The Apple Dumpling Gang (1975) Movie Script
1
what do you think, theodore?
he looks like a real
live one.come on!
all right!
get him with the rope!
huh? rope him!
well, throw it!
maybe we could head him
off at the pass. mm-hmm.
maybe we can do a
little better this time.
two of diamonds.
jack of diamonds.
three of diamonds.
queen of diamonds.
ace of diamonds.
ten of hearts.
well, how proud are you
of that ace, leonard?
ace bets a dollar. a dollar.
there was a time around here when a
jack high was worth a poke of gold.
i'm in. me too.
i'm folding. well, i'm in.
did the mines dry up? quake
of '65 pinched off the veins,
but the quake we had two years
ago finished us off for good.
hasn't been ten cents' worth of
gold taken out of quake city since.
ace, ten still high, leonard.
bet a dollar. i was wondering
about that name, quake city.
when you build a town on
top of the calaveras fault,
you can figure to get
shook up once in a while.
ten. me too. ain't
that bad, homer.
we've still got two fine
saloons, our own theater...
and the only hook and
ladder this side of chicago.
you planning to settle
down here, mr. donavan?
no, no, no. i'm working
my way to new orleans.
soon as i get a big enough stake,
i'm gonna open up my own place.
first class
too... red carpets,
crystal chandeliers from
europe, two roulette tables.
good evening, gents.
homer.
if you need a haircut,
wintle, my barbershop's closed.
if you're lookin' to sue somebody,
my court's open every second tuesday.
if you want the sheriff, i'm
playin' poker. deuces bet a dollar.
no, judge. it's just that i'm
leaving for san francisco tonight.
san francisco's loss
is quake city's gain.
leonard? the trouble is...
that i'm expecting some
valuables on tomorrow's stage,
and i can't be here
to pick them up.
me neither. oh. yes.
hmm. mayor sharpe?
got a council
meeting tomorrow.
i'm in. what kind
of valuables, john?
well, bless my
suspender buttons.
donavan! i haven't
seen you since, uh...
santa fe?
- right.
when you sold me
the marshal's horse?
right. i was just funnin', donavan.
- the marshal wasn't amused.
well, now, old friend, maybe
i can make it up to you.
two pairs bets two dollars.
like i say, i'm expecting valuables
on the stage. i'm in. like what?
oh, things a person
wouldn't leave lying
around without
somebody responsible...
like yourself... to
keep an eye on it.
there's a game
going on, wintle.
there's your two,
and raise you five.
you couldn't have hit an inside
straight again. i'll call ya.
if you'll claim them for me,
i'll make it worth your while,
besides repaying what i charged
you for the marshal's horse.
the mayor raised five.
it's just till i come back,
governor. are you in or not?
uh... here's five on
account, if you can use it.
i don't know how you
came by five dollars,
but i'll apply it to
your loan at the bank.
it's a deal? it's
a deal. i'm in.
thanks, donavan. thanks.
you won't forget?
- i won't forget.
thanks. all right,
let's see 'em.
hit it again!
- i don't believe that.
welcome to quake city, mr. donavan.
looks like luck's against you.
well, there's one good thing
about luck. it always changes,
and i've got a feeling that
mine is just around the corner.
again?
whoa!
whoa!
well, they saddled up in boston,
still wet behind the ears??
and they made their way
across the wild frontier??
as they sought their
fame and fortune??
their legend up and sprang??
and they soon became
the apple dumpling gang??
and they called them
the apple dumpling gang??
it wasn't long
they'd been gone??
from the eastern shore??
people knew their name
from far and near??
they sure shook up quake city
some folks was out to hang??
all the riders of the
apple dumpling gang??
and they called them
the apple dumpling gang??
it wasn't jesse james
or old black bart??
for whom the posses rode??
even though there was a
price upon their heads??
it was celia
bobby and clovis??
the town folks up and sang??
'bout the threesome called
the apple dumpling gang??
and they called them
the apple dumpling gang??
and they called them the
apple dumpling gang????
well, here it is,
folks, quake city.
much obliged, ralph.
hotel's across the street. you
can get somethin' to eat there...
or at the hard times cafe.
and take your stuff
with you. there's two
bits charged for
packages stored overnight.
you got anything
broken in transit,
report it to the ticket office
tomorrow mornin' at 5:00.
excuse me. mornin',
dusty. my weeklies come?
mornin', sheriff. yeah,
they're in the mail pouch.
excuse me, but do you have
something for john wintle?
right in front of
you. oh, thank you.
not there in front of
you. therein front of you.
sign here. for what?
ain't you claimin' them
for wintle? i am not.
last night you said you was.
took five dollars in
advance, as i recall.
yes, but, uh, but that was
to pick up some valuables,
but not a bunch of
runny-nosed kids.
they're in good shape, mister,
just as good as when i got 'em.
now sign here. uh, pardon me.
may i speak to
anyone in authority?
how about the founder and
president of the line? perfect.
pa? you wanna hear
this feller out?
colonel t.r. clydesdale,
at your service, sir.
well, uh, colonel
clydesdale, sir,
uh, there appears to be...
an unfortunate misunderstanding
about the children.
you see, i didn't...
to cut through the fat,
this saddle blanket tinhorn agreed
to pick up these kids for john wintle,
and now he's tryin'
to weasel out of it.
magnolia!
-"magnolia"?
and where are...
the legal guardians
of these waifs?
their folks passed away back
east is what i get from 'em.
they've been shipped
out here to john wintle.
he's their second
uncle, or something.
and where is john wintle?
halfway to san
francisco, i'd say.
all i know is, the
stage made delivery...
to the consignee or his agent,
and that seems to be you, mister.
what youdowith them
is your business.
that argument wouldn't hold up in
any court of law, and you know it.
it would in my court, and
i'm the law around here.
but, sheriff, look.
sheriff,
i didn't know
they were children.
now, i'm not a family man.
mister, i gotta go.
yeah, just as soon as we
get this straightened out.
now, sheriff, i... i have no...
i have no place to keep them.
wintle's got a shack
on the edge of town.
mister, i gotta go bad!
- she can't wait too long, mister.
take my word for that.
- it might be prudent to resolve...
the more imminent
problem, uh, forthwith.
all right. fine.
come on. let's go.
oh, where did you say
wintle's shack was?
well, you go to the
edge of town, turn left,
and just beyond that old
pile of shoring timbers...
well, i'll... i'll show you.
hey!
oh, uh, i'll be right
back. just hold on.
what? right here.
oh.
magnolia.
meanwhile, rest assured that the
butterfly stage and freight company...
will make every
endeavor to satisfy...
uh, the problem to the
ultimate, uh, satisfaction...
of all concerned parties.
uh...
"unfortunately, mr. bradley's
lingering illness left him destitute,
"and there are no monies
left in the estate.
"however, mr. bradley
felt that revenues
from his share of
the commodore mine...
would more than provide for the
care and well-being of his children."
i guess when
wintle got this, he
didn't want to be
saddled with the kids,
so he decided on a
change of scenery.
anything would
be an improvement.
yeah. well, now, the
way that i see it,
until we know one
way or the other,
uh, exactly what
wintle had in mind,
the children are wards
of this town, right?
wrong. there is no funds nor
facilities for orphans in quake city.
well, you don't expect me
to be able to take care...
donavan, this is just a
half-portion of a town,
but we do have certain what
you might call rules to live by.
well, i... you don't
jump another man's claim.
you don't steal his
wife, woman or whiskey.
you don't strike a bargain...
and then entertain second
thoughts about the matter.
any one of these
offenses can make you...
the exalted guest of
honor at a hemp party.
uh... no, i'd
say you'd best...
keep these youngsters
or provide...
for their safekeeping.
well, it's time i was
getting back to my barbershop.
oh, and, uh, donavan,
i wouldn't go on no
long rides if i was you.
no. no.
when are we gonna eat?
- uh, just... just a little while now.
oh!
clovis don't like to
be touched. don't he?
nope.
now what?
- clovis, now put it back!
come on, you two.
clovis, give it to me.
i mean it! no more playing
around the fire. gimme it!
will you stop? now listen to
me. i don't want any more...
clovis don't like to be...
i know. clovis don't
like to be touched.
gimme it, clovis. will
you stop? give me that.
let me see what
the fuss is about.
"commodore mine,
december 3, 1871."
commodore's our mine now.
- well, it's just an old ore sample.
is it valuable?
- if it was, it wouldn't be here.
our dad said there's gold
in the commodore mine.
everyone says there's
gold in their mine.
what's that? it's
salt pork... i think.
it looks like fat.
- well, whatever it is, it's dinner.
that's dinner?
- that's dinner.
couldn't you make us
apple dumplings instead?
no. why not?
because even if i could
make apple dumplings,
i wouldn't make them
for you or anybody else.
bobby? it's raining
on celia again.
then move celia again!
there's no more dry places
to move her. bobby, w...
oh, no, not my salt pork.
what have i done
to deserve this?
who are you talking to?
it doesn't matter.
i don't think he's
listening to me anyway.
evenin'. had some
extra son-of-a-gun stew.
was either throw it
out or bring it up here.
huh. stopped raining.
you know, it's really
amazing. what is?
the way those kids
settled right down for you.
well, when you're
dead on your feet and
you get your belly
full, you get sleepy.
what's amazing about that?
- oh, you underestimate yourself.
i think i can say
without hesitation...
that was the best son-of-a-gun
stew that i've ever had.
really? yeah, and you saw the way
the kids polished off their plates.
you know,
i think it's a crime...
that someone with
your culinary talent...
well, i guess you'd really
have to call it magic...
hasn't a family
to share it with.
you tryin' to dump those kids on
me, or you workin' on somethin' else?
i am merely trying
to point out...
that you have a natural
way with children.
you're barkin' up the
wrong tree, mister.
my advice to you is, get yourself
a job and look after your kids.
they're not my kids!
- yes, they are,
till you find somebody else
to take 'em off your hands.
night.
it's dripping on me again.
oh.
i, uh, i'm very attached
to the little fellas,
but i'm, uh, i'm a
bachelor, you see,
and i'm really in no
position to care for them,
not like you and your
attractive wife could.
i'm sure there must be room
here for three small children.
it would just be until
mr. wintle gets back.
hey!
ma'am, i can... oh,
get out of the way!
come on! come on!
get outta there!
get out!
why?
don't get your feet wet.
i'm really very attached to
the little fellas, you see,
but i'm in no position
to care for them.
howdy, ma'am. good morning.
but they're all healthy
specimens, sound of wind and limb.
they don't eat much. they'd
be a lot of help around here.
they could... no!
- ow!
i can explain about that.
uh, he's the only one
that does that. you
see, he's just a little
sensitive, that's all.
uh, no, really! the other
ones... come on. get out!
ma'am, that little girl
could help you in the kitchen.
she could wash your dishes and
scrub your personal clothes!
come on.
good day, sir. i can see that
you're a man of substance.
i have an interesting proposition
i thought that might...
ah. the lady of the
house. kids. yech!
the children are marvelous about
parties. they love parties themselves.
come on. if you could just...
one small look at them...
who was that, mr. donavan?
the president of
the garden club.
all right, come on.
mr. donavan? look!
get out of there!
- celia!
bein' a family man's
quite a responsibility.
i'm hungry.
- naturally.
hard times cafe
serves a nice lunch.
thanks.come on, kids.come on.
pair of tens wants the money.
doggone. i guess that
sure beats ace, queen high.
well, i'm on my last card too.
all right, you kids find something
to do, and stay out of trouble.
where ya goin'?
- i have a few sheep to fleece.
ace bets a dollar. two, deuce.
jack. oh, a king.
what's a "millstone"?
i don't know. why?
mr. donavan said
he doesn't want...
three millstones
hanging around his neck.
i gotta show you where
we're gonna put it inside.
then we won't have
to move it again.
you don't want to move something
as delicate as this twice.
what is it, bobby?
i don't know.
ow!
go on! get away from there!
this thing's come halfway
across the country,
and i don't want anything
happening to it now!
get! get! get! all right,
let's move it in now, fellas.
real careful now. move it in.
what did he say?
i think he's afraid we'll
get his laundry dirty.
what's that up there?
looks like a mine.
a mine? is it ours?
could be.
let's go see.
pair of jacks. no improvement.
three of hearts.
five of clubs.
ace of hearts and king
of spades. kings bet.
kings bet ten dollars.
i'm in for ten.
i'm in. i'm in.
there's your ten, and i'll
raise you twenty. twenty?
i don't believe you got
'em. cost you 20 to find out.
that's kills me. i'm in.
now there's a
man from missouri.
i fold. all right,
let's see 'em.
well, three jacks.
three jacks?
uh, another round for
the gentlemen, please.
i believe i've also
won the, uh, the deal.
wow! how much money you figure
that dude's got in front of him?
'bout 500. 500? wow!
you know, that'd be, uh...
that's 200 apiece.
i told you he was a real
live one, didn't i? right.
all right, now, as soon as
he leaves, we jump him, right?
in broad daylight?
we get him when
the time is right.
let's get out of here before
he starts gettin' suspicious.
two dollars.
okay. i'm in for two dollars.
okay. and the pot is right.
a pair of sixes. four to
the deuce. a pair of ladies.
jack to the three. ten to the
four, and a jack to the six.
look! it's a little train.
it's not a train,
celia. what is it?
it's a cart to haul dirt.
this isn't our mine at all.
it's the moonridge number two.
hey! come on, now. all aboard!
get out of there.
come on, clovis.
you and celia
get out of there.
put the brake on!
it's stuck!
whoa!
whoa! duck!
look out, bobby!
i can't steer it!
uh-oh!
stop the train, bobby!
- i can't. hang on, celia!
uh-oh!
oh, whoa!
we're coming to
a fence. get down!
move it, move it, move it!
get the sheriff!
it's so much fun
and it's no pity??
taking suckers in quake city??
doo-dah,
doo-dah????
that's him! they're his kids!
don't bother putting that away,
mister. now, just one minute!
now. one mirror, $300.
what are you talking
about? i was in the...
one melodeon. i
don't own a melodeon.
you do now. how
'bout my chickens?
why do we have to
go to bed so early?
because if you're asleep, you
just might stay out of trouble.
what's that?
that is a cherished token
of a lady's affection.
i'm sure you'll understand, belle.
- you're gonna sell it?
i might raise a little investment
capital on it, should the need arise.
if you'd go get the gold
in the commodore mine,
you could keep the cherished
token of a lady's affection.
there is no gold in
that hole in the ground.
if there was, someone would
have found it years ago.
and i don't have to answer...
to three whelps who aren't
even dry behind the ears yet.
mr. donavan?
- what?
i gotta go.
- you just went.
i gotta go again.
- that's impossible. go to sleep.
i'm gonna have an accident.
all right, come on.
i like you, mr. donavan.
psst! hey!
what makes you think that
gambler's gonna come by this way?
well, he come this way
the last time, didn't he?
well, that don't mean... amos,
will you stop tryin' to think?
now come on. get up
on top of that roof.
you know something?
why do i have to go through this
foofaraw of dropping a bucket on him?
why don't i just throw down
on him and say, "hand it over"?
and if he just keeps
on walkin', then what?
well, then i'll call to him, and
then i'll start throwin' lead.
you know somethin', amos?
the lord poured your brains in with a
teaspoon, and somebody joggled his arm!
i keep tryin' to tell
ya, we ain't got no
lead to throw and no
powder to throw it with!
oh, that's right.
i keep forgettin'.
come on.
this is gonna be easier than
robbin' a bird's nest. right.
now you get up on that
roof and wait. i'll
give you a hoot-owl
call when he comes.
hoo! hoo! that's good.
i'll tell you what.
i'll answer with
a whippoorwill.
that's good.
good! all right, i got it.
here it is. i got it.
the hash knife
gang rides again!
i should have heard from jay gould
regarding my amalgamation proposal.
look into that first thing
in the mornin', magnolia.
yes, pa. we'll be needin'
new equipment, of course.
yes, pa. don't you worry
about finances, little lady.
leave all that to me. yes, pa.
now i have to stop in here and
see some people, magnolia. yes, pa.
good night, pa.
where you off to?
well, after i drop this
at the harness shop,
i'll head back to the barn and
fix the brake pedal on the stage.
and then when i'm
through with that,
i've got diablo's
teeth to file.
he's not gettin' much
out of his food lately.
and then, when i'm through with diablo,
there's that cracked singletree to fix.
aside from that, i got
a free evening. uh-huh.
well, run along and
enjoy yourself, my dear.
remember, these are the
best years of your life.
hoo! hoo!
hoo! hoo!
ah!
hoo! hoo!
- yeah. i'm comin'.
hoo! hoo!
hoo! hoo!
hoo-hoo!
hoo! hoo!
amos!
evenin'. evening.
well, that's what i
call solid comfort.
yeah. it's very pretty.
where are the children?
fed and in bed.
you know, i'm not sure, but i
think two men tried to waylay me.
what? yeah. back there.
probably just
theodore and amos.
who are theodore and amos?
- used to ride with the stillwell gang.
the stillwell gang? really?
till amos accidentally
shot stillwell in the leg.
they call themselves the
hash knife outfit now.
hmm. they're pretty
harmless for the most part.
mm-hmm. hey. buy you a drink?
i'm sorry. i, uh...
i just wasn't thinking
of you as a wo...
i'm sorry.
mr. donavan!
we're going to the
mine to get some gold!
you want to come with us?
not so loud, and just
a little bit slower.
where are you going? to dig
some gold out of our mine.
then we don't have to eat
biscuits and greens all the time.
mr. purvis in the assay
office says it's on bald hill.
will you come with
us, mr. donavan, huh?
no.
- but why?
because my head hurts,
and because there is no gold
in that hole in the ground.
our pa said there was.
then you go get it.
and i'm going to
go get some sleep.
you know, leonard, with
the kind of luck you have,
you ought to play
poker for a living...
and have banking as a hobby,
instead of the other way around.
thank you, friend.
thank you very much.
hey, mr. donavan,
why does he got...
your cherished token
of a lady's affection?
because three deuces beats
aces over eights, that's why.
don't get in trouble.
theodore! theodore! theodore!
go on, clarice.
go hide, quick!
douse that fire! ah!
what's the matter with
you? what are you doing?
did you lose your... come on!
there's a posse
after us! here!
come on! a posse?
i don't see anybody. they're
down there, all right.
i saw 'em. they're all
hidin' in the bushes.
how many? i don't
know. it was five, six.
maybe 20. and they're
all loaded for bear too.
got those big,
long buffalo rifles.
you know somethin', amos? hmm?
we gotta make a
decision. what?
does the hash knife
outfit throw in its
hand, or do we go out
in a blaze of glory?
right! uh, just what do
you mean, "blaze of glory"?
fightin' till the
last man's killed.
what's it gonna be, pard?
uh, you know that jail in
santa fe wasn't all that bad.
remember? i say we go
out clawin' and fightin'.
make 'em pay for our
hides. what do you say?
uh, all right. i'm with you.
you know somethin', theodore?
this could be the end
of the trail for us.
looks that way, amos.
you know somethin'?
you and me been
through a lot together,
and although i climbed
your hump once in a while,
i... i just couldn't have
asked for a better partner.
if we meet again in that big
roundup in the sky sometime,
i'm gonna spread my
blanket 'side of yours,
just the same as always.
mister?
we're lookin' for
the commodore mine.
uh, mm, it's, uh... it's
right up the hill there.
just follow the trail.
take you right to it.
thanks.
bye!
- bye.
amos, that is the most humiliating
thing that's ever happened to me.
i know. three bitty
kids with shovels...
walk right into our hideout
and get the drop on us.
i know. and you
burnt my hand, amos.
i'm sorry about that. and you
scorched a hole in my best shirt!
well, i can fix that. why did you tell
me those three bitty kids was a posse?
well, i thought i saw 'em
down there in the bushes.
oh, you couldn't see through
a barbed wired fence. theodore?
that head of yours wouldn't
hold straw. theodore?
you couldn't sell
hacksaws in a jail.
what about that big roundup in the
sky? i don't want to talk about it!
i said i... i said i...
said you were gonna spread
your blanket next to mine.
w
- why don't we dig here?
because somebody
already did dig here.
you scared? no. no
more than you are.
i'm not scared. neither am i.
i am.
bobby?
come on. a little
mouse can't hurt you.
it was just an owl.
this looks like a
pretty good place to dig.
you start over there,
and i'll dig here.
find any gold yet?
nope. did you? no.
maybe there ain't any
gold, like mr. donavan said.
pa said there was.
stop shaking it, celia! i'm not
shaking it! it won't stand still!
it's an earthquake!
let's get out of here!
bobby?
i gotta go.
are we trapped?
there must be another way out.
come on.
bobby, what's that?
well, we base
our evaluation...
on what the price of the
gold was when we checked last,
but the price may have
gone up in the meantime,
in which case the nugget
could be worth more.
the san francisco mint will
give us a receipt for the nugget,
and the cash deposit will remain in the
children's name in the quake city bank.
i'll leave that end of it to
you. i just want to make sure...
that the children's
interests are well protected.
ah, donavan, don't
worry about a thing.
we'll see that that nugget
is well taken care of.
can we touch it?
i'm sorry, ma'am.
that's as close as we
can let you get to it.
it's a piece of cake.
you mean it ain't gold?
course it's gold, stupid.
i mean getting that
nugget out of that
bank's gonna be easier
than fallin' off a log.
oh, boy! act natural.
don't do nothin' to
attract attention.
hey, uh, theodore,
how we gonna...
theodore?
how, uh... how we gonna
get it outta that bank?
all right, first we gotta
get ourselves a long ladder,
and we're gonna go in through
the skylight, through the roof.
then we gotta get
that nugget outta town,
and i figure if it's worth
$87,000, it ought to...
oh, i'd say it'd
weigh close to...
let's see. gold
is $15 an ounce.
how many ounces in a pound?
are you listening to me, amos?
yeah, but... yeah, but what?
your rear end's on fire,
theodore. oh, thank you.
ah! ow!
why didn't you tell me
my rear end was on fire?
well, you told me not to do
anything to attract attention.
you got a match? i've got...
excuse me.
ah! ah!
hello. nice day.
mabel, stanley, donavan.
hello. hi, sheriff.
well, now, this is what
i call havin' a party.
mr. donavan said we can have
all the apple dumplings we want.
did he? did he? well, that's
very generous of mr. donavan.
and he bought me
a new dress, see?
oh, i think that's the most
beautiful dress i ever saw.
awful nice kids.
yes, they are.
you still bound
for new orleans?
oh, yes. yes. well, nothing's
happened to change that.
of course, uh, i have a few things
i have to clear up here in town,
and i've gotta make
arrangements for the kids.
seems a lot of people...
are anxious to take the
youngsters to their bosoms.
they're sayin' the kids ought
to be made wards of the court...
and for me to give 'em to some
respectable family around here,
people of substance.
'course, that'd fit
right into your plans.
you'd be free to go on your
way. unencumbered. unfettered.
yeah. yeah.
fine, fine.
who wants 'em? oh, there's
no shortage of applicants.
there's the little darlin'!
here, let me have
the sweet little thing!
what do you know about children? you
don't know nothin' about the child.
let go!
all right, ladies.
ladies, this is a
private party! but he
said i could have her!
you're all gonna wind up in the
calaboose if you don't get out of here.
that'll all be decided
later on at the hearing.
out! out!
see what i mean?
they ripped my
beautiful dress.
i know, but we'll fix it.
hey. we'll fix it.
there'sgotto be better
people in this town.
there's always
miss clydesdale.
who's miss clydesdale?
dusty? mm-hmm.
but she's not married.
- that's easy to fix.
well, who can you get?
you're not suggesting... i'm
only suggesting it for the kids.
i know, but dusty's... dusty's
a fine specimen of womanhood!
i seen her get caught
in a cloudburst once,
and i wanna tell you!
yes, mr. donavan.
please marry dusty.
no two people
ever got married...
for a more honorable or
worthy cause, donavan.
think that over.
hearing's not till
the day after tomorrow.
marry dusty?
if they give us to mrs. stockley, she
won't hit us with a stick, will she?
why would she hit
you with a stick?
she hits mr.
stockley with a stick,
and she might get mad if we track
mud in the house or something.
or forget to comb our hair.
well, i'm sure she
wouldn't do that.
when mr. stockley gets mad, he
uses words i never heard before.
he's not as mean as mr. leach.
mr. leach'll put you
in a sack and throw
you in the river if
you even talk too much.
nobody's gonna throw
you in the river.
if rowdy joe dover got us, i bet
we'd have to sleep in his shed.
don't worry, clovis. if celia gets
pneumonia, i can take care of her.
we picked these for
you, mr. donavan.
so you won't forget us
when you get to new orleans.
you can press them in a book
and they'll keep forever.
then every time you see one, you'll
remember us three "widdle" kids.
that you gave away.
come on, clovis.
we better do the dishes and
not bother mr. donavan anymore.
all right!
i'll ask her.
"three 'widdle' kids"?
three little
swindlers, you mean.
bobby? what?
what's "swindlers"?
i don't know.
okay, come on.come on!
soon as we get the ladder out of
here, we head straight for the bank.
amos! amos!
yeah? ahh!
this one's too small.
get the one on the other side.
mmmm...
i'll go open the door.
it's too long. we can't
get it out this way.
push it together.
aah! you idiot!
you get on that end, and
i'll get on the other...
and then we'll
push it together.
on the count of three.
get in there and get it out!
it went through the other window.
i'm gonna pull it all the way through.
someone's comin'!
howdy.
evening.
don't worry. as soon as we get across
here, it's gonna be all downhill.
get back, you cabbage
head. you're gonna bust it.
don't worry. aah! mmm!
it's a long way
down there, theodore.
well, don't look down.
it's startin' to shake!
hoo!
don't do that.
move it! my spur's caught.
get up there!
i am. i d... aah-ha!
get off! get off!
if i didn't think you'd freeze
to death come this winter,
i'd rob this bank myself
and leave you here.
comin' through.
watch it!
uh...
maybe you ought
to check and see if
the front door's
open. will you shut up?
perfect. it's a great
scheme. only when it's over,
i'm the deserted wife left
with three kids to mother...
while i watch your south
end disappearing over a hill.
but you'll be compensated
for any inconvenience, any...
i don't want their money.
it's theirs. they found it.
agreed. the only reason i
suggested it is that i knew...
that you would provide
them with a good home.
what do you get out
of this "arrangement"?
a chance to get to new
orleans before winter sets in.
that all? - well, i would appreciate
it if you'd square my debts.
i will repay you in due time.
and that's all?
- yes!
oh, now wait a minute.
uh, do you mean...
might i exercise my
husbandly prerogatives?
that's exactly what i
mean. miss clydesdale,
nothing could be
further from my mind.
this marriage would ensure a
good home for those children.
nothing more. i give
my word as a gentleman.
it's not the best
guarantee i've ever had.
well, maybe not, but it's
the best i have to offer.
so what's it gonna be, miss
clydesdale? you calling or folding?
all right, i'll
go along with it.
but it's not for you.
it's for the kids.
and the sooner you light a shuck
out of this town, the better.
it's gonna be daylight before
we even get in that bank.
boy, once we get our hands on that
gold, we're gonna be livin' like kings.
we'll be shooin' those senoritas off
like flies. never mind about that now.
just make sure this
mule of yours don't
get frisky. don't you
worry about clarice.
she'll get you up there all
right. now you wait for my signal.
all right. you gonna
use that hooty-owl
again? now i answer
with a whippoorwill.
no, no. don't you
remember nothin'?
when i give that rope a tug, then you
haul me up. that's a new one. right.
tug and haul. right.
okay. no hooty-owl. okay!
now this time, it's just gonna
be a tug and haul. you got that?
well, that's it.
come on, clarice.
come on!
hold it. stay right there.
shh! you're gonna
wake somebody up!
come over here!
uh! i'll help you.
stay right there.
whoa.
you all right? i told
you to wait for my signal!
right. shh-shh.
shh-shh.
shh-shh. yeah.
go ahead! shh-shh.
yeah. uh, come on,
clarice.come on.
come on. get up,
clarice.come on, you...
come on. get up,
clarice.come on.
you can rest on your patio when we get
to mexico.come on. gotta get up now.
come on.come on!
mr. donavan said he doesn't
want us wandering around...
somebody's coming! we're not wandering
around. we're looking for him.
maybe we should stay
home till he gets back.
he should've
been back by now.
unless he forgot.
hi.
who are you talkin' to?
oh. hey, you're the man that showed
us how to get to the mine, aren't ya?
that's right. you
kids run along now.
we're looking for mr. donavan.
well, i think
he went that way.
why are you standing
on your toes like that?
'cause i wanna stand on my
toes. now get outta here.
well, you kids go ahead
now. i'm real busy.
where's your friend?
- he'd better be in another county.
how'd you get up
there? never mind how i
got up here. you kids
should be in bed now.
get outta here.
ah! bite me, you
ungrateful fleabag you.
how'd you do that?
anyway, i got here early this morning
to draw up the certification papers...
for the nugget for
the san francisco mint,
and when i opened up the place,
when i opened up the place,
i got the shock of my life!
morning. morning.
you two couldn't
take candy away from a
baby without comin'
out on the short end.
well, it's not gonna go
so easy on ya this time.
get outta that silly
rope, and stand up.
this court is now in session, the
honorable homer mccoy presiding.
theodore ogelvie, amos tucker,
you're charged with
attempted bank robbery.
how do you plead?
guilty or not guilty?
not guilty?
- guilty!
the wrong one.
- this court sentences you...
to be hung by the neck
until dead, and i'm
fining you an extra
ten bucks for perjury.
let 'em out, leonard.
nice goin'. unh.
be down to the oak tree near boot
hill at 12:00 sharp for your hanging.
thank you, your honor.
12:00 sharp on that.
you don't thank a man for hanging
you, you leather-brained ignoramus.
and bring your own rope.
right. i'll get
it. where you goin'?
that's the only rope
we got. get outta here.
well, the hardware's
closed.come on, you dummy.
well, how you gonna hang
yourself without a rope?
you know, those dummies
are liable to show up.
well, if they do, they
deserve to be hung.
i just want to get 'em out
of this town once and for all.
sooner that gold's out of this bank and
in the san francisco mint, the better.
a lot of people are
out to get that nugget.
stillwell, we've been sittin' on
this mountain for two days now.
starin' at a bank
through a spyglass...
ain't gonna get us no richer.
you worried about
that sheriff?
any time you got one of
them down-home sheriffs,
you always got a town
full of vigilantes.
we could be walkin' into
a real hornet's nest.
we got to get
the gold sometime.
oh, we're gonna get it. i
never rode no 200 miles...
just to look at the scenery.
dang. your leg
cutting up again?
yeah, it always acts up on me
every time the weather changes.
i'll tell you one thing sure.
if i ever get in shootin' distance
of that doggone amos tucker,
he's gonna have windows
where his ears was.
uh, homer? can we,
uh, talk with you?
as barber, sheriff or
justice of the peace?
justice of the peace.
that's two bits. but i
only got half a shave!
a whole shave's four bits. now git
before i fine you for loitering.
git, git, git, git.
all right, all right.
i'll see you next tuesday.
dusty, you a willin'
party to this union?
just wanna make sure they get
a square deal and a good home.
i never teamed two
more unlikely prospects.
you go together like
ice cream and whiskey,
but i guess you'd be man and
wife, same as regular people,
and nobody could
say different.
now you kids just make
yourselves comfortable.
did you want it complete
with the trimmings...
love, honor and
cherish and all that?
kind of like to hear
it anyway. well, fine.
uh, well, let's just
get it over with.
you got a ring? no.
more legal with a ring.
you hold this till i tell ya.
was you gonna
keep your hats on?
you take her, donavan?
yes!
do you take him, dusty?
i do.
uh, the ring. give
it to mr. donavan.
powers invested in me, the state
of california, county of tulare,
i pronounce you hitched.
it ain't necessary for you
to kiss if you don't want to,
but you ought to at
least shake on it.
well, that's it. i generally
get two dollars about this point.
pay you back.
ah. since you two don't seem
to have no immediate plans,
i'm buyin'. oh, good, good!
oh, dusty, would you mind just
keeping an eye on the kids for awhile?
might as well get used to it.
come on. let's have
our own celebration.
how come mr. donavan's goin' that
way, and we're goin' this way?
it's kind of hard to explain.
that all then, miss cole?
all right. $4.62.
i'll put it right
here on your bill.
you can each have a licorice
whip and one jelly bean...
but just one.
mornin', dusty. mr. purvey.
if you're here for those grain
bags, they didn't come in yet.
i have to get boots and jackets
for the kids. oh, well, here.
we'll look 'em up in the catalogue.
i see somebody bought the bed.
yep.
sure is pretty. yeah, sure is.
who'd you sell it to? donavan.
who?
- mr. donavan.
he picked it out this morning.
did he really?
did he really?
donavan!
yes, you, you snake
oil salesman. are you
comin' out here, or
am i comin' in there?
what's the matter?
is there some trouble?
yes, there's
trouble all right,
and you're in it.
"all i want is a chance to be on my
way, unencumbered and unfettered."
that's right. that's all i
wanted. - don't slick-talk me!
dusty!
wait a minute, dusty. wait
a minute, dusty. hold it.
wait a minute! wait...
dusty... wait, dusty.
wait, wait, dusty.
now wait a minute!
dusty, will you just
let me say one word? one!
dusty... that's it.
no!
"nothing could be further
from my mind, miss clydesdale.
you have my word as a
gentleman." i meant...
gentleman? yeah!
aah!
no!
get off of him. coward.
aha! no!
no, dusty. back!
back! give me that!
don't! don't!
now wait a minute,
dusty. now wait.
dusty... no, no! wait!
now this is ridiculous.
when you, uh, get rational,
we'll discuss this.
oh! we'll discuss
it right now.
ohh!
sorry, ralph.
dusty, you're being hysterical. we
can't accomplish anything this way!
what happened with them
two? they got married.
dusty, be reasonable.
shut up, you liar.
i don't know what's
happened, but i can explain.
you're not gettin' out of it
that easy, you pasteboard slinger.
pay you back, homer.
dusty! dusty! now look.
what's bothering you?
that bed! that
great, big brass bed!
if you had no intention of exercising
your husbandly prerogatives,
why'd you buy that bed?
that's it? the bed?
yes!
the bed...
happens to be for
the kids, dusty.
with the nights getting colder,
they need a warmer place to sleep,
so the brass bed
is for the boys,
and the smaller
bed is for celia!
well, why didn't you say
so in the first place?
we could have avoided this
little misunderstanding.
pardon me. ahem.
excuse me, please.
come along, celia.
this is no place for a lady.
order in the court!
order, order! quiet now!
everybody, sit
down and shut up.
edgar, you get
back in your seat.
i think we've heard about all the
testimony this building can take.
now i'm gonna decide who gets
these sprouts of wintle's,
and that decision
is gonna be final.
this court appreciates
the generosity...
and the kindness of
all you good people...
who have offered to provide
homes for these kids...
and to safeguard their assets.
proves this town's
got a heart after all.
but after due deliberation and a
consideration of all the facts...
and the merits
of the applicants,
this court awards bobby,
clovis and celia bradley...
to mr. and mrs.
russel donavan.
that's the order of
this court. i don't
want to hear a lot
of argument about it,
and i don't want a half a
dozen people comin' up here...
homer. i heard you were
about to gavel off my kin.
that won't be necessary now
since i'm here to claim them.
donavan, thank you for
taking such good care of them.
my lawyer.
he will explain all the
"whereas's" and "wherefore's."
tell them. tell them,
uh, why the kids are mine,
with no maybe's.
may it please the
court, i have an
order... what would
please this court...
is to see both of you rode
out of this town on a rail!
your honor, the law...
i don't need no checkered-pants
lawyer to tell me the law.
give me that!
all right, they're
yours, wintle.
get yourself and that
jackleg outta here before
i show you how contemptuous
this court can be.
yes, sir, reverend.
that gold's the most valuable shipment
ever entrusted to the butterfly line.
oh, my goodness gracious.
the most valuable shipment.
my word. and exactly how
much does this nugget weigh?
three hundred and fifty-six
pounds, without the crating.
now, uh, that's not quite as large
as the one they found in breckenridge.
still, that's a whole lot
of gold all in one piece.
oh, i assume you have a goodly
portion of men protectin' it.
we're bringin' in extra guards
from marysville tomorrow.
i see.
then you won't be making your
regular noon passenger run.
well, now... oh, fear
not, dear brother.
you're speaking to a
servant of the lord.
well, bein' a man of the
cloth, it can do no harm.
ahem.
they're takin' it out
as soon as the, uh,
bank closes at 4:00 tomorrow,
but they won't be goin'
by the regular route.
they'll be goin'
over china grade.
splendid. splendid idea.
why, i shouldn't imagine...
that they would encounter so much as
a horned frog on that old slag road.
my thinkin' precisely. uh,
reverend, could i buy you a drink?
oh, thank you, no,
sir. i never imbibe.
however, i would be happy to accept
this as a contribution for the poor.
bless you, brother. bless you.
well, charlie. charlie,
i seem to have, uh,
left my purse at the office.
i was, uh... ah. would you set
'em up for charlie and me there?
hi, dusty. howdy.
annulment papers.
homer says you can drop
'em off at the marysville
courthouse, but it'll
take two, three days.
we must have set
some kind of record.
yes.
well, you're finally
rid of 'em. what now?
well, i guess i'll
work my way east.
change of scenery,
change of luck, you know.
uh, dusty?
thanks for what you did.
we tried somethin'. it
didn't work, that's all.
well, good-bye.
bye. donavan?
you were a good father to those kids.
they couldn't have asked for better.
we got along.
well...
and, donavan?
- yeah?
i'm sorry i hit you in
the head with the spittoon.
a perfectly logical
misunderstanding.
and i'm sorry that i offered
you a drink in the saloon too.
well, it's a perfectly
logical misunderstanding.
well, i wouldn't make
that mistake again.
you wouldn't?
good luck, dusty.
how you expect to get
warm sittin' in front
of a fire that's
been out for two days?
aw, i don't know. i always
used to sit here for breakfast.
couldn't we build just
one little itty-bitty
fire? it don't seem
like home no more.
no! amos, i tell you.
we got big trouble.
we go in town to get
food, we get strung up.
if we stay here, we starve to death,
if we don't freeze to death first.
so what's it gonna be?
well... well, what if we went
down and told sheriff mccoy...
that we was real sorry and we
wasn't gonna rob banks anymore?
ever. right. and we'd
even cross our heart.
well, that's worth
thinkin' about.
we wouldn't want to take
any ropes with us, would we?
hey, mister.
what do you kids want now?
you tell him, bobby.
we want you to have
our gold nugget.
what gold nugget?
- the one you tried to steal.
oh, that gold nugget.
all you gotta do is
take it out of the bank.
you kids come all the way up here
just to tell us to rob the bank again?
we're already sentenced to be
hung for robbin' it the first time.
say, uh, maybe it's a fix to smoke us
out, theodore. this isn't any trick.
judge mccoy said
mr. wintle really
doesn't want us. he
just wants the gold.
so if you take the gold, then
mr. wintle will go away again.
and mr. donavan will
be stuck with us again.
mr. donavan buys us all the
apple dumplings we can eat.
it ain't like it's
really stealin'.
it's our gold, and
we're givin' it to ya.
all you have to
do is pick it up.
we'll help you.
pardon me just
a minute, ma'am.
what do you think, theodore?
oh, i don't know about the hash knife
throwin' in with a bunch of kids.
how's that gonna look
in the history books?
we wouldn't have to
call it "hash knife."
we could call them the
apple dumpling gang.
who's gonna know the difference?
it's like the kid says.
it ain't actually stealin'.
- and you better hurry...
'cause we're leavin' at
4:00, when the bank closes.
theodore?
all right. all right! come on.
now, here's the bank. now we're gonna
need some dynamite to blow the safe.
we gotta get some kind of a
wagon to haul off the gold.
you got that, gang? now i
think we'll go in the side door.
you remember that side door. yeah.
now when we were hangin' in there...
let's see... that would
be just off to the right.
you told me to get you a wagon,
didn't ya? not that wagon.
well, what's wrong with... look.
these are the fastest horses in town.
we'll be halfway to mexico before they
find out. it's too late to change now.
let's get the thing headed
in the other direction. right.
you kids keep a
lookout for the sheriff.
i'm sorry. we're closed.
eh? i say we're...
i'm sorry, reverend.
we're closed for the day.
you'll...
open that safe.
clovis!
somebody else is
already robbing the bank.
come on!
oh, no. get on in there.
hurry up!
where'd they come from?
they was outside lookin' in.
get 'em over yonder out of
the way. and you keep quiet.
you hear? ox,
keep an eye on 'em.
get out of the room.
ain't that the most
beautiful sight you ever saw?
boy, oh, boy. -
ay-yi-yi. it's heavy.
where's the wagon?
- it's right outside.
easy, boys. let me
catch up with you.
this blasted thing weighs
a ton, dang it. sure does.
my leg don't work too good goin'
round this turn. now, that's got it.
now we got her.
hey, don't nobody
move! this is a holdup!
we're gonna rob the bank,
and we mean business.
you're a day late
and a dollar short.
like he said right
here... did you say it?
aah!
who in blazes are you? well?
ahem. uh, mr. stillwell asked
you a question, theodore.
uh, uh...
theodore.
- hi, frank.
amos.
- uh, still aren't mad...
'cause i shot you in
the leg, are you, frank?
i guess you are. please,
gentlemen, no shooting.
that dynamite is
old and is sweating.
if he drops it, there won't
be a bit of this bank left.
that makes sense.
all right, you two, get
over here and out of the way.
all right. move.
get these kids out of here where we
can watch 'em. all right, you.come on.
you're gonna walk right out of here
ahead of us, straight to the wagon.
one peep outta you
and i'll blow a hole
in you that you can
throw a mule through.
you understand? all right, get
to walkin', and keep smilin'.
hurry up! hooks,
get ahold of this.
come on. easy does it.
that's our gold! we
said they could have it!
outta my way. all right,
now we're gonna walk...
watch out for that dynamite!
whoa, whoa.
it's the law! looks like we're gonna
have to blast our way outta here.
you idiot. what's
all the firing?
they're tryin'
to get the nugget.
get this thing off of me!
hold this.
must be 50 of 'em in there.
i'll go get old betsy.
somebody get him a drink.
take more than that
to get the sting out.
get down!
my knees! get down.
don't do that anymore.
get down. aah! i'm
sittin' on my spurs!
dusty! ha! ha!
are you tryin' to
get yourself killed?
i am trying to
stop a bank robbery.
well, do it from a safe place,
not the middle of the street!
get it inside! come on!
whoa! aah!
does anyone know where
alvin keeps his corkscrew?
grab these kids, and let's get
out of here. what about the gold?
forget about the gold. we'll be lucky
to escape with our hides. hurry up.
frank, are you sure you
don't want your gold?
it's all yours, partner. don't
spend it all in one place.
i'm gonna buy some new toes.
you can't take those children.
let's go this way. frank,
our horses are around front.
well, so is half
the town.come on.
i ain't never gonna rob no
bank... ever, ever, ever.
that's it! aah!
aah! i can't move!
i can walk. i
can walk. my back!
go! my back! i can't move!
we gotta get out of here.
i can't move! my back!
all right. aah! the dynamite!
i can't move.
just cover me, mildred.
mr. donavan! mr. donavan!
they got celia.
hyah! hyah, hyah!
hyah!
clyde!
ha!
howdy.
shh! listen. they
stopped firing. aah!
there's two more in there.
get this team to movin'!
hurry! hurry!
hyah! hyah!
celia!
dusty!
hey!
donavan!
what? whoa!
my. you always kiss like that?
i've been savin' up. oh, yeah?
get stillwell, wring
him out and lock him up.
donavan? dusty?
you're gonna drown in there.
i guess they don't mind.
well, we better get back to town and
see what's happened to that nugget.
gold! it's a
gold nugget, lily!
gold! gold!
gold! gold! gold!
get out of here.
this is my claim.
anyone who looks for
gold around here...
is gonna fight me.
i wandered today to
the hill, maggie??
to watch the scenes below??
the brook and the creaking
old mill, maggie????
my bank. my beautiful bank.
oh, a man that
can fill an inside
straight like you
can don't need a bank.
leonard, you can work out of my
barbershop till you rebuild...
at no charge.
i want you to know that i hold your
bank and this town responsible...
for the loss of my gold.
and you! you can be jolly well
responsible for those three brats too.
mr. donavan! mr. donavan!
theodore and amos...
they were in the bank.
there you are, donavan:
5,000 for the capture
of frank stillwell.
it's no more than
you deserve, donavan.
and here is the deed
of the benson place.
there it is. the
roulette tables,
crystal chandeliers,
the red carpets.
everything. well,
you don't have to go through with
it if you don't want to, donavan.
someone else will buy the
benson place. it's in fine shape.
it shouldn't be so
bad. i'll be going into
town one or two nights
a week to play poker.
wanna bet?
look. it's a holdup.
whoa.
hi. - i thought you promised sheriff
mccoy you were gonna stop that.
oh, we are stoppin', mr. donavan.
fact, me and amos talked it over,
and we've decided we've been the
scourge of the west long enough...
and we're hangin' our
firearms up for good.
and, uh... ahem. well, we was
just wonderin' if, uh, uh...
climb on.
you mean i'll be
livin' under the same
roof with these two
lawless profligates?
just till you hear
from mr. gould, pa.
that horse got a name? lucius.
oh, yeah? lucius,
clarice. clarice, lucius.
so they settled down together
their troubles all behind??
now that donavan and
dusty tied the knot??
and their friends wished them
happiness as all the church bells rang?
for that family called
the apple dumpling gang??
mr. donavan? i gotta go.
and they called them??
the apple dumpling gang????
what do you think, theodore?
he looks like a real
live one.come on!
all right!
get him with the rope!
huh? rope him!
well, throw it!
maybe we could head him
off at the pass. mm-hmm.
maybe we can do a
little better this time.
two of diamonds.
jack of diamonds.
three of diamonds.
queen of diamonds.
ace of diamonds.
ten of hearts.
well, how proud are you
of that ace, leonard?
ace bets a dollar. a dollar.
there was a time around here when a
jack high was worth a poke of gold.
i'm in. me too.
i'm folding. well, i'm in.
did the mines dry up? quake
of '65 pinched off the veins,
but the quake we had two years
ago finished us off for good.
hasn't been ten cents' worth of
gold taken out of quake city since.
ace, ten still high, leonard.
bet a dollar. i was wondering
about that name, quake city.
when you build a town on
top of the calaveras fault,
you can figure to get
shook up once in a while.
ten. me too. ain't
that bad, homer.
we've still got two fine
saloons, our own theater...
and the only hook and
ladder this side of chicago.
you planning to settle
down here, mr. donavan?
no, no, no. i'm working
my way to new orleans.
soon as i get a big enough stake,
i'm gonna open up my own place.
first class
too... red carpets,
crystal chandeliers from
europe, two roulette tables.
good evening, gents.
homer.
if you need a haircut,
wintle, my barbershop's closed.
if you're lookin' to sue somebody,
my court's open every second tuesday.
if you want the sheriff, i'm
playin' poker. deuces bet a dollar.
no, judge. it's just that i'm
leaving for san francisco tonight.
san francisco's loss
is quake city's gain.
leonard? the trouble is...
that i'm expecting some
valuables on tomorrow's stage,
and i can't be here
to pick them up.
me neither. oh. yes.
hmm. mayor sharpe?
got a council
meeting tomorrow.
i'm in. what kind
of valuables, john?
well, bless my
suspender buttons.
donavan! i haven't
seen you since, uh...
santa fe?
- right.
when you sold me
the marshal's horse?
right. i was just funnin', donavan.
- the marshal wasn't amused.
well, now, old friend, maybe
i can make it up to you.
two pairs bets two dollars.
like i say, i'm expecting valuables
on the stage. i'm in. like what?
oh, things a person
wouldn't leave lying
around without
somebody responsible...
like yourself... to
keep an eye on it.
there's a game
going on, wintle.
there's your two,
and raise you five.
you couldn't have hit an inside
straight again. i'll call ya.
if you'll claim them for me,
i'll make it worth your while,
besides repaying what i charged
you for the marshal's horse.
the mayor raised five.
it's just till i come back,
governor. are you in or not?
uh... here's five on
account, if you can use it.
i don't know how you
came by five dollars,
but i'll apply it to
your loan at the bank.
it's a deal? it's
a deal. i'm in.
thanks, donavan. thanks.
you won't forget?
- i won't forget.
thanks. all right,
let's see 'em.
hit it again!
- i don't believe that.
welcome to quake city, mr. donavan.
looks like luck's against you.
well, there's one good thing
about luck. it always changes,
and i've got a feeling that
mine is just around the corner.
again?
whoa!
whoa!
well, they saddled up in boston,
still wet behind the ears??
and they made their way
across the wild frontier??
as they sought their
fame and fortune??
their legend up and sprang??
and they soon became
the apple dumpling gang??
and they called them
the apple dumpling gang??
it wasn't long
they'd been gone??
from the eastern shore??
people knew their name
from far and near??
they sure shook up quake city
some folks was out to hang??
all the riders of the
apple dumpling gang??
and they called them
the apple dumpling gang??
it wasn't jesse james
or old black bart??
for whom the posses rode??
even though there was a
price upon their heads??
it was celia
bobby and clovis??
the town folks up and sang??
'bout the threesome called
the apple dumpling gang??
and they called them
the apple dumpling gang??
and they called them the
apple dumpling gang????
well, here it is,
folks, quake city.
much obliged, ralph.
hotel's across the street. you
can get somethin' to eat there...
or at the hard times cafe.
and take your stuff
with you. there's two
bits charged for
packages stored overnight.
you got anything
broken in transit,
report it to the ticket office
tomorrow mornin' at 5:00.
excuse me. mornin',
dusty. my weeklies come?
mornin', sheriff. yeah,
they're in the mail pouch.
excuse me, but do you have
something for john wintle?
right in front of
you. oh, thank you.
not there in front of
you. therein front of you.
sign here. for what?
ain't you claimin' them
for wintle? i am not.
last night you said you was.
took five dollars in
advance, as i recall.
yes, but, uh, but that was
to pick up some valuables,
but not a bunch of
runny-nosed kids.
they're in good shape, mister,
just as good as when i got 'em.
now sign here. uh, pardon me.
may i speak to
anyone in authority?
how about the founder and
president of the line? perfect.
pa? you wanna hear
this feller out?
colonel t.r. clydesdale,
at your service, sir.
well, uh, colonel
clydesdale, sir,
uh, there appears to be...
an unfortunate misunderstanding
about the children.
you see, i didn't...
to cut through the fat,
this saddle blanket tinhorn agreed
to pick up these kids for john wintle,
and now he's tryin'
to weasel out of it.
magnolia!
-"magnolia"?
and where are...
the legal guardians
of these waifs?
their folks passed away back
east is what i get from 'em.
they've been shipped
out here to john wintle.
he's their second
uncle, or something.
and where is john wintle?
halfway to san
francisco, i'd say.
all i know is, the
stage made delivery...
to the consignee or his agent,
and that seems to be you, mister.
what youdowith them
is your business.
that argument wouldn't hold up in
any court of law, and you know it.
it would in my court, and
i'm the law around here.
but, sheriff, look.
sheriff,
i didn't know
they were children.
now, i'm not a family man.
mister, i gotta go.
yeah, just as soon as we
get this straightened out.
now, sheriff, i... i have no...
i have no place to keep them.
wintle's got a shack
on the edge of town.
mister, i gotta go bad!
- she can't wait too long, mister.
take my word for that.
- it might be prudent to resolve...
the more imminent
problem, uh, forthwith.
all right. fine.
come on. let's go.
oh, where did you say
wintle's shack was?
well, you go to the
edge of town, turn left,
and just beyond that old
pile of shoring timbers...
well, i'll... i'll show you.
hey!
oh, uh, i'll be right
back. just hold on.
what? right here.
oh.
magnolia.
meanwhile, rest assured that the
butterfly stage and freight company...
will make every
endeavor to satisfy...
uh, the problem to the
ultimate, uh, satisfaction...
of all concerned parties.
uh...
"unfortunately, mr. bradley's
lingering illness left him destitute,
"and there are no monies
left in the estate.
"however, mr. bradley
felt that revenues
from his share of
the commodore mine...
would more than provide for the
care and well-being of his children."
i guess when
wintle got this, he
didn't want to be
saddled with the kids,
so he decided on a
change of scenery.
anything would
be an improvement.
yeah. well, now, the
way that i see it,
until we know one
way or the other,
uh, exactly what
wintle had in mind,
the children are wards
of this town, right?
wrong. there is no funds nor
facilities for orphans in quake city.
well, you don't expect me
to be able to take care...
donavan, this is just a
half-portion of a town,
but we do have certain what
you might call rules to live by.
well, i... you don't
jump another man's claim.
you don't steal his
wife, woman or whiskey.
you don't strike a bargain...
and then entertain second
thoughts about the matter.
any one of these
offenses can make you...
the exalted guest of
honor at a hemp party.
uh... no, i'd
say you'd best...
keep these youngsters
or provide...
for their safekeeping.
well, it's time i was
getting back to my barbershop.
oh, and, uh, donavan,
i wouldn't go on no
long rides if i was you.
no. no.
when are we gonna eat?
- uh, just... just a little while now.
oh!
clovis don't like to
be touched. don't he?
nope.
now what?
- clovis, now put it back!
come on, you two.
clovis, give it to me.
i mean it! no more playing
around the fire. gimme it!
will you stop? now listen to
me. i don't want any more...
clovis don't like to be...
i know. clovis don't
like to be touched.
gimme it, clovis. will
you stop? give me that.
let me see what
the fuss is about.
"commodore mine,
december 3, 1871."
commodore's our mine now.
- well, it's just an old ore sample.
is it valuable?
- if it was, it wouldn't be here.
our dad said there's gold
in the commodore mine.
everyone says there's
gold in their mine.
what's that? it's
salt pork... i think.
it looks like fat.
- well, whatever it is, it's dinner.
that's dinner?
- that's dinner.
couldn't you make us
apple dumplings instead?
no. why not?
because even if i could
make apple dumplings,
i wouldn't make them
for you or anybody else.
bobby? it's raining
on celia again.
then move celia again!
there's no more dry places
to move her. bobby, w...
oh, no, not my salt pork.
what have i done
to deserve this?
who are you talking to?
it doesn't matter.
i don't think he's
listening to me anyway.
evenin'. had some
extra son-of-a-gun stew.
was either throw it
out or bring it up here.
huh. stopped raining.
you know, it's really
amazing. what is?
the way those kids
settled right down for you.
well, when you're
dead on your feet and
you get your belly
full, you get sleepy.
what's amazing about that?
- oh, you underestimate yourself.
i think i can say
without hesitation...
that was the best son-of-a-gun
stew that i've ever had.
really? yeah, and you saw the way
the kids polished off their plates.
you know,
i think it's a crime...
that someone with
your culinary talent...
well, i guess you'd really
have to call it magic...
hasn't a family
to share it with.
you tryin' to dump those kids on
me, or you workin' on somethin' else?
i am merely trying
to point out...
that you have a natural
way with children.
you're barkin' up the
wrong tree, mister.
my advice to you is, get yourself
a job and look after your kids.
they're not my kids!
- yes, they are,
till you find somebody else
to take 'em off your hands.
night.
it's dripping on me again.
oh.
i, uh, i'm very attached
to the little fellas,
but i'm, uh, i'm a
bachelor, you see,
and i'm really in no
position to care for them,
not like you and your
attractive wife could.
i'm sure there must be room
here for three small children.
it would just be until
mr. wintle gets back.
hey!
ma'am, i can... oh,
get out of the way!
come on! come on!
get outta there!
get out!
why?
don't get your feet wet.
i'm really very attached to
the little fellas, you see,
but i'm in no position
to care for them.
howdy, ma'am. good morning.
but they're all healthy
specimens, sound of wind and limb.
they don't eat much. they'd
be a lot of help around here.
they could... no!
- ow!
i can explain about that.
uh, he's the only one
that does that. you
see, he's just a little
sensitive, that's all.
uh, no, really! the other
ones... come on. get out!
ma'am, that little girl
could help you in the kitchen.
she could wash your dishes and
scrub your personal clothes!
come on.
good day, sir. i can see that
you're a man of substance.
i have an interesting proposition
i thought that might...
ah. the lady of the
house. kids. yech!
the children are marvelous about
parties. they love parties themselves.
come on. if you could just...
one small look at them...
who was that, mr. donavan?
the president of
the garden club.
all right, come on.
mr. donavan? look!
get out of there!
- celia!
bein' a family man's
quite a responsibility.
i'm hungry.
- naturally.
hard times cafe
serves a nice lunch.
thanks.come on, kids.come on.
pair of tens wants the money.
doggone. i guess that
sure beats ace, queen high.
well, i'm on my last card too.
all right, you kids find something
to do, and stay out of trouble.
where ya goin'?
- i have a few sheep to fleece.
ace bets a dollar. two, deuce.
jack. oh, a king.
what's a "millstone"?
i don't know. why?
mr. donavan said
he doesn't want...
three millstones
hanging around his neck.
i gotta show you where
we're gonna put it inside.
then we won't have
to move it again.
you don't want to move something
as delicate as this twice.
what is it, bobby?
i don't know.
ow!
go on! get away from there!
this thing's come halfway
across the country,
and i don't want anything
happening to it now!
get! get! get! all right,
let's move it in now, fellas.
real careful now. move it in.
what did he say?
i think he's afraid we'll
get his laundry dirty.
what's that up there?
looks like a mine.
a mine? is it ours?
could be.
let's go see.
pair of jacks. no improvement.
three of hearts.
five of clubs.
ace of hearts and king
of spades. kings bet.
kings bet ten dollars.
i'm in for ten.
i'm in. i'm in.
there's your ten, and i'll
raise you twenty. twenty?
i don't believe you got
'em. cost you 20 to find out.
that's kills me. i'm in.
now there's a
man from missouri.
i fold. all right,
let's see 'em.
well, three jacks.
three jacks?
uh, another round for
the gentlemen, please.
i believe i've also
won the, uh, the deal.
wow! how much money you figure
that dude's got in front of him?
'bout 500. 500? wow!
you know, that'd be, uh...
that's 200 apiece.
i told you he was a real
live one, didn't i? right.
all right, now, as soon as
he leaves, we jump him, right?
in broad daylight?
we get him when
the time is right.
let's get out of here before
he starts gettin' suspicious.
two dollars.
okay. i'm in for two dollars.
okay. and the pot is right.
a pair of sixes. four to
the deuce. a pair of ladies.
jack to the three. ten to the
four, and a jack to the six.
look! it's a little train.
it's not a train,
celia. what is it?
it's a cart to haul dirt.
this isn't our mine at all.
it's the moonridge number two.
hey! come on, now. all aboard!
get out of there.
come on, clovis.
you and celia
get out of there.
put the brake on!
it's stuck!
whoa!
whoa! duck!
look out, bobby!
i can't steer it!
uh-oh!
stop the train, bobby!
- i can't. hang on, celia!
uh-oh!
oh, whoa!
we're coming to
a fence. get down!
move it, move it, move it!
get the sheriff!
it's so much fun
and it's no pity??
taking suckers in quake city??
doo-dah,
doo-dah????
that's him! they're his kids!
don't bother putting that away,
mister. now, just one minute!
now. one mirror, $300.
what are you talking
about? i was in the...
one melodeon. i
don't own a melodeon.
you do now. how
'bout my chickens?
why do we have to
go to bed so early?
because if you're asleep, you
just might stay out of trouble.
what's that?
that is a cherished token
of a lady's affection.
i'm sure you'll understand, belle.
- you're gonna sell it?
i might raise a little investment
capital on it, should the need arise.
if you'd go get the gold
in the commodore mine,
you could keep the cherished
token of a lady's affection.
there is no gold in
that hole in the ground.
if there was, someone would
have found it years ago.
and i don't have to answer...
to three whelps who aren't
even dry behind the ears yet.
mr. donavan?
- what?
i gotta go.
- you just went.
i gotta go again.
- that's impossible. go to sleep.
i'm gonna have an accident.
all right, come on.
i like you, mr. donavan.
psst! hey!
what makes you think that
gambler's gonna come by this way?
well, he come this way
the last time, didn't he?
well, that don't mean... amos,
will you stop tryin' to think?
now come on. get up
on top of that roof.
you know something?
why do i have to go through this
foofaraw of dropping a bucket on him?
why don't i just throw down
on him and say, "hand it over"?
and if he just keeps
on walkin', then what?
well, then i'll call to him, and
then i'll start throwin' lead.
you know somethin', amos?
the lord poured your brains in with a
teaspoon, and somebody joggled his arm!
i keep tryin' to tell
ya, we ain't got no
lead to throw and no
powder to throw it with!
oh, that's right.
i keep forgettin'.
come on.
this is gonna be easier than
robbin' a bird's nest. right.
now you get up on that
roof and wait. i'll
give you a hoot-owl
call when he comes.
hoo! hoo! that's good.
i'll tell you what.
i'll answer with
a whippoorwill.
that's good.
good! all right, i got it.
here it is. i got it.
the hash knife
gang rides again!
i should have heard from jay gould
regarding my amalgamation proposal.
look into that first thing
in the mornin', magnolia.
yes, pa. we'll be needin'
new equipment, of course.
yes, pa. don't you worry
about finances, little lady.
leave all that to me. yes, pa.
now i have to stop in here and
see some people, magnolia. yes, pa.
good night, pa.
where you off to?
well, after i drop this
at the harness shop,
i'll head back to the barn and
fix the brake pedal on the stage.
and then when i'm
through with that,
i've got diablo's
teeth to file.
he's not gettin' much
out of his food lately.
and then, when i'm through with diablo,
there's that cracked singletree to fix.
aside from that, i got
a free evening. uh-huh.
well, run along and
enjoy yourself, my dear.
remember, these are the
best years of your life.
hoo! hoo!
hoo! hoo!
ah!
hoo! hoo!
- yeah. i'm comin'.
hoo! hoo!
hoo! hoo!
hoo-hoo!
hoo! hoo!
amos!
evenin'. evening.
well, that's what i
call solid comfort.
yeah. it's very pretty.
where are the children?
fed and in bed.
you know, i'm not sure, but i
think two men tried to waylay me.
what? yeah. back there.
probably just
theodore and amos.
who are theodore and amos?
- used to ride with the stillwell gang.
the stillwell gang? really?
till amos accidentally
shot stillwell in the leg.
they call themselves the
hash knife outfit now.
hmm. they're pretty
harmless for the most part.
mm-hmm. hey. buy you a drink?
i'm sorry. i, uh...
i just wasn't thinking
of you as a wo...
i'm sorry.
mr. donavan!
we're going to the
mine to get some gold!
you want to come with us?
not so loud, and just
a little bit slower.
where are you going? to dig
some gold out of our mine.
then we don't have to eat
biscuits and greens all the time.
mr. purvis in the assay
office says it's on bald hill.
will you come with
us, mr. donavan, huh?
no.
- but why?
because my head hurts,
and because there is no gold
in that hole in the ground.
our pa said there was.
then you go get it.
and i'm going to
go get some sleep.
you know, leonard, with
the kind of luck you have,
you ought to play
poker for a living...
and have banking as a hobby,
instead of the other way around.
thank you, friend.
thank you very much.
hey, mr. donavan,
why does he got...
your cherished token
of a lady's affection?
because three deuces beats
aces over eights, that's why.
don't get in trouble.
theodore! theodore! theodore!
go on, clarice.
go hide, quick!
douse that fire! ah!
what's the matter with
you? what are you doing?
did you lose your... come on!
there's a posse
after us! here!
come on! a posse?
i don't see anybody. they're
down there, all right.
i saw 'em. they're all
hidin' in the bushes.
how many? i don't
know. it was five, six.
maybe 20. and they're
all loaded for bear too.
got those big,
long buffalo rifles.
you know somethin', amos? hmm?
we gotta make a
decision. what?
does the hash knife
outfit throw in its
hand, or do we go out
in a blaze of glory?
right! uh, just what do
you mean, "blaze of glory"?
fightin' till the
last man's killed.
what's it gonna be, pard?
uh, you know that jail in
santa fe wasn't all that bad.
remember? i say we go
out clawin' and fightin'.
make 'em pay for our
hides. what do you say?
uh, all right. i'm with you.
you know somethin', theodore?
this could be the end
of the trail for us.
looks that way, amos.
you know somethin'?
you and me been
through a lot together,
and although i climbed
your hump once in a while,
i... i just couldn't have
asked for a better partner.
if we meet again in that big
roundup in the sky sometime,
i'm gonna spread my
blanket 'side of yours,
just the same as always.
mister?
we're lookin' for
the commodore mine.
uh, mm, it's, uh... it's
right up the hill there.
just follow the trail.
take you right to it.
thanks.
bye!
- bye.
amos, that is the most humiliating
thing that's ever happened to me.
i know. three bitty
kids with shovels...
walk right into our hideout
and get the drop on us.
i know. and you
burnt my hand, amos.
i'm sorry about that. and you
scorched a hole in my best shirt!
well, i can fix that. why did you tell
me those three bitty kids was a posse?
well, i thought i saw 'em
down there in the bushes.
oh, you couldn't see through
a barbed wired fence. theodore?
that head of yours wouldn't
hold straw. theodore?
you couldn't sell
hacksaws in a jail.
what about that big roundup in the
sky? i don't want to talk about it!
i said i... i said i...
said you were gonna spread
your blanket next to mine.
w
- why don't we dig here?
because somebody
already did dig here.
you scared? no. no
more than you are.
i'm not scared. neither am i.
i am.
bobby?
come on. a little
mouse can't hurt you.
it was just an owl.
this looks like a
pretty good place to dig.
you start over there,
and i'll dig here.
find any gold yet?
nope. did you? no.
maybe there ain't any
gold, like mr. donavan said.
pa said there was.
stop shaking it, celia! i'm not
shaking it! it won't stand still!
it's an earthquake!
let's get out of here!
bobby?
i gotta go.
are we trapped?
there must be another way out.
come on.
bobby, what's that?
well, we base
our evaluation...
on what the price of the
gold was when we checked last,
but the price may have
gone up in the meantime,
in which case the nugget
could be worth more.
the san francisco mint will
give us a receipt for the nugget,
and the cash deposit will remain in the
children's name in the quake city bank.
i'll leave that end of it to
you. i just want to make sure...
that the children's
interests are well protected.
ah, donavan, don't
worry about a thing.
we'll see that that nugget
is well taken care of.
can we touch it?
i'm sorry, ma'am.
that's as close as we
can let you get to it.
it's a piece of cake.
you mean it ain't gold?
course it's gold, stupid.
i mean getting that
nugget out of that
bank's gonna be easier
than fallin' off a log.
oh, boy! act natural.
don't do nothin' to
attract attention.
hey, uh, theodore,
how we gonna...
theodore?
how, uh... how we gonna
get it outta that bank?
all right, first we gotta
get ourselves a long ladder,
and we're gonna go in through
the skylight, through the roof.
then we gotta get
that nugget outta town,
and i figure if it's worth
$87,000, it ought to...
oh, i'd say it'd
weigh close to...
let's see. gold
is $15 an ounce.
how many ounces in a pound?
are you listening to me, amos?
yeah, but... yeah, but what?
your rear end's on fire,
theodore. oh, thank you.
ah! ow!
why didn't you tell me
my rear end was on fire?
well, you told me not to do
anything to attract attention.
you got a match? i've got...
excuse me.
ah! ah!
hello. nice day.
mabel, stanley, donavan.
hello. hi, sheriff.
well, now, this is what
i call havin' a party.
mr. donavan said we can have
all the apple dumplings we want.
did he? did he? well, that's
very generous of mr. donavan.
and he bought me
a new dress, see?
oh, i think that's the most
beautiful dress i ever saw.
awful nice kids.
yes, they are.
you still bound
for new orleans?
oh, yes. yes. well, nothing's
happened to change that.
of course, uh, i have a few things
i have to clear up here in town,
and i've gotta make
arrangements for the kids.
seems a lot of people...
are anxious to take the
youngsters to their bosoms.
they're sayin' the kids ought
to be made wards of the court...
and for me to give 'em to some
respectable family around here,
people of substance.
'course, that'd fit
right into your plans.
you'd be free to go on your
way. unencumbered. unfettered.
yeah. yeah.
fine, fine.
who wants 'em? oh, there's
no shortage of applicants.
there's the little darlin'!
here, let me have
the sweet little thing!
what do you know about children? you
don't know nothin' about the child.
let go!
all right, ladies.
ladies, this is a
private party! but he
said i could have her!
you're all gonna wind up in the
calaboose if you don't get out of here.
that'll all be decided
later on at the hearing.
out! out!
see what i mean?
they ripped my
beautiful dress.
i know, but we'll fix it.
hey. we'll fix it.
there'sgotto be better
people in this town.
there's always
miss clydesdale.
who's miss clydesdale?
dusty? mm-hmm.
but she's not married.
- that's easy to fix.
well, who can you get?
you're not suggesting... i'm
only suggesting it for the kids.
i know, but dusty's... dusty's
a fine specimen of womanhood!
i seen her get caught
in a cloudburst once,
and i wanna tell you!
yes, mr. donavan.
please marry dusty.
no two people
ever got married...
for a more honorable or
worthy cause, donavan.
think that over.
hearing's not till
the day after tomorrow.
marry dusty?
if they give us to mrs. stockley, she
won't hit us with a stick, will she?
why would she hit
you with a stick?
she hits mr.
stockley with a stick,
and she might get mad if we track
mud in the house or something.
or forget to comb our hair.
well, i'm sure she
wouldn't do that.
when mr. stockley gets mad, he
uses words i never heard before.
he's not as mean as mr. leach.
mr. leach'll put you
in a sack and throw
you in the river if
you even talk too much.
nobody's gonna throw
you in the river.
if rowdy joe dover got us, i bet
we'd have to sleep in his shed.
don't worry, clovis. if celia gets
pneumonia, i can take care of her.
we picked these for
you, mr. donavan.
so you won't forget us
when you get to new orleans.
you can press them in a book
and they'll keep forever.
then every time you see one, you'll
remember us three "widdle" kids.
that you gave away.
come on, clovis.
we better do the dishes and
not bother mr. donavan anymore.
all right!
i'll ask her.
"three 'widdle' kids"?
three little
swindlers, you mean.
bobby? what?
what's "swindlers"?
i don't know.
okay, come on.come on!
soon as we get the ladder out of
here, we head straight for the bank.
amos! amos!
yeah? ahh!
this one's too small.
get the one on the other side.
mmmm...
i'll go open the door.
it's too long. we can't
get it out this way.
push it together.
aah! you idiot!
you get on that end, and
i'll get on the other...
and then we'll
push it together.
on the count of three.
get in there and get it out!
it went through the other window.
i'm gonna pull it all the way through.
someone's comin'!
howdy.
evening.
don't worry. as soon as we get across
here, it's gonna be all downhill.
get back, you cabbage
head. you're gonna bust it.
don't worry. aah! mmm!
it's a long way
down there, theodore.
well, don't look down.
it's startin' to shake!
hoo!
don't do that.
move it! my spur's caught.
get up there!
i am. i d... aah-ha!
get off! get off!
if i didn't think you'd freeze
to death come this winter,
i'd rob this bank myself
and leave you here.
comin' through.
watch it!
uh...
maybe you ought
to check and see if
the front door's
open. will you shut up?
perfect. it's a great
scheme. only when it's over,
i'm the deserted wife left
with three kids to mother...
while i watch your south
end disappearing over a hill.
but you'll be compensated
for any inconvenience, any...
i don't want their money.
it's theirs. they found it.
agreed. the only reason i
suggested it is that i knew...
that you would provide
them with a good home.
what do you get out
of this "arrangement"?
a chance to get to new
orleans before winter sets in.
that all? - well, i would appreciate
it if you'd square my debts.
i will repay you in due time.
and that's all?
- yes!
oh, now wait a minute.
uh, do you mean...
might i exercise my
husbandly prerogatives?
that's exactly what i
mean. miss clydesdale,
nothing could be
further from my mind.
this marriage would ensure a
good home for those children.
nothing more. i give
my word as a gentleman.
it's not the best
guarantee i've ever had.
well, maybe not, but it's
the best i have to offer.
so what's it gonna be, miss
clydesdale? you calling or folding?
all right, i'll
go along with it.
but it's not for you.
it's for the kids.
and the sooner you light a shuck
out of this town, the better.
it's gonna be daylight before
we even get in that bank.
boy, once we get our hands on that
gold, we're gonna be livin' like kings.
we'll be shooin' those senoritas off
like flies. never mind about that now.
just make sure this
mule of yours don't
get frisky. don't you
worry about clarice.
she'll get you up there all
right. now you wait for my signal.
all right. you gonna
use that hooty-owl
again? now i answer
with a whippoorwill.
no, no. don't you
remember nothin'?
when i give that rope a tug, then you
haul me up. that's a new one. right.
tug and haul. right.
okay. no hooty-owl. okay!
now this time, it's just gonna
be a tug and haul. you got that?
well, that's it.
come on, clarice.
come on!
hold it. stay right there.
shh! you're gonna
wake somebody up!
come over here!
uh! i'll help you.
stay right there.
whoa.
you all right? i told
you to wait for my signal!
right. shh-shh.
shh-shh.
shh-shh. yeah.
go ahead! shh-shh.
yeah. uh, come on,
clarice.come on.
come on. get up,
clarice.come on, you...
come on. get up,
clarice.come on.
you can rest on your patio when we get
to mexico.come on. gotta get up now.
come on.come on!
mr. donavan said he doesn't
want us wandering around...
somebody's coming! we're not wandering
around. we're looking for him.
maybe we should stay
home till he gets back.
he should've
been back by now.
unless he forgot.
hi.
who are you talkin' to?
oh. hey, you're the man that showed
us how to get to the mine, aren't ya?
that's right. you
kids run along now.
we're looking for mr. donavan.
well, i think
he went that way.
why are you standing
on your toes like that?
'cause i wanna stand on my
toes. now get outta here.
well, you kids go ahead
now. i'm real busy.
where's your friend?
- he'd better be in another county.
how'd you get up
there? never mind how i
got up here. you kids
should be in bed now.
get outta here.
ah! bite me, you
ungrateful fleabag you.
how'd you do that?
anyway, i got here early this morning
to draw up the certification papers...
for the nugget for
the san francisco mint,
and when i opened up the place,
when i opened up the place,
i got the shock of my life!
morning. morning.
you two couldn't
take candy away from a
baby without comin'
out on the short end.
well, it's not gonna go
so easy on ya this time.
get outta that silly
rope, and stand up.
this court is now in session, the
honorable homer mccoy presiding.
theodore ogelvie, amos tucker,
you're charged with
attempted bank robbery.
how do you plead?
guilty or not guilty?
not guilty?
- guilty!
the wrong one.
- this court sentences you...
to be hung by the neck
until dead, and i'm
fining you an extra
ten bucks for perjury.
let 'em out, leonard.
nice goin'. unh.
be down to the oak tree near boot
hill at 12:00 sharp for your hanging.
thank you, your honor.
12:00 sharp on that.
you don't thank a man for hanging
you, you leather-brained ignoramus.
and bring your own rope.
right. i'll get
it. where you goin'?
that's the only rope
we got. get outta here.
well, the hardware's
closed.come on, you dummy.
well, how you gonna hang
yourself without a rope?
you know, those dummies
are liable to show up.
well, if they do, they
deserve to be hung.
i just want to get 'em out
of this town once and for all.
sooner that gold's out of this bank and
in the san francisco mint, the better.
a lot of people are
out to get that nugget.
stillwell, we've been sittin' on
this mountain for two days now.
starin' at a bank
through a spyglass...
ain't gonna get us no richer.
you worried about
that sheriff?
any time you got one of
them down-home sheriffs,
you always got a town
full of vigilantes.
we could be walkin' into
a real hornet's nest.
we got to get
the gold sometime.
oh, we're gonna get it. i
never rode no 200 miles...
just to look at the scenery.
dang. your leg
cutting up again?
yeah, it always acts up on me
every time the weather changes.
i'll tell you one thing sure.
if i ever get in shootin' distance
of that doggone amos tucker,
he's gonna have windows
where his ears was.
uh, homer? can we,
uh, talk with you?
as barber, sheriff or
justice of the peace?
justice of the peace.
that's two bits. but i
only got half a shave!
a whole shave's four bits. now git
before i fine you for loitering.
git, git, git, git.
all right, all right.
i'll see you next tuesday.
dusty, you a willin'
party to this union?
just wanna make sure they get
a square deal and a good home.
i never teamed two
more unlikely prospects.
you go together like
ice cream and whiskey,
but i guess you'd be man and
wife, same as regular people,
and nobody could
say different.
now you kids just make
yourselves comfortable.
did you want it complete
with the trimmings...
love, honor and
cherish and all that?
kind of like to hear
it anyway. well, fine.
uh, well, let's just
get it over with.
you got a ring? no.
more legal with a ring.
you hold this till i tell ya.
was you gonna
keep your hats on?
you take her, donavan?
yes!
do you take him, dusty?
i do.
uh, the ring. give
it to mr. donavan.
powers invested in me, the state
of california, county of tulare,
i pronounce you hitched.
it ain't necessary for you
to kiss if you don't want to,
but you ought to at
least shake on it.
well, that's it. i generally
get two dollars about this point.
pay you back.
ah. since you two don't seem
to have no immediate plans,
i'm buyin'. oh, good, good!
oh, dusty, would you mind just
keeping an eye on the kids for awhile?
might as well get used to it.
come on. let's have
our own celebration.
how come mr. donavan's goin' that
way, and we're goin' this way?
it's kind of hard to explain.
that all then, miss cole?
all right. $4.62.
i'll put it right
here on your bill.
you can each have a licorice
whip and one jelly bean...
but just one.
mornin', dusty. mr. purvey.
if you're here for those grain
bags, they didn't come in yet.
i have to get boots and jackets
for the kids. oh, well, here.
we'll look 'em up in the catalogue.
i see somebody bought the bed.
yep.
sure is pretty. yeah, sure is.
who'd you sell it to? donavan.
who?
- mr. donavan.
he picked it out this morning.
did he really?
did he really?
donavan!
yes, you, you snake
oil salesman. are you
comin' out here, or
am i comin' in there?
what's the matter?
is there some trouble?
yes, there's
trouble all right,
and you're in it.
"all i want is a chance to be on my
way, unencumbered and unfettered."
that's right. that's all i
wanted. - don't slick-talk me!
dusty!
wait a minute, dusty. wait
a minute, dusty. hold it.
wait a minute! wait...
dusty... wait, dusty.
wait, wait, dusty.
now wait a minute!
dusty, will you just
let me say one word? one!
dusty... that's it.
no!
"nothing could be further
from my mind, miss clydesdale.
you have my word as a
gentleman." i meant...
gentleman? yeah!
aah!
no!
get off of him. coward.
aha! no!
no, dusty. back!
back! give me that!
don't! don't!
now wait a minute,
dusty. now wait.
dusty... no, no! wait!
now this is ridiculous.
when you, uh, get rational,
we'll discuss this.
oh! we'll discuss
it right now.
ohh!
sorry, ralph.
dusty, you're being hysterical. we
can't accomplish anything this way!
what happened with them
two? they got married.
dusty, be reasonable.
shut up, you liar.
i don't know what's
happened, but i can explain.
you're not gettin' out of it
that easy, you pasteboard slinger.
pay you back, homer.
dusty! dusty! now look.
what's bothering you?
that bed! that
great, big brass bed!
if you had no intention of exercising
your husbandly prerogatives,
why'd you buy that bed?
that's it? the bed?
yes!
the bed...
happens to be for
the kids, dusty.
with the nights getting colder,
they need a warmer place to sleep,
so the brass bed
is for the boys,
and the smaller
bed is for celia!
well, why didn't you say
so in the first place?
we could have avoided this
little misunderstanding.
pardon me. ahem.
excuse me, please.
come along, celia.
this is no place for a lady.
order in the court!
order, order! quiet now!
everybody, sit
down and shut up.
edgar, you get
back in your seat.
i think we've heard about all the
testimony this building can take.
now i'm gonna decide who gets
these sprouts of wintle's,
and that decision
is gonna be final.
this court appreciates
the generosity...
and the kindness of
all you good people...
who have offered to provide
homes for these kids...
and to safeguard their assets.
proves this town's
got a heart after all.
but after due deliberation and a
consideration of all the facts...
and the merits
of the applicants,
this court awards bobby,
clovis and celia bradley...
to mr. and mrs.
russel donavan.
that's the order of
this court. i don't
want to hear a lot
of argument about it,
and i don't want a half a
dozen people comin' up here...
homer. i heard you were
about to gavel off my kin.
that won't be necessary now
since i'm here to claim them.
donavan, thank you for
taking such good care of them.
my lawyer.
he will explain all the
"whereas's" and "wherefore's."
tell them. tell them,
uh, why the kids are mine,
with no maybe's.
may it please the
court, i have an
order... what would
please this court...
is to see both of you rode
out of this town on a rail!
your honor, the law...
i don't need no checkered-pants
lawyer to tell me the law.
give me that!
all right, they're
yours, wintle.
get yourself and that
jackleg outta here before
i show you how contemptuous
this court can be.
yes, sir, reverend.
that gold's the most valuable shipment
ever entrusted to the butterfly line.
oh, my goodness gracious.
the most valuable shipment.
my word. and exactly how
much does this nugget weigh?
three hundred and fifty-six
pounds, without the crating.
now, uh, that's not quite as large
as the one they found in breckenridge.
still, that's a whole lot
of gold all in one piece.
oh, i assume you have a goodly
portion of men protectin' it.
we're bringin' in extra guards
from marysville tomorrow.
i see.
then you won't be making your
regular noon passenger run.
well, now... oh, fear
not, dear brother.
you're speaking to a
servant of the lord.
well, bein' a man of the
cloth, it can do no harm.
ahem.
they're takin' it out
as soon as the, uh,
bank closes at 4:00 tomorrow,
but they won't be goin'
by the regular route.
they'll be goin'
over china grade.
splendid. splendid idea.
why, i shouldn't imagine...
that they would encounter so much as
a horned frog on that old slag road.
my thinkin' precisely. uh,
reverend, could i buy you a drink?
oh, thank you, no,
sir. i never imbibe.
however, i would be happy to accept
this as a contribution for the poor.
bless you, brother. bless you.
well, charlie. charlie,
i seem to have, uh,
left my purse at the office.
i was, uh... ah. would you set
'em up for charlie and me there?
hi, dusty. howdy.
annulment papers.
homer says you can drop
'em off at the marysville
courthouse, but it'll
take two, three days.
we must have set
some kind of record.
yes.
well, you're finally
rid of 'em. what now?
well, i guess i'll
work my way east.
change of scenery,
change of luck, you know.
uh, dusty?
thanks for what you did.
we tried somethin'. it
didn't work, that's all.
well, good-bye.
bye. donavan?
you were a good father to those kids.
they couldn't have asked for better.
we got along.
well...
and, donavan?
- yeah?
i'm sorry i hit you in
the head with the spittoon.
a perfectly logical
misunderstanding.
and i'm sorry that i offered
you a drink in the saloon too.
well, it's a perfectly
logical misunderstanding.
well, i wouldn't make
that mistake again.
you wouldn't?
good luck, dusty.
how you expect to get
warm sittin' in front
of a fire that's
been out for two days?
aw, i don't know. i always
used to sit here for breakfast.
couldn't we build just
one little itty-bitty
fire? it don't seem
like home no more.
no! amos, i tell you.
we got big trouble.
we go in town to get
food, we get strung up.
if we stay here, we starve to death,
if we don't freeze to death first.
so what's it gonna be?
well... well, what if we went
down and told sheriff mccoy...
that we was real sorry and we
wasn't gonna rob banks anymore?
ever. right. and we'd
even cross our heart.
well, that's worth
thinkin' about.
we wouldn't want to take
any ropes with us, would we?
hey, mister.
what do you kids want now?
you tell him, bobby.
we want you to have
our gold nugget.
what gold nugget?
- the one you tried to steal.
oh, that gold nugget.
all you gotta do is
take it out of the bank.
you kids come all the way up here
just to tell us to rob the bank again?
we're already sentenced to be
hung for robbin' it the first time.
say, uh, maybe it's a fix to smoke us
out, theodore. this isn't any trick.
judge mccoy said
mr. wintle really
doesn't want us. he
just wants the gold.
so if you take the gold, then
mr. wintle will go away again.
and mr. donavan will
be stuck with us again.
mr. donavan buys us all the
apple dumplings we can eat.
it ain't like it's
really stealin'.
it's our gold, and
we're givin' it to ya.
all you have to
do is pick it up.
we'll help you.
pardon me just
a minute, ma'am.
what do you think, theodore?
oh, i don't know about the hash knife
throwin' in with a bunch of kids.
how's that gonna look
in the history books?
we wouldn't have to
call it "hash knife."
we could call them the
apple dumpling gang.
who's gonna know the difference?
it's like the kid says.
it ain't actually stealin'.
- and you better hurry...
'cause we're leavin' at
4:00, when the bank closes.
theodore?
all right. all right! come on.
now, here's the bank. now we're gonna
need some dynamite to blow the safe.
we gotta get some kind of a
wagon to haul off the gold.
you got that, gang? now i
think we'll go in the side door.
you remember that side door. yeah.
now when we were hangin' in there...
let's see... that would
be just off to the right.
you told me to get you a wagon,
didn't ya? not that wagon.
well, what's wrong with... look.
these are the fastest horses in town.
we'll be halfway to mexico before they
find out. it's too late to change now.
let's get the thing headed
in the other direction. right.
you kids keep a
lookout for the sheriff.
i'm sorry. we're closed.
eh? i say we're...
i'm sorry, reverend.
we're closed for the day.
you'll...
open that safe.
clovis!
somebody else is
already robbing the bank.
come on!
oh, no. get on in there.
hurry up!
where'd they come from?
they was outside lookin' in.
get 'em over yonder out of
the way. and you keep quiet.
you hear? ox,
keep an eye on 'em.
get out of the room.
ain't that the most
beautiful sight you ever saw?
boy, oh, boy. -
ay-yi-yi. it's heavy.
where's the wagon?
- it's right outside.
easy, boys. let me
catch up with you.
this blasted thing weighs
a ton, dang it. sure does.
my leg don't work too good goin'
round this turn. now, that's got it.
now we got her.
hey, don't nobody
move! this is a holdup!
we're gonna rob the bank,
and we mean business.
you're a day late
and a dollar short.
like he said right
here... did you say it?
aah!
who in blazes are you? well?
ahem. uh, mr. stillwell asked
you a question, theodore.
uh, uh...
theodore.
- hi, frank.
amos.
- uh, still aren't mad...
'cause i shot you in
the leg, are you, frank?
i guess you are. please,
gentlemen, no shooting.
that dynamite is
old and is sweating.
if he drops it, there won't
be a bit of this bank left.
that makes sense.
all right, you two, get
over here and out of the way.
all right. move.
get these kids out of here where we
can watch 'em. all right, you.come on.
you're gonna walk right out of here
ahead of us, straight to the wagon.
one peep outta you
and i'll blow a hole
in you that you can
throw a mule through.
you understand? all right, get
to walkin', and keep smilin'.
hurry up! hooks,
get ahold of this.
come on. easy does it.
that's our gold! we
said they could have it!
outta my way. all right,
now we're gonna walk...
watch out for that dynamite!
whoa, whoa.
it's the law! looks like we're gonna
have to blast our way outta here.
you idiot. what's
all the firing?
they're tryin'
to get the nugget.
get this thing off of me!
hold this.
must be 50 of 'em in there.
i'll go get old betsy.
somebody get him a drink.
take more than that
to get the sting out.
get down!
my knees! get down.
don't do that anymore.
get down. aah! i'm
sittin' on my spurs!
dusty! ha! ha!
are you tryin' to
get yourself killed?
i am trying to
stop a bank robbery.
well, do it from a safe place,
not the middle of the street!
get it inside! come on!
whoa! aah!
does anyone know where
alvin keeps his corkscrew?
grab these kids, and let's get
out of here. what about the gold?
forget about the gold. we'll be lucky
to escape with our hides. hurry up.
frank, are you sure you
don't want your gold?
it's all yours, partner. don't
spend it all in one place.
i'm gonna buy some new toes.
you can't take those children.
let's go this way. frank,
our horses are around front.
well, so is half
the town.come on.
i ain't never gonna rob no
bank... ever, ever, ever.
that's it! aah!
aah! i can't move!
i can walk. i
can walk. my back!
go! my back! i can't move!
we gotta get out of here.
i can't move! my back!
all right. aah! the dynamite!
i can't move.
just cover me, mildred.
mr. donavan! mr. donavan!
they got celia.
hyah! hyah, hyah!
hyah!
clyde!
ha!
howdy.
shh! listen. they
stopped firing. aah!
there's two more in there.
get this team to movin'!
hurry! hurry!
hyah! hyah!
celia!
dusty!
hey!
donavan!
what? whoa!
my. you always kiss like that?
i've been savin' up. oh, yeah?
get stillwell, wring
him out and lock him up.
donavan? dusty?
you're gonna drown in there.
i guess they don't mind.
well, we better get back to town and
see what's happened to that nugget.
gold! it's a
gold nugget, lily!
gold! gold!
gold! gold! gold!
get out of here.
this is my claim.
anyone who looks for
gold around here...
is gonna fight me.
i wandered today to
the hill, maggie??
to watch the scenes below??
the brook and the creaking
old mill, maggie????
my bank. my beautiful bank.
oh, a man that
can fill an inside
straight like you
can don't need a bank.
leonard, you can work out of my
barbershop till you rebuild...
at no charge.
i want you to know that i hold your
bank and this town responsible...
for the loss of my gold.
and you! you can be jolly well
responsible for those three brats too.
mr. donavan! mr. donavan!
theodore and amos...
they were in the bank.
there you are, donavan:
5,000 for the capture
of frank stillwell.
it's no more than
you deserve, donavan.
and here is the deed
of the benson place.
there it is. the
roulette tables,
crystal chandeliers,
the red carpets.
everything. well,
you don't have to go through with
it if you don't want to, donavan.
someone else will buy the
benson place. it's in fine shape.
it shouldn't be so
bad. i'll be going into
town one or two nights
a week to play poker.
wanna bet?
look. it's a holdup.
whoa.
hi. - i thought you promised sheriff
mccoy you were gonna stop that.
oh, we are stoppin', mr. donavan.
fact, me and amos talked it over,
and we've decided we've been the
scourge of the west long enough...
and we're hangin' our
firearms up for good.
and, uh... ahem. well, we was
just wonderin' if, uh, uh...
climb on.
you mean i'll be
livin' under the same
roof with these two
lawless profligates?
just till you hear
from mr. gould, pa.
that horse got a name? lucius.
oh, yeah? lucius,
clarice. clarice, lucius.
so they settled down together
their troubles all behind??
now that donavan and
dusty tied the knot??
and their friends wished them
happiness as all the church bells rang?
for that family called
the apple dumpling gang??
mr. donavan? i gotta go.
and they called them??
the apple dumpling gang????