Legally Blonde (2001) Movie Script
Here it is!
Thanks.
Did you guys sign it?
Did you sign the card?
And five and four and--
Hey, girls, sign!
All right! Here you go!
- Elle's gonna love it!
- Thanks.
You go, girl!
Hi, girls! Here, sign!
Thanks!
There she is.
Thank you.
I love that restaurant!
I heard Madonna
went into labor there.
Oh, gosh!
I have to go shopping!
I'll see you tonight. Bye.
Bruiser, what's this?
"Good luck tonight.
Elle and Warner forever."
Oh, that's so cute.
Oh, my gosh!
You guys are so sweet!
But I'm not positive
it'll happen tonight.
Hello! He just had lunch
with his grandmother.
You know he got the rock.
Why else would she have flown in
from Newport?
It's not like she'd Fed Ex
a six-carat diamond.
Do you really think?
I can't believe
you're getting engaged!
Oh, my gosh...
you guys have to help me
pick out the perfect outfit.
Come on!
I think you should go
with the red.
It's the color of confidence.
I don't understand
why you're disregarding...
your signature color.
He's proposing. I can't look
like I would on any other date.
This is the date--
the night I'll always remember.
I want to look special.
Bridal.
But not like I expect anything.
There's nothing I love more...
than a dumb blonde
with daddy's plastic.
Did you see this one?
We just got it in yesterday.
Is this low-viscosity rayon?
Yes. Of course.
With a half-loop
top-stitching on the hem?
Absolutely. It's one of a kind.
It's impossible to use
a half-loop top-stitching...
on low-viscosity rayon.
It would snag the fabric.
And you didn't just get it in.
I saw it in the June Vogue
a year ago.
So if you're trying to sell it
for full price...
you picked the wrong girl.
Girls, this is it.
In a few hours...
I'll be the future
Mrs. Warner Huntington III.
Wow. You look so beautiful.
So do you.
Let's get out of here.
Must be strange
having such perfect eyes.
God, you're so wonderful.
Elle, thank you.
Here's to us.
To us.
One of the reasons I wanted
to come here tonight...
was to discuss our future.
And I am fully amenable
to that discussion.
Good. You know how
we've been having...
all kinds of fun lately?
Well, Harvard
is gonna be different.
Law school is
a completely different world...
and I need to be serious.
Of course.
My family expects a lot from me.
- Right.
- I expect a lot from me.
I plan on running
for office someday.
I fully support that.
You know that.
Absolutely.
But the thing is...
if I'm going to be a senator
by the time I'm thirty...
I need to stop dicking around.
Warner, I completely agree.
That's why I think
it's time for us...
Elle, pooh bear...
- I do.
- I think we should break up.
What?
I've been thinking,
and it's the right thing to do.
You're breaking up with me?
I thought you were proposing.
Proposing?
Elle, if I'm going to be
a senator...
I need to marry a Jackie,
not a Marilyn.
You're breaking up with me
because I'm too blonde?
No. That's not entirely true.
Then what?
My boobs are too big?
Elle, your boobs are fine.
So when you said
that you would always love me...
you were just dicking around?
Elle, I do love you.
I just can't marry you.
You have no idea
of the pressure that I am under.
My family has
five generations of senators.
My brother's in the top three
at Yale Law.
He just got engaged to
a Vanderbilt,for Christ's sake.
Bad salad.
Sweetie...
Pooh bear?
It's not like I have a choice
here, sweetheart!
You get the car,
I'll get the check.
I won't be having the salad.
Let me take you home.
Elle, believe me.
I never expected to do this...
but I think
it's the right thing.
How can it be the right thing
when we're not together?
I have to think of my future...
and what my family expects
of me.
So you're breaking up with me...
because you're afraid
your family won't like me?
Everybody likes me.
East Coast people are different.
Because I'm not a Vanderbilt,
suddenly I'm white trash?
I grew up in Bel Air!
Across the street
from Aaron Spelling!
Most people would agree
that's a lot better...
than some stinky old Vanderbilt!
I told you.
I need someone serious.
But I'm seriously in love
with you.
Isn't that enough?
Pooh bear, just get in the car.
You'll ruin your shoes.
Morning, Amy.
Elle, it's Amy.
I'm having trouble
with this whole lip-liner thing.
- Sweetie, didn't you hear?
- Hear what?
It's terrible.
He dumped her.
Why me?
Because you're not gonna
remember anything after tonight.
Oh, you're wrong.
I will remember, no matter what.
And I'm never gonna lose you
again.
You couldn't.
You're a part of me.
I love you.
Liar!
Honey,
you have to leave this room.
It's been, like, a week.
- So?
- Drink this.
What always makes us
feel better...
no matter what?
She had eight
grilled cheese sandwiches.
She stuffed them
in her mouth all at once.
It was so sad.
We thought she'd be the first
to walk down the aisle...
and now she's totally adrift.
Totally.
She hasn't conditioned
her hair in a week.
Maybe she's going
for the grunge look.
And her nails
are full-on chipped.
So trailer park.
Oh, my God!
Do you know who this is?
- That's Warner's older brother!
- Who?
"Third year Yale Law student
Putnam Bowes Huntington III...
"and his fiancee
Layne Walker Vanderbilt...
"first year Yale Law."
This is the type of girl
that Warner wants to marry!
This is what I need to become
to be serious!
What?
Practically deformed?
No. A law student.
Law school?
It's a perfectly
respectable place, daddy.
Honey,
you were first runner up...
at the Miss Hawaiian Tropics
contest.
Why are you gonna
throw that all away?
Going to Harvard
is the only way...
I'll get
the love of my life back.
Sweetheart,
you don't need law school.
Law school is for people...
who are boring and ugly
and serious.
And you, Button,
are none of those things.
Harvard Law School?
That's right.
But that's a top three school.
Oh, I have a 4.0.
Yes, but your major
is fashion merchandising.
Harvard won't be impressed that
you aced History of Polka Dots.
What are your back-ups?
I don't need back-ups.
I'm going to Harvard.
Well, then, you'll need...
excellent recommendations
from your professors.
And a heck
of an admissions essay.
Right.
And at least a 175
on your LSATs.
I once had to judge
a tighty-whitey contest...
for Lambda Kappa Pi.
Trust me, I can handle anything.
Thanks!
You're welcome.
Because I have a metrabolism--
- I have a really high metrab--
- It's metabol...
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
Reading about the LSATs.
My cousin had that.
Apparently, you get
a really bad rash on your...
The LSATs are an exam.
Girls, I'm going to Harvard!
- You mean like on vay-kay?
- Let's all go!
Road trip!
No. I'm going
to Harvard Law School.
Why?
Elle, now, I know
you're upset about all this...
but can't you just take
a Percoset?
Once Warner sees me
as a serious law student...
he'll totally want me back.
It's a completely brilliant
plan!
But isn't it hard
to get into law school?
I had the highest GPA
in Delta Nu.
Oh, well.
Here, you're gonna need this.
Your scrunchy?
My lucky scrunchy.
It helped me pass Spanish.
You passed Spanish because
you gave Professor Montoya...
a lap dance after the final.
Yeah...luckily.
My name is Elle Woods,
and for my admissions essay...
I'm gonna tell all of you
at Harvard...
why I'm gonna make
an amazing lawyer.
As president of my sorority...
I'm skilled at commanding
the attention of a room...
and discussing
very important issues.
It has come to my attention
that the maintenance staff...
is switching our toilet paper
from Charmin...
to generic.
All those opposed to chafing
please say "aye."
A-- neither type of opera...
or neither type of rap
is on sale.
B-- neither type of jazz...
and neither type of opera
is on sale.
C-- neither type of opera
and neither type of soul--
Party!
Delta Nu, we love you!
I'm able to recall
hundreds of important details...
at the drop of a hat.
Hey, Elle,
do you know what happened...
on Days of Our Lives yesterday?
Why, yes, Margot, I do.
Once again, we join Hope
in the search for her identity.
As you know, she's been
brainwashed by the evil Stefano.
Get set and go!
One forty-three.
I feel comfortable using
legal jargon in everyday life.
I object!
It's here!
- What?
- It's here!
The LSAT scores! It's here!
Open the scores!
What's the score?
- This is so exciting.
- Tell us!
What is it?
One seventy-nine!
One seventy-nine!
And that's why
you should vote for me...
Elle Woods,future lawyer
for the class of 2004.
She does have a 4.0 from CULA...
and she got a 179 on her LSATs.
A fashion major?
Well, sir,
we've never had one before...
and aren't we always
looking for diversity?
Her list of extracurricular
activities is impressive.
She was in a Ricky Martin video.
Clearly,
she's interested in music.
She also designed
a line of faux fur panties...
for her sorority's
charity project.
She's a friend to the animals
as well as a philanthropist.
Elle Woods...
welcome to Harvard.
Bruiser, it's so exciting!
Look! Harvard!
Are you excited?
This is our new house
for the next three years.
Are you thirsty?
Let's get you some water.
Sweetheart,
you just look parched.
Hey, Brad,
check out Malibu Barbie!
Where's the beach, honey?
Here you go.
Good boy. Warner's gonna be
so excited to see you.
Guys, this way.
- This ain't L.A.!
- Come on, Bruiser.
Check her out.
Look at the way she walks.
It's gonna be so exciting.
Now, don't be scared.
Everyone will love you.
Hi. Woods, comma, Elle.
Class schedule, map, book list.
Wait a second. My social events
calendar is missing.
Your what?
Social events--
you know, mixers,formals...
clambakes, trips to the Cape.
Has Warner Huntington III
checked in yet?
Maybe you should check
with the cruise director...
on the Lido deck.
Welcome to law school.
This is the part where
we go around in a circle...
and everyone says a little bit
about themselves.
Let's start with you.
My name is David Kidney.
I have a masters
in Russian literature...
a Ph.D in biochemistry...
and for the last
eighteen months...
I've been deworming orphans
in Somalia.
Awesome. What about you?
Hey. How you doin'?
I'm Enid Wexler.
I got a Ph.D. from Berkeley
in women's studies...
emphasis
in the history of combat...
and last year,
I single-handedly organized...
the march for
Lesbians Against Drunk Driving.
- Killer.
- Thanks. Good times.
Aaron Mitchell.
I graduated first in my class
from Princeton.
I have an I.Q. of 187...
and it's been suggested
that Stephen Hawking...
stole
his Brief History of Time...
from my fourth grade paper.
Cool.
- Me?
- Yeah.
Hi. I'm Elle Woods
and this is Bruiser Woods...
and we're both
Gemini vegetarians.
I have a bachelor's degree
in fashion merchandising...
from CULA, and I was
a Zeta Lambda Nu sweetheart...
president of my sorority,
Delta Nu...
and last year,
I was homecoming queen.
Two weeks ago I saw
Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal...
and I talked her
out of buying...
this truly heinous
angora sweater.
Whoever said orange was the new
pink was seriously disturbed.
Wish me luck, Bruiser.
This is my first class
as a serious law student.
I totally look the part.
There is no way
she got in here on her own.
I totally forgot you go here.
What are you talking about?
I'm sorry.
Are you here to see me?
No, silly. I go here.
You go where?
Harvard. Law school.
You got into Harvard Law?
What, like it's hard?
Oh, my gosh, Warner,
it'll be so great.
I'm planning this great mixer.
You have to help me.
I'm thinking like
a luau or casino night.
It'll be just like senior year
except funner.
Time to go.
I have to go to class...
but meet me after
on the benches.
All right, bye!
A legal education
means you will learn...
to speak in a new language.
You will be taught
to achieve insight...
into the world around you...
and to sharply question
what you know.
The seat you have picked
will be yours...
for the next nine months
of your life.
And those of you
in the front row...
beware.
"The law is reason
free from passion."
Does anyone know
who spoke those immortal words?
- Yes?
- Aristotle.
Are you sure?
Would you be willing
to stake your life on it?
I think so.
What about his life?
I don't know.
Well, I recommend
knowing before speaking.
The law leaves much room
for interpretation...
but very little for self-doubt.
And you were right.
It was Aristotle.
Good job.
Now, I assume all of you
have read pages 1-48...
and are now well-versed
in subject matter jurisdiction.
Who can tell us about
Gordon vs. Steele?
Let's call on someone
from the hot zone.
Elle Woods?
Actually, I wasn't aware
that we had an assignment.
Vivian Kensington.
Do you think it's acceptable
that Ms. Woods is not prepared?
I don't.
Would you support my decision
to ask her to leave class...
and to return
only when she is prepared?
Absolutely.
Now, Ms. Kensington...
did diversity jurisdiction
exist in this case?
No, it did not.
Good. How about in the case
of Owens vs. McCullogh?
I can't believe that girl.
So stupid!
Who does she think she is?
Excuse me. Are you OK?
Do they put you on the spot
like that all the time?
The professors?
They tend to do that.
Socratic method.
If you don't know the answers,
they just kick you out?
You have Stromwell, huh?
Yes!
Did she do that to you, too?
No.
But she did make me cry once.
Not in class. I waited
till I got back to my room...
but she'll kick you
right in the ball--
Or wherever, you know.
She's really tough.
Great.
Don't worry, it gets better.
Who else do you have?
I have Callahan, Royalton,
and Levinthal.
Let's see, speak up
in Callahan's class.
He really likes people
that are opinionated.
And in Royalton's class...
try to get a seat in the back.
He spits when he talks
about products liability.
And for Levinthal, make sure
you read the footnotes.
That's where he gets
a lot of his exam questions.
Right.
Wow.
I'm really glad I met you.
Are you a third year?
- Well--
- Hey, Elle.
Hi!
Thanks for all your help.
Good luck.
So...
how was your first class?
It was good, except for
this horrible preppy girl...
who made me look bad
in front of the professor.
But no biggie.
You're here now.
So, how was your summer?
Good. It was good.
Did you do anything exciting?
Have you met Vivian?
Hi. Vivian Kensington.
Do you know her?
- She's--
- I'm his fiancee.
I'm sorry.
I just hallucinated. What?
She was my girlfriend
in prep school.
And, well, we got back together
this summer...
at my grandmother's
birthday party.
Warner told me all about you.
You're famous at our club.
But he didn't tell me
you'd be here.
Pooh bear,
I didn't know she would be here.
Excuse me.
Oh, thank God!
Are you free?
It's an emergency.
Bad day?
You can't even imagine.
Spill.
I worked so hard
to get into law school.
I blew off Greek week
to study for the LSATs.
I even hired a Coppola
to direct my admissions video.
All to get
my boyfriend Warner back.
And now he's engaged
to this awful girl Vivian...
so it was all for nothing,
and I...
I just wish...
I just wish
I had never gone to Harvard.
After you went
to all that trouble.
He's engaged!
She's got
the six-carat Harry Winston...
on her bony, unpolished finger.
What am I supposed to do?
You're asking the wrong girl.
I mean, I'm with my guy
eight years...
and then one day, it's...
"I met someone else.
Move out."
Oh, no. That's awful.
Dewey kept the trailer
and my precious baby Rufus.
I didn't even get to throw him
a birthday party.
What's a girl to do?
He's a guy
who followed his pecker...
to greener pastures...
and I'm a middle-aged
high-school dropout...
who's got stretch marks
and a fat ass.
That's terrible.
Yep. Happens every day.
So what's this Vivian got
that you don't have?
Three tits?
She's from Connecticut.
She belongs
to his stupid country club.
Is she as pretty as you?
She could use some mascara
and some serious highlights...
but she's not completely
unfortunate looking.
Hello, ladies.
- Hey, there.
- How you doing? Sign here.
Oh, jeez.
Look what I did.
- See you later.
- Bye-bye, sugar.
Aw, shit.
Could I have been
any more goddamn spastic?
It's OK.
Are you sure this
Warner guy is, like, the one?
Definitely. I love him.
Well, if a girl like you
can't hold on to her man...
then there sure as hell isn't
any hope for the rest of us.
What are you waiting for?
Steal the bastard back.
I should warn you...
that in addition to competing
against each other...
for the top grade
in this class...
you will also be competing
for one of my firm's...
highly coveted four
internship spots next year...
where you will get to assist
on actual cases.
Let the bloodbath begin.
Now, let's commence
with our usual torture.
Ms. Woods...
would you rather have a client
who committed a crime...
malum in se
or malum prohibitum?
Neither.
And why is that?
I would rather have a client
who's innocent.
Dare to dream, Ms. Woods.
Ms. Kensington,
which would you prefer?
Malum prohibitum.
Because then the client
would have committed...
a regulatory infraction as
opposed to a dangerous crime.
Well done, Ms. Kensington.
You've obviously done
your homework.
Now let us look
at malum prohibitum...
a little more closely.
It has been said--
Yes, Ms. Woods?
I changed my mind.
I'd pick the dangerous one...
'cause I'm not afraid
of a challenge.
Who is that?
Wow.
Guys.
- Can she play?
- Hi!
Get outta here.
- Hi, everybody.
- Elle, what are you doing here?
I've come to join
your study group.
Look, I brought sustenance.
Who's first?
Our group is full.
Is this like an RSVP thing?
No. It's like
a smart people thing.
And as Viv said, we're full.
Come on, we can make room
for one more.
We've already assigned
the outlines.
The answer is no.
Oh, OK.
I'll just leave, then.
Hey, maybe
there's, like, a sorority...
you could, like,
join instead, like?
If you had come
to a rush party...
I would have at least
been nice to you.
Is that before
you voted against me...
and then called me a dyke
behind my back?
I don't use that word.
You must have heard it
from Vivian.
- Hello?
- Hey, it's me.
It's Elle! Guess what
I'm doing right this second!
I don't know. What?
I'm picking out
my wedding dress!
- What?
- Josh proposed!
Did you get the rock yet?
Almost.
Well, hurry up,
so you can come home!
We miss you!
I miss you guys, too.
The people here are so vile.
Hardly anybody speaks to me--
Oh, my God!
I almost forgot to tell you!
What?
I got bangs!
My hair is so now.
Really?
OK, so just listen to me.
Keep June 1st open,
you're one of my bridesmaids...
and give Warner our love...
because I'm getting married!
So don't forget. Eight o'clock
at 45 Dunston Street.
- It'll be a really nice party.
- We'll be there.
And don't forget
to bring your own merlot!
No way! Is somebody at this
school actually having a party?
Yes...
But it's a costume party.
You probably
wouldn't want to come.
I love costume parties.
Well, then I guess
we'll see you there.
Oh, at 45 Dunston Street.
Oh, my God!
Thanks for inviting me, girls.
This party is super fun.
Nice outfit.
I like your outfit, too.
Except when I dress up
as a frigid bitch...
I try not to look
so constipated.
Oh, she's horrible.
You've got the ring, sweetie.
- Nice ears.
- How you doin'?
Warner,
the English language...
is all about
subliminal domination.
Take the word semester.
A perfect example
of this school's...
discriminatory preference
of semen to ovaries.
That's why I'm petitioning
to have next term...
be referred to
as the winter ovester.
- Excuse me. Hey, Warner.
- Wow!
Don't you look like
a walking felony?
Thank you. You're so sweet.
Are you having fun?
I am now.
What's with the costume?
I just decided to dress up.
Really.
I feel like we barely
get to see each other...
since we've been here.
I know. I'm so busy with
these case studies and hypos.
I know what you mean.
I can't imagine doing...
all this and Callahan's
internship next year.
That's gonna be so much.
Elle, come on,
you'll never get the grades...
to qualify
for one of those spots.
You're not smart enough,
sweetie.
Wait, am I on glue...
or did we not get into
the same law school?
Yeah, but--
But what?
We took the same LSATs...
and we're taking
the same classes.
I know, but come on,
Elle, be serious.
You can do something
more valuable with your time.
I'm never going to be
good enough for you, am I?
- Oh, come on.
- Just forget it!
I'll show you how valuable
Elle Woods can be!
- Don't ask.
- Wasn't gonna.
I love that sweater.
It's Chanel.
Look.
Was she carrying books?
Thanks.
So, you've filed a claim.
What next?
Ms. Woods?
Don't you need to have evidence?
Meaning?
Meaning you need
reasonable belief...
that your claim should have,
like, evidenciary support?
And what kind
of evidenciary support...
does this case require?
All sorts of things--
corrupt cops
who are wheeling and dealing...
And the purpose
of diminished capacity is?
To negate mens rea?
Are you ready?
Yes, you are!
Go. You can do this.
Listen to me, Dewey.
You shut your mouth.
No, you shut your big mouth.
I'm doing all the talking.
What the hell do you want?
We're eating lunch.
I just thought that...
You just thought
you could come here...
and show me what
I'm definitely not missing?
That's not why I came by.
How many times
you gonna come over here...
begging me
to take you back, huh?
I was...
Dewey Newcombe?
Who's asking?
I'm Elle Woods.
Miss Bonifante's attorney.
Yasal bir durumdan dolay burda bulunuyorum
Tekrarlar msn?
Paylama hakk nedir biliyor musunuz?
- Hayr.
- Bilmediinizden emindim.
Well, due to habeas corpus...
you and Miss Bonifante
had a common law marriage...
which heretofore
entitles her...
to what is
legally referred to...
as equitable division
of the assets.
Come again?
Due to the fact that you've
retained this residence...
Miss Bonifante is entitled...
to full canine
property ownership...
and will be enforcing
said ownership right now.
Tell him, Paulette.
I'm taking the dog, dumbass!
That's awesome! We did it!
Come here.
Oh, my gosh, did you see him?
He's probably still
scratching his head.
Which must be a nice vacation
for his balls.
Thank you.
According to
Swinney vs. Neubert...
Swinney, who was also
a private sperm donor...
was allowed visitation rights
as long as he came to terms...
with the hours
set forth by the parents.
So, if we're sticking
to past precedent...
Mr. Latimer wasn't stalking.
He was clearly within his rights
to ask for visitation.
But Swinney was
a one-time sperm donor...
and our defendant
was an habitual sperm donor...
who also happens to be
harassing the parents...
in his quest for visitation.
But without this man's sperm...
the child in question
wouldn't exist.
Now you're
thinking like a lawyer.
Yes, Ms. Woods?
Although Mr. Huntington
makes an excellent point...
I have to wonder
if the defendant...
kept a thorough record
of every sperm emission...
made throughout his life.
Interesting. Why do you ask?
Unless the defendant
attempted to contact...
every single one-night stand
to determine...
if a child resulted
in those unions...
he has no parental claim
over this child whatsoever.
Why now? Why this sperm?
I see your point.
And for that matter,
all masturbatory emissions...
where his sperm was clearly
not seeking an egg...
could be termed
reckless abandonment.
I believe
you've just won your case.
Ms. Woods, you did well today.
Really?
You're applying
for my internship, aren't you?
I don't know.
You should.
Do you have a resume?
Yes, I do.
Here it is.
It's pink.
And it's scented.
I think it gives
it a little something extra.
See you next class.
Do you think she woke up
one morning and said...
"I think I'll go
to law school today."
That lapse in judgment aside...
I think
she's got a lot of potential.
Here's the Windham file.
Smell this.
What's that?
It's her resume.
Smells good.
What's going on?
Callahan's firm
is defending a murder trial.
His case load is so big,
he's taking first year interns.
He picked them already?
My God,
I can't believe it, Warner!
We got it!
That only leaves one for...
Me!
Yes!
Remember when we spent
those four amazing hours...
in the hot tub
after winter formal?
Yeah-- No.
This is so much better
than that!
Excuse me.
I have some shopping to do.
Four hours?
You look very nice today,
Vivian.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
We're defending
Brooke Windham...
whose very wealthy husband
was found shot to death...
in their Beacon Hill mansion.
Gold digger?
You'd think so
since the stiff was 60...
but she was rich on her own.
Some kind of fitness empire.
You can buy her exercise tapes
on infomercials.
Are you talking about
Brooke Taylor?
Maiden name-- Taylor.
You know her?
She's a Delta Nu!
She wasn't in my pledge class.
She graduated
four years before me.
But I used to take her class
at the Los Angeles Sports Club.
She's amazing!
Amazing? How?
She can make you lose
three pounds in one class.
She's completely gifted.
In all likelihood,
she's completely guilty.
She was seen standing over
her husband's dead body.
By who?
His 26-year-old daughter
and the pool boy.
Sorry, I'm late.
Excuse me.
This is Emmett Richmond,
another associate...
top three in his class...
and former editor of
"Harvard Law Review."
You've probably seen him...
lurking around campus
doing my research.
Thanks for the introduction.
What about the murder weapon?
The gun is missing.
The coroner said
he'd been dead 30 minutes...
when the cops arrived.
Giving Brooke
plenty of time to stash it.
I just don't think
Brooke could have done this.
Exercise gives you endorphins.
Endorphins make you happy.
Happy people
don't shoot their husbands.
They just don't.
I didn't do it.
I walked in...
I saw my husband
lying on the floor...
I bent down to check his heart,
screamed my head off...
then Enrique and Chutney
ran inside.
Your step-daughter
and the pool boy came in...
where they saw you
standing over the body...
covered in his blood.
Why would I kill my husband?
Insurance, a love affair,
pure unadulterated hatred.
The D.A. will come up
with plenty of reasons.
I loved him.
He was 34 years older
than you.
That doesn't
look so good to a jury.
Then show them
a picture of his dick.
That might clear
a few things up.
Brooke, I believe you...
but a jury
is going to want an alibi.
I can't give you that...
and if you put me
on the stand, I'll lie.
Then I guess
we're done for today.
I know you.
I'm a Delta Nu,
and I'm a huge fan of yours.
You took my class in L.A.
You had the best high-kick
I've ever seen.
Are you one of my lawyers?
Sort of.
Well, thank God
one of you has a brain.
Let's go.
I'm the only one
that believes her.
Callahan totally thinks
she's guilty.
That's because men are
big fat retards who don't--
Afternoon, ladies.
It's him.
Paulette Bonifante.
Oh, my God.
He's coming over here.
I've got a package.
He's got a package.
How you doing today?
Fine.
Take it easy.
See you later.
That's great, Paulette.
Is this the only interaction
you two have ever had?
No. Sometimes I say
"OK" instead of "fine."
Why don't you offer him
a cold beverage...
or a neck massage
or something?
What's the point?
Trust me, Paulette.
You have all the equipment...
you just need
to read the manual.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I'll show you
a little maneuver...
my mother taught me
in junior high.
In my experience,
it has a 98% success rate...
of getting a man's attention...
and when used appropriately...
it has an 83% rate of return
on a dinner invitation.
Wow!
It's called "the bend and snap."
Watch this.
"Oh! I think I dropped
something on the floor."
So you bend...and snap!
See?
Come on. You try it.
Bend...and snap!
OK...
a little less bend,
a little more snap.
Like this?
Good snap.
Come on.
You! Come on, you can do it.
Bend...and snap.
Very, very good.
We can all do it!
- Come on, guys.
- I can't do that.
You're gonna bend...
and snap!
Now put your head into it.
Bend...and snap!
Bend...and snap! Good job!
A little attitude, please.
Now, everybody smile.
That's very important.
Pump! Pump! Pump!
Bend...and snap!
Good job, everybody!
Work it out! Work it out!
That's it! Wow!
Come on, Paulette!
Bend and snap!
Oh, my God! The bend and snap!
Works every time!
If Brooke didn't kill the guy,
then who did?
My money is on the angry
daughter or the ex-wife.
Chutney has a trust fund.
She didn't need the insurance
pay off or the inheritance.
What about the mother?
Covered.
She was in Aspen at the time.
Vivian, get me some plum sauce.
Ten people saw her
downing cosmopolitans...
at the Caribou Club.
All I know is it's not Brooke.
That's touching,
but we need an alibi.
I brought you
some necessities--
some Calvin Klein
the entire Clinique
skin care line...
some aromatherapy candles,
a loofah...
And the Bible.
You're an angel.
So how are you?
Are you all right?
You look so...orange.
I'm just glad
it's you and not Callahan.
He means well.
He's very brilliant.
He better be for what
I'm paying for him.
I have to tell you
the real reason I came here.
Professor Callahan says
we really need your alibi.
Elle, I can't.
You don't understand.
Who could understand
better than me?
It's so shameful.
Whatever it is, Brooke,
it could save you.
That's just it.
It would ruin me.
How?
I've made my fortune
on the ability...
to perfect women's bodies with
Brooke's Butt-Buster workout.
You helped me
go from a six to a four.
That's great!
On the day of
Heyworth's murder...
I was getting...
What?
I was getting liposuction.
Liposuction!
Oh, God!
I know! I'm a fraud!
It's not like normal women
can have this ass!
If my fans
knew that I bought it...
I would lose everything!
I've already lost my husband.
I'd rather go to jail
than lose my reputation.
Brooke...
your secret's safe with me.
Thank you.
Vivian, grab me some coffee.
We got two interviews
tomorrow...
that Gerard and Bobby
will handle.
The ex-wife in an hour.
According to this communique
from the prison...
our client apparently
had a visit from her sister...
a Miss Delta Nu.
Anyone you know?
Yes. I went to visit her.
What the hell do you mean
you went to visit her?
I went to get her alibi.
Did you get it?
It's really good.
Great. What is it?
I can't tell you.
Why the hell not?
Because I promised her
I'd keep it a secret...
and I can't break the bonds
of sisterhood.
Screw sisterhood!
This is a murder trial...
not some scandal
at the sorority house.
I want the alibi!
I can't give it to you...
but I can tell you
she is innocent.
Mrs. Windham Vandermark
is on line two for you.
Someone reason with her
while I take this.
Are you crazy?
Just tell him the alibi.
We'll lose this case
if you don't.
Then we're not
very good lawyers.
If you tell him, he'll probably
hire you as a summer associate.
Who cares about Brooke?
Think about yourself.
I gave her my word, Warner.
So what?
The ex-wife seems
to be unconcerned...
with the fact
that her interview is today.
She's at a spa
in the Berkshires.
A spa? Isn't that
like your mothership?
I could go if you want me to.
Emmett? Go with her.
She seems completely
untrustworthy to me.
Why?
This is a person
who's made her living...
by telling women
that they're too fat.
Brooke would never tell
a woman she was too fat.
And she seems like
she's hiding something.
Maybe it's not what you think.
Maybe it's exactly what I think.
You're really being a butthead.
A butthead?
Why would you call me that?
You need to have
a little more faith in people.
You might be surprised.
I can't believe
you called me a butthead.
No one's called me that
since the ninth grade.
Maybe not to your face.
So this is what a spa
looks like. Wow.
How do we find her?
I called ahead.
She's in the mud room.
She's not naked, is she?
Mrs. Windham Vandermark?
So you found me.
We're from Austen, Platt,
Jaret, and Callahan...
and we're here to ask you
a few questions.
So I hear that little tart
from California...
shot poor Heyworth.
That's what we're trying
to prove didn't happen.
Do you have any reason
to believe that it did?
I've never
actually met the woman...
but my daughter tells me...
she can be
quite the little bitch.
Did your daughter
ever mention anything...
about the relationship
between Brooke and Heyworth?
She did say that
they humped like gorillas.
I guess it wasn't enough,
though,for Brooke.
Why do you say that?
Well...
haven't you seen
the cabana boy?
She's lying.
And you know this for a fact?
Did you see the icky
brown color of her hair?
So? Now you discriminate
against brunettes?
Why not? I'm discriminated
against as a blonde.
Being a blonde is actually
a pretty powerful thing.
You hold more cards
than you think you do.
I personally would like
to see you take that power...
and channel it
towards the greater good.
Thanks.
I'll see you tomorrow.
All right.
How do you think
I'd look as a blonde?
I'm not sure
you could handle it.
- Good night.
- Bye.
So, I called your room
last night.
I heard.
I was thinking maybe
we could go out sometime.
No. You're a dork.
I'm in law school.
Look, I'm not going out
with you.
I can't believe you'd even ask.
Girls like me don't go out
with losers like you.
Let's get out of here.
Excuse me.
Why didn't you call me?
What?
We spent a beautiful
night together...
and I never hear from you again?
I...
I'm sorry?
Sorry for what?
For breaking my heart...
or for giving me
the greatest pleasure...
I've ever known and then
just taking it away?
Both?
Well,forget it.
I've spent too many hours
crying over you.
So...when did
you want to go out?
Come in.
Are you done with
that deposition yet?
Yeah. Here, take it.
I've read it 20 times.
You know, Elle,
I still can't believe...
you didn't tell
Callahan the alibi.
It's not my alibi to tell.
I know.
And I thought
that was very classy of you.
Really?
Sure.
Thanks.
Did you ever notice how
Callahan never asks Warner...
to bring him his coffee?
He's asked me at least
ten times.
Men are helpless.
You know that.
I know. Warner doesn't
even do his own laundry.
He has to have it sent out.
I know.
Did you know
when he first applied...
he got wait-listed.
What?
His father had to make a call.
You're kidding.
No way!
God, that is
such a precious dog.
His name is Bruiser.
Do you want to hold him?
- He's very friendly.
- Sure.
Look, he likes you.
He's giving me kisses.
Thanks, Jeoff.
We're here today covering
the trial of Brooke Windham.
She's charged with
the murder of her husband...
Boston millionaire
Heyworth Windham.
First to testify are the
victim's daughter and ex-wife.
The Superior Court of Suffolk
County is now in session.
The Honorable Judge
Marina R. Bickford presiding.
You may be seated.
And where was she exactly?
Standing over
my father's dead body.
And what was
the defendant doing?
She was sitting
next to the pool, topless...
while the Latin boy
handed her a drink.
Mr. Salvatore,
can you tell us what this is?
My uniform.
This is the uniform...
Mrs. Windham asked you to wear
while cleaning her pool?
Are you having an affair
with Brooke Windham?
Define "affair."
Have you and Mrs. Windham
had sexual relations?
Yes. OK? Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen,
court will reconvene...
tomorrow morning at 9 A.M.
We're adjourned.
A Delta Nu would never sleep
with a man who wears a thong.
Never!
I just liked watching
him clean the filter.
I believe you, Brooke.
- Take care of me, Elle.
- I will.
I got a big one for you.
Can you sign?
I got it.
You broke his nose?
I blew it, Elle.
My snap was
all over the place.
I'll be there
as soon as court is out.
We have to
cross-examine Enrique.
But don't worry.
My girlfriend Serena...
barfed on a guy during
"The Blair Witch Project"...
and they ended up dating
for three months.
Really?
All right. Bye-bye.
OK. Bye.
Don't stomp your little
last-season Prada shoes at me.
These aren't last season.
- He's gay! Enrique's gay!
- What?
What kind of shoes are these?
Black ones.
- See!
- What are you talking about?
He isn't Brooke's lover.
He's making it up.
Back up.
How do you know he's gay?
Gay men know designers.
Straight men don't.
Know what?
He left a Cher tape
in the pool house one time.
While I appreciate
your masterful legal theory...
I have a murder trial
to attend to.
I'll take care of it.
Thanks.
The court will come to order.
Mr. Salvatore,
do you have any proof...
that you and Mrs. Windham
were having an affair?
Only the love in my heart.
If that's all the proof
that he has, Your Honor...
I think I'm done here.
You may step down.
I'd like to ask a couple
of questions, Your Honor.
Just give me a couple minutes.
Did you ever take
Mrs. Windham on a date?
- Yes.
- Where?
A restaurant where
no one could recognize us.
How long have you been
sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
Three months.
- And your boyfriend's name is...
- Chuck.
Silence!
Pardon me!
Yes, Mr. Salvatore?
I was confused.
I thought you said friend.
Chuck is just a friend.
You bitch!
Chuck, wait!
Silence in my court!
Sit down, Mr. Salvatore.
Silence in my courtroom!
How did I miss that?
You were great.
Silence in my courtroom!
Thanks.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Callahan asked to see you
before you leave.
Really?
He already has coffee,
but maybe he needs a doughnut.
- Do you need any help?
- No. I'm fine.
OK. Bye.
Come on in.
Sit down.
Is everything all right?
You followed
your intuition today...
and you were right on target.
I should have listened.
Thank you.
About the alibi...
I'm sorry--
I'm impressed you took
the initiative to go get it.
That's what makes a good lawyer.
On top of that,
you gained the client's trust...
and kept it-- that's what
makes a great lawyer.
You're smart, Elle.
Smarter than most of
the guys on my payroll.
Wow.
I think it's time
to discuss your career path.
Have you thought about where
you might be a summer associate?
Not really.
I know it's very competitive.
You know what competition's
really about?
It's about ferocity, carnage.
Balancing human intelligence
with animal diligence.
Knowing exactly what you want...
and how far you'll go
to get it.
How far will Elle go?
Are you hitting on me?
You're a beautiful girl.
So everything you just said...
I'm a man
who knows what he wants.
And I'm a law student
who just realized...
her professor
is a pathetic asshole.
Too bad. I thought
you were a law student...
who wanted to be a lawyer!
You almost had me fooled.
What?
Maybe you should sleep
with the jury, too.
Then we can win the case.
I'm quitting.
Why?
Law school was a mistake.
This internship was a mistake.
What are you talking about?
You earned it.
I didn't earn anything.
Callahan only gave me
that internship...
because he liked the way
I looked.
Which he made clear tonight
when he tried to feel me up.
Callahan did what?
Just forget about it.
I'm going back to L.A.
No more boring suits.
No more pantyhose.
No more trying to be
something that I'm just--
I'm just not.
What if you're trying
to be somebody you are?
The hell with Callahan.
Stay.
Call me if you're ever
in California.
What's the point in staying,
Paulette?
All people see
when they look at me...
is blond hair and big boobs.
No one's ever gonna
take me seriously.
The people at law school don't.
Warner doesn't.
I don't think my own parents
take me seriously.
I just felt, like,
for the first time...
that someone expected me to...
to do something more
with my life...
than become
a Victoria's Secret model.
But I was just kidding myself.
Callahan never saw me
as a lawyer...
just as a piece of ass.
Just like everybody else.
Turns out I am a joke.
No, you're not a joke.
The hell with law school.
I just wanted to say good-bye.
If you're going to let one
stupid prick ruin your life...
you're not the girl
I thought you were.
Did you go in there knowing how
to discredit Mr. Salvatore?
Absolutely.
It's a little thing
I'd like to call strategy.
I had a feeling
about Mr. Salvatore...
Is he always such an ass?
He's the top defense
attorney in the state.
Of course he's an ass.
Fine. Is he an ass
that'll win my case?
He's an ass that'll try.
He thinks I'm guilty.
That's not what's important.
If he doesn't trust me,
why should I trust him?
Ask Elle. She looked pretty cozy
with him last night.
You don't know what the hell
you're talking about.
What's going on here?
- Elle quit.
- What?
Callahan hit on her,
so she quit.
My God. Scumbag.
- Oh, God.
- What?
I feel terrible.
I made a huge mistake.
Maybe there's something
we can do about it.
Thank you.
What are you so happy about?
You're on trial for murder.
Get up.
What?
You're fired.
I have new representation.
Who?
Excuse you,
you're in my way.
She's a law student.
She can't defend you.
Massachusetts Supreme
Judicial Court ruling 3.03.
See? Thank you, David.
Counselors,
approach the bench.
- You're not going up there.
- Yes, I am.
Maybe you didn't hear me.
You're fired.
Counselors, now.
All of you.
Elle Woods, Your Honor.
Rule 3.03 of
Supreme Judicial Court...
states that a law student
may appear on behalf...
of a defendant
in criminal proceedings.
Your Honor,
I have no problem with this.
I do.
I'm not allowing it.
But you agreed last night.
In your office...
when we were discussing
my career.
The ruling also states...
that you need a licensed
attorney to supervise you.
- Mr. Callahan?
- That I won't agree to.
I'll supervise, Your Honor.
Well, Ms. Woods, proceed.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Enjoy prison.
Mrs. Windham, you do realize
what you're doing?
Absolutely.
Oh, my God! There she is!
We came to see your trial!
Look how cute.
There's a judge and everything.
- And jury people.
- Vote for Elle!
Ladies, take a seat.
Go, girl.
Do you swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth...
and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?
- I do.
- Be seated.
Ms. Woods, you may begin
your questioning.
First of all
I would like to point out...
that not only is there
no proof in this case...
but there is a complete
lack of mens rea...
which by definition tells us
there can be no crime...
without a vicious will.
I am aware of the meaning
of mens rea.
What I'm unaware of...
is why you're giving me
a vocabulary lesson...
when you should be
questioning your witness.
Yes, Your Honor.
Miss Windham...
when you arrived
back at the house...
was your father there?
Not that I saw,
but like I said...
I went straight upstairs
to take a shower.
And when you came downstairs,
what happened?
I saw Brooke
standing over his body...
drenched in his blood.
But Mrs. Windham
didn't have a gun?
No. She'd stashed it
by then.
Move to strike that
from the record, Your Honor.
- It's speculation.
- So stricken.
Go ahead.
Miss Windham,
did you hear a shot fired?
No. I was in the shower.
So, sometime
in the 20 minutes...
that you were in the shower,
your father was shot.
I guess.
Your father was shot
while you were in the shower...
but you didn't hear
the shot because...
because you were in the shower?
I was washing my hair.
Where is she going with this?
Have a little faith, Gerard.
Miss Windham...
what had you done
earlier that day?
I got up...
got a latte,
went to the gym...
got a perm, and came home.
Where you got in the shower?
I believe the witness
has made it clear...
that she was in the shower.
Yes, Your Honor.
Miss Windham, had you
ever gotten a perm before?
How many would you say?
Two a year since I was 12.
You do the math.
A girl in my sorority,
Tracy Marcinko, got a perm once.
We all tried
to talk her out of it.
Curls weren't
a good look for her.
She didn't have
your bone structure.
But, thankfully,
that same day...
she entered the Beta Delta Pi
wet t-shirt contest...
where she was completely
hosed down from head to toe.
Objection!
Why is this relevant?
I have a point, I promise.
Then make it.
Yes, ma'am.
Chutney, why were
Tracy Marcinko's curls ruined...
when she got hosed down?
Because they got wet?
Exactly. Isn't it
the first cardinal rule...
of perm maintenance that you're
forbidden to wet your hair...
for at least 24 hours
after getting a perm...
at the risk of deactivating
the ammonium thioglycolate?
And wouldn't somebody
who's had, say, 30 perms...
in their life
be well aware of this rule?
And if in fact
you weren't washing your hair...
as I suspect, because
your curls are still intact...
wouldn't you have heard
the gunshot?
And if in fact
you had heard the gunshot...
Brooke Windham wouldn't have
had time to hide the gun...
before you got downstairs...
which would mean you would
have had to have found...
Mrs. Windham
with a gun in her hand...
to make your story plausible.
Isn't that right?
She's my age!
Did she tell you that?
How would you feel if your
father married someone your age?
You, however,
had time to hide the gun...
after you shot your father.
I didn't mean to shoot him.
I thought it was you
walking through the door!
Order! Order!
Order!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Bailiff,
take the witness into custody...
where she will be charged for
the murder of Heyworth Windham.
In the matter of
The State vs. Brooke Windham...
this case is dismissed.
Mrs. Windham,
you are free to go.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Elle, how did you know
Chutney was lying?
Because she's brilliant,
of course.
The rules of hair care
are simple and finite.
Any Cosmo Girl
would have known.
What?
I just wanted to say...
that you were
so brilliant in there.
And that I was wrong.
And you are the girl for me.
Really?
Pooh bear...I love you.
I've waited so long
to hear you say that.
But if I'm gonna be a partner at
a law firm by the time I'm 30...
I need a boyfriend who's not
such a complete bonehead.
Thank you, boys.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I present the graduates
of Harvard Law School...
Class of 2004.
I am personally
very honored to introduce...
this year's
class-elected speaker.
After getting off
to a quite interesting start...
here at Harvard...
she graduates today
with an invitation to join...
one of Boston's
most prestigious law firms.
I'm sure we are going to see
great things from her.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Elle Woods.
On our very first day
at Harvard...
a very wise professor
quoted Aristotle.
"The law is reason
free from passion."
Well, no offense
to Aristotle...
but in my three years
at Harvard...
I have come to find that passion
is a key ingredient...
to the study and practice
of law and of life.
It is with passion,
courage of conviction...
and strong sense of self...
that we take our next steps
into the world...
remembering
that first impressions...
are not always correct...
you must always have faith
in people...
and most importantly...
you must always have faith
in yourself.
Congratulations, Class of 2004.
We did it!
Thanks.
Did you guys sign it?
Did you sign the card?
And five and four and--
Hey, girls, sign!
All right! Here you go!
- Elle's gonna love it!
- Thanks.
You go, girl!
Hi, girls! Here, sign!
Thanks!
There she is.
Thank you.
I love that restaurant!
I heard Madonna
went into labor there.
Oh, gosh!
I have to go shopping!
I'll see you tonight. Bye.
Bruiser, what's this?
"Good luck tonight.
Elle and Warner forever."
Oh, that's so cute.
Oh, my gosh!
You guys are so sweet!
But I'm not positive
it'll happen tonight.
Hello! He just had lunch
with his grandmother.
You know he got the rock.
Why else would she have flown in
from Newport?
It's not like she'd Fed Ex
a six-carat diamond.
Do you really think?
I can't believe
you're getting engaged!
Oh, my gosh...
you guys have to help me
pick out the perfect outfit.
Come on!
I think you should go
with the red.
It's the color of confidence.
I don't understand
why you're disregarding...
your signature color.
He's proposing. I can't look
like I would on any other date.
This is the date--
the night I'll always remember.
I want to look special.
Bridal.
But not like I expect anything.
There's nothing I love more...
than a dumb blonde
with daddy's plastic.
Did you see this one?
We just got it in yesterday.
Is this low-viscosity rayon?
Yes. Of course.
With a half-loop
top-stitching on the hem?
Absolutely. It's one of a kind.
It's impossible to use
a half-loop top-stitching...
on low-viscosity rayon.
It would snag the fabric.
And you didn't just get it in.
I saw it in the June Vogue
a year ago.
So if you're trying to sell it
for full price...
you picked the wrong girl.
Girls, this is it.
In a few hours...
I'll be the future
Mrs. Warner Huntington III.
Wow. You look so beautiful.
So do you.
Let's get out of here.
Must be strange
having such perfect eyes.
God, you're so wonderful.
Elle, thank you.
Here's to us.
To us.
One of the reasons I wanted
to come here tonight...
was to discuss our future.
And I am fully amenable
to that discussion.
Good. You know how
we've been having...
all kinds of fun lately?
Well, Harvard
is gonna be different.
Law school is
a completely different world...
and I need to be serious.
Of course.
My family expects a lot from me.
- Right.
- I expect a lot from me.
I plan on running
for office someday.
I fully support that.
You know that.
Absolutely.
But the thing is...
if I'm going to be a senator
by the time I'm thirty...
I need to stop dicking around.
Warner, I completely agree.
That's why I think
it's time for us...
Elle, pooh bear...
- I do.
- I think we should break up.
What?
I've been thinking,
and it's the right thing to do.
You're breaking up with me?
I thought you were proposing.
Proposing?
Elle, if I'm going to be
a senator...
I need to marry a Jackie,
not a Marilyn.
You're breaking up with me
because I'm too blonde?
No. That's not entirely true.
Then what?
My boobs are too big?
Elle, your boobs are fine.
So when you said
that you would always love me...
you were just dicking around?
Elle, I do love you.
I just can't marry you.
You have no idea
of the pressure that I am under.
My family has
five generations of senators.
My brother's in the top three
at Yale Law.
He just got engaged to
a Vanderbilt,for Christ's sake.
Bad salad.
Sweetie...
Pooh bear?
It's not like I have a choice
here, sweetheart!
You get the car,
I'll get the check.
I won't be having the salad.
Let me take you home.
Elle, believe me.
I never expected to do this...
but I think
it's the right thing.
How can it be the right thing
when we're not together?
I have to think of my future...
and what my family expects
of me.
So you're breaking up with me...
because you're afraid
your family won't like me?
Everybody likes me.
East Coast people are different.
Because I'm not a Vanderbilt,
suddenly I'm white trash?
I grew up in Bel Air!
Across the street
from Aaron Spelling!
Most people would agree
that's a lot better...
than some stinky old Vanderbilt!
I told you.
I need someone serious.
But I'm seriously in love
with you.
Isn't that enough?
Pooh bear, just get in the car.
You'll ruin your shoes.
Morning, Amy.
Elle, it's Amy.
I'm having trouble
with this whole lip-liner thing.
- Sweetie, didn't you hear?
- Hear what?
It's terrible.
He dumped her.
Why me?
Because you're not gonna
remember anything after tonight.
Oh, you're wrong.
I will remember, no matter what.
And I'm never gonna lose you
again.
You couldn't.
You're a part of me.
I love you.
Liar!
Honey,
you have to leave this room.
It's been, like, a week.
- So?
- Drink this.
What always makes us
feel better...
no matter what?
She had eight
grilled cheese sandwiches.
She stuffed them
in her mouth all at once.
It was so sad.
We thought she'd be the first
to walk down the aisle...
and now she's totally adrift.
Totally.
She hasn't conditioned
her hair in a week.
Maybe she's going
for the grunge look.
And her nails
are full-on chipped.
So trailer park.
Oh, my God!
Do you know who this is?
- That's Warner's older brother!
- Who?
"Third year Yale Law student
Putnam Bowes Huntington III...
"and his fiancee
Layne Walker Vanderbilt...
"first year Yale Law."
This is the type of girl
that Warner wants to marry!
This is what I need to become
to be serious!
What?
Practically deformed?
No. A law student.
Law school?
It's a perfectly
respectable place, daddy.
Honey,
you were first runner up...
at the Miss Hawaiian Tropics
contest.
Why are you gonna
throw that all away?
Going to Harvard
is the only way...
I'll get
the love of my life back.
Sweetheart,
you don't need law school.
Law school is for people...
who are boring and ugly
and serious.
And you, Button,
are none of those things.
Harvard Law School?
That's right.
But that's a top three school.
Oh, I have a 4.0.
Yes, but your major
is fashion merchandising.
Harvard won't be impressed that
you aced History of Polka Dots.
What are your back-ups?
I don't need back-ups.
I'm going to Harvard.
Well, then, you'll need...
excellent recommendations
from your professors.
And a heck
of an admissions essay.
Right.
And at least a 175
on your LSATs.
I once had to judge
a tighty-whitey contest...
for Lambda Kappa Pi.
Trust me, I can handle anything.
Thanks!
You're welcome.
Because I have a metrabolism--
- I have a really high metrab--
- It's metabol...
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
Reading about the LSATs.
My cousin had that.
Apparently, you get
a really bad rash on your...
The LSATs are an exam.
Girls, I'm going to Harvard!
- You mean like on vay-kay?
- Let's all go!
Road trip!
No. I'm going
to Harvard Law School.
Why?
Elle, now, I know
you're upset about all this...
but can't you just take
a Percoset?
Once Warner sees me
as a serious law student...
he'll totally want me back.
It's a completely brilliant
plan!
But isn't it hard
to get into law school?
I had the highest GPA
in Delta Nu.
Oh, well.
Here, you're gonna need this.
Your scrunchy?
My lucky scrunchy.
It helped me pass Spanish.
You passed Spanish because
you gave Professor Montoya...
a lap dance after the final.
Yeah...luckily.
My name is Elle Woods,
and for my admissions essay...
I'm gonna tell all of you
at Harvard...
why I'm gonna make
an amazing lawyer.
As president of my sorority...
I'm skilled at commanding
the attention of a room...
and discussing
very important issues.
It has come to my attention
that the maintenance staff...
is switching our toilet paper
from Charmin...
to generic.
All those opposed to chafing
please say "aye."
A-- neither type of opera...
or neither type of rap
is on sale.
B-- neither type of jazz...
and neither type of opera
is on sale.
C-- neither type of opera
and neither type of soul--
Party!
Delta Nu, we love you!
I'm able to recall
hundreds of important details...
at the drop of a hat.
Hey, Elle,
do you know what happened...
on Days of Our Lives yesterday?
Why, yes, Margot, I do.
Once again, we join Hope
in the search for her identity.
As you know, she's been
brainwashed by the evil Stefano.
Get set and go!
One forty-three.
I feel comfortable using
legal jargon in everyday life.
I object!
It's here!
- What?
- It's here!
The LSAT scores! It's here!
Open the scores!
What's the score?
- This is so exciting.
- Tell us!
What is it?
One seventy-nine!
One seventy-nine!
And that's why
you should vote for me...
Elle Woods,future lawyer
for the class of 2004.
She does have a 4.0 from CULA...
and she got a 179 on her LSATs.
A fashion major?
Well, sir,
we've never had one before...
and aren't we always
looking for diversity?
Her list of extracurricular
activities is impressive.
She was in a Ricky Martin video.
Clearly,
she's interested in music.
She also designed
a line of faux fur panties...
for her sorority's
charity project.
She's a friend to the animals
as well as a philanthropist.
Elle Woods...
welcome to Harvard.
Bruiser, it's so exciting!
Look! Harvard!
Are you excited?
This is our new house
for the next three years.
Are you thirsty?
Let's get you some water.
Sweetheart,
you just look parched.
Hey, Brad,
check out Malibu Barbie!
Where's the beach, honey?
Here you go.
Good boy. Warner's gonna be
so excited to see you.
Guys, this way.
- This ain't L.A.!
- Come on, Bruiser.
Check her out.
Look at the way she walks.
It's gonna be so exciting.
Now, don't be scared.
Everyone will love you.
Hi. Woods, comma, Elle.
Class schedule, map, book list.
Wait a second. My social events
calendar is missing.
Your what?
Social events--
you know, mixers,formals...
clambakes, trips to the Cape.
Has Warner Huntington III
checked in yet?
Maybe you should check
with the cruise director...
on the Lido deck.
Welcome to law school.
This is the part where
we go around in a circle...
and everyone says a little bit
about themselves.
Let's start with you.
My name is David Kidney.
I have a masters
in Russian literature...
a Ph.D in biochemistry...
and for the last
eighteen months...
I've been deworming orphans
in Somalia.
Awesome. What about you?
Hey. How you doin'?
I'm Enid Wexler.
I got a Ph.D. from Berkeley
in women's studies...
emphasis
in the history of combat...
and last year,
I single-handedly organized...
the march for
Lesbians Against Drunk Driving.
- Killer.
- Thanks. Good times.
Aaron Mitchell.
I graduated first in my class
from Princeton.
I have an I.Q. of 187...
and it's been suggested
that Stephen Hawking...
stole
his Brief History of Time...
from my fourth grade paper.
Cool.
- Me?
- Yeah.
Hi. I'm Elle Woods
and this is Bruiser Woods...
and we're both
Gemini vegetarians.
I have a bachelor's degree
in fashion merchandising...
from CULA, and I was
a Zeta Lambda Nu sweetheart...
president of my sorority,
Delta Nu...
and last year,
I was homecoming queen.
Two weeks ago I saw
Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal...
and I talked her
out of buying...
this truly heinous
angora sweater.
Whoever said orange was the new
pink was seriously disturbed.
Wish me luck, Bruiser.
This is my first class
as a serious law student.
I totally look the part.
There is no way
she got in here on her own.
I totally forgot you go here.
What are you talking about?
I'm sorry.
Are you here to see me?
No, silly. I go here.
You go where?
Harvard. Law school.
You got into Harvard Law?
What, like it's hard?
Oh, my gosh, Warner,
it'll be so great.
I'm planning this great mixer.
You have to help me.
I'm thinking like
a luau or casino night.
It'll be just like senior year
except funner.
Time to go.
I have to go to class...
but meet me after
on the benches.
All right, bye!
A legal education
means you will learn...
to speak in a new language.
You will be taught
to achieve insight...
into the world around you...
and to sharply question
what you know.
The seat you have picked
will be yours...
for the next nine months
of your life.
And those of you
in the front row...
beware.
"The law is reason
free from passion."
Does anyone know
who spoke those immortal words?
- Yes?
- Aristotle.
Are you sure?
Would you be willing
to stake your life on it?
I think so.
What about his life?
I don't know.
Well, I recommend
knowing before speaking.
The law leaves much room
for interpretation...
but very little for self-doubt.
And you were right.
It was Aristotle.
Good job.
Now, I assume all of you
have read pages 1-48...
and are now well-versed
in subject matter jurisdiction.
Who can tell us about
Gordon vs. Steele?
Let's call on someone
from the hot zone.
Elle Woods?
Actually, I wasn't aware
that we had an assignment.
Vivian Kensington.
Do you think it's acceptable
that Ms. Woods is not prepared?
I don't.
Would you support my decision
to ask her to leave class...
and to return
only when she is prepared?
Absolutely.
Now, Ms. Kensington...
did diversity jurisdiction
exist in this case?
No, it did not.
Good. How about in the case
of Owens vs. McCullogh?
I can't believe that girl.
So stupid!
Who does she think she is?
Excuse me. Are you OK?
Do they put you on the spot
like that all the time?
The professors?
They tend to do that.
Socratic method.
If you don't know the answers,
they just kick you out?
You have Stromwell, huh?
Yes!
Did she do that to you, too?
No.
But she did make me cry once.
Not in class. I waited
till I got back to my room...
but she'll kick you
right in the ball--
Or wherever, you know.
She's really tough.
Great.
Don't worry, it gets better.
Who else do you have?
I have Callahan, Royalton,
and Levinthal.
Let's see, speak up
in Callahan's class.
He really likes people
that are opinionated.
And in Royalton's class...
try to get a seat in the back.
He spits when he talks
about products liability.
And for Levinthal, make sure
you read the footnotes.
That's where he gets
a lot of his exam questions.
Right.
Wow.
I'm really glad I met you.
Are you a third year?
- Well--
- Hey, Elle.
Hi!
Thanks for all your help.
Good luck.
So...
how was your first class?
It was good, except for
this horrible preppy girl...
who made me look bad
in front of the professor.
But no biggie.
You're here now.
So, how was your summer?
Good. It was good.
Did you do anything exciting?
Have you met Vivian?
Hi. Vivian Kensington.
Do you know her?
- She's--
- I'm his fiancee.
I'm sorry.
I just hallucinated. What?
She was my girlfriend
in prep school.
And, well, we got back together
this summer...
at my grandmother's
birthday party.
Warner told me all about you.
You're famous at our club.
But he didn't tell me
you'd be here.
Pooh bear,
I didn't know she would be here.
Excuse me.
Oh, thank God!
Are you free?
It's an emergency.
Bad day?
You can't even imagine.
Spill.
I worked so hard
to get into law school.
I blew off Greek week
to study for the LSATs.
I even hired a Coppola
to direct my admissions video.
All to get
my boyfriend Warner back.
And now he's engaged
to this awful girl Vivian...
so it was all for nothing,
and I...
I just wish...
I just wish
I had never gone to Harvard.
After you went
to all that trouble.
He's engaged!
She's got
the six-carat Harry Winston...
on her bony, unpolished finger.
What am I supposed to do?
You're asking the wrong girl.
I mean, I'm with my guy
eight years...
and then one day, it's...
"I met someone else.
Move out."
Oh, no. That's awful.
Dewey kept the trailer
and my precious baby Rufus.
I didn't even get to throw him
a birthday party.
What's a girl to do?
He's a guy
who followed his pecker...
to greener pastures...
and I'm a middle-aged
high-school dropout...
who's got stretch marks
and a fat ass.
That's terrible.
Yep. Happens every day.
So what's this Vivian got
that you don't have?
Three tits?
She's from Connecticut.
She belongs
to his stupid country club.
Is she as pretty as you?
She could use some mascara
and some serious highlights...
but she's not completely
unfortunate looking.
Hello, ladies.
- Hey, there.
- How you doing? Sign here.
Oh, jeez.
Look what I did.
- See you later.
- Bye-bye, sugar.
Aw, shit.
Could I have been
any more goddamn spastic?
It's OK.
Are you sure this
Warner guy is, like, the one?
Definitely. I love him.
Well, if a girl like you
can't hold on to her man...
then there sure as hell isn't
any hope for the rest of us.
What are you waiting for?
Steal the bastard back.
I should warn you...
that in addition to competing
against each other...
for the top grade
in this class...
you will also be competing
for one of my firm's...
highly coveted four
internship spots next year...
where you will get to assist
on actual cases.
Let the bloodbath begin.
Now, let's commence
with our usual torture.
Ms. Woods...
would you rather have a client
who committed a crime...
malum in se
or malum prohibitum?
Neither.
And why is that?
I would rather have a client
who's innocent.
Dare to dream, Ms. Woods.
Ms. Kensington,
which would you prefer?
Malum prohibitum.
Because then the client
would have committed...
a regulatory infraction as
opposed to a dangerous crime.
Well done, Ms. Kensington.
You've obviously done
your homework.
Now let us look
at malum prohibitum...
a little more closely.
It has been said--
Yes, Ms. Woods?
I changed my mind.
I'd pick the dangerous one...
'cause I'm not afraid
of a challenge.
Who is that?
Wow.
Guys.
- Can she play?
- Hi!
Get outta here.
- Hi, everybody.
- Elle, what are you doing here?
I've come to join
your study group.
Look, I brought sustenance.
Who's first?
Our group is full.
Is this like an RSVP thing?
No. It's like
a smart people thing.
And as Viv said, we're full.
Come on, we can make room
for one more.
We've already assigned
the outlines.
The answer is no.
Oh, OK.
I'll just leave, then.
Hey, maybe
there's, like, a sorority...
you could, like,
join instead, like?
If you had come
to a rush party...
I would have at least
been nice to you.
Is that before
you voted against me...
and then called me a dyke
behind my back?
I don't use that word.
You must have heard it
from Vivian.
- Hello?
- Hey, it's me.
It's Elle! Guess what
I'm doing right this second!
I don't know. What?
I'm picking out
my wedding dress!
- What?
- Josh proposed!
Did you get the rock yet?
Almost.
Well, hurry up,
so you can come home!
We miss you!
I miss you guys, too.
The people here are so vile.
Hardly anybody speaks to me--
Oh, my God!
I almost forgot to tell you!
What?
I got bangs!
My hair is so now.
Really?
OK, so just listen to me.
Keep June 1st open,
you're one of my bridesmaids...
and give Warner our love...
because I'm getting married!
So don't forget. Eight o'clock
at 45 Dunston Street.
- It'll be a really nice party.
- We'll be there.
And don't forget
to bring your own merlot!
No way! Is somebody at this
school actually having a party?
Yes...
But it's a costume party.
You probably
wouldn't want to come.
I love costume parties.
Well, then I guess
we'll see you there.
Oh, at 45 Dunston Street.
Oh, my God!
Thanks for inviting me, girls.
This party is super fun.
Nice outfit.
I like your outfit, too.
Except when I dress up
as a frigid bitch...
I try not to look
so constipated.
Oh, she's horrible.
You've got the ring, sweetie.
- Nice ears.
- How you doin'?
Warner,
the English language...
is all about
subliminal domination.
Take the word semester.
A perfect example
of this school's...
discriminatory preference
of semen to ovaries.
That's why I'm petitioning
to have next term...
be referred to
as the winter ovester.
- Excuse me. Hey, Warner.
- Wow!
Don't you look like
a walking felony?
Thank you. You're so sweet.
Are you having fun?
I am now.
What's with the costume?
I just decided to dress up.
Really.
I feel like we barely
get to see each other...
since we've been here.
I know. I'm so busy with
these case studies and hypos.
I know what you mean.
I can't imagine doing...
all this and Callahan's
internship next year.
That's gonna be so much.
Elle, come on,
you'll never get the grades...
to qualify
for one of those spots.
You're not smart enough,
sweetie.
Wait, am I on glue...
or did we not get into
the same law school?
Yeah, but--
But what?
We took the same LSATs...
and we're taking
the same classes.
I know, but come on,
Elle, be serious.
You can do something
more valuable with your time.
I'm never going to be
good enough for you, am I?
- Oh, come on.
- Just forget it!
I'll show you how valuable
Elle Woods can be!
- Don't ask.
- Wasn't gonna.
I love that sweater.
It's Chanel.
Look.
Was she carrying books?
Thanks.
So, you've filed a claim.
What next?
Ms. Woods?
Don't you need to have evidence?
Meaning?
Meaning you need
reasonable belief...
that your claim should have,
like, evidenciary support?
And what kind
of evidenciary support...
does this case require?
All sorts of things--
corrupt cops
who are wheeling and dealing...
And the purpose
of diminished capacity is?
To negate mens rea?
Are you ready?
Yes, you are!
Go. You can do this.
Listen to me, Dewey.
You shut your mouth.
No, you shut your big mouth.
I'm doing all the talking.
What the hell do you want?
We're eating lunch.
I just thought that...
You just thought
you could come here...
and show me what
I'm definitely not missing?
That's not why I came by.
How many times
you gonna come over here...
begging me
to take you back, huh?
I was...
Dewey Newcombe?
Who's asking?
I'm Elle Woods.
Miss Bonifante's attorney.
Yasal bir durumdan dolay burda bulunuyorum
Tekrarlar msn?
Paylama hakk nedir biliyor musunuz?
- Hayr.
- Bilmediinizden emindim.
Well, due to habeas corpus...
you and Miss Bonifante
had a common law marriage...
which heretofore
entitles her...
to what is
legally referred to...
as equitable division
of the assets.
Come again?
Due to the fact that you've
retained this residence...
Miss Bonifante is entitled...
to full canine
property ownership...
and will be enforcing
said ownership right now.
Tell him, Paulette.
I'm taking the dog, dumbass!
That's awesome! We did it!
Come here.
Oh, my gosh, did you see him?
He's probably still
scratching his head.
Which must be a nice vacation
for his balls.
Thank you.
According to
Swinney vs. Neubert...
Swinney, who was also
a private sperm donor...
was allowed visitation rights
as long as he came to terms...
with the hours
set forth by the parents.
So, if we're sticking
to past precedent...
Mr. Latimer wasn't stalking.
He was clearly within his rights
to ask for visitation.
But Swinney was
a one-time sperm donor...
and our defendant
was an habitual sperm donor...
who also happens to be
harassing the parents...
in his quest for visitation.
But without this man's sperm...
the child in question
wouldn't exist.
Now you're
thinking like a lawyer.
Yes, Ms. Woods?
Although Mr. Huntington
makes an excellent point...
I have to wonder
if the defendant...
kept a thorough record
of every sperm emission...
made throughout his life.
Interesting. Why do you ask?
Unless the defendant
attempted to contact...
every single one-night stand
to determine...
if a child resulted
in those unions...
he has no parental claim
over this child whatsoever.
Why now? Why this sperm?
I see your point.
And for that matter,
all masturbatory emissions...
where his sperm was clearly
not seeking an egg...
could be termed
reckless abandonment.
I believe
you've just won your case.
Ms. Woods, you did well today.
Really?
You're applying
for my internship, aren't you?
I don't know.
You should.
Do you have a resume?
Yes, I do.
Here it is.
It's pink.
And it's scented.
I think it gives
it a little something extra.
See you next class.
Do you think she woke up
one morning and said...
"I think I'll go
to law school today."
That lapse in judgment aside...
I think
she's got a lot of potential.
Here's the Windham file.
Smell this.
What's that?
It's her resume.
Smells good.
What's going on?
Callahan's firm
is defending a murder trial.
His case load is so big,
he's taking first year interns.
He picked them already?
My God,
I can't believe it, Warner!
We got it!
That only leaves one for...
Me!
Yes!
Remember when we spent
those four amazing hours...
in the hot tub
after winter formal?
Yeah-- No.
This is so much better
than that!
Excuse me.
I have some shopping to do.
Four hours?
You look very nice today,
Vivian.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
We're defending
Brooke Windham...
whose very wealthy husband
was found shot to death...
in their Beacon Hill mansion.
Gold digger?
You'd think so
since the stiff was 60...
but she was rich on her own.
Some kind of fitness empire.
You can buy her exercise tapes
on infomercials.
Are you talking about
Brooke Taylor?
Maiden name-- Taylor.
You know her?
She's a Delta Nu!
She wasn't in my pledge class.
She graduated
four years before me.
But I used to take her class
at the Los Angeles Sports Club.
She's amazing!
Amazing? How?
She can make you lose
three pounds in one class.
She's completely gifted.
In all likelihood,
she's completely guilty.
She was seen standing over
her husband's dead body.
By who?
His 26-year-old daughter
and the pool boy.
Sorry, I'm late.
Excuse me.
This is Emmett Richmond,
another associate...
top three in his class...
and former editor of
"Harvard Law Review."
You've probably seen him...
lurking around campus
doing my research.
Thanks for the introduction.
What about the murder weapon?
The gun is missing.
The coroner said
he'd been dead 30 minutes...
when the cops arrived.
Giving Brooke
plenty of time to stash it.
I just don't think
Brooke could have done this.
Exercise gives you endorphins.
Endorphins make you happy.
Happy people
don't shoot their husbands.
They just don't.
I didn't do it.
I walked in...
I saw my husband
lying on the floor...
I bent down to check his heart,
screamed my head off...
then Enrique and Chutney
ran inside.
Your step-daughter
and the pool boy came in...
where they saw you
standing over the body...
covered in his blood.
Why would I kill my husband?
Insurance, a love affair,
pure unadulterated hatred.
The D.A. will come up
with plenty of reasons.
I loved him.
He was 34 years older
than you.
That doesn't
look so good to a jury.
Then show them
a picture of his dick.
That might clear
a few things up.
Brooke, I believe you...
but a jury
is going to want an alibi.
I can't give you that...
and if you put me
on the stand, I'll lie.
Then I guess
we're done for today.
I know you.
I'm a Delta Nu,
and I'm a huge fan of yours.
You took my class in L.A.
You had the best high-kick
I've ever seen.
Are you one of my lawyers?
Sort of.
Well, thank God
one of you has a brain.
Let's go.
I'm the only one
that believes her.
Callahan totally thinks
she's guilty.
That's because men are
big fat retards who don't--
Afternoon, ladies.
It's him.
Paulette Bonifante.
Oh, my God.
He's coming over here.
I've got a package.
He's got a package.
How you doing today?
Fine.
Take it easy.
See you later.
That's great, Paulette.
Is this the only interaction
you two have ever had?
No. Sometimes I say
"OK" instead of "fine."
Why don't you offer him
a cold beverage...
or a neck massage
or something?
What's the point?
Trust me, Paulette.
You have all the equipment...
you just need
to read the manual.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I'll show you
a little maneuver...
my mother taught me
in junior high.
In my experience,
it has a 98% success rate...
of getting a man's attention...
and when used appropriately...
it has an 83% rate of return
on a dinner invitation.
Wow!
It's called "the bend and snap."
Watch this.
"Oh! I think I dropped
something on the floor."
So you bend...and snap!
See?
Come on. You try it.
Bend...and snap!
OK...
a little less bend,
a little more snap.
Like this?
Good snap.
Come on.
You! Come on, you can do it.
Bend...and snap.
Very, very good.
We can all do it!
- Come on, guys.
- I can't do that.
You're gonna bend...
and snap!
Now put your head into it.
Bend...and snap!
Bend...and snap! Good job!
A little attitude, please.
Now, everybody smile.
That's very important.
Pump! Pump! Pump!
Bend...and snap!
Good job, everybody!
Work it out! Work it out!
That's it! Wow!
Come on, Paulette!
Bend and snap!
Oh, my God! The bend and snap!
Works every time!
If Brooke didn't kill the guy,
then who did?
My money is on the angry
daughter or the ex-wife.
Chutney has a trust fund.
She didn't need the insurance
pay off or the inheritance.
What about the mother?
Covered.
She was in Aspen at the time.
Vivian, get me some plum sauce.
Ten people saw her
downing cosmopolitans...
at the Caribou Club.
All I know is it's not Brooke.
That's touching,
but we need an alibi.
I brought you
some necessities--
some Calvin Klein
the entire Clinique
skin care line...
some aromatherapy candles,
a loofah...
And the Bible.
You're an angel.
So how are you?
Are you all right?
You look so...orange.
I'm just glad
it's you and not Callahan.
He means well.
He's very brilliant.
He better be for what
I'm paying for him.
I have to tell you
the real reason I came here.
Professor Callahan says
we really need your alibi.
Elle, I can't.
You don't understand.
Who could understand
better than me?
It's so shameful.
Whatever it is, Brooke,
it could save you.
That's just it.
It would ruin me.
How?
I've made my fortune
on the ability...
to perfect women's bodies with
Brooke's Butt-Buster workout.
You helped me
go from a six to a four.
That's great!
On the day of
Heyworth's murder...
I was getting...
What?
I was getting liposuction.
Liposuction!
Oh, God!
I know! I'm a fraud!
It's not like normal women
can have this ass!
If my fans
knew that I bought it...
I would lose everything!
I've already lost my husband.
I'd rather go to jail
than lose my reputation.
Brooke...
your secret's safe with me.
Thank you.
Vivian, grab me some coffee.
We got two interviews
tomorrow...
that Gerard and Bobby
will handle.
The ex-wife in an hour.
According to this communique
from the prison...
our client apparently
had a visit from her sister...
a Miss Delta Nu.
Anyone you know?
Yes. I went to visit her.
What the hell do you mean
you went to visit her?
I went to get her alibi.
Did you get it?
It's really good.
Great. What is it?
I can't tell you.
Why the hell not?
Because I promised her
I'd keep it a secret...
and I can't break the bonds
of sisterhood.
Screw sisterhood!
This is a murder trial...
not some scandal
at the sorority house.
I want the alibi!
I can't give it to you...
but I can tell you
she is innocent.
Mrs. Windham Vandermark
is on line two for you.
Someone reason with her
while I take this.
Are you crazy?
Just tell him the alibi.
We'll lose this case
if you don't.
Then we're not
very good lawyers.
If you tell him, he'll probably
hire you as a summer associate.
Who cares about Brooke?
Think about yourself.
I gave her my word, Warner.
So what?
The ex-wife seems
to be unconcerned...
with the fact
that her interview is today.
She's at a spa
in the Berkshires.
A spa? Isn't that
like your mothership?
I could go if you want me to.
Emmett? Go with her.
She seems completely
untrustworthy to me.
Why?
This is a person
who's made her living...
by telling women
that they're too fat.
Brooke would never tell
a woman she was too fat.
And she seems like
she's hiding something.
Maybe it's not what you think.
Maybe it's exactly what I think.
You're really being a butthead.
A butthead?
Why would you call me that?
You need to have
a little more faith in people.
You might be surprised.
I can't believe
you called me a butthead.
No one's called me that
since the ninth grade.
Maybe not to your face.
So this is what a spa
looks like. Wow.
How do we find her?
I called ahead.
She's in the mud room.
She's not naked, is she?
Mrs. Windham Vandermark?
So you found me.
We're from Austen, Platt,
Jaret, and Callahan...
and we're here to ask you
a few questions.
So I hear that little tart
from California...
shot poor Heyworth.
That's what we're trying
to prove didn't happen.
Do you have any reason
to believe that it did?
I've never
actually met the woman...
but my daughter tells me...
she can be
quite the little bitch.
Did your daughter
ever mention anything...
about the relationship
between Brooke and Heyworth?
She did say that
they humped like gorillas.
I guess it wasn't enough,
though,for Brooke.
Why do you say that?
Well...
haven't you seen
the cabana boy?
She's lying.
And you know this for a fact?
Did you see the icky
brown color of her hair?
So? Now you discriminate
against brunettes?
Why not? I'm discriminated
against as a blonde.
Being a blonde is actually
a pretty powerful thing.
You hold more cards
than you think you do.
I personally would like
to see you take that power...
and channel it
towards the greater good.
Thanks.
I'll see you tomorrow.
All right.
How do you think
I'd look as a blonde?
I'm not sure
you could handle it.
- Good night.
- Bye.
So, I called your room
last night.
I heard.
I was thinking maybe
we could go out sometime.
No. You're a dork.
I'm in law school.
Look, I'm not going out
with you.
I can't believe you'd even ask.
Girls like me don't go out
with losers like you.
Let's get out of here.
Excuse me.
Why didn't you call me?
What?
We spent a beautiful
night together...
and I never hear from you again?
I...
I'm sorry?
Sorry for what?
For breaking my heart...
or for giving me
the greatest pleasure...
I've ever known and then
just taking it away?
Both?
Well,forget it.
I've spent too many hours
crying over you.
So...when did
you want to go out?
Come in.
Are you done with
that deposition yet?
Yeah. Here, take it.
I've read it 20 times.
You know, Elle,
I still can't believe...
you didn't tell
Callahan the alibi.
It's not my alibi to tell.
I know.
And I thought
that was very classy of you.
Really?
Sure.
Thanks.
Did you ever notice how
Callahan never asks Warner...
to bring him his coffee?
He's asked me at least
ten times.
Men are helpless.
You know that.
I know. Warner doesn't
even do his own laundry.
He has to have it sent out.
I know.
Did you know
when he first applied...
he got wait-listed.
What?
His father had to make a call.
You're kidding.
No way!
God, that is
such a precious dog.
His name is Bruiser.
Do you want to hold him?
- He's very friendly.
- Sure.
Look, he likes you.
He's giving me kisses.
Thanks, Jeoff.
We're here today covering
the trial of Brooke Windham.
She's charged with
the murder of her husband...
Boston millionaire
Heyworth Windham.
First to testify are the
victim's daughter and ex-wife.
The Superior Court of Suffolk
County is now in session.
The Honorable Judge
Marina R. Bickford presiding.
You may be seated.
And where was she exactly?
Standing over
my father's dead body.
And what was
the defendant doing?
She was sitting
next to the pool, topless...
while the Latin boy
handed her a drink.
Mr. Salvatore,
can you tell us what this is?
My uniform.
This is the uniform...
Mrs. Windham asked you to wear
while cleaning her pool?
Are you having an affair
with Brooke Windham?
Define "affair."
Have you and Mrs. Windham
had sexual relations?
Yes. OK? Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen,
court will reconvene...
tomorrow morning at 9 A.M.
We're adjourned.
A Delta Nu would never sleep
with a man who wears a thong.
Never!
I just liked watching
him clean the filter.
I believe you, Brooke.
- Take care of me, Elle.
- I will.
I got a big one for you.
Can you sign?
I got it.
You broke his nose?
I blew it, Elle.
My snap was
all over the place.
I'll be there
as soon as court is out.
We have to
cross-examine Enrique.
But don't worry.
My girlfriend Serena...
barfed on a guy during
"The Blair Witch Project"...
and they ended up dating
for three months.
Really?
All right. Bye-bye.
OK. Bye.
Don't stomp your little
last-season Prada shoes at me.
These aren't last season.
- He's gay! Enrique's gay!
- What?
What kind of shoes are these?
Black ones.
- See!
- What are you talking about?
He isn't Brooke's lover.
He's making it up.
Back up.
How do you know he's gay?
Gay men know designers.
Straight men don't.
Know what?
He left a Cher tape
in the pool house one time.
While I appreciate
your masterful legal theory...
I have a murder trial
to attend to.
I'll take care of it.
Thanks.
The court will come to order.
Mr. Salvatore,
do you have any proof...
that you and Mrs. Windham
were having an affair?
Only the love in my heart.
If that's all the proof
that he has, Your Honor...
I think I'm done here.
You may step down.
I'd like to ask a couple
of questions, Your Honor.
Just give me a couple minutes.
Did you ever take
Mrs. Windham on a date?
- Yes.
- Where?
A restaurant where
no one could recognize us.
How long have you been
sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
Three months.
- And your boyfriend's name is...
- Chuck.
Silence!
Pardon me!
Yes, Mr. Salvatore?
I was confused.
I thought you said friend.
Chuck is just a friend.
You bitch!
Chuck, wait!
Silence in my court!
Sit down, Mr. Salvatore.
Silence in my courtroom!
How did I miss that?
You were great.
Silence in my courtroom!
Thanks.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Callahan asked to see you
before you leave.
Really?
He already has coffee,
but maybe he needs a doughnut.
- Do you need any help?
- No. I'm fine.
OK. Bye.
Come on in.
Sit down.
Is everything all right?
You followed
your intuition today...
and you were right on target.
I should have listened.
Thank you.
About the alibi...
I'm sorry--
I'm impressed you took
the initiative to go get it.
That's what makes a good lawyer.
On top of that,
you gained the client's trust...
and kept it-- that's what
makes a great lawyer.
You're smart, Elle.
Smarter than most of
the guys on my payroll.
Wow.
I think it's time
to discuss your career path.
Have you thought about where
you might be a summer associate?
Not really.
I know it's very competitive.
You know what competition's
really about?
It's about ferocity, carnage.
Balancing human intelligence
with animal diligence.
Knowing exactly what you want...
and how far you'll go
to get it.
How far will Elle go?
Are you hitting on me?
You're a beautiful girl.
So everything you just said...
I'm a man
who knows what he wants.
And I'm a law student
who just realized...
her professor
is a pathetic asshole.
Too bad. I thought
you were a law student...
who wanted to be a lawyer!
You almost had me fooled.
What?
Maybe you should sleep
with the jury, too.
Then we can win the case.
I'm quitting.
Why?
Law school was a mistake.
This internship was a mistake.
What are you talking about?
You earned it.
I didn't earn anything.
Callahan only gave me
that internship...
because he liked the way
I looked.
Which he made clear tonight
when he tried to feel me up.
Callahan did what?
Just forget about it.
I'm going back to L.A.
No more boring suits.
No more pantyhose.
No more trying to be
something that I'm just--
I'm just not.
What if you're trying
to be somebody you are?
The hell with Callahan.
Stay.
Call me if you're ever
in California.
What's the point in staying,
Paulette?
All people see
when they look at me...
is blond hair and big boobs.
No one's ever gonna
take me seriously.
The people at law school don't.
Warner doesn't.
I don't think my own parents
take me seriously.
I just felt, like,
for the first time...
that someone expected me to...
to do something more
with my life...
than become
a Victoria's Secret model.
But I was just kidding myself.
Callahan never saw me
as a lawyer...
just as a piece of ass.
Just like everybody else.
Turns out I am a joke.
No, you're not a joke.
The hell with law school.
I just wanted to say good-bye.
If you're going to let one
stupid prick ruin your life...
you're not the girl
I thought you were.
Did you go in there knowing how
to discredit Mr. Salvatore?
Absolutely.
It's a little thing
I'd like to call strategy.
I had a feeling
about Mr. Salvatore...
Is he always such an ass?
He's the top defense
attorney in the state.
Of course he's an ass.
Fine. Is he an ass
that'll win my case?
He's an ass that'll try.
He thinks I'm guilty.
That's not what's important.
If he doesn't trust me,
why should I trust him?
Ask Elle. She looked pretty cozy
with him last night.
You don't know what the hell
you're talking about.
What's going on here?
- Elle quit.
- What?
Callahan hit on her,
so she quit.
My God. Scumbag.
- Oh, God.
- What?
I feel terrible.
I made a huge mistake.
Maybe there's something
we can do about it.
Thank you.
What are you so happy about?
You're on trial for murder.
Get up.
What?
You're fired.
I have new representation.
Who?
Excuse you,
you're in my way.
She's a law student.
She can't defend you.
Massachusetts Supreme
Judicial Court ruling 3.03.
See? Thank you, David.
Counselors,
approach the bench.
- You're not going up there.
- Yes, I am.
Maybe you didn't hear me.
You're fired.
Counselors, now.
All of you.
Elle Woods, Your Honor.
Rule 3.03 of
Supreme Judicial Court...
states that a law student
may appear on behalf...
of a defendant
in criminal proceedings.
Your Honor,
I have no problem with this.
I do.
I'm not allowing it.
But you agreed last night.
In your office...
when we were discussing
my career.
The ruling also states...
that you need a licensed
attorney to supervise you.
- Mr. Callahan?
- That I won't agree to.
I'll supervise, Your Honor.
Well, Ms. Woods, proceed.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Enjoy prison.
Mrs. Windham, you do realize
what you're doing?
Absolutely.
Oh, my God! There she is!
We came to see your trial!
Look how cute.
There's a judge and everything.
- And jury people.
- Vote for Elle!
Ladies, take a seat.
Go, girl.
Do you swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth...
and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?
- I do.
- Be seated.
Ms. Woods, you may begin
your questioning.
First of all
I would like to point out...
that not only is there
no proof in this case...
but there is a complete
lack of mens rea...
which by definition tells us
there can be no crime...
without a vicious will.
I am aware of the meaning
of mens rea.
What I'm unaware of...
is why you're giving me
a vocabulary lesson...
when you should be
questioning your witness.
Yes, Your Honor.
Miss Windham...
when you arrived
back at the house...
was your father there?
Not that I saw,
but like I said...
I went straight upstairs
to take a shower.
And when you came downstairs,
what happened?
I saw Brooke
standing over his body...
drenched in his blood.
But Mrs. Windham
didn't have a gun?
No. She'd stashed it
by then.
Move to strike that
from the record, Your Honor.
- It's speculation.
- So stricken.
Go ahead.
Miss Windham,
did you hear a shot fired?
No. I was in the shower.
So, sometime
in the 20 minutes...
that you were in the shower,
your father was shot.
I guess.
Your father was shot
while you were in the shower...
but you didn't hear
the shot because...
because you were in the shower?
I was washing my hair.
Where is she going with this?
Have a little faith, Gerard.
Miss Windham...
what had you done
earlier that day?
I got up...
got a latte,
went to the gym...
got a perm, and came home.
Where you got in the shower?
I believe the witness
has made it clear...
that she was in the shower.
Yes, Your Honor.
Miss Windham, had you
ever gotten a perm before?
How many would you say?
Two a year since I was 12.
You do the math.
A girl in my sorority,
Tracy Marcinko, got a perm once.
We all tried
to talk her out of it.
Curls weren't
a good look for her.
She didn't have
your bone structure.
But, thankfully,
that same day...
she entered the Beta Delta Pi
wet t-shirt contest...
where she was completely
hosed down from head to toe.
Objection!
Why is this relevant?
I have a point, I promise.
Then make it.
Yes, ma'am.
Chutney, why were
Tracy Marcinko's curls ruined...
when she got hosed down?
Because they got wet?
Exactly. Isn't it
the first cardinal rule...
of perm maintenance that you're
forbidden to wet your hair...
for at least 24 hours
after getting a perm...
at the risk of deactivating
the ammonium thioglycolate?
And wouldn't somebody
who's had, say, 30 perms...
in their life
be well aware of this rule?
And if in fact
you weren't washing your hair...
as I suspect, because
your curls are still intact...
wouldn't you have heard
the gunshot?
And if in fact
you had heard the gunshot...
Brooke Windham wouldn't have
had time to hide the gun...
before you got downstairs...
which would mean you would
have had to have found...
Mrs. Windham
with a gun in her hand...
to make your story plausible.
Isn't that right?
She's my age!
Did she tell you that?
How would you feel if your
father married someone your age?
You, however,
had time to hide the gun...
after you shot your father.
I didn't mean to shoot him.
I thought it was you
walking through the door!
Order! Order!
Order!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Bailiff,
take the witness into custody...
where she will be charged for
the murder of Heyworth Windham.
In the matter of
The State vs. Brooke Windham...
this case is dismissed.
Mrs. Windham,
you are free to go.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Elle, how did you know
Chutney was lying?
Because she's brilliant,
of course.
The rules of hair care
are simple and finite.
Any Cosmo Girl
would have known.
What?
I just wanted to say...
that you were
so brilliant in there.
And that I was wrong.
And you are the girl for me.
Really?
Pooh bear...I love you.
I've waited so long
to hear you say that.
But if I'm gonna be a partner at
a law firm by the time I'm 30...
I need a boyfriend who's not
such a complete bonehead.
Thank you, boys.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I present the graduates
of Harvard Law School...
Class of 2004.
I am personally
very honored to introduce...
this year's
class-elected speaker.
After getting off
to a quite interesting start...
here at Harvard...
she graduates today
with an invitation to join...
one of Boston's
most prestigious law firms.
I'm sure we are going to see
great things from her.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Elle Woods.
On our very first day
at Harvard...
a very wise professor
quoted Aristotle.
"The law is reason
free from passion."
Well, no offense
to Aristotle...
but in my three years
at Harvard...
I have come to find that passion
is a key ingredient...
to the study and practice
of law and of life.
It is with passion,
courage of conviction...
and strong sense of self...
that we take our next steps
into the world...
remembering
that first impressions...
are not always correct...
you must always have faith
in people...
and most importantly...
you must always have faith
in yourself.
Congratulations, Class of 2004.
We did it!