Pillow Talk (1959) Movie Script
Brad darling.
I love you.
- I know.
I just had to call you.
I'll never forget last night.
Especially your new song.
Our song, Eileen.
I wrote it for you.
Oh, Brad.
Would you sing it to me again?
Oh now?
- Please.
Alright.
"You are my inspiration, Eileen.
A perfect combination, Eileen.
Your eyes,
your hair are beyond compare.
So is it any wonder?
You captured me,
and now
I'm under your spell? Eileen ...
I hate to interrupt,
but would you mind hanging up?
Who's that? - The other half
of my party line. She'll go away.
You've been talking for 30 minutes.
My call is urgent.
This is an urgent call, too.
- Singing to a girl at 9 a.m.?
It's not your business
what he does to me. Or when.
Would you get off this line!
I know it's early, cher.
But I just had to talk to you.
Will I see you tonight?
- I'm sorry, Yvette. I have to work.
I have 6 songs to write
for the new show.
You'll have to eat dinner, no?
- I'll throw something together here.
No, darling, you mustn't.
You must keep up your strength.
I'll come over and cook for you, yes?
Well, if you like.
Thank you, darling.
- It's nothing.
Brad?
Sing me a litte of our song.
- Oh Yvette.
Please.
"Tu es une inspiration, Yvette.
Une parfaite combination, Yvette."
Would you get off this phone!
Who is that woman?
- An eavesdropper on my party line.
She always listens in.
lt brightens up her drab, empty life.
If I could call once in awhile,
my life wouldn't be so drab.
Must you zoom up so fast?
Are you jet-propelled or something?
- Good morning, Alma.
The laundryman's coming by.
Would you clean the cupboards for me?
Call the office and tell them I'll be
a little late? - What a hangover.
I'm afraid so.
- Why does she get stoned every night?
I don't know, Harry.
Maybe she's got a party line.
Your phone company wants
everyone to have a private phone.
We're putting in trunk lines
as fast as we can. But it takes time.
We have hundreds of applications,
which have priority.
There must be some way.
Well, if an emergency arose.
If you were pregnant,
you'd jump to the top of our list.
Being single,
I'm not quite ready for that.
I don't know what to suggest.
- I'm at wit's end.
I'm an interior decorator
and I often work at home.
I must make business calls.
But that man is always on the phone.
Oo you know what it's like
to share a line with a sex maniac?
That's a very serious charge, Madame.
Can you substantiate it?
- He sings love songs at 9 a.m.
Ooes he use objectionable language?
No.
- Or threats of any nature? - No.
Any immoral overtures?
Not to me.
- Ooes this bother you? - Yes.
No. What do you mean, bothered?
His conduct with all these women.
I don't care what he does,
he should stop doing it on my phone.
We'll send an inspector over.
Thank you. I'd appreciate that.
If what you say is true, we may have
to disconnect him. - Good.
Haven't you reached Jan yet?
Keep trying. If she's not here soon,
that woman is going to drive me crazy.
Ming dynasty in a rumpus room.
Mrs. Walters, be careful.
This is priceless.
- Really? What is it?
A 14th century crematory urn.
- A crematory urn?
Is anybody in it?
- Not at the moment.
Good. Then we can drill a hole in it.
A hole?
- So we can wire it for a lamp.
Mrs. Walters, we do not wire
14th century crematory urns.
I suppose not.
Jan.
Hello, Jonathon.
Hi. I got something to tell you.
I tried to call. But your line's busy.
- Naturally.
Just picked it up. How do you like it?
Marvellous. - Like the color?
- Just beautiful. - The upholstery?
It's yours.
In grateful appreciation
of your brilliant job in my office.
What? Jonathon,
you can't go around giving girls cars.
I do. - This your car, Mac?
- No, it's hers.
Is this your car, Miss?
- No, it's his.
Jonathon, you're sweet and generous,
but I cannot accept a gift like this.
Why not?
- It's too, it's too personal.
This?
- Yes.
If I gave you perfume or lingerie,
that would be personal.
But a car?
Come on. If it's yours, move it.
- Here. Send me the perfume.
Are you coming to my office tomorrow?
- In the afternoon. - Listen.
Are you sure
you don't want the car? - Yes.
See you tomorrow.
My analyst will never believe this.
- Neither will mine.
Good morning.
I'm sorry to be so late.
That's alright. Mr. Peirot and l
have had a fruitful morning.
Very fruitful.
- Good.
What are you doing with that?
- I picked it out myself.
A fertility goddess is the last thing
you need in Scarsdale.
A fertility goddess?
Oh dear, I had no idea.
Oon't forget,
I'm expecting you at the housewarming.
We'll be there.
Savage little thing, isn't it?
That woman has
the taste of a water buffalo.
Why do business with her?
- She's a very rich water buffalo.
If you ever leave me
alone with her again ...
Where were you? I tried all morning.
- Lover boy got started early today.
There must be some way
to get a private line.
Then say it's an emergency.
- Thank you, Mr. P.
I reported him to the phone company.
- It's about time.
They're sending someone over.
As for me, whatever he gets,
he deserved it. - Good.
I'm from the telephone company.
Well, hello.
I ...
- Yes? - I'm ...
I'm Miss Oickenson. I'm an inspector.
What would you like to inspect?
- You.
I mean
we received a complaint about you.
Well, I've never had
any complaints before.
Won't you come in?
- Thank you.
You don't have to break
the sound barrier, you hot-rodder.
Alma?
Well, I heard from the phone company.
I can't get a call through,
and they send me this.
"Your complaint
is entirely unwarranted.
According to our inspector,
Miss Oickenson."
They sent a woman.
It's like sending a marshmallow
to put out a bonfire.
Read it yourself.
You know
I never get into focus until 10 a.m.
"Our inspector found
Mr. Allen to be very cooperative."
I'll bet he was.
Hello?
- Miss Morrow? My name is Brad Allen.
Yes? - The phone company
gave me a code number for our line.
It's 793.
If you have any future complaints,
I suggest you call me personally.
If I hadn't complained,
the inspector wouldn't have found out
how friendly you are. - Miss Morrow,
why do
my personal affairs interest you?
It's not interest,
Mr. Allen. It's revolt.
I don't go around
complaining about your affairs.
I have none to complain about.
- lt figures.
What do you mean? - It's obvious
you live alone and don't like it.
I like living alone.
Oon't take your bedroom problems
out on me.
I have no bedroom problems.
There's nothing there that bothers me.
Too bad.
Let's try to be adult about this,
work out some schedule
where I can make my business calls
and you can make your ...
whatever you call them.
From the hour to the half-hour,
the phone is yours. Afterwards mine.
If someone gets
a call during the other's time,
he or she will terminate
the call as quickly as possible.
In emergencies,
each must be a little tolerant.
How does it sound?
- Like a UN report.
You disagree?
- No, it might work.
I hope so. We have to share
this line for at least another month.
We have to try
living with one another.
Well?
I was waiting
for an off-color remark from you.
Is that all you have on your mind?
Never mind my mind.
You keep to your half-hour, I to mine.
He makes pretty good sense.
Were you listening in again?
- Yes.
Have you no shame?
- No, he's improved many a day for me.
What made such good sense?
- Worse than a woman living alone
is one saying she likes it.
- I do like it.
I have a good job, a lovely apartment,
I go out with nice men,
to the theater, the best restaurants.
What am I missing?
When you have to ask, believe me,
you're missing it.
What's a girl to do? Ask the first man
she meets to come home with her?
No, not that.
lt don't work.
Bedroom problems.
Bedroom problems?
Bedroom problems.
Over here, please.
Just set it down here.
No, the other way.
Thank you.
How's it look?
You look beautiful.
- Jonathon, now really,
do you like it or ...
- Whatever you like, I like.
Jan, why won't you marry me?
- Jonathon, I don't love you.
That's absurd.
I'm young, rich, and healthy.
And I'm very good-looking.
I've got everything.
- lncluding 3 ex-wives.
Oh, that's what it is.
Oon't hold it against me. I was just
revolting against my mother with them.
I'm trying to work it out
why I dislike her so.
I've been in therapy for 2 years now.
- And? - It's perfectly healthy.
He dislikes her as much as I do,
and he's from Vienna.
We'll go to Mexico.
I've never been married in Mexico.
I just don't love you.
- How do you know?
Love isn't an opinion,
it's a chemical reaction.
We've never even kissed.
They didn't hit
the moon with the first shot either.
Oh Jonathon.
I guess that's what I want.
To hit the moon.
Well ...
- I'll tell you what,
let's have dinner
and we can try another countdown.
Can't do it. I have a
housewarming for one of our clients.
I'll call you tomorrow.
If I can ever get through.
Call between the half-hour and hour.
- Why?
I arranged a cease-fire.
- Marry me. You'll get tons of lines!
I'd better leave.
That could sweep a girl off her feet.
Hi, Alma.
Any calls?
Shhh. It's him.
Mr. Allen, you're on my half-hour.
Party pooper.
Hello?
- Never do that again.
We had an agreement.
You were on my time.
So I overlapped by a few minutes.
What can I do when someone calls me?
Be as rude as you?
Oo you have anything else to say?
- Yes. Get off my back.
Stop living vicariously
in what you think I do.
The bakery has lots of warm rolls.
Oon't press your nose to the window.
Come in, Jonathon. It's open.
- Hi, Brad.
Got any more songs ready.
- Almost.
Fine. Let's hear them.
Not now. I'm in a hurry.
I'm putting up
200,000 dollars for this show.
We've got a theater deadline.
- You're hobbing me. - Oh, am l?
I don't know. Money seems to have lost
its value these days.
With 200,000 dollars, my grandfather
cornered the wheat market.
Today, you can't scare songwriters
with it. - That's inflation for you.
Pour yourself a scotch.
Thanks.
You're prejudiced against me
because I'm part of a minority group.
What minority group?
Millionaires. You outnumber us,
but you'll never get us.
We'll fight for our rights.
And we've got the money to do it.
You sound absolutely bitter.
You don't know
what this show means to me.
We went through college together.
You worked your way through.
You're an important songwriter now.
You've had some Broadway hits.
You started out with nothing
and you've made it far.
I started out with 8 million dollars,
and I've still got 8 million dollars.
I just can't seem to get ahead.
Who's the girl?
- What girl?
Come on, you can't kid me.
I've been through 3 marriages
with you. You're like a fighter.
Only ambitious on the way to the ring.
Well, there's a girl.
Brad,
she's the sweetest, the loveliest,
the most talented person I've met.
- Like the stripper.
She was an exotic dancer.
With trained doves.
When's the happy occasion?
Well, I don't know for sure.
She claims to not want to marry me.
Note, that's
what all my wives said at first.
Mind if I call her up?
- Go ahead. What's her name? - Jan.
Jan? Who?
Jan ...
I'm not going to tell you.
I may be neurotic, but I'm not crazy.
Busy. I can never get her.
She shares it with some nut.
lt couldn't be.
Or could it?
A nut?
Some guy with a phone fetish.
She had to make a deal with him to use
the phone on alternate half-hours.
That's ridiculous.
A pretty girl?
- Yeah.
Good figure?
And you won't tell me who she is?
- That's right.
I found this goldmine. I'm not telling
an old claim-jumper who she is.
You sly dog.
Still busy.
Must be the wrong half-hour.
Brad ...
As a friend ... sit down, boy.
As a friend, I only hope one day
you find a girl like this.
You should quit chasing around,
get married. - Why? - Why?
You're not getting any younger, fella.
Sure, it's fun, it's exciting.
Oancing with a different doll
every night.
But a man has to give it up sometime.
- Why?
Because he wants to create a stable,
lasting relationship with one person.
Brad, believe me,
there's nothing so wonderful,
so fulfilling, as coming home
to the same woman every night.
Why?
- Because,
that's what an adult does.
A wife, a family, a house.
A mature man wants responsibilities.
Why? - If you want to,
you can find arguments for anything.
I've got to get going.
What do you have against marriage?
Jonathon,
before a man marries, he's ...
like a tree in the forest.
He stands there independent.
An entity unto himself.
Then he's chopped down, loses his
branches and bark. Lands in the river.
Then he's taken to the mill.
When he comes out,
he's no longer a tree.
He's the vanity table,
the breakfast nook, the baby crib,
and the newspaper
that lines the garbage can.
No, no. If this girl weren't something
special, then I'd agree with you.
But with Jan, you look forward
to losing your branches.
I've got to go.
Remember I need those songs.
- In your office on Monday. - Fine.
Hello?
- Miss Morrow. This is Brad Allen.
I've just gone through an agonizing
reappraisal of our situation.
And I'm not very proud of myself.
I've used the phone too much
and been extremely rude.
I'd like to apologize
and suggest we could get together.
For a cup of coffee, maybe.
We could get acquainted and
we might find we have a lot in common.
Mr. Allen,
we have nothing in common.
Not that meeting you
mightn't prove amusing.
But some jokes are
just too obvious to be funny.
Bradley, honey.
I've almost got it. There.
I can't believe it.
A song for little old me.
"You are my inspiration, Marie.
A perfect combination, Marie.
Your eyes,
your hair, are beyond compare.
So is it any wonder?
You captured me
and now I'm under your spell? Marie."
Oh Brad.
What a pity you have to leave so soon.
- I have an early appointment.
Everyone thinks the house is heaven.
- Oh, I'm so glad.
Good evening, Mother.
How's the party going? - Lovely.
This is my son Tony.
- Hello, Tony. - Hello.
Tony's graduating from Harvard.
He's Phi Beta Kappa, you know.
It's not a big deal.
- He's just too modest.
You needn't wait for a cab, Jan.
Tony can take you back.
I wouldn't want to impose.
- I'd be delighted to.
Thank you.
I do hope Mr. P. will feel better
in the morning. - I'm sure he will.
lt was marvellous.
- Thank you. - I'll talk to you soon.
Goodnight.
- I won't be long, Mother.
Tony, don't drive too fast.
I won't, Mother.
When do you have to be
at the Copa for the next show?
Oon't worry, darling.
We've got oodles of time.
Oh! Tony, please!
Jan, you're so primitive.
Tony, control yourself.
Remember,
you're a Harvard man.
Not tonight, baby.
I'm on vacation.
Stop it.
You're only 21.
- I dig older women.
Unbelievable how many arms you have!
Tony, I'll tell your mother!
It's your word against mine.
Look, I've never belted
a Phi Beta Kappa ... - Okay.
I'll take you home.
But first we stop for a drink.
No.
Fine.
I'm in no condition for this.
Would you please start this car?
Orink up.
You're still on your first one.
Your mother will be
terribly worried about you.
I'll pour you into a cab, okay?
You know something?
You're very uncooperative.
Just finish your drink, Jan.
It's nourishing.
- Stop trying to get me drunk.
Orunk?
I'll have you know
a Harvard man never resorts to that.
Only in emergencies.
And you, Miss Morrow,
are an emergency.
Tony, get the check
and let's get going finally.
No. I categorically refuse.
You can stay till AA comes for you.
I'm leaving.
- No, wait.
Just one dance, I promise.
- I don't believe you.
Scout's honor.
So that's the other end
of your party line.
How do we get on friendly terms?
- Anything wrong, darling?
No.
No.
Shouldn't you be getting changed?
There's not much to change into.
- I know.
But
I want you to look
especially nice tonight.
I want to, too.
Brad, my boy,
you haven't got a chance.
The minute you say who you are,
you are buck-dead.
But maybe
you don't have to tell her.
Are you all right?
- I don't feel so good.
Can we sit this one out?
- Of course. - Thank you.
I should be getting home.
Tony.
Get up. Tony.
Excuse me, ma'am.
I reckon it got
a might too close for your partner.
Oh, yes.
Could you ask a few waiters to help
get him outside? - Why shucks.
No need to call anybody else.
Why, boy, up-si-daisies.
I can't tell you how embarrassing
this is, Mr. ... - Stetson.
Rex Stetson.
No call to be embarrassed.
I'm afraid he's had too much to drink.
- We have a saying in Texas, ma'am:
never drink anything
stronger than you are. Or older.
Your coat, ma'am.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
I reckon we bring your boyfriend home.
- He's not my boyfriend.
His mother is a client of mine.
- A client? You a lawyer?
No, I'm an interior decorator.
He was taking me home
and insisted on a drink.
He wasn't trying to force
his attentions upon you?
Well ... - I can't stand a man
who tries to take advantage of women.
We make short work
of his kind back in Texas.
2268 Gardner Orive, Scarsdale, please.
Orive him slow
and set him down real easy, partner.
How are you getting home, ma'am?
I'll take his car
and he could pick it up tomorrow.
It's mighty late for a lady to be
out alone. - It's not far.
I'd feel better
if you'd let me see you home.
That's very nice of you.
Thank you.
Oh, that's it.
- This bitty thing?
Back home we got jackrabbits
bigger than this.
How do you get in?
- Try putting your right leg in first.
Now sit down.
Where?
- On the seat. - Yeah.
Can't you get the other leg in?
- I hope so.
I'd hate to leave without it.
Can you drive?
- I think I can steer,
but someone'll have to do the pedals.
We should call a cab.
- I think so, too. - Alright.
Ma'am ...
You might have to call the automobile
club to help me out of this.
You looked so funny.
- I couldn't do a thing.
What a marvellous-looking man.
I wonder if he's single.
No idea how long I can get away
with this act, but she's worth it.
Oon't just sit there.
Make some casual conversation.
A lovely evening, isn't it?
- Yes. - Are you married?
You kid. What are you doing?
Trying to scare him away?
No, ma'am, I'm not.
This may take
some fancy-looking field running.
All those buildings full of people.
Kind of scares
a country boy like me, you know it?
Isn't that sweet?
So unpretentious and honest.
What a relief after a few monsters,
like Tony Walters and that ...
Brad Allen.
They all had a large family but me.
I'm the only child.
Really? There were 6 of us.
4 brothers and 2 sisters.
That's what I call a nice size.
You don't see much of that anymore.
I believe in large familes. Oon't you?
Yes indeedy. Seems like folks now
have just stopped having kids.
May l, ma'am?
- Thank you.
lt must be the high cost of living.
- Or television.
Between the late-show at night
and Oave Garroway in the morning,
it seems like there ain't much time.
How about a coffee?
No, ma'am.
I ain't used to these hours.
Back home we'd be just getting up now.
Well,
it's been a real pleasure, ma'am.
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
Oon't let him go without your number.
You may never see him again.
Mr. Stetson!
Ma'am?
- Since you're all alone in New York,
if there's anything you need
and I can help, my number is Plaza 2
2-7-4-8.
- 2-2-7
4-8.
I'll remember that. Bye.
- Bye.
I'd say 5 or 6 days ought to do it.
It's so nice to meet a man
you feel you can trust.
He respected you.
He didn't even try to kiss you.
Maybe you just don't appeal to him.
He didn't write your number down.
Why didn't you think to ask
where he was staying?
Hello?
- Ma'am, this is Rex Stetson.
Hello. - I hope
I didn't wake you up.
Not at all. - I just had to think
about your generous offer and all,
to call you
in case I needed something.
I need to go out for dinner tomorrow
and I would enjoy seeing
a friendly face across the table.
But if you're busy tomorrow ...
No, I always keep tomorrow open.
I mean, I hadn't planned a thing.
I'd love to have dinner with you.
Hello, is anybody on this line?
- Yes, I am. Would you get off it?
Alright, but it's my half-hour.
Rex, are you there?
- Yes, ma'am. Who was that?
A horrible man on my line.
- He isn't very well-mannered.
Mannered?
He isn't even worth talking about.
Now ...
What were you saying?
I'll stop by about 7:30.
- Alright. That'll be fine.
Miss Morrow?
I never could make
fancy speeches, but ...
I get a nice, warm feeling
when I'm near you.
It's like being by a pot-bellied stove
on a frosty morning.
Oh Rex, what a lovely thing to say.
Goodnight, ma'am.
Goodnight.
Like a pot-bellied stove
on a frosty morning.
He does like you.
Hello?
- Miss Morrow, Brad Allen.
Hello? Hello?
Yes? - I couldn't help overhearing
part of your conversation.
I'm sure you couldn't.
- I feel responsible for you.
Oon't go out with that man.
He's a phoney.
Of course, it's not my business.
- Right, it's not your business.
Oon't let that yokel act fool you.
This ranch-hand Romeo is trying
to lure you into the next barn.
Oon't judge other people by yourself.
If you don't want to listen. But l
know exactly what he'll do tomorrow.
You'll go to dinner, then dancing.
Then he'll find an excuse
to stop off at his hotel.
That is where the payoff comes.
- Goodnight, Mr. Allen.
This is it.
What?
- My hotel.
You don't mind if we stop
for a minute to get my coat?
It's a bit chilly out.
The payoff.
One thing about New York.
Nice, big hotel rooms.
And ...
mighty comfortable beds.
Come on over here.
Ain't that a pretty view
of Central Park?
Mighty romantic, ain't it?
Well, let's go.
You really came up for your coat?
- What did you think?
I thought ...
- Thought what, ma'am?
I thought
you brought me up here to ...
Ma'am!
- I'm sorry, Rex.
I should have known you're different.
But I had to make sure. Am I forgiven?
Of course.
I guess I can't blame you.
Living in bear country
makes you wonder about strange caves.
Now, let's got for that drive.
This way.
I thought we were going for a drive.
- We are.
Back-home style.
You know something?
Whenever I miss home,
the only thing that helps
is getting behind a horse.
There's something wholesome
about a man who loves animals.
I hope this stupid horse
knows where to go.
Hangs on to the reins
like a subway strap.
I don't know what he's planning,
but I'm glad she's not my daughter.
Here is the ranch house.
Right here is the corral,
that's where I keep my ponies.
And here
behind the ranch house is a mountain.
Not a huge mountain, but it's ours.
Texas must be pretty.
Yes, it is. lt is.
I'm eating alone today.
I'll be right back.
I seem to be out of cigarettes.
Would you excuse me?
- Bye. - Bye.
Fred,
you've got to come and help me out.
I'll make you a deal. If you come
and take her off my hands, I'll ...
Fred?
Hey, Brad. Fred who?
Jonathon old pal.
Good to see you.
Your check, sir.
- Thanks, Cathy.
Come on. I want to introduce
you to someone. - Who?
Friend of the family. Visiting here.
Wonderful girl.
But I wanted to work
on those songs of yours ...
Why don't you take her over for me?
- Me? - Yeah.
Go dancing. She's dying to learn
how to dance. - Wait.
She can't dance?
- She doesn't get out much.
What do you mean much?
- Believe me, you and Moose,
I mean Miss Tagget ...
- Moose?
So a girl picks up a nickname.
Kids can be cruel.
Especially if someone is different.
- Now just a minute. How different?
Well, just different.
You know.
- Wait.
Is that the one there?
How can you tell?
See how nice and friendly she is?
Jonathon! - Are you kidding?
- You've got to help me out.
Sorry, pal. It's your moose.
Happy hunting.
Yes indeedy.
Beatnik!
Hello?
- Morning, Miss Morrow. This is Rex.
Good morning, Rex.
- You done did a terrible thing to me.
You made me glad I ain't in Texas.
Have l?
Every time I look at you, I say:
we got all kinds of natural resources
back home, we ain't got that.
Oh Rex.
- Tell you something else, too.
I hated New York when I first came.
All those people
seemed so distant and all.
Oon't feel that way now.
- That's good.
lt sure turned out
to be a friendly town.
You'll find that most people
will try to meet you halfway.
If you let them.
- Will I see you tonight?
I'd love to, Rex,
but I already have a date tonight.
Who with? - A client.
You don't know him. Jonathon Forbes.
You ain't the kind of gal
who'd break a date.
No, I'm not.
And I ain't the kind of guy
that'd ask you to.
I know that. - I'll pick you up at 8.
- I'll be ready.
What a day.
Good morning, Alma.
Isn't it a beautiful day?
You can't go by me. Haven't seen it.
Okay, I'll take your word for it.
He must be pretty special
if you'd break a date for him.
He is.
What's he like?
He's six-foot-six,
handsome, intelligent,
owns a mountain.
- Oon't just stand there.
Get that robe off
and go get him. - What?
Six-foot-six-inches of opportunity
doesn't come every day.
Alma, I hardly know the man.
Takes only one sip of wine
to tell if it's a good bottle.
This one is good.
What are you waiting for? Orink up.
Jan, are you evading my question?
- Would you like these initialled?
Why did you break our date?
Had another date, huh?
You're going out with someone else?
Right?
- What a cruel thing to say.
Who is he? - Rex Stetson.
- Oo I know him? - No.
He's visiting from Texas.
- Texas!
Jan, how could you ever fall in love
with a tourist?
I don't know, I just did.
- You admit it. You love him.
I did, didn't l?
- I'll never understand women.
What a blow to my psyche.
Rejected for a cowboy.
- He's not a cowboy.
Alright, an oilman.
Jan, if you marry him,
you'll have to live out there.
Look at that.
New York!
People jostling, shoving, flailing
for their lives. You're part of it.
In Texas there's nothing
but a bunch of prairie dogs and stuff.
Even the air is nothing but air.
You can feel the air in New York.
It's got character.
Jan, you can't live in Texas.
We haven't even talked about marriage.
- But it's in your look.
I know well enough when a girl
is willing to talk about it.
Oo I look willing?
- You look disgusting.
I'm sorry. You know me.
I say a lot of things I don't mean.
I just want you to be happy.
If you want Rex Stetson,
I hope you get him.
Excuse me.
May I help you?
Yes.
I need an appointment.
For your wife?
- No, I'm not married.
For myself.
The doctor should examine you?
- I'm not feeling too well.
Maybe just an upset stomach,
but a guy can't be too careful.
I'll tell the doctor you're here.
There's no need to break in.
I let it go this long,
I can put it off another few days.
- He'll be very anxious to see you.
Tell her I'm feeling much better.
It's probably just a false alarm.
Where is he?
- He must have just gone.
Excuse me.
A man said he was going to have
a baby and you let him go?
He was obviously a psychopath.
- And if he wasn't? - But Or. Maxwell.
Miss Resnick, medical science
still has many unknowns to explore.
You're the detective agency. I only
know his name and where he's from.
I want everything on him.
You helped me with 3 divorces.
Now how about a marriage. What?
If it saves time, I'll be right over.
Yes?
Mr. Allen is here.
- I can't see him. - Sure can.
I give you three solid-gold hits.
- Leave them on my desk.
Where are you going?
- Remember that girl Jan?
Who?
- Jan, with the party-line nut.
Oh yeah. What about her?
- She met a Texas cowboy
and fell for him. - How do you know?
- She told me. But I'll break it up.
You will? - Yeah. - How?
- He needs to get up early to best me.
Hello?
- Miss Morrow, Brad Allen.
I'm in a hurry. If you don't mind.
- Of course.
But you must admit, I was right.
- About what?
Your Wild West gentleman.
He turned out to be a prairie wolf.
This may surprise you,
but there are some men
who are little more cultivated.
You mean he didn't try to get you
up to his hotel room?
Yes, he took me there.
He showed me Central Park.
- And nothing else? - Nothing.
Worse than I thought.
- Worse? What do you mean?
Must I spell it out?
Either you're lying, or ...
- Or what?
There are some men
who are devoted to their mothers.
The type that likes to collect recipes
or exchange bits of gossip.
What a vicious thing to say.
- I hope I'm wrong, but ...
Shouldn't you make sure?
- You are sick.
This isn't Rex Stetson. This is ...
my best friend.
They're usually the ones.
- I can't believe it.
Hello? It's for you.
- Thanks.
Graham.
Good work.
Get your coat, Mr. Forbes.
- Why?
I had someone tail him. He and the
girl just went into The Hidden Ooor.
The Hidden Ooor.
My psychiatrist was right.
Never trust anyone other than him.
Is this "Roly-Poly"?
- Yes, it is. - I love it.
He's a fat one.
Come on.
You know this.
I don't know all the words.
- Come on, Jan.
"When I first laid eyes on him
I laughed like all the rest.
The more I saw
the more of him I liked best.
Now the roly-poly man,
I point at him with pride.
He's my roly-poly man,
I'm satisfied. I call him
Ya-Ya Roly-Poly ..."
Sing another one.
Another one?
"Just to put my arms
around him takes a week.
But when I do,
we cuddle cheek-to-cheek.
Got a roly-poly baby,
sweet as I can find.
He's just a roly-poly,
that's only mine.
I call him
- Roly-Poly ..."
Thanks. That's great.
- Wasn't that fun? I love that.
Tell me about your job.
lt must be exciting,
working with all them colors
and fabrics and all.
Rex ...
Like some dip?
I'd love to.
Thank you.
Ain't this tasty?
Wonder if I could get the recipe.
Sure would like to surprise
my ma, when I get back.
Rex, don't you find me attractive?
Why yes, of course.
Why haven't you ever ...
- Ever what?
I feel so foolish.
- No. Go on, say what's on your mind.
Whenever we go out
you've been a perfect gentleman.
I hope I have.
- You have. And I appreciate it.
But ...
- Yes?
Well ... being such
a perfect gentleman and all,
it's not very flattering.
I wouldn't want to do anything
that might spoil our friendship.
Is that all it is?
Friendship?
That's a direct question.
lt deserves a direct answer.
If you'll excuse me.
I'd better go to the powder moon.
I mean room.
Fix my lipstick.
There's our man.
- Yes, I know him.
I can handle it from here.
Need a light, cowboy?
When are you leaving for the range?
- That's up to you.
You've got 2 minutes.
Oo this nice and clean,
so no one's embarrassed.
When she gets back,
you'll say goodbye.
You'll put her in a cab.
And we'll go home and you'll pack.
Where am I going?
- Connecticut.
My summer house
is perfect for writing songs.
No phone
and 20 miles to the nearest girl.
Looks like I haven't much choice.
- Sure looks like it.
Remember, I'll be watching you.
Ma'am.
- Hello.
I'm sure going to miss you,
leaving New York and all.
You're leaving?
- Yeah.
When? - Tonight.
I have to mosey up to Connecticut.
Oidn't I tell you?
- No.
No.
This friend of mine,
a business associate,
has a house up there
and he nearly forced me to use it.
I just couldn't refuse him.
Why must you ...?
- I may be buying the place ...
I kind of want to get the feel of it.
How long will you be away?
- For the weekend.
It's going to be lonely.
You wouldn't consider ...
Consider what?
I'm afraid I couldn't ask you that.
- Ask me.
Well ...
No. lt wouldn't be proper.
- Rex, we're both over 21.
I mean ...
I must be able to trust you by now.
Ma'am,
if I sent you home in a taxi,
how long would you need to pack?
About an hour. - 45 minutes.
- We're wasting time.
"You lied,
you dog,
and you'll be sorry.
You lied, you hound.
And that's not fair."
Hello?
- Mr. Allen.
So you realize
how wrong you are about Rex Stetson,
he just asked me to go away
with him.
He didn't.
Are you going?
That is something you'll never know.
"You are my inspiration,
Jan Morrow."
All set?
- All set.
Just to make sure you work up there.
I'll do my best.
You better.
Off you go.
I feel guilty. I practically tricked
him into taking me along.
You've gone out
with a lot of men before.
But this is the jackpot.
You cold?
- No. It's wonderful.
If he only knew what I was thinking.
"Hold me tight
and kiss me right.
I'm yours tongiht.
My darling, possess me.
Tenderly and breathlessly.
Make love to me.
My darling, possess me.
Near to me ...
When you're near to me,
my heart forgets to beat.
Stars that shine make dreams divine.
So say you're mine
and my darling, possess me."
What did you say?
Oidn't you say something?
- Me?
No.
May I help you?
- Yes.
I've been trying to call
Miss Morrow and there's no answer.
I wonder if anything is wrong.
She's gone to Connecticut
for the weekend.
Connecticut? - There's no phone number
but I have an address.
241 Stony Brook Road?
Why, yes, sir.
- And you let her go?
lt wasn't my place ...
- No.
It's my place.
And I helped him pack.
Remember when I said
that being near you is like being
near a pot-bellied stove? - Yes.
I was wrong.
- You were?
More like a forest fire.
Completely out of control.
You know something?
Out here in the country
you're very different.
I reckon I feel more at home.
For the first time.
A man with a mountain
doesn't belong in the big city.
Fire's nearly out.
I'd better get some more logs.
For later.
Hurry back.
Quicker than a cow-poke
chasing a chuck wagon.
Jan, I ...
Jan, please.
Stop.
- Jonathon. - It's Brad Allen.
I know that.
- He's a double-crossing rat.
I know that.
Will you please take me home?
Of course.
Bedroom problems.
Mine can be solved in one bedroom.
Yours couldn't be solved in 1,000.
At least you could have brought
your own champagne.
Jan,
you've been crying for 60 miles now.
I know it.
Oon't you think you can stop?
I can't.
A coffee will make you feel better.
- Excuse me. - That's fine, come on.
Two coffees, please.
Control yourself, Jan.
I've never done this before.
- There has to be a first time.
You don't have to come apart over it.
- I'm so ashamed.
Poor kid.
- The guy drives a big car
with all the extras.
Thinks he can get away with it.
I thought we were going to marry.
- Forget it.
Jan, you're becoming hysterical.
I can't help it. - I hate to do it.
But it's for your own good.
You see?
You see?
Jonathon!
Jonathon!
Your coffee, Mr. Forbes.
Hello, Jonathon!
What happened?
I was jumped by 5 or 6 ruffians.
- What? - Just put it down.
By rights
these loose teeth belong to you.
I was only trying to stop her crying.
- Oid she cry?
Cry? I didn't know a woman that size
had so much water in her.
Have you seen her? - No.
- Have you talked to her? - No.
My psychiatrist and my dentist said
I should give her up.
Where have you been the last 3 days?
I stayed up there,
working on the new songs.
What have you done?
- This.
And this. And this.
- Go on.
I couldn't come up with a thing.
I sat there, feeling guilty.
Guilty? You?
I saw you work on 3 sisters at once.
You came up with your best songs.
Now, just one girl makes you feel
guilty? - I don't know.
What do you know. You're in love.
The mighty tree has toppled.
For years I've been waiting
for them to yell "timber" over you.
You could be right.
- You're darn right.
You love her
and she can't stand you.
That's wonderful.
Wonderful.
It's almost worth the loose teeth.
Yeah?
- Miss Morrow is here.
Tell her to come in.
- Is there a back way out?
This'll be fun.
Good morning.
- Jan.
Here's the painting I mentioned.
Let's get on with the hanging.
You know Brad Allen, don't you?
The ex-Rex.
The tables are coming at 4.
- Fine.
Jan!
Jan, wait.
I don't blame you for hating me.
I'm trying to apologize.
Excuse me.
Where did he go?
- I don't know, but he came out there.
You let him go again?
- You don't believe ...
A prejudiced view never advanced
the cause of science.
Somewhere there may be a man
who's crossed a new frontier.
How do I get her back?
- You don't.
You suffer and I watch.
- There must be a way.
There's got to.
- What a delightful situation.
The great Brad Allen, chopped down
and floating with the rest of us logs.
To win over a girl, you're nice
to her dog. - No dog.
Then you're nice to her mother.
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
If worse comes to worse,
you work on her maid. - Alma?
You couldn't get to first base.
Alma.
Thanks a lot.
Excuse me.
May I talk to you?
Yes.
My name is Brad Allen, and ...
- Mr. Allen, of course.
Get lost.
I'd know that voice anywhere.
- You know me?
"You are my inspiration, Alma."
The telephone.
I'm one of the most devoted listeners.
- Thank you. - That's okay.
It's chilly out here. How about
we stop for a drink somewhere?
I don't usually.
I might have one.
- Good.
I know a nice little bar.
- I know a better one.
Another one?
No?
- No.
Let's take this problem
from the beginning.
You're in love with her
and you want to win her back.
The first thing you do
is get her to talk to you.
Right?
- Right.
It's really very simple.
You've got an apartment.
She decorates them.
You hire her to do your place.
Two people decorating an apartment
are pretty intimate. - lntimate.
She's got to talk to you.
Clever?
- Clever.
Once you start talking
it's only a matter of time.
Now remember,
you hire her
to decorate your apartment.
Okay?
- Okay.
Happy?
- Happy.
Would you care for a little snack?
Hi, slugger. This'll fix you up.
How do you feel?
- Oh, boy.
I've had hangovers before,
but this one ...
Even my hair hurts.
- And you wanted to get her drunk.
The bottle of scotch was okay.
I lost her halfway through the vodka.
This'll fix you up.
It's got a lot of olive oil in it.
The State Oepartment could use her.
What a party girl she'd be in Moscow.
And two raw eggs.
- Oh, go away.
Oidn't you find out anything?
All I remember is this voice,
swimming through the scotch:
"You've got an apartment.
She decorates them."
"Right?"
- Right.
Of course. Where does she work?
Pierot's.
But she won't talk to you.
But Pierot will.
You know the number?
- Yeah.
Oial it.
Not so loud.
What do you think?
But you threw out all my ideas.
Well ...
- I hate to say this,
but you were right. This is better.
If you repeat that to anyone,
you're fired.
Tilda,
when you're back from the post office,
call Brad Allen back.
Tell me it's impossible.
He'll have to find someone else.
Yes, sir.
You're turning him down?
- I have to.
But why?
- I haven't the time for him.
And I can't send you,
not with how you feel about him.
You shouldn't lose
a commission because of me.
I couldn't subject you
to such an experience.
lt might be,
how would you say, traumatic.
That's silly.
I once had the mumps.
but I got over it.
Mumps? - I look upon
Brad Allen like any other disease.
I've had him, it's over, I'm immune.
If you think you can handle it.
- I certainly can.
It's your decision.
Mr. Allen? Pierot.
She's coming over.
Miss Morrow.
I was expecting Mr. Pierot.
Mr. Pierot is unavailable right now.
If you'd rather wait until ...
No, no. You'll do just fine.
Please come in.
It's just a little ...
It's embarrassing.
- I'm a decorator, you're a client.
I'm here because you are paying
for my services.
Now, what style did you have in mind?
Nothing in particular.
I'm leaving that up to you.
Now here ...
This is where I work.
Living room.
Over here is the kitchen, dining room.
Over there ...
- And up there?
The bedroom.
And these?
- Light switches.
Just switches.
Aren't they inconvenient?
- Why, no.
The man who lived here before me
had very long arms.
Over here ...
Mr. Allen,
I have to know what everything is for.
This is the fireplace.
What does the other switch do?
- It's just a light swtich.
Please.
Jan, I ...
- Why redecorate?
It's so functional for your purposes.
Not anymore.
That's why I want you to redecorate.
That bed is the first to go.
Anything you think is in bad taste,
throw it out.
This should be the type of place ...
Well ...
... that you'd feel comfortable in.
Good.
Well.
You take over.
And I'll stay here
and do my work.
I'm sorry.
You'll have to move out.
Until I'm finished.
- Move out?
You'd just be in the way
of the men working here.
But there'll be things to discuss.
You'll have to give me carte blanche.
Well, I ... - If you feel that way ...
- No. I'll leave.
Just do the place
the way you'd like it.
I will.
Tilda,
call these shops.
I'm going to pick up a few things.
We don't deal with any of these shops.
You know what their stuff is like.
You bet I do.
You didn't see that man's apartment.
He's got it down to a science.
He pushes a button and the couch
becomes a bed with baby blue sheets.
Really?
And him acting so embarrassed.
Big phoney.
He's like a spider
and expects me to redecorate his web.
Eileen? Brad.
Oear, I want you
to be the first to know.
I've met this girl,
I'm planning to marry her.
Oh nonsense,
you have everything to live for.
No. It's not nauseating enough.
That one with the 2 heads.
You're not serious?
- Wrap it.
Marie? Brad.
Oear, I want you
to be the first to know ...
With big velour tassels.
Tassels?
- Tassels!
Goodbye, my dear.
Yes, Mr. Allen. Your apartment
will be ready in the morning.
There's just one final touch missing.
Goodbye.
Behold, Jonathon.
The work of a woman in love.
Oh, no.
I hope
you saved those telephone numbers.
What?
- That chair, it bit me.
Get dressed.
- Get out. - We're going to my place.
I've seen it.
- So what. Get dressed. - No.
Are you getting up
or do I come in after you?
Oon't you dare.
How dare you! Put me down.
I said put me down.
What are you doing?
Where are you taking me?
Put me down.
Good morning, Mrs. Wilson.
- Morning. - Take me back to bed.
Oown, please.
Harry,
would you please call the police?
Harry ...
Alma, stop him.
You wouldn't take me into the street.
If I ever get
on my feet again, look out.
Alma.
That man just inspired me.
I should have done it long ago.
You're too nice a looking woman
to drink all the time.
You need a man
to take care of.
Then you wouldn't have
so much time to drink.
Harry, you're so strong.
They'll never believe this
back in Wichita Falls.
Officer,
this man is taking me up to his place.
Can't blame him, Miss.
How's it going, Brad? - Fine, Kelly.
Mommy, where's he taking her?
- I'll tell you when you're older.
You got me here.
Now will you put me down?
It's customary for the groom to
carry the bride across the threshold.
Bride?
The scene of the crime.
- Bride?
Why did I spend a fortune? Why did l
cut myself off from every girl?
Why does any man destroy himself?
Because he thinks he's going to marry.
What does he get?
- Bride? - This.
You did a great job here. You can stay
and charge admission.
Ooctor!
It's him!
- Him?
Would you mind coming into my office?
- Not now, I have to see a friend.
Just for a moment. - I have important
news. - Only a few minutes.
I'm going to have a baby.
- Of course you are.
Wait a minute. Jonathon.
I love you.
- I know.
I just had to call you.
I'll never forget last night.
Especially your new song.
Our song, Eileen.
I wrote it for you.
Oh, Brad.
Would you sing it to me again?
Oh now?
- Please.
Alright.
"You are my inspiration, Eileen.
A perfect combination, Eileen.
Your eyes,
your hair are beyond compare.
So is it any wonder?
You captured me,
and now
I'm under your spell? Eileen ...
I hate to interrupt,
but would you mind hanging up?
Who's that? - The other half
of my party line. She'll go away.
You've been talking for 30 minutes.
My call is urgent.
This is an urgent call, too.
- Singing to a girl at 9 a.m.?
It's not your business
what he does to me. Or when.
Would you get off this line!
I know it's early, cher.
But I just had to talk to you.
Will I see you tonight?
- I'm sorry, Yvette. I have to work.
I have 6 songs to write
for the new show.
You'll have to eat dinner, no?
- I'll throw something together here.
No, darling, you mustn't.
You must keep up your strength.
I'll come over and cook for you, yes?
Well, if you like.
Thank you, darling.
- It's nothing.
Brad?
Sing me a litte of our song.
- Oh Yvette.
Please.
"Tu es une inspiration, Yvette.
Une parfaite combination, Yvette."
Would you get off this phone!
Who is that woman?
- An eavesdropper on my party line.
She always listens in.
lt brightens up her drab, empty life.
If I could call once in awhile,
my life wouldn't be so drab.
Must you zoom up so fast?
Are you jet-propelled or something?
- Good morning, Alma.
The laundryman's coming by.
Would you clean the cupboards for me?
Call the office and tell them I'll be
a little late? - What a hangover.
I'm afraid so.
- Why does she get stoned every night?
I don't know, Harry.
Maybe she's got a party line.
Your phone company wants
everyone to have a private phone.
We're putting in trunk lines
as fast as we can. But it takes time.
We have hundreds of applications,
which have priority.
There must be some way.
Well, if an emergency arose.
If you were pregnant,
you'd jump to the top of our list.
Being single,
I'm not quite ready for that.
I don't know what to suggest.
- I'm at wit's end.
I'm an interior decorator
and I often work at home.
I must make business calls.
But that man is always on the phone.
Oo you know what it's like
to share a line with a sex maniac?
That's a very serious charge, Madame.
Can you substantiate it?
- He sings love songs at 9 a.m.
Ooes he use objectionable language?
No.
- Or threats of any nature? - No.
Any immoral overtures?
Not to me.
- Ooes this bother you? - Yes.
No. What do you mean, bothered?
His conduct with all these women.
I don't care what he does,
he should stop doing it on my phone.
We'll send an inspector over.
Thank you. I'd appreciate that.
If what you say is true, we may have
to disconnect him. - Good.
Haven't you reached Jan yet?
Keep trying. If she's not here soon,
that woman is going to drive me crazy.
Ming dynasty in a rumpus room.
Mrs. Walters, be careful.
This is priceless.
- Really? What is it?
A 14th century crematory urn.
- A crematory urn?
Is anybody in it?
- Not at the moment.
Good. Then we can drill a hole in it.
A hole?
- So we can wire it for a lamp.
Mrs. Walters, we do not wire
14th century crematory urns.
I suppose not.
Jan.
Hello, Jonathon.
Hi. I got something to tell you.
I tried to call. But your line's busy.
- Naturally.
Just picked it up. How do you like it?
Marvellous. - Like the color?
- Just beautiful. - The upholstery?
It's yours.
In grateful appreciation
of your brilliant job in my office.
What? Jonathon,
you can't go around giving girls cars.
I do. - This your car, Mac?
- No, it's hers.
Is this your car, Miss?
- No, it's his.
Jonathon, you're sweet and generous,
but I cannot accept a gift like this.
Why not?
- It's too, it's too personal.
This?
- Yes.
If I gave you perfume or lingerie,
that would be personal.
But a car?
Come on. If it's yours, move it.
- Here. Send me the perfume.
Are you coming to my office tomorrow?
- In the afternoon. - Listen.
Are you sure
you don't want the car? - Yes.
See you tomorrow.
My analyst will never believe this.
- Neither will mine.
Good morning.
I'm sorry to be so late.
That's alright. Mr. Peirot and l
have had a fruitful morning.
Very fruitful.
- Good.
What are you doing with that?
- I picked it out myself.
A fertility goddess is the last thing
you need in Scarsdale.
A fertility goddess?
Oh dear, I had no idea.
Oon't forget,
I'm expecting you at the housewarming.
We'll be there.
Savage little thing, isn't it?
That woman has
the taste of a water buffalo.
Why do business with her?
- She's a very rich water buffalo.
If you ever leave me
alone with her again ...
Where were you? I tried all morning.
- Lover boy got started early today.
There must be some way
to get a private line.
Then say it's an emergency.
- Thank you, Mr. P.
I reported him to the phone company.
- It's about time.
They're sending someone over.
As for me, whatever he gets,
he deserved it. - Good.
I'm from the telephone company.
Well, hello.
I ...
- Yes? - I'm ...
I'm Miss Oickenson. I'm an inspector.
What would you like to inspect?
- You.
I mean
we received a complaint about you.
Well, I've never had
any complaints before.
Won't you come in?
- Thank you.
You don't have to break
the sound barrier, you hot-rodder.
Alma?
Well, I heard from the phone company.
I can't get a call through,
and they send me this.
"Your complaint
is entirely unwarranted.
According to our inspector,
Miss Oickenson."
They sent a woman.
It's like sending a marshmallow
to put out a bonfire.
Read it yourself.
You know
I never get into focus until 10 a.m.
"Our inspector found
Mr. Allen to be very cooperative."
I'll bet he was.
Hello?
- Miss Morrow? My name is Brad Allen.
Yes? - The phone company
gave me a code number for our line.
It's 793.
If you have any future complaints,
I suggest you call me personally.
If I hadn't complained,
the inspector wouldn't have found out
how friendly you are. - Miss Morrow,
why do
my personal affairs interest you?
It's not interest,
Mr. Allen. It's revolt.
I don't go around
complaining about your affairs.
I have none to complain about.
- lt figures.
What do you mean? - It's obvious
you live alone and don't like it.
I like living alone.
Oon't take your bedroom problems
out on me.
I have no bedroom problems.
There's nothing there that bothers me.
Too bad.
Let's try to be adult about this,
work out some schedule
where I can make my business calls
and you can make your ...
whatever you call them.
From the hour to the half-hour,
the phone is yours. Afterwards mine.
If someone gets
a call during the other's time,
he or she will terminate
the call as quickly as possible.
In emergencies,
each must be a little tolerant.
How does it sound?
- Like a UN report.
You disagree?
- No, it might work.
I hope so. We have to share
this line for at least another month.
We have to try
living with one another.
Well?
I was waiting
for an off-color remark from you.
Is that all you have on your mind?
Never mind my mind.
You keep to your half-hour, I to mine.
He makes pretty good sense.
Were you listening in again?
- Yes.
Have you no shame?
- No, he's improved many a day for me.
What made such good sense?
- Worse than a woman living alone
is one saying she likes it.
- I do like it.
I have a good job, a lovely apartment,
I go out with nice men,
to the theater, the best restaurants.
What am I missing?
When you have to ask, believe me,
you're missing it.
What's a girl to do? Ask the first man
she meets to come home with her?
No, not that.
lt don't work.
Bedroom problems.
Bedroom problems?
Bedroom problems.
Over here, please.
Just set it down here.
No, the other way.
Thank you.
How's it look?
You look beautiful.
- Jonathon, now really,
do you like it or ...
- Whatever you like, I like.
Jan, why won't you marry me?
- Jonathon, I don't love you.
That's absurd.
I'm young, rich, and healthy.
And I'm very good-looking.
I've got everything.
- lncluding 3 ex-wives.
Oh, that's what it is.
Oon't hold it against me. I was just
revolting against my mother with them.
I'm trying to work it out
why I dislike her so.
I've been in therapy for 2 years now.
- And? - It's perfectly healthy.
He dislikes her as much as I do,
and he's from Vienna.
We'll go to Mexico.
I've never been married in Mexico.
I just don't love you.
- How do you know?
Love isn't an opinion,
it's a chemical reaction.
We've never even kissed.
They didn't hit
the moon with the first shot either.
Oh Jonathon.
I guess that's what I want.
To hit the moon.
Well ...
- I'll tell you what,
let's have dinner
and we can try another countdown.
Can't do it. I have a
housewarming for one of our clients.
I'll call you tomorrow.
If I can ever get through.
Call between the half-hour and hour.
- Why?
I arranged a cease-fire.
- Marry me. You'll get tons of lines!
I'd better leave.
That could sweep a girl off her feet.
Hi, Alma.
Any calls?
Shhh. It's him.
Mr. Allen, you're on my half-hour.
Party pooper.
Hello?
- Never do that again.
We had an agreement.
You were on my time.
So I overlapped by a few minutes.
What can I do when someone calls me?
Be as rude as you?
Oo you have anything else to say?
- Yes. Get off my back.
Stop living vicariously
in what you think I do.
The bakery has lots of warm rolls.
Oon't press your nose to the window.
Come in, Jonathon. It's open.
- Hi, Brad.
Got any more songs ready.
- Almost.
Fine. Let's hear them.
Not now. I'm in a hurry.
I'm putting up
200,000 dollars for this show.
We've got a theater deadline.
- You're hobbing me. - Oh, am l?
I don't know. Money seems to have lost
its value these days.
With 200,000 dollars, my grandfather
cornered the wheat market.
Today, you can't scare songwriters
with it. - That's inflation for you.
Pour yourself a scotch.
Thanks.
You're prejudiced against me
because I'm part of a minority group.
What minority group?
Millionaires. You outnumber us,
but you'll never get us.
We'll fight for our rights.
And we've got the money to do it.
You sound absolutely bitter.
You don't know
what this show means to me.
We went through college together.
You worked your way through.
You're an important songwriter now.
You've had some Broadway hits.
You started out with nothing
and you've made it far.
I started out with 8 million dollars,
and I've still got 8 million dollars.
I just can't seem to get ahead.
Who's the girl?
- What girl?
Come on, you can't kid me.
I've been through 3 marriages
with you. You're like a fighter.
Only ambitious on the way to the ring.
Well, there's a girl.
Brad,
she's the sweetest, the loveliest,
the most talented person I've met.
- Like the stripper.
She was an exotic dancer.
With trained doves.
When's the happy occasion?
Well, I don't know for sure.
She claims to not want to marry me.
Note, that's
what all my wives said at first.
Mind if I call her up?
- Go ahead. What's her name? - Jan.
Jan? Who?
Jan ...
I'm not going to tell you.
I may be neurotic, but I'm not crazy.
Busy. I can never get her.
She shares it with some nut.
lt couldn't be.
Or could it?
A nut?
Some guy with a phone fetish.
She had to make a deal with him to use
the phone on alternate half-hours.
That's ridiculous.
A pretty girl?
- Yeah.
Good figure?
And you won't tell me who she is?
- That's right.
I found this goldmine. I'm not telling
an old claim-jumper who she is.
You sly dog.
Still busy.
Must be the wrong half-hour.
Brad ...
As a friend ... sit down, boy.
As a friend, I only hope one day
you find a girl like this.
You should quit chasing around,
get married. - Why? - Why?
You're not getting any younger, fella.
Sure, it's fun, it's exciting.
Oancing with a different doll
every night.
But a man has to give it up sometime.
- Why?
Because he wants to create a stable,
lasting relationship with one person.
Brad, believe me,
there's nothing so wonderful,
so fulfilling, as coming home
to the same woman every night.
Why?
- Because,
that's what an adult does.
A wife, a family, a house.
A mature man wants responsibilities.
Why? - If you want to,
you can find arguments for anything.
I've got to get going.
What do you have against marriage?
Jonathon,
before a man marries, he's ...
like a tree in the forest.
He stands there independent.
An entity unto himself.
Then he's chopped down, loses his
branches and bark. Lands in the river.
Then he's taken to the mill.
When he comes out,
he's no longer a tree.
He's the vanity table,
the breakfast nook, the baby crib,
and the newspaper
that lines the garbage can.
No, no. If this girl weren't something
special, then I'd agree with you.
But with Jan, you look forward
to losing your branches.
I've got to go.
Remember I need those songs.
- In your office on Monday. - Fine.
Hello?
- Miss Morrow. This is Brad Allen.
I've just gone through an agonizing
reappraisal of our situation.
And I'm not very proud of myself.
I've used the phone too much
and been extremely rude.
I'd like to apologize
and suggest we could get together.
For a cup of coffee, maybe.
We could get acquainted and
we might find we have a lot in common.
Mr. Allen,
we have nothing in common.
Not that meeting you
mightn't prove amusing.
But some jokes are
just too obvious to be funny.
Bradley, honey.
I've almost got it. There.
I can't believe it.
A song for little old me.
"You are my inspiration, Marie.
A perfect combination, Marie.
Your eyes,
your hair, are beyond compare.
So is it any wonder?
You captured me
and now I'm under your spell? Marie."
Oh Brad.
What a pity you have to leave so soon.
- I have an early appointment.
Everyone thinks the house is heaven.
- Oh, I'm so glad.
Good evening, Mother.
How's the party going? - Lovely.
This is my son Tony.
- Hello, Tony. - Hello.
Tony's graduating from Harvard.
He's Phi Beta Kappa, you know.
It's not a big deal.
- He's just too modest.
You needn't wait for a cab, Jan.
Tony can take you back.
I wouldn't want to impose.
- I'd be delighted to.
Thank you.
I do hope Mr. P. will feel better
in the morning. - I'm sure he will.
lt was marvellous.
- Thank you. - I'll talk to you soon.
Goodnight.
- I won't be long, Mother.
Tony, don't drive too fast.
I won't, Mother.
When do you have to be
at the Copa for the next show?
Oon't worry, darling.
We've got oodles of time.
Oh! Tony, please!
Jan, you're so primitive.
Tony, control yourself.
Remember,
you're a Harvard man.
Not tonight, baby.
I'm on vacation.
Stop it.
You're only 21.
- I dig older women.
Unbelievable how many arms you have!
Tony, I'll tell your mother!
It's your word against mine.
Look, I've never belted
a Phi Beta Kappa ... - Okay.
I'll take you home.
But first we stop for a drink.
No.
Fine.
I'm in no condition for this.
Would you please start this car?
Orink up.
You're still on your first one.
Your mother will be
terribly worried about you.
I'll pour you into a cab, okay?
You know something?
You're very uncooperative.
Just finish your drink, Jan.
It's nourishing.
- Stop trying to get me drunk.
Orunk?
I'll have you know
a Harvard man never resorts to that.
Only in emergencies.
And you, Miss Morrow,
are an emergency.
Tony, get the check
and let's get going finally.
No. I categorically refuse.
You can stay till AA comes for you.
I'm leaving.
- No, wait.
Just one dance, I promise.
- I don't believe you.
Scout's honor.
So that's the other end
of your party line.
How do we get on friendly terms?
- Anything wrong, darling?
No.
No.
Shouldn't you be getting changed?
There's not much to change into.
- I know.
But
I want you to look
especially nice tonight.
I want to, too.
Brad, my boy,
you haven't got a chance.
The minute you say who you are,
you are buck-dead.
But maybe
you don't have to tell her.
Are you all right?
- I don't feel so good.
Can we sit this one out?
- Of course. - Thank you.
I should be getting home.
Tony.
Get up. Tony.
Excuse me, ma'am.
I reckon it got
a might too close for your partner.
Oh, yes.
Could you ask a few waiters to help
get him outside? - Why shucks.
No need to call anybody else.
Why, boy, up-si-daisies.
I can't tell you how embarrassing
this is, Mr. ... - Stetson.
Rex Stetson.
No call to be embarrassed.
I'm afraid he's had too much to drink.
- We have a saying in Texas, ma'am:
never drink anything
stronger than you are. Or older.
Your coat, ma'am.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
I reckon we bring your boyfriend home.
- He's not my boyfriend.
His mother is a client of mine.
- A client? You a lawyer?
No, I'm an interior decorator.
He was taking me home
and insisted on a drink.
He wasn't trying to force
his attentions upon you?
Well ... - I can't stand a man
who tries to take advantage of women.
We make short work
of his kind back in Texas.
2268 Gardner Orive, Scarsdale, please.
Orive him slow
and set him down real easy, partner.
How are you getting home, ma'am?
I'll take his car
and he could pick it up tomorrow.
It's mighty late for a lady to be
out alone. - It's not far.
I'd feel better
if you'd let me see you home.
That's very nice of you.
Thank you.
Oh, that's it.
- This bitty thing?
Back home we got jackrabbits
bigger than this.
How do you get in?
- Try putting your right leg in first.
Now sit down.
Where?
- On the seat. - Yeah.
Can't you get the other leg in?
- I hope so.
I'd hate to leave without it.
Can you drive?
- I think I can steer,
but someone'll have to do the pedals.
We should call a cab.
- I think so, too. - Alright.
Ma'am ...
You might have to call the automobile
club to help me out of this.
You looked so funny.
- I couldn't do a thing.
What a marvellous-looking man.
I wonder if he's single.
No idea how long I can get away
with this act, but she's worth it.
Oon't just sit there.
Make some casual conversation.
A lovely evening, isn't it?
- Yes. - Are you married?
You kid. What are you doing?
Trying to scare him away?
No, ma'am, I'm not.
This may take
some fancy-looking field running.
All those buildings full of people.
Kind of scares
a country boy like me, you know it?
Isn't that sweet?
So unpretentious and honest.
What a relief after a few monsters,
like Tony Walters and that ...
Brad Allen.
They all had a large family but me.
I'm the only child.
Really? There were 6 of us.
4 brothers and 2 sisters.
That's what I call a nice size.
You don't see much of that anymore.
I believe in large familes. Oon't you?
Yes indeedy. Seems like folks now
have just stopped having kids.
May l, ma'am?
- Thank you.
lt must be the high cost of living.
- Or television.
Between the late-show at night
and Oave Garroway in the morning,
it seems like there ain't much time.
How about a coffee?
No, ma'am.
I ain't used to these hours.
Back home we'd be just getting up now.
Well,
it's been a real pleasure, ma'am.
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
Oon't let him go without your number.
You may never see him again.
Mr. Stetson!
Ma'am?
- Since you're all alone in New York,
if there's anything you need
and I can help, my number is Plaza 2
2-7-4-8.
- 2-2-7
4-8.
I'll remember that. Bye.
- Bye.
I'd say 5 or 6 days ought to do it.
It's so nice to meet a man
you feel you can trust.
He respected you.
He didn't even try to kiss you.
Maybe you just don't appeal to him.
He didn't write your number down.
Why didn't you think to ask
where he was staying?
Hello?
- Ma'am, this is Rex Stetson.
Hello. - I hope
I didn't wake you up.
Not at all. - I just had to think
about your generous offer and all,
to call you
in case I needed something.
I need to go out for dinner tomorrow
and I would enjoy seeing
a friendly face across the table.
But if you're busy tomorrow ...
No, I always keep tomorrow open.
I mean, I hadn't planned a thing.
I'd love to have dinner with you.
Hello, is anybody on this line?
- Yes, I am. Would you get off it?
Alright, but it's my half-hour.
Rex, are you there?
- Yes, ma'am. Who was that?
A horrible man on my line.
- He isn't very well-mannered.
Mannered?
He isn't even worth talking about.
Now ...
What were you saying?
I'll stop by about 7:30.
- Alright. That'll be fine.
Miss Morrow?
I never could make
fancy speeches, but ...
I get a nice, warm feeling
when I'm near you.
It's like being by a pot-bellied stove
on a frosty morning.
Oh Rex, what a lovely thing to say.
Goodnight, ma'am.
Goodnight.
Like a pot-bellied stove
on a frosty morning.
He does like you.
Hello?
- Miss Morrow, Brad Allen.
Hello? Hello?
Yes? - I couldn't help overhearing
part of your conversation.
I'm sure you couldn't.
- I feel responsible for you.
Oon't go out with that man.
He's a phoney.
Of course, it's not my business.
- Right, it's not your business.
Oon't let that yokel act fool you.
This ranch-hand Romeo is trying
to lure you into the next barn.
Oon't judge other people by yourself.
If you don't want to listen. But l
know exactly what he'll do tomorrow.
You'll go to dinner, then dancing.
Then he'll find an excuse
to stop off at his hotel.
That is where the payoff comes.
- Goodnight, Mr. Allen.
This is it.
What?
- My hotel.
You don't mind if we stop
for a minute to get my coat?
It's a bit chilly out.
The payoff.
One thing about New York.
Nice, big hotel rooms.
And ...
mighty comfortable beds.
Come on over here.
Ain't that a pretty view
of Central Park?
Mighty romantic, ain't it?
Well, let's go.
You really came up for your coat?
- What did you think?
I thought ...
- Thought what, ma'am?
I thought
you brought me up here to ...
Ma'am!
- I'm sorry, Rex.
I should have known you're different.
But I had to make sure. Am I forgiven?
Of course.
I guess I can't blame you.
Living in bear country
makes you wonder about strange caves.
Now, let's got for that drive.
This way.
I thought we were going for a drive.
- We are.
Back-home style.
You know something?
Whenever I miss home,
the only thing that helps
is getting behind a horse.
There's something wholesome
about a man who loves animals.
I hope this stupid horse
knows where to go.
Hangs on to the reins
like a subway strap.
I don't know what he's planning,
but I'm glad she's not my daughter.
Here is the ranch house.
Right here is the corral,
that's where I keep my ponies.
And here
behind the ranch house is a mountain.
Not a huge mountain, but it's ours.
Texas must be pretty.
Yes, it is. lt is.
I'm eating alone today.
I'll be right back.
I seem to be out of cigarettes.
Would you excuse me?
- Bye. - Bye.
Fred,
you've got to come and help me out.
I'll make you a deal. If you come
and take her off my hands, I'll ...
Fred?
Hey, Brad. Fred who?
Jonathon old pal.
Good to see you.
Your check, sir.
- Thanks, Cathy.
Come on. I want to introduce
you to someone. - Who?
Friend of the family. Visiting here.
Wonderful girl.
But I wanted to work
on those songs of yours ...
Why don't you take her over for me?
- Me? - Yeah.
Go dancing. She's dying to learn
how to dance. - Wait.
She can't dance?
- She doesn't get out much.
What do you mean much?
- Believe me, you and Moose,
I mean Miss Tagget ...
- Moose?
So a girl picks up a nickname.
Kids can be cruel.
Especially if someone is different.
- Now just a minute. How different?
Well, just different.
You know.
- Wait.
Is that the one there?
How can you tell?
See how nice and friendly she is?
Jonathon! - Are you kidding?
- You've got to help me out.
Sorry, pal. It's your moose.
Happy hunting.
Yes indeedy.
Beatnik!
Hello?
- Morning, Miss Morrow. This is Rex.
Good morning, Rex.
- You done did a terrible thing to me.
You made me glad I ain't in Texas.
Have l?
Every time I look at you, I say:
we got all kinds of natural resources
back home, we ain't got that.
Oh Rex.
- Tell you something else, too.
I hated New York when I first came.
All those people
seemed so distant and all.
Oon't feel that way now.
- That's good.
lt sure turned out
to be a friendly town.
You'll find that most people
will try to meet you halfway.
If you let them.
- Will I see you tonight?
I'd love to, Rex,
but I already have a date tonight.
Who with? - A client.
You don't know him. Jonathon Forbes.
You ain't the kind of gal
who'd break a date.
No, I'm not.
And I ain't the kind of guy
that'd ask you to.
I know that. - I'll pick you up at 8.
- I'll be ready.
What a day.
Good morning, Alma.
Isn't it a beautiful day?
You can't go by me. Haven't seen it.
Okay, I'll take your word for it.
He must be pretty special
if you'd break a date for him.
He is.
What's he like?
He's six-foot-six,
handsome, intelligent,
owns a mountain.
- Oon't just stand there.
Get that robe off
and go get him. - What?
Six-foot-six-inches of opportunity
doesn't come every day.
Alma, I hardly know the man.
Takes only one sip of wine
to tell if it's a good bottle.
This one is good.
What are you waiting for? Orink up.
Jan, are you evading my question?
- Would you like these initialled?
Why did you break our date?
Had another date, huh?
You're going out with someone else?
Right?
- What a cruel thing to say.
Who is he? - Rex Stetson.
- Oo I know him? - No.
He's visiting from Texas.
- Texas!
Jan, how could you ever fall in love
with a tourist?
I don't know, I just did.
- You admit it. You love him.
I did, didn't l?
- I'll never understand women.
What a blow to my psyche.
Rejected for a cowboy.
- He's not a cowboy.
Alright, an oilman.
Jan, if you marry him,
you'll have to live out there.
Look at that.
New York!
People jostling, shoving, flailing
for their lives. You're part of it.
In Texas there's nothing
but a bunch of prairie dogs and stuff.
Even the air is nothing but air.
You can feel the air in New York.
It's got character.
Jan, you can't live in Texas.
We haven't even talked about marriage.
- But it's in your look.
I know well enough when a girl
is willing to talk about it.
Oo I look willing?
- You look disgusting.
I'm sorry. You know me.
I say a lot of things I don't mean.
I just want you to be happy.
If you want Rex Stetson,
I hope you get him.
Excuse me.
May I help you?
Yes.
I need an appointment.
For your wife?
- No, I'm not married.
For myself.
The doctor should examine you?
- I'm not feeling too well.
Maybe just an upset stomach,
but a guy can't be too careful.
I'll tell the doctor you're here.
There's no need to break in.
I let it go this long,
I can put it off another few days.
- He'll be very anxious to see you.
Tell her I'm feeling much better.
It's probably just a false alarm.
Where is he?
- He must have just gone.
Excuse me.
A man said he was going to have
a baby and you let him go?
He was obviously a psychopath.
- And if he wasn't? - But Or. Maxwell.
Miss Resnick, medical science
still has many unknowns to explore.
You're the detective agency. I only
know his name and where he's from.
I want everything on him.
You helped me with 3 divorces.
Now how about a marriage. What?
If it saves time, I'll be right over.
Yes?
Mr. Allen is here.
- I can't see him. - Sure can.
I give you three solid-gold hits.
- Leave them on my desk.
Where are you going?
- Remember that girl Jan?
Who?
- Jan, with the party-line nut.
Oh yeah. What about her?
- She met a Texas cowboy
and fell for him. - How do you know?
- She told me. But I'll break it up.
You will? - Yeah. - How?
- He needs to get up early to best me.
Hello?
- Miss Morrow, Brad Allen.
I'm in a hurry. If you don't mind.
- Of course.
But you must admit, I was right.
- About what?
Your Wild West gentleman.
He turned out to be a prairie wolf.
This may surprise you,
but there are some men
who are little more cultivated.
You mean he didn't try to get you
up to his hotel room?
Yes, he took me there.
He showed me Central Park.
- And nothing else? - Nothing.
Worse than I thought.
- Worse? What do you mean?
Must I spell it out?
Either you're lying, or ...
- Or what?
There are some men
who are devoted to their mothers.
The type that likes to collect recipes
or exchange bits of gossip.
What a vicious thing to say.
- I hope I'm wrong, but ...
Shouldn't you make sure?
- You are sick.
This isn't Rex Stetson. This is ...
my best friend.
They're usually the ones.
- I can't believe it.
Hello? It's for you.
- Thanks.
Graham.
Good work.
Get your coat, Mr. Forbes.
- Why?
I had someone tail him. He and the
girl just went into The Hidden Ooor.
The Hidden Ooor.
My psychiatrist was right.
Never trust anyone other than him.
Is this "Roly-Poly"?
- Yes, it is. - I love it.
He's a fat one.
Come on.
You know this.
I don't know all the words.
- Come on, Jan.
"When I first laid eyes on him
I laughed like all the rest.
The more I saw
the more of him I liked best.
Now the roly-poly man,
I point at him with pride.
He's my roly-poly man,
I'm satisfied. I call him
Ya-Ya Roly-Poly ..."
Sing another one.
Another one?
"Just to put my arms
around him takes a week.
But when I do,
we cuddle cheek-to-cheek.
Got a roly-poly baby,
sweet as I can find.
He's just a roly-poly,
that's only mine.
I call him
- Roly-Poly ..."
Thanks. That's great.
- Wasn't that fun? I love that.
Tell me about your job.
lt must be exciting,
working with all them colors
and fabrics and all.
Rex ...
Like some dip?
I'd love to.
Thank you.
Ain't this tasty?
Wonder if I could get the recipe.
Sure would like to surprise
my ma, when I get back.
Rex, don't you find me attractive?
Why yes, of course.
Why haven't you ever ...
- Ever what?
I feel so foolish.
- No. Go on, say what's on your mind.
Whenever we go out
you've been a perfect gentleman.
I hope I have.
- You have. And I appreciate it.
But ...
- Yes?
Well ... being such
a perfect gentleman and all,
it's not very flattering.
I wouldn't want to do anything
that might spoil our friendship.
Is that all it is?
Friendship?
That's a direct question.
lt deserves a direct answer.
If you'll excuse me.
I'd better go to the powder moon.
I mean room.
Fix my lipstick.
There's our man.
- Yes, I know him.
I can handle it from here.
Need a light, cowboy?
When are you leaving for the range?
- That's up to you.
You've got 2 minutes.
Oo this nice and clean,
so no one's embarrassed.
When she gets back,
you'll say goodbye.
You'll put her in a cab.
And we'll go home and you'll pack.
Where am I going?
- Connecticut.
My summer house
is perfect for writing songs.
No phone
and 20 miles to the nearest girl.
Looks like I haven't much choice.
- Sure looks like it.
Remember, I'll be watching you.
Ma'am.
- Hello.
I'm sure going to miss you,
leaving New York and all.
You're leaving?
- Yeah.
When? - Tonight.
I have to mosey up to Connecticut.
Oidn't I tell you?
- No.
No.
This friend of mine,
a business associate,
has a house up there
and he nearly forced me to use it.
I just couldn't refuse him.
Why must you ...?
- I may be buying the place ...
I kind of want to get the feel of it.
How long will you be away?
- For the weekend.
It's going to be lonely.
You wouldn't consider ...
Consider what?
I'm afraid I couldn't ask you that.
- Ask me.
Well ...
No. lt wouldn't be proper.
- Rex, we're both over 21.
I mean ...
I must be able to trust you by now.
Ma'am,
if I sent you home in a taxi,
how long would you need to pack?
About an hour. - 45 minutes.
- We're wasting time.
"You lied,
you dog,
and you'll be sorry.
You lied, you hound.
And that's not fair."
Hello?
- Mr. Allen.
So you realize
how wrong you are about Rex Stetson,
he just asked me to go away
with him.
He didn't.
Are you going?
That is something you'll never know.
"You are my inspiration,
Jan Morrow."
All set?
- All set.
Just to make sure you work up there.
I'll do my best.
You better.
Off you go.
I feel guilty. I practically tricked
him into taking me along.
You've gone out
with a lot of men before.
But this is the jackpot.
You cold?
- No. It's wonderful.
If he only knew what I was thinking.
"Hold me tight
and kiss me right.
I'm yours tongiht.
My darling, possess me.
Tenderly and breathlessly.
Make love to me.
My darling, possess me.
Near to me ...
When you're near to me,
my heart forgets to beat.
Stars that shine make dreams divine.
So say you're mine
and my darling, possess me."
What did you say?
Oidn't you say something?
- Me?
No.
May I help you?
- Yes.
I've been trying to call
Miss Morrow and there's no answer.
I wonder if anything is wrong.
She's gone to Connecticut
for the weekend.
Connecticut? - There's no phone number
but I have an address.
241 Stony Brook Road?
Why, yes, sir.
- And you let her go?
lt wasn't my place ...
- No.
It's my place.
And I helped him pack.
Remember when I said
that being near you is like being
near a pot-bellied stove? - Yes.
I was wrong.
- You were?
More like a forest fire.
Completely out of control.
You know something?
Out here in the country
you're very different.
I reckon I feel more at home.
For the first time.
A man with a mountain
doesn't belong in the big city.
Fire's nearly out.
I'd better get some more logs.
For later.
Hurry back.
Quicker than a cow-poke
chasing a chuck wagon.
Jan, I ...
Jan, please.
Stop.
- Jonathon. - It's Brad Allen.
I know that.
- He's a double-crossing rat.
I know that.
Will you please take me home?
Of course.
Bedroom problems.
Mine can be solved in one bedroom.
Yours couldn't be solved in 1,000.
At least you could have brought
your own champagne.
Jan,
you've been crying for 60 miles now.
I know it.
Oon't you think you can stop?
I can't.
A coffee will make you feel better.
- Excuse me. - That's fine, come on.
Two coffees, please.
Control yourself, Jan.
I've never done this before.
- There has to be a first time.
You don't have to come apart over it.
- I'm so ashamed.
Poor kid.
- The guy drives a big car
with all the extras.
Thinks he can get away with it.
I thought we were going to marry.
- Forget it.
Jan, you're becoming hysterical.
I can't help it. - I hate to do it.
But it's for your own good.
You see?
You see?
Jonathon!
Jonathon!
Your coffee, Mr. Forbes.
Hello, Jonathon!
What happened?
I was jumped by 5 or 6 ruffians.
- What? - Just put it down.
By rights
these loose teeth belong to you.
I was only trying to stop her crying.
- Oid she cry?
Cry? I didn't know a woman that size
had so much water in her.
Have you seen her? - No.
- Have you talked to her? - No.
My psychiatrist and my dentist said
I should give her up.
Where have you been the last 3 days?
I stayed up there,
working on the new songs.
What have you done?
- This.
And this. And this.
- Go on.
I couldn't come up with a thing.
I sat there, feeling guilty.
Guilty? You?
I saw you work on 3 sisters at once.
You came up with your best songs.
Now, just one girl makes you feel
guilty? - I don't know.
What do you know. You're in love.
The mighty tree has toppled.
For years I've been waiting
for them to yell "timber" over you.
You could be right.
- You're darn right.
You love her
and she can't stand you.
That's wonderful.
Wonderful.
It's almost worth the loose teeth.
Yeah?
- Miss Morrow is here.
Tell her to come in.
- Is there a back way out?
This'll be fun.
Good morning.
- Jan.
Here's the painting I mentioned.
Let's get on with the hanging.
You know Brad Allen, don't you?
The ex-Rex.
The tables are coming at 4.
- Fine.
Jan!
Jan, wait.
I don't blame you for hating me.
I'm trying to apologize.
Excuse me.
Where did he go?
- I don't know, but he came out there.
You let him go again?
- You don't believe ...
A prejudiced view never advanced
the cause of science.
Somewhere there may be a man
who's crossed a new frontier.
How do I get her back?
- You don't.
You suffer and I watch.
- There must be a way.
There's got to.
- What a delightful situation.
The great Brad Allen, chopped down
and floating with the rest of us logs.
To win over a girl, you're nice
to her dog. - No dog.
Then you're nice to her mother.
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
If worse comes to worse,
you work on her maid. - Alma?
You couldn't get to first base.
Alma.
Thanks a lot.
Excuse me.
May I talk to you?
Yes.
My name is Brad Allen, and ...
- Mr. Allen, of course.
Get lost.
I'd know that voice anywhere.
- You know me?
"You are my inspiration, Alma."
The telephone.
I'm one of the most devoted listeners.
- Thank you. - That's okay.
It's chilly out here. How about
we stop for a drink somewhere?
I don't usually.
I might have one.
- Good.
I know a nice little bar.
- I know a better one.
Another one?
No?
- No.
Let's take this problem
from the beginning.
You're in love with her
and you want to win her back.
The first thing you do
is get her to talk to you.
Right?
- Right.
It's really very simple.
You've got an apartment.
She decorates them.
You hire her to do your place.
Two people decorating an apartment
are pretty intimate. - lntimate.
She's got to talk to you.
Clever?
- Clever.
Once you start talking
it's only a matter of time.
Now remember,
you hire her
to decorate your apartment.
Okay?
- Okay.
Happy?
- Happy.
Would you care for a little snack?
Hi, slugger. This'll fix you up.
How do you feel?
- Oh, boy.
I've had hangovers before,
but this one ...
Even my hair hurts.
- And you wanted to get her drunk.
The bottle of scotch was okay.
I lost her halfway through the vodka.
This'll fix you up.
It's got a lot of olive oil in it.
The State Oepartment could use her.
What a party girl she'd be in Moscow.
And two raw eggs.
- Oh, go away.
Oidn't you find out anything?
All I remember is this voice,
swimming through the scotch:
"You've got an apartment.
She decorates them."
"Right?"
- Right.
Of course. Where does she work?
Pierot's.
But she won't talk to you.
But Pierot will.
You know the number?
- Yeah.
Oial it.
Not so loud.
What do you think?
But you threw out all my ideas.
Well ...
- I hate to say this,
but you were right. This is better.
If you repeat that to anyone,
you're fired.
Tilda,
when you're back from the post office,
call Brad Allen back.
Tell me it's impossible.
He'll have to find someone else.
Yes, sir.
You're turning him down?
- I have to.
But why?
- I haven't the time for him.
And I can't send you,
not with how you feel about him.
You shouldn't lose
a commission because of me.
I couldn't subject you
to such an experience.
lt might be,
how would you say, traumatic.
That's silly.
I once had the mumps.
but I got over it.
Mumps? - I look upon
Brad Allen like any other disease.
I've had him, it's over, I'm immune.
If you think you can handle it.
- I certainly can.
It's your decision.
Mr. Allen? Pierot.
She's coming over.
Miss Morrow.
I was expecting Mr. Pierot.
Mr. Pierot is unavailable right now.
If you'd rather wait until ...
No, no. You'll do just fine.
Please come in.
It's just a little ...
It's embarrassing.
- I'm a decorator, you're a client.
I'm here because you are paying
for my services.
Now, what style did you have in mind?
Nothing in particular.
I'm leaving that up to you.
Now here ...
This is where I work.
Living room.
Over here is the kitchen, dining room.
Over there ...
- And up there?
The bedroom.
And these?
- Light switches.
Just switches.
Aren't they inconvenient?
- Why, no.
The man who lived here before me
had very long arms.
Over here ...
Mr. Allen,
I have to know what everything is for.
This is the fireplace.
What does the other switch do?
- It's just a light swtich.
Please.
Jan, I ...
- Why redecorate?
It's so functional for your purposes.
Not anymore.
That's why I want you to redecorate.
That bed is the first to go.
Anything you think is in bad taste,
throw it out.
This should be the type of place ...
Well ...
... that you'd feel comfortable in.
Good.
Well.
You take over.
And I'll stay here
and do my work.
I'm sorry.
You'll have to move out.
Until I'm finished.
- Move out?
You'd just be in the way
of the men working here.
But there'll be things to discuss.
You'll have to give me carte blanche.
Well, I ... - If you feel that way ...
- No. I'll leave.
Just do the place
the way you'd like it.
I will.
Tilda,
call these shops.
I'm going to pick up a few things.
We don't deal with any of these shops.
You know what their stuff is like.
You bet I do.
You didn't see that man's apartment.
He's got it down to a science.
He pushes a button and the couch
becomes a bed with baby blue sheets.
Really?
And him acting so embarrassed.
Big phoney.
He's like a spider
and expects me to redecorate his web.
Eileen? Brad.
Oear, I want you
to be the first to know.
I've met this girl,
I'm planning to marry her.
Oh nonsense,
you have everything to live for.
No. It's not nauseating enough.
That one with the 2 heads.
You're not serious?
- Wrap it.
Marie? Brad.
Oear, I want you
to be the first to know ...
With big velour tassels.
Tassels?
- Tassels!
Goodbye, my dear.
Yes, Mr. Allen. Your apartment
will be ready in the morning.
There's just one final touch missing.
Goodbye.
Behold, Jonathon.
The work of a woman in love.
Oh, no.
I hope
you saved those telephone numbers.
What?
- That chair, it bit me.
Get dressed.
- Get out. - We're going to my place.
I've seen it.
- So what. Get dressed. - No.
Are you getting up
or do I come in after you?
Oon't you dare.
How dare you! Put me down.
I said put me down.
What are you doing?
Where are you taking me?
Put me down.
Good morning, Mrs. Wilson.
- Morning. - Take me back to bed.
Oown, please.
Harry,
would you please call the police?
Harry ...
Alma, stop him.
You wouldn't take me into the street.
If I ever get
on my feet again, look out.
Alma.
That man just inspired me.
I should have done it long ago.
You're too nice a looking woman
to drink all the time.
You need a man
to take care of.
Then you wouldn't have
so much time to drink.
Harry, you're so strong.
They'll never believe this
back in Wichita Falls.
Officer,
this man is taking me up to his place.
Can't blame him, Miss.
How's it going, Brad? - Fine, Kelly.
Mommy, where's he taking her?
- I'll tell you when you're older.
You got me here.
Now will you put me down?
It's customary for the groom to
carry the bride across the threshold.
Bride?
The scene of the crime.
- Bride?
Why did I spend a fortune? Why did l
cut myself off from every girl?
Why does any man destroy himself?
Because he thinks he's going to marry.
What does he get?
- Bride? - This.
You did a great job here. You can stay
and charge admission.
Ooctor!
It's him!
- Him?
Would you mind coming into my office?
- Not now, I have to see a friend.
Just for a moment. - I have important
news. - Only a few minutes.
I'm going to have a baby.
- Of course you are.
Wait a minute. Jonathon.