The ABCs of Death (2012) Movie Script
It was not supposed to be like this.
I've been poisoning you since last year.
You were supposed to die in a few months
Slowly, until now.
No one would have
realized it was me.
Everything would work.
It all went smoothly.
'Cause?
'Cause I heard the news all
morning and I do not have any time.
I'm sorry, it was going to be better.
But we had no time.
I do not get to sleep.
But Its almost...
Almost eight.
Go to your room.
I'll Be right there.
What do you want?
My parents have lent me
the house with one condition.
Lets, do nothing.
Look, Xo, you should sleep.
Being a child is a bitch, I know,
but that's how things are.
But in my home I do not go to sleep
until 10.
Look,
In this neighbourhood
children go to bed early.
'Cause otherwise..
The Abominable Snowman comes.
But there is no snow here.
Tell him when he comes to pick you up.
Your uncle is wrong.
Hes my cousin, not my uncle.
Yes, my dear, it does not snow in
Mexico City. Any idiot knows that.
But many, many years ago, there was
a snowstorm that covered the city.
Came from the distant region of Nepal and
stopped here.
For 40 days
the sun barely came out.
Snowing every day.
People could not get out.
And therefore it took them so much
time to understand what was happening.
Many children disappeared from their homes.
You know what happened to them?
But your uncle knows, right?
They were found... dead.
Dead, of course.
But that was not the worst part.
Their hearts were torn away.
Then they realized that whoever had
done it, only ate hearts of children.
When they finally found him,
one of the most bloodiest battles in
history took place.
The battle was so long that in 1958
the government had to make a truce.
Benito Juarez agreed
with the Snowman,
that could live in a cold-storage
container. But on one condition:
He could only go out at night.
And take the kids that were
not in bed after eight.
They don't need to be awake, but
sleeping in bed.
But they have to show good will,
if they are not asleep.
And at least must count the sheep.
And how is he?
He sounds a bell and has a cart
where he puts the bodies of children.
And shouts!
Sure...
Is he the Bogeyman?
If you had to choose,
choose the Bogeyman.
It's the kind of person
that will only abduct you.
The Snowman from Mexico
rips out your little heart
and before you die, you see him eat it.
Did you hear?
Fast, Xochitl, close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Do not make noise.
If you have to do something, do it well.
She wont come out.
Oh, the garbage man...
or my mother will kill me.
Scare her with the garbage man...
you're a bitch.
Goodnight.
97 sheep, 98 sheep, 99 sheep...
One sheep, two sheep, three sheep...
Bruce?
All right?
I heard a noise.
I heard a noise. Go see.
Bruce?
Bruce, did you see?
Alice?
Alice?
I heard a noise.
I heard a noise. Go see.
Alice?
Alice?
Bruce?
All right?
Buddy.
This is because I stuck
my finger in you, isn't it?
Oh, come on, baby,
don't be like that.
Well, when are we gonna get together?
When are we gonna meet up?
No, no, tomorrow.
It's just my ear.
It hurts a little bit.
I got you, you little son...
Fuck you!
Japan, we have always believed,
was a country protected by the gods.
But I do not believe there is a God
Also, if there really is a God,
sensitive girls
wouldn't be ashamedso,
if they had to fart.
Good morning.
Miss Yumi, were you looking?
Oh, no! I'm so embarassed.
I saw that you did!
Instead of God, I believe
Miss Yumi is protecting me.
When I'm with Miss
Yumi, I feel very happy.
And uncontrollable itching sensation
grows in my breast.
So gentle and pure...
I wonder if Miss Yumi
can make a noise so shameful.
Just then, we felt
the anger of God toward us.
An earthquake!
Ground started to shake!
- Gas! Here comes the gas!
- Run!
Or maybe the black gas
was a fart of God?
Miss Yumi!
I do not want to die in the gas!
If I must die...
Its your gas I want to die in!
Okay.
As long as you do not mind if it stinks.
Miss Yumi! What a nice ass!
Here it comes!
Miss Yumi all...
It stinks!
Miss Yumi and I have
the same kind of animal smell inside.
I'm so happy!
The land of the dead is not '
place for things pure and clean.
Let us pass beyond the boundaries of
good taste and to become one.
Miss Yumi!
I think I have to fart.
And now,
Introducing that army charmer,
that navy-baby,
The marine-queen, the lady
who's middle name is 'ka-boom'!
Frau scheisse?
Rowr.
Bertie.
Bertie.
Keep calm, my son...
And carry on.
Never surrender!
Fight!
I am...
not an intruder...
nor a stranger...
nor someone else.
Ironic, is not it?
You've changed.
You've changed.
Marked.
And you know?
You are not brave.
Neither unique nor original.
You are so trivial.
So primitive.
I do not even remember how I ended up here.
I...
I came involuntarily.
Without worry.
Now?
I give up?
I haven't considered this aspect.
I did'nt knew this would happen.
I...
The one who has ceased to exist...
The one who isn't anymore.
What wrong, Kawabe?
Ooh la la!
Help me, please.
Not yet!
Fucking sick!
Fucking sick!
Do not you dare!
Wait, wait. No!
Give me another chance! '
why can't we be like this?
Every day?
I'll make you
so proud of me...
we could be...
so perfect
you will see
you will-will...
you will...
Here! Beautiful, isn't it?
You brought something else, Shane?
Don't. I'm scared of bird flu.
Come on, there was a lot of traffic
and I took this bird.
Why buy it then?
Was it expensive?
Do not tell me that you
have spent all my money.
Not 'expensive look.
So what?
Watch!
Spin.
No nothing.
All the birds know it.
Do you have something to say to mom? Go
Hello, Anne. You are beautiful.
Boring. Tell me something I do not know.
I got it just yesterday and I spent the
whole night to teach him to speak.
You marry me? Marry me, please
. Marry me, please...
Will you marry me?
Do not be afraid, Joy.
My girlfriend doesn't know anything.
Do not be afraid, Joy.
My girlfriend doesn't know anything.
Who's' Joy?
What the hell... mustl have
learned from a movie.
Mine is big might hirt a bit.
Mine is big might hirt a bit.
Mine is big might hirt a bit.
Oh, Shane! It 'great!
What the hell! Say hello
to your mother just bird!
Oh, how nice!
Shane, you're fantastic!
Damn Shane!
God damn it.
None of this is working.
This is a fucking disaster.
OK, that was good.
Could you give me
one more of those?
Just like less high pitched
and more just like terrified
And kind of make it a little
longer too, if you could.
Okay.
It's not my fault
we got the letter 'q. '
- That's you being disrespected.
- I know.
Did you see the press release?
I was last!
Yeah, I saw that. You were
even after nacho vigalondo.
Besides... 5 grand?
How do they expect us
To make any kind of movie
for five thousand dollars?
Alright. So what
are we going to do
To make our segment stand out?
What if our
"a. B.C.S of death" short
Is the only segment
in the entire film
To feature an actual
on-screen death,
Like, like somebody
actually dies?
Actually, that's a great idea.
Like we kill an animal
or something?
Yeah, it wouldn't have
to be a person.
We could kill an animal. Nobody
gives a shit about animals.
But what animal could we kill?
- It's gotta start with a 'q'...
- A 'q'.
Or something to do with a 'q. '
A fucking 'q'.
Actually, he's kind of cute.
- Yeah, he is.
- Hey, mr. Quackers, come here.
Yes, yes...
fuck!
Let's kill this fucking duck.
Juan, you might wanna
back up just a little bit.
Alright.
OK, so how do we wanna do this?
Well, we gotta make sure we
pretty much kill it right away.
- We don't want it to suffer too much.
- Right, right, right,
Yeah, yeah. This isn't
a snuff film, this is art.
Ducks die
all the time for food.
OK... Yeah, yeah.
This is what you eat, america!
You american pigs!
They're the real killers,
not us.
That's right, yeah. Hey, juan,
We're gonna just tail-slate this.
Is that cool?
Alright...
So on the count of three?
- Yeah, that sounds good.
- Alright.
One...
Two...
Hold on a second.
Can you just shoot the duck?
I mean I...
I know it's my... you know, thing...
But if you would shoot the
duck, I'd appreciate it.
Yeah, yeah, I got it.
OK... One...
Two...
This fucking thing, goddamnit.
- You got the safety on?
- You know, I don't even know what side it's on.
Yeah, it's that thing sticking
out the side right there.
Oh, oh shit!
Let go of me,
you crazy assed bitch!
What you're trying to do,
can't be done.
Hell's coming down on you. I'm
just along for the ride, baby.
- Want me to shoot you?
- You can't kill me.
Lucky!
Yeah, woo-fucking-hoo, it's my
lucky day, you fucking psycho!
Enjoy the ride, bitch!
Fuck you! Motherfucker!
You'll never outrun him,
you crazy junkie bitch!
- Shut up, bitch!
- Fuck you!
You fucking whore!
Close your eyes...
fuck.
For the first time
in a long time
- I'm impressed.
- Good. Now leave me alone.
Take her. She's given
up and you know it.
You cunt!
Na... It's not her time!
Please...
Leave me alone.
There's still
so much I wanna do.
You gave me a run for my money.
Nobody's ever made me chase
them that hard before,
But you can't run forever.
Fuck!
- It's showtime!
- I can't understand
Why he's so afraid
of the toilet.
Well, for young boys
the most common cause
Of genital injury is when
the toilet seat falls down.
He's not gonna have that problem
if he's going for a poo.
Loads of people
have died on the toilet.
- Like who?
- Elvis.
- He died on the bathroom floor.
- Yeah! Died on the toilet and then fell over.
If I were him, I'd be more scared of those
screws I put in. They're the wrong size.
Honey, you go do a poo poo.
There's nothing
to be afraid of.
Danny glover had nothing to be
afraid of in "lethal weapon 2."
We might even have
A lethal weapon
of his own in a moment.
Bleeding hell fire. That's odd.
That's really odd.
Look at the state...
What on earth?
Call the plumber now.
It's an emergency.
What?
Help!
You fucking bastard!
Hey! Hey! Wake up.
He's finally using the toilet...
About fucking time.
Stand back!
He's spitting.
He's spitting! Hold him!
Get in!
E nomine patris...
I've got hold of it...
don't! Nooooo!
Be careful, man!
He's in here,
I heard something!
I can hear it breathing!
Come on, let's go!
Wake up! Wake up!
I'll make you one promise...
Your children will
never know how this ended.
See?
Father...
Finish it!
Geoff...
The world is dying.
It's one of the reasons
We implemented
the infant sterilization act.
Still, every citizen
has the right
To earn back
their fertility permits.
The fastest route
has always been
Through service
to propagation control.
Oh yes, sir,
it's why I joined...
That and making the world
a safer place, of course.
Of course.
Why do you want children?
Propagation control...
You are charged with acts of terror
through illegal propagation.
You are hereby ordered
to surrender all contraband.
Please, you don't know
what they'll do to him.
- It's not up to me.
- I'm sorry,
There's been
a misunderstanding.
You've already verified
our permits.
A misunderstanding...
The illegals have escaped.
We're free to go.
Free to go...
No!
Bad, nezbit, bad!
Calm down, officer.
Your nezbit unit simply
auto-responded
To para-psychic activity.
Commander stoker...
Congratulations,
You've dispatched a rather
dangerous group of mentals.
- Mentals?
- Telekinesis, telepathy,
Mind control... all very real...
All valuable genetic materials.
"Materials"?
We just killed a child.
Oh, it wasn't alive
to begin with. Not by law.
The rebels were
delivering the child
To the vatic,
"prophet" of all mentals.
With such power, his very
existence threatens humanity,
But, once we've reanimated
And bio-vac'd every
last bit of brain matter,
We may finally
ascertain his location.
A fine achievement, officer.
You see, the agency has a far
greater purpose than its...
"public position. "
You've given ten years of
service to your unit, officer.
Your records are excellent.
I'm pleased to say that your
permits have been approved.
Sir...
- Yes, sir.
- I'm not finished...
While your permits
are approved,
There are biological factors
beyond the agency's control.
Reanimate the infant.
I can't let you do this.
Nezbit, officer lainey has
clearly been compromised.
Arrest her.
I won't let you
re-murder a child.
Oh, grow up!
Better a cruel truth than
a comfortable delusion.
Sir...
Sir, the baby is...
Where'd he go?
Sir? Did you hear that?
It's a mental, idiot!
Shoot for the head!
Oh, shit...
Such vitality...
I'll keep the corpse
alive for weeks...
Wasn't taking him
to the prophet.
Farm every burning neuron...
He is the prophet.
Feast on his pain.
- Take him...
- Unite the mentals...
You're his mother now.
Scream, witch.
Noone will hear you as
I harvest your intestines.
What?
Unhand her, witch!
- Willowford!
- Wendy!
- Save me!
- Now, warlock!
- What the fuck?
- What's up, tommy?
- Where the fuck have you been?
- Look, the thing's almost done.
- What is that!?
- Well it's for animated...
It's the last frame of the animation
I've been working on, remember?
- Animation?
- Yeah.
We weren't even supposed
to have animation.
Well, I thought we talked about a
bunch of different ideas, remember?
Look at this list of,
'w's I got here.
Oh my god, what the
fuck is wrong with you?
We're gonna get this
done. Hold on, it's a...
- Why do you do this?
- Here's the thing, walrus,
It's like a godzilla-walrus.
It's a city... people are being
destroyed, you pan over, it's a walrus.
'W.'
- OK, do you have a city?
- No.
- Do you have a guy in a walrus outfit?
- No.
- Can you do that by this weekend?
- No.
Well, what the fuck are
you talking about then?
- Warrior.
- Super hot chick.
She's just killed a bunch of,
like... Trolls?
Alright, whatever,
she's covered in blood.
OK. Let's do that.
Lets do that this weekend.
I'm not sure that I want to do that one.
I'm just saying it's an idea...
W' is for wheelchair.
It's an old man.
An evil old man. He's in the wheelchair...
everybody hates old people.
He gets pushed off a fucking cliff.
I got it...
I got... I got nothing.
You guys! You gotta come to the conference room.
Come on, you gotta see this!
Nancy, I'm coming to you
from downtown hollywood,
And I've got to tell you, some of the
strangest things I have ever seen...
- Oh fuck, what's going on?
- ... Are going on right now.
If you can see, over my head,
The most oddest looking
colored gases.
They're like chemtrails,
I guess,
And they seem to be followed by other
planes and copters, and a general sense...
- 'w'!
- Of panic seems to have hit the area.
Believe it or not, nancy,
we're actually getting reports
Of people seeing
clown zombies in the streets.
Fuckin' clown zombies?
That's fucking stupid!
What are they looking for?
Magnets? I just...
Is that a 'w' on there?
What's up with these 'w's?
Is this some kind of
self-fulfilling prophecy,
As we watch the horror
Of our own minds
Pushing humanity
toward extinction?
Can we live in a world
That is more immoral
than our own brains,
- Our own ideas...
- No! Don't open the door!
We live in a process
that is already infested,
Already mutated, already over!
Already blank...
From a wave
of congealed confidence!
My elbows are untouchable!!
My elbows are sharp!!
I am transparent.
I am solid in the form
of this new liberty reborn!
You are invisible
in this new world!
I hover above you...
Above as below.
I am legion.
A traced mindfuck
of a billion bombs
Dropping on your
fired synapses,
Your tired synapses!
You are inserted,
digested, gestated!
Lie in the waste
of your own vision,
Gutter punks to bigger words
that you ate years ago!
That you tasted
and shat upon years ago!
That you chewed and corrupted after
the seeds were buried long ago!
I am the one with seven heads!
I am the thing that laughs!
I am the thing
that waits... For you!
What the fuck?
Heck, I do not believe
Fucking fat girl.
So, so.
- Look. Hey, gelatin.
- Hey, wait.
Miss, excuse me.
You have to do something after a while.
- I know. Thank you. Thank you.
- You see.
Have you starred in Jurassic Park?
You were the Brontosaurus?
Go, Go.
Oh, God, look at her.
Hey, take a break on the peanut butter.
Oh my gosh, if I were her,
I wouldn't go out.
Oh, my God, it's true.
For sure.
She can't climb up the stairs.
Take a ride to the gym!
Me, with my cereal
I can manage my summer slimness.
Slimness, flat tummy...
Get ready for the summer.
With low dye...
Say no to fat!
Rich in vitamins...
My body loves it,
as you can see!
Diet cereals
make me lose weight
and help me stay in shape.
Me, for my hair, I use Protif!
Me, with my cereal
I can manage my summer...
With low dye, rich in Vitamins...
My body loves it,
as you can see!
March 11th, radioactivity completely
covered our shitty country, Japan.
The Rising Sun was flooded with cesium.
Our soft bellied government officials have
covered up everything.
And our DNA underwent
a violent transformation.
Our cells were changed forever.
And the people of Japan
welcomed a new century of mutants.
The Japanese food products
are completely safe.
Nuclear energy is also safe.
It's a gift from our beautiful and beloved,
nice country America.
Our technology is simple.
Even an inferior nation can use it.
It is fully automatic
and indestructible.
Our talented personnel
are totally talented
And our shitty bastards
are perfectly shitty.
White means white-skinned human.
Not black, nor yellow, nor red.
Made in America.
Ever since Kunta Kinte and
was abducted by America,
the blacks have harbored
a hatred for the whites.
Let's change the way
of saying 'Nuclear Energy'.
It's more accurate to say
'Fission-Cultivated Electricity'.
Have no fear, small and light-weight.
The outer walls are made
more thin and weak than usual.
We yellow people love tangerines!
Japanese are superior sons of bitches!
My Emperor!
It is standing!
Watch a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
right there on my tv?
Shocking me
right out of my brains?
Shocking me right out
of my brains?
Watch a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
right there on my tv?
Shocking me
right out of my brains?
Shocking me right out
of my brains?
It's bound to get ya in
get ya under your skin
hit you right
on the chin, oh yeah?
It's bound to be a thriller?
It's bound to be a chiller?
It's bound to be
a killer, oh yeah?
Watch a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
right there on my tv?
Shocking me
right out of my brains?
Shocking me right out
of my brains?
The planes are a-crashin',
the cars are a-smashin'?
They come for a-bashin',
oh yeah?
The kids are a-fightin'
the fires are a-lightin'?
The dogs are a-bitin', oh yeah?
Watch a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
right there on my tv?
Shocking me
right out of my brains?
Shocking me right out
of my brains?
You think it's just a movie
on a silver screen?
And they're all actors
and fake all scenes?
Maybe you don't care
who's gonna lose or win?
Listen to this
and I'll tell you somethin'?
It's a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
and there's known abuse?
Horror movie,
it's the 6:30 news?
Horror movie,
it's the 6:30 news?
The public's waitin' for
the killin' and the hatin'?
Switch on your station,
oh yeah?
They do a lot a-sellin' 'tween
the firin' and the yellin'?
You believe in what
they're tellin', oh yeah?
It's a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
and there's known abuse?
Horror movie,
it's the 6:30 news?
Horror movie,
it's the 6:30 news?
And it's shocking me
right out of my brains.?
What's wrong, kawabe?
For the first time
in a long time
- I'm impressed.
- Good. Now leave me alone.
Take her. She's given up
and you know it.
You cunt!
I can't let you do this.
Nezbit, officer lainey has
clearly been compromised.
- Arrest her.
- I won't let you re-murder a child.
Oh, grow up!
Better a cruel truth than
a comfortable delusion.
Sir...
Sir, the baby is...
Where'd he go?
Sir? Did you hear that?
Such vitality...
I'll keep the corpse
alive for weeks...
Scream, witch.
No-one will hear you as
I harvest your intestines.
- What?
- Unhand her, witch!
- Willowford!
- Wendy!
- Save me!
- Now, warlock!
Me, with my cereal
I can manage
my summer slimness.
Slimness, flat tummy...
Get ready for the summer!
With low dye...
Say no to fat!
Rich in vitamins...
My body loves it,
as you can see!
It's a gift from our beloved,
Nice country america.
I've been poisoning you since last year.
You were supposed to die in a few months
Slowly, until now.
No one would have
realized it was me.
Everything would work.
It all went smoothly.
'Cause?
'Cause I heard the news all
morning and I do not have any time.
I'm sorry, it was going to be better.
But we had no time.
I do not get to sleep.
But Its almost...
Almost eight.
Go to your room.
I'll Be right there.
What do you want?
My parents have lent me
the house with one condition.
Lets, do nothing.
Look, Xo, you should sleep.
Being a child is a bitch, I know,
but that's how things are.
But in my home I do not go to sleep
until 10.
Look,
In this neighbourhood
children go to bed early.
'Cause otherwise..
The Abominable Snowman comes.
But there is no snow here.
Tell him when he comes to pick you up.
Your uncle is wrong.
Hes my cousin, not my uncle.
Yes, my dear, it does not snow in
Mexico City. Any idiot knows that.
But many, many years ago, there was
a snowstorm that covered the city.
Came from the distant region of Nepal and
stopped here.
For 40 days
the sun barely came out.
Snowing every day.
People could not get out.
And therefore it took them so much
time to understand what was happening.
Many children disappeared from their homes.
You know what happened to them?
But your uncle knows, right?
They were found... dead.
Dead, of course.
But that was not the worst part.
Their hearts were torn away.
Then they realized that whoever had
done it, only ate hearts of children.
When they finally found him,
one of the most bloodiest battles in
history took place.
The battle was so long that in 1958
the government had to make a truce.
Benito Juarez agreed
with the Snowman,
that could live in a cold-storage
container. But on one condition:
He could only go out at night.
And take the kids that were
not in bed after eight.
They don't need to be awake, but
sleeping in bed.
But they have to show good will,
if they are not asleep.
And at least must count the sheep.
And how is he?
He sounds a bell and has a cart
where he puts the bodies of children.
And shouts!
Sure...
Is he the Bogeyman?
If you had to choose,
choose the Bogeyman.
It's the kind of person
that will only abduct you.
The Snowman from Mexico
rips out your little heart
and before you die, you see him eat it.
Did you hear?
Fast, Xochitl, close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Do not make noise.
If you have to do something, do it well.
She wont come out.
Oh, the garbage man...
or my mother will kill me.
Scare her with the garbage man...
you're a bitch.
Goodnight.
97 sheep, 98 sheep, 99 sheep...
One sheep, two sheep, three sheep...
Bruce?
All right?
I heard a noise.
I heard a noise. Go see.
Bruce?
Bruce, did you see?
Alice?
Alice?
I heard a noise.
I heard a noise. Go see.
Alice?
Alice?
Bruce?
All right?
Buddy.
This is because I stuck
my finger in you, isn't it?
Oh, come on, baby,
don't be like that.
Well, when are we gonna get together?
When are we gonna meet up?
No, no, tomorrow.
It's just my ear.
It hurts a little bit.
I got you, you little son...
Fuck you!
Japan, we have always believed,
was a country protected by the gods.
But I do not believe there is a God
Also, if there really is a God,
sensitive girls
wouldn't be ashamedso,
if they had to fart.
Good morning.
Miss Yumi, were you looking?
Oh, no! I'm so embarassed.
I saw that you did!
Instead of God, I believe
Miss Yumi is protecting me.
When I'm with Miss
Yumi, I feel very happy.
And uncontrollable itching sensation
grows in my breast.
So gentle and pure...
I wonder if Miss Yumi
can make a noise so shameful.
Just then, we felt
the anger of God toward us.
An earthquake!
Ground started to shake!
- Gas! Here comes the gas!
- Run!
Or maybe the black gas
was a fart of God?
Miss Yumi!
I do not want to die in the gas!
If I must die...
Its your gas I want to die in!
Okay.
As long as you do not mind if it stinks.
Miss Yumi! What a nice ass!
Here it comes!
Miss Yumi all...
It stinks!
Miss Yumi and I have
the same kind of animal smell inside.
I'm so happy!
The land of the dead is not '
place for things pure and clean.
Let us pass beyond the boundaries of
good taste and to become one.
Miss Yumi!
I think I have to fart.
And now,
Introducing that army charmer,
that navy-baby,
The marine-queen, the lady
who's middle name is 'ka-boom'!
Frau scheisse?
Rowr.
Bertie.
Bertie.
Keep calm, my son...
And carry on.
Never surrender!
Fight!
I am...
not an intruder...
nor a stranger...
nor someone else.
Ironic, is not it?
You've changed.
You've changed.
Marked.
And you know?
You are not brave.
Neither unique nor original.
You are so trivial.
So primitive.
I do not even remember how I ended up here.
I...
I came involuntarily.
Without worry.
Now?
I give up?
I haven't considered this aspect.
I did'nt knew this would happen.
I...
The one who has ceased to exist...
The one who isn't anymore.
What wrong, Kawabe?
Ooh la la!
Help me, please.
Not yet!
Fucking sick!
Fucking sick!
Do not you dare!
Wait, wait. No!
Give me another chance! '
why can't we be like this?
Every day?
I'll make you
so proud of me...
we could be...
so perfect
you will see
you will-will...
you will...
Here! Beautiful, isn't it?
You brought something else, Shane?
Don't. I'm scared of bird flu.
Come on, there was a lot of traffic
and I took this bird.
Why buy it then?
Was it expensive?
Do not tell me that you
have spent all my money.
Not 'expensive look.
So what?
Watch!
Spin.
No nothing.
All the birds know it.
Do you have something to say to mom? Go
Hello, Anne. You are beautiful.
Boring. Tell me something I do not know.
I got it just yesterday and I spent the
whole night to teach him to speak.
You marry me? Marry me, please
. Marry me, please...
Will you marry me?
Do not be afraid, Joy.
My girlfriend doesn't know anything.
Do not be afraid, Joy.
My girlfriend doesn't know anything.
Who's' Joy?
What the hell... mustl have
learned from a movie.
Mine is big might hirt a bit.
Mine is big might hirt a bit.
Mine is big might hirt a bit.
Oh, Shane! It 'great!
What the hell! Say hello
to your mother just bird!
Oh, how nice!
Shane, you're fantastic!
Damn Shane!
God damn it.
None of this is working.
This is a fucking disaster.
OK, that was good.
Could you give me
one more of those?
Just like less high pitched
and more just like terrified
And kind of make it a little
longer too, if you could.
Okay.
It's not my fault
we got the letter 'q. '
- That's you being disrespected.
- I know.
Did you see the press release?
I was last!
Yeah, I saw that. You were
even after nacho vigalondo.
Besides... 5 grand?
How do they expect us
To make any kind of movie
for five thousand dollars?
Alright. So what
are we going to do
To make our segment stand out?
What if our
"a. B.C.S of death" short
Is the only segment
in the entire film
To feature an actual
on-screen death,
Like, like somebody
actually dies?
Actually, that's a great idea.
Like we kill an animal
or something?
Yeah, it wouldn't have
to be a person.
We could kill an animal. Nobody
gives a shit about animals.
But what animal could we kill?
- It's gotta start with a 'q'...
- A 'q'.
Or something to do with a 'q. '
A fucking 'q'.
Actually, he's kind of cute.
- Yeah, he is.
- Hey, mr. Quackers, come here.
Yes, yes...
fuck!
Let's kill this fucking duck.
Juan, you might wanna
back up just a little bit.
Alright.
OK, so how do we wanna do this?
Well, we gotta make sure we
pretty much kill it right away.
- We don't want it to suffer too much.
- Right, right, right,
Yeah, yeah. This isn't
a snuff film, this is art.
Ducks die
all the time for food.
OK... Yeah, yeah.
This is what you eat, america!
You american pigs!
They're the real killers,
not us.
That's right, yeah. Hey, juan,
We're gonna just tail-slate this.
Is that cool?
Alright...
So on the count of three?
- Yeah, that sounds good.
- Alright.
One...
Two...
Hold on a second.
Can you just shoot the duck?
I mean I...
I know it's my... you know, thing...
But if you would shoot the
duck, I'd appreciate it.
Yeah, yeah, I got it.
OK... One...
Two...
This fucking thing, goddamnit.
- You got the safety on?
- You know, I don't even know what side it's on.
Yeah, it's that thing sticking
out the side right there.
Oh, oh shit!
Let go of me,
you crazy assed bitch!
What you're trying to do,
can't be done.
Hell's coming down on you. I'm
just along for the ride, baby.
- Want me to shoot you?
- You can't kill me.
Lucky!
Yeah, woo-fucking-hoo, it's my
lucky day, you fucking psycho!
Enjoy the ride, bitch!
Fuck you! Motherfucker!
You'll never outrun him,
you crazy junkie bitch!
- Shut up, bitch!
- Fuck you!
You fucking whore!
Close your eyes...
fuck.
For the first time
in a long time
- I'm impressed.
- Good. Now leave me alone.
Take her. She's given
up and you know it.
You cunt!
Na... It's not her time!
Please...
Leave me alone.
There's still
so much I wanna do.
You gave me a run for my money.
Nobody's ever made me chase
them that hard before,
But you can't run forever.
Fuck!
- It's showtime!
- I can't understand
Why he's so afraid
of the toilet.
Well, for young boys
the most common cause
Of genital injury is when
the toilet seat falls down.
He's not gonna have that problem
if he's going for a poo.
Loads of people
have died on the toilet.
- Like who?
- Elvis.
- He died on the bathroom floor.
- Yeah! Died on the toilet and then fell over.
If I were him, I'd be more scared of those
screws I put in. They're the wrong size.
Honey, you go do a poo poo.
There's nothing
to be afraid of.
Danny glover had nothing to be
afraid of in "lethal weapon 2."
We might even have
A lethal weapon
of his own in a moment.
Bleeding hell fire. That's odd.
That's really odd.
Look at the state...
What on earth?
Call the plumber now.
It's an emergency.
What?
Help!
You fucking bastard!
Hey! Hey! Wake up.
He's finally using the toilet...
About fucking time.
Stand back!
He's spitting.
He's spitting! Hold him!
Get in!
E nomine patris...
I've got hold of it...
don't! Nooooo!
Be careful, man!
He's in here,
I heard something!
I can hear it breathing!
Come on, let's go!
Wake up! Wake up!
I'll make you one promise...
Your children will
never know how this ended.
See?
Father...
Finish it!
Geoff...
The world is dying.
It's one of the reasons
We implemented
the infant sterilization act.
Still, every citizen
has the right
To earn back
their fertility permits.
The fastest route
has always been
Through service
to propagation control.
Oh yes, sir,
it's why I joined...
That and making the world
a safer place, of course.
Of course.
Why do you want children?
Propagation control...
You are charged with acts of terror
through illegal propagation.
You are hereby ordered
to surrender all contraband.
Please, you don't know
what they'll do to him.
- It's not up to me.
- I'm sorry,
There's been
a misunderstanding.
You've already verified
our permits.
A misunderstanding...
The illegals have escaped.
We're free to go.
Free to go...
No!
Bad, nezbit, bad!
Calm down, officer.
Your nezbit unit simply
auto-responded
To para-psychic activity.
Commander stoker...
Congratulations,
You've dispatched a rather
dangerous group of mentals.
- Mentals?
- Telekinesis, telepathy,
Mind control... all very real...
All valuable genetic materials.
"Materials"?
We just killed a child.
Oh, it wasn't alive
to begin with. Not by law.
The rebels were
delivering the child
To the vatic,
"prophet" of all mentals.
With such power, his very
existence threatens humanity,
But, once we've reanimated
And bio-vac'd every
last bit of brain matter,
We may finally
ascertain his location.
A fine achievement, officer.
You see, the agency has a far
greater purpose than its...
"public position. "
You've given ten years of
service to your unit, officer.
Your records are excellent.
I'm pleased to say that your
permits have been approved.
Sir...
- Yes, sir.
- I'm not finished...
While your permits
are approved,
There are biological factors
beyond the agency's control.
Reanimate the infant.
I can't let you do this.
Nezbit, officer lainey has
clearly been compromised.
Arrest her.
I won't let you
re-murder a child.
Oh, grow up!
Better a cruel truth than
a comfortable delusion.
Sir...
Sir, the baby is...
Where'd he go?
Sir? Did you hear that?
It's a mental, idiot!
Shoot for the head!
Oh, shit...
Such vitality...
I'll keep the corpse
alive for weeks...
Wasn't taking him
to the prophet.
Farm every burning neuron...
He is the prophet.
Feast on his pain.
- Take him...
- Unite the mentals...
You're his mother now.
Scream, witch.
Noone will hear you as
I harvest your intestines.
What?
Unhand her, witch!
- Willowford!
- Wendy!
- Save me!
- Now, warlock!
- What the fuck?
- What's up, tommy?
- Where the fuck have you been?
- Look, the thing's almost done.
- What is that!?
- Well it's for animated...
It's the last frame of the animation
I've been working on, remember?
- Animation?
- Yeah.
We weren't even supposed
to have animation.
Well, I thought we talked about a
bunch of different ideas, remember?
Look at this list of,
'w's I got here.
Oh my god, what the
fuck is wrong with you?
We're gonna get this
done. Hold on, it's a...
- Why do you do this?
- Here's the thing, walrus,
It's like a godzilla-walrus.
It's a city... people are being
destroyed, you pan over, it's a walrus.
'W.'
- OK, do you have a city?
- No.
- Do you have a guy in a walrus outfit?
- No.
- Can you do that by this weekend?
- No.
Well, what the fuck are
you talking about then?
- Warrior.
- Super hot chick.
She's just killed a bunch of,
like... Trolls?
Alright, whatever,
she's covered in blood.
OK. Let's do that.
Lets do that this weekend.
I'm not sure that I want to do that one.
I'm just saying it's an idea...
W' is for wheelchair.
It's an old man.
An evil old man. He's in the wheelchair...
everybody hates old people.
He gets pushed off a fucking cliff.
I got it...
I got... I got nothing.
You guys! You gotta come to the conference room.
Come on, you gotta see this!
Nancy, I'm coming to you
from downtown hollywood,
And I've got to tell you, some of the
strangest things I have ever seen...
- Oh fuck, what's going on?
- ... Are going on right now.
If you can see, over my head,
The most oddest looking
colored gases.
They're like chemtrails,
I guess,
And they seem to be followed by other
planes and copters, and a general sense...
- 'w'!
- Of panic seems to have hit the area.
Believe it or not, nancy,
we're actually getting reports
Of people seeing
clown zombies in the streets.
Fuckin' clown zombies?
That's fucking stupid!
What are they looking for?
Magnets? I just...
Is that a 'w' on there?
What's up with these 'w's?
Is this some kind of
self-fulfilling prophecy,
As we watch the horror
Of our own minds
Pushing humanity
toward extinction?
Can we live in a world
That is more immoral
than our own brains,
- Our own ideas...
- No! Don't open the door!
We live in a process
that is already infested,
Already mutated, already over!
Already blank...
From a wave
of congealed confidence!
My elbows are untouchable!!
My elbows are sharp!!
I am transparent.
I am solid in the form
of this new liberty reborn!
You are invisible
in this new world!
I hover above you...
Above as below.
I am legion.
A traced mindfuck
of a billion bombs
Dropping on your
fired synapses,
Your tired synapses!
You are inserted,
digested, gestated!
Lie in the waste
of your own vision,
Gutter punks to bigger words
that you ate years ago!
That you tasted
and shat upon years ago!
That you chewed and corrupted after
the seeds were buried long ago!
I am the one with seven heads!
I am the thing that laughs!
I am the thing
that waits... For you!
What the fuck?
Heck, I do not believe
Fucking fat girl.
So, so.
- Look. Hey, gelatin.
- Hey, wait.
Miss, excuse me.
You have to do something after a while.
- I know. Thank you. Thank you.
- You see.
Have you starred in Jurassic Park?
You were the Brontosaurus?
Go, Go.
Oh, God, look at her.
Hey, take a break on the peanut butter.
Oh my gosh, if I were her,
I wouldn't go out.
Oh, my God, it's true.
For sure.
She can't climb up the stairs.
Take a ride to the gym!
Me, with my cereal
I can manage my summer slimness.
Slimness, flat tummy...
Get ready for the summer.
With low dye...
Say no to fat!
Rich in vitamins...
My body loves it,
as you can see!
Diet cereals
make me lose weight
and help me stay in shape.
Me, for my hair, I use Protif!
Me, with my cereal
I can manage my summer...
With low dye, rich in Vitamins...
My body loves it,
as you can see!
March 11th, radioactivity completely
covered our shitty country, Japan.
The Rising Sun was flooded with cesium.
Our soft bellied government officials have
covered up everything.
And our DNA underwent
a violent transformation.
Our cells were changed forever.
And the people of Japan
welcomed a new century of mutants.
The Japanese food products
are completely safe.
Nuclear energy is also safe.
It's a gift from our beautiful and beloved,
nice country America.
Our technology is simple.
Even an inferior nation can use it.
It is fully automatic
and indestructible.
Our talented personnel
are totally talented
And our shitty bastards
are perfectly shitty.
White means white-skinned human.
Not black, nor yellow, nor red.
Made in America.
Ever since Kunta Kinte and
was abducted by America,
the blacks have harbored
a hatred for the whites.
Let's change the way
of saying 'Nuclear Energy'.
It's more accurate to say
'Fission-Cultivated Electricity'.
Have no fear, small and light-weight.
The outer walls are made
more thin and weak than usual.
We yellow people love tangerines!
Japanese are superior sons of bitches!
My Emperor!
It is standing!
Watch a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
right there on my tv?
Shocking me
right out of my brains?
Shocking me right out
of my brains?
Watch a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
right there on my tv?
Shocking me
right out of my brains?
Shocking me right out
of my brains?
It's bound to get ya in
get ya under your skin
hit you right
on the chin, oh yeah?
It's bound to be a thriller?
It's bound to be a chiller?
It's bound to be
a killer, oh yeah?
Watch a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
right there on my tv?
Shocking me
right out of my brains?
Shocking me right out
of my brains?
The planes are a-crashin',
the cars are a-smashin'?
They come for a-bashin',
oh yeah?
The kids are a-fightin'
the fires are a-lightin'?
The dogs are a-bitin', oh yeah?
Watch a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
right there on my tv?
Shocking me
right out of my brains?
Shocking me right out
of my brains?
You think it's just a movie
on a silver screen?
And they're all actors
and fake all scenes?
Maybe you don't care
who's gonna lose or win?
Listen to this
and I'll tell you somethin'?
It's a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
and there's known abuse?
Horror movie,
it's the 6:30 news?
Horror movie,
it's the 6:30 news?
The public's waitin' for
the killin' and the hatin'?
Switch on your station,
oh yeah?
They do a lot a-sellin' 'tween
the firin' and the yellin'?
You believe in what
they're tellin', oh yeah?
It's a horror movie
right there on my tv?
Horror movie right there
on my tv?
Horror movie
and there's known abuse?
Horror movie,
it's the 6:30 news?
Horror movie,
it's the 6:30 news?
And it's shocking me
right out of my brains.?
What's wrong, kawabe?
For the first time
in a long time
- I'm impressed.
- Good. Now leave me alone.
Take her. She's given up
and you know it.
You cunt!
I can't let you do this.
Nezbit, officer lainey has
clearly been compromised.
- Arrest her.
- I won't let you re-murder a child.
Oh, grow up!
Better a cruel truth than
a comfortable delusion.
Sir...
Sir, the baby is...
Where'd he go?
Sir? Did you hear that?
Such vitality...
I'll keep the corpse
alive for weeks...
Scream, witch.
No-one will hear you as
I harvest your intestines.
- What?
- Unhand her, witch!
- Willowford!
- Wendy!
- Save me!
- Now, warlock!
Me, with my cereal
I can manage
my summer slimness.
Slimness, flat tummy...
Get ready for the summer!
With low dye...
Say no to fat!
Rich in vitamins...
My body loves it,
as you can see!
It's a gift from our beloved,
Nice country america.