Roommate Wanted (2015) Movie Script
I'm Janie.
This is me hitting
. The whore of my roommate
I'm Dee.
Insurance wonder
why is crazy
is hitting my face.
First, back up a bit.
WANTED housemate
Tibetan benefit concert
one night
Free Tibet
Jane Garber
? Dr. Hoffman will see you now.
Thank you.
Here.
Their qualifications are impeccable.
One semester in Ghana.
Very commendable.
PETA volunteer from the ...
thirteen years?
Do not get
a scholarship in Stansbury
only with a good average.
All students here plays
with academic perfection,
and I come to tell you
I'm capable of more.
Certainly it is going
on track,
but let me interrupt.
Today I will meet with many applicants
and there's only
a few scholarships to go around.
To know better
and whether it is worthy
of a coveted honor,
I will make one question.
What do you think?
political or sir
In spiritual terms?
I want to know what you think.
It is an open question
no right or wrong answer.
Tell me who you are.
Well, let's see ...
You might say that
I believe in the basis of Buddhism,
but really I just like
the peace message it conveys.
You might say that
I believe in the healing power of music.
- Ah
-. But that's not entirely true.
I just like the sound of my violin
when I press with the bow.
I think the genuine hard work
really bears fruit
and that in this world
can not be achieved nothing
without passion.
You need to travel far
and much,
as often as possible.
It is fuel for the soul.
Clichs
like the ones I just mentioned
They are such because they have
a basis of truth,
and who coined the word 'clich'
I was too lazy
to prove such claims.
Physical beauty,
money, trust,
That goes too far,
but can not fill
the hole in the heart.
And I think that a good way
to develop character is
known characters.
Stansbury belong.
It is ingrained in me,
I have felt for a long time.
And I know that sounds
extremely clich, but ...
I think that's what I believe.
In the clichs.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
Hi, Dee.
- Hello
-. How is your modeling?
Great.
- Good
-. Yes.
Bye.
Yes, well.
Incoming call Joe
God. Yes.
Shit.
It's my roommate. Move over.
I thought you'd be
in the massage parlor all day.
- Well ...
- I'll send you a message tonight.
- Genial
-. It's like the third time this week.
- Really
- I know. I am so sorry.
I will repay
. It is a club promoter
which will give a Cinco de Mayo party
that will rage in Social tonight.
Do you want to come?
- No, thanks
-. Really?
I thought you were Latin American.
No, I said it was part Native American.
Champagne? Does this mean
what I think?
- Actually ...
- I look
the Bukkake Bride of Frankenstein.
Expected to give me a quick shower.
Two minutes.
I'm anxious to know
news! Give veritas!
Gross.
Sorry
. I had to hydrate.
Okay, girl, tell me
about your big interview.
Did you get the free pass to Stanford?
It is Stansbury.
Yes.
I'm still waiting
the official green light,
but the dean of admissions
said it would receive
a very important call
around 1:00 p.m.
Heavens. How do you do
not stress you out?
- It's 12:30 pm
. - I am.
But the truth is
I can not do anything.
My life is about to change drastically,
for better or for worse,
- In the next 30 minutes
. - For best.
Definitely for the better
. I'll put it on Twitter.
- We champagne
- Not until you know.
How about one of my famous milkshakes
banana and peach meantime?
Yes. It sounds good, whenever vegan.
Yes, do not worry
. I'll use skim milk.
Besides, I'm
practically vegan.
I do not like fish.
I do not really distinguish
whether or not kidding.
What did you do in the refrigerator?
Thanks for noticing.
Yesterday could not find
some of my stuff,
so I thought it would be easier
to label what is who.
I put gold stars on yours,
and red on mine.
Very good. You can help
whatever my food
anytime.
Not only my food
. Anything mine, seriously,
even my clothes.
Thank you.
Is that tofu costs
as $ 9 at Whole Foods.
Was that soy?
Gross.
He died another of your fish.
What a pity.
It lasted quite.
You should clean this thing
from time to time.
Needless. That is
the parasite fish.
Do you really felt safe
put this big tank
in the table behind the chair?
Yes.
To me it makes me nervous.
Is there something you do not get nervous?
I dont know. It seems as if
do not imported fish.
I do not care about them.
It was a gift from Frank,
Mongolian.
I was his girlfriend for about 10 minutes.
He owns an aquarium.
The tank turned out to be
more wasted space he.
I dont know. I like the fish
. They produce calm.
But your snake, not so much.
Who? My great and sexy Fernando?
It is harmless.
Just bite
if you're furry and tail.
I worked with his scaly ass
when I modeled for AE in the summer.
Speaking of which,
a month ago not to food.
- Wait
. - What?
What is that for?
Instagram, Facebook, Twitter.
Which reminds me
you have not yet accepted
my friend request
nor follow me.
I almost never reviewed that thing,
and I do not have a Twitter.
Agree. Health.
For your future.
What about your future?
When you find a Mr. Rico,
gifted, tall, dark-haired and handsome,
in that order,
we can provide for me.
- Is Joe
-. Again?
Do not you dare answer.
I could tell you to stop calling.
Do not answer. Trust me
. You do not need that idiot in your life.
If you let them talk,
before you know it,
you exchange your violin
flute for their meat.
Okay, I pressed 'ignore'.
Good girl
. Someday you'll thank me.
Speaking of violin,
should practice a little.
Janie, get off the phone.
Sissy!
Good girl.
- Hello, little bird
- What do you want?
you again in my life.
The last two weeks
appeared two years .
Let me go and apologize in person.
Incoming call Stansbury
Joe, I'll call you later.
Hey, wait.
Hello?
Hello, this is Janie.
Yes.
Stansbury!
What does it say?
Officially want to offer
our largest grant
available at this time .
Includes half of all tuition,
- to pay up to three years
-. Sorry .
You said half the tuition?
I thought it was the greatest.
That's right, Ms. Garber,
but recent cuts
state budget
we were forced to do
extreme cuts,
especially in the education sector.
Half-scholarships are the best
we can offer now,
with a few exceptions
for athletes.
I do not practice any sport.
Miss. Garber,
It is the best we can offer.
It is a great achievement on their part.
Not enough.
. Miss Garber, do not understand
where you're going with this.
- I can not pay ...
- I thank you,
Mr. Garber. Hoffman.
It is the dream of my life
. I'm super mad.
That is, very excited
. Super excited.
I'm very glad to hear it.
Someone admissions department
It will contact you
Friday by the financial issue.
Stansbury welcome.
Thank you very much.
- I'm very excited
-. Well .
Goodbye.
You're welcome.
I can not afford
half the tuition.
They are $ 42,000 per year
with three years minimum.
Two and a half, if I hurry,
but just they are like $ 52,500.
Go. You're like Batman
in mathematics.
What about financial aid?
- We all use
-. I did in the previous year,
but you still need to return 80%
and I do not want to be indebted
the rest of my life.
Can you ask for a donation?
There is no time. I file
proof of payment on Friday.
- And if you ask your parents
- Dad is retired postman.
Medical experiments?
They do not pay enough.
- Robbing a bank
- That's my last resort.
Penny stock!
Are you serious?
I do not even know what they are.
But it sounded smart, right?
I need brain food. Yes.
Heavens, girl
. You did not have to spend a star
in each of my eggs.
Not even eat eggs
. I like eggs.
You hate eggs
. I love them.
Gosh, Dee.
- You're a genius
-. I know.
Wait. What?
I can donate my eggs back
to a couple in need.
It is rather cumbersome,
yet perfect.
Really?
You can receive a 10,000
if you do it through a service,
but private partners
usually pay more.
Holy guacamole.
- Is it easy
- If you have
a high threshold of pain, yes.
Fill you with hormones
for weeks,
until it reaches the fun,
when you put a needle
and suck all the eggs.
Where?
Where do you think?
Why the shell?
Yes, in the vaginal region.
Well, I would say I have
a high threshold of pain.
In the vagina?
Yes it is.
Years of practice!
I take care of this.
Wait. I want to help.
Registration DONOR
WATCH IF YOU QUALIFY
CREATE YOUR ACCESS CONFIDENTIAL
Donor candidates
About SOURCE donor
FAQ donor
Results for egg clinics
high level.
Who can use donated eggs?
I find nothing
more than 10,000.
I can do it more than once
if necessary,
but you ruin the body.
Eureka! Here's one
for 50 big, girl,
if you allow frozen
additional egg for the future.
'Wealthy couple
looking aggressively
'Serious applicants
Age. 21 to 25,
'Clear history,
high IQ.'
This is great
. How did you find it?
I am a genius.
They want to make a decision tomorrow
. Wait, I'll call.
The line is busy.
Here it says:
'Only natural blondes'
to coincide with the mother.
What a pity.
I'm blonde.
It's dirty blond
. It is my natural color.
Breaking news...
I'm not a natural blonde
. Just love this color.
The men love this color.
You should try it sometime.
Blonde blonder
have much more fun.
I enjoy a lot.
You should tell Joe.
You know,
not all have the luxury of swagger
in gyms during the day
and in the clubs at night.
Some want to become somebody.
Hi.
Hi. Call never came back.
- Look ...
- We had dinner at 8:30?
If it is okay.
I can not talk now.
Okay, I'll pick you up at ...
I'll pick you up at 8:00.
Agree.
Bye.
- Hello
- Hello.
I'm calling about the ad
egg donation.
I have good news.
I just talked to Olivia,
the representative of the couple,
and normally I would go,
but as it is not by agency
and there's so little time,
come to here, now,
so the place should be perfect.
- You're cleaning the tank
-. Yes.
Thank you.
Is that one of my dishes wall?
All dishes are dirty.
A week ago not lavas.
These are not for eating.
They are from my travels,
and are very special to me.
I already told you.
I told you!
This is Cambodia,
in case you were wondering.
I did not.
Hello! You must be Miss Morgan
.. Go ahead, please.
How is it going?
I'm Jane Garber.
- Nice to meet you
-. A pleasure to meet you, Miss Garber..
Very...
warm.
I can open a window if you like.
No, warm and welcoming.
You have fish.
Yes, I love animals.
There are only three
. Why some reason?
They are my roommate.
If it were me,
have a whole shoal.
They are very relaxing, right?
Yes very.
But I think what best represents me
It's in my room,
and there I have a puppy.
Please, Ms. Morgan,
here.
Thank you.
Here.
You mentioned on the phone
you've already donated eggs.
Yes. It's important to me
help the less fortunate.
How nice to hear that,
but no one who has
a winter home in Aspen
and a summer in Naples should
be described as 'less fortunate'.
Yes.
Yes, I usually have an assistant,
but it is in Palm Springs.
Whatever.
If you ask me, I think it's
a binge of methamphetamine.
It is very difficult to get help
with my work.
A lot of responsibility.
bratty kids and Christmas gifts
no personal sense.
You want to help her?
I guess that's something
not got the job at Best Buy.
it is not doing well.
Well, let's see.
look beautiful in this light.
Where'd you get those cheekbones?
In fact, I am a Navajo eighth.
I did not know, I did not know it. Interesting.
Very American. I like
. As trade with the tear.
How good. All right.
Better leave it ... Yeah. Okay.
As you've already been through this before ...
- What is that? It's ...
- Do I have something on your face?
Is permanent
. We can fix it.
I guess you know
how the procedure is.
You have not had any disease
sexually transmitted, right?
I'll know then, right?
Nothing that an antibiotic will not cure.
I'll let you talk to a few minutes.
Tell my clients something from you.
You know, a little je ne sais quoi.
- Well
-. Okay. Raises the chin.
How adorable.
It starts when you're ready.
- Let
-. Let's see ...
You know what? How are you
if instead of trying to describe
Who am I tell you what I think?
Thank you very much for coming
such short notice,
Miss. Morgan,
and accelerate the process.
You can not imagine how excited
I'm with the possibility
to help a couple in need ...
Or should I say a couple in Naples?
Very good.
I liked coming
. Furthermore, it is not usual
to kill two birds with one stone.
Two birds? I am sorry.
You and Miss Henderson
.. Your roommate?
The relationship they have is admirable,
to run for the same
lucrative opportunity
without any competitive spirit.
Money is not important for us,
Miss. Morgan.
After all,
the gift of love is priceless.
Your
You must be Deandra.
The same.
Pleased to meet
. Go to my office, please.
Heavens!
What a magnificent four-poster bed!
Thank you.
It is a Magdalena.
It is very funny.
Do you understand what I mean?
And I can warn
for the time, energy and love
they have put into this ...
Children always inspired me.
They are so uninhibited, cheerful and ...
Thank you. Anxiously await ...
Brazilian or peeled Style?
- Brazilian
-. Ah, a special detail.
It was a pleasure to meet you, Deandra.
I'll just tell my customers
about your sense of humor.
Thank you.
Well, they are looking for an adult woman, right?
My husband and I have
the same in turquoise.
Tigress!
Janie, you should have fun
much with it.
She is a big joke.
I'm impressed with both.
I'm glad I made an exception.
These brochures contain
their questionnaires.
It is vital that they are complete ...
- Of course
-. And be reliable.
And as we have little time,
I need to 8:00 p.m.
The will scan and send them.
- What email prefer that ...
- I have it.
- He gave me his card, we can share
- Yes. Goodbye, Dee..
- Goodbye
- Miss Morgan, thank you very much..
He came right away
and really appreciate it.
It was a pleasure to meet you, Olivia.
- All right. Bye. Meow, meow
-. Goodbye.
Because you did?
I just try to be someone, Janie.
You can not get your way
seducing this time.
You never know. Did you see how
touched my furry handcuffs?
By the way, thanks for that.
You are very unpleasant.
Just relax. I just pinch the titty.
I need the money, Dee.
- I do not do it for the money
-. Yes, I know.
You do not even need to work,
what are you trying to prove?
You're not better than me.
This is not a beauty contest.
Life is
a beauty contest, sweet.
You're better than that crap.
I know
. Beggars can not be choosers .
If you take a shower,
You'd better not use
my shampoo Andre Walker!
You can beat him.
For me? They are beautiful.
- Yes Janie Garber
-.? The're looking.
- Thanks
-. Sign here.
- Your receipt
-. Thank you, yes.
Red a rose, a violet blue.
Flowers like you
there on the planet.
I love you, little bird
. Sincerely, Joe Shmo.
Wretched.
MAKE AMENDS WITH YOUR HAIR
CONDITIONER WITH KERATIN
Give me a second!
One.
I'm going in.
Hi.
If?
Sorry about before.
I think I'm by menstruating.
Yes me too.
I was thinking,
while you are showering,
we hardly know, right?
- That's
-. And we are tied
to live together other ...
341 days.
- Huh
- Is when the contract expires.
Yes, I do not interpret that,
but accurate.
And we have to fill
these forms reveal
every detail of who we are
and what we have done.
- And
- Why not fill them together?
Better yet, why
we do not fill one on the other?
What better way to get to know?
Come on. It will be innocent fun.
Please.
What is your point?
Super. To all my i's
I put adorable hearts.
Kidding!
You know, honestly,
I will complete mine
on my own.
Thank you as well.
Agree.
Close the door please.
Dee!
What'd I tell you about smoking in the house?
That makes the place
smacks of cheap bar.
He blows the smoke out the window.
That is not enough.
You always burn
that fucking sage.
I do it because the place
smells like smoke.
And is not shit.
I told
I'm an eighth Navajo.
It is part of my race.
Does not matter.
My ancestors you have booted
those beautiful blond curls
by smoking that crap.
That was hard, Janie.
He joked.
Navajos are the most peaceful tribe
. It was a joke.
I was joking.
Sorry
. That was cruel.
Do you want that we complete together?
I'll do mine, and you yours,
but we can do together.
Wonderful!
Wait. First...
No thanks. I'm still vegan.
What? You say that gelatin
have flesh?
- No, no meat. Hooves
-. What do you say?
Strange, is not it
? Take the hooves of cow and pig,
the pulverized and ...
To make it short,
ends up being
key ingredient of gelatin,
which it is in almost everything.
Gummy bears
are made of gelatin.
Sour cream, even ice cream.
Yes, all those hooves
dirty with mud and shit,
all processing
on your favorite snacks.
Does not matter. If fat-free,
it is good for me.
... QUIZ
TO EGG DONOR
Okay, let's begin.
All right. 'Height'.
- 1,55
-. Mido 1.73.
'Weight'. 51.
- Heaven
-. I know, I lose a little.
- You
- really do not know.
A long time ago I did not weight.
You know? I will estimate for you
- And I say ...
- Nothing.
- Leave this blank
. - Okay.
- 'Education'
-. University of Berkeley,
Bachelor of Science,
and magna cum laude.
- You
- High Crestby,
diploma.
Member of Cheerios.
Wait. Do not put it there.
That goes
in 'extracurricular activities'.
Yes, let's see. Modeling,
hanging out with friends, going to nightclubs.
No wait. I will dance
and gymnastics, kickboxing,
Pilates, go to the beach. Take sun?
I think that is included
in 'go to the beach'.
Yes.
- You
- I put my violin,
art, backpacking trips
and yoga.
Gosh, I did not know what you were doing yoga.
We should do it together.
I'm insanely flexible.
Clear.
'Clinic history.
'Some preexisting condition
we should know?'
Yes, ADHD, obviously.
And I'm allergic to fish.
Y
Dry Skin.
- Eczema
- Yeah, how'd you know?
- I also have
-. Well, we are like sisters.
Not really. All right.
'Have you ever interned?'
You fill out a form,
and that gives them free access
to your medical history,
so you can not lie.
I washed the stomach
two years ago.
It was a crazy night of revelry,
I overdid it with the pattern,
if you know what I mean.
How about you?
Only eczema.
No allergy that I know, so ...
You do not have pre-existing conditions?
Remember you can find out everything.
I was honest with you.
Bipolar disorder.
But I have not had any incidents
from the eighth grade.
- Well
-. Well.
- 'Sexual history'
-. The fun part.
'Any disease
sexually transmitted?'
No, ma'am
. Verified recently.
Your?
Verified ... forever.
'Number of sexual partners'.
Why you ask that?
They want to have an idea
of your life choices,
and anything you have
you can pass to the baby.
They did not realize
if I shirk is a little, right?
So I say ...
fifty.
Too many?
40?
It sounds naughty?
Do not.
Well then...
Drumroll.
How many cavers
Garber visited the caves?
One.
Shut up.
- No.
- Are you serious?
- Yes
-. Wait, how old are you?
- How is it possible
- I knew we should not do this.
I'm not sorry. Is that...
Girl, you have not lived.
I could say the same about you.
Why? Because I did not go
to the pyramids?
You're wrong. I was in Cancun.
Good to Know.
- Next Question
-. Nice try,
but first I want to know why.
It is not as momentous.
I waited the subject indicated
I did not want it to be
drunk one night under the bleachers
of a student play.
No offense if you lost you.
Almost. Changes alcohol 'E'
and the stands for Subaru.
The best that could happen to me.
But tell me,
Was it everything you expected it to be?
Yes.
What happened to Mr. Wonder?
Sorry, I'm curious.
What happened was
I found the thong other
in your glove two weeks ago.
Wait. Back a little.
You ended two weeks ago with Joe
Two weeks ago?.
Joe was your ...
Rays, girl.
I guess that proves my point.
What is your point, Dee?
That all men are dogs
they belong
in the trunk of Subarus.
In a perfect world,
you would have chosen well,
because you are requet list.
But in reality,
you conformaste with a jerk.
Wait. Where are you going?
What I said was not true?
No one will complete it.
Chocolate is
the main cause of Fupa.
I'm just honest.
Bipolar.
Ready for action scan?
- Ray, Dee
- Janie, what are tigress.
- Get out of my room
- Sorry.
Wait.
- Can I have this same escanearas
- Yes!
My God.
Do the right. You can beat him.
Agree.
Incoming call Joe
- Hello
-. Hello, preparing you ?
I long to see you in an hour and a half.
Ray.
I booked a table
. Guess where.
The train will whores tonight
. Why do not we stay?
Okay, it sounds great.
Did you like the flowers?
What?
I sent a bouquet
. They said you signed .
Hello?
I'll call you in a while, okay?
Hi.
Did you change your mind
about the party tonight?
No. I need to talk to you.
Clear. About what?
Gosh, I was stretching me,
trying to take
this knot back.
It's killing me.
Since you're masseur,
Maybe you could help
or give me any indication.
In fact, I have not had clients today,
so I have hands cool.
Really? Thank you.
- Thanks
-. I go to prepare.
- You give me 10 minutes
- Okay.
Perfect!
Hi.
Take off your robe and goes to the gurney.
Is not there a catch?
No. Do you want a massage or not?
All right. Face up or face down?
- Prone
-. Well.
I am very sore.
Does it hurt the gym
or exercise
you did in the kitchen?
I can never make it out.
Well, I desabrochar this.
Yes thanks.
How was your dog?
- Godiva
-. What lovely.
Yes, it's my little angel.
Go. You have magic hands, girl.
Thank you. Years of practice.
They say 10,000 hours makes you
a requested teacher.
They say, huh?
Yes, in my experience,
big eyelashes, long legs
and waist par 34-C also works.
Sorry, I thought you liked strong.
Anyway,
It's what my mother said,
and it's the truth.
Especially here in Los Angeles.
If you're not a 10 in this city,
you're nobody.
That is very sad.
- What?
- What you just said.
'If you're not a 10're nobody'?
Yeah, well, that's life.
As he told ...
the interviewer before.
- How is called
- Olivia.
If she.
He said he was almost certain
they had already found the girl,
someone listed as a whip.
Whatever that means.
It is a reference
equestrian training.
How the you charmed
for me to tell you?
I do not love it.
I SINCERE with her.
You can learn any trade,
make tons of money
and climb the highest mountain,
but beauty,
and I speak of authentic beauty
natural beauty,
priceless.
You can not win, you can not buy,
but if you know how to use it,
You can buy all.
It could not have fallen with it.
You can not buy happiness.
- Well
-. Yes?
Turn around. I want to make the face.
They do not bite.
Keep your eyes closed.
VEGETABLE OIL
You were right a second ago.
He did not fall with it. Said
the most important thing for the couple
It was that his son had
a childhood as light as possible.
And it was then that I knew
I had it,
because at school, nobody
Raisin better than popular.
While losers
studying geometry
were thrown into the dustbins,
planning massacres,
my girls and I spent great.
And look how well I turned out.
Yeah, sure you look good, bitch.
What the hell? Do you have any idea
what you will do that to my skin?
Yes. You did not say 'whiskey'.
Why did you do that,
damn lunatic bitch?
- Why you threw my flowers
- That? Heavens.
- I was taking care of yourself
-. Yes, you're jealous.
Heavens, girl,
yes you need to get caught,
and you need to get caught either.
Not your pathetic and perverted boyfriend
nor Clifford, red dildo
I saw you play with before.
- Heaven
-. Sorry.
Damn...
You know what I you do not have?
- Cellulite
- I have a boyfriend
who loves me,
and perhaps not perfect,
but do not treat me
like sperm container.
Janie, find the thong
zebra another in his car.
Believe me, you're the trash.
I will beat you
to take away what a bitch you are.
Why
? Why be honest again?
You'd never said
that was zebra thong!
Shit.
Shit!
Heavens.
4 people like this
Is it serious?
Damn...
You are filling my patience, bitch.
- I was about to apologize
-. Why?
Why steal my flowers
or sleeping with my boyfriend?
Sorry
. Did I miss the joke?
If you think would
your boyfriend's penis pencil
fuck me, you're the joke.
- Okay, Dee
-. Come on, Janie, really.
I can get something better
. I did this morning.
Fuck you.
Give me your red giant
. I love it.
Listen, little rat,
if you ever touch my face,
a hair or body,
I unleash hell on you.
I did not sleep with Joe.
You bring conclusions
in your head crazy and schizoid.
Then swear by your life
that was not your thong I found.
No, of course it was my thong,
but I would not screwed up.
Damn you!
Dammit!
Did you use my shampoo Andre Walker?
Eat shit!
Ray!
Ray!
FISH OIL
Damn you!
What did you do?
Dammit.
What I bring
What do you need?
What do you need?
- Epi ...
- Well, no ...
- Tell me what you need
-. Epi ...
A EpiPen? An EpiPen
. Well, wait.
Well, where do I put it?
Where do I put it?
On the foot?
- Damn ...
- Vagina?
- Thighs
- In the thigh?
I am sorry.
I abhor. Wow, bitch.
Okay, bitch,
you want to play with fire?
I think we have gone far.
- Really
- No!
What the hell? Very good.
Go ahead, face crater.
Dammit!
- Did I ruin your artistic statement
- Gosh!
Not the face. Its permanent.
Who needs beauty
when you have brains, right?
Besides, you could not get uglier.
- Who the hell sends messages
- Joe, It will come anytime!
Will he come pencil penis?
Fuck you!
Damn...
Heavens, perhaps Ernest Heming-gay
you wrote another poem?
Not Joe. It's Olivia.
Guess who reached the final?
Yes, college,
he works hard.
No damn princess
. Suck my shell!
It seems that the eternal battle
between Beauty and the Beast
still not finished, bitch!
Heavens! You broke my Mary Magdalene!
So is!
Do you have any idea how much it cost?
Nine blowjobs?
Damn you.
Do not!
Dee! Stop. Please.
Those are irreplaceable!
What's up? Do not like
you break things?
Stop! Please.
Come on! The stupid king mattress
can give you another poster.
Have you played Frisbee end?
No, I guess rather
're an athlete in mathematics.
Stop!
Janie?
Are you kidding
What are you doing?
- Are you crazy
- When a dog goes mad,
I atas.
Thank you not put a muzzle.
No, bad dog
. Joe come at any time,
and it occurred to me a game
super fun for everyone.
What will you do? I fuck in front of me?
Pencil penises do not like,
but I like it.
- Hey
- If you scream,
I sprinkle the whole can in the throat.
I do it for you.
I can show you
how hypocritical and perverted that is Joe.
But it will be better shut your mouth.
If you know you're listening,
he will never admit it.
It depends on you.
Good girl.
Therefore, I will amuse him even more.
- Really ...
- I'll shut with tape.
What are you doing here?
I live here, brother.
What the hell are you doing here
? Janie broke up with you.
Officially, no
. I have a date with her.
Where can I find it?
You jilted
. It was an hour ago,
something futuristic theme in Melrose
- With girls
-. With your girls?
- It does not sound
-. I was working with her,
... teaching them to open their wings.
Janie does not take you seriously.
Now
. We became good friends.
He changed a lot since I found
you stole from me the thong
while I showered
the day we met. You remember.
Sorry, but I do not know
what you're talking rays.
Could you just
tell me where?
Who do you pretend?
It's just you and me,
alone.
Do you want to know a Secret?
- Maybe
-. It's a shame
Jamie has returned to you,
because you're
just like ... moi,
I would have left devour the ass
and any other perversion
that excite you.
My lips are sealed.
Well, they would have been.
- Where is Janie
- Really?
Do you really love her?
Where you are and when he'll return?
I do not know
. Not the'll wait here.
No, because what I meant was ...
If I can trust you,
so,
What does it matter
if Jamie is my girlfriend or not?
Not care.
First
I need two things from you.
One admits that stole my thong.
Okay, I admit
. You got me.
Good Guy.
Now tell me why.
Be graphic
. Makes me soak it all.
Because he was dating Janie,
and you're his roommate,
so you are prohibited.
Y...
Since I saw you
simply...
- Dilo
-. He wanted to smell the sweet shell.
Now I need you one more thing.
Take thy rod meat.
Show it to me, here and now.
What if...
do you get me?
I love how you think,
but I make the rules.
Come on.
Just as I thought,
pencil penis!
The beast loose measures ten centimeters.
But it is thin like a worm.
Would you rather I call you
'penis worm'?
It is minimally
larger than average.
You have something on your head
. Ready, fuzz.
What put me on the forehead?
You know what
? Changed my mind.
Sharpen your pencil
elsewhere,
and for the love of god,
recrtate the bush. You're not Don King.
You're a...
I said that was a hypocrite pervert.
Incidentally, I was sure
that was long and skinny penis.
You always knew
he was right
and you never told me.
Seriously I'll kill you.
Why
? Why show you the light?
There was no need
to cegaras me with her.
It's the only way
. It is better that you know now
and not months later.
Better ...
If you take one more step, Janie Garber ...
This dress costs $ 500!
Damn bitch!
Damn you!
I hope this kill you!
This is all you are,
a fucking liner used.
At least I have sex.
Swallow it!
Damn bitch.
Hey, Janie.
Do not! Stop!
Woe!
Why do I feel that your mission
is make my life miserable?
Because you see yourself
as a victim.
A victim always has
excuse for failure.
That's the difference between you and me.
For me, failure is not an option.
I hate you so much.
You do not hate me.
You just hate the idea of me.
You hate that no matter
how much you try,
no matter how hard you work,
no matter how smart you are,
I'll never be.
The sooner you teach
your therapist to deal with that,
Maybe we'll both.
I do not want to be you.
In the background, yes.
It's what we all want.
Someone who takes pills
and counts calories?
And that does not feel good
unless a slobbering
the bumble all
only to buy gifts?
He spoke masseuse.
You also manoseas
old drooling.
I just get better tips.
I do it for a living!
You make it
to feel good about yourself!
Do not you feel good
unless all you Amen!
Maybe you're right, Janie Garber,
but at least I feel special.
At least they all want me.
Really?
Or just like
bounce coins on your ass?
What is the difference?
We are in the prime of our lives.
While you are here studying,
by hiding, judging,
I'm out living,
enjoying every second.
Really?
Because you spend
morning in the gym,
afternoons sunbathing,
and night
you sit with your computer
with Facebook, Twitter,
and the fucking Instagram
showing photos
your manicures and pedicures?
Who does that?
You have no personality.
Seriously you are what you have,
that is all.
You know what?
Do not! Do not do it!
Someday, you'll thank me.
Do not! Do not do it!
Consider it an opportunity
to start again,
and you can start
by feeding your snake bitch.
Shit!
- No
- Do not move!
Do not!
Because you did?
He had to feed Fernando.
It was an innocent creature!
Yeah right. Like you?
I was trying to help!
First, lie.
Second, I do not need your help, Janie,
and that is one of the many things
I hate you.
You think a bright and unique being,
a gift to the world.
You think better
and smarter than the rest.
You believe that everyone should be like you!
And that's the irony,
because even you
want to be like you.
How the hell would you know?
For this.
I know you tried to kill yourself.
I know almost manage.
Your sister warned me
about 'instability'
long before I let you move in.
You're so unhappy.
You say you hate me?
The truth is
that you hate yourself.
What would make you truly happy?
To win the $ 50,000,
go to college,
and live your dream ...
or win me?
Congratulations.
You will go to college.
Hello, Olivia, was nice to meet you.
Unfortunately I thought better
and would like to retire
the application
to egg donation. Thank you!
Why?
As you said,
I do not need the money.
Why put me through
all this if you're not going to compete?
I guess I was bored.
That's your problem now.
Live life as a competition
and always lose.
You said that life
was a beauty contest.
I speak for the ass, very much.
Do not take it to heart.
Except for the shit
that men are dogs.
Yes, that shit is true.
Where did you find that?
Under the fishbowl.
What are you going to do?
Kill me?
That you wanted, right?
Are not you happy.
If you were, you would not treat me well.
Incidentally,
cute closet full of amphetamines.
Maybe you're right, Janie.
What are you waiting for?
Shoot me.
Just do it.
Come on.
Shoot me.
Your boyfriend wants to fuck me.
I killed your stupid fucking disgrace.
Come on, shoot me. Shoot me, Janie.
Come on! Do it!
Kill me. Shoot me, Janie!
Janie, do it! Do you fear?
Shoot me!
Shoot me! Come on!
Shoot me!
I bought it in Olivera street.
It's great, right?
Just a moment.
You did not know it was false.
You tried to kill me!
- I just wanted to hurt you
-. Are you crazy, bitch?
Dammit.
Dammit.
Dammit.
They did not return the deposit.
Shit.
Why did you want to live with you?
I thought I could fix,
you were like a project.
What you bitch.
You might think it is very easy
To be me.
I think.
It's a bloody nightmare, girl.
Do you want to trade places?
Do not.
That kills you.
One will not kill you
. Come on, live a little.
I have it.
It sucks.
Feels good, right?
This is me hitting
. The whore of my roommate
I'm Dee.
Insurance wonder
why is crazy
is hitting my face.
First, back up a bit.
WANTED housemate
Tibetan benefit concert
one night
Free Tibet
Jane Garber
? Dr. Hoffman will see you now.
Thank you.
Here.
Their qualifications are impeccable.
One semester in Ghana.
Very commendable.
PETA volunteer from the ...
thirteen years?
Do not get
a scholarship in Stansbury
only with a good average.
All students here plays
with academic perfection,
and I come to tell you
I'm capable of more.
Certainly it is going
on track,
but let me interrupt.
Today I will meet with many applicants
and there's only
a few scholarships to go around.
To know better
and whether it is worthy
of a coveted honor,
I will make one question.
What do you think?
political or sir
In spiritual terms?
I want to know what you think.
It is an open question
no right or wrong answer.
Tell me who you are.
Well, let's see ...
You might say that
I believe in the basis of Buddhism,
but really I just like
the peace message it conveys.
You might say that
I believe in the healing power of music.
- Ah
-. But that's not entirely true.
I just like the sound of my violin
when I press with the bow.
I think the genuine hard work
really bears fruit
and that in this world
can not be achieved nothing
without passion.
You need to travel far
and much,
as often as possible.
It is fuel for the soul.
Clichs
like the ones I just mentioned
They are such because they have
a basis of truth,
and who coined the word 'clich'
I was too lazy
to prove such claims.
Physical beauty,
money, trust,
That goes too far,
but can not fill
the hole in the heart.
And I think that a good way
to develop character is
known characters.
Stansbury belong.
It is ingrained in me,
I have felt for a long time.
And I know that sounds
extremely clich, but ...
I think that's what I believe.
In the clichs.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
Hi, Dee.
- Hello
-. How is your modeling?
Great.
- Good
-. Yes.
Bye.
Yes, well.
Incoming call Joe
God. Yes.
Shit.
It's my roommate. Move over.
I thought you'd be
in the massage parlor all day.
- Well ...
- I'll send you a message tonight.
- Genial
-. It's like the third time this week.
- Really
- I know. I am so sorry.
I will repay
. It is a club promoter
which will give a Cinco de Mayo party
that will rage in Social tonight.
Do you want to come?
- No, thanks
-. Really?
I thought you were Latin American.
No, I said it was part Native American.
Champagne? Does this mean
what I think?
- Actually ...
- I look
the Bukkake Bride of Frankenstein.
Expected to give me a quick shower.
Two minutes.
I'm anxious to know
news! Give veritas!
Gross.
Sorry
. I had to hydrate.
Okay, girl, tell me
about your big interview.
Did you get the free pass to Stanford?
It is Stansbury.
Yes.
I'm still waiting
the official green light,
but the dean of admissions
said it would receive
a very important call
around 1:00 p.m.
Heavens. How do you do
not stress you out?
- It's 12:30 pm
. - I am.
But the truth is
I can not do anything.
My life is about to change drastically,
for better or for worse,
- In the next 30 minutes
. - For best.
Definitely for the better
. I'll put it on Twitter.
- We champagne
- Not until you know.
How about one of my famous milkshakes
banana and peach meantime?
Yes. It sounds good, whenever vegan.
Yes, do not worry
. I'll use skim milk.
Besides, I'm
practically vegan.
I do not like fish.
I do not really distinguish
whether or not kidding.
What did you do in the refrigerator?
Thanks for noticing.
Yesterday could not find
some of my stuff,
so I thought it would be easier
to label what is who.
I put gold stars on yours,
and red on mine.
Very good. You can help
whatever my food
anytime.
Not only my food
. Anything mine, seriously,
even my clothes.
Thank you.
Is that tofu costs
as $ 9 at Whole Foods.
Was that soy?
Gross.
He died another of your fish.
What a pity.
It lasted quite.
You should clean this thing
from time to time.
Needless. That is
the parasite fish.
Do you really felt safe
put this big tank
in the table behind the chair?
Yes.
To me it makes me nervous.
Is there something you do not get nervous?
I dont know. It seems as if
do not imported fish.
I do not care about them.
It was a gift from Frank,
Mongolian.
I was his girlfriend for about 10 minutes.
He owns an aquarium.
The tank turned out to be
more wasted space he.
I dont know. I like the fish
. They produce calm.
But your snake, not so much.
Who? My great and sexy Fernando?
It is harmless.
Just bite
if you're furry and tail.
I worked with his scaly ass
when I modeled for AE in the summer.
Speaking of which,
a month ago not to food.
- Wait
. - What?
What is that for?
Instagram, Facebook, Twitter.
Which reminds me
you have not yet accepted
my friend request
nor follow me.
I almost never reviewed that thing,
and I do not have a Twitter.
Agree. Health.
For your future.
What about your future?
When you find a Mr. Rico,
gifted, tall, dark-haired and handsome,
in that order,
we can provide for me.
- Is Joe
-. Again?
Do not you dare answer.
I could tell you to stop calling.
Do not answer. Trust me
. You do not need that idiot in your life.
If you let them talk,
before you know it,
you exchange your violin
flute for their meat.
Okay, I pressed 'ignore'.
Good girl
. Someday you'll thank me.
Speaking of violin,
should practice a little.
Janie, get off the phone.
Sissy!
Good girl.
- Hello, little bird
- What do you want?
you again in my life.
The last two weeks
appeared two years .
Let me go and apologize in person.
Incoming call Stansbury
Joe, I'll call you later.
Hey, wait.
Hello?
Hello, this is Janie.
Yes.
Stansbury!
What does it say?
Officially want to offer
our largest grant
available at this time .
Includes half of all tuition,
- to pay up to three years
-. Sorry .
You said half the tuition?
I thought it was the greatest.
That's right, Ms. Garber,
but recent cuts
state budget
we were forced to do
extreme cuts,
especially in the education sector.
Half-scholarships are the best
we can offer now,
with a few exceptions
for athletes.
I do not practice any sport.
Miss. Garber,
It is the best we can offer.
It is a great achievement on their part.
Not enough.
. Miss Garber, do not understand
where you're going with this.
- I can not pay ...
- I thank you,
Mr. Garber. Hoffman.
It is the dream of my life
. I'm super mad.
That is, very excited
. Super excited.
I'm very glad to hear it.
Someone admissions department
It will contact you
Friday by the financial issue.
Stansbury welcome.
Thank you very much.
- I'm very excited
-. Well .
Goodbye.
You're welcome.
I can not afford
half the tuition.
They are $ 42,000 per year
with three years minimum.
Two and a half, if I hurry,
but just they are like $ 52,500.
Go. You're like Batman
in mathematics.
What about financial aid?
- We all use
-. I did in the previous year,
but you still need to return 80%
and I do not want to be indebted
the rest of my life.
Can you ask for a donation?
There is no time. I file
proof of payment on Friday.
- And if you ask your parents
- Dad is retired postman.
Medical experiments?
They do not pay enough.
- Robbing a bank
- That's my last resort.
Penny stock!
Are you serious?
I do not even know what they are.
But it sounded smart, right?
I need brain food. Yes.
Heavens, girl
. You did not have to spend a star
in each of my eggs.
Not even eat eggs
. I like eggs.
You hate eggs
. I love them.
Gosh, Dee.
- You're a genius
-. I know.
Wait. What?
I can donate my eggs back
to a couple in need.
It is rather cumbersome,
yet perfect.
Really?
You can receive a 10,000
if you do it through a service,
but private partners
usually pay more.
Holy guacamole.
- Is it easy
- If you have
a high threshold of pain, yes.
Fill you with hormones
for weeks,
until it reaches the fun,
when you put a needle
and suck all the eggs.
Where?
Where do you think?
Why the shell?
Yes, in the vaginal region.
Well, I would say I have
a high threshold of pain.
In the vagina?
Yes it is.
Years of practice!
I take care of this.
Wait. I want to help.
Registration DONOR
WATCH IF YOU QUALIFY
CREATE YOUR ACCESS CONFIDENTIAL
Donor candidates
About SOURCE donor
FAQ donor
Results for egg clinics
high level.
Who can use donated eggs?
I find nothing
more than 10,000.
I can do it more than once
if necessary,
but you ruin the body.
Eureka! Here's one
for 50 big, girl,
if you allow frozen
additional egg for the future.
'Wealthy couple
looking aggressively
'Serious applicants
Age. 21 to 25,
'Clear history,
high IQ.'
This is great
. How did you find it?
I am a genius.
They want to make a decision tomorrow
. Wait, I'll call.
The line is busy.
Here it says:
'Only natural blondes'
to coincide with the mother.
What a pity.
I'm blonde.
It's dirty blond
. It is my natural color.
Breaking news...
I'm not a natural blonde
. Just love this color.
The men love this color.
You should try it sometime.
Blonde blonder
have much more fun.
I enjoy a lot.
You should tell Joe.
You know,
not all have the luxury of swagger
in gyms during the day
and in the clubs at night.
Some want to become somebody.
Hi.
Hi. Call never came back.
- Look ...
- We had dinner at 8:30?
If it is okay.
I can not talk now.
Okay, I'll pick you up at ...
I'll pick you up at 8:00.
Agree.
Bye.
- Hello
- Hello.
I'm calling about the ad
egg donation.
I have good news.
I just talked to Olivia,
the representative of the couple,
and normally I would go,
but as it is not by agency
and there's so little time,
come to here, now,
so the place should be perfect.
- You're cleaning the tank
-. Yes.
Thank you.
Is that one of my dishes wall?
All dishes are dirty.
A week ago not lavas.
These are not for eating.
They are from my travels,
and are very special to me.
I already told you.
I told you!
This is Cambodia,
in case you were wondering.
I did not.
Hello! You must be Miss Morgan
.. Go ahead, please.
How is it going?
I'm Jane Garber.
- Nice to meet you
-. A pleasure to meet you, Miss Garber..
Very...
warm.
I can open a window if you like.
No, warm and welcoming.
You have fish.
Yes, I love animals.
There are only three
. Why some reason?
They are my roommate.
If it were me,
have a whole shoal.
They are very relaxing, right?
Yes very.
But I think what best represents me
It's in my room,
and there I have a puppy.
Please, Ms. Morgan,
here.
Thank you.
Here.
You mentioned on the phone
you've already donated eggs.
Yes. It's important to me
help the less fortunate.
How nice to hear that,
but no one who has
a winter home in Aspen
and a summer in Naples should
be described as 'less fortunate'.
Yes.
Yes, I usually have an assistant,
but it is in Palm Springs.
Whatever.
If you ask me, I think it's
a binge of methamphetamine.
It is very difficult to get help
with my work.
A lot of responsibility.
bratty kids and Christmas gifts
no personal sense.
You want to help her?
I guess that's something
not got the job at Best Buy.
it is not doing well.
Well, let's see.
look beautiful in this light.
Where'd you get those cheekbones?
In fact, I am a Navajo eighth.
I did not know, I did not know it. Interesting.
Very American. I like
. As trade with the tear.
How good. All right.
Better leave it ... Yeah. Okay.
As you've already been through this before ...
- What is that? It's ...
- Do I have something on your face?
Is permanent
. We can fix it.
I guess you know
how the procedure is.
You have not had any disease
sexually transmitted, right?
I'll know then, right?
Nothing that an antibiotic will not cure.
I'll let you talk to a few minutes.
Tell my clients something from you.
You know, a little je ne sais quoi.
- Well
-. Okay. Raises the chin.
How adorable.
It starts when you're ready.
- Let
-. Let's see ...
You know what? How are you
if instead of trying to describe
Who am I tell you what I think?
Thank you very much for coming
such short notice,
Miss. Morgan,
and accelerate the process.
You can not imagine how excited
I'm with the possibility
to help a couple in need ...
Or should I say a couple in Naples?
Very good.
I liked coming
. Furthermore, it is not usual
to kill two birds with one stone.
Two birds? I am sorry.
You and Miss Henderson
.. Your roommate?
The relationship they have is admirable,
to run for the same
lucrative opportunity
without any competitive spirit.
Money is not important for us,
Miss. Morgan.
After all,
the gift of love is priceless.
Your
You must be Deandra.
The same.
Pleased to meet
. Go to my office, please.
Heavens!
What a magnificent four-poster bed!
Thank you.
It is a Magdalena.
It is very funny.
Do you understand what I mean?
And I can warn
for the time, energy and love
they have put into this ...
Children always inspired me.
They are so uninhibited, cheerful and ...
Thank you. Anxiously await ...
Brazilian or peeled Style?
- Brazilian
-. Ah, a special detail.
It was a pleasure to meet you, Deandra.
I'll just tell my customers
about your sense of humor.
Thank you.
Well, they are looking for an adult woman, right?
My husband and I have
the same in turquoise.
Tigress!
Janie, you should have fun
much with it.
She is a big joke.
I'm impressed with both.
I'm glad I made an exception.
These brochures contain
their questionnaires.
It is vital that they are complete ...
- Of course
-. And be reliable.
And as we have little time,
I need to 8:00 p.m.
The will scan and send them.
- What email prefer that ...
- I have it.
- He gave me his card, we can share
- Yes. Goodbye, Dee..
- Goodbye
- Miss Morgan, thank you very much..
He came right away
and really appreciate it.
It was a pleasure to meet you, Olivia.
- All right. Bye. Meow, meow
-. Goodbye.
Because you did?
I just try to be someone, Janie.
You can not get your way
seducing this time.
You never know. Did you see how
touched my furry handcuffs?
By the way, thanks for that.
You are very unpleasant.
Just relax. I just pinch the titty.
I need the money, Dee.
- I do not do it for the money
-. Yes, I know.
You do not even need to work,
what are you trying to prove?
You're not better than me.
This is not a beauty contest.
Life is
a beauty contest, sweet.
You're better than that crap.
I know
. Beggars can not be choosers .
If you take a shower,
You'd better not use
my shampoo Andre Walker!
You can beat him.
For me? They are beautiful.
- Yes Janie Garber
-.? The're looking.
- Thanks
-. Sign here.
- Your receipt
-. Thank you, yes.
Red a rose, a violet blue.
Flowers like you
there on the planet.
I love you, little bird
. Sincerely, Joe Shmo.
Wretched.
MAKE AMENDS WITH YOUR HAIR
CONDITIONER WITH KERATIN
Give me a second!
One.
I'm going in.
Hi.
If?
Sorry about before.
I think I'm by menstruating.
Yes me too.
I was thinking,
while you are showering,
we hardly know, right?
- That's
-. And we are tied
to live together other ...
341 days.
- Huh
- Is when the contract expires.
Yes, I do not interpret that,
but accurate.
And we have to fill
these forms reveal
every detail of who we are
and what we have done.
- And
- Why not fill them together?
Better yet, why
we do not fill one on the other?
What better way to get to know?
Come on. It will be innocent fun.
Please.
What is your point?
Super. To all my i's
I put adorable hearts.
Kidding!
You know, honestly,
I will complete mine
on my own.
Thank you as well.
Agree.
Close the door please.
Dee!
What'd I tell you about smoking in the house?
That makes the place
smacks of cheap bar.
He blows the smoke out the window.
That is not enough.
You always burn
that fucking sage.
I do it because the place
smells like smoke.
And is not shit.
I told
I'm an eighth Navajo.
It is part of my race.
Does not matter.
My ancestors you have booted
those beautiful blond curls
by smoking that crap.
That was hard, Janie.
He joked.
Navajos are the most peaceful tribe
. It was a joke.
I was joking.
Sorry
. That was cruel.
Do you want that we complete together?
I'll do mine, and you yours,
but we can do together.
Wonderful!
Wait. First...
No thanks. I'm still vegan.
What? You say that gelatin
have flesh?
- No, no meat. Hooves
-. What do you say?
Strange, is not it
? Take the hooves of cow and pig,
the pulverized and ...
To make it short,
ends up being
key ingredient of gelatin,
which it is in almost everything.
Gummy bears
are made of gelatin.
Sour cream, even ice cream.
Yes, all those hooves
dirty with mud and shit,
all processing
on your favorite snacks.
Does not matter. If fat-free,
it is good for me.
... QUIZ
TO EGG DONOR
Okay, let's begin.
All right. 'Height'.
- 1,55
-. Mido 1.73.
'Weight'. 51.
- Heaven
-. I know, I lose a little.
- You
- really do not know.
A long time ago I did not weight.
You know? I will estimate for you
- And I say ...
- Nothing.
- Leave this blank
. - Okay.
- 'Education'
-. University of Berkeley,
Bachelor of Science,
and magna cum laude.
- You
- High Crestby,
diploma.
Member of Cheerios.
Wait. Do not put it there.
That goes
in 'extracurricular activities'.
Yes, let's see. Modeling,
hanging out with friends, going to nightclubs.
No wait. I will dance
and gymnastics, kickboxing,
Pilates, go to the beach. Take sun?
I think that is included
in 'go to the beach'.
Yes.
- You
- I put my violin,
art, backpacking trips
and yoga.
Gosh, I did not know what you were doing yoga.
We should do it together.
I'm insanely flexible.
Clear.
'Clinic history.
'Some preexisting condition
we should know?'
Yes, ADHD, obviously.
And I'm allergic to fish.
Y
Dry Skin.
- Eczema
- Yeah, how'd you know?
- I also have
-. Well, we are like sisters.
Not really. All right.
'Have you ever interned?'
You fill out a form,
and that gives them free access
to your medical history,
so you can not lie.
I washed the stomach
two years ago.
It was a crazy night of revelry,
I overdid it with the pattern,
if you know what I mean.
How about you?
Only eczema.
No allergy that I know, so ...
You do not have pre-existing conditions?
Remember you can find out everything.
I was honest with you.
Bipolar disorder.
But I have not had any incidents
from the eighth grade.
- Well
-. Well.
- 'Sexual history'
-. The fun part.
'Any disease
sexually transmitted?'
No, ma'am
. Verified recently.
Your?
Verified ... forever.
'Number of sexual partners'.
Why you ask that?
They want to have an idea
of your life choices,
and anything you have
you can pass to the baby.
They did not realize
if I shirk is a little, right?
So I say ...
fifty.
Too many?
40?
It sounds naughty?
Do not.
Well then...
Drumroll.
How many cavers
Garber visited the caves?
One.
Shut up.
- No.
- Are you serious?
- Yes
-. Wait, how old are you?
- How is it possible
- I knew we should not do this.
I'm not sorry. Is that...
Girl, you have not lived.
I could say the same about you.
Why? Because I did not go
to the pyramids?
You're wrong. I was in Cancun.
Good to Know.
- Next Question
-. Nice try,
but first I want to know why.
It is not as momentous.
I waited the subject indicated
I did not want it to be
drunk one night under the bleachers
of a student play.
No offense if you lost you.
Almost. Changes alcohol 'E'
and the stands for Subaru.
The best that could happen to me.
But tell me,
Was it everything you expected it to be?
Yes.
What happened to Mr. Wonder?
Sorry, I'm curious.
What happened was
I found the thong other
in your glove two weeks ago.
Wait. Back a little.
You ended two weeks ago with Joe
Two weeks ago?.
Joe was your ...
Rays, girl.
I guess that proves my point.
What is your point, Dee?
That all men are dogs
they belong
in the trunk of Subarus.
In a perfect world,
you would have chosen well,
because you are requet list.
But in reality,
you conformaste with a jerk.
Wait. Where are you going?
What I said was not true?
No one will complete it.
Chocolate is
the main cause of Fupa.
I'm just honest.
Bipolar.
Ready for action scan?
- Ray, Dee
- Janie, what are tigress.
- Get out of my room
- Sorry.
Wait.
- Can I have this same escanearas
- Yes!
My God.
Do the right. You can beat him.
Agree.
Incoming call Joe
- Hello
-. Hello, preparing you ?
I long to see you in an hour and a half.
Ray.
I booked a table
. Guess where.
The train will whores tonight
. Why do not we stay?
Okay, it sounds great.
Did you like the flowers?
What?
I sent a bouquet
. They said you signed .
Hello?
I'll call you in a while, okay?
Hi.
Did you change your mind
about the party tonight?
No. I need to talk to you.
Clear. About what?
Gosh, I was stretching me,
trying to take
this knot back.
It's killing me.
Since you're masseur,
Maybe you could help
or give me any indication.
In fact, I have not had clients today,
so I have hands cool.
Really? Thank you.
- Thanks
-. I go to prepare.
- You give me 10 minutes
- Okay.
Perfect!
Hi.
Take off your robe and goes to the gurney.
Is not there a catch?
No. Do you want a massage or not?
All right. Face up or face down?
- Prone
-. Well.
I am very sore.
Does it hurt the gym
or exercise
you did in the kitchen?
I can never make it out.
Well, I desabrochar this.
Yes thanks.
How was your dog?
- Godiva
-. What lovely.
Yes, it's my little angel.
Go. You have magic hands, girl.
Thank you. Years of practice.
They say 10,000 hours makes you
a requested teacher.
They say, huh?
Yes, in my experience,
big eyelashes, long legs
and waist par 34-C also works.
Sorry, I thought you liked strong.
Anyway,
It's what my mother said,
and it's the truth.
Especially here in Los Angeles.
If you're not a 10 in this city,
you're nobody.
That is very sad.
- What?
- What you just said.
'If you're not a 10're nobody'?
Yeah, well, that's life.
As he told ...
the interviewer before.
- How is called
- Olivia.
If she.
He said he was almost certain
they had already found the girl,
someone listed as a whip.
Whatever that means.
It is a reference
equestrian training.
How the you charmed
for me to tell you?
I do not love it.
I SINCERE with her.
You can learn any trade,
make tons of money
and climb the highest mountain,
but beauty,
and I speak of authentic beauty
natural beauty,
priceless.
You can not win, you can not buy,
but if you know how to use it,
You can buy all.
It could not have fallen with it.
You can not buy happiness.
- Well
-. Yes?
Turn around. I want to make the face.
They do not bite.
Keep your eyes closed.
VEGETABLE OIL
You were right a second ago.
He did not fall with it. Said
the most important thing for the couple
It was that his son had
a childhood as light as possible.
And it was then that I knew
I had it,
because at school, nobody
Raisin better than popular.
While losers
studying geometry
were thrown into the dustbins,
planning massacres,
my girls and I spent great.
And look how well I turned out.
Yeah, sure you look good, bitch.
What the hell? Do you have any idea
what you will do that to my skin?
Yes. You did not say 'whiskey'.
Why did you do that,
damn lunatic bitch?
- Why you threw my flowers
- That? Heavens.
- I was taking care of yourself
-. Yes, you're jealous.
Heavens, girl,
yes you need to get caught,
and you need to get caught either.
Not your pathetic and perverted boyfriend
nor Clifford, red dildo
I saw you play with before.
- Heaven
-. Sorry.
Damn...
You know what I you do not have?
- Cellulite
- I have a boyfriend
who loves me,
and perhaps not perfect,
but do not treat me
like sperm container.
Janie, find the thong
zebra another in his car.
Believe me, you're the trash.
I will beat you
to take away what a bitch you are.
Why
? Why be honest again?
You'd never said
that was zebra thong!
Shit.
Shit!
Heavens.
4 people like this
Is it serious?
Damn...
You are filling my patience, bitch.
- I was about to apologize
-. Why?
Why steal my flowers
or sleeping with my boyfriend?
Sorry
. Did I miss the joke?
If you think would
your boyfriend's penis pencil
fuck me, you're the joke.
- Okay, Dee
-. Come on, Janie, really.
I can get something better
. I did this morning.
Fuck you.
Give me your red giant
. I love it.
Listen, little rat,
if you ever touch my face,
a hair or body,
I unleash hell on you.
I did not sleep with Joe.
You bring conclusions
in your head crazy and schizoid.
Then swear by your life
that was not your thong I found.
No, of course it was my thong,
but I would not screwed up.
Damn you!
Dammit!
Did you use my shampoo Andre Walker?
Eat shit!
Ray!
Ray!
FISH OIL
Damn you!
What did you do?
Dammit.
What I bring
What do you need?
What do you need?
- Epi ...
- Well, no ...
- Tell me what you need
-. Epi ...
A EpiPen? An EpiPen
. Well, wait.
Well, where do I put it?
Where do I put it?
On the foot?
- Damn ...
- Vagina?
- Thighs
- In the thigh?
I am sorry.
I abhor. Wow, bitch.
Okay, bitch,
you want to play with fire?
I think we have gone far.
- Really
- No!
What the hell? Very good.
Go ahead, face crater.
Dammit!
- Did I ruin your artistic statement
- Gosh!
Not the face. Its permanent.
Who needs beauty
when you have brains, right?
Besides, you could not get uglier.
- Who the hell sends messages
- Joe, It will come anytime!
Will he come pencil penis?
Fuck you!
Damn...
Heavens, perhaps Ernest Heming-gay
you wrote another poem?
Not Joe. It's Olivia.
Guess who reached the final?
Yes, college,
he works hard.
No damn princess
. Suck my shell!
It seems that the eternal battle
between Beauty and the Beast
still not finished, bitch!
Heavens! You broke my Mary Magdalene!
So is!
Do you have any idea how much it cost?
Nine blowjobs?
Damn you.
Do not!
Dee! Stop. Please.
Those are irreplaceable!
What's up? Do not like
you break things?
Stop! Please.
Come on! The stupid king mattress
can give you another poster.
Have you played Frisbee end?
No, I guess rather
're an athlete in mathematics.
Stop!
Janie?
Are you kidding
What are you doing?
- Are you crazy
- When a dog goes mad,
I atas.
Thank you not put a muzzle.
No, bad dog
. Joe come at any time,
and it occurred to me a game
super fun for everyone.
What will you do? I fuck in front of me?
Pencil penises do not like,
but I like it.
- Hey
- If you scream,
I sprinkle the whole can in the throat.
I do it for you.
I can show you
how hypocritical and perverted that is Joe.
But it will be better shut your mouth.
If you know you're listening,
he will never admit it.
It depends on you.
Good girl.
Therefore, I will amuse him even more.
- Really ...
- I'll shut with tape.
What are you doing here?
I live here, brother.
What the hell are you doing here
? Janie broke up with you.
Officially, no
. I have a date with her.
Where can I find it?
You jilted
. It was an hour ago,
something futuristic theme in Melrose
- With girls
-. With your girls?
- It does not sound
-. I was working with her,
... teaching them to open their wings.
Janie does not take you seriously.
Now
. We became good friends.
He changed a lot since I found
you stole from me the thong
while I showered
the day we met. You remember.
Sorry, but I do not know
what you're talking rays.
Could you just
tell me where?
Who do you pretend?
It's just you and me,
alone.
Do you want to know a Secret?
- Maybe
-. It's a shame
Jamie has returned to you,
because you're
just like ... moi,
I would have left devour the ass
and any other perversion
that excite you.
My lips are sealed.
Well, they would have been.
- Where is Janie
- Really?
Do you really love her?
Where you are and when he'll return?
I do not know
. Not the'll wait here.
No, because what I meant was ...
If I can trust you,
so,
What does it matter
if Jamie is my girlfriend or not?
Not care.
First
I need two things from you.
One admits that stole my thong.
Okay, I admit
. You got me.
Good Guy.
Now tell me why.
Be graphic
. Makes me soak it all.
Because he was dating Janie,
and you're his roommate,
so you are prohibited.
Y...
Since I saw you
simply...
- Dilo
-. He wanted to smell the sweet shell.
Now I need you one more thing.
Take thy rod meat.
Show it to me, here and now.
What if...
do you get me?
I love how you think,
but I make the rules.
Come on.
Just as I thought,
pencil penis!
The beast loose measures ten centimeters.
But it is thin like a worm.
Would you rather I call you
'penis worm'?
It is minimally
larger than average.
You have something on your head
. Ready, fuzz.
What put me on the forehead?
You know what
? Changed my mind.
Sharpen your pencil
elsewhere,
and for the love of god,
recrtate the bush. You're not Don King.
You're a...
I said that was a hypocrite pervert.
Incidentally, I was sure
that was long and skinny penis.
You always knew
he was right
and you never told me.
Seriously I'll kill you.
Why
? Why show you the light?
There was no need
to cegaras me with her.
It's the only way
. It is better that you know now
and not months later.
Better ...
If you take one more step, Janie Garber ...
This dress costs $ 500!
Damn bitch!
Damn you!
I hope this kill you!
This is all you are,
a fucking liner used.
At least I have sex.
Swallow it!
Damn bitch.
Hey, Janie.
Do not! Stop!
Woe!
Why do I feel that your mission
is make my life miserable?
Because you see yourself
as a victim.
A victim always has
excuse for failure.
That's the difference between you and me.
For me, failure is not an option.
I hate you so much.
You do not hate me.
You just hate the idea of me.
You hate that no matter
how much you try,
no matter how hard you work,
no matter how smart you are,
I'll never be.
The sooner you teach
your therapist to deal with that,
Maybe we'll both.
I do not want to be you.
In the background, yes.
It's what we all want.
Someone who takes pills
and counts calories?
And that does not feel good
unless a slobbering
the bumble all
only to buy gifts?
He spoke masseuse.
You also manoseas
old drooling.
I just get better tips.
I do it for a living!
You make it
to feel good about yourself!
Do not you feel good
unless all you Amen!
Maybe you're right, Janie Garber,
but at least I feel special.
At least they all want me.
Really?
Or just like
bounce coins on your ass?
What is the difference?
We are in the prime of our lives.
While you are here studying,
by hiding, judging,
I'm out living,
enjoying every second.
Really?
Because you spend
morning in the gym,
afternoons sunbathing,
and night
you sit with your computer
with Facebook, Twitter,
and the fucking Instagram
showing photos
your manicures and pedicures?
Who does that?
You have no personality.
Seriously you are what you have,
that is all.
You know what?
Do not! Do not do it!
Someday, you'll thank me.
Do not! Do not do it!
Consider it an opportunity
to start again,
and you can start
by feeding your snake bitch.
Shit!
- No
- Do not move!
Do not!
Because you did?
He had to feed Fernando.
It was an innocent creature!
Yeah right. Like you?
I was trying to help!
First, lie.
Second, I do not need your help, Janie,
and that is one of the many things
I hate you.
You think a bright and unique being,
a gift to the world.
You think better
and smarter than the rest.
You believe that everyone should be like you!
And that's the irony,
because even you
want to be like you.
How the hell would you know?
For this.
I know you tried to kill yourself.
I know almost manage.
Your sister warned me
about 'instability'
long before I let you move in.
You're so unhappy.
You say you hate me?
The truth is
that you hate yourself.
What would make you truly happy?
To win the $ 50,000,
go to college,
and live your dream ...
or win me?
Congratulations.
You will go to college.
Hello, Olivia, was nice to meet you.
Unfortunately I thought better
and would like to retire
the application
to egg donation. Thank you!
Why?
As you said,
I do not need the money.
Why put me through
all this if you're not going to compete?
I guess I was bored.
That's your problem now.
Live life as a competition
and always lose.
You said that life
was a beauty contest.
I speak for the ass, very much.
Do not take it to heart.
Except for the shit
that men are dogs.
Yes, that shit is true.
Where did you find that?
Under the fishbowl.
What are you going to do?
Kill me?
That you wanted, right?
Are not you happy.
If you were, you would not treat me well.
Incidentally,
cute closet full of amphetamines.
Maybe you're right, Janie.
What are you waiting for?
Shoot me.
Just do it.
Come on.
Shoot me.
Your boyfriend wants to fuck me.
I killed your stupid fucking disgrace.
Come on, shoot me. Shoot me, Janie.
Come on! Do it!
Kill me. Shoot me, Janie!
Janie, do it! Do you fear?
Shoot me!
Shoot me! Come on!
Shoot me!
I bought it in Olivera street.
It's great, right?
Just a moment.
You did not know it was false.
You tried to kill me!
- I just wanted to hurt you
-. Are you crazy, bitch?
Dammit.
Dammit.
Dammit.
They did not return the deposit.
Shit.
Why did you want to live with you?
I thought I could fix,
you were like a project.
What you bitch.
You might think it is very easy
To be me.
I think.
It's a bloody nightmare, girl.
Do you want to trade places?
Do not.
That kills you.
One will not kill you
. Come on, live a little.
I have it.
It sucks.
Feels good, right?