Original Kings of Comedy (2000) Movie Script

Work harder! Keep on!
Wake up! Even extras are actors.
We're not making a ghost film now.
Though you guys
play the roles of pedestrians,
but your roles still have life an soul.
Especially we've chance to act with
the Kungfu actress Queen Cuckoo Tu...
so we should grasp this chance.
Act smartly, OK?
- Who are you?
- I'm an actor.
Aunt Ha!
- Who is this guy?
- An extra.
I'm an actor.
Are you mistaken?
How can you let him touch my machine?
Sorry, Brother Sunny,
I just went to toilet.
so I asked him to do the rehearsal.
Find someone who knows how to act,
we need one urgently.
- Let me do it.
- You?
Show me the expression of "nervous".
There're several kinds
of nervous expression.
The one on the face of a husband
whose wife is delivering a baby.
The baby is given birth.
But the wife is dead.
The baby calls him dad, he's a genius.
His dick is on his head, he's abnormal.
He wins Mark Six... first prize!
His son is dead...
His wife comes back to life.
His wife comes back to life.
No more response,
if one is struck too hard emotionally...
he will enter a state of mental coma,
he'll show no response.
Is there another guy?
Aunt Ha, what have I done wrong?
I don't know what you were doing.
Was there anything wrong
with my expression?
I've said I didn't know
what you were doing.
Aunt Ha, none of your extras
is smart enough.
All these extras are above standard.
Sunny, is it done?
Everyone is waiting.
OK... Director, it'll soon be done...
- You, go and change your clothes.
- Thanks.
- Stand in this position.
- Got it.
- Lighting.
- Lighting is ready.
- Settings.
- Settings ready.
Sorry, Director.
According to the character of my role.
I want to play my role
with a bit naughtiness...
But contradiction. Will this be better?
OK, Speed.
- Scene 3. Shot 4, take 1.
- Action!
What is it?
What's wrong with the guy behind.
He's supposed to be dead.
- What are you doing? Aunt Ha!
- What is it? Brother Sunny?
What is your extra up to?
How come you are still alive?
As I said I'd play my role
with a bit naughtiness.
So subconsciously
I don't want to die yet.
You must pretend to be dead.
Actually, I was dying.
If you give me a bit more time,
I'll die eventually.
Do you know how many frames of film
are there in one second?
24 frames, Sister Cuckoo.
Do you know
how long is the shot just then?
I guess it about one minute.
Do you know as you didn't want to die...
that you've wasted how many seconds,
how many frames and how much money
and how much time
and effort of everyone here?
Are you fooling around here?
I'm begging you, you'd better
find a professional extra for this role.
Get someone smarter and shoot again!
You'd better be smart!
Go home and think about
when exactly you want to die.
OK, Brother Sunny.
Aunt Ha, what have I done wrong?
Don't ask me again, I really don't know
what you were doing.
- Then I...
- Get lost.
You remind me I must go to a meeting
of Neighbour Welfare Association.
I'll be right back.
You don't have to come back.
I'm begging you, stop making trouble.
Let the director watch your performance?
Director, what kind of performance?
You are shot to dead, ready.
Was it OK, Director?
This is it, go and change your clothes.
- Go ahead.
- Thanks...
Where did you learn acting, man?
- I've never learnt it.
- You're a real genius.
You can make it if you work hard.
Why are you still standing here?
Fuck off!
What are you doing here?
Unit manager,
I want to get a lunch box only.
It's not yet lunch time.
- As I'm leaving now, so I...
- Then you just go!
Do you know why it's not yet lunch time?
Just because of you, bastard,
you didn't want to die!
And now everyone is working
and starving.
I haven't eaten as well!
Do you want to have lunch?
Share your lunch with that puppy!
Shit, you're a dump of shit.
Your life is cheaper than ants.
I ride a Mercedes,
you pick your nostril.
You want to have lunch?
You better eat shit!
Why did you just come back now?
- You guys have lunch already?
- Shut up, get me a ping pong racket.
Where's the ping pong ball?
Get me one now.
- Right away.
- Hurry.
This is Neighbour Welfare Association.
You mustn't be late,
many people are waiting for you.
Hello, Aunt Ha?
Nothing, I want to check the time
for tomorrow notice.
You haven't for tomorrow.
What about the day after tomorrow?
Nothing for the day after tomorrow
and so on.
Aunt Ha, where are you?
None of your business, what do you want?
I check with you again, is there notice
for role without dialogue?
- Any role that can't be seen clearly?
- No.
Any role that can't he seen completely?
I can't see you now. Don't trouble me.
- Aunt Ha, where are you?
- Go to hell!
Dear fellows.
The play "Thunder Storm" is adapted from
a well-known Chinese classic literature.
You guys all know it well.
Tomorrow, I'll be leading actor,
you guys want to see it, right?
So, I'll see you guys tomorrow then.
Kelly, is there anything to do
after dinner tomorrow?
Taking a dump.
Come and watch Uncle San's play
after taking a dump, it'll be fun.
Remember to bring your dad and mom too.
If they don't come, you can cry,
spit around.
Do whatever you can until they come,
then you'll be a good girl.
I pamper you, Kelly.
Kelly, if I don't see you tomorrow.
You'll result like this doll.
You get that?
Uncle Chi, the play "Thunder Storm"
will be on show tomorrow night.
Have you studied the script well?
Yes, don't worry.
I can even compose a song.
Old Master sings
whenever he sees the maid.
You're beautiful...
Uncle Chi, I'm the one
who sing the theme song.
And the role of "Old Master"
you play is a Chinese as well.
When the maid sees the Old Master,
she will sing...
You're so handsome, you're so smart...
- Thank you much, please to...
- Uncle Chi, please don't...
- I accept you...
- Are you OK?
Think positive, Uncle Chi.
Someone helps me, come on.
Master Hung, morning.
My play "Thunder Storm"
will soon be showing.
Shall we make another rehearsal?
Do I need to rehearsal? "Thunder Storm"
is about righteous, I knew it.
We're triad society member,
we only talk about two things.
First, about righteous,
second, about money.
I'll talk about righteous first.
"Righteous" is good, but we mustn't
ignore the love line of the story.
Because the role you play
will finally be struck to death.
Talking about "struck" (chopping),
let me tell you...
There are two kinds of "struck"
(chopping) in our world.
First, it is "dragging".
Second is "stabbing".
Look, this scar was dragged by knife.
While "stabbing" is like this.
This scoundrel is new comer, sorry,
he shows no expression.
"Stabbing" is like this.
Be serious,
let us know if you feel the pain, OK?
Your acting is lousy.
Brother Sau, teaching him for me.
Talking about "pain"...
according to Stanisslavski,
master of acting from Russia.
Pain is transmitted from your body to
the inside, and outside again.
Let try one more time.
Look, it's much better this time.
Isn't it? He acts much better now.
Let's try one more time.
Right, a little bit more, more,
being stabbed.
Maybe I can help you this way.
This is working, tears come out now.
Look clearly, remember this expression,
remember this feeling.
Do remember this, get it?
Let's go.
What about own "Thunder Storm" tomorrow.
No rehearsal needed for "Thunder Storm".
We will come for sure,
promise is a promise!
I'll bring hundreds of people
to watch your play as well.
- It's a deal.
- Just don't worry.
Get into position.
Granny, you stepped on someone.
I didn't step on anyone.
You just couldn't feel when you
stepped on him, look at his foot.
Yes, he's sweating as well.
Give me some money and I'll
send him to the hospital.
I have no money.
Look at him, he's dying.
I only have $100 left.
Give me, that $100.
Let's move!
Granny, you've dropped some money.
Really good luck.
- Are you free tomorrow?
- What is it?
"Thunder Storm" is on show
at Neighbour Theatre.
"Thunder Storm"? Good!
Miss, what's your name?
Piu, and you?
This is your name, really?
Whatever I told you,
just call me Piu, idiot?
You're really a student?
Sure I am, I'm still a virgin,
isn't that great?
It's your luck, Uncle.
Let's play 'Chai Fist'?
I don't know how to play it.
You don't know 'Chai Fist'?
Have you been educated?
Fanny, come here.
Your belly is really big!
Mind you can't get into the coffin.
'Chai Fist', Bingo!
Come on, relax, have some fun.
Cheer up, why did draw your face?
Your parents are dead or something?
Chai Fist', Bingo!
Triangle, rectangle, four!
Good, I'll drink!
Tonight is College Girls'
First Love Evening.
So please mind your words,
do behave like a student girl.
If clients complain about you again,
then I can't help you anymore.
What College Girl? Just a damned trick.
If I can be a college girl,
I won't be working here.
You believe you did nothing wrong?
Mamasan, the man at Table 7
is really ugly.
I can't stand it and
I am not doing business with him.
Do you all want to
be selecting on clients?
You're too much.
You are not professional,
you can concentrate on one single.
One single spot?
If that man is ugly,
you needn't look at him.
If his ears are pretty,
just stare at his ears.
If his mouth is ugly but the teeth
are nice, just look at his teeth.
So you new comer are really ignorant.
Let me deal with him.
Come on, watch what I'll do.
Be smart.
You're pretty.
What's your name, Boss?
My name is Pierre.
It's a French name.
Are everyone says I look like
a Frenchman, so I get a French name.
If you can't pronounce that well,
just call me Pi or Erre.
What's on?
You used to be proud,
now you get a lesson.
You can't blame me, he's a real rarity.
Have you seen anyone
put a cockroach on his head?
What's the problem?
Look at LuLu,
she's playing with that cockroach now.
I admit failure.
OK, from now on,
you won't have clients to sit at.
You'll be bored to death.
You're all like this.
Connie, come and teach her for me.
You're not amateur, you should know
you must act in front of clients.
But your problem is: you acting stinks.
I can do nothing about it.
I hear someone teaches acting for free.
I'll take you to see him.
Teaches acting?
- Hey, men.
- Yes!
Hurry up, start working.
You again?
Morning, Brother Sunny.
Aunt Ha!
I'm looking for him too.
I haven't given you a notice,
what brings you here?
Remember last time that you asked me
to think about the ways to die.
I've thought over and
I have some new ideas now,
and I believe my performance
will make you satisfied.
I would have killed you in the past.
Talking about knife,
it's different from a gun.
The position of the wound
is usually under the armpit, here.
The wound is a bit bigger,
and the face will twist more.
If you're betrayed by your own friends,
you will even...
I didn't expect... it's you...
Get lost!
Brother Sunny, I...
I just want to act,
give me a chance please.
Do you love standing here?
OK, stand here, I won't pay you a dime.
I'll act even if you don't pay me,
I only want a lunch box.
But lunch box costs money too, beat it!
What is it, Martial Art Director?
It's bad to use this mannequin
to disguise as a dead man.
Figure it out, we're in a hurry!
Yes, OK... got it.
Thank you, Brother Sunny.
Only a lunch box.
No problem,
should I put some make up on?
Put it on now.
Director, the actors are ready.
Actors are all ready.
Let's help sister Cuckoo.
Go to hell!
Sister Cuckoo, don't be afraid.
Sister Cuckoo, don't be afraid,
it's OK now.
Director, can we cut now?
It's still running?
- OK.
- Are you OK?
Must you do all these
to kill a cockroach!
Let's see if he's alright?
I'm fine, Sister Cuckoo,
thanks for your concerns.
Why don't you move at all?
I didn't move
since Director hasn't shouted 'cut' yet.
So I mustn't move.
Do you hear that...
He keeps on acting since the Director
hasn't shouted 'cut' yet.
This is what I always tell you:
What's your name?
I'm called Wan Tin Sau.
- Yee, give him a cup of coffee.
- Yes.
- Get his phone number for me.
- Yes.
You... work in my team from now on.
Thanks, Sister Cuckoo.
- Is this shot OK?
- Yes.
Weapon comes.
- Sunny.
- Yes.
I am telling you,
even extras are important.
The one who played the father,
we mustn't use him again.
Got it, Sister Cuckoo.
Sister Cuckoo,
I am the one who played the Father.
In fact, it is like this...
Let me clean it for you,
towel, get the towel.
- Sister Cuckoo!
- Watch out!
Sister Cuckoo, are you alright?
Don't touch.
Don't touch!
Very pretty.
Sister Cuckoo!
Security guard, is there someone here
who teaches acting?
I've been in the field of art for ages.
Whether it's movie or TV,
I'm experienced.
I was the creative director
in Amusement Park Theatre.
So I can sing and dance.
You mean you are the instructor here?
Well, many people here
love theatre and play.
They love studying plays with me.
Those people introduce us here indeed.
OK, this way please.
It's you?
Didn't you play in that film... that...
The stupid man standing behind, falls
after stepping on a banana peel?
You noticed my performance too?
You idiot! Only an idiot will fall
after stepping on a banana peel.
- Why don't you go dying?
- Thanks.
- Are you really that stupid?
- You're flattering me.
You damned extra, you are...
In fact, I am an actor. That way please.
Damned extra.
What can I do for you?
we're hostesses of a night club.
I can tell.
We're holding "College Girls'
First Love Evening" right now.
These girls dare to say they don't
have the feeling of first love at all.
How can you work like this?
First love was shown at the stage
when we where babies.
Say, when a baby sees a comforter,
he wants to suck it.
This is a kind of love.
Why did you suck a comforter?
You damned extra.
In fact, I am an actor.
Well, so why did you talk about
sucking a comforter?
I'm going to explain everything to you.
OK, let's explain it.
First, you must dress up
like a college girls,
about dialogue, at some vital points...
such as: I love you, I hate you, etc.
It'll be more impressive
if you have some tears in your eyes.
Just like this.
Do you see? That teardrop...
Good, the teardrop is inside the eyes.
Where is the teardrop? You damned extra.
In fact, I am an actor.
You might need something to help you
since you've no experience,
and the simplest way is to eat Wasabi.
Wasabi? What are you talking about?
Must we be fooled by this damned extra?
Miss, if you must call me an extra,
you don't need to add 'damned'
in front of it.
In fact, being club girls...
If you can show some respect
to the others, then...
- What are you calling us?
- Excuse me.
Forget it, we are club girls indeed.
I just don't like him
calling me that way.
She's always like this, never mind her.
It's OK...
I've asked you not to stir up trouble!
It's OK...
It's OK...
Why must you still behave like this?
Don't panic, it's alright.
- Don't panic, it's alright.
- Club girls?
It's alright... Don't panic,
take it easy, it's alright.
How could I know he's so amusing?
I brought you there as I thought
he charged for nothing.
If you hadn't block my way, I'd have...
Please, beware what you say
to the clients.
- Go out...
- I'm sorry.
What's going on?
This is a big night club.
Get lost, I'm sorry.
- Are there other hostesses?
- Yes, they're coming soon.
Connie, come here.
What is it, Mama Debra?
Master Lung is here and he's drunk.
He thought he's being dumped
and he wants his first lover back.
All the girls here are college girls,
they'll suit him.
he has scanned almost all my girls.
But none of them suits his taste,
he's nuts.
Look at his money, it's piled up.
- Have you gone inside?
- Not yet.
Wait here for a while.
Go and send some more girls here.
I have so much money.
Come and get it if you can.
I want my first lover.
First lover!
You wanna try?
I'll give it a shot, sometimes it's hard
to tell the taste of a rich man.
Get lost.
Hurry up, be smart.
Master Lung, here come the beauties.
Say Hi to Master Lung.
Get lost!
- Master Lung, don't get mad.
- Go away!
None of them is pretty!
They are not sincere,
I want my first lover!
First lover...
They're all here for money!
I am sincere.
I really love you.
Mary, I'll give you anything you want.
I can give you
all the money on the table...
as long as you don't leave me, Mary.
- What is it?
- Are you alright?
I've hit you hard, sorry.
If that table wasn't there
and I could kick you,
I wouldn't have been defeated by you.
I'm not here to fight with you,
I'm here to learn acting from you.
Go away.
To some honest friends
who have the same interest as I do.
I'll be more than willing to teach them.
Just a second.
I'm coming, 1, 2, 2 and a half, 3.
Must it take you so long for make up?
You damned...
Don't again!
- Your tie is high-classed.
- Thanks.
Since I've taken your money,
I should act accordingly.
- Where's the ping pong racket?
- Under the table.
There're many people here,
let's go over there.
I'm Wan Tin Sau, and you?
Lau Piu Piu.
What do you want to learn?
How to pamper
those bastards in the night club.
The first love feeling of college girls
must be built from the base.
You can take me as your client,
and greet me first.
Boss, want some fist games?
Don't call me "Boss",
you're college girl now.
You can say Good Morning,
or Morning, Sir.
Good morning, Sir.
Try to lower your head a little bit,
pretend to be shy.
Let your client touches your chin
and raise your head and then say.
Morning, Sir.
Your regards are bad, again.
Give me glistened regards.
Morning, Sir.
Too glistened now, I'll faint, again.
Take it easy.
Morning, Sir.
These are eyes of dead body,
you'll scare others to death.
Again. Be natural.
Morning, Sir.
Now let's discuss about your action,
say, hugging.
Hug me with your way.
What for?
What for?
You needn't lock others
with your thigh every time.
- Sorry, my job requires this.
- You must stop doing that.
Being a college girl,
you needn't always take initiation.
You can act shyly
so that men will hug you.
What do you mean by shy?
Like this.
- Like biting a quail?
- Act on.
Right, when men see you biting a quail,
they'll naturally hold and hug you.
Now you can put your head
on their shoulders.
What for?
Excuse me, my job requires this.
You must stop doing that!
Superficially it's all.
If we go further, I must then ask you
about your first love.
I never have first love.
Everyone has first love.
I said I never have one.
You must have some unforgettable memory.
Or you must have heard someone
say something you can never forget.
I hope I can be with you forever.
Promise me, let me take care of you
for the rest of your life.
Then you must have
unforgettable experience.
Being club girl? Didn't say
you'll take care of me?
How come I have money
if you don't work as club girl?
How can I take care of you
if I have no money?
Now, imagine
I'm your first boyfriend lover.
Sau, on the night of your play,
I was engaged in a transaction.
So I was too busy to come, sorry.
- Was there good response?
- Sure.
It's good then.
I will surely come next time.
Someone're shooing kids karaoke,
you aren't one of them?
I've things to see you, excuse me.
Take me new boy
to collect protection money for me.
Help me improve his appearance...
About the way he speaks?
Right, that's it,
you won't refuse my request, right?
Thanks for teaching me.
Over there.
Being a triad member...
you must have a unique appearance.
It's right
you have a gold chain with you.
You must try to look furious and severe.
Try it.
More furious. Show some anger.
Throw that nibble away.
This is it,
you know what you're going to say?
I seem to know.
Good, I'll remind you from time to time
in this dim place.
Tong, over here a bit, right, cheer up.
- Shooting a movie?
- What is it?
I forget already.
You know, HK is in economic recession.
And being hit by financial storm,
it's all because of the 'Ross'.
There are many factors.
Now the S.E.
Asia collapses in economics...
and that infects HK too.
Those enterprises suffer much.
The worse is there'll be
global economics recession soon.
You have a view in economics.
I majored Economics in HKU.
Did you? I graduated this year.
Did you? I graduated in 1996,
this is my name card.
- You're my senior, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- How come you shoot kids karaoke?
- I can't help.
What are you doing now?
Nothing, I fool with triad members.
Seeing you shooting movie here,
I come to collect protection money.
Brother Kei,
someone collects protection money.
Who collects protection money?
- Economics in HK is now...
- Is it you?
what triad groups are you come from?
Dare you to fool me?
Fix him!
Kill you!
Go to hell! Bastard...
Dare you play with my bird?
Don't you know me?
Don't come near...
It hurts...
Don't talk with me,
pretend we're at a duel.
Make a call... pretend calling for help.
I want to go home.
You must act on until I shout cut.
- You must be profession.
- I want to go home.
It's a day.
They're gone.
Don't be afraid, they're gone, all gone.
Take a chopper and a rush there,
get some fame.
What's wrong?
That scoundrel is still there.
Concentrate! you're scoundrel too,
show some anger!
I want to eat ice-cream.
Bastard! Show some anger!
You needn't do that.
Forget it, I fear you now.
What's up? You acted very well.
What has happened?
He acted really well to get this.
He managed to collect $20.
Why are you still crying?
You managed to get $20 protection money
in front of a temple.
You're making a fame for yourself.
You do look like a hero.
Keep the image and use it
to collect protection money now.
Brother Sau, you're competent, great!
You're flattering me.
Let's get a feast, with this $20.
What are you laughing at?
Keep this image, got it?
- Stop laughing! Cry!
- Stop laughing! Cry!
Be good, cry, cry now!
What are you laughing at! Cry now!
That under-graduate hold two choppers.
And rushes over
while crying and shouting.
He's crying loudly.
He is capable
to play the spirit of a triad member.
Thanks for his persistence,
He managed to get $20
as a protection money.
What are you talking about?
Persistence, Aunt Ha.
I believe that I'm a good actor,
do me a favour please.
I have new experience
about holding choppers.
I'd play well in a kung fu movie.
You've brought enough trouble to me.
How dare you asking me for help?
Go away!
Sorry, Brother Sunny, he's leaving now.
I've looking for you.
Make up and get ready.
Director, we've found the stunt man.
You said you can't find one just then?
You're wasting my time!
I've found one now.
You have no problem?
No problem, I'll try my best to be
the stunt man for Sister Cuckoo.
Director, no problem.
Light the fire.
Beside responding with the hot fire,
Can I show an expression
of cool loneliness?
As you like,
As long as you don't turn your face
to the camera, get it?
Got it.
Light the fire, just don't move.
Who put the pigeons here?
Director, I put them here intentionally.
There're pigeons here in our last shot.
If the pigeons fly,
they'll stir up the fire.
- Take them away.
- Director...
The mood of this shot will be better
if the pigeons are there.
How much better?
It's hard to say,
it's something abstract.
Anyway, the mood will be better.
Put them up and let's see the effect.
That stunt man mustn't turn his head!
Director, how do you like it?
It's a bit better.
Let's try the effect
with the pigeon's head towards me.
Now put the pigeon's tail towards me.
Take it away. Ready.
It's better without the pigeons,
take it away.
Where's my lighter?
Man, bring me a lighter?
Director, here it is.
- Really?
- Yes.
- It works?
- Yes.
Hurry, quick, ready!
Ready, keep your posture, don't move.
Roll, action!
What is it?
What's wrong with you?
You screwed up every time!
Sorry, Brother Sunny,
it's very hot here.
I've told you already,
and you said no problem.
Shall we try again?
Again? Get a smarter guy.
It's your fault, Sunny?
Sorry, Director. Get lost!
I've tried my best to help you,
don't ever come again.
Just then...
Do you smell BBQ chicken wing?
I've sacrificed my arm
just for this movie.
Unit Manager, give him an over-cooked
chicken wing rice lunch box.
You, don't ever let me see him again...
Or I'll fire you instantly as well!
Aunt Ha...
Don't ask me anymore. Brother Sunny!
Chicken wings rice.
Let me see which is over-cooked,
the chicken wing or your arm.
Not over-cooked, go away now.
- Brother Sunny said I have a lunch box.
- Go away!
Extras are human being as well.
What? Repeat it loudly!
Aren't extras human?
Why must you always jump in me?
- You want to know the reason?
- I want to know the reason.
Because you're not entitled
to eat this lunch box!
You thought you're talented
and teach others acting.
You always talk about theory.
You teach someone to be a triad member
and collect protection money.
You're indeed insulting
the word 'acting'!
Don't shout on, let's get to work.
You talk about 'acting' in front of me?
Damn it!
They dare to collect protection money
from those 2 ice-cream cars?
I'm the protector
of those 2 ice-cream cars.
They don't respect me at all.
Men, get some weapons
and teach them a lesson.
Sau, come with us.
You can experience
how we fight for our right,
and keep guard for us as well.
Men, let's go.
Little Hung, where are you going?
Granny, where are you doing here?
You're getting better
with you tuberculosis.
So mind you catch a cold,
have you taken your medicine?
Yes, you're going to
fight with someone again?
Don't go.
I'm not fighting with anyone.
- Don't go fighting.
- I'm not.
Granny, he isn't going to fight,
he's going to act in a play.
That Neighbour Theatre,
we're playing "Thunder Storm".
"Thunder Storm"? It's a good play.
Bruce Lee, Bark Yin,
Ng Chor Fan did it years ago.
There was great response,
so we're putting up one more show.
We're hurrying for the rehearsal.
You're acting in a play?
Good, my grandson is an actor,
how smart he is!
I'm very happy!
OK, come on, go home now.
She's put much saliva on my face.
Your granny brought you up alone,
she's a real heroine.
You're not.
See how happy she is.
Stop fighting anymore,
come and join our rehearsal.
If you can defeat me,
I'll swallow this plate.
You aren't convinced?
You should speak with stressing tone
"You aren't convinced?"
This is raise my wrath from the inside.
No need, as no one is watching.
You suddenly want to play
"Fist of Fury".
And make us to wear this costume,
this way is too much.
I'm doing you a favour, right?
- I only want to change the wig.
- Let's leave.
That girl is pretty, your girlfriend?
- Let's get serious, try again!
- Coming.
If you can defeat me.
I'll swallow this plate.
You aren't convinced?
Change the position, hurry.
We're concentrated
when acting on the stage.
It's dangerous if you suddenly rush up.
I want to join you as you guys
were fevering up there.
I chose "Fist Of Fury"
for some commercial reasons.
Because there're fighting scenes,
audience will like it.
The story is consisted
of blood and tears.
Speaking of blood and tears,
I wonder if my spine is injured.
Last time I was in a bad mood
and I slapped at your face.
So I came here to apologize.
I'm grateful
as you watched our play tonight.
- Thanks.
- You mean it?
Thanks for your encouragement,
I'll remember it.
You'll make it!
Last time you taught me
pretending to be shy...
and men really lift up my chin
and I said...
Morning, Sir.
They're all enchanted by me
and I'm making lots of money.
I've made a fame in the night-club now.
You will become an excellent club girl.
You will become
an excellent damned extra too.
Looks, it's so dark out there,
I can't see anything.
No, it'll become scenic when dawn comes.
I got to go.
Those 3 guys are dead beat.
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with me?
Your lips are chapped,
you need lip balm?
I only have this, is it better?
Yes, it's better.
- You want some more?
- No, thanks.
Forget it then.
Go to hell, asshole!
What's wrong with you?
I hate people with chapped lips.
But I don't want to have chapped lips.
Why don't you
put some more lip balm then?
OK, I'll put on some more!
Go to hell, don't force yourself to!
I do want to put some more on.
I'm warning you,
don't nag when I put it on your lips.
I've said I want to put on some more.
You asshole!
Put it on for me
like professional beautician, OK?
- Master Hung.
- What is it?
How much is a night-club hostess
charge for overnight?
Around $1000 to $1200
with a fair appearance.
- What if she's pretty?
- How pretty is she then?
I mean she's a real beauty.
About $1 million to $10 million.
Thanks, Boss.
What is it?
- You're leaving?
- Yes.
- Where are you going?
- Going home.
- And then?
- Going to work.
Is it possible if you don't go to work?
Are you supporting my living
if I don't go to work?
What now?
I'll support your living!
Take care of your living first, nuts.
Whether you despite me or not.
I'm an actor.
You're talking to me?
You're calling yourself an actor,
fuck you!
You owe me 3 lunch boxes,
I want to take them back now.
Take them!
Dare you take them!
- Wan Tin Sau!
- Stand there!
Don't run!
Aunt Ha, this is my lunch box.
As you like, someone's looking for you.
Come on.
Mandy, you may go now.
Go inside. Put down the lunch box.
Close the door!
Sister Cuckoo, director.
Take this seat.
I want you to do an audition now.
We're lovers.
Here is the dialogue before I die.
Take a look.
And my role is...
You play the role of Wan Tin Sau,
and I'll play the role of Cuckoo.
- Call "Action" now.
- Action.
Tin Sau...
Tin Sau... I...
You will be alright, Cuckoo...
I don't think I can make it...
Cuckoo, I've encountered too much
failure in my life.
I'm very tired.
If I lose you too.
I can't hold on anymore.
You... take care.
Don't go, Cuckoo...
Cuckoo, answer me...
Speak to me, Cuckoo, speak something,
- Sister Cuckoo, clean it first.
- Get lost.
What's wrong? A running nose?
You were really absorbed in the role.
Not only absorbed in it,
very stunning too.
Let me tell you,
I won't wait for Big Brother.
You can compromise on the schedule
with Big Brother.
Who will compromise?
I've had it, I want a new partner.
You rather use this guy
than Big Brother?
Don't fucking, sorry.
Don't bullshit me, OK?
Cause I'm not doing business like this.
"Oh", don't you bullshit me.
We need some new blood.
New bloods are all around,
but we're making a big budgeted movie.
So you can't just introduce
a common guy like him to me.
He's not a common guy.
Mr. Shaw,
I've noticed him for quite some time.
He's a real professional actor.
What professional?
We're talking about business here.
Don't mix your personal feeling into it,
Sister Cuckoo.
Let me tell you something man.
I'm not going to work with these people
and that bitch.
I'm not gonna work with this man,
I don't want to see him,
I don't want to talk about it!
Mr. Shaw.
I want you to be the leading actor
in my next movie.
What do you think?
Here're the character,
background relationship.
Scenario, script...
And the novel,
you may take them home for reference.
I think they'll help you a lot.
Here're the schedules
and the character's images.
We'll get your measurement
as soon as possible.
Any problem?
I'll surely have a lunch box everyday?
Mama, I don't want
to do any business tonight.
What? You fool me again.
I'm not fooling you.
No? You're fooling me right now.
Master Lung comes to see you,
he's willing to pay a lump sum.
You must treat him nicely tonight.
Stop fooling now.
I don't want to work anymore?
You don't want to work?
You think you're a virgin.
Why don't you just quit.
I've fallen in love with someone.
I don't know how to thank you
for giving me this chance.
Just try your very best.
I'll input all my strength
and time into this movie.
I hope your girlfriend won't complain
if you can't accompany her.
I don't have girlfriend.
You'd rather choose love than money?
You're nuts! I don't care.
You must treat him tonight,
whatever you do.
We'll talk about it after that.
Miss, get up and get your handbag.
Master Lung, sorry,
I feel sick suddenly.
I'm afraid
I can't accompany you tonight, sorry.
Forget it, don't pretend like a virgin.
I have lots of money.
Take it, how's that?
I'm really feeling sick, I can't.
I don't want to hear "I can't".
Is that clear? Say again.
I really can't.
Is it hurt?
Didn't you say you're a dancing master?
Yes, I can dance very well.
Then what make you step on my feet?
Is it because your pace
is a bit too fast?
Can you slow down your beat,
just for me?
OK, just for you.
Bitch! Last time I spent over
thousands of dollar on you.
And now I came here and...
you turn me down?
You're embarrassing me
in front of everybody here.
I'll give you another chance.
Say it again in front of everybody,
can you?
I can't.
Master Lung, stop beating her.
She's a little girl.
Master Lung, stop beating her.
Can you?
I can't!
Let's go.
Call someone for help!
- Morning!
- Morning!
- Morning!
- Morning!
- Are you Cuckoo Tu?
- Hello.
It's you? I'm Lau Piu Piu.
I'm your fans,
can I've your autograph, please?
You're very beautiful,
I love watching your movies.
It's Cuckoo, ask for her autograph,
she's leaving now.
In today's movie, You play the role
of a waiter at a Chinese restaurant?
Or a bell boy a hotel?
What's happened at your face?
Don't bother.
who are you dating with recently?
You guys are neighbours?
You know him?
Sister Cuckoo helps me,
she wants me to be leading actor.
- Go to hell.
- It's true!
Sau, let's go.
Mr. Shaw doesn't like
to be kept waiting.
- Really?
- Yes!
I've said
you can make it someday, remember?
I've said
he'll make it, he will make it.
Cuckoo, ask him if you don't believe me.
Sau, Mr. Shaw is flying
to the States this afternoon.
Let's hurry.
I think he wants to talk with you
before he departs.
Do you remember,
I've said you'll make a fame.
Didn't I say this
to you that night on the beach?
I really said that to him
on the beach that night.
The producer has reserved
the shooting range for you.
You must practise shooting.
He'll also teach you somersault,
and spring board.
And also fly with wire,
you have underwear on?
You must wear underwear
when flying with me.
I have.
- OK.
- Let's go.
Is your friend looking for you?
I've something to give you back.
You took it.
Yes, I took it for fun.
For fun? Is it funny?
No, so I'm giving it back to you.
- Anything else?
- No.
That's all.
You said you'll support my living,
are you serious?
You mustn't cheat me.
I've said yes,
I'm only waiting for you to say "yes".
Why don't you go aside and chat,
just don't be late.
- Sorry, I'm late.
- Never mind, come there.
Let me introduce.
This is Peter, our Producer,
And Johnny, our Associate Producer.
Mr. Wan, morning.
- Morning!
- Morning.
- Sit down.
- Please sit down.
I've analysed the character.
I've found there are 3 levels,
4 stages...
And 5 different ways to act it.
I've written it all down,
maybe we can discuss it.
Very good.
In order to let foreign audience
to accept me as a new actor...
I'll have to
get an English name, Number.
Number? Number One?
Yes, Number One.
Good, excellent.
About the image, I also have...
Tin Sau, the leading actor
was played by Big Brother.
As he is too busy,
we've decided to use a new actor.
Just then he called us up,
saying he has time for this movies.
So he'll be the leading actor.
If so,
I can play the role of the scoundrel.
For me, this is also a challenge.
Sorry, we've chosen the actor
who plays the role of scoundrel.
Then... I think... there is...
Mr. Wan, just as Cuckoo has said...
we all know you're a professional actor.
Don't worry.
We'll get you another role.
What role is it?
You play the role of the lawyer.
Read the script,
and remember your lines.
Get prepared.
How many lines are there?
You've three.
What are they?
- The first is: "What".
- What?
- The second is: "Yes".
- Yes...
The third is: "Go away".
I understand. I'll study them well.
Mr. Wan, mind giving us back the script?
Tin Sau.
- Don't be like this.
- Sorry.
Mr. Wan, please take off the costume.
We have clothes for you to change.
This way please.
Tin Sau.
Sister Cuckoo,
about the schedule of Big Brother...
Go out first.
It's usual in movie business.
Get out!
Shit, I'm a dump of shit.
My life is cheaper than ants.
You ride a Mercedes,
while I pick my nose.
It's worse than dying.
Shit, I'm a dump of shit.
Kid, still want to play a character?
- How may lines?
- Definitely more than 3.
- What kind of role is it?
- A good guy.
What movies is it?
Don't ask so much, are you interested?
- Yes.
- Come here.
What is the situation?
I'm working on it.
I'm not a real Unit Manager.
I'm Police Officer, he's my supervisor.
We're from Criminal Intelligency Bureau.
Or short-formed as C.I.B.
To make it simple, I'm an undercover.
You're an undercover?
You don't believe that? I'm much better
than those so-called actors.
I'm more skillful.
Because I'm acting every day
when I work here.
Though I have no script,
I never make any NG.
Because any NG
will cause the death of me.
So I should be the Best Actor in Oscar.
Today I should be going on
a mission with my informant.
But he suffers from epilepsy suddenly,
be can't go with me.
I want you to substitute him,
We'll pay you $800
for being our informant.
Money is not important,
I only want to practise my acting.
You surely can.
Big Brother, policemen are outside,
you'd better run away.
Buddy, just left, I'll stay behind.
You betray me?
Sorry, I'm an undercover.
What make me pull the trigger?
I'll go to the robber's place
in an hour.
And I want to install bugs
to collect their criminal evidence.
But every time I got there,
they'll search me thoroughly.
So, I want you to deliver a lunch box
to me, with the bugs inside.
Then you go away.
- You mean I am...
- The delivery boy.
I have no...
Your role is important,
grasp the chance.
What about the character,
the relation and background?
The character,
the relation and background...
are all on the menu of the coffee shops.
Study them now.
But you must act accordingly
when you are on the scene.
Why choose me?
We need a professional actor.
I think that person is you.
You're the leading actor this time.
What is there in a Mixed Grill?
Pork chop, beef steak, chicken wing,
sausage, egg.
And Set Lunch A?
Sunny-side-up-egg, minced beef rice,
chicken corn soup.
Coffee or tea.
And Set Lunch B?
Vegetable and pork rice, Chef'ss soup,
tea or coffee.
- The charge for a cold drink is...
- $2.
What is served all day round?
Chicken thigh salad, hamburger.
How much?
- $20.
- Study it better, man.
Chicken thigh salad, hamburger...
What is there for in a Mixed Grill?
You're a delivery boy now.
Remember to play the role well.
I'll go into their place soon.
I'll order the steamed rice with tomato
and egg at once.
You must deliver it to me
in exactly 10 minutes.
Let's start.
- It's formal?
- Yes.
- No more rehearsal?
- No.
- Could you say "Action" first
- Action.
- Ben.
- Mao!
Why didn't you ask me
to go to Macau with you?
I did page you for that.
When did you page me?
I think you didn't turn the pager on.
How come? I turn it on 24 hours.
No wonder you're so poor.
Hey, check my dick...
This bastard takes advantages of
others all the time.
Feel free to check it.
Chu, greet Brother Mao.
Just call me Mao, Brother Chu.
Leather jacket again? Is it a gathering
for leather jacket wears?
We've the same design too.
I'm here to deliver food...
Steamed rice with tomato and egg,
$25.5, please.
- Kee.
- Yes.
His jacket is worn out naturally.
Look at the texture.
His jacket must be worn
for at least 20 years.
- Your grandpa left it to you?
- I bought it recently.
I want one too.
Order some food now.
Time for meal.
- Come over, help me.
- Time to eat.
Mao, come here.
Let's chat while eating.
OK, good dishes!
Good dishes? We can eat something
much better after the project.
Wait... no tomato and egg?
I want tomato and egg,
I want rice with tomato and egg.
No need, want tomato and egg?
Here it comes.
How come?
It's really tomato and egg, bingo.
Scrambled egg?
No, I want sunny-side-up.
Let me order sunny-side-up with tomato.
Sunny-side-up? Chu,
make one for him now.
Why making trouble?
Delivery service is convenient.
You're asking for trouble indeed.
Is it Kuen Fat?
How come the delivery is so fast?
Yeah, I haven't ordered yet.
Why is it taking so long?
I still have something else to deliver,
Have you ordered anything?
I ordered it, mutton stew.
How come it is here so quick?
Is it well done?
Ask the cook for that, $39.8 please!
- I'll pay.
- No need.
Why not? Let me pay.
- I've said I'll pay.
- It's alright.
I will pay.
You pay next time, it's my bill.
No... don't do that.
Let me treat you this time!
Just $40
and you two push around and around.
Why don't you pay by credit card,
What did you say, bastard?
Don't move, either you pay now
or I'll take it back.
Or I'll pay for you.
What are you doing?
I've said many times,
why don't you walk closer?
Walk closer and shoot him from the top.
Then blood won't splash on the wall.
You never listen to me.
Can't you be a professional?
But delivery boys
are very rude these days.
They are always like this.
Let's eat.
Who is it?
I'm here to deliver some food.
Go and take a look, Chu...
How are you,
I'm here to delivery some food.
Steamed rice with tomato and egg,
$25.5 please.
You ordered that?
No, I haven't.
You haven't ordered?
Have you come to the wrong place?
- No. 7.
- No. 7?
It's No. 1, send it to No. 1.
Do you still want it?
Are you out of your mind,
I didn't order it.
Rice with tomato and egg?
What do you mean? Are you nuts, Go away.
You want rice with tomato and egg,
I'll take it.
No, someone else ordered it.
I said I want it, come here.
Come here!
Can you give it to us first?
What a coincidence! No. 1 also
ordered rice with tomato and egg.
Is tomato and egg good?
The egg and tomato are both nutritious.
What do you mean nutritious?
It contains a lot of Vitamin C.
Other fruits contain that too.
Other fruits don't contain
as much as tomato.
You don't want the money?
$25.5 please.
How come it's so expensive?
- It's one and a half order.
- How much for one order?
How come it is more expensive?
It's 12.2 for one order.
And how much for one and a half order?
You just said $25.5.
It's $25.5.
What was served
for breakfast this morning?
What was served
for breakfast this morning?
Ham and egg.
How much is it?
How much if I want one and a half order?
How come there is
one and a half order for breakfast?
You can order two extra sausages.
How much if I want 3 extra sausages?
Don't do that.
How much is it?
I'm only a delivery boy.
I ask you how much it is.
I don't know.
How much?
I'm really a delivery boy!
You are not!
Kid, tell us frankly,
are you a delivery boy?
- I've just started work today!
- Just started work today?
I didn't know being delivery boy
must answer so many questions.
Don't fucking fool me?
What are you doing? Are you a cop?
Yes, what's wrong?
I'm really a delivery boy.
Nothing... he's an idiot.
Search him if you don't believe.
Search him!
Kid, I let you go now,
be smart in future!
What is it?
Why did you do this?
What do you want?
What is it?
Want to harm me?
Sorry, I'm an undercover.
How's that?
I'm fine, I'm still alive.
I mean my performance.
Very well, as this is your first time
being the leading actor.
Good take.
I'll call to police.
- Police!
- Freeze!
He's on my side...
Call the ambulance!
Piu Piu.
What's going on? It's dark already,
and you didn't give me a call?
- Shall I cook dinner for you?
- Just then I...
What's happen to you?
Didn't you play as the leading actor?
I don't care whether
you're a leading actor or an extra.
You must support my living forever.
Come on, try it
and see if it suits or not.
Red? Is it lipstick?
You're dating someone else?
I forgive you but...
I won't cook for you
if you dare next time, go!
What are you looking at?
Fight back, nuts!
Piu Piu, I love you.
You two mustn't get married!
Because you guys are brother and sister.
Sister, I'm sorry.
It's not your business,
I'm willing myself.
Your mood is wrong for this situation.
I've told you before.
Mood begins from your heart,
then goes to the outside of your body...
and returns to the heart, got it?
- Yes, got it.
- Don't be nervous.
I'm not nervous.
Sau, I think
the role of Master suits you more.
Why don't you play it?
Forget it, I'm not talented in acting.
I'd better be audience.
Not at all.
You're good.
Brother Sau,
audience are waiting outside.
- Are they?
- Hurry up.
- Take off your clothes first.
- For what?
I'll play it.
- Oh, no.
- Give it to me.
But you're not talented.
I'm not? Are you talented then?
I am.
Give it to me!
- No.
- Sau, stop fighting.
Stop fighting, eat potato chips,
why fighting for?
There're really many audience.
Sure, as we have special guests today.
Sister Cuckoo comes to help us today.
Thanks, Sister Cuckoo.
You're welcome, we finally have
the chance to act on the same stage.
Kung Hei Fat Choi! Thanks!
Happy New Year.
Congraduation! Everybody cheers up.
Thanks! Kung Hei!