She's All That (1999) Movie Script
Simon ! Simon,
I got your breakfast.
- [ Knocking ]
- Simon, you up ?
Give me a couple of minutes.
[ Pounding ] Simon Boggs,
there are children in Mexico...
who've already been up for three hours
making clothes for corporate America.
- Leave me alone.
- That's it. I'm spitting in your juice.
- [ Hawking ]
- [ Groaning ]
I got a big loogie,
and I'll spit it right in your juice.
[ Hawking ]
[ Sucks Up Saliva ]
Good morning.
Good morning, Laney.
[ Boy On Radio ]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, earthquakes,
spring break is officially over.
Only two months left
at Harrison High till summer vacation.
Till then, here's
a little welcome back music.
Okay, I got a pump replacement
this afternoon...
out in Manhattan Beach.
So I'll try not to be late
picking you guys up.
- Laney ?
- Got it, Dad.
Have a good day, pumpkin-nose.
[ Girls Giggling ]
[ Girl #1 ]
I know.
- [ Girl #2 ] Hey, Zack.
- Hey.
- [ Girl #3 ] Hi.
- Hello.
What's happening, Connie ?
He spoke to me.
- He called you Connie.
- So ?
Your name is Melissa.
- Hey, Jesse.
- Hey, Laney.
See that Dateline on sewage dumpers
last night ? I taped it.
- What happened to dropping
ten pounds before graduation ?
- I'm looking into it.
- Jesse, do not eat that.
- Twinkie Lite, see ?
- Hey, yo !
- Hey, what's up, Siler ?
- What's up, Preston ?
- What's up, bitch ?
How's it going, man ?
Hey, guys, check it.
Guess who jammed
a 30-year-old flight attendant...
at 25,000 feet
en route to Cancun ?
- Bullshit.
- I swear to God.
Come on, man. How was Vail ?
Fine. You know, skiing with
my parents, whatever. It was cool.
Cool ?
Has it occurred to anyone
that we have eight weeks left
in our high school careers ?
Shit. Only like
every five minutes.
Well, it's weird, you know ?
See, I'm driving through the gate
this morning, and it hit me.
Suddenly tomorrow is not just tomorrow.
It's like the future, you know ?
- No.
- Hey, guys, check it.
Then could I please speak to somebody
who doesn't have his head up his ass ?
Well, well, well, check
who's back from spring break...
looking all fine and shit.
Dean, on behalf
of every black person, shut up.
- Scusi ! On the phone here.
- How you doing, baby ?
Yes, I'll hold. Get off me.
Hey, you guys seen Taylor ?
Um, no.
- What ?
- Taylor ? My girlfriend ?
Yeah, come on, you know.
- Tall, kind of yells at everybody.
- No. Why ?
Why ? Uh, I don't know.
Maybe because I haven't spoken to her
since you guys left for Daytona.
Excuse me.
- Hey, party people.
- Hi, Taylor.
Oh, my gosh,
I've got total Diet Coke mouth.
- Does anybody have any gum ?
- [ Girls ] I got it. Me too. Here.
[ Bell Rings ]
Listen, Zack, I've been
doing some thinking.
I'm sorry. This just
isn't working for me anymore.
New tattoo ?
Damn.
So you show up after a week with
a tattoo and suddenly wanna break up ?
What happened in Florida, Taylor ?
Look, if you wanna
torture yourself--
Oh, whatever. Okay.
So we're at this club one night
and Chandler gets totally plowed,
and she starts making out
with this old guy for like
20 minutes on the dance floor.
Well, imagine our surprise
when this old guy turns out
to be Warren G.'s hairdresser.
- Isn't he gay ?
- Whatever.
So he sets us up with passes to
the spring break beach house, so we go.
- [ R&B ]
- [ Deejay ] Hey, hey.
What's up ? How's it going ?
Welcome to spring break, live from
the beach house of Daytona, Florida.
Beautiful weather, slammin' bands...
and, of course, 300 relative
strangers from all around
this great nation of ours,
[ Laughing ]
cuttin' loose, half naked...
and generally having a good time.
Uh !
[ Taylor ]
The next thing I know, Taylor Vaughan
is handpicked by the director...
- to dance on her very own raft.
- Hey !
This is all fascinating, Taylor,
but, uh, could you maybe skip to the
part where you decide to screw me over ?
Hold on.
I'm getting there. Okay.
I've been dancing for maybe
five minutes, and I nearly fell off,
which would have been so embarrassing,
being on cable and everything.
So I turn around to see what I've hit,
and that's when it happened.
Hey, I'm Brock Hudson ! Hey !
Brock Hudson ?
What kind of a name is that ?
- What kind of name is Zack ?
Okay, Brock is from The Real World.
- What, like Reseda ?
No, like the TV show, okay ?
Real World, L.A. Second season. Hello.
The dyslexic volleyball guy ?
They kicked him out of the house.
The next three days
were kind of a blur.
- [ Taylor Laughing ]
- I mean, it was like we had known
each other for weeks.
He knew exactly what I was thinking,
and I didn't even have to say a word.
So before I left,
Brock said he had a surprise for me:
something to record the wonderment
of our first days together.
- [ Moaning ]
- [ Whirring ]
- So that's it ?
- Pretty much, yeah.
Oh, but don't worry, Zack. I mean
I'll still go to the prom with you.
I mean we're gonna be elected.
It's only appropriate for
the king and queen to go together.
I-- I don't know what to say.
Oh, so don't then, Zack.
I mean, it's been fun.
But did you honestly think
that I was gonna leave
for college still dating you ?
Oh, my God, you did.
No way. That is so sweet. Ow !
Do you believe
this thing still hurts ?
[ Students Suddenly
Start Chattering ]
Great.
That's a very nice use
of color, Misty.
Thanks.
I read about this riot
in Mogadishu.
-This represents the pain of that night.
-That's wonderful, Laney.
But tell me something.
Which part represents you ?
Laney,
Savannah and I were just talking
about your stuff.
Just about how you're not--
you're not afraid to be dark.
Darkness rocks.
But I'll be honest. I don't think
anybody here really appreciates that.
- Uh-uh.
- Sav and I, we toured
the Prado over break, and--
That's in Spain.
And, um, we got in this discussion
one day at the cafe...
just about-- about how many
artists are really only truly
appreciated posthumously.
And we got Van Gogh, Pissarro.
- Basquait.
- Basquait. Thank you.
A-And then your name came up.
And Sav thought--
Actually, we both thought...
that it might be
a good idea for you if, um--
You killed yourself.
Think about it.
- [ Bell Rings ]
- [ Students Chattering ]
Well, check it out.
That's it for another day, earthquakes.
By the way, my condolences
go out to a certain individual
who got dissed and dismissed...
by his longtime,
magically delicious girlfriend.
Relax, man.
No one knows it's you.
[ Deejay ] Hey, hang in there, Zack.
It happens to the best of us.
Keep that head up,
all right, son ?
As far as the other dude,if it doesn't kill you,
it only makes you stronger. All right ?
Yeah. You better do something, man,
'cause your legacy's in jeopardy here.
I mean, one second
you're Zack Siler, class president,
standout athlete,
all-around bad-ass mamba-jahamba.
The next thing you know,
you're Zack Siler, bitch-boy.
Hey, how are you guys ?
Hey. Hey.
- Brock.
- Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.
- Hi !
- Hey. Hey, baby.
[ Chuckles ]
What's up ? How's it going ?
Who the hell does she think she is ?
There are 2,000 girls in this school,
and I can bump monkeys with every one of 'em.
- Taylor Vaughan is totally replaceable.
- Spare me this wax shit...
about replaceable, because we're
talking about Taylor Vaughan here.
- Sorry, man. He's-- He's right.
- Of course l'm right.
I mean, the girl's
an institution in this place.
Every girl wants to be her,
and every guy wants to nail her.
- Basically, she's you... with tits.
- [ Laughs ]
Nah, nah, you're wrong, you see.
The Taylor Vaughan you just described
is an illusion, a myth.
You strip away
all that attitude and makeup...
and basically all you have is
a C-minus G.P.A. with a wonder bra.
Oh, give it up.
Take, uh--
Take her for example.
Short, decent rack,
kind of a Chelsea Clinton
thing going on.
But given the right look,
the right boyfriend, bam !
In six weeks, she's the one
being crowned prom queen.
- You're serious ?
- As a heart attack.
You're clearly delusional. But how
about a chance to prove me wrong ?
Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. Dean,
Dean, Dean. The boy's buggin' here.
You're taking advantage of a friend
in a vulnerable situation.
Gee, that's swell, Preston.
A fifth of Chivas and a uterus and you could be my mom.
No, seriously.
The guy thinks he could do anything.
Let him prove it.
- What do you say, Zack ?
- A bet ?
Yeah. Unless, of course,
you're too heartbroken.
- Just name the terms.
- All right, it's simple.
l'll pick the girl, and you got six
weeks to turn her into the prom queen.
Okay, okay, we get it, okay ?
- Everybody has a big jimmy.
Now can we just--
- You got it.
- All right. Let's go shopping.
- [ Laughing ]
Oh, man, this is
gonna be so much fun.
- [ Preston ] What about her ?
- [ Dean ] Nah, l don't think so.
- [ Girl ] l mean it's still scabbing.
See, l saved it.
- How about this one ?
A-Are you sure about Bubbles ?
Nah, we can do
better than that.
[ Zack ]
What about her ?
Rectal archaeology. Very nice.
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid.
[ Gasps ]
Gentlemen, we have a winner.
[ Zack ]
What, Laney Boggs ?
Uh-uh ! No.
No, no, no, no.
Hey, a bet's a bet.
Right, Preston ?
Hey, man, this is
between you guys.
- [ Laughing ]
- [ Exhales ]
Look, fat l can handle.
Weird boobs, bad personality,
maybe some sort of fungus.
Come on. Scary and inaccessible
is another story.
Hey, man, if l were you,
l wouldn't be wasting my time,
'cause by my calculations
you got six weeks until the prom.
And if-- if Laney Boggs
is gonna be queen,
l'd say you pretty much got
your work cut out for you.
- Hi, Laney. You got a second ?
- [ Boy ] Here comes Zack.
What's up, Spaz ?
He knows my name.
That's not your name.
That's not his name.
Oh. Sorry.
So, Laney, listen.
-l was wondering if maybe you'd wanna...
-Let's go, Simon.
embarrass me horribly
in front of all these people ?
- Laney--
- Come on. Dad's waiting. Let's go.
[ Laughter ]
Wait ! Watch this.
- [ Farts ]
- Oh ! Damn it, Brock.
Relax, man. Smells like roses.
l will not relax.
You-- You are being disrespectful.
You are disrespecting me,
and you are disrespecting Harmony.
lt's not about disrespect.
lt's just gas.
- That's about enough of this.
- How's the queen of The Real World ?
How did you know about that ?
Please. They've only run that
spring break thing like a zillion times.
- So who's the lucky rebound skank ?
- Rebound skank ?
- Well, there's gotta be
somebody, right ?
- Well, l wouldn't say somebody.
But there is sort of a project.
- Project ?
- Yeah.
To tell you the truth, she kind of,
uh-- she kind of blew me off.
l like her already.
Well, the only thing l can figure
is it's gotta be some kind of mistake.
Zack, l realize it's
a difficult concept...
for a bitch magnet
such as yourself to grasp,
but did it ever occur to you
to make a little effort ?
- What do you mean ?
- Find out where she hangs out.
- Find out what she likes.
- [ Door Closes ]
Oh, crap.
Mom and Dad are home.
lf they ask, l'm at Ashley's.
Her brother's home.
He's so cute.
He just got kicked out
of military school.
Zachary, how was
the first day back ?
Ah. School is school.
Taylor and the girls
have a good time in Florida ?
- l guess so.
- There's still no word on
the Dartmouth application ?
Obviously not.
You haven't heard
from a single university yet.
- lsn't that a bit unusual
at this point in the year ?
- Not really.
You know maybe l ought to give
Ken Wortham in the alumni office a buzz.
- l owe him a call anyway.
- Nah, nah, let's give it
a couple of days.
Probably hear something
by Friday.
We'll give it till
the end of the week.
Does my tattoo
look red to you ?
- Come on, girl. Don't you care
about anything anymore ?
- What are we spewing about ?
Well, two weeks ago,
we were helping you plan
your prom queen acceptance speech.
Now all of a sudden, everything's
like "Brock this" and "Brock that"...
and "my tattoo."
Taylor, the last thing you wanna do
five weeks before the election...
is alienate people.
- And what is that supposed to mean ?
- l think...
what she's trying to say
is you should be careful. Right ?
Careful of what ? Okay.
l can win this thing
in fluorescent lighting...
on the first day of my period,
cloaked in tacky rags. Okay ?
My mother was
prom queen in '71.
My cousin,
prom queen in '82.
And my sister would have been
prom queen in '94...
if it wasn't for that scandal
on the Color Me Badd tour bus.
Okay, l am a goddamn legacy.
All right ?
And besides, not to be a bitch,
but who's gonna beat Taylor Vaughan ?
God, l hope that's not
your acceptance speech.
Okay, sir, that will be one tahina kebab
with a side of spiced hummus salad.
Would you like to super-size
those falafel balls ?
Hmm. Let me see.
- Laney.
- Exactly what does
this super-size entail ?
Stalking is illegal
in all 50 states.
- Come on. l just wanna talk.
- l find myself torn.
Perhaps l could see
a sample ball...
to better equip myself
for such a decision.
- Don't you have a break coming up ?
- One moment, sir.
Uh, uh, miss ?
One moment, sir.
l'm not smart.
- What ?
- What ? You figure l could--
l could tutor you or something ?
- You think, "Oh, well,
there's Laney Boggs. She's a dork.
- Look, Laney.
- Laney.
- She must at least be smart."
Well, guess what, l'm not.
Laney, l have the fourth
highest G.P.A. in our class.
Mm-hmm.
Oh. What is this, some kind of new dork
outreach program ? l'm just not, uh--
- No, it-- Are you always like this ?
- No.
- Yes.
- Come on. Five minutes.
- [ Customer ] Miss ?
- Five seconds.
Okay. Um, l really
wanted to talk to you about...
- art.
- Art ?
- You don't take art.
- How do you know ?
How come l haven't seen you
in any of my classes ?
Well, 'cause l'm-- l'm busy
with soccer and stuff.
So they let me take
one of those, uh-- the, uh--
- lndependent studies ?
- Yes.
But listen, l saw some of your stuff
in class. lt's really good.
So any kind of help you could give me,
l'd appreciate it.
- Sure. l-- Maybe sometime.
- How about tonight ?
The show at the Jester.
You can have my ticket.
That's great.
One moment, please.
- Ow !
- Look. l kicked your ass
in third grade.
- l'll do it again.
- Okay. One, l was sick that day.
And two, are you crazy ?
The best-looking guy
in school's stalking you,
and you're not
the least bit curious ?
Okay, here's the deal. The show's
at 7:30. Parking can be a problem.
Meet me there at 7:00.
Don't be late.
7:00 it is.
- Hey, do you wanna maybe go
have some dinner before--
- No.
l'll see you at 7:00.
l'm sorry, sir.
Have you made your decision ?
Yes, l have.
Super-size my balls.
[ Male Actor's Voice ]
Snug in the putrid womb
of a mother he never knew.
The fetus...
rising, floating.
That's Mitch.
Brilliant, isn't he ?
- [ Explosion ]
- Bursting forth ! Rushing forward !
Surging ! Emerging !
[ Gagging ]
My soul is an island.
My car is a Ford.
l wanna be like Mike.
[ Mitch ]
Falling ! Plunging !
Nay, expunging !
[ All Laughing ]
Whoo-hoo ! Aah-ah-ah !
Be silent, be still.
[ Together ]
Be silent, be still.
Be silent, be still.
Be silent, be still.
Be silent, be still.
Be silent, be still.
[ Applause ]
Oh !
Thank you very much.
Thank you for coming.
Um, before you leave,
our performer Laney...
has just informed me that there is
an exciting new voice among us.
ls there a Zack Siler
in the house ?
- [ Audience Murmuring ]
- Come on. Don't be shy.
We're all friends here.
Look, you don't have to go
if you're not interested.
Art is love, people.
Art is love.
Welcome, friend.
[ Exhales ]
How's it going ?
[ Clears Throat ]
[ Chuckles ]
lt's a Hack-E-Sack.
- [ Drum Beats Rhythmically ]
- [ Clears Throat ]
[ Drum Continues ]
Whew ! Hack-E-Sack.
Hack-E-Sack.
Bounce.
Bounce.
You gotta keep bouncing.
Can't let it drop.
Never let it drop.
Come on, Zack.
Everyone's watching.
Expecting.
Never... let it...
drop.
Everyone's counting
on you, Zack.
Don't let it drop.
Don't... ever...
let it...
drop !
[ Breathing Heavily ]
Sooner or later,
it has to drop.
Oh, man, l can't believe
l just did that.
Well, l'd be lying if l didn't say
l was a little surprised myself.
- So, tell me the truth,
how bad did l suck ?
- You were good.
Come on ! That thing you did
with the paint and all the garbage,
that was really good.
All l did was
kick around a beanbag.
All right, a little.
A lot. You sucked a lot.
Boy, you really blew.
- You feel better now ?
- l don't care.
Oh, man, l-I've given,
speeches and stuff,
but being up there
and not knowing what to do, it--
- Kind of a rush, isn't it ?
- Yeah.
Whew !
- What ?
- Do you always wear those glasses ?
- Yeah. Why ?
- No reason.
You ever think about contacts ?
Mm, l have 'em.
l just never wear 'em.
l don't know.
The idea of touching my eye is--
Because your eyes
are really... beautiful.
- Oh, please.
- What ?
"Your eyes are
really beautiful" ?
You really broke out the big guns
with that one, didn't you ?
- Laney, l was just--
- No. l had an instinct.
l went against it.
This is my fault.
Wha-- Laney,
l'm not following.
You wanna know about art ?
When the class president starts touching
my face on darkened street corners...
and talking about my eyes,
there's a word for it.
There's an entire movement in the '20s.
lt's called surreal.
- Laney, wait. Can't we just--
- You go. l'm gonna catch
a ride with Mitch.
The underwear guy ?
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
lt's on. lt's on.
Hey, this is great. Listen.
l got a question for you.
All right, this guy--
Would you kiss him for like,
say, 500 bucks on, like,
a public access channel ?
Oh, wait. This is
where l get sensitive.
My whole problem in the house
is that l was an only child.
l didn't have a lot of friends,
never had roommates before.
So l don't know how to
like deal with everyone.
A lot of people here in this house
think l'm cold and insensitive.
But underneath that, I've got a big--
This is big.
- Hey, ho.
- [ Girl ]
[ Beep ] that.
See what l mean ?
Ah ! Uh, baby, can you not
do that right now ?
Like l'm waiting for
the new Spelling drama at 2:00,
and l really-- you know
l don't wanna smell like your spit.
lt's like all over.
So just stop. Thank you. Watch.
- Oh, God.
- ...from my mom's sister...
- who once went--
- Your aunt ?
- Yes. Yes, my aunt.
- This is where l-- Watch this.
This is where l get
Brando on 'em. Watch.
- Very Brando.
- Do me a favor. Why don't you all
just stay out of my closet !
God !
- [ Grunts ]
- [ Can Clattering ]
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Zack Siler.
- Pleasure.
- Nice truck.
- Thanks.
l clean a lot of stuff
out of people's pool drains.
You never know what you're gonna find.
l got this over at the university.
At one of the fraternities, l found
this. Belonged to a football player,
- actually a Heisman trophy runner-up.
- No kidding.
- Zack, my man.
- Simon, hey.
Hey, you wanna play
some Sega ? Sega !
- [ Door Opens ]
- Maybe later.
- Loves Sega.
- Would you excuse us a minute ?
- What did l do ?
- Not you, him.
- What did l do ?
Hey, give me
a hand here, will ya ?
- Yeah, sure.
- Look, you can't just keep
showing up like this.
And you can't keep avoiding me.
Like the other night. What was that ?
- l was busy.
- Yeah. Busy wiggin'.
- Excuse me. l did not wig.
- There was major wiggage.
- So, you wanna go to the beach ?
- No.
- You hate the beach ?
- Yes. No.
- l don't have time for this.
- Fine.
- l'm leaving.
- Fine.
- Hey, Simon, how about that Sega ?
- Yeah.
- What are you doing ?
- l'm getting ready to play some Sega.
- No, you're not.
- Well, l believe l was invited.
- l am uninviting you.
- You're not the boss of him.
The man does have a point.
[ Exhales ]
Yep, looks like
a long afternoon of Sega.
And, hey, maybe your dad
can show me some more pool stuff.
l'll get my suit.
[ Zack ]
Well, once the clouds lifted,
it turned out to be
a pretty okay day.
Check out that water.
Do you know how many gallons
of chemicals are dumped
into the oceans each year ?
Don't you ever just kick back ?
l mean, l know the world
has its problems.
- But would it hurt you
to smile once in a while ?
- l smile.
lt's just you mentioned the ocean,
and l saw this thing on CNN--
- No, forget CNN.
- [ Dean ] Hey, yo, Siler, what's up ?
[ Zack ]
Great. Okay.
Listen. lf we're gonna be friends,
we have to deal with them
sooner or later, right ?
Come on.
Yeah, so l called your house,
and they said
you were at the beach,
so l figured you
must be at your spot.
- You know, many a woman
has lost it here.
- Shut up, Dean.
You have to forgive our man here.
His shorts are kind of tight.
Cuts off the circulation to his brain.
l'm Preston.
l know who you are.
- Hey, Laney. lt is Laney, right ?
- Yeah.
Well, come on, Zack, help us get
the rest of the stuff from the car.
Yeah.
So, think the mourning
period's over yet ?
Please. lt's way over.
Mourning period ?
Yeah, without Taylor,
Zack's available now.
Yeah, but what's the deal ? l mean,
don't tell me you guys are on a date.
- No, we're just--
- Friends ?
Hey, now, check out
the bobos on super freak.
You know, Zack, from up here,
she almost looks normal.
So, is this what you ladies
are gonna do all day ?
No. ln 15 minutes, l have
every intention of turning over.
- All right. Just thought
you all might wanna play.
- No, thanks.
- So, what about you, Laney ?
- No, um, l don't think so.
- ls your name Laney ?
- No. Thank God. No offense.
None taken.
lt's just I've seen you in gym class.
You run like a girl.
- l am a girl.
- Oh, you know what l mean.
Obviously, l don't.
So, uh, you in or out ?
ln.
Ah, lovely.
- Me too.
- [ Girl ] Really ?
- Got it !
- Mine ! Mine !
Just like that.
So, Zack, my house tonight ?
Uh, yeah.
So what about you, Laney ?
See you at Preston's tonight ?
- l don't think so.
- Aw, come on. You gotta be.
Yeah, you should.
Preston's parties are the best.
- Booze, tunes, hotties.
- Dean--
No, seriously. His house is enormous.
His dad owns Harrison Ford.
- The actor ?
- No, the car dealership.
So, what do you say ?
Uh, sure.
Good things.
- Well, this should be interesting.
- Will you shut up ?
What ? Even if they are broken
up, if Zack shows up with her,
Taylor's gonna shit Frisbees.
[ Dean ]
Zack, Laney, always a pleasure.
- Okay, man, see ya.
- Later.
- See you guys later.
- See ya.
Bye. See you later.
Well, we survived, right ?
So, about Preston's
thing tonight...
- l can't.
- But you just said that--
l-- l know. l just...
forgot l have to clean the house.
lt's really dirty.
Almost... unlivable.
Sorry to hear that.
[ Alex Trebek ] Thomas Welch
invented this drink in 1859...
as an alternative to wine.
- What is nonalcoholic wine ?
- [ Man ] What is grape juice ?
- No.
- [ Trebek ] That's right.
- [ Jesse ] You said no ?
- Mm-hmm.
- Why ?
- l said l had stuff to do.
Laney, sitting around
with your father...
while he watches Jeopardy!
in his underwear hardly
qualifies as stuff to do.
- Who is Lou Rawls ?
- You know me too well.
l think you're afraid to let
anything good happen to you.
l mean, did it ever occur to you
that maybe Zack really likes you ?
- Trust me. He doesn't.
- [ Knocking At Door ]
- l gotta go.
- The youngest of the Marx brothers,
- he retired from the act
following 1933's...
- Who is Lamo ?
- [ Man ] Who is Zeppo ?
- [ Trebek ] That's correct.
- Hello.
- l thought l said l was busy.
Zack. Mi compadre con queso.
- l, uh-- l believe
you said you were cleaning.
- l am.
l was. l... will be.
Tell you what.
How about l save you some time ?
- l'll take the kitchen.
- All right, then l got the bathroom.
- lsn't that the soccer team ?
- lt's J.V.
-l need the vacuum cleaner.
-[ Dad ] lt's over there in the corner.
- Go get dressed.
- l can't. l mean-- Look at you.
You look great.
l-- l have nothing--
Oh, God.
l'm a mess.
That's where l come in.
Mackenzie Siler, hair and makeup.
You can call me Mack.
You know, if you guys need us,
we'll be upstairs.
- Have a seat.
- Thanks.
[ Trebek ] This city's French Quarter
encompasses about 70 blocks.
- What is Paris, France ?
- [ Woman ] What is New Orleans ?
Ow !
Laney, no offense, but when
was the last time you tweezed ?
- What ?
- As in your eyebrows.
Never. Why ?
Well, do you ever watch
Sesame Street ?
Uh-huh.
- You know Bert ?
- Ow !
So, Zack, can l get you a drink ?
Yeah, sure.
What do you got ?
Let me check.
[ Trebek ]
Along with presidents Washington,
Jefferson and Lincoln,
his face appears
on South Dakota's Mount Rushmore.
- [ Dad ] Who is President Rushmore ?
- [ Man ] Who is Roosevelt ?
[ Trebek ] That's right.
Now you select again.
[ Man ]
The Cinema for 300.
[ Trebek ] Here's the clue.
This 1951 Elia Kazan film...
marked Warren Beatty's
screen debut.
- What is Shampoo ?
- [ Man ]
What is Splendor in the Grass ?
You really never wear makeup ?
No. My mom died before l was
old enough for this stuff.
- l'm sorry.
- lt was a long time ago.
l mean, God, Simon
was practically a baby.
Nothing personal, Laney,
but this particular coif...
doesn't really go
with your face shape.
What do you have in mind ?
Well, l have an idea.
What kind of idea ?
You'd really have to trust me.
[ Trebek ] ln 1987, a copy of the Old
Testament attributed to this printer...
sold for $5.3 million.
- Who is Hewlett-Packard ?
- Who is Gutenberg ?
- [ Man ] Who is Gutenberg ?
- [ Trebek ] Yes.
[ Man ]
1880s for 400.
- [ Trebek ]
According to the 1880 census,
- Who are you people ?
it was the first state with
a population exceeding five million.
[ Boy ]
Zack owes us big-time.
You sure this
is a margarita ?
Yeah.
Gentlemen,
may l present the new, not improved,
but different... Laney Boggs ?
Laney !
Laney Boggs, get your
cute butt down here !
- You ready ?
- Yeah.
Drive safely.
- [ Rock ]
- [ People Chattering ]
Hey, hey, hey,
welcome, my friends...
to the party that never ends.
Yeah. At least until my folks
get back from Vegas.
- Who are all these people ?
- [ Preston ] l have no idea.
- [ Glass Shatters ]
- l'm gonna check on you in a second.
Have a good time,
all right ? Damn.
Laney. Oh, my God,
you look great.
Zack, do you mind if l borrow her
for just a second ?
There are these amazing-looking
twins over there.
l think they're Costa Rican
or something.
Uh, sure.
Go ahead.
Well, gracias, papi.
Oh, my God,
l'm so glad you came.
Damn, look
at the look you have.
What's going on, man ?
You guys come here together ?
Well, l brought her here
if that's what you mean.
"l brought her here if that's what you
mean." Come on, man, let's get real.
You're with her 24-7. You know
l may be wasted, but l'm not blind here.
So what's going on ? Mixing a little
business with pleasure or what ?
l hate to break it to you, man,
but, uh, it's just a bet.
Yeah, right.
Whoo-ooh !
Let's party !
Well, well,
if it isn't Taylor Vaughan.
What a surprise.
Yeah, we almost
didn't make it,
but then l thought, why not put in
one last sentimental... whatever.
Honey ! l want a beer.
- You've got a drink right there.
- But l want a beer.
Okay.
Excuse me.
Hello ?
- Oh. Sorry.
- Splatter girl ?
Misty ?
[ Groaning ]
Are you okay ?
l think l'm gonna vomit.
l think you already did.
Can l get you something ?
[ Groaning ]
Here.
- [ Chuckles ]
- Hey, Laney.
- How does it feel ?
- Excuse me ?
You heard me.
l said, how does it feel ?
Rich girl like me...
gets a scholarship
to her first-choice art school,
and here you are...
cleaning up my puke.
- Taylor.
- Zack.
Hey, you know, Brock
will be back in a minute.
l can get you an introduction
or maybe an autograph.
No, that's okay.
l saw him on a rerun last night.
He ate his own toenail clippings
for ten bucks. Very impressive.
- Jump up my ass, Zack.
- I've been there, done that.
[ Brock ]
Go, deejay ! Get funky, deejay !
Can you guys
back up a little ?
- Speaking of ass-jumping,
isn't that your boy now ?
- You guys back up a little.
Oh, God, not again. Brock !
- Go, deejay !
- Brock !
- Not right now, honey.
They're playing my song.
Come on, everyone !
- Come on, Rick. l'm tired.
Let's go home.
That's the time
l start romancin'
- [ Misty Screaming ]
- You say how can l love you
Maybe then you'll start to groovin'
Come on, girl !
- What the hell are you doing here ?
- l was invited.
- Really ? lsn't your dad my pool man ?
- l really wouldn't know.
- Oopsy.
- [ Record Scratches, Stops ]
- Ah !
- You really should be
more careful with silk.
Thank you.
- Excuse me ?
- Thank you.
For a minute there,
l forgot why l avoided places
like this and people like you.
Avoided us ?
Honey, look around you.
To everyone here who matters,
you're vapor.
You're Spam, a waste of
perfectly good yearbook space.
Nothing's gonna change that.
Oh. You're not
gonna cry, are you ?
[ People Murmuring ]
[ Crying ]
- Laney--
- Don't touch me !
- [ Crying ]
- Laney.
l promised myself...
l would never, ever... ever--
Never what ?
Never let them see me cry.
God.
- lt's okay.
- No, it's not okay.
l never should've come here.
Laney--
- Laney, we were having fun today.
- [ Chuckles ]
You-- You were having fun.
Sometimes when you
open up to people,
you let the bad in
with the good, that's all.
l wanna go home.
Okay.
[ Rock ]
[ Students Chattering ]
So the party was that bad ?
Can we please talk
about something else ?
You didn't have a little fun ?
Not even an M&M's worth of fun ?
You go, girl.
- Maybe one of those brown M&Ms.
- Awesome.
- Jesse, is it me or is
there something very--
- You rock.
Since when do you rock ?
[ Deejay ] Well, well, earthquakes,
straight up and listen up.
Ballots are out. Looks like
Terminal Taylor's got herself
a little dark horse competition...
in the form
of the falafel fairy herself.
To be honest, l think
the question on every Harrison
student's mind has got to be--
Who the hell would nominate me ?
- Laney, just heard. Congrats.
- Thanks.
You totally deserve it.
[ Pager Beeping ]
Me.
- Uh-oh.
- Taylor ?
- 9-1-1.
- Oh, God, big deal.
- She's our friend.
- And things change.
[ Sobbing ]
He...
broke... up... with me !
You're kidding.
Oh, Brock Hudson ! l mean,
what kind of a name is that anyway ?
And that dancing.
Oh, my God, the dancing.
- [ Sobbing ]
- What happened ?
l don't know.
l don't know.
Hey, Taylor, it's been fun.
But did you honestly think l'd leave for
All-Star Road Rules still dating you ?
Oh, you did ?
That's sweet.
- You wanna know what l think ?
- Why not ?
You're better off without him.
You know, you guys are the best.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Blowing Nose ]
- [ Boy ] All right, all right.
- See you guys.
Did l miss something ?
- [ Rock ]
- All right, let's see what you got !
Come on ! Let's go, Zack !
Get 'em, Zack !
Let's go ! Let's go !
That was so great !
That was awesome !
- What was up out there today, Zack ?
- Didn't have it, man.
- Maybe. Or could it possibly
be a symptom of withdrawal ?
- Excuse me ?
Well, correct me if l'm wrong,
but it has been a little while
since you've gotten any, right ?
And you know something like that can
really screw up a guy's concentration.
Or maybe now you're thinking,
you know, now that Taylor's free--
Whatever, Dean.
l don't know. Maybe it's
the Boggster's ass you wanna tap.
lt's not about that.
Oh, hey, man,
l'm not baggin'.
l mean, if you're not gonna partake,
do you mind if l do ?
- She might be a great little jam.
- l swear to God...
- l'll take you out if
you fucking touch her !
- Calm down, man.
Screw you, Zack !
You know, for four years,
I've watched you fool people...
into thinking you're
some sort of god in this place.
Well, guess what.
This is one contest you're gonna lose.
You're going down, asshole.
l want you to take yours,
put it on the wall right here.
Hygiene squad, put yours over here. Gay
students, put yours on the senior patio.
Prisoner's Club, all right. Put it
around the other side of this building.
Have a latte, vote for Taylor.
Sure. l'll have one.
Have a latte, vote for Taylor.
[ Door Opens ]
No one's allowed down here.
This is amazing.
ls that your mom ?
Yeah.
She was an artist too.
Photography.
She's beautiful.
Yeah, well,
not everything's hereditary.
How did she die ?
Cancer.
Leukemia.
You wanna know
the weird part about it ?
l don't remember
crying at all.
l remember the funeral.
And l remember afterwards
everyone went to my grandma's house,
and l sat on this big green chair
with Simon in my lap.
And l remember knowing...
that things were never
going to be the same.
Laney, you can't keep doing this.
Doing what ?
Shutting everybody out.
Sitting here
with 19 locks on your door.
So l shut people out.
At least l make decisions,
which is more than l can say for you.
- Look, l make decisions.
- Oh, yeah ?
Where are you going
to college, Zack ?
l was by the counselor's office
yesterday. l believe next to
your name it said "undecided."
Look, there's stuff
you don't understand.
- You don't live with my dad.
- Explain it to me.
My dad went to Dartmouth.
lt was the best four years
of his life, so he says.
So ever since l was born--
There's a picture of me
in his office when l'm five.
We're at the zoo or someplace.
l'm sitting on his shoulders
wearing a Dartmouth sweatshirt.
- So ?
- So it's emblematic.
l get it from him every day.
"Pick a college, Zack.
Pick a future."
But what he's really saying is,
"Pick my college. Choose my future."
Are you listening to yourself ?
Do you realize how lucky you are ?
You can go to Dartmouth.
You can go to N.Y.U.
You can go to Borneo
and study squid fishing.
The point is, you're 18,
and that's old enough to start
making your own choices.
Okay, okay.
Chill, Tony Robbins.
What about you ?
Shouldn't you be looking in the mirror
when you say some of this stuff ?
Trust me. l'm working on it.
So, are you always this smart ?
- Well, l have my moments.
- [ Chuckling ]
Why did you really
come here, Zack ?
l forget.
You're not just trying to get my vote
for prom king, are you ?
Zack ?
- This whole prom thing, l--
- Uh, l-- l gotta run.
l kinda wanted
to talk to you about it.
Yeah, but l-- l have
this sprinkler thing to do for my dad.
- Now ?
- Can l call you later ?
- Sure.
- All right, great.
[ Door Opens ]
What's she bitchin' about ?
Weh, weh, weh. Huh ?
What's her problem ?
She doesn't like her million dollar
makeover or her overnight popularity ?
What is it ?
No, that's not the point, man.
l cared about her.
I've got to hand it to you, Taylor.
Zack did exactly what you said he would.
Of course he did.
l created him. Pay up.
Oh, right.
- Laney, Laney ! W-Wait, wait !
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Relax, man. All right ?
Besides, he did have
his entertaining moments.
Your eyes are really beautiful.
- [ Girls Laugh ]
- Hey, you know. Not to get,
like, all mellow on ya,
but your eyes
really are beautiful.
[ Kids Chattering, Laughing ]
- Hey, guys. Vote for Taylor.
- No way !
Okay. Don't vote for Taylor. Hi.
You vote for Taylor.
- Between two girls
Which one we gonna pick
- Pick
- l'd rather pick Laney
'cause Taylor be talkin'
- Shh
She thinks she's all of that
We're everything in between
But who's about to be
prom queen, Laney
- Well, Taylor used to be the thing
but now she's not
- Not
- Laney's goin' for prom queen
and Taylor's hot
- Hot
But we don't give a damn
about Taylor Vaughan
'Cause Taylor's fadin' out
and Laney's on
lf l could get with Laney
Yo, it'd be real cool
With the queen by my side
we'd run the whole damn school
But, yo, keepin' on the break
and l'm gonna keep this cool
- Cool
- Taylor ditched Zack
for a car and a fool
All for the high school jock
named Brock
Well, my man
Click on the beat box
- [ lmitates Drum Riff ]
- Laney
- Yeah, yeah
- She's all that
- [ Kids Applauding ]
- [ Girl ] All right !
So what shouldn't l eat ?
Eat whatever you want.
Okay. For your information,
l was about to eat a Snack Time chip.
Snack Time owns
Captain Peg-Leg Tuna...
which isn't-- all together now--
dolphin friendly.
- Screw the dolphins.
- A guy tried that last year.
He's banned from Sea World for life.
What's wrong with you ?
Jesse, am l kissable ?
Okay, about these chips.
l don't know, Laney.
You're... you.
But maybe if l didn't know
you my whole life,
- and l just met--
- Fresh ground pepper ?
- Fresh ground pepper ?
- He must be crazy.
Who, Simon ?
Zack.
[ Simon ]
Fresh ground pepper, anyone ?
Fresh ground pepper ?
What, too cold ?
Whoa !
lf it isn't the little
rain, rain, rain man himself.
What's up, Semen ? Huh ?
State your purpose or die.
- I've got work to do.
- Sure you do.
But l wanna show you
something first.
You're gonna love this one.
Checkin' this out.
Calm down. lt's all right.
[ Laughs ]
Come on. You don't like that ?
Ooh. Ooh !
Look, look, look, look.
Oh, look at her.
Ooh. What about that one ?
lsn't that your mommy ?
- My mom's dead.
- Let him go.
Let me tell you guys
what you're gonna do.
You're gonna get up...
and get over there,
take your magazine...
- [ Girl Laughs ]
- and apologize to my friend Simon here.
Sorry.
Sorry.
You, pube boy,
grab the pizza.
Well ?
- What ?
- [ Chuckles ]
What do you think ?
Hoover it.
[ Onlookers Groan ]
[ Scattered Groans ]
Now !
[ Onlooker ]
Dove right in.
[ Kids Groaning ]
Yuck !
[ Guy ]
He's chewin' it and everything.
That's it.
Chew, chew, chew.
[ Gags, Laughs ]
Hold on.
Don't finish that.
[ Sighs ] Munge here wants
a piece of the action too.
No way, man.
Those are his pubes.
Well, l guess you
should've thought about that...
before you picked on
my friend Simon, huh ?
Thanks.
Hoover it.
[ Onlookers Groan ]
Think this is bad ?
Try messing with him again.
Everything copacetic ?
Yeah. l'll take it from here.
Anybody wanna try
messin' with me again ?
Either of you ? Both of you ?
You hear what he said ?
You were listening.
Hey, Laney !
Listen, uh, l stopped by.
Well, look, l was-- l was
hoping maybe we could talk.
l know l don't come off
as the nicest guy in the world,
but l was hopin' maybe you could
just forget about that for a second.
Because, uh, l was thinkin'--
actually l was hopin'--
that...
maybe we can go out sometime.
[ Groans ]
And not just "out" out.
A specific out.
Like the prom, maybe ?
[ Sarcastically ]
Yeah, right.
- So that's a no ?
- That's a hell no.
Well, that's fair. l mean,
why should you say yes ? Right ?
l just hope this
isn't about Zack, because--
Why ?
Well... he doesn't care
about you like that.
He told everybody he still
has this thing for Taylor.
But l don't know.
l mean, maybe l got it all wrong.
Has the guy asked you to the prom ?
Well, just-- just head's up, okay ?
l mean, there's no sense
in gettin' hurt for no reason.
Oh, yeah, and, Laney ?
Think about the prom some more.
'Cause, uh, we'd have
an okay time, l think.
l'll see ya.
- Dad.
- You wanna explain this to me ?
- Aw, could we talk about this--
- Have you got any idea...
how much you are jeopardizing
your future ?
- Half of these acceptance
deadlines have lapsed !
- lt's not that easy, Dad.
l'm not like you. l just can't pick
a letter out of a stack.
Of course you can.
That's what being an adult
is all about. Making choices.
- Really.
- Yeah.
What about your choices, Dad ?
- This is not about me.
- Aw, come on.
Look, you're never home.
You're pissed off half the time !
That's enough !
l'm sorry. But you can't fix
your mistakes through me.
ls that what you think l'm doing ?
Well, l'm sorry,
but that was never my intention.
And blaming me isn't going
to change the fact...
that the future
is going to happen,
whether you are ready
for it or not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Welcome to the homestretch, earthquakes.
A special shout
out to all my seniors.
Just two weeks left till the
time-honored combination of crepe paper,
[ Chuckles ]
cleavage and crystal.
Prom. You know what
l'm talkin' about.
And, speaking of the big night,
word has it the recent support...
of Simon's big sister
has left the prom queen race...
tighter than those little dresses
Taylor's been wearing around campus.
[ Laughs ]
So vote early, vote often.
Here's a little, uh,
campaign music for you.
Aw, come on, hon.
ln the name of sportsmanship.
Big smile. Great.
[ Scoffs ]
Oh, out of my way, fool.
l think l touched her boob !
Top of the stairs, please.
- Zack ?
- What do you want, Taylor ?
Well, l was trying on this little
Richard Tyler dress the other day,
and l remembered that we
haven't finalized our plans.
- What plans ?
- For the prom, silly.
l mean, we said we'd always go together,
right ? Even if we were just friends ?
What happened to
Lord of the Dance ?
That is so over. l mean, God,
don't even get me started.
Actually, Taylor,
l had other plans in mind.
Oh ? You're not talking
about Laney Boggs, are you ?
What if l am ?
Well, if l'm not mistaken,
Zack, she's already taken.
- [ Dean ] So what do you think ?
- [ Laney ] Yeah, what do you think ?
- l think it would be cool.
- Well, this goes up here.
- lt definitely lights--
- Dean ? What the hell
are you trying to pull ?
- Well, it's nice
to see you, too, brother.
- Did he ask you to the prom ?
- Yes, l did.
- l--
lt's bullshit !
Wait, wait.
Someone asking me is bullshit ?
l thought we were
going together.
All right, Zack, enough's enough.
This isn't cool anymore.
l like this girl.
And you gotta stop
this whole bet thing.
- Bet ?
- Yeah. lt was so stupid, Laney.
Zack said he can make any girl
prom queen, and you were the one picked.
So he thinks that if he takes you
to the prom, it'll help you win.
People have feelings, man.
ls that true ?
Am l a bet ? Am l a bet ?
Am l a fucking bet ?
Yes.
You didn't think you became
popular for real, did you ?
Oh, you did. That's so sweet.
Pick me up at 8:00, lover.
- You walked in just like smoke
- [ Phone Ringing ]
With the little come on
come on, come on
- [ Ringing Continues ]
- ln your walk, come on
l been waitin'
Are you waitin' for my move
Well, l'm makin' it
Mmm, mmm
- [ Ringing ]
- Mmm
- [ Humming ]
- Laney, are you there ?
[ On Machine ]
Laney, l know l made a mistake,
but I've been doin' some thinking,
and if l could just get, like--
Stop calling, asshole.
- lf l can move it with you
will you let me take you
- Wrong number.
l'll be down on my knees
screaming, take me
Take me, take me, take me
l'm yours
l never felt so good
Fridge is kind of empty. l'm gonna go
to the store later if you need anything.
Sounds good.
[ Sighs ]
Did you know that some people
think being a pool man...
is not a very respectable way
to earn a living ?
- People suck, Dad.
- l don't get it, personally.
l own my own company and my own home,
put the food on the table.
Granted, you and Simon help out.
We're a team.
Right. Maybe this team thing
is helping to create confusion...
as to who the real parent is
around here.
What do you mean, Dad ?
Well, you know l appreciate
everything you do, pumpkin-nose.
lt's just that sometimes
l think you take on so much...
so you don't have to deal with
the business of being a kid.
l can't imagine being 17 is easy,
especially with your mom not around.
l'm just afraid that if you keep
putting off your life like this...
you're gonna wake up
85 years old,
sittin' on a porch somewhere
lookin' for your teeth.
Thanks, Dad.
That was, uh, graphic.
[ Sighs ]
Don't you have a-- a prom
or something to go to tonight ?
- Ah, l'm not going.
- Oh, you're not.
- What, do you got laundry to do ?
- Worse. l don't have a date.
No date ?
See, now, that's weird, because...
l'm pretty sure there's a handsome
young man actually upstairs...
at the front door
waiting for you now.
Have fun, Laney. And...
for you, not for someone else.
Hi, Laney.
Like, uh, you don't trust me,
and l respect that.
But just look at it this way,
l didn't ask anyone else...
on the chance that l'd come
here tonight and you'd say yes.
l mean, that's gotta count
for something. Right ?
You don't even have to change
if you don't want to.
[ Both Laugh ]
- Are you ready, Miss Siler ?
- Yes, l am, Mr. Siler.
With the little come on
- Come on, come on
- l really screwed this one up, huh ?
- ln your walk
- Don't worry. She'll be there.
I've been waitin'
Are you waitin'
For my move
Well, l'm makin' it
[ Loud Rock, lndistinct ]
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
- Will you leave it alone ?
- No, l won't leave it alone.
Did you know about this ?
Well, you're the one
who nominated her.
For crying out loud, smile !
- Next.
- Okay, l know l nominated her,
but l don't understand--
All right. Big, gaping smiles,
both of you. And...
- l'll take that.
- [ Groans ]
Ah, there's a memory. Next.
- Make like you're happy. Beautiful.
- Derek !
[ Rock Continues ]
Why don't you find her and cut in ?
The funk's your brother
Check it out now
The funk's your brother
Let it out now
The funk's your brother
Let it out now, let it out now
[ Deejay ]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, earthquakes !
Right about now we're gonna
do that dance l taught you.
- And l know you've been practicin'.
- l forgive you. Let's dance.
All right. Show me now !
[ Continues ]
Right about now.
[ Whoops ]
All right, dance club,
let me see what you got !
Okay, everybody,
split like the Red Sea.
We're goin' down the lines.
Come on !
Come on. Down the lines.
Come on. Come on.
Shake it ! Shake it !
Shake it !
- Whoo !
- Whoo !
- Whoo !
- Punch it !
- lt's right about now
The funk's your brother
Check it out now
- The funk's your brother
- Ohh !
All right, fellas. Take it !
The funk's your brother
Check it out now
The funk's your brother
Let it drop now
The funk's your brother
Check it out now
- The funk's your brother
- [ Deejay ]
All right, ladies. Shake it !
Right about now
the funk's your brother
Check it out now
The funk's your brother
All right. Everybody in the center.
- The funk's your brother
Check it out now
- Get it, get it ! Come on !
- The funk's your brother
- [ Deejay ] Yeah !
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Check it, shake it
Check it, shake it
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Check it, shake it
Check it, shake it
- Yes !
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
- Check it, shake it
Check it, shake it
- Right about now
- [ Deejay ] Right about now !
- Funk's your brother
- [ Continues, lndistinct ]
- Put your hands together.
Come on. Give it up.
Whoo ! Come on, give it.
- [ Ends ]
- ls that all you got ?
Come on. Give it up !
[ Dancers Applauding ]
[ Soft, lndistinct ]
- Good song.
- [ Together ] lt's my favorite.
l'm Jesse Jackson.
l'm not a good dancer.
l'm Mack.
l go to school with 500 chicks.
l'll be back in one minute.
Laney ! l wanted you to know.
Your final project,
that picture of your mother--
extremely moving.
May be the best piece that l have
seen all year from anyone.
At least that's what l told
all of your art schools
when l faxed them last Monday.
- You're kidding.
- l have spent four years trying
to open you up, Laney Boggs.
Whatever's responsible for this change,
don't let it go.
All right, boys.
Check it out.
Room number 4-0-9 is about to become
a historical landmark.
[ Chuckles ] Why, are you getting
murdered there later ?
No, man. l'm this close
to closing the deal.
She's eating up every word l say.
l don't know, Dean.
l feel a bet coming on,
but l'm gonna have to resist.
Laney Boggs is not
gonna give you any.
- Hey, man. Tonight is the night.
- Hmm. Yeah, right.
l shelled out 300 bucks
for this room !
Tonight is definitely my night.
- [ Panting ]
- What ?
- [ Trying To Speak ]
- Yeah, what ?
[ Dance Music Ends ]
- [ Microphone Howls ]
- [ Clearing Throat ] People ?
Attention, Harrison students.
People.
We're gonna start, people.
l'll begin the presentation with, uh,
the announcement of your 1999 prom king.
Well, it's no surprise here.
Zack Siler !
[ All Cheering ]
And now for your 1999 prom queen.
[ Clears Throat ]
ln the closest vote
in the school's history--
fifty-four percent
to forty-six percent.
Your 1999 prom queen is...
[ Mouthing Words ]
Taylor Vaughan !
[ Applause ]
Zack !
[ Cheers, Applause Continue ]
lt should have been you up there.
l think the right person won.
Zack !
You wanna get outta here ?
Yeah.
- Excuse me. Pardon me.
- [ Principal ] Zack, say a few words.
Excuse me, excuse me,
excuse me. Pardon me.
[ Girl ]
l voted for you, Laney.
[ Zack ] You know, for a lot of us,
this is as good as it gets.
We aced the test, made the big shot,
got a crown.
- But the truth is...
- Excuse me, excuse me.
- we're just getting started.
- [ Softly ] Zack !
- We can be anything we wanna be.
- Zack !
-And l don't know about the rest of you,
-Zack, over here !
but l'm hopin' l never forget that.
[ Shouting Together ]
Zack !
- [ Whispering ] Zack !
- [ Taylor ] Hello. Can you hear me ?
- [ Panting ] l was--
- Tell him !
Okay. First of all, l'd just like
to thank all of you who voted for me.
Okay ? You did the right thing.
As for the rest of you,
- [ Microphone Turns Off ]
- what were you thinking ?
[ Panting ]
Dean-- Th-The key--
- Say it.
- A hotel--
- He's taking Laney somewhere.
- Room 4-0-9 !
[ Taylor, Microphone Off ]
This isn't funny anymore !
Who turned this thing off ?
Yeah, Beverly Hills Hotel ?
Yeah, do you have a Dean Sampson
registered in room 4-0-9 ?
Do you have a room 4-0-9 ?
- Shit.
- [ Dialing ]
Yeah.
Sunset Marquee, please.
And that is
the kidney-shaped pool.
- Hello ?
- Mmm ?
lf you're gonna help me out this summer,
you're gonna have to know this stuff.
Okay ? What shape is that ?
- Kidney ?
- Thank you.
They come in a lot of different
shapes and sizes. Here's--
Hey, pumpkin-nose, how did it go ?
Fine. You were right.
l did have fun.
Well, hey, uh,
come here a second, will ya ?
l don't know, Dad. l'd really
just rather go upstairs and--
Okay. Well,
l gotta get up pretty early.
We're getting up early
to, uh, install a spa.
So, we'll head to bed now.
lf you two wanna talk, maybe you can go
in the backyard, hmm ? [ Kiss ]
- Sure, Dad.
- Good night.
Listen, Zack. Uh, sorry about
that whole asshole thing.
lt's cool.
Are you all right ?
Jesse told me he heard Dean
talking about how he wanted to--
l just figured it out
a little late is all.
You know, sexual harassment
is still a big issue these days.
lt's on my walls downstairs.
That's why--
why l carry this.
You push a little button,
and it makes a noise like a foghorn.
You can hear it
about half a mile away.
l put it up to his ear.
- l just hope it doesn't
cause any permanent damage.
- [ Chuckles ]
So how long have you
been here anyway ?
A while.
- You missed your prom ?
- Yeah.
[ Sighs ] You know, l made that bet
before l knew you, Laney.
Before l really knew me.
What was it for anyway ?
l mean, what did you end up losing ?
My best friend.
She taught me a lot.
Before her,
l thought we had to have
all the answers right now.
And now ?
l'm kind of liking the fact
that l don't.
So can l have the last dance ?
No.
You can have the first.
l feel just like Julia Roberts
in Pretty Woman.
You know, except for
the whole hooker thing.
So... what now ?
l don't know.
Art school. You ?
I've been kind of thinking
about art school myself.
- Art ? You don't take art.
- Yeah.
Yeah, but l'm thinkin' more
along the lines of performance art.
- Be silent, be still. Be silent--
- Zack.
- What ?
- Shut up.
- Zack ?
- What ?
- About the bet.
- Yeah.
- What were the terms, anyway ?
- You'll see.
l never back out on a bet.
[ Principal ]
Darius Payne Oakes.
Jason Shepard Oakman.
Mariah Kamal Preminger.
Kenneth Wayne Ralph.
Emily Roscoe.
Derek Funkhouser Rutley.
Jeffrey Munge Rylander,
Colin Rysendorf.
Heather Blayne Salazar.
Salmoon Sakajahari.
Dean Sampson, Junior.
Dean Sampson, Junior.
- What ?
- They're calling you.
- Huh ?
- Dean Sampson, Junior ?
- Oh.
- Alex Chasen Sawyer.
Rainwater Sky Sebastian.
Casey Constance Shea.
Zachary Siler.
I got your breakfast.
- [ Knocking ]
- Simon, you up ?
Give me a couple of minutes.
[ Pounding ] Simon Boggs,
there are children in Mexico...
who've already been up for three hours
making clothes for corporate America.
- Leave me alone.
- That's it. I'm spitting in your juice.
- [ Hawking ]
- [ Groaning ]
I got a big loogie,
and I'll spit it right in your juice.
[ Hawking ]
[ Sucks Up Saliva ]
Good morning.
Good morning, Laney.
[ Boy On Radio ]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, earthquakes,
spring break is officially over.
Only two months left
at Harrison High till summer vacation.
Till then, here's
a little welcome back music.
Okay, I got a pump replacement
this afternoon...
out in Manhattan Beach.
So I'll try not to be late
picking you guys up.
- Laney ?
- Got it, Dad.
Have a good day, pumpkin-nose.
[ Girls Giggling ]
[ Girl #1 ]
I know.
- [ Girl #2 ] Hey, Zack.
- Hey.
- [ Girl #3 ] Hi.
- Hello.
What's happening, Connie ?
He spoke to me.
- He called you Connie.
- So ?
Your name is Melissa.
- Hey, Jesse.
- Hey, Laney.
See that Dateline on sewage dumpers
last night ? I taped it.
- What happened to dropping
ten pounds before graduation ?
- I'm looking into it.
- Jesse, do not eat that.
- Twinkie Lite, see ?
- Hey, yo !
- Hey, what's up, Siler ?
- What's up, Preston ?
- What's up, bitch ?
How's it going, man ?
Hey, guys, check it.
Guess who jammed
a 30-year-old flight attendant...
at 25,000 feet
en route to Cancun ?
- Bullshit.
- I swear to God.
Come on, man. How was Vail ?
Fine. You know, skiing with
my parents, whatever. It was cool.
Cool ?
Has it occurred to anyone
that we have eight weeks left
in our high school careers ?
Shit. Only like
every five minutes.
Well, it's weird, you know ?
See, I'm driving through the gate
this morning, and it hit me.
Suddenly tomorrow is not just tomorrow.
It's like the future, you know ?
- No.
- Hey, guys, check it.
Then could I please speak to somebody
who doesn't have his head up his ass ?
Well, well, well, check
who's back from spring break...
looking all fine and shit.
Dean, on behalf
of every black person, shut up.
- Scusi ! On the phone here.
- How you doing, baby ?
Yes, I'll hold. Get off me.
Hey, you guys seen Taylor ?
Um, no.
- What ?
- Taylor ? My girlfriend ?
Yeah, come on, you know.
- Tall, kind of yells at everybody.
- No. Why ?
Why ? Uh, I don't know.
Maybe because I haven't spoken to her
since you guys left for Daytona.
Excuse me.
- Hey, party people.
- Hi, Taylor.
Oh, my gosh,
I've got total Diet Coke mouth.
- Does anybody have any gum ?
- [ Girls ] I got it. Me too. Here.
[ Bell Rings ]
Listen, Zack, I've been
doing some thinking.
I'm sorry. This just
isn't working for me anymore.
New tattoo ?
Damn.
So you show up after a week with
a tattoo and suddenly wanna break up ?
What happened in Florida, Taylor ?
Look, if you wanna
torture yourself--
Oh, whatever. Okay.
So we're at this club one night
and Chandler gets totally plowed,
and she starts making out
with this old guy for like
20 minutes on the dance floor.
Well, imagine our surprise
when this old guy turns out
to be Warren G.'s hairdresser.
- Isn't he gay ?
- Whatever.
So he sets us up with passes to
the spring break beach house, so we go.
- [ R&B ]
- [ Deejay ] Hey, hey.
What's up ? How's it going ?
Welcome to spring break, live from
the beach house of Daytona, Florida.
Beautiful weather, slammin' bands...
and, of course, 300 relative
strangers from all around
this great nation of ours,
[ Laughing ]
cuttin' loose, half naked...
and generally having a good time.
Uh !
[ Taylor ]
The next thing I know, Taylor Vaughan
is handpicked by the director...
- to dance on her very own raft.
- Hey !
This is all fascinating, Taylor,
but, uh, could you maybe skip to the
part where you decide to screw me over ?
Hold on.
I'm getting there. Okay.
I've been dancing for maybe
five minutes, and I nearly fell off,
which would have been so embarrassing,
being on cable and everything.
So I turn around to see what I've hit,
and that's when it happened.
Hey, I'm Brock Hudson ! Hey !
Brock Hudson ?
What kind of a name is that ?
- What kind of name is Zack ?
Okay, Brock is from The Real World.
- What, like Reseda ?
No, like the TV show, okay ?
Real World, L.A. Second season. Hello.
The dyslexic volleyball guy ?
They kicked him out of the house.
The next three days
were kind of a blur.
- [ Taylor Laughing ]
- I mean, it was like we had known
each other for weeks.
He knew exactly what I was thinking,
and I didn't even have to say a word.
So before I left,
Brock said he had a surprise for me:
something to record the wonderment
of our first days together.
- [ Moaning ]
- [ Whirring ]
- So that's it ?
- Pretty much, yeah.
Oh, but don't worry, Zack. I mean
I'll still go to the prom with you.
I mean we're gonna be elected.
It's only appropriate for
the king and queen to go together.
I-- I don't know what to say.
Oh, so don't then, Zack.
I mean, it's been fun.
But did you honestly think
that I was gonna leave
for college still dating you ?
Oh, my God, you did.
No way. That is so sweet. Ow !
Do you believe
this thing still hurts ?
[ Students Suddenly
Start Chattering ]
Great.
That's a very nice use
of color, Misty.
Thanks.
I read about this riot
in Mogadishu.
-This represents the pain of that night.
-That's wonderful, Laney.
But tell me something.
Which part represents you ?
Laney,
Savannah and I were just talking
about your stuff.
Just about how you're not--
you're not afraid to be dark.
Darkness rocks.
But I'll be honest. I don't think
anybody here really appreciates that.
- Uh-uh.
- Sav and I, we toured
the Prado over break, and--
That's in Spain.
And, um, we got in this discussion
one day at the cafe...
just about-- about how many
artists are really only truly
appreciated posthumously.
And we got Van Gogh, Pissarro.
- Basquait.
- Basquait. Thank you.
A-And then your name came up.
And Sav thought--
Actually, we both thought...
that it might be
a good idea for you if, um--
You killed yourself.
Think about it.
- [ Bell Rings ]
- [ Students Chattering ]
Well, check it out.
That's it for another day, earthquakes.
By the way, my condolences
go out to a certain individual
who got dissed and dismissed...
by his longtime,
magically delicious girlfriend.
Relax, man.
No one knows it's you.
[ Deejay ] Hey, hang in there, Zack.
It happens to the best of us.
Keep that head up,
all right, son ?
As far as the other dude,if it doesn't kill you,
it only makes you stronger. All right ?
Yeah. You better do something, man,
'cause your legacy's in jeopardy here.
I mean, one second
you're Zack Siler, class president,
standout athlete,
all-around bad-ass mamba-jahamba.
The next thing you know,
you're Zack Siler, bitch-boy.
Hey, how are you guys ?
Hey. Hey.
- Brock.
- Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.
- Hi !
- Hey. Hey, baby.
[ Chuckles ]
What's up ? How's it going ?
Who the hell does she think she is ?
There are 2,000 girls in this school,
and I can bump monkeys with every one of 'em.
- Taylor Vaughan is totally replaceable.
- Spare me this wax shit...
about replaceable, because we're
talking about Taylor Vaughan here.
- Sorry, man. He's-- He's right.
- Of course l'm right.
I mean, the girl's
an institution in this place.
Every girl wants to be her,
and every guy wants to nail her.
- Basically, she's you... with tits.
- [ Laughs ]
Nah, nah, you're wrong, you see.
The Taylor Vaughan you just described
is an illusion, a myth.
You strip away
all that attitude and makeup...
and basically all you have is
a C-minus G.P.A. with a wonder bra.
Oh, give it up.
Take, uh--
Take her for example.
Short, decent rack,
kind of a Chelsea Clinton
thing going on.
But given the right look,
the right boyfriend, bam !
In six weeks, she's the one
being crowned prom queen.
- You're serious ?
- As a heart attack.
You're clearly delusional. But how
about a chance to prove me wrong ?
Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. Dean,
Dean, Dean. The boy's buggin' here.
You're taking advantage of a friend
in a vulnerable situation.
Gee, that's swell, Preston.
A fifth of Chivas and a uterus and you could be my mom.
No, seriously.
The guy thinks he could do anything.
Let him prove it.
- What do you say, Zack ?
- A bet ?
Yeah. Unless, of course,
you're too heartbroken.
- Just name the terms.
- All right, it's simple.
l'll pick the girl, and you got six
weeks to turn her into the prom queen.
Okay, okay, we get it, okay ?
- Everybody has a big jimmy.
Now can we just--
- You got it.
- All right. Let's go shopping.
- [ Laughing ]
Oh, man, this is
gonna be so much fun.
- [ Preston ] What about her ?
- [ Dean ] Nah, l don't think so.
- [ Girl ] l mean it's still scabbing.
See, l saved it.
- How about this one ?
A-Are you sure about Bubbles ?
Nah, we can do
better than that.
[ Zack ]
What about her ?
Rectal archaeology. Very nice.
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid.
[ Gasps ]
Gentlemen, we have a winner.
[ Zack ]
What, Laney Boggs ?
Uh-uh ! No.
No, no, no, no.
Hey, a bet's a bet.
Right, Preston ?
Hey, man, this is
between you guys.
- [ Laughing ]
- [ Exhales ]
Look, fat l can handle.
Weird boobs, bad personality,
maybe some sort of fungus.
Come on. Scary and inaccessible
is another story.
Hey, man, if l were you,
l wouldn't be wasting my time,
'cause by my calculations
you got six weeks until the prom.
And if-- if Laney Boggs
is gonna be queen,
l'd say you pretty much got
your work cut out for you.
- Hi, Laney. You got a second ?
- [ Boy ] Here comes Zack.
What's up, Spaz ?
He knows my name.
That's not your name.
That's not his name.
Oh. Sorry.
So, Laney, listen.
-l was wondering if maybe you'd wanna...
-Let's go, Simon.
embarrass me horribly
in front of all these people ?
- Laney--
- Come on. Dad's waiting. Let's go.
[ Laughter ]
Wait ! Watch this.
- [ Farts ]
- Oh ! Damn it, Brock.
Relax, man. Smells like roses.
l will not relax.
You-- You are being disrespectful.
You are disrespecting me,
and you are disrespecting Harmony.
lt's not about disrespect.
lt's just gas.
- That's about enough of this.
- How's the queen of The Real World ?
How did you know about that ?
Please. They've only run that
spring break thing like a zillion times.
- So who's the lucky rebound skank ?
- Rebound skank ?
- Well, there's gotta be
somebody, right ?
- Well, l wouldn't say somebody.
But there is sort of a project.
- Project ?
- Yeah.
To tell you the truth, she kind of,
uh-- she kind of blew me off.
l like her already.
Well, the only thing l can figure
is it's gotta be some kind of mistake.
Zack, l realize it's
a difficult concept...
for a bitch magnet
such as yourself to grasp,
but did it ever occur to you
to make a little effort ?
- What do you mean ?
- Find out where she hangs out.
- Find out what she likes.
- [ Door Closes ]
Oh, crap.
Mom and Dad are home.
lf they ask, l'm at Ashley's.
Her brother's home.
He's so cute.
He just got kicked out
of military school.
Zachary, how was
the first day back ?
Ah. School is school.
Taylor and the girls
have a good time in Florida ?
- l guess so.
- There's still no word on
the Dartmouth application ?
Obviously not.
You haven't heard
from a single university yet.
- lsn't that a bit unusual
at this point in the year ?
- Not really.
You know maybe l ought to give
Ken Wortham in the alumni office a buzz.
- l owe him a call anyway.
- Nah, nah, let's give it
a couple of days.
Probably hear something
by Friday.
We'll give it till
the end of the week.
Does my tattoo
look red to you ?
- Come on, girl. Don't you care
about anything anymore ?
- What are we spewing about ?
Well, two weeks ago,
we were helping you plan
your prom queen acceptance speech.
Now all of a sudden, everything's
like "Brock this" and "Brock that"...
and "my tattoo."
Taylor, the last thing you wanna do
five weeks before the election...
is alienate people.
- And what is that supposed to mean ?
- l think...
what she's trying to say
is you should be careful. Right ?
Careful of what ? Okay.
l can win this thing
in fluorescent lighting...
on the first day of my period,
cloaked in tacky rags. Okay ?
My mother was
prom queen in '71.
My cousin,
prom queen in '82.
And my sister would have been
prom queen in '94...
if it wasn't for that scandal
on the Color Me Badd tour bus.
Okay, l am a goddamn legacy.
All right ?
And besides, not to be a bitch,
but who's gonna beat Taylor Vaughan ?
God, l hope that's not
your acceptance speech.
Okay, sir, that will be one tahina kebab
with a side of spiced hummus salad.
Would you like to super-size
those falafel balls ?
Hmm. Let me see.
- Laney.
- Exactly what does
this super-size entail ?
Stalking is illegal
in all 50 states.
- Come on. l just wanna talk.
- l find myself torn.
Perhaps l could see
a sample ball...
to better equip myself
for such a decision.
- Don't you have a break coming up ?
- One moment, sir.
Uh, uh, miss ?
One moment, sir.
l'm not smart.
- What ?
- What ? You figure l could--
l could tutor you or something ?
- You think, "Oh, well,
there's Laney Boggs. She's a dork.
- Look, Laney.
- Laney.
- She must at least be smart."
Well, guess what, l'm not.
Laney, l have the fourth
highest G.P.A. in our class.
Mm-hmm.
Oh. What is this, some kind of new dork
outreach program ? l'm just not, uh--
- No, it-- Are you always like this ?
- No.
- Yes.
- Come on. Five minutes.
- [ Customer ] Miss ?
- Five seconds.
Okay. Um, l really
wanted to talk to you about...
- art.
- Art ?
- You don't take art.
- How do you know ?
How come l haven't seen you
in any of my classes ?
Well, 'cause l'm-- l'm busy
with soccer and stuff.
So they let me take
one of those, uh-- the, uh--
- lndependent studies ?
- Yes.
But listen, l saw some of your stuff
in class. lt's really good.
So any kind of help you could give me,
l'd appreciate it.
- Sure. l-- Maybe sometime.
- How about tonight ?
The show at the Jester.
You can have my ticket.
That's great.
One moment, please.
- Ow !
- Look. l kicked your ass
in third grade.
- l'll do it again.
- Okay. One, l was sick that day.
And two, are you crazy ?
The best-looking guy
in school's stalking you,
and you're not
the least bit curious ?
Okay, here's the deal. The show's
at 7:30. Parking can be a problem.
Meet me there at 7:00.
Don't be late.
7:00 it is.
- Hey, do you wanna maybe go
have some dinner before--
- No.
l'll see you at 7:00.
l'm sorry, sir.
Have you made your decision ?
Yes, l have.
Super-size my balls.
[ Male Actor's Voice ]
Snug in the putrid womb
of a mother he never knew.
The fetus...
rising, floating.
That's Mitch.
Brilliant, isn't he ?
- [ Explosion ]
- Bursting forth ! Rushing forward !
Surging ! Emerging !
[ Gagging ]
My soul is an island.
My car is a Ford.
l wanna be like Mike.
[ Mitch ]
Falling ! Plunging !
Nay, expunging !
[ All Laughing ]
Whoo-hoo ! Aah-ah-ah !
Be silent, be still.
[ Together ]
Be silent, be still.
Be silent, be still.
Be silent, be still.
Be silent, be still.
Be silent, be still.
[ Applause ]
Oh !
Thank you very much.
Thank you for coming.
Um, before you leave,
our performer Laney...
has just informed me that there is
an exciting new voice among us.
ls there a Zack Siler
in the house ?
- [ Audience Murmuring ]
- Come on. Don't be shy.
We're all friends here.
Look, you don't have to go
if you're not interested.
Art is love, people.
Art is love.
Welcome, friend.
[ Exhales ]
How's it going ?
[ Clears Throat ]
[ Chuckles ]
lt's a Hack-E-Sack.
- [ Drum Beats Rhythmically ]
- [ Clears Throat ]
[ Drum Continues ]
Whew ! Hack-E-Sack.
Hack-E-Sack.
Bounce.
Bounce.
You gotta keep bouncing.
Can't let it drop.
Never let it drop.
Come on, Zack.
Everyone's watching.
Expecting.
Never... let it...
drop.
Everyone's counting
on you, Zack.
Don't let it drop.
Don't... ever...
let it...
drop !
[ Breathing Heavily ]
Sooner or later,
it has to drop.
Oh, man, l can't believe
l just did that.
Well, l'd be lying if l didn't say
l was a little surprised myself.
- So, tell me the truth,
how bad did l suck ?
- You were good.
Come on ! That thing you did
with the paint and all the garbage,
that was really good.
All l did was
kick around a beanbag.
All right, a little.
A lot. You sucked a lot.
Boy, you really blew.
- You feel better now ?
- l don't care.
Oh, man, l-I've given,
speeches and stuff,
but being up there
and not knowing what to do, it--
- Kind of a rush, isn't it ?
- Yeah.
Whew !
- What ?
- Do you always wear those glasses ?
- Yeah. Why ?
- No reason.
You ever think about contacts ?
Mm, l have 'em.
l just never wear 'em.
l don't know.
The idea of touching my eye is--
Because your eyes
are really... beautiful.
- Oh, please.
- What ?
"Your eyes are
really beautiful" ?
You really broke out the big guns
with that one, didn't you ?
- Laney, l was just--
- No. l had an instinct.
l went against it.
This is my fault.
Wha-- Laney,
l'm not following.
You wanna know about art ?
When the class president starts touching
my face on darkened street corners...
and talking about my eyes,
there's a word for it.
There's an entire movement in the '20s.
lt's called surreal.
- Laney, wait. Can't we just--
- You go. l'm gonna catch
a ride with Mitch.
The underwear guy ?
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
lt's on. lt's on.
Hey, this is great. Listen.
l got a question for you.
All right, this guy--
Would you kiss him for like,
say, 500 bucks on, like,
a public access channel ?
Oh, wait. This is
where l get sensitive.
My whole problem in the house
is that l was an only child.
l didn't have a lot of friends,
never had roommates before.
So l don't know how to
like deal with everyone.
A lot of people here in this house
think l'm cold and insensitive.
But underneath that, I've got a big--
This is big.
- Hey, ho.
- [ Girl ]
[ Beep ] that.
See what l mean ?
Ah ! Uh, baby, can you not
do that right now ?
Like l'm waiting for
the new Spelling drama at 2:00,
and l really-- you know
l don't wanna smell like your spit.
lt's like all over.
So just stop. Thank you. Watch.
- Oh, God.
- ...from my mom's sister...
- who once went--
- Your aunt ?
- Yes. Yes, my aunt.
- This is where l-- Watch this.
This is where l get
Brando on 'em. Watch.
- Very Brando.
- Do me a favor. Why don't you all
just stay out of my closet !
God !
- [ Grunts ]
- [ Can Clattering ]
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Zack Siler.
- Pleasure.
- Nice truck.
- Thanks.
l clean a lot of stuff
out of people's pool drains.
You never know what you're gonna find.
l got this over at the university.
At one of the fraternities, l found
this. Belonged to a football player,
- actually a Heisman trophy runner-up.
- No kidding.
- Zack, my man.
- Simon, hey.
Hey, you wanna play
some Sega ? Sega !
- [ Door Opens ]
- Maybe later.
- Loves Sega.
- Would you excuse us a minute ?
- What did l do ?
- Not you, him.
- What did l do ?
Hey, give me
a hand here, will ya ?
- Yeah, sure.
- Look, you can't just keep
showing up like this.
And you can't keep avoiding me.
Like the other night. What was that ?
- l was busy.
- Yeah. Busy wiggin'.
- Excuse me. l did not wig.
- There was major wiggage.
- So, you wanna go to the beach ?
- No.
- You hate the beach ?
- Yes. No.
- l don't have time for this.
- Fine.
- l'm leaving.
- Fine.
- Hey, Simon, how about that Sega ?
- Yeah.
- What are you doing ?
- l'm getting ready to play some Sega.
- No, you're not.
- Well, l believe l was invited.
- l am uninviting you.
- You're not the boss of him.
The man does have a point.
[ Exhales ]
Yep, looks like
a long afternoon of Sega.
And, hey, maybe your dad
can show me some more pool stuff.
l'll get my suit.
[ Zack ]
Well, once the clouds lifted,
it turned out to be
a pretty okay day.
Check out that water.
Do you know how many gallons
of chemicals are dumped
into the oceans each year ?
Don't you ever just kick back ?
l mean, l know the world
has its problems.
- But would it hurt you
to smile once in a while ?
- l smile.
lt's just you mentioned the ocean,
and l saw this thing on CNN--
- No, forget CNN.
- [ Dean ] Hey, yo, Siler, what's up ?
[ Zack ]
Great. Okay.
Listen. lf we're gonna be friends,
we have to deal with them
sooner or later, right ?
Come on.
Yeah, so l called your house,
and they said
you were at the beach,
so l figured you
must be at your spot.
- You know, many a woman
has lost it here.
- Shut up, Dean.
You have to forgive our man here.
His shorts are kind of tight.
Cuts off the circulation to his brain.
l'm Preston.
l know who you are.
- Hey, Laney. lt is Laney, right ?
- Yeah.
Well, come on, Zack, help us get
the rest of the stuff from the car.
Yeah.
So, think the mourning
period's over yet ?
Please. lt's way over.
Mourning period ?
Yeah, without Taylor,
Zack's available now.
Yeah, but what's the deal ? l mean,
don't tell me you guys are on a date.
- No, we're just--
- Friends ?
Hey, now, check out
the bobos on super freak.
You know, Zack, from up here,
she almost looks normal.
So, is this what you ladies
are gonna do all day ?
No. ln 15 minutes, l have
every intention of turning over.
- All right. Just thought
you all might wanna play.
- No, thanks.
- So, what about you, Laney ?
- No, um, l don't think so.
- ls your name Laney ?
- No. Thank God. No offense.
None taken.
lt's just I've seen you in gym class.
You run like a girl.
- l am a girl.
- Oh, you know what l mean.
Obviously, l don't.
So, uh, you in or out ?
ln.
Ah, lovely.
- Me too.
- [ Girl ] Really ?
- Got it !
- Mine ! Mine !
Just like that.
So, Zack, my house tonight ?
Uh, yeah.
So what about you, Laney ?
See you at Preston's tonight ?
- l don't think so.
- Aw, come on. You gotta be.
Yeah, you should.
Preston's parties are the best.
- Booze, tunes, hotties.
- Dean--
No, seriously. His house is enormous.
His dad owns Harrison Ford.
- The actor ?
- No, the car dealership.
So, what do you say ?
Uh, sure.
Good things.
- Well, this should be interesting.
- Will you shut up ?
What ? Even if they are broken
up, if Zack shows up with her,
Taylor's gonna shit Frisbees.
[ Dean ]
Zack, Laney, always a pleasure.
- Okay, man, see ya.
- Later.
- See you guys later.
- See ya.
Bye. See you later.
Well, we survived, right ?
So, about Preston's
thing tonight...
- l can't.
- But you just said that--
l-- l know. l just...
forgot l have to clean the house.
lt's really dirty.
Almost... unlivable.
Sorry to hear that.
[ Alex Trebek ] Thomas Welch
invented this drink in 1859...
as an alternative to wine.
- What is nonalcoholic wine ?
- [ Man ] What is grape juice ?
- No.
- [ Trebek ] That's right.
- [ Jesse ] You said no ?
- Mm-hmm.
- Why ?
- l said l had stuff to do.
Laney, sitting around
with your father...
while he watches Jeopardy!
in his underwear hardly
qualifies as stuff to do.
- Who is Lou Rawls ?
- You know me too well.
l think you're afraid to let
anything good happen to you.
l mean, did it ever occur to you
that maybe Zack really likes you ?
- Trust me. He doesn't.
- [ Knocking At Door ]
- l gotta go.
- The youngest of the Marx brothers,
- he retired from the act
following 1933's...
- Who is Lamo ?
- [ Man ] Who is Zeppo ?
- [ Trebek ] That's correct.
- Hello.
- l thought l said l was busy.
Zack. Mi compadre con queso.
- l, uh-- l believe
you said you were cleaning.
- l am.
l was. l... will be.
Tell you what.
How about l save you some time ?
- l'll take the kitchen.
- All right, then l got the bathroom.
- lsn't that the soccer team ?
- lt's J.V.
-l need the vacuum cleaner.
-[ Dad ] lt's over there in the corner.
- Go get dressed.
- l can't. l mean-- Look at you.
You look great.
l-- l have nothing--
Oh, God.
l'm a mess.
That's where l come in.
Mackenzie Siler, hair and makeup.
You can call me Mack.
You know, if you guys need us,
we'll be upstairs.
- Have a seat.
- Thanks.
[ Trebek ] This city's French Quarter
encompasses about 70 blocks.
- What is Paris, France ?
- [ Woman ] What is New Orleans ?
Ow !
Laney, no offense, but when
was the last time you tweezed ?
- What ?
- As in your eyebrows.
Never. Why ?
Well, do you ever watch
Sesame Street ?
Uh-huh.
- You know Bert ?
- Ow !
So, Zack, can l get you a drink ?
Yeah, sure.
What do you got ?
Let me check.
[ Trebek ]
Along with presidents Washington,
Jefferson and Lincoln,
his face appears
on South Dakota's Mount Rushmore.
- [ Dad ] Who is President Rushmore ?
- [ Man ] Who is Roosevelt ?
[ Trebek ] That's right.
Now you select again.
[ Man ]
The Cinema for 300.
[ Trebek ] Here's the clue.
This 1951 Elia Kazan film...
marked Warren Beatty's
screen debut.
- What is Shampoo ?
- [ Man ]
What is Splendor in the Grass ?
You really never wear makeup ?
No. My mom died before l was
old enough for this stuff.
- l'm sorry.
- lt was a long time ago.
l mean, God, Simon
was practically a baby.
Nothing personal, Laney,
but this particular coif...
doesn't really go
with your face shape.
What do you have in mind ?
Well, l have an idea.
What kind of idea ?
You'd really have to trust me.
[ Trebek ] ln 1987, a copy of the Old
Testament attributed to this printer...
sold for $5.3 million.
- Who is Hewlett-Packard ?
- Who is Gutenberg ?
- [ Man ] Who is Gutenberg ?
- [ Trebek ] Yes.
[ Man ]
1880s for 400.
- [ Trebek ]
According to the 1880 census,
- Who are you people ?
it was the first state with
a population exceeding five million.
[ Boy ]
Zack owes us big-time.
You sure this
is a margarita ?
Yeah.
Gentlemen,
may l present the new, not improved,
but different... Laney Boggs ?
Laney !
Laney Boggs, get your
cute butt down here !
- You ready ?
- Yeah.
Drive safely.
- [ Rock ]
- [ People Chattering ]
Hey, hey, hey,
welcome, my friends...
to the party that never ends.
Yeah. At least until my folks
get back from Vegas.
- Who are all these people ?
- [ Preston ] l have no idea.
- [ Glass Shatters ]
- l'm gonna check on you in a second.
Have a good time,
all right ? Damn.
Laney. Oh, my God,
you look great.
Zack, do you mind if l borrow her
for just a second ?
There are these amazing-looking
twins over there.
l think they're Costa Rican
or something.
Uh, sure.
Go ahead.
Well, gracias, papi.
Oh, my God,
l'm so glad you came.
Damn, look
at the look you have.
What's going on, man ?
You guys come here together ?
Well, l brought her here
if that's what you mean.
"l brought her here if that's what you
mean." Come on, man, let's get real.
You're with her 24-7. You know
l may be wasted, but l'm not blind here.
So what's going on ? Mixing a little
business with pleasure or what ?
l hate to break it to you, man,
but, uh, it's just a bet.
Yeah, right.
Whoo-ooh !
Let's party !
Well, well,
if it isn't Taylor Vaughan.
What a surprise.
Yeah, we almost
didn't make it,
but then l thought, why not put in
one last sentimental... whatever.
Honey ! l want a beer.
- You've got a drink right there.
- But l want a beer.
Okay.
Excuse me.
Hello ?
- Oh. Sorry.
- Splatter girl ?
Misty ?
[ Groaning ]
Are you okay ?
l think l'm gonna vomit.
l think you already did.
Can l get you something ?
[ Groaning ]
Here.
- [ Chuckles ]
- Hey, Laney.
- How does it feel ?
- Excuse me ?
You heard me.
l said, how does it feel ?
Rich girl like me...
gets a scholarship
to her first-choice art school,
and here you are...
cleaning up my puke.
- Taylor.
- Zack.
Hey, you know, Brock
will be back in a minute.
l can get you an introduction
or maybe an autograph.
No, that's okay.
l saw him on a rerun last night.
He ate his own toenail clippings
for ten bucks. Very impressive.
- Jump up my ass, Zack.
- I've been there, done that.
[ Brock ]
Go, deejay ! Get funky, deejay !
Can you guys
back up a little ?
- Speaking of ass-jumping,
isn't that your boy now ?
- You guys back up a little.
Oh, God, not again. Brock !
- Go, deejay !
- Brock !
- Not right now, honey.
They're playing my song.
Come on, everyone !
- Come on, Rick. l'm tired.
Let's go home.
That's the time
l start romancin'
- [ Misty Screaming ]
- You say how can l love you
Maybe then you'll start to groovin'
Come on, girl !
- What the hell are you doing here ?
- l was invited.
- Really ? lsn't your dad my pool man ?
- l really wouldn't know.
- Oopsy.
- [ Record Scratches, Stops ]
- Ah !
- You really should be
more careful with silk.
Thank you.
- Excuse me ?
- Thank you.
For a minute there,
l forgot why l avoided places
like this and people like you.
Avoided us ?
Honey, look around you.
To everyone here who matters,
you're vapor.
You're Spam, a waste of
perfectly good yearbook space.
Nothing's gonna change that.
Oh. You're not
gonna cry, are you ?
[ People Murmuring ]
[ Crying ]
- Laney--
- Don't touch me !
- [ Crying ]
- Laney.
l promised myself...
l would never, ever... ever--
Never what ?
Never let them see me cry.
God.
- lt's okay.
- No, it's not okay.
l never should've come here.
Laney--
- Laney, we were having fun today.
- [ Chuckles ]
You-- You were having fun.
Sometimes when you
open up to people,
you let the bad in
with the good, that's all.
l wanna go home.
Okay.
[ Rock ]
[ Students Chattering ]
So the party was that bad ?
Can we please talk
about something else ?
You didn't have a little fun ?
Not even an M&M's worth of fun ?
You go, girl.
- Maybe one of those brown M&Ms.
- Awesome.
- Jesse, is it me or is
there something very--
- You rock.
Since when do you rock ?
[ Deejay ] Well, well, earthquakes,
straight up and listen up.
Ballots are out. Looks like
Terminal Taylor's got herself
a little dark horse competition...
in the form
of the falafel fairy herself.
To be honest, l think
the question on every Harrison
student's mind has got to be--
Who the hell would nominate me ?
- Laney, just heard. Congrats.
- Thanks.
You totally deserve it.
[ Pager Beeping ]
Me.
- Uh-oh.
- Taylor ?
- 9-1-1.
- Oh, God, big deal.
- She's our friend.
- And things change.
[ Sobbing ]
He...
broke... up... with me !
You're kidding.
Oh, Brock Hudson ! l mean,
what kind of a name is that anyway ?
And that dancing.
Oh, my God, the dancing.
- [ Sobbing ]
- What happened ?
l don't know.
l don't know.
Hey, Taylor, it's been fun.
But did you honestly think l'd leave for
All-Star Road Rules still dating you ?
Oh, you did ?
That's sweet.
- You wanna know what l think ?
- Why not ?
You're better off without him.
You know, you guys are the best.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Blowing Nose ]
- [ Boy ] All right, all right.
- See you guys.
Did l miss something ?
- [ Rock ]
- All right, let's see what you got !
Come on ! Let's go, Zack !
Get 'em, Zack !
Let's go ! Let's go !
That was so great !
That was awesome !
- What was up out there today, Zack ?
- Didn't have it, man.
- Maybe. Or could it possibly
be a symptom of withdrawal ?
- Excuse me ?
Well, correct me if l'm wrong,
but it has been a little while
since you've gotten any, right ?
And you know something like that can
really screw up a guy's concentration.
Or maybe now you're thinking,
you know, now that Taylor's free--
Whatever, Dean.
l don't know. Maybe it's
the Boggster's ass you wanna tap.
lt's not about that.
Oh, hey, man,
l'm not baggin'.
l mean, if you're not gonna partake,
do you mind if l do ?
- She might be a great little jam.
- l swear to God...
- l'll take you out if
you fucking touch her !
- Calm down, man.
Screw you, Zack !
You know, for four years,
I've watched you fool people...
into thinking you're
some sort of god in this place.
Well, guess what.
This is one contest you're gonna lose.
You're going down, asshole.
l want you to take yours,
put it on the wall right here.
Hygiene squad, put yours over here. Gay
students, put yours on the senior patio.
Prisoner's Club, all right. Put it
around the other side of this building.
Have a latte, vote for Taylor.
Sure. l'll have one.
Have a latte, vote for Taylor.
[ Door Opens ]
No one's allowed down here.
This is amazing.
ls that your mom ?
Yeah.
She was an artist too.
Photography.
She's beautiful.
Yeah, well,
not everything's hereditary.
How did she die ?
Cancer.
Leukemia.
You wanna know
the weird part about it ?
l don't remember
crying at all.
l remember the funeral.
And l remember afterwards
everyone went to my grandma's house,
and l sat on this big green chair
with Simon in my lap.
And l remember knowing...
that things were never
going to be the same.
Laney, you can't keep doing this.
Doing what ?
Shutting everybody out.
Sitting here
with 19 locks on your door.
So l shut people out.
At least l make decisions,
which is more than l can say for you.
- Look, l make decisions.
- Oh, yeah ?
Where are you going
to college, Zack ?
l was by the counselor's office
yesterday. l believe next to
your name it said "undecided."
Look, there's stuff
you don't understand.
- You don't live with my dad.
- Explain it to me.
My dad went to Dartmouth.
lt was the best four years
of his life, so he says.
So ever since l was born--
There's a picture of me
in his office when l'm five.
We're at the zoo or someplace.
l'm sitting on his shoulders
wearing a Dartmouth sweatshirt.
- So ?
- So it's emblematic.
l get it from him every day.
"Pick a college, Zack.
Pick a future."
But what he's really saying is,
"Pick my college. Choose my future."
Are you listening to yourself ?
Do you realize how lucky you are ?
You can go to Dartmouth.
You can go to N.Y.U.
You can go to Borneo
and study squid fishing.
The point is, you're 18,
and that's old enough to start
making your own choices.
Okay, okay.
Chill, Tony Robbins.
What about you ?
Shouldn't you be looking in the mirror
when you say some of this stuff ?
Trust me. l'm working on it.
So, are you always this smart ?
- Well, l have my moments.
- [ Chuckling ]
Why did you really
come here, Zack ?
l forget.
You're not just trying to get my vote
for prom king, are you ?
Zack ?
- This whole prom thing, l--
- Uh, l-- l gotta run.
l kinda wanted
to talk to you about it.
Yeah, but l-- l have
this sprinkler thing to do for my dad.
- Now ?
- Can l call you later ?
- Sure.
- All right, great.
[ Door Opens ]
What's she bitchin' about ?
Weh, weh, weh. Huh ?
What's her problem ?
She doesn't like her million dollar
makeover or her overnight popularity ?
What is it ?
No, that's not the point, man.
l cared about her.
I've got to hand it to you, Taylor.
Zack did exactly what you said he would.
Of course he did.
l created him. Pay up.
Oh, right.
- Laney, Laney ! W-Wait, wait !
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Relax, man. All right ?
Besides, he did have
his entertaining moments.
Your eyes are really beautiful.
- [ Girls Laugh ]
- Hey, you know. Not to get,
like, all mellow on ya,
but your eyes
really are beautiful.
[ Kids Chattering, Laughing ]
- Hey, guys. Vote for Taylor.
- No way !
Okay. Don't vote for Taylor. Hi.
You vote for Taylor.
- Between two girls
Which one we gonna pick
- Pick
- l'd rather pick Laney
'cause Taylor be talkin'
- Shh
She thinks she's all of that
We're everything in between
But who's about to be
prom queen, Laney
- Well, Taylor used to be the thing
but now she's not
- Not
- Laney's goin' for prom queen
and Taylor's hot
- Hot
But we don't give a damn
about Taylor Vaughan
'Cause Taylor's fadin' out
and Laney's on
lf l could get with Laney
Yo, it'd be real cool
With the queen by my side
we'd run the whole damn school
But, yo, keepin' on the break
and l'm gonna keep this cool
- Cool
- Taylor ditched Zack
for a car and a fool
All for the high school jock
named Brock
Well, my man
Click on the beat box
- [ lmitates Drum Riff ]
- Laney
- Yeah, yeah
- She's all that
- [ Kids Applauding ]
- [ Girl ] All right !
So what shouldn't l eat ?
Eat whatever you want.
Okay. For your information,
l was about to eat a Snack Time chip.
Snack Time owns
Captain Peg-Leg Tuna...
which isn't-- all together now--
dolphin friendly.
- Screw the dolphins.
- A guy tried that last year.
He's banned from Sea World for life.
What's wrong with you ?
Jesse, am l kissable ?
Okay, about these chips.
l don't know, Laney.
You're... you.
But maybe if l didn't know
you my whole life,
- and l just met--
- Fresh ground pepper ?
- Fresh ground pepper ?
- He must be crazy.
Who, Simon ?
Zack.
[ Simon ]
Fresh ground pepper, anyone ?
Fresh ground pepper ?
What, too cold ?
Whoa !
lf it isn't the little
rain, rain, rain man himself.
What's up, Semen ? Huh ?
State your purpose or die.
- I've got work to do.
- Sure you do.
But l wanna show you
something first.
You're gonna love this one.
Checkin' this out.
Calm down. lt's all right.
[ Laughs ]
Come on. You don't like that ?
Ooh. Ooh !
Look, look, look, look.
Oh, look at her.
Ooh. What about that one ?
lsn't that your mommy ?
- My mom's dead.
- Let him go.
Let me tell you guys
what you're gonna do.
You're gonna get up...
and get over there,
take your magazine...
- [ Girl Laughs ]
- and apologize to my friend Simon here.
Sorry.
Sorry.
You, pube boy,
grab the pizza.
Well ?
- What ?
- [ Chuckles ]
What do you think ?
Hoover it.
[ Onlookers Groan ]
[ Scattered Groans ]
Now !
[ Onlooker ]
Dove right in.
[ Kids Groaning ]
Yuck !
[ Guy ]
He's chewin' it and everything.
That's it.
Chew, chew, chew.
[ Gags, Laughs ]
Hold on.
Don't finish that.
[ Sighs ] Munge here wants
a piece of the action too.
No way, man.
Those are his pubes.
Well, l guess you
should've thought about that...
before you picked on
my friend Simon, huh ?
Thanks.
Hoover it.
[ Onlookers Groan ]
Think this is bad ?
Try messing with him again.
Everything copacetic ?
Yeah. l'll take it from here.
Anybody wanna try
messin' with me again ?
Either of you ? Both of you ?
You hear what he said ?
You were listening.
Hey, Laney !
Listen, uh, l stopped by.
Well, look, l was-- l was
hoping maybe we could talk.
l know l don't come off
as the nicest guy in the world,
but l was hopin' maybe you could
just forget about that for a second.
Because, uh, l was thinkin'--
actually l was hopin'--
that...
maybe we can go out sometime.
[ Groans ]
And not just "out" out.
A specific out.
Like the prom, maybe ?
[ Sarcastically ]
Yeah, right.
- So that's a no ?
- That's a hell no.
Well, that's fair. l mean,
why should you say yes ? Right ?
l just hope this
isn't about Zack, because--
Why ?
Well... he doesn't care
about you like that.
He told everybody he still
has this thing for Taylor.
But l don't know.
l mean, maybe l got it all wrong.
Has the guy asked you to the prom ?
Well, just-- just head's up, okay ?
l mean, there's no sense
in gettin' hurt for no reason.
Oh, yeah, and, Laney ?
Think about the prom some more.
'Cause, uh, we'd have
an okay time, l think.
l'll see ya.
- Dad.
- You wanna explain this to me ?
- Aw, could we talk about this--
- Have you got any idea...
how much you are jeopardizing
your future ?
- Half of these acceptance
deadlines have lapsed !
- lt's not that easy, Dad.
l'm not like you. l just can't pick
a letter out of a stack.
Of course you can.
That's what being an adult
is all about. Making choices.
- Really.
- Yeah.
What about your choices, Dad ?
- This is not about me.
- Aw, come on.
Look, you're never home.
You're pissed off half the time !
That's enough !
l'm sorry. But you can't fix
your mistakes through me.
ls that what you think l'm doing ?
Well, l'm sorry,
but that was never my intention.
And blaming me isn't going
to change the fact...
that the future
is going to happen,
whether you are ready
for it or not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Welcome to the homestretch, earthquakes.
A special shout
out to all my seniors.
Just two weeks left till the
time-honored combination of crepe paper,
[ Chuckles ]
cleavage and crystal.
Prom. You know what
l'm talkin' about.
And, speaking of the big night,
word has it the recent support...
of Simon's big sister
has left the prom queen race...
tighter than those little dresses
Taylor's been wearing around campus.
[ Laughs ]
So vote early, vote often.
Here's a little, uh,
campaign music for you.
Aw, come on, hon.
ln the name of sportsmanship.
Big smile. Great.
[ Scoffs ]
Oh, out of my way, fool.
l think l touched her boob !
Top of the stairs, please.
- Zack ?
- What do you want, Taylor ?
Well, l was trying on this little
Richard Tyler dress the other day,
and l remembered that we
haven't finalized our plans.
- What plans ?
- For the prom, silly.
l mean, we said we'd always go together,
right ? Even if we were just friends ?
What happened to
Lord of the Dance ?
That is so over. l mean, God,
don't even get me started.
Actually, Taylor,
l had other plans in mind.
Oh ? You're not talking
about Laney Boggs, are you ?
What if l am ?
Well, if l'm not mistaken,
Zack, she's already taken.
- [ Dean ] So what do you think ?
- [ Laney ] Yeah, what do you think ?
- l think it would be cool.
- Well, this goes up here.
- lt definitely lights--
- Dean ? What the hell
are you trying to pull ?
- Well, it's nice
to see you, too, brother.
- Did he ask you to the prom ?
- Yes, l did.
- l--
lt's bullshit !
Wait, wait.
Someone asking me is bullshit ?
l thought we were
going together.
All right, Zack, enough's enough.
This isn't cool anymore.
l like this girl.
And you gotta stop
this whole bet thing.
- Bet ?
- Yeah. lt was so stupid, Laney.
Zack said he can make any girl
prom queen, and you were the one picked.
So he thinks that if he takes you
to the prom, it'll help you win.
People have feelings, man.
ls that true ?
Am l a bet ? Am l a bet ?
Am l a fucking bet ?
Yes.
You didn't think you became
popular for real, did you ?
Oh, you did. That's so sweet.
Pick me up at 8:00, lover.
- You walked in just like smoke
- [ Phone Ringing ]
With the little come on
come on, come on
- [ Ringing Continues ]
- ln your walk, come on
l been waitin'
Are you waitin' for my move
Well, l'm makin' it
Mmm, mmm
- [ Ringing ]
- Mmm
- [ Humming ]
- Laney, are you there ?
[ On Machine ]
Laney, l know l made a mistake,
but I've been doin' some thinking,
and if l could just get, like--
Stop calling, asshole.
- lf l can move it with you
will you let me take you
- Wrong number.
l'll be down on my knees
screaming, take me
Take me, take me, take me
l'm yours
l never felt so good
Fridge is kind of empty. l'm gonna go
to the store later if you need anything.
Sounds good.
[ Sighs ]
Did you know that some people
think being a pool man...
is not a very respectable way
to earn a living ?
- People suck, Dad.
- l don't get it, personally.
l own my own company and my own home,
put the food on the table.
Granted, you and Simon help out.
We're a team.
Right. Maybe this team thing
is helping to create confusion...
as to who the real parent is
around here.
What do you mean, Dad ?
Well, you know l appreciate
everything you do, pumpkin-nose.
lt's just that sometimes
l think you take on so much...
so you don't have to deal with
the business of being a kid.
l can't imagine being 17 is easy,
especially with your mom not around.
l'm just afraid that if you keep
putting off your life like this...
you're gonna wake up
85 years old,
sittin' on a porch somewhere
lookin' for your teeth.
Thanks, Dad.
That was, uh, graphic.
[ Sighs ]
Don't you have a-- a prom
or something to go to tonight ?
- Ah, l'm not going.
- Oh, you're not.
- What, do you got laundry to do ?
- Worse. l don't have a date.
No date ?
See, now, that's weird, because...
l'm pretty sure there's a handsome
young man actually upstairs...
at the front door
waiting for you now.
Have fun, Laney. And...
for you, not for someone else.
Hi, Laney.
Like, uh, you don't trust me,
and l respect that.
But just look at it this way,
l didn't ask anyone else...
on the chance that l'd come
here tonight and you'd say yes.
l mean, that's gotta count
for something. Right ?
You don't even have to change
if you don't want to.
[ Both Laugh ]
- Are you ready, Miss Siler ?
- Yes, l am, Mr. Siler.
With the little come on
- Come on, come on
- l really screwed this one up, huh ?
- ln your walk
- Don't worry. She'll be there.
I've been waitin'
Are you waitin'
For my move
Well, l'm makin' it
[ Loud Rock, lndistinct ]
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
- Will you leave it alone ?
- No, l won't leave it alone.
Did you know about this ?
Well, you're the one
who nominated her.
For crying out loud, smile !
- Next.
- Okay, l know l nominated her,
but l don't understand--
All right. Big, gaping smiles,
both of you. And...
- l'll take that.
- [ Groans ]
Ah, there's a memory. Next.
- Make like you're happy. Beautiful.
- Derek !
[ Rock Continues ]
Why don't you find her and cut in ?
The funk's your brother
Check it out now
The funk's your brother
Let it out now
The funk's your brother
Let it out now, let it out now
[ Deejay ]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, earthquakes !
Right about now we're gonna
do that dance l taught you.
- And l know you've been practicin'.
- l forgive you. Let's dance.
All right. Show me now !
[ Continues ]
Right about now.
[ Whoops ]
All right, dance club,
let me see what you got !
Okay, everybody,
split like the Red Sea.
We're goin' down the lines.
Come on !
Come on. Down the lines.
Come on. Come on.
Shake it ! Shake it !
Shake it !
- Whoo !
- Whoo !
- Whoo !
- Punch it !
- lt's right about now
The funk's your brother
Check it out now
- The funk's your brother
- Ohh !
All right, fellas. Take it !
The funk's your brother
Check it out now
The funk's your brother
Let it drop now
The funk's your brother
Check it out now
- The funk's your brother
- [ Deejay ]
All right, ladies. Shake it !
Right about now
the funk's your brother
Check it out now
The funk's your brother
All right. Everybody in the center.
- The funk's your brother
Check it out now
- Get it, get it ! Come on !
- The funk's your brother
- [ Deejay ] Yeah !
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Check it, shake it
Check it, shake it
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Check it, shake it
Check it, shake it
- Yes !
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
- Check it, shake it
Check it, shake it
- Right about now
- [ Deejay ] Right about now !
- Funk's your brother
- [ Continues, lndistinct ]
- Put your hands together.
Come on. Give it up.
Whoo ! Come on, give it.
- [ Ends ]
- ls that all you got ?
Come on. Give it up !
[ Dancers Applauding ]
[ Soft, lndistinct ]
- Good song.
- [ Together ] lt's my favorite.
l'm Jesse Jackson.
l'm not a good dancer.
l'm Mack.
l go to school with 500 chicks.
l'll be back in one minute.
Laney ! l wanted you to know.
Your final project,
that picture of your mother--
extremely moving.
May be the best piece that l have
seen all year from anyone.
At least that's what l told
all of your art schools
when l faxed them last Monday.
- You're kidding.
- l have spent four years trying
to open you up, Laney Boggs.
Whatever's responsible for this change,
don't let it go.
All right, boys.
Check it out.
Room number 4-0-9 is about to become
a historical landmark.
[ Chuckles ] Why, are you getting
murdered there later ?
No, man. l'm this close
to closing the deal.
She's eating up every word l say.
l don't know, Dean.
l feel a bet coming on,
but l'm gonna have to resist.
Laney Boggs is not
gonna give you any.
- Hey, man. Tonight is the night.
- Hmm. Yeah, right.
l shelled out 300 bucks
for this room !
Tonight is definitely my night.
- [ Panting ]
- What ?
- [ Trying To Speak ]
- Yeah, what ?
[ Dance Music Ends ]
- [ Microphone Howls ]
- [ Clearing Throat ] People ?
Attention, Harrison students.
People.
We're gonna start, people.
l'll begin the presentation with, uh,
the announcement of your 1999 prom king.
Well, it's no surprise here.
Zack Siler !
[ All Cheering ]
And now for your 1999 prom queen.
[ Clears Throat ]
ln the closest vote
in the school's history--
fifty-four percent
to forty-six percent.
Your 1999 prom queen is...
[ Mouthing Words ]
Taylor Vaughan !
[ Applause ]
Zack !
[ Cheers, Applause Continue ]
lt should have been you up there.
l think the right person won.
Zack !
You wanna get outta here ?
Yeah.
- Excuse me. Pardon me.
- [ Principal ] Zack, say a few words.
Excuse me, excuse me,
excuse me. Pardon me.
[ Girl ]
l voted for you, Laney.
[ Zack ] You know, for a lot of us,
this is as good as it gets.
We aced the test, made the big shot,
got a crown.
- But the truth is...
- Excuse me, excuse me.
- we're just getting started.
- [ Softly ] Zack !
- We can be anything we wanna be.
- Zack !
-And l don't know about the rest of you,
-Zack, over here !
but l'm hopin' l never forget that.
[ Shouting Together ]
Zack !
- [ Whispering ] Zack !
- [ Taylor ] Hello. Can you hear me ?
- [ Panting ] l was--
- Tell him !
Okay. First of all, l'd just like
to thank all of you who voted for me.
Okay ? You did the right thing.
As for the rest of you,
- [ Microphone Turns Off ]
- what were you thinking ?
[ Panting ]
Dean-- Th-The key--
- Say it.
- A hotel--
- He's taking Laney somewhere.
- Room 4-0-9 !
[ Taylor, Microphone Off ]
This isn't funny anymore !
Who turned this thing off ?
Yeah, Beverly Hills Hotel ?
Yeah, do you have a Dean Sampson
registered in room 4-0-9 ?
Do you have a room 4-0-9 ?
- Shit.
- [ Dialing ]
Yeah.
Sunset Marquee, please.
And that is
the kidney-shaped pool.
- Hello ?
- Mmm ?
lf you're gonna help me out this summer,
you're gonna have to know this stuff.
Okay ? What shape is that ?
- Kidney ?
- Thank you.
They come in a lot of different
shapes and sizes. Here's--
Hey, pumpkin-nose, how did it go ?
Fine. You were right.
l did have fun.
Well, hey, uh,
come here a second, will ya ?
l don't know, Dad. l'd really
just rather go upstairs and--
Okay. Well,
l gotta get up pretty early.
We're getting up early
to, uh, install a spa.
So, we'll head to bed now.
lf you two wanna talk, maybe you can go
in the backyard, hmm ? [ Kiss ]
- Sure, Dad.
- Good night.
Listen, Zack. Uh, sorry about
that whole asshole thing.
lt's cool.
Are you all right ?
Jesse told me he heard Dean
talking about how he wanted to--
l just figured it out
a little late is all.
You know, sexual harassment
is still a big issue these days.
lt's on my walls downstairs.
That's why--
why l carry this.
You push a little button,
and it makes a noise like a foghorn.
You can hear it
about half a mile away.
l put it up to his ear.
- l just hope it doesn't
cause any permanent damage.
- [ Chuckles ]
So how long have you
been here anyway ?
A while.
- You missed your prom ?
- Yeah.
[ Sighs ] You know, l made that bet
before l knew you, Laney.
Before l really knew me.
What was it for anyway ?
l mean, what did you end up losing ?
My best friend.
She taught me a lot.
Before her,
l thought we had to have
all the answers right now.
And now ?
l'm kind of liking the fact
that l don't.
So can l have the last dance ?
No.
You can have the first.
l feel just like Julia Roberts
in Pretty Woman.
You know, except for
the whole hooker thing.
So... what now ?
l don't know.
Art school. You ?
I've been kind of thinking
about art school myself.
- Art ? You don't take art.
- Yeah.
Yeah, but l'm thinkin' more
along the lines of performance art.
- Be silent, be still. Be silent--
- Zack.
- What ?
- Shut up.
- Zack ?
- What ?
- About the bet.
- Yeah.
- What were the terms, anyway ?
- You'll see.
l never back out on a bet.
[ Principal ]
Darius Payne Oakes.
Jason Shepard Oakman.
Mariah Kamal Preminger.
Kenneth Wayne Ralph.
Emily Roscoe.
Derek Funkhouser Rutley.
Jeffrey Munge Rylander,
Colin Rysendorf.
Heather Blayne Salazar.
Salmoon Sakajahari.
Dean Sampson, Junior.
Dean Sampson, Junior.
- What ?
- They're calling you.
- Huh ?
- Dean Sampson, Junior ?
- Oh.
- Alex Chasen Sawyer.
Rainwater Sky Sebastian.
Casey Constance Shea.
Zachary Siler.