Pagafantas (2009) Movie Script
The cobra, with its intimidating
appearance and deadly bite,
is famous for its defense mechanism
when faced with danger.
If attacked,
it adopts an upright posture,
repelling the attacker.
But this defense mechanism
is not exclusive to this reptile.
It is also used by human beings
as protection against attack.
That is why
this movement is called
"doing the cobra".
Calculations by experts
on the subject
show that every two minutes
someone somewhere does the cobra.
This means that as of now
the next one will occur
in 1 minute 56 seconds.
I know who she is.
It doesn't matter.
- She's dating Perianes' brother.
- Pitu?
But we're just talking.
They've been dating for years.
Let's go home.
No, wait.
- Is that rum and cola?
- Yeah.
What are you doing?
Go away.
Hey, man!
Well!
Didn't you leave?
- I was over there.
- I thought...
Were you cut up about...?
No, no, don't worry.
Did she end it, or did you?
We'd been dating for five years
and I needed a bit of...
But I've got nothing against
long relationships.
I've been with someone for ages too.
Pitu, maybe you know him.
Pitu?
No, I don't think I do.
We split up last month.
You did?
I'm really sorry.
How are you coping?
- I'm doing really great.
- Yeah?
I needed time with my girlfriends,
to go partying,
to be with whoever I want,
and with no complications.
I'm just the same.
I don't want any complications.
I'm really simple.
My one good point is
I never complicate anyone's life.
Your drink.
Thanks.
Don't you drink?
No, it disagrees with me.
There are different types
of cobra,
some more aggressive than others.
- This one's bound to be open.
- I think I'll head home.
I'm glad the other place closed.
They kept playing "Hroes del
Silencio". I hate Enrique Bunbury.
- You know I do, Rubn.
- Yeah, yeah.
You can't be called Enrique
and have the surname Bunbury.
Enrique or Bunbury,
but not both.
He's from fucking Saragossa!
He turns the girls on.
What girls?
Have you seen those girls?
And, as well,
that whole loutish routine.
Forty years old
and acting like a lout,
with those fucking rats tails
hanging over his face.
- This place is closed.
- He's a pain.
He thinks he's Bob Dylan
or somebody like that.
No, it has to be open.
There's a light on.
That's the cigarette machine.
- I mean the red light.
- Yeah, it says Lucky Strike.
Maybe there's a bell.
A bell at "Tito's"? Why?
It's closed.
It looks empty, because of
the fines, but inside it's jumping.
People don't go out on weekdays.
With all the noise
they can't hear us.
I'm going home.
I've got class tomorrow.
What do you mean, going home?
One last drink,
it's not even midnight.
Where can we go on a Wednesday?
Come on,
Wednesday is the new Friday.
I thought the new Friday
was Thursday.
No, no way, man.
Everyone goes out on a Thursday.
In fact, Thursday
is the new Saturday.
So what's Saturday?
If Wednesday's the new Friday,
and Thursday's the new Saturday,
what's Saturday?
Don't make silly excuses.
If you want to go home, go ahead.
Wait, no, no.
Have you talked
to Ana?
She rang me.
So we aren't...
You mean, going out mid-week
and that?
"And that"?
You left her so you could
go out more, and now you say that?
No, you kept on at me to leave Ana.
I was happy with her.
You weren't so happy with Ana.
We've been doing this for two
months and haven't scored once.
And those German tourists?
They were 50 years old.
Yeah, but...
No, they weren't well preserved
and you know that.
Maybe we shouldn't have left
Ana and Elisa.
What? No, don't go there, Rubn.
If you want to back out,
that's fine with me.
Do what you want,
but don't mess me up.
I'll keep on going out,
even if it's on my own.
Right now, I'm going to go out
like crazy, whatever you say.
- Where are you going?
- To that old bar we used to go to.
It's a fruit store now.
Ana said Elisa wants to talk to you.
Yeah? Well, she can tell her
I'm doing great.
Lots of guys would like to be
like me, I feel fucking great.
Jose Mari, come on, you're late.
You see?
- You have to kick the leg.
- That doesn't work.
Like that. Come on.
- Where's my red jacket?
- In your... In Miss Begoa's room.
You unpacked my boxes?
The sitting room
was full of your stuff.
It's temporary.
You mean the cotton jacket?
The red one I always wear.
The cotton one.
It was really old.
- You threw it out?
- That must be uncle Jaime.
What's he doing here?
He isn't even my uncle.
He's giving you a job.
You didn't ask me
if I wanted one.
You have to work.
I know nothing about photos.
But are you happy?
That's what matters.
Coming!
Morning, Jaime.
- Have you had breakfast?
- Yes.
Well, I'm ready.
You can have these later.
They're croissants.
Look, Jose Mari,
you love croissants.
I made them myself.
I'd no yeast, I used bicarbonate
so they'd rise, like an omelet.
They taste the same,
but after the third
you get awful wind...
Try one.
No, let's get going.
Yeah, if we're late
the boss'll fire us.
No, silly, I'm the boss.
Well, I'll give you a call later.
You look really pretty today.
Thank you, Jaime.
We'll see how the first day goes.
I bet you'll sell loads.
Don't be like that,
he's doing you a favor.
He's doing it for you.
Don't be silly.
Why would he do that for me?
The albums are here.
For every two rolls developed,
an album with a leather trim
or a methacrylate frame
The frame is cheaper.
OK. And the memory cards?
There'll be people
asking for them, right?
Why would they want a memory?
For digital cameras.
Look.
It's your mother.
Could you ever get that quality
with a digital camera?
Your mother's very pretty,
and I say that with all respect,
but try taking a photo like that
with a digital camera.
You'll get rubbish!
But people buy digital cameras.
People buy drugs too,
but I don't sell heroin.
One thing I hate doing
is giving advice,
but I'll tell you this.
Forget about digital cameras,
they won't catch on.
All those megapixil and stuff.
Does anyone know what
a megapixil is? Do you? No.
- They're colored dots...
- Neither do it. We don't need to.
People who buy digital cameras
will realize that
and they'll flock here.
Just you wait.
Will you take this down
to the garbage?
I'll do it tomorrow.
They're Miss Begoa's
incontinence pads, they smell.
It'll just take a minute.
- Wait!
- Shit!
When I threw in the garbage
I dropped my keys in here.
- Don't you have a spare set?
- No, I've just moved.
Have you got a lighter?
The truck will be here soon.
Maybe you can...
Wait, here they are!
- As you're in there...
- Will you help me out?
No, hang on.
Can you hand me that red jacket,
with the hood?
It's mine.
I threw it out by accident.
Thanks.
Want anything else?
There's a box
with some cookies in it.
It was a joke.
Disgusting!
- I'm Claudia.
- Chema.
I'd give you a kiss
but I stink.
I can put up with that.
- Really?
- Manners come first.
Promise you won't breathe.
God, that's fucking disgusting!
You stink of shit!
That was a joke too.
Thanks. I owe you a beer.
OK, let's go.
Now? But this is Wednesday.
Yeah, but here Wednesday
is the new Friday.
Really?
I'm not a hairdresser.
I cut my own hair, but that's all.
You'll get the job.
And you can cut my hair some day.
You mean it?
I need to practice. I've got
a trial in two days time.
Yeah, sure.
If you want, I'll give you
my number, and...
"If you want, I'll give you
my number. Fuck, man!"
I don't talk like that.
"I don't talk like that."
"if you want, I'll cut your hair,
fuck it."
No, put that down.
We'll drink a toast.
You want limoncello?
Waiter, two shots of limoncello.
I'd an Italian boyfriend
who drank this.
Has it got alcohol?
You've never tried it?
No, alcohol disagrees with me.
- Is it very strong?
- No.
Well...
Yes? Yes, he's still here.
He's getting ready.
Come up, Jaime.
How are you getting on with
uncle Jaime? Isn't he a sweetheart?
Were you awake when I got back?
You smell of...
You weren't drinking, were you?
Did I come back alone or...?
Good morning, family.
How are you?
- I made it myself.
- Let's see.
It's an ashtray.
It's lovely,
but no one smokes here.
Well, maybe Miss Begoa
will decide to start smoking.
And how are you?
You weren't drinking, were you?
Jose Mari,
you have to call Claudia.
What?
Was she here? Where is she?
Your back.
Look behind you.
6, 5, 2...
No, I'll do it later.
Stand still,
it'll get rubbed off.
7 and 2.
- Aren't there numbers missing?
- Wait. Don't sweat.
How can I not sweat?
I don't know if it's a 7 or a 9.
It's got a stroke.
It's a 5,
it's clear as daylight.
5 and 2. Where's the button
for "Save"?
- No, I'll do it.
- I pressed a button and...
Fuck, you're calling!
Hello?
Claudia?
Remember me? I'm Chema.
- What's she saying?
- Be quiet.
We're closed!
At 8:00? Perfect, I'll be there.
Where?
Just one thing.
Remember the place?
The one I said.
Do you know how to get there?
Yes, Lamiak,
in the old quarter.
No, in case you didn't remember.
That's great. Ciao.
A kiss for you too, yes.
She called me "baby".
Go home and get dressed up.
No, I'm fine like this.
Don't be silly.
Go home and iron a shirt.
And let me tell you something.
One thing I hate doing
is giving advice,
but if you want to know
if everything's going OK,
if she's keen on you,
when you say goodbye
and you're walking away
see if she turns round
to look at you.
- But that doesn't always work.
- It never fails.
If she turns round,
she's keen on you.
Your mother turned round once
for me.
I say it with all respect.
It was in Plencia,
on regatta day.
Were my mother and you...?
Well, there was a big ad behind me
for a department store
and I don't know if she was...
But
maybe she was looking at me.
Take my advice,
and put on a shirt.
Baby!
- It suits you.
- You've recovered?
- What?
- You left it at my place.
Recovered from what?
I haven't had so much fun
with a guy in ages.
Really?
I think we woke all the neighbors.
We did, didn't we?
Yeah, it was great fun.
You want a drink, or shall we
go to my place and get down to it?
Just like that?
Yes, we talked about it yesterday.
Yes, yes, we talked a lot about it,
so, let's go, shall we?
I'll practice dying your hair.
What?
On me?
No, I can't. In the end I can't,
it's impossible.
But yesterday you said
you'd always wanted highlights.
I'd an Australian boyfriend,
a surfer, and his highlights were...
No, I'd love to, but...
I have to practice for tomorrow.
I've never dyed anyone's hair.
What's so funny?
Don't look now, but...
Don't look!
In Argentina, do you know
a singer called EI Puma?
Sure. My mom's a real fan.
Every time I come here and see
that waiter... Look, over there.
- I can't see him.
- He's gone inside.
He'll come out later.
He's got a hairstyle...
He's like an old version
of EI Puma.
When you see him,
you'll die laughing.
If I have to do highlights
I won't know how to.
You'll do great, I'm sure.
What can I get you?
He's identical!
What's up?
I don't know, I've got no idea.
Yes, you do.
What you said was true.
- What?
- What? I don't know.
She gets these fits of laughing
all on her own.
He's just like El Puma
but an older version.
No, look,
I meant it in a nice way.
For me, EI Puma is
the greatest ballad singer.
He wasn't really like him.
And you told him "Pavo Real"
was your favorite song!
I bet he over-charged us.
You don't want a last drink?
I have to get that job. It's hard
to get work without papers.
You'll do it better
if we have one more.
No, some other day.
Will you call me tomorrow?
"Shit, I'll call and tell you
how it fucking went."
Ciao.
If you want to know
if it went well,
see if she turns round
to look at you.
It never fails.
If she turns round
she's keen on you.
- Where were you going?
- I'm all right.
You were looking at her ass,
weren't you?
No, I wasn't!
You certainly were.
Chema, are you all right?
What happened?
He was just looking at your ass.
I wasn't looking at anything.
I don't mind if you do.
Come on, get up.
But I wasn't looking.
I don't care about your ass!
Don't go that far.
Are you dizzy?
You have to take sugar.
Have you tried hazel nut liqueur?
It looks fantastic!
I'll call you later. Claudia
Associations which do not have
a legal existence,
like legal entities,
have to be considered
as simple civil or religious
associations.
Depending on the reason
they've been instituted.
Hello. Can Rubn Urrutia
come out, please?
What's up?
I think I've scored.
What do you mean?
You have or you haven't.
I don't really remember.
How can you not remember?
I think so, but I'm not sure.
You needn't go back with Elisa,
but spare me this scene.
Oh, God!
- She's a hairdresser.
- A hairdresser?
Not really, but she's illegal
so she works at what she can.
We've met two days, Rubn,
two days.
But I can't remember anything,
anything that matters.
You have to help me.
- You want me to talk to Elisa?
- I don't want back with Elisa.
What do you want?
Follow me tonight.
And tomorrow,
tell me what you saw.
- You're kidding me.
- No, I'm serious.
No, no way,
I'm not going to follow you.
I never remember what I do
when I'm drunk.
Then don't fucking drink.
I'm meeting her tonight at 10.00.
I'm begging you.
I'm not going to spend
the night watching you.
And you won't find anyone
who will.
Shouldn't we have a password?
You have to be discreet.
An emergency signal
in case anything goes wrong.
A secret password?
Don't get too close.
I won't have to.
I'm well equipped.
What's that?
What do you mean?
It's a Minolta 9000 AF
with a 500 zoom,
like the paparazzi use.
You needn't take photos.
Just tell me what you see.
Is she bringing the old lady?
Did you tell my mother?
I just said we'd go out
for a drive. Don't worry.
Weren't you meeting someone?
I didn't know
Miss Begoa was coming.
We'll put her in front,
she'll be no trouble.
How are you, Jaime?
Don't worry, I'll do it.
- Chema, give me a hand.
- Jose Mari...
Give me that octopus.
I'll tie her down.
Hurry, Claudia's due any minute.
Be very careful about one thing.
Don't let her hug you.
What?
One thing I hate doing
is giving advice,
but if she hugs you, forget it.
But couples hug...
I'm talking about
what we used to call
"the koala hug".
The curious marsupial
known as the koala
is famous for
its slow-moving ways
and for its resemblance
to a cuddly toy.
One of the koala's most
remarkable features
is the tendency of the young
to cling fondly to its parents.
Among humans,
"doing a koala"
is giving a friendly hug,
not a sexual one.
The person hugged
becomes a kind of cuddly toy.
There is only one more painful
variation of "the koala hug".
"The koala hug
with pats on the back".
Invent something,
but if she hugs you, that's it.
She'll just be your friend.
Claudia and I aren't just friends.
Take my advice and remember
what I said about the hug.
Baby, get on!
- What is this?
- I got the job!
Hurry up! Get on!
- No, let's walk...
- Come on!
Are you sure
Miss Begoa will be OK?
Yes.
How's Jose Mari doing
in the store?
Great.
Put on your seatbelt.
These days...
Since he split up with Elisa...
Are we going now?
Can't you go slower?
The bike's second hand.
I'm testing it out.
Do you owe anyone money,
or anything like that?
No, why?
We're being followed.
I'm going to stop, and I bet
the idiot behind stops too.
Why have you stopped here?
Forget about them, come on.
Ah, yes, because...
Don't you think that
at times we live too fast?
You're being very odd.
Yes, but do we live too fast,
yes or no?
I don't know why you're being
followed, but I'm going to help you.
- What are you doing to do?
- Hang on.
- What are you going to do?
- Hang on tight.
I don't think we live too fast,
or maybe we do...
Why are you asking?
It's the signal!
What?
Jesus!
- Where are you going?
- It's a short cut.
Where are you going?
Shit!
Miss Begoa, are you all right?
She gets out so rarely
I bet she's having a ball.
What a wallop!
Did you see what happened?
- Fuck them.
- No, I mean, yes, fuck them.
I just wonder where they are.
They won't be following you
for a while.
I'd a Mexican boyfriend
who was always in trouble.
But in Bilbao is it normal
for people to chase you?
It's a cultural thing,
we do it occasionally.
Don't you do it in Argentina?
No, I guess not.
So, what'll we do here?
First give me a hug.
We've escaped from the baddies.
- No!
- What's wrong?
Must it be a hug?
Don't you want to hug me?
Yes, of course, I've wanted
to hug you for ages,
but I can't.
Because of the hair cut.
I love it.
If you hug me, it'll move and...
"Give me a hug, man."
OK, but be careful,
don't mess it up.
Don't worry about your hair.
I've got a surprise for you.
I've got a new product.
No, don't take it off.
I'll get a towel.
No, some water
always gets sprayed
and it'd ruin the jacket.
Is that Enrique Bunbury?
Sure.
Do you like him too?
I've been a fan since I was seven!
I'm crazy about him!
No, you're kidding me.
You're just saying it to...
I'm serious!
I saw him live three times.
I even brought his posters with me.
What? I've been a fan of his
all my life.
And I always encouraged him
to carry on.
You encouraged him... What?
I spent all my summers
in Saragossa, years ago.
I didn't want to tell you
but we're kind of buddies.
No, I'm lying,
we're thick as thieves.
This is crazy!
Don't get the wrong idea.
All I did was,
you know, cheer him up
when he was down,
and retouch some of his lyrics.
Yeah? Which ones?
I don't know, lots of them.
No, come on, tell me which ones.
Well, "Between two lands".
- That's yours?
- Yes.
Yes, yes.
At first it was:
"You're between two heavens".
I said: Fuck it, Quique,
"Between two lands" sounds better.
It isn't normal
that we get on so well.
You might think I'm very pushy,
but you knock me out.
I don't think you're pushy at all.
Close your eyes, this stings.
Do you realize?
We've got so much in common.
I want to tell you something.
Whatever you want.
I don't know if you feel
the same as I do, but...
I think I know what you mean.
I was going to tell you today.
For me, you're like
my best friend.
Do you know
if uncle Jaime's all right?
If you knew what he did
with the van. He...
Can I ask you a question?
Oh, Jose Mari,
I don't like your new hairstyle
but if you're happy with it...
- it's about uncle Jaime.
- What's wrong with him?
What's uncle Jaime for you?
What do you mean?
What does he mean for you?
We've known each other for years,
he was a friend of your father.
What would happen
if he felt something for you?
Don't be silly!
He's like a brother for me.
Yes, but what if he wanted
something more?
What if he wanted to be
your boyfriend, for example?
That won't happen.
Just imagine it.
What would he have to do
for you to see him differently?
Nothing.
Isn't there anything?
I don't know, go to the gym
or dress differently.
It's impossible.
But, why?
Look, love,
there are some men you see one way,
and others you see another.
- But that...
- And that never changes.
Now go to bed, it's late.
Congratulations, love.
It's after midnight.
It's your birthday.
Thanks.
You're a Pagafantas.
Pagafantas.
A person who thinks
he's in a relationship
and doesn't realize he'll never
sleep with the other person.
For unknown reasons,
the Pagafantas does not arouse
any sexual interest whatsoever
in the other person.
While it's difficult
to recognize a Pagafantas,
some gestures do give him away.
He's the only one still doing
the robot when he dances.
The one who consoles the girl
when her heart's broken.
A Pagafantas never takes advantage
of a friend who's drunk.
In the animal kingdom
no other species
behaves in this way.
No, don't.
Are you OK?
Well...
"Shit, this guy's going
to tell me something."
Yes, it's something important.
Sebastian rang me yesterday.
- Who?
- An ex-boyfriend.
He wants to come here.
He's an astronomer.
To work, he says.
Like hell.
I know I behaved badly,
but I never want to see him again.
I told him I was dating you.
You don't mind?
No, not at all, if you like
we can start dating.
No, I mean, do you mind
that I told him that?
No, no, if you're happy...
I know it's a lie,
but not a big one.
We're together all day.
That way, I needn't see him.
What were you going to say?
Nothing, it wasn't...
Wasn't it important?
No.
Mom...
Yeah, a bit.
What's wrong?
I'm on my way.
Yeah, I'll go right now.
What is it?
My mother wants me to check
if she turned off the gas.
I'll go with you.
- To my home?
- Yes, I don't want to go anywhere.
- OK, OK.
- OK.
I don't really live here.
It's temporary.
- Is there nobody here?
- No, we're all alone.
Make yourself at home.
- Does this become a bed?
- Yes.
Yes, it does.
We could open it out
and watch a film or something.
Yeah, we can lie down.
OK.
You want a drink?
A beer or anything?
If I take anything
I wouldn't like to drive after.
Well, you can always sleep here
tonight, if you feel like it.
Yes.
I want a beer!
Where's the kitchen?
At the end of the hall.
Jose Mari!
Christ! What is this?
It's a surprise.
We didn't come out sooner...
- A surprise?
- Your cousins are here from Elche.
Happy birthday!
- Can we come out now?
- No!
Thank you.
Please, hang on.
Don't do this to me, please.
- What'll we do?
- Anything, but don't make noise.
Miss Begoa will have to go
to the bathroom.
Hasn't she got incontinence pads?
Baby!
Is this your mom?
She's pretty!
Isn't she?
Now I understand what you said
about your uncle.
I don't remember anything
about uncles.
Shall I put on the TV?
You know, the man
with the camera store.
No, I don't remember
and I'll never remember.
What about the...
He's in love with your...
Surprise!
Happy birthday!
Wow, thank you!
Look, my cousins!
This is great!
I wasn't expecting this.
Thank you.
Good Lord!
Leave me alone.
It's not my fault
I saw you fall.
It's not my fault I saw...
You're between two lands
and you've got no air
left to breathe.
You're between two lands
and you've got no air
left to breathe.
You were great.
I didn't know you liked
the "Hroes del Zodiaco" too.
Sorry about earlier on,
but your Ecuadorian friend
was about to spill the beans.
It doesn't matter.
I'm thinking about telling her.
I've decided.
When it's the right moment,
I'll say it.
Who's your mother's
favorite singer?
I don't know.
Think, I'm singing next.
I don't know,
she likes the usual stuff.
Hello.
- Chema, one thing...
- Hi, Oscar, how are you?
Fine, it's just...
My mother told me
you had kidney problems.
No, I just had a few little stones,
I'm fine now.
You and Claudia...?
- Me and Claudia...?
- Are you...?
Oh, no, not at all.
We're...
We're friends, we get on great.
OK, because I'm going to try
to score with her.
You don't mind?
Me, mind? No way.
Not at all, I don't mind.
Do whatever you want.
Great, because she's a real looker.
She won't want to.
She'll say no.
But it's up to you.
Your family's really neat.
Yeah, they are, aren't they?
Really neat.
Yes, nearly all of them.
Nearly all?
Did you notice my cousin, Oscar?
Yeah, the handsome one.
No, he's not handsome.
And what's more,
he just got out of prison and...
- He was in prison?
- Yes, to do with drugs.
He was handing out drugs
at the school gates...
What?
- He's a son of...
- No, say it.
He's a son of a bitch!
But I don't want you
to get a bad impression of him.
He's a nice guy at heart,
but, you know, 10 year old girls...
- How are things?
- Don't come near me.
- What?
- Chema told me everything.
- What did he tell you?
- That you're sick.
Because for me,
that's what you are.
That was ages ago.
And I had treatment for it.
What fucking treatment?
You can never be cured.
Isn't she exaggerating a bit?
Well...
In Argentina, people like you
rot in prison.
- But they were very little...
- You son of a bitch!
Jose Mari!
It's all right, I'm fine.
I got in the way, it's my fault...
Forgive me, I got very nervous.
I've never seen
a drug trafficker.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- No, it's OK, I'm all right.
- Really? Maybe you're dizzy.
- No, I'm all right.
If you're dizzy, sleep here.
Well, maybe I am still a bit dizzy.
Then, stay.
You never stay.
You can sleep with me
or on the couch...
I'll sleep with you.
That way, you won't have
to make up the couch.
That's great!
I thought you'd never stay.
I'll get you something to sleep in.
No, don't worry.
Isn't it great?
We should do it more often.
Next time I'll bring my pajamas.
If I hug you during the night,
don't worry, I don't mean to.
Don't worry,
do whatever you want.
You're at home.
The word "lemur"
comes from the Latin "lemures"
which means "spirit of the night".
Nocturnal animals,
lemurs are known
for their large staring eyes
and their static posture.
The wide open eyes
and night time rigidity
relate the lemur
with the behavior of a boy who
sleeps with a girl who attracts him
but fears he'll be rejected.
Therefore he stares,
but he doesn't touch.
The behavior is known as
"doing a lemur".
Morning.
Are you awake?
I've just wakened this minute.
Wasn't this nice?
We'd have a great time
if we lived together.
Yes,
it might be nice.
The sofa-bed in your house
seems really uncomfortable.
Well, yes,
it might be nice.
Mom, my boxes! I'm leaving!
I said it was temporary!
Hello, Chema.
Elisa, what are you doing here?
Your mom called me.
I invited her to lunch,
you haven't met in ages.
She told me
about your Mexican friend.
She's Argentinean.
She isn't just my friend.
I'm going to live with her.
- She hit you with a bottle!
- I'll take this.
Uncle Jaime'll bring his van
for the rest.
Love, are you sure?
I'm happy,
and that's what matters.
- Hello.
- Sorry, wrong door.
You must be Chemita.
I'm Sebastian, come in.
Baby, look who's come
from Buenos Aires.
We've made it up.
We've made it up several times.
Now I've got my two guys here.
How about some limoncello?
OK.
- I've got everything.
- You're mistaken.
What apartment did you want?
- You're such a joker.
- I've don't know who you are.
Sorry, wrong apartment.
- Who was it?
- Someone made a mistake.
I want to thank you
for how you behaved with her.
Anyone else would have
taken advantage.
Taken advantage? No.
I'm not one of those.
I thought that thing of being
her friend was a way to score,
but she told me that
between you two there's no kind of
sexual tension.
No, well,
Claudia doesn't attract me.
Otherwise, we'd have
hooked up long ago.
I'm just the opposite.
She drives me crazy.
I've never seen anything like it.
She's the kind of woman
who doesn't mind doing
any kind of filthy stuff.
That one there
is the Great Bear constellation.
Inside it is the Whirlpool Galaxy,
some 37 million light years away.
So the light we have tonight
took 40 million light years
to reach Earth.
40 million years...
isn't that incredible, baby?
It's not so...
- You like the stars?
- Yes, well,
like everyone does.
And what's your favorite
constellation?
In the Milky Galaxy, you mean?
Well, the Great Bear.
And the Little Bear is nice too.
Is that all?
Well, there are lots more.
The star of Bethlehem.
Of Bethlehem?
Which is it?
Maybe it's got a different name
in Argentina.
Yes, maybe. But point it out.
Which is it?
Well...
That's it, there.
Yes, the red one.
The one that's moving?
It looks like a plane.
No, it's an amazing star.
I don't know how many millions
of light years it's got.
Yes, but it is moving a bit,
isn't it?
Well,
it's a shooting star.
Balls!
"Don't answer!" calling
"Don't answer!" calling
"Reject"
Did you tell her I'd be here?
No, I just arranged to meet her,
but I think she'll notice.
Ssh, act normal.
- It was a good game, wasn't it?
- Yeah, that goal...
Why are you here?
Hey, what a coincidence!
I just met Rubn in the street
and we came in for a drink.
Want one?
I'll leave you two alone.
So, how are things?
How are you?
"Don't answer!" calling.
So...
What do you want?
What do I want?
- We had to talk about us.
- About "us"?
I asked you for some time and...
What do you mean?
You finished with me.
No, I asked for time.
That's what people say
when they want to finish.
No one says "We're finished".
They say they need time.
Well, I meant it when I said it.
Like when you said
you were leaving me
because you liked me too much.
I said that?
Or when you asked me
never to change,
I was the best thing ever,
but you were feeling strange
and you had to think things out.
Yes, I said all that,
but let's stop talking
about the past, eh?
Well, then?
Baby!
You like Claudia.
No.
She isn't my type.
And I am?
It's all right, baby.
Let's go out this weekend, OK?
We'll see.
Sorry.
"Don't answer!" calling
Why all the calls and...
What?
She was driving a scooter,
very fast and without a license.
- Are you her boyfriend?
- Yes.
No, not exactly.
We live together
but we're not...
Excuse me.
He's her friend.
My client is a friend
of the young lady.
Who are you?
His lawyer.
I'm studying Law.
I'm in my fifth year.
Listen, your honor...
Captain.
Excuse me, that's right.
Captain...
Chema is my friend, this young lady
isn't his girlfriend
but she's got him into
a very complicated situation.
What are you saying, Rubn?
Carry on.
Well, your honor,
he's crazy about her but...
That's irrelevant.
And for her he's just a friend?
Exactly.
It's happened to all of us.
I'm sure you...
I'm sorry, I'm sure you haven't...
Well, his problems are over.
- She was working illegally.
- Shit, I knew it! Hang on.
- What is it?
- My notes.
It's "International Law III".
I failed that.
Don't worry.
It's easy to understand.
She's being deported in 48 hours.
- It's the best thing for you.
- Don't exaggerate.
Hadn't you given her up?
What about Elisa?
But I don't want her
to be sent back to Argentina.
She's leaving in two days.
There's no way out.
There must be something.
If her guy were Spanish
he could marry her,
but the astronomer
is Argentinean too.
Wait.
If he were Spanish,
she could stay?
No, stop, stop.
Don't even think about it!
Anyway, you'd never find a court,
a church or registry office
that'd marry you in 48 hours.
So where would you do it?
INTERNATIONAL WATERS
Come on, do it for me.
I bet it won't even fit me.
You never see this cloth nowadays.
It cost me 40,000 pesetas back then.
It was bought so that a girl's
best friend could be her husband.
But I won't be her husband.
You're going to kiss her.
You'll finally kiss her.
Or what'll you do when they say:
"You may kiss the bride"?
Shake her hand?
...to unite Claudia and Jose Mara
in matrimony.
Claudia, do you take Chema
as your lawful husband?
I do.
Do you, Chema, take Claudia
as your lawful wife?
I do.
Then by the power vested in me
I pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Are you OK?
Yes.
I'm sorry. I guess
this wasn't your dream wedding.
What matters is I can stay.
I'll really miss you.
Sebastian wants me to go
to Madrid with him.
But will you give me a hug?
I stink.
When you met me,
I was the one who stank.
"You fucking stink!
Shit, man, it's disgusting!"
Are you OK?
Yes.
Here in your suit that I wore
because you wanted me to.
I'm OK.
Look, one thing I hate doing
is giving advice...
If you hate it so much,
don't give it!
I understand you're upset.
Your uncle Jaime is here to...
To hell with uncle Jaime.
You are not my uncle!
Waken up, my mother isn't
interested in you, you idiot!
You're a sap with a camera shop
that's a mess!
And those fucking rolls of film!
It's time for the surprise.
The crew and I prepared this.
The wedding was special for us too.
- Enjoy it.
- Thank you!
Shall we join the others?
You have to stay here.
There's a storm ahead.
ONE YEAR LATER
- Good morning.
- Hi.
Happy birthday, darling.
When you leave work
come straight home.
You might have a surprise.
OK.
- Thank you.
- Goodbye.
Hello, uncle Jaime.
I'm not your uncle.
What do you want?
I wanted to invite you
for my birthday.
Forget it, I'm busy,
I've got customers now.
Hello, I've brought a photo.
I'd like you to print it
on a tee shirt.
Yes, of course.
Since when do you sell
digital cameras?
Since a kid told me
my store was a mess.
Call by and...
Mom would be delighted.
You haven't seen each other in ages.
No problem, ma'am.
Chema!
I'll give you some advice.
You were better with highlights.
Surprise!
Where's your mother?
Elisa, did you tell my mother?
Yes, but she had to find someone
to stay with Miss Begoa.
Have you told him
about his promotion?
I was going to tell him after.
We're all delighted with him.
You're running out of excuses
not to...
Not to what?
Take the big step.
We all fall in the end.
Dad, don't start.
That'll be my mother.
Baby!
Happy birthday, love.
Just as well Claudia brought
another bottle of wine.
But we're all happy,
that's what matters.
Weren't you in Madrid?
I wanted some time away
from Sebastian,
and as it was Chemita's birthday,
I said:
"Come on, man, this is shit hot.
What a fucking blast!"
Gloria, we were talking
about the kids' wedding.
Of course.
Are they getting married?
That's great!
But first Chema and I should...
Sorry, Claudia.
That left a stain, didn't it?
I'll clean it for you.
It's an Argentinean custom
to throw food, a cultural thing.
- What's wrong?
- You were going to tell them!
- Don't they know we got married?
- No, of course they don't!
- We'll explain it to them.
- You're crazy.
They're going to find out anyway.
Why the hell are you here?
If we explain it properly,
they'll understand.
How can they?
They'll be proud
of how you helped me.
And they're obviously reasonable
people, they'll understand.
I'll go down and thump him again!
Elisa, let me explain.
- Leave me alone!
- I'll destroy that fucking bastard!
There was nothing
between Claudia and me.
Tell him he's never to come back
to the office! I'll kill him!
But are you happy?
Your son's made me
fucking happy, ma'am!
My things are up there.
What?
I left my case up there,
but I'll talk to them.
What the hell do you want?
I'm sorry, but Claudia
left her case upstairs.
Don't worry, I'll bring it down.
Couldn't you call anyone else?
I'm really sorry.
Thanks a lot.
Don't tell your mother
I did you this favor.
I'll give them back tomorrow.
There's no hurry.
Jaime?
It's been ages.
You're a lot thinner.
Are you all right?
Yes, I'm fine.
Why are you here?
An errand.
So you won't have time
for an infusion.
I drink coffee now.
What a pity.
We used to see each other
so much, and now...
Some other day
we'll meet with more time.
Yes?
If it's quick, some camomile.
Sure.
- Where are we going, for a drink?
- To the airport.
What for?
You're going home.
I don't want to go to Madrid.
You're not going to Madrid.
Wait till I put the wheels on!
Wait!
- The next flight to Buenos Aires?
- Are we both going to Argentina?
No, you're going on your own.
There's one in three hours.
Perfect. One ticket.
There aren't many seats left.
It's 1,400 euros.
Just a minute.
I'm not going to Buenos Aires, baby.
Don't call me baby!
I need a favor.
Do you know what you've done?
You have to lend me money.
1,400 euros, please.
Are you crazy?
- What it is?
- He wants money.
One last favor.
Why do you want 1,400 euros?
To send Claudia to Argentina.
Write down my card number.
- He's sending her home.
- Give him my number too.
You'd better text it to me.
Thanks a lot.
I'm sorry about Elisa, but you
should have been honest with her.
- With Sebastian I was...
- I don't care how you were!
- Why are you talking to me like that?
- Because I'm your husband!
Chema...
Stop hugging me!
Your fucking hugs.
What's the matter?
Claudia,
what would you say if I said
I'd been in love with you?
More than that.
If I was still in love with you?
Because I can't believe
that you never once realized
how keen I was to live with you,
to be your boyfriend,
to not see you with other guys,
to go out with you,
to take you in my arms
and kiss you on the lips.
What are you saying, baby?
How could we be a couple?
What?
In love with me!
How could you like me
if you're my baby.
That's hilarious.
You think it's funny?
You and me a couple? Yeah!
It was a joke, wasn't it?
Sure.
You'll never lose your spark!
And the ticket to Argentina?
You almost believed it.
Come off it. You did it very well
but I didn't believe it.
No, alcohol is bad for you.
That was before.
You're a Pagafantas.
Sleep a bit longer,
it's another six hours.
What do you mean?
You've been asleep
since we boarded.
Don't tell me
we're going to Buenos Aires.
You said you were my best friend
there and in Argentina.
But you're not
my best friend anymore.
I'm not?
You're like a brother.
Here's your drink, Mr. Bunbury.
appearance and deadly bite,
is famous for its defense mechanism
when faced with danger.
If attacked,
it adopts an upright posture,
repelling the attacker.
But this defense mechanism
is not exclusive to this reptile.
It is also used by human beings
as protection against attack.
That is why
this movement is called
"doing the cobra".
Calculations by experts
on the subject
show that every two minutes
someone somewhere does the cobra.
This means that as of now
the next one will occur
in 1 minute 56 seconds.
I know who she is.
It doesn't matter.
- She's dating Perianes' brother.
- Pitu?
But we're just talking.
They've been dating for years.
Let's go home.
No, wait.
- Is that rum and cola?
- Yeah.
What are you doing?
Go away.
Hey, man!
Well!
Didn't you leave?
- I was over there.
- I thought...
Were you cut up about...?
No, no, don't worry.
Did she end it, or did you?
We'd been dating for five years
and I needed a bit of...
But I've got nothing against
long relationships.
I've been with someone for ages too.
Pitu, maybe you know him.
Pitu?
No, I don't think I do.
We split up last month.
You did?
I'm really sorry.
How are you coping?
- I'm doing really great.
- Yeah?
I needed time with my girlfriends,
to go partying,
to be with whoever I want,
and with no complications.
I'm just the same.
I don't want any complications.
I'm really simple.
My one good point is
I never complicate anyone's life.
Your drink.
Thanks.
Don't you drink?
No, it disagrees with me.
There are different types
of cobra,
some more aggressive than others.
- This one's bound to be open.
- I think I'll head home.
I'm glad the other place closed.
They kept playing "Hroes del
Silencio". I hate Enrique Bunbury.
- You know I do, Rubn.
- Yeah, yeah.
You can't be called Enrique
and have the surname Bunbury.
Enrique or Bunbury,
but not both.
He's from fucking Saragossa!
He turns the girls on.
What girls?
Have you seen those girls?
And, as well,
that whole loutish routine.
Forty years old
and acting like a lout,
with those fucking rats tails
hanging over his face.
- This place is closed.
- He's a pain.
He thinks he's Bob Dylan
or somebody like that.
No, it has to be open.
There's a light on.
That's the cigarette machine.
- I mean the red light.
- Yeah, it says Lucky Strike.
Maybe there's a bell.
A bell at "Tito's"? Why?
It's closed.
It looks empty, because of
the fines, but inside it's jumping.
People don't go out on weekdays.
With all the noise
they can't hear us.
I'm going home.
I've got class tomorrow.
What do you mean, going home?
One last drink,
it's not even midnight.
Where can we go on a Wednesday?
Come on,
Wednesday is the new Friday.
I thought the new Friday
was Thursday.
No, no way, man.
Everyone goes out on a Thursday.
In fact, Thursday
is the new Saturday.
So what's Saturday?
If Wednesday's the new Friday,
and Thursday's the new Saturday,
what's Saturday?
Don't make silly excuses.
If you want to go home, go ahead.
Wait, no, no.
Have you talked
to Ana?
She rang me.
So we aren't...
You mean, going out mid-week
and that?
"And that"?
You left her so you could
go out more, and now you say that?
No, you kept on at me to leave Ana.
I was happy with her.
You weren't so happy with Ana.
We've been doing this for two
months and haven't scored once.
And those German tourists?
They were 50 years old.
Yeah, but...
No, they weren't well preserved
and you know that.
Maybe we shouldn't have left
Ana and Elisa.
What? No, don't go there, Rubn.
If you want to back out,
that's fine with me.
Do what you want,
but don't mess me up.
I'll keep on going out,
even if it's on my own.
Right now, I'm going to go out
like crazy, whatever you say.
- Where are you going?
- To that old bar we used to go to.
It's a fruit store now.
Ana said Elisa wants to talk to you.
Yeah? Well, she can tell her
I'm doing great.
Lots of guys would like to be
like me, I feel fucking great.
Jose Mari, come on, you're late.
You see?
- You have to kick the leg.
- That doesn't work.
Like that. Come on.
- Where's my red jacket?
- In your... In Miss Begoa's room.
You unpacked my boxes?
The sitting room
was full of your stuff.
It's temporary.
You mean the cotton jacket?
The red one I always wear.
The cotton one.
It was really old.
- You threw it out?
- That must be uncle Jaime.
What's he doing here?
He isn't even my uncle.
He's giving you a job.
You didn't ask me
if I wanted one.
You have to work.
I know nothing about photos.
But are you happy?
That's what matters.
Coming!
Morning, Jaime.
- Have you had breakfast?
- Yes.
Well, I'm ready.
You can have these later.
They're croissants.
Look, Jose Mari,
you love croissants.
I made them myself.
I'd no yeast, I used bicarbonate
so they'd rise, like an omelet.
They taste the same,
but after the third
you get awful wind...
Try one.
No, let's get going.
Yeah, if we're late
the boss'll fire us.
No, silly, I'm the boss.
Well, I'll give you a call later.
You look really pretty today.
Thank you, Jaime.
We'll see how the first day goes.
I bet you'll sell loads.
Don't be like that,
he's doing you a favor.
He's doing it for you.
Don't be silly.
Why would he do that for me?
The albums are here.
For every two rolls developed,
an album with a leather trim
or a methacrylate frame
The frame is cheaper.
OK. And the memory cards?
There'll be people
asking for them, right?
Why would they want a memory?
For digital cameras.
Look.
It's your mother.
Could you ever get that quality
with a digital camera?
Your mother's very pretty,
and I say that with all respect,
but try taking a photo like that
with a digital camera.
You'll get rubbish!
But people buy digital cameras.
People buy drugs too,
but I don't sell heroin.
One thing I hate doing
is giving advice,
but I'll tell you this.
Forget about digital cameras,
they won't catch on.
All those megapixil and stuff.
Does anyone know what
a megapixil is? Do you? No.
- They're colored dots...
- Neither do it. We don't need to.
People who buy digital cameras
will realize that
and they'll flock here.
Just you wait.
Will you take this down
to the garbage?
I'll do it tomorrow.
They're Miss Begoa's
incontinence pads, they smell.
It'll just take a minute.
- Wait!
- Shit!
When I threw in the garbage
I dropped my keys in here.
- Don't you have a spare set?
- No, I've just moved.
Have you got a lighter?
The truck will be here soon.
Maybe you can...
Wait, here they are!
- As you're in there...
- Will you help me out?
No, hang on.
Can you hand me that red jacket,
with the hood?
It's mine.
I threw it out by accident.
Thanks.
Want anything else?
There's a box
with some cookies in it.
It was a joke.
Disgusting!
- I'm Claudia.
- Chema.
I'd give you a kiss
but I stink.
I can put up with that.
- Really?
- Manners come first.
Promise you won't breathe.
God, that's fucking disgusting!
You stink of shit!
That was a joke too.
Thanks. I owe you a beer.
OK, let's go.
Now? But this is Wednesday.
Yeah, but here Wednesday
is the new Friday.
Really?
I'm not a hairdresser.
I cut my own hair, but that's all.
You'll get the job.
And you can cut my hair some day.
You mean it?
I need to practice. I've got
a trial in two days time.
Yeah, sure.
If you want, I'll give you
my number, and...
"If you want, I'll give you
my number. Fuck, man!"
I don't talk like that.
"I don't talk like that."
"if you want, I'll cut your hair,
fuck it."
No, put that down.
We'll drink a toast.
You want limoncello?
Waiter, two shots of limoncello.
I'd an Italian boyfriend
who drank this.
Has it got alcohol?
You've never tried it?
No, alcohol disagrees with me.
- Is it very strong?
- No.
Well...
Yes? Yes, he's still here.
He's getting ready.
Come up, Jaime.
How are you getting on with
uncle Jaime? Isn't he a sweetheart?
Were you awake when I got back?
You smell of...
You weren't drinking, were you?
Did I come back alone or...?
Good morning, family.
How are you?
- I made it myself.
- Let's see.
It's an ashtray.
It's lovely,
but no one smokes here.
Well, maybe Miss Begoa
will decide to start smoking.
And how are you?
You weren't drinking, were you?
Jose Mari,
you have to call Claudia.
What?
Was she here? Where is she?
Your back.
Look behind you.
6, 5, 2...
No, I'll do it later.
Stand still,
it'll get rubbed off.
7 and 2.
- Aren't there numbers missing?
- Wait. Don't sweat.
How can I not sweat?
I don't know if it's a 7 or a 9.
It's got a stroke.
It's a 5,
it's clear as daylight.
5 and 2. Where's the button
for "Save"?
- No, I'll do it.
- I pressed a button and...
Fuck, you're calling!
Hello?
Claudia?
Remember me? I'm Chema.
- What's she saying?
- Be quiet.
We're closed!
At 8:00? Perfect, I'll be there.
Where?
Just one thing.
Remember the place?
The one I said.
Do you know how to get there?
Yes, Lamiak,
in the old quarter.
No, in case you didn't remember.
That's great. Ciao.
A kiss for you too, yes.
She called me "baby".
Go home and get dressed up.
No, I'm fine like this.
Don't be silly.
Go home and iron a shirt.
And let me tell you something.
One thing I hate doing
is giving advice,
but if you want to know
if everything's going OK,
if she's keen on you,
when you say goodbye
and you're walking away
see if she turns round
to look at you.
- But that doesn't always work.
- It never fails.
If she turns round,
she's keen on you.
Your mother turned round once
for me.
I say it with all respect.
It was in Plencia,
on regatta day.
Were my mother and you...?
Well, there was a big ad behind me
for a department store
and I don't know if she was...
But
maybe she was looking at me.
Take my advice,
and put on a shirt.
Baby!
- It suits you.
- You've recovered?
- What?
- You left it at my place.
Recovered from what?
I haven't had so much fun
with a guy in ages.
Really?
I think we woke all the neighbors.
We did, didn't we?
Yeah, it was great fun.
You want a drink, or shall we
go to my place and get down to it?
Just like that?
Yes, we talked about it yesterday.
Yes, yes, we talked a lot about it,
so, let's go, shall we?
I'll practice dying your hair.
What?
On me?
No, I can't. In the end I can't,
it's impossible.
But yesterday you said
you'd always wanted highlights.
I'd an Australian boyfriend,
a surfer, and his highlights were...
No, I'd love to, but...
I have to practice for tomorrow.
I've never dyed anyone's hair.
What's so funny?
Don't look now, but...
Don't look!
In Argentina, do you know
a singer called EI Puma?
Sure. My mom's a real fan.
Every time I come here and see
that waiter... Look, over there.
- I can't see him.
- He's gone inside.
He'll come out later.
He's got a hairstyle...
He's like an old version
of EI Puma.
When you see him,
you'll die laughing.
If I have to do highlights
I won't know how to.
You'll do great, I'm sure.
What can I get you?
He's identical!
What's up?
I don't know, I've got no idea.
Yes, you do.
What you said was true.
- What?
- What? I don't know.
She gets these fits of laughing
all on her own.
He's just like El Puma
but an older version.
No, look,
I meant it in a nice way.
For me, EI Puma is
the greatest ballad singer.
He wasn't really like him.
And you told him "Pavo Real"
was your favorite song!
I bet he over-charged us.
You don't want a last drink?
I have to get that job. It's hard
to get work without papers.
You'll do it better
if we have one more.
No, some other day.
Will you call me tomorrow?
"Shit, I'll call and tell you
how it fucking went."
Ciao.
If you want to know
if it went well,
see if she turns round
to look at you.
It never fails.
If she turns round
she's keen on you.
- Where were you going?
- I'm all right.
You were looking at her ass,
weren't you?
No, I wasn't!
You certainly were.
Chema, are you all right?
What happened?
He was just looking at your ass.
I wasn't looking at anything.
I don't mind if you do.
Come on, get up.
But I wasn't looking.
I don't care about your ass!
Don't go that far.
Are you dizzy?
You have to take sugar.
Have you tried hazel nut liqueur?
It looks fantastic!
I'll call you later. Claudia
Associations which do not have
a legal existence,
like legal entities,
have to be considered
as simple civil or religious
associations.
Depending on the reason
they've been instituted.
Hello. Can Rubn Urrutia
come out, please?
What's up?
I think I've scored.
What do you mean?
You have or you haven't.
I don't really remember.
How can you not remember?
I think so, but I'm not sure.
You needn't go back with Elisa,
but spare me this scene.
Oh, God!
- She's a hairdresser.
- A hairdresser?
Not really, but she's illegal
so she works at what she can.
We've met two days, Rubn,
two days.
But I can't remember anything,
anything that matters.
You have to help me.
- You want me to talk to Elisa?
- I don't want back with Elisa.
What do you want?
Follow me tonight.
And tomorrow,
tell me what you saw.
- You're kidding me.
- No, I'm serious.
No, no way,
I'm not going to follow you.
I never remember what I do
when I'm drunk.
Then don't fucking drink.
I'm meeting her tonight at 10.00.
I'm begging you.
I'm not going to spend
the night watching you.
And you won't find anyone
who will.
Shouldn't we have a password?
You have to be discreet.
An emergency signal
in case anything goes wrong.
A secret password?
Don't get too close.
I won't have to.
I'm well equipped.
What's that?
What do you mean?
It's a Minolta 9000 AF
with a 500 zoom,
like the paparazzi use.
You needn't take photos.
Just tell me what you see.
Is she bringing the old lady?
Did you tell my mother?
I just said we'd go out
for a drive. Don't worry.
Weren't you meeting someone?
I didn't know
Miss Begoa was coming.
We'll put her in front,
she'll be no trouble.
How are you, Jaime?
Don't worry, I'll do it.
- Chema, give me a hand.
- Jose Mari...
Give me that octopus.
I'll tie her down.
Hurry, Claudia's due any minute.
Be very careful about one thing.
Don't let her hug you.
What?
One thing I hate doing
is giving advice,
but if she hugs you, forget it.
But couples hug...
I'm talking about
what we used to call
"the koala hug".
The curious marsupial
known as the koala
is famous for
its slow-moving ways
and for its resemblance
to a cuddly toy.
One of the koala's most
remarkable features
is the tendency of the young
to cling fondly to its parents.
Among humans,
"doing a koala"
is giving a friendly hug,
not a sexual one.
The person hugged
becomes a kind of cuddly toy.
There is only one more painful
variation of "the koala hug".
"The koala hug
with pats on the back".
Invent something,
but if she hugs you, that's it.
She'll just be your friend.
Claudia and I aren't just friends.
Take my advice and remember
what I said about the hug.
Baby, get on!
- What is this?
- I got the job!
Hurry up! Get on!
- No, let's walk...
- Come on!
Are you sure
Miss Begoa will be OK?
Yes.
How's Jose Mari doing
in the store?
Great.
Put on your seatbelt.
These days...
Since he split up with Elisa...
Are we going now?
Can't you go slower?
The bike's second hand.
I'm testing it out.
Do you owe anyone money,
or anything like that?
No, why?
We're being followed.
I'm going to stop, and I bet
the idiot behind stops too.
Why have you stopped here?
Forget about them, come on.
Ah, yes, because...
Don't you think that
at times we live too fast?
You're being very odd.
Yes, but do we live too fast,
yes or no?
I don't know why you're being
followed, but I'm going to help you.
- What are you doing to do?
- Hang on.
- What are you going to do?
- Hang on tight.
I don't think we live too fast,
or maybe we do...
Why are you asking?
It's the signal!
What?
Jesus!
- Where are you going?
- It's a short cut.
Where are you going?
Shit!
Miss Begoa, are you all right?
She gets out so rarely
I bet she's having a ball.
What a wallop!
Did you see what happened?
- Fuck them.
- No, I mean, yes, fuck them.
I just wonder where they are.
They won't be following you
for a while.
I'd a Mexican boyfriend
who was always in trouble.
But in Bilbao is it normal
for people to chase you?
It's a cultural thing,
we do it occasionally.
Don't you do it in Argentina?
No, I guess not.
So, what'll we do here?
First give me a hug.
We've escaped from the baddies.
- No!
- What's wrong?
Must it be a hug?
Don't you want to hug me?
Yes, of course, I've wanted
to hug you for ages,
but I can't.
Because of the hair cut.
I love it.
If you hug me, it'll move and...
"Give me a hug, man."
OK, but be careful,
don't mess it up.
Don't worry about your hair.
I've got a surprise for you.
I've got a new product.
No, don't take it off.
I'll get a towel.
No, some water
always gets sprayed
and it'd ruin the jacket.
Is that Enrique Bunbury?
Sure.
Do you like him too?
I've been a fan since I was seven!
I'm crazy about him!
No, you're kidding me.
You're just saying it to...
I'm serious!
I saw him live three times.
I even brought his posters with me.
What? I've been a fan of his
all my life.
And I always encouraged him
to carry on.
You encouraged him... What?
I spent all my summers
in Saragossa, years ago.
I didn't want to tell you
but we're kind of buddies.
No, I'm lying,
we're thick as thieves.
This is crazy!
Don't get the wrong idea.
All I did was,
you know, cheer him up
when he was down,
and retouch some of his lyrics.
Yeah? Which ones?
I don't know, lots of them.
No, come on, tell me which ones.
Well, "Between two lands".
- That's yours?
- Yes.
Yes, yes.
At first it was:
"You're between two heavens".
I said: Fuck it, Quique,
"Between two lands" sounds better.
It isn't normal
that we get on so well.
You might think I'm very pushy,
but you knock me out.
I don't think you're pushy at all.
Close your eyes, this stings.
Do you realize?
We've got so much in common.
I want to tell you something.
Whatever you want.
I don't know if you feel
the same as I do, but...
I think I know what you mean.
I was going to tell you today.
For me, you're like
my best friend.
Do you know
if uncle Jaime's all right?
If you knew what he did
with the van. He...
Can I ask you a question?
Oh, Jose Mari,
I don't like your new hairstyle
but if you're happy with it...
- it's about uncle Jaime.
- What's wrong with him?
What's uncle Jaime for you?
What do you mean?
What does he mean for you?
We've known each other for years,
he was a friend of your father.
What would happen
if he felt something for you?
Don't be silly!
He's like a brother for me.
Yes, but what if he wanted
something more?
What if he wanted to be
your boyfriend, for example?
That won't happen.
Just imagine it.
What would he have to do
for you to see him differently?
Nothing.
Isn't there anything?
I don't know, go to the gym
or dress differently.
It's impossible.
But, why?
Look, love,
there are some men you see one way,
and others you see another.
- But that...
- And that never changes.
Now go to bed, it's late.
Congratulations, love.
It's after midnight.
It's your birthday.
Thanks.
You're a Pagafantas.
Pagafantas.
A person who thinks
he's in a relationship
and doesn't realize he'll never
sleep with the other person.
For unknown reasons,
the Pagafantas does not arouse
any sexual interest whatsoever
in the other person.
While it's difficult
to recognize a Pagafantas,
some gestures do give him away.
He's the only one still doing
the robot when he dances.
The one who consoles the girl
when her heart's broken.
A Pagafantas never takes advantage
of a friend who's drunk.
In the animal kingdom
no other species
behaves in this way.
No, don't.
Are you OK?
Well...
"Shit, this guy's going
to tell me something."
Yes, it's something important.
Sebastian rang me yesterday.
- Who?
- An ex-boyfriend.
He wants to come here.
He's an astronomer.
To work, he says.
Like hell.
I know I behaved badly,
but I never want to see him again.
I told him I was dating you.
You don't mind?
No, not at all, if you like
we can start dating.
No, I mean, do you mind
that I told him that?
No, no, if you're happy...
I know it's a lie,
but not a big one.
We're together all day.
That way, I needn't see him.
What were you going to say?
Nothing, it wasn't...
Wasn't it important?
No.
Mom...
Yeah, a bit.
What's wrong?
I'm on my way.
Yeah, I'll go right now.
What is it?
My mother wants me to check
if she turned off the gas.
I'll go with you.
- To my home?
- Yes, I don't want to go anywhere.
- OK, OK.
- OK.
I don't really live here.
It's temporary.
- Is there nobody here?
- No, we're all alone.
Make yourself at home.
- Does this become a bed?
- Yes.
Yes, it does.
We could open it out
and watch a film or something.
Yeah, we can lie down.
OK.
You want a drink?
A beer or anything?
If I take anything
I wouldn't like to drive after.
Well, you can always sleep here
tonight, if you feel like it.
Yes.
I want a beer!
Where's the kitchen?
At the end of the hall.
Jose Mari!
Christ! What is this?
It's a surprise.
We didn't come out sooner...
- A surprise?
- Your cousins are here from Elche.
Happy birthday!
- Can we come out now?
- No!
Thank you.
Please, hang on.
Don't do this to me, please.
- What'll we do?
- Anything, but don't make noise.
Miss Begoa will have to go
to the bathroom.
Hasn't she got incontinence pads?
Baby!
Is this your mom?
She's pretty!
Isn't she?
Now I understand what you said
about your uncle.
I don't remember anything
about uncles.
Shall I put on the TV?
You know, the man
with the camera store.
No, I don't remember
and I'll never remember.
What about the...
He's in love with your...
Surprise!
Happy birthday!
Wow, thank you!
Look, my cousins!
This is great!
I wasn't expecting this.
Thank you.
Good Lord!
Leave me alone.
It's not my fault
I saw you fall.
It's not my fault I saw...
You're between two lands
and you've got no air
left to breathe.
You're between two lands
and you've got no air
left to breathe.
You were great.
I didn't know you liked
the "Hroes del Zodiaco" too.
Sorry about earlier on,
but your Ecuadorian friend
was about to spill the beans.
It doesn't matter.
I'm thinking about telling her.
I've decided.
When it's the right moment,
I'll say it.
Who's your mother's
favorite singer?
I don't know.
Think, I'm singing next.
I don't know,
she likes the usual stuff.
Hello.
- Chema, one thing...
- Hi, Oscar, how are you?
Fine, it's just...
My mother told me
you had kidney problems.
No, I just had a few little stones,
I'm fine now.
You and Claudia...?
- Me and Claudia...?
- Are you...?
Oh, no, not at all.
We're...
We're friends, we get on great.
OK, because I'm going to try
to score with her.
You don't mind?
Me, mind? No way.
Not at all, I don't mind.
Do whatever you want.
Great, because she's a real looker.
She won't want to.
She'll say no.
But it's up to you.
Your family's really neat.
Yeah, they are, aren't they?
Really neat.
Yes, nearly all of them.
Nearly all?
Did you notice my cousin, Oscar?
Yeah, the handsome one.
No, he's not handsome.
And what's more,
he just got out of prison and...
- He was in prison?
- Yes, to do with drugs.
He was handing out drugs
at the school gates...
What?
- He's a son of...
- No, say it.
He's a son of a bitch!
But I don't want you
to get a bad impression of him.
He's a nice guy at heart,
but, you know, 10 year old girls...
- How are things?
- Don't come near me.
- What?
- Chema told me everything.
- What did he tell you?
- That you're sick.
Because for me,
that's what you are.
That was ages ago.
And I had treatment for it.
What fucking treatment?
You can never be cured.
Isn't she exaggerating a bit?
Well...
In Argentina, people like you
rot in prison.
- But they were very little...
- You son of a bitch!
Jose Mari!
It's all right, I'm fine.
I got in the way, it's my fault...
Forgive me, I got very nervous.
I've never seen
a drug trafficker.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- No, it's OK, I'm all right.
- Really? Maybe you're dizzy.
- No, I'm all right.
If you're dizzy, sleep here.
Well, maybe I am still a bit dizzy.
Then, stay.
You never stay.
You can sleep with me
or on the couch...
I'll sleep with you.
That way, you won't have
to make up the couch.
That's great!
I thought you'd never stay.
I'll get you something to sleep in.
No, don't worry.
Isn't it great?
We should do it more often.
Next time I'll bring my pajamas.
If I hug you during the night,
don't worry, I don't mean to.
Don't worry,
do whatever you want.
You're at home.
The word "lemur"
comes from the Latin "lemures"
which means "spirit of the night".
Nocturnal animals,
lemurs are known
for their large staring eyes
and their static posture.
The wide open eyes
and night time rigidity
relate the lemur
with the behavior of a boy who
sleeps with a girl who attracts him
but fears he'll be rejected.
Therefore he stares,
but he doesn't touch.
The behavior is known as
"doing a lemur".
Morning.
Are you awake?
I've just wakened this minute.
Wasn't this nice?
We'd have a great time
if we lived together.
Yes,
it might be nice.
The sofa-bed in your house
seems really uncomfortable.
Well, yes,
it might be nice.
Mom, my boxes! I'm leaving!
I said it was temporary!
Hello, Chema.
Elisa, what are you doing here?
Your mom called me.
I invited her to lunch,
you haven't met in ages.
She told me
about your Mexican friend.
She's Argentinean.
She isn't just my friend.
I'm going to live with her.
- She hit you with a bottle!
- I'll take this.
Uncle Jaime'll bring his van
for the rest.
Love, are you sure?
I'm happy,
and that's what matters.
- Hello.
- Sorry, wrong door.
You must be Chemita.
I'm Sebastian, come in.
Baby, look who's come
from Buenos Aires.
We've made it up.
We've made it up several times.
Now I've got my two guys here.
How about some limoncello?
OK.
- I've got everything.
- You're mistaken.
What apartment did you want?
- You're such a joker.
- I've don't know who you are.
Sorry, wrong apartment.
- Who was it?
- Someone made a mistake.
I want to thank you
for how you behaved with her.
Anyone else would have
taken advantage.
Taken advantage? No.
I'm not one of those.
I thought that thing of being
her friend was a way to score,
but she told me that
between you two there's no kind of
sexual tension.
No, well,
Claudia doesn't attract me.
Otherwise, we'd have
hooked up long ago.
I'm just the opposite.
She drives me crazy.
I've never seen anything like it.
She's the kind of woman
who doesn't mind doing
any kind of filthy stuff.
That one there
is the Great Bear constellation.
Inside it is the Whirlpool Galaxy,
some 37 million light years away.
So the light we have tonight
took 40 million light years
to reach Earth.
40 million years...
isn't that incredible, baby?
It's not so...
- You like the stars?
- Yes, well,
like everyone does.
And what's your favorite
constellation?
In the Milky Galaxy, you mean?
Well, the Great Bear.
And the Little Bear is nice too.
Is that all?
Well, there are lots more.
The star of Bethlehem.
Of Bethlehem?
Which is it?
Maybe it's got a different name
in Argentina.
Yes, maybe. But point it out.
Which is it?
Well...
That's it, there.
Yes, the red one.
The one that's moving?
It looks like a plane.
No, it's an amazing star.
I don't know how many millions
of light years it's got.
Yes, but it is moving a bit,
isn't it?
Well,
it's a shooting star.
Balls!
"Don't answer!" calling
"Don't answer!" calling
"Reject"
Did you tell her I'd be here?
No, I just arranged to meet her,
but I think she'll notice.
Ssh, act normal.
- It was a good game, wasn't it?
- Yeah, that goal...
Why are you here?
Hey, what a coincidence!
I just met Rubn in the street
and we came in for a drink.
Want one?
I'll leave you two alone.
So, how are things?
How are you?
"Don't answer!" calling.
So...
What do you want?
What do I want?
- We had to talk about us.
- About "us"?
I asked you for some time and...
What do you mean?
You finished with me.
No, I asked for time.
That's what people say
when they want to finish.
No one says "We're finished".
They say they need time.
Well, I meant it when I said it.
Like when you said
you were leaving me
because you liked me too much.
I said that?
Or when you asked me
never to change,
I was the best thing ever,
but you were feeling strange
and you had to think things out.
Yes, I said all that,
but let's stop talking
about the past, eh?
Well, then?
Baby!
You like Claudia.
No.
She isn't my type.
And I am?
It's all right, baby.
Let's go out this weekend, OK?
We'll see.
Sorry.
"Don't answer!" calling
Why all the calls and...
What?
She was driving a scooter,
very fast and without a license.
- Are you her boyfriend?
- Yes.
No, not exactly.
We live together
but we're not...
Excuse me.
He's her friend.
My client is a friend
of the young lady.
Who are you?
His lawyer.
I'm studying Law.
I'm in my fifth year.
Listen, your honor...
Captain.
Excuse me, that's right.
Captain...
Chema is my friend, this young lady
isn't his girlfriend
but she's got him into
a very complicated situation.
What are you saying, Rubn?
Carry on.
Well, your honor,
he's crazy about her but...
That's irrelevant.
And for her he's just a friend?
Exactly.
It's happened to all of us.
I'm sure you...
I'm sorry, I'm sure you haven't...
Well, his problems are over.
- She was working illegally.
- Shit, I knew it! Hang on.
- What is it?
- My notes.
It's "International Law III".
I failed that.
Don't worry.
It's easy to understand.
She's being deported in 48 hours.
- It's the best thing for you.
- Don't exaggerate.
Hadn't you given her up?
What about Elisa?
But I don't want her
to be sent back to Argentina.
She's leaving in two days.
There's no way out.
There must be something.
If her guy were Spanish
he could marry her,
but the astronomer
is Argentinean too.
Wait.
If he were Spanish,
she could stay?
No, stop, stop.
Don't even think about it!
Anyway, you'd never find a court,
a church or registry office
that'd marry you in 48 hours.
So where would you do it?
INTERNATIONAL WATERS
Come on, do it for me.
I bet it won't even fit me.
You never see this cloth nowadays.
It cost me 40,000 pesetas back then.
It was bought so that a girl's
best friend could be her husband.
But I won't be her husband.
You're going to kiss her.
You'll finally kiss her.
Or what'll you do when they say:
"You may kiss the bride"?
Shake her hand?
...to unite Claudia and Jose Mara
in matrimony.
Claudia, do you take Chema
as your lawful husband?
I do.
Do you, Chema, take Claudia
as your lawful wife?
I do.
Then by the power vested in me
I pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Are you OK?
Yes.
I'm sorry. I guess
this wasn't your dream wedding.
What matters is I can stay.
I'll really miss you.
Sebastian wants me to go
to Madrid with him.
But will you give me a hug?
I stink.
When you met me,
I was the one who stank.
"You fucking stink!
Shit, man, it's disgusting!"
Are you OK?
Yes.
Here in your suit that I wore
because you wanted me to.
I'm OK.
Look, one thing I hate doing
is giving advice...
If you hate it so much,
don't give it!
I understand you're upset.
Your uncle Jaime is here to...
To hell with uncle Jaime.
You are not my uncle!
Waken up, my mother isn't
interested in you, you idiot!
You're a sap with a camera shop
that's a mess!
And those fucking rolls of film!
It's time for the surprise.
The crew and I prepared this.
The wedding was special for us too.
- Enjoy it.
- Thank you!
Shall we join the others?
You have to stay here.
There's a storm ahead.
ONE YEAR LATER
- Good morning.
- Hi.
Happy birthday, darling.
When you leave work
come straight home.
You might have a surprise.
OK.
- Thank you.
- Goodbye.
Hello, uncle Jaime.
I'm not your uncle.
What do you want?
I wanted to invite you
for my birthday.
Forget it, I'm busy,
I've got customers now.
Hello, I've brought a photo.
I'd like you to print it
on a tee shirt.
Yes, of course.
Since when do you sell
digital cameras?
Since a kid told me
my store was a mess.
Call by and...
Mom would be delighted.
You haven't seen each other in ages.
No problem, ma'am.
Chema!
I'll give you some advice.
You were better with highlights.
Surprise!
Where's your mother?
Elisa, did you tell my mother?
Yes, but she had to find someone
to stay with Miss Begoa.
Have you told him
about his promotion?
I was going to tell him after.
We're all delighted with him.
You're running out of excuses
not to...
Not to what?
Take the big step.
We all fall in the end.
Dad, don't start.
That'll be my mother.
Baby!
Happy birthday, love.
Just as well Claudia brought
another bottle of wine.
But we're all happy,
that's what matters.
Weren't you in Madrid?
I wanted some time away
from Sebastian,
and as it was Chemita's birthday,
I said:
"Come on, man, this is shit hot.
What a fucking blast!"
Gloria, we were talking
about the kids' wedding.
Of course.
Are they getting married?
That's great!
But first Chema and I should...
Sorry, Claudia.
That left a stain, didn't it?
I'll clean it for you.
It's an Argentinean custom
to throw food, a cultural thing.
- What's wrong?
- You were going to tell them!
- Don't they know we got married?
- No, of course they don't!
- We'll explain it to them.
- You're crazy.
They're going to find out anyway.
Why the hell are you here?
If we explain it properly,
they'll understand.
How can they?
They'll be proud
of how you helped me.
And they're obviously reasonable
people, they'll understand.
I'll go down and thump him again!
Elisa, let me explain.
- Leave me alone!
- I'll destroy that fucking bastard!
There was nothing
between Claudia and me.
Tell him he's never to come back
to the office! I'll kill him!
But are you happy?
Your son's made me
fucking happy, ma'am!
My things are up there.
What?
I left my case up there,
but I'll talk to them.
What the hell do you want?
I'm sorry, but Claudia
left her case upstairs.
Don't worry, I'll bring it down.
Couldn't you call anyone else?
I'm really sorry.
Thanks a lot.
Don't tell your mother
I did you this favor.
I'll give them back tomorrow.
There's no hurry.
Jaime?
It's been ages.
You're a lot thinner.
Are you all right?
Yes, I'm fine.
Why are you here?
An errand.
So you won't have time
for an infusion.
I drink coffee now.
What a pity.
We used to see each other
so much, and now...
Some other day
we'll meet with more time.
Yes?
If it's quick, some camomile.
Sure.
- Where are we going, for a drink?
- To the airport.
What for?
You're going home.
I don't want to go to Madrid.
You're not going to Madrid.
Wait till I put the wheels on!
Wait!
- The next flight to Buenos Aires?
- Are we both going to Argentina?
No, you're going on your own.
There's one in three hours.
Perfect. One ticket.
There aren't many seats left.
It's 1,400 euros.
Just a minute.
I'm not going to Buenos Aires, baby.
Don't call me baby!
I need a favor.
Do you know what you've done?
You have to lend me money.
1,400 euros, please.
Are you crazy?
- What it is?
- He wants money.
One last favor.
Why do you want 1,400 euros?
To send Claudia to Argentina.
Write down my card number.
- He's sending her home.
- Give him my number too.
You'd better text it to me.
Thanks a lot.
I'm sorry about Elisa, but you
should have been honest with her.
- With Sebastian I was...
- I don't care how you were!
- Why are you talking to me like that?
- Because I'm your husband!
Chema...
Stop hugging me!
Your fucking hugs.
What's the matter?
Claudia,
what would you say if I said
I'd been in love with you?
More than that.
If I was still in love with you?
Because I can't believe
that you never once realized
how keen I was to live with you,
to be your boyfriend,
to not see you with other guys,
to go out with you,
to take you in my arms
and kiss you on the lips.
What are you saying, baby?
How could we be a couple?
What?
In love with me!
How could you like me
if you're my baby.
That's hilarious.
You think it's funny?
You and me a couple? Yeah!
It was a joke, wasn't it?
Sure.
You'll never lose your spark!
And the ticket to Argentina?
You almost believed it.
Come off it. You did it very well
but I didn't believe it.
No, alcohol is bad for you.
That was before.
You're a Pagafantas.
Sleep a bit longer,
it's another six hours.
What do you mean?
You've been asleep
since we boarded.
Don't tell me
we're going to Buenos Aires.
You said you were my best friend
there and in Argentina.
But you're not
my best friend anymore.
I'm not?
You're like a brother.
Here's your drink, Mr. Bunbury.