Jalla! Jalla! (2000) Movie Script

There's shit everywhere.
Roro... Roro!
- What?
- Can you pick up the shit here?
- That's your patch.
- I've had ten piles, you've had none.
Yesterday I had at least twenty,
you didn't help me then.
- I guess I had my own.
- Shut up and get on with it.
He can't hear you, he's deaf.
- All right?
- Yeah, fine.
- What?
- I feel so great when I'm near you.
You're surrounded by positive energy.
I get all funny when I'm close to you.
Seriously! When I stand over here,
I'm completely cold - no feelings.
Next to you, it's almost too much.
Here, touch my arm...
Can you feel the goose bumps?
Do it properly.
Put your hands here...
- Feel it?
- Yes, I do.
- You're crazy.
- No, I'm in love.
Too bad, 'cause I'm not
in love with you any more.
- Get up, I've got a customer.
- No, I'm dead.
A tin of snuff.
We haven't met, but I live upstairs.
I'm having some people over tonight
and as I was making coffee,
I ran out.
- Could I borrow some?
- Yeah, sure.
- I'll return it tomorrow.
- Don't worry.
- Here you are. Is that enough?
- That's fine.
- Do you need anything else?
- No, I just...
- Want to come in for a fuck?
- What, now?
Sure, that'd be really great.
Come on, then.
Hang on.
- Wait, wait...
- It's on the side, not inside.
What do you mean, "on the side"?
Grab hold of...
Try to... Watch your nails, damn it!
- You've got to relax.
- I am relaxed, it's not that.
- Come up a bit.
- I'll try to fold it in...
- It's still on the side.
- Forget it, it's no use.
- I don't get it.
- It's because you're too tense.
- It's no use.
- I'm sure it'll sort itself out.
It's not going to "sort itself out".
I'm sure it's temporary.
It's been like this for weeks.
- I don't get it, it's paralysed.
- Mans...
- Why don't we have another go?
- No.
I can be the neighbour this time.
I don't get this neighbour game.
And you said "fuck"
straight away.
No, first I went to get the coffee
and then I said it.
Yeah, but it went too fast to...
Forget it.
Faster! Do it now!
- It's right there.
- I missed it!
- Stupid TV. Come here.
- Crap game!
No, leave it.
I've got to check who it is.
It's my dad...
- Where are you?
- I'm on my way home.
I'm at a friend's, I'll be right there.
Hurry up!
- Is that a girl?
- Yes, more!
- Hello?
- It's Mans.
- You're lying, that was a girl.
- No, it's Mans.
- Just come home!
- I'm on my way.
- I have to go.
- You're leaving, just like that?
You're not a child, Roro.
You're a grown man.
How long have we been together?
You daren't even tell them about me.
- Isn't it time you cut the cord?
- You know what they're like.
I suppose you're ashamed of me.
Absolutely not.
No, not until I've met your parents.
You can't.
Why not? You've met my parents.
- They're not...
- I know, it's different.
I want to meet your parents,
that's all.
- Okay, you'll see them. Soon.
- When is soon?
- Not tomorrow, but soon.
- Tomorrow?
When can I meet your parents?
- Do they have a dick?
- Ducks? No, there's just two holes.
- Two holes. So how do they do it?
- What, how do they screw?
They put one hole against the other
and vibrate.
I saw it on a nature programme.
- There's got to be some kind of stick.
- It's not a car.
- So they don't have a dick?
- Nope.
- Sounds good, actually.
- Good?
- Caroline! Come in and eat!
- I don't want to.
- Come in right now!
- No!
Hi, guys!
Come in and eat, Roro!
Why's your grandma always here?
Does she live with you?
She's afraid of being alone,
she thinks she'll...
- Throw the rubbish away.
- Why throw it on my head?
It just happened.
Throw it away.
Howdy, Nisse.
All right?
I taught him something...
Nisse, say baddi nikak.
Baddi nikak...
It means "fuck you".
Nisse, say kol chara.
- And that means "fuck your family"?
- No, "eat shit".
- He's really cool.
- Very cool... You and your Arab bird!
- I can tell you're related.
- It's a Lebanese bird, not Arab.
You have to say "warning"
before hitting.
Warning - yourself!
- Hello, Mans.
- Hello, Grandma.
- Well?
- I'm well.
- And how are you?
- Well.
- Roro, I've called Yasmin.
- Which Yasmin?
She's a very nice girl
that I've found for you.
- Stop it, I don't want to get married.
- We want you to get married.
- Please, I don't want to.
- You are getting married.
- I don't want to.
- I spoke to her on the telephone.
- She's coming to see you.
- Leave me alone.
Why? You are to marry
and have four children.
- Everybody will be happy.
- I'll marry when I'm fifty.
- Fifty! Then what'll be left of you?
- Just leave me alone.
- Is Baldy here married?
- Ask him.
- Marry? You marry?
- What's she saying?
- You married?
- Oh, yeah, I will marry when...
He'll have to grow his hair first!
Then you can marry!
- What do I do with this?
- You eat it.
Eat it?
- Eat it, take a bite.
- All of it? It's huge.
- Take a small bite at a time.
- But it's raw...
- Like this?
- Just eat it!
Basal achdar, it's called.
It's good.
- What?
- Take Dad his lunch.
- Now?
- Yes, now!
I have to take Dad his lunch.
Can I help you?
- Watch this.
- It's nice plate. Very nice.
It's handpainted. Very nice.
And this - gold.
- How much?
- Fifty kronor. Very cheap.
- That's a bit expensive, I think.
- Expensive?
- Forty-five?
- Twenty.
Twenty! No way I take twenty.
This one twenty,
the one with the birds.
No, I want this.
But fifty's too much.
Forty-five and it's yours.
- Forty.
- Forty? Okay, take it.
- Forty kronor!
- Easy, there's more.
No, no. Not forty, I can't.
- Fifty.
- It's old.
- How about fifty?
- No, I can't.
I can't.
- Sixty kronor.
- Sixty? Okay.
Sixty! What did I tell you?
- Hi, Moms.
- Mans.
- Moms, Mans. Same difference!
- How's your belly, is it growing?
It's fine - I keep my money here.
Want to try?
Want to try again?
Come here!
I have to get back to work.
- Come and work here, with me.
- No.
I talk to Yasmin and her brother.
They want to meet us.
I don't want to meet her.
I've told you, I don't like it.
You have to get married.
- I will, but not to her.
- Why?
- I don't want to.
- Why not?
- I have to go to work. We'll talk later
- You always say, "I don't want to."
- Why?
- I'm going to work.
Nice weather.
Mans, have you got any toothpaste?
Hey, Benson...
It's for him.
- What's up? You look a bit down.
- I'm just....
You've been like this
for a few days. What's up?
It's just...
- Promise you won't say anything?
- Of course.
- Promise?
- Cut it out. What is it?
Not in here.
What are you doing?
- What's up?
- It's crazy, man. I don't know...
Has it ever happened to you...
Like, when you and Lisa are...
You know, if you're drunk
and want to shag someone...
It can be difficult to get it up,
'cause... You know what I mean.
- Can't you get your dick up?
- No.
What, it's just hanging there?
More like...
Imagine you have a long balloon
and you fill it with water.
It gets completely filled up
and it's really...
But it's like it's too heavy,
it just hangs there.
- All limp?
- Yeah.
- Have you had it checked out?
- Shit, not a doctor...
That's like going to the hospital.
- You've got to get it checked up.
- I know, but it feels...
Don't tell anyone.
- Of course not.
- Promise?
- Sure.
- Just be yourself and it'll be fine.
- It's cool, Roro.
- Roro... it's cool.
- I'm cool.
I'll just go and check it out.
I can't just walk in and say, "Hey, this
is my girl." You know...
- Be quick.
- I'll be right back.
Don't disappear.
Hi, Roro. Come and meet Yasmin
and her brother.
- Hi, Roro. It's been a long time.
- Hi.
This is Paul and Yasmin.
- Hi, I'm Paul.
- Yasmin.
I have to go down
and park my bike.
I'll be right back.
- He cycles? Doesn't he have a car?
- Sometimes he cycles.
- I'm going to buy him a car.
- Today, all young people drive.
I'll buy a nice car.
You can't come up right now.
- You can't.
- You promised.
The house is full of relatives.
I didn't know.
- Then I'll meet them, too.
- You can't.
- It's Grandma, and Auntie and...
- You're always making excuses!
Lisa, wait. Lisa!
- Please?
- Lisa, wait!
I'm going to bed.
Do you think you should
see a doctor?
They shove wooden sticks this long
up the urethra, you know.
- If you like, I'll come with you.
- I don't want to go.
- I've got lots of money.
- So do I.
I own a restaurant.
I make a ton of money.
Bring the family. I'll buy you all
dinner, and we can sit and talk.
- Yasmin can sing to us.
- She can sing?
- Sing to us, Yasmin!
- Perhaps she's shy.
- Don't be shy, it's your family soon.
- It's fine. Maybe next time.
- Why are you sitting here?
- Go for a walk.
Roro, take Yasmin some place.
- Here, I'll give you some money.
- No, he's got money.
You seem to be a really nice girl,
but I don't want to get married.
Neither do I ! It's my brother
who's brought me here.
I got a bit confused up there.
Grandma and Dad are constantly
going on about me getting married.
- It's worse for me.
- Why?
My parents live in Lebanon.
They've told my brother
I have to marry before summer's over,
or I have to return to Lebanon.
- Why?
- They don't want me to be unmarried.
What are you going to do?
I don't know.
Why don't we marry?
We could say we'll marry.
- I don't want to, I've got a...
- I don't want to either.
We say we'll marry,
then we change our minds.
I don't get it - neither of us wants to
get married, so why tell them we will?
It'll buy me time to find a solution.
It'd be nice not to have
Grandma and Dad nagging me...
I don't know, though...
- Your brother can't force you.
- Yes, he can.
Nobody will need to know.
Back so soon?
You can walk more!
- We don't need to.
- It's okay.
I think we've decided
that it could work.
- We'll marry.
- Pardon?
- We will get married.
- That's great!
It's my turn. You've hit three balls.
I've only hit two.
Go on, then.
Okay, watch me.
You want this?
Get this one instead,
it's much better.
- It's got a nice flavour, too.
- I'm fine with this.
Get a video to go with it.
They're down to thirty kronor.
- You can have it.
- For free?
If you buy this.
Latex, you know...
If you buy this...
Enjoy it!
- Anything?
- The knickers are too tight.
My hair's caught.
Listen, if you put your hands here...
Put one foot here
so that I can reach better.
- Bend over!
- Take it easy.
- How do you feel?
- It won't work, I feel ridiculous.
We've got to try.
It was your idea!
I know.
Hit me hard, so I can get
the bloody dick up.
That really hurt.
Look, horses!
- What have you done, Roro?
- She broke her neck!
Hello, my darling.
- Where's Mum?
- She's feeding the geese.
- How's it going?
- Fine.
You were prepared for that!
You weren't prepared
for that one!
- All right?
- Yeah, fine.
That felt good.
- Fit for fight?
- Yep.
Then the rake is yours.
We're just picking this up.
- Hi, it's Yasmin.
- Hi.
My brother says
he wants us to look at a flat.
- A flat?
- He's found us a flat.
We've barely met, why should we
start looking at flats?
He wants us to meet.
- He'll get suspicious if we don't meet.
- I'm with Lisa right now.
- What do I tell her?
- Nothing. lt won't take long.
It'll only take half an hour.
- You don't have to say anything.
- Okay. I'll call you.
- I'm coming!
Yasmin, jalla!
We're meeting him soon.
- What's wrong?
- What's the big hurry?
- Hurry? Roro's a good guy, isn't he?
- I don't know him.
You have a lifetime to get to know
each other!
- I don't have a wedding dress.
- You've got Mum's dress.
I don't want Mum's dress.
It's horrible.
You look great
in Mum's wedding dress.
- Shouldn't we wait with the flat?
- It's perfect!
And it's right on top of my restaurant.
You can eat there whenever!
It's a good-sized flat.
The white makes it bright.
No, it's very dark.
Yes, this is it.
It's not big. But my husband and I
have had a lot of fun here.
- I've got the best function room.
- Function room?
And Jamil will bake the cake.
It'll have at least ten storeys!
He wants some pictures,
for the cake models.
Check out the camera.
Got it for 700, it's worth 4,000.
Three, two, one! Stand still, Roro.
What are you doing?
- Let's go out here instead.
- People are looking, and it's raining.
Doesn't matter with this camera,
the lens takes away the rain.
Stand over here. What do you think,
Roro - rear or front?
Does it matter? Is the car
going on the cake?
You're going on the cake.
The car's for the picture.
Give us a big smile. Let me see
some teeth!
- Look at him...
- Walk by my side, I said!
- Everybody's got dogs.
- Guess why he's got one?
- Because he likes it?
- No, because he's got a small dick.
Sick dick...
Look at his balls!
- How much sperm fits in there?
- Now he's shitting.
- What do those buggers eat?
- Shit?
- Isn't he going to pick it up?
- Hey, cool it!
Now sit!
- Aren't you going to pick it up?
- What's that?
- Aren't you picking it up?
- Is it my shit?
- It's your dog's shit.
- That's not my problem. Talk to him.
- It's my problem, I work here.
- Then go and fucking work!
You just watch it, dickhead!
You've got to see a doctor.
I will.
I love you. But I'm horny,
and I want to fuck.
Couldn't we do something else?
- Go and see a movie...
- I don't want to see a movie!
I want to fuck.
It's just that...
It feels so...
It's about this big.
- Come inside with me.
- I don't want to.
I've been in there before. There's this
really annoying guy...
Just ask him for a... pump.
A pump?
- A pump... A cock pump.
- A cock pump?
Excuse me.
One of those... pumps.
- You pump up your thing with it.
- A vacuum pump.
Mans, they've got two.
One is powerful,
the other comfortable.
- Just pick one.
- I'll take the comfortable one.
Maybe the powerful one...
Are you sure? This one comes
with cock rings.
Cock rings? Never mind,
just pick one of them.
Dinner's ready!
What are you doing?
Eh... I'm taking a crap.
Howdy! Name's Simon Pramsten.
I sell this state-of-the-art
vacuum cleaner.
Your neighbour bought one.
If I could come in for a moment,
I can demonstrate the new fan
which supersedes all other models.
The fan system incorporates
this completely new type of filter.
Have a look.
Here you are, Mum.
Feel it.
What is it?
Is it a car or a tape recorder?
It's a vacuum cleaner.
But it's so small.
She says it's small,
maybe not clean good.
It's compact, but that's it's strength.
It's like a small bull.
The National Testing Institute
has carried out research
which shows that our vacuum cleaner
sucks the hardest of all.
If you like, I can demonstrate.
Go ahead.
Hello... Who's he?
A salesman. He's leaving
when he's finished cleaning.
Hello. Simon Pramsten. I sell
vacuum cleaners. I was just...
- Have you been with Yasmin?
- Yes.
- It's time to marry.
- What's the hurry? We just met.
Time's short.
- I hardly know her. Take it easy.
- We can't.
- Can't we wait a bit?
- No.
Give me a break!
Leave him alone now.
I'll talk to him later.
- Shall I continue?
- Yes, please continue.
It's all they talk about, it's too much.
And Paul's the worst of them all.
- Who's Paul?
- Her brother. He's constantly at us.
- Say you don't want to.
- It's not that simple.
I've got the whole family on my back.
It's too much!
- Have you told Lisa yet?
- No.
- Why not?
- I can't tell Lisa about it.
- How's it going with...?
- No change.
If you want to, I know someone...
I've a relative who's into
alternative medicine.
- What alternative medicine?
- Different things.
- He's the Voodoo Man.
- Have I got an evil spirit in my dick?
I know him a bit, he's
not that strange. It could work.
Shall I call him?
I'll call him.
I was thinking - what if you've
become a fag?
- What?
- Maybe you're a fag.
Come off it... !
You could wake up one morning
and be a fag.
And you call yourself my friend!
I'm your friend, it's got nothing to do
with that... It was just a thought.
- Hello, how are you?
- Very well.
- Who is that?
- The friend I told you about.
- That's the long and short of it.
- How long has it been going on?
- How long has it been like this?
- Two or three weeks, maybe four.
- About three or four weeks.
- Strange.
He thinks it's strange.
Has he been to a doctor?
He asks if you've seen a doctor.
- No.
- No, he hasn't.
- Then he's become a fag.
- He says it's strange.
- Can I examine him?
- He's going to examine you.
Whatever! You're the doctor.
I'm just going to have a look at you.
Don't be afraid.
I'm going to make you
some medicine.
You'll be all right.
Do I twist to the left or right?
Left or right?
First two turns to the right,
then two to the left.
You're supposed to juggle
with your balls.
- Do like this on him.
- The stick isn't right.
- Hold the stick straight.
- Shut your eyes and hold this straight.
I've got some ideas about furniture.
Look at this bed!
- Are you buying a bed?
- It's for you, for the flat!
It doesn't have to be one of those,
we can get whatever you like...
- Connect the hi-fi and everything.
- Sounds good.
- And I've booked the priest.
- The priest can wait. We just met.
We may as well get it over with.
I've seen the cake, it's brilliant!
Let's go.
See you.
Take the car, go for a ride.
Careful, though.
I've just waxed it.
You've got to talk to Paul. It's going
too far - the flat and the furniture.
I know, I don't understand how he's
managed it all. I'll try again.
- Talk to him.
- I've tried, but he won't listen.
We're supposed to fake it, but he's got
a priest, a party and everything.
I'll talk to him.
- Talk to him properly.
- I will, I will.
I'm seeing Lisa, so you'd better
take the car keys.
- But I can't go up there alone.
- You can't?
- I can't go up there with the keys.
- Can I give you a lift somewhere?
This is what we'll do
- we'll go and get Lisa...
You can be my cousin.
- My cousin.
- Your cousin.
- But you've got to talk to Paul.
- I will.
- Don't forget - you're my cousin.
- I'm your cousin.
- Dogs aren't allowed in here.
- Piss off!
Get that dog away from here!
He's not dangerous.
Screw you, bitch!
Hey, you! Come over here!
- Who, me?
- Yeah, you.
Be a pal and look after my dog,
the bitch won't let him in.
I'll only be five minutes.
- Do I hold him like this?
- Hold his paws. Good.
Ever had a dog?
I can tell...
That's it!
You'll be all right now, Rambo.
- His name is Rambo?
- Yeah. Cool, eh?
Take good care of him.
Anyone bothers you, say "bark".
They'll shit themselves...
Okay, I'm counting on you now.
- What are you doing?
- Adjusting him.
Adjusting him? Just hold him
and it's cool.
Careful with his paws.
- Five minutes?
- Five.
Shit, look at those balls... !
Rambo! Rambo, stop!
I'll kill the son of a bitch!
He's a friend.
- All right?
- Fine.
- Where've you been?
- Around.
- This is Yasmin.
- Hi, I'm Mans.
We're on our way to get Lisa, maybe
go some place. Want to come?
- What car is that?
- It's my cousin's. Her name's Yasmin.
Mans is there, too.
I thought we'd go some place.
- I didn't know you had a girl cousin.
- She's all right.
This is Lisa.
So you're Roro's cousin?
- Funny we've never met.
- Yes, well you know...
- Do you live in town?
- Yes.
- Is it true you're marrying Roro?
- Who says?
He mentioned it at work,
but I wasn't sure.
They think so. His family
and my family, they all think so.
Why can't you just say
that you don't want to?
- It's not that simple.
- What could happen?
My family would freeze me out,
and I'd be sent back to Lebanon.
- Shit... For real?
- For real.
- Just like that, "bye-bye"?
- Yeah.
That's crazy.
It's almost like on one of those
minority TV shows.
Isn't there someone else
you can marry?
Look at him, he's so skinny.
- He's nothing but a skeleton.
- You're so mean!
- But there must be others.
- There are.
So you're in demand, then?
- Come on now...
- Guys come to the house to propose.
Do they - how many?
One or two, or...
Hey, your sausage!
It's a face.
- That way.
- It's a Latin man...
Looks like Dr AIban.
- What are you doing now?
- Nothing. You?
Who's that?
- Asshole, where the hell is Rambo?
- I'm sorry, I tried to hold him.
- But you didn't!
- There was a poodle...
- Did you hurt him?
- Cut it out. I didn't mean to...
Get the bastards!
- Why are we running?
- It's Rambo!
- Who's Rambo?
- His dog.
- What fucking Rambo?
- This way!
I'll kill you! Fucking bastard!
Who the hell's he?
- Who are you?
- Stop it!
Think you're big 'cause you've got
a big dick!
He does, doesn't he?
How big is it?
How big is it, eh?
Big dick, eh?
- Cunt!
- Bloody idiot!
- What do you want?
- Where's Rambo?
- What do you want?
- He's taken Rambo!
- What Rambo?
- Our dog!
I don't know your Rambo!
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
What are you staring at?
I used to have a dick, too!
You over there, you've had dicks,
haven't you?
You must've had a dick once.
Shall I tell you about my dick?
There was a time when my dick
was a part of me, that I was proud of.
I'd stand and look at it
and talk to it.
- Why do you fight?
- It wasn't me, it was them.
- Don't fight next time.
- I don't know them, they followed us!
You have to get married
and have a family.
You can't go on like this.
All my brothers are grandfathers.
- I want to be a grandfather.
- Dad, please...
I don't like Yasmin. She's very nice,
but I'm not in love with her.
- Why not?
- Because I'm not.
- Weren't you in love with Mum?
- No.
I'm not like you, I want love.
It's all you youngsters talk about
- love, love, love.
I just don't get it.
- What's happened?
- It's nothing.
- Roro, where's Yasmin?
- I don't know.
- Weren't you meeting?
- Yes, but I ran into some trouble.
- Jalla, jalla! We have to look for her!
- Now?
- I can't find her anywhere!
- I'll fuck your sister.
- What did you say?
- It's my bird, he does that.
- Jalla! Hurry up!
- I'll be right down.
Don't fuck with me!
- I'll fuck your mother.
- What's that?
- I've got a cut. Can you see it?
- Yes, it's here.
Your nose is bleeding.
- Is there blood in the other one?
- No.
- Where have you been?
- At a caf, in town.
Now put your head like this.
No, come and lie here.
Watch my neck.
- What's this in your eye?
- Not with your nail.
You've got some black goo there.
It's a fly.
- What's up?
- He was bleeding, so I...
- Go to the car.
- Yasmin, what...
- What are you doing with my sister?
- I don't give a fuck about you.
Stay away from her
or I'll squash you like a fly!
Fucking pussy!
I'm so fucking fed up with this!
What's your problem?
Don't think you're getting away.
You're marrying my sister!
- Listen, Paul...
- There's no listening now!
You just piss on me!
I work my butt off for you.
I get a function room, furniture,
even the bloody cake!
Do I get a "thank you, that's
really nice, Paul"? No, I get zero!
You're marrying my sister.
You're not going to ruin it, asshole!
- Don't call me asshole.
- I'll call you what I want, asshole!
Shut up! I don't want to hear
a word from you!
Who do you think you are?
You can't push me around!
I'm not listening to you! I said I'd
marry your sister as a favour.
You're just going on about
your damn restaurant and shit!
I'm sorry, Yasmin. I've tried,
but he's too much!
You get married, if it's so important,
because I'm not.
Go sit on your fucking cake,
if that'll make you happy!
You think you're so smart, don't you?
I've talked to that whore
of yours, Lisa!
I've told her everything.
She knows you're getting married.
- Don't call her a whore!
- I'll call her what I want!
You're a pile of shit,
and you're getting married!
You just run to your little whore,
but then you're getting married!
Open up, I've got to talk to you.
- The police department.
- I'm calling about a burglary.
- So what happened?
- What?
There's a lot of furniture
underneath your balcony.
- I dropped them by mistake.
- Really... How?
Well, I was rearranging
the furniture,
when I tripped on a ledge
and fell over.
- Out onto the balcony?
- Yeah, right.
With a chest of drawers, a TV
and a fish tank?
Okay, seriously...
It all started with my dick.
Pardon...? Who's Dick?
No, the dick is my penis.
- Dick - penis, my penis.
- Your penis?
You see, about three
or four weeks ago...
I swear, my girlfriend lives there.
I didn't have my keys.
Come on, call her and ask.
Your shoes.
I'm telling you, my girlfriend
lives there.
Your watch.
- Your belt.
- I'm not wearing one.
The chain.
How long do I have to stay here?
Picture it - a policeman
without a dick.
People looked at you and you knew
they were thinking,
"There's the dick-less policeman."
I know I overreacted, but I just
lost control. You know...
I feel sorry for you.
But as you've been booked,
you have to stay overnight.
- But I won't press charges.
- Thanks.
But that's between the two of us.
That's it then... And good luck.
How did you get in here?
I know one of the officers,
he let me in.
No, sit.
- How are you?
- I'm okay.
Funny, I was just thinking about you.
- I know.
- How do you know?
- What were you thinking?
- About us on that park bench.
- I thought it felt really...
- Good?
- I thought so too.
- You did?
You're so hairy! It's all on your hands
and nothing on your head.
- Just look!
- What about you?
You've no hair at all.
Yes, there's one...
Mans, is that you?
Roro, what the hell
are you doing here?
- I'm sleeping. What about you?
- I've got a hard-on!
- What, in here?
- Yeah.
You get a hard-on in a police cell?
You're a pervert!
Shut it, I'm trying to sleep!
Eat shit and put your head
in the toilet bowl!
Shut up in there!
Go to bed!
- Do you hear that, you idiots!
- You shut up, too!
- Congratulations, Mans!
- Thanks!
Bye, now.
- Where have you been?
- I had some problems...
Come inside!
Jalla, jalla! Get dressed,
people are waiting.
They're all waiting for the bride.
You're almost done now.
- It's pretty like this, isn't it?
- It's very nice.
- Who's that?
- Hold on.
What about the dress?
- I'll be right back.
- Where are you going?
- Have you cut your hair?
- It's put up, for tonight.
- It looks great with this thing.
- Do you think?
- I think it looks old-fashioned.
- Are they diamonds?
Let's go over there and talk.
Come on.
- What's up?
- It's nothing...
I don't know how to say it.
You're so beautiful, I mean pretty.
It's like a big ball,
a big ball of love.
It's incredibly hard, and I want to
throw it into you.
My head feels like it'll explode.
It's like I want to stay here,
but I'm also a rocket flying in space
this way and that.
Shit, I don't know what I'm saying.
I'm sorry...
I shoot myself into space
and I want to be in your space,
like some weird rocket
flying around.
I don't know what I'm saying,
I'm totally demented.
All I want to say, is that I'm...
I'm in love with you.
Please, don't get married.
- I can't.
- You can, if you want to.
- Just wait a few days.
- I have to.
Do something
you've never done before.
Be cool, like me!
I can't.
- I can't.
- Please... Yasmin, please.
Yasmin, hold on!
This is Lisa's phone.
Leave a message.
Except you, Roro. Go to hell!
l never want to see you again.
Tell Dad I'll come straight to the
function room. I have to do something.
- What?
- Stop it.
Are you going to Lisa's?
Roro, wait for me! Roro!
- What's up?
- You can't marry Yasmin!
- I won't. Where have you been?
- I've been at Yasmin's.
At Yasmin's? What were you
doing there?
- Get in. I'm going to Lisa's.
- This is crazy!
What's going on? What happened
in that cell?
I think I'm...
I don't know...
- I'm in love with her.
- You're in love with Yasmin!
It's crazy!
- Hi, Roro.
- Hi, UIf. Is Lisa here?
Yes, but she doesn't want to see you.
- She's very upset.
- Exactly. I have to talk to her.
- Okay.
- Thanks, UIf.
It's me, open up!
I don't want to see you, Roro.
Go to hell!
- Don't say that, it's me.
- Go and marry your cousin!
- I hope you have ugly children!
- I don't know what Paul said.
- She's not my cousin, though.
- I know that! Paul made that clear.
- Do you believe Paul more than me?
- I don't give a shit about Paul!
I hate him, and I hate you!
He wants to marry her off,
or he'll send her back home.
I just wanted to be kind to her.
It was all a fake, I wasn't going to
marry her.
I love you, open the door.
- Please!
- No.
Okay, let's go to the wedding
and get married.
Everything's ready, they're all waiting
and I've got this cool suit on.
You've always wanted to meet
my family, right?
lf we go there, you can meet them.
Let's go there and get married!
Want to get married?
Don't I look good?
Want to get married?
I don't even have
a wedding dress, stupid.
This will do.
- Jalla!
- Jalla.
This isn't easy.
I'll be quick.
Thanks for coming,
all of you.
Yasmin and me, we're not in love.
So... we can't get married.
We're not getting married.
Yasmin's in love with the guy
over there, Mans.
For me there's only one person
I could marry.
This beautiful girl next to me, Lisa.
Thanks for coming. You're welcome
to stay, if you want to.
If you want to leave,
then do.
You think you can do as you like?
No way!
You're marrying Yasmin,
and the whore goes!
How come you don't say anything?
You're his father!
- I'd kill him if I were his father!
- What do you want?
You should be ashamed of him!
Roro, come here!
Roro, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
I told you, I'm not in love with Yasmin,
but with her over there.
Go. Do as you like.
Take the keys and go.
Just go. Bye-bye!
- Are you sure?
- Go! I'm sure.
- What about the party?
- Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
Good bye.
Go, now. Bye-bye!
Stop the car!
- Where's our Roro?
- He left.
- Wasn't he marrying Yasmin?
- Didn't want to.
- Why not? He should marry.
- Yes, but he didn't want to.
He didn't?
- How are you, Mum?
- I'm well.
Good, I'm glad to hear it.
Want some nuts?
Translation: Kajsa von Hofsten