In Lieu of Flowers (2013) Movie Script
Death has come for me
on the first day of spring.
It has not arrived at all
in the way
I've always expected it to.
There is no blinding
white light.
Or some demon dressed in black.
It has come like an assassin
in an unruly ambush
and I am totally unprepared.
Death has finally come for me
and left me to grieve
the loss of someone very dear.
I'm just not sure who.
It is awesome.
They have $4 margaritas
till six and then,
if you show them
your teacher ID,
you get free nachos.
Sounds tempting, but I actually
have a prior commitment.
Mrs. Osborne,
Timmy keeps trying to...
One second, Gabby,
it is very rude
to interrupt people
when they're talking.
- But, Mrs. Osborne.
- It's Ms. Osborne remember?
You only use Mrs.
if someone's married.
Oh, like Mrs. Austin?
Hey Eric, it's Melissa.
Long time, I, um...
I hope you're doing well.
Look, I'm calling because
I've been clearing out
Gretchen's old room here
and I came across
some things that I think
might be yours.
So, I thought I'd see
if you wanted
to come by and pick them up.
I'm actually
going to be home tonight
if you want to
swing by after work.
Just buzz up
and I can let you in and...
Morning, sunshine.
Hey.
You working today?
Just about to
jump in the shower.
- Wait, did you go running?
- Yeah.
Even in this weather,
what is it 13 degrees outside?
I don't know, I'll check
the farmer's almanac
and get back to you.
Hey, we're grabbing drinks
for Gary's birthday tonight.
- You down?
- Maybe, I'll see.
It's just going to be a few of
us, very low key, I promise.
I'll see, I'll see.
You know,
it is the first day of spring
in case you need
an excuse to have some fun.
Rachel Austin,
as I live and breathe.
Tried you on your cell,
but no answer, again!
Are you out of minutes, girl?
Should I only be calling
you on nights and weekends?
Anyway, it's Carrie
if you haven't
already figured that out,
so if you're not too tired
and you can manage to drag
your old bones into the city,
we're all going to grab dinner
at some tapas place tonight.
Call me if you're interested
or text me or send an eCard.
They're free, bitch, no excuses.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
Our celebrant this evening
is Father Denary
and this mass is being offered
by Rachel Austin
in memory of her husband Robert,
on the second
anniversary of his death.
Please rise as we sing
our opening hymn.
Hello?
Hello?
Eric?
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Hello?
Excuse me?
Is this seat taken?
Oh, no, sorry.
Oh!
That's amazing.
Just amazing.
I'm sorry... I didn't mean to.
No, please, laugh.
Laugh all you like,
I deserve it.
Guess alcohol and
commuters don't mix.
I guess not.
Sometimes I kind of see where
Colin Ferguson was coming from.
You know what I mean?
- Who?
- Colin Ferguson.
The guy who shot up a whole
Long Island railroad car
in the '90s.
Oh.
Too far, too dark?
Just a little bit, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, fortunately,
I came prepared.
Peace offering, please?
There's nothing sadder
than a guy in a suit,
drinking by himself
on a commuter train.
Yeah, nothing that
comes to mind, actually.
Help me out, please,
I'm begging you.
- I'm good, thanks.
- All right.
James.
Rachel.
Cheers.
Will you just shut up
for five seconds?
Okay, just please, I got through
War and Peace faster than this.
No, you never read
that book, dum-dum.
Long story long, I never put
the address on the envelope,
but it bounces back
to my office.
So the guys in the mailroom,
they have no choice
but to look inside there
because they don't know
who actually sent it and inside,
they find a check from me
for $500 to a man
named Nick Zani and lest
we forget, the note I wrote.
Which reads, "Can't wait to put
it in you in Vegas,
you little whore."
You're the dumbest person
I've ever met in my life.
Yes, I am, not very smart.
So, there you go,
Happy Birthday.
Thank you so much.
Your unbelievable stupidity
is the gift that
keeps on giving.
And with that,
I'm gonna take a leak.
You following me
to the bathroom?
Yeah, I was hoping
you could tell me another
great story while I tinkle.
Some fun times, right?
Look man,
I'm so sorry...
Eric, stop it,
you don't need to apologize.
- I know...
- Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!
I'm sorry,
did I ruin the moment?
You have a knack.
Oh, God, we should get
some shots, right?
What am I your dad, order them.
Ah, miss.
Can we order some drinks?
For Eric Battie, absolutely.
Oh, my God!
What are you doing here?
I work here.
No kidding, wow!
Yeah, for a few months now.
That's great, how are you?
I'm good, how are you?
Good, yeah.
Andy told me about Gretchen.
I'm so sorry to hear.
Yeah, thanks.
How are you holding up,
you know, really?
Hey, Battie?
Hate to break up the reunion,
but can we order?
All right, gentlemen,
what can I get you guys?
All right, get these nancies
two more light beers.
I'll have a Goose soda
and whatever this idiot wants.
Jack and coke.
Oh!
And six shots of Jger.
Jger!
I had to.
I'm sorry.
What do you mean you have to?
Darlin', can we order some food
whenever you get a sec?
Absolutely, what would you like?
What's good,
we're riding a nice,
little buzz and we're really
in the mood for some good,
old fashioned bar food,
so, why don't you just...
Why don't you
stop being an asshole
and tell her what you want,
douche bag?
Okay, um, tell you what.
I'm going to let you guys
just mull this over
and figure out what you're
in the mood for and, um,
I'll get you guys another round.
Thank you.
- Dude, what's your problem?
- Shut up!
Mitch, you've been acting like
an asshole since you got here.
- I'm the asshole?
- Everybody just calm down.
Try and have a smidge
of respect, okay?
- That's a friend of mine.
- Yeah, I know.
I saw you practically
crying in her arms.
Shut the fuck up, Mitch!
Easy, man!
Jesus.
Eric, what is with you, man?
Okay, I'm gonna go
to the bathroom.
I hope the waitress doesn't
spit in our drinks now.
Yeah, I'm gonna make
Eric check mine
and see if it tastes
like wee-wee.
Geez, he's still messed up, huh?
It's been a couple months, man.
I mean, give the
brother a break.
So what, you're just gonna bail?
I shouldn't have come, man.
I'm not... I'm not right.
Eric, come on,
let's go sit down.
No, man.
Eric, come on,
let's go sit down.
It's always worse at night.
On Sundays, Ellen and I
used to go get FroYo
and then we went to see
a picture at the Ziegfeld.
Even if we had seen it before,
we would go again.
Last year, we saw
Titanic six times.
Yeah, it's one of the nice
things that sisters do
and here it is Sunday,
and I'm here.
- Oh, no offense.
- Oh, none taken, Jules.
And if you ever want
to get FroYo, I'm game.
Thank you.
Okay, anyone else want to share?
Yeah, Ed.
The United States is an empire
and all empires,
ultimately, fall.
Thank you, Ed.
Who else, Rachel,
we haven't seen you in a bit?
Anything on your mind?
Yeah, actually.
I've been thinking about
when I got mono in college.
I mean,
I know it's not uncommon.
A lot of people get it
at that age,
but I had it pretty bad.
I was in bed for almost a month
and my spleen
was really swollen.
I know it sounds stupid,
but it was huge.
The swelling just would
not go down
and I remember,
after about two weeks of it,
I honestly couldn't recall
what it had been like
to not feel sick.
To just feel healthy.
Of course, two weeks later,
I was fine
and I probably soon forgot
what it had been like
to feel so sick,
but with this...
...I can't seem to get
to that point.
For two years now,
I've been waiting
for the swelling to go down,
I've been waiting
to feel healthy again...
...and I almost can't remember
what that's like anymore.
Thank you, Rachel.
I think we all kind
of understand how that feels.
Okay, why don't we hear from one
more person before we break?
How about you?
This is your first
time here, right?
What's your name?
Eric.
Welcome, Eric.
Is there anything that
you'd care to share with us?
Um, nope.
Why don't you
just start with telling us
who it is that
you're grieving for?
My girlfriend.
And did you lose her recently?
A little over two months ago.
And if I may ask,
how did you lose her?
Suddenly.
Well, is there anything
that you would care
to share with us about
how you're feeling or?
Look, um, I don't mean
to sound...
but this whole process,
I think I'm at
a different stage or...
Well, the Kubler Ross Model
of five stages of grieving
is really only supposed
to act as a loose framework
of the grieving process,
accounting for everything
from the grief of losing
a loved one
to the grief of somebody
who's dying himself.
Is there a difference?
Um...
No, thanks.
Smart move.
It's actually my first
pack in three years.
Really?
Why'd you start up again?
I don't know.
I guess it is pretty...
Lame?
I was going to say
dramatic, but sure, that works.
- Well, I wouldn't recommend it.
- You don't say?
No, no, it's not that,
I've just...
I've found that in
trying to deal with this,
the more bad habits
you can avoid,
the better you'll feel.
Has that worked for you?
I'm still waiting
for it to kick in.
I don't know, I guess
I just needed
something to focus my energy on.
And of all the things
you could've chosen,
you picked cigarettes?
Well, it was this
or learning guitar
and nobody wants that.
No, just this and running.
Smoking and running?
Isn't that a little...
Self defeating?
No, it's very self defeating.
Um, Eric.
Um, Rachel.
Well, bye.
See ya.
Ah!
- Hey.
- Yo, where you been?
Just out.
Have you been smoking?
No.
Hey, do you know
a good dermatologist?
For what, your emphysema?
Yeah, I need a skin
doctor for my emphysema, idiot.
For what, your hemorrhoids?
Oh, calm down, you baby.
Jesus, yeah I know a guy.
Why, what's wrong with you,
besides the obvious?
I've been getting these
weird little moles.
Oh!
Not down, uh, you know?
No, my stomach, but thanks.
...when members of the local
police force opened fire.
It has been described
as an isolated incident.
Though, recent events would
seem to indicate otherwise.
Located in the once hotly
contested border region,
the province had,
in recent months, been viewed...
Have you heard
from Steve lately?
Making this mutinous
attack by local police force
that much more troubling.
Hi, Eric.
It's Melissa again.
Look, I know this is hard,
but we're really trying
to get the rest of this stuff
sorted out
and it would be
a really big help
if you could come
pick up your things, soon.
I mean if you don't want them,
I can get rid of them, but...
Thanks.
Hi.
Hi, how are you?
Good, good.
Do you live around here?
No.
I'm out on Long Island.
My dad works in the area.
We had dinner.
Nice.
Yeah.
- You?
- Yeah, yeah.
I live right down
the street actually.
Oh, wow.
So, getting a little caffeine
to go with your nicotine?
Yup, I've heard the coffee,
smoke breath combo is a killer.
Yeah, no, I actually
took your advice.
You mean you quit?
If you can even call it that.
- Here you are, sir.
- Thank you.
I've actually taken up
binge eating instead.
You know what, could we get
the tray of biscotti
and a dozen or so
bear claws, please?
She doesn't like my jokes.
You know, I haven't been,
but I hear it's great though.
Yeah, the staff's a little rude,
but the food's good.
Thank you.
Did they redo this place?
You know, it's been the same
since I've been up here.
How long is that?
Almost a year.
Do you like the neighborhood?
I do, you know,
it's cleaner, quieter,
outrageously expensive.
I don't know, I do miss
living downtown though.
Why did you leave?
Well, my old roommate
got married.
Loser.
And, um, my girlfriend Gretchen,
she lived about
five blocks up, so, yeah.
So, you live in one of those
Brownstones right off the park?
- Wow, that's pretty...
- Pretentious?
I was going to say
impressive, but...
Yeah, well, I'm a big shot
investment banker.
- Really?
- No, I'm not that lame.
My husband was a banker.
Of course he was, Jesus.
No, it's okay,
I didn't get it either.
Well, I did do a semester
of business school
so I'm at least partly lame.
Oh, at least.
- Why only a semester?
- I don't know.
It was fine, but,
you know after...
I just decided to take a break
for a semester or forever,
we'll see.
So, what are you doing
in the meantime?
Just loitering in coffee shops?
Pretty much, yeah.
No, I work for a commercial
real estate firm.
But what do you do,
how do you spend your time?
Um, I'm a teacher.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah, second grade.
That sounds about right.
Hey!
No, seriously.
In a good way.
So, what brings you
from Long Island
to a church all the way
on the upper Westside?
Um, well my husband
and I lived on 73rd.
And the group meets up here, so.
And how long have you been
going to Lazarus Lives?
I went pretty regularly
for about a year or so,
but I actually hadn't been
in months until that meeting.
Was it helpful?
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's kind of like Tylenol
or muscle rub.
It doesn't really cure anything,
it just sort of...
Masks the pain.
I was going to say,
"Relieves the pain," but...
I didn't see you there
this Sunday.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't think
I really belong there.
Well, nobody belongs there,
but if you've lost someone...
- Where on Long Island are you?
- Sag Harbor.
Wow, house in Sag Harbor,
that's pretty pretentious...
I mean, impressive,
how did you swing that?
Pennies from heaven.
I never would've expected it.
I mean, all the bureaucracy
and what not,
but they covered his full
funeral expenses.
They paid for the limo.
Um, so, anyway...
...they did some arranging
with my father's
vacation days off and my mother
is gonna receive
his full benefits
even though my dad was two full
years away from his pension.
Well, that was quite
an entrance.
I know, this damn
daylight savings thing.
I still haven't adapted
to the time change.
Wasn't that like a month ago?
Never you mind.
Actually, I think it's because
I still haven't
had my fix today.
Still coffee or have you
moved onto the harder stuff?
Still coffee for now.
I think I might grab
some before my blood pressure
gives out and I faint.
Well, um, enjoy.
Try not to knock anything
over on your way there.
No promises.
He's out.
- Are you kidding?
- Yep, another one.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Yo, buddy.
What's the score?
Life 1, me 0.
It's the only recurring
dream I've ever had,
but no matter how many
times I have it,
I never realize I'm dreaming.
At least not until I wake up.
But what really
sticks with me is that
the whole time,
we don't say a word.
We don't speak because
we don't have to.
And that connection,
that unspoken is gone.
It's something I'll
never feel again.
At least not while I'm awake.
Thanks, Eric.
- Anyone else?
- That was very nice, hun.
Yeah, Ed?
"We must guard against
the unwarranted influence,
whether sought or unsought,
by the military
industrial complex."
Dwight D. Eisenhower.
Thanks, Ed.
Okay.
So, Ed?
His son was killed overseas.
It was a while ago, I think.
You okay?
Yeah.
I just didn't know that.
My brother's over there.
Really, how long
has he been there?
Well, he did two tours already
and then he was home
for about a year,
thought he was done,
but then in December,
he went back.
That must be hard.
Yeah, not only because
he's over there,
but because, you know,
he's not here
and he's the one person
I really wish was right now.
I feel that way about
my mom sometimes.
She died a long time ago, don't,
and it wasn't unexpected.
It's strange how
different they are.
I mean, the long, drawn out kind
is its own type of animal,
but when it's sudden...
Well, I mean, you know.
Which one's worse?
Um, I'm sorry.
Hello, I just wanted to let you
know that I've hired
a private detective
to look at your whereabouts.
Had to take a second job,
but hey, you're worth it.
Be on the lookout for
a guy driving a Ferrari,
wears a Hawaiian shirt,
has a killer mustache.
Seriously, Rach,
please call me back.
There's something I
want to talk to you about.
Eric, it's Melissa.
This is getting a
little crazy here.
It would be really good
if you would call me back
one of these days.
Sooner rather than later.
I'm moving, Eric.
I'll be gone at
the end of May, so.
We're running out of time here.
Please call me.
Soon.
Well, the good news is
it's nothing to worry about.
- That's good.
- Yes, but these aren't moles.
They're called mollusca,
now, pull down your pants.
Um.
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you have a lot
of little ones
running down the inside
of your thighs.
Looks like a couple
on the penis.
I do?
They're small, so
they're harder to spot.
Well, what did you say
they're called?
Molluscum contagiosum.
It's a virus that's transmitted
by sexual contact
that produces these painless
little papules all over.
I'm sorry.
Is this an STD?
Well, technically,
in your case, yes.
The vast majority of adults
contract it from
skin to skin contact
during intercourse
and judging from the location
of the papules,
it's pretty clear
that's where you acquired it,
but not to worry.
Unlike herpes or HPV,
once the initial symptoms
clear up, they don't come back.
Now, uh,
are you sexually active now?
No.
When was the last time you were?
About two months ago.
Or more like three, I guess.
Well, these guys sometimes
take a little while to show up
and when they do,
people tend to ignore them
since they don't hurt.
Now, I'm going to give
you a cream to apply
directly to the penis at home
and then, we'll freeze off
the ones in the surrounding
areas every two weeks or so.
How long did you say
the incubation period is?
Between two and twelve
weeks from exposure.
That's it?
All right.
Now, just lie back.
Hey, where you been?
Sorry, I totally lost track
of time.
I tried calling you.
I know, bad reception.
Thank you.
Who is that?
Nobody.
Just somebody from work.
I'd been dreading
that day for six months.
I just never thought I
would be able to make it
through Samantha's birthday,
but George insisted
that we celebrate it,
so that's what we did.
Is it weird for you coming back
to this neighborhood?
Sometimes, but not in a bad way.
I do try to steer clear
of 73rd street though
and keep somewhat of a safe
distance from our old place.
When did you know
you wanted to marry him?
Sometime during my senior year.
- Oh, God.
- What?
Nothing, it's just all
I was focused on senior year
of college was fast food
and keg stands.
- Well, so was I.
- Mhm.
Hey, I wasn't born
a second grade teacher.
Oh, okay, well, what about you?
Haven't you ever thought you
would marry someone you dated?
I mean, didn't you think
you might marry Gretchen?
She's the first person I'd ever
even thought about it with.
Before that, I don't know.
I just never really saw it
happening with anyone
but with her,
it just seemed to make sense.
I'd actually started
saving up for a rock.
- Really?
- Yeah, well, not a rock.
More like a pebble,
student loans kind of put
a damper on the diamond fund.
Why did you drop
out of business school?
Technically,
I haven't dropped out.
Thank you very much,
I've simply deferred
my matriculated studies.
Okay, well, why did you do that?
I don't know, I've been working
in non profit for a few years
and it was pretty great,
but it's not exactly lucrative.
I just thought getting
an MBA would show initiative
and show that
I was serious about her.
Then, after, you know...
I don't know, I guess
I just didn't know
why I was there anymore.
What?
Sorry, I don't know, I just...
It just seems like you
did a lot for her.
I don't know.
Never really felt like enough.
- Hey, easy with the flipping.
- What?
You're only supposed
to flip them once
otherwise, they get dried out.
Sorry, I didn't realize
I had the charbroiling queen
of Sag Harbor right
here in my backyard.
Well, now you know.
Hey, did you ever worry
about Bobby, you know...
What?
Never mind.
Being unfaithful?
How'd you go from
grilling techniques to that?
What, you don't see the segue?
I'm not saying that he was.
I'm just curious if... you know.
I don't know, never mind.
I never worried about it really.
It crossed my mind
once or twice.
At our first homecoming,
after college,
we were saying hi
to all these people
we hadn't seen since graduation
and there was this girl.
She had been a couple years
behind Bobby and me
and she lived across the hall
from him our senior year
and she and her friends
were always hanging
around his place
and I don't know, I just...
I always thought she had
a thing for him, you know?
Anyway,
when we saw her that day,
she gave Bobby a hug
and she gave me this look.
I don't know,
it's just this look
like she had
something on me, you know?
That was the only time really.
Did you ask him about it?
About a look?
Yeah, I just...
it was just probably
all in my head.
Why'd you ask me that?
What's up, dudes?
Hey handsome.
Tony, this is Rachel.
Rachel, this is my son, Tony.
I adopted him last month.
Hey, how are you?
Hi.
I thought you were
playing ball tonight?
There's some event
going on at the gym
so we got pushed back an hour.
Fuckin' kids.
Ugh, the worst.
What about you guys?
Little Sunday night
burger action?
More like hockey pucks
if this guy has his way.
Um, is there a bathroom
I can use?
Yes, upstairs
and through the kitchen.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Remember what I said.
Yeah, yeah.
She's cute.
So are you.
Reporters at a press conference
this morning that the body
of a prominent businessman
found late last night
in a parking lot
might be related to the robbery.
Thank you, Eddie.
Up next,
a helicopter is shot down
in what is now being reported
as the worst day
of U.S. casualties in 10 years.
Thirty Americans,
including twenty-two Navy SEALs
and an interpreter,
died early Saturday
when their Chinook helicopter
was shot down.
Dan Lichtenburg reports directly
from the Pentagon.
Melissa?
Hey, it's Eric.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm sorry
I haven't gotten back
to you sooner.
Yeah, well I can come by
later today.
Will you be around?
Yeah, I'm around this weekend
but I'd honestly
rather do it today
if that's okay with you.
Sure, that's totally fine.
Yeah, I still have my key.
Okay.
Thank you.
Can you believe it, dude?
She actually put
all my stuff in garbage bags.
Those aren't garbage bags.
They're recycling bags.
Ah!
Friday!
Yeah?
You have any plans this weekend?
Maybe.
Ow.
Hi.
Is Eric here?
Uh, no.
I'm not sure where he is.
Oh, okay, no big deal,
I just, um...
Do you want to come in and wait?
I'm not sure
how long he'll be but...
No, no, it's okay.
Just tell him that I'll see him
at the church tomorrow night.
- Church?
- Yeah, yeah.
The Lazarus Lives thing.
Oh, right.
Okay.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
Well, looks like
the cream worked.
By "worked" you mean
"burned like battery acid,"
then yeah.
Actually, that is what I meant.
Now I know the nitrogen
can sting too,
so it's probably best
to think about
something else
while I'm spraying.
I do.
That's good.
What do you think about?
I think about my girlfriend
having an orgasm
with somebody else.
And that makes the pain better?
Oh, hey.
I know skin is your thing
but I got this pain
along the top of my right foot.
It kinda came out of nowhere.
Well, as you say,
skin is my thing.
I know, just any idea
off the top of your head
what it could be?
Well, it could be anything,
it could be a break,
a tear, a sprain, anything.
Excuse me, Dr. Rice,
your daughter's here.
- Really?
- She's in room two.
Oh, thank you... oh, Lydia.
Mr. Battie
needs to see somebody
over in podiatry.
Could you call over and see
when they could squeeze him in?
Absolutely.
See you in a couple of weeks.
Can't wait.
Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Dad.
Well, look at you.
What's the occasion?
All right.
Thank you.
All right, she said that you
can head over there now
and they can squeeze you in.
Lydia, you do good work.
Don't worry,
I'm sure it's not a big deal.
Okay, this is the kid
they just brought up today.
I don't know anything
about this kid.
I scouted this kid,
he's on my minor league team
and they just brought him up.
I activated him today.
What do you mean
I'm not a scout?
I have a minor league team, I...
You work in the
financial district.
You don't even know
where the financial district is.
Sure I do.
Buzz?
Buzz Aldrin, is that you?
What an honor, sir.
Did you just get
back from the moon?
What in the world is that thing?
Called a foot cast, dummy.
For who, Paul Bunyan?
I'm just kidding man,
you can hardly notice it.
Well, why are you wearing it?
Because apparently,
I have a stress fracture.
A stress fracture?
What the hell is that?
Is it from all your stress?
Give me those shoulders.
What are you doing
to yourself, buddy?
Doctor says, it's brought on by
an excessive amount of exercise.
Apparently,
if I don't wear this,
I might wind up needing surgery.
Jesus.
How long do you
have to wear it for?
Three to six weeks.
Sounds like your body's
telling you to ease up, man.
Maybe give yourself a break.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Can we get a high-chair
for my friend here?
His bones haven't
formed yet actually.
Very brittle.
So, I'm out of options.
I've been waiting
to hear back from you
but no luck and now
I have to leave this
on your machine
like I'm, I don't know,
Publishers Clearing House
or something.
Rach, Josh and I
are getting married.
He asked me a couple weeks ago.
I wanted to tell you
on the phone,
if not in person, but I just...
You're getting married?
Ha!
She lives.
I just...
Oh, my God!
Congratulations!
...experience bereavement
in any number of ways.
The most important thing
to remember
is that it is not your place...
So, how was the moon?
Sorry, has everyone
been doing that to you lately?
No, you're the first one.
I can't even be annoyed
because I started the trend.
I got married first
and they all came to my wedding
and then,
I skipped all of theirs.
Why?
They weren't just my friends
and to them,
it's like everything
from before Bobby died,
never happened,
like the person I was
doesn't even exist anymore.
Does she?
That can't be the only thing
that defines who I am.
It can't be.
But, Carrie,
she is such a good friend.
So, tell her how you feel.
How do you tell someone
that you've been good friends
with for 10 years
who has never done a bad thing
to you in her life
that you've avoided hanging out
with her because you're afraid
it will make you feel weird.
Well, I could tell her for you.
I mean,
if you give me her number,
I will straighten
that girl out right quick.
When's the wedding anyway?
October.
Oh, do you have to go?
Well, she asked me
to be her maid of honor.
Well, maybe you
could compromise?
Maybe you could DJ or valet,
can you drive a stick?
You're a huge help
you know that?
Okay, okay.
I mean, October
is like five months away.
It's plenty of time
to mentally prepare yourself.
Actually, I kind of
offered to have them
and a few other people
over to my place
next week to celebrate
their engagement.
Well, that was nice of you.
Yeah, well, you know,
it seems selfish
to have a place on the water
and never let
your friends take advantage.
Plus this way,
if you lose your shit
and you burn the place down,
at least you're insured.
Yeah.
It's actually next Sunday.
So, I won't be at the meeting.
Well, Jules will be crushed,
but I'll break it to her gently.
Do you need any... any help?
Any backup?
I think I'm okay.
Well, okay.
Cool.
Hey, man, where you...
Where you coming from?
Just out.
With your friend Rachel?
Yeah.
Yeah, I meant to tell you
she stopped by yesterday.
- Okay.
- Yeah but she said
she'd just see you tonight
at the meeting.
Eric.
Eric, look.
What are you going
through my stuff now?
I'm worried about you.
Look, I'm not judging you
for going to this thing.
- Maybe it was helpful for you.
- Tony.
But this girl, Eric,
this whole thing,
you gotta to be careful here.
Don't be like Gretchen, man.
You know,
everyone always thought
she was hot shit.
Pretty and funny
and whatever else
but what I mostly saw
was a girl who did
whatever she wanted
whenever she wanted
regardless of how it
ever made you feel.
Whatever made her happy
was what always came first
and you know what,
somewhere along the line
you started believing
that was okay.
You bought
right the fuck in, man.
You put aside everything
that was important to you
and you started trying
to fit into this mold
of what you thought
she wanted you to be
and she let you do that.
So, what am I supposed to think?
And now this whole thing
with this girl.
Eric...
Was it her husband?
Oh, man.
You don't understand.
Hey, John Glenn!
Shouldn't you be in orbit?
What's his problem?
Hi, it's Rachel, did I wake you?
Okay, good.
Yeah, yeah,
everything's all set up.
I just um...
Well, I was thinking
about your offer for backup
and well, um,
do you have any plans today?
- Hi.
- Hi.
Wait, you said your train
was 1:45 right?
12:45 but...
Oh, my God, shit, I'm so sorry!
No, it's okay, it's...
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Good thing
it comes in black, huh?
I'm wildly overdressed,
aren't I?
Come in.
They fit.
Yeah, how about that.
Sorry. I just heard
"engagement party"
and I figured...
Oh, it's totally my bad.
I should've told you.
So, what can I do to help?
You're already doing it.
Oh.
- Hi!
- Hey!
Are we early?
Oh, no, not at all.
Come in, come in.
Lord girl, look at this place!
It's unbelievable.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Don't mind me,
I'm just dropping off
my dry cleaning.
Eric, this is Carrie and Josh.
Carrie and Josh, this is Eric.
- Hello.
- How's it going?
Good, good, nice to meet you
and congratulations by the way.
Oh, thank you so much.
Is there some place
I should put these
or maybe just chuck them
in the trash you think?
Oh, yeah,
I think that would be best.
No, you can just put it
in that room
you got changed in.
Okay.
So it was AmeriCorps?
Yeah, well, I did a year
with Habitat as part
of AmeriCorp
and then I signed on full time
for another
three years after that.
- Oh, wow, so, oh.
- Wow, girl!
This is a real pool service
resort you're running here.
Yeah, just charge these
to the room, please?
- Oh, you got it.
- Okay, so,
you're not there anymore though?
No, helping low income families
just seems so shallow, you know?
Yeah, totally.
So I went
to business school instead
because the world needs
sell outs right?
I don't think it's selling out.
I mean, it's not like
business and non profit
are mutually exclusive.
Yeah, totally.
Like, my cousin went to Stern,
and now she works for this NGO
where she helps
small business owners
in developing countries.
Wow.
She sounds like a real bitch.
Wow.
It was a joke.
Hi.
Excuse me.
Okay, so we are stuck
in this airport in Houston
on like a two hour layover
and Rachel is running
into the bathroom
like every 30 seconds.
Hey, I'm standing right here.
Because this one
thought it was okay
to drink the water in Cancun
but not bathe in it.
Okay, I see,
Carrie wants to have story time.
Okay, okay.
I digress, my lips are sealed.
Keep coming back for more
It was hilarious,
when we get back to New York
and Dr. Rice picked us up
at the airport,
he looks like he wants
to have Rachel quarantined.
- Dr. Rice?
- Yeah, Rachel's dad.
He's the sweetest.
He treated me for psoriasis
a few years ago.
It was really gross.
Thank God for doctor/patient
confidentiality, right?
This was supposed
to be your thing, man!
Was this not supposed
to be your thing?
No kidding, you just got beat
by a couple of old ladies.
Oh, my Lord.
Jimmy, it's
a long train ride home,
you better think about what
you've done.
Chin chin.
Speaking of which,
it's time for us to go.
- Boo!
- Oh, I know, I'm lame.
Would you let me help
you clean up before we go?
Oh, no, no, no, I got it,
you just catch your train.
- No.
- Oh, come on.
This is a lot of shit here.
Are you sure?
Is there another train
after this one, or?
I think the last was 8:43.
All right, well, you guys go
and I'll help clean up
and catch the next train
after this.
- Yeah.
- That's good for me.
All right, cool.
Well, it was so,
so nice meeting you.
It was nice to meet you too
and congratulations again, guys.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
All right.
Get, get.
Go.
- Will you please stop?
- Okay, okay.
So I'm here
with smoking guns
Please forgive me
for what I've done
I apologize,
I know that was wrong
From the bottom of my heart
Though I never meant
to leave those scars
I apologize,
I know this is hard
Yes, I apologize,
I know this is done
Seriously, don't worry about it.
I'll take care of it tomorrow.
Hey, just because
I only have one foot
doesn't mean
I can't lend a hand.
Ugh!
Oh!
Ooh.
How long have I been doing this?
I'm going to go with the
better part of our adult lives.
You know what.
Here, let me try,
gimme me this thing.
I have a lot of experience
getting stains out of carpets.
Pudding, urine, tears, you know?
Okay, we are definitely
going to need
something stronger.
Yeah.
Um, what do you got back there?
What do you think?
I dunno, should we burn it?
I don't know.
- I think maybe...
- Um-hmm.
Oh, man.
Rach, I, uh...
I don't know how to...
I'm sorry, I uh...
Morning.
Don't you have school?
Spring break.
I should head in,
I'm already late.
You need a ride to the station?
I can call a cab.
Okay.
There's a number on the fridge.
Well, thanks.
I'll see you Sunday.
I apologize,
I know this is hard
Yes, I apologize,
I know this is hard
Come in.
Hey, sweetie.
Aren't we meeting at noon?
Yeah, I thought
I'd beat the traffic.
Smart girl.
Just give me a minute.
You okay?
Mm-hm.
You sure?
Mm-hm.
Rachel.
It won't go away.
I know, I know.
It's okay.
Two years, God!
I know.
And now, there's...
there's this guy.
He's a part of that group
I go to sometimes.
Right?
We've become friends
and I just...
I don't know, does it...
Does it ever go away?
I don't know, Rachel,
but it'll be different.
I promise you.
How, I mean, every time
I feel like I might be getting
a little bit better I just go
right back to where I was.
Rachel, sweetie.
That's not true.
Do you remember
the first six months?
Yeah.
Thank you.
So, I guess spring has
finally arrived,
for real this time.
Yeah, and in a month,
dry summer.
You been shopping classifieds?
Yeah, the personals,
"Lonely, creepy bachelor
seeks same."
Oh.
Actually, I'm thinking
about finding a new place.
Neighborhood's a bit
of a ghost town for me.
Have any plans for the summer?
You know, not really.
I don't know.
I make a lot of...
Every summer I make a lot
of big plans, you know?
Whether or not they happen.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Look, Eric, um...
About that night I, um...
I wanna...
I just want to make sure
that you know that I am...
Rach, hold on!
Rach!
Rachel, listen, listen!
I know how this looks, okay?
Rachel, I know you think
I lied to you.
I know you think I made
this whole thing up
but I didn't, Rach.
Okay, I didn't!
Everything else
I told you was true.
No, it wasn't.
Four months ago, she disappeared
without any warning whatsoever.
She moved 3,000 miles away
and I was never
going to see her again, ever!
And yet, here she is.
Rach, until today,
she might as well
have been dead.
Eric, Eric!
If she was dead, you would never
have to explain it, ever!
And you asked
what you wanted
And the rest, it begins
With attacking tone
For crying,
I don't understand
When you find it's over
Seeing the light up ahead
Is the darkness over
Starting to break and forget
Cause I know one way out
They seemed to have isolated
themselves to the inner thigh.
Everything else
looks pretty good.
How much longer do you think?
Till they go away.
You still think
about something else
each time I spray?
Yup.
Still the same thing?
Really depends.
Okay, you're good for today.
Let's see.
It's pretty good, huh?
I thought the cold sore one
had a better ending
but that is a pretty solid
page turner.
What are you doing here?
Dr. Rice is my dermatologist.
Dr. Rice is my father.
Small world.
Hey sweetie.
Hi.
Here they are.
Thank you, thank you.
Um.
So, I guess
you already know Eric Battie?
Yes, indeed I do.
Eric and I, uh...
We both used to go
to that group together.
Ah, oh.
Oh.
Well, I have someone waiting.
- Okay.
- Have fun, sweetie.
Thanks.
Any plans?
Another wedding.
Have you been going to the...
Yeah, me neither, obviously.
Well, I mean, don't worry.
No one knows about it.
I didn't belong there
to begin with.
Besides, I'm actually
moving back downtown.
When?
Today.
Yeah, I think it's more my speed
and plus it's closer to school.
Oh, so you decided to go back?
Yeah, figured I'd give it
another shot.
Well, um, good luck with that.
Thanks.
Enjoy the wedding.
Did you talk to her?
What did she have to say?
Doesn't matter.
Anyway, she took off again, so.
- She did?
- Yeah, she was just in town
picking up the rest
of her stuff.
She's back in Oregon for good.
Did you say anything to her?
Yeah, I told her to find
a good dermatologist.
Well, I'm gonna go.
It was good seeing you again.
It's from my brother.
Oh.
How's he doing?
Surviving.
Rachel... I'm so sorry.
I never meant to...
I just...
I couldn't shake it.
I couldn't shake the feeling
that someone had died.
I was certain of it
but I was wrong about who.
Eric, no part of you has died.
- Eric.
- I can't imagine
what you went through.
I just can't imagine.
How did you survive?
Thank you.
- Oh, man.
- We're going downtown?
Yes.
Yes, please.
on the first day of spring.
It has not arrived at all
in the way
I've always expected it to.
There is no blinding
white light.
Or some demon dressed in black.
It has come like an assassin
in an unruly ambush
and I am totally unprepared.
Death has finally come for me
and left me to grieve
the loss of someone very dear.
I'm just not sure who.
It is awesome.
They have $4 margaritas
till six and then,
if you show them
your teacher ID,
you get free nachos.
Sounds tempting, but I actually
have a prior commitment.
Mrs. Osborne,
Timmy keeps trying to...
One second, Gabby,
it is very rude
to interrupt people
when they're talking.
- But, Mrs. Osborne.
- It's Ms. Osborne remember?
You only use Mrs.
if someone's married.
Oh, like Mrs. Austin?
Hey Eric, it's Melissa.
Long time, I, um...
I hope you're doing well.
Look, I'm calling because
I've been clearing out
Gretchen's old room here
and I came across
some things that I think
might be yours.
So, I thought I'd see
if you wanted
to come by and pick them up.
I'm actually
going to be home tonight
if you want to
swing by after work.
Just buzz up
and I can let you in and...
Morning, sunshine.
Hey.
You working today?
Just about to
jump in the shower.
- Wait, did you go running?
- Yeah.
Even in this weather,
what is it 13 degrees outside?
I don't know, I'll check
the farmer's almanac
and get back to you.
Hey, we're grabbing drinks
for Gary's birthday tonight.
- You down?
- Maybe, I'll see.
It's just going to be a few of
us, very low key, I promise.
I'll see, I'll see.
You know,
it is the first day of spring
in case you need
an excuse to have some fun.
Rachel Austin,
as I live and breathe.
Tried you on your cell,
but no answer, again!
Are you out of minutes, girl?
Should I only be calling
you on nights and weekends?
Anyway, it's Carrie
if you haven't
already figured that out,
so if you're not too tired
and you can manage to drag
your old bones into the city,
we're all going to grab dinner
at some tapas place tonight.
Call me if you're interested
or text me or send an eCard.
They're free, bitch, no excuses.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
Our celebrant this evening
is Father Denary
and this mass is being offered
by Rachel Austin
in memory of her husband Robert,
on the second
anniversary of his death.
Please rise as we sing
our opening hymn.
Hello?
Hello?
Eric?
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Hello?
Excuse me?
Is this seat taken?
Oh, no, sorry.
Oh!
That's amazing.
Just amazing.
I'm sorry... I didn't mean to.
No, please, laugh.
Laugh all you like,
I deserve it.
Guess alcohol and
commuters don't mix.
I guess not.
Sometimes I kind of see where
Colin Ferguson was coming from.
You know what I mean?
- Who?
- Colin Ferguson.
The guy who shot up a whole
Long Island railroad car
in the '90s.
Oh.
Too far, too dark?
Just a little bit, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, fortunately,
I came prepared.
Peace offering, please?
There's nothing sadder
than a guy in a suit,
drinking by himself
on a commuter train.
Yeah, nothing that
comes to mind, actually.
Help me out, please,
I'm begging you.
- I'm good, thanks.
- All right.
James.
Rachel.
Cheers.
Will you just shut up
for five seconds?
Okay, just please, I got through
War and Peace faster than this.
No, you never read
that book, dum-dum.
Long story long, I never put
the address on the envelope,
but it bounces back
to my office.
So the guys in the mailroom,
they have no choice
but to look inside there
because they don't know
who actually sent it and inside,
they find a check from me
for $500 to a man
named Nick Zani and lest
we forget, the note I wrote.
Which reads, "Can't wait to put
it in you in Vegas,
you little whore."
You're the dumbest person
I've ever met in my life.
Yes, I am, not very smart.
So, there you go,
Happy Birthday.
Thank you so much.
Your unbelievable stupidity
is the gift that
keeps on giving.
And with that,
I'm gonna take a leak.
You following me
to the bathroom?
Yeah, I was hoping
you could tell me another
great story while I tinkle.
Some fun times, right?
Look man,
I'm so sorry...
Eric, stop it,
you don't need to apologize.
- I know...
- Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!
I'm sorry,
did I ruin the moment?
You have a knack.
Oh, God, we should get
some shots, right?
What am I your dad, order them.
Ah, miss.
Can we order some drinks?
For Eric Battie, absolutely.
Oh, my God!
What are you doing here?
I work here.
No kidding, wow!
Yeah, for a few months now.
That's great, how are you?
I'm good, how are you?
Good, yeah.
Andy told me about Gretchen.
I'm so sorry to hear.
Yeah, thanks.
How are you holding up,
you know, really?
Hey, Battie?
Hate to break up the reunion,
but can we order?
All right, gentlemen,
what can I get you guys?
All right, get these nancies
two more light beers.
I'll have a Goose soda
and whatever this idiot wants.
Jack and coke.
Oh!
And six shots of Jger.
Jger!
I had to.
I'm sorry.
What do you mean you have to?
Darlin', can we order some food
whenever you get a sec?
Absolutely, what would you like?
What's good,
we're riding a nice,
little buzz and we're really
in the mood for some good,
old fashioned bar food,
so, why don't you just...
Why don't you
stop being an asshole
and tell her what you want,
douche bag?
Okay, um, tell you what.
I'm going to let you guys
just mull this over
and figure out what you're
in the mood for and, um,
I'll get you guys another round.
Thank you.
- Dude, what's your problem?
- Shut up!
Mitch, you've been acting like
an asshole since you got here.
- I'm the asshole?
- Everybody just calm down.
Try and have a smidge
of respect, okay?
- That's a friend of mine.
- Yeah, I know.
I saw you practically
crying in her arms.
Shut the fuck up, Mitch!
Easy, man!
Jesus.
Eric, what is with you, man?
Okay, I'm gonna go
to the bathroom.
I hope the waitress doesn't
spit in our drinks now.
Yeah, I'm gonna make
Eric check mine
and see if it tastes
like wee-wee.
Geez, he's still messed up, huh?
It's been a couple months, man.
I mean, give the
brother a break.
So what, you're just gonna bail?
I shouldn't have come, man.
I'm not... I'm not right.
Eric, come on,
let's go sit down.
No, man.
Eric, come on,
let's go sit down.
It's always worse at night.
On Sundays, Ellen and I
used to go get FroYo
and then we went to see
a picture at the Ziegfeld.
Even if we had seen it before,
we would go again.
Last year, we saw
Titanic six times.
Yeah, it's one of the nice
things that sisters do
and here it is Sunday,
and I'm here.
- Oh, no offense.
- Oh, none taken, Jules.
And if you ever want
to get FroYo, I'm game.
Thank you.
Okay, anyone else want to share?
Yeah, Ed.
The United States is an empire
and all empires,
ultimately, fall.
Thank you, Ed.
Who else, Rachel,
we haven't seen you in a bit?
Anything on your mind?
Yeah, actually.
I've been thinking about
when I got mono in college.
I mean,
I know it's not uncommon.
A lot of people get it
at that age,
but I had it pretty bad.
I was in bed for almost a month
and my spleen
was really swollen.
I know it sounds stupid,
but it was huge.
The swelling just would
not go down
and I remember,
after about two weeks of it,
I honestly couldn't recall
what it had been like
to not feel sick.
To just feel healthy.
Of course, two weeks later,
I was fine
and I probably soon forgot
what it had been like
to feel so sick,
but with this...
...I can't seem to get
to that point.
For two years now,
I've been waiting
for the swelling to go down,
I've been waiting
to feel healthy again...
...and I almost can't remember
what that's like anymore.
Thank you, Rachel.
I think we all kind
of understand how that feels.
Okay, why don't we hear from one
more person before we break?
How about you?
This is your first
time here, right?
What's your name?
Eric.
Welcome, Eric.
Is there anything that
you'd care to share with us?
Um, nope.
Why don't you
just start with telling us
who it is that
you're grieving for?
My girlfriend.
And did you lose her recently?
A little over two months ago.
And if I may ask,
how did you lose her?
Suddenly.
Well, is there anything
that you would care
to share with us about
how you're feeling or?
Look, um, I don't mean
to sound...
but this whole process,
I think I'm at
a different stage or...
Well, the Kubler Ross Model
of five stages of grieving
is really only supposed
to act as a loose framework
of the grieving process,
accounting for everything
from the grief of losing
a loved one
to the grief of somebody
who's dying himself.
Is there a difference?
Um...
No, thanks.
Smart move.
It's actually my first
pack in three years.
Really?
Why'd you start up again?
I don't know.
I guess it is pretty...
Lame?
I was going to say
dramatic, but sure, that works.
- Well, I wouldn't recommend it.
- You don't say?
No, no, it's not that,
I've just...
I've found that in
trying to deal with this,
the more bad habits
you can avoid,
the better you'll feel.
Has that worked for you?
I'm still waiting
for it to kick in.
I don't know, I guess
I just needed
something to focus my energy on.
And of all the things
you could've chosen,
you picked cigarettes?
Well, it was this
or learning guitar
and nobody wants that.
No, just this and running.
Smoking and running?
Isn't that a little...
Self defeating?
No, it's very self defeating.
Um, Eric.
Um, Rachel.
Well, bye.
See ya.
Ah!
- Hey.
- Yo, where you been?
Just out.
Have you been smoking?
No.
Hey, do you know
a good dermatologist?
For what, your emphysema?
Yeah, I need a skin
doctor for my emphysema, idiot.
For what, your hemorrhoids?
Oh, calm down, you baby.
Jesus, yeah I know a guy.
Why, what's wrong with you,
besides the obvious?
I've been getting these
weird little moles.
Oh!
Not down, uh, you know?
No, my stomach, but thanks.
...when members of the local
police force opened fire.
It has been described
as an isolated incident.
Though, recent events would
seem to indicate otherwise.
Located in the once hotly
contested border region,
the province had,
in recent months, been viewed...
Have you heard
from Steve lately?
Making this mutinous
attack by local police force
that much more troubling.
Hi, Eric.
It's Melissa again.
Look, I know this is hard,
but we're really trying
to get the rest of this stuff
sorted out
and it would be
a really big help
if you could come
pick up your things, soon.
I mean if you don't want them,
I can get rid of them, but...
Thanks.
Hi.
Hi, how are you?
Good, good.
Do you live around here?
No.
I'm out on Long Island.
My dad works in the area.
We had dinner.
Nice.
Yeah.
- You?
- Yeah, yeah.
I live right down
the street actually.
Oh, wow.
So, getting a little caffeine
to go with your nicotine?
Yup, I've heard the coffee,
smoke breath combo is a killer.
Yeah, no, I actually
took your advice.
You mean you quit?
If you can even call it that.
- Here you are, sir.
- Thank you.
I've actually taken up
binge eating instead.
You know what, could we get
the tray of biscotti
and a dozen or so
bear claws, please?
She doesn't like my jokes.
You know, I haven't been,
but I hear it's great though.
Yeah, the staff's a little rude,
but the food's good.
Thank you.
Did they redo this place?
You know, it's been the same
since I've been up here.
How long is that?
Almost a year.
Do you like the neighborhood?
I do, you know,
it's cleaner, quieter,
outrageously expensive.
I don't know, I do miss
living downtown though.
Why did you leave?
Well, my old roommate
got married.
Loser.
And, um, my girlfriend Gretchen,
she lived about
five blocks up, so, yeah.
So, you live in one of those
Brownstones right off the park?
- Wow, that's pretty...
- Pretentious?
I was going to say
impressive, but...
Yeah, well, I'm a big shot
investment banker.
- Really?
- No, I'm not that lame.
My husband was a banker.
Of course he was, Jesus.
No, it's okay,
I didn't get it either.
Well, I did do a semester
of business school
so I'm at least partly lame.
Oh, at least.
- Why only a semester?
- I don't know.
It was fine, but,
you know after...
I just decided to take a break
for a semester or forever,
we'll see.
So, what are you doing
in the meantime?
Just loitering in coffee shops?
Pretty much, yeah.
No, I work for a commercial
real estate firm.
But what do you do,
how do you spend your time?
Um, I'm a teacher.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah, second grade.
That sounds about right.
Hey!
No, seriously.
In a good way.
So, what brings you
from Long Island
to a church all the way
on the upper Westside?
Um, well my husband
and I lived on 73rd.
And the group meets up here, so.
And how long have you been
going to Lazarus Lives?
I went pretty regularly
for about a year or so,
but I actually hadn't been
in months until that meeting.
Was it helpful?
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's kind of like Tylenol
or muscle rub.
It doesn't really cure anything,
it just sort of...
Masks the pain.
I was going to say,
"Relieves the pain," but...
I didn't see you there
this Sunday.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't think
I really belong there.
Well, nobody belongs there,
but if you've lost someone...
- Where on Long Island are you?
- Sag Harbor.
Wow, house in Sag Harbor,
that's pretty pretentious...
I mean, impressive,
how did you swing that?
Pennies from heaven.
I never would've expected it.
I mean, all the bureaucracy
and what not,
but they covered his full
funeral expenses.
They paid for the limo.
Um, so, anyway...
...they did some arranging
with my father's
vacation days off and my mother
is gonna receive
his full benefits
even though my dad was two full
years away from his pension.
Well, that was quite
an entrance.
I know, this damn
daylight savings thing.
I still haven't adapted
to the time change.
Wasn't that like a month ago?
Never you mind.
Actually, I think it's because
I still haven't
had my fix today.
Still coffee or have you
moved onto the harder stuff?
Still coffee for now.
I think I might grab
some before my blood pressure
gives out and I faint.
Well, um, enjoy.
Try not to knock anything
over on your way there.
No promises.
He's out.
- Are you kidding?
- Yep, another one.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Yo, buddy.
What's the score?
Life 1, me 0.
It's the only recurring
dream I've ever had,
but no matter how many
times I have it,
I never realize I'm dreaming.
At least not until I wake up.
But what really
sticks with me is that
the whole time,
we don't say a word.
We don't speak because
we don't have to.
And that connection,
that unspoken is gone.
It's something I'll
never feel again.
At least not while I'm awake.
Thanks, Eric.
- Anyone else?
- That was very nice, hun.
Yeah, Ed?
"We must guard against
the unwarranted influence,
whether sought or unsought,
by the military
industrial complex."
Dwight D. Eisenhower.
Thanks, Ed.
Okay.
So, Ed?
His son was killed overseas.
It was a while ago, I think.
You okay?
Yeah.
I just didn't know that.
My brother's over there.
Really, how long
has he been there?
Well, he did two tours already
and then he was home
for about a year,
thought he was done,
but then in December,
he went back.
That must be hard.
Yeah, not only because
he's over there,
but because, you know,
he's not here
and he's the one person
I really wish was right now.
I feel that way about
my mom sometimes.
She died a long time ago, don't,
and it wasn't unexpected.
It's strange how
different they are.
I mean, the long, drawn out kind
is its own type of animal,
but when it's sudden...
Well, I mean, you know.
Which one's worse?
Um, I'm sorry.
Hello, I just wanted to let you
know that I've hired
a private detective
to look at your whereabouts.
Had to take a second job,
but hey, you're worth it.
Be on the lookout for
a guy driving a Ferrari,
wears a Hawaiian shirt,
has a killer mustache.
Seriously, Rach,
please call me back.
There's something I
want to talk to you about.
Eric, it's Melissa.
This is getting a
little crazy here.
It would be really good
if you would call me back
one of these days.
Sooner rather than later.
I'm moving, Eric.
I'll be gone at
the end of May, so.
We're running out of time here.
Please call me.
Soon.
Well, the good news is
it's nothing to worry about.
- That's good.
- Yes, but these aren't moles.
They're called mollusca,
now, pull down your pants.
Um.
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you have a lot
of little ones
running down the inside
of your thighs.
Looks like a couple
on the penis.
I do?
They're small, so
they're harder to spot.
Well, what did you say
they're called?
Molluscum contagiosum.
It's a virus that's transmitted
by sexual contact
that produces these painless
little papules all over.
I'm sorry.
Is this an STD?
Well, technically,
in your case, yes.
The vast majority of adults
contract it from
skin to skin contact
during intercourse
and judging from the location
of the papules,
it's pretty clear
that's where you acquired it,
but not to worry.
Unlike herpes or HPV,
once the initial symptoms
clear up, they don't come back.
Now, uh,
are you sexually active now?
No.
When was the last time you were?
About two months ago.
Or more like three, I guess.
Well, these guys sometimes
take a little while to show up
and when they do,
people tend to ignore them
since they don't hurt.
Now, I'm going to give
you a cream to apply
directly to the penis at home
and then, we'll freeze off
the ones in the surrounding
areas every two weeks or so.
How long did you say
the incubation period is?
Between two and twelve
weeks from exposure.
That's it?
All right.
Now, just lie back.
Hey, where you been?
Sorry, I totally lost track
of time.
I tried calling you.
I know, bad reception.
Thank you.
Who is that?
Nobody.
Just somebody from work.
I'd been dreading
that day for six months.
I just never thought I
would be able to make it
through Samantha's birthday,
but George insisted
that we celebrate it,
so that's what we did.
Is it weird for you coming back
to this neighborhood?
Sometimes, but not in a bad way.
I do try to steer clear
of 73rd street though
and keep somewhat of a safe
distance from our old place.
When did you know
you wanted to marry him?
Sometime during my senior year.
- Oh, God.
- What?
Nothing, it's just all
I was focused on senior year
of college was fast food
and keg stands.
- Well, so was I.
- Mhm.
Hey, I wasn't born
a second grade teacher.
Oh, okay, well, what about you?
Haven't you ever thought you
would marry someone you dated?
I mean, didn't you think
you might marry Gretchen?
She's the first person I'd ever
even thought about it with.
Before that, I don't know.
I just never really saw it
happening with anyone
but with her,
it just seemed to make sense.
I'd actually started
saving up for a rock.
- Really?
- Yeah, well, not a rock.
More like a pebble,
student loans kind of put
a damper on the diamond fund.
Why did you drop
out of business school?
Technically,
I haven't dropped out.
Thank you very much,
I've simply deferred
my matriculated studies.
Okay, well, why did you do that?
I don't know, I've been working
in non profit for a few years
and it was pretty great,
but it's not exactly lucrative.
I just thought getting
an MBA would show initiative
and show that
I was serious about her.
Then, after, you know...
I don't know, I guess
I just didn't know
why I was there anymore.
What?
Sorry, I don't know, I just...
It just seems like you
did a lot for her.
I don't know.
Never really felt like enough.
- Hey, easy with the flipping.
- What?
You're only supposed
to flip them once
otherwise, they get dried out.
Sorry, I didn't realize
I had the charbroiling queen
of Sag Harbor right
here in my backyard.
Well, now you know.
Hey, did you ever worry
about Bobby, you know...
What?
Never mind.
Being unfaithful?
How'd you go from
grilling techniques to that?
What, you don't see the segue?
I'm not saying that he was.
I'm just curious if... you know.
I don't know, never mind.
I never worried about it really.
It crossed my mind
once or twice.
At our first homecoming,
after college,
we were saying hi
to all these people
we hadn't seen since graduation
and there was this girl.
She had been a couple years
behind Bobby and me
and she lived across the hall
from him our senior year
and she and her friends
were always hanging
around his place
and I don't know, I just...
I always thought she had
a thing for him, you know?
Anyway,
when we saw her that day,
she gave Bobby a hug
and she gave me this look.
I don't know,
it's just this look
like she had
something on me, you know?
That was the only time really.
Did you ask him about it?
About a look?
Yeah, I just...
it was just probably
all in my head.
Why'd you ask me that?
What's up, dudes?
Hey handsome.
Tony, this is Rachel.
Rachel, this is my son, Tony.
I adopted him last month.
Hey, how are you?
Hi.
I thought you were
playing ball tonight?
There's some event
going on at the gym
so we got pushed back an hour.
Fuckin' kids.
Ugh, the worst.
What about you guys?
Little Sunday night
burger action?
More like hockey pucks
if this guy has his way.
Um, is there a bathroom
I can use?
Yes, upstairs
and through the kitchen.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Remember what I said.
Yeah, yeah.
She's cute.
So are you.
Reporters at a press conference
this morning that the body
of a prominent businessman
found late last night
in a parking lot
might be related to the robbery.
Thank you, Eddie.
Up next,
a helicopter is shot down
in what is now being reported
as the worst day
of U.S. casualties in 10 years.
Thirty Americans,
including twenty-two Navy SEALs
and an interpreter,
died early Saturday
when their Chinook helicopter
was shot down.
Dan Lichtenburg reports directly
from the Pentagon.
Melissa?
Hey, it's Eric.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm sorry
I haven't gotten back
to you sooner.
Yeah, well I can come by
later today.
Will you be around?
Yeah, I'm around this weekend
but I'd honestly
rather do it today
if that's okay with you.
Sure, that's totally fine.
Yeah, I still have my key.
Okay.
Thank you.
Can you believe it, dude?
She actually put
all my stuff in garbage bags.
Those aren't garbage bags.
They're recycling bags.
Ah!
Friday!
Yeah?
You have any plans this weekend?
Maybe.
Ow.
Hi.
Is Eric here?
Uh, no.
I'm not sure where he is.
Oh, okay, no big deal,
I just, um...
Do you want to come in and wait?
I'm not sure
how long he'll be but...
No, no, it's okay.
Just tell him that I'll see him
at the church tomorrow night.
- Church?
- Yeah, yeah.
The Lazarus Lives thing.
Oh, right.
Okay.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
Well, looks like
the cream worked.
By "worked" you mean
"burned like battery acid,"
then yeah.
Actually, that is what I meant.
Now I know the nitrogen
can sting too,
so it's probably best
to think about
something else
while I'm spraying.
I do.
That's good.
What do you think about?
I think about my girlfriend
having an orgasm
with somebody else.
And that makes the pain better?
Oh, hey.
I know skin is your thing
but I got this pain
along the top of my right foot.
It kinda came out of nowhere.
Well, as you say,
skin is my thing.
I know, just any idea
off the top of your head
what it could be?
Well, it could be anything,
it could be a break,
a tear, a sprain, anything.
Excuse me, Dr. Rice,
your daughter's here.
- Really?
- She's in room two.
Oh, thank you... oh, Lydia.
Mr. Battie
needs to see somebody
over in podiatry.
Could you call over and see
when they could squeeze him in?
Absolutely.
See you in a couple of weeks.
Can't wait.
Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Dad.
Well, look at you.
What's the occasion?
All right.
Thank you.
All right, she said that you
can head over there now
and they can squeeze you in.
Lydia, you do good work.
Don't worry,
I'm sure it's not a big deal.
Okay, this is the kid
they just brought up today.
I don't know anything
about this kid.
I scouted this kid,
he's on my minor league team
and they just brought him up.
I activated him today.
What do you mean
I'm not a scout?
I have a minor league team, I...
You work in the
financial district.
You don't even know
where the financial district is.
Sure I do.
Buzz?
Buzz Aldrin, is that you?
What an honor, sir.
Did you just get
back from the moon?
What in the world is that thing?
Called a foot cast, dummy.
For who, Paul Bunyan?
I'm just kidding man,
you can hardly notice it.
Well, why are you wearing it?
Because apparently,
I have a stress fracture.
A stress fracture?
What the hell is that?
Is it from all your stress?
Give me those shoulders.
What are you doing
to yourself, buddy?
Doctor says, it's brought on by
an excessive amount of exercise.
Apparently,
if I don't wear this,
I might wind up needing surgery.
Jesus.
How long do you
have to wear it for?
Three to six weeks.
Sounds like your body's
telling you to ease up, man.
Maybe give yourself a break.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Can we get a high-chair
for my friend here?
His bones haven't
formed yet actually.
Very brittle.
So, I'm out of options.
I've been waiting
to hear back from you
but no luck and now
I have to leave this
on your machine
like I'm, I don't know,
Publishers Clearing House
or something.
Rach, Josh and I
are getting married.
He asked me a couple weeks ago.
I wanted to tell you
on the phone,
if not in person, but I just...
You're getting married?
Ha!
She lives.
I just...
Oh, my God!
Congratulations!
...experience bereavement
in any number of ways.
The most important thing
to remember
is that it is not your place...
So, how was the moon?
Sorry, has everyone
been doing that to you lately?
No, you're the first one.
I can't even be annoyed
because I started the trend.
I got married first
and they all came to my wedding
and then,
I skipped all of theirs.
Why?
They weren't just my friends
and to them,
it's like everything
from before Bobby died,
never happened,
like the person I was
doesn't even exist anymore.
Does she?
That can't be the only thing
that defines who I am.
It can't be.
But, Carrie,
she is such a good friend.
So, tell her how you feel.
How do you tell someone
that you've been good friends
with for 10 years
who has never done a bad thing
to you in her life
that you've avoided hanging out
with her because you're afraid
it will make you feel weird.
Well, I could tell her for you.
I mean,
if you give me her number,
I will straighten
that girl out right quick.
When's the wedding anyway?
October.
Oh, do you have to go?
Well, she asked me
to be her maid of honor.
Well, maybe you
could compromise?
Maybe you could DJ or valet,
can you drive a stick?
You're a huge help
you know that?
Okay, okay.
I mean, October
is like five months away.
It's plenty of time
to mentally prepare yourself.
Actually, I kind of
offered to have them
and a few other people
over to my place
next week to celebrate
their engagement.
Well, that was nice of you.
Yeah, well, you know,
it seems selfish
to have a place on the water
and never let
your friends take advantage.
Plus this way,
if you lose your shit
and you burn the place down,
at least you're insured.
Yeah.
It's actually next Sunday.
So, I won't be at the meeting.
Well, Jules will be crushed,
but I'll break it to her gently.
Do you need any... any help?
Any backup?
I think I'm okay.
Well, okay.
Cool.
Hey, man, where you...
Where you coming from?
Just out.
With your friend Rachel?
Yeah.
Yeah, I meant to tell you
she stopped by yesterday.
- Okay.
- Yeah but she said
she'd just see you tonight
at the meeting.
Eric.
Eric, look.
What are you going
through my stuff now?
I'm worried about you.
Look, I'm not judging you
for going to this thing.
- Maybe it was helpful for you.
- Tony.
But this girl, Eric,
this whole thing,
you gotta to be careful here.
Don't be like Gretchen, man.
You know,
everyone always thought
she was hot shit.
Pretty and funny
and whatever else
but what I mostly saw
was a girl who did
whatever she wanted
whenever she wanted
regardless of how it
ever made you feel.
Whatever made her happy
was what always came first
and you know what,
somewhere along the line
you started believing
that was okay.
You bought
right the fuck in, man.
You put aside everything
that was important to you
and you started trying
to fit into this mold
of what you thought
she wanted you to be
and she let you do that.
So, what am I supposed to think?
And now this whole thing
with this girl.
Eric...
Was it her husband?
Oh, man.
You don't understand.
Hey, John Glenn!
Shouldn't you be in orbit?
What's his problem?
Hi, it's Rachel, did I wake you?
Okay, good.
Yeah, yeah,
everything's all set up.
I just um...
Well, I was thinking
about your offer for backup
and well, um,
do you have any plans today?
- Hi.
- Hi.
Wait, you said your train
was 1:45 right?
12:45 but...
Oh, my God, shit, I'm so sorry!
No, it's okay, it's...
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Good thing
it comes in black, huh?
I'm wildly overdressed,
aren't I?
Come in.
They fit.
Yeah, how about that.
Sorry. I just heard
"engagement party"
and I figured...
Oh, it's totally my bad.
I should've told you.
So, what can I do to help?
You're already doing it.
Oh.
- Hi!
- Hey!
Are we early?
Oh, no, not at all.
Come in, come in.
Lord girl, look at this place!
It's unbelievable.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Don't mind me,
I'm just dropping off
my dry cleaning.
Eric, this is Carrie and Josh.
Carrie and Josh, this is Eric.
- Hello.
- How's it going?
Good, good, nice to meet you
and congratulations by the way.
Oh, thank you so much.
Is there some place
I should put these
or maybe just chuck them
in the trash you think?
Oh, yeah,
I think that would be best.
No, you can just put it
in that room
you got changed in.
Okay.
So it was AmeriCorps?
Yeah, well, I did a year
with Habitat as part
of AmeriCorp
and then I signed on full time
for another
three years after that.
- Oh, wow, so, oh.
- Wow, girl!
This is a real pool service
resort you're running here.
Yeah, just charge these
to the room, please?
- Oh, you got it.
- Okay, so,
you're not there anymore though?
No, helping low income families
just seems so shallow, you know?
Yeah, totally.
So I went
to business school instead
because the world needs
sell outs right?
I don't think it's selling out.
I mean, it's not like
business and non profit
are mutually exclusive.
Yeah, totally.
Like, my cousin went to Stern,
and now she works for this NGO
where she helps
small business owners
in developing countries.
Wow.
She sounds like a real bitch.
Wow.
It was a joke.
Hi.
Excuse me.
Okay, so we are stuck
in this airport in Houston
on like a two hour layover
and Rachel is running
into the bathroom
like every 30 seconds.
Hey, I'm standing right here.
Because this one
thought it was okay
to drink the water in Cancun
but not bathe in it.
Okay, I see,
Carrie wants to have story time.
Okay, okay.
I digress, my lips are sealed.
Keep coming back for more
It was hilarious,
when we get back to New York
and Dr. Rice picked us up
at the airport,
he looks like he wants
to have Rachel quarantined.
- Dr. Rice?
- Yeah, Rachel's dad.
He's the sweetest.
He treated me for psoriasis
a few years ago.
It was really gross.
Thank God for doctor/patient
confidentiality, right?
This was supposed
to be your thing, man!
Was this not supposed
to be your thing?
No kidding, you just got beat
by a couple of old ladies.
Oh, my Lord.
Jimmy, it's
a long train ride home,
you better think about what
you've done.
Chin chin.
Speaking of which,
it's time for us to go.
- Boo!
- Oh, I know, I'm lame.
Would you let me help
you clean up before we go?
Oh, no, no, no, I got it,
you just catch your train.
- No.
- Oh, come on.
This is a lot of shit here.
Are you sure?
Is there another train
after this one, or?
I think the last was 8:43.
All right, well, you guys go
and I'll help clean up
and catch the next train
after this.
- Yeah.
- That's good for me.
All right, cool.
Well, it was so,
so nice meeting you.
It was nice to meet you too
and congratulations again, guys.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
All right.
Get, get.
Go.
- Will you please stop?
- Okay, okay.
So I'm here
with smoking guns
Please forgive me
for what I've done
I apologize,
I know that was wrong
From the bottom of my heart
Though I never meant
to leave those scars
I apologize,
I know this is hard
Yes, I apologize,
I know this is done
Seriously, don't worry about it.
I'll take care of it tomorrow.
Hey, just because
I only have one foot
doesn't mean
I can't lend a hand.
Ugh!
Oh!
Ooh.
How long have I been doing this?
I'm going to go with the
better part of our adult lives.
You know what.
Here, let me try,
gimme me this thing.
I have a lot of experience
getting stains out of carpets.
Pudding, urine, tears, you know?
Okay, we are definitely
going to need
something stronger.
Yeah.
Um, what do you got back there?
What do you think?
I dunno, should we burn it?
I don't know.
- I think maybe...
- Um-hmm.
Oh, man.
Rach, I, uh...
I don't know how to...
I'm sorry, I uh...
Morning.
Don't you have school?
Spring break.
I should head in,
I'm already late.
You need a ride to the station?
I can call a cab.
Okay.
There's a number on the fridge.
Well, thanks.
I'll see you Sunday.
I apologize,
I know this is hard
Yes, I apologize,
I know this is hard
Come in.
Hey, sweetie.
Aren't we meeting at noon?
Yeah, I thought
I'd beat the traffic.
Smart girl.
Just give me a minute.
You okay?
Mm-hm.
You sure?
Mm-hm.
Rachel.
It won't go away.
I know, I know.
It's okay.
Two years, God!
I know.
And now, there's...
there's this guy.
He's a part of that group
I go to sometimes.
Right?
We've become friends
and I just...
I don't know, does it...
Does it ever go away?
I don't know, Rachel,
but it'll be different.
I promise you.
How, I mean, every time
I feel like I might be getting
a little bit better I just go
right back to where I was.
Rachel, sweetie.
That's not true.
Do you remember
the first six months?
Yeah.
Thank you.
So, I guess spring has
finally arrived,
for real this time.
Yeah, and in a month,
dry summer.
You been shopping classifieds?
Yeah, the personals,
"Lonely, creepy bachelor
seeks same."
Oh.
Actually, I'm thinking
about finding a new place.
Neighborhood's a bit
of a ghost town for me.
Have any plans for the summer?
You know, not really.
I don't know.
I make a lot of...
Every summer I make a lot
of big plans, you know?
Whether or not they happen.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Look, Eric, um...
About that night I, um...
I wanna...
I just want to make sure
that you know that I am...
Rach, hold on!
Rach!
Rachel, listen, listen!
I know how this looks, okay?
Rachel, I know you think
I lied to you.
I know you think I made
this whole thing up
but I didn't, Rach.
Okay, I didn't!
Everything else
I told you was true.
No, it wasn't.
Four months ago, she disappeared
without any warning whatsoever.
She moved 3,000 miles away
and I was never
going to see her again, ever!
And yet, here she is.
Rach, until today,
she might as well
have been dead.
Eric, Eric!
If she was dead, you would never
have to explain it, ever!
And you asked
what you wanted
And the rest, it begins
With attacking tone
For crying,
I don't understand
When you find it's over
Seeing the light up ahead
Is the darkness over
Starting to break and forget
Cause I know one way out
They seemed to have isolated
themselves to the inner thigh.
Everything else
looks pretty good.
How much longer do you think?
Till they go away.
You still think
about something else
each time I spray?
Yup.
Still the same thing?
Really depends.
Okay, you're good for today.
Let's see.
It's pretty good, huh?
I thought the cold sore one
had a better ending
but that is a pretty solid
page turner.
What are you doing here?
Dr. Rice is my dermatologist.
Dr. Rice is my father.
Small world.
Hey sweetie.
Hi.
Here they are.
Thank you, thank you.
Um.
So, I guess
you already know Eric Battie?
Yes, indeed I do.
Eric and I, uh...
We both used to go
to that group together.
Ah, oh.
Oh.
Well, I have someone waiting.
- Okay.
- Have fun, sweetie.
Thanks.
Any plans?
Another wedding.
Have you been going to the...
Yeah, me neither, obviously.
Well, I mean, don't worry.
No one knows about it.
I didn't belong there
to begin with.
Besides, I'm actually
moving back downtown.
When?
Today.
Yeah, I think it's more my speed
and plus it's closer to school.
Oh, so you decided to go back?
Yeah, figured I'd give it
another shot.
Well, um, good luck with that.
Thanks.
Enjoy the wedding.
Did you talk to her?
What did she have to say?
Doesn't matter.
Anyway, she took off again, so.
- She did?
- Yeah, she was just in town
picking up the rest
of her stuff.
She's back in Oregon for good.
Did you say anything to her?
Yeah, I told her to find
a good dermatologist.
Well, I'm gonna go.
It was good seeing you again.
It's from my brother.
Oh.
How's he doing?
Surviving.
Rachel... I'm so sorry.
I never meant to...
I just...
I couldn't shake it.
I couldn't shake the feeling
that someone had died.
I was certain of it
but I was wrong about who.
Eric, no part of you has died.
- Eric.
- I can't imagine
what you went through.
I just can't imagine.
How did you survive?
Thank you.
- Oh, man.
- We're going downtown?
Yes.
Yes, please.