The Grand Seduction (2013) Movie Script
When I was a boy, Tickle Head
was a proud fishing harbour.
Back then, people from Tickle Head
were strong, dignified, brave.
Their days were filled with purpose.
By no means was this life
for the faint at heart,
for the weak or the lazy.
But as I look back now,
I can truly say...
life was a thing of beauty.
My father would labour 14 hours
a day till his hands were raw,
risking life and limb,
fighting the merciless sea,
all to put food on the table,
a roof over our heads,
warmth in our stove.
At day's end, my father
glowed with pride
because he knew, deep
down, he'd earned it.
He earned every precious, beautiful
moment life gave back to him.
'Cause he knew his hard
work made him worthy,
worthy of the cod on his plate,
the smell of the salt on his skin,
worthy of the stars in the sky.
Oh, Ernest!
Alice!
The whole harbour was worthy of
every consequence of happiness.
There were even some who believed
they were more worthy than others.
True happiness.
Meow!
Meow! Meow!
Murray, stop buggin' the cat.
- Mornin', Anne.
- Hey, how's it going?
Ah!
- Mornin', Sammy.
- Thanks.
Mornin', Seez.
Heya, Frankie.
There you are, my love.
Thanks, Kath.
Mornin', Murray.
Thank you, and Mr. Pelley asked
me to pick up his welfare cheque.
There you go.
- Thank you.
- Have a good one.
- Catch you later.
- Mornin', Joe.
Thank you. Wonderful.
There you go. Have a nice day,
and don't forget the town meeting, okay?
- Thanks, Henry.
- Next.
This is my cheque, and this
is Mr. Pelley's cheque.
Murray, now, we've been through this.
I've explained this to you...
We go through this every month.
- I could lose my job.
- You will not lose your job.
You have seen Mr. Pelley's
power of attorney.
It's fraudulent!
- This is totally legal.
- This is illegal!
Thanks.
And don't forget the town
meeting, okay? Next.
Hey.
- My brother called.
- Oh yeah?
- How's he doing?
- Good.
There's a job available
in St. John's.
Of course! You prefer to stay here.
This is our home.
You prefer to stay here and
live like thieves, Murray.
- Thieves?
- You steal from the cable company!
- You rigged up our electrical box!
- That wasn't on purpose.
You sell the salmon you
catch in your herring nets
and you're still cashing that second
illegal welfare cheque every month.
Illegal?
This is a power of attorney.
It is written in black and white.
It is my duty and moral obligation
to pick up and to deposit
Mr. Pelley's welfare cheque.
It is Mr. Pelley himself who wrote
this particular power of attorney.
Mr. Pelley has given me a mission.
Mr. Pelley's dead.
Not in the government registry.
Until Mr. Pelley is dead
everywhere, I have a moral duty.
Murray, why does this always
have to be your decision?
'Cause I'd be the one
who'd be workin'!
This job is for me, Murray.
I'd be the one who'd be workin'.
- Murray...
- It's the town meeting.
Murray...
What am I gonna tell my brother?
Murray!
- Where is everyone?
- Stuck in traffic.
Murray?
Murray? This is quite the surprise.
Shag off.
All right.
Now, the company is still considering
our proposal for the factory.
So I offered them a full tax
exemption to sweeten the deal.
Uh... tax exemption? Why would
you give them a full tax exemption?
I mean, 2% less than Port
Anne would've enticed them.
Enticed them? Enticed them?
Henry, I didn't want to entice
them, I wanted to blind them!
I wanted to blind them so they wouldn't
notice the gaping holes in our bid.
Yeah but a full tax exemption?
But that's not the problem
anyway, 'cause...
- But for how many years?
- Forever, Henry, forever.
- 'Cause the real problem is...
- But I...
Forever! I offered them
full tax exemption forever
and I threw in your
daughter's virginity.
What the hell are you talkin' about?
Oh, Henry, Tom is pulling your leg. Everyone
knows Lucy gave that away long ago.
Look, the tax exemption and his
daughter's virginity are irrelevant.
Why?
The company insurance requires that
the town have a resident doctor.
No doctor, no factory.
So why don't...
Let's just get a doctor.
We've been looking for eight
friggin' years, Murray!
Well, let's stop lookin'
and start findin'!
You're our mayor, right?
You're "the" guy.
I know you can do this!
You said you would and you will!
What would Barb be doin' in town?
She won't be going to town.
Well, if she goes, though.
If she goes,
where will it leave you?
- What do you mean?
- Well, she'll be working.
Where will that leave you?
What will be your role?
You'll become the new
little missus, I guess.
I guess you'll be shopping
and doing the cooking,
laundry and the gossiping.
They... they sometimes like to
do arts and crafts together.
They do yoga sessions.
Oh my God, you'll love yoga, boy.
Great for the posture.
She'll be the new boss,
in a sexual perspective now.
Who'll be doing the driving?
She won't be goin' to town.
Come on, now! Another tune!
Farewell darling
And don't you grieve for me...
Murray!
- Lizzy, grab the box.
- With all that stuff?
Yes, grab the bottom.
Okay.
Oh, thank you, darlin'.
- Murray!
- What's goin' on?
Holidays.
Holiday?
With your furniture?
I got a job in town.
You knows what it's like, Murray.
And young Lizzie there
desperately needs braces.
You can't do it here so...
She's got horrible teeth.
- She's got her mother's teeth.
- Thank you, Tom.
Honey, you know what I mean.
- Of course, I'm ugly.
- Sheryl!
- At least she doesn't have your ears.
- Don't start with my ears!
What about the factory, Mr. Mayor?
Enjoy your holiday, buddy.
You leavin' me?
I'm not leavin' you, Murray.
I'm goin' to work.
We're this close to
gettin' a doctor.
I don't like what
we've become, Murray.
These are tough times.
It's not the times.
It's us. I don't recognize us.
Barb!
This is it, Simon.
This is it. I'm leavin'.
Will you come visit me in town?
Nope.
Simon.
- I'm afraid of flyin'.
- Yeah, well, drive down.
I don't drive.
I'm serious. I'm gonna need you to
come visit me from time to time.
I won't.
Take the bus.
I do not know how to take the bus.
Well, then how do you go to town?
I've never been to town.
- Never?
- No.
You've never been to town?
Nope!
Lucky dog.
Lucky dog.
Welcome to St. John's
International Airport.
For passengers making
a connecting flight...
No, no...
Okay, no, I'm not still drunk.
No, I'm not.
Babe, honestly, I don't know
what else to say. I said I'm sorry.
I'll say it again, I'm sorry.
I unfortunately missed my flight.
I just paid an astronomical
amount of money
to get on the next, which I will.
I have 35 minutes to
make my connection.
Bye, Paul.
- Hey, boss.
- Hey.
Hold on one sec.
- Can I get you to go this way, please?
- What?
- Just over this way.
- No, no, no, sir.
- This way, sir.
- I got a connection.
Just over here, sir.
Right. That's awesome. This is good.
Shorts.
That's a shirt.
Those are, uh, cricket balls.
- Cricket?
- Yeah, I play cricket.
Just won a tournament. Hence the
trophy and the hangover, sir.
I'm kind of in a rush, you know?
- I got a flight to catch...
- Sir, please.
Sir, I'm a doctor, okay?
I'm due for surgery,
and while you're itemizing my toiletries,
there's a young child named Jimmy
that's pondering his
future as an amputee.
He might lose his leg, sir.
Jimmy might lose his leg,
and I need to leave
immediately for Jimmy's sake.
Right now, sir.
Now, now! Right... Okay...
Okay, that's cocaine.
That's cocaine. Okay?
And I just finished my residency
as a plastic surgeon,
and I am damn good and I can
fix anything you want for free.
Free of charge, pro bono.
Maybe on your wife perhaps?
Maybe she needs a fresh bosom,
maybe a tuck to her rear,
make it sing again.
I can work miracles, sir.
Maybe I could fix...
I could fix your ears.
Don't start with my ears.
- So you're a doctor.
- Yes, sir.
Where is everyone?
It's that bloody traffic again.
Sweet Jesus!
Hear ye, hear ye!
Hear ye, hear ye!
Hear ye, goddammit, hear ye!
Okay, I'm gonna tell you one
thing and it's not another!
If you hear the church bell ringin'
and it ain't the Sunday mornin',
it's because of the town meetin'.
And if there's a town meetin',
it's because the town bloody
well needs a town meetin'!
It's your civic duty to be there!
Okay.
First order of business.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am pleased to announce
that a doctor is comin' to
Tickle Head for one month.
We have exactly one month
to convince our good
doctor to sign long term.
Because we have just heard
that if the doctor chooses
to stay here in Tickle Head,
we gets the factory!
Eh?
We get a doctor,
the factory is a done deal.
- Ah!
- Right?
- Done deal!
- What is this factory?
Herbert, we have been
through this 100 times.
It is a petrochemical by-product
repurposing facility.
What does the factory make?
It's very simple, Herbert.
They take petrochemical waste
from the oil rigs and such
and, uh...
I don't know. They make jobs.
They make full-time
jobs for everyone.
Who wants to earn a paycheque?
Who wants to shove the welfare cheque
right up the government's arse?
Who wants to work again?
Well, raise your hands.
Raise your hands!
There you go! Yes!
Raise your hands, yes!
Yes!
Okay.
Now, we have one month
to make our man here,
Dr. Paul Lewis, believe.
One month to make him
believe like a child,
believe that Tickle Head is the
finest place on Earth to call home.
One month.
There's a whole lot of stuff on
the beach. We can actually...
We need a big, big cleanup.
We do need a big cleanup.
We do. We gotta get some
young fellas out there.
Murray, it's not a done deal.
And then the whole
beautification process,
you know, you were saying, like,
maybe paint her up a little bit and...
But it has to be more
than that, you know?
The whole harbour has to
be tailor-made for him.
So we must have a
cocaine-friendly village.
Murray, it's not a done deal.
It's nowhere near being a done deal.
I didn't say "done deal".
Yeah, you said "done deal"!
Well, I need people
to believe in this.
Yeah, but it's a lie.
Well, right now, lies is all we got.
- It's gotta be love at first sight.
- That's right.
Every detail is important.
For example, Mr. Mayor said
the doctor loves cricket.
- Cricket, cricket?
- Yeah.
That's disgusting.
- I mean, sushi is bad enough.
- No, cricket!
The sport! Cricket!
The sport, for God's sake!
The sport!
They, like, race 'em?
No, it's with a ball and the flat bat.
Have you never seen it?
- No!
- It's a game.
They must be some small
bats, what! Crickets!
- Listen. Yeah, listen.
- What else we got?
There's a whole slew of houses
down there that need some work...
You know what would seduce him?
You know what would
seduce him? Findin' money.
What?
Findin' money. Nothing
makes me happier.
It's satisfying.
I mean, you're walkin' along and then, bam,
there's 5 bucks just lying there, you know?
You feel lucky.
We have one chance at this.
Let's not mess it up.
- You said small details!
- Henry, don't... mess... this... up.
Well... one of the first
houses he'll see.
I know.
It does not give a good
first impression, boy.
Bloody painful.
Turn it! Turn it! Hold it!
That's it, that's it!
Right. So, here's
the cricket uniform.
There's the cricket field...
The rules...
I could print it for ya.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm!
- Yeah.
Is there, uh, anything else?
Can you show us some
photos of naughty nurses?
Sure.
- I got 'em.
- Great.
All right, okay.
Now, it is your civic duty
to study these rules. We must
all become cricket aficionados.
Put them out there. Here we go.
It's kind of like baseball
but it's only got two bases
and no one wears gloves.
One guy wears a glove!
One guy wears a glove.
Now the cricket pitch is a circle
with a rectangle in the middle.
You can do that, right?
You got lime?
Sure, I got bags.
All right, let's get to it.
Oof! We're gonna need
a whole lot of whites.
Where are we going to
get all these whites?
Hmm...
One, two, three.
- These are pink!
- Yeah, we can just bleach 'em.
- But these are pink!
- We can just bleach them!
And so the doctor will be staying
in our beautiful home for a month.
What about us?
Oh, we'll be staying
with the Williamses.
Anyone else have any announcements
they'd like to make?
- Lucy?
- What?
Anything anyone would like to share?
News, updates?
New milestones achieved?
Barriers broken?
- This is it.
- What?
Huh?
Sweet Jesus.
Do we know how to hook it up?
No idea.
It's still very pink.
That's not pink.
It's pink.
Even at night, it's horrendous.
- What the hell are you talkin' about?
- Nothing, really.
- Just, you know, everybody's pitchin' in.
- Yeah,
- you're using my attic!
- Oh, well, we appreciate that,
but this would really help,
and only you can do it.
Out of the question!
Just... a little flirt.
Murray, no!
- I'm not talkin' about intercourse.
- Intercourse?
I said I am not talking
about intercourse.
- I'm not a hooker, Murray.
- I know you're not a hooker!
You're a beautiful, young woman.
All I'm asking is if it's possible
to adopt a flirtatious
attitude towards the doctor.
No! He's happily engaged.
Yeah, exactly!
So what would be the point
of me flirtin' with him?
Well, just his manhood, you know,
just let him feel
desired and feel alive,
make Tickle Head a great
place to be a man!
And that's what you want?
That's would make you happy, Murray,
watching me come on to a stranger?
Yes.
No. The answer's no.
And if you asked me,
I'd say no to the factory too.
It's a petrochemical by-product
repurposing facility!
- It's the oil company!
- It's recycling!
That's good, eh? That's good, right?
No! That's just something
they're doin' for public image,
to repay for environmental
damage they done!
- So let 'em pay!
- I don't want the oil company here!
Well, you know, that's very easy
for you to say with a job, right?
Government job with vacation pay.
All I'm asking for
is a little flirt!
Hey, Annette.
You're cracked.
- You're cracked!
- I know you're good for it.
A cricket match is divided
into periods called innings.
One team fields and the other bats.
The two teams switch between fielding
and batting after each inning.
All right, so we switch around.
Now, all 11 members of the
fielding team take the field,
but only two members
of the batting team
are on the field at any given time.
You stand side by side or what?
Opposite ends of the field? Come on!
- Does this make sense to any of you guys?
- You wanna do it?
Give me a chance to look at it!
Joe! Joe, we're sorry we took
your oars now, all right?
- Give me the...
- Come on, that's enough!
Now's not the time for questions.
All right, go!
Go!
- That was awful!
- Awful! Bloody awful!
Go!
Right foot!
Left foot! Right foot!
That's your left foot, Henry.
Go back.
Right foot! Left foot!
Right to the side! Follow through!
There you go.
Back to where you were.
Oh!
Okay, Henry.
Just swing it up!
He's out!
- You gotta run now.
- Yeah, you gotta run.
He dropped it.
- Run!
- You too, you gotta run.
- Don't knock him over.
- Keep goin'. Where's the ball?
Ta-da!
- Oh, yes! Yeah.
- And this is for the top.
Yeah, yeah.
He looks the part.
You look good! Dapper!
And I put some extra
protection down there for you.
Yes, good. There.
Why is it pink?
Good luck, Murray!
Come on!
I took the wrong one!
How's he doin'?
Not good.
You okay?
All good.
It's this fresh air. I just...
I'm just used to, like, this
dense, dense smog, you know?
That's why I never left the city.
I get these anxiety attacks
when I'm not mugged by a homeless
person on a daily basis, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah, those don't work here.
Land lines only.
Sorry.
Oh, that's... that's great.
- They're coming!
- What?
- They're comin'!
- Everybody up!
Come on, everybody together!
Come on now, get in your positions!
Let's play cricket!
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
What the... Is this for real?
Hmm?
This!
- Do... do you like cricket?
- Love cricket.
- I live for cricket.
- Really?
- You play?
- Oh yeah. Oh, love that.
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
We got the final game
of the season here.
Come on! Come on!
No checking, no checking!
Our fathers played.
It's a great tradition
in our small harbour.
That's definitely a... field
setting I've never seen before.
Yeah, I know. I keep tellin'
them, but they don't listen.
Final game, huh?
- Let's go.
- Ah...
- Oh, we gotta go!
- Not possible.
A few overs never hurt no one.
Nah, they hate spectators.
No, we have to, Murray.
Let's go.
A few overs, for me.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- He wants to watch the match.
- What?
Well, that's it then.
The arse has gone out of her.
No, no. Sound the horn.
I'll think of something.
Come on now, get it
together, for God's sake!
- They're coming.
- What?
They're coming!
They're... they're coming!
They're coming!
Sweet Christ.
Any idea what happens
after we hit the ball?
- No.
- Is there a plan B
you haven't told us about?
No plan B.
The doctor might find it peculiar that
we're dressed up as cricket players,
that we're playing with equipment
that looks like cricket equipment,
but we have absolutely no
idea how to play cricket!
Keep playing!
It's all right. It's all right.
Jumpin' Jesus!
What do we do? What do we do?
I thought you'd all love hockey!
What do we do? What do we do?
We can't stand hockey.
What do we do? What do we do?
What do we do? What do we do? Simon!
What do we do?
Yay!
- Huh?
- Yay!
Oh, there you go. Game's over.
Season's over.
Let's get back to the boat.
Both teams won?
Well, one team won the league,
one team won the match.
You know, it's, uh...
it's basic good sportsmanship.
Oh.
Oh!
Not too close, son.
Sorry. Ah!
- Ah, thank you.
- Yeah!
It's a small harbour, but...
it's got a big heart.
- Come on, they'll deliver the rest.
- Yeah. Thank you.
They'll deliver that up.
That's all right. Come on.
That's the pride of Tickle Head.
- We can't touch her.
- Hmm...
Here we are. Door's open.
- The stuff will be up in a minute.
- All right.
Well, thank you.
Will you be needing any cocaine?
I'm... I'm sorry, what?
We're down with it.
Yeah, it's...
it's not really, uh... okay!
But thanks.
Enjoy our beautiful harbour.
Oh, whoa!
I can hear something.
- I can definitely hear something.
- He's dialling.
- He is!
- Turn it up. Put it on speakers.
Ah!
Jesus! Helen?
- Hello?
- Helen!
Don't touch that knob!
- Henry!
- Okay, okay!
- No, no, no!
- There.
- Helen, can you hear me?
- Hello?
- Hey, it's Paul. Helen...
- Paul! Oh, you wouldn't believe
the number of upset clients of yours
that I had to deal with today.
- It works!
- Mrs. Goldwater yelled at me
'cause she won't get her new breasts
in time for her daughter's wedding.
Uh, yeah, so have you
walked the dog lately?
- Yes.
- 'Cause you gotta walk him
at least two, three times a day,
every day. I'm talking every day.
- You can talk to him too.
- No, I'm not gonna talk to him.
He'll get depressed, Helen. He will.
- You gotta talk to him. He's a good listener.
- He's a dog. I don't talk to dogs.
Oh, and the dog park!
Don't go back to that one we
always go to. That Yorkie's back.
He gets in his head and he makes him
unmanly and he overcompensates
for a week or two.
We don't want that.
Do we have to write
down all this stuff?
Yes!
- So how is it, the town you're in?
- The town I'm in...
Hmm... Medical opinion? Inbreeding.
- I'm not... I'm not writin' that down.
- And what about the house?
The house? Yeah, it's, uh...
It's hideous.
- Hideous? Oh!
- Oh, oh, oh!
Didn't hear that, Henry.
Didn't quite get what the
doctor said about your house.
I gotta go. I'm late.
It's girls' night out.
That reminds me, I talked
to Bernie before I left.
Yeah, he's not gay, so he says.
Bernie's gay? Bernie's gay!
...a ploy to get women
in the sack. It works.
It makes them feel
special, according to him.
I may have to try that.
Oh, for God's sake!
Where you going?
We're going to dinner, at the Taj!
- "Taj".
- Ah! The Taj!
I'd kill for that Lamb
Dhansak right now.
- You get it spicy or mild?
- He'd kill for what?
"Lamb dan" something!
Taj, Taj. Taj Mahal.
That's, uh, curry.
- Curry!
- Lamb Dhansak...
...a little white wine...
Hello.
Hi.
I'm Paul, the, uh, new doctor.
Terrific.
Uh, you know where
the, uh, restaurant is?
It's over the hill, down by the pier.
You walked past it.
Right. Right.
I mean, what kind of moron would get
lost in a tiny village like this, huh?
Pretty big moron, I guess.
Mm-hmm.
It's a harbour, not a village.
Harbour. Mental noting.
Right.
- Good evening.
- Hello.
- The soup today is carrot.
- Hmm!
And the specials are flat fish,
hot turkey sandwich
and Lamb Dhansak.
Lamb Dhansak?
Yes, it's our famous
Lamb Dhansak Festival.
I'll take that.
Okay then! One Lamb Dhansak.
Hi.
So, uh, I've been drinking.
That's exactly what a
girl wants to hear
when a stranger knocks on her
door in the middle of the night.
Well, I asked where you lived.
So, I just... I just
wanted to apologize.
At ten o'clock?
What, is there some kind of
curfew here for apologies?
Are you open for business today?
Yeah.
Just, um...
I'm just gonna need a minute.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Dr. Lewis.
- Herbert.
- Dr. Lewis. Come on in.
Dr. Lewis. Come on in.
Have a seat.
Breathe in and out.
Nice, big, wide,
and give me a long "ah"...
Ah...
In and out.
Ah...
There you go.
- Ah! Any swelling?
- Ooh!
Okay.
That's pretty good, huh? Right?
That's pretty good.
We're gonna put a bandage on there,
and then you will be on your way.
Okay, if you wanna lay down
here, head here, please,
and we'll take a peek.
- Okay, any pain when I push down?
- No.
- And when I release?
- No.
All right, Calvert, you mind
if I take a peek at that?
- Yeah.
- Great.
Who put this on, if I may ask you?
I put that on myself.
Hmm... Okay.
Well, uh, I got what you could
call persistent athlete's foot.
- Okay.
- It's itchy.
- Itchy, itchy all the time.
- Okay.
And it's moving up!
It's no longer athlete's
foot, it's athlete's leg.
And I'm scared it'll go even higher.
- Mm-hmm.
- Do you wanna see?
Sure.
Oh, yeah. That's, um...
Mm-hmm.
If the pain's still there, just come
back and see me in two weeks.
- Uh, Lisa got the plantar warts.
- Don't!
Keith fell down, scraped
up his leg Wednesday,
James, Sherry and Krista all got
the ear infection last month,
and little Kenny here
coughs at night.
I mean I don't know, maybe it's
asthma or maybe it's allergies.
- And David still wets his bed.
- Mom!
Well, he's a doctor!
I mean, I tried
everything, you know?
Threats, treats. Nothing works.
He is a bed wetter!
Anything else?
I need to go on the pill.
So, officially, you're not
coming this Tuesday?
- You know how it is with work.
- Look, I'm not gonna last a full month here
- without seeing you.
- I know.
You know, it's beyond hectic.
Uh, I'll call you right back.
- Okay, bye!
- Yep. Okay, bye.
- Hey, pal.
- Hey!
- How was your first day?
- Busy! Yeah.
Real busy, Murray.
And at this rate,
I doubt I'll last a week.
Are you all completely mad?
The doctor said he saw
43 patients in one day!
He said he witnessed things
he'd never seen before
in his entire medical career.
He said, and I quote,
"I felt like I'd been transported
back to medieval times."
Is this how we seduce
our good doctor?
Who here has a case of
creeping athlete's foot?
Who?
Frank?
Frank, you said to yourself,
"The best way to convince
the doctor to live here
"is to show him that there
exists here in Tickle Head
"some kind of powerful foot fungus"?
Well, it is very uncomfortable.
From now on, I'll take the
doctor's appointments.
All right, Annette...
- Who's next?
- Over here...
Aw, jeez!
- Frank?
- I know, I know, no more athlete's foot.
No, no, no. You like music, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, great, 'cause the doctor loves jazz.
Oh, man, I hate jazz.
- Yeah? So, I'm busy.
- Right.
- I gotta be somewhere.
- Yeah.
So I'm really counting
on you, Frank. Thanks.
No, no, no... I hate jazz!
I hate jazz! Ah!
Good morning.
Come on in.
- Hello?
- Mr. Anderson?
- This is Murray French, from Tickle Head.
- Who?
Murray French.
The new mayor of Tickle Head.
We're bidding for the repurposing
facility you guys are...
Oh yes, yes, yes! Yes, Mr. French.
I remember your town's proposal now.
Well, I'm just calling to tell you that
we've got a doctor assigned full-time.
Great news.
I'll make a note of that.
But to be perfectly honest with
you, the town of Port Anne
has made a dazzling bid.
Well, we can beat
anything they offer.
Anything.
Yeah, no, they've been very creative
- in coming up with an idea...
- Well, now, we can be creative.
Believe me, Trip,
we can be creative.
Sir, they've actually included
a personal assurance...
How much is their
personal assurance?
A bribe! He wants a bribe?
- That's how these things work!
- Yeah, $100,000?
It's nothing to what the
factory will generate!
I can't get you that kind
of money, all right?
Here.
It's just a loan!
Murray, there's no way that my boss
is gonna give me that kind of money.
Your boss? Why don't
you make a decision?
I'm this close to being
replaced with an ATM.
You're already an ATM!
I told you, we had to
do this the proper way.
You could've worn a tie!
They watch these videos!
What can I do for you
today, gentlemen?
Henry, you know why we're here!
A loan? I see!
Names?
I'm gonna punch you in the throat.
Easy, Simon. Easy.
Names?
Same as yesterday.
I've come my dear
for to take my leave
I'm going to sail love
Do not weep
Going to sail o'er
the Spanish shore
And I'll leave my fair one
I'll leave my fair one
Leave my fair one
The girl I adore
No cold no danger need I fear
I'm going to sail in a privateer
And if God pleases
to spare my life
When I return love
I'll make you my wife
There's one thing more
that disturbs my mind
When you're rambling
on the Spanish shore
Oh you ne'er will think on...
Barb?
Murray? What are you
doing? Oh, my God!
He never liked that spaghetti.
It gave him the vicious heartburn.
He still misses that dog.
It's a spaniel. Bucket is
his name. Cute name.
Maybe... maybe we should get
him a pet or something.
- What's that?
- What?
The page.
Doodles.
Show me.
- No.
- Come on.
It's private information.
It could hurt him.
Vera, we won't hurt him.
I promise.
He never had a father.
Hmm...
Ah, this is great!
It's really nice.
Fantastic.
So, what's happenin'
with, uh, Kathleen?
Postmistress Kathleen?
Ah, you two are the
talk of the harbour.
I mean, that's flattering, Murray,
and she is drop-dead gorgeous.
I mean...
But I can assure you that there is
nothing going on with her and I.
I mean nothing.
So what about the cocaine addiction?
My... I... It's not a...
It's... it's under control.
You sure?
Well, then you should bloody
well stop messing about with it.
- Absolutely.
- It'll ruin your life.
Ruin it!
- It really is...
- Your life.
You're right.
Ruin it!
Ah, she... she talks
about you all the time.
You know, I feel I'm pretty
good at picking up signals,
but... but from her, it's just...
I mean, it is distant.
I'm talking... I'm talking distant.
Well, you know, since
you're engaged,
she maybe prefers to keep her distance
a little bit, but she is in love.
What? Murray, she's in... with me?
Well, that's what she said.
- Something about your smile, or...
- What?
There you go. That's the one.
No. No.
That's it, that's the smile
right there. It drives her wild.
I will catch one, I promise
you that, before I leave.
Patience, son.
You'll get the hang of it.
He stinks.
So, I haven't been drinking.
- That's a step in the right direction.
- Mm-hmm.
Right? And I was wondering,
do you know of a postmistress
that would be interested in
sharing some crackers and cheese
and a not-so-good
bottle of red wine?
I'll keep an eye out.
Hmm!
You, sir, are in good health.
What happened there?
It was the substitute.
The substitute?
We're not allowed to say.
- We're not allowed to say.
- Okay.
- Did he ask?
- Yes!
That a boy!
Two weeks rolled by and our
plan was working perfect.
You said you were coming in 10 days.
Do you know when you're coming, then?
Are you coming at all?
Side to side?
Paul's heart was being tugged
at in all the right places.
All hands were pitching in,
doing their part.
Great...
Our days were once again
filled with purpose.
That's a pretty good scar
there on your left shoulder.
Uh-huh.
Let me guess, the substitute?
Uh-huh...
We'd all come together,
working day and night
for a common dream.
- I'm gonna go real loud.
- Okay.
- Are you ready?
- Uh-huh.
There's the solo.
Now!
Ah! So good!
But in spite of our efforts,
the doctor started to feel lonely.
I know we talk every day,
but it's not the same.
It's not the same. You're not
here, you're not beside me,
and I miss that.
- And I miss you.
- Well, tell me,
what you would you
do if you were here?
- Tell me.
- Uh, what would I do?
Yeah, tell me, what would you do?
- Tell me, naughty boy.
- Naughty boy?
Um, well...
I would start by kissing your neck.
- Oh, would you?
- Yeah, I would.
And then I would proceed
to caress your arms
and your back
and those very, very,
very long legs.
It's getting very hot in here.
- Well, maybe you should undress.
- I already am.
Nice.
I need a cigarette.
You quit.
All right, I'm not gonna
smoke it, I'll just... suck on it.
Tell me, what now, Dr. Lewis?
I would, uh...
Tell me. Tell me.
- I would, uh...
- Tell me.
I would, um...
For the love of God, tell her!
I'd play with my machine.
Mm... And then where
are you gonna put it?
- What did he say?
- What will you do with your machine?
I think he said machine.
- Tell me...
- He's going to use his machine.
- What the hell is a machine?
- And then...
I would caress, uh, your feet..
With that gassed-up machine.
Why would he do that?
Do we write all this down?
Yes! Of course we have
to write this down!
And then I'd flip it over and
clean out the undercarriage.
I think I should draw some of this.
Yeah...
And then I'd see if it
wants to run on its own.
With her feet?
That's what I heard.
He said he wanted to rub his big
machine up against her feet.
His machine? What's a machine?
Like a...
Ha! No!
Yeah, I'd do it once.
- With your feet?
- Yep!
Pfft! I'd be worried about fungus.
What? It can spread
at an alarmin' rate.
Here, look, I'll show ya.
- It's creepin' up my leg.
- Come on!
No, you can't borrow 'em.
- I'm sorry. What?
- Vera.
- Murray.
- Did you get it?
Oh, shit!
There wasn't room in the fridge.
You froze it?
- It's not entirely frozen.
- Get a move on!
I'm a dead man.
What age are you, Paul?
29 now.
Why?
It's just my son would be
close to your age about now.
- We lost him 10 years ago.
- Oh...
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
What was his name?
Gerald.
Gerald...
I lost my father.
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.
I don't usually talk about it.
I don't know.
I don't usually talk about my son.
I guess this is the way it would feel
if he was around still, you know?
He passed away when I was two.
Hmm! Bubbles.
Eh?
Yeah.
- Bubbles. What's that mean?
- Oh, that's a big fish there!
Oh, yeah!
- No, stay calm! Stay calm!
- Oh, it's biting, Murray!
- Calm down.
- We can't lose this.
Take it easy, now.
Calm down. We got it.
- Okay, yeah, yeah. Calm down.
- Yeah!
- He's biting. What do I do? Reel?
- Reel him in.
- Yes, and pull.
- Oh my God!
Calm! Reel 'er in there!
Yeah!
Yeah, he's a fighter!
- It's huge, Murray!
- Just reel 'er in there.
Oh, yeah! Look at that!
- Here he comes!
- Get it!
There we go!
Yeah! Get it! Get him!
- Yeah!
- There ya go!
Yes!
- He's...
- Eh?
- Cold.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Like almost frozen, really.
Oh, yeah, he must have
come from the very bottom.
Right down there!
Oh, that's a beauty you got.
Oh, my hands are cold!
Thank you! Really! First fish!
- You're a natural.
- There you go.
- Right behind him.
- He banged it!
Pow!
There we go!
- To the great fisherman!
- Ah!
It's been refused.
Why?
First of all, $100,000
is a lot of money.
Secondly, our forms don't have little
boxes you can check for bribes.
- It's not a bribe.
- It's a bribe.
Are you really the
manager of this bank?
Because if you really are,
you know, the position holds
many responsibilities.
You know. I mean, obviously,
there's a lot of documents to stamp.
Don't! Don't! No! Don't!
You probably have some complex
accounting you have to see to.
Stop! Don't! Murray!
Don't! Stop it, Murray! Don't!
- Stop it!
- Then I imagine you set aside
- 15 minutes preciously on the Internet...
- Stop it!
...where you take time to
polish your cricket stick.
Don't! They watch those videos!
Oh, yeah?
Don't! They watch those...
- Murray!
- There's more.
There's also a part of your job where
you have to believe in the project!
You have to be a
part of the project!
A bank manager gets
involved with the project,
he sticks his neck out,
he risks his reputation,
goes for broke, he rolls the bones!
He looks the superior straight
in the eye and he says,
"Forget the application form!
I know this project's gonna work!"
A bank manager does
all those things!
If you can't do all these things,
Henry, I'm afraid you're...
Don't say it, okay?
Just don't say it.
- Don't say it.
- If you can't do all these things, Henry,
you are nothing but an ATM.
Is there something I should sign?
Oh!
Enjoying your stay?
Yeah.
I mean, it's, uh, a bit different.
You know, I guess I'm used
to restaurants and theatres
and cellphone coverage,
to different cultures and
opportunities, you know?
- But here, it's...
- In our little village...
No, I didn't say that.
Small harbour.
It's the people.
You don't even have to ask how
they're doing, you just know.
And there's something
about that, that...
You know? Especially if
those people let you in.
- Hey, Paul.
- Hey.
So, uh... so I had these
patients this morning,
- and they had these awful-looking scars.
- Yeah.
You know who the
substitute is, Murray?
Can't say.
Please.
The butcher! They received
care from the butcher.
Since he's the butcher,
he has the most knowledge
of the human anatomy.
Apparently he read a
couple books in the '80s.
I mean, can you imagine?
I guarantee you
he doesn't even scrub down.
On the sanitary purpose,
it's... it's ridiculous!
You should see the size of
these scars he leaves behind.
How do they live like this?
It's ridiculous!
Everyone deserves the
right to have a doctor!
I mean, we have reached the
21st century, haven't we?
Oh, and get this. Get this.
So, the mayor was telling me
about this man, Mr. Smith.
He had a heart attack
in broad daylight,
and people are just watching
because they have no one to call.
So, Mr. Smith just dies because
they have no one to call.
He dies. He dies!
- Hmm...
- Who's Mr. Smith?
- I mean...
- Just something that could've happened.
...to have a doctor.
- Don't you agree?
- Mm-hmm.
- Helen?
- Yeah.
- Are you listening?
- Yeah, I'm listening.
- It just seems like you're not listening.
- No, it's just... I'm late. I have to go.
Well, I'm sorry to bother you
with the woes of a tiny harbour.
I'll call you. I love you.
Love you, too.
He adores her. How are you
gonna get her to come?
- Yeah?
- Jack.
- Hey!
- Hey. Paul.
Hey, man. Gone crazy out
there yet? What's up?
- That's his best friend.
- Hey, can you do me a favour
and record Pakistan vs. England?
And don't tell me the score this
time, it defeats the whole purpose.
- Okay.
- And secondly, have you seen Helen lately?
- No, why?
- I don't know.
She's acting super
weird on the phone.
Can you just... Can you
keep an eye on her?
Yeah, no problem.
Okay, listen up.
Mr. Anderson from the
oil company just called.
We've got a problem.
150 labourers are needed
for this facility,
and if we do not fill that quota,
we will not get a factory.
We can make it work if
everybody works together.
So, here's the plan.
The government census says 125.
There are people in
our little harbour
who've been living under
the radar for years now,
not paying taxes, see?
No cod, no work.
Hmm.
Come on, Billy!
Hurry! Go!
Okay, quick,
put it down there! Yeah!
See? It's all there.
And they haven't been
collecting welfare?
Simple bureaucratic error.
There's a population of 221
people here, Mr. Anderson.
Well, we're gonna need you to back
that up more extensively, Mr. French.
Well, who you gonna trust?
Some bean counter in Ottawa,
who's never even been here,
or the town mayor who knows better?
I have counted every head.
I can't just trust
you on this. Sorry.
Okay, I have an idea.
How many people do you
think are here right now?
100, give or take.
84, Trip.
Follow me. I wanna
show you something.
- What?
- Come on.
Okay! Okay, go!
Go, go!
Hey. Hey!
Where's everyone going?
It's, uh, eight o'clock.
Entertainment Tonight is on.
How about a drink?
A lot of people now don't come
out of their houses too much.
Then, of course, there's a lot more
that'll move back once there's jobs.
You got the elderly on
top of that, I guess.
So, there's a lot of
people here, all right.
Cheers.
Oh, I'd say twice the population here
before the fishing was stopped.
And, uh, yeah, they'll be
all back pretty quick.
Right up this way.
Where are we going, exactly?
All right, I'm calling it.
No, no, no! Stay, stay!
Let's talk cricket!
I love the game. I love it.
Come on! Come on, come on.
Hurry up!
Sit down, sit down.
- I 23!
- Bingo!
Ladies and gentlemen, we have
ourselves a lucky winner.
Can we get a caller down
there to check her out?
- Good bingo!
- We do indeed have ourselves a bingo!
Next game is the letter T!
The letter T!
- Oh, what did you pick?
- B 14! B 14!
82, Trip.
Next game is for the
magic T! Magic T!
There you go.
Roll on, boy. Roll on.
Boys, you go on ahead.
I'll see you at the chopper.
So, how's the, uh, personal
assurance coming along?
Consider it done, Mr. Anderson.
That's fantastic.
We'll be in touch, then.
We will.
Oh! Yeah, how do I get back
to that restaurant thingy?
- The restaurant?
- Yeah, I forgot my hat.
Um... down to the left
there, it'll take you down.
- Huh?
- I'll meet you there.
Okay.
Back! Everybody back!
He's headin' back to Joe's!
Change your clothes!
The best wicket keeper. Who?
One, two, three.
- Adam Gilchrist!
- Adam Gilchrist!
My God, it's like we're...
- No way!
- Yeah!
- You remember that one game in...
- Oh...
- '06?
- '06!
Hi, there.
I believe you have my hat.
Oh! Uh, sorry.
I was, uh... I was
just keepin' it warm.
Can I have it back?
Yeah, of course. Of course.
Where did everybody go?
- Uh...
- It's after 8.
Entertainment Tonight's on.
Ah!
Yeah.
He said "ah", and then he left.
- He just left?
- Yeah!
"Ah"?
So, like, "Ah..."
Or was it, "Ah, you bloody liars!"
Murray, I'm sorry, I didn't pay
attention to the "ah", okay?
I never drink! I'm not
used to drinking.
I need a beer.
...more character than we've
seen so far this morning.
Now back to the
action in the middle.
Poised right now.
They've been 225 for 5.
Let's see what he gives us.
Cook and Bell looking to
rebuild the inning somewhat.
Hilfenhaus will be coming
in once more to Bell.
A long run.
Nice!
He saw the gap square at the wicket
on the offside, there. Great vision.
Exactly. He's good.
- Leg before wicket.
- Aw!
Leg before wicket!
Come on! Watch the replay!
- Right here. Watch the replay!
- Do we need to?
You're right, we don't.
You're right.
- It's not cricket, boys.
- That's not cricket at all.
No.
That's put England's stock lower
than they were a few minutes ago.
See what he serves up here.
Big one coming up.
- That's a glorious...
- Nice stroke!
Nice! That's good! Cheers!
Here we go! It is gone, gentlemen!
I'm off to water the lily.
Keep an eye!
It's heating up, guys!
It's heating up!
If I was there, I'd take
one of them flat bats
and I'd beat the crap out
of every last one of them.
They have no right calling
this a sport. It's not a sport!
No, it's like watching
baseball, only longer.
Nothing makes sense. Joe! Joe, get the
score on the Habs game. Quick, quick!
- Quick.
- ...to the point for Diaz!
Sends it in the corner of the Jets' zone,
and the puck comes back to the point...
Canadiens on the power play.
Ryder on the right side...
- Get it, get it, get it...
- Come on, come on...
Fires, scores!
No!
All right!
Quiet down. Quiet down!
Change it back. Change it back.
- What did I miss?
- Nothing, we're just fooling with ya.
- No!
- Yeah!
Seriously, what happened?
What did I miss?
The, uh, thrower threw
and then they hit and they scored
loads of points in a very...
spectacular manner.
'Cause they were running
and running and running,
and then... and then bam!
The enemy cross-checked
the hell out of the runner,
in a very spectacular manner.
'Cause it was...
I thought it was
surprising, you know?
'Cause if you ask me, it was
definitely egg before wicket.
Mm-hmm.
- He does not look to be much of a happy...
- I get it.
I get it.
You're piss drunk again, aren't you?
Yes! Yeah! I'm loaded!
- Yeah, I'm loaded. Don't mind me.
- Ignore him. We do!
Right pissed!
Hey, Joe, can I get a double rum
when you get a chance, please?
Ah!
Eh?
20 smackers right here!
- You just find that?
- I just found it right there!
- Every time!
- Whoa!
- Yeah.
- Unbelievable.
Smackers. Every time.
Aw, man! That's amazing!
Hi, you've reached Helen.
Leave me a message.
Well...
You're still not answering.
Alas I am left only
with my thoughts.
I had a dream last night.
I dreamt of us living by the sea.
There was the afternoon barbeque,
three little children
running around.
I saw our future last night,
and it was perfect.
You'd love it here.
Sweet dreams.
We gotta sign him right away.
Right away!
- Nah, it's too soon.
- Why too soon?
Well, the hook is in.
Now comes the hard part.
Like me father used to say,
"Jiggin' the fish is easy.
After that, you have
to pull him in."
You have to convince the fish
that the best place in the whole
wide world is in the boat.
How the hell are we gonna do that?
Nope! Nothing!
Looks it's gonna be a while.
- You're stuck here, boy.
- My boss is gonna kill me!
In the meantime,
why don't you just relax
and spend some time
in our fine harbour?
You got any clean clothes?
No!
I've got some.
I think hunting is something you learn.
I think it's something you're...
This boat was particularly...
Joe!
So, who's the new guy?
Oh, uh, he's applying
to be our new doctor.
Uh, we need one to get a
new repurposing plant.
He wants to sign for five years.
Oh, I hear he's great!
What'd you say?
You're hilarious!
Sorry, another round for
the table, Joe, please.
Paul, hi! Didn't see
you there! How are ya?
Listen, I forgot to say, uh...
you got a day off tomorrow.
Dr. Morris is filling in.
- Sure, whatever you need.
- All right!
- I'll maybe go fishing tomorrow!
- Sure, why not?
- Murray!
- Paul!
Ready for some big-time fishing?
Uh, sorry, boss.
I... I gotta stick around,
you know, help out Dr. Morris.
Okay, doctor?
Go ahead!
Another time, then.
Yeah! Sorry!
Hi, Paul!
When'll the boat be ready?
Soon!
I think we got the doctor.
I think we got him!
- Oh, that's terrific, Murray!
- Yeah, you'll be coming back, Barb.
That's great! I'm really glad.
You'll be coming back?
I love you Murray.
I really miss you.
I know we talk on the
phone all the time, but...
- it's not the same.
- No.
You're not here.
You're not lying beside me.
I miss you. I really,
really miss you.
Yeah.
If you were here, I'd...
kiss your neck.
- Murray...
- Yeah!
And then I'd kiss a
little bit lower maybe.
- Murray!
- You don't, uh, fancy
just unfastening the button on
your blouse there a bit, do ya?
Okay.
Yeah, just a little bit.
I need to get in there.
No, I'm always happy to
take your call, Henry,
but he's made his
decision based on policy.
But he rejected a very
solid loan application.
Henry, I've reviewed
the file personally,
out of respect for you.
- Well, you live in Tickle Head.
- Well, that's just the thing, Mrs. Carter,
because it's a bit of a chicken
and the egg scenario right now,
'cause the harbour is on the cusp
of a very lucrative contract.
We don't deal in "justs".
Our clients assume the risks,
not us. You know this.
I've been an employee of this bank
for 18 years now, Mrs. Carter.
Henry, your job is to cash
welfare cheques once a month.
It's simple. I'm not trying to
minimize your years of loyalty.
- You started under my own father, but...
- Don't say it. Don't say it.
...we could replace you
with an automatic teller.
She said it.
What's this?
That's our, uh, loan, for the bribe.
And this, that's my
rsum for the factory.
I'm gonna lose my job over this.
That loan will cost us
$500 a month for 20 years.
- Wow!
- Yeah.
Thanks, Henry.
Thanks.
Murray! Murray!
What? What?
- After you dropped me off this morning...
- Paul left a message...
One at a time!
- Okay, all right.
- You go ahead.
Okay.
Paul was calling Helen,
but she wasn't answering him,
so he left her a long message. Long!
Then he started talking
about her feet
and oiling her machine!
That is not important!
I'm very troubled by
that machine stuff.
Will you get to the point?
Paul was calling everywhere.
He phoned his friend Jack.
His best friend!
She was with him!
Helen's been cheatin'
on him for three years!
- With his best friend!
- It's over! It's over!
He got no more ties.
He has no ties.
Well...
Rough day?
It's over with Helen.
I'm sorry, Paul.
Don't be.
Everything in the past
three years is...
She's only with my best friend.
My best friend.
I mean, it's only a best friend.
But what I can't
comprehend is how...
...is how I didn't realize
that absolutely everything
around me was false.
Everybody was telling me lies.
Hmm!
'Cause, I mean, my so-called
friends, they must have known.
The two of them must've met when I
was behind the operating table,
probably giving someone a new nose,
maybe some new breasts,
or those fake cheekbones that
everyone knows they're fake!
Nobody has cheekbones like
that, Murray, nobody!
No one has cheekbones like that.
Nobody.
I'm clocking out.
- Good night, Paul.
- Good night.
You know, Murray...
I set out to be a
doctor to save lives.
What happened?
Simon!
Who is it?
The tooth fairy.
Well, you're 55 years late,
and you're uglier than
I thought you'd be.
He'll sign now.
- Hello, Murray.
- Vera.
How's Barb gettin' on? Any news?
- Yeah, she's good.
- Good!
Wouldn't be too much,
would it, if I asked
what in the name of God
you're doing here in our bed?
Sorry, I know it's
after office hours.
Well, it's not so much the
time that bothers me,
it's the fact that we're
all here in bed together.
It's the whole threesome thing
I'm not that comfortable with.
Now, now, now! He doesn't
drop by that often.
You won't be that
long, then, will ya?
Not long.
Very good, then. Hmm!
Simon?
Yes?
Have you thought about what
happens after he signs?
When he finds out who we really are?
That it's all been lies, we've
been lying to him for a month?
Little white lies.
It'll kill him.
It'll absolutely kill him.
So, we're down to two
choices, really.
We can throw the fish back in the water,
call off the seduction thing with Paul,
concentrate on Anderson
from the oil company...
or for 24 hours a day for the next five
years we can keep up the whole charade,
but it has to be all the time.
Paul must never know.
It'll break his heart!
I'm telling you straight away, I am
not listening to jazz for five years!
I mean, you try listening
to jazz fusion!
I dare any one of you
to listen to jazz fusion!
If I listen to one more jazz musician
blow his sorrow through his trumpet,
I will kill myself! I will do it,
I will hang myself, I will...
- The Lord is with you!
- And also with you!
Let us pray!
Uh, sorry for the interruption.
- Uh, that's okay!
- I just want to say a few words, if I may.
Okay!
Thank you.
Well, my month here is almost over,
and, well, I wanted to tell all of you
that I've come to know Tickle Head
as, well, tiny, lacking
gourmet restaurants,
no offense, Joe,
but there's something very
special here, very rare.
You're all authentic
people, the real deal.
Honest in your life and
true to each other.
It would be an honour to
call Tickle Head home,
be your new doctor,
deliver your babies, fix your cuts,
help all of you live
long, healthy lives.
Um, we've already signed
Dr. Morris to the position.
Sorry.
Don't be. Congratulations.
Mm-hmm.
That's great. Congratulations.
Okay.
Yep!
Is there a plan B you
haven't told us about?
What's the plan? What's the...
What'll we tell the oil company?
Okay, all we need now is
the doctor's certificate.
Uh, the certificate?
Oh, we sent you that weeks ago.
You should have that.
Well, we don't have it.
Hmm... Henry, could you,
uh, check the certificate?
Yup!
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
Um, I have to catch a boat, and,
like, five planes to get home,
but there's something
I need to say, okay?
I'm single now,
and it's definitely complicated,
and I'm not ready for a
new relationship at all...
but... but I feel I've
missed out on something,
an occasion to meet someone special.
And I want you to
know that I know...
about your feelings,
and that it's... it's okay, and...
I mean, Murray told me everything.
Everything?
Yeah. I mean, he shouldn't have...
but he... he revealed
your feelings for me.
And what feelings would those be?
That you love me.
He said I love you?
Yeah.
That was a lie.
A lie?
You know nothing about people, Paul.
They've all lied to you.
- You do have a doctor?
- Yes.
- Could we meet him?
- He's away at a conference.
Here it is!
That's, um... Oh, no,
no, that's not it!
- Oh!
- No, that's a...
In cricket, Murray, what's an over?
Oh, well, it's a...
You have no idea, do you?
You've been lying to me
for a month, is that right?
No. Not exactly.
Enough!
What's the name of
Murray's dead son?
Harvey.
Why?
Why can't anyone just
tell me the truth?
Paul...
- Paul!
- Is that the doctor?
You want the truth?
Yeah, well, the truth is...
it's been years since the
fishing dried up here. Years!
We line up every month and
collect welfare cheques.
You ever collect welfare, Paul?
Well, you collect more than your
money, let me tell you that much!
You collect shame. You collect
a good deal of shame.
The money only lasts 15 days,
but you get enough shame
to last a whole month!
And it's killing us!
We need jobs!
I'll tell you the truth. I don't
wanna work for the oil company.
I prefer to fish, but we're
not allowed to fish,
not enough to make
a living, anyways!
So I'll work for this
petrochemical-whatever-the-frig,
and when they're gone,
we'll try something else,
because it's worth it
to save this harbour.
And I'm sorry we lied to you,
because we hadn't the foggiest idea
how else to get a doctor here.
We need a doctor to save 120 people,
to give them some kind of hope!
- Did he say 120?
- No, he said 220.
You've got the opportunity
here to be a real doctor.
What about Dr. Morris?
That was a lie, too.
That lie was for you,
but your choice, Paul.
Would you learn to play cricket?
No.
Well, at least you're being honest.
I'll be your doctor.
- Want a drink?
- Yeah, really bad.
You're buying!
Thank you very much!
Now, look, part of this,
you see, is not gonna...
I mean, look at the space
you got over here!
You're comin' home... if you want.
We got the facility.
We had more work than we needed.
None of us got rich,
but we're comfortable again.
Frank, check those meters!
We can take holidays,
send our kids back to
university or trade school.
But the most important thing the
people of Tickle Head have now...
is our pride.
- Okay, Murray!
- What?
That's enough. It's not
professional, okay?
- What?
- Stop it!
The houses are all done up.
The health plan is the best.
Families are growing again.
It was never backed up like
this when I was in charge here!
You were the best, Henry!
I was better than this guy!
Way better than this guy.
You didn't take it all, did you?
I can't begin to explain
the joy we feel
at the end of the day just to be...
a little tired.
Mm, Murray!
True happiness.
SUBTITLING: CNST, Montreal & Luis-subs.
was a proud fishing harbour.
Back then, people from Tickle Head
were strong, dignified, brave.
Their days were filled with purpose.
By no means was this life
for the faint at heart,
for the weak or the lazy.
But as I look back now,
I can truly say...
life was a thing of beauty.
My father would labour 14 hours
a day till his hands were raw,
risking life and limb,
fighting the merciless sea,
all to put food on the table,
a roof over our heads,
warmth in our stove.
At day's end, my father
glowed with pride
because he knew, deep
down, he'd earned it.
He earned every precious, beautiful
moment life gave back to him.
'Cause he knew his hard
work made him worthy,
worthy of the cod on his plate,
the smell of the salt on his skin,
worthy of the stars in the sky.
Oh, Ernest!
Alice!
The whole harbour was worthy of
every consequence of happiness.
There were even some who believed
they were more worthy than others.
True happiness.
Meow!
Meow! Meow!
Murray, stop buggin' the cat.
- Mornin', Anne.
- Hey, how's it going?
Ah!
- Mornin', Sammy.
- Thanks.
Mornin', Seez.
Heya, Frankie.
There you are, my love.
Thanks, Kath.
Mornin', Murray.
Thank you, and Mr. Pelley asked
me to pick up his welfare cheque.
There you go.
- Thank you.
- Have a good one.
- Catch you later.
- Mornin', Joe.
Thank you. Wonderful.
There you go. Have a nice day,
and don't forget the town meeting, okay?
- Thanks, Henry.
- Next.
This is my cheque, and this
is Mr. Pelley's cheque.
Murray, now, we've been through this.
I've explained this to you...
We go through this every month.
- I could lose my job.
- You will not lose your job.
You have seen Mr. Pelley's
power of attorney.
It's fraudulent!
- This is totally legal.
- This is illegal!
Thanks.
And don't forget the town
meeting, okay? Next.
Hey.
- My brother called.
- Oh yeah?
- How's he doing?
- Good.
There's a job available
in St. John's.
Of course! You prefer to stay here.
This is our home.
You prefer to stay here and
live like thieves, Murray.
- Thieves?
- You steal from the cable company!
- You rigged up our electrical box!
- That wasn't on purpose.
You sell the salmon you
catch in your herring nets
and you're still cashing that second
illegal welfare cheque every month.
Illegal?
This is a power of attorney.
It is written in black and white.
It is my duty and moral obligation
to pick up and to deposit
Mr. Pelley's welfare cheque.
It is Mr. Pelley himself who wrote
this particular power of attorney.
Mr. Pelley has given me a mission.
Mr. Pelley's dead.
Not in the government registry.
Until Mr. Pelley is dead
everywhere, I have a moral duty.
Murray, why does this always
have to be your decision?
'Cause I'd be the one
who'd be workin'!
This job is for me, Murray.
I'd be the one who'd be workin'.
- Murray...
- It's the town meeting.
Murray...
What am I gonna tell my brother?
Murray!
- Where is everyone?
- Stuck in traffic.
Murray?
Murray? This is quite the surprise.
Shag off.
All right.
Now, the company is still considering
our proposal for the factory.
So I offered them a full tax
exemption to sweeten the deal.
Uh... tax exemption? Why would
you give them a full tax exemption?
I mean, 2% less than Port
Anne would've enticed them.
Enticed them? Enticed them?
Henry, I didn't want to entice
them, I wanted to blind them!
I wanted to blind them so they wouldn't
notice the gaping holes in our bid.
Yeah but a full tax exemption?
But that's not the problem
anyway, 'cause...
- But for how many years?
- Forever, Henry, forever.
- 'Cause the real problem is...
- But I...
Forever! I offered them
full tax exemption forever
and I threw in your
daughter's virginity.
What the hell are you talkin' about?
Oh, Henry, Tom is pulling your leg. Everyone
knows Lucy gave that away long ago.
Look, the tax exemption and his
daughter's virginity are irrelevant.
Why?
The company insurance requires that
the town have a resident doctor.
No doctor, no factory.
So why don't...
Let's just get a doctor.
We've been looking for eight
friggin' years, Murray!
Well, let's stop lookin'
and start findin'!
You're our mayor, right?
You're "the" guy.
I know you can do this!
You said you would and you will!
What would Barb be doin' in town?
She won't be going to town.
Well, if she goes, though.
If she goes,
where will it leave you?
- What do you mean?
- Well, she'll be working.
Where will that leave you?
What will be your role?
You'll become the new
little missus, I guess.
I guess you'll be shopping
and doing the cooking,
laundry and the gossiping.
They... they sometimes like to
do arts and crafts together.
They do yoga sessions.
Oh my God, you'll love yoga, boy.
Great for the posture.
She'll be the new boss,
in a sexual perspective now.
Who'll be doing the driving?
She won't be goin' to town.
Come on, now! Another tune!
Farewell darling
And don't you grieve for me...
Murray!
- Lizzy, grab the box.
- With all that stuff?
Yes, grab the bottom.
Okay.
Oh, thank you, darlin'.
- Murray!
- What's goin' on?
Holidays.
Holiday?
With your furniture?
I got a job in town.
You knows what it's like, Murray.
And young Lizzie there
desperately needs braces.
You can't do it here so...
She's got horrible teeth.
- She's got her mother's teeth.
- Thank you, Tom.
Honey, you know what I mean.
- Of course, I'm ugly.
- Sheryl!
- At least she doesn't have your ears.
- Don't start with my ears!
What about the factory, Mr. Mayor?
Enjoy your holiday, buddy.
You leavin' me?
I'm not leavin' you, Murray.
I'm goin' to work.
We're this close to
gettin' a doctor.
I don't like what
we've become, Murray.
These are tough times.
It's not the times.
It's us. I don't recognize us.
Barb!
This is it, Simon.
This is it. I'm leavin'.
Will you come visit me in town?
Nope.
Simon.
- I'm afraid of flyin'.
- Yeah, well, drive down.
I don't drive.
I'm serious. I'm gonna need you to
come visit me from time to time.
I won't.
Take the bus.
I do not know how to take the bus.
Well, then how do you go to town?
I've never been to town.
- Never?
- No.
You've never been to town?
Nope!
Lucky dog.
Lucky dog.
Welcome to St. John's
International Airport.
For passengers making
a connecting flight...
No, no...
Okay, no, I'm not still drunk.
No, I'm not.
Babe, honestly, I don't know
what else to say. I said I'm sorry.
I'll say it again, I'm sorry.
I unfortunately missed my flight.
I just paid an astronomical
amount of money
to get on the next, which I will.
I have 35 minutes to
make my connection.
Bye, Paul.
- Hey, boss.
- Hey.
Hold on one sec.
- Can I get you to go this way, please?
- What?
- Just over this way.
- No, no, no, sir.
- This way, sir.
- I got a connection.
Just over here, sir.
Right. That's awesome. This is good.
Shorts.
That's a shirt.
Those are, uh, cricket balls.
- Cricket?
- Yeah, I play cricket.
Just won a tournament. Hence the
trophy and the hangover, sir.
I'm kind of in a rush, you know?
- I got a flight to catch...
- Sir, please.
Sir, I'm a doctor, okay?
I'm due for surgery,
and while you're itemizing my toiletries,
there's a young child named Jimmy
that's pondering his
future as an amputee.
He might lose his leg, sir.
Jimmy might lose his leg,
and I need to leave
immediately for Jimmy's sake.
Right now, sir.
Now, now! Right... Okay...
Okay, that's cocaine.
That's cocaine. Okay?
And I just finished my residency
as a plastic surgeon,
and I am damn good and I can
fix anything you want for free.
Free of charge, pro bono.
Maybe on your wife perhaps?
Maybe she needs a fresh bosom,
maybe a tuck to her rear,
make it sing again.
I can work miracles, sir.
Maybe I could fix...
I could fix your ears.
Don't start with my ears.
- So you're a doctor.
- Yes, sir.
Where is everyone?
It's that bloody traffic again.
Sweet Jesus!
Hear ye, hear ye!
Hear ye, hear ye!
Hear ye, goddammit, hear ye!
Okay, I'm gonna tell you one
thing and it's not another!
If you hear the church bell ringin'
and it ain't the Sunday mornin',
it's because of the town meetin'.
And if there's a town meetin',
it's because the town bloody
well needs a town meetin'!
It's your civic duty to be there!
Okay.
First order of business.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am pleased to announce
that a doctor is comin' to
Tickle Head for one month.
We have exactly one month
to convince our good
doctor to sign long term.
Because we have just heard
that if the doctor chooses
to stay here in Tickle Head,
we gets the factory!
Eh?
We get a doctor,
the factory is a done deal.
- Ah!
- Right?
- Done deal!
- What is this factory?
Herbert, we have been
through this 100 times.
It is a petrochemical by-product
repurposing facility.
What does the factory make?
It's very simple, Herbert.
They take petrochemical waste
from the oil rigs and such
and, uh...
I don't know. They make jobs.
They make full-time
jobs for everyone.
Who wants to earn a paycheque?
Who wants to shove the welfare cheque
right up the government's arse?
Who wants to work again?
Well, raise your hands.
Raise your hands!
There you go! Yes!
Raise your hands, yes!
Yes!
Okay.
Now, we have one month
to make our man here,
Dr. Paul Lewis, believe.
One month to make him
believe like a child,
believe that Tickle Head is the
finest place on Earth to call home.
One month.
There's a whole lot of stuff on
the beach. We can actually...
We need a big, big cleanup.
We do need a big cleanup.
We do. We gotta get some
young fellas out there.
Murray, it's not a done deal.
And then the whole
beautification process,
you know, you were saying, like,
maybe paint her up a little bit and...
But it has to be more
than that, you know?
The whole harbour has to
be tailor-made for him.
So we must have a
cocaine-friendly village.
Murray, it's not a done deal.
It's nowhere near being a done deal.
I didn't say "done deal".
Yeah, you said "done deal"!
Well, I need people
to believe in this.
Yeah, but it's a lie.
Well, right now, lies is all we got.
- It's gotta be love at first sight.
- That's right.
Every detail is important.
For example, Mr. Mayor said
the doctor loves cricket.
- Cricket, cricket?
- Yeah.
That's disgusting.
- I mean, sushi is bad enough.
- No, cricket!
The sport! Cricket!
The sport, for God's sake!
The sport!
They, like, race 'em?
No, it's with a ball and the flat bat.
Have you never seen it?
- No!
- It's a game.
They must be some small
bats, what! Crickets!
- Listen. Yeah, listen.
- What else we got?
There's a whole slew of houses
down there that need some work...
You know what would seduce him?
You know what would
seduce him? Findin' money.
What?
Findin' money. Nothing
makes me happier.
It's satisfying.
I mean, you're walkin' along and then, bam,
there's 5 bucks just lying there, you know?
You feel lucky.
We have one chance at this.
Let's not mess it up.
- You said small details!
- Henry, don't... mess... this... up.
Well... one of the first
houses he'll see.
I know.
It does not give a good
first impression, boy.
Bloody painful.
Turn it! Turn it! Hold it!
That's it, that's it!
Right. So, here's
the cricket uniform.
There's the cricket field...
The rules...
I could print it for ya.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm!
- Yeah.
Is there, uh, anything else?
Can you show us some
photos of naughty nurses?
Sure.
- I got 'em.
- Great.
All right, okay.
Now, it is your civic duty
to study these rules. We must
all become cricket aficionados.
Put them out there. Here we go.
It's kind of like baseball
but it's only got two bases
and no one wears gloves.
One guy wears a glove!
One guy wears a glove.
Now the cricket pitch is a circle
with a rectangle in the middle.
You can do that, right?
You got lime?
Sure, I got bags.
All right, let's get to it.
Oof! We're gonna need
a whole lot of whites.
Where are we going to
get all these whites?
Hmm...
One, two, three.
- These are pink!
- Yeah, we can just bleach 'em.
- But these are pink!
- We can just bleach them!
And so the doctor will be staying
in our beautiful home for a month.
What about us?
Oh, we'll be staying
with the Williamses.
Anyone else have any announcements
they'd like to make?
- Lucy?
- What?
Anything anyone would like to share?
News, updates?
New milestones achieved?
Barriers broken?
- This is it.
- What?
Huh?
Sweet Jesus.
Do we know how to hook it up?
No idea.
It's still very pink.
That's not pink.
It's pink.
Even at night, it's horrendous.
- What the hell are you talkin' about?
- Nothing, really.
- Just, you know, everybody's pitchin' in.
- Yeah,
- you're using my attic!
- Oh, well, we appreciate that,
but this would really help,
and only you can do it.
Out of the question!
Just... a little flirt.
Murray, no!
- I'm not talkin' about intercourse.
- Intercourse?
I said I am not talking
about intercourse.
- I'm not a hooker, Murray.
- I know you're not a hooker!
You're a beautiful, young woman.
All I'm asking is if it's possible
to adopt a flirtatious
attitude towards the doctor.
No! He's happily engaged.
Yeah, exactly!
So what would be the point
of me flirtin' with him?
Well, just his manhood, you know,
just let him feel
desired and feel alive,
make Tickle Head a great
place to be a man!
And that's what you want?
That's would make you happy, Murray,
watching me come on to a stranger?
Yes.
No. The answer's no.
And if you asked me,
I'd say no to the factory too.
It's a petrochemical by-product
repurposing facility!
- It's the oil company!
- It's recycling!
That's good, eh? That's good, right?
No! That's just something
they're doin' for public image,
to repay for environmental
damage they done!
- So let 'em pay!
- I don't want the oil company here!
Well, you know, that's very easy
for you to say with a job, right?
Government job with vacation pay.
All I'm asking for
is a little flirt!
Hey, Annette.
You're cracked.
- You're cracked!
- I know you're good for it.
A cricket match is divided
into periods called innings.
One team fields and the other bats.
The two teams switch between fielding
and batting after each inning.
All right, so we switch around.
Now, all 11 members of the
fielding team take the field,
but only two members
of the batting team
are on the field at any given time.
You stand side by side or what?
Opposite ends of the field? Come on!
- Does this make sense to any of you guys?
- You wanna do it?
Give me a chance to look at it!
Joe! Joe, we're sorry we took
your oars now, all right?
- Give me the...
- Come on, that's enough!
Now's not the time for questions.
All right, go!
Go!
- That was awful!
- Awful! Bloody awful!
Go!
Right foot!
Left foot! Right foot!
That's your left foot, Henry.
Go back.
Right foot! Left foot!
Right to the side! Follow through!
There you go.
Back to where you were.
Oh!
Okay, Henry.
Just swing it up!
He's out!
- You gotta run now.
- Yeah, you gotta run.
He dropped it.
- Run!
- You too, you gotta run.
- Don't knock him over.
- Keep goin'. Where's the ball?
Ta-da!
- Oh, yes! Yeah.
- And this is for the top.
Yeah, yeah.
He looks the part.
You look good! Dapper!
And I put some extra
protection down there for you.
Yes, good. There.
Why is it pink?
Good luck, Murray!
Come on!
I took the wrong one!
How's he doin'?
Not good.
You okay?
All good.
It's this fresh air. I just...
I'm just used to, like, this
dense, dense smog, you know?
That's why I never left the city.
I get these anxiety attacks
when I'm not mugged by a homeless
person on a daily basis, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah, those don't work here.
Land lines only.
Sorry.
Oh, that's... that's great.
- They're coming!
- What?
- They're comin'!
- Everybody up!
Come on, everybody together!
Come on now, get in your positions!
Let's play cricket!
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
What the... Is this for real?
Hmm?
This!
- Do... do you like cricket?
- Love cricket.
- I live for cricket.
- Really?
- You play?
- Oh yeah. Oh, love that.
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
We got the final game
of the season here.
Come on! Come on!
No checking, no checking!
Our fathers played.
It's a great tradition
in our small harbour.
That's definitely a... field
setting I've never seen before.
Yeah, I know. I keep tellin'
them, but they don't listen.
Final game, huh?
- Let's go.
- Ah...
- Oh, we gotta go!
- Not possible.
A few overs never hurt no one.
Nah, they hate spectators.
No, we have to, Murray.
Let's go.
A few overs, for me.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- He wants to watch the match.
- What?
Well, that's it then.
The arse has gone out of her.
No, no. Sound the horn.
I'll think of something.
Come on now, get it
together, for God's sake!
- They're coming.
- What?
They're coming!
They're... they're coming!
They're coming!
Sweet Christ.
Any idea what happens
after we hit the ball?
- No.
- Is there a plan B
you haven't told us about?
No plan B.
The doctor might find it peculiar that
we're dressed up as cricket players,
that we're playing with equipment
that looks like cricket equipment,
but we have absolutely no
idea how to play cricket!
Keep playing!
It's all right. It's all right.
Jumpin' Jesus!
What do we do? What do we do?
I thought you'd all love hockey!
What do we do? What do we do?
We can't stand hockey.
What do we do? What do we do?
What do we do? What do we do? Simon!
What do we do?
Yay!
- Huh?
- Yay!
Oh, there you go. Game's over.
Season's over.
Let's get back to the boat.
Both teams won?
Well, one team won the league,
one team won the match.
You know, it's, uh...
it's basic good sportsmanship.
Oh.
Oh!
Not too close, son.
Sorry. Ah!
- Ah, thank you.
- Yeah!
It's a small harbour, but...
it's got a big heart.
- Come on, they'll deliver the rest.
- Yeah. Thank you.
They'll deliver that up.
That's all right. Come on.
That's the pride of Tickle Head.
- We can't touch her.
- Hmm...
Here we are. Door's open.
- The stuff will be up in a minute.
- All right.
Well, thank you.
Will you be needing any cocaine?
I'm... I'm sorry, what?
We're down with it.
Yeah, it's...
it's not really, uh... okay!
But thanks.
Enjoy our beautiful harbour.
Oh, whoa!
I can hear something.
- I can definitely hear something.
- He's dialling.
- He is!
- Turn it up. Put it on speakers.
Ah!
Jesus! Helen?
- Hello?
- Helen!
Don't touch that knob!
- Henry!
- Okay, okay!
- No, no, no!
- There.
- Helen, can you hear me?
- Hello?
- Hey, it's Paul. Helen...
- Paul! Oh, you wouldn't believe
the number of upset clients of yours
that I had to deal with today.
- It works!
- Mrs. Goldwater yelled at me
'cause she won't get her new breasts
in time for her daughter's wedding.
Uh, yeah, so have you
walked the dog lately?
- Yes.
- 'Cause you gotta walk him
at least two, three times a day,
every day. I'm talking every day.
- You can talk to him too.
- No, I'm not gonna talk to him.
He'll get depressed, Helen. He will.
- You gotta talk to him. He's a good listener.
- He's a dog. I don't talk to dogs.
Oh, and the dog park!
Don't go back to that one we
always go to. That Yorkie's back.
He gets in his head and he makes him
unmanly and he overcompensates
for a week or two.
We don't want that.
Do we have to write
down all this stuff?
Yes!
- So how is it, the town you're in?
- The town I'm in...
Hmm... Medical opinion? Inbreeding.
- I'm not... I'm not writin' that down.
- And what about the house?
The house? Yeah, it's, uh...
It's hideous.
- Hideous? Oh!
- Oh, oh, oh!
Didn't hear that, Henry.
Didn't quite get what the
doctor said about your house.
I gotta go. I'm late.
It's girls' night out.
That reminds me, I talked
to Bernie before I left.
Yeah, he's not gay, so he says.
Bernie's gay? Bernie's gay!
...a ploy to get women
in the sack. It works.
It makes them feel
special, according to him.
I may have to try that.
Oh, for God's sake!
Where you going?
We're going to dinner, at the Taj!
- "Taj".
- Ah! The Taj!
I'd kill for that Lamb
Dhansak right now.
- You get it spicy or mild?
- He'd kill for what?
"Lamb dan" something!
Taj, Taj. Taj Mahal.
That's, uh, curry.
- Curry!
- Lamb Dhansak...
...a little white wine...
Hello.
Hi.
I'm Paul, the, uh, new doctor.
Terrific.
Uh, you know where
the, uh, restaurant is?
It's over the hill, down by the pier.
You walked past it.
Right. Right.
I mean, what kind of moron would get
lost in a tiny village like this, huh?
Pretty big moron, I guess.
Mm-hmm.
It's a harbour, not a village.
Harbour. Mental noting.
Right.
- Good evening.
- Hello.
- The soup today is carrot.
- Hmm!
And the specials are flat fish,
hot turkey sandwich
and Lamb Dhansak.
Lamb Dhansak?
Yes, it's our famous
Lamb Dhansak Festival.
I'll take that.
Okay then! One Lamb Dhansak.
Hi.
So, uh, I've been drinking.
That's exactly what a
girl wants to hear
when a stranger knocks on her
door in the middle of the night.
Well, I asked where you lived.
So, I just... I just
wanted to apologize.
At ten o'clock?
What, is there some kind of
curfew here for apologies?
Are you open for business today?
Yeah.
Just, um...
I'm just gonna need a minute.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Dr. Lewis.
- Herbert.
- Dr. Lewis. Come on in.
Dr. Lewis. Come on in.
Have a seat.
Breathe in and out.
Nice, big, wide,
and give me a long "ah"...
Ah...
In and out.
Ah...
There you go.
- Ah! Any swelling?
- Ooh!
Okay.
That's pretty good, huh? Right?
That's pretty good.
We're gonna put a bandage on there,
and then you will be on your way.
Okay, if you wanna lay down
here, head here, please,
and we'll take a peek.
- Okay, any pain when I push down?
- No.
- And when I release?
- No.
All right, Calvert, you mind
if I take a peek at that?
- Yeah.
- Great.
Who put this on, if I may ask you?
I put that on myself.
Hmm... Okay.
Well, uh, I got what you could
call persistent athlete's foot.
- Okay.
- It's itchy.
- Itchy, itchy all the time.
- Okay.
And it's moving up!
It's no longer athlete's
foot, it's athlete's leg.
And I'm scared it'll go even higher.
- Mm-hmm.
- Do you wanna see?
Sure.
Oh, yeah. That's, um...
Mm-hmm.
If the pain's still there, just come
back and see me in two weeks.
- Uh, Lisa got the plantar warts.
- Don't!
Keith fell down, scraped
up his leg Wednesday,
James, Sherry and Krista all got
the ear infection last month,
and little Kenny here
coughs at night.
I mean I don't know, maybe it's
asthma or maybe it's allergies.
- And David still wets his bed.
- Mom!
Well, he's a doctor!
I mean, I tried
everything, you know?
Threats, treats. Nothing works.
He is a bed wetter!
Anything else?
I need to go on the pill.
So, officially, you're not
coming this Tuesday?
- You know how it is with work.
- Look, I'm not gonna last a full month here
- without seeing you.
- I know.
You know, it's beyond hectic.
Uh, I'll call you right back.
- Okay, bye!
- Yep. Okay, bye.
- Hey, pal.
- Hey!
- How was your first day?
- Busy! Yeah.
Real busy, Murray.
And at this rate,
I doubt I'll last a week.
Are you all completely mad?
The doctor said he saw
43 patients in one day!
He said he witnessed things
he'd never seen before
in his entire medical career.
He said, and I quote,
"I felt like I'd been transported
back to medieval times."
Is this how we seduce
our good doctor?
Who here has a case of
creeping athlete's foot?
Who?
Frank?
Frank, you said to yourself,
"The best way to convince
the doctor to live here
"is to show him that there
exists here in Tickle Head
"some kind of powerful foot fungus"?
Well, it is very uncomfortable.
From now on, I'll take the
doctor's appointments.
All right, Annette...
- Who's next?
- Over here...
Aw, jeez!
- Frank?
- I know, I know, no more athlete's foot.
No, no, no. You like music, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, great, 'cause the doctor loves jazz.
Oh, man, I hate jazz.
- Yeah? So, I'm busy.
- Right.
- I gotta be somewhere.
- Yeah.
So I'm really counting
on you, Frank. Thanks.
No, no, no... I hate jazz!
I hate jazz! Ah!
Good morning.
Come on in.
- Hello?
- Mr. Anderson?
- This is Murray French, from Tickle Head.
- Who?
Murray French.
The new mayor of Tickle Head.
We're bidding for the repurposing
facility you guys are...
Oh yes, yes, yes! Yes, Mr. French.
I remember your town's proposal now.
Well, I'm just calling to tell you that
we've got a doctor assigned full-time.
Great news.
I'll make a note of that.
But to be perfectly honest with
you, the town of Port Anne
has made a dazzling bid.
Well, we can beat
anything they offer.
Anything.
Yeah, no, they've been very creative
- in coming up with an idea...
- Well, now, we can be creative.
Believe me, Trip,
we can be creative.
Sir, they've actually included
a personal assurance...
How much is their
personal assurance?
A bribe! He wants a bribe?
- That's how these things work!
- Yeah, $100,000?
It's nothing to what the
factory will generate!
I can't get you that kind
of money, all right?
Here.
It's just a loan!
Murray, there's no way that my boss
is gonna give me that kind of money.
Your boss? Why don't
you make a decision?
I'm this close to being
replaced with an ATM.
You're already an ATM!
I told you, we had to
do this the proper way.
You could've worn a tie!
They watch these videos!
What can I do for you
today, gentlemen?
Henry, you know why we're here!
A loan? I see!
Names?
I'm gonna punch you in the throat.
Easy, Simon. Easy.
Names?
Same as yesterday.
I've come my dear
for to take my leave
I'm going to sail love
Do not weep
Going to sail o'er
the Spanish shore
And I'll leave my fair one
I'll leave my fair one
Leave my fair one
The girl I adore
No cold no danger need I fear
I'm going to sail in a privateer
And if God pleases
to spare my life
When I return love
I'll make you my wife
There's one thing more
that disturbs my mind
When you're rambling
on the Spanish shore
Oh you ne'er will think on...
Barb?
Murray? What are you
doing? Oh, my God!
He never liked that spaghetti.
It gave him the vicious heartburn.
He still misses that dog.
It's a spaniel. Bucket is
his name. Cute name.
Maybe... maybe we should get
him a pet or something.
- What's that?
- What?
The page.
Doodles.
Show me.
- No.
- Come on.
It's private information.
It could hurt him.
Vera, we won't hurt him.
I promise.
He never had a father.
Hmm...
Ah, this is great!
It's really nice.
Fantastic.
So, what's happenin'
with, uh, Kathleen?
Postmistress Kathleen?
Ah, you two are the
talk of the harbour.
I mean, that's flattering, Murray,
and she is drop-dead gorgeous.
I mean...
But I can assure you that there is
nothing going on with her and I.
I mean nothing.
So what about the cocaine addiction?
My... I... It's not a...
It's... it's under control.
You sure?
Well, then you should bloody
well stop messing about with it.
- Absolutely.
- It'll ruin your life.
Ruin it!
- It really is...
- Your life.
You're right.
Ruin it!
Ah, she... she talks
about you all the time.
You know, I feel I'm pretty
good at picking up signals,
but... but from her, it's just...
I mean, it is distant.
I'm talking... I'm talking distant.
Well, you know, since
you're engaged,
she maybe prefers to keep her distance
a little bit, but she is in love.
What? Murray, she's in... with me?
Well, that's what she said.
- Something about your smile, or...
- What?
There you go. That's the one.
No. No.
That's it, that's the smile
right there. It drives her wild.
I will catch one, I promise
you that, before I leave.
Patience, son.
You'll get the hang of it.
He stinks.
So, I haven't been drinking.
- That's a step in the right direction.
- Mm-hmm.
Right? And I was wondering,
do you know of a postmistress
that would be interested in
sharing some crackers and cheese
and a not-so-good
bottle of red wine?
I'll keep an eye out.
Hmm!
You, sir, are in good health.
What happened there?
It was the substitute.
The substitute?
We're not allowed to say.
- We're not allowed to say.
- Okay.
- Did he ask?
- Yes!
That a boy!
Two weeks rolled by and our
plan was working perfect.
You said you were coming in 10 days.
Do you know when you're coming, then?
Are you coming at all?
Side to side?
Paul's heart was being tugged
at in all the right places.
All hands were pitching in,
doing their part.
Great...
Our days were once again
filled with purpose.
That's a pretty good scar
there on your left shoulder.
Uh-huh.
Let me guess, the substitute?
Uh-huh...
We'd all come together,
working day and night
for a common dream.
- I'm gonna go real loud.
- Okay.
- Are you ready?
- Uh-huh.
There's the solo.
Now!
Ah! So good!
But in spite of our efforts,
the doctor started to feel lonely.
I know we talk every day,
but it's not the same.
It's not the same. You're not
here, you're not beside me,
and I miss that.
- And I miss you.
- Well, tell me,
what you would you
do if you were here?
- Tell me.
- Uh, what would I do?
Yeah, tell me, what would you do?
- Tell me, naughty boy.
- Naughty boy?
Um, well...
I would start by kissing your neck.
- Oh, would you?
- Yeah, I would.
And then I would proceed
to caress your arms
and your back
and those very, very,
very long legs.
It's getting very hot in here.
- Well, maybe you should undress.
- I already am.
Nice.
I need a cigarette.
You quit.
All right, I'm not gonna
smoke it, I'll just... suck on it.
Tell me, what now, Dr. Lewis?
I would, uh...
Tell me. Tell me.
- I would, uh...
- Tell me.
I would, um...
For the love of God, tell her!
I'd play with my machine.
Mm... And then where
are you gonna put it?
- What did he say?
- What will you do with your machine?
I think he said machine.
- Tell me...
- He's going to use his machine.
- What the hell is a machine?
- And then...
I would caress, uh, your feet..
With that gassed-up machine.
Why would he do that?
Do we write all this down?
Yes! Of course we have
to write this down!
And then I'd flip it over and
clean out the undercarriage.
I think I should draw some of this.
Yeah...
And then I'd see if it
wants to run on its own.
With her feet?
That's what I heard.
He said he wanted to rub his big
machine up against her feet.
His machine? What's a machine?
Like a...
Ha! No!
Yeah, I'd do it once.
- With your feet?
- Yep!
Pfft! I'd be worried about fungus.
What? It can spread
at an alarmin' rate.
Here, look, I'll show ya.
- It's creepin' up my leg.
- Come on!
No, you can't borrow 'em.
- I'm sorry. What?
- Vera.
- Murray.
- Did you get it?
Oh, shit!
There wasn't room in the fridge.
You froze it?
- It's not entirely frozen.
- Get a move on!
I'm a dead man.
What age are you, Paul?
29 now.
Why?
It's just my son would be
close to your age about now.
- We lost him 10 years ago.
- Oh...
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
What was his name?
Gerald.
Gerald...
I lost my father.
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.
I don't usually talk about it.
I don't know.
I don't usually talk about my son.
I guess this is the way it would feel
if he was around still, you know?
He passed away when I was two.
Hmm! Bubbles.
Eh?
Yeah.
- Bubbles. What's that mean?
- Oh, that's a big fish there!
Oh, yeah!
- No, stay calm! Stay calm!
- Oh, it's biting, Murray!
- Calm down.
- We can't lose this.
Take it easy, now.
Calm down. We got it.
- Okay, yeah, yeah. Calm down.
- Yeah!
- He's biting. What do I do? Reel?
- Reel him in.
- Yes, and pull.
- Oh my God!
Calm! Reel 'er in there!
Yeah!
Yeah, he's a fighter!
- It's huge, Murray!
- Just reel 'er in there.
Oh, yeah! Look at that!
- Here he comes!
- Get it!
There we go!
Yeah! Get it! Get him!
- Yeah!
- There ya go!
Yes!
- He's...
- Eh?
- Cold.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Like almost frozen, really.
Oh, yeah, he must have
come from the very bottom.
Right down there!
Oh, that's a beauty you got.
Oh, my hands are cold!
Thank you! Really! First fish!
- You're a natural.
- There you go.
- Right behind him.
- He banged it!
Pow!
There we go!
- To the great fisherman!
- Ah!
It's been refused.
Why?
First of all, $100,000
is a lot of money.
Secondly, our forms don't have little
boxes you can check for bribes.
- It's not a bribe.
- It's a bribe.
Are you really the
manager of this bank?
Because if you really are,
you know, the position holds
many responsibilities.
You know. I mean, obviously,
there's a lot of documents to stamp.
Don't! Don't! No! Don't!
You probably have some complex
accounting you have to see to.
Stop! Don't! Murray!
Don't! Stop it, Murray! Don't!
- Stop it!
- Then I imagine you set aside
- 15 minutes preciously on the Internet...
- Stop it!
...where you take time to
polish your cricket stick.
Don't! They watch those videos!
Oh, yeah?
Don't! They watch those...
- Murray!
- There's more.
There's also a part of your job where
you have to believe in the project!
You have to be a
part of the project!
A bank manager gets
involved with the project,
he sticks his neck out,
he risks his reputation,
goes for broke, he rolls the bones!
He looks the superior straight
in the eye and he says,
"Forget the application form!
I know this project's gonna work!"
A bank manager does
all those things!
If you can't do all these things,
Henry, I'm afraid you're...
Don't say it, okay?
Just don't say it.
- Don't say it.
- If you can't do all these things, Henry,
you are nothing but an ATM.
Is there something I should sign?
Oh!
Enjoying your stay?
Yeah.
I mean, it's, uh, a bit different.
You know, I guess I'm used
to restaurants and theatres
and cellphone coverage,
to different cultures and
opportunities, you know?
- But here, it's...
- In our little village...
No, I didn't say that.
Small harbour.
It's the people.
You don't even have to ask how
they're doing, you just know.
And there's something
about that, that...
You know? Especially if
those people let you in.
- Hey, Paul.
- Hey.
So, uh... so I had these
patients this morning,
- and they had these awful-looking scars.
- Yeah.
You know who the
substitute is, Murray?
Can't say.
Please.
The butcher! They received
care from the butcher.
Since he's the butcher,
he has the most knowledge
of the human anatomy.
Apparently he read a
couple books in the '80s.
I mean, can you imagine?
I guarantee you
he doesn't even scrub down.
On the sanitary purpose,
it's... it's ridiculous!
You should see the size of
these scars he leaves behind.
How do they live like this?
It's ridiculous!
Everyone deserves the
right to have a doctor!
I mean, we have reached the
21st century, haven't we?
Oh, and get this. Get this.
So, the mayor was telling me
about this man, Mr. Smith.
He had a heart attack
in broad daylight,
and people are just watching
because they have no one to call.
So, Mr. Smith just dies because
they have no one to call.
He dies. He dies!
- Hmm...
- Who's Mr. Smith?
- I mean...
- Just something that could've happened.
...to have a doctor.
- Don't you agree?
- Mm-hmm.
- Helen?
- Yeah.
- Are you listening?
- Yeah, I'm listening.
- It just seems like you're not listening.
- No, it's just... I'm late. I have to go.
Well, I'm sorry to bother you
with the woes of a tiny harbour.
I'll call you. I love you.
Love you, too.
He adores her. How are you
gonna get her to come?
- Yeah?
- Jack.
- Hey!
- Hey. Paul.
Hey, man. Gone crazy out
there yet? What's up?
- That's his best friend.
- Hey, can you do me a favour
and record Pakistan vs. England?
And don't tell me the score this
time, it defeats the whole purpose.
- Okay.
- And secondly, have you seen Helen lately?
- No, why?
- I don't know.
She's acting super
weird on the phone.
Can you just... Can you
keep an eye on her?
Yeah, no problem.
Okay, listen up.
Mr. Anderson from the
oil company just called.
We've got a problem.
150 labourers are needed
for this facility,
and if we do not fill that quota,
we will not get a factory.
We can make it work if
everybody works together.
So, here's the plan.
The government census says 125.
There are people in
our little harbour
who've been living under
the radar for years now,
not paying taxes, see?
No cod, no work.
Hmm.
Come on, Billy!
Hurry! Go!
Okay, quick,
put it down there! Yeah!
See? It's all there.
And they haven't been
collecting welfare?
Simple bureaucratic error.
There's a population of 221
people here, Mr. Anderson.
Well, we're gonna need you to back
that up more extensively, Mr. French.
Well, who you gonna trust?
Some bean counter in Ottawa,
who's never even been here,
or the town mayor who knows better?
I have counted every head.
I can't just trust
you on this. Sorry.
Okay, I have an idea.
How many people do you
think are here right now?
100, give or take.
84, Trip.
Follow me. I wanna
show you something.
- What?
- Come on.
Okay! Okay, go!
Go, go!
Hey. Hey!
Where's everyone going?
It's, uh, eight o'clock.
Entertainment Tonight is on.
How about a drink?
A lot of people now don't come
out of their houses too much.
Then, of course, there's a lot more
that'll move back once there's jobs.
You got the elderly on
top of that, I guess.
So, there's a lot of
people here, all right.
Cheers.
Oh, I'd say twice the population here
before the fishing was stopped.
And, uh, yeah, they'll be
all back pretty quick.
Right up this way.
Where are we going, exactly?
All right, I'm calling it.
No, no, no! Stay, stay!
Let's talk cricket!
I love the game. I love it.
Come on! Come on, come on.
Hurry up!
Sit down, sit down.
- I 23!
- Bingo!
Ladies and gentlemen, we have
ourselves a lucky winner.
Can we get a caller down
there to check her out?
- Good bingo!
- We do indeed have ourselves a bingo!
Next game is the letter T!
The letter T!
- Oh, what did you pick?
- B 14! B 14!
82, Trip.
Next game is for the
magic T! Magic T!
There you go.
Roll on, boy. Roll on.
Boys, you go on ahead.
I'll see you at the chopper.
So, how's the, uh, personal
assurance coming along?
Consider it done, Mr. Anderson.
That's fantastic.
We'll be in touch, then.
We will.
Oh! Yeah, how do I get back
to that restaurant thingy?
- The restaurant?
- Yeah, I forgot my hat.
Um... down to the left
there, it'll take you down.
- Huh?
- I'll meet you there.
Okay.
Back! Everybody back!
He's headin' back to Joe's!
Change your clothes!
The best wicket keeper. Who?
One, two, three.
- Adam Gilchrist!
- Adam Gilchrist!
My God, it's like we're...
- No way!
- Yeah!
- You remember that one game in...
- Oh...
- '06?
- '06!
Hi, there.
I believe you have my hat.
Oh! Uh, sorry.
I was, uh... I was
just keepin' it warm.
Can I have it back?
Yeah, of course. Of course.
Where did everybody go?
- Uh...
- It's after 8.
Entertainment Tonight's on.
Ah!
Yeah.
He said "ah", and then he left.
- He just left?
- Yeah!
"Ah"?
So, like, "Ah..."
Or was it, "Ah, you bloody liars!"
Murray, I'm sorry, I didn't pay
attention to the "ah", okay?
I never drink! I'm not
used to drinking.
I need a beer.
...more character than we've
seen so far this morning.
Now back to the
action in the middle.
Poised right now.
They've been 225 for 5.
Let's see what he gives us.
Cook and Bell looking to
rebuild the inning somewhat.
Hilfenhaus will be coming
in once more to Bell.
A long run.
Nice!
He saw the gap square at the wicket
on the offside, there. Great vision.
Exactly. He's good.
- Leg before wicket.
- Aw!
Leg before wicket!
Come on! Watch the replay!
- Right here. Watch the replay!
- Do we need to?
You're right, we don't.
You're right.
- It's not cricket, boys.
- That's not cricket at all.
No.
That's put England's stock lower
than they were a few minutes ago.
See what he serves up here.
Big one coming up.
- That's a glorious...
- Nice stroke!
Nice! That's good! Cheers!
Here we go! It is gone, gentlemen!
I'm off to water the lily.
Keep an eye!
It's heating up, guys!
It's heating up!
If I was there, I'd take
one of them flat bats
and I'd beat the crap out
of every last one of them.
They have no right calling
this a sport. It's not a sport!
No, it's like watching
baseball, only longer.
Nothing makes sense. Joe! Joe, get the
score on the Habs game. Quick, quick!
- Quick.
- ...to the point for Diaz!
Sends it in the corner of the Jets' zone,
and the puck comes back to the point...
Canadiens on the power play.
Ryder on the right side...
- Get it, get it, get it...
- Come on, come on...
Fires, scores!
No!
All right!
Quiet down. Quiet down!
Change it back. Change it back.
- What did I miss?
- Nothing, we're just fooling with ya.
- No!
- Yeah!
Seriously, what happened?
What did I miss?
The, uh, thrower threw
and then they hit and they scored
loads of points in a very...
spectacular manner.
'Cause they were running
and running and running,
and then... and then bam!
The enemy cross-checked
the hell out of the runner,
in a very spectacular manner.
'Cause it was...
I thought it was
surprising, you know?
'Cause if you ask me, it was
definitely egg before wicket.
Mm-hmm.
- He does not look to be much of a happy...
- I get it.
I get it.
You're piss drunk again, aren't you?
Yes! Yeah! I'm loaded!
- Yeah, I'm loaded. Don't mind me.
- Ignore him. We do!
Right pissed!
Hey, Joe, can I get a double rum
when you get a chance, please?
Ah!
Eh?
20 smackers right here!
- You just find that?
- I just found it right there!
- Every time!
- Whoa!
- Yeah.
- Unbelievable.
Smackers. Every time.
Aw, man! That's amazing!
Hi, you've reached Helen.
Leave me a message.
Well...
You're still not answering.
Alas I am left only
with my thoughts.
I had a dream last night.
I dreamt of us living by the sea.
There was the afternoon barbeque,
three little children
running around.
I saw our future last night,
and it was perfect.
You'd love it here.
Sweet dreams.
We gotta sign him right away.
Right away!
- Nah, it's too soon.
- Why too soon?
Well, the hook is in.
Now comes the hard part.
Like me father used to say,
"Jiggin' the fish is easy.
After that, you have
to pull him in."
You have to convince the fish
that the best place in the whole
wide world is in the boat.
How the hell are we gonna do that?
Nope! Nothing!
Looks it's gonna be a while.
- You're stuck here, boy.
- My boss is gonna kill me!
In the meantime,
why don't you just relax
and spend some time
in our fine harbour?
You got any clean clothes?
No!
I've got some.
I think hunting is something you learn.
I think it's something you're...
This boat was particularly...
Joe!
So, who's the new guy?
Oh, uh, he's applying
to be our new doctor.
Uh, we need one to get a
new repurposing plant.
He wants to sign for five years.
Oh, I hear he's great!
What'd you say?
You're hilarious!
Sorry, another round for
the table, Joe, please.
Paul, hi! Didn't see
you there! How are ya?
Listen, I forgot to say, uh...
you got a day off tomorrow.
Dr. Morris is filling in.
- Sure, whatever you need.
- All right!
- I'll maybe go fishing tomorrow!
- Sure, why not?
- Murray!
- Paul!
Ready for some big-time fishing?
Uh, sorry, boss.
I... I gotta stick around,
you know, help out Dr. Morris.
Okay, doctor?
Go ahead!
Another time, then.
Yeah! Sorry!
Hi, Paul!
When'll the boat be ready?
Soon!
I think we got the doctor.
I think we got him!
- Oh, that's terrific, Murray!
- Yeah, you'll be coming back, Barb.
That's great! I'm really glad.
You'll be coming back?
I love you Murray.
I really miss you.
I know we talk on the
phone all the time, but...
- it's not the same.
- No.
You're not here.
You're not lying beside me.
I miss you. I really,
really miss you.
Yeah.
If you were here, I'd...
kiss your neck.
- Murray...
- Yeah!
And then I'd kiss a
little bit lower maybe.
- Murray!
- You don't, uh, fancy
just unfastening the button on
your blouse there a bit, do ya?
Okay.
Yeah, just a little bit.
I need to get in there.
No, I'm always happy to
take your call, Henry,
but he's made his
decision based on policy.
But he rejected a very
solid loan application.
Henry, I've reviewed
the file personally,
out of respect for you.
- Well, you live in Tickle Head.
- Well, that's just the thing, Mrs. Carter,
because it's a bit of a chicken
and the egg scenario right now,
'cause the harbour is on the cusp
of a very lucrative contract.
We don't deal in "justs".
Our clients assume the risks,
not us. You know this.
I've been an employee of this bank
for 18 years now, Mrs. Carter.
Henry, your job is to cash
welfare cheques once a month.
It's simple. I'm not trying to
minimize your years of loyalty.
- You started under my own father, but...
- Don't say it. Don't say it.
...we could replace you
with an automatic teller.
She said it.
What's this?
That's our, uh, loan, for the bribe.
And this, that's my
rsum for the factory.
I'm gonna lose my job over this.
That loan will cost us
$500 a month for 20 years.
- Wow!
- Yeah.
Thanks, Henry.
Thanks.
Murray! Murray!
What? What?
- After you dropped me off this morning...
- Paul left a message...
One at a time!
- Okay, all right.
- You go ahead.
Okay.
Paul was calling Helen,
but she wasn't answering him,
so he left her a long message. Long!
Then he started talking
about her feet
and oiling her machine!
That is not important!
I'm very troubled by
that machine stuff.
Will you get to the point?
Paul was calling everywhere.
He phoned his friend Jack.
His best friend!
She was with him!
Helen's been cheatin'
on him for three years!
- With his best friend!
- It's over! It's over!
He got no more ties.
He has no ties.
Well...
Rough day?
It's over with Helen.
I'm sorry, Paul.
Don't be.
Everything in the past
three years is...
She's only with my best friend.
My best friend.
I mean, it's only a best friend.
But what I can't
comprehend is how...
...is how I didn't realize
that absolutely everything
around me was false.
Everybody was telling me lies.
Hmm!
'Cause, I mean, my so-called
friends, they must have known.
The two of them must've met when I
was behind the operating table,
probably giving someone a new nose,
maybe some new breasts,
or those fake cheekbones that
everyone knows they're fake!
Nobody has cheekbones like
that, Murray, nobody!
No one has cheekbones like that.
Nobody.
I'm clocking out.
- Good night, Paul.
- Good night.
You know, Murray...
I set out to be a
doctor to save lives.
What happened?
Simon!
Who is it?
The tooth fairy.
Well, you're 55 years late,
and you're uglier than
I thought you'd be.
He'll sign now.
- Hello, Murray.
- Vera.
How's Barb gettin' on? Any news?
- Yeah, she's good.
- Good!
Wouldn't be too much,
would it, if I asked
what in the name of God
you're doing here in our bed?
Sorry, I know it's
after office hours.
Well, it's not so much the
time that bothers me,
it's the fact that we're
all here in bed together.
It's the whole threesome thing
I'm not that comfortable with.
Now, now, now! He doesn't
drop by that often.
You won't be that
long, then, will ya?
Not long.
Very good, then. Hmm!
Simon?
Yes?
Have you thought about what
happens after he signs?
When he finds out who we really are?
That it's all been lies, we've
been lying to him for a month?
Little white lies.
It'll kill him.
It'll absolutely kill him.
So, we're down to two
choices, really.
We can throw the fish back in the water,
call off the seduction thing with Paul,
concentrate on Anderson
from the oil company...
or for 24 hours a day for the next five
years we can keep up the whole charade,
but it has to be all the time.
Paul must never know.
It'll break his heart!
I'm telling you straight away, I am
not listening to jazz for five years!
I mean, you try listening
to jazz fusion!
I dare any one of you
to listen to jazz fusion!
If I listen to one more jazz musician
blow his sorrow through his trumpet,
I will kill myself! I will do it,
I will hang myself, I will...
- The Lord is with you!
- And also with you!
Let us pray!
Uh, sorry for the interruption.
- Uh, that's okay!
- I just want to say a few words, if I may.
Okay!
Thank you.
Well, my month here is almost over,
and, well, I wanted to tell all of you
that I've come to know Tickle Head
as, well, tiny, lacking
gourmet restaurants,
no offense, Joe,
but there's something very
special here, very rare.
You're all authentic
people, the real deal.
Honest in your life and
true to each other.
It would be an honour to
call Tickle Head home,
be your new doctor,
deliver your babies, fix your cuts,
help all of you live
long, healthy lives.
Um, we've already signed
Dr. Morris to the position.
Sorry.
Don't be. Congratulations.
Mm-hmm.
That's great. Congratulations.
Okay.
Yep!
Is there a plan B you
haven't told us about?
What's the plan? What's the...
What'll we tell the oil company?
Okay, all we need now is
the doctor's certificate.
Uh, the certificate?
Oh, we sent you that weeks ago.
You should have that.
Well, we don't have it.
Hmm... Henry, could you,
uh, check the certificate?
Yup!
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
Um, I have to catch a boat, and,
like, five planes to get home,
but there's something
I need to say, okay?
I'm single now,
and it's definitely complicated,
and I'm not ready for a
new relationship at all...
but... but I feel I've
missed out on something,
an occasion to meet someone special.
And I want you to
know that I know...
about your feelings,
and that it's... it's okay, and...
I mean, Murray told me everything.
Everything?
Yeah. I mean, he shouldn't have...
but he... he revealed
your feelings for me.
And what feelings would those be?
That you love me.
He said I love you?
Yeah.
That was a lie.
A lie?
You know nothing about people, Paul.
They've all lied to you.
- You do have a doctor?
- Yes.
- Could we meet him?
- He's away at a conference.
Here it is!
That's, um... Oh, no,
no, that's not it!
- Oh!
- No, that's a...
In cricket, Murray, what's an over?
Oh, well, it's a...
You have no idea, do you?
You've been lying to me
for a month, is that right?
No. Not exactly.
Enough!
What's the name of
Murray's dead son?
Harvey.
Why?
Why can't anyone just
tell me the truth?
Paul...
- Paul!
- Is that the doctor?
You want the truth?
Yeah, well, the truth is...
it's been years since the
fishing dried up here. Years!
We line up every month and
collect welfare cheques.
You ever collect welfare, Paul?
Well, you collect more than your
money, let me tell you that much!
You collect shame. You collect
a good deal of shame.
The money only lasts 15 days,
but you get enough shame
to last a whole month!
And it's killing us!
We need jobs!
I'll tell you the truth. I don't
wanna work for the oil company.
I prefer to fish, but we're
not allowed to fish,
not enough to make
a living, anyways!
So I'll work for this
petrochemical-whatever-the-frig,
and when they're gone,
we'll try something else,
because it's worth it
to save this harbour.
And I'm sorry we lied to you,
because we hadn't the foggiest idea
how else to get a doctor here.
We need a doctor to save 120 people,
to give them some kind of hope!
- Did he say 120?
- No, he said 220.
You've got the opportunity
here to be a real doctor.
What about Dr. Morris?
That was a lie, too.
That lie was for you,
but your choice, Paul.
Would you learn to play cricket?
No.
Well, at least you're being honest.
I'll be your doctor.
- Want a drink?
- Yeah, really bad.
You're buying!
Thank you very much!
Now, look, part of this,
you see, is not gonna...
I mean, look at the space
you got over here!
You're comin' home... if you want.
We got the facility.
We had more work than we needed.
None of us got rich,
but we're comfortable again.
Frank, check those meters!
We can take holidays,
send our kids back to
university or trade school.
But the most important thing the
people of Tickle Head have now...
is our pride.
- Okay, Murray!
- What?
That's enough. It's not
professional, okay?
- What?
- Stop it!
The houses are all done up.
The health plan is the best.
Families are growing again.
It was never backed up like
this when I was in charge here!
You were the best, Henry!
I was better than this guy!
Way better than this guy.
You didn't take it all, did you?
I can't begin to explain
the joy we feel
at the end of the day just to be...
a little tired.
Mm, Murray!
True happiness.
SUBTITLING: CNST, Montreal & Luis-subs.