Postman Pat: The Movie (2014) Movie Script
1
There you are, good as new.
Now arriving Greendale Station.
Please disembark to your left.
Thank you so much, porter.
- Isnt this marvelous weather?
- Oh, yes, indeed.
Oh, thanks, Jess.
It wouldn't do to forget my hat
on such a lovely morning!
Oh, Pat, that's not all you forgot.
Thanks, love.
Of course, Jess. Extra milk and no coffee.
Aw. You're so thoughtful, Sara.
This year, Im finally taking you
on a proper honeymoon.
- I promise!
- Oh! You mean it, Pat?
Ive always dreamed of a holiday in Italy.
Really? Italy?
Do you suppose that's why I sent away
for some hotel recommendations in Rome?
Ill be getting my bonus today.
Ill use it to book our flights.
- Whoa!
- Sorry, Dad!
I'm practicing the trick
shot you taught me.
Come on then, Julian. What have you got?
Are you sure, Dad? Im getting pretty good.
Now remember what I taught you. Stay loose.
You gotta stay loose. Keep it loose.
Yes!
Nice one, son! You're
getting better every day!
I hear them cheering for you
in the stands right now.
"Pencaster United!"
Dad. I don't play for Pencaster, yet.
Ah, come on!
You'll be in the team before
you can say "boo" to a goose.
- Have a good day, dear!
- Always do!
Bye, love! Bye, Julian!
Right, how about some music?
Good morning, Greendale!
Here's the Saturdays' latest hit single,
Please Mr Postman.
I wish I was a postman.
Oh! I love this song, Jess!
- Bye, love!
- Bye, Dad!
- How do, Pat.
- Good morning!
Hello, Jess.
Good morning, Pat.
- Hey, Pat!
- Morning, George.
- Hello, Pat!
- Good morning, Pat!
- Hello, Pat!
- Good morning, Pat!
Hello, ed! Nice to see you, Amy!
- Good morning, Constable Selby.
- Good morning, Pat.
- Good morning, Pat.
- Good morning, Pat.
- Hello, Mr Clifton.
- Morning, Jess.
- Morning, Pat.
- Pat! Oh, Pat! I have something for you!
Yes, Lizzy?
I have a very special
letter for you to deliver.
It's a bit early for letters
to Father Christmas, isn't it?
I want to avoid the rush.
Well, this is a very special letter.
Ill make sure it gets delivered.
I knew you would, Pat.
Thank you, Pat. Say hello to Sara for me.
Bye, Pat!
Goodbye, Lizzy. Bye, Lauren.
- Have a good day, Constable.
- You too, Pat.
Wish I was a postman.
Good morning, Pat.
Hello, Mrs Goggins!
Any local deliveries today?
- Just these, Pat.
- Thanks.
And a few things to keep
in mind today, Pat.
Michael's repainting his shop,
so you mustn't use the letterbox.
- Got it!
- And Julia Pottage has a dreadful cold,
so don't ring the bell.
Right. Thats all then?
- Have a good day.
- Thanks!
Let's go, Jess.
Major Forbes?
Delivery, Major Forbes.
Major Forbes?
Hello? Major Forbes!
Major Forbes!
Oh, dear. He can't hear us.
He really needs these, Jess.
- I think this calls for manoeuvre 1 7.
- Mmm-hmm!
Great job, Jess!
Here it comes. Catch!
Sorry, Jess. My fault.
Oh! What was that?
Oh! Oh, Jess! Well, it's
jolly good to see you.
Why didn't you ring the bell?
Ah, there's Keats
and yron and Shelley.
And there's ennyson and...
Oh, Lord Alfred.
Uh, five, six, seven...
Morning, Alf. Hows the flock?
Oh, hello, Pat. Fine. Just fine.
- Where's Abigail?
- Actually, I was just wondering that myself.
Abigail?
Oh, Alf. Not again.
Well done, Jess!
Thanks, Jess!
I wish I was a postman.
See you tomorrow, Alf.
Well, that was a fine day's work.
Mission accomplished!
I hope we get our bonus today.
Sara seemed very excited about the trip...
- Morning, Pat. Sorry, we're a bit busy.
- iya, Pat! iya, Jess!
- Pat! Am I glad to see you!
- Hello, en.
I didn't know SDS did airmail.
We don't. It's the new executive
from corporate headquarters.
Hes replaced my sorting system
with more "efficient" machines!
And they're very efficiently not working!
Lots of wasted time,
space and energy here, en.
Not sure even my machines
can save this place.
- Hello! Nice to meet you.
- You are...
Postman Clifton.
It's Pat, actually.
Yes. Slow delivery record,
but apparently you're effective
when it comes to misplaced livestock.
Mr Carbunkle, Pat is our
very best postman...
The future of the Special Delivery Service
is speed, Mr aylor, not wool gathering.
Wool gathering.
That was rather good.
If I could have everyone's attention?
Thank you.
SDS has some exciting
and profitable changes in the works.
- Hello, Jess.
- Ahhh!
From now on, all company tea bags
must be used a minimum
of three times before disposal.
- Deary me.
- Thats me cup of tea.
Toilet breaks are now -Y-O-P.
ring Your Own Paper.
Huh? But I had a curry for lunch.
And it goes without saying,
there will be no bonuses this year.
No bonuses? But Italy...
The Special Delivery Service is changing.
New ideas. New management.
If you want to keep this office open,
I suggest you get with the programme.
I also suggest you get back to work.
Oh, goodness, Jess, what a day.
Do you think Sara will be very
disappointed about canceling the trip?
Well, maybe she wasn't looking
forward to Italy all that much.
Uh... Oh.
Sara? Are we having a fancy dress party?
No, silly! I just wanted to get us
in the mood for our holiday.
Come in! Or as they say in Italy...
Oh. Or maybe that's
something about a hedgehog.
Oh, Im so excited, Pat.
Did you know Italian is one
of the romantic languages?
Ive been looking at hotels.
- Theyre a bit expensive.
- Sara, I...
But we've been looking
forward to this trip for so long!
- I have to tell you something.
- Oh, me, too, Pat.
- I think we should go to Venice first.
- Right.
Only, one small thing.
A man from head office came by today.
Smoke?
Oh! The caprese salad!
- Need some help, love?
- Oh, no! Im all right. Thank you!
- Does one actually cook a caprese salad?
- She does.
- You're The One is back on! Come on, Dad!
- You're The One?
Oh, Dad, it's just massive!
It's a talent show where ordinary people
compete for recording contracts,
trips and all sorts of
really amazing prizes.
Oh!
We're loving each day as if it's the last
Dancing all night, having a blast
'Cause, baby, I need you here
Girl, I'm on a mission
to cure my condition
'Cause without your kissing,
my heart's just a prison
So I'm hoping and wishing
that, girl, I'm forgiven...
Yes, thank you. That will be enough.
Oh.
Theres actually quite a bit more.
Don't threaten me.
I'm sorry. What was your name again?
My name's Ronan.
Ronald, they did tell you
that this is a talent show?
Well, yes, they did. You know, I do actually
have a bit of experience with this.
I'm sorry. Can we get a translator in here?
I think he's speaking
Australian or something.
Actually, Im from Ireland originally.
Then I hope all the horseless carriages
and aeroplanes here haven't frightened you.
Oh.
Am I on to the next round then?
If we were playing Russian roulette.
Simon says, "Next!"
Well, thanks for the opportunity...
Hes a bit harsh, isn't he?
Thats what makes the show so good.
Everybody watches it.
Im Simon Cowbell
and we'll be back after this break.
Unfortunately.
Television is a vast wasteland.
All right. This is it! We're up next!
All the lessons and work are about to be...
Josh! Try to remember why we're here!
What would I be today
if I wasted my life on video games?
A talent agent with only one client?
Look, laddie, I have swindled a lot of old
ladies to pay for your singing lessons,
and I will not...
Well, we're back. Or, rather Im back.
With an empty stage.
Let's take this opportunity
to enjoy the silence.
Thats it! You're on, lad!
Go on, wee man! Break a leg!
Right. What have you got for us?
Josh, is it?
- I thought Id sing a song.
- Well, that's refreshing and new.
- Ive had a few dancing lessons, too.
- What incredibly useful information.
Thank you. Go ahead.
Steal another two minutes of my life.
Yeah
Here we go. Yo!
Give me just a little time
I swear I'm gonna steal your mind
Making it seem easy
while you're playing hard to get
You think you've got it figured out
Oh, but you don't wanna
get struck by lightning
Uh-oh, uh-oh! There you go
Struck by lightning, you can't fight it
Uh-oh, uh-oh, ooh
Struck by lightning
Can't stop...
ls everything all right, love?
Yes! Yes, yes! Everything's fine.
I mean...
Struck by lightning
Can't stop crying for me
Ooh, ooh, ooh, boom, boom, boom
Shut it.
Ive seen a lot of putrid,
revolting, stomach-churning,
horrifically bad acts tonight.
And that was not one of them.
Congratulations, Josh.
You're on to the next round.
We did it! We did it!
Record deal, here we come! You beauty!
I'm gonna be rich! Im gonna be rich!
Next week, You're The One auditions
are coming to Greendull...
Sorry, that's Greendale.
Dad! Did you hear that?
Theyre coming here!
mm? Oh, that's nice, Julian.
And remember, contestants,
this year the grand prize
is a recording contract,
a lifetime supply of Pot Noodles,
and an all-expense paid trip to Italy.
Whoop-DE-doo.
Whoop-DE-doo... What? Hang on.
Did you say Italy?
- That's right, Italy.
- Hold on! I don't have a pen.
And for those of you
in Greendale without pens,
auditions are this Sunday at 5:00.
Sunday at...
5:00.
When the little hand is on the five
and the big hand is straight up!
Got it.
I know I'm the One.
It's time to see if...
You're The One!
If it means a trip to Italy for Sara,
I certainly hope I am the one.
Mmm-hmm!
Right!
Who's hungry for a nice Italian dinner?
I made chicken khakiatore.
- Wow, Mom. That looks like...
- Lt looks amazing, love.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Ah! So, Edwin, my lad,
how are you settling in?
Feeling like part of the SDS family yet?
Now I may be the CEO of the oldest
package delivery service in England,
but I want you to think of me
as your slightly older uncle.
My uncle was eaten by dingos, Mr rown.
Really? How strange.
Thats exactly what happened to the man
who used to have your job!
What a bizarre coincidence. Now if I may?
I have noticed SDS employs a lot of people.
Ah, yes. The best part
of running a business.
- Working with people.
- People slow a company down.
SDS does not need people,
it needs machines.
This programmable postman
is 1 0 times faster than a human.
The perfect worker.
This is the future of SDS!
Well, I don't know about that.
Ive already begun running tests.
I've never been in a film before!
This is very exciting!
Ooh! A knock at the door.
What should I do now?
Just answer it
as you usually would.
Hello.
This is your mail. This is your mail.
We have had some problems finding
a customer-friendly design for the robots.
Again?
Yes, again.
Do I have to?
If you want your 2 quid, Mother.
Mail!
Delivery! Delivery, old woman! Delivery!
You will accept the fruit basket!
You will accept!
You will accept!
You will accept! You will accept!
That was cash upon delivery!
Uh... Yes. Well, that was,
um, very nice, Edwin.
- Lovely cinematography!
- My point, sir,
is that the UDM 3000
can increase profits 500%.
What, the evil robot?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
I don't think terrifying people
is really the SDS way.
Here, have a lolly from the "good try" jar.
And Im sure your next idea
will be loads better!
So, let's end the meeting.
I think we've covered everything.
You're The One is on
and I never miss that show.
SDS will use my robots, Mr rown.
And once they've replaced your postmen,
Ill replace you.
Come on, Dad. You don't want
to be late for the auditions!
I'm surprised you're doing this, dear.
- You usually hate the spotlight.
- It's not for me, Sara. It's...
It's...
A chance to perform on the telly.
Oh, and what will you be singing?
Well, I was wondering, would you mind
terribly if I did our wedding song?
Oh, Pat. Thats so romantic!
Of course I don't mind.
Well, then, I suppose we should get to it.
I wonder if anyone else from town
has heard about the audition.
Around the ragged rocks
the rugged rascal ran. Oh, yes!
oro! oro! essie, why won't you toro?
Once more, from the diaphragm.
"Now is the winter of our discontent
made glorious summer by this son of York."
Oh, yes, folk have often said
how much I look like Michael ubl.
No, it's Justin ieber you want to be.
Isn't it exciting, Pat?
Oh, yes. I suppose. It's very exciting.
- Hi, Pat! Hi, Sara! Hey, Julian!
- Hi, Michael!
Oh, I am the very model
of a modern major-general
I've information vegetable...
I don't care! I am sick of schlepping
from one backwater village to the next,
auditioning tatty country bumpkins
and their amazing musical sheep!
Simon! We're on in five.
Oh, all right. Let's get this over with.
Show me what Grimdale has to offer.
- Thats Greendale, Simon.
- Whatever.
Another wasteland of talentless wannabes.
- Yes?
- Im Dorothy hompson.
And Im her husband, Alf.
Pleased to meet...
I can't believe I'm actually
meeting you, Simon!
This is the closest
Ive ever been to a real celebrity.
Well, my second cousin was the national
clog-dancing champion, but he was...
Charming. Are you one of the local judges?
Me? On television? Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- You're the other judge, then?
- Uh, yes.
Er, certainly. Though I do usually leave
the judging to a higher power.
Unless it's a knobbliest knees competition.
Then Im an expert.
I can never UN-see that.
Oh! Pardon me.
Well, if this is the best they've got,
that recording contract is in the bag.
Was I supposed to bring a bag?
And we are live in 1 5 seconds!
Lights.
Cameras on standby.
Take your seats.
Contestants to the stage, please.
Yes, that's right, line
up right over there.
Do we have playback?
We are live in five,
four, three, two...
Hello, and welcome to another hour
of television magic.
I know Im the One. It's time to see if...
- You're The One!
- You're The One!
- Sir, if we could just discuss my robots...
- Shh! Shush! Theyre starting.
We're in Green Dill tonight.
- Thats Greendale.
- Whatever.
Oh, let's just get this over with.
Hurry up!
Hi, everybody! Oh, it's
bright up here, isn't it?
- Are you ready?
- Yes. Do you have everything?
I have everything. I
think I have everything.
Yes, yes, yes. I have everything.
- Your smokestack is crooked.
- Oh, it is? ls this better?
- A little more to the left.
- Like this?
I'm not interrupting you, am I?
- Oh, no, not at all.
- It's wonderful to meet you, Simon!
I'm sure it is. And you are?
We are the rainwerks!
Oh, no.
Yo, yo, yo. Check it. MC Ajay
has a sick beat to drop on y'all. innit?
And the train's on
the Pencaster-Greendale line
Leaving the station, it is on time
Wave the flag and drop the go sign
Departing 'caster
Station, 0-6-Double-0...
All right! All right! Thats enough.
Stop it!
Stop!
Sorry.
Are you winding me up? Was that for real?
rainwerks? It's more like rain Wrecks.
mm.
Judges?
Er, I rather thought the trains were nice.
Choo-choo!
- Oh, yes, I thought it was rather sweet.
- Invaluable insight.
Obviously this act has jumped the track.
Simon says, "Next."
OK, thank you, Simon. Thank you!
DJ Ajay Fresh, out! Peace.
Why is there always a sheep act?
Alas, poor Yorick!
What's all this then?
Oh! I thought I was having a nightmare.
Oh, wait, I still am.
Horrible! Next.
Next.
Bunnies are cuddly, the
large and the small,
but I like the chocolate
ones best of them all.
Next.
- "Call me Ishmael."
Next.
Nearly there.
Well, this is going about
as well as I expected.
Next.
- Next.
- Im all right.
Hello? Next, please.
Live television show going on here.
- Thats you, Dad.
- Next.
Yeah, well, erm...
I was thinking...
- Next.
- This isn't the best time...
Don't worry. You'll be brilliant!
- He doesn't seem to be in a very good mood.
- Next!
Just think of it as singing in the shower,
only in front of a lot of people.
With clothes on.
So, you're a...
Let me guess, a postman?
Uh... Erm... How did you know that?
Wild guess. Name?
Uh... Oh. Pat?
Postman Pat?
Oh! Look at that, Edwin.
One of our team is on the telly.
Isnt that lovely?
A robot would never embarrass
the company like this.
Well, Postman Pat, what will you be
dazzling us with this evening?
Well... I thought... I thought I'd sing
my wife Sara's favourite song.
Ooh, Im all a-tingle.
Uh... So should I just start then?
Well, that is why you got all dressed up.
Oh! Ooh!
Oh, my! Sorry, sorry.
Sorry, I just had a bit of a... Sorry...
No, I missed my...
I wasn't supposed to... Hang on a minute.
Can I just start again, please?
Please, take your time.
I'm sure it will be worth the wait.
Dad's muffed it, hasn't he, Mum?
Late one night I awoke from a dream
I kept to myself until now
And I saw your face
Somehow it seems
I lost you somewhere in the crowd
Where will I go?
What would I do?
Who would I be if I didn't have you?
In your eyes
See what the world can be
In your smile
The simple things sing to me
Without you I'm lost
Like a man at sea
And with you is where
I am meant to be
I wake every morning
Rising to shine
Oh, take on the day
With your hand in mine
I'm not alone but it seems
I'm dreaming of home
as I'm living the dream
In your eyes
I see what the world can be
In your smile
The simple things sing to me
Without you I'm lost
Like a man at sea
And with you is where
I am meant to be
Or I could try something else
if you didn't like that one.
All right!
Oh, yeah! That was good.
Ow! What'd you do that for?
- Don't clap for your enemy.
- But he's good.
mm. Im gonna have to keep an eye
on this Postman Pat.
Oh, my goodness. My goodness me!
They certainly seem to
like him, don't they?
Yes. Yes, they do.
I am absolutely gobsmacked!
It makes sense you're a postman, Pat,
because you know how to deliver.
You're through to the finals in London.
Congratulations, Postman Pat.
You did it, Dad! You did it!
I'm so proud, love.
"A local postman
surprised the world yesterday
"with his letter-perfect performance on
the popular talent show You're The One.
- "He deserves a real pat on the back."
- Thats kind of them.
But we're not in Italy yet.
- What was that about Italy, dear?
- Oh, erm...
I... I'll get that.
Hello?
Oh, hello, Mr Carbunkle.
It's Mr Carbunkle.
Oh, you saw that, sir?
Well, it was just a bit of a laugh.
Mmm. The company headquarters?
Immediately? Ill be right there, sir.
They want me down at Head Office.
Something about having seen me
on the show last night.
I hope they don't want
me to quit the contest.
Well, you certainly don't have to
carry on with the show, love.
- You're already a winner to me.
- Oh, thank you, Sara.
But Im sure I can explain
it all to Mr rown.
I was just trying to win a trip to Italy
for my wife.
I hope I didn't do anything wrong.
Wrong? No, certainly not, my boy!
We couldn't be happier.
How would you like to be
the Special Delivery Service's
official spokesman?
We'd like to build
a publicity campaign all around you.
Endorsements, public appearances,
merchandising.
We want to make Postman Pat synonymous
with the SDS across the whole of Britain.
It was Mr Browns idea.
It... Lt was? Oh, er...
Well, as I always say,
there's no "I" in team.
But why would anyone want these things?
I'm just an ordinary postman.
Listen to him, Edwin. Hes so modest.
He has a lot to be modest about.
- Yes. Pardon?
- Look at this, Pat.
We've even got a telly programme
in development. With puppets!
Who'd watch something like that?
Marketing has come up with
your new theme song. Have a listen.
Postman Pat! Postman Pat!
Postman Pat and his black and white cat
Catchy, isn't it?
Early in the morning...
Oh! Well, it's interesting.
I suppose.
We've already scheduled you
for extra rehearsals,
arranged plenty of personal appearances
and booked you on all the major chat shows.
Mr Carbunkle, I don't think I'll
have the time. My job, you see...
ls already covered.
The Patbot 3000.
This mechanical marvel will be
taking over your postal duties.
Temporarily, of course.
You're teasing.
Nobody will really think that's me.
Hello, Pat.
You can count on me.
The special delivery always gets through.
Mission accomplished.
Oh. Perhaps they will.
Of course, you mustn't breathe
a word of this to anyone.
The consequences would be unfortunate.
Yes. Mustn't dilute your
brand, as they say.
Postman Pat...
Excuse me, sir, but doesn't this
all seem a bit dishonest?
Pat, think of your friends
at the Sorting Office. Think of Bill.
- en.
- Whatever.
We want to do everything we can to make
sure that office stays open, don't we?
Well, I suppose it would be all right
for a little while.
Wonderful! Wonderful, lads!
Thats the team spirit!
Excellent, Clifton. Now
here's what we'll do
Meet me tomorrow morning
at the Sorting Office. Come alone.
Just give me a moment, Jess.
Ill be right back.
mm?
- Mr Carbunkle? Are you here, Mr Carbunkle?
- Clifton.
You're late.
Oh! Yes, Im sorry. I was helping my son
with his football practice.
This is not a moment to
be late for, Clifton.
This is the start of a bold new era
for the Special Delivery Service.
Nice to see you, Pat.
Erm, hello, Patbot. Uh...
Are you sure this is a good idea,
Mr Carbunkle?
He might need someone
to help him on his round.
I have thought of that.
Adorable, isn't he?
Oh, yes. It's very adorable.
Patbot, do you know what to do?
The Patbot 3000 is fully programmed
in all SDS procedures and protocols.
I designed his matrix myself.
Oh, I see.
Well, then. Good luck, and remember, the
most important thing for a postman is...
Speed. Efficiency. Ruling the world.
Well, I was going to say being friendly.
You know, the human touch.
You are programmed for that, aren't you?
Of course.
Patbot, show Clifton how
friendly you can be.
Erm, that's a lot of
teeth, but not exactly...
Time to kick the babies
out of the nest, Clifton.
Oh, erm, well, then...
Let me know if I can be
of any help, Patbot.
- Good morning, Ben. I am Postman Pat.
- Hello, Pat.
I am here to deliver the post
because I am Postman Pat, the postman.
You feeling all right there, mucker?
The special delivery always gets through.
Do not be suspicious.
This is Jess the cat.
Because I am Postman Pat.
mm. OK.
Let me open the door, Ben,
because I am friendly and also nice,
and in no way part of a plot
to take over the SDS
for an evil corporate executive.
Er, been working out, Pat?
No time to chat. We've
got a special delivery.
Get ready for take-off.
Goodbye. Lovely day.
OK. Have a good day, Pat.
Everything is ship-shape.
Hello, I am Postman Pat.
Jess the cat, I forgot my postbag.
Please get it for me. This is not a trick
to get you out of the van, Jess the cat.
Huh?
We've got a special delivery.
The mission...
Theres no parking in here!
Anytime, anywhere.
My van! Does he have insurance?
Better. Hes under warranty.
- Run for your lives!
- Rise and shine.
Hes gone postal!
I am Postman Pat.
The special delivery always gets through.
Huh?
Mission accomplished.
These roads are inefficient.
Come on, Jess.
Time to go.
Hurry, hurry! We don't want to be late
for Pat's big interview!
London, James, and don't spare the horses.
Hello? Anyone? A little help?
To deliver anything,
anytime, anywhere.
Hey. Pat?
- Good morning, Pat!
- Ahhh!
- Oh, my!
- What's wrong with Pat?
The special delivery
always gets through.
- Morning.
- Morning.
I am not evil.
I am only misunderstood.
Stop in the name of the law!
I would like a cup of tea.
I say, that's not like Pat at all.
We should say good morning,
Mrs Goggins.
I am Postman Pat.
Oh, Pat, the Reverend
and I were just saying
how much we enjoyed your
singing last night.
I had an uncle who had
a bonnie set of pipes. He used to...
The special delivery
always gets through.
Goodness me.
Mission accomplished.
- Oh, my! That wasn't like Pat at all.
- Aye!
I hope this telly business
isn't too much for the lad.
Good morning, Britain!
Today we have two very special guests
Im sure you'll all recognise.
The finalists from You're The One.
It's Postman Pat and Jish.
Jish?
Who is Jish? His name isn't Jish.
His name is...
His name is...
Oh! Oh, Im sorry. Im allergic to cats.
Marvelous! So, Pat,
how are you enjoying your new celebrity?
Decorated your dressing room yet?
My... No. I don't, uh...
I usually get dressed at home.
Aw! isnt he scrumptious?
Josh wears clothes! Nearly all the time.
Don't you, Josh?
Yeah. Usually...
Great.
Pat, is it hard to balance working
as a postman with your singing career?
Oh, well, I wouldn't call it
a singing career exactly.
Oh, Josh would! Singing
is all he thinks about!
Unless it's dancing!
Hes an entertainment machine, that boy!
- Really?
- Any time!
Day or night, he's ready to perform!
Aren't you, Joshy lad?
Pat, your cat's amazing!
Hes already beaten Wilf's high score!
What's his name?
Oh, that's Jess. Hes my best mate.
I really don't think I could get through
the day without him.
- Aw!
- I wish I had a cat.
Well, there you have it, folks.
All it takes to be a star is talent
and a black and white cat!
What? No, no, no! Wait!
You don't need cats! Cats are rubbish!
No, I just meant... I mean...
Don't you wanna hear Josh sing?
And we're out.
Nigel, what did I tell you?
Never book children, authors, or Scotsmen!
- I have bogeys in my hair!
- No, wait!
It's not my fault! It's my allergies.
Please, don't!
Great job, Pat.
Oh, well, thank you.
- You killed them, Pat.
- I did?
- Ls that good?
- Would you like a cappuccino, Mr Clifton?
Oh, that's nice of you, thank you.
But I really should be getting home.
My son has football practice.
Oh, of course! Right after
your next interview.
- Next?
- Oh, just a few more.
- People can't get enough of Postman Pat.
- Really?
Oh. Well, I suppose we could stay
a bit longer, eh, Jess?
Wonderful job today, me boy.
Well done.
- Remember, rehearsals tomorrow.
- Ill remember. Good night, Mr rown.
Sorry Im so late, love.
I did three interviews!
I really think the people on set liked me.
Pat, I got some calls today.
People said you were acting
strangely on your route.
I was?
Oh, Ill have to talk to
Mr Carbunkle about that.
Pat, Im worried about you.
No need, love.
You just concentrate on
planning our Italy trip.
Trust me, love. Everything
will sort itself out.
The whole world's gone bonkers
for this Pat Clifton fellow.
We have to up our game, Joshy boy.
You need to be on fire
at the finals next week.
Charm them! Make them love you!
Mmm-hmm. Charm, love. Got it.
This might sound crazy, but do you hear
someone singing about...
Give me that!
Hey! I was playing that.
Ill play you, you wee... What?
- Hes got a video game?
- Oh, yeah, it's great, Wilf!
You deliver mail, have a cat
and are nice to people.
Every now and again you can rescue a sheep!
It's the hottest game around.
Totally massive.
I did not pay for your singing lessons,
your dancing lessons
and your hair-care lessons
for you to lose to that... That postman!
Wilf, you know, he's actually pretty good.
Ill do my best. But how about we just
let the best man win?
Best man?
Nobody ever got anywhere
in show business by relying on talent.
I see Ill have to take matters
into my own hands.
I have been following
that post-hoc performer for a week.
I know everything about him.
When he sleeps. His routes.
The color of his boxer shorts on Tuesdays.
Yeah, that's in no way creepy.
I am going to stamp out that postman,
post haste.
Well? How do I look?
What happened to your glasses, dear?
Oh. Theyre a lighting problem on the set.
And my makeup assistant says
they make me look a bit dodgy.
Ive always liked them. Here.
In case you don't get a chance
to eat lunch after work.
Ah! Thank you, love. This is so thoughtful.
Oh, I gotta go, Sara. My limo's outside.
Don't forget the aylors are coming around
for tea tonight.
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
But, Dad, I thought we were going
to practice my football kicks.
My match is this week.
Oh, sorry, Julian. I completely forgot.
I will make time before your big match.
I promise.
Oh, OK.
Thats my boy. Ill be home early.
Pat! Pat!
Over here! Pat!
Cool! Paparazzi!
Pat, how does it feel
to be everyone's favourite postman?
Smile, Jess!
Are the Americans
really making a movie, Pat?
- Have you always loved cats?
- Your fans want to know everything.
What's your inspiration?
Oh. Well, I might be a bit
later than I thought.
Don't be too late, dear.
- The aylors are bringing photos from Italy.
- Well, hello.
Hi, how are you?
Special delivery.
Simple things sing to me
Without you I'm lost
Like a man at sea
And with you is where I...
Patrick Clifton?
Sara?
Sorry, Pat, baby. I tried to stop her,
but the cat let her in.
mm!
No, it's fine. It's quite all right, Robin.
Thats my wife.
OK, take five, everybody!
Erm, hi, love.
I'm surprised to see you here.
Pat, we need to talk.
You don't answer my phone calls.
You get home after midnight.
I am sorry, love.
But I have to win this competition.
I wish I could explain.
Can't you try? Please?
Look, Im doing this show because...
I hope I'm not interrupting.
Pat, Mr rown needs to see you.
Immediately.
Ill be right back, love.
- Mr rown, you wanted to see me?
- I did?
- Oh, I did, I did.
- Sara, is it?
I know you want to support your husband.
We all do.
- But coming here was a bad idea.
- Lt was?
Well, he wouldn't say it,
but this means a lot to him.
I'm sure you understand.
Pat needs to focus on his performance.
No demands. No distractions.
You do want your husband
to be happy, don't you?
Pat! Pat!
Could I have your autograph?
- Oh. Er, yes.
- Im such a big fan.
Well, it seems like this is what he wants.
Yes, it is.
I know it's difficult, but sometimes
when you really love someone,
the best thing you can do
is to let them go.
Good news, Pat. Ive invited all of
Greendale to the You're The One finals.
Front row seats!
Compliments of your SDS family!
Thank you, sir.
I'm sure everyone will appreciate it.
No trouble at all, my boy.
You are doing great things for the company.
It's like my Great Uncle
Thaddeus used to say,
- "It's all about the human touch."
- Yes, yes. Very true.
Could you excuse me, sir? I need to go.
- Of course, my boy.
- No rest for the weary, eh?
Mr Carbunkle, where's Sara?
- She was just here.
- I don't know.
- - Well, she did say
she had other things to do.
Mmm!
You know how women are.
Don't worry, Pat.
Once you take her on that trip to Italy,
she'll realise this was all for her.
mm. I suppose.
- If I win.
- If?
You know
we're all behind you 1 00%.
Lose the cat.
Jess? Oi, Jess.
I see you're not with Dad either.
Seems like he doesn't have much time for us
since he got famous.
I thought Id drop by the Sorting Office.
Maybe see if he had time
for a chat or some footie.
You want to come along?
Lt looks like everyone in town is here.
I wonder what's going on, Jess.
en, you've just got
to do something about Pat!
He poured cement over my rose garden
and all he said was,
"Faster route. Lovely day.
I am not a robot."
He was downright rude to me.
He has been flagrantly
disregarding traffic laws.
Oh, something's the matter with him.
Hes not acting like Pat at all.
Hes really getting up my nerves!
It's the celebrity. It's gone to his head.
Look, I know he's been a bit off lately,
but this is Pat we're talking about.
Hed never let us down on purpose.
To forgive is divine.
Tell that to my petunias.
Pat's under a lot of pressure.
I'm sure he'll be back to normal
once this telly business blows over.
What touching loyalty!
Don't you think, Pat?
Mr Carbunkle.
Are you here with more upgrades?
You could say that.
Let's step into my office.
It's not your office any more, aylor.
You're fired.
- You're replacing me?
- With Pat.
His delivery times are the quickest
SDS has ever seen.
He is the postman of the future!
Pat, you're not going
along with this, are you?
Clean out your office, Ben.
I want you off the premises in 1 0 minutes.
You won't have to wait that long, Pat.
Come on, Lauren, we're leaving.
And you may as well take
your ex-employees with you.
I can't believe it.
I used too much toilet paper.
- Pat, you don't mean it.
- Pat, how could you?
Oh! That was uncalled for!
Madam, this is private property
and you are trespassing.
Shall I ring someone to show you out?
Oh! Well, I never did.
Id never have believed it of Pat.
That Pat has turned
into a real stinker.
He certainly has.
Dad, you can't do this.
en is your best friend.
You've always told me
the most important things in the world
are friends and family.
Didn't you mean it?
The most important things in the world
are efficiency, profit, success.
- Dad?
- You heard your father.
Now, why don't you run along?
And take that with you.
Robots, report for duty!
We're taking over this operation.
At last!
No more inefficient humans
cluttering up my mailroom!
Now that everyone loves Postman Pat,
they'll turn a blind eye
as I replace every deliveryman
in the Special Delivery Service
with my glorious, money-making machines!
Profits will skyrocket!
The board of directors will retire
that weak-kneed rown
and promote me to CEO!
And I won't stop there!
We'll diversify into other businesses.
We'll make automated bank tellers,
robotic technical support,
even computer-animated movies!
Fly, my pretties! Fly! Fly!
Today, England! Tomorrow, the world!
Sara! Julian! Our lift's here!
Is everyone ready to go to London?
We're not coming.
Not coming?
But this is the final competition.
Julian, you don't want
to miss this, do you?
Good luck, Dad. I hope you win.
Son?
What's the matter with Julian?
I thought he was looking forward to this.
We just...
We just don't want to get in your way.
I'm sure you'll do really well
without us.
- Good luck.
- Sara?
Sara? But I don't...
All right, Ill be home after.
Well, I suppose it's just
you and me then, Jess.
Mmm-mmm!
Jess?
Jess!
Uh, yes. Yes, yes. Oh.
Well, yes. Ill tell him.
Uh, thank you.
It's the strangest thing, Pat.
Nobody from Greendale wanted the tickets
I sent them.
Oh.
Cheer up, my boy!
SDS loves the publicity you've given us.
You've a lot to be proud of.
You should be a very happy man.
Hello, Ben. I am Postman Pat.
I would love a cup of tea.
It's all right for you, isn't it?
The special delivery
always gets through.
- Hello, Ben.
- Eh?
Am I seeing things?
- I am Postman Pat.
- I am also Postman Pat.
- Have a good day.
- The special delivery always gets...
All right, there is definitely
something funny going on around here!
To deliver anything anytime, anywhere.
We've got to... Delivery. Efficiency.
To deliver anything anytime,
anywhere. Rise and shine.
We've got to... Delivery. Efficiency.
Hop on, Jess! We'll get
to the bottom of this.
- I am Postman Pat.
- I am also Postman Pat.
- I am Postman Pat.
- Anytime, anywhere...
A special delivery.
Yes, I would love a cup of tea.
Efficiency, profitability.
Rise and shine. We've got to... Delivery.
Efficiency.
All right, ya pestilent postie.
I'm gonna return you to sender.
We've got a special delivery. Hello.
Ah, why not?
You should have stuck to letters, Pat!
You need to be willing to stop at nothing
to make it in showbiz!
I learned that from Hannah Montana.
See how well you sing
from inside a box, you little...
Eh?
No! Thats not possible!
Hello.
What? Lt can't be!
Do not run in terror.
The special delivery
values customer satisfaction.
- Stay away from me! Get back, you hear?
- Efficient. Efficient. Efficient.
Would you like a stamp?
I said get back!
I'm warning you!
Daisy, Daisy
Give me your answer, do
Jings, crivens and help ma boab!
Hes a robot.
But if Pat's been replaced
by robots, then...
I have to talk to Sara!
The magnet turned him off.
System rebooting. Alert! Alert!
Cover blown. Recall protocols initiated.
Return to Carbunkle. Return to Carbunkle.
Cover blown. Cover blown. Alert! Alert!
Oh, no, Pat! Ya won't get away that easy!
Recall protocols initiated.
Return to Carbunkle.
Cover blown. Cover blown.
Cover blown. Alert! Alert!
- Recall protocols initiated.
- Huh?
Return to Carbunkle.
Return to Carbunkle.
Carbunkle. Carbunkle. Carbunkle.
This is just too good to be true!
Postman Pat's a cheat!
Robots can't enter talent competitions!
I win! I win!
And it seems all of England is tuning in
tonight to watch the You're The One finals.
Excitement at the theater is high
as crowds await the arrival
of media sensation Postman Pat!
Oh! And here he is now!
- I love you, Pat!
- Over here!
Oh, hi, Pat. Where's Jess?
Uh, he, uh... He isn't coming.
Hey, are you OK, mate?
I don't know.
I love you, Pat!
Josh! Just one on the cheek!
Good luck tonight, Pat.
Break a leg, Pat!
Knock 'em dead, Patty.
I don't feel like a very happy man.
Something the matter, Pat?
Oh, Mr Carbunkle.
Well, it's just...
This all feels like a mistake.
I'm not a performer.
I'm a postman.
I should talk to Mr rown.
Oh, no.
You're not ruining this now.
Ive finally got that fool of a CEO
where I want him.
If it were up to him, SDS would stay
a quaint little delivery service
dedicated to customer service
and the human touch.
lech!
But I thought that's what all this was for,
to help keep SDS the way it's always been.
Your publicity was to make people love
Postman Pat.
Now, I can replace
all of SDS's human workers with Patbots!
And when I become CEO,
SDS will become the biggest,
most profitable company in the world!
No. No!
I won't go along with that!
Sorry, Pat, didn't I mention?
I don't need you any more, either.
What do you mean by...
- Hello, Pat.
- Oh!
You can count on me.
The special delivery always gets through.
Mission accomplished.
Nice working with you, Pat.
No, wait, don't! Oi!
Hey! You can't do this! Let me out!
Let me out!
What have I done?
Ive given up everything and everyone
who cared about me for this.
And I don't even recognise myself any more.
Oh, Ive been such a fool.
Jess?
Jess!
Um, attention.
Can I have everyone's attention, please?
Now just shush!
mm!
Thank you for gathering
on such short notice.
Look, I know you've all been upset
with Pat's behaviour lately.
Upset? He traumatized my sheep!
Yeah, but that wasn't Pat!
The thing that's been delivering mail
this past week is a robot!
- A robot?
- Thats not possible.
Pat always seemed human.
Come to think of it,
that does explain his cat leaking oil.
And his flouting of the law.
I know everyone's been angry at Dad lately.
Seems like he's been too
busy for any of us.
But Dad's helped us loads of times.
Remember when he hoed your field, Alf?
Aye, aye. That I do.
He brought our Lizzy
soup when she was sick.
He always gives to charity.
He picked my berries.
Hes my best friend.
Ive been such a fool!
Pat's always been there for us.
And now it's time for
us to be there for him!
So who's with me?
This is it.
We are finally here.
Our season finale,
where the top contestants test their
talents in a battle to be the best.
And this time, I actually care.
I know Im the One. It's time to see if...
You're The One!
There you are, Edwin.
I thought you might miss the show.
No, Mr rown.
I just had some
last-minute business to attend to.
Our first contestant is a fan favourite
who's new to showbiz.
The postie with the mostie.
It's Postman Pat!
Uno, dos, tres, catorce!
Here I am, am
I'm Postman Pat, Pat
I drop your snail mail
Right at your mat, mat
Your favourite postie
Special delivery
PO, there you go
Here it is, so cheerio
Well, he's changed his
act a bit, hasn't he?
Change for the better, Mr rown.
The first of many.
No one can stop me now.
Ready to go, Jess?
Come on then. We've got to stop that show!
Where do you think you're going, pally?
I need to get in there.
We're sold out.
Postman Pat's appearing tonight.
Yes, I know. But he's not...
I mean, I'm Postman Pat.
- You and everybody else.
- Huh?
Nice try.
Homemade costume?
He don't look anything like a postman.
Uh-oh.
Oh! No, I... I can see there's a queue.
And we don't want...
Leg it, Jess!
This way!
More Patbots?
Carbunkle isn't taking any chances.
What do we do now, Jess?
We have to get inside!
Manoeuvre 1 7?
Hurry, Jess. Hurry!
Oh! Here they come, Jess!
What was that?
Oh, my giddy aunt!
Hes blasting the bolts!
We need to get to the top, Jess!
Whoa!
Quick, Jess! Jump!
Ooh. Thats going to take some tidying.
I feel I'm a really happy,
really happy postman
I deliver all the goods
from coast to coast, yeah
I'm the tip-top, cream
of crop, won't stop
What do you mean you lost them?
Listen to me, you ferrous feline.
If you don't stop them
getting into this theater,
Ill have you replaced
by a radio-controlled poodle!
Well, that looks sturdy enough.
Okay, Jess. Follow me.
Carefully. Carefully now.
Almost there.
Oh, muffins.
Ahhh!
Oh, hello.
Whoa!
mm?
Jess? Jess?
Hang on, Jess. Im coming.
- I have not put on weight.
- mm.
Hey, we did it, Jess!
Jess, Id say we're home and dry now.
Uh-oh!
Ahhh!
Jess! Run!
That was close.
Uh-huh!
Jess! Look over there. It's a way in.
Come on, Jess, let's go.
Uh-oh!
Ooh! That was a bit of luck.
Uh-huh!
Back to business.
I think I see a ladder.
Oh, just out of reach.
If I can just... Whoa!
I found a way down, Jess.
Listen up
It's Postman Pat back for the attack
We're bringing spin moves
I like it like that
I'm hipper than a hip bone,
smarter than a smartphone
Bright red van
going straight to your post code
I hail from Greendale
Y'all fools can't compete
You're weak, I'm strong
I'm king, you're wrong
This postman's bringing the heat
I feel I'm a really happy,
really happy postman
I deliver all the goods
from coast to coast, yeah
It's going rather well,
don't you think, Edwin?
Huh? Oh, yes.
Yes. Very well indeed.
...a really happy, really happy...
Stop! Stop the show!
This contest is a sham.
And this postman isn't
what he pretends to be.
Postman Pat is a robot!
And I can prove it.
That is a robot!
Hes got bits in him!
Robots aren't allowed on the show.
I told you.
What is going on here?
Edwin, I demand an explanation!
It must be Clifton's doing, sir.
Hes fooled us all. Hes a cheat.
No, everybody wait, please!
I can explain everything!
Mr rown, sir.
I'm afraid we've both
made a terrible mistake.
Ah, it's just another robot!
Ill make short work of...
Hey, wait a minute.
Lt was working a minute ago.
This is some kind of trick.
Theres a lot of metal above my head,
isn't there?
Yes.
I thought so.
You can't fool me! Robots!
You're all robots!
Simon's a robot, too, Im sure of it.
Hes always been a robot.
Pat, my boy. I don't
understand any of this.
What's going on?
It's so easy to lose sight
of what's important.
Everything seems to be moving
so quickly these days.
Technology and machines
have brought a lot of wonderful things
into the world.
Made it faster, more exciting.
And being on telly, well,
that's quite a thrill.
But so is slowing down
to play football with your son.
Or coming home to a quiet dinner
with family and friends.
I got into this contest
to win a holiday for my wife,
but somewhere along the way
I forgot to take time
for those I really care about.
And that was a mistake.
Because if the people you love
aren't there to share your success,
then maybe you're not
that successful at all.
You'd think a postman would be better
at sorting things, wouldn't you?
I want to be a postman.
Good on you, mate.
Oh. I must have something in my eye.
Ive wasted my life.
But not everyone at our company
feels the same way.
Isn't that right, Mr Carbunkle?
Quite right, Clifton.
What matters is money.
And control! And power!
Everything SDS will have,
once Im running this sorry company!
No, no, no, no, Edwin.
Thats not the SDS way.
It is now.
See? See? Robots! I knew it! Robots!
Edwin, stop this immediately!
What are you doing?
Give me the, SDS, rown.
The days of lovable, friendly mailmen
helping quaint country characters
with their stupid little problems is over!
The future belongs to machines!
And to me!
See? See? I told you this would happen!
Oh, if I was down there,
I'd show you what for!
Come up here and fight like a machine!
Oh! Oh, my allergy!
Huh?
- What happened?
- They all stopped.
Please. Easiest game ever.
Huh?
I'm so sorry, Pat.
I had no idea what Edwin was up to.
The Special Delivery Service
would never replace
wonderful fellows like you.
After all, it's the human
touch that makes us a family.
But this wasn't just me!
Theres no "I" in team, remember?
Yes, but there is a "you" in you are fired!
You can't do this to me!
I am the future! Ill just move to America!
I'm not even a bad guy there!
You'll see, Ill be back!
Ill be back! Ill be back!
Nobody understands genius!
Ive seen boiled hams that are less done.
So if the melodrama is over,
can we get back to the reality show?
Postman Pat,
the whole world is waiting for you to sing.
Actually, I only got into this
to win my wife a holiday.
And without her to sing for,
well, Im sorry.
Theres really no point in me...
- Pat.
- Huh?
Pat.
Go for it, Pat!
Looks like you've got something
to sing for now, mate.
Doesn't he, Wilf?
Aye. Well, may the best man win.
And if you're ever looking for a
manager, Pat, give me a wee call.
How about it, Pat?
Well, Jess? What do you think?
Uh-huh!
All right, Simon.
But I may change the act a bit.
Like a fool I went and stayed too long
Now, I'm wondering if
your love's still strong
Ooh, baby, here I am
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Then the time I went and said goodbye
Now I'm back and not ashamed to cry
Ooh, baby, here I am
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Here I am, baby
Oh, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Here I am, baby
Oh, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Oh! I've done a lot of foolish things
That I really didn't mean
Yeah, didn't I?
Oh, baby
Yeah, didn't I?
Oh, baby
Seen a lot of things in this old world
When I touched them,
they did nothing, girl
Ooh, baby
Here I am, signed, sealed, delivered,
I'm yours
I'm yours
Oh, baby, you set my soul on fire
That's why I know you're my only desire
Oh, baby, here I am,
signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours!
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Yeah, baby
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed, delivered
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
I've done a lot of foolish things
that I really didn't mean
I could be a broken man but here I am
Got your future, got your future, baby
Yeah
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed...
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed, delivered
Here I am, baby
There you are, good as new.
Now arriving Greendale Station.
Please disembark to your left.
Thank you so much, porter.
- Isnt this marvelous weather?
- Oh, yes, indeed.
Oh, thanks, Jess.
It wouldn't do to forget my hat
on such a lovely morning!
Oh, Pat, that's not all you forgot.
Thanks, love.
Of course, Jess. Extra milk and no coffee.
Aw. You're so thoughtful, Sara.
This year, Im finally taking you
on a proper honeymoon.
- I promise!
- Oh! You mean it, Pat?
Ive always dreamed of a holiday in Italy.
Really? Italy?
Do you suppose that's why I sent away
for some hotel recommendations in Rome?
Ill be getting my bonus today.
Ill use it to book our flights.
- Whoa!
- Sorry, Dad!
I'm practicing the trick
shot you taught me.
Come on then, Julian. What have you got?
Are you sure, Dad? Im getting pretty good.
Now remember what I taught you. Stay loose.
You gotta stay loose. Keep it loose.
Yes!
Nice one, son! You're
getting better every day!
I hear them cheering for you
in the stands right now.
"Pencaster United!"
Dad. I don't play for Pencaster, yet.
Ah, come on!
You'll be in the team before
you can say "boo" to a goose.
- Have a good day, dear!
- Always do!
Bye, love! Bye, Julian!
Right, how about some music?
Good morning, Greendale!
Here's the Saturdays' latest hit single,
Please Mr Postman.
I wish I was a postman.
Oh! I love this song, Jess!
- Bye, love!
- Bye, Dad!
- How do, Pat.
- Good morning!
Hello, Jess.
Good morning, Pat.
- Hey, Pat!
- Morning, George.
- Hello, Pat!
- Good morning, Pat!
- Hello, Pat!
- Good morning, Pat!
Hello, ed! Nice to see you, Amy!
- Good morning, Constable Selby.
- Good morning, Pat.
- Good morning, Pat.
- Good morning, Pat.
- Hello, Mr Clifton.
- Morning, Jess.
- Morning, Pat.
- Pat! Oh, Pat! I have something for you!
Yes, Lizzy?
I have a very special
letter for you to deliver.
It's a bit early for letters
to Father Christmas, isn't it?
I want to avoid the rush.
Well, this is a very special letter.
Ill make sure it gets delivered.
I knew you would, Pat.
Thank you, Pat. Say hello to Sara for me.
Bye, Pat!
Goodbye, Lizzy. Bye, Lauren.
- Have a good day, Constable.
- You too, Pat.
Wish I was a postman.
Good morning, Pat.
Hello, Mrs Goggins!
Any local deliveries today?
- Just these, Pat.
- Thanks.
And a few things to keep
in mind today, Pat.
Michael's repainting his shop,
so you mustn't use the letterbox.
- Got it!
- And Julia Pottage has a dreadful cold,
so don't ring the bell.
Right. Thats all then?
- Have a good day.
- Thanks!
Let's go, Jess.
Major Forbes?
Delivery, Major Forbes.
Major Forbes?
Hello? Major Forbes!
Major Forbes!
Oh, dear. He can't hear us.
He really needs these, Jess.
- I think this calls for manoeuvre 1 7.
- Mmm-hmm!
Great job, Jess!
Here it comes. Catch!
Sorry, Jess. My fault.
Oh! What was that?
Oh! Oh, Jess! Well, it's
jolly good to see you.
Why didn't you ring the bell?
Ah, there's Keats
and yron and Shelley.
And there's ennyson and...
Oh, Lord Alfred.
Uh, five, six, seven...
Morning, Alf. Hows the flock?
Oh, hello, Pat. Fine. Just fine.
- Where's Abigail?
- Actually, I was just wondering that myself.
Abigail?
Oh, Alf. Not again.
Well done, Jess!
Thanks, Jess!
I wish I was a postman.
See you tomorrow, Alf.
Well, that was a fine day's work.
Mission accomplished!
I hope we get our bonus today.
Sara seemed very excited about the trip...
- Morning, Pat. Sorry, we're a bit busy.
- iya, Pat! iya, Jess!
- Pat! Am I glad to see you!
- Hello, en.
I didn't know SDS did airmail.
We don't. It's the new executive
from corporate headquarters.
Hes replaced my sorting system
with more "efficient" machines!
And they're very efficiently not working!
Lots of wasted time,
space and energy here, en.
Not sure even my machines
can save this place.
- Hello! Nice to meet you.
- You are...
Postman Clifton.
It's Pat, actually.
Yes. Slow delivery record,
but apparently you're effective
when it comes to misplaced livestock.
Mr Carbunkle, Pat is our
very best postman...
The future of the Special Delivery Service
is speed, Mr aylor, not wool gathering.
Wool gathering.
That was rather good.
If I could have everyone's attention?
Thank you.
SDS has some exciting
and profitable changes in the works.
- Hello, Jess.
- Ahhh!
From now on, all company tea bags
must be used a minimum
of three times before disposal.
- Deary me.
- Thats me cup of tea.
Toilet breaks are now -Y-O-P.
ring Your Own Paper.
Huh? But I had a curry for lunch.
And it goes without saying,
there will be no bonuses this year.
No bonuses? But Italy...
The Special Delivery Service is changing.
New ideas. New management.
If you want to keep this office open,
I suggest you get with the programme.
I also suggest you get back to work.
Oh, goodness, Jess, what a day.
Do you think Sara will be very
disappointed about canceling the trip?
Well, maybe she wasn't looking
forward to Italy all that much.
Uh... Oh.
Sara? Are we having a fancy dress party?
No, silly! I just wanted to get us
in the mood for our holiday.
Come in! Or as they say in Italy...
Oh. Or maybe that's
something about a hedgehog.
Oh, Im so excited, Pat.
Did you know Italian is one
of the romantic languages?
Ive been looking at hotels.
- Theyre a bit expensive.
- Sara, I...
But we've been looking
forward to this trip for so long!
- I have to tell you something.
- Oh, me, too, Pat.
- I think we should go to Venice first.
- Right.
Only, one small thing.
A man from head office came by today.
Smoke?
Oh! The caprese salad!
- Need some help, love?
- Oh, no! Im all right. Thank you!
- Does one actually cook a caprese salad?
- She does.
- You're The One is back on! Come on, Dad!
- You're The One?
Oh, Dad, it's just massive!
It's a talent show where ordinary people
compete for recording contracts,
trips and all sorts of
really amazing prizes.
Oh!
We're loving each day as if it's the last
Dancing all night, having a blast
'Cause, baby, I need you here
Girl, I'm on a mission
to cure my condition
'Cause without your kissing,
my heart's just a prison
So I'm hoping and wishing
that, girl, I'm forgiven...
Yes, thank you. That will be enough.
Oh.
Theres actually quite a bit more.
Don't threaten me.
I'm sorry. What was your name again?
My name's Ronan.
Ronald, they did tell you
that this is a talent show?
Well, yes, they did. You know, I do actually
have a bit of experience with this.
I'm sorry. Can we get a translator in here?
I think he's speaking
Australian or something.
Actually, Im from Ireland originally.
Then I hope all the horseless carriages
and aeroplanes here haven't frightened you.
Oh.
Am I on to the next round then?
If we were playing Russian roulette.
Simon says, "Next!"
Well, thanks for the opportunity...
Hes a bit harsh, isn't he?
Thats what makes the show so good.
Everybody watches it.
Im Simon Cowbell
and we'll be back after this break.
Unfortunately.
Television is a vast wasteland.
All right. This is it! We're up next!
All the lessons and work are about to be...
Josh! Try to remember why we're here!
What would I be today
if I wasted my life on video games?
A talent agent with only one client?
Look, laddie, I have swindled a lot of old
ladies to pay for your singing lessons,
and I will not...
Well, we're back. Or, rather Im back.
With an empty stage.
Let's take this opportunity
to enjoy the silence.
Thats it! You're on, lad!
Go on, wee man! Break a leg!
Right. What have you got for us?
Josh, is it?
- I thought Id sing a song.
- Well, that's refreshing and new.
- Ive had a few dancing lessons, too.
- What incredibly useful information.
Thank you. Go ahead.
Steal another two minutes of my life.
Yeah
Here we go. Yo!
Give me just a little time
I swear I'm gonna steal your mind
Making it seem easy
while you're playing hard to get
You think you've got it figured out
Oh, but you don't wanna
get struck by lightning
Uh-oh, uh-oh! There you go
Struck by lightning, you can't fight it
Uh-oh, uh-oh, ooh
Struck by lightning
Can't stop...
ls everything all right, love?
Yes! Yes, yes! Everything's fine.
I mean...
Struck by lightning
Can't stop crying for me
Ooh, ooh, ooh, boom, boom, boom
Shut it.
Ive seen a lot of putrid,
revolting, stomach-churning,
horrifically bad acts tonight.
And that was not one of them.
Congratulations, Josh.
You're on to the next round.
We did it! We did it!
Record deal, here we come! You beauty!
I'm gonna be rich! Im gonna be rich!
Next week, You're The One auditions
are coming to Greendull...
Sorry, that's Greendale.
Dad! Did you hear that?
Theyre coming here!
mm? Oh, that's nice, Julian.
And remember, contestants,
this year the grand prize
is a recording contract,
a lifetime supply of Pot Noodles,
and an all-expense paid trip to Italy.
Whoop-DE-doo.
Whoop-DE-doo... What? Hang on.
Did you say Italy?
- That's right, Italy.
- Hold on! I don't have a pen.
And for those of you
in Greendale without pens,
auditions are this Sunday at 5:00.
Sunday at...
5:00.
When the little hand is on the five
and the big hand is straight up!
Got it.
I know I'm the One.
It's time to see if...
You're The One!
If it means a trip to Italy for Sara,
I certainly hope I am the one.
Mmm-hmm!
Right!
Who's hungry for a nice Italian dinner?
I made chicken khakiatore.
- Wow, Mom. That looks like...
- Lt looks amazing, love.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Ah! So, Edwin, my lad,
how are you settling in?
Feeling like part of the SDS family yet?
Now I may be the CEO of the oldest
package delivery service in England,
but I want you to think of me
as your slightly older uncle.
My uncle was eaten by dingos, Mr rown.
Really? How strange.
Thats exactly what happened to the man
who used to have your job!
What a bizarre coincidence. Now if I may?
I have noticed SDS employs a lot of people.
Ah, yes. The best part
of running a business.
- Working with people.
- People slow a company down.
SDS does not need people,
it needs machines.
This programmable postman
is 1 0 times faster than a human.
The perfect worker.
This is the future of SDS!
Well, I don't know about that.
Ive already begun running tests.
I've never been in a film before!
This is very exciting!
Ooh! A knock at the door.
What should I do now?
Just answer it
as you usually would.
Hello.
This is your mail. This is your mail.
We have had some problems finding
a customer-friendly design for the robots.
Again?
Yes, again.
Do I have to?
If you want your 2 quid, Mother.
Mail!
Delivery! Delivery, old woman! Delivery!
You will accept the fruit basket!
You will accept!
You will accept!
You will accept! You will accept!
That was cash upon delivery!
Uh... Yes. Well, that was,
um, very nice, Edwin.
- Lovely cinematography!
- My point, sir,
is that the UDM 3000
can increase profits 500%.
What, the evil robot?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
I don't think terrifying people
is really the SDS way.
Here, have a lolly from the "good try" jar.
And Im sure your next idea
will be loads better!
So, let's end the meeting.
I think we've covered everything.
You're The One is on
and I never miss that show.
SDS will use my robots, Mr rown.
And once they've replaced your postmen,
Ill replace you.
Come on, Dad. You don't want
to be late for the auditions!
I'm surprised you're doing this, dear.
- You usually hate the spotlight.
- It's not for me, Sara. It's...
It's...
A chance to perform on the telly.
Oh, and what will you be singing?
Well, I was wondering, would you mind
terribly if I did our wedding song?
Oh, Pat. Thats so romantic!
Of course I don't mind.
Well, then, I suppose we should get to it.
I wonder if anyone else from town
has heard about the audition.
Around the ragged rocks
the rugged rascal ran. Oh, yes!
oro! oro! essie, why won't you toro?
Once more, from the diaphragm.
"Now is the winter of our discontent
made glorious summer by this son of York."
Oh, yes, folk have often said
how much I look like Michael ubl.
No, it's Justin ieber you want to be.
Isn't it exciting, Pat?
Oh, yes. I suppose. It's very exciting.
- Hi, Pat! Hi, Sara! Hey, Julian!
- Hi, Michael!
Oh, I am the very model
of a modern major-general
I've information vegetable...
I don't care! I am sick of schlepping
from one backwater village to the next,
auditioning tatty country bumpkins
and their amazing musical sheep!
Simon! We're on in five.
Oh, all right. Let's get this over with.
Show me what Grimdale has to offer.
- Thats Greendale, Simon.
- Whatever.
Another wasteland of talentless wannabes.
- Yes?
- Im Dorothy hompson.
And Im her husband, Alf.
Pleased to meet...
I can't believe I'm actually
meeting you, Simon!
This is the closest
Ive ever been to a real celebrity.
Well, my second cousin was the national
clog-dancing champion, but he was...
Charming. Are you one of the local judges?
Me? On television? Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- You're the other judge, then?
- Uh, yes.
Er, certainly. Though I do usually leave
the judging to a higher power.
Unless it's a knobbliest knees competition.
Then Im an expert.
I can never UN-see that.
Oh! Pardon me.
Well, if this is the best they've got,
that recording contract is in the bag.
Was I supposed to bring a bag?
And we are live in 1 5 seconds!
Lights.
Cameras on standby.
Take your seats.
Contestants to the stage, please.
Yes, that's right, line
up right over there.
Do we have playback?
We are live in five,
four, three, two...
Hello, and welcome to another hour
of television magic.
I know Im the One. It's time to see if...
- You're The One!
- You're The One!
- Sir, if we could just discuss my robots...
- Shh! Shush! Theyre starting.
We're in Green Dill tonight.
- Thats Greendale.
- Whatever.
Oh, let's just get this over with.
Hurry up!
Hi, everybody! Oh, it's
bright up here, isn't it?
- Are you ready?
- Yes. Do you have everything?
I have everything. I
think I have everything.
Yes, yes, yes. I have everything.
- Your smokestack is crooked.
- Oh, it is? ls this better?
- A little more to the left.
- Like this?
I'm not interrupting you, am I?
- Oh, no, not at all.
- It's wonderful to meet you, Simon!
I'm sure it is. And you are?
We are the rainwerks!
Oh, no.
Yo, yo, yo. Check it. MC Ajay
has a sick beat to drop on y'all. innit?
And the train's on
the Pencaster-Greendale line
Leaving the station, it is on time
Wave the flag and drop the go sign
Departing 'caster
Station, 0-6-Double-0...
All right! All right! Thats enough.
Stop it!
Stop!
Sorry.
Are you winding me up? Was that for real?
rainwerks? It's more like rain Wrecks.
mm.
Judges?
Er, I rather thought the trains were nice.
Choo-choo!
- Oh, yes, I thought it was rather sweet.
- Invaluable insight.
Obviously this act has jumped the track.
Simon says, "Next."
OK, thank you, Simon. Thank you!
DJ Ajay Fresh, out! Peace.
Why is there always a sheep act?
Alas, poor Yorick!
What's all this then?
Oh! I thought I was having a nightmare.
Oh, wait, I still am.
Horrible! Next.
Next.
Bunnies are cuddly, the
large and the small,
but I like the chocolate
ones best of them all.
Next.
- "Call me Ishmael."
Next.
Nearly there.
Well, this is going about
as well as I expected.
Next.
- Next.
- Im all right.
Hello? Next, please.
Live television show going on here.
- Thats you, Dad.
- Next.
Yeah, well, erm...
I was thinking...
- Next.
- This isn't the best time...
Don't worry. You'll be brilliant!
- He doesn't seem to be in a very good mood.
- Next!
Just think of it as singing in the shower,
only in front of a lot of people.
With clothes on.
So, you're a...
Let me guess, a postman?
Uh... Erm... How did you know that?
Wild guess. Name?
Uh... Oh. Pat?
Postman Pat?
Oh! Look at that, Edwin.
One of our team is on the telly.
Isnt that lovely?
A robot would never embarrass
the company like this.
Well, Postman Pat, what will you be
dazzling us with this evening?
Well... I thought... I thought I'd sing
my wife Sara's favourite song.
Ooh, Im all a-tingle.
Uh... So should I just start then?
Well, that is why you got all dressed up.
Oh! Ooh!
Oh, my! Sorry, sorry.
Sorry, I just had a bit of a... Sorry...
No, I missed my...
I wasn't supposed to... Hang on a minute.
Can I just start again, please?
Please, take your time.
I'm sure it will be worth the wait.
Dad's muffed it, hasn't he, Mum?
Late one night I awoke from a dream
I kept to myself until now
And I saw your face
Somehow it seems
I lost you somewhere in the crowd
Where will I go?
What would I do?
Who would I be if I didn't have you?
In your eyes
See what the world can be
In your smile
The simple things sing to me
Without you I'm lost
Like a man at sea
And with you is where
I am meant to be
I wake every morning
Rising to shine
Oh, take on the day
With your hand in mine
I'm not alone but it seems
I'm dreaming of home
as I'm living the dream
In your eyes
I see what the world can be
In your smile
The simple things sing to me
Without you I'm lost
Like a man at sea
And with you is where
I am meant to be
Or I could try something else
if you didn't like that one.
All right!
Oh, yeah! That was good.
Ow! What'd you do that for?
- Don't clap for your enemy.
- But he's good.
mm. Im gonna have to keep an eye
on this Postman Pat.
Oh, my goodness. My goodness me!
They certainly seem to
like him, don't they?
Yes. Yes, they do.
I am absolutely gobsmacked!
It makes sense you're a postman, Pat,
because you know how to deliver.
You're through to the finals in London.
Congratulations, Postman Pat.
You did it, Dad! You did it!
I'm so proud, love.
"A local postman
surprised the world yesterday
"with his letter-perfect performance on
the popular talent show You're The One.
- "He deserves a real pat on the back."
- Thats kind of them.
But we're not in Italy yet.
- What was that about Italy, dear?
- Oh, erm...
I... I'll get that.
Hello?
Oh, hello, Mr Carbunkle.
It's Mr Carbunkle.
Oh, you saw that, sir?
Well, it was just a bit of a laugh.
Mmm. The company headquarters?
Immediately? Ill be right there, sir.
They want me down at Head Office.
Something about having seen me
on the show last night.
I hope they don't want
me to quit the contest.
Well, you certainly don't have to
carry on with the show, love.
- You're already a winner to me.
- Oh, thank you, Sara.
But Im sure I can explain
it all to Mr rown.
I was just trying to win a trip to Italy
for my wife.
I hope I didn't do anything wrong.
Wrong? No, certainly not, my boy!
We couldn't be happier.
How would you like to be
the Special Delivery Service's
official spokesman?
We'd like to build
a publicity campaign all around you.
Endorsements, public appearances,
merchandising.
We want to make Postman Pat synonymous
with the SDS across the whole of Britain.
It was Mr Browns idea.
It... Lt was? Oh, er...
Well, as I always say,
there's no "I" in team.
But why would anyone want these things?
I'm just an ordinary postman.
Listen to him, Edwin. Hes so modest.
He has a lot to be modest about.
- Yes. Pardon?
- Look at this, Pat.
We've even got a telly programme
in development. With puppets!
Who'd watch something like that?
Marketing has come up with
your new theme song. Have a listen.
Postman Pat! Postman Pat!
Postman Pat and his black and white cat
Catchy, isn't it?
Early in the morning...
Oh! Well, it's interesting.
I suppose.
We've already scheduled you
for extra rehearsals,
arranged plenty of personal appearances
and booked you on all the major chat shows.
Mr Carbunkle, I don't think I'll
have the time. My job, you see...
ls already covered.
The Patbot 3000.
This mechanical marvel will be
taking over your postal duties.
Temporarily, of course.
You're teasing.
Nobody will really think that's me.
Hello, Pat.
You can count on me.
The special delivery always gets through.
Mission accomplished.
Oh. Perhaps they will.
Of course, you mustn't breathe
a word of this to anyone.
The consequences would be unfortunate.
Yes. Mustn't dilute your
brand, as they say.
Postman Pat...
Excuse me, sir, but doesn't this
all seem a bit dishonest?
Pat, think of your friends
at the Sorting Office. Think of Bill.
- en.
- Whatever.
We want to do everything we can to make
sure that office stays open, don't we?
Well, I suppose it would be all right
for a little while.
Wonderful! Wonderful, lads!
Thats the team spirit!
Excellent, Clifton. Now
here's what we'll do
Meet me tomorrow morning
at the Sorting Office. Come alone.
Just give me a moment, Jess.
Ill be right back.
mm?
- Mr Carbunkle? Are you here, Mr Carbunkle?
- Clifton.
You're late.
Oh! Yes, Im sorry. I was helping my son
with his football practice.
This is not a moment to
be late for, Clifton.
This is the start of a bold new era
for the Special Delivery Service.
Nice to see you, Pat.
Erm, hello, Patbot. Uh...
Are you sure this is a good idea,
Mr Carbunkle?
He might need someone
to help him on his round.
I have thought of that.
Adorable, isn't he?
Oh, yes. It's very adorable.
Patbot, do you know what to do?
The Patbot 3000 is fully programmed
in all SDS procedures and protocols.
I designed his matrix myself.
Oh, I see.
Well, then. Good luck, and remember, the
most important thing for a postman is...
Speed. Efficiency. Ruling the world.
Well, I was going to say being friendly.
You know, the human touch.
You are programmed for that, aren't you?
Of course.
Patbot, show Clifton how
friendly you can be.
Erm, that's a lot of
teeth, but not exactly...
Time to kick the babies
out of the nest, Clifton.
Oh, erm, well, then...
Let me know if I can be
of any help, Patbot.
- Good morning, Ben. I am Postman Pat.
- Hello, Pat.
I am here to deliver the post
because I am Postman Pat, the postman.
You feeling all right there, mucker?
The special delivery always gets through.
Do not be suspicious.
This is Jess the cat.
Because I am Postman Pat.
mm. OK.
Let me open the door, Ben,
because I am friendly and also nice,
and in no way part of a plot
to take over the SDS
for an evil corporate executive.
Er, been working out, Pat?
No time to chat. We've
got a special delivery.
Get ready for take-off.
Goodbye. Lovely day.
OK. Have a good day, Pat.
Everything is ship-shape.
Hello, I am Postman Pat.
Jess the cat, I forgot my postbag.
Please get it for me. This is not a trick
to get you out of the van, Jess the cat.
Huh?
We've got a special delivery.
The mission...
Theres no parking in here!
Anytime, anywhere.
My van! Does he have insurance?
Better. Hes under warranty.
- Run for your lives!
- Rise and shine.
Hes gone postal!
I am Postman Pat.
The special delivery always gets through.
Huh?
Mission accomplished.
These roads are inefficient.
Come on, Jess.
Time to go.
Hurry, hurry! We don't want to be late
for Pat's big interview!
London, James, and don't spare the horses.
Hello? Anyone? A little help?
To deliver anything,
anytime, anywhere.
Hey. Pat?
- Good morning, Pat!
- Ahhh!
- Oh, my!
- What's wrong with Pat?
The special delivery
always gets through.
- Morning.
- Morning.
I am not evil.
I am only misunderstood.
Stop in the name of the law!
I would like a cup of tea.
I say, that's not like Pat at all.
We should say good morning,
Mrs Goggins.
I am Postman Pat.
Oh, Pat, the Reverend
and I were just saying
how much we enjoyed your
singing last night.
I had an uncle who had
a bonnie set of pipes. He used to...
The special delivery
always gets through.
Goodness me.
Mission accomplished.
- Oh, my! That wasn't like Pat at all.
- Aye!
I hope this telly business
isn't too much for the lad.
Good morning, Britain!
Today we have two very special guests
Im sure you'll all recognise.
The finalists from You're The One.
It's Postman Pat and Jish.
Jish?
Who is Jish? His name isn't Jish.
His name is...
His name is...
Oh! Oh, Im sorry. Im allergic to cats.
Marvelous! So, Pat,
how are you enjoying your new celebrity?
Decorated your dressing room yet?
My... No. I don't, uh...
I usually get dressed at home.
Aw! isnt he scrumptious?
Josh wears clothes! Nearly all the time.
Don't you, Josh?
Yeah. Usually...
Great.
Pat, is it hard to balance working
as a postman with your singing career?
Oh, well, I wouldn't call it
a singing career exactly.
Oh, Josh would! Singing
is all he thinks about!
Unless it's dancing!
Hes an entertainment machine, that boy!
- Really?
- Any time!
Day or night, he's ready to perform!
Aren't you, Joshy lad?
Pat, your cat's amazing!
Hes already beaten Wilf's high score!
What's his name?
Oh, that's Jess. Hes my best mate.
I really don't think I could get through
the day without him.
- Aw!
- I wish I had a cat.
Well, there you have it, folks.
All it takes to be a star is talent
and a black and white cat!
What? No, no, no! Wait!
You don't need cats! Cats are rubbish!
No, I just meant... I mean...
Don't you wanna hear Josh sing?
And we're out.
Nigel, what did I tell you?
Never book children, authors, or Scotsmen!
- I have bogeys in my hair!
- No, wait!
It's not my fault! It's my allergies.
Please, don't!
Great job, Pat.
Oh, well, thank you.
- You killed them, Pat.
- I did?
- Ls that good?
- Would you like a cappuccino, Mr Clifton?
Oh, that's nice of you, thank you.
But I really should be getting home.
My son has football practice.
Oh, of course! Right after
your next interview.
- Next?
- Oh, just a few more.
- People can't get enough of Postman Pat.
- Really?
Oh. Well, I suppose we could stay
a bit longer, eh, Jess?
Wonderful job today, me boy.
Well done.
- Remember, rehearsals tomorrow.
- Ill remember. Good night, Mr rown.
Sorry Im so late, love.
I did three interviews!
I really think the people on set liked me.
Pat, I got some calls today.
People said you were acting
strangely on your route.
I was?
Oh, Ill have to talk to
Mr Carbunkle about that.
Pat, Im worried about you.
No need, love.
You just concentrate on
planning our Italy trip.
Trust me, love. Everything
will sort itself out.
The whole world's gone bonkers
for this Pat Clifton fellow.
We have to up our game, Joshy boy.
You need to be on fire
at the finals next week.
Charm them! Make them love you!
Mmm-hmm. Charm, love. Got it.
This might sound crazy, but do you hear
someone singing about...
Give me that!
Hey! I was playing that.
Ill play you, you wee... What?
- Hes got a video game?
- Oh, yeah, it's great, Wilf!
You deliver mail, have a cat
and are nice to people.
Every now and again you can rescue a sheep!
It's the hottest game around.
Totally massive.
I did not pay for your singing lessons,
your dancing lessons
and your hair-care lessons
for you to lose to that... That postman!
Wilf, you know, he's actually pretty good.
Ill do my best. But how about we just
let the best man win?
Best man?
Nobody ever got anywhere
in show business by relying on talent.
I see Ill have to take matters
into my own hands.
I have been following
that post-hoc performer for a week.
I know everything about him.
When he sleeps. His routes.
The color of his boxer shorts on Tuesdays.
Yeah, that's in no way creepy.
I am going to stamp out that postman,
post haste.
Well? How do I look?
What happened to your glasses, dear?
Oh. Theyre a lighting problem on the set.
And my makeup assistant says
they make me look a bit dodgy.
Ive always liked them. Here.
In case you don't get a chance
to eat lunch after work.
Ah! Thank you, love. This is so thoughtful.
Oh, I gotta go, Sara. My limo's outside.
Don't forget the aylors are coming around
for tea tonight.
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
But, Dad, I thought we were going
to practice my football kicks.
My match is this week.
Oh, sorry, Julian. I completely forgot.
I will make time before your big match.
I promise.
Oh, OK.
Thats my boy. Ill be home early.
Pat! Pat!
Over here! Pat!
Cool! Paparazzi!
Pat, how does it feel
to be everyone's favourite postman?
Smile, Jess!
Are the Americans
really making a movie, Pat?
- Have you always loved cats?
- Your fans want to know everything.
What's your inspiration?
Oh. Well, I might be a bit
later than I thought.
Don't be too late, dear.
- The aylors are bringing photos from Italy.
- Well, hello.
Hi, how are you?
Special delivery.
Simple things sing to me
Without you I'm lost
Like a man at sea
And with you is where I...
Patrick Clifton?
Sara?
Sorry, Pat, baby. I tried to stop her,
but the cat let her in.
mm!
No, it's fine. It's quite all right, Robin.
Thats my wife.
OK, take five, everybody!
Erm, hi, love.
I'm surprised to see you here.
Pat, we need to talk.
You don't answer my phone calls.
You get home after midnight.
I am sorry, love.
But I have to win this competition.
I wish I could explain.
Can't you try? Please?
Look, Im doing this show because...
I hope I'm not interrupting.
Pat, Mr rown needs to see you.
Immediately.
Ill be right back, love.
- Mr rown, you wanted to see me?
- I did?
- Oh, I did, I did.
- Sara, is it?
I know you want to support your husband.
We all do.
- But coming here was a bad idea.
- Lt was?
Well, he wouldn't say it,
but this means a lot to him.
I'm sure you understand.
Pat needs to focus on his performance.
No demands. No distractions.
You do want your husband
to be happy, don't you?
Pat! Pat!
Could I have your autograph?
- Oh. Er, yes.
- Im such a big fan.
Well, it seems like this is what he wants.
Yes, it is.
I know it's difficult, but sometimes
when you really love someone,
the best thing you can do
is to let them go.
Good news, Pat. Ive invited all of
Greendale to the You're The One finals.
Front row seats!
Compliments of your SDS family!
Thank you, sir.
I'm sure everyone will appreciate it.
No trouble at all, my boy.
You are doing great things for the company.
It's like my Great Uncle
Thaddeus used to say,
- "It's all about the human touch."
- Yes, yes. Very true.
Could you excuse me, sir? I need to go.
- Of course, my boy.
- No rest for the weary, eh?
Mr Carbunkle, where's Sara?
- She was just here.
- I don't know.
- - Well, she did say
she had other things to do.
Mmm!
You know how women are.
Don't worry, Pat.
Once you take her on that trip to Italy,
she'll realise this was all for her.
mm. I suppose.
- If I win.
- If?
You know
we're all behind you 1 00%.
Lose the cat.
Jess? Oi, Jess.
I see you're not with Dad either.
Seems like he doesn't have much time for us
since he got famous.
I thought Id drop by the Sorting Office.
Maybe see if he had time
for a chat or some footie.
You want to come along?
Lt looks like everyone in town is here.
I wonder what's going on, Jess.
en, you've just got
to do something about Pat!
He poured cement over my rose garden
and all he said was,
"Faster route. Lovely day.
I am not a robot."
He was downright rude to me.
He has been flagrantly
disregarding traffic laws.
Oh, something's the matter with him.
Hes not acting like Pat at all.
Hes really getting up my nerves!
It's the celebrity. It's gone to his head.
Look, I know he's been a bit off lately,
but this is Pat we're talking about.
Hed never let us down on purpose.
To forgive is divine.
Tell that to my petunias.
Pat's under a lot of pressure.
I'm sure he'll be back to normal
once this telly business blows over.
What touching loyalty!
Don't you think, Pat?
Mr Carbunkle.
Are you here with more upgrades?
You could say that.
Let's step into my office.
It's not your office any more, aylor.
You're fired.
- You're replacing me?
- With Pat.
His delivery times are the quickest
SDS has ever seen.
He is the postman of the future!
Pat, you're not going
along with this, are you?
Clean out your office, Ben.
I want you off the premises in 1 0 minutes.
You won't have to wait that long, Pat.
Come on, Lauren, we're leaving.
And you may as well take
your ex-employees with you.
I can't believe it.
I used too much toilet paper.
- Pat, you don't mean it.
- Pat, how could you?
Oh! That was uncalled for!
Madam, this is private property
and you are trespassing.
Shall I ring someone to show you out?
Oh! Well, I never did.
Id never have believed it of Pat.
That Pat has turned
into a real stinker.
He certainly has.
Dad, you can't do this.
en is your best friend.
You've always told me
the most important things in the world
are friends and family.
Didn't you mean it?
The most important things in the world
are efficiency, profit, success.
- Dad?
- You heard your father.
Now, why don't you run along?
And take that with you.
Robots, report for duty!
We're taking over this operation.
At last!
No more inefficient humans
cluttering up my mailroom!
Now that everyone loves Postman Pat,
they'll turn a blind eye
as I replace every deliveryman
in the Special Delivery Service
with my glorious, money-making machines!
Profits will skyrocket!
The board of directors will retire
that weak-kneed rown
and promote me to CEO!
And I won't stop there!
We'll diversify into other businesses.
We'll make automated bank tellers,
robotic technical support,
even computer-animated movies!
Fly, my pretties! Fly! Fly!
Today, England! Tomorrow, the world!
Sara! Julian! Our lift's here!
Is everyone ready to go to London?
We're not coming.
Not coming?
But this is the final competition.
Julian, you don't want
to miss this, do you?
Good luck, Dad. I hope you win.
Son?
What's the matter with Julian?
I thought he was looking forward to this.
We just...
We just don't want to get in your way.
I'm sure you'll do really well
without us.
- Good luck.
- Sara?
Sara? But I don't...
All right, Ill be home after.
Well, I suppose it's just
you and me then, Jess.
Mmm-mmm!
Jess?
Jess!
Uh, yes. Yes, yes. Oh.
Well, yes. Ill tell him.
Uh, thank you.
It's the strangest thing, Pat.
Nobody from Greendale wanted the tickets
I sent them.
Oh.
Cheer up, my boy!
SDS loves the publicity you've given us.
You've a lot to be proud of.
You should be a very happy man.
Hello, Ben. I am Postman Pat.
I would love a cup of tea.
It's all right for you, isn't it?
The special delivery
always gets through.
- Hello, Ben.
- Eh?
Am I seeing things?
- I am Postman Pat.
- I am also Postman Pat.
- Have a good day.
- The special delivery always gets...
All right, there is definitely
something funny going on around here!
To deliver anything anytime, anywhere.
We've got to... Delivery. Efficiency.
To deliver anything anytime,
anywhere. Rise and shine.
We've got to... Delivery. Efficiency.
Hop on, Jess! We'll get
to the bottom of this.
- I am Postman Pat.
- I am also Postman Pat.
- I am Postman Pat.
- Anytime, anywhere...
A special delivery.
Yes, I would love a cup of tea.
Efficiency, profitability.
Rise and shine. We've got to... Delivery.
Efficiency.
All right, ya pestilent postie.
I'm gonna return you to sender.
We've got a special delivery. Hello.
Ah, why not?
You should have stuck to letters, Pat!
You need to be willing to stop at nothing
to make it in showbiz!
I learned that from Hannah Montana.
See how well you sing
from inside a box, you little...
Eh?
No! Thats not possible!
Hello.
What? Lt can't be!
Do not run in terror.
The special delivery
values customer satisfaction.
- Stay away from me! Get back, you hear?
- Efficient. Efficient. Efficient.
Would you like a stamp?
I said get back!
I'm warning you!
Daisy, Daisy
Give me your answer, do
Jings, crivens and help ma boab!
Hes a robot.
But if Pat's been replaced
by robots, then...
I have to talk to Sara!
The magnet turned him off.
System rebooting. Alert! Alert!
Cover blown. Recall protocols initiated.
Return to Carbunkle. Return to Carbunkle.
Cover blown. Cover blown. Alert! Alert!
Oh, no, Pat! Ya won't get away that easy!
Recall protocols initiated.
Return to Carbunkle.
Cover blown. Cover blown.
Cover blown. Alert! Alert!
- Recall protocols initiated.
- Huh?
Return to Carbunkle.
Return to Carbunkle.
Carbunkle. Carbunkle. Carbunkle.
This is just too good to be true!
Postman Pat's a cheat!
Robots can't enter talent competitions!
I win! I win!
And it seems all of England is tuning in
tonight to watch the You're The One finals.
Excitement at the theater is high
as crowds await the arrival
of media sensation Postman Pat!
Oh! And here he is now!
- I love you, Pat!
- Over here!
Oh, hi, Pat. Where's Jess?
Uh, he, uh... He isn't coming.
Hey, are you OK, mate?
I don't know.
I love you, Pat!
Josh! Just one on the cheek!
Good luck tonight, Pat.
Break a leg, Pat!
Knock 'em dead, Patty.
I don't feel like a very happy man.
Something the matter, Pat?
Oh, Mr Carbunkle.
Well, it's just...
This all feels like a mistake.
I'm not a performer.
I'm a postman.
I should talk to Mr rown.
Oh, no.
You're not ruining this now.
Ive finally got that fool of a CEO
where I want him.
If it were up to him, SDS would stay
a quaint little delivery service
dedicated to customer service
and the human touch.
lech!
But I thought that's what all this was for,
to help keep SDS the way it's always been.
Your publicity was to make people love
Postman Pat.
Now, I can replace
all of SDS's human workers with Patbots!
And when I become CEO,
SDS will become the biggest,
most profitable company in the world!
No. No!
I won't go along with that!
Sorry, Pat, didn't I mention?
I don't need you any more, either.
What do you mean by...
- Hello, Pat.
- Oh!
You can count on me.
The special delivery always gets through.
Mission accomplished.
Nice working with you, Pat.
No, wait, don't! Oi!
Hey! You can't do this! Let me out!
Let me out!
What have I done?
Ive given up everything and everyone
who cared about me for this.
And I don't even recognise myself any more.
Oh, Ive been such a fool.
Jess?
Jess!
Um, attention.
Can I have everyone's attention, please?
Now just shush!
mm!
Thank you for gathering
on such short notice.
Look, I know you've all been upset
with Pat's behaviour lately.
Upset? He traumatized my sheep!
Yeah, but that wasn't Pat!
The thing that's been delivering mail
this past week is a robot!
- A robot?
- Thats not possible.
Pat always seemed human.
Come to think of it,
that does explain his cat leaking oil.
And his flouting of the law.
I know everyone's been angry at Dad lately.
Seems like he's been too
busy for any of us.
But Dad's helped us loads of times.
Remember when he hoed your field, Alf?
Aye, aye. That I do.
He brought our Lizzy
soup when she was sick.
He always gives to charity.
He picked my berries.
Hes my best friend.
Ive been such a fool!
Pat's always been there for us.
And now it's time for
us to be there for him!
So who's with me?
This is it.
We are finally here.
Our season finale,
where the top contestants test their
talents in a battle to be the best.
And this time, I actually care.
I know Im the One. It's time to see if...
You're The One!
There you are, Edwin.
I thought you might miss the show.
No, Mr rown.
I just had some
last-minute business to attend to.
Our first contestant is a fan favourite
who's new to showbiz.
The postie with the mostie.
It's Postman Pat!
Uno, dos, tres, catorce!
Here I am, am
I'm Postman Pat, Pat
I drop your snail mail
Right at your mat, mat
Your favourite postie
Special delivery
PO, there you go
Here it is, so cheerio
Well, he's changed his
act a bit, hasn't he?
Change for the better, Mr rown.
The first of many.
No one can stop me now.
Ready to go, Jess?
Come on then. We've got to stop that show!
Where do you think you're going, pally?
I need to get in there.
We're sold out.
Postman Pat's appearing tonight.
Yes, I know. But he's not...
I mean, I'm Postman Pat.
- You and everybody else.
- Huh?
Nice try.
Homemade costume?
He don't look anything like a postman.
Uh-oh.
Oh! No, I... I can see there's a queue.
And we don't want...
Leg it, Jess!
This way!
More Patbots?
Carbunkle isn't taking any chances.
What do we do now, Jess?
We have to get inside!
Manoeuvre 1 7?
Hurry, Jess. Hurry!
Oh! Here they come, Jess!
What was that?
Oh, my giddy aunt!
Hes blasting the bolts!
We need to get to the top, Jess!
Whoa!
Quick, Jess! Jump!
Ooh. Thats going to take some tidying.
I feel I'm a really happy,
really happy postman
I deliver all the goods
from coast to coast, yeah
I'm the tip-top, cream
of crop, won't stop
What do you mean you lost them?
Listen to me, you ferrous feline.
If you don't stop them
getting into this theater,
Ill have you replaced
by a radio-controlled poodle!
Well, that looks sturdy enough.
Okay, Jess. Follow me.
Carefully. Carefully now.
Almost there.
Oh, muffins.
Ahhh!
Oh, hello.
Whoa!
mm?
Jess? Jess?
Hang on, Jess. Im coming.
- I have not put on weight.
- mm.
Hey, we did it, Jess!
Jess, Id say we're home and dry now.
Uh-oh!
Ahhh!
Jess! Run!
That was close.
Uh-huh!
Jess! Look over there. It's a way in.
Come on, Jess, let's go.
Uh-oh!
Ooh! That was a bit of luck.
Uh-huh!
Back to business.
I think I see a ladder.
Oh, just out of reach.
If I can just... Whoa!
I found a way down, Jess.
Listen up
It's Postman Pat back for the attack
We're bringing spin moves
I like it like that
I'm hipper than a hip bone,
smarter than a smartphone
Bright red van
going straight to your post code
I hail from Greendale
Y'all fools can't compete
You're weak, I'm strong
I'm king, you're wrong
This postman's bringing the heat
I feel I'm a really happy,
really happy postman
I deliver all the goods
from coast to coast, yeah
It's going rather well,
don't you think, Edwin?
Huh? Oh, yes.
Yes. Very well indeed.
...a really happy, really happy...
Stop! Stop the show!
This contest is a sham.
And this postman isn't
what he pretends to be.
Postman Pat is a robot!
And I can prove it.
That is a robot!
Hes got bits in him!
Robots aren't allowed on the show.
I told you.
What is going on here?
Edwin, I demand an explanation!
It must be Clifton's doing, sir.
Hes fooled us all. Hes a cheat.
No, everybody wait, please!
I can explain everything!
Mr rown, sir.
I'm afraid we've both
made a terrible mistake.
Ah, it's just another robot!
Ill make short work of...
Hey, wait a minute.
Lt was working a minute ago.
This is some kind of trick.
Theres a lot of metal above my head,
isn't there?
Yes.
I thought so.
You can't fool me! Robots!
You're all robots!
Simon's a robot, too, Im sure of it.
Hes always been a robot.
Pat, my boy. I don't
understand any of this.
What's going on?
It's so easy to lose sight
of what's important.
Everything seems to be moving
so quickly these days.
Technology and machines
have brought a lot of wonderful things
into the world.
Made it faster, more exciting.
And being on telly, well,
that's quite a thrill.
But so is slowing down
to play football with your son.
Or coming home to a quiet dinner
with family and friends.
I got into this contest
to win a holiday for my wife,
but somewhere along the way
I forgot to take time
for those I really care about.
And that was a mistake.
Because if the people you love
aren't there to share your success,
then maybe you're not
that successful at all.
You'd think a postman would be better
at sorting things, wouldn't you?
I want to be a postman.
Good on you, mate.
Oh. I must have something in my eye.
Ive wasted my life.
But not everyone at our company
feels the same way.
Isn't that right, Mr Carbunkle?
Quite right, Clifton.
What matters is money.
And control! And power!
Everything SDS will have,
once Im running this sorry company!
No, no, no, no, Edwin.
Thats not the SDS way.
It is now.
See? See? Robots! I knew it! Robots!
Edwin, stop this immediately!
What are you doing?
Give me the, SDS, rown.
The days of lovable, friendly mailmen
helping quaint country characters
with their stupid little problems is over!
The future belongs to machines!
And to me!
See? See? I told you this would happen!
Oh, if I was down there,
I'd show you what for!
Come up here and fight like a machine!
Oh! Oh, my allergy!
Huh?
- What happened?
- They all stopped.
Please. Easiest game ever.
Huh?
I'm so sorry, Pat.
I had no idea what Edwin was up to.
The Special Delivery Service
would never replace
wonderful fellows like you.
After all, it's the human
touch that makes us a family.
But this wasn't just me!
Theres no "I" in team, remember?
Yes, but there is a "you" in you are fired!
You can't do this to me!
I am the future! Ill just move to America!
I'm not even a bad guy there!
You'll see, Ill be back!
Ill be back! Ill be back!
Nobody understands genius!
Ive seen boiled hams that are less done.
So if the melodrama is over,
can we get back to the reality show?
Postman Pat,
the whole world is waiting for you to sing.
Actually, I only got into this
to win my wife a holiday.
And without her to sing for,
well, Im sorry.
Theres really no point in me...
- Pat.
- Huh?
Pat.
Go for it, Pat!
Looks like you've got something
to sing for now, mate.
Doesn't he, Wilf?
Aye. Well, may the best man win.
And if you're ever looking for a
manager, Pat, give me a wee call.
How about it, Pat?
Well, Jess? What do you think?
Uh-huh!
All right, Simon.
But I may change the act a bit.
Like a fool I went and stayed too long
Now, I'm wondering if
your love's still strong
Ooh, baby, here I am
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Then the time I went and said goodbye
Now I'm back and not ashamed to cry
Ooh, baby, here I am
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Here I am, baby
Oh, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Here I am, baby
Oh, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Oh! I've done a lot of foolish things
That I really didn't mean
Yeah, didn't I?
Oh, baby
Yeah, didn't I?
Oh, baby
Seen a lot of things in this old world
When I touched them,
they did nothing, girl
Ooh, baby
Here I am, signed, sealed, delivered,
I'm yours
I'm yours
Oh, baby, you set my soul on fire
That's why I know you're my only desire
Oh, baby, here I am,
signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours!
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Yeah, baby
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed, delivered
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
I've done a lot of foolish things
that I really didn't mean
I could be a broken man but here I am
Got your future, got your future, baby
Yeah
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed...
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed, delivered
Here I am, baby