Just Buried (2007) Movie Script
You might've taken
the wrong exit.
You really think
I look good?
I told you, you look fine.
I- It's just we haven't
seen him in a very long time,
I want to make
sure I look good.
He's dead, Ollie.
I've only ever
seen deer on TV.
Should pull it
off the road.
I gotta take a leak.
Me? I don't want to
pull it off the...
It might have diseases, Jackie!
Uh, Jackie?
Is he with you?
Um...
Public urination
is illegal.
Do you have any drugs
in the car, sir?
No, no, no.
Uh, it only happens
when I get nervous.
Nosebleeds.
Too much coffee, Officer.
Ah, what brings you
to town, Father?
Funeral.
Rollie Whynacht.
Yeah, he was a good man.
We wouldn't know.
You weren't acquainted?
He was our father.
Well, I'll see you
at the service.
God bless.
Yeah, we'll take
care of that, Sir.
So, do we call her Mom?
Oh, hello!
Hi! I'm Luanne!
Oh god! Your father's told me
so much about you.
Oh my god! Come here,
come here.
Oh, it's OK.
It's OK.
And you, look at you!
Come here.
It's OK now.
It's OK.
Come inside.
Now, I know you haven't
seen Rollie in a long time,
but I figured
you'd want to be here today.
Besides, it saves me
from having to hire a preacher.
Good!
So, what did
Rollie, like, do?
Oh, he owned a funeral home.
Yeah, that's where we're gonna
have the service today.
Mm-hmm!
Rollie bet me
I couldn't draw a high card.
And then I pulled a 9.
And we skipped across the street
and we got married!
It would've been our fifth
wedding anniversary next month.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's OK. It's OK.
I- I think I'm just
gonna go take a drive.
Thank you for having us.
Uh... I'm sorry.
It's OK.
Oliver!
Henry Sanipass,
worked for your Dad.
How'd you know who I am?
Oh, last photo I saw, you
were just a gawky little kid.
Now look at you!
I'm sorry about your Dad.
His heart couldn't take
the cigars no more.
I didn't want it
to be this way.
You and Henry are
probably the only two men
that have ever
really gotten me.
Charlie's just...
And, Dad, he's
never understood me.
Dad doesn't think this
profession is fit for a lady.
It was good enough
for my mother.
I'll take good care
of the home.
Uh, I'm one of Rollie's sons.
That's-that's, uh,
a pretty dress.
It was my mother's.
Your nose is bleeding.
Uh, yeah.
It happens when I get nervous.
I am sure Rollie
would want all of you,
especially those whom
he held closest,
to know that he is now basking
in the glory and light
of Our Lord's everlasting love.
Though my brother Oliver and I
did not know our father well
from the number of faces
gathered in his name here today
we can see
that he was well loved.
Pretty convincing sermon.
Bygones, I guess.
Did you know
my father pretty well?
Yeah, you could say that.
What was he like?
He was generous... funny.
He had pretty good
taste in after-shave.
We have to take him
to the crematorium now.
Oh.
Mr. Whynacht requested that
each of you be here for this.
Well, hi gang.
It's me.
I guess you know that.
Listen...
After my check up this week
the doctor tells me
the next heart attack is going
to do me in for sure,
so I got two choices;
give up smoking
or make out my will.
So, I've been tryin' to figure
out the easiest way
of dividing up all my crap.
And well, you know me,
I always was a gambler.
So folks...
Looky here.
Wait a minute.
Why is your name up there?
Ollie, congrats.
It's all yours.
Sorry, girls.
I'll need you to sign
some papers, Mr. Whynacht.
Congratulations.
Uh, do you have
a handkerchief?
It took Rollie 11 takes
to get it to stop on your name.
Well, hi there, Ollie.
Ollie, I gotta tell you,
I always thought
you were a weird kid.
In fact,
you kind of creeped me out.
But I love you.
I love you anyway.
Now, your mum kept me
up to date on your lives.
That was part of our deal.
So I know that Jackie-
That, you know,
he has something.
He has God or- or whatever.
But you-
You're delivering groceries,
for Christ's sake!
So I had to do
something for you.
I want you to make
the funeral home great again.
And I'm going to be
watchin' you.
I'm going to be watching you.
What, uh, happened here?
I had a run-in with some
German guy in a track suit.
Armin Imholz. He's Swiss.
Well, see you tomorrow, Boss.
Ollie, this is a good thing.
I'm a delivery boy
for a grocery store.
What do I know about
running a fu-
I feel sick again.
I just don't want
to let him down, Jackie.
It'll be fine.
This is your chance to have
something of your own.
I'll help you out. I'll be
your pastor on call.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Hey! Ha ha!
I guess
you'll want me out soon.
It's your house, Luanne.
Well, I guess
we're family, right?
Yeah.
Oh, mornin', Boss!
What should I do?
Well, I'd start
with a staff meeting.
Five minutes in the lobby?
Where's the staff?
Roberta's in at lunch.
She just does half days.
Oh. And, uh,
where's Rollie's secretary?
And caretaker and accountant
and executive VP.
Ain't got much need
for anybody else.
Hasn't been a funeral
through here in a year.
Except for Rollie.
Uh, but Dad was rich?
You know, we coulda' built
a conveyor belt
from the old folks home
across the way.
But after the joint burnt down
in '02
they built a new place over
in Mayfield,
and this redneck Wayne Snarr,
he got all the business.
I got a funeral home in
a town where no one is dying.
You want to get
something to eat?
You guys stay any longer
I'll be bringing you
breakfast menus next.
I'll have another
gin and tonic
and a piece of
that Turtle pie.
And he'll have
another beer.
Why a mortician?
I like it.
No, I could never do it.
Why?
I'm scared to death of death.
I think people who
are afraid of death
are more afraid of life.
How do you do it?
You wash the body with a
germicide-insecticide-olfactant
and swab the insides
of the nose and mouth.
Then you set the facial features
by putting cotton in the nose,
eye-caps below the eyelids,
and the mouth-former
in the mouth.
Then you tie the mouth shut
with wire or sutures.
Then you drain out all the blood
out by puncturing
a major artery or the heart
and inject in embalming fluid.
Then you take this long,
pointed, metal tube
that's attached
to a suction hose
and you puncture
the stomach, bladder,
large intestines and the lungs
and suck out all
the fluids and the gas.
And then you inject cavity fluid
into the torso.
You usually have to pack
the anus and vagina
with cotton or gauze...
to prevent seepage.
And then you close up
all the holes
and you re-wash the body.
Would you like a bite?
No, thank you.
Uh, I'm allergic to peanuts.
Uh, actually,
I meant, how do you do it?
Like, you don't find it gross?
Because I'm a girl?
No, because it's gross.
Death doesn't bother me.
How close are you?
We're leaving now.
OK. Sure thing. Bye.
Sorry about that.
Just a friend of mine having
problems with her boyfriend.
You know, I'm probably
shouldn't be driving right now.
Don't worry about it.
Everybody does it here.
We'll take the back road
into town.
Please, one second.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Please, after you.
Thank you, sir.
Sure.
So, what are you gonna do?
Shut the home down.
What?
Well... you can't do that!
Well, why not?
Oh, shoot!
Did it soak through?
Oh God! Aw!
Aw!
It's Armin Imholz.
God!
Oh my god! He's dead.
We ca- We can't-
I mean- I- It was an accident!
You've been drinking.
It's vehicular manslaughter!
Vehicular manslaughter?
Jeez!
God! Oh god!
This is gonna be OK, Ollie.
It's gonna be OK.
How is this
gonna be OK?
Let's get away
from these tire tracks.
Come on! Get in
the truck! Let's go!
What are we
doing here, Roberta?
Uh, but we should
cover him up!
Get down!
Get down now!
Can you give me
a hand here?
Oh god. Aw!
That's good.
OK, OK. Now what?
What are you planning on
doing with the truck?
I haven't really
thought that far ahead.
Clean off the blood and take
it to Travelon Auto Salvage
in Newman's Cross
tomorrow night.
Leave it at the back
and make sure you take
your license plate with you.
Everything will be fine.
OK?
Trust me.
Yes?
The cops have a body for us.
Why for us?
I'm the county coroner.
Told you everything
would be fine.
Um, can't you just
take Henry with you?
Henry and the Chief
don't get along to well.
Why is that?
Probably something to do
with a woman.
See you out front.
Yeah.
Hi, Dad.
Hi, Charlie.
- Hi!
He's not that ripe just yet.
It's his first corpse.
Me too.
You sure you can handle this,
sweetheart?
It's pretty gruesome.
I can handle it, Dad.
Looks like he was out
for his evening walk,
lost his footing in the dark,
and fell down the embankment.
Is that Armin Imholz?
Mr. Pickles.
Uh, this is Oliver Whynacht.
Mr. Pickles moved
to Elder's Bluff
when he left TV
a couple years back.
You know, you must remember
his show Dillville?
I didn't watch much television
as a child.
Roberta, always a pleasure.
It looks like he got hit
by a car, huh?
Maybe.
Except for the fact of
the neck being broken like that.
That's usually more consistent
with this type of fall.
If there's anything out of the
ordinary when I examine him,
I'll just let you
know right away.
Uh, cribbage tonight?
8:30?
Is it Tuesday already?
Oliver, bag.
Charlie.
Oh for god's sake, Charlie,
photograph everything.
Charlie,
give me a hand please.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
It's a small town.
Everybody knows everybody.
What does your father think
about you dating his Constable?
He hates it.
He had his appendix removed.
From the scar I'd say he was
a teenager when it happened.
These other scars...
bitten by a dog at one point.
Uh, what are you
going to do with that?
Well, I've got to cut him open
if it's gonna look
like a real autopsy.
Can you pass me the rib cutters,
please and my goggles?
Rib cutters?
You know, I-
I've got some...
stuff to do.
Well, this is quite the mess!
So... you hit a deer?
Yeah, I knew this fella got
killed by a deer on the highway.
Broke through the windshield
and skewered him in the
throat with its antler.
It was quite some sight.
Good night, boss.
What are you doing out here,
Mr. Whynacht?
Oh, uh, I went for a walk.
Got really tired.
Hitchhiking is illegal.
Sorry!
I'll take you back to town.
OK.
Roberta finished
the autopsy.
Cause of death was a broken neck
due to accidental fall.
So, no foul play
is suspected?
This isn't the city,
Mr. Whynacht.
People don't go around
killin' each other out here.
So if you'd like to give us
the information about
your preferred funeral
home in Switzerland,
we'll take care of all
the necessary arrangements.
Of course, we can also
have the funeral here
if you would like.
We are a full service facility.
I know you and your husband-
I have decided...
to have it here.
Cost is not an issue.
My son Crispin
will do the music.
Oh wow!
Crispin,
what do you play?
He's a yodeler.
And Armin's walking stick?
I- I- I don't believe...
He never went walking
without it.
Same route and time every night.
He so loved
his evening walks.
We will look into that.
Yeah, good.
You didn't find it?
There are footprints.
That walking stick proves
Imholz wasn't killed
where they found the body.
Yeah?
Jackie, it's Oliver.
Ollie, what time is it?
I got a funeral for you.
That's great, Ollie.
When?
Tuesday. Tuesday.
That's poker night,
but I can skip it, I guess.
Oliver?
Yeah?
Is there somethin' else?
No, no.
Good night. Good night.
You are really
good at this.
Beautiful job, Ollie.
Thank you.
Hey. That's the nicest
funeral I've ever been to.
Even an open bar.
You did good.
Rollie' would be proud.
You think?
So, everything's alright?
Sure.
So, what was the
problem the other night?
You sounded sort of off.
Oh, uh, yeah.
It was nothing.
Aw, nothing.
Okey-dokey.
You have done very well,
Mr. Whynacht.
Elegant and tasteful.
Thank you.
Bitte schn.
Yeah.
Would you do me a favour
and refill her coffee?
Thank you.
Either one of you girls
know where the coat check is?
Yeah?
Uh, so...
Pickles has Imholz's
walking stick with him here.
Well, go get it!
Is everything OK,
Mr. Whynacht?
Yeah, although, I think
that they need a few extra hands
to go help with dessert.
Uh, can you...
Yeah.
Thanks.
Uh, my hat.
It's right next to it.
So are you really
leaving so soon?
Dessert's about to come out.
I've gotta do some rich kid's
birthday party in about hour.
So, tell me something.
Where did you get this stick?
Uh, I found it.
Why?
How much do you
want for it?
It's not for sale.
Gentlemen.
Lookin' forward
to our rematch!
Ah!
He-he knows something.
Just calm down, OK?
It doesn't matter
what he suspects
if he doesn't any have proof.
We need that stick.
I used to baby-sit Cindy.
Her parents go to the
drive-in every Tuesday.
Watch this.
Here comes Pickles.
And there he goes.
How-how did you know?
Recon.
Oh my god!
What is Pickles doing?
# Oh just the three of us #
# Just the three of us.
Just the three... #
Oh man! Oh god!
Should one of us stay out here
and keep an eye on him?
We've got plenty of time.
Go look in there.
I'll check in here.
Ew!
Oliver! He's coming back!
- Already?
I didn't know he was
gonna be that quick!
I thought you did recon!
Thank you.
There. There!
Didn't you check in here?
No! Get it!
Go!
Whoa!
Well, this is
a nice surprise!
What's he doing here?
We're taking
this walking stick!
It belonged to
Imholz, didn't it?
I really want this stick.
I wondered why it was
so far from where he "fell".
That's why you
want it so bad.
I saw the tire tracks.
Oh!
OK, I'll give you $1,000!
That is- that is
my final offer!
For me not turning
you in for murder...
is gonna' cost you
a lot more-
Oliver, I-I don't think
that's helping!
Oh my god! I forgot!
My Dad and Pickles
play crib every Tuesday!
Pickles?
You tryin' to save on
your light bill or somethin'?
Where the hell?
You in there?
Oh! Goddamn prostate!
Come on!
Oh, there she goes!
So, how do we cover
this one up?
I guess this is why he didn't
show up for crib last night.
It looks like he fell
from that tree house
directly onto the spy glass.
How's about you leave
the detective work
to the professionals?
What do you think, honey?
I agree with Oliver.
What's the matter with you?
I just can't believe it's him!
I mean, ever since
I was a little boy...
I'm just gonna need a minute.
Oh!
Wayne Snarr is in your office.
Who?
He called me "Chief"!
Am I wearin'
a headdress and moccasins?
Come on.
My deepest and
sincerest sympathies
over the loss
of your father.
He was a good man.
Thank-thank you.
Take comfort in the fact
that he is in the warm embrace
of our Lord and
Saviour Jesus Christ.
Right. So how
can I help you?
I'm here for Mr. Pikula.
Didn't your assistant
in the hallway there
give you the message?
You must be a very patient man,
Mr. Whynacht,
'cause those people can be...
Uh, which people?
Anyway... Mr. Pikula!
You probably knew him
as Pickles.
It's a damn shame!
I'm conducting
the funeral service.
You are?
His sister saw my website
and requested
that I do the services.
Uh, what's this?
Well, you must
be getting tired
of the funeral business now
and, uh, me, well, I'm just
so darn busy I need to expand.
Now, it's not a huge offer
but it's the best one
you're gonna get.
Why don't you take the money
and head on back to the city?
Surely you have
a more interesting life
waiting for you back there.
Wayne Snarr.
Oh, I am so sorry.
Take comfort in the fact that
she is in the warm embrace
of our Lord and
Saviour Jesus Christ.
He poached our funeral.
You don't use a computer?
Well, this here is the way
I've always done it.
Almost 20 years
with your father
and another 10 or so
with the former owner.
This can't be right.
The Imholz funeral- it's huge!
Well, that's paying off debt.
How long till we close?
A month.
Barkeep?
Alright, um...
to Dad...
To Dad.
...for bequeathing me
his bankrupt business.
Cheers.
At first I thought
we could just, you know,
keep instigating
these accidents.
But then, after
Snarr came in today,
I thought: why don't we
just take care of the problem
in one fell swoop?
What? What are you
talking about?
Oh, Snarr!
He's a bigoted ass.
And he's our only competition!
Uh, Hey! Uh, no.
Absolutely not!
Well, why not.
Just think about it, Oliver!
I- I'm- I'm selling
the home to Snarr.
What?
I, uh...
I'm sure he'll keep you on.
I don't want
to work for Snarr!
I want-
I wanna work for you!
I'm selling the home to Snarr.
Luanne?
Luanne?
Oliver?
Oliver.
Oliver.
They- they-they came and
they took all the furniture.
They just- They just-
They came in and they took it!
Ollie. Oliver.
I'm so sorry I didn't tell you
about Rollie's finances before.
It's OK.
Sit here. But you-
You'll get things
working again, right? Hmm?
Right?
Right.
Because I cannot go
back to the trailer park!
I- I- I can't!
Oh, Ollie!
Mmm! Ollie!
Ollie, you're so funny!
Oh, Ollie.
Oliver, this isn't
your first time, is it?
Oliver!
It's just- It's just that-
You know, ever since
I was a little boy...
Whynacht,
glad you could come.
Some job, huh?
That's beautiful work.
Tried to talk his sister into
the Shelby 387 with brass trim,
a full ceremony and burial.
but she insisted on cremation.
You know what it's like with
these immigrant families.
They're used to just
burying their loved ones
in their backyards.
I'm barely clearing
$5,000 on this one!
The Egyptians believed that
death was the true beginning
and that all of life was
just preparation.
Did you know they
used a long hook
to smash in the brain
and pull it out the nose
before embalming?
Uh, no, I didn't.
You see that sign?
Naugler was my
mother's maiden name.
Mom was an only child like me,
so she took over the family
business after her father died.
Dad never liked it.
He tried to get her
to stop after they married.
The real reason he didn't
like it is because he found out
she was having an affair
with one of her employees.
When I was 6, Mom died
and Dad sold the home to Rollie.
I will never forgive my Dad
for doing that.
It should have been mine.
OK.
OK?
We'll do it.
Snarr?
Uh, Roberta,
I don't think
this is the right
place for this.
Who's your dirty girl?
Who's your dirty girl?
Uh, you-you are?
So, uh, any ideas
on how we do it?
Ow!
I've been collecting
these for years.
What is that?
A pacemaker.
They have a lithium battery that
explodes in high temperatures.
That's why we have to take
them out before we burn them.
Just one of these suckers
will destroy
an entire cremation chamber.
So, I figure a couple dozen
will make a really nice bang.
Yeah, lithium.
He's the last one.
How do we know
Snarr's still in there?
The crematorium chimney.
Look who's next in line.
His left eyebrow
is way too high.
Yeah, you're
definitely better.
Hmm.
We need to
make room for the pacemakers.
Will you hand me
the rib separators?
Oh, OK.
Rib separators...
Yes!
Yeah, yeah! Come on!
Oh, it smells awful.
I need your help.
Get a bag. Come on.
Let's go! Let's go!
Pacemakers! The Pacemakers!
Wayne Snarr.
Jesus!
Take comfort in the fact that
she's in the warm embrace of our
Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
Just leave it!
These were my mother's!
We should get outta here.
Are you sure it worked?
I think you must be bad luck
for my county, Mr. Whynacht.
Lot of folks been dyin'
since you got here.
Don't be ridiculous, Dad.
Accidents happen.
Firefighters
got the remains out for you.
I-17.
I-17.
B-8.
B-8.
O-63.
O-63.
Bingo!
Oh, my god! Bingo!
Bingo!
It's good.
The next game will be 4 corners.
You're playin' for this here
beautiful quilt
made by Annie Welsh.
I dropped by last night.
I thought he works
late on Fridays.
He took it off.
We haven't made love
in ages, Roberta.
I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
Charlie's been taking
some time off work
to look into Pickles'
death on his own.
He found the tissue you left
in Pickles tool box.
He gets the lab results back
on Monday.
So?
So, it's got yours and
Pickles' blood on it, Oliver.
So what do we do?
I don't know, Oliver.
I have to go.
Charlie's waiting.
OK, well, um, tomorrow-
can I see you tomorrow night?
Please?
We should talk about-
Charlie and I are going
camping tomorrow at Juniper Park
after he finishes his shift.
We really need the getaway.
I'm sorry, Ollie.
Well, little brother you got
everything you could ever want.
New truck,
the house, the girl.
Which girl?
The blond one
you're living with
that looks great in spandex.
Do you think it's weird?
Hmm. She's hot.
What-what do you
think of Roberta?
Isn't she with that cop?
No. Well, she's like, "ish".
What do you think of her?
Creepy.
She isn't creepy!
She reminds me of this
assistant they gave me
when I was pastor
at the prison.
Gruber.
Had a weird edge.
The Warden told me:
"He's harmless;
"he's a white collar geek
in for fraud. "
Week later, Gruber nails
some guy's tongue
to a table with a fork
for calling him "four eyes".
It's creepy.
Well, I don't think Roberta
has ever stabbed anyone
with a fork.
Probably not.
Who's your dirty girl?
I have to go pee.
How come you're not
rolling around?
Cause I can hold my liquor.
What are you doing here?
I just-
I really wanted to see you.
I'm with Charlie tonight.
I- I honestly thought
that you and I were-
We are, we are.
Just tonight, you know, I...
We have a connection, OK?
Like we've shared
really big things.
Uh, Imholz and, uh,
Pickles and, uh, Snarr.
I won't forget that.
Roberta? Roberta?
Yeah, baby?
What's he talking about?
Nothing, baby!
He's not talking about anything.
Did you two have something
to do with Pickles?
No, baby!
Pickles fell out of a tree.
We didn't have anything-
Ow! Ow!
What did you do that for?
Oh!
What are you
going to do with-
I don't know yet!
I'm thinking!
Here you go.
What do you want me to-
You write: "Dear Charlie,
"I'm sorry
but I love someone else. "
Roberta, he knew.
Your nose isn't bleeding.
Roberta, look,
I can get someone over from
the next county to take this.
She's fine.
Found your letter on him.
I guess he took the break up
pretty hard.
That, combined
with Pickles dying,
must have just been
too much for him.
Evening, Boss.
What are you doin' here?
I just thought I'd bring
Roberta some take-out.
Want a cookie?
Roberta made them.
They're peanut butter.
No, I know, I can tell.
Uh, allergic.
That's too bad.
They're delicious.
Well, see you tomorrow, Boss.
Roberta, we had to.
It's not that.
Look at this.
So, if it's two lines,
it means...
I'm pregnant.
It- Is it-
Charlie and I
always used something.
You and I tend to be
a little more spontaneous.
So what do we do?
Big day.
Yup.
You nervous?
Oliver, are you sure
you want to do this?
You've only known
the girl a few months.
Her boyfriend just died.
Her boyfriend-
she'd been trying
to end it for months, Jackie.
Excuse me.
Father.
Where's Roberta?
She's just getting ready.
Business must be good.
Saw you got a new truck.
And I didn't get
any phone calls
about helping out
with the wedding.
Sir, your daughter will
be well taken care of.
Especially now yours is the
only funeral home in the county.
Roberta?
Where are you?
In the fridge.
You're not supposed to see me
before the wedding.
Well, uh, Dad's here.
We're having
a nice father-son chat.
So I'll leave you two alone.
Roberta?
We need to talk.
I'm not calling it off.
You do this stuff
just to spite me!
Everything I do isn't about-
Listen, your mother's
been dead for a long time now.
You need to let go.
Roberta, come out of the fridge!
She's crazier than her mother.
How's it going, Shelley?
Oh no, that's all right.
Yeah, he owns that wrecking yard
in Newman's Cross right?
He what?
A half-ton pickup, huh?
Well, you tell Sam that
I'll drop by after dinner.
Hi, baby.
What do you think?
The dress looks beautiful.
It was my mother's.
Dearly beloved.
You're supposed
to not be able
to take your eyes
off your bride,
not your father-in-law.
Well, my father-in-law is
about to discover my pickup.
You got some already there.
I can just top it!
Yeah, OK.
Oliver,
I think you should leave.
Leave the country, maybe.
Oh no, I'm not
going anywhere.
Oliver, my father's
a good cop
Really? He hasn't
impressed me so far.
Leaving the country
is the only way out of this.
If he's the only one
that knows about it,
it's not the only
way out of this.
Ollie, what are you-
Yeah.
Yay!
You bastard. I'm going
to tell Dad everything!
Oh, no. No, no.
You're gonna keep
your mouth shut,
otherwise we're
both going down.
I'll be back.
Yes, some young
lady calls today,
askin' if I got any old
half-ton pick-ups for parts.
I tell her I don't got none but
she wants me to double check,
so I find this parked
way out back here.
Look familiar?
Oh yeah.
I gotta' run.
The wife's been bustin' my balls
about missin' dinner.
Aw, damn it!
Shit!
# Ah it's gettin' #
# Kind of funky up in here #
# Come on #
Hey, where'd you disappear to?
Congratulations, Oliver!
I'm sure Roberta is going
to make a very fine wife.
Thank you.
Uh, have either of you two
seen her?
Let's go sit down.
OK, OK.
Wasn't feeling too good.
Was gonna' pop over to the home
to lie down for a bit.
Said for you to come get her.
Thank you.
Honey?
So, how did you do it?
How did I do what?
Kill my father.
I dropped a minivan on him.
You know what
I love about you, Ollie?
You're so predictable.
If only Rollie had given me
the funeral home
like he said he would,
you would never have had
to be involved.
But here you are.
My perfect little patsy.
You wanted me
to kill your father?
I told you I never forgave him
for selling the funeral home.
Besides, it seems only fair
since I killed yours.
His heart couldn't quite take
a young "energetic" girl
like myself.
You screwed my dad?
To death.
This is just
between you and me.
Ow!
You're not going to stop me
from getting my home, Oliver!
OK.
Would you like a peanut, Oliver?
I love you.
I know.
Looking for this?
Where have you been?
He was my mother's.
It was a beautiful service.
# From the grave
a sad song sounds #
# I can hear the cry #
# Come living men
And view the ground #
# Where you must one day lie #
# Princes this claim
must be your bed #
# In spite of all your towers #
# Tall though was
the reverent head #
# Must lie as low as ours #
# Set down the coffin
Take off the lid #
# Lay back that linen so fine #
# Let me kiss
his cold pale cheek #
# 'Cause I know
he'll never kiss mine #
# Look up and down
life's lonesome road #
# And hang your head and cry #
# The best of friends
are bound to part #
# So why not you and I #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# All right all right
I'll leave #
# These be celebration days #
# Summer came
to my little town #
# Papa drunk in the yard
with the junkyard dogs #
# And watch the fireworks
rain down #
# Peanuts and ashes
and crimes of passion #
# Seem so intertwined #
# As they did on the rocks
reflecting in still water #
# In that little town of mine #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# All right all right
I'll leave #
# Standin' in the road #
# With a brand new plan #
# Love costs the lives #
# Of a couple of men #
# But doesn't really matter #
# How the deed gets done #
# Bright lights flashin'
in the dark #
# We run #
the wrong exit.
You really think
I look good?
I told you, you look fine.
I- It's just we haven't
seen him in a very long time,
I want to make
sure I look good.
He's dead, Ollie.
I've only ever
seen deer on TV.
Should pull it
off the road.
I gotta take a leak.
Me? I don't want to
pull it off the...
It might have diseases, Jackie!
Uh, Jackie?
Is he with you?
Um...
Public urination
is illegal.
Do you have any drugs
in the car, sir?
No, no, no.
Uh, it only happens
when I get nervous.
Nosebleeds.
Too much coffee, Officer.
Ah, what brings you
to town, Father?
Funeral.
Rollie Whynacht.
Yeah, he was a good man.
We wouldn't know.
You weren't acquainted?
He was our father.
Well, I'll see you
at the service.
God bless.
Yeah, we'll take
care of that, Sir.
So, do we call her Mom?
Oh, hello!
Hi! I'm Luanne!
Oh god! Your father's told me
so much about you.
Oh my god! Come here,
come here.
Oh, it's OK.
It's OK.
And you, look at you!
Come here.
It's OK now.
It's OK.
Come inside.
Now, I know you haven't
seen Rollie in a long time,
but I figured
you'd want to be here today.
Besides, it saves me
from having to hire a preacher.
Good!
So, what did
Rollie, like, do?
Oh, he owned a funeral home.
Yeah, that's where we're gonna
have the service today.
Mm-hmm!
Rollie bet me
I couldn't draw a high card.
And then I pulled a 9.
And we skipped across the street
and we got married!
It would've been our fifth
wedding anniversary next month.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's OK. It's OK.
I- I think I'm just
gonna go take a drive.
Thank you for having us.
Uh... I'm sorry.
It's OK.
Oliver!
Henry Sanipass,
worked for your Dad.
How'd you know who I am?
Oh, last photo I saw, you
were just a gawky little kid.
Now look at you!
I'm sorry about your Dad.
His heart couldn't take
the cigars no more.
I didn't want it
to be this way.
You and Henry are
probably the only two men
that have ever
really gotten me.
Charlie's just...
And, Dad, he's
never understood me.
Dad doesn't think this
profession is fit for a lady.
It was good enough
for my mother.
I'll take good care
of the home.
Uh, I'm one of Rollie's sons.
That's-that's, uh,
a pretty dress.
It was my mother's.
Your nose is bleeding.
Uh, yeah.
It happens when I get nervous.
I am sure Rollie
would want all of you,
especially those whom
he held closest,
to know that he is now basking
in the glory and light
of Our Lord's everlasting love.
Though my brother Oliver and I
did not know our father well
from the number of faces
gathered in his name here today
we can see
that he was well loved.
Pretty convincing sermon.
Bygones, I guess.
Did you know
my father pretty well?
Yeah, you could say that.
What was he like?
He was generous... funny.
He had pretty good
taste in after-shave.
We have to take him
to the crematorium now.
Oh.
Mr. Whynacht requested that
each of you be here for this.
Well, hi gang.
It's me.
I guess you know that.
Listen...
After my check up this week
the doctor tells me
the next heart attack is going
to do me in for sure,
so I got two choices;
give up smoking
or make out my will.
So, I've been tryin' to figure
out the easiest way
of dividing up all my crap.
And well, you know me,
I always was a gambler.
So folks...
Looky here.
Wait a minute.
Why is your name up there?
Ollie, congrats.
It's all yours.
Sorry, girls.
I'll need you to sign
some papers, Mr. Whynacht.
Congratulations.
Uh, do you have
a handkerchief?
It took Rollie 11 takes
to get it to stop on your name.
Well, hi there, Ollie.
Ollie, I gotta tell you,
I always thought
you were a weird kid.
In fact,
you kind of creeped me out.
But I love you.
I love you anyway.
Now, your mum kept me
up to date on your lives.
That was part of our deal.
So I know that Jackie-
That, you know,
he has something.
He has God or- or whatever.
But you-
You're delivering groceries,
for Christ's sake!
So I had to do
something for you.
I want you to make
the funeral home great again.
And I'm going to be
watchin' you.
I'm going to be watching you.
What, uh, happened here?
I had a run-in with some
German guy in a track suit.
Armin Imholz. He's Swiss.
Well, see you tomorrow, Boss.
Ollie, this is a good thing.
I'm a delivery boy
for a grocery store.
What do I know about
running a fu-
I feel sick again.
I just don't want
to let him down, Jackie.
It'll be fine.
This is your chance to have
something of your own.
I'll help you out. I'll be
your pastor on call.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Hey! Ha ha!
I guess
you'll want me out soon.
It's your house, Luanne.
Well, I guess
we're family, right?
Yeah.
Oh, mornin', Boss!
What should I do?
Well, I'd start
with a staff meeting.
Five minutes in the lobby?
Where's the staff?
Roberta's in at lunch.
She just does half days.
Oh. And, uh,
where's Rollie's secretary?
And caretaker and accountant
and executive VP.
Ain't got much need
for anybody else.
Hasn't been a funeral
through here in a year.
Except for Rollie.
Uh, but Dad was rich?
You know, we coulda' built
a conveyor belt
from the old folks home
across the way.
But after the joint burnt down
in '02
they built a new place over
in Mayfield,
and this redneck Wayne Snarr,
he got all the business.
I got a funeral home in
a town where no one is dying.
You want to get
something to eat?
You guys stay any longer
I'll be bringing you
breakfast menus next.
I'll have another
gin and tonic
and a piece of
that Turtle pie.
And he'll have
another beer.
Why a mortician?
I like it.
No, I could never do it.
Why?
I'm scared to death of death.
I think people who
are afraid of death
are more afraid of life.
How do you do it?
You wash the body with a
germicide-insecticide-olfactant
and swab the insides
of the nose and mouth.
Then you set the facial features
by putting cotton in the nose,
eye-caps below the eyelids,
and the mouth-former
in the mouth.
Then you tie the mouth shut
with wire or sutures.
Then you drain out all the blood
out by puncturing
a major artery or the heart
and inject in embalming fluid.
Then you take this long,
pointed, metal tube
that's attached
to a suction hose
and you puncture
the stomach, bladder,
large intestines and the lungs
and suck out all
the fluids and the gas.
And then you inject cavity fluid
into the torso.
You usually have to pack
the anus and vagina
with cotton or gauze...
to prevent seepage.
And then you close up
all the holes
and you re-wash the body.
Would you like a bite?
No, thank you.
Uh, I'm allergic to peanuts.
Uh, actually,
I meant, how do you do it?
Like, you don't find it gross?
Because I'm a girl?
No, because it's gross.
Death doesn't bother me.
How close are you?
We're leaving now.
OK. Sure thing. Bye.
Sorry about that.
Just a friend of mine having
problems with her boyfriend.
You know, I'm probably
shouldn't be driving right now.
Don't worry about it.
Everybody does it here.
We'll take the back road
into town.
Please, one second.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Please, after you.
Thank you, sir.
Sure.
So, what are you gonna do?
Shut the home down.
What?
Well... you can't do that!
Well, why not?
Oh, shoot!
Did it soak through?
Oh God! Aw!
Aw!
It's Armin Imholz.
God!
Oh my god! He's dead.
We ca- We can't-
I mean- I- It was an accident!
You've been drinking.
It's vehicular manslaughter!
Vehicular manslaughter?
Jeez!
God! Oh god!
This is gonna be OK, Ollie.
It's gonna be OK.
How is this
gonna be OK?
Let's get away
from these tire tracks.
Come on! Get in
the truck! Let's go!
What are we
doing here, Roberta?
Uh, but we should
cover him up!
Get down!
Get down now!
Can you give me
a hand here?
Oh god. Aw!
That's good.
OK, OK. Now what?
What are you planning on
doing with the truck?
I haven't really
thought that far ahead.
Clean off the blood and take
it to Travelon Auto Salvage
in Newman's Cross
tomorrow night.
Leave it at the back
and make sure you take
your license plate with you.
Everything will be fine.
OK?
Trust me.
Yes?
The cops have a body for us.
Why for us?
I'm the county coroner.
Told you everything
would be fine.
Um, can't you just
take Henry with you?
Henry and the Chief
don't get along to well.
Why is that?
Probably something to do
with a woman.
See you out front.
Yeah.
Hi, Dad.
Hi, Charlie.
- Hi!
He's not that ripe just yet.
It's his first corpse.
Me too.
You sure you can handle this,
sweetheart?
It's pretty gruesome.
I can handle it, Dad.
Looks like he was out
for his evening walk,
lost his footing in the dark,
and fell down the embankment.
Is that Armin Imholz?
Mr. Pickles.
Uh, this is Oliver Whynacht.
Mr. Pickles moved
to Elder's Bluff
when he left TV
a couple years back.
You know, you must remember
his show Dillville?
I didn't watch much television
as a child.
Roberta, always a pleasure.
It looks like he got hit
by a car, huh?
Maybe.
Except for the fact of
the neck being broken like that.
That's usually more consistent
with this type of fall.
If there's anything out of the
ordinary when I examine him,
I'll just let you
know right away.
Uh, cribbage tonight?
8:30?
Is it Tuesday already?
Oliver, bag.
Charlie.
Oh for god's sake, Charlie,
photograph everything.
Charlie,
give me a hand please.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
It's a small town.
Everybody knows everybody.
What does your father think
about you dating his Constable?
He hates it.
He had his appendix removed.
From the scar I'd say he was
a teenager when it happened.
These other scars...
bitten by a dog at one point.
Uh, what are you
going to do with that?
Well, I've got to cut him open
if it's gonna look
like a real autopsy.
Can you pass me the rib cutters,
please and my goggles?
Rib cutters?
You know, I-
I've got some...
stuff to do.
Well, this is quite the mess!
So... you hit a deer?
Yeah, I knew this fella got
killed by a deer on the highway.
Broke through the windshield
and skewered him in the
throat with its antler.
It was quite some sight.
Good night, boss.
What are you doing out here,
Mr. Whynacht?
Oh, uh, I went for a walk.
Got really tired.
Hitchhiking is illegal.
Sorry!
I'll take you back to town.
OK.
Roberta finished
the autopsy.
Cause of death was a broken neck
due to accidental fall.
So, no foul play
is suspected?
This isn't the city,
Mr. Whynacht.
People don't go around
killin' each other out here.
So if you'd like to give us
the information about
your preferred funeral
home in Switzerland,
we'll take care of all
the necessary arrangements.
Of course, we can also
have the funeral here
if you would like.
We are a full service facility.
I know you and your husband-
I have decided...
to have it here.
Cost is not an issue.
My son Crispin
will do the music.
Oh wow!
Crispin,
what do you play?
He's a yodeler.
And Armin's walking stick?
I- I- I don't believe...
He never went walking
without it.
Same route and time every night.
He so loved
his evening walks.
We will look into that.
Yeah, good.
You didn't find it?
There are footprints.
That walking stick proves
Imholz wasn't killed
where they found the body.
Yeah?
Jackie, it's Oliver.
Ollie, what time is it?
I got a funeral for you.
That's great, Ollie.
When?
Tuesday. Tuesday.
That's poker night,
but I can skip it, I guess.
Oliver?
Yeah?
Is there somethin' else?
No, no.
Good night. Good night.
You are really
good at this.
Beautiful job, Ollie.
Thank you.
Hey. That's the nicest
funeral I've ever been to.
Even an open bar.
You did good.
Rollie' would be proud.
You think?
So, everything's alright?
Sure.
So, what was the
problem the other night?
You sounded sort of off.
Oh, uh, yeah.
It was nothing.
Aw, nothing.
Okey-dokey.
You have done very well,
Mr. Whynacht.
Elegant and tasteful.
Thank you.
Bitte schn.
Yeah.
Would you do me a favour
and refill her coffee?
Thank you.
Either one of you girls
know where the coat check is?
Yeah?
Uh, so...
Pickles has Imholz's
walking stick with him here.
Well, go get it!
Is everything OK,
Mr. Whynacht?
Yeah, although, I think
that they need a few extra hands
to go help with dessert.
Uh, can you...
Yeah.
Thanks.
Uh, my hat.
It's right next to it.
So are you really
leaving so soon?
Dessert's about to come out.
I've gotta do some rich kid's
birthday party in about hour.
So, tell me something.
Where did you get this stick?
Uh, I found it.
Why?
How much do you
want for it?
It's not for sale.
Gentlemen.
Lookin' forward
to our rematch!
Ah!
He-he knows something.
Just calm down, OK?
It doesn't matter
what he suspects
if he doesn't any have proof.
We need that stick.
I used to baby-sit Cindy.
Her parents go to the
drive-in every Tuesday.
Watch this.
Here comes Pickles.
And there he goes.
How-how did you know?
Recon.
Oh my god!
What is Pickles doing?
# Oh just the three of us #
# Just the three of us.
Just the three... #
Oh man! Oh god!
Should one of us stay out here
and keep an eye on him?
We've got plenty of time.
Go look in there.
I'll check in here.
Ew!
Oliver! He's coming back!
- Already?
I didn't know he was
gonna be that quick!
I thought you did recon!
Thank you.
There. There!
Didn't you check in here?
No! Get it!
Go!
Whoa!
Well, this is
a nice surprise!
What's he doing here?
We're taking
this walking stick!
It belonged to
Imholz, didn't it?
I really want this stick.
I wondered why it was
so far from where he "fell".
That's why you
want it so bad.
I saw the tire tracks.
Oh!
OK, I'll give you $1,000!
That is- that is
my final offer!
For me not turning
you in for murder...
is gonna' cost you
a lot more-
Oliver, I-I don't think
that's helping!
Oh my god! I forgot!
My Dad and Pickles
play crib every Tuesday!
Pickles?
You tryin' to save on
your light bill or somethin'?
Where the hell?
You in there?
Oh! Goddamn prostate!
Come on!
Oh, there she goes!
So, how do we cover
this one up?
I guess this is why he didn't
show up for crib last night.
It looks like he fell
from that tree house
directly onto the spy glass.
How's about you leave
the detective work
to the professionals?
What do you think, honey?
I agree with Oliver.
What's the matter with you?
I just can't believe it's him!
I mean, ever since
I was a little boy...
I'm just gonna need a minute.
Oh!
Wayne Snarr is in your office.
Who?
He called me "Chief"!
Am I wearin'
a headdress and moccasins?
Come on.
My deepest and
sincerest sympathies
over the loss
of your father.
He was a good man.
Thank-thank you.
Take comfort in the fact
that he is in the warm embrace
of our Lord and
Saviour Jesus Christ.
Right. So how
can I help you?
I'm here for Mr. Pikula.
Didn't your assistant
in the hallway there
give you the message?
You must be a very patient man,
Mr. Whynacht,
'cause those people can be...
Uh, which people?
Anyway... Mr. Pikula!
You probably knew him
as Pickles.
It's a damn shame!
I'm conducting
the funeral service.
You are?
His sister saw my website
and requested
that I do the services.
Uh, what's this?
Well, you must
be getting tired
of the funeral business now
and, uh, me, well, I'm just
so darn busy I need to expand.
Now, it's not a huge offer
but it's the best one
you're gonna get.
Why don't you take the money
and head on back to the city?
Surely you have
a more interesting life
waiting for you back there.
Wayne Snarr.
Oh, I am so sorry.
Take comfort in the fact that
she is in the warm embrace
of our Lord and
Saviour Jesus Christ.
He poached our funeral.
You don't use a computer?
Well, this here is the way
I've always done it.
Almost 20 years
with your father
and another 10 or so
with the former owner.
This can't be right.
The Imholz funeral- it's huge!
Well, that's paying off debt.
How long till we close?
A month.
Barkeep?
Alright, um...
to Dad...
To Dad.
...for bequeathing me
his bankrupt business.
Cheers.
At first I thought
we could just, you know,
keep instigating
these accidents.
But then, after
Snarr came in today,
I thought: why don't we
just take care of the problem
in one fell swoop?
What? What are you
talking about?
Oh, Snarr!
He's a bigoted ass.
And he's our only competition!
Uh, Hey! Uh, no.
Absolutely not!
Well, why not.
Just think about it, Oliver!
I- I'm- I'm selling
the home to Snarr.
What?
I, uh...
I'm sure he'll keep you on.
I don't want
to work for Snarr!
I want-
I wanna work for you!
I'm selling the home to Snarr.
Luanne?
Luanne?
Oliver?
Oliver.
Oliver.
They- they-they came and
they took all the furniture.
They just- They just-
They came in and they took it!
Ollie. Oliver.
I'm so sorry I didn't tell you
about Rollie's finances before.
It's OK.
Sit here. But you-
You'll get things
working again, right? Hmm?
Right?
Right.
Because I cannot go
back to the trailer park!
I- I- I can't!
Oh, Ollie!
Mmm! Ollie!
Ollie, you're so funny!
Oh, Ollie.
Oliver, this isn't
your first time, is it?
Oliver!
It's just- It's just that-
You know, ever since
I was a little boy...
Whynacht,
glad you could come.
Some job, huh?
That's beautiful work.
Tried to talk his sister into
the Shelby 387 with brass trim,
a full ceremony and burial.
but she insisted on cremation.
You know what it's like with
these immigrant families.
They're used to just
burying their loved ones
in their backyards.
I'm barely clearing
$5,000 on this one!
The Egyptians believed that
death was the true beginning
and that all of life was
just preparation.
Did you know they
used a long hook
to smash in the brain
and pull it out the nose
before embalming?
Uh, no, I didn't.
You see that sign?
Naugler was my
mother's maiden name.
Mom was an only child like me,
so she took over the family
business after her father died.
Dad never liked it.
He tried to get her
to stop after they married.
The real reason he didn't
like it is because he found out
she was having an affair
with one of her employees.
When I was 6, Mom died
and Dad sold the home to Rollie.
I will never forgive my Dad
for doing that.
It should have been mine.
OK.
OK?
We'll do it.
Snarr?
Uh, Roberta,
I don't think
this is the right
place for this.
Who's your dirty girl?
Who's your dirty girl?
Uh, you-you are?
So, uh, any ideas
on how we do it?
Ow!
I've been collecting
these for years.
What is that?
A pacemaker.
They have a lithium battery that
explodes in high temperatures.
That's why we have to take
them out before we burn them.
Just one of these suckers
will destroy
an entire cremation chamber.
So, I figure a couple dozen
will make a really nice bang.
Yeah, lithium.
He's the last one.
How do we know
Snarr's still in there?
The crematorium chimney.
Look who's next in line.
His left eyebrow
is way too high.
Yeah, you're
definitely better.
Hmm.
We need to
make room for the pacemakers.
Will you hand me
the rib separators?
Oh, OK.
Rib separators...
Yes!
Yeah, yeah! Come on!
Oh, it smells awful.
I need your help.
Get a bag. Come on.
Let's go! Let's go!
Pacemakers! The Pacemakers!
Wayne Snarr.
Jesus!
Take comfort in the fact that
she's in the warm embrace of our
Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
Just leave it!
These were my mother's!
We should get outta here.
Are you sure it worked?
I think you must be bad luck
for my county, Mr. Whynacht.
Lot of folks been dyin'
since you got here.
Don't be ridiculous, Dad.
Accidents happen.
Firefighters
got the remains out for you.
I-17.
I-17.
B-8.
B-8.
O-63.
O-63.
Bingo!
Oh, my god! Bingo!
Bingo!
It's good.
The next game will be 4 corners.
You're playin' for this here
beautiful quilt
made by Annie Welsh.
I dropped by last night.
I thought he works
late on Fridays.
He took it off.
We haven't made love
in ages, Roberta.
I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
Charlie's been taking
some time off work
to look into Pickles'
death on his own.
He found the tissue you left
in Pickles tool box.
He gets the lab results back
on Monday.
So?
So, it's got yours and
Pickles' blood on it, Oliver.
So what do we do?
I don't know, Oliver.
I have to go.
Charlie's waiting.
OK, well, um, tomorrow-
can I see you tomorrow night?
Please?
We should talk about-
Charlie and I are going
camping tomorrow at Juniper Park
after he finishes his shift.
We really need the getaway.
I'm sorry, Ollie.
Well, little brother you got
everything you could ever want.
New truck,
the house, the girl.
Which girl?
The blond one
you're living with
that looks great in spandex.
Do you think it's weird?
Hmm. She's hot.
What-what do you
think of Roberta?
Isn't she with that cop?
No. Well, she's like, "ish".
What do you think of her?
Creepy.
She isn't creepy!
She reminds me of this
assistant they gave me
when I was pastor
at the prison.
Gruber.
Had a weird edge.
The Warden told me:
"He's harmless;
"he's a white collar geek
in for fraud. "
Week later, Gruber nails
some guy's tongue
to a table with a fork
for calling him "four eyes".
It's creepy.
Well, I don't think Roberta
has ever stabbed anyone
with a fork.
Probably not.
Who's your dirty girl?
I have to go pee.
How come you're not
rolling around?
Cause I can hold my liquor.
What are you doing here?
I just-
I really wanted to see you.
I'm with Charlie tonight.
I- I honestly thought
that you and I were-
We are, we are.
Just tonight, you know, I...
We have a connection, OK?
Like we've shared
really big things.
Uh, Imholz and, uh,
Pickles and, uh, Snarr.
I won't forget that.
Roberta? Roberta?
Yeah, baby?
What's he talking about?
Nothing, baby!
He's not talking about anything.
Did you two have something
to do with Pickles?
No, baby!
Pickles fell out of a tree.
We didn't have anything-
Ow! Ow!
What did you do that for?
Oh!
What are you
going to do with-
I don't know yet!
I'm thinking!
Here you go.
What do you want me to-
You write: "Dear Charlie,
"I'm sorry
but I love someone else. "
Roberta, he knew.
Your nose isn't bleeding.
Roberta, look,
I can get someone over from
the next county to take this.
She's fine.
Found your letter on him.
I guess he took the break up
pretty hard.
That, combined
with Pickles dying,
must have just been
too much for him.
Evening, Boss.
What are you doin' here?
I just thought I'd bring
Roberta some take-out.
Want a cookie?
Roberta made them.
They're peanut butter.
No, I know, I can tell.
Uh, allergic.
That's too bad.
They're delicious.
Well, see you tomorrow, Boss.
Roberta, we had to.
It's not that.
Look at this.
So, if it's two lines,
it means...
I'm pregnant.
It- Is it-
Charlie and I
always used something.
You and I tend to be
a little more spontaneous.
So what do we do?
Big day.
Yup.
You nervous?
Oliver, are you sure
you want to do this?
You've only known
the girl a few months.
Her boyfriend just died.
Her boyfriend-
she'd been trying
to end it for months, Jackie.
Excuse me.
Father.
Where's Roberta?
She's just getting ready.
Business must be good.
Saw you got a new truck.
And I didn't get
any phone calls
about helping out
with the wedding.
Sir, your daughter will
be well taken care of.
Especially now yours is the
only funeral home in the county.
Roberta?
Where are you?
In the fridge.
You're not supposed to see me
before the wedding.
Well, uh, Dad's here.
We're having
a nice father-son chat.
So I'll leave you two alone.
Roberta?
We need to talk.
I'm not calling it off.
You do this stuff
just to spite me!
Everything I do isn't about-
Listen, your mother's
been dead for a long time now.
You need to let go.
Roberta, come out of the fridge!
She's crazier than her mother.
How's it going, Shelley?
Oh no, that's all right.
Yeah, he owns that wrecking yard
in Newman's Cross right?
He what?
A half-ton pickup, huh?
Well, you tell Sam that
I'll drop by after dinner.
Hi, baby.
What do you think?
The dress looks beautiful.
It was my mother's.
Dearly beloved.
You're supposed
to not be able
to take your eyes
off your bride,
not your father-in-law.
Well, my father-in-law is
about to discover my pickup.
You got some already there.
I can just top it!
Yeah, OK.
Oliver,
I think you should leave.
Leave the country, maybe.
Oh no, I'm not
going anywhere.
Oliver, my father's
a good cop
Really? He hasn't
impressed me so far.
Leaving the country
is the only way out of this.
If he's the only one
that knows about it,
it's not the only
way out of this.
Ollie, what are you-
Yeah.
Yay!
You bastard. I'm going
to tell Dad everything!
Oh, no. No, no.
You're gonna keep
your mouth shut,
otherwise we're
both going down.
I'll be back.
Yes, some young
lady calls today,
askin' if I got any old
half-ton pick-ups for parts.
I tell her I don't got none but
she wants me to double check,
so I find this parked
way out back here.
Look familiar?
Oh yeah.
I gotta' run.
The wife's been bustin' my balls
about missin' dinner.
Aw, damn it!
Shit!
# Ah it's gettin' #
# Kind of funky up in here #
# Come on #
Hey, where'd you disappear to?
Congratulations, Oliver!
I'm sure Roberta is going
to make a very fine wife.
Thank you.
Uh, have either of you two
seen her?
Let's go sit down.
OK, OK.
Wasn't feeling too good.
Was gonna' pop over to the home
to lie down for a bit.
Said for you to come get her.
Thank you.
Honey?
So, how did you do it?
How did I do what?
Kill my father.
I dropped a minivan on him.
You know what
I love about you, Ollie?
You're so predictable.
If only Rollie had given me
the funeral home
like he said he would,
you would never have had
to be involved.
But here you are.
My perfect little patsy.
You wanted me
to kill your father?
I told you I never forgave him
for selling the funeral home.
Besides, it seems only fair
since I killed yours.
His heart couldn't quite take
a young "energetic" girl
like myself.
You screwed my dad?
To death.
This is just
between you and me.
Ow!
You're not going to stop me
from getting my home, Oliver!
OK.
Would you like a peanut, Oliver?
I love you.
I know.
Looking for this?
Where have you been?
He was my mother's.
It was a beautiful service.
# From the grave
a sad song sounds #
# I can hear the cry #
# Come living men
And view the ground #
# Where you must one day lie #
# Princes this claim
must be your bed #
# In spite of all your towers #
# Tall though was
the reverent head #
# Must lie as low as ours #
# Set down the coffin
Take off the lid #
# Lay back that linen so fine #
# Let me kiss
his cold pale cheek #
# 'Cause I know
he'll never kiss mine #
# Look up and down
life's lonesome road #
# And hang your head and cry #
# The best of friends
are bound to part #
# So why not you and I #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# All right all right
I'll leave #
# These be celebration days #
# Summer came
to my little town #
# Papa drunk in the yard
with the junkyard dogs #
# And watch the fireworks
rain down #
# Peanuts and ashes
and crimes of passion #
# Seem so intertwined #
# As they did on the rocks
reflecting in still water #
# In that little town of mine #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# Is somebody dead? #
# No we're live tonight #
# All right all right
I'll leave #
# Standin' in the road #
# With a brand new plan #
# Love costs the lives #
# Of a couple of men #
# But doesn't really matter #
# How the deed gets done #
# Bright lights flashin'
in the dark #
# We run #