You go ahead, sweetheart.
l'm going to
check the mailbox.
Okay. Cool.
Quiet, he's going to be here
in a second.
Surprise!
Surprise?
Dad!
Hey, Morty.
Hey, nice party.
Thanks for coming.
Sure.
How are you?
Not so good,
not so good.
l mean psychologically.
Oh, l'm sorry.
That's okay.
Anyway,
my wife got a promotion.
l'm hoping
she'll raise my allowance.
But this is good punch.
Happy birthday.
Good party.
You look--
you look really beautiful.
Thank you.
And, um...
This is really not a
big deal. But l, uh...
l got something for you.
lt's not my birthday.
Go on.
Holy shit.
Wow! Are these real diamonds?
lt's too expensive.
No. No, don't. No.
l feel funny.
l'm sorry. l don't...
l mean, it's not... l-- l...
lt just felt good to...
lt's sweet.
lt's very sweet.
Thank you.
You're the kind of person
that's it's good to be
in a foxhole with.
We're not in a foxhole.
We're in a Porsche.
A sling.
Yes.
Betsy, l wish you well, too.
Let's see, what... Wow.
And this could be what?
That's good.
Epsom salts.
Do you like them?
lmported from Jersey.
Don't tell me
you already have some.
lt's got that easy--
easy-pour spout on it, too.
Special for you.
Thanks.
She waits.
Okay.
Hey.
Hi.
Sorry l'm late.
Work has been
just nuts.
That's okay.
l have a class at 3:00.
Oh, you're... You're
wearing the necklace.
Yeah. Yeah.
l feel like an impostor.
But it's nice.
An impostor?
No, you look...
Hey. Doesn't she look beautiful?
She does.
Now, we have
three specials today.
Avocado soup
with awapuhi oil,
bluefin tuna with Awapuhi
and jalapeno sashimi.
We have calamari fritti
with Awapuhi oil
on the side.
We also have, uh,
sicafreed lobster tail.
Can l get that
with a side of Awapuhi oil?
Welcome.
May l help you?
Oh, shit.
Hi,
is there going to be a third?
l have just one question.
Are you sleeping with him?
l'm going to get you folks
some bread.
Uh, Dan,
this isn't what it looks like.
Oh, yeah?
What does it look like?
Tell me. What do you
think it looks like?
Well, l'm sure it looks like
some kind of sleazy, tawdry...
Alex, l asked you a question.
Are you sleeping with him?
What do you want me to say,
Dad?
Get up.
What?
Get up.
Dad!
Pardon me, sir, but l don't
think you should treat--
Back off, before l drop-kick
you across this restaurant.
You are a piece of shit!
Dan, l love her.
You what?
l love her.
l love you.
You love her?
She's my daughter.
She's in college.
She's a college student.
l took out a fricking second
mortgage so she could go.
Three years ago
she was in braces.
l'm sorry.
This guy.
You had to sleep with him?
Dad, l...
Dad...
Dad.
Dad! Wait, l'm sorry.
This had nothing
to do with you.
He's my boss, Alex.
l know.
But it just happened.
We made a deal,
remember?
We made a deal we'd always
be honest with one another.
Dad, l was like 5 years old
when we made that deal.
Yeah.
l liked you better then.
That's awful.
That's an awful thing
to say.
Dad, please don't walk away.
l want to talk to you.
Why? You don't need my
advice about anything.
Hey, you.
Hey.
Hey, Carter.
Wow, that's some shiner.
Thanks.
Maya, could we have
some privacy, please?
Sure. Absolutely.
Sit down.
Hey, can l get you some ice
for that?
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
Um, there's no ice.
But the soda's cold.
Oh, thanks.
Look, l wanted to apologize,
uh, for my timing when...
Uh, with the ''L'' word.
lt just kind of slipped out.
But l've been thinking
about it a lot lately,
and it's how l feel.
lt's really important to me--
Oh, that's really sweet.
Well, l mean it.
l know
you probably think you do.
But l-l've been doing
a lot of thinking, too,
and l'm
taking
anthropology classes.
And l'm doing a double major.
Yeah.
And l'm just...
l'm really busy.
Yeah.
Uh, l'm just not...
l'm not ready
for a big commitment.
Yes, that's...
That's what l'm saying.
Look, when l said
l loved you,
l didn't mean that l wanted
to interfere in your classes
or, you know, whatever.
l'm not talking about
marriage or anything yet.
Carter. Look.
l've had an amazing time
with you,
and l think
you're a great guy.
But you are on the rebound.
No, l'm not.
Carter, you are.
l mean, it was not that long
ago that your wife left you.
Best thing
that ever happened to me.
Well, that's great.
But then that's a good thing
whether you're with me or not.
l think we should stop
seeing each other.
Alex.
Alex, come on.
l just want you to know
l enjoyed talking to you
more than
maybe anyone
in my entire life.
Thank you.
Me, too.
Dad,
where have you been?
Your cell phone was off.
l tried to call you
like a thousand times.
What happened?
Where's your mom?
There you are.
Are you okay?
l'm fine. Yes, l'm fine.
The baby's fine.
l had a little scare.
There was some bleeding.
What? What is it?
A placenta previa.
lt sounds bad,
but, uh, it's okay.
l just need some rest.
lf anything ever happened to
you, l'd just have to pack it in.
Oh, l'm afraid you're going to
be stuck with me for a while.
How's she doing?
She's okay.
You know,
l broke up with Carter.
Because of me?
No. Because of me.
l'm sorry l lied to you.
But, you know,
l think you should know
that Carter didn't try
to seduce me or anything.
lf anything,
it was the other way around.
l really don't want
to hear the details.
l mean, unless you
want to tell me, and...
No. No, not particularly.
Good.
You must think
l'm disgusting.
Disgusting?
Why on earth
would l think that?
l didn't know that you
took out a second mortgage.
l don't need to go to NYU.
SUNY's fine.
lt's fine.
No, no,
you are staying at NYU.
Look, Alex.
You're a really smart woman.
And you can take care
of yourself.
And l'm going to try
and adjust.
You don't have to change,
Dad.
Yeah. l do.
lt's going to be okay.
Muchachos!
Good.
Hello, how are you? l know.
Tell him not to be late
this time.
Hi, how you doing?
Good to see you.
Hi. Oh, nice brooch.
Thank you, sir.
Must be paying her
too much money.
Mark Steckle.
Hi.
Ah, Mark Steckle,
how are you?
Very psyched.
How's it going?
Very good.
Good, good.
Right this way.
Hi.
How you doing?
Nice to see you.
How are you?
Good to see you.
Thank you.
Carter Duryea.
Oh, yes. Cell phones.
Yes. Thank you.
l'm at Sports America now.
Well, that's the flagship.
What happened to your eye?
Yeah, what happened there?
l fell--
l fell asleep at my computer.
Just kind of
banged right into the monitor.
Those things
can be dangerous.
Keep up the good work.
l wouldn't be surprised
if he announces
another big takeover today.
Teddy K.!
Great to see you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Synergy. What does it mean?
Why does a business
swim with it
and sink without it,
in this new ocean
of megabytes,
streaming video
and satellites?
Every day,
the world becomes
more complex.
And to survive
in a complex world,
we need complex bonds
to interface with it.
ln this room,
l see this.
What we're trying to get to,
is this.
This is unbreakable.
This is inevitable.
What are we building here?
ls it a company?
Or are we building a new country
with no national boundaries?
A new democracy
for the consumer.
A new democracy
with a new electorate.
24-hour music videos
in Kuala Lumpur.
Computers with parts
manufactured in Japan,
Greenland, ldaho, lndia.
A soft drink ad
going out simultaneously
to seven different continents.
The Dalai Llama
eating his Krispity Krunch
while uploading prayers
onto the Net.
Woman's World magazine.
Well, why not Woman's World
Channel across the world?
Computers.
Why not a computer section
in Sports America magazine?
Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Uh, uh...
Uh, my name is, uh, uh,
Dan Foreman. l...
l work for Sports America
and l'm not sure
l-- l understand
what you're talking about.
W- what l mean is-- is
what do computers have to do
with sports?
Are you...
Are-- are you literally saying
that there should be
a section in the magazine
about computers?
Who's going to want to
read that?
Um...
And, uh...
l- l'm not sure
l understand
how the way
the world is changing
is actually going to change
how we do business.
We're still selling
a product, right?
Which hopefully
someone needs.
We're human beings with other
human beings for customers.
So l don't see how this
company is like its own country.
l mean, just because we sell
different kinds of things,
that doesn't mean we should
operate by our own laws, does it?
Besides which, countries,
at least democratic ones,
they have some obligation to
their citizens, don't they?
So how do layoffs
and bottom line thinking
fit into that?
Dan Foreman.
Sports America.
You ask
some excellent questions.
Excellent,
excellent questions.
l'm glad you asked them.
And l'm leaving it to you,
to all of you,
to answer them.
Hmm.
Teddy K.!
Teddy K.! Teddy K.!
Oh, my God, Dan.
Oh, my God.
Good, you're both in here.
You,
l'll talk to in a second.
You, have you lost
your frigging mind?
Well, he said
they were excellent questions.
Okay,
you think this is funny.
You think it's funny
to disrespect a great man.
Do you know who you were
just talking to in there?
That was Teddy K.!
Teddy K., God damn it!
Look,
we've been carrying
your fat, bloated salary
for way too long.
l want you
out of this building
within the next
10 minutes.
l'm going to my office.
l'm going to smoke
a nice Cuban cigar
and try to forget
that you ever existed.
You, in my office now.
Mark, don't do that.
Excuse me?
Look.
The guy busts his ass and--
And what?
Nothing. l'm sorry.
l just... lf you fire him,
you're going to have to
fire me, too.
Wait.
Let me get something
straight here.
You're throwing yourself in
with him?
With this useless,
over-the-hill loser?
Think here.
Think about what you're doing,
because if you're not careful,
you could end up like him.
l guess that
that would be okay.
All right.
Then you're fired, too,
you little shit.
Well, that's too bad,
'cause, uh, you're gonna lose a huge
account that Dan and l've been working on.
lt was gonna save
the year for us.
Without it, the magazine's
pretty deep in the red.
Really? What account is that?
You think
we'd actually tell you?
You're bluffing.
l don't bluff.
l'm not
that good of a salesman.
Yeah, well,
l don't give a crap.
l think Teddy K. will.
See, l'm gonna call him
and l'm gonna tell him
that you single-handedly drove
his most profitable magazine,
his flagship,
right into the ground.
And he'll remember my name.
He likes
what l did with cell phones.
You've got 24 hours,
or you're both gone.
Any ideas?
One.
You got
all your research?
Yep.
Follow my lead.
So, um,
how are your daughters?
They're great. Thanks.
How about
your grandkids?
Uh, they're fine.
My son-in-law has just
enrolled our oldest, Ralphy,
in a computer camp,
whatever the hell that is.
Uh, this is my boss,
Carter Duryea.
lt's a pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Kalb.
You have a really awesome company here.
You... lt's a really
awesome, awesome--
Your boss? He looks
more like your nephew.
Well, l've, uh, certainly been
learning a lot from Dan.
So what happened to your eye?
That's one of the things
he learned from me.
Are you saying that you
punched him in the eye? Why?
Well, it's... We don't have
to really go into it here.
No, no, no, please, please.
l'm-- l'm-- l'm rather curious.
Why did l hit you?
He called me
a dinosaur.
He said
l was out of date.
That l'd better
step in line.
So you slugged him?
lt was a fair fight.
Hmm?
Right.
Mr. Kalb, we have a sister
company, Krispity Krunch,
that l think we could do a really
exciting cross-promotion with here,
all in the GlobeCom family.
Carter, Carter.
l think that we
could achieve--
Carter, it's ok.
Mr. Kalb,
l don't want get into facts and figures
with you today. You know them already.
l just want to ask you
one question.
What is your hesitation
about advertising
with Sports America magazine?
My hesitation is that our ad
budget is already overextended.
My son-in-law has put a lot
of money into cable and online.
And now he wants to plow even
more money back into it. But...
But what?
But he is such an asshole!
l mean,
l built this business.
l know more about running this
than he ever will.
So, yeah. l'm gonna make a
major ad buy in your magazine.
And then l'm gonna restructure
the whole damn ad campaign.
That is great news.
Thank you, Mr. Kalb.
Oh. Thank... Yes.
Thank you so much, sir.
You know, l don't give a shit
about Krispity Krunch.
Let's just stick
with the magazine, okay?
You really slugged him?
Yeah. Carter.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, that was amazing.
That was unbelievable!
God,
that was actually fun.
What Kalb
really needed to see
was an old fart who beat the crap
out of a young punk half his age.
And you know
what the best thing is?
lt's the right thing to do.
lt will improve
his business.
Wow, you actually, uh...
You actually
believe in this stuff, huh?
Of course l do.
Why else would l do it?
Hmm?
Hey, Dan. Where you been?
Los Angeles.
We made
a huge sale.
Congratulations.
So did Teddy K.
He sold the company
to CalCor Communications.
Mark! What happened?
l thought you said Teddy K.
was buying another company.
That's what they told me,
but he sold us.
l'm out.
Wait, you're out?
Yeah. They're reorganizing
the whole company.
You're out, too.
l think you're in.
l'm in what?
Your old job.
What?
Running the department?
That's the rumor.
The whole thing
seems so arbitrary.
l feel used.
Yeah.
Kind of tough to know
you're replaceable, huh?
l'm-- l'm sorry
you lost your jobs.
/ Came in close,
I heard a voice /
/ Standing stretching
every nerve /
/ I had to listen,
had no choice /
/ I did not believe
the information /
/ Just had to
trust imagination /
/ My heart was going
boom, boom, boom /
/ Son, he said /
/ Grab your things,
I've come to take you home /
/ Yeah, back home //
Hey, Dan.
Hey, Carter.
Come on in.
Have a seat.
Nice office.
Yeah.
So.
How have you been
the last month?
l've been good.
Really good.
lt's a little weird, uh,
not having to get up,
go to work in the morning.
That's why
l want to talk to you.
l want to offer you a job.
l know
we definitely had our moments.
But l think you're a good
manager and a good salesman.
And l want you to come here
and be my second-in-command.
Wow, Dan.
Uh, l...
l really appreciate that.
Uh, more than you know.
And l...
l think if l really want
to do this for a living,
there's no one l could learn
from more than you. But l...
Look, l don't know what
l want to do with my life.
l know that l want it
to mean something to me
the way that
this means something to you.
Oh.
God,
do you think l'm being stupid?
No. No. l...
l think that sounds right.
So how's the family?
Uh, Ann's fine.
Uh, the baby's coming
Tuesday after next Tuesday.
Oh.
lt's a... lt's a cesarean.
Dan, that's amazing.
Yeah, it is.
And, uh,
both girls are...
They're doing well.
Good.
Please, uh,
give them all my best.
Yeah.
Dan.
Thank you.
For what?
For...
l guess
for showing me a few things.
No one ever really
took the time to
give me a hard time before.
Or teach me anything
that was
actually worth learning.
All right.
Now listen, Carter.
l want to tell you something.
You're going to be okay.
You think so?
Yeah. l know it.
You're a good man.
Don't be a stranger.
Morty?
Hey!
You're back!
Yeah, back in the saddle.
And look at you.
You're-- you're...
You look like
a delivery guy.
Oh, do you know
Dan's daughter Alex?
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
l'm surprising my dad.
Tennis.
Alex is
a fantastic tennis player.
She was a junior champ, right?
Really? Oh, you're into...
You're into tennis, huh?
Yeah.
How is everything?
Good. Really...
Really good.
Um, l'm leaving town,
actually.
l think
l'm going to try teaching
or, um,
maybe open an Awapuhi store.
l don't know. Uh...
How are you doing?
Good. Very good.
l've been working on
some short stories.
Oh. That's awesome.
Well, l got a raise.
Dan got me a raise.
Which is a good thing, because
my wife just got laid off.
Timing's everything in life,
right?
Right.
Well, good seeing you.
Take care, Carter.
Yeah. Look, it was really
great seeing both you guys.
You, too, Carter. lt was...
lt was really good to see you.
Bye.
Hi, guys.
Well?
Yes?
Wel, l'm delighted to say
that you have a baby sister.
Are you happy, Dad?
Yeah, l'm psyched.
Hello. Dan! Hey.
Oh, my God. Congratulations.
lt's amazing.
Do you have a name yet?
Oh, no, that's terrific.
Uh,
probably because l'm jogging.
No, l'm outside.
Yes.
l'm actually jogging outside.
/ Please /
Playa del Rey. Don't laugh.
/ Remember me /
l'm thinking about
getting into...
/ Happily /
/ By the rose bush /
/ Laughing with roses
on my chin /
/ The time when /
/ we counted every black car /
/ passing your house
beneath the hill /
/ and up until /
/ someone caught us
in the kitchen /
/ with knives /
/ A mountain range /
/ A piggy bank /
/ A vision to removed
to mention /
/ But, please,
remember me /
/ fondly /
/ I heard from someone
you're still pretty /
/ And then /
/ they went on to say /
/ that the pearly gates /
/ are so eloquently repeated /
/ Like words
I've lost and found /
/ And don't look down /
/ And someone
save temptation /
/ And, please /
/ remember me silently /
/ In the car
behind the corner /
/ you hold my hand /
/ between your knees /
/ You turn from me /
/ Said the trapeze,
it was wonderful /
/ But never
meant to last /
/ The clouds
have passed /
/ So we just come up
with anger /
/ And then /
/ The circus moved /
/ The parking lot /
/ Hiding out,
a hint of danger /
/ So, please, remember me /
/ fondly /
/ You're my uphill crawl,
my dear /
/ But if I make /
/ the pearly gates /
/ Do my best
to make a drawing of God /
/ And Lucifer /
/ A boy and girl /
/ An angel kissin'
on a silkscreen of Mars /
/ The aftermath /
/ A marching band /
/ All around the fray
just trapeze swinging //
at the crack of dawn /
/ To send a little money
home /
/ From here to the moon /
/ Is risin'
like a discotheque /
/ And now my bags are down
and packed /
/ For traveling /
After months of speculation
analysts expect
an announcement this week
that GlobeCom International
will acquire Waterman Publishing
and its flagship magazine,
Sports America.
The man at the helm
of GlobeCom,
billionaire media magnate
Teddy K.
has been
on a spending spree recently,
acquiring a food service
company, a cable operator
and two
telecommunications providers
in deals totaling
more than $13 billion.
And how did one lucky
ferret owner come to own
the largest dog treat
manufacturer on the East Coast?
/ Skin, that covers me
from head to toe /
/ Except a couple tiny holes /
/ And openings /
/ Where, the city's blowin'
in and out /
/ This is what it's
all about /
/ Delightfully /
/ Everything's possible /
/ When you're an animal,
not inconceivable /
/ How things can change /
/ I know /
/ So I'm puttin' on
aftershave /
/ Nothin' is out of place /
/ Gonna be on my way /
/ Try to pretend /
/ It's not only /
/ Glass and concrete
and stone /
/ That it's just a house,
not a home //
Mr. Kalb.
Dan.
Thanks for
the Lakers tickets.
You bet.
Seats were terrific.
But l'm still not going to
advertise in the magazine.
My son-in-law tells me that
people don't read much anymore.
Too much effort moving
the eyes back and forth.
So we're gonna put
most of our budget
into television,
radio, lnternet.
Okay.
''Okay''?
What does that mean?
l'm not gonna try to
sell you.
Why the hell not?
You're a salesman.
Yeah. Just not a very
good one, that's all.
l'll say.
But l am gonna
ask you one favor.
Oh, yeah?
l'm gonna leave you
an issue of the magazine.
And l'm personally gonna
send you a new one every week.
Now, l'll call you
in a few weeks,
and if you want to,
we'll talk.
There's a great
article in there
comparing today's quarterbacks
with Johnny Unitas.
Unitas would kick
their butts.
So, this is
your sales pitch?
l've been with the magazine
for 20 years. l believe in it.
Well, good for you.
So, are you worried
about all these rumors
that your parent company
is about to be sold?
No, not really.
l don't see how
it would affect us.
Well, hopefully it won't.
You know,
that Teddy K. character
offered to buy my business
a few years ago.
l told him
to go screw himself.
My son-in-law
says l'm a dinosaur.
Don't knock dinosaurs. They ruled
the earth for millions of years.
They must've been doing
something right
Simply put, we are never
gonna be able to reach
this significant,
untapped market,
until we learn
to think like them.
ln point of fact,
less than.05 percent
of all cell phone users
are under the age
of 5 years old.
That's why we have
the T-Rex phone
and the Triceratops phone,
and the Pterodactyl phone.
'Cause it's gonna change
all of that
and each one of these phones
has its own unique ring.
Mommy, Mommy, l want one.
Buy me one for Christmas.
P.F.G., Carter. P.F.G.
What's P.F.G.?
Pretty fricking good.
Gentlemen, ladies. l have
an announcement to make:
lt's on.
Teddy K. has busted his move
and we are taking over
Waterman Publishing.
Ow!
Let's give it up for Teddy K.
The man has vision.
He's a maniac.
And, l guess it's okay
to tell you Teddy K.
has personally asked me
to go over there
and turn around marketing
in the magazine division.
So, if you'll excuse me...
Carry on.
Waterman!
That's incredible.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mark. Mark,
you're taking me with you.
Tell me you are
taking me with you.
Carter, l'm gonna
take that place
and whip its fat ass
into shape.
And...
And?
l want you to come run ad
sales at Sports America.
l knew it. l knew it.
The magazine's
a cash cow.
lt's the cornerstone.
l mentioned your name
to Teddy K.
He liked what you did
with cell phones.
Oh, hold up,
hold up. l'm...
l'm sorry.
Teddy K. knows my name?
l'm gonna
tell you something.
And l don't want it
to go to your head.
You're being groomed.
l'm being groomed?
Yeah.
Mark. Thank you.
Thank you. l am going to kick
so much ass for you.
l'm gonna
take no prisoners.
l'll be your
ninja assassin.
Wow. You're the new me.
No, l'm the new me.
Congratulations.
What's up?
Hey, Dad.
Hey, button.
What are you
still doing awake?
Couldn't sleep.
Can't sleep?
What, were you worried
about something?
No, not really.
'Cause, uh,
you know if-- if-- if you are
worried about something
you can always talk to me
about anything.
Remember? You know
when you were a little girl
we crossed our hearts
and said we'd always tell
each other everything.
Be honest with one another.
Yeah.
l'm kind of tired.
Hmm. Okay.
We still gonna hit tomorrow?
Yeah, sure.
All right. l'll see
you then. l love you.
l love you, too.
Hmm.
Uh, what time is it?
lt's after 3:00.
Go back to sleep, honey.
Sorry l woke you up.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Honey,
does Alex have
a new boyfriend?
Uh, no.
W- What about that
Myron kid?
l think that
they're just friends.
Yeah.
l'm pregnant.
What?
l'm sorry. l thought you said
that you were pregnant.
Yeah.
You can't be pregnant.
Yeah, l can.
l'm... l am.
Now, how could
that happen?
Well, l think that
you were there, too.
No, honey.
You know you're done
with all that.
That's what Dr. Steinberg
said, but he was wrong.
You're pregnant?
Yep.
Holy crap.
Holy crap!
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Does it feel like a boy?
Right now it feels
like a stomach flu.
You can't be serious.
Are you serious?
l am serious.
This is fine.
This is fine.
This is...
This is fine.
Yeah.
That means when he's 21,
l'll be 72.
Three.
Two.
Three.
Holy crap.
l'm just so excited.
l'm so excited.
ls excitement contagious
or what?
Um, no.
l'm being groomed.
l'm being groomed.
Do you have any idea
what this means?
That you're a chimpanzee?
lt means that
we're on the road.
You know, things are
fallin' into place.
We can buy a bigger house.
We can have kids. You know?
l'm sorry.
We got a life going on here!
Carter, it's 3:00 a.m.
How much more enthusiasm
are we looking at here?
15 minutes? An hour?
Honey, l'm sorry.
lt's just,
Teddy K. knows my name.
Are you even
qualified for this job?
What? Yes. Sure.
Selling cell phones,
selling ad space.
You know,
it's all the same crap.
Anyway, it's
just a stepping-stone.
Love you.
Love you, too.
The light.
Yep.
We're all gonna get fired.
Well, anything's possible.
No, it's not possible.
lt's probable.
Did you hear
about this Teddy K. guy?
Hear about him?
Everybody's heard about him.
l heard he's an albino,
but he covers it with makeup.
Alicia.
Yes. What?
Are you fired?
What? No!
What? Why?
You haven't heard
anything.
Why? Are you fired?
Uh, l'm sorry.
Are-- are you saying
l'm fired?
No, no, not yet.
l mean not yet, Dan.
l'm... l can't
predict the future. Um,
the thing is, Dan,
you're not head
of ad sales anymore.
Carter Duryea is.
Who is Carter Duryea?
Some hotshot from GlobeCom.
This a bummer, Dan.
lt's a real bummer.
But you're lucky. A lot of people
are getting canned immediately
across the company.
Are you getting fired?
Me? No.
This is a joke.
This is a joke.
We have had our biggest
year ever this year.
My sales team
works incredibly hard.
l'm not gonna
put up with this.
Well, you have to
put up with it.
What are you gonna do,
start somewhere new?
You're not a kid anymore.
You know how tough it is
out there.
People are cutting back.
They're not looking for guys
like you who make a decent salary.
Hey, buddy, l am as pissed off
about this as you are.
So then why are you smiling?
l'm not smiling.
Yeah, your lips
are curling up.
They do that naturally, Dan.
Hold up! Hold up! Thank you.
Thanks.
47. Are you going
to Sports America offices?
Yeah.
You an intern or something?
Uh, no, my dad works there.
Oh.
Are you interning there?
No, l'm starting
a job there today.
That's cool.
Congratulations.
Oh, thank you.
l'm totally scared shitless.
l have no idea what l'm doing.
Don't tell anyone, okay?
Okay.
Please.
Thank you.
Dan, your daughter's here.
She is?
Hey, boss, what's this
gonna do to our stock options?
l have no idea.
Don't call me ''boss.''
Now, look. l insist.
Let me take that.
No, that's okay. l'll hold
onto it. Oh, no, really.
Dan, you hear anything?
Are we fired?
Mr. Colon is so excited
to work with--
Oh, God. l'm sorry.
Christ.
No, l'm sorry. You okay?
l'm fine.
lt was all my fault.
Uh, you okay?
Yeah, uh, no broken bones.
No harm, no foul.
Terrific.
Okay, terrific.
Hey, champ.
Hi, what are you
doing here?
Tennis.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah. Yeah.
Why?
ls today a bad day?
Ah, no.
No, no, it's-- it's fine.
lt's just... To hell with it.
Let's...
Let's go. Come on.
Okay.
You all right?
Man, you sort of
sucked today.
l was just holding back
to give you some confidence.
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
You're an old man.
Hey, Dad.
Yeah?
Remember when l said l might
want to transfer to NYU?
Yeah.
Well, l got in.
What, to NYU?
Yeah.
Sweetheart, that's fantastic.
Yeah.
l'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
You'd-- you'd have to
live here in the city, though.
Yeah. And, uh, l want to
study creative writing.
And NYU has
such a great program.
But what about SUNY
and the tennis team?
Dad, l'm not gonna be
a professional tennis player.
Well, look, sweetheart, being
a writer is just as tough.
You're living in the city and l don't--
l don't-- l don't like that idea.
This is a lonely place.
You got to have
street smarts.
l don't think
that's such a good idea.
Dad,
l want to try
living in the city.
And
l know that NYU
is more expensive,
but it would be such a
great experience for me.
Yeah. lt is more expensive.
Yeah.
But
it's your education.
Yeah.
That's the most
important thing, right?
Yeah.
We could manage it.
Dad!
What?
You're drenched.
Oh. Oh.
l think you're gonna be
very happy here.
You're really stepping
into an all-star team.
Oh, uh, this is
Morty Wexler.
Morty, Carter Duryea.
Duryea. You're on
the Ford account, right?
Correct.
Well, it's a pleasure
to meet you.
You, too. l'm really looking
forward to working with you.
Oh, terrific.
Thanks.
Okay.
''l really look forward
to working with you.''
Bite me.
Uh, we have a terrific office for you.
Great view. Um, lt's not
cleared out yet. But, uh...
Not bad, huh?
Uh, excuse me a second? l'm going
to use the little boys' room.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Tasty.
May l help you?
Oh, l'm sorry.
This is your office.
Yeah.
You're the guy l bumped into.
Dan Foreman. Carter Duryea.
You're Carter Duryea?
Yes, and, uh,
it's a pleasure to meet you.
The Carter Duryea that's
come in to run ad sales?
That's correct.
How old are you?
l'm 26 years old.
Twenty-six
and you're my new boss.
Uh, l guess so.
That's, uh,
that's quite a...
That's quite a kung-fu grip
you got there, Dan.
Oh, well. So,
what kind of experience
do you have in ad sales?
Uh, well,
l'll be honest with you, Dan.
Not much.
How much?
Um...
None.
None.
That's not much.
But l'm a fast learner, Dan.
Hey, now that you know
how old l am,
how old are you?
l'm 51.
Fif... Wow!
Wow. That's crazy.
Yeah.
That's like a year older
than my dad, so that's weird.
Oh, well, this is...
This is great.
You two have met.
Are you kidding me?
We are old buddies by now.
Dan, it was a pleasure
to meet you.
Pleasure.
Um, Dan, you want
this door closed? Or...
Yeah, you can go, um,
go ahead and close it.
So it was
pretty unexpected.
But it's-- it's like
a pretty big promotion.
That's fantastic!
Way to go.
So, uh, the Boxster S
has more guts.
You'll sure feel
the extra horsepower.
But if you really wanna go,
l'd say
take the 911 Carrera.
l'm gonna go with the 911.
/ You're a rhyme
without reason /
/ And you know it so well /
/ Well, who's
the king of the season /
/ Well, you never can tell /
Go ahead.
/ Though it's so plain
to see /
Carter.
/ Surround sister /
/ 'Cause I'm not afraid
to fall /
Yeah.
/ No, I'm not afraid
to fall //
Jackass!
Hey.
Hi.
Uh, l hurt my arm.
But l-l'm okay.
l'm glad you're okay.
Carter.
Kimmy.
Kimmy, again?
Seven months?
We've been married...
Come on.
Okay, l know things have been
a little off.
l've been swamped at work.
l mean, God, l should have
taken you on a real honeymoon.
Well, l should have just shut
that cell phone off. lt was...
lt was ringing off the hook.
That's-- that's my bad.
You know, this whole thing
is my fault.
Okay, here's the good news.
l can change.
l'm gonna change.
This-- this has actually been a
very good lesson for me. Thank you.
Don't try to sell me, Carter.
l love you, Kim.
Kim, l want to
have kids with you.
But l don't want to have kids
with you.
l don't even know
if l want to have kids.
l told you that.
l told you that
on our second date.
Wow, l thought
you were kidding.
Carter, is this really
such a surprise to you?
Are you sleeping
with somebody else?
l was,
but l broke up with him.
Well, it must have been
really rough on him.
Well,
l'll be at my parents'.
They're really excited
to have me back.
We're gonna hear
two heartbeats now.
Mmm-hmm.
That strong, slower one
is yours, mom.
And that... that's your
baby's heartbeat.
Oh, my God!
Nice, strong heartbeat.
That's your new baby, Dan.
Dan?
Yeah?
Are you okay?
Uh, yeah.
That's fantastic.
Uh, l'm feeling a little,
uh...
You are having
a little bit of arrhythmia.
Have you been drinking
a lot of caffeine lately?
No.
You under
a lot of stress?
Well, l...
l did sort of
get demoted at work.
Ah.
You what?
Yeah.
l, uh... We'll talk.
Another?
Yeah, just keep them coming.
You don't even have to ask.
How was everyone's weekend?
Fun?
l'm sorry. That was, uh...
Um, l'd like to thank everyone
for joining me here.
Teddy K. has an...
has a thing
that what makes GlobeCom great
is the men and women
of GlobeCom.
ls it like a thousand degrees
in here or is it me?
lt's like...
lt's me.
l have an agenda.
And you're gonna learn this
about me. l'm a machine.
What was l saying
about the...
An agenda.
An agenda, l have an agenda.
Which is that l have to
immediately, um,
increase the ad pages here
by 20 percent.
20 percent? Carter, only a
startup magazine can do that.
Yeah, well, l think
this team can do it, Dan.
Um, how?
Well, Morty,
basically what we--
God,
that's an awesome question.
''How?''
And the answer
is synergy.
We need to team up here.
Yeah, we need to synchronize
and we need to synergize.
We're not alone.
We're not alone.
We're part of
one of the biggest multimedia
and brand name companies
in the known universe, okay?
Let's-- let's take advantage
of that, like, uh...
Like...
Krispity Krunch.
Did anyone know that, uh,
one of our sister companies
is Krispity Krunch?
So?
So we talk to our brothers and
sisters over at Krispity Krunch.
We make a deal
where we supply
sports factoids
to their boxes.
So that when Joe Couch Potato
is sitting there,
he's, uh, snacking, he looks
down, and what does he see?
Sports America Krispity
Krunch sports factoids.
He's definitely buying
more Krispity Krunch
and not Krunch 'n Krackle
which, by the way, looks
and tastes exactly the same.
But guess what?
No sports factoids.
And Krispity Krunch is so happy
they guarantee us 28 pages a year.
Besides which,
they know if they don't,
Teddy K. is gonna be pissed.
What is that? What am l
talking about here, people?
Synergy.
lsn't that cheating?
No, no. Hell, no.
And, uh, Techline cell phones.
We own Techline cell phones.
Guess what we put
on their browser?
Factoids.
Yes! Factoids! Synergy!
And what else?
Uh, box scores. And ads!
We make a deal like a
100,000 hits on the lnternet
has the equivalent value of
one ad page of our hard copy.
Are you getting it, people?
The magazine has become
just a portal
to a synergized world
of cross-promotion.
We're gonna bust things
wide open.
We are gonna take things
to the next level.
Who's with me? Who's with me?
Who-- who's psyched?
Lou, are you psyched?
Yeah.
Yeah, l'm psyched.
Okay.
Alicia, are you psyched?
Absolutely.
Better. This guy. l'm sorry,
l don't know your name yet.
Hector.
l'm in maintenance.
That's cool. Hector...
Hector,
l know you're psyched.
l'm psyched!
Yes, Hector's psyched!
And if Hector's psyched,
then you know l'm psyched.
l am psyched for this team.
Now who else is with me?
Who's psyched?
l'm psyched!
Excellent. Who else? Come on.
Who do you think will be
the first to get canned?
My money's on Dan.
He's prehistoric.
Sorry, Dan.
Thanks for joining me
for lunch.
You like sushi?
l'll just stick
with the teriyaki.
You should try some.
The spicy tuna here is money.
Come here. Get that.
Get that.
Yeah, go fishing, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So l wanted to talk to you,
because, uh,
This is raw.
...an increase
in ad pages is...
Well, it's really
only part of the equation
in terms of achieving
the bottom line
my bosses want me to hit.
Understand, Teddy K. is making
cuts across the board here.
ln point of fact,
l have to cut
$300,000 salary from the
sales team immediately.
l don't make
that much money, Carter.
l know how much
you make, Dan.
Well,
l wish you'd told me
that l was fired
before l ate
the goddamn fish.
Oh, Dan! Dan! Dan!
l'm-- l'm not letting you
go here.
You're not?
No.
You are an excellent salesman.
You ran a good team.
l think
that you have the potential
to be an awesome wingman here.
An awesome wingman?
B
- But, Carter, l definitely see the benefit for you
in having an awesome wingman.
But what is the benefit for
me at this point in my career
of being an awesome wingman?
Well,
one benefit at this point
in your career
is that you get
to keep your job.
That's a pretty good benefit,
don't you think?
Really? Really!
Are you smiling?
You're smiling!
This is funny to you.
Guess what? You have no idea
what a nightmare you're about
to step into, my friend.
A- hole!
We'll see how soon this place goes
down the poop chute without me.
Maybe there is justice
in the world.
You enjoying yourselves?
Great.
/ Untie me,
I've said no vows /
/ The train is getting
way too loud /
Carter is ready for you.
/ I gotta leave here my girl /
/ Get on with my lonely life /
Dan, uh, l'd like you to take a
look at one of these forms for me.
lt's a 360 evaluation.
Mmm-hmm.
lt's basically an evaluation
from every angle.
That's why it's called a 360.
lt's corporate policy.
But it would be great
if l had it by Monday.
lf you really want
to get aggressive,
to penetrate that
core demographic--
l believe that--
Dan, not now.
Sports America is the number one
magazine, boys 13 to 18 in the country.
/ I spent 12 long months
on the lam /
/ That's enough sitting
on the fence /
Hi, leave me a message
or don't.
Hi, it's me.
l mean, you know it's me.
Uh, just filling up the old
mailbox. So give me a call
or don't.
/ And go out of my head /
/ You love a sinking stone /
Here, boy.
/ That'll never elope /
/ So get used to
the lonesome /
Oh, hi, Mrs. Cherneski.
No, l didn't know
he moved out.
Well,
tell him Carter says hi.
Here, boy!
Here, boy!
Hey.
And he is dropped
right on the goal line.
Tackled by Bob Colder,
Leahey held on to the ball...
Hello?
Hey, Dan.
lt's Carter.
Who?
Carter Duryea.
Thought we'd get
the group together tomorrow.
Maybe go over some
business development ideas.
Tomorrow's Sunday.
l know. lt'll be great. We'll
get a great jump on the week.
Not the whole day, just a
couple of hours in the afternoon.
l'll tell you what,
l will see you there at noon.
Uh, l'll bring some sushi.
lt'll be a lot of fun.
Okay? Great.
All right.
/ You love a sinking stone /
/ That'll never elope /
/ So get used to
the lonesome /
/ Girl, you must atone some /
/ Don't leave me
no phone number there //
What are you doing?
What?
Um, nothing.
l was just, uh, seeing stars.
Ever do that?
Yeah, when l was three.
Hey, what are you doing here
on a Sunday?
Sunday is a fun day
to kick some ass.
Absolutely.
Guess what? l have my
whole team coming in today.
Hey, Dan Foreman's here.
You should really meet him.
Yeah, l'd rather not get
personally involved.
Didn't we decide
to let him go?
Uh, no, we let Enrique Colon
go instead. Remember?
Yeah. That's right.
Did a little colon cleansing.
Get it?
Hey, you want to grab
some dinner tonight?
Ooh, wish l could.
l got to fly to Berlin to meet
with some of our satellite guys.
Ha, too bad.
Somethin' wrong?
Um...
My wife and l are having some
problems and, uh, l was just--
Okay, l got to go.
Listen, uh, you're gonna have
to riff some more people, man.
Okay. Riff them?
Reduction in forces.
Shitcan them.
Right. Um, but l think we're
gonna get ad pages up here.
So l don't think
we need to riff anybody yet.
Well, sooner or later everybody
has to deal with reality.
Thanks for coming in.
You, great job today.
Louie, great job. You want to,
uh, grab a drink or something?
You know, l'd love to, but l'm
a recovering alcoholic.
Well, better not, then.
How about you, Morty.
Drink?
Uh, l'd better
get home for dinner.
My wife is slowly poisoning me to death
and she gets very angry
if l'm late.
Okay. Alicia?
Uh, you know what, l got
to go home and do my hair.
Oh, shut up.
How about you, Dan? You want to,
uh, grab a drink or something?
lt's Sunday.
l have to go home and
have dinner with my family.
You want to have dinner
with my family?
Oh, yeah! Are you... Let me,
uh, let me just grab my stuff.
Wait.
Who taught you
how to drive?
No one.
No kidding.
l'm home.
Yes.
Oh, this is what
l'm talking about.
This is like
a real home-type home.
Hey, sweetheart. This is
Carter Duryea from the office.
Hello, it's nice to meet you.
Hey, Mrs. Foreman.
What a pleasure
to meet you.
Thank you so much for
having me into your home.
You're very welcome.
l hope you like baked ziti.
Baked ziti! Uh, this is...
This is so perfect.
That baked ziti. That's
so... This is what l need.
Like a-- Like a real,
home-cooked thing.
This is great.
ls there something wrong
with him?
Clearly.
Let's just feed him and get
him the hell outta here, okay?
He's really young.
He's a lot younger than you.
Yeah. Thank you for that.
Thank you.
So, um,
l did the numbers on NYU.
Do you know how expensive
that place is?
Hmm.
Plus living expenses.
Plus Jana's orthodonture.
Plus baby costs.
Don't worry about it.
Well, that's not actually a solution
to a problem. ''Don't worry about it.''
l think we may have to
take out a second mortgage.
Why don't l just go into the living
room and ask my boss for a raise?
Oh, hey.
l was, uh, just looking
at you and...
And you've...
We never got to...
That day in the elevator.
My name's Carter Duryea.
Yeah, l know who you are.
Does my dad
know you're here?
Uh, your dad invited
me over for dinner.
Technically.
Uh, who's that?
Uh, it's Dad's new boss.
You can't be Dad's new boss.
You're too young.
Yeah, and he's also
scared shitless.
Wow, good memory.
And you're too cute
to be Dad's boss.
Oh, well, thank you.
l got it!
So, uh, how's it going?
Okay.
So what are you
doing here, really?
Uh, my wife left me, and today's
the anniversary of our first date.
l found the idea of going
home to be so depressing
that l kind of leeched
onto your dad
and invited myself over
for dinner.
Wow, you're sort of a
bizarrely honest guy. Huh?
No.
No. Honestly, l'm...
l'm not.
Just around you,
for some reason.
People would probably say
that l'm an emotionally guarded
anal-retentive asshole.
You wanna play foosball?
Okay.
Cool, l'll just change.
Okay.
Good. Yeah.
Do you think Alex could cope with
living in the city on her own?
Well, l'm less worried about her
coping with it than l am about you.
Yeah, well, frankly, l'd rather
keep her under house arrest
with a homing device
around her ankle.
Then why did you agree to it
without even talking to me?
And why is your
teenage boss here?
And why am l so nauseous?
l hardly had any morning
sickness the first two times.
Hey, hey, hey!
and l'm so sick of it!
Calm down.
Let me have that.
l'm not really
that into tennis anymore.
What l'm really not into
is being the jock.
You know, it's like people don't
even invite me to their parties
because they think
l'm in training or something.
Also, there's this rumor going
around that l'm a lesbian.
Man, that sucks.
Or not. l don't...
Not being a lesbian.
Yeah, well, l'm not.
lt'd be one thing if l wanted to
go pro and make a ton of money,
but l'm not at that level.
l've played girls
at that level and l'm not.
l mean, not that
l'd want that, really.
Their lives have peaked
by the time they're like 21.
Oh, nice.
l wonder that
about myself sometimes, too.
Like maybe my life
has peaked at 26.
Maybe it's all
downhill from here.
Well, it probably is.
Yeah.
Here you go.
Keep the change.
Dinner's ready!
l'm on an important call!
With who?
My boyfriend.
Your what?
Hi, this is Mr. Foreman. Who
is this and how old are you?
All right.
Well, l just wanted to say
if you ever give my daughter an
alcoholic beverage or a joint,
l will hunt you down
and neuter you.
Dad!
Dinner's ready!
There you are.
You kids ready
to come in for dinner?
God.
l lived in the same town
as my mom.
And l mean...
You know what l mean?
The entire...
The whole family thing was--
Right.
Yes, l'm...
No, no, it's really not
a good time right now.
l know, but l
really like him a lot.
Oh, my God, this pizza's
amazing. Where'd you get this?
lt's from a wonderful little
ltalian restaurant called Domino's.
So, are you really
Dad's new boss?
We're not, uh,
we're really more colleagues.
No, that's not true. He's
the boss man. l'm the wingman.
Are you married?
You're wearing a wedding ring.
Um, yes, l am, sort of.
Um, or...
Yes, no. l'm married.
So you're like
prematurely old.
Jana, would you
pass the pizza?
l got it. Oh, my God, Dan. My bad.
l'm sorry. l mean, l got it. l got it.
Carter, Carter, C-Carter.
Only my wife
is allowed to touch me there.
Excuse me.
l'm gonna go upstairs.
l'm gonna change
my pants again.
Good job.
Thank you.
Thank you so much. Terrific
pepperoni, by the way.
You're very welcome.
Goodbye. Go home.
Okay.
Good night.
Thanks again.
/ She says, ''Wake up,
it's no use pretending'' /
/ I'll keep stealing,
breathing her /
/ Birds are leaving
over autumn's ending /
/ One of us will die
inside these arms /
/ Eyes wide open /
/ Naked as we came /
/ One will spread our /
/ ashes around the yard /
/ She says, ''If I leave
before you, darling /
/ Don't you waste me
in the ground'' /
/ I lay smiling
like our sleeping children /
/ One of us will die
inside these arms /
Oh, here.
l got you some pepper spray.
/ Eyes wide open,
naked as we came /
Oh, how sweet.
Yeah.
And l've installed surveillance
equipment throughout the dorm.
So l'll know if you're
getting into trouble.
Okay.
/ One will spread our
ashes around the yard //
Be careful.
Okay.
l love you, Dad.
Love you, too.
See you later.
Bye.
Sign here, here, and here.
And you've got
your second mortgage.
Sign, uh, there, there,
and there.
And it's official.
You're divorced.
Okay, two things.
First, Steckle is organizing
a company basketball league.
l'm gonna be
sales team captain.
You are my new power forward.
And second, l heard you're
taking the guys from Rums Jamaica
to the Knicks game
on Wednesday night?
Yeah.
You have to run
that stuff by me, man.
Run it by you?
They're my clients.
No, they're not, Dan.
They're GlobeCom clients.
That's why we're gonna be takin'
'em to the GlobeCom luxury suite.
Well, these aren't
luxury suite type of guys.
Dan, everyone's
a luxury suite type of guy.
Uh, we can't go there on
Wednesday, because Teddy K.
is hosting Bill Clinton,
Jay-Z, and Kofi Annan.
We're gonna do it
Thursday.
l'll bring them
to a concert.
Look, l gotta get these guys
to up their buy by 18 pages.
We gotta start kicking
some ass here.
l'm gonna have to let
some people go.
Why do you say
''let them go''?
They don't want to go.
Why don't you just say,
''fire them''?
Because it sounds better.
Not to the person
getting fired, it doesn't.
/ You wanna get with me? /
/ Put 'em up /
/ Take long trips with me /
/ Yeah /
This guy was shot 12 times
and pronounced legally dead.
Hence the name.
Someone should tell him
it's spelled D-E-A-D.
They're afraid to.
He's got the number one
hit single right now.
He's a protege of 50 Cent.
Why don't they
just call him ''Nickel''?
What?
20 years, your jokes
still haven't improved.
Want you guys to meet
my colleague.
This is Petey
from K-Jam Sneakers.
Hey, hey.
Hmm.
Cross-promotional idea.
You buy a certain amount
of Jamaican rum, boom.
You get a discount
on running shoes. Done.
Yeah, sounds like
a great fit.
Get a lot of drunk people
running around.
Dan. You want to go
get some air?
Yeah.
Be back in a bit.
Word. Hey, not too long. We
got chimichangas on the way.
/ You wanna get with me?
Take long trips with me //
Sorry about the concert.
They wouldn't let me just get
regular seats for the Knicks game.
No, it's okay.
Look, Dan. l've been
instructed not to advertise
with Sports America anymore.
What?
We were bought out last year by this
company called Continental Brands.
Apparently, the company
that bought us
and the company
that bought you
are having a feud over wireless
communications in Europe.
Wireless communications?
What-- what the hell does that
have to do with our business?
Nothing. But we have
this corporate policy now.
Look, l'm sorry, Dan.
Dan, l have to
fire Louie and Morty.
No, you don't.
l do.
We're gonna get
those ad pages back.
We'll get those...
Oh, my God! lt's like
you don't get it or something.
That was a huge client.
Steckle gave me
a bottom line here.
l have to increase pages.
We already got Harry, Pete,
and Alicia on the Ford account.
Morty's the logical choice.
Oh, and the new woman at Pepsi
thinks that Louie's a sexist.
Guess why.
He called her ''sugar tits.''
He's an idiot.
Come on,
you can't fire these guys.
These are my guys.
They've been with me
for eight years.
l hired them
at the same time.
Yeah, l know, Dan.
That's why they have
huge, bloated salaries.
And they're not
pulling their weight.
l'm sorry.
Well, l've been here
for 23 years.
My salary's bigger than theirs.
Why don't you just fire me?
Do you want me to fire you?
Because l could, Dan.
You have
a family that loves you.
You have a kid on the way.
l look at you sometimes
and it's like...
You have people
who need you.
Do you really wanna put them
in jeopardy for Louie and Morty?
/ Be this sunset
soon forgotten /
/ And what's worth keepin' /
/ Sun still sinkin' /
/ Down and down /
/ Once again /
/ Down and down /
/ Gone again //
What, are you
living here now?
What... We, uh...
What time is it?
7:00 a.m.
Look, l've been thinking
all night.
And, uh, if it has to be done,
l should be the one to do it.
Guys, l feel really terrible
about what l'm about to say.
But l'm afraid
you're both being let go.
Let go?
What does that mean?
lt means
you're being fired, Louie.
Believe me, if l had any
choice in this, l would...
Anyway, l thought
you should hear it from me
because l'm the one
who hired you.
Oh. Wait a minute.
Are you being fired, too?
No, no. Uh...
This isn't my decision.
Oh, so it's not your decision, so
therefore it's not your fault, right?
l didn't say that.
You know,
this is bullshit.
Louie.
No, no, Morty.
You know something? l
look at you like a brother.
l would've stood in front of a
bus for you, you piece of shit!
You've turned into a real corporate
asshole, you know that, Dan?
Louie.
Do me a favor. lf you see my friend
Dan, tell him l'm looking for him.
Louie!
Dan, what the hell am l
gonna tell my wife?
l mean, she already
wears the pants.
Now she's gonna wear
the tie and jacket, too.
Morty, l am
so very sorry.
l know this must have been
hard for you, Dan.
You were a good boss.
l mean it. You always treated
everyone with respect. And l...
Look, l appreciate it.
What's this?
My 360 evaluation.
Uh, you rated yourself,
''Does not meet expectations.''
Yeah.
l'm gonna cry.
Don't. l'll call you.
Take care, Morty.
Okay, good luck.
Morty.
Oh.
l can't believe this.
Me neither.
You gonna be okay?
l'll be okay.
Take care.
No way! What are...
What are you doing here?
Hey! Um,
just reading.
l- l've-- l go to NYU now.
No way!
Yeah.
You did it! That's...
That's awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
What about you?
l'm renting
an apartment in TriBeCa.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Wow, that's awesome.
Do you drink coffee?
No! Uh, normally l just
hook up to an lV, actually.
My, you sure can pound back
the caffeine, huh?
ls that why
your leg is shaking like that?
l think it is. Yeah.
You're not wearing
your wedding band.
Oh. Yeah.
l'm now officially
the first person
in my high school class
to get divorced.
Oh, l'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
When l think about it
honestly,
it was pretty much coming
since our second date.
How's... How are you?
How's school going?
lt's pretty good.
lt's pretty good. l mean,
you know, it's, it's, uh...
it's hard to meet new people
as a transfer.
Everybody's got
their own little cliques
and they're not sure if
they want to admit one more.
But, uh, my creative writing
classes are really great.
Oh, yeah,
creative writing?
Yeah.
l've just, uh...
l've always been
interested in stories
and escaping
into other people's lives.
l guess 'cause
mine always seems so boring.
l'm cursed with
a functional family.
But writing
isn't exactly practical.
So l think l might
double major in business.
Oh, no. Don't do that.
Stick with
the creative writing.
Strange, you know,
sometimes you seem sort of
bummed out about your career,
but you're so successful.
No, l'm not bummed. Uh...
God, my career is pretty much
what l have in my life.
That and a dented Porsche,
right?
Your family
must be really proud of you.
My mom is.
You know, she's...
She's this kind of hippie.
So she's not really into
the corporate thing.
And my dad left home
when l was 4,
so, you know, l never
really got to know him.
His family had money,
but, uh,
he was this kind of artist
you know, in quotes,
slash druggy.
Uh, he was in this cult
for a while.
Do you, do you...
Let's get out of here.
Do you want to, like,
take a walk or something?
l'm like, uh... Now that l've
told you my entire life story.
Sure.
Although, uh, there isn't
much left to talk about.
Really?
/ Still a little bit
of your taste /
/ In my mouth /
/ Still a little bit of you
laced /
/ With my doubt /
/ Still a little hard
to say /
...wear these giant muumuus
that were see-through.
/ What's going on /
They were see-through?
Yeah.
That's cool.
/ Stones taught me to fly /
/ Love taught me to lie /
Thank you.
Thank you.
So...
/ Life taught me to die /
/ So it's not hard to fall /
Right.
/ When you float
like a cannonball //
You want to see
my dorm room, maybe?
Hey,
don't get the wrong idea.
l-- l don't invite guys
to my room often.
Or ever, actually.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh.
l'm having a major
college flashback here.
Aw, come on, old man.
My roommate's
out for the night.
Really? She's, oh...
l was really looking forward
to meeting her.
Yeah, she's only
mildly chemically imbalanced.
Ta-da!
Oh.
Yeah, this is awesome.
Yeah, it's okay.
Uh, l heard this rumor
that alcohol
impairs your judgment.
l wish you weren't so beautiful.
l'm not.
No, Alex. You are.
Thank you.
Well, it looks like
everything's perfect.
So why are you still talking?
What?
Oh, nothing.
l was just thinking
about how my dad said
he put surveillance cameras
in the building.
That's...
That's hilarious.
Where to now?
You're all going
to the 29th floor.
Oh, great.
l hear there's, uh,
fantastic air-conditioning
on that floor.
Hey, Dan, how's your commute?
Can you believe
we're moving offices already?
By the way, first b-ball game
against the 51st floor corporate VPs.
So, uh... Oh, weird.
l guess that's this floor now.
What's wrong with you?
Me? Um... Are you...
Nothing. Um, nothing.
You're acting jumpy.
Did you switch from mocha
to crack?
Whoa, Dan. That's, uh...
You're coming off
really paranoid right now.
You're weirding me out,
buddy.
Crack. That's...
/ Well, it's so good /
/ I didn't have to make it /
/ It's so good /
Hey, Alex.
Haven't talked to you
in a few days.
lt's your dad, by the way.
Give us a call.
/ 'Cause I'm ten years ahead /
/ And you're the echo
of the things I say /
/ Yes, I'm ten years ahead /
You understand this is totally
demoralizing for me, so...
Sorry.
l don't think
you should force it, honey.
Don't force it.
Don't say it.
/ Well, it's no good /
/ Revolving around me /
Hey, Alex.
Uh, left a message for you
at the dorm and on your phone.
Guess you have
your cell phone turned off.
Give us a call.
/ When you cannot
reach me /
l'm fired?
/ 'Cause I'm ten years ahead /
/ And you're the echo
of the words I say /
l'm sorry.
/ Yes, I'm ten years ahead //
But l've worked here
for 5 years.
lt's been an honor.
Okay, you ready?
Will you be okay
with that thing?
Oh, yeah, fine.
Hey, uh, what's that big guy doing here?
He's one of the moving men.
Uh, l guess, uh, Steckle
recruited him for his VP team.
Oh, that's fair.
Wonder if
l can still dunk.
You could dunk?
Oh, yeah.
Can't you? You're 26.
Heads up!
Whoa! Hey.
What's up?
Word on the street is,
Teddy K.'s on the prowl.
Soon as he gets back from his
around-the-world balloon trip,
he's gonna go munch
on Continental Brands.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, great.
Maybe they'll advertise
in the magazine again.
l'm sorry, who are you?
Mark, this is Dan Foreman.
He's the one
l was telling you about,
helped us close
that Toys 'R' Us deal.
Oh, Carter's being modest.
He did most of the work.
Aw.
That's beautiful.
Maybe you two
should get a room.
You pussies ready
to get schooled?
Oh!
Not in my house!
No, no, no.
Do it, baby. Do it, baby.
lt's for me. For me.
Go ahead, donkey!
You can't guard me.
Get down. Get down there!
Mine. He's mine. Help. Help.
Yes!
Let's go! Get down, Jimmy.
Yo, Krouse! Fist! Fist!
That's right! Move!
Come on. Come on.
l'll take the big man.
Hey, ease up, my man.
You're gonna have
a heart attack.
What's the matter?
Can't take a little D?
Open! Get open!
Let's go, Dan! Yes!
Yeah, yeah!
Throw it down!
Dunk it!
Oh, shit.
l'm okay. l'm okay.
l'll be right back.
Just give me a second.
Damn.
This is Alex's cell phone.
Please leave a message.
Thanks.
/ Eyeless in the morning sun /
/ You were pale and mild,
a modern girl /
/ Taken with thought,
still prone to care /
/ Makin' tea
in your underwear /
/ You went out in the yard
to find //
What's her name?
Who? What? Who?
The fish.
Oh. Uh, it's a he.
And, uh, his name is Buddy.
Ah.
Does Buddy want
a friend?
Buddy had a friend.
Um, he ate him. So...
You mind if l,
uh-- uh...
Sure. Yeah.
You... Yeah.
l want to,
l want to ask you something.
Okay.
When, uh...
When you were 18,
did you ever return
your parents' phone calls?
Uh, well,
they never called.
But, uh, yeah,
l'm sure l would've.
Well, my oldest daughter,
she won't call me back.
And l feel like going down
to NYU and kidnapping her
so l can stop
worrying about her.
That sounds like
a really bad idea.
Uh, look, Alex seems, um,
from the very brief time
that l met her,
to be pretty savvy.
l don't think you have
to worry about her too much.
She's a smart,
terrific woman.
Girl. Or smart young lady.
Whatever.
What l'm trying to say
is that, uh,
l think she can
probably take care of herself.
Dan, you seem to have
the perfect marriage.
How do you do it?
You just pick the right one
to be in the foxhole with
and then when you're outside
of the foxhole,
you keep your dick
in your pants.
Well, that's poetic.
Oh, my God.
Did she outdo herself or what?
All right. Oh, yeah. Make way.
Coming through
with the cake here.
Oh, hey, Theo. How's...
Hey, uh,
where do l put this?
All right.
lt's a rager, huh?
Okay.
Are you still glad you decided
not to have a birthday party?
Yep,
not in the mood this year.
Well, Mom says
you could use a little fun.
She says you should lighten
up for the sake of your health.
She does, does she?
They're here. Everybody hide.
You go ahead, sweetheart.
l'm going to
check the mailbox.
Okay. Cool.
Quiet, he's going to be here
in a second.
Surprise!
Surprise?
Dad!
Hey, Morty.
Hey, nice party.
Thanks for coming.
Sure.
How are you?
Not so good,
not so good.
l mean psychologically.
Oh, l'm sorry.
That's okay.
Anyway,
my wife got a promotion.
l'm hoping
she'll raise my allowance.
But this is good punch.
Happy birthday.
Good party.
You look--
you look really beautiful.
Thank you.
And, um...
This is really not a
big deal. But l, uh...
l got something for you.
lt's not my birthday.
Go on.
Holy shit.
Wow! Are these real diamonds?
lt's too expensive.
No. No, don't. No.
l feel funny.
l'm sorry. l don't...
l mean, it's not... l-- l...
lt just felt good to...
lt's sweet.
lt's very sweet.
Thank you.
You're the kind of person
that's it's good to be
in a foxhole with.
We're not in a foxhole.
We're in a Porsche.
A sling.
Yes.
Betsy, l wish you well, too.
Let's see, what... Wow.
And this could be what?
That's good.
Epsom salts.
Do you like them?
lmported from Jersey.
Don't tell me
you already have some.
lt's got that easy--
easy-pour spout on it, too.
Special for you.
Thanks.
She waits.
Okay.
Hey.
Hi.
Sorry l'm late.
Work has been
just nuts.
That's okay.
l have a class at 3:00.
Oh, you're... You're
wearing the necklace.
Yeah. Yeah.
l feel like an impostor.
But it's nice.
An impostor?
No, you look...
Hey. Doesn't she look beautiful?
She does.
Now, we have
three specials today.
Avocado soup
with awapuhi oil,
bluefin tuna with Awapuhi
and jalapeno sashimi.
We have calamari fritti
with Awapuhi oil
on the side.
We also have, uh,
sicafreed lobster tail.
Can l get that
with a side of Awapuhi oil?
Welcome.
May l help you?
Oh, shit.
Hi,
is there going to be a third?
l have just one question.
Are you sleeping with him?
l'm going to get you folks
some bread.
Uh, Dan,
this isn't what it looks like.
Oh, yeah?
What does it look like?
Tell me. What do you
think it looks like?
Well, l'm sure it looks like
some kind of sleazy, tawdry...
Alex, l asked you a question.
Are you sleeping with him?
What do you want me to say,
Dad?
Get up.
What?
Get up.
Dad!
Pardon me, sir, but l don't
think you should treat--
Back off, before l drop-kick
you across this restaurant.
You are a piece of shit!
Dan, l love her.
You what?
l love her.
l love you.
You love her?
She's my daughter.
She's in college.
She's a college student.
l took out a fricking second
mortgage so she could go.
Three years ago
she was in braces.
l'm sorry.
This guy.
You had to sleep with him?
Dad, l...
Dad...
Dad.
Dad! Wait, l'm sorry.
This had nothing
to do with you.
He's my boss, Alex.
l know.
But it just happened.
We made a deal,
remember?
We made a deal we'd always
be honest with one another.
Dad, l was like 5 years old
when we made that deal.
Yeah.
l liked you better then.
That's awful.
That's an awful thing
to say.
Dad, please don't walk away.
l want to talk to you.
Why? You don't need my
advice about anything.
Hey, you.
Hey.
Hey, Carter.
Wow, that's some shiner.
Thanks.
Maya, could we have
some privacy, please?
Sure. Absolutely.
Sit down.
Hey, can l get you some ice
for that?
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
Um, there's no ice.
But the soda's cold.
Oh, thanks.
Look, l wanted to apologize,
uh, for my timing when...
Uh, with the ''L'' word.
lt just kind of slipped out.
But l've been thinking
about it a lot lately,
and it's how l feel.
lt's really important to me--
Oh, that's really sweet.
Well, l mean it.
l know
you probably think you do.
But l-l've been doing
a lot of thinking, too,
and l'm
taking
anthropology classes.
And l'm doing a double major.
Yeah.
And l'm just...
l'm really busy.
Yeah.
Uh, l'm just not...
l'm not ready
for a big commitment.
Yes, that's...
That's what l'm saying.
Look, when l said
l loved you,
l didn't mean that l wanted
to interfere in your classes
or, you know, whatever.
l'm not talking about
marriage or anything yet.
Carter. Look.
l've had an amazing time
with you,
and l think
you're a great guy.
But you are on the rebound.
No, l'm not.
Carter, you are.
l mean, it was not that long
ago that your wife left you.
Best thing
that ever happened to me.
Well, that's great.
But then that's a good thing
whether you're with me or not.
l think we should stop
seeing each other.
Alex.
Alex, come on.
l just want you to know
l enjoyed talking to you
more than
maybe anyone
in my entire life.
Thank you.
Me, too.
Dad,
where have you been?
Your cell phone was off.
l tried to call you
like a thousand times.
What happened?
Where's your mom?
There you are.
Are you okay?
l'm fine. Yes, l'm fine.
The baby's fine.
l had a little scare.
There was some bleeding.
What? What is it?
A placenta previa.
lt sounds bad,
but, uh, it's okay.
l just need some rest.
lf anything ever happened to
you, l'd just have to pack it in.
Oh, l'm afraid you're going to
be stuck with me for a while.
How's she doing?
She's okay.
You know,
l broke up with Carter.
Because of me?
No. Because of me.
l'm sorry l lied to you.
But, you know,
l think you should know
that Carter didn't try
to seduce me or anything.
lf anything,
it was the other way around.
l really don't want
to hear the details.
l mean, unless you
want to tell me, and...
No. No, not particularly.
Good.
You must think
l'm disgusting.
Disgusting?
Why on earth
would l think that?
l didn't know that you
took out a second mortgage.
l don't need to go to NYU.
SUNY's fine.
lt's fine.
No, no,
you are staying at NYU.
Look, Alex.
You're a really smart woman.
And you can take care
of yourself.
And l'm going to try
and adjust.
You don't have to change,
Dad.
Yeah. l do.
lt's going to be okay.
Muchachos!
Good.
Hello, how are you? l know.
Tell him not to be late
this time.
Hi, how you doing?
Good to see you.
Hi. Oh, nice brooch.
Thank you, sir.
Must be paying her
too much money.
Mark Steckle.
Hi.
Ah, Mark Steckle,
how are you?
Very psyched.
How's it going?
Very good.
Good, good.
Right this way.
Hi.
How you doing?
Nice to see you.
How are you?
Good to see you.
Thank you.
Carter Duryea.
Oh, yes. Cell phones.
Yes. Thank you.
l'm at Sports America now.
Well, that's the flagship.
What happened to your eye?
Yeah, what happened there?
l fell--
l fell asleep at my computer.
Just kind of
banged right into the monitor.
Those things
can be dangerous.
Keep up the good work.
l wouldn't be surprised
if he announces
another big takeover today.
Teddy K.!
Great to see you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Synergy. What does it mean?
Why does a business
swim with it
and sink without it,
in this new ocean
of megabytes,
streaming video
and satellites?
Every day,
the world becomes
more complex.
And to survive
in a complex world,
we need complex bonds
to interface with it.
ln this room,
l see this.
What we're trying to get to,
is this.
This is unbreakable.
This is inevitable.
What are we building here?
ls it a company?
Or are we building a new country
with no national boundaries?
A new democracy
for the consumer.
A new democracy
with a new electorate.
24-hour music videos
in Kuala Lumpur.
Computers with parts
manufactured in Japan,
Greenland, ldaho, lndia.
A soft drink ad
going out simultaneously
to seven different continents.
The Dalai Llama
eating his Krispity Krunch
while uploading prayers
onto the Net.
Woman's World magazine.
Well, why not Woman's World
Channel across the world?
Computers.
Why not a computer section
in Sports America magazine?
Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Uh, uh...
Uh, my name is, uh, uh,
Dan Foreman. l...
l work for Sports America
and l'm not sure
l-- l understand
what you're talking about.
W- what l mean is-- is
what do computers have to do
with sports?
Are you...
Are-- are you literally saying
that there should be
a section in the magazine
about computers?
Who's going to want to
read that?
Um...
And, uh...
l- l'm not sure
l understand
how the way
the world is changing
is actually going to change
how we do business.
We're still selling
a product, right?
Which hopefully
someone needs.
We're human beings with other
human beings for customers.
So l don't see how this
company is like its own country.
l mean, just because we sell
different kinds of things,
that doesn't mean we should
operate by our own laws, does it?
Besides which, countries,
at least democratic ones,
they have some obligation to
their citizens, don't they?
So how do layoffs
and bottom line thinking
fit into that?
Dan Foreman.
Sports America.
You ask
some excellent questions.
Excellent,
excellent questions.
l'm glad you asked them.
And l'm leaving it to you,
to all of you,
to answer them.
Hmm.
Teddy K.!
Teddy K.! Teddy K.!
Oh, my God, Dan.
Oh, my God.
Good, you're both in here.
You,
l'll talk to in a second.
You, have you lost
your frigging mind?
Well, he said
they were excellent questions.
Okay,
you think this is funny.
You think it's funny
to disrespect a great man.
Do you know who you were
just talking to in there?
That was Teddy K.!
Teddy K., God damn it!
Look,
we've been carrying
your fat, bloated salary
for way too long.
l want you
out of this building
within the next
10 minutes.
l'm going to my office.
l'm going to smoke
a nice Cuban cigar
and try to forget
that you ever existed.
You, in my office now.
Mark, don't do that.
Excuse me?
Look.
The guy busts his ass and--
And what?
Nothing. l'm sorry.
l just... lf you fire him,
you're going to have to
fire me, too.
Wait.
Let me get something
straight here.
You're throwing yourself in
with him?
With this useless,
over-the-hill loser?
Think here.
Think about what you're doing,
because if you're not careful,
you could end up like him.
l guess that
that would be okay.
All right.
Then you're fired, too,
you little shit.
Well, that's too bad,
'cause, uh, you're gonna lose a huge
account that Dan and l've been working on.
lt was gonna save
the year for us.
Without it, the magazine's
pretty deep in the red.
Really? What account is that?
You think
we'd actually tell you?
You're bluffing.
l don't bluff.
l'm not
that good of a salesman.
Yeah, well,
l don't give a crap.
l think Teddy K. will.
See, l'm gonna call him
and l'm gonna tell him
that you single-handedly drove
his most profitable magazine,
his flagship,
right into the ground.
And he'll remember my name.
He likes
what l did with cell phones.
You've got 24 hours,
or you're both gone.
Any ideas?
One.
You got
all your research?
Yep.
Follow my lead.
So, um,
how are your daughters?
They're great. Thanks.
How about
your grandkids?
Uh, they're fine.
My son-in-law has just
enrolled our oldest, Ralphy,
in a computer camp,
whatever the hell that is.
Uh, this is my boss,
Carter Duryea.
lt's a pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Kalb.
You have a really awesome company here.
You... lt's a really
awesome, awesome--
Your boss? He looks
more like your nephew.
Well, l've, uh, certainly been
learning a lot from Dan.
So what happened to your eye?
That's one of the things
he learned from me.
Are you saying that you
punched him in the eye? Why?
Well, it's... We don't have
to really go into it here.
No, no, no, please, please.
l'm-- l'm-- l'm rather curious.
Why did l hit you?
He called me
a dinosaur.
He said
l was out of date.
That l'd better
step in line.
So you slugged him?
lt was a fair fight.
Hmm?
Right.
Mr. Kalb, we have a sister
company, Krispity Krunch,
that l think we could do a really
exciting cross-promotion with here,
all in the GlobeCom family.
Carter, Carter.
l think that we
could achieve--
Carter, it's ok.
Mr. Kalb,
l don't want get into facts and figures
with you today. You know them already.
l just want to ask you
one question.
What is your hesitation
about advertising
with Sports America magazine?
My hesitation is that our ad
budget is already overextended.
My son-in-law has put a lot
of money into cable and online.
And now he wants to plow even
more money back into it. But...
But what?
But he is such an asshole!
l mean,
l built this business.
l know more about running this
than he ever will.
So, yeah. l'm gonna make a
major ad buy in your magazine.
And then l'm gonna restructure
the whole damn ad campaign.
That is great news.
Thank you, Mr. Kalb.
Oh. Thank... Yes.
Thank you so much, sir.
You know, l don't give a shit
about Krispity Krunch.
Let's just stick
with the magazine, okay?
You really slugged him?
Yeah. Carter.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, that was amazing.
That was unbelievable!
God,
that was actually fun.
What Kalb
really needed to see
was an old fart who beat the crap
out of a young punk half his age.
And you know
what the best thing is?
lt's the right thing to do.
lt will improve
his business.
Wow, you actually, uh...
You actually
believe in this stuff, huh?
Of course l do.
Why else would l do it?
Hmm?
Hey, Dan. Where you been?
Los Angeles.
We made
a huge sale.
Congratulations.
So did Teddy K.
He sold the company
to CalCor Communications.
Mark! What happened?
l thought you said Teddy K.
was buying another company.
That's what they told me,
but he sold us.
l'm out.
Wait, you're out?
Yeah. They're reorganizing
the whole company.
You're out, too.
l think you're in.
l'm in what?
Your old job.
What?
Running the department?
That's the rumor.
The whole thing
seems so arbitrary.
l feel used.
Yeah.
Kind of tough to know
you're replaceable, huh?
l'm-- l'm sorry
you lost your jobs.
/ Came in close,
I heard a voice /
/ Standing stretching
every nerve /
/ I had to listen,
had no choice /
/ I did not believe
the information /
/ Just had to
trust imagination /
/ My heart was going
boom, boom, boom /
/ Son, he said /
/ Grab your things,
I've come to take you home /
/ Yeah, back home //
Hey, Dan.
Hey, Carter.
Come on in.
Have a seat.
Nice office.
Yeah.
So.
How have you been
the last month?
l've been good.
Really good.
lt's a little weird, uh,
not having to get up,
go to work in the morning.
That's why
l want to talk to you.
l want to offer you a job.
l know
we definitely had our moments.
But l think you're a good
manager and a good salesman.
And l want you to come here
and be my second-in-command.
Wow, Dan.
Uh, l...
l really appreciate that.
Uh, more than you know.
And l...
l think if l really want
to do this for a living,
there's no one l could learn
from more than you. But l...
Look, l don't know what
l want to do with my life.
l know that l want it
to mean something to me
the way that
this means something to you.
Oh.
God,
do you think l'm being stupid?
No. No. l...
l think that sounds right.
So how's the family?
Uh, Ann's fine.
Uh, the baby's coming
Tuesday after next Tuesday.
Oh.
lt's a... lt's a cesarean.
Dan, that's amazing.
Yeah, it is.
And, uh,
both girls are...
They're doing well.
Good.
Please, uh,
give them all my best.
Yeah.
Dan.
Thank you.
For what?
For...
l guess
for showing me a few things.
No one ever really
took the time to
give me a hard time before.
Or teach me anything
that was
actually worth learning.
All right.
Now listen, Carter.
l want to tell you something.
You're going to be okay.
You think so?
Yeah. l know it.
You're a good man.
Don't be a stranger.
Morty?
Hey!
You're back!
Yeah, back in the saddle.
And look at you.
You're-- you're...
You look like
a delivery guy.
Oh, do you know
Dan's daughter Alex?
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
l'm surprising my dad.
Tennis.
Alex is
a fantastic tennis player.
She was a junior champ, right?
Really? Oh, you're into...
You're into tennis, huh?
Yeah.
How is everything?
Good. Really...
Really good.
Um, l'm leaving town,
actually.
l think
l'm going to try teaching
or, um,
maybe open an Awapuhi store.
l don't know. Uh...
How are you doing?
Good. Very good.
l've been working on
some short stories.
Oh. That's awesome.
Well, l got a raise.
Dan got me a raise.
Which is a good thing, because
my wife just got laid off.
Timing's everything in life,
right?
Right.
Well, good seeing you.
Take care, Carter.
Yeah. Look, it was really
great seeing both you guys.
You, too, Carter. lt was...
lt was really good to see you.
Bye.
Hi, guys.
Well?
Yes?
Wel, l'm delighted to say
that you have a baby sister.
Are you happy, Dad?
Yeah, l'm psyched.
Hello. Dan! Hey.
Oh, my God. Congratulations.
lt's amazing.
Do you have a name yet?
Oh, no, that's terrific.
Uh,
probably because l'm jogging.
No, l'm outside.
Yes.
l'm actually jogging outside.
/ Please /
Playa del Rey. Don't laugh.
/ Remember me /
l'm thinking about
getting into...
/ Happily /
/ By the rose bush /
/ Laughing with roses
on my chin /
/ The time when /
/ we counted every black car /
/ passing your house
beneath the hill /
/ and up until /
/ someone caught us
in the kitchen /
/ with knives /
/ A mountain range /
/ A piggy bank /
/ A vision to removed
to mention /
/ But, please,
remember me /
/ fondly /
/ I heard from someone
you're still pretty /
/ And then /
/ they went on to say /
/ that the pearly gates /
/ are so eloquently repeated /
/ Like words
I've lost and found /
/ And don't look down /
/ And someone
save temptation /
/ And, please /
/ remember me silently /
/ In the car
behind the corner /
/ you hold my hand /
/ between your knees /
/ You turn from me /
/ Said the trapeze,
it was wonderful /
/ But never
meant to last /
/ The clouds
have passed /
/ So we just come up
with anger /
/ And then /
/ The circus moved /
/ The parking lot /
/ Hiding out,
a hint of danger /
/ So, please, remember me /
/ fondly /
/ You're my uphill crawl,
my dear /
/ But if I make /
/ the pearly gates /
/ Do my best
to make a drawing of God /
/ And Lucifer /
/ A boy and girl /
/ An angel kissin'
on a silkscreen of Mars /
/ The aftermath /
/ A marching band /
/ All around the fray
just trapeze swinging //