Made in America (1993) Movie Script
Whoa!
Hi.
Hi.
Hey, morning,
Sarah.
Watch it, lady!
Hi, sarah.
How you doing?
Slow down!
Morning.
You're getting crumbs
on my counter.
What will be will be.
Can i get a
little space here?
Oh, excuse us!
Well, get out
of the way.
Oh, for me? Thank you!
No, not for you.
Thank you.
Do we have to listen
To this horrible
jungle music?
Do you have to work here?
Is somebody
twisting your arm?
Yes. You are.
It would be bad luck
If at least one day a week,
You didn't have
a real african queen
Working on the premises.
Stop humping at me.
Don't do it again.
I still say i should
wear the crown.
I'm gonna slap the sh--
Welcome to the african queen.
Come right in, ladies.
Right this way.
Thank you.
Ooh, I love this.
Thank you.
Ok, listen up.
I Want you to open your books
to page 602--
You're gonna find
an illustration
On blood and the vascular--
Reuben, enough
with the graffiti.
Into the biology, huh?
Give me your finger.
Whoa! Quit grabbing me, girl.
Just give me your finger!
Uhhh. Uhhh.
Aah!
Aah! You cut me!
Keep it down, gang.
Something funny?
The cap and gown fitting is on the 4th.
Aw, your mothers.
Mr. Jackson wants everyone
to know how pleased he is
With the turnout for
the condom demonstration.
And dispersal.
Go figure.
I'm type o.
Stop, silly.
When you're finished
with your blood type,
Turn to page 158
in the text.
You are, da dow...
AB.
Let's do it again.
Why?
Something's wrong.
What?
I'm AB.
Zora?
Zora, what's the matter?
Zora!
Is that good?
Ok.
I'm gonna--
Mom!
What are you doing
out of school?
You lied to me.
What are you
talking about?
Before dad died,
you had an affair.
You slept with someone else.
Thank god this happened
on one of my work days.
Shut up.
Your blood type is A,
Charlie's was O,
And I just came out AB.
Ma, that is not
genetically possible.
Look, why don't we
go somewhere
And talk
about this quietly?
Come on, ok?
Ohh!
Oh. Excuse me.
Take care of this.
Wait. You don't
have to go anywhere.
Ma, it was
a sperm bank.
That's undignified.
Well, maybe to some people,
But, hey, I'd just lost
the biggest love of my life.
I thought maybe I could
Make myself another.
Sit down.
And I did,
and I got you.
I never wanted you
to find out like this.
I really wanted to
tell you before this.
It's just...
I was chicken.
And I'm sorry,
'Cause this was not the right way
For you to find out.
It's ok.
You sure?
It's ok.
Ok.
You have no idea
who the guy was?
No.
The door opened,
the tray came in,
He was this tall,
Ok?
Ma!
What? It was
in a little vial.
I didn't know
what to say.
It didn't speak.
How could I know
who it was?
I didn't care.
I asked for the best
they had--
Black, smart,
not too tall...
All the things
you are.
And look
what they made.
They made magic.
They made you.
So you bought sperm.
Yes! Yes!
I Bought the sperm.
Uhh! Uhh!
How much did it cost?
Why?
I just want to know.
Are you going to
buy some?
No.
It doesn't matter.
Come on.
Would it make
you feel better
If i said
it was free--
Somebody handed it
to me on the street
And I used it
at home?
It doesn't matter.
But, ma, I could
have a father.
Let me tell
you something.
You had a father, and
his name was Charlie,
And... he was the best.
He was great.
Life is great.
Ok?
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok!
Ok.
Are you sure you
even want to bother?
They can be real assholes
sometimes.
You don't have to do this.
I'm prepared to go alone.
No, that ain't it.
Besides, I might get a chance
to meet my future father-In-Law.
Tea cake, please.
What? You the one that said
you wanted to marry me.
Yeah, but I was 7!
Yeah, well,
you was a mature 7.
Just be my friend, Tea.
Boyfriends come and go.
Baby, I'll come and go.
Where do we start?
You nasty.
Yeah. You better
take advantage of this.
I might not live
down the street
For the rest of your life.
Take the first exit
off the bridge.
Left. Make a left
at the light.
At some point
you have to tell me
Where we going.
I don't wanna be
following you around
Like some
honeydew sucker.
Why not? You been
doing it for years.
Are the rules
suddenly changing?
Look, just tell me what
the sign on the building
Is gonna say.
California cryobank.
What kind of
bank is that?
It's a sperm bank.
That's it.
I'm making a u-Turn.
No, wait.
It's right there, Tea.
For 17 years,
I thought he was dead.
But it's not true.
I have a father.
So you think you're
gonna walk in here and say,
"Oh, excuse me,
17 years ago"
"A man came in
to make a deposit."
"He looked like me, maybe?"
Be quiet.
"Anyway, could you give me
his name and number,"
"'Cause he's my daddy."
Honeydew,
shut up.
Can I help you?
Yes. I have a friend here
Who's interested
in donating.
No, you don't!
He's a little shy.
Surely. For today, he needs
to fill out the forms
And leave blood
and sperm samples.
Only 15 % of applicants
end up becoming donors.
If he qualifies,
He will be paid
$40 per donation,
With no more than 3 deposits
allowed per week.
Hmm.
Thank you.
Hey, hey, come on.
I Can't just
go in there
And wrestle with the
bald-Headed champ.
What's the big deal?
It's not like you've
never done it before.
That's my business.
Are you ready?
Mm-Mmm, mm-Mmm, mm-Mmm.
We have magazines
As well as videotapes.
Which would you prefer?
Um, the--
The videotapes, please.
This way, please.
He'll have to do
the rest alone.
Oh, I just need
to use the bathroom.
Second door
on the right.
Thanks.
Mommy.
Come on, man!
Oh, yeah,
now we're talking!
Sorry.
No creams or lotions.
They get into the sample.
Please don't grab the sink
during collection.
One man ripped it
off the wall.
We pay by volume.
You must reach the top line
even to be considered.
Damn!
Any questions?
Well, yeah. I was--
How am I supposed
to fill this up?
I can't fill it.
Good motility.
Yeah, it's very good.
Count's up
from last time.
I ain't doing it.
Is somebody in there?!
Oh, it feels so good.
Ohh!
Oh, God!
Ohh!
Oh, this key!
What are you doing here?
I thought this
was the bathroom.
I'm calling security.
I didn't do anything!
Nurse,
I need another cup.
Zora!
Where you going?
I found my father.
Heaven.
Hea--
Ha ha ha.
Oh!
Up I go. Down I go.
Up I go. Down I go.
Up I go. Down...
Oh, God.
They're getting whiter.
They're getting whiter!
You should bleach
your teeth!
I swear it's so cool!
Oh, yeah. Good idea, sweetheart.
Ooh.
Rise and shine, Mr. Bunny-Butt.
Hmm?
Oh. Wait a minute, honey.
There you go.
Hello. I'm dressed.
I'm leaving.
Kiss good-Bye.
Ok. That's enough.
Step class in 20 minutes.
Bye.
Ooh. Very young.
Very cute.
Hello, there.
Can I help you?
Hi. I'm looking for a Hal Jackson.
Well, look no further.
Is he inside?
You're talking to him.
To Halbert Jackson?
The one and only.
You're white.
Well, that's true, darlin'.
But when we're alone in the dark,
What difference is that gonna make?
No, see, I'm looking
for the Halbert Jackson
Whose social security
number is 540-82-9789.
Are you a process server?
What's that?
Did my ex-Wife send you?
God damn it! We settled
all that alimony shit!
No more legal crap.
She agreed.
No, wait! Wait!
I'm sorry, but I don't know
anything about your ex-Wife.
Oh. Hell, I'm late.
Don't get me wrong.
I think we're good together.
We got a thing, a connection,
But I gotta go,
So if you want to keep talking,
Why don't you hop on in here?
Make up your mind.
I got to get to work.
Coming or going?
Well, that's a shame.
No!
Aw, there you go.
All right.
Where do you work?
Jackson motors.
"Because real cowboys
"Are strong and tough.
"So are american trucks.
"And don't forget...
Hal's your pal."
What'd you say
your name was again?
Uh, Zora.
Zora Mathews.
Are you the young lady
That Daryl's been telling us about?
I don't think anyone's told you about me.
Hey, Diego!
Front and center!
Oh, my.
Lady over there laughing at the ground.
Ah, women.
Gotta love 'em.
You're late.
Well, of course
I'm late, Teddy.
Hello there, folks.
How y'all doing?
Jesus Christ.
A bear?
You said llama.
I may have mentioned llama.
Bears are really big right now.
Boris is getting restless, Ted.
You better go put on your suit.
Now, this is bullshit.
We're done with circus.
You promised me barnyard--
Chicken, geese, cows, beavers.
Who is this guy?
He's the trainer.
You liked the zebra.
Hell I liked the zebra.
You loved the chimp.
Remember? Little Larry?
Larry? Yeah,
I liked Larry.
Couldn't drive worth shit,
but i liked him.
The bear's got to work now.
He hasn't eaten yet.
What the hell happened to--
Nothing.
The light's total shit!
Now, we had a 7:00 call!
We've been waiting for hours.
Why are we using this asshole?
I told you I never
wanted to see him again.
We're shooting
a truck commercial.
He thinks it's
gone with the goddamn wind!
What the hell's that supposed to mean,
"The bear hasn't eaten yet"?
Hey, Jose!
Morning, chief.
It's technical.
Technical, my ass.
Hello there, Bobby!
Don't give them away.
Oh! Red light!
Hey, how you doing?
You look beautiful.
Green light. Selling cars is what you do,
And advertising is what I do.
Will you put on the suit?
The bear's on the clock.
You're killing me.
Hi. Listen, we're getting
40 new trucks in an hour.
Laura's going for take-Out.
What do you want?
Uh, 3 packs of marlboros
and some cheese. Yeah.
Some cheese.
You ok?
Much better.
Are you the girl Daryl
was telling us about?
Nah, you couldn't be her.
Thank you.
Uh-Huh.
He's done this before, right?
Stand back, now.
Ok.
I look like my mother.
Uh-Oh.
Oh, look at that.
Shit.
Get! Come on.
God damn it!
Oh, God!
What the hell is this?
Ohh!
I need to talk to you.
Oh. Hey, you think you
can help me with this?
It kind of got stuck.
Just hold onto this.
When I say go, you pull.
All right. Go.
You've got Detroit on line 4.
Oh, my God.
I'll call back later.
That must be the girl Daryl's
been telling us about.
Oh, hell.
Look at that.
Uh, listen, Zorro,
I think you're sweet
and everything--
It's Zora.
Zora. Whatever.
But, uh...
I'm not really into this
whole black-White thing,
And right now,
I got a commercial to shoot.
But, hey, let's stay in touch.
Ciao.
I need to talk to you!
It's really important!
Will you just listen?
I'll listen to you.
Does this make us ready?
Yes. We're ready.
What, he's wearing this?
He looks great.
What the hell is this?
Oh, here. Hold that.
Ready to run a rehearsal, everybody!
Boris should meet Hal.
Hal, you got to meet the bear.
All right, I'll meet the bear.
Hello, Bear.
I'm Hal Jackson.
Whoa!
Jesus lord!
Whoa!
Down, Boris.
Good boy, Boris.
Now pay attention.
You're gonna walk him
past the row of trucks
With this chain.
Remember, keep your eyes
forward at all times.
Let me work the bear.
Uh-Oh.
Eyes forward.
Good boy, good boy.
Down, Boris.
Down, Boris.
Eyes forward.
Do not touch the bear
on the back of the head,
And no whistling whatsoever.
If you have to sneeze,
raise your hand.
Make a signal to me,
and I'll protect you.
No sudden moves.
Down, Boris.
Eyes forward at all times.
No sudden moves.
Eyes forward. No sneezing.
No whistling.
Boris is the only working
male bear in the country
With a full set
of teeth and claws.
Teddy!
What? Oh.
It's gonna look great.
Let's shoot the rehearsal
Just in case.
Shooting the rehearsal, people!
Is that big enough?
Can you read that?
Fine. He's ready!
Do it!
This is--
No, no! Cut, cut!
You see that wire?
It's hot.
It keeps Boris back.
Uh-Huh.
This is Hal Jackson
from Jackson motors
Asking you to bear in mind
There's a reason so many
Of us come down here--
I have to talk to you!
Not now, Teddy.
I need a flag set.
Teddy, handle this.
Do you hear me? No!
I have to tell you this myself!
I need to have this
conversation with you!
I need to tell you something!
Tell me, then.
Just say it, damn it.
You're driving me crazy.
You're my father.
What?
Jesus, give me some room!
This is great!
This is great!
Shoot it! Shoot it!
Get it! Get it!
Harlan?
Mother!
Me, me, me, me!
Wonderful. Keep rolling.
Please call 911!
Nice bear!
That bear has never
done that before.
'Cept that once.
Somebody, help me!
Please!
Piece of shit car.
Where's the guy with one arm?
Nice bear.
Teddy!
I'm here for you, babe.
It looks fabulous!
Cut! That's a wrap, people.
This is bullshit.
I mean, you're black.
I'm white.
This is bullshit.
I can't believe it either.
This whole thing is horrible.
I've always been sort of light,
But, God, not this!
Well, there you go.
It's a mistake.
Oh--Ow!
Hell, look at that.
Shoot!
So you never donated any sperm?
I didn't say that,
but for God's sake,
It was my understanding
the whole thing was anonymous.
Otherwise, I sure as hell
wouldn't have done it.
It was anonymous.
I--I just found the records.
What the hell's that supposed to mean--
You found the records?
I took the records from the computer.
Well, God damn it!
Don't you have any respect for privacy?
Can I help you?
No.
Go on, shoo!
Don't you think a person has the right
To know who her parents are?
No! No, I don't.
Besides, you got no real proof.
Stolen medical files
ain't a hill of beans
In my book.
Will you excuse me?
Thank you, darlin'.
We could take blood tests
and find out.
You're missin'
the whole point.
Look, suppose I am your...
Suppose I'm the, uh...
Suppose we knew that I was
the contributing party.
Why are you telling me this?
You need a spare kidney
or some bone marrow?
For Christ's sake,
It was conception
in a plastic cup.
Look, you seem well-Adjusted,
like a good kid.
I ain't got nothing
to offer you,
Except maybe a deal
on a new truck
Or extended warranty
and financing.
Otherwise,
I'm sorry.
Yeah, right.
Hey, Sarah.
Hey, there.
Lucy, I'm home!
These earrings are
a form of torture.
Ok, what's going on?
I'm just making dinner.
Just making dinner, huh?
I just wanted to make sure
that you knew
That even though we fight,
I think you're
a great mom.
This is major.
Ooh! I hate
when you do that.
I'm sorry.
Ok.
I'm up.
All right, all right...
How many guesses do I get?
All right...
Did James fall asleep
Listening to that
Judy Garland tape
And burn down the bookstore?
All right.
You didn't get
accepted to M.I.T.?
Are you pregnant?
Listen, stop.
Stop this.
Stop for one second.
Tell me what's going on.
Ma, I found
my real father today.
He's a mean asshole.
What?
I found my father!
Wait a minute. Wait.
What does that mean,
you found your father?
I went to the sperm bank,
Got your file from the computer,
And he's my father.
Ma, it was terrible!
Are you crazy?
I'm sorry!
What did you do?
I'm sorry!
Ok. O--I'm sorry.
Ok, come here.
Come here.
It's ok. It's ok.
It's ok. Mommy's here.
It's ok. It's ok.
It's all right.
Um, ma?
You haven't heard the worst part.
What?
He's, um...
He's--He's a...
Car salesman.
Car salesman?
Yeah.
And, ma, you're not gonna
believe this, but, um...
He's a white car salesman.
Wait. What do you mean, white?
He's like--Like white-White?
White-White-White.
You mean he's like
A creamy eggshell kind of tan.
No. Like white.
Like totally white.
Like a white guy.
No. You mean that
he was so light
You thought he was
a white guy.
He's so light, ma,
He is a white guy.
What do you mean, he's white?
I didn't ask--
I didn't want no white--
What is he doing being white?
I didn't ask for a white man!
I distinctly asked for a black man!
Did you see the guy?
Was the guy black?
Didn't I tell you
the man came in a tube?!
I couldn't see anything!
Well, you should've
asked to see him!
So kill me!
Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!
No, don't kill me.
I'll kill myself.
How's that?
What do you mean,
he's white?
I can't--Wait. Forget it.
It doesn't matter.
Ok.
It's no big deal.
Hell, your hair's always been fine.
So what?
You're a little bit
lighter than me. Big deal!
Right. I mean,
look at Lacie and Rissa.
They're both really light,
And both of their parents
are really dark.
They're my complexion.
And look at those kids
on the cosby show.
Oh, please.
Let's not get into that.
You know they're mixed, right?
Well, of course they're mixed!
Ok. Well, then, we can
never really tell.
Who's gonna tell?
Who cares?
Are you gonna tell somebody?
No!
I won't tell, so let's eat!
Ok.
Ok!
Ok.
Ma, it's even worse.
Oh, please!
What?
It's Hal Jackson.
Who?
Hal Jackson.
"Because real cowboys
are strong and tough,
And so are
American trucks."
You mean the schmuck
on the television
With all the animals?
"Hal's your pal"?
That's my dad.
This is Hal Jackson
from Jackson motors,
And this is Larry.
Larry and I
Just saw Thelma and Louise
together,
And we figure if those
2 gals can see America,
Then, hell, it's high time
we did, too.
The old-Fashioned way--
Behind the wheel
of a top-Of-The-Line
American vehicle.
Sit down there, Larry,
and grab the wheel.
Here, turn around
and grab the wheel.
There you go.
You're driving there, son.
So come on down
to Jackson motors
And see the specials
we got goin'
On cars and trucks.
Could change your life.
I know Larry's
gonna change mine.
Larry's my pal.
Don't forget--
Hal's your pal.
Well, give me 5 here, Larry!
All right!
Grab your pistola
And let's go.
Adios, folks. Go on.
Pick your nose later.
Grab the wheel.
Let's do some drivin'.
Idiot.
Oh, Lord.
Stupid bear.
You are beautiful
because you are you--
Unique and individual--
But maybe
you don't believe this
Because your beauty
can't completely be seen.
Oh, Lord.
Maybe you have unwanted extra weight.
Maybe bad skin.
Maybe poor posture.
Maybe facial hair.
Close your eyes right now
And visualize these
negatives disappearing.
See the new
more beautiful you emerging.
Good morning.
I need to speak to somebody
In your records department.
We're looking for
books on weddings.
Her daughter Cindy's
getting married.
Finally!
Well, that's nice,
but I only carry books
With traditional
African ceremonies.
Well, that's a start, I guess.
Yes, um, look...
17 years ago,
I purchased some...
Some, uh...
We can't find
the wedding books.
Over by the voodoo dolls.
Oh!
Oh!
Sperm.
I bought sperm.
I asked for
an African-American.
I don't think that's what I got.
I filled out all of these forms.
Nobody seems to be able
to tell me--
Are the books in order
Of subject matter or author?
Author.
Who's the author
of the wedding book?
Babe, I'm on the phone here.
I don't know.
My life is hanging in the balance,
And you want talk to me about authors.
Would you just do your thing?
What thing?
I just don't think
I got what I paid for.
Why do all complaints
have to come in writing?
It's obvious to me
you people can't read.
Do the
"Urban bush woman"
T-Shirts come in petite?
What exactly is
an urban bush woman?
Me! Me!
I'm an urban bush woman!
I'm an urban bush woman!
Oh.
This is not a mix-Up.
A mix-Up is when you
order a hamburger
And get a cheeseburger
Or when you bring your
clothes to the dry cleaner,
And they give you
somebody else's clothes.
What I'm talking about is
a major mistake in my life!
I hate it
When dry cleaners make mistakes.
Oh, and they say
The chemicals in dry cleaning
Are very bad for you.
I know.
Who are you people?
Shut up!
Get away from my counter.
I'm busy!
Go over there until I
finish this conversation,
And then I will help you!
Well, all right!
Now, listen, all you
have to do is--
Hello?
Hello?
Damn it.
I guess that explains
Why you like that
surfin' music shit.
That is not funny, Tea.
That's messed up--
A white dude.
I should've never told you.
No, that's cool.
Didn't dude say he'd get
you a deal on a truck?
Yeah, right.
That's amazing, huh?
Yeah. I mean, there's
a crazy difference
Between factory sticker
and what they charge you.
Big deal, Tea.
It is a big deal.
Come on.
You know my parents
Are getting me a car
for graduation.
I'm taking you down there
just to show you the place,
Not to get you
a deal on a car,
So get over it, all right?
You're just mad 'cause you're
white.
Shut up.
"Shut up."
We're gonna crash.
How many trucks sold this morning?
Aw, come on, folks.
First rule of sales--
Enthusiasm.
Mornin', darlin'.
Look at this.
Toyota lowered prices.
All right. How much?
5 % across the board.
Well, hell, that
makes me feel great!
Didn't make any
of us feel great.
That's because you're missin'
the big picture, Jose.
They had to lower prices.
We got ourselves a better product.
All you need
Is conviction and belief.
I'll bet you $100
I nail the next person to walk in.
Ooh! I'm in.
Hey, I can do that.
All right.
A little life in here.
Who's holding?
Paula?
There you go.
Contract signature
From the next person
to step inside.
But if not,
Forget the money,
just lower prices.
All right.
How much you got
there, paula?
Piece of cake.
Hold that for me, will ya?
Can I have my hat, Paula?
Hey, there!
I'm Hal Jackson.
Welcome to the best selection,
The finest-Built cars and trucks
This side of Detroit.
Don't touch me.
Well, of course not.
No, ma'am.
Uh...
Hell, I understand
what's happening.
There's a recession
going on.
I'll tell you what--
No down payment.
Now, you looking for
something special?
Yeah. Your head on a stick.
This is gonna be a tough sale.
My...
Well, now, uh...
Is it just trucks
you have a problem with,
Or is it me?
Just you.
Say, are you the young lady
From the animal rights group?
No, I'm not.
I'm Zora Mathews' mother.
Oh.
Wow.
All right.
You want to step inside for a minute?
Yeah.
All right.
Damn! Check that out.
Maybe I'm making a mistake
getting a truck.
I think we might
be making a mistake
By coming down here.
It's kind of flashy,
But flashy can be good.
Hi, gorgeous.
You look a lot better.
Flashy can also mean
you're a penis head.
This is Tea Cake.
You her little brother?
Ah--Kiss my ass.
Excuse me.
Nice to meet you.
Let's get something straight
Right now, ok?
There's no way you're the father.
I knew there was
some kind of screw-Up!
I ordered a black man.
Well, thank God.
So, what seems
to be the problem?
I'll tell you
what the problem is.
My daughter came to you
to pour her heart out,
And you offered her
a kidney.
Who the hell
do you think you are?
Oh, now wait a second, lady.
She caught me off guard.
I donate an ounce of sperm 18 years ago,
And today some kid wants
to call me daddy.
Excuse me.
She does not want
to call you daddy.
Fooled the hell
outta me!
Oh, did it? Why does
that surprise me?
Because you are a fool!
You are the scum
That clogs up the cable stations,
And even if you were black,
I wouldn't like you,
So you stay away from my kid!
Now listen! Who's
following who around?
She came to me first.
You keep her away from me!
Are you giving me face?
What the hell's that mean?
Ahem. Good morning.
Could I interest you--
No.
0 For 2.
Hello.
Can I interest you
In a test drive
Of a new model car or truck?
Well, y-Yeah.
I'm into whatever
you want to show me.
Well, good. Why don't
you come this way?
Me or my daughter?
I had no intention of
judging you or your--
Mom.
Oh, great.
What are you doing here?
Good question.
The question is,
what are you doing here?
Look, wait a minute.
Anyone mind if I
have a cigarette?
Yes, I do mind!
This is his office!
But these are my lungs.
Let him kill himself
and not me.
How about a drink, then?
You got a problem with that?
No, I don't.
Why don't you make it two?
Ma, you never drink hard liquor.
What a shame.
Make it a double.
All right. One drink coming up.
You know, I noticed
That you're having a hard time
Keeping yourself
in school these days.
I wanted to talk to Hal.
You know, a good education
is invaluable.
She knows that.
She's going to Berkeley
next fall.
I wanted to go to Berkeley.
I got into M.I.T.,
And that's my first choice.
Yeah, well, she doesn't
really want to go
All the way to Boston.
Yes, I do really want to
go all the way to Boston.
We can't afford it, can we?
My science teacher
Is helping me with scholarships.
Ahh!
She's always winning stuff like that.
Look at her.
She's so cute, she's so smart.
Ma...
Mom, don't start.
I'm sorry.
First you don't want me to go,
Now I'm winning all these awards.
What?
Well, I just think
That you could take
all your awards you win
And use them in Berkeley.
This is really good.
Ma, I don't want
to go to Berkeley!
I wanted to go to Berkeley.
Who asked ya?
The--Never mind.
Can I have some more?
You've got to sit down
In this baby.
Just wait.
See?
I like this.
See? That's a good color for you.
Yeah. Yellow.
You're not feeling too nervous
About buying a truck, are you?
No. No, not at all.
Good. Most men aren't, I find.
You working now?
Yeah, yeah.
Good.
May I ask where you work?
At a bank.
At a bank.
And what department would that be?
Uh, deposits.
Deposits.
And withdrawals?
No. Just deposits.
Oh.
Cool.
Key.
Ooh.
Nuts.
Isn't it?
Ma, let's just go home.
Let's go talk about college.
I want to sing.
That's a good idea.
Go on home.
Who asked you?
This is his office.
Let's go!
I know this is his office.
I know that.
Look at this place.
I mean, please!
Look at it!
Cheesy wood, bowling trophies.
Western motif makes me ill.
Of course!
And the titty sisters!
This is absolutely his office.
And look--
Green shag carpeting.
My fave.
And what's this?
Aah!
Hi! Look at you.
Look at her.
Oh, no.
Al, no.
Alberta,
Thank you, Alberta.
That'll be all, honey.
Yeah, ok.
Is that your mom?
His mom!
You got a problem
with my office?
No. It's just that she
hates shag carpeting.
Mom, let's go! Please!
Don't apologize for me.
I Have a big problem with him.
She can say
Whatever she wants to.
She's got rights.
Why don't you just butt out?
I'd love to butt out,
But it's my office!
You'd don't have to
keep repeating that!
I'm aware
we're in your office!
Mom, let's go home.
I'm not ready to go!
I have a point to make!
Wha--What is your point?
I'll tell you what my point is.
My point is this--
We don't want you.
You don't want us.
Let's keep that clear.
You are not the father.
And even if you were,
We still wouldn't want you.
Hell, she doesn't
look anything like me.
Thank God
For tha--
I'm gonna sit down.
Ma, are you ok?
Huh?
Are you all right?
Yeah.
So... ahem.
Where'd you park?
Uh, down--Down the sidewalk.
Oh, I do that, too.
She rode her bicycle.
Oh.
Well, maybe we ought to...
Yeah.
All right. Here we go.
Uh, thank you--
Thank you for having us.
Aw...
We're cuttin' prices.
Yes!
Sorry.
I don't like white people.
Shh!
Hey, I think I bought a truck.
Say,
I tell you what.
Put the bicycle in the truck.
I'll drive you where you're goin'.
I don't need any help.
Good-Bye.
Oohhh...
Zora, right?
Yes.
You kind of caught me
By surprise yesterday, Zora.
I Want to apologize
if I hurt your feelings.
It's ok.
I'm sorry that
my mom showed up here.
No problem.
Good-Bye.
Bye.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, shit!
Oh, Christ!
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah...
God damn it!
What is wrong with you, coming
around that corner like that?
Are you crazy?
Stop the car. Aah!
Oh, look at that--
A Parking space.
God damn it, pull the car over!
Just let me out.
Are you gonna unlock
the door, or what?
Come on and unlock this damn door
Before I slap you!
I Can't stand your ass!
Son of a bitch!
What is wrong with you?
Are you crazy, coming
Around that corner!
Where do you think
you are, in L.A.?
Goddamn crazy white people.
Hello there, folks!
Thank you very much
for the ride!
Do you mind
if I come in
And drain the lizard?
If you drain the--
Does that mean you have
to go to the bathroom?
Uh-Huh.
Fine. Come on in!
You crazy...
You locked us in.
We were gonna call 911,
But then we started reading books.
I'll take these. They're fascinating.
We'll take everything,
and...
I am so sorry, dear.
I really had no idea we'd
done so many awful things.
Hello.
Hello.
Ladies.
Hell of an idea--
Lock the customers in
till they buy something.
Wonder if that work
with trucks?
Oh, my god,
look at this place.
Book city.
You read all this?
The bathroom's upstairs
On the right.
Oh... we haven't been up there.
No!
There's nothing up there to buy.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, we have a check
All made out for you,
including tax at 7 1/2 %.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's 8 1/2.
Maybe you're right.
Who cares? You're done.
Oh! Thanks.
Thank you.
That's great.
Happy wedding.
Bye! Thanks.
Let me help you.
Bye-Bye, now.
Bye!
Bye-Bye, ladies!
Bye-Bye, now.
Bye!
Bye!
Whoo! Black authors
up the Wahzoo.
I read black authors, you know.
Wilt Chamberlain book
changed my life.
Heh heh heh heh heh!
Oh, wait a second here.
Maybe I don't have to go anymore.
Nope, there it is!
Little silvery feelin'.
The call of the wild.
Is this the guy?
Is who what guy?
The guy.
The guy that was supposed
to be Zora's father but isn't,
Because... you know.
Yeah. That's
my husband Charles.
Charlie.
Looks nice.
Was he nice?
Yeah, he was nice.
Never remarried?
Tthh. No.
I mean,
What's the point?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm divorced.
Twice.
Right now, I'm...
Living with someone.
Mmm...
Never had any children.
Huh.
That Zora, looks like a nice kid.
Ohh, she's a great kid.
I don't know what I
would've done without her.
Family really is the way to go.
I live to enjoy myself.
Funny thing--Sperm.
Well, what do we got here?
"Jesus was a black man."
Well, hell, at least you
got yourself a point of view.
Must be a real bummer
having a half-White kid.
Fuck you.
Apparently we already did that.
You know what? Get out.
For being such a free spirit,
You are surprisingly uptight.
You, not surprisingly,
are a pain in the ass.
It turns out,
that I have a daughter
That I'd never even heard about.
You don't have a daughter.
I have a daughter.
You have a car dealership.
I thought we straightened
all this out.
Fine by me.
But are you sure
it's fine with her?
She's the one
that hunted me out.
Maybe she wants to see me.
I don't think so.
I was always good
at math and science.
Maybe I had something
to do with that part.
You had nothing to do with it.
Nothing. Do you understand me?
I understand you, your highness.
I can't talk to you anymore.
It's ok. I'm outta here.
Mm-Hmm.
Have a nice life.
I will.
Hi.
Hi.
Ok. What's up?
You think he's my father?
Look...
All he was was some sperm
With one motivated swimmer.
That's all.
I just wish I could've
asked him a few questions.
Why? The man is so dumb,
what was he gonna tell you?
Forget it. It's over.
Leave it alone.
I know, ma, but you don't--
Please. I really don't want
to talk about this anymore.
Ok.
Ma, just one thing.
What?
When you were alone with him,
Did he say anything about me?
Is it really that important to you?
Yes.
Well, yeah, he did.
He said, uh...
That you seemed really smart...
And really confident.
He also said he thought
you were really beautiful.
Really?
Yeah.
Really?
I cross my heart, yeah.
That's cool.
Good night.
Good night, my daughter.
I love you.
I love you, too.
It's not true...
But it's cool.
This is Hal Jackson
of Jackson motors,
Asking you to bear in mind
There's a reason
so many people come to us
For deals on cars and trucks.
Ugh, god.
Now I'm gonna wrestle
with you over--
Daddy?
Sarah?
Daddy!
Oh, daddy!
I found you.
They said you were dead, but...
You should try this.
Hal, you should try this.
Uh-Huh.
Don't you know me, daddy?
I'm Sarah! I'm Sarah!
The final price will be... shocking!
But I'm Sarah!
Yes.
Yes.
Sarah!
My baby.
Her majesty, the queen.
My daddy.
Hello.
Hey, how're you doin'?
All right.
Where's Zora?
Uh, she just left.
Oh. She go get lunch?
Um... you--You know,
She never really tells me.
I just--I don't know.
You don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
Where is she?
Don't ignore me.
You better tell me where she is...
Ow!
Or I'll rip out your tracheae.
Oh, Zora.
Yeah, Zora.
She went to the car dealership.
What!?
She went. I didn't go.
Ow!
This is Hal Jackson
of Jackson motors
Inviting you to come on down
and see the circus of deals
We've got going
On the latest model cars
and trucks.
Tiny, down.
Don't forget.
10 % back means 10 % more peanuts
In your pocket.
Isn't that right, Tiny?
Or did you forget again?
Great.
Cueing Tiny.
Up again!
Heigh-Ho, Tiny!
Cut, cut, cut.
Reset.
Reset, Tiny.
Resetting, Tiny.
What the hell you mean cut?
We're losing you when Tiny rears up.
Ok. We're ready to go again.
Oh, my God, she's back.
Concentration, Hal.
Give me a cigarette quick.
You're talking to me--
Just shut up and give me
the damn cigarette.
Great.
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
Hey, lady!
Hello.
This is Hal Jackson
of Jackson motors.
This is supposed to be
a closed set.
Whoa! Hey!
Whoa!
Don't forget.
10 % back means 10 % more
peanuts in your pocket.
Isn't that right, Tiny?
Oh, no, no, Tiny.
Uh-Oh.
Whoa. What's happening?
Here we go again.
Alert the media!
The press! Call the press!
Ma, look.
Ooh! Whoo!
Oh, shit!
Oh, God!
Stop ringin' the goddamn bell!
We're right behind you, babe!
Stop ringin' the goddamn bell!
Oh, shit!
Oh!
Oh, shit!
Stop ringin' the goddamn--Ow!
Ooohh!
Whoa!
You better be shooting!
You cut, you die!
You cut, you die!
This is all fabulous!
Ohh!
Move! Move!
Oh, Lord, help!
Hal, it's Kimberly.
You never called.
Oh, hi.
Stop! Whoa! Whoa!
Oh, Jesus.
Coming through. Watch your feet.
Coming through.
Please, stop ringing the goddamn bell!
Oh, Jesus!
Shit! Son of a...
Keep rolling.
Ta-Da!
Thank you, Jesus!
Thank you. I'm alive.
Mom!
I'm lucky. I'm lucky.
Thank you, baby.
It wasn't my fault.
Wait! Wait till
you see the footage.
2 News crews showed up.
I'm alive.
Are you ok?
Yes, I'm fine.
Ma, not you.
Are you all right?
Do I look all right to you?
Wait.
Hey, hey, what are you doing?
The elephant was
following the bell,
Your bell.
This...
This goddamn bell.
It was?
Oh, shit.
Yeah. He was.
He was following my bell?
I thought you were dead
At that intersection.
That was close, wasn't it?
Yeah. Yeah.
My bell.
You mean you ended up
in the water
Because of my bell?
I'm sorry.
Wait!
You know something?
You can go to hell.
If I could follow you.
I'll ring my bell
so you know it's me.
He's really pissed.
You're gorgeous
when you're wet.
Just take my word for it.
It was a disaster.
Goddamn disaster.
I hear elephants can
be very, very violent.
Plus--Did you know something?
They're pregnant for 2 years.
2 Years. Can you imagine that?
Then the baby elephant
comes out--
Has this really
bristly hair.
Turn over.
Stacy, honey,
My whole career's
Going down the toilet,
And you're talking
About pregnant elephants?
Aw, monkey man,
you're full of stress.
There's a point right here
in your hand
That if I squeeze--
Close your eyes.
This isn't going to hurt.
Ha!
Does that feel better?
That's better, isn't it?
Ow.
Turn over again.
Ooh!
You know something?
If you did lose your business,
You could always take the time
To explore your artistic side.
Like I always thought
you had the hands
Of somebody who could be a surgeon
Or play the violin or something.
But Stacy, honey--
I know what
you're going to say.
Nobody listens
to the violin anymore.
And that's true,
but you could make them do it
By playing it
in a whole new way,
Like, for example,
more bluesy, perhaps,
Or... Rap!
Rap! Rap!
Rap even!
You could do it
Like a--Oh.
Oh, sorry.
I--Oh.
Your head hurts, doesn't it?
Do you want me to, um,
Maybe sing you a song or something?
Ok.
No. No, please don't.
It's a very nice song.
Music can be so healing.
This is the song.
Ohh.
What's going on?
No, hold on a second.
Wait. Stop! I can explain.
I'm so glad you're here!
Are they
Repossessing everything?
No! Everything's selling.
It was that whole Tiny thing
that went big.
You're a smash.
Bobby, get over here.
What's happening?
Money! Money!
We're making money!
Sign this. It's beautiful.
They're just flying out of here.
Hey, boss! Hey. Hey. Hey.
It's like you always said,
We got a better product.
If we can get them into the door,
They'll buy it.
It's you and that elephant lady.
You're on every news
broadcast in the city.
You're a hit, cowboy!
You're a hit!
Where's the lady?
Where's Tiny?
Who? Oh, the elephant.
Drowned, I guess.
I'm sorry, little girl.
I didn't mean that.
I'm just kidding.
Uh, carry on.
Well, hello, ladies.
Look at you all.
Over here!
Over here! Please!
I'll be damned!
Yes!
Let me
just show you this truck.
This truck was made for love.
Look at the size of this cab.
You can give birth in this cab
And when you do it,
You can listen to the radio.
Am, fm, uhf, vhf...
So what time are you done?
Well, I teach until 10:00.
You have dinner plans, don't you?
Oh, yeah. We're all
going out and celebrating.
Good night, boss.
Good night, Bobby.
Unbelievable day.
We damn near sold
every car on the lot.
Mmm.
Oh, that's nice.
All right.
I'll see you later.
Ok.
Good-Bye, baby.
Hi.
Hi.
Mmm. Good.
You have very strong hands.
Thanks.
Whoa.
Get out of here. It's late.
I'm going.
Boy, I'll tell you, huh?
Perfect night for a celebration.
Sure is.
Night.
Good night.
Jamaica, mon, this close.
Night, chief.
Whew!
Hey, Jose!
They wiped us out.
Whew! I'm telling you.
Stripped us clean.
Yeah.
So, what are you gonna do?
You gonna celebrate?
Oh, sort of.
Tonight's my poker night.
You got any plans?
Yeah. I'm covered.
I'll see you, man.
All right. Good night,
Good night.
And what a night!
Hell of a night.
Hey, mrs. Mathews,
Um, I'm a little concerned.
What do we actually know
About this guy Zora's
going out with tonight?
Didn't you check him out
Or whatever parents
are supposed to do?
Why are you still here?
Don't you have any dignity?
You need to go home.
Get the door.
Oh, my God!
Hey, this is worse than I thought.
What is?
'Scuse me.
Oh, no, you don't, miss thing.
You better go put on a jacket.
No, you don't, miss thing.
You better go put on a jacket.
You better shut up.
Ma, will you get him out of here
Before I kill him?
Somebody get the door.
Oh, this is how it is?
Is this how we living?
Ok. No, that's fine.
You can go and flaunt your fun bags
Any way you please.
I just got one thing
To say to y'all, ok?
Funbag flaunting
Only leads to trouble.
Get the door.
Just remember I said it, all right?
Yo, it's a white man at the door.
Am I interrupting something?
No. Um...
How are you?
I'm ok.
I brought something
for you and your mother.
Why?
Ma.
I'm not really sure.
There you go.
I'm not good at,
you know, receiving,
And so I don't want
you to think
That I don't like it.
Which in your language
means thank you.
Yes.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
"The world is waiting for you,
"And here are a few maps
In case you get lost along the way.
Hal."
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Well, yeah.
Well, I guess I ought to be going.
I'll walk you out.
Hey, be cool, man.
Yeah. Thank you very much.
That was a really nice thing
you did.
She's thrilled.
Thank you.
So, are we getting along now?
Come on, what does that mean?
I'm not sure. I'm just checking.
Hey, Diego, what are you doing here?
Me, boss? What are you doing here?
Hi. I'm--
I'm Zora's mother.
Hi. I'm Diego.
Very nice to meet you.
Thank you.
Behave yourself.
Hi.
Wow.
Oh, thank you.
Shall we?
Yes.
Bye.
You look great.
And so do you.
She's wearing that?
That's exactly what I've been sayin'!
Thank you.
Hey, Diego, you have
her back here by--
She got a curfew or something?
Tell him by midnight.
Have her back here by midnight!
Yeah.
Have a good time, you two.
I Hope you like to dance.
Oh, I love to dance.
Bye, now.
Do you know him?
Yeah, yeah.
He works for me.
So if anything happens--
I'll fire his ass.
Ok.
So, what's up, baby?
You want to slide out for a minute?
Well, no, I really shouldn't.
Come on, baby.
We'll go see a movie or something.
Well, I'm just not really ready
For a commitment.
I just want to take you out.
I said no!
Bitch!
Yo' motha!
Well--Ha ha.
You probably have plans
For the evening.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna...
Go out and grab something.
What are you gonna grab?
Eat. I want to eat.
If you don't have any plans,
You can come along.
Do you want me to come?
Yeah.
I think I do.
Ok. Well, then,
I don't have any plans.
You know something?
You could have said that
right off the bat.
Yeah, but you could've
just asked me to dinner.
I have to go change.
Hey, where's the, uh...
Where's the rice and the noodles
And the fella that flips the shrimp
Into his hat?
I shouldn't have ever let you order.
Half this stuff still looks alive.
That's the whole idea.
You know what?
When she was 7,
I gave her one of those
Suzy homemaker oven things.
They come with mixes.
You're supposed to make stuff.
Not her.
She was not interested.
All she wanted to do
Was melt stuff in the oven.
She gets that from me.
I only use my oven
to dry my sneakers.
I believe that.
Hmm. Hmm. What the hell.
No! No!
Uh-Oh.
Oh, shit.
No, you're not supposed
to eat it like that.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
You know, Jackson--
I'll buy you another one.
This is ours.
Here. Drink this.
Are you ok?
Oh, shit.
I just--
He--He ate a Wasabi ball.
I'm fine.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh,
But you're so funny.
I know that... now.
You--
Maybe just a little more.
She just told you, silly move,
white man.
Are you all right?
I'm fine.
You sure?
Mm-Hmm.
You know, you're--
You're all glisteny.
I think it's from the Wasabi.
You might want to try
the crab next time.
It's a little safer.
Yeah. No, next time,
I'm ordering.
That's what's happening.
The only thing I can ride
is a horse.
Not once have we
shot a horse commercial.
It's crazy.
That's probably because
You'd look too good on a horse.
They've got to make you look
Like a wild man.
That's part of the appeal.
Really?
Yeah.
I never thought of it that way.
You smell good.
What?
You smell good.
It's just this lotion i'm using.
May I?
May you what?
Smell you.
Thought you already did that.
Oh, wow.
Oh, I could get lost in that smell.
I could just close my eyes,
And no one would ever find me.
Oh, no.
Somebody would find you.
Maybe you could send up a flare.
You smell like that
everywhere?
I really don't know.
I'm not in the habit
of smelling myself.
I can check for you.
You're really something,
you know?
I'm just, you know,
I'm not used to this kind of
stuff.
Is this how you sell trucks?
It's not like we haven't
been properly introduced.
I don't mean to be crass,
But my sperm has been in your body.
And where it goes,
You figure you should follow.
Well, generally I like to go first,
But the little fellas got
there before me.
Oh. Uh-Huh.
We have had the child, Sarah.
We didn't have a child, Hal.
I had a child.
I'd like to make that up to you.
I just bet you would.
This could get complicated.
Don't worry. I've done it before.
I'll bet you have.
Oh, yeah, you're slick.
I'll change.
No.
Don't.
What should I do?
Smell me.
Mm. Mm! Mmm! Mm!
Hello.
Diego, stop.
What's wrong?
I better go home. It's getting late.
Let's go to my place.
You could stay over.
Are you crazy?
My mother would kill me.
Look, Diego,
I hardly know you.
Let's get to know each
other better.
Please.
Please.
What was that?
It was just the bed.
Just the bed.
Oh, Jesus. It's Zora.
Oh. Where's my hat?
I got your shoe.
I don't know. Where?
Right here.
Where's my damn hat?
My other shoe.
Oh.
Oh, jeez. They're right behind me.
Wait, wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the hurry?
They're outside.
Oh.
Every time you squeeze thigh master--
Hey.
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Squeeze your way to shapely thighs.
We're watching TV.
Look at that.
Oh, it's late.
Time got away.
Thigh master is designed
To isolate and strengthen
these muscles.
What happened to the lamps?
I guess they fell over.
I'll be darned.
Yeah, well, what
were you watching on tv?
Studs.
Talk show.
Well--
Talking. They were talking.
Studs talking together.
Ok.
Hey, huh?
Well--
Boss.
Hal junior.
Jesus.
Oh. All right.
Here we go. All right.
We're out of here, Diego.
Good night, Hal.
Good night, Sarah.
I'll walk you out.
All right. That would be good.
Quite a family, huh, man?
I mean, like mother
like daughter, huh?
You know what I mean?
You lay a hand on that girl,
And I'll kill you personally.
Whoa. What's it to you?
I'll tell you what it is to me.
She's my daughter.
Daughter?
Oh, hell.
I bet you I'm late.
Good night, Diego.
Oh, I'm tired.
So what did you do?
What?
You heard me, ma.
What were you guys doing?
Doing?
Nothing.
So that's why the house looks
Like a cyclone hit it?
What are you talking about?
You told me to stay away from him,
But you can do
Whatever you want with him?
Zora--
This is my father, ma,
And he needs me, not you.
My whole entire life,
You brought me up with this fantasy,
This ghost of Charlie,
Then I finally bring
home something real,
And you want to take
that away from me!
What are you...
What is going on?
Ma, I wanted this
for me, not you.
When this doesn't work out
Between the two of you,
Where is that gonna leave me?
Sorry I got hung up, sweetheart.
Oh, hi, Hal.
You remember Bruce, don't you?
Bruce gave me a lift home.
Sure. Well, thank you, Bruce.
No biggie.
Hey, have a seat, man.
Where were you?
Oh, I was just out driving around.
I lost track of time, honey.
Oh.
I got to cruise.
Oh, no, no. You got to?
Yeah. I got to.
I hear that. I'm beat.
Hey, the night's
Just starting to cook.
I'm going to hear a new band--
Stinky Nightgown.
Stinky Nightgown?
Oh, you like 'em?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We got all their stuff.
They're gonna record
As soon as the drummer
gets out of rehab.
Hey, you dudes want
to hang with us tonight?
No problem.
Hey, why don't you go, sweetheart?
I'll bet you'll enjoy that.
Oh, wow. You don't mind?
Hell, no. I want you to go.
Thank you, sweetie.
Let's fly.
Oh. Have one of those sex dreams
About me tonight, ok?
Ok.
You're welcome.
He had this dream where
he was a big, stupid dog
And I was a little smart dog...
I like dogs.
Arf, arf.
10 % off sticker, Charlie.
Hey, everybody.
Hey, my favorite chief.
Good morning.
Oh, my god. What a beautiful scarf.
You gave it to me.
Christmas '83.
Did I? You know something, Alberta?
You work too hard. Take the day off.
Really?
Do it now. Run!
I'm feeling good.
Great.
Hi.
Hi.
I was thinking about last night.
Oh, lord. Me, too.
I'm, uh, I'm talking about Zora.
She was really...
Very upset about...
This. Us. Uh...
Why?
Well, just because nobody's ever come
Between us before.
Well, sweetheart, I--
I don't want to come
between you and Zora.
Well, I know that,
But, uh, you have.
Well, how?
Wait--Uh, wait a minute.
What did she say?
It doesn't matter what she said.
This would be easier
if you were a parent.
Then I could explain it.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What is this?
Something feels really off here.
Well...
Look, Zora's really upset,
And you couldn't see her upset
For any longer
Than you could take it.
This is as long
As I could take it for.
All right.
Let me talk to her, all right?
What are you gonna say?
Huh?
You gonna explain--
What you gonna say?
Hey, what's the big deal?
Come on, Hal, what was this?
This was nothing but some kind of...
Some kind of what, Sarah?
Well, just some sort of...
You know, attraction,
Some... weird old attraction.
Let's just get out of it
Before somebody gets hurt.
All right.
Oh. Ok. I see what this is.
What--
You can go on with your
little speech if you want,
But this is bullshit.
What do you mean, this is bullshit?
Don't give me your
motherly crap about Zora.
What's going on is you got scared.
What do you mean--Wait a minute.
You know what? Just back off.
Oh, yeah, right.
Oh, right.
Just back off, right?
Walk away, make your life easy.
You think you can control
Every god damn thing, don't you?
You can even have a kid
without meeting a man.
All you gotta do
is put pictures on the wall
And call it daddy!
I got news for you.
It doesn't work that way!
I got news for you, too.
Stay away from us!
That's what we both want.
Just stay away from us.
I got a say in this, too.
God damn it!
I'm her father!
Thought I told you to go.
I'm going.
Zora.
I'm sorry.
I can't think of anyplace
else to look.
Have you seen my mother?
I'm looking for my mother.
Sarah Mathews?
See the desk.
Excuse me. We're looking
for a Sarah Mathews.
Sir, Sarah Mathews, please.
Are you family?
This is her daughter.
She came into E.R. This morning.
We're sustaining her vital signs.
She has a concussion,
and she's still unconscious.
We operated on her leg
this afternoon.
Ma.
She's going to be ok, right, doctor?
The next 48 hours are critical.
Mr. Jackson,
Ms. Mathews,
At this time we ask
the family and friends
To make a blood donation.
Honey, why don't you go first?
Come on. I'll take you.
It's just right down the hall.
Don't worry. It's gonna be ok.
Did you see that doll
in here right before you?
Mm-Mm-Mm. Coffee with just
the right touch of cream.
Whoo, was she hot.
My palms are still sweating.
Blue jeans and red top?
Her butt was a 10. You saw her?
She's my daughter.
And the interesting thing
is she's ab-Negative.
That's not very common.
Well, she's an unusual girl.
She won a science award last year.
State contest. First prize.
You don't say.
Oh, shit.
I mean, it was really an awful fight,
And then...
Well, I guess it's just
what you're afraid of--
That you'll--You'll yell at someone
And fight with them,
And then they'll die or whatever.
I know.
I Had a fight with her, too, though,
So we'll never really know
Which fight got her run over.
One thing we do know is,
Neither one of us can
ever fight with her again,
Which is too bad because
she's so damn good at it.
Yeah.
Hal, you can fight with me.
You just can't win.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, look. You brought the asshole.
My foot hurts.
I think she's ok.
Well, maybe I oughta leave
you ladies alone for a second,
Go home and grab some clothes.
I'll be back real soon.
Ok.
Aren't you gonna smell me good-Bye?
Better make it 2.
Yeah.
I think there's hope here.
Yeah.
You should have called, man.
You should have called.
Hal. Hal, we need to talk.
Oh, I don't think
We need to talk, sweetheart.
It was never really our thing.
You can get down on your
knees to me,
I'm still breaking up with you.
I think you should break up with me.
Bruce is a hell of a lot
better for you.
I don't think you understand
What I'm trying to stay.
It's over between us,
So don't try and stop me.
Ok. I won't.
What happened to us, Hal?
Aw.
Where did we go wrong?
I mean, we were going
to buy a dog together!
A terrier...
Or maybe--Maybe a lab.
Boy, I sure am lucky
I found out about you
Before we wrecked his little life
Or we had to fight
over splitting him up.
Let's not keep Bruce
waiting, all right, honey?
Yeah.
Ok.
Bye-Bye.
Don't hate me, Hal.
Please don't hate me.
I want you to just
remember the good times.
I want you to remember
the way we were.
Ok. I will.
Bye-Bye.
Thank you, honey.
Ooh!
Hal!
Hal, you'll find somebody else!
I know you will!
Maybe not right away,
But in the long run this is best.
You know, someday
I think you'll thank me.
It's going to take him a long time
To get over this.
We're talking years.
Bye.
Poor dude.
Bye. Bye, Hal!
Oh, God.
Good morning.
Just the man I need to see.
I need to talk to you.
Sure. Hello, darlin'.
Hi, Mr. Jackson.
Hey. Come here. Come here.
Quick, quick, quick, quick.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
Ma.
What's going on?
I won a Westinghouse science award.
They only give out 10 each year.
That's 10 in the whole country.
Yes, and the principal's
gonna give it to me
Next week at graduation.
Isn't that something?
I'm telling you, This is our baby.
Our baby's getting this award.
Yes, they'll give me
a trophy or something,
And they'll pay for
my whole college tuition.
Congratulations, sweetheart.
That's wonderful.
Thank God.
How about that, huh?
What's wrong?
Well, I just--
I've just come from
the hematology lab.
Ooh. Why?
Well, that's where they
keep all our blood.
You're type "A," Sarah.
Sweetheart, they want you
to give some more blood.
You're AB-Negative,
And that's kind of rare.
And they took some of mine, too.
And i'm "O."
You couldn't be.
They did it twice, honey,
And i'm "O."
Wait a minute.
What are you sayin'?
Well, it turns out
That I'm not her father.
But I got the name from mom's file.
They had your name
at the sperm bank.
I know that, sweetheart.
I called.
I talked to the fella
That runs the place.
He said the files were done by hand
Up until about 10 years ago
When they...
Sent 'em overseas
To be put on computer disks.
When they came back,
they were messed up.
Well, I jus--
How can they do that to people?
I'm afraid that the most
You're ever gonna know
Is that the donors came
From the university.
Mostly science majors.
You're not my father.
No.
I made a mistake.
I made a horrible, horrible mistake.
Should I go talk to her?
Mm-Mmm. No.
She just--She just has to be alone
For a while.
Well.
Well.
I guess you probably want to go back
To work or something.
You probably need your rest, huh?
Yeah.
Ok, then.
I, uh...
I don't think I thanked you
For being there for Zora and... me.
I wanted to be there.
I got to go to Las Vegas tomorrow.
Ahem. I have a dealer's convention.
Sounds fun.
It's work.
I'll call you when I get back.
Ok.
Sarah, I'm sorry.
Me, too.
Hey! Miss Westinghouse award!
So what'd you get?
Like free light bulbs and stoves
And microwaves and shit?
Schnobloink.
Thanks.
Hey, what's wrong?
He's not my father, Tea.
And, you know, the worst part...
Is I wanted a dad.
And he was my dad.
Come here.
I'm sorry, baby.
Deanna Jordan.
Erica Franklin.
Alyssa Penney.
Sam Fuller.
Maryilyn Taylor.
Deke Pruitt.
Erica Johnson.
Tina Nichols.
Horatio Vasquez.
Thank you, sir.
Hi, mom!
Um...
I guess the cool thing
about giving this award is
That I get to give it to my friend.
Well, my best friend, actually.
Zora's going to M.I.T. This fall.
And I'm sure she's going
to make their heads spin
Just like she did ours.
There are certain people
That just bring out
the best in others,
And, well, as you all know,
I ain't one of them peoples.
But Zora Mathews is,
And that's why I take great pleasure
In presenting this Westinghouse award
To my best friend Zora Mathews.
They said I should say something.
If I've done well in school,
It's because I got
the message at home
That learning was important.
I'd like to accept this award
In the name of my mother.
She has made it her life's work
To educate people.
And I am so lucky
to be one of them.
May we give her the plaque?
Could you come up, Mrs. Mathews?
Stop it! Stop!
Excuse me.
Oh!
Sorry. Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Ow!
Oh! I'm sorry, miss.
Whoa, open-Toed shoes.
I'm sorry.
Comin' through.
Comin' through here.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
What are you doing here?
I'm not sure.
I mean...
I wanted to see...
You know.
Your daughter graduate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I also thought maybe, uh...
You might need a hand
going up the stairs.
Oh. Absolutely.
Absolutely.
This is my mom.
And...
Your dad.
And my dad.
I Now pronounce this class...
Graduated!
And congratulations to you all!
Whoa!
Tea Cake wait! Hold on, hold on.
Sit down for a second.
Chill, chill!
Stay in your seats!
We have a little something that we planned
That we'd like to give you.
And it goes
A little somethin' like this!
Zora! Come here!
Whoo!
Hi.
Hi.
Hey, morning,
Sarah.
Watch it, lady!
Hi, sarah.
How you doing?
Slow down!
Morning.
You're getting crumbs
on my counter.
What will be will be.
Can i get a
little space here?
Oh, excuse us!
Well, get out
of the way.
Oh, for me? Thank you!
No, not for you.
Thank you.
Do we have to listen
To this horrible
jungle music?
Do you have to work here?
Is somebody
twisting your arm?
Yes. You are.
It would be bad luck
If at least one day a week,
You didn't have
a real african queen
Working on the premises.
Stop humping at me.
Don't do it again.
I still say i should
wear the crown.
I'm gonna slap the sh--
Welcome to the african queen.
Come right in, ladies.
Right this way.
Thank you.
Ooh, I love this.
Thank you.
Ok, listen up.
I Want you to open your books
to page 602--
You're gonna find
an illustration
On blood and the vascular--
Reuben, enough
with the graffiti.
Into the biology, huh?
Give me your finger.
Whoa! Quit grabbing me, girl.
Just give me your finger!
Uhhh. Uhhh.
Aah!
Aah! You cut me!
Keep it down, gang.
Something funny?
The cap and gown fitting is on the 4th.
Aw, your mothers.
Mr. Jackson wants everyone
to know how pleased he is
With the turnout for
the condom demonstration.
And dispersal.
Go figure.
I'm type o.
Stop, silly.
When you're finished
with your blood type,
Turn to page 158
in the text.
You are, da dow...
AB.
Let's do it again.
Why?
Something's wrong.
What?
I'm AB.
Zora?
Zora, what's the matter?
Zora!
Is that good?
Ok.
I'm gonna--
Mom!
What are you doing
out of school?
You lied to me.
What are you
talking about?
Before dad died,
you had an affair.
You slept with someone else.
Thank god this happened
on one of my work days.
Shut up.
Your blood type is A,
Charlie's was O,
And I just came out AB.
Ma, that is not
genetically possible.
Look, why don't we
go somewhere
And talk
about this quietly?
Come on, ok?
Ohh!
Oh. Excuse me.
Take care of this.
Wait. You don't
have to go anywhere.
Ma, it was
a sperm bank.
That's undignified.
Well, maybe to some people,
But, hey, I'd just lost
the biggest love of my life.
I thought maybe I could
Make myself another.
Sit down.
And I did,
and I got you.
I never wanted you
to find out like this.
I really wanted to
tell you before this.
It's just...
I was chicken.
And I'm sorry,
'Cause this was not the right way
For you to find out.
It's ok.
You sure?
It's ok.
Ok.
You have no idea
who the guy was?
No.
The door opened,
the tray came in,
He was this tall,
Ok?
Ma!
What? It was
in a little vial.
I didn't know
what to say.
It didn't speak.
How could I know
who it was?
I didn't care.
I asked for the best
they had--
Black, smart,
not too tall...
All the things
you are.
And look
what they made.
They made magic.
They made you.
So you bought sperm.
Yes! Yes!
I Bought the sperm.
Uhh! Uhh!
How much did it cost?
Why?
I just want to know.
Are you going to
buy some?
No.
It doesn't matter.
Come on.
Would it make
you feel better
If i said
it was free--
Somebody handed it
to me on the street
And I used it
at home?
It doesn't matter.
But, ma, I could
have a father.
Let me tell
you something.
You had a father, and
his name was Charlie,
And... he was the best.
He was great.
Life is great.
Ok?
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok!
Ok.
Are you sure you
even want to bother?
They can be real assholes
sometimes.
You don't have to do this.
I'm prepared to go alone.
No, that ain't it.
Besides, I might get a chance
to meet my future father-In-Law.
Tea cake, please.
What? You the one that said
you wanted to marry me.
Yeah, but I was 7!
Yeah, well,
you was a mature 7.
Just be my friend, Tea.
Boyfriends come and go.
Baby, I'll come and go.
Where do we start?
You nasty.
Yeah. You better
take advantage of this.
I might not live
down the street
For the rest of your life.
Take the first exit
off the bridge.
Left. Make a left
at the light.
At some point
you have to tell me
Where we going.
I don't wanna be
following you around
Like some
honeydew sucker.
Why not? You been
doing it for years.
Are the rules
suddenly changing?
Look, just tell me what
the sign on the building
Is gonna say.
California cryobank.
What kind of
bank is that?
It's a sperm bank.
That's it.
I'm making a u-Turn.
No, wait.
It's right there, Tea.
For 17 years,
I thought he was dead.
But it's not true.
I have a father.
So you think you're
gonna walk in here and say,
"Oh, excuse me,
17 years ago"
"A man came in
to make a deposit."
"He looked like me, maybe?"
Be quiet.
"Anyway, could you give me
his name and number,"
"'Cause he's my daddy."
Honeydew,
shut up.
Can I help you?
Yes. I have a friend here
Who's interested
in donating.
No, you don't!
He's a little shy.
Surely. For today, he needs
to fill out the forms
And leave blood
and sperm samples.
Only 15 % of applicants
end up becoming donors.
If he qualifies,
He will be paid
$40 per donation,
With no more than 3 deposits
allowed per week.
Hmm.
Thank you.
Hey, hey, come on.
I Can't just
go in there
And wrestle with the
bald-Headed champ.
What's the big deal?
It's not like you've
never done it before.
That's my business.
Are you ready?
Mm-Mmm, mm-Mmm, mm-Mmm.
We have magazines
As well as videotapes.
Which would you prefer?
Um, the--
The videotapes, please.
This way, please.
He'll have to do
the rest alone.
Oh, I just need
to use the bathroom.
Second door
on the right.
Thanks.
Mommy.
Come on, man!
Oh, yeah,
now we're talking!
Sorry.
No creams or lotions.
They get into the sample.
Please don't grab the sink
during collection.
One man ripped it
off the wall.
We pay by volume.
You must reach the top line
even to be considered.
Damn!
Any questions?
Well, yeah. I was--
How am I supposed
to fill this up?
I can't fill it.
Good motility.
Yeah, it's very good.
Count's up
from last time.
I ain't doing it.
Is somebody in there?!
Oh, it feels so good.
Ohh!
Oh, God!
Ohh!
Oh, this key!
What are you doing here?
I thought this
was the bathroom.
I'm calling security.
I didn't do anything!
Nurse,
I need another cup.
Zora!
Where you going?
I found my father.
Heaven.
Hea--
Ha ha ha.
Oh!
Up I go. Down I go.
Up I go. Down I go.
Up I go. Down...
Oh, God.
They're getting whiter.
They're getting whiter!
You should bleach
your teeth!
I swear it's so cool!
Oh, yeah. Good idea, sweetheart.
Ooh.
Rise and shine, Mr. Bunny-Butt.
Hmm?
Oh. Wait a minute, honey.
There you go.
Hello. I'm dressed.
I'm leaving.
Kiss good-Bye.
Ok. That's enough.
Step class in 20 minutes.
Bye.
Ooh. Very young.
Very cute.
Hello, there.
Can I help you?
Hi. I'm looking for a Hal Jackson.
Well, look no further.
Is he inside?
You're talking to him.
To Halbert Jackson?
The one and only.
You're white.
Well, that's true, darlin'.
But when we're alone in the dark,
What difference is that gonna make?
No, see, I'm looking
for the Halbert Jackson
Whose social security
number is 540-82-9789.
Are you a process server?
What's that?
Did my ex-Wife send you?
God damn it! We settled
all that alimony shit!
No more legal crap.
She agreed.
No, wait! Wait!
I'm sorry, but I don't know
anything about your ex-Wife.
Oh. Hell, I'm late.
Don't get me wrong.
I think we're good together.
We got a thing, a connection,
But I gotta go,
So if you want to keep talking,
Why don't you hop on in here?
Make up your mind.
I got to get to work.
Coming or going?
Well, that's a shame.
No!
Aw, there you go.
All right.
Where do you work?
Jackson motors.
"Because real cowboys
"Are strong and tough.
"So are american trucks.
"And don't forget...
Hal's your pal."
What'd you say
your name was again?
Uh, Zora.
Zora Mathews.
Are you the young lady
That Daryl's been telling us about?
I don't think anyone's told you about me.
Hey, Diego!
Front and center!
Oh, my.
Lady over there laughing at the ground.
Ah, women.
Gotta love 'em.
You're late.
Well, of course
I'm late, Teddy.
Hello there, folks.
How y'all doing?
Jesus Christ.
A bear?
You said llama.
I may have mentioned llama.
Bears are really big right now.
Boris is getting restless, Ted.
You better go put on your suit.
Now, this is bullshit.
We're done with circus.
You promised me barnyard--
Chicken, geese, cows, beavers.
Who is this guy?
He's the trainer.
You liked the zebra.
Hell I liked the zebra.
You loved the chimp.
Remember? Little Larry?
Larry? Yeah,
I liked Larry.
Couldn't drive worth shit,
but i liked him.
The bear's got to work now.
He hasn't eaten yet.
What the hell happened to--
Nothing.
The light's total shit!
Now, we had a 7:00 call!
We've been waiting for hours.
Why are we using this asshole?
I told you I never
wanted to see him again.
We're shooting
a truck commercial.
He thinks it's
gone with the goddamn wind!
What the hell's that supposed to mean,
"The bear hasn't eaten yet"?
Hey, Jose!
Morning, chief.
It's technical.
Technical, my ass.
Hello there, Bobby!
Don't give them away.
Oh! Red light!
Hey, how you doing?
You look beautiful.
Green light. Selling cars is what you do,
And advertising is what I do.
Will you put on the suit?
The bear's on the clock.
You're killing me.
Hi. Listen, we're getting
40 new trucks in an hour.
Laura's going for take-Out.
What do you want?
Uh, 3 packs of marlboros
and some cheese. Yeah.
Some cheese.
You ok?
Much better.
Are you the girl Daryl
was telling us about?
Nah, you couldn't be her.
Thank you.
Uh-Huh.
He's done this before, right?
Stand back, now.
Ok.
I look like my mother.
Uh-Oh.
Oh, look at that.
Shit.
Get! Come on.
God damn it!
Oh, God!
What the hell is this?
Ohh!
I need to talk to you.
Oh. Hey, you think you
can help me with this?
It kind of got stuck.
Just hold onto this.
When I say go, you pull.
All right. Go.
You've got Detroit on line 4.
Oh, my God.
I'll call back later.
That must be the girl Daryl's
been telling us about.
Oh, hell.
Look at that.
Uh, listen, Zorro,
I think you're sweet
and everything--
It's Zora.
Zora. Whatever.
But, uh...
I'm not really into this
whole black-White thing,
And right now,
I got a commercial to shoot.
But, hey, let's stay in touch.
Ciao.
I need to talk to you!
It's really important!
Will you just listen?
I'll listen to you.
Does this make us ready?
Yes. We're ready.
What, he's wearing this?
He looks great.
What the hell is this?
Oh, here. Hold that.
Ready to run a rehearsal, everybody!
Boris should meet Hal.
Hal, you got to meet the bear.
All right, I'll meet the bear.
Hello, Bear.
I'm Hal Jackson.
Whoa!
Jesus lord!
Whoa!
Down, Boris.
Good boy, Boris.
Now pay attention.
You're gonna walk him
past the row of trucks
With this chain.
Remember, keep your eyes
forward at all times.
Let me work the bear.
Uh-Oh.
Eyes forward.
Good boy, good boy.
Down, Boris.
Down, Boris.
Eyes forward.
Do not touch the bear
on the back of the head,
And no whistling whatsoever.
If you have to sneeze,
raise your hand.
Make a signal to me,
and I'll protect you.
No sudden moves.
Down, Boris.
Eyes forward at all times.
No sudden moves.
Eyes forward. No sneezing.
No whistling.
Boris is the only working
male bear in the country
With a full set
of teeth and claws.
Teddy!
What? Oh.
It's gonna look great.
Let's shoot the rehearsal
Just in case.
Shooting the rehearsal, people!
Is that big enough?
Can you read that?
Fine. He's ready!
Do it!
This is--
No, no! Cut, cut!
You see that wire?
It's hot.
It keeps Boris back.
Uh-Huh.
This is Hal Jackson
from Jackson motors
Asking you to bear in mind
There's a reason so many
Of us come down here--
I have to talk to you!
Not now, Teddy.
I need a flag set.
Teddy, handle this.
Do you hear me? No!
I have to tell you this myself!
I need to have this
conversation with you!
I need to tell you something!
Tell me, then.
Just say it, damn it.
You're driving me crazy.
You're my father.
What?
Jesus, give me some room!
This is great!
This is great!
Shoot it! Shoot it!
Get it! Get it!
Harlan?
Mother!
Me, me, me, me!
Wonderful. Keep rolling.
Please call 911!
Nice bear!
That bear has never
done that before.
'Cept that once.
Somebody, help me!
Please!
Piece of shit car.
Where's the guy with one arm?
Nice bear.
Teddy!
I'm here for you, babe.
It looks fabulous!
Cut! That's a wrap, people.
This is bullshit.
I mean, you're black.
I'm white.
This is bullshit.
I can't believe it either.
This whole thing is horrible.
I've always been sort of light,
But, God, not this!
Well, there you go.
It's a mistake.
Oh--Ow!
Hell, look at that.
Shoot!
So you never donated any sperm?
I didn't say that,
but for God's sake,
It was my understanding
the whole thing was anonymous.
Otherwise, I sure as hell
wouldn't have done it.
It was anonymous.
I--I just found the records.
What the hell's that supposed to mean--
You found the records?
I took the records from the computer.
Well, God damn it!
Don't you have any respect for privacy?
Can I help you?
No.
Go on, shoo!
Don't you think a person has the right
To know who her parents are?
No! No, I don't.
Besides, you got no real proof.
Stolen medical files
ain't a hill of beans
In my book.
Will you excuse me?
Thank you, darlin'.
We could take blood tests
and find out.
You're missin'
the whole point.
Look, suppose I am your...
Suppose I'm the, uh...
Suppose we knew that I was
the contributing party.
Why are you telling me this?
You need a spare kidney
or some bone marrow?
For Christ's sake,
It was conception
in a plastic cup.
Look, you seem well-Adjusted,
like a good kid.
I ain't got nothing
to offer you,
Except maybe a deal
on a new truck
Or extended warranty
and financing.
Otherwise,
I'm sorry.
Yeah, right.
Hey, Sarah.
Hey, there.
Lucy, I'm home!
These earrings are
a form of torture.
Ok, what's going on?
I'm just making dinner.
Just making dinner, huh?
I just wanted to make sure
that you knew
That even though we fight,
I think you're
a great mom.
This is major.
Ooh! I hate
when you do that.
I'm sorry.
Ok.
I'm up.
All right, all right...
How many guesses do I get?
All right...
Did James fall asleep
Listening to that
Judy Garland tape
And burn down the bookstore?
All right.
You didn't get
accepted to M.I.T.?
Are you pregnant?
Listen, stop.
Stop this.
Stop for one second.
Tell me what's going on.
Ma, I found
my real father today.
He's a mean asshole.
What?
I found my father!
Wait a minute. Wait.
What does that mean,
you found your father?
I went to the sperm bank,
Got your file from the computer,
And he's my father.
Ma, it was terrible!
Are you crazy?
I'm sorry!
What did you do?
I'm sorry!
Ok. O--I'm sorry.
Ok, come here.
Come here.
It's ok. It's ok.
It's ok. Mommy's here.
It's ok. It's ok.
It's all right.
Um, ma?
You haven't heard the worst part.
What?
He's, um...
He's--He's a...
Car salesman.
Car salesman?
Yeah.
And, ma, you're not gonna
believe this, but, um...
He's a white car salesman.
Wait. What do you mean, white?
He's like--Like white-White?
White-White-White.
You mean he's like
A creamy eggshell kind of tan.
No. Like white.
Like totally white.
Like a white guy.
No. You mean that
he was so light
You thought he was
a white guy.
He's so light, ma,
He is a white guy.
What do you mean, he's white?
I didn't ask--
I didn't want no white--
What is he doing being white?
I didn't ask for a white man!
I distinctly asked for a black man!
Did you see the guy?
Was the guy black?
Didn't I tell you
the man came in a tube?!
I couldn't see anything!
Well, you should've
asked to see him!
So kill me!
Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!
No, don't kill me.
I'll kill myself.
How's that?
What do you mean,
he's white?
I can't--Wait. Forget it.
It doesn't matter.
Ok.
It's no big deal.
Hell, your hair's always been fine.
So what?
You're a little bit
lighter than me. Big deal!
Right. I mean,
look at Lacie and Rissa.
They're both really light,
And both of their parents
are really dark.
They're my complexion.
And look at those kids
on the cosby show.
Oh, please.
Let's not get into that.
You know they're mixed, right?
Well, of course they're mixed!
Ok. Well, then, we can
never really tell.
Who's gonna tell?
Who cares?
Are you gonna tell somebody?
No!
I won't tell, so let's eat!
Ok.
Ok!
Ok.
Ma, it's even worse.
Oh, please!
What?
It's Hal Jackson.
Who?
Hal Jackson.
"Because real cowboys
are strong and tough,
And so are
American trucks."
You mean the schmuck
on the television
With all the animals?
"Hal's your pal"?
That's my dad.
This is Hal Jackson
from Jackson motors,
And this is Larry.
Larry and I
Just saw Thelma and Louise
together,
And we figure if those
2 gals can see America,
Then, hell, it's high time
we did, too.
The old-Fashioned way--
Behind the wheel
of a top-Of-The-Line
American vehicle.
Sit down there, Larry,
and grab the wheel.
Here, turn around
and grab the wheel.
There you go.
You're driving there, son.
So come on down
to Jackson motors
And see the specials
we got goin'
On cars and trucks.
Could change your life.
I know Larry's
gonna change mine.
Larry's my pal.
Don't forget--
Hal's your pal.
Well, give me 5 here, Larry!
All right!
Grab your pistola
And let's go.
Adios, folks. Go on.
Pick your nose later.
Grab the wheel.
Let's do some drivin'.
Idiot.
Oh, Lord.
Stupid bear.
You are beautiful
because you are you--
Unique and individual--
But maybe
you don't believe this
Because your beauty
can't completely be seen.
Oh, Lord.
Maybe you have unwanted extra weight.
Maybe bad skin.
Maybe poor posture.
Maybe facial hair.
Close your eyes right now
And visualize these
negatives disappearing.
See the new
more beautiful you emerging.
Good morning.
I need to speak to somebody
In your records department.
We're looking for
books on weddings.
Her daughter Cindy's
getting married.
Finally!
Well, that's nice,
but I only carry books
With traditional
African ceremonies.
Well, that's a start, I guess.
Yes, um, look...
17 years ago,
I purchased some...
Some, uh...
We can't find
the wedding books.
Over by the voodoo dolls.
Oh!
Oh!
Sperm.
I bought sperm.
I asked for
an African-American.
I don't think that's what I got.
I filled out all of these forms.
Nobody seems to be able
to tell me--
Are the books in order
Of subject matter or author?
Author.
Who's the author
of the wedding book?
Babe, I'm on the phone here.
I don't know.
My life is hanging in the balance,
And you want talk to me about authors.
Would you just do your thing?
What thing?
I just don't think
I got what I paid for.
Why do all complaints
have to come in writing?
It's obvious to me
you people can't read.
Do the
"Urban bush woman"
T-Shirts come in petite?
What exactly is
an urban bush woman?
Me! Me!
I'm an urban bush woman!
I'm an urban bush woman!
Oh.
This is not a mix-Up.
A mix-Up is when you
order a hamburger
And get a cheeseburger
Or when you bring your
clothes to the dry cleaner,
And they give you
somebody else's clothes.
What I'm talking about is
a major mistake in my life!
I hate it
When dry cleaners make mistakes.
Oh, and they say
The chemicals in dry cleaning
Are very bad for you.
I know.
Who are you people?
Shut up!
Get away from my counter.
I'm busy!
Go over there until I
finish this conversation,
And then I will help you!
Well, all right!
Now, listen, all you
have to do is--
Hello?
Hello?
Damn it.
I guess that explains
Why you like that
surfin' music shit.
That is not funny, Tea.
That's messed up--
A white dude.
I should've never told you.
No, that's cool.
Didn't dude say he'd get
you a deal on a truck?
Yeah, right.
That's amazing, huh?
Yeah. I mean, there's
a crazy difference
Between factory sticker
and what they charge you.
Big deal, Tea.
It is a big deal.
Come on.
You know my parents
Are getting me a car
for graduation.
I'm taking you down there
just to show you the place,
Not to get you
a deal on a car,
So get over it, all right?
You're just mad 'cause you're
white.
Shut up.
"Shut up."
We're gonna crash.
How many trucks sold this morning?
Aw, come on, folks.
First rule of sales--
Enthusiasm.
Mornin', darlin'.
Look at this.
Toyota lowered prices.
All right. How much?
5 % across the board.
Well, hell, that
makes me feel great!
Didn't make any
of us feel great.
That's because you're missin'
the big picture, Jose.
They had to lower prices.
We got ourselves a better product.
All you need
Is conviction and belief.
I'll bet you $100
I nail the next person to walk in.
Ooh! I'm in.
Hey, I can do that.
All right.
A little life in here.
Who's holding?
Paula?
There you go.
Contract signature
From the next person
to step inside.
But if not,
Forget the money,
just lower prices.
All right.
How much you got
there, paula?
Piece of cake.
Hold that for me, will ya?
Can I have my hat, Paula?
Hey, there!
I'm Hal Jackson.
Welcome to the best selection,
The finest-Built cars and trucks
This side of Detroit.
Don't touch me.
Well, of course not.
No, ma'am.
Uh...
Hell, I understand
what's happening.
There's a recession
going on.
I'll tell you what--
No down payment.
Now, you looking for
something special?
Yeah. Your head on a stick.
This is gonna be a tough sale.
My...
Well, now, uh...
Is it just trucks
you have a problem with,
Or is it me?
Just you.
Say, are you the young lady
From the animal rights group?
No, I'm not.
I'm Zora Mathews' mother.
Oh.
Wow.
All right.
You want to step inside for a minute?
Yeah.
All right.
Damn! Check that out.
Maybe I'm making a mistake
getting a truck.
I think we might
be making a mistake
By coming down here.
It's kind of flashy,
But flashy can be good.
Hi, gorgeous.
You look a lot better.
Flashy can also mean
you're a penis head.
This is Tea Cake.
You her little brother?
Ah--Kiss my ass.
Excuse me.
Nice to meet you.
Let's get something straight
Right now, ok?
There's no way you're the father.
I knew there was
some kind of screw-Up!
I ordered a black man.
Well, thank God.
So, what seems
to be the problem?
I'll tell you
what the problem is.
My daughter came to you
to pour her heart out,
And you offered her
a kidney.
Who the hell
do you think you are?
Oh, now wait a second, lady.
She caught me off guard.
I donate an ounce of sperm 18 years ago,
And today some kid wants
to call me daddy.
Excuse me.
She does not want
to call you daddy.
Fooled the hell
outta me!
Oh, did it? Why does
that surprise me?
Because you are a fool!
You are the scum
That clogs up the cable stations,
And even if you were black,
I wouldn't like you,
So you stay away from my kid!
Now listen! Who's
following who around?
She came to me first.
You keep her away from me!
Are you giving me face?
What the hell's that mean?
Ahem. Good morning.
Could I interest you--
No.
0 For 2.
Hello.
Can I interest you
In a test drive
Of a new model car or truck?
Well, y-Yeah.
I'm into whatever
you want to show me.
Well, good. Why don't
you come this way?
Me or my daughter?
I had no intention of
judging you or your--
Mom.
Oh, great.
What are you doing here?
Good question.
The question is,
what are you doing here?
Look, wait a minute.
Anyone mind if I
have a cigarette?
Yes, I do mind!
This is his office!
But these are my lungs.
Let him kill himself
and not me.
How about a drink, then?
You got a problem with that?
No, I don't.
Why don't you make it two?
Ma, you never drink hard liquor.
What a shame.
Make it a double.
All right. One drink coming up.
You know, I noticed
That you're having a hard time
Keeping yourself
in school these days.
I wanted to talk to Hal.
You know, a good education
is invaluable.
She knows that.
She's going to Berkeley
next fall.
I wanted to go to Berkeley.
I got into M.I.T.,
And that's my first choice.
Yeah, well, she doesn't
really want to go
All the way to Boston.
Yes, I do really want to
go all the way to Boston.
We can't afford it, can we?
My science teacher
Is helping me with scholarships.
Ahh!
She's always winning stuff like that.
Look at her.
She's so cute, she's so smart.
Ma...
Mom, don't start.
I'm sorry.
First you don't want me to go,
Now I'm winning all these awards.
What?
Well, I just think
That you could take
all your awards you win
And use them in Berkeley.
This is really good.
Ma, I don't want
to go to Berkeley!
I wanted to go to Berkeley.
Who asked ya?
The--Never mind.
Can I have some more?
You've got to sit down
In this baby.
Just wait.
See?
I like this.
See? That's a good color for you.
Yeah. Yellow.
You're not feeling too nervous
About buying a truck, are you?
No. No, not at all.
Good. Most men aren't, I find.
You working now?
Yeah, yeah.
Good.
May I ask where you work?
At a bank.
At a bank.
And what department would that be?
Uh, deposits.
Deposits.
And withdrawals?
No. Just deposits.
Oh.
Cool.
Key.
Ooh.
Nuts.
Isn't it?
Ma, let's just go home.
Let's go talk about college.
I want to sing.
That's a good idea.
Go on home.
Who asked you?
This is his office.
Let's go!
I know this is his office.
I know that.
Look at this place.
I mean, please!
Look at it!
Cheesy wood, bowling trophies.
Western motif makes me ill.
Of course!
And the titty sisters!
This is absolutely his office.
And look--
Green shag carpeting.
My fave.
And what's this?
Aah!
Hi! Look at you.
Look at her.
Oh, no.
Al, no.
Alberta,
Thank you, Alberta.
That'll be all, honey.
Yeah, ok.
Is that your mom?
His mom!
You got a problem
with my office?
No. It's just that she
hates shag carpeting.
Mom, let's go! Please!
Don't apologize for me.
I Have a big problem with him.
She can say
Whatever she wants to.
She's got rights.
Why don't you just butt out?
I'd love to butt out,
But it's my office!
You'd don't have to
keep repeating that!
I'm aware
we're in your office!
Mom, let's go home.
I'm not ready to go!
I have a point to make!
Wha--What is your point?
I'll tell you what my point is.
My point is this--
We don't want you.
You don't want us.
Let's keep that clear.
You are not the father.
And even if you were,
We still wouldn't want you.
Hell, she doesn't
look anything like me.
Thank God
For tha--
I'm gonna sit down.
Ma, are you ok?
Huh?
Are you all right?
Yeah.
So... ahem.
Where'd you park?
Uh, down--Down the sidewalk.
Oh, I do that, too.
She rode her bicycle.
Oh.
Well, maybe we ought to...
Yeah.
All right. Here we go.
Uh, thank you--
Thank you for having us.
Aw...
We're cuttin' prices.
Yes!
Sorry.
I don't like white people.
Shh!
Hey, I think I bought a truck.
Say,
I tell you what.
Put the bicycle in the truck.
I'll drive you where you're goin'.
I don't need any help.
Good-Bye.
Oohhh...
Zora, right?
Yes.
You kind of caught me
By surprise yesterday, Zora.
I Want to apologize
if I hurt your feelings.
It's ok.
I'm sorry that
my mom showed up here.
No problem.
Good-Bye.
Bye.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, shit!
Oh, Christ!
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah...
God damn it!
What is wrong with you, coming
around that corner like that?
Are you crazy?
Stop the car. Aah!
Oh, look at that--
A Parking space.
God damn it, pull the car over!
Just let me out.
Are you gonna unlock
the door, or what?
Come on and unlock this damn door
Before I slap you!
I Can't stand your ass!
Son of a bitch!
What is wrong with you?
Are you crazy, coming
Around that corner!
Where do you think
you are, in L.A.?
Goddamn crazy white people.
Hello there, folks!
Thank you very much
for the ride!
Do you mind
if I come in
And drain the lizard?
If you drain the--
Does that mean you have
to go to the bathroom?
Uh-Huh.
Fine. Come on in!
You crazy...
You locked us in.
We were gonna call 911,
But then we started reading books.
I'll take these. They're fascinating.
We'll take everything,
and...
I am so sorry, dear.
I really had no idea we'd
done so many awful things.
Hello.
Hello.
Ladies.
Hell of an idea--
Lock the customers in
till they buy something.
Wonder if that work
with trucks?
Oh, my god,
look at this place.
Book city.
You read all this?
The bathroom's upstairs
On the right.
Oh... we haven't been up there.
No!
There's nothing up there to buy.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, we have a check
All made out for you,
including tax at 7 1/2 %.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's 8 1/2.
Maybe you're right.
Who cares? You're done.
Oh! Thanks.
Thank you.
That's great.
Happy wedding.
Bye! Thanks.
Let me help you.
Bye-Bye, now.
Bye!
Bye-Bye, ladies!
Bye-Bye, now.
Bye!
Bye!
Whoo! Black authors
up the Wahzoo.
I read black authors, you know.
Wilt Chamberlain book
changed my life.
Heh heh heh heh heh!
Oh, wait a second here.
Maybe I don't have to go anymore.
Nope, there it is!
Little silvery feelin'.
The call of the wild.
Is this the guy?
Is who what guy?
The guy.
The guy that was supposed
to be Zora's father but isn't,
Because... you know.
Yeah. That's
my husband Charles.
Charlie.
Looks nice.
Was he nice?
Yeah, he was nice.
Never remarried?
Tthh. No.
I mean,
What's the point?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm divorced.
Twice.
Right now, I'm...
Living with someone.
Mmm...
Never had any children.
Huh.
That Zora, looks like a nice kid.
Ohh, she's a great kid.
I don't know what I
would've done without her.
Family really is the way to go.
I live to enjoy myself.
Funny thing--Sperm.
Well, what do we got here?
"Jesus was a black man."
Well, hell, at least you
got yourself a point of view.
Must be a real bummer
having a half-White kid.
Fuck you.
Apparently we already did that.
You know what? Get out.
For being such a free spirit,
You are surprisingly uptight.
You, not surprisingly,
are a pain in the ass.
It turns out,
that I have a daughter
That I'd never even heard about.
You don't have a daughter.
I have a daughter.
You have a car dealership.
I thought we straightened
all this out.
Fine by me.
But are you sure
it's fine with her?
She's the one
that hunted me out.
Maybe she wants to see me.
I don't think so.
I was always good
at math and science.
Maybe I had something
to do with that part.
You had nothing to do with it.
Nothing. Do you understand me?
I understand you, your highness.
I can't talk to you anymore.
It's ok. I'm outta here.
Mm-Hmm.
Have a nice life.
I will.
Hi.
Hi.
Ok. What's up?
You think he's my father?
Look...
All he was was some sperm
With one motivated swimmer.
That's all.
I just wish I could've
asked him a few questions.
Why? The man is so dumb,
what was he gonna tell you?
Forget it. It's over.
Leave it alone.
I know, ma, but you don't--
Please. I really don't want
to talk about this anymore.
Ok.
Ma, just one thing.
What?
When you were alone with him,
Did he say anything about me?
Is it really that important to you?
Yes.
Well, yeah, he did.
He said, uh...
That you seemed really smart...
And really confident.
He also said he thought
you were really beautiful.
Really?
Yeah.
Really?
I cross my heart, yeah.
That's cool.
Good night.
Good night, my daughter.
I love you.
I love you, too.
It's not true...
But it's cool.
This is Hal Jackson
of Jackson motors,
Asking you to bear in mind
There's a reason
so many people come to us
For deals on cars and trucks.
Ugh, god.
Now I'm gonna wrestle
with you over--
Daddy?
Sarah?
Daddy!
Oh, daddy!
I found you.
They said you were dead, but...
You should try this.
Hal, you should try this.
Uh-Huh.
Don't you know me, daddy?
I'm Sarah! I'm Sarah!
The final price will be... shocking!
But I'm Sarah!
Yes.
Yes.
Sarah!
My baby.
Her majesty, the queen.
My daddy.
Hello.
Hey, how're you doin'?
All right.
Where's Zora?
Uh, she just left.
Oh. She go get lunch?
Um... you--You know,
She never really tells me.
I just--I don't know.
You don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
Where is she?
Don't ignore me.
You better tell me where she is...
Ow!
Or I'll rip out your tracheae.
Oh, Zora.
Yeah, Zora.
She went to the car dealership.
What!?
She went. I didn't go.
Ow!
This is Hal Jackson
of Jackson motors
Inviting you to come on down
and see the circus of deals
We've got going
On the latest model cars
and trucks.
Tiny, down.
Don't forget.
10 % back means 10 % more peanuts
In your pocket.
Isn't that right, Tiny?
Or did you forget again?
Great.
Cueing Tiny.
Up again!
Heigh-Ho, Tiny!
Cut, cut, cut.
Reset.
Reset, Tiny.
Resetting, Tiny.
What the hell you mean cut?
We're losing you when Tiny rears up.
Ok. We're ready to go again.
Oh, my God, she's back.
Concentration, Hal.
Give me a cigarette quick.
You're talking to me--
Just shut up and give me
the damn cigarette.
Great.
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
Hey, lady!
Hello.
This is Hal Jackson
of Jackson motors.
This is supposed to be
a closed set.
Whoa! Hey!
Whoa!
Don't forget.
10 % back means 10 % more
peanuts in your pocket.
Isn't that right, Tiny?
Oh, no, no, Tiny.
Uh-Oh.
Whoa. What's happening?
Here we go again.
Alert the media!
The press! Call the press!
Ma, look.
Ooh! Whoo!
Oh, shit!
Oh, God!
Stop ringin' the goddamn bell!
We're right behind you, babe!
Stop ringin' the goddamn bell!
Oh, shit!
Oh!
Oh, shit!
Stop ringin' the goddamn--Ow!
Ooohh!
Whoa!
You better be shooting!
You cut, you die!
You cut, you die!
This is all fabulous!
Ohh!
Move! Move!
Oh, Lord, help!
Hal, it's Kimberly.
You never called.
Oh, hi.
Stop! Whoa! Whoa!
Oh, Jesus.
Coming through. Watch your feet.
Coming through.
Please, stop ringing the goddamn bell!
Oh, Jesus!
Shit! Son of a...
Keep rolling.
Ta-Da!
Thank you, Jesus!
Thank you. I'm alive.
Mom!
I'm lucky. I'm lucky.
Thank you, baby.
It wasn't my fault.
Wait! Wait till
you see the footage.
2 News crews showed up.
I'm alive.
Are you ok?
Yes, I'm fine.
Ma, not you.
Are you all right?
Do I look all right to you?
Wait.
Hey, hey, what are you doing?
The elephant was
following the bell,
Your bell.
This...
This goddamn bell.
It was?
Oh, shit.
Yeah. He was.
He was following my bell?
I thought you were dead
At that intersection.
That was close, wasn't it?
Yeah. Yeah.
My bell.
You mean you ended up
in the water
Because of my bell?
I'm sorry.
Wait!
You know something?
You can go to hell.
If I could follow you.
I'll ring my bell
so you know it's me.
He's really pissed.
You're gorgeous
when you're wet.
Just take my word for it.
It was a disaster.
Goddamn disaster.
I hear elephants can
be very, very violent.
Plus--Did you know something?
They're pregnant for 2 years.
2 Years. Can you imagine that?
Then the baby elephant
comes out--
Has this really
bristly hair.
Turn over.
Stacy, honey,
My whole career's
Going down the toilet,
And you're talking
About pregnant elephants?
Aw, monkey man,
you're full of stress.
There's a point right here
in your hand
That if I squeeze--
Close your eyes.
This isn't going to hurt.
Ha!
Does that feel better?
That's better, isn't it?
Ow.
Turn over again.
Ooh!
You know something?
If you did lose your business,
You could always take the time
To explore your artistic side.
Like I always thought
you had the hands
Of somebody who could be a surgeon
Or play the violin or something.
But Stacy, honey--
I know what
you're going to say.
Nobody listens
to the violin anymore.
And that's true,
but you could make them do it
By playing it
in a whole new way,
Like, for example,
more bluesy, perhaps,
Or... Rap!
Rap! Rap!
Rap even!
You could do it
Like a--Oh.
Oh, sorry.
I--Oh.
Your head hurts, doesn't it?
Do you want me to, um,
Maybe sing you a song or something?
Ok.
No. No, please don't.
It's a very nice song.
Music can be so healing.
This is the song.
Ohh.
What's going on?
No, hold on a second.
Wait. Stop! I can explain.
I'm so glad you're here!
Are they
Repossessing everything?
No! Everything's selling.
It was that whole Tiny thing
that went big.
You're a smash.
Bobby, get over here.
What's happening?
Money! Money!
We're making money!
Sign this. It's beautiful.
They're just flying out of here.
Hey, boss! Hey. Hey. Hey.
It's like you always said,
We got a better product.
If we can get them into the door,
They'll buy it.
It's you and that elephant lady.
You're on every news
broadcast in the city.
You're a hit, cowboy!
You're a hit!
Where's the lady?
Where's Tiny?
Who? Oh, the elephant.
Drowned, I guess.
I'm sorry, little girl.
I didn't mean that.
I'm just kidding.
Uh, carry on.
Well, hello, ladies.
Look at you all.
Over here!
Over here! Please!
I'll be damned!
Yes!
Let me
just show you this truck.
This truck was made for love.
Look at the size of this cab.
You can give birth in this cab
And when you do it,
You can listen to the radio.
Am, fm, uhf, vhf...
So what time are you done?
Well, I teach until 10:00.
You have dinner plans, don't you?
Oh, yeah. We're all
going out and celebrating.
Good night, boss.
Good night, Bobby.
Unbelievable day.
We damn near sold
every car on the lot.
Mmm.
Oh, that's nice.
All right.
I'll see you later.
Ok.
Good-Bye, baby.
Hi.
Hi.
Mmm. Good.
You have very strong hands.
Thanks.
Whoa.
Get out of here. It's late.
I'm going.
Boy, I'll tell you, huh?
Perfect night for a celebration.
Sure is.
Night.
Good night.
Jamaica, mon, this close.
Night, chief.
Whew!
Hey, Jose!
They wiped us out.
Whew! I'm telling you.
Stripped us clean.
Yeah.
So, what are you gonna do?
You gonna celebrate?
Oh, sort of.
Tonight's my poker night.
You got any plans?
Yeah. I'm covered.
I'll see you, man.
All right. Good night,
Good night.
And what a night!
Hell of a night.
Hey, mrs. Mathews,
Um, I'm a little concerned.
What do we actually know
About this guy Zora's
going out with tonight?
Didn't you check him out
Or whatever parents
are supposed to do?
Why are you still here?
Don't you have any dignity?
You need to go home.
Get the door.
Oh, my God!
Hey, this is worse than I thought.
What is?
'Scuse me.
Oh, no, you don't, miss thing.
You better go put on a jacket.
No, you don't, miss thing.
You better go put on a jacket.
You better shut up.
Ma, will you get him out of here
Before I kill him?
Somebody get the door.
Oh, this is how it is?
Is this how we living?
Ok. No, that's fine.
You can go and flaunt your fun bags
Any way you please.
I just got one thing
To say to y'all, ok?
Funbag flaunting
Only leads to trouble.
Get the door.
Just remember I said it, all right?
Yo, it's a white man at the door.
Am I interrupting something?
No. Um...
How are you?
I'm ok.
I brought something
for you and your mother.
Why?
Ma.
I'm not really sure.
There you go.
I'm not good at,
you know, receiving,
And so I don't want
you to think
That I don't like it.
Which in your language
means thank you.
Yes.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
"The world is waiting for you,
"And here are a few maps
In case you get lost along the way.
Hal."
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Well, yeah.
Well, I guess I ought to be going.
I'll walk you out.
Hey, be cool, man.
Yeah. Thank you very much.
That was a really nice thing
you did.
She's thrilled.
Thank you.
So, are we getting along now?
Come on, what does that mean?
I'm not sure. I'm just checking.
Hey, Diego, what are you doing here?
Me, boss? What are you doing here?
Hi. I'm--
I'm Zora's mother.
Hi. I'm Diego.
Very nice to meet you.
Thank you.
Behave yourself.
Hi.
Wow.
Oh, thank you.
Shall we?
Yes.
Bye.
You look great.
And so do you.
She's wearing that?
That's exactly what I've been sayin'!
Thank you.
Hey, Diego, you have
her back here by--
She got a curfew or something?
Tell him by midnight.
Have her back here by midnight!
Yeah.
Have a good time, you two.
I Hope you like to dance.
Oh, I love to dance.
Bye, now.
Do you know him?
Yeah, yeah.
He works for me.
So if anything happens--
I'll fire his ass.
Ok.
So, what's up, baby?
You want to slide out for a minute?
Well, no, I really shouldn't.
Come on, baby.
We'll go see a movie or something.
Well, I'm just not really ready
For a commitment.
I just want to take you out.
I said no!
Bitch!
Yo' motha!
Well--Ha ha.
You probably have plans
For the evening.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna...
Go out and grab something.
What are you gonna grab?
Eat. I want to eat.
If you don't have any plans,
You can come along.
Do you want me to come?
Yeah.
I think I do.
Ok. Well, then,
I don't have any plans.
You know something?
You could have said that
right off the bat.
Yeah, but you could've
just asked me to dinner.
I have to go change.
Hey, where's the, uh...
Where's the rice and the noodles
And the fella that flips the shrimp
Into his hat?
I shouldn't have ever let you order.
Half this stuff still looks alive.
That's the whole idea.
You know what?
When she was 7,
I gave her one of those
Suzy homemaker oven things.
They come with mixes.
You're supposed to make stuff.
Not her.
She was not interested.
All she wanted to do
Was melt stuff in the oven.
She gets that from me.
I only use my oven
to dry my sneakers.
I believe that.
Hmm. Hmm. What the hell.
No! No!
Uh-Oh.
Oh, shit.
No, you're not supposed
to eat it like that.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
You know, Jackson--
I'll buy you another one.
This is ours.
Here. Drink this.
Are you ok?
Oh, shit.
I just--
He--He ate a Wasabi ball.
I'm fine.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh,
But you're so funny.
I know that... now.
You--
Maybe just a little more.
She just told you, silly move,
white man.
Are you all right?
I'm fine.
You sure?
Mm-Hmm.
You know, you're--
You're all glisteny.
I think it's from the Wasabi.
You might want to try
the crab next time.
It's a little safer.
Yeah. No, next time,
I'm ordering.
That's what's happening.
The only thing I can ride
is a horse.
Not once have we
shot a horse commercial.
It's crazy.
That's probably because
You'd look too good on a horse.
They've got to make you look
Like a wild man.
That's part of the appeal.
Really?
Yeah.
I never thought of it that way.
You smell good.
What?
You smell good.
It's just this lotion i'm using.
May I?
May you what?
Smell you.
Thought you already did that.
Oh, wow.
Oh, I could get lost in that smell.
I could just close my eyes,
And no one would ever find me.
Oh, no.
Somebody would find you.
Maybe you could send up a flare.
You smell like that
everywhere?
I really don't know.
I'm not in the habit
of smelling myself.
I can check for you.
You're really something,
you know?
I'm just, you know,
I'm not used to this kind of
stuff.
Is this how you sell trucks?
It's not like we haven't
been properly introduced.
I don't mean to be crass,
But my sperm has been in your body.
And where it goes,
You figure you should follow.
Well, generally I like to go first,
But the little fellas got
there before me.
Oh. Uh-Huh.
We have had the child, Sarah.
We didn't have a child, Hal.
I had a child.
I'd like to make that up to you.
I just bet you would.
This could get complicated.
Don't worry. I've done it before.
I'll bet you have.
Oh, yeah, you're slick.
I'll change.
No.
Don't.
What should I do?
Smell me.
Mm. Mm! Mmm! Mm!
Hello.
Diego, stop.
What's wrong?
I better go home. It's getting late.
Let's go to my place.
You could stay over.
Are you crazy?
My mother would kill me.
Look, Diego,
I hardly know you.
Let's get to know each
other better.
Please.
Please.
What was that?
It was just the bed.
Just the bed.
Oh, Jesus. It's Zora.
Oh. Where's my hat?
I got your shoe.
I don't know. Where?
Right here.
Where's my damn hat?
My other shoe.
Oh.
Oh, jeez. They're right behind me.
Wait, wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the hurry?
They're outside.
Oh.
Every time you squeeze thigh master--
Hey.
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Squeeze your way to shapely thighs.
We're watching TV.
Look at that.
Oh, it's late.
Time got away.
Thigh master is designed
To isolate and strengthen
these muscles.
What happened to the lamps?
I guess they fell over.
I'll be darned.
Yeah, well, what
were you watching on tv?
Studs.
Talk show.
Well--
Talking. They were talking.
Studs talking together.
Ok.
Hey, huh?
Well--
Boss.
Hal junior.
Jesus.
Oh. All right.
Here we go. All right.
We're out of here, Diego.
Good night, Hal.
Good night, Sarah.
I'll walk you out.
All right. That would be good.
Quite a family, huh, man?
I mean, like mother
like daughter, huh?
You know what I mean?
You lay a hand on that girl,
And I'll kill you personally.
Whoa. What's it to you?
I'll tell you what it is to me.
She's my daughter.
Daughter?
Oh, hell.
I bet you I'm late.
Good night, Diego.
Oh, I'm tired.
So what did you do?
What?
You heard me, ma.
What were you guys doing?
Doing?
Nothing.
So that's why the house looks
Like a cyclone hit it?
What are you talking about?
You told me to stay away from him,
But you can do
Whatever you want with him?
Zora--
This is my father, ma,
And he needs me, not you.
My whole entire life,
You brought me up with this fantasy,
This ghost of Charlie,
Then I finally bring
home something real,
And you want to take
that away from me!
What are you...
What is going on?
Ma, I wanted this
for me, not you.
When this doesn't work out
Between the two of you,
Where is that gonna leave me?
Sorry I got hung up, sweetheart.
Oh, hi, Hal.
You remember Bruce, don't you?
Bruce gave me a lift home.
Sure. Well, thank you, Bruce.
No biggie.
Hey, have a seat, man.
Where were you?
Oh, I was just out driving around.
I lost track of time, honey.
Oh.
I got to cruise.
Oh, no, no. You got to?
Yeah. I got to.
I hear that. I'm beat.
Hey, the night's
Just starting to cook.
I'm going to hear a new band--
Stinky Nightgown.
Stinky Nightgown?
Oh, you like 'em?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We got all their stuff.
They're gonna record
As soon as the drummer
gets out of rehab.
Hey, you dudes want
to hang with us tonight?
No problem.
Hey, why don't you go, sweetheart?
I'll bet you'll enjoy that.
Oh, wow. You don't mind?
Hell, no. I want you to go.
Thank you, sweetie.
Let's fly.
Oh. Have one of those sex dreams
About me tonight, ok?
Ok.
You're welcome.
He had this dream where
he was a big, stupid dog
And I was a little smart dog...
I like dogs.
Arf, arf.
10 % off sticker, Charlie.
Hey, everybody.
Hey, my favorite chief.
Good morning.
Oh, my god. What a beautiful scarf.
You gave it to me.
Christmas '83.
Did I? You know something, Alberta?
You work too hard. Take the day off.
Really?
Do it now. Run!
I'm feeling good.
Great.
Hi.
Hi.
I was thinking about last night.
Oh, lord. Me, too.
I'm, uh, I'm talking about Zora.
She was really...
Very upset about...
This. Us. Uh...
Why?
Well, just because nobody's ever come
Between us before.
Well, sweetheart, I--
I don't want to come
between you and Zora.
Well, I know that,
But, uh, you have.
Well, how?
Wait--Uh, wait a minute.
What did she say?
It doesn't matter what she said.
This would be easier
if you were a parent.
Then I could explain it.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What is this?
Something feels really off here.
Well...
Look, Zora's really upset,
And you couldn't see her upset
For any longer
Than you could take it.
This is as long
As I could take it for.
All right.
Let me talk to her, all right?
What are you gonna say?
Huh?
You gonna explain--
What you gonna say?
Hey, what's the big deal?
Come on, Hal, what was this?
This was nothing but some kind of...
Some kind of what, Sarah?
Well, just some sort of...
You know, attraction,
Some... weird old attraction.
Let's just get out of it
Before somebody gets hurt.
All right.
Oh. Ok. I see what this is.
What--
You can go on with your
little speech if you want,
But this is bullshit.
What do you mean, this is bullshit?
Don't give me your
motherly crap about Zora.
What's going on is you got scared.
What do you mean--Wait a minute.
You know what? Just back off.
Oh, yeah, right.
Oh, right.
Just back off, right?
Walk away, make your life easy.
You think you can control
Every god damn thing, don't you?
You can even have a kid
without meeting a man.
All you gotta do
is put pictures on the wall
And call it daddy!
I got news for you.
It doesn't work that way!
I got news for you, too.
Stay away from us!
That's what we both want.
Just stay away from us.
I got a say in this, too.
God damn it!
I'm her father!
Thought I told you to go.
I'm going.
Zora.
I'm sorry.
I can't think of anyplace
else to look.
Have you seen my mother?
I'm looking for my mother.
Sarah Mathews?
See the desk.
Excuse me. We're looking
for a Sarah Mathews.
Sir, Sarah Mathews, please.
Are you family?
This is her daughter.
She came into E.R. This morning.
We're sustaining her vital signs.
She has a concussion,
and she's still unconscious.
We operated on her leg
this afternoon.
Ma.
She's going to be ok, right, doctor?
The next 48 hours are critical.
Mr. Jackson,
Ms. Mathews,
At this time we ask
the family and friends
To make a blood donation.
Honey, why don't you go first?
Come on. I'll take you.
It's just right down the hall.
Don't worry. It's gonna be ok.
Did you see that doll
in here right before you?
Mm-Mm-Mm. Coffee with just
the right touch of cream.
Whoo, was she hot.
My palms are still sweating.
Blue jeans and red top?
Her butt was a 10. You saw her?
She's my daughter.
And the interesting thing
is she's ab-Negative.
That's not very common.
Well, she's an unusual girl.
She won a science award last year.
State contest. First prize.
You don't say.
Oh, shit.
I mean, it was really an awful fight,
And then...
Well, I guess it's just
what you're afraid of--
That you'll--You'll yell at someone
And fight with them,
And then they'll die or whatever.
I know.
I Had a fight with her, too, though,
So we'll never really know
Which fight got her run over.
One thing we do know is,
Neither one of us can
ever fight with her again,
Which is too bad because
she's so damn good at it.
Yeah.
Hal, you can fight with me.
You just can't win.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, look. You brought the asshole.
My foot hurts.
I think she's ok.
Well, maybe I oughta leave
you ladies alone for a second,
Go home and grab some clothes.
I'll be back real soon.
Ok.
Aren't you gonna smell me good-Bye?
Better make it 2.
Yeah.
I think there's hope here.
Yeah.
You should have called, man.
You should have called.
Hal. Hal, we need to talk.
Oh, I don't think
We need to talk, sweetheart.
It was never really our thing.
You can get down on your
knees to me,
I'm still breaking up with you.
I think you should break up with me.
Bruce is a hell of a lot
better for you.
I don't think you understand
What I'm trying to stay.
It's over between us,
So don't try and stop me.
Ok. I won't.
What happened to us, Hal?
Aw.
Where did we go wrong?
I mean, we were going
to buy a dog together!
A terrier...
Or maybe--Maybe a lab.
Boy, I sure am lucky
I found out about you
Before we wrecked his little life
Or we had to fight
over splitting him up.
Let's not keep Bruce
waiting, all right, honey?
Yeah.
Ok.
Bye-Bye.
Don't hate me, Hal.
Please don't hate me.
I want you to just
remember the good times.
I want you to remember
the way we were.
Ok. I will.
Bye-Bye.
Thank you, honey.
Ooh!
Hal!
Hal, you'll find somebody else!
I know you will!
Maybe not right away,
But in the long run this is best.
You know, someday
I think you'll thank me.
It's going to take him a long time
To get over this.
We're talking years.
Bye.
Poor dude.
Bye. Bye, Hal!
Oh, God.
Good morning.
Just the man I need to see.
I need to talk to you.
Sure. Hello, darlin'.
Hi, Mr. Jackson.
Hey. Come here. Come here.
Quick, quick, quick, quick.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
Ma.
What's going on?
I won a Westinghouse science award.
They only give out 10 each year.
That's 10 in the whole country.
Yes, and the principal's
gonna give it to me
Next week at graduation.
Isn't that something?
I'm telling you, This is our baby.
Our baby's getting this award.
Yes, they'll give me
a trophy or something,
And they'll pay for
my whole college tuition.
Congratulations, sweetheart.
That's wonderful.
Thank God.
How about that, huh?
What's wrong?
Well, I just--
I've just come from
the hematology lab.
Ooh. Why?
Well, that's where they
keep all our blood.
You're type "A," Sarah.
Sweetheart, they want you
to give some more blood.
You're AB-Negative,
And that's kind of rare.
And they took some of mine, too.
And i'm "O."
You couldn't be.
They did it twice, honey,
And i'm "O."
Wait a minute.
What are you sayin'?
Well, it turns out
That I'm not her father.
But I got the name from mom's file.
They had your name
at the sperm bank.
I know that, sweetheart.
I called.
I talked to the fella
That runs the place.
He said the files were done by hand
Up until about 10 years ago
When they...
Sent 'em overseas
To be put on computer disks.
When they came back,
they were messed up.
Well, I jus--
How can they do that to people?
I'm afraid that the most
You're ever gonna know
Is that the donors came
From the university.
Mostly science majors.
You're not my father.
No.
I made a mistake.
I made a horrible, horrible mistake.
Should I go talk to her?
Mm-Mmm. No.
She just--She just has to be alone
For a while.
Well.
Well.
I guess you probably want to go back
To work or something.
You probably need your rest, huh?
Yeah.
Ok, then.
I, uh...
I don't think I thanked you
For being there for Zora and... me.
I wanted to be there.
I got to go to Las Vegas tomorrow.
Ahem. I have a dealer's convention.
Sounds fun.
It's work.
I'll call you when I get back.
Ok.
Sarah, I'm sorry.
Me, too.
Hey! Miss Westinghouse award!
So what'd you get?
Like free light bulbs and stoves
And microwaves and shit?
Schnobloink.
Thanks.
Hey, what's wrong?
He's not my father, Tea.
And, you know, the worst part...
Is I wanted a dad.
And he was my dad.
Come here.
I'm sorry, baby.
Deanna Jordan.
Erica Franklin.
Alyssa Penney.
Sam Fuller.
Maryilyn Taylor.
Deke Pruitt.
Erica Johnson.
Tina Nichols.
Horatio Vasquez.
Thank you, sir.
Hi, mom!
Um...
I guess the cool thing
about giving this award is
That I get to give it to my friend.
Well, my best friend, actually.
Zora's going to M.I.T. This fall.
And I'm sure she's going
to make their heads spin
Just like she did ours.
There are certain people
That just bring out
the best in others,
And, well, as you all know,
I ain't one of them peoples.
But Zora Mathews is,
And that's why I take great pleasure
In presenting this Westinghouse award
To my best friend Zora Mathews.
They said I should say something.
If I've done well in school,
It's because I got
the message at home
That learning was important.
I'd like to accept this award
In the name of my mother.
She has made it her life's work
To educate people.
And I am so lucky
to be one of them.
May we give her the plaque?
Could you come up, Mrs. Mathews?
Stop it! Stop!
Excuse me.
Oh!
Sorry. Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Ow!
Oh! I'm sorry, miss.
Whoa, open-Toed shoes.
I'm sorry.
Comin' through.
Comin' through here.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
What are you doing here?
I'm not sure.
I mean...
I wanted to see...
You know.
Your daughter graduate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I also thought maybe, uh...
You might need a hand
going up the stairs.
Oh. Absolutely.
Absolutely.
This is my mom.
And...
Your dad.
And my dad.
I Now pronounce this class...
Graduated!
And congratulations to you all!
Whoa!
Tea Cake wait! Hold on, hold on.
Sit down for a second.
Chill, chill!
Stay in your seats!
We have a little something that we planned
That we'd like to give you.
And it goes
A little somethin' like this!
Zora! Come here!
Whoo!