Soul Plane (2004) Movie Script
INGLEWOOD, | CALIFORNIA, 1979
I always loved airplanes, man.
Not just toys, | but real ones, too.
We lived | right next to the airport.
I remember my mom | would put my stroller outside
while she hung clothes | on the line.
My mom always told me | that someday,
it would be me gettin' on | one of those planes
goin' someplace better.
But I guess it didn't exactly | work out that way.
Final boarding announcement
for Worldwide Airlines | Flight 119.
I'm sorry, sir.
Your dog is too big | to be on the plane.
You'll have to check him.
Wait. No. I usually | just put him in my bag.
He's not that big.
Those are the rules. | You'll have to check your dog.
Or consider taking | another airline.
Come on, man.
- Can I just please-- | - Russ.
I can't just...
Come on, Dre.
- Come on. | - Don't worry, sir.
- We'll take good care of him. | - Please do.
That's my little boy right there.
See you when I get off.
- Excuse me. Thank you. | - Enjoy your flight.
Our in-flight movie will be | Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood,
starring Sandra Bullock | and Ashley Judd.
Nice.
That's the sound of my gat
This is heat. | This album is fire.
Chicken or beef stroganoff?
Chicken, I'll have the chicken.
Thank you. | Excuse me.
- It smells good, though. | - Chicken or beef stroganoff?
I'm gonna have the chicken. | I like the way that smelled.
That was our last chicken.
I'm afraid | I just have stroganoff.
So why would you ask me | what I wanted?
What's in that?
Stroganoff.
That beef strogie. | That wasn't half bad.
It was good.
Almost got a little spit on you.
- Yes, you did. | - I'm sorry.
Are you all right, sir?
Where the bathroom?
- Straight down. | - Where?
Fire in the hole.
Excuse me.
So sorry.
Come on! Hurry. | Get in there!
Damn! Oh, shit!
So loose.
I got it. That's it. | No, it's not.
This is the captain speaking. | We hit some turbulence.
We ask that you | return to your seats.
We've turned on | the "fasten seatbelt" sign.
I didn't know | it was gonna be like that.
I can't get out! | My ass is stuck!
Come on. God, please, | I'm a Christian.
My ass is touchin' the shit.
I don't wanna die like this! | Stewardess!
There's a guy locked in | the bathroom stuck on the toilet.
Press the main release discharge valve-- | that should get him loose.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck?!
Dre! No!
Murderers!
You killed my dog, man. | Y'all gonna pay for this!
If I have to go on | every talk show in America,
y'all gonna pay!
Oprah, Ricki Lake, | Dr, Phil bitch!
106th and Park. | Showtime At The Apollo.
I swear, | they're gonna pay for this.
You don't treat people | like this.
And that's what happened.
What exactly | is your occupation, Nashawn?
- I'm an entrepreneur. | - I see.
So I guess it's fair to say | you don't have a job.
No, I do--
Tell us about | some of your businesses.
Any of 'em | ever make any money?
- No. | - Exactly.
So it would be correct to say | that you're nothin' more
than a deadbeat | lookin' for a quick dollar. Right?
No further questions.
Wait! That's not fair.
Order!
Your Honor, | can I say something, please?
Be brief.
I watched my mom | struggle to raise me
on next to nothin', | workin' for guys like you.
And I always knew that | I had to make my own way,
no matter what.
I might not have | some fancy education
or a Fortune 500 | business, but...
...I'm tryin'.
My mom always told me
that you can't be successful | until you try.
That's all I'm doin'.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Will the foreman | please read the verdict?
Case number 077861.
Nashawn Wade | vs. Worldwide Airlines,
we find for the plaintiff | and award him damages
in the amount of $100 million.
Order! Order!
Yo, cousin!
We did it, man! | We did it! Yes!
What do you mean, "we"?
I didn't see your ass get stuck | in no airplane toilet.
Whatever, I say we blow the first | 20 mil on Rio, next 20 mil, Bangkok.
I hear they can do this thing--
Muggs, you're my cousin. | I'm not gonna forget about you,
or the way you looked out for me | when we was growin' up.
I'm not gonna let you convince me | I'm fuckin' this money away.
You still on that | strip club/daycare center thing?
Shit was genius. Come on.
It was genius, Muggsy? | To who?
We lost all our damn money | in a week.
We gonna do it straight | this time, all right?
I wanna do something | I can be proud of.
Whatever it is, I'm in.
There he is, Mr. Wade?
How does it feel to be | the recipient of such a large reward
by the court?
I mean, it feels good, ya know? | Justice has been served.
But I tell you what,
I'd trade all that money in | to get back my dog Dre.
Nashawn, how's the ass?
The ass is fine, | It is sittin' on $100 million,
Mr, Wade, can you tell us | what you intend to do
with all that money?
I'm gonna start my own airline. | No further questions.
Muggs, take care of that, please.
What is this-- | BET's "How I'm Living"?
I'd like to give a shout-out | to all five of my babies' mamas.
High five, Laquifa. | I'm comin', girl.
Yes, Lord! | Everybody. $100 million!
Relax. Thank you.
Wait a minute. | You the only sister.
You can't say nothin'?
What in the hell | is taking her so long?
Relax, honey. She has arthritis.
She's, like, 200 years old.
I know. It's great.
Ready? Go.
Mr. Hunkee?
- Yes. | - I've got good news and bad news.
The bad news is that your flight 114 | to JFK has been canceled.
Oh, for the love of--
But the good news is | we've been able to find
another airline that can | accommodate you this evening.
Would you be interested | in another airline?
- Even Dad thinks you're cute. | - Get off me!
- You're such a whore. | - What did you say?
Did I stutter?
There you are.
Four tickets for flight 069 | on NWA.
What you're going to want to do | is go to Gate One--
that's Terminal X--and we'll send | your luggage on down for you.
- Thank you for your help. | - You're quite welcome.
- Good luck. | - Thanks.
Hey, sweetie.
Don't get it greasy. | It's very expensive.
I know, I bought it.
Now, a gentleman always | carries a lady's bags.
- So why are you carrying hers? | - Be kind, son.
If I play my cards right, | she'll be your future mother figure.
That's scary.
Ooh, hey, sweetie. | Wait a minute.
Don't look back | and not say anything.
Excuse me. | You got to move, lady.
Baby, come here. | Gimme a second.
Girl, you must not know | who I am.
Nashawn Wade, baby. | I own NWA. The boss.
Where the hell is Terminal X?
Relax, honey. Didn't we just have | a great vacation in Crackerland?
No, we didn't-- | give me that stupid hat. Leave it!
You know what would've | been great? Going to Hawaii alone.
Listen, you know the deal.
I only get to see my kids | every other weekend.
Billy, where's your sister?
She's that way.
Great.
Heather, you can't just | walk away from the family.
If you want to go somewhere, | you gotta ask permission first.
Dad, I'm 18 years old.
Sorry.
She's 17. You are 17.
Fine. For a couple more hours. | I am 17, and then I'll be 18.
Then I can party and have sex.
- Sex?! No, no. | - Yeah, sex.
Missionary, doggie-style, | rockin' the baby,
gettin' tea-bagged,
playin' the trombone | while I'm tossin' his salad,
hand jobs, ear jobs, | blow jobs.
Gettin' a pearl necklace, | ridin' the bologna pony...
- sucking-- | - That's enough!
- Did she say bologna? | - I don't know.
...whenever I want, and best of all, | I won't have to listen to you.
Can you believe that?
What came after | getting tea-bagged?
Something about the trombone.
Okay, everybody, | congratulations!
You guys have been punk'd!
There's cameras everywhere, | right, son?
We'll be back in five minutes | with the release forms.
Let's go.
Oh, shit! Awesome!
- Terminal Malcolm X? | - Yeah.
Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. | Usually you gotta go to two places,
- but there you get the one-- | - This is a terminal?
It's great, 99 cents. Everything.
Oh, check out the car.
This place has every-- | there's a basketball court.
In your face!
Get your short ass on, | you leprechaun.
Look like my ex-- | short and stupid.
Everything's short.
I don't know about all that,
but if Denzel walked his fine | sexy ass in here right now,
I'm takin' the rest of the day off
and gettin' straight down | with the get down.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Girl, let me tell you, | Denzel is nice,
but I like the young thugs.
I love me some 50 Cent, baby.
Ooh, Shaniece. Go, Shaniece!
It's your birthday.
We gonna party | like it's your birthday.
Sip Bacardi | like it's my birthday.
And you know we don't | give a fuck it's not my birthday!
Look at this little nigga here.
Look more like five cent.
Nigga, can't you read?
The sign says put | all metal objects in the container.
Take your ass off. | Get on back there!
Get your ass back there.
Cheap ass.
Shit goin' off 'cause that shit cheap. | That's why it's goin' off.
My flow, my show | bought me the dough
that bought me | all my fancy things.
My cribs, my cars, | my pools, my jewels.
Nigga, I done came up | and I ain't changed.
Hold it!
You keep fuckin' up | on my rhymes.
Move it along, nickel.
You wanna say somethin'?!
I ain't slapped a bitch | in two weeks.
Yeah, I got a whole lot | of strength
in the slap-a-bitch arm.
They had a whole bunch of dirty | magazines--bathing suit issues.
Damn! So you like that, huh? | You gonna love this.
Hold those for me, I won't be | needing those on this flight.
Girl, what you got me--
The sweet smell of Aliz.
- Hunkee? Elvis Hunkee? | - Yeah.
Karl Malone? I used to play | basketball with you in high school.
That's right. We used to call you | "The Paperboy."
Yeah, that was then. | I'm "The Mailman" now.
That's good.
My dad's a mailman, too. | Government jobs pay very well.
You don't understand, | I play for the Lakers now.
Right, Karl. I don't think | you understand.
I used to play with you, man. | You can't shoot, remember?
That's why we never | passed you the ball.
I thought it was because | I was the only brother.
No, Karl. It's 'cause you sucked!
Oh, I sucked?
What are you gonna do-- | go all "postal" on me, Mr. Mailman?
My man, what's goin' on, baby?
Ah, that's nice. | That's real nice.
I'd like to be them jeans. | Make no sense.
Excuse me. | How you doin', man?
Can I get through here, | sweetie?
What's goin' on, fellas? | My man.
When the buzzer pop, nigga, | you stop!
Do y'all know who I am?
We don't give a damn | about who you are.
Let your little ass | take one more step...
...we'll bury your ass in them fake-ass | iguana shoes you're wearin'.
Ladies, it's me. It's Nashawn Wade, | owner of this airline.
Come on, remember. | I hired y'all.
- It's him. | - There ya go.
That's a little more like it. | Thought you had amnesia.
Yes, it is him!
You that little nigga got his ass | caught in a toilet seat.
All right, little player, go on, take | your little cute rich ass on through.
Go ahead, little player.
Bet that ass still tight, | ain't it?
Shit, bitch. I hope we don't lose | our benefits over this.
We sorry, Mr. Wade!
My tooth is hurtin'.
And it's fuckin' | with your breath, girl.
Upsettin' all my insides here.
Don't you say shit else | for a year.
You done melted the whole side--
That's what you get | for fuckin' us up.
I'll tell ya, I knew I shoulda got | the new Aerostar.
Check out the safety rating.
I'm a little nervous.
I heard someone say | this is the first flight for this airline.
It has five cup holders.
Honey, the FAA, they're very strict | about who they let fly an airline.
It's gonna be okay, believe me.
Yeah, I know, but I think we're | the only white people on the plane.
Girlfriend, like your bag.
Honey, no, we're not.
You ain't gonna pick me up?!
Maybe it's a coincidence, | you know, like a family reunion?
Million Man March?
Hey, what are you... | Hey, stop that!
Yeah, what up, son?
Yeah, yeah. | You know I'm like that.
I'm like that.
Damn. What up?
Here's your card, Dad. | I think I melted the sucka.
Put everything on it | but an Escalade.
I'm a holler at the shorty | I saw at the basketball courts.
One love, dawg.
Where's my son?
- How you doin'? | - I'm good.
You doin' good? | You feel wonderful.
- Yeah. All right. | - Hey. whoa! That's my zipper!
And that's too loud | for a zipper.
I don't know | what you got in there,
but we gonna find out.
- I got a plane to catch. | - Come with me.
Did you hear me, boy?!
I bet you ain't never seen | a chocolate super-deluxe woman
like me before.
Have you?
No, I got a plane to catch. | I gotta go!
Where do you think | you're goin', player?
I'm gonna get on--
We feds now, | which means I can violate
every last one | of your civil rights.
Now drop them drawers... | Denzel.
Denzel? Look, lady. | I just want--
Drop them drawers!
Show me that ass, nigga!
Now turn around.
Cavity check!
Girl, there was duct tape | and peanut butter everywhere.
I told him, I don't care | if you are a diplomat.
I don't bend into that position.
Girl, I ain't no circus freak. | This ain't Cirque du Soleil.
He's a fool.
Mi vida, | you did the right thing.
Mi primo tried that once.
The doctors still can't find | his left nut.
They say it's up there | somewhere.
Give me his address. | I'll find it.
Hey, Muggsy!
Flame, not now.
Where's the pilots | you hired, man?
- Come on, dawg-- | - It's not come on now.
We're supposed to take off | in 20 minutes.
Calm down, Little Bow-Wow.
He'll be here, all right?
- There he go right there. | - Who, him?
- Yeah, him. | - Right there?
- Right there. | - Him?
- Him right there? | - Yeah, him right there.
I told you to hire | a black pilot,
not no black baggage handler. | What is that?
I did what | you asked me to, okay?
There ain't but two | black pilots around,
and one of 'em flyin' for Puffy.
How'd Puffy get that one?
- Don't worry. | - You're right, I'm just nervous.
I got his resum right there. | My dawg, what's up, baby?
What's goin' on, Muggs? | How you been?
What's up, man?
- How are you, man? | - Ain't nothin' to it but do it.
Nashawn, Captain Mack. | Captain Mack, Nashawn.
My pleasure, brother.
Hey. You're late, man.
Don't worry about me bein' late.
I'm gonna take this hooptie of yours | up another 1,000 feet,
catch me a slipstream, and we | gonna be there five minutes early.
Real slick like hair grease, | but with less mess.
- Can you dig it? | - Hell, yeah, I can dig it.
You really gonna do that?
No, I'm just fuckin' with ya.
Y'all two know each other? | He was fuckin' with me.
Muggs, I'm really | not playin' right now.
I'm not, Muggs.
I was lookin' at | your resum, man.
I see that you flew | in Desert Storm.
- That's pretty impressive. | - Actually, that's a typo.
I drew over in Desert Storm.
I'm sorry. I didn't.. | what you say?
I was the nigga that drew | the little sayings on the bombs:
"Fuck Iraq." "Saddam, eat a dick." | That was me.
Secret agent.
Matter of fact, I ain't even | 'posed to be talkin' about that.
That's classified.
What the fuck?! Do you even | know how to fly a plane, man?
I got my wings when I got out.
Got your wings | when you got out?
You right. Plus I ain't really got | another choice right now.
Where's your uniform?
You lookin' at it.
The Mackin' is crackin'. | This is how I come.
I don't wear no square suits.
I'm a player. | We ride spinners.
Ride spinners | and you write on bombs.
That's classified.
I'm gonna tell you what.
Get us there safe. | Can you do that?
You somethin' else, Muggs. | Drew on bombs.
- Excuse me, man, | - Yes, sir.
That's about a bitch.
- Where the cockpit at? | - You got that bong?
Whole bag of it, Preach.
- I gotta go. | - Do I pay you to talk on the phone?
Look at the captain. | He is too cute.
Hi, Captain.
- At ease, ladies. | - Hi, fly boy.
I just love the look | of a man in uniform.
'Course, I like the look of a man | out of uniform even better.
This is some cool shit | fit for a real nigga.
Hey, what's poppin', | my aeronautical hustlers?
Captain Mack, | reporting to duty.
How you doin'. Captain? | I'm Riggs. your flight engineer.
Have you ever met Gaeman?
I just seen one of them | fruity motherfuckers in the hallway.
Nigga was eyeballin' me.
It's Gaeman, I am Leslie Gaeman, | your copilot.
What's happenin'?
It's a very prestigious | African name--
not like "gay man," | two men fucking together, naked,
- in a bedroom. Not me. | - Whatever, homey.
I like pussy like you.
- I can dig it. | - Yeah, you can dig it.
Everybody will be pregnant | by the end of this flight.
Hello.
First class. | Right this way, big daddy.
Welcome to NWA.
Hi. How's everybody?
Good. Wow, this is great!
Oh, y'all are in low class.
- What? | - Low class, straight back.
This is nice, too.
Dad, this actually | isn't that bad.
What kind of UPN operation | is this?
It's not so bad.
All right, here we are.
Row 1 7 Chrysler. | Honey, you sit here.
Thank you.
- Do I have to sit... | - How you doin'?
You're gonna have to, okay? | Thank you.
Let's please | put the divider down.
Do you have an "off" switch? | You need to lower the volume.
Man, you give a black man | some money,
this is how the airline's | gonna look--plush, laid.
It's makin' me feel sexy | already.
This is a sexy plane.
They got it chromed out | with the white leather.
I think this is alligator butt.
Yeah, this is nice.
Little treat for you | before the plane takes off, daddy,
'cause you treat me so right.
You nasty!
Can I help you, sir?
Everything's okay, | I'm just trying to find my seat,
Boy, this a nice plane.
Nice cushion they got | on these new planes.
This must be | one of them 777's.
7574327.
Where my seat? 777.
The president | should fly on this plane.
- Hello, sir. | - Hey, baby, how you doin'?
- I'm gonna show you to your seat. | - That's nice of you, cutie pie.
- Here we are. | - Let me shake your hand.
Come here. Oh, boy! | That's nice. Look at that.
Boy, I can just hear everything.
It's so beautiful in here. | Wait a minute.
Somebody got | some nice perfume on.
Is that | Victoria Don't Tell Nobody?
- No. | - Is that Boujeronee?
Not Boujeronee either.
I like the people | that don't talk back.
Hard to get, I like that.
Cabin attendant?
Yes, sir?
Howdy do. | Where are you, baby?
There you are.
Get me a quadruple cognac | and a cola back.
You know, I'm scared to fly. | I'm used to ridin' buses.
My little nephew | sent me on first class,
because I'm a player.
You smell good, too.
I'm gonna have me some fun | on this plane here.
Okey-dokey. So you're | gonna be in...
You're gonna go ahead | to low class, okay.
- He tasted like chocolate. | - No way.
My God, what's going on?
Get the fuck out!
What is he doing? | Watch him.
Y'all better get his ass!
You ain't goin' nowhere | without us, Osama.
If you gots to go | to the bathroom, we goin' with you.
She holdin' | and I'm shakin', player.
- That's right. | - It's cool, y'all. We got this.
We security up in here. | Look straight.
- Hi. | - Hey.
This first class is incredible.
Girl, this plane is off the hook. | Have you seen the owner?
He's young, black, and from | the pictures I've seen,
he looks so good.
I'm sure he's great.
- Please direct your attention
to the screen in front of you | for a safety video.
What is this?
Now that you got on our plane | and you be listenin'
You better just do as we say | or you'll be missin'
Better put your seatbelt on | or you'll be dyin'
If the plane goes crazy, | then you will not be flyin'
Now we direct you to | the nearest locations
Where you might desire | to exit your vacations
If we lose the pressure, | you'll be chokin'
Or if there's a fire, | then you'll be smokin'
The oxygen we will be providin'
This some black shit here.
You're a survivor
- Here we go. | - There we go.
You're a survivor, | you'll keep on flyin'
You're a survivor, | you don't go down there
Honey, what is this?
You're a survivor, | you not be dyin'
You're a survivor, | you'll keep on flyin'
You're a survivor, | you don't go down there
You're a survivor, | you got your fair share
You're a survivor
Whoo, you're a survivor
There's the owner right there.
Hello, everybody. | Welcome to NWA Airlines.
Here at NWA, safety is | a very important part of flying,
but let's be real.
If something goes wrong, | we're all going down, right?
Is that supposed to be funny?
I'm just kiddin'--I'm playin'.
That's why it's our policy | that fun comes first.
So please, sit back, relax, | and enjoy your flight.
You're a survivor.
You are.
Come on, now, stop it.
You got a brother | feelin' like the president.
God bless America.
Giselle?
I gotta get outta here.
Giselle, wait.
Giselle, can you | wait a minute, please?
What, Nashawn?
What do we possibly | have to talk about?
Wow, I mean, you look great.
How you been?
I've been fine. Just fine.
Is that all?
Actually, no, I mean. | I was doin' some thinkin'.
and I wanna talk to you.
Can I at least talk to you?
Giselle, where you gonna go? | The door is closed.
What's this?
Someone stepped up, | Nashawn.
I'm engaged.
Hey, baby. It's not | a good time right now.
There's no easy way | for me...
for me to say this...
What?
This isn't workin' for me | anymore.
What's not workin'?
- This is gettin' way too serious. | - What are you talkin' about?
I can't do this anymore.
- I can't. | - No.
You got change of a 50, man?
- Not right now, Muggs. | - Not now?
What's his problem, man?
Oh, boy.
Hey, hey, there, Blanca.
I was wondering if I could | trouble you for a drink.
Ain't no drink down there.
Hell there ain't.
I don't know if I ever | told you this,
but I speak a little Espaol.
Really?
Testicles, one, two.
Hey, y'all, what's crackalackin'?
This is your soul plane chauffeur, | Captain Antoine Mack speaking.
He sounds nice.
Welcome aboard NWA
flight 069 from the 310 | to the 212.
It's time | to bust this corner, y'all.
In a hot second,
I'll be hittin' them switches
and gettin' this bitch | pumpin' and jumpin'.
What?!
So screw your shit on tight | and enjoy the flight.
What did he say?
He was just saying that we'll be | leaving in a couple of seconds,
so put your seatbelt on, | make sure they're tight.
Amateurs.
- Why didn't he say so? | - Exactly.
Yo, Gaeman, why don't you | go secure the cockpit, homey?
Yes. Right away.
This motherfucker is locked.
Fred G. Sanford, my nigga.
And the "G" is for | goin' places. Can you dig it?
Now we ready to roll.
Nigga got switches | in this motherfucker.
Shit. And they work.
What?
This motherfucker hot, cuz.
- Oh, my God! | - Bounce with me.
This motherfucker's fucked up.
- Like a elephant. | - Yeah.
Bounce, bounce.
I have the perfect music | for this.
Yes, I have it right here.
Hey, man, hold on, man.
- Hold the fuck on. | - Like elephant.
No, man, you gotta | turn that bullshit off.
We can't be ridin' | to that bullshit, man.
Don't insult my music.
We ridin' to some gangsta shit. | Pop that in, man.
Captain don't wanna hear | that Zimbabwe ah-wah-wah shit.
Get that shit out. | Get it the fuck outta here.
I'm the captain | of this motherfuckin' ship.
Captain, what the hell | is wrong with you?
Man, I'm afraid of heights.
Afraid of heights?!
Hit her with a bat, | hit her with a bat
Hit her with a whoo-whoo
- Easy, Kobe. She's 17. | - Dad, I'm 18.
Honey, I'm gonna | excuse myself
- and go to the restroom. | - Okay.
I think I'm gonna go | check out the plane.
Is that all right?
- Why are you so nice to me? | - Stay for a while.
Oh, my sweet black Jesus!
Hey, good evenin'.
I didn't know | anybody was in here.
- I'll come back later. | - Why? I'm still gonna be here.
I tell you what.
You take care of your business, | I take care of mine.
I just don't feel comfortable, | I'll just hold it.
You don't want to do that.
That stuff back up on you, | top of your head fly clean off.
Sit down, | make yourself at home.
I'm sorry.
We don't get that many of y'all | on the plane.
For those with no junk | in their trunk.
That is a nice vest.
I ain't seen one of them | since Lionel and the Jeffersons.
What ever happened to Lionel? | I thought he was--
Would you mind?
Oh, I'm sorry. | Little fella kinda shy?
Goddamn!
Sorry.
I guess you can't have lightnin' | without the thunder.
Somebody still likes | that pork, I see.
I think this was a false alarm. | I'm gonna go back to my seat.
The paint is peeling.
That must be a big one.
Yeah, it's big.
I've got just the thing.
I can't believe that | this is you.
So you subscribe to | "Black & Proud"?
This is the first time | I've picked it up.
Yeah, it was freezin' | that day.
Really? You could never tell that | from the picture.
Why, thank you.
Usually, the problem is, I'm hangin' | out the bottom of my boxers.
Oh, my goodness.
Hi.
I think you're in my seat.
Oh, hi, honey. | This is Jerome.
Hi.
Hello.
Jerome was telling me about how he | hangs out the bottom of his boxers.
That's nice.
They're about to serve dinner,
so you might want | to go back to your chair.
Oh, yeah. You're right.
Yeah.
It was nice meetin' you.
It was nice meeting you, too, Barbara.
Nice meeting you, too, Jerome.
Bye.
Hangin' out | the bottom of his boxers--
My God, is that him?!
- That thing has a face on it, | - No, but it's gonna.
Are you all right, sir?
Course, I'm all right, | I'm a G, ain't I?
I will make the announcement.
No, you won't. | Give me this motherfucker.
I'm makin' the announcement. | I'm the captain.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have | reached our cruising altitude
of 33,000 feet,
33,000 feet?!
Oh, shit, man. We fuckin' higher | than Redman at the Source awards.
Shit don't make | no motherfuckin' sense
to be this high, cuz.
Man, I feel sick. Oh, fuck.
Ain't this some shit?
What the hell's goin' on here?
This nigga's afraid of heights.
How you gonna be afraid | of heights if you the captain?
I ain't never | been off the ground before.
We've flown computer | simulators.
You told me you got your wings | when you got out the Air Force.
No, I didn't.
I told you I got my wings | when I got out.
When I got out of Pelican Bay | State Corrections Facility.
It was either get a GED | or take a pilot class.
You learned how to fly | in the prison?
Hey, man, don't get mad | 'cause I spent your money
to get a good education.
Shit, me and my homeboys | passed the class with flying colors.
Let me see.
- I miss them niggas, man. | - Those are his niggas.
The Taliban.
I'm gonna tell you what.
Y'all better fix it. | Gay-man, Captain Mack--
It's Gaeman!
I don't give a damn. | Fix it.
I'm no bitch, you understand? | It's Gaeman.
You gonna be a gay man. | Fix it.
Put this shit on autopilot.
I'm goin' to the lavatory. | I got to boo-boo.
- What ya doin'? | - I'm countin' my tips.
- Tips from where? | - Back there,
...low class motherfucker.
Hey, nigga! Oh, boss man.
Hey, man, you mind | if I get in here?
Come on.
Hold on. Got a new shooter.
- One shot, baby, you in? | - No.
Nigga, is ya in? What?
- You said I could run business class, right? | - Yeah, I did.
So I'm runnin' this motherfucker | like Vegas on fight night.
We got a cockfight | we settin' up in ten minutes.
Cockfight?! I'm in.
No. Let me tell you over here.
I don't even want | everybody in my business.
Hold me down.
- What's up, cuz? | - You know what?
I'm not even gonna make | a scene in here.
I'm goin' back | to the front of the plane.
When I get back here, | I want this to be business class.
- Okay. You got it, man. | - You can do that for me?
My man. Thank you, Muggs.
Would you like | champagne or wine?
We'll have champagne.
Would you like Moet or Cristal?
Motit...et. Moet.
All right.
I know you have a drinking problem, | so please drink slow.
That's for you. And sir, | please don't swallow your ice.
That's all I can afford | to give you.
Hello. Would you like Colt .45 | or Aliz?
Maybe you could explain to us | what those are.
My pleasure, sir.
Colt .45 tastes like | liquored-up beer,
and it sneaks up on you | all of a sudden.
And Aliz--oh, that's my favorite. | It's from France.
It's a cog-nac, it's very fruity,
and it'll make you wanna do | the hucklebuck,
then pass out | in your own juices.
Guess I'll have that.
Wise choice.
Yo, player, you got a little | somethin'-somethin' for me?
Yeah, I have a shorty 40.
No, no. Do you have | any whole milk?
Sir, that is nasty.
I do have a Puerto Rican lady who's | lactatin', I'll see what I can do.
Tonight, we're serving a plate | of gourmet soul food
with your choice of lobster | and filet mignon
or crisp duck confit,
I'll have the filet,
And for you, sir?
I ordered a special | Kosher meal... yag-weh.
Excuse me?
That's fried chicken | in hot sauce.
Lobster, filet mignon or duck?
I'll take the fee-lan.
All right, I need you to take | a breast or a leg and a wing
and pass it back. Exactly.
You guys, share your napkins | with your neighbor.
One for every two people. | Sharing is caring.
Don't get greedy. One piece.
Hi. Would you like | some dessert?
Boss man, low class | is outta liquor,
so I thought I would | come in here and...
Someone is strollin' down | memory lane.
No, I'm just, you know, | checkin' on things,
makin' sure they okay, | that's all.
Yeah, right. I know that look.
I had that same look of regret | after I ran into Lee--
my little Asian butterfly.
We had a whirlwind romance | that ended in heartbreak...
and stomach pumpin'.
When I saw him again, | I tried to apologize, but I couldn't.
I just felt so bad leaving him | in that hospital
all bloated and distended.
Did you just grind on me?
A little.
What does that sick-ass story | have to do with me?
I've never left nobody | in the hospital filled with nothin'.
It means, Mr. Righteous, | that if you have a chance
to make things right again, | you should take it.
Who knows | what could've happened?
Lee had plenty ancient secret | to show me.
Thank you. Flame. | Okay?
You're welcome.
Now, how much Colt .45 | to Sierra Mist do you mix
to get bubbly? | Probably half and half.
You mind if I sit down?
It's your plane.
It really doesn't have | to be like this.
How is it supposed to be?
So who's this guy?
Let's just let it go, okay?
I just came over here | to talk to you.
You just disappeared. | I didn't even hear from you.
Giselle, you were 3,000 miles away. | I tried to get in touch with you.
Let's just let it go.
I don't know what smells better-- | this meal or your delightful perfume.
Thank you. You're too kind.
You know, a lot of smart women | find blind men sexy.
- You know why? | - No.
But I'm sure | you're about to tell me.
When you lose one sense, | it makes your other senses stronger,
I have more of a sensitive touch | than the average man,
Please!
Let me tell you about | this love I had,
She was on the trampoline, | landed right in my lap.
Bang! She stayed there | for 1 5 years.
People crazy about me. | People love me.
- You don't say. | - Don't say?
I do say it. | That's what I'm talkin' about.
People love me. | See these fingers here?
These fingers got eyes on 'em | just like 20/20 vision.
You know what I mean?
They... wait a minute.
Move that other leg | out the way.
Move that dress up, girl.
Oh, boy, moist. | You just as tender as you can be.
You a little frisky thing. | You got a little puddle here.
Oh, you big, too. | You ain't no baby.
This is wonderful. | I love freaky stuff like this.
Just let yourself go. | I'm gonna let myself go, too.
I'm feelin' something, too.
This ain't like me. | I don't usually go this quick.
I'm goin' now.
Let me tell you. | Where my yack?
I'm a player... player!
- Hey, now. | - Oh, excuse me,
No, it's cool, | I'm the attendant,
You can sit this one out, | my brother.
I'm just gonna wash my hands.
Got me a wild woman | sittin' next to me
and look what I got. | Bang! Stinky pinky.
Stinky pinky, here you go.
Hey, brother. I ain't washin' | that one, I'm washin' this one.
She usin' cilantro. | I love that freaky shit.
The only way you got | stinky pinky
is if you was sittin' next to | Miss Potato Head.
There's always some dude | who's a player hater
'cause he ain't gettin' none.
Just 'cause you blind don't mean | I won't whip your ass.
Lookin' like a disco lemon. | Son of a bitch!
All right, you suit-and-tie-wearin' | motherfuckers.
A little green | gets you in between.
The more dough, | the more they show.
Now, a true player | is a payer, am I right?
That's what's up.
We don't park collars | at NWA--we park dollars.
You heard me?
If you can afford business class, | you can afford some business ass.
Hey, Muggs, what's goin' on?
- Where? | - Here.
- Here. What is this? | - It's all good up in here, baby.
We got Asian persuasion, | butter pecan freakin',
chocolate deluxe.
I got it all | in my little shopping mall.
What is it you're not gettin'?
First gamblin', now this? | It's illegal, man.
You with the FAA, nigga?
- No. What are you talkin' about? | - Ain't no rules in the air.
Listen to me. | That's not the point, man.
It's a family airline. | You got ladies up in here?
I sure do!
Listen to me. | We not in the 'hood no more.
Hey, Nashawn.
Hey! What's this about?
The girls just wanted | to show their appreciation
for everything you've done.
If you stick around for a minute.
I'm sure it'd make the ladies | very, very happy.
Start with this.
Just like that?
You're so sexy.
Whoa! Slow down!
Back up.
Oh, my God! | Hey, move, devil.
Get it together | and get it fast.
You got to get off the pole.
Hey, baby, watch your step. | Hey.
I guess there are some things | you can commit to.
You talkin' 'bout this?
I'm just doin' my job, | that's all.
Yeah, it looks like | you're a workaholic.
And here I was thinkin' I was | too hard on you before.
Guess you're the man now.
Wait, Giselle.
What the fuck am I doin'?!
You ready for this?
- Yeah. | - You ready?
Oh, yeah, daddy.
- You sure? | - Wait.
Don't fight the feelin', baby.
What the hell is you doin' | in here?
That's the problem with | you young cats. You talk too much.
- A woman like that... | - You do talk a lot.
...wants a man of action.
I was wonderin' if you can | help my friend Ben here.
He needs you to take him | back to his seat.
Yeah, Ben, I believe I know | where this cat is sittin'.
Dig this here. | You don't need a lot of space.
Superman changed | in a phone booth.
Hey, don't be... | man, don't be touchin'...
Tidy Bowl man.
We gonna need this right here.
- Ready for this? | - Oh, yeah.
Hey, what the hell is this?
I seen this on an episode | of "Real Sex".
- You sure about this? | - Trust me.
All you gotta do | is have a safety word.
You got one?
Yeah, when I say. | "Get off me, you crazy bitch",
you stop chokin' me.
Ow! Shit!
Actually, I wish you'd stop | smackin' me.
You like it.
- It's tight. | - It's supposed to be tight.
That's why you buy me | the good shit.
The belt is too damn tight!
Stop your bitch-ass complainin' | and give me what you promised.
I can't feel my toes!
I can't feel your dick, | but I ain't complainin'.
D.J., please, don't stop. | Five more seconds.
Cheese, eggs, grits, chilies, | yams, sunflower seeds.
No. No!
No?
Man, this is not the way | it happened on "Real Sex".
This is some real bullshit.
It was probably the turbulence
and all the excituration | of the moment, 'cause I used--
You see that, David. | Did you see that, David?
Why you always got to go--
I need to spank you | with the bad...
I'm gonna punish him.
This motherfuckin' autopilot shit | is cool as hell, man.
Just kick back | and ride and glide.
Relax, motherfucker. | I should be captain of this plane.
Ten years with Chuku Airlines.
Chuku Airlines, where we treat you | with a lot of respect.
This motherfucker.
Now I'm here with this nigga.
Nigga, shut the fuck up with that | African mumbo-jumbo bullshit.
I hear you over there | with that Chuku Airlines shit.
You with NWA Airlines, | I'm the captain.
- I don't care. | - Real niggas drive real shit.
I should kill you.
We have a birthday girl, | Captain.
This is Heather Hunkee.
She wanted to see | our cockpit.
How old are you, Heather?
I just turned 18.
Is that right? Oh, boy.
Attention, all players.
The upper deck will be open | for your enjoyment.
We have a passenger | who just turned 18 years old.
Her name is Heather Hunkee.
She is one cute little hottie | with a whole lotta body.
Oh, yeah.
She'll be upstairs, so all players | come up and keep her company.
No!
Hey, Virgie, how are you? | Good to see you.
Yeah, I know. It's hot, right?
This is hot.
Let me take you to the bar. | Give me your jacket, girl.
Big Boy!
All my pimps, players, | and hustlers--
y'all ready to set this motherfucker | off, West Coast style?
As you see, | we up in the clouds.
Got a gang of lovely ladies | out there on the dance floor
ready to go ahead and shake | that ass and get they freak on.
To my fellas out there | who ain't got no game--
yeah, I'm talkin' to you.
Don't even trip on it, | 'cause we ain't goin' nowhere.
We locked in this bitch for | four more hours till we touch down,
so you might as well go ahead | and get your swerve on.
- Marshall, good to see you. | - It's good to see you.
This is Heather. | She's turnin' 18 today.
Happy birthday.
- Thank you. | - Captain Mack is buyin' her
her first drink.
What can I get for you?
Surprise me.
I got just what you need.
Girl, he is cute!
I know. He's a looker.
He'll hook you up.
Cool! All right, have a good time. | I gotta go back downstairs.
Keep an eye on her.
Oh, I will.
Not that kind of eye.
It's Big Boy.
What's goin' down, y'all?
We gonna keep | this motherfucker crackin'
until everybody in here | pass the fuck out.
Yeah, this is my joint | right here.
- Who'd you come here with? | - Don't worry about that.
- Please, Captain, I just-- | - Hey, nigga!
What part of "you ain't flyin' | this motherfuckin' plane"
don't you understand?
Sit back and enjoy the ride, | Idi Amin.
What are you doing? | You fool!
Any motherfuckin' dry ass | mushrooms of yours
ain't gettin' me high | no motherfuckin' way.
You need to fuck with the white boys. | They shit potent.
White boys, American shit.
This is African mushrooms, | very dangerous.
They can kill you!
You ate 15 of them! | These are topical, for the skin.
I crush them up, | and I put them...
... for my itching.
Motherfucker, you got crabs?!
This man got crabs. You ain't | sittin' in the pilot's seat for sure.
Ha ha, keep laughing. | It's not funny.
African crab is very aggressive.
They hunt us.
They can kill you.
That motherfucker | is crazy as fuck, man.
They dangerous, | and they kill you.
Fuck!
That Gaeman!
Excuse me.
Motherfucker, | did you just touch me?
Yeah, I wanna get up | in the club.
- You on the list? | - What list?
The goddamn guest list.
- Are you on it? | - I don't know.
You don't know? | What's your name?
Elvis Hunkee.
I wouldn't even have wrote | no shit down like that, homey.
Maybe it's under The King,
'cause my friends, | they call me "The King".
It's my nickname.
I ain't your friend, | and you ain't no king, motherfucker.
Right.
Move! I'm talkin' to you.
What's up? Go right in.
All right, put 'em up.
It's go time.
It's definitely go time, | motherfucker.
You about to get | the best damn ass-whippin'.
I hope the little bitch | you're lookin' for is worth dyin' for.
She is, 'cause that little bitch | is my daughter.
Your daughter?
Why didn't you say | that shit, man?
I got five daughters, man.
The little one, Trina, | every time I see her.
she just runs into my arms, | like, "Daddy. Daddy!"
We have little tea parties | and shit.
The little cups, and I put | the little hat on.
Little table, man. | It was so beautiful.
My heart would, like, explode.
Yeah, I need to go upstairs.
- I miss my babies. | - I miss mine, too. She's upstairs.
I never see them. | I'm always busy securin' shit.
- Honest living. | - I never see 'em, dawg.
Secure your shit.
Secure your shit. | Go get your girl, man.
Go get your little girl.
Take care of your family, man!
Who's on the list?
Yo, Captain. I got to go | drain the monster.
What the hell's taking | Gay-man so long?
I don't know, I ain't his mama.
Matter of fact, | why don't you page him
and tell him to bring | his bitch ass up here 911.
Attention, Gay-man.
Attention, Gay-man, | I have to go drain the monster.
Return to the cockpit | immediately.
Man, I wouldn't answer | that shit if I was you, homey.
Shake it up real fast | then stop
Shake it up real fast | then drop
Shawty crunk on the floor | wide open
Skeet so much, | they call her Billy Ocean
Roll like a 18-wheeler
That... fine, | but this... killer
Leakin', she soakin' wet
- Muggsy, what are you doin'? | - Cut!
Who the hell said cut?
Yeah. Who the hell said cut? | The director says cut. Damn!
Look, Nashawn. | I already know, dawg.
Come here. | Is that the Ying Yang Twins?
Yeah.
Watch out. | Ying Yang Twins!
What's up, baby?
Don't drink gasoline. | We got a bar.
I had a gold tooth. | I shoulda kept it for this.
Why y'all stop rollin'?
'Cause you came in.
No, don't stop on account of me, | I'm the owner.
Nashawn Wade--that's me. | I'm the boss of this.
- Hey, roll camera! | - Who said roll camera?
I say roll camera.
- That's my job. | - That's his job.
Chris, I'm tellin' ya, we need | more sexy in this video.
Let's go, Tamika. | Get in there.
This cool?
- Yes, sir. | - Tamika, let's get in there.
Get on in there, girl.
Yo, Chris, I'm tellin' ya, man.
We need more ass in this video, | and it'd be off the hook.
Yo, Muggsy, who is this kid?
Roll camera.
- Here you are, sir. | - Thank you.
Lil' John back there. | Shake it like a salt shaker!
Can I get a glass of Hypno | with some ice, please?
- Coming right up. | - What you doin' by yourself?
- Go have a good time. | - No, thanks.
- You okay? | - No.
So what's goin' on?
My son Billy--he doesn't | want to be anything like me.
He says I got no flavor.
My daughter Heather-- | she's growin' up so fast.
It seems like yesterday | I was teachin' her to ride a bike.
Now she's out there...
Hey, what is tea-bagging?
That's the shit!
That's where you take your balls | and dip 'em in a freak mouth.
you keep goin' | up and down like...
- Then you dip, right. | - I got it. Thank you.
I got a little carried away.
Gettin' back on the subject-- | you raise your kids right,
eventually they gonna | wanna move on
and find they own path.
You're probably right. | You're a lucky man, Nashawn.
I wouldn't say that.
It took me gettin' everything | I ever wanted
to realize I lost | the best thing I ever had.
What was her name?
- Giselle. | - That's a beautiful name.
Bet she's beautiful.
Very. Very!
Still love her?
Course I do.
Then go do somethin' | about it.
Listen, when I met | my Barbara.
I knew that moment I'd move | heaven and earth to be with her.
I knew that she was worth it.
So you happy now?
Not really.
Last time I saw her, | she was with this tall model type.
A real handsome black guy?
Yeah.
Sittin' in low class?
Yeah.
Got a dick like a fire hose?
Yeah.
Yeah, you lost her.
- Can he get another one? | - Double.
Have you talked to her?
She can't talk. | She must have vocal cord damage.
I can believe it.
Man, if my baby mama page me | one more time, I swear to God...
What she want?
This motherfuckin' bitch wants | some more child support money
'cause she heard I got this job.
I can't believe these hos | nowadays.
She extortin' you? | That's messed up, man.
But you know what?
If I crash this motherfucker | into a mountain right now,
the bitch can't get | shit from me.
Watch this.
Oh, shit!
Shit, my nigga! | Oh, shit! Hold on, cuz!
- Oh, shit! | - Here we go.
That shit was funny as hell.
I know they trippin' | off this shit in the back.
You fuckin' high, dawg. | You startin' to scare me now.
Here ya go.
I'm gonna bounce before | Gay-dude and Riggs come back.
All right, my nigga.
I'm put this bitch on autopilot | so I can enjoy myself.
Captain Mack need to kick back
and enjoy this | motherfuckin' situation.
Oh, shit. | Last mushroom.
Might as well go on | and take this to the head.
Dry-ass mushroom, | African motherfucker.
Here you are, sir.
Oh, hey, that's my dad. | I need to talk to him.
Hi, Daddy.
Happy birthday, Heather.
You mad at me?
No, Actually, I'm just glad to hear | you call me daddy for a change,
It's been a while,
Usually it's shithead or asshole | or something,
I'm sorry. It's just | I hate that you're with Boobra.
Barbara... and I | are not together anymore.
I'm still upset that | you and Mom aren't together.
I'm sorry about that, honey.
But your mom's | with Dorothy now.
I'd like to be with your mom.
Hell, I'd love to be | with your mom and Dorothy.
But that's not important.
What's important is that you know | that I'm your dad,
and whether you're 18 or 48 or 88, | I'm gonna still protect you
because I love you.
I love you, too, Daddy.
I'll always be your little girl.
Right.
I will.
What about | all that stuff tonight?
Oh, don't worry. | I didn't do anything.
Really?
I was just saying stuff | to get you mad.
I don't even know | what half that stuff is.
What's tea-bagging anyway?
That's when you | get down on top...
Dad!
Apparently, it's the shit. | Come here.
So can I have | another blow job?
It's a drink.
It's cool.
Look, baby. I'm sorry, | and I wants to make it up to you.
Don't get it started because you | know you're not gonna finish.
Why you bringin' up old shit? | Let me see them tits!
Okay, okay! What's the plan?
Hold on one second. | I'm fixin' to be right back.
Good evening, Cap. | Is it cool if I come in?
This is tight up in here, dawg.
I'm not gonna | beat around the bush, man.
I'll get straight to the point.
Me and my girl--we overly ambitious | members of the mile-high club.
I was wondering if you would | let us come in here,
and, we could, like, do it.
All right, cool.
I'm fixin' to get her.
You probably gonna see | her titties and everything, man.
I'll be right back, dawg.
Hey, this is my girl.
Hi, Captain.
I know you got stuff to do,
so we just gonna | do our thing, man.
Yeah, it's cool.
Okay, okay.
No, no. | Ain't that my game.
Ooh, yeah. | I like the way you doin' that.
Ooh, work it, daddy.
I'm tryin', but it's like | a sauna down here,
It's like a fire,,,
- How's that? | - Oh, it's good, daddy.
You the king.
Tastes like chocolate puddin'.
Gots to have you right now.
- Got to have you right now, girl! | - Nasty fool!
Oh, shit. That nigga dead! | He dead!
Get your ass off me!
He's dead! This nigga's dead!
This nigga's dead!
The captain is dead!
Pork chop grease.
I'll take care of it. | The captain's dead!
That's our motto: | we fly, we party, we land.
That's what we tryin' | to do, man.
Nashawn, we gotta talk.
I want to talk to you, too.
The captain is dead.
Dead?
Wait a minute. | Are we talkin' Tupac dead.
Iike maybe he is | or maybe he isn't,
or Wilt Chamberlain dead, like | he ain't checkin' back in the game?
Dead like he can't | fly this plane, dead.
People are freakin' out.
It's Muggsy | hirin' these prison pilots.
You know what. | That's what we got a copilot for.
All we gotta do is find Gaeman, | because I hired him.
He's a professional, | and we should be cool.
Yes, counterclockwise. | Move your ass, baby.
Don't forget to squeeze | my nipple like a cow.
Would you like to see | my African walking stick?
Hey, hey, Gaeman.
Oh, my God. Move over! | How are you, sir?
I was taking a bath, I was dirty. | You are clean now, ladies.
I got an emergency, | I need you to fly the plane.
The plane?
Yeah.
- Me? Fly the plane? | - Yes.
Oh, my God! | I get to fly.
They will have a parade!
Go, Gaeman! | Move out the way!
Move, you bitches! | I have to fly the plane.
What's wrong with you?
Oh, shit!
He fell hard.
Gaeman!
God damn!
What the hell am l | supposed to do now?
You're gonna find some way | to land this plane.
Meet me in the cockpit, okay?
- Meet you? | - In the cockpit.
I got one more left.
Here you go. You gotta pull | one of these damn cords.
I don't want this shit, man.
I'm responsible | for these people.
I gotta try something.
Fuck them. | What are you, sick?
I know you, all right? | You can't even ride a bike.
How do you expect | to land this thing?
It don't even--
It don't even matter.
I'm not runnin' out | like I always do.
I'm gonna face this shit. | If you wanna go, go.
If you goin', go. | You gotta pull this one.
Hey, don't be grabbin' my cord.
You gonna make my chute | ejaculate prematurely,
Baby, watch your head. | Don't let that touch you.
- I got a dead pilot, man. | - Just go. God damn!
Oh, my God! | Not like this.
Listen, Giselle... | in case something happens,
there's something I need | to get off my chest.
That night | when you and I broke up.
I was on your porch.
I overheard you and your father | arguing about college.
What do you mean, | you're not goin' away to college?
It's too far, I want to stay here | where Nashawn is.
You gotta go, I been waitin' | 18 years for this day
to have the house to myself.
I'm not going.
You always dreamed | of going to NYU.
Now they're offering you | a full scholarship.
You tellin' me you're not goin'
because of some little | poop butt ass nigga
who can't even keep a job!
Dad, I'm sorry, | but I can't leave Nashawn.
I love him and he loves me.
You are going to college. | You're not messin' up my plans.
I didn't want you to throw | all that away because of me.
I can get $200 a month | for that room.
I just want you to know | that I'm sorry, Giselle.
- I'm so sorry for hurting you.
Leaving you was the biggest | mistake of my life.
For what it's worth...
I never stopped loving you.
You better get in there. | You got a plane to land.
Yeah.
Cool. I'm cool. I got it. | I got it right now.
Mayday.
SOS.
I said SOS.
Come down, selecta.
- Nashawn! | - What?
Are you gonna cut a demo | or radio in?
I don't know what to say.
I got something. | Hello? This is Nashawn Wade,
owner of NWA Airlines.
Yes, sir, the black one.
No, don't hang up. Hello?
Can you please help us? | We got a situation here.
My pilot died, and I got people | on the back of my plane
asking for help and--hello?
They put me on hold.
Due to the high number of calls, | your estimated wait time
- is 45 minutes. | - What are you doing here?
We family, man.
We was in this from the beginning, | we gonna ride this out to the end.
That's my nigga, man.
Look at my watch. | What's up, G?
Excuse me. I represent three | of the four white people on board.
I want to tell you fellas | we are behind you 100%.
What? Hunkee, please.
I'm just here to find | the little black box
so I can wrap | my big, black ass around it.
If I have to ride that tiny, | indestructible motherfucker
30,000 feet to safety,
trust you'll hear bitch screamin'. | "Hi ho, Silver".
Where's the box?
I really want to thank y'all | for giving me all this confidence.
- I really feel it, I do. | - You're welcome.
Somebody knows | how to land this plane,
this would be | the time to speak.
I saw a show on | the Discovery channel,
but that was about motorcycles.
Take control of the plane.
What?
You have to disengage | the autopilot.
How do you know that?
I used to date this pilot,
and we would make love | in the cockpit.
You haven't had an orgasm | until you've had it during descent.
Bitch, can you land this plane?
Show me where it is, Blanca. | What is it?
I don't remember.
That's what I told you...
I need you to go | to the back then.
No, hold on.
Last time I was here...
Here, here!
There it is. Push it.
Somebody help her.
Okay, I gotta grab it.
Guess I had a little control | right away.
I'm flyin', y'all.
Okay, what's next, Blanca?
I would...
Yes, the flaps!
The flaps! | Adjusting the flaps.
What's next?
I think it was... the trim.
I cannot hear her.
I got it. | I see what you're sayin'.
What's next?
I don't know. This is where | he usually pops the cork.
We are so fucked!
Don't panic, please. | You're gonna be okay.
You can't use that phone | while we're on the plane.
Girl, please, they say that | to rip you off.
They want you to use | their phone.
- I am calling for some help. | - No, I'm telling you.
Don't be hardheaded. | Don't use that phone.
Fuck that!
Okay. All right. | We back on track right now.
What next, Blanca?
The wheels.
Muggsy, pull the wheels down.
Grab the wheel | and do it slow.
I feel it comin' down, y'all,
Oh, yes!
Oh, D.J., this is it! | It's gonna happen this time, baby.
We about to die, | you got me tied up down here.
Damn it, I don't give a fuck.
We goin' to heaven | with one last nut.
Nigga, stay focused!
Yeah! I'm doin' it!
I told you it was the turbulence. | You don't want none of this.
Here we go.
We gonna land.
New York, here we go! | This is it right here.
That's the ground!
We made it. | We gonna live.
I did it. We down.
You did it! | That's just what you do, cousin.
Exactly what I do!
You see what I'm sayin'? | I was so scared.
You crazy bitch! | Fuck this airline!
You know what, she was | on the way out anyway.
- Forget her, baby. You did it. | - I did.
Yeah, I can do that.
All right, y'all | with the mushy stuff.
I'm a go check on | the passengers.
- Y'all just too cute. | - My boy.
Maybe we should go, too. | We should check on 'em, too.
All right. Come on.
What a day.
Wait a minute. | Hold that, sugar dumplin'.
I don't know | what smells better--
the New York air | or your magnificent perfume.
Why, thank you. | That's very kind of you.
Wait a minute.
That's an Adam's apple.
I'm a player, but I don't play | that way. Floor walker!
No, I...
- Hey, Muggs. | - Yo, cousin.
That's what I'm talkin' about. | We made it!
What kind of shit-- | this is Central Park.
Where is Central Park? | It's in New York, ain't it?
You got JFK, LaGuardia, | Newark--
What you need an airport for, | you got all this grass?
Ain't this a bitch? | This nigga is pissin' on the plane!
That's your problem. | You always thinkin' on the nega--
Hell, no, I know they didn't | just steal my damn rims.
That's what your punk ass get.
You know how hard it is | to get 84-inch rims?
That's a big-ass tire | for a little-ass plane
and a short-ass nigga.
Why don't you go put | a doughnut in your mouth?
I am going to sue your ass, | I am gonna sue the airline...
That's all you do is complain.
It doesn't matter, I'm not | gonna let you spoil this for me.
I tell you what, | Muggs, take everybody upstairs.
Drinks on me. | Let's party!
And we did party.
Just like I told y'all-- | we fly, we party and we land.
Pop, where'd you get | the moves from?
Where do ya think | you got 'em from, son?
Wow! This is the bomb!
What? What did I say? | Let's dance!
I always loved airplanes, man.
Not just toys, | but real ones, too.
We lived | right next to the airport.
I remember my mom | would put my stroller outside
while she hung clothes | on the line.
My mom always told me | that someday,
it would be me gettin' on | one of those planes
goin' someplace better.
But I guess it didn't exactly | work out that way.
Final boarding announcement
for Worldwide Airlines | Flight 119.
I'm sorry, sir.
Your dog is too big | to be on the plane.
You'll have to check him.
Wait. No. I usually | just put him in my bag.
He's not that big.
Those are the rules. | You'll have to check your dog.
Or consider taking | another airline.
Come on, man.
- Can I just please-- | - Russ.
I can't just...
Come on, Dre.
- Come on. | - Don't worry, sir.
- We'll take good care of him. | - Please do.
That's my little boy right there.
See you when I get off.
- Excuse me. Thank you. | - Enjoy your flight.
Our in-flight movie will be | Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood,
starring Sandra Bullock | and Ashley Judd.
Nice.
That's the sound of my gat
This is heat. | This album is fire.
Chicken or beef stroganoff?
Chicken, I'll have the chicken.
Thank you. | Excuse me.
- It smells good, though. | - Chicken or beef stroganoff?
I'm gonna have the chicken. | I like the way that smelled.
That was our last chicken.
I'm afraid | I just have stroganoff.
So why would you ask me | what I wanted?
What's in that?
Stroganoff.
That beef strogie. | That wasn't half bad.
It was good.
Almost got a little spit on you.
- Yes, you did. | - I'm sorry.
Are you all right, sir?
Where the bathroom?
- Straight down. | - Where?
Fire in the hole.
Excuse me.
So sorry.
Come on! Hurry. | Get in there!
Damn! Oh, shit!
So loose.
I got it. That's it. | No, it's not.
This is the captain speaking. | We hit some turbulence.
We ask that you | return to your seats.
We've turned on | the "fasten seatbelt" sign.
I didn't know | it was gonna be like that.
I can't get out! | My ass is stuck!
Come on. God, please, | I'm a Christian.
My ass is touchin' the shit.
I don't wanna die like this! | Stewardess!
There's a guy locked in | the bathroom stuck on the toilet.
Press the main release discharge valve-- | that should get him loose.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck?!
Dre! No!
Murderers!
You killed my dog, man. | Y'all gonna pay for this!
If I have to go on | every talk show in America,
y'all gonna pay!
Oprah, Ricki Lake, | Dr, Phil bitch!
106th and Park. | Showtime At The Apollo.
I swear, | they're gonna pay for this.
You don't treat people | like this.
And that's what happened.
What exactly | is your occupation, Nashawn?
- I'm an entrepreneur. | - I see.
So I guess it's fair to say | you don't have a job.
No, I do--
Tell us about | some of your businesses.
Any of 'em | ever make any money?
- No. | - Exactly.
So it would be correct to say | that you're nothin' more
than a deadbeat | lookin' for a quick dollar. Right?
No further questions.
Wait! That's not fair.
Order!
Your Honor, | can I say something, please?
Be brief.
I watched my mom | struggle to raise me
on next to nothin', | workin' for guys like you.
And I always knew that | I had to make my own way,
no matter what.
I might not have | some fancy education
or a Fortune 500 | business, but...
...I'm tryin'.
My mom always told me
that you can't be successful | until you try.
That's all I'm doin'.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Will the foreman | please read the verdict?
Case number 077861.
Nashawn Wade | vs. Worldwide Airlines,
we find for the plaintiff | and award him damages
in the amount of $100 million.
Order! Order!
Yo, cousin!
We did it, man! | We did it! Yes!
What do you mean, "we"?
I didn't see your ass get stuck | in no airplane toilet.
Whatever, I say we blow the first | 20 mil on Rio, next 20 mil, Bangkok.
I hear they can do this thing--
Muggs, you're my cousin. | I'm not gonna forget about you,
or the way you looked out for me | when we was growin' up.
I'm not gonna let you convince me | I'm fuckin' this money away.
You still on that | strip club/daycare center thing?
Shit was genius. Come on.
It was genius, Muggsy? | To who?
We lost all our damn money | in a week.
We gonna do it straight | this time, all right?
I wanna do something | I can be proud of.
Whatever it is, I'm in.
There he is, Mr. Wade?
How does it feel to be | the recipient of such a large reward
by the court?
I mean, it feels good, ya know? | Justice has been served.
But I tell you what,
I'd trade all that money in | to get back my dog Dre.
Nashawn, how's the ass?
The ass is fine, | It is sittin' on $100 million,
Mr, Wade, can you tell us | what you intend to do
with all that money?
I'm gonna start my own airline. | No further questions.
Muggs, take care of that, please.
What is this-- | BET's "How I'm Living"?
I'd like to give a shout-out | to all five of my babies' mamas.
High five, Laquifa. | I'm comin', girl.
Yes, Lord! | Everybody. $100 million!
Relax. Thank you.
Wait a minute. | You the only sister.
You can't say nothin'?
What in the hell | is taking her so long?
Relax, honey. She has arthritis.
She's, like, 200 years old.
I know. It's great.
Ready? Go.
Mr. Hunkee?
- Yes. | - I've got good news and bad news.
The bad news is that your flight 114 | to JFK has been canceled.
Oh, for the love of--
But the good news is | we've been able to find
another airline that can | accommodate you this evening.
Would you be interested | in another airline?
- Even Dad thinks you're cute. | - Get off me!
- You're such a whore. | - What did you say?
Did I stutter?
There you are.
Four tickets for flight 069 | on NWA.
What you're going to want to do | is go to Gate One--
that's Terminal X--and we'll send | your luggage on down for you.
- Thank you for your help. | - You're quite welcome.
- Good luck. | - Thanks.
Hey, sweetie.
Don't get it greasy. | It's very expensive.
I know, I bought it.
Now, a gentleman always | carries a lady's bags.
- So why are you carrying hers? | - Be kind, son.
If I play my cards right, | she'll be your future mother figure.
That's scary.
Ooh, hey, sweetie. | Wait a minute.
Don't look back | and not say anything.
Excuse me. | You got to move, lady.
Baby, come here. | Gimme a second.
Girl, you must not know | who I am.
Nashawn Wade, baby. | I own NWA. The boss.
Where the hell is Terminal X?
Relax, honey. Didn't we just have | a great vacation in Crackerland?
No, we didn't-- | give me that stupid hat. Leave it!
You know what would've | been great? Going to Hawaii alone.
Listen, you know the deal.
I only get to see my kids | every other weekend.
Billy, where's your sister?
She's that way.
Great.
Heather, you can't just | walk away from the family.
If you want to go somewhere, | you gotta ask permission first.
Dad, I'm 18 years old.
Sorry.
She's 17. You are 17.
Fine. For a couple more hours. | I am 17, and then I'll be 18.
Then I can party and have sex.
- Sex?! No, no. | - Yeah, sex.
Missionary, doggie-style, | rockin' the baby,
gettin' tea-bagged,
playin' the trombone | while I'm tossin' his salad,
hand jobs, ear jobs, | blow jobs.
Gettin' a pearl necklace, | ridin' the bologna pony...
- sucking-- | - That's enough!
- Did she say bologna? | - I don't know.
...whenever I want, and best of all, | I won't have to listen to you.
Can you believe that?
What came after | getting tea-bagged?
Something about the trombone.
Okay, everybody, | congratulations!
You guys have been punk'd!
There's cameras everywhere, | right, son?
We'll be back in five minutes | with the release forms.
Let's go.
Oh, shit! Awesome!
- Terminal Malcolm X? | - Yeah.
Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. | Usually you gotta go to two places,
- but there you get the one-- | - This is a terminal?
It's great, 99 cents. Everything.
Oh, check out the car.
This place has every-- | there's a basketball court.
In your face!
Get your short ass on, | you leprechaun.
Look like my ex-- | short and stupid.
Everything's short.
I don't know about all that,
but if Denzel walked his fine | sexy ass in here right now,
I'm takin' the rest of the day off
and gettin' straight down | with the get down.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Girl, let me tell you, | Denzel is nice,
but I like the young thugs.
I love me some 50 Cent, baby.
Ooh, Shaniece. Go, Shaniece!
It's your birthday.
We gonna party | like it's your birthday.
Sip Bacardi | like it's my birthday.
And you know we don't | give a fuck it's not my birthday!
Look at this little nigga here.
Look more like five cent.
Nigga, can't you read?
The sign says put | all metal objects in the container.
Take your ass off. | Get on back there!
Get your ass back there.
Cheap ass.
Shit goin' off 'cause that shit cheap. | That's why it's goin' off.
My flow, my show | bought me the dough
that bought me | all my fancy things.
My cribs, my cars, | my pools, my jewels.
Nigga, I done came up | and I ain't changed.
Hold it!
You keep fuckin' up | on my rhymes.
Move it along, nickel.
You wanna say somethin'?!
I ain't slapped a bitch | in two weeks.
Yeah, I got a whole lot | of strength
in the slap-a-bitch arm.
They had a whole bunch of dirty | magazines--bathing suit issues.
Damn! So you like that, huh? | You gonna love this.
Hold those for me, I won't be | needing those on this flight.
Girl, what you got me--
The sweet smell of Aliz.
- Hunkee? Elvis Hunkee? | - Yeah.
Karl Malone? I used to play | basketball with you in high school.
That's right. We used to call you | "The Paperboy."
Yeah, that was then. | I'm "The Mailman" now.
That's good.
My dad's a mailman, too. | Government jobs pay very well.
You don't understand, | I play for the Lakers now.
Right, Karl. I don't think | you understand.
I used to play with you, man. | You can't shoot, remember?
That's why we never | passed you the ball.
I thought it was because | I was the only brother.
No, Karl. It's 'cause you sucked!
Oh, I sucked?
What are you gonna do-- | go all "postal" on me, Mr. Mailman?
My man, what's goin' on, baby?
Ah, that's nice. | That's real nice.
I'd like to be them jeans. | Make no sense.
Excuse me. | How you doin', man?
Can I get through here, | sweetie?
What's goin' on, fellas? | My man.
When the buzzer pop, nigga, | you stop!
Do y'all know who I am?
We don't give a damn | about who you are.
Let your little ass | take one more step...
...we'll bury your ass in them fake-ass | iguana shoes you're wearin'.
Ladies, it's me. It's Nashawn Wade, | owner of this airline.
Come on, remember. | I hired y'all.
- It's him. | - There ya go.
That's a little more like it. | Thought you had amnesia.
Yes, it is him!
You that little nigga got his ass | caught in a toilet seat.
All right, little player, go on, take | your little cute rich ass on through.
Go ahead, little player.
Bet that ass still tight, | ain't it?
Shit, bitch. I hope we don't lose | our benefits over this.
We sorry, Mr. Wade!
My tooth is hurtin'.
And it's fuckin' | with your breath, girl.
Upsettin' all my insides here.
Don't you say shit else | for a year.
You done melted the whole side--
That's what you get | for fuckin' us up.
I'll tell ya, I knew I shoulda got | the new Aerostar.
Check out the safety rating.
I'm a little nervous.
I heard someone say | this is the first flight for this airline.
It has five cup holders.
Honey, the FAA, they're very strict | about who they let fly an airline.
It's gonna be okay, believe me.
Yeah, I know, but I think we're | the only white people on the plane.
Girlfriend, like your bag.
Honey, no, we're not.
You ain't gonna pick me up?!
Maybe it's a coincidence, | you know, like a family reunion?
Million Man March?
Hey, what are you... | Hey, stop that!
Yeah, what up, son?
Yeah, yeah. | You know I'm like that.
I'm like that.
Damn. What up?
Here's your card, Dad. | I think I melted the sucka.
Put everything on it | but an Escalade.
I'm a holler at the shorty | I saw at the basketball courts.
One love, dawg.
Where's my son?
- How you doin'? | - I'm good.
You doin' good? | You feel wonderful.
- Yeah. All right. | - Hey. whoa! That's my zipper!
And that's too loud | for a zipper.
I don't know | what you got in there,
but we gonna find out.
- I got a plane to catch. | - Come with me.
Did you hear me, boy?!
I bet you ain't never seen | a chocolate super-deluxe woman
like me before.
Have you?
No, I got a plane to catch. | I gotta go!
Where do you think | you're goin', player?
I'm gonna get on--
We feds now, | which means I can violate
every last one | of your civil rights.
Now drop them drawers... | Denzel.
Denzel? Look, lady. | I just want--
Drop them drawers!
Show me that ass, nigga!
Now turn around.
Cavity check!
Girl, there was duct tape | and peanut butter everywhere.
I told him, I don't care | if you are a diplomat.
I don't bend into that position.
Girl, I ain't no circus freak. | This ain't Cirque du Soleil.
He's a fool.
Mi vida, | you did the right thing.
Mi primo tried that once.
The doctors still can't find | his left nut.
They say it's up there | somewhere.
Give me his address. | I'll find it.
Hey, Muggsy!
Flame, not now.
Where's the pilots | you hired, man?
- Come on, dawg-- | - It's not come on now.
We're supposed to take off | in 20 minutes.
Calm down, Little Bow-Wow.
He'll be here, all right?
- There he go right there. | - Who, him?
- Yeah, him. | - Right there?
- Right there. | - Him?
- Him right there? | - Yeah, him right there.
I told you to hire | a black pilot,
not no black baggage handler. | What is that?
I did what | you asked me to, okay?
There ain't but two | black pilots around,
and one of 'em flyin' for Puffy.
How'd Puffy get that one?
- Don't worry. | - You're right, I'm just nervous.
I got his resum right there. | My dawg, what's up, baby?
What's goin' on, Muggs? | How you been?
What's up, man?
- How are you, man? | - Ain't nothin' to it but do it.
Nashawn, Captain Mack. | Captain Mack, Nashawn.
My pleasure, brother.
Hey. You're late, man.
Don't worry about me bein' late.
I'm gonna take this hooptie of yours | up another 1,000 feet,
catch me a slipstream, and we | gonna be there five minutes early.
Real slick like hair grease, | but with less mess.
- Can you dig it? | - Hell, yeah, I can dig it.
You really gonna do that?
No, I'm just fuckin' with ya.
Y'all two know each other? | He was fuckin' with me.
Muggs, I'm really | not playin' right now.
I'm not, Muggs.
I was lookin' at | your resum, man.
I see that you flew | in Desert Storm.
- That's pretty impressive. | - Actually, that's a typo.
I drew over in Desert Storm.
I'm sorry. I didn't.. | what you say?
I was the nigga that drew | the little sayings on the bombs:
"Fuck Iraq." "Saddam, eat a dick." | That was me.
Secret agent.
Matter of fact, I ain't even | 'posed to be talkin' about that.
That's classified.
What the fuck?! Do you even | know how to fly a plane, man?
I got my wings when I got out.
Got your wings | when you got out?
You right. Plus I ain't really got | another choice right now.
Where's your uniform?
You lookin' at it.
The Mackin' is crackin'. | This is how I come.
I don't wear no square suits.
I'm a player. | We ride spinners.
Ride spinners | and you write on bombs.
That's classified.
I'm gonna tell you what.
Get us there safe. | Can you do that?
You somethin' else, Muggs. | Drew on bombs.
- Excuse me, man, | - Yes, sir.
That's about a bitch.
- Where the cockpit at? | - You got that bong?
Whole bag of it, Preach.
- I gotta go. | - Do I pay you to talk on the phone?
Look at the captain. | He is too cute.
Hi, Captain.
- At ease, ladies. | - Hi, fly boy.
I just love the look | of a man in uniform.
'Course, I like the look of a man | out of uniform even better.
This is some cool shit | fit for a real nigga.
Hey, what's poppin', | my aeronautical hustlers?
Captain Mack, | reporting to duty.
How you doin'. Captain? | I'm Riggs. your flight engineer.
Have you ever met Gaeman?
I just seen one of them | fruity motherfuckers in the hallway.
Nigga was eyeballin' me.
It's Gaeman, I am Leslie Gaeman, | your copilot.
What's happenin'?
It's a very prestigious | African name--
not like "gay man," | two men fucking together, naked,
- in a bedroom. Not me. | - Whatever, homey.
I like pussy like you.
- I can dig it. | - Yeah, you can dig it.
Everybody will be pregnant | by the end of this flight.
Hello.
First class. | Right this way, big daddy.
Welcome to NWA.
Hi. How's everybody?
Good. Wow, this is great!
Oh, y'all are in low class.
- What? | - Low class, straight back.
This is nice, too.
Dad, this actually | isn't that bad.
What kind of UPN operation | is this?
It's not so bad.
All right, here we are.
Row 1 7 Chrysler. | Honey, you sit here.
Thank you.
- Do I have to sit... | - How you doin'?
You're gonna have to, okay? | Thank you.
Let's please | put the divider down.
Do you have an "off" switch? | You need to lower the volume.
Man, you give a black man | some money,
this is how the airline's | gonna look--plush, laid.
It's makin' me feel sexy | already.
This is a sexy plane.
They got it chromed out | with the white leather.
I think this is alligator butt.
Yeah, this is nice.
Little treat for you | before the plane takes off, daddy,
'cause you treat me so right.
You nasty!
Can I help you, sir?
Everything's okay, | I'm just trying to find my seat,
Boy, this a nice plane.
Nice cushion they got | on these new planes.
This must be | one of them 777's.
7574327.
Where my seat? 777.
The president | should fly on this plane.
- Hello, sir. | - Hey, baby, how you doin'?
- I'm gonna show you to your seat. | - That's nice of you, cutie pie.
- Here we are. | - Let me shake your hand.
Come here. Oh, boy! | That's nice. Look at that.
Boy, I can just hear everything.
It's so beautiful in here. | Wait a minute.
Somebody got | some nice perfume on.
Is that | Victoria Don't Tell Nobody?
- No. | - Is that Boujeronee?
Not Boujeronee either.
I like the people | that don't talk back.
Hard to get, I like that.
Cabin attendant?
Yes, sir?
Howdy do. | Where are you, baby?
There you are.
Get me a quadruple cognac | and a cola back.
You know, I'm scared to fly. | I'm used to ridin' buses.
My little nephew | sent me on first class,
because I'm a player.
You smell good, too.
I'm gonna have me some fun | on this plane here.
Okey-dokey. So you're | gonna be in...
You're gonna go ahead | to low class, okay.
- He tasted like chocolate. | - No way.
My God, what's going on?
Get the fuck out!
What is he doing? | Watch him.
Y'all better get his ass!
You ain't goin' nowhere | without us, Osama.
If you gots to go | to the bathroom, we goin' with you.
She holdin' | and I'm shakin', player.
- That's right. | - It's cool, y'all. We got this.
We security up in here. | Look straight.
- Hi. | - Hey.
This first class is incredible.
Girl, this plane is off the hook. | Have you seen the owner?
He's young, black, and from | the pictures I've seen,
he looks so good.
I'm sure he's great.
- Please direct your attention
to the screen in front of you | for a safety video.
What is this?
Now that you got on our plane | and you be listenin'
You better just do as we say | or you'll be missin'
Better put your seatbelt on | or you'll be dyin'
If the plane goes crazy, | then you will not be flyin'
Now we direct you to | the nearest locations
Where you might desire | to exit your vacations
If we lose the pressure, | you'll be chokin'
Or if there's a fire, | then you'll be smokin'
The oxygen we will be providin'
This some black shit here.
You're a survivor
- Here we go. | - There we go.
You're a survivor, | you'll keep on flyin'
You're a survivor, | you don't go down there
Honey, what is this?
You're a survivor, | you not be dyin'
You're a survivor, | you'll keep on flyin'
You're a survivor, | you don't go down there
You're a survivor, | you got your fair share
You're a survivor
Whoo, you're a survivor
There's the owner right there.
Hello, everybody. | Welcome to NWA Airlines.
Here at NWA, safety is | a very important part of flying,
but let's be real.
If something goes wrong, | we're all going down, right?
Is that supposed to be funny?
I'm just kiddin'--I'm playin'.
That's why it's our policy | that fun comes first.
So please, sit back, relax, | and enjoy your flight.
You're a survivor.
You are.
Come on, now, stop it.
You got a brother | feelin' like the president.
God bless America.
Giselle?
I gotta get outta here.
Giselle, wait.
Giselle, can you | wait a minute, please?
What, Nashawn?
What do we possibly | have to talk about?
Wow, I mean, you look great.
How you been?
I've been fine. Just fine.
Is that all?
Actually, no, I mean. | I was doin' some thinkin'.
and I wanna talk to you.
Can I at least talk to you?
Giselle, where you gonna go? | The door is closed.
What's this?
Someone stepped up, | Nashawn.
I'm engaged.
Hey, baby. It's not | a good time right now.
There's no easy way | for me...
for me to say this...
What?
This isn't workin' for me | anymore.
What's not workin'?
- This is gettin' way too serious. | - What are you talkin' about?
I can't do this anymore.
- I can't. | - No.
You got change of a 50, man?
- Not right now, Muggs. | - Not now?
What's his problem, man?
Oh, boy.
Hey, hey, there, Blanca.
I was wondering if I could | trouble you for a drink.
Ain't no drink down there.
Hell there ain't.
I don't know if I ever | told you this,
but I speak a little Espaol.
Really?
Testicles, one, two.
Hey, y'all, what's crackalackin'?
This is your soul plane chauffeur, | Captain Antoine Mack speaking.
He sounds nice.
Welcome aboard NWA
flight 069 from the 310 | to the 212.
It's time | to bust this corner, y'all.
In a hot second,
I'll be hittin' them switches
and gettin' this bitch | pumpin' and jumpin'.
What?!
So screw your shit on tight | and enjoy the flight.
What did he say?
He was just saying that we'll be | leaving in a couple of seconds,
so put your seatbelt on, | make sure they're tight.
Amateurs.
- Why didn't he say so? | - Exactly.
Yo, Gaeman, why don't you | go secure the cockpit, homey?
Yes. Right away.
This motherfucker is locked.
Fred G. Sanford, my nigga.
And the "G" is for | goin' places. Can you dig it?
Now we ready to roll.
Nigga got switches | in this motherfucker.
Shit. And they work.
What?
This motherfucker hot, cuz.
- Oh, my God! | - Bounce with me.
This motherfucker's fucked up.
- Like a elephant. | - Yeah.
Bounce, bounce.
I have the perfect music | for this.
Yes, I have it right here.
Hey, man, hold on, man.
- Hold the fuck on. | - Like elephant.
No, man, you gotta | turn that bullshit off.
We can't be ridin' | to that bullshit, man.
Don't insult my music.
We ridin' to some gangsta shit. | Pop that in, man.
Captain don't wanna hear | that Zimbabwe ah-wah-wah shit.
Get that shit out. | Get it the fuck outta here.
I'm the captain | of this motherfuckin' ship.
Captain, what the hell | is wrong with you?
Man, I'm afraid of heights.
Afraid of heights?!
Hit her with a bat, | hit her with a bat
Hit her with a whoo-whoo
- Easy, Kobe. She's 17. | - Dad, I'm 18.
Honey, I'm gonna | excuse myself
- and go to the restroom. | - Okay.
I think I'm gonna go | check out the plane.
Is that all right?
- Why are you so nice to me? | - Stay for a while.
Oh, my sweet black Jesus!
Hey, good evenin'.
I didn't know | anybody was in here.
- I'll come back later. | - Why? I'm still gonna be here.
I tell you what.
You take care of your business, | I take care of mine.
I just don't feel comfortable, | I'll just hold it.
You don't want to do that.
That stuff back up on you, | top of your head fly clean off.
Sit down, | make yourself at home.
I'm sorry.
We don't get that many of y'all | on the plane.
For those with no junk | in their trunk.
That is a nice vest.
I ain't seen one of them | since Lionel and the Jeffersons.
What ever happened to Lionel? | I thought he was--
Would you mind?
Oh, I'm sorry. | Little fella kinda shy?
Goddamn!
Sorry.
I guess you can't have lightnin' | without the thunder.
Somebody still likes | that pork, I see.
I think this was a false alarm. | I'm gonna go back to my seat.
The paint is peeling.
That must be a big one.
Yeah, it's big.
I've got just the thing.
I can't believe that | this is you.
So you subscribe to | "Black & Proud"?
This is the first time | I've picked it up.
Yeah, it was freezin' | that day.
Really? You could never tell that | from the picture.
Why, thank you.
Usually, the problem is, I'm hangin' | out the bottom of my boxers.
Oh, my goodness.
Hi.
I think you're in my seat.
Oh, hi, honey. | This is Jerome.
Hi.
Hello.
Jerome was telling me about how he | hangs out the bottom of his boxers.
That's nice.
They're about to serve dinner,
so you might want | to go back to your chair.
Oh, yeah. You're right.
Yeah.
It was nice meetin' you.
It was nice meeting you, too, Barbara.
Nice meeting you, too, Jerome.
Bye.
Hangin' out | the bottom of his boxers--
My God, is that him?!
- That thing has a face on it, | - No, but it's gonna.
Are you all right, sir?
Course, I'm all right, | I'm a G, ain't I?
I will make the announcement.
No, you won't. | Give me this motherfucker.
I'm makin' the announcement. | I'm the captain.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have | reached our cruising altitude
of 33,000 feet,
33,000 feet?!
Oh, shit, man. We fuckin' higher | than Redman at the Source awards.
Shit don't make | no motherfuckin' sense
to be this high, cuz.
Man, I feel sick. Oh, fuck.
Ain't this some shit?
What the hell's goin' on here?
This nigga's afraid of heights.
How you gonna be afraid | of heights if you the captain?
I ain't never | been off the ground before.
We've flown computer | simulators.
You told me you got your wings | when you got out the Air Force.
No, I didn't.
I told you I got my wings | when I got out.
When I got out of Pelican Bay | State Corrections Facility.
It was either get a GED | or take a pilot class.
You learned how to fly | in the prison?
Hey, man, don't get mad | 'cause I spent your money
to get a good education.
Shit, me and my homeboys | passed the class with flying colors.
Let me see.
- I miss them niggas, man. | - Those are his niggas.
The Taliban.
I'm gonna tell you what.
Y'all better fix it. | Gay-man, Captain Mack--
It's Gaeman!
I don't give a damn. | Fix it.
I'm no bitch, you understand? | It's Gaeman.
You gonna be a gay man. | Fix it.
Put this shit on autopilot.
I'm goin' to the lavatory. | I got to boo-boo.
- What ya doin'? | - I'm countin' my tips.
- Tips from where? | - Back there,
...low class motherfucker.
Hey, nigga! Oh, boss man.
Hey, man, you mind | if I get in here?
Come on.
Hold on. Got a new shooter.
- One shot, baby, you in? | - No.
Nigga, is ya in? What?
- You said I could run business class, right? | - Yeah, I did.
So I'm runnin' this motherfucker | like Vegas on fight night.
We got a cockfight | we settin' up in ten minutes.
Cockfight?! I'm in.
No. Let me tell you over here.
I don't even want | everybody in my business.
Hold me down.
- What's up, cuz? | - You know what?
I'm not even gonna make | a scene in here.
I'm goin' back | to the front of the plane.
When I get back here, | I want this to be business class.
- Okay. You got it, man. | - You can do that for me?
My man. Thank you, Muggs.
Would you like | champagne or wine?
We'll have champagne.
Would you like Moet or Cristal?
Motit...et. Moet.
All right.
I know you have a drinking problem, | so please drink slow.
That's for you. And sir, | please don't swallow your ice.
That's all I can afford | to give you.
Hello. Would you like Colt .45 | or Aliz?
Maybe you could explain to us | what those are.
My pleasure, sir.
Colt .45 tastes like | liquored-up beer,
and it sneaks up on you | all of a sudden.
And Aliz--oh, that's my favorite. | It's from France.
It's a cog-nac, it's very fruity,
and it'll make you wanna do | the hucklebuck,
then pass out | in your own juices.
Guess I'll have that.
Wise choice.
Yo, player, you got a little | somethin'-somethin' for me?
Yeah, I have a shorty 40.
No, no. Do you have | any whole milk?
Sir, that is nasty.
I do have a Puerto Rican lady who's | lactatin', I'll see what I can do.
Tonight, we're serving a plate | of gourmet soul food
with your choice of lobster | and filet mignon
or crisp duck confit,
I'll have the filet,
And for you, sir?
I ordered a special | Kosher meal... yag-weh.
Excuse me?
That's fried chicken | in hot sauce.
Lobster, filet mignon or duck?
I'll take the fee-lan.
All right, I need you to take | a breast or a leg and a wing
and pass it back. Exactly.
You guys, share your napkins | with your neighbor.
One for every two people. | Sharing is caring.
Don't get greedy. One piece.
Hi. Would you like | some dessert?
Boss man, low class | is outta liquor,
so I thought I would | come in here and...
Someone is strollin' down | memory lane.
No, I'm just, you know, | checkin' on things,
makin' sure they okay, | that's all.
Yeah, right. I know that look.
I had that same look of regret | after I ran into Lee--
my little Asian butterfly.
We had a whirlwind romance | that ended in heartbreak...
and stomach pumpin'.
When I saw him again, | I tried to apologize, but I couldn't.
I just felt so bad leaving him | in that hospital
all bloated and distended.
Did you just grind on me?
A little.
What does that sick-ass story | have to do with me?
I've never left nobody | in the hospital filled with nothin'.
It means, Mr. Righteous, | that if you have a chance
to make things right again, | you should take it.
Who knows | what could've happened?
Lee had plenty ancient secret | to show me.
Thank you. Flame. | Okay?
You're welcome.
Now, how much Colt .45 | to Sierra Mist do you mix
to get bubbly? | Probably half and half.
You mind if I sit down?
It's your plane.
It really doesn't have | to be like this.
How is it supposed to be?
So who's this guy?
Let's just let it go, okay?
I just came over here | to talk to you.
You just disappeared. | I didn't even hear from you.
Giselle, you were 3,000 miles away. | I tried to get in touch with you.
Let's just let it go.
I don't know what smells better-- | this meal or your delightful perfume.
Thank you. You're too kind.
You know, a lot of smart women | find blind men sexy.
- You know why? | - No.
But I'm sure | you're about to tell me.
When you lose one sense, | it makes your other senses stronger,
I have more of a sensitive touch | than the average man,
Please!
Let me tell you about | this love I had,
She was on the trampoline, | landed right in my lap.
Bang! She stayed there | for 1 5 years.
People crazy about me. | People love me.
- You don't say. | - Don't say?
I do say it. | That's what I'm talkin' about.
People love me. | See these fingers here?
These fingers got eyes on 'em | just like 20/20 vision.
You know what I mean?
They... wait a minute.
Move that other leg | out the way.
Move that dress up, girl.
Oh, boy, moist. | You just as tender as you can be.
You a little frisky thing. | You got a little puddle here.
Oh, you big, too. | You ain't no baby.
This is wonderful. | I love freaky stuff like this.
Just let yourself go. | I'm gonna let myself go, too.
I'm feelin' something, too.
This ain't like me. | I don't usually go this quick.
I'm goin' now.
Let me tell you. | Where my yack?
I'm a player... player!
- Hey, now. | - Oh, excuse me,
No, it's cool, | I'm the attendant,
You can sit this one out, | my brother.
I'm just gonna wash my hands.
Got me a wild woman | sittin' next to me
and look what I got. | Bang! Stinky pinky.
Stinky pinky, here you go.
Hey, brother. I ain't washin' | that one, I'm washin' this one.
She usin' cilantro. | I love that freaky shit.
The only way you got | stinky pinky
is if you was sittin' next to | Miss Potato Head.
There's always some dude | who's a player hater
'cause he ain't gettin' none.
Just 'cause you blind don't mean | I won't whip your ass.
Lookin' like a disco lemon. | Son of a bitch!
All right, you suit-and-tie-wearin' | motherfuckers.
A little green | gets you in between.
The more dough, | the more they show.
Now, a true player | is a payer, am I right?
That's what's up.
We don't park collars | at NWA--we park dollars.
You heard me?
If you can afford business class, | you can afford some business ass.
Hey, Muggs, what's goin' on?
- Where? | - Here.
- Here. What is this? | - It's all good up in here, baby.
We got Asian persuasion, | butter pecan freakin',
chocolate deluxe.
I got it all | in my little shopping mall.
What is it you're not gettin'?
First gamblin', now this? | It's illegal, man.
You with the FAA, nigga?
- No. What are you talkin' about? | - Ain't no rules in the air.
Listen to me. | That's not the point, man.
It's a family airline. | You got ladies up in here?
I sure do!
Listen to me. | We not in the 'hood no more.
Hey, Nashawn.
Hey! What's this about?
The girls just wanted | to show their appreciation
for everything you've done.
If you stick around for a minute.
I'm sure it'd make the ladies | very, very happy.
Start with this.
Just like that?
You're so sexy.
Whoa! Slow down!
Back up.
Oh, my God! | Hey, move, devil.
Get it together | and get it fast.
You got to get off the pole.
Hey, baby, watch your step. | Hey.
I guess there are some things | you can commit to.
You talkin' 'bout this?
I'm just doin' my job, | that's all.
Yeah, it looks like | you're a workaholic.
And here I was thinkin' I was | too hard on you before.
Guess you're the man now.
Wait, Giselle.
What the fuck am I doin'?!
You ready for this?
- Yeah. | - You ready?
Oh, yeah, daddy.
- You sure? | - Wait.
Don't fight the feelin', baby.
What the hell is you doin' | in here?
That's the problem with | you young cats. You talk too much.
- A woman like that... | - You do talk a lot.
...wants a man of action.
I was wonderin' if you can | help my friend Ben here.
He needs you to take him | back to his seat.
Yeah, Ben, I believe I know | where this cat is sittin'.
Dig this here. | You don't need a lot of space.
Superman changed | in a phone booth.
Hey, don't be... | man, don't be touchin'...
Tidy Bowl man.
We gonna need this right here.
- Ready for this? | - Oh, yeah.
Hey, what the hell is this?
I seen this on an episode | of "Real Sex".
- You sure about this? | - Trust me.
All you gotta do | is have a safety word.
You got one?
Yeah, when I say. | "Get off me, you crazy bitch",
you stop chokin' me.
Ow! Shit!
Actually, I wish you'd stop | smackin' me.
You like it.
- It's tight. | - It's supposed to be tight.
That's why you buy me | the good shit.
The belt is too damn tight!
Stop your bitch-ass complainin' | and give me what you promised.
I can't feel my toes!
I can't feel your dick, | but I ain't complainin'.
D.J., please, don't stop. | Five more seconds.
Cheese, eggs, grits, chilies, | yams, sunflower seeds.
No. No!
No?
Man, this is not the way | it happened on "Real Sex".
This is some real bullshit.
It was probably the turbulence
and all the excituration | of the moment, 'cause I used--
You see that, David. | Did you see that, David?
Why you always got to go--
I need to spank you | with the bad...
I'm gonna punish him.
This motherfuckin' autopilot shit | is cool as hell, man.
Just kick back | and ride and glide.
Relax, motherfucker. | I should be captain of this plane.
Ten years with Chuku Airlines.
Chuku Airlines, where we treat you | with a lot of respect.
This motherfucker.
Now I'm here with this nigga.
Nigga, shut the fuck up with that | African mumbo-jumbo bullshit.
I hear you over there | with that Chuku Airlines shit.
You with NWA Airlines, | I'm the captain.
- I don't care. | - Real niggas drive real shit.
I should kill you.
We have a birthday girl, | Captain.
This is Heather Hunkee.
She wanted to see | our cockpit.
How old are you, Heather?
I just turned 18.
Is that right? Oh, boy.
Attention, all players.
The upper deck will be open | for your enjoyment.
We have a passenger | who just turned 18 years old.
Her name is Heather Hunkee.
She is one cute little hottie | with a whole lotta body.
Oh, yeah.
She'll be upstairs, so all players | come up and keep her company.
No!
Hey, Virgie, how are you? | Good to see you.
Yeah, I know. It's hot, right?
This is hot.
Let me take you to the bar. | Give me your jacket, girl.
Big Boy!
All my pimps, players, | and hustlers--
y'all ready to set this motherfucker | off, West Coast style?
As you see, | we up in the clouds.
Got a gang of lovely ladies | out there on the dance floor
ready to go ahead and shake | that ass and get they freak on.
To my fellas out there | who ain't got no game--
yeah, I'm talkin' to you.
Don't even trip on it, | 'cause we ain't goin' nowhere.
We locked in this bitch for | four more hours till we touch down,
so you might as well go ahead | and get your swerve on.
- Marshall, good to see you. | - It's good to see you.
This is Heather. | She's turnin' 18 today.
Happy birthday.
- Thank you. | - Captain Mack is buyin' her
her first drink.
What can I get for you?
Surprise me.
I got just what you need.
Girl, he is cute!
I know. He's a looker.
He'll hook you up.
Cool! All right, have a good time. | I gotta go back downstairs.
Keep an eye on her.
Oh, I will.
Not that kind of eye.
It's Big Boy.
What's goin' down, y'all?
We gonna keep | this motherfucker crackin'
until everybody in here | pass the fuck out.
Yeah, this is my joint | right here.
- Who'd you come here with? | - Don't worry about that.
- Please, Captain, I just-- | - Hey, nigga!
What part of "you ain't flyin' | this motherfuckin' plane"
don't you understand?
Sit back and enjoy the ride, | Idi Amin.
What are you doing? | You fool!
Any motherfuckin' dry ass | mushrooms of yours
ain't gettin' me high | no motherfuckin' way.
You need to fuck with the white boys. | They shit potent.
White boys, American shit.
This is African mushrooms, | very dangerous.
They can kill you!
You ate 15 of them! | These are topical, for the skin.
I crush them up, | and I put them...
... for my itching.
Motherfucker, you got crabs?!
This man got crabs. You ain't | sittin' in the pilot's seat for sure.
Ha ha, keep laughing. | It's not funny.
African crab is very aggressive.
They hunt us.
They can kill you.
That motherfucker | is crazy as fuck, man.
They dangerous, | and they kill you.
Fuck!
That Gaeman!
Excuse me.
Motherfucker, | did you just touch me?
Yeah, I wanna get up | in the club.
- You on the list? | - What list?
The goddamn guest list.
- Are you on it? | - I don't know.
You don't know? | What's your name?
Elvis Hunkee.
I wouldn't even have wrote | no shit down like that, homey.
Maybe it's under The King,
'cause my friends, | they call me "The King".
It's my nickname.
I ain't your friend, | and you ain't no king, motherfucker.
Right.
Move! I'm talkin' to you.
What's up? Go right in.
All right, put 'em up.
It's go time.
It's definitely go time, | motherfucker.
You about to get | the best damn ass-whippin'.
I hope the little bitch | you're lookin' for is worth dyin' for.
She is, 'cause that little bitch | is my daughter.
Your daughter?
Why didn't you say | that shit, man?
I got five daughters, man.
The little one, Trina, | every time I see her.
she just runs into my arms, | like, "Daddy. Daddy!"
We have little tea parties | and shit.
The little cups, and I put | the little hat on.
Little table, man. | It was so beautiful.
My heart would, like, explode.
Yeah, I need to go upstairs.
- I miss my babies. | - I miss mine, too. She's upstairs.
I never see them. | I'm always busy securin' shit.
- Honest living. | - I never see 'em, dawg.
Secure your shit.
Secure your shit. | Go get your girl, man.
Go get your little girl.
Take care of your family, man!
Who's on the list?
Yo, Captain. I got to go | drain the monster.
What the hell's taking | Gay-man so long?
I don't know, I ain't his mama.
Matter of fact, | why don't you page him
and tell him to bring | his bitch ass up here 911.
Attention, Gay-man.
Attention, Gay-man, | I have to go drain the monster.
Return to the cockpit | immediately.
Man, I wouldn't answer | that shit if I was you, homey.
Shake it up real fast | then stop
Shake it up real fast | then drop
Shawty crunk on the floor | wide open
Skeet so much, | they call her Billy Ocean
Roll like a 18-wheeler
That... fine, | but this... killer
Leakin', she soakin' wet
- Muggsy, what are you doin'? | - Cut!
Who the hell said cut?
Yeah. Who the hell said cut? | The director says cut. Damn!
Look, Nashawn. | I already know, dawg.
Come here. | Is that the Ying Yang Twins?
Yeah.
Watch out. | Ying Yang Twins!
What's up, baby?
Don't drink gasoline. | We got a bar.
I had a gold tooth. | I shoulda kept it for this.
Why y'all stop rollin'?
'Cause you came in.
No, don't stop on account of me, | I'm the owner.
Nashawn Wade--that's me. | I'm the boss of this.
- Hey, roll camera! | - Who said roll camera?
I say roll camera.
- That's my job. | - That's his job.
Chris, I'm tellin' ya, we need | more sexy in this video.
Let's go, Tamika. | Get in there.
This cool?
- Yes, sir. | - Tamika, let's get in there.
Get on in there, girl.
Yo, Chris, I'm tellin' ya, man.
We need more ass in this video, | and it'd be off the hook.
Yo, Muggsy, who is this kid?
Roll camera.
- Here you are, sir. | - Thank you.
Lil' John back there. | Shake it like a salt shaker!
Can I get a glass of Hypno | with some ice, please?
- Coming right up. | - What you doin' by yourself?
- Go have a good time. | - No, thanks.
- You okay? | - No.
So what's goin' on?
My son Billy--he doesn't | want to be anything like me.
He says I got no flavor.
My daughter Heather-- | she's growin' up so fast.
It seems like yesterday | I was teachin' her to ride a bike.
Now she's out there...
Hey, what is tea-bagging?
That's the shit!
That's where you take your balls | and dip 'em in a freak mouth.
you keep goin' | up and down like...
- Then you dip, right. | - I got it. Thank you.
I got a little carried away.
Gettin' back on the subject-- | you raise your kids right,
eventually they gonna | wanna move on
and find they own path.
You're probably right. | You're a lucky man, Nashawn.
I wouldn't say that.
It took me gettin' everything | I ever wanted
to realize I lost | the best thing I ever had.
What was her name?
- Giselle. | - That's a beautiful name.
Bet she's beautiful.
Very. Very!
Still love her?
Course I do.
Then go do somethin' | about it.
Listen, when I met | my Barbara.
I knew that moment I'd move | heaven and earth to be with her.
I knew that she was worth it.
So you happy now?
Not really.
Last time I saw her, | she was with this tall model type.
A real handsome black guy?
Yeah.
Sittin' in low class?
Yeah.
Got a dick like a fire hose?
Yeah.
Yeah, you lost her.
- Can he get another one? | - Double.
Have you talked to her?
She can't talk. | She must have vocal cord damage.
I can believe it.
Man, if my baby mama page me | one more time, I swear to God...
What she want?
This motherfuckin' bitch wants | some more child support money
'cause she heard I got this job.
I can't believe these hos | nowadays.
She extortin' you? | That's messed up, man.
But you know what?
If I crash this motherfucker | into a mountain right now,
the bitch can't get | shit from me.
Watch this.
Oh, shit!
Shit, my nigga! | Oh, shit! Hold on, cuz!
- Oh, shit! | - Here we go.
That shit was funny as hell.
I know they trippin' | off this shit in the back.
You fuckin' high, dawg. | You startin' to scare me now.
Here ya go.
I'm gonna bounce before | Gay-dude and Riggs come back.
All right, my nigga.
I'm put this bitch on autopilot | so I can enjoy myself.
Captain Mack need to kick back
and enjoy this | motherfuckin' situation.
Oh, shit. | Last mushroom.
Might as well go on | and take this to the head.
Dry-ass mushroom, | African motherfucker.
Here you are, sir.
Oh, hey, that's my dad. | I need to talk to him.
Hi, Daddy.
Happy birthday, Heather.
You mad at me?
No, Actually, I'm just glad to hear | you call me daddy for a change,
It's been a while,
Usually it's shithead or asshole | or something,
I'm sorry. It's just | I hate that you're with Boobra.
Barbara... and I | are not together anymore.
I'm still upset that | you and Mom aren't together.
I'm sorry about that, honey.
But your mom's | with Dorothy now.
I'd like to be with your mom.
Hell, I'd love to be | with your mom and Dorothy.
But that's not important.
What's important is that you know | that I'm your dad,
and whether you're 18 or 48 or 88, | I'm gonna still protect you
because I love you.
I love you, too, Daddy.
I'll always be your little girl.
Right.
I will.
What about | all that stuff tonight?
Oh, don't worry. | I didn't do anything.
Really?
I was just saying stuff | to get you mad.
I don't even know | what half that stuff is.
What's tea-bagging anyway?
That's when you | get down on top...
Dad!
Apparently, it's the shit. | Come here.
So can I have | another blow job?
It's a drink.
It's cool.
Look, baby. I'm sorry, | and I wants to make it up to you.
Don't get it started because you | know you're not gonna finish.
Why you bringin' up old shit? | Let me see them tits!
Okay, okay! What's the plan?
Hold on one second. | I'm fixin' to be right back.
Good evening, Cap. | Is it cool if I come in?
This is tight up in here, dawg.
I'm not gonna | beat around the bush, man.
I'll get straight to the point.
Me and my girl--we overly ambitious | members of the mile-high club.
I was wondering if you would | let us come in here,
and, we could, like, do it.
All right, cool.
I'm fixin' to get her.
You probably gonna see | her titties and everything, man.
I'll be right back, dawg.
Hey, this is my girl.
Hi, Captain.
I know you got stuff to do,
so we just gonna | do our thing, man.
Yeah, it's cool.
Okay, okay.
No, no. | Ain't that my game.
Ooh, yeah. | I like the way you doin' that.
Ooh, work it, daddy.
I'm tryin', but it's like | a sauna down here,
It's like a fire,,,
- How's that? | - Oh, it's good, daddy.
You the king.
Tastes like chocolate puddin'.
Gots to have you right now.
- Got to have you right now, girl! | - Nasty fool!
Oh, shit. That nigga dead! | He dead!
Get your ass off me!
He's dead! This nigga's dead!
This nigga's dead!
The captain is dead!
Pork chop grease.
I'll take care of it. | The captain's dead!
That's our motto: | we fly, we party, we land.
That's what we tryin' | to do, man.
Nashawn, we gotta talk.
I want to talk to you, too.
The captain is dead.
Dead?
Wait a minute. | Are we talkin' Tupac dead.
Iike maybe he is | or maybe he isn't,
or Wilt Chamberlain dead, like | he ain't checkin' back in the game?
Dead like he can't | fly this plane, dead.
People are freakin' out.
It's Muggsy | hirin' these prison pilots.
You know what. | That's what we got a copilot for.
All we gotta do is find Gaeman, | because I hired him.
He's a professional, | and we should be cool.
Yes, counterclockwise. | Move your ass, baby.
Don't forget to squeeze | my nipple like a cow.
Would you like to see | my African walking stick?
Hey, hey, Gaeman.
Oh, my God. Move over! | How are you, sir?
I was taking a bath, I was dirty. | You are clean now, ladies.
I got an emergency, | I need you to fly the plane.
The plane?
Yeah.
- Me? Fly the plane? | - Yes.
Oh, my God! | I get to fly.
They will have a parade!
Go, Gaeman! | Move out the way!
Move, you bitches! | I have to fly the plane.
What's wrong with you?
Oh, shit!
He fell hard.
Gaeman!
God damn!
What the hell am l | supposed to do now?
You're gonna find some way | to land this plane.
Meet me in the cockpit, okay?
- Meet you? | - In the cockpit.
I got one more left.
Here you go. You gotta pull | one of these damn cords.
I don't want this shit, man.
I'm responsible | for these people.
I gotta try something.
Fuck them. | What are you, sick?
I know you, all right? | You can't even ride a bike.
How do you expect | to land this thing?
It don't even--
It don't even matter.
I'm not runnin' out | like I always do.
I'm gonna face this shit. | If you wanna go, go.
If you goin', go. | You gotta pull this one.
Hey, don't be grabbin' my cord.
You gonna make my chute | ejaculate prematurely,
Baby, watch your head. | Don't let that touch you.
- I got a dead pilot, man. | - Just go. God damn!
Oh, my God! | Not like this.
Listen, Giselle... | in case something happens,
there's something I need | to get off my chest.
That night | when you and I broke up.
I was on your porch.
I overheard you and your father | arguing about college.
What do you mean, | you're not goin' away to college?
It's too far, I want to stay here | where Nashawn is.
You gotta go, I been waitin' | 18 years for this day
to have the house to myself.
I'm not going.
You always dreamed | of going to NYU.
Now they're offering you | a full scholarship.
You tellin' me you're not goin'
because of some little | poop butt ass nigga
who can't even keep a job!
Dad, I'm sorry, | but I can't leave Nashawn.
I love him and he loves me.
You are going to college. | You're not messin' up my plans.
I didn't want you to throw | all that away because of me.
I can get $200 a month | for that room.
I just want you to know | that I'm sorry, Giselle.
- I'm so sorry for hurting you.
Leaving you was the biggest | mistake of my life.
For what it's worth...
I never stopped loving you.
You better get in there. | You got a plane to land.
Yeah.
Cool. I'm cool. I got it. | I got it right now.
Mayday.
SOS.
I said SOS.
Come down, selecta.
- Nashawn! | - What?
Are you gonna cut a demo | or radio in?
I don't know what to say.
I got something. | Hello? This is Nashawn Wade,
owner of NWA Airlines.
Yes, sir, the black one.
No, don't hang up. Hello?
Can you please help us? | We got a situation here.
My pilot died, and I got people | on the back of my plane
asking for help and--hello?
They put me on hold.
Due to the high number of calls, | your estimated wait time
- is 45 minutes. | - What are you doing here?
We family, man.
We was in this from the beginning, | we gonna ride this out to the end.
That's my nigga, man.
Look at my watch. | What's up, G?
Excuse me. I represent three | of the four white people on board.
I want to tell you fellas | we are behind you 100%.
What? Hunkee, please.
I'm just here to find | the little black box
so I can wrap | my big, black ass around it.
If I have to ride that tiny, | indestructible motherfucker
30,000 feet to safety,
trust you'll hear bitch screamin'. | "Hi ho, Silver".
Where's the box?
I really want to thank y'all | for giving me all this confidence.
- I really feel it, I do. | - You're welcome.
Somebody knows | how to land this plane,
this would be | the time to speak.
I saw a show on | the Discovery channel,
but that was about motorcycles.
Take control of the plane.
What?
You have to disengage | the autopilot.
How do you know that?
I used to date this pilot,
and we would make love | in the cockpit.
You haven't had an orgasm | until you've had it during descent.
Bitch, can you land this plane?
Show me where it is, Blanca. | What is it?
I don't remember.
That's what I told you...
I need you to go | to the back then.
No, hold on.
Last time I was here...
Here, here!
There it is. Push it.
Somebody help her.
Okay, I gotta grab it.
Guess I had a little control | right away.
I'm flyin', y'all.
Okay, what's next, Blanca?
I would...
Yes, the flaps!
The flaps! | Adjusting the flaps.
What's next?
I think it was... the trim.
I cannot hear her.
I got it. | I see what you're sayin'.
What's next?
I don't know. This is where | he usually pops the cork.
We are so fucked!
Don't panic, please. | You're gonna be okay.
You can't use that phone | while we're on the plane.
Girl, please, they say that | to rip you off.
They want you to use | their phone.
- I am calling for some help. | - No, I'm telling you.
Don't be hardheaded. | Don't use that phone.
Fuck that!
Okay. All right. | We back on track right now.
What next, Blanca?
The wheels.
Muggsy, pull the wheels down.
Grab the wheel | and do it slow.
I feel it comin' down, y'all,
Oh, yes!
Oh, D.J., this is it! | It's gonna happen this time, baby.
We about to die, | you got me tied up down here.
Damn it, I don't give a fuck.
We goin' to heaven | with one last nut.
Nigga, stay focused!
Yeah! I'm doin' it!
I told you it was the turbulence. | You don't want none of this.
Here we go.
We gonna land.
New York, here we go! | This is it right here.
That's the ground!
We made it. | We gonna live.
I did it. We down.
You did it! | That's just what you do, cousin.
Exactly what I do!
You see what I'm sayin'? | I was so scared.
You crazy bitch! | Fuck this airline!
You know what, she was | on the way out anyway.
- Forget her, baby. You did it. | - I did.
Yeah, I can do that.
All right, y'all | with the mushy stuff.
I'm a go check on | the passengers.
- Y'all just too cute. | - My boy.
Maybe we should go, too. | We should check on 'em, too.
All right. Come on.
What a day.
Wait a minute. | Hold that, sugar dumplin'.
I don't know | what smells better--
the New York air | or your magnificent perfume.
Why, thank you. | That's very kind of you.
Wait a minute.
That's an Adam's apple.
I'm a player, but I don't play | that way. Floor walker!
No, I...
- Hey, Muggs. | - Yo, cousin.
That's what I'm talkin' about. | We made it!
What kind of shit-- | this is Central Park.
Where is Central Park? | It's in New York, ain't it?
You got JFK, LaGuardia, | Newark--
What you need an airport for, | you got all this grass?
Ain't this a bitch? | This nigga is pissin' on the plane!
That's your problem. | You always thinkin' on the nega--
Hell, no, I know they didn't | just steal my damn rims.
That's what your punk ass get.
You know how hard it is | to get 84-inch rims?
That's a big-ass tire | for a little-ass plane
and a short-ass nigga.
Why don't you go put | a doughnut in your mouth?
I am going to sue your ass, | I am gonna sue the airline...
That's all you do is complain.
It doesn't matter, I'm not | gonna let you spoil this for me.
I tell you what, | Muggs, take everybody upstairs.
Drinks on me. | Let's party!
And we did party.
Just like I told y'all-- | we fly, we party and we land.
Pop, where'd you get | the moves from?
Where do ya think | you got 'em from, son?
Wow! This is the bomb!
What? What did I say? | Let's dance!