The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) Movie Script
Together again
Gee, it's good
to be together again
I just can't imagine that
you've ever been gone
It's not starting over
It's just going on
Together again
Now we're here and there's
no need remembering when
'Cause no feeling
feels like that feeling
Together again
Together again
Gee, it's good
to be together again
I just can't imagine that
you've ever been gone
It's not starting over
It's just going on
- Together again
- Again
Now we're here and there's
no need remembering when
'Cause no feeling
feels like that feeling
Together a...
Together a... Together a...
Together again
Together again
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- They like it!
- They love it!
They're still applauding. Kermy,
you have to go out and take a bow.
- Yeah.
- Take a bow.
Go.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, uh... I really don't know
what to say except, uh...
Well, we're really glad
you liked Manhattan Melodies...
because we all worked so hard to make it
the best Senior Variety Show ever.
Hey, Kermit, next time
we'll see you on Broadway!
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
That's a great idea. Why don't we
take Manhattan Melodies to New York?
What?
Broadway'd be dying to get
a great musical like this.
Broadway?
We'd just like to thank everybody
for having so much faith in us.
It's not often that a frog
and a bear and a pig...
and a chicken and a whatever
even get accepted into college.
We're all so proud to be
graduating now, some with honors...
Woman! Woman!
Some with the help of
daily psychological counseling.
Anyway, anyway,
thank you again.
Thank you for everything, guys.
Thank you. Yeah. Thank you.
- Broadway?
- Yeah!
But this show's not
good enough for Broadway.
The script needs work. I think
there's something missing.
Remember you said we could not
get married until we had enough money?
Yeah.
Well, we'd have enough
if we had a hit on Broadway.
- That's right.
- Yes, yes.
Broadway of what city?
Aw, come on. Come on.
Even if the show was good enough,
we're just graduating.
What about our future plans?
- Well, this could be our future.
- Yeah! Yeah!
If we don't do it, we just
say good-bye to each other.
- Oh.
- Broadway! Broadway, Broadway!
What are we waiting for?
Let's go to Broadway!
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Broadway!
- New York!
- Look at everything there!
- We made it, guys.
- We're really here.
What a great-looking place.
It's filled with New Yorkers.
Look at 'em all.
Look how gorgeous everything is.
We'd better dump our stuff
and find a place to stay.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Scooter, break out the quarters.
- Yes, sir.
You all right down there?
How about up there?
- What do you think, guys?
- What?
- I say, how do you like it?
- Oh, it's great.
Much better than that cement
mixer I used to live in.
I'll trade with anyone
that has a Jacuzzi.
Come on.
It's just for one day.
- We'll all be on Broadway tomorrow.
- Yeah.
- We'd like to see Mr. Price.
- Do you have an appointment?
No, but we saw his name in the paper.
We've got this show...
called Manhattan Melodies he's gonna
want to produce on Broadway.
It's about a couple of kids that
come to New York City to get married.
It has a wonderful opening
number. It goes like this.
Hold it. Hold it.
What's going on out there?
Just a frog
with a musical, Mr. Price.
Musical? Send him in.
Net. I'm talking net.
You've gotta be kidding with gross.
- Nice upholstery.
- Hold it a minute. I'll get back to you.
Mr. Price, I'm Kermit,
and these are my friends.
We've got a show called
Manhattan Melodies...
we think you're gonna
want to produce on Broadway.
It's about a couple of kids that come
to New York City to get married.
It opens with a great number
that goes like this.
Look at me
Here I am...
Frog. Frog.
No singing, okay?
- Give me the general idea.
- It's all about life in the big city.
Big city, huh? Cops? Shootings?
Car chases? That kind of thing?
No shooting stuff.
It's more like songs and dances.
- Songs and dances?
- Mm-hmm.
That might be interesting.
Nobody cares about
shootings anyway.
What are you thinking about?
Big-name stars?
We're gonna be the stars.
That's what I was about to say.
You be the stars.
Unknowns...
songs, dances, shootings.
- No. No shootings.
- Uh-uh.
You know what?
I smell something.
Why does everyone
always blame dogs?
- What I smell is a hit.
- A what?
- A hit.
- You mean...
Absolutely. I'd be proud
to produce your show.
Fellas, you're gonna
be on Broadway.
- Oh, oh, oh.
- Kermit, we did it!
We did it!
Thanks a lot, Mr. Price. I really
would like you to read the script.
- There's still something missing.
- No, Frog, Frog.
We fix all those things in the previews.
I've got a million things to do.
Call the papers, rent a theater,
and all I need from you is $300.
- Three hundred dollars?
- Yeah. Apiece.
- Apiece?
- Today. Yeah.
What?
Look, fellas, that's
standard Broadway procedure.
You give me the money, and we start
the rehearsals tomorrow.
- But we don't have...
- I don't think that's right.
Yeah, now I smell something.
- Fellas...
- Mr. Price.
There are two police officers outside.
They'd like to speak to you.
That's him.
That's Murray Plotsky.
I gave him my life savings.
Murray? I thought
his name was Martin.
Let's go, Murray. You've
pulled your last con job.
I don't want any trouble.
Get back or the chicken gets it.
- That's a threat?
- Please don't hurt her! Take me!
Whatever you say, pal!
Get away from that door.
Move!
Let go!
Let go of my nose!
Watch it! You too!
Bad man!
Easy!
Bad man!
Back!
Get this chicken off my ear!
Take it off my ear!
Take it off! Oh!
Get it off!
Get it off my ear!
Bad man! Bad man!
- Way to go, everybody.
- Where were you when I needed you?
- Murray?
- Animals! You're crazy... all of you!
I want my money back!
Gonzo, are you okay?
I just saw my whole life
flash before my nose.
Camilla!
She's hyperventilating!
She needs mouth-to-beak
resuscitation!
Kermit, he never wanted our show.
He just wanted our money.
- Yeah.
- Gonzo, is Camilla all right?
Yeah, but I think we're engaged.
Come on, everybody.
We're gonna get this show on Broadway!
- Right!
- Yeah, let's go, guys!
You can't take no for an answer
You can't take no
for an answer
You can't take no
for an answer
No, no, no
Whenever there's a dream
worth a-dreamin'
And you wanna see that dream come true
There'll be plenty of people talkin'
Say forget all about it
Sayin'it isn't worth the trouble
All the trouble
that you're goin'through
- It ain't worth it, no
- What can you do
- You can't take no for an answer
- You can't take no
- You can't take no for an answer
- No, no, no, no
You can't take no for an answer
No, no, no
What ya gonna do
when the times get tough
And the world's
treatin'you unkind
You gotta hang on to
your optimistic outlook
And keep possession
of your positive state of mind
State of mind, state of mind
State of mind, state...state of mind
- You can't take no for an answer
- You can't take no
- You can't take no for an answer
- No, no, no, no
You can't take no for an answer
No, no, no
This is turnin' out to be
a little tougher than I thought.
Kermit, I'm not good at this.
I don't take rejection well.
Maybe we could sell the show
if you wrote in special effects...
like exploding socks.
Oh, Gonzo, like that's
a really lame idea.
- Oh, yeah?
- Hey, man, stop yellin' at her.
- He wasn't yelling.
- Yes, I was.
- Oh, Gonzo, don't make trouble.
- Fight! Fight!
Kermit, do you think
we should change the script?
Kermit, what should we do?
I don't know! How should I know?
Why are you asking me?
Can't you take care
of yourselves?
I don't know what to do next.
We failed, okay?
We tried and we failed.
Scooter, how much money
do we have left?
Enough for two nights
unless we find cheaper lockers.
Well, we have to eat.
- Why start now?
- Gonzo!
Gangway! Comin' through.
Hey, watch it, will ya?
Hey, that waiter's a rat!
I'm glad we got no money.
Now I got no appetite.
There you go.
One cheeseburger platter.
- What do you want to drink?
- Glass of milk.
I would like meat in here.
Picky! Hey, Pete,
where's the beef?
It's coming!
Got two hands only!
Okay. What'll you have?
The number for
the Board of Health.
That does it!
Another rat crack, right?
I got feelings too.
Do you think I'm doin' this as a hobby?
You wanna know what I make?
Nothing! Nothing!
I live on tips!
I work hard! I try to get tips
to feed my family and my mother.
It just isn't fair!
We understand.
We don't have any money either.
Sorry. Not my table.
What a rat!
I'll get us something to eat.
Is patty coming.
Is cow juice coming.
Rizzo, whereJenny?
May I see a menu, please?
Special today.
Yankee bean soup, with spoon.
Sorry I'm late, Pop.
Hi, Fran. How are ya?
It went longer than I thought.
You will be so proud of me.
I did great!
It was all essay questions.
No sweat. I know I passed.
Jenny, that's very good.
Is cow juice and patty for lady.
- Rizzo, I'm back.
- It's about time.
I can't handle everybody.
Take the weirdos at table four.
Which one is table four?
I wonder if Kermy meant it.
I mean, about failing.
Those producers looked at us
like we were from outer space.
What?
No, man. Go back to sleep.
Nobody's landed.
- We'll take 11 bowls, please.
- Okeydokey.
But there's just one thing.
We've got this show that's gonna be
a big hit on Broadway...
but, uh, well, uh...
right now we're all broke.
- You don't have any money?
- Not really. No.
We'd work it off.
We promise.
- Waitress!
- Coming.
Hey, I tell you what is.
Big city. Hmm?
Live. Work. Huh?
But, not city open.
Only peoples.
Peoples is peoples.
No is buildings.
Is tomatoes, uh?
Is peoples.
Is dancing. Is music.
Is potatoes.
So, peoples is peoples, okay?
Yeah.
Thanks. That helped a lot.
Where you goin'?
Aren't you gonna
wait for your soup?
But I told you.
We don't have...
I know, but I know my pop.
When he first started out in this city,
he didn't have anything either.
I bet he's back there
getting soup bowls for everybody.
Really?
With soup in them?
Uh-huh. I gotta
get back to work.
I had a test today,
so I came in late.
Yeah. I heard
you passed the test.
I hope I passed it.
It's for acceptance
into a fashion design college.
Oh, yeah? We just
graduated from college.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- My name's Jenny.
- Hi. I'm Kermit.
- Hi, Kermit. Nice to meet you.
- I'm a frog.
No, no, it...
Listen, I'm saying maybe it's time
we went out on our own.
You mean, on our own alone?
Without even each other?
The frog's right.
We do depend on him too much.
Like he feels
too responsible for us.
He'd be better off
if we left town.
I can't leave Kermit.
We're still pinned.
Maybe...
I'm sorry
I blew up outside.
But guess what.
Pete's cooking up some soup for us.
Well, what's wrong?
It's just...
We've had some job offers, right?
- Yeah! Right!
- Job offers!
Yeah!
That's great.
These job offers are...
kinda out of town, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- They're out-of-town job offers.
- What job did I get?
- Gonzo!
Piggy, are you going too?
Well, Kermy, l...
We go bye-bye?
Kermit, we'll write to you
and let you know where we are.
Yeah, and, Kermit,
we still believe in the show.
Yeah, yeah.
Board!
Saying good-bye
Going away
Seems like good-bye's
Such a hard thing to say
Touching a hand
Wondering why
It's time for saying good-bye
Good-bye, Kermy!
Saying good-bye
Why is it sad
Makes us remember
The good times we've had
Much more to say
Foolish to try
It's time for saying good-bye
Don't want to leave
But we both know
Sometimes it's better to go
Somehow I know
We'll meet again
Not sure quite where
And I don't know just when
You're in my heart
So until then
It's time for saying good-bye
Somehow I know
We'll meet again
Not sure quite where
And I don't know just when
You're in my heart
So until then
Wanna smile
Wanna cry
Saying good-bye
It's time for saying good-bye
Look at all those people out there.
Lots of people.
But my friends...
My friends are all gone.
I'm gonna get 'em back.
I'm gonna get 'em back!
'Cause the show's not dead
as long as I believe in it.
I'm gonna sell that show,
and we're all gonna be on Broadway.
You hear me, New York?
We're gonna be on Broadway!
Because...
Because I'm not givin' up!
I'm still here and I'm stayin'!
You hear that, New York?
I'm stayin' here!
The frog is stayin'!
Rizzo, is bagel ready!
Is hominy grits ready!
- Excuse me, Pete.
- What is?
- I thought you might have work here.
- Rizzo, is ready!
Part-time so I could
keep working on the show.
What is that supposed to be?
Is grits. Hominy grits.
How should I know how many?
Count 'em yourself! Ha-ha.
- What?
- Uh, listen...
Wait! Wait! What is?
Is all morning like this.
You complain. You slow.
You no take orders.
- You lazy rat, you!
- Lazy rat? Okay! Have it your way.
I don't have to
take this abuse!
I quit!
Quit? You no can quit!
Is breakfast crowd!
All right! Don't beg. I'll stay.
But I need some help.
Okay, guys, this is it.
Don't blow it.
Pete, meet your new employees.
- Say hello to Tatooey...
- Yo!
- Masterson...
- Hello.
- Chester...
- I feel terrible!
And Yolanda!
- What a crazy body!
- Yeah.
Pete, about that job...
Wait! Is no good!
Rats want job!
Frog want job!
- What next? Penguins?
- Do you have jobs available?
- No!
- Well, excuse us for living!
Hey, Pop, everybody's
waiting for their food.
Pete, I can work nights.
Come on, Pete. Give these guys
a break, all right?
Hey, I go crazy!
- Okay, rats, you go to work.
- Yea!
Wait! Wait!
Listen. I tell you what is.
Is no work, is dancing...
is cheese... is big shoes!
Waitress!
- All right, rats, go to work.
- Yea!
So, like, you got
a boyfriend?
Pete, is there nothing else?
'Cause I'll do anything...
Pop, we could use
some help in the kitchen.
Is dishes need washing.
Oh, thanks, Pete!
That's terrific! Oh, boy!
- Thanks a lot, Jenny!
- Hey, no sweat.
- So, where are all your friends?
- They had to leave.
- Oh, even your pig friend?
- Yes, but I'm bringing her back.
I wrote the show for them.
When I sell it, I can bring them back.
I'm staying and I'm getting
our show on Broadway.
I really admire that.
I'm going to do
something special too.
I mean, in fashion.
Maybe your fashion
designing can help me now.
- What do you mean?
- I did some reading last night...
about Broadway producers
and investors and agents.
Now I know what I have
to do to sell our show.
I can use your help
'cause I have a three-part plan.
And the first part is...
if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Hiya, sweetheart! I just
flew in from the coast.
I love your hair!
Don't ever touch it!
Listen, I got an appointment
with your top theater agent.
Leonard Winesop?
Yeah, Lennie, right.
What office is he in, doll?
He's in Suite 1024.
I'll call and see...
No, no, sweetheart. No need for that,
'cause Lennie and I go way back!
I'm talkin' way back.
But, thanks, honey.
Far out! Right on!
Mr. Winesop?
Yeah? A frog.
With an afro.
Hiya, Lennie, sweetheart, babe!
I just flew in from the coast.
Hey, I love your office.
Don't change a thing.
My private plane's
double-parked so I gotta run.
I got this boffo, socko script for a
Broadway slot called Manhattan Melodies.
It's totally today yet
tremendously timeless.
I'm giving you first look-see
'cause we're like family.
Have I ever lied to you?
Oop, I think I hear my beeper.
I gotta split. I'll have
your people call my people.
We'll set a conference call.
Remember, Lennie.
Boffo, Lennie. Socko, Lennie.
I'll call you.
We'll have lunch. Ciao!
- Hi, Jenny!
- Hi. Here. Have a seat.
Were you a hit?
They loved it, right?
- How'd the costume work?
- The costume was great.
It's hard to tell how it went. They're
probably reading the script right now.
Hey, baby.
Baby!
Where you goin', sweetheart?
Hello.
I said hello.
For the next part of my plan
I have to look older...
so I'm gonna
grow a mustache.
- You'd look cute with a mustache.
- You think so?
- Mm-hmm.
- Piggy said that to me once too.
- She's hot! Hot mama!
- Hey, baby!
- Hot stuff!
- Lookin' good.
Perfect and pretty.
Pretty and perfect.
- Hey, baby!
- Sweet thing. Sweet thing.
- She must be really talented.
- You're talented too.
- You mean it?
- Of course.
I know you're gonna be
a famous fashion designer someday.
Kermit, thank you
for saying that.
- Come on, baby.
- Don't be rude.
What was that?
- Oh, it's just New York.
- Yep.
I'm sorry I'm late,
Mr. Wrightson.
I would suggest to you that it
is neither prudent nor wise...
to be a half hour late
returning from lunch...
especially when
it's your first day on the job.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Eileen, sorry I'm late.
It's okay, Piggy. Everything's
been goin' wrong lately.
Get your French perfume.
Quelle Difference.
Something wrong?
Can we talk?
- No! I'll be fine. Just bien.
- Sorry.
Get your Quelle Difference.
It's French. It's feminine.
It'll help you grab one
of those rotten, stinkin' men.
- Quelle Difference...
- Piggy, please!
You were fine this morning.
Something happen at lunch?
- My frog turned on me.
- I had some bad tuna myself.
I'm gonna fight for him, though.
Eileen, do you think
I'm pretty?
Of course you are.
You're more than pretty.
Gorgeous?
Don't push it, Pig. You're...
You're more than gorgeous.
You're unique!
But you could use a little rouge.
- Have a seat.
- What are you...
- What are you going to do?
- We'll fix you up.
Make you look like a movie star.
How'd you like that?
- Yes!
- Cheekbones. That's what you need.
Your face is a little round. I'm gonna
give you a complete makeup job.
This morning, I said,
she needs rouge.
- Turn your face. Ever wear rouge?
- Yes.
Now you're gonna really wear rouge.
- Kermit won't care.
- Kermit, Shmermit. You look great!
It brings out your eyes.
You know what you need?
- You need eyebrows.
- Pigs don't have eyebrows.
This pig is going to.
And so is this.
- Why did you do that?
- Boy, I think I overdid it.
- Let me see.
- Take a look.
- You have them too.
- I have them too.
- Do some more.
- I'll give you doe eyes.
Doe eyes?
What are doe eyes?
- Doe eyes are what Bambi has.
- Let me see.
- Doe eyes.
- Do some more.
You need freckles for cutesy.
- Oh, freckles.
- Cutesy, cutesy. I'll be cutesy.
- You got it too.
- Lipstick.
Why don't you wear lipstick?
Pucker. Pucker.
You look fabulous.
A little more on the cheeks.
A little more on my cheeks.
A powder puff for you
and a powder puff for me.
Quelle Difference.
Try the newest perfume from France.
You are fired.
Pete, what happened
to those rats you had working here?
Customer complained.
They no like rats for waiters.
- Is okay. I make them cook.
- Hey, Pete.
Here you go. Two zeros on a trampoline
with a side ofJoan of Arc.
Yeah!
Oh, yeah.
Hey, how's the coffee?
The coffee's fine.
Come on in.
Kermit, when are you going to
start growing your mustache?
I stopped shaving three days ago.
Didn't you notice?
Oh. Well...
- It's subtle.
- Yeah.
I bet we could
help it along with makeup.
Good. I'm ready for
the second part of my plan.
Hey, Frog.
Mail come. Got mail for you.
Yeah, it must be from the gang.
Now, Yolanda,
chopping is an art.
You gotta be smooth.
Hey, it's from Scooter.
"Dear Kermit, How are you?"
"Have you sold the show yet?
Have you heard from the gang?
I'm in Cleveland.
I have this terrific job.
I'm managing a huge movie house.
Maybe not managing, but I do
have a lot of responsibilities. "
Here are your glasses.
Seating to the left.
- Hurry up, Mom.
- Thank you.
"I'm meeting
interesting people. "
Ah! Your poppin' corn is 3-D!
Aha! The corn is poppin'
in your face in 3-D!
Chef, that's not how 3-D works.
- Oh, never mind.
- Here's your ticket.
Thanks. Sir, your 3-D glasses.
Sir, your glasses!
Sir, don't you want
your 3-D glasses?
Oh, I don't need 'em.
I've seen this movie 97 times.
My name is Lew Zealand.
I'm a boomerang fish thrower.
I throw the fish away
and they come back to me.
Here's my favorite part.
The fish! They're coming
from the game room!
Oh, no!
The killer fish are attacking!
Go get 'em, guys!
- Help! Help!
- Yeah!
"So, life is great here in Ohio.
Love, Scooter. "
Here's one from Fozzie.
"Dear Kermit,
Wacka, wacka, wacka. "
"But seriously. I'm in Maine.
My job didn't turn out
too terrific.
So I decided to hibernate.
Ahh, back to nature.
I love it out here
in the woods.
It's where a bear should be. "
How do they do it?
I've been tryin'
to sleep for days.
Anybody got some warm milk?
Oh, brother.
Oh. I didn't know
this cave was co-ed.
My name's Beth.
Well, I'm Fozzie.
I can't sleep either.
Maybe if we snuggle.
Here's one more.
It's from Dr. Teeth.
"Dear Kermit, How's the man?
We got this great gig
outside of Pittsburgh.
I tell you, Frog, the band's wailin'.
The music's cookin'.
Crowd is also
wailin'and cookin'.
Yeah, we're in hip city here. "
They're all
doing pretty well.
Yeah, they are.
But there are no letters
from Gonzo or Rowlf or Piggy.
I'm sure they've written.
Sometimes it just
takes a while.
Yeah, sure. Piggy's probably busy
with some terrific job.
Yeah.
I guess they're all
out there doing terrific.
If I could only sell the show,
then everyone could come back...
and we could do it together
like the old days.
- You'll do it, Kermit.
- Well, thanks, Jenny.
- That's been happening a lot lately.
- I know.
It's New York.
Rizzo, I'm about ready
for the second part of my plan.
I'm going to need your help
and all the other rats too.
I think we could be
making some overtime here.
Jenny, I need you
to draw a picture of me.
- Sure.
- What's the scoop?
Have you ever heard
of a whispering campaign?
- Good afternoon.
- Kermit the Frog.
My reservation secretary
made a reservation for me.
Gesundheit.
This way, please.
Afternoon, all.
Don't get up. Keep eating.
Ta.
- May I take your coat?
- No!
That is, no, thank you,
very much indeed.
That's the closest I ever
want to be to a frog.
- Okay, guys, do your stuff.
- Right.
You start.
Say, isn't that
that rich producer over there...
the one who's investing
in Manhattan Melodies?
Yes, he's investing millions
of dollars in Manhattan Melodies.
What's that all about?
Manhattan Melodies?
Isn't that Kermit the Frog,
the big-time producer, over there?
- The producer is here.
- The producer, dear.
There's a big producer
over there.
It's the hottest thing
coming to Broadway this season.
It's one of the hottest shows
on Broadway.
Best Broadway show
in years.
Hello.
Vincent?
- Did I do something wrong?
- No.
Vincent, a frog.
- That food smells good up there.
- I'm starvin'.
But this is all
a misunderstanding...
Well, thanks a lot,
you guys.
So what's the third part
of your plan?
I don't think there's
going to be one.
I feel like I'm being a phony,
and I can't take it anymore.
But I don't know
what to do next.
All right.
Moping time's over.
- How about a little exercise?
- Well...
I knew you wanted to.
Dear Lord, not jogging.
Wow. It's such
a beautiful day.
Yeah.
Come on. Give me a break.
Come on. Let's go this way.
- Feel better?
- Yeah.
- Good. Exercise does the trick.
- Yeah, stretch the old frog legs.
My purse!
That does it!
Excuse me.
May I borrow those a moment?
- You creep!
- Get off!
I don't even know how
to skate! You know that?
- What's going on?
- She stole my purse.
- What?
- Good try, fella. Come on.
What? That'll teach you to mess
with a lady! Understand?
Oh, thank you so much.
Are you okay?
What are you doing here?
Sightseeing.
- But you're supposed to be out of town.
- Yeah.
I do not wish to discuss it
in present company.
That's okay, Kermit.
I'll see you back at Pete's.
I'm glad you're not hurt,
Miss Piggy.
Piggy? What's going on?
Well, vous is certainly
looking different now.
No gold chains, no shirt cut
to the navel, no "toupe"!
What's with all
this French stuff?
By sheer chance I
happened to learn French...
and get a job
interpreting at the U.N.
What?
Can I get my skates back,
please?
Just a second. How'd you
know about that "toupe"?
- None of your beeswax.
- Have you been spying on me?
I'll unlace them while you fight.
It's no trouble.
Piggy, have you been
spying on me?
Maybe spying on vous and that certain
young girl of the opposite gender.
- You two-timing her?
- No, it's justJenny.
She's a friend. She's been
trying to help me sell the show.
He's got to sell the show.
What show?
If she is just a friend,
what about the huggies?
- What?
- You gaveJenny the huggies?
Maybe it would have been better
if we had never met.
Then you and Jenny would not
be tormented by my presence.
- Oh, man.
- See what the huggies will get you?
Jenny and I were hugging
because we're friends.
That's what friends do.
Friends do not spy.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
I spied because I care!
- I care too!
- Why don't you say so?
- I just did!
- All right!
Keep the skates.
I never use them anyway. I just
like to run around in shorts.
Wait a minute!
Come on, Piggy.
Look, Waldorf.
It's the frog and the pig.
- Looks like they're in love.
- Yeah.
Kind of makes you sick,
doesn't it?
- Hey, lovey-dovey!
- Hubba-hubba!
Kermit, I'm sorry
I yelled at you.
I didn't mean it when I said it would
have been better if we had never met.
In fact, I wish
we'd met much sooner.
Kermy, just imagine.
Wouldn't it have been wonderful if we'd
known each other when we were little?
Imagine. Little Kermy.
Little Piggy.
No matter what life may bring
No matter what I may do
Be sure of one special thing
I'm gonna always be loving you
Gonna be a movie star
And I'm gonna learn
to drive a car
Gonna be a veterinarian too
And I'm gonna always love you
Hi, guys. Hi, Fozzie.
- Hi, Kermy!
- Hello!
I'll be the cutest model
you've ever saw
And then I think
I'll study criminal law
And I'm gonna learn
to scuba dive too
And I'm gonna always love you
I'm gonna be a singer
And I'm gonna learn
to fly a plane
I'll be a doctor with diseases
I'll help you with your sneezes
And practice neurosurgery
on your brain
Gonna climb the Matterhorn
But only after
all our children are born
'Cause I want
to be a good mommy too
And I'm gonna always love you
She's gonna be a movie star
And she's gonna learn
to drive a car
She's gonna be
a veterinarian too
And I'm gonna always
love you, you, you
Well, she's gonna be a singer
And she's gonna learn
to fly a plane
She'll be a doctor with diseases
and help you with your sneezes
And practice neurosurgery
on your brain
Gonna climb the Matterhorn
But only after all
my children are born
'Cause I want
to be a good mommy too
And I'm gonna
always love you
I think the ride is over.
- Bye, Jenny. See you tomorrow.
- Yeah. Take care.
Well, l... Here we are.
It sure is nice we're all
together like this, isn't it?
Yeah.
- Miss!
- Is customer!
- Coming.
- Excuse me. I will get it.
After all,
moi am a waitress.
Hey, Pete, thanks
for giving Piggy a job.
Is rats cooking. Is frog washing.
Is pig waitress.
Is no coffee shop.
Is zoo!
Yeah.
Kermit, come on.
What about the show?
What are we going to do next?
Frog, is mailman come
with letters for you.
- That must be more mail from the gang.
- I'll have two eggs over easy...
Pardonnez-moi, dear.
Is something wrong?
Do you believe in
inter-species dating?
I've gone out with some rats before,
if that's what you mean.
- It's from Gonzo.
- Great.
It goes, " Dear Kermit,
I am in Michigan."
"Camilla and I have joined
a traveling aquacade.
It's not like Broadway, but I have
met some good-looking chickens here.
We put together this terrific new act. "
Ladies and gentlemen,
the incredible Gonzo!
Thank you, Arriba!
And thank you!
You're a wonderful crowd!
Now, for today's climactic act,
look yonder!
I will first make a death-defying leap
from the loop-de-loop ramp...
spinning and hurtling my body
through the flaming circle of doom...
and landing comfortably on
the imitation-leather easy chair...
while my chickens do their
impression ofTony Bennett...
singing
the "William Tell Overture."
Please!
I must have silence!
Are you ready?
Thank you, Margaret.
Hit it, girls!
Here we go!
Wait. I can't see.
Whoa! Hey, I forgot my skis!
Don't sound like
Tony Bennett to me.
"Everything's going swimmingly.
Love, Gonzo. "
Hey, here's one from Rowlf.
"Dear Kermit, how's the frog?
I'm in Delaware, and I found
a terrific job in management.
I'm surrounded by friends,
and I love what I'm doing. "
I am Mr. Skeffington. One
of my secretaries made a reservation...
for the weekend
in the name of Snookums.
Oh, yeah.
This is Snookums.
Now, Daddy wants
his little Snookie-ookums...
to be especially good
this weekend while Daddy is gone...
or he'll be very angry.
Don't worry. We'll
take good care of her.
- Him.
- Take good care of him.
Snookums is a him!
Snookums gets breakfast
at 8:00 a.m. Exactly.
- Breakfast is quiche.
- Yes, sir.
Aren't you going
to write it down?
- Photographic memory.
- Write it down!
Dog gets quiche at 8:00.
Whatever that is.
Marvin, put him on the desk.
Do you have any toys here?
What kind of toys
would you like, sir?
Doggy toys.
Rubber balls, rubber fire hydrants,
rubber newspapers.
Snookums prefers
the rubber Wall StreetJournal...
to the rubber Washington Post.
Don't we all?
- Write it down.
- Yeah, rubber Wall StreetJournal.
Now, while Daddy's gone...
the little lumpy-dum-dums
won't have his daddy...
to give him washy-scrubby.
Very impressive. You speak Chinese
like a native.
- Now, shake hands.
- Beg pardon?
- Shake!
- Oh, yeah.
- Good boy. Now, sit.
- Yes, sir.
Stay.
That was the most humiliating
experience of my life.
Snookie!
Look at little Snookie-ookums!
Snookie-wookums want
his little boney-woney?
Little binky-booter!
Hey, you got a squishy bottom.
Yeah!
Lay off, will ya?
Rowlf. Hey, Rowlf, come on.
Let us out of here.
- We want to go home!
- Yeah, Rowlf, come on.
We want to go home.
Let us out. Let us go home.
Yeah, me too.
"Love, from Rowlf."
They're all doing terrific,
aren't they?
Here's one more.
"Dear Mr. Kermit the Frog...
I would be very interested
in talking with you about...
your musical,
Manhattan Melodies. "
"Please come to my office
at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely, Bernard Crawford,
Producer."
I've heard of him.
He's a big-time Broadway producer.
- Really?
- Yeah!
Maybe he wants you
to sign a contract.
I'd better get over there
right away.
Remember, just
act confident...
like you know the show
is going to kill them.
Right. Thanks, Jenny.
Good-bye, Piggy.
- Call us and tell us what happens!
- Watch it!
I'm sorry, but I have to get a contract
so I can go out and kill them.
- May I help you?
- I'm looking for Mr. Crawford.
- Are you Kermit the Frog?
- Yeah.
- I'm Mr. Crawford.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
The office boy
is out getting lunch.
You know kids nowadays.
They're always eating lunch.
Yeah. Well, you want
to go in your office?
No, actually...
Why don't we just have a seat
over there for a minute, okay?
Sure. You're very young
to be a producer.
You noticed. I started
when I was very... Yeah.
Can I tell you the truth? The thing
is that I'm not Bernard Crawford.
I'm Ronnie Crawford.
I signed my father's name because
I didn't think you'd come otherwise.
But I want to produce
your show on Broadway!
- You do?
- Yeah, yeah, I love it!
It is so different!
It's perfect for my first production.
- My dad and I have this agreement...
- Ronnie!
I'm coming up the stairs,
and I want my lunch.
That's my dad.
Ronnie! Now.
Dad, I got great news!
If you two are in love,
I don't want to hear about it.
You promised me I could have one chance
to become a Broadway producer.
You would get the sets and the lights
and the scenery and everything!
I want to take that chance
right now. This is Kermit...
and he has written a wonderful musical
called Manhattan Melodies.
I want to produce it.
- When do we hear the great news?
- Dad!
All right, all right.
Tell me, Mr. Author.
What is this musical?
All dancing, all croaking?
It needs a little work.
There's still something missing.
The two leads get married.
Then there's this song that goes:
Look at me, here I am
Hold it. I'm allergic
to amphibians singing.
Who's going to be starring
in this masterpiece?
It's just me and my friends.
They're all dogs and bears and chickens.
I told you. I want to
do something different.
So put someJell-O
down your pants. Come here.
Don't you realize it might
be against the law...
having a chicken
dancing onstage?
You mean you're going to
go back on your promise?
Who said that? Did I say that?
I'll do everything I said I would.
Just because this is ridiculous doesn't
mean it might not make it on Broadway.
- All right!
- Yes!
- When I started out in show business...
- Thank you, Dad!
- Yeah, thanks, Dad.
- See you later!
Yeah, I got
to tell the whole gang!
- Hello. Pete's.
- Jenny?
- Kermit?
- Yeah!
- What happened?
- What?
We sold the show. The producer
wants to put it on Broadway.
- Really?
- What?
The producer said he's going
to put the show on Broadway!
Listen. Tell Piggy
she's gonna be a star.
And, Jenny, I'd like you
to do the costumes.
Oh, Kermit, thank...
Now that we'll be on Broadway, remember
what you promised about getting married?
Not now, Piggy. We got to
write the gang and get them back.
I'll be at Pete's
in ten minutes. We did it!
We did it!
We did it!
Back together again
Pete, are you sure Kermit
wasn't at the bus terminal?
No, he's no there.
Is better wait. Come. Sit down.
But Kermit said he'd be here
in ten minutes.
He's never
been gone like this before.
Listen, I tell you what is.
Peoples is peoples.
Is frog gone? Yes.
Is peoples worrying?
Is peoples looking? Is no come?
But is peoples working?
Is water boiling?
Is come. Yeah.
Peoples is peoples.
Piggy,
I'm sure Kermit's all right.
I bet he got so excited about the show,
he lost track of time.
No, no. He's missing.
I know it.
Aren't you excited?
Just think. You're going
to be on Broadway in a few months.
Two weeks.
- The show opens in two weeks.
- The place is closed.
I'm Ronnie Crawford.
I'm producing Kermit's show.
Oh, well,
we're Kermit's friends.
- I'm Jenny.
- I'm her father.
The show opens in two weeks?
My dad said...
Oh, I'm letting my dad help out.
He said we could have the sets
and props and the costumes...
but the show has
to open in two weeks.
Did you just say
Kermit is missing?
The writer and the star
of my show is missing...
and we open in two weeks?
No sweat.
Come on, Piggy. We'll find him.
Wait. We got
to get his friends back...
all those bears
and chickens and things.
Pop, could you send telegrams
to Kermit's friends?
- Please!
- Okeydokey.
- Let's go!
- Great! Come on!
Is no sweat. I write good.
Dear bears and
chickens and things.
Is New York! Is play!
Is time!
Kermit needs me.
Beth, wake up.
I'm going to New York City
to be on Broadway!
- I'm up. Is it spring?
- All right. I'm up.
Hey, guys,
we're going to New York!
Hey, girls,
we're going to New York!
We're going to New York!
- New York?
- Yeah! Right, right.
New York City! Oh, boy!
Dr. Gomez, 3-33, stat.
Good morning.
I see we've had our breakfast,
haven't we?
Hi, Doctor.
How's our amnesia patient
this morning?
I don't know. I haven't been
feeling like myself lately.
I tell you what. If I may, I'd like to
check your reflexes once again today.
Just take a second.
A little slow...
and confused,
but that's to be expected...
because, as you know,
you have amnesia.
I'm going to check to see that there
are no physical injuries one last time.
Tickle?
This might hurt
just for a minute...
but it'll be over soon.
Adequate
musculoskeletal response.
Now, I want you to take a deep breath.
This will hurt.
All right. No rotator cuff dislocation.
Now, let's try the mandible.
Peachy. No doubt about it.
You have amnesia.
Now, the problem is, you were found
with no identification...
and, oddly enough,
wearing no clothing.
So, I did research into
the major nudist colonies in the area.
I think I've come up with something.
You are Mr. Enrico Tortellini
of Passaic, New Jersey.
Well, I really
don't feel Italian.
It was just a long shot.
Mr. "X," I'm sorry to tell you this...
but your case is hopeless.
Why don't you find a nice job
and make a new life for yourself?
What we can do is give you a nice,
clean set of clothes, wish you luck.
Well, thank you, Doc.
Okay, everybody. Listen, everyone.
Listen.
Look, buddy, I don't take my clothes
off for anyone, even if it is artistic.
Janice, everybody, please.
I'm glad to see you too.
But I've been trying to tell you
that Kermit is gone. He's disappeared!
- Kermit has disappeared?
- Yes!
- Excuse me.
- Yes?
I'm looking
for the Gordon Employment Agency.
- That's one floor down.
- Oh, I see. Thank you.
Wait a minute. Hold it.
What's your name?
Phil. Phil-up.
Phillip, Phil.
Phillip Phil.
Catchy name.
Phil, I'm Bill,
and this is Gil.
Phil, I'm Gil,
and this is Jill.
Phil, I'm Jill.
You know Gil and Bill.
- Pleased to meet you.
- Would you step into our office?
We're looking for the opinion of
the common, ordinary frog-on-the-street.
- We're in the ad game.
- What do you advertise?
- Ocean Breeze soap.
- I never heard of that.
We know.
The truth is,
our jobs are on the line.
- Here. Sit down.
- Oh, yes.
We've been working all night on
a new slogan. Tell us if you like it.
"Ocean Breeze soap, for people
who don't want to stink."
- What do you think?
- Be frank, Phil.
- I don't like it.
- You don't?
How about..."Ocean Breeze soap.
It's just like taking an ocean cruise...
only there's no boat and
you don't actually go anywhere."
Seems a bit long.
Have you tried
something simple like...
"Ocean Breeze soap
will get you clean."
Wait a minute.
Wait just a second.
You mean, just say
what the product does?
No one's ever tried that.
- Well, it's crazy.
- Why, it's nuts.
- We love it!
- Thank you, Phil.
If we can ever do something
for you, let us know.
I kind of need a job.
Phil, you've got one right here.
We can always use a frog
with horse sense.
Yes, welcome aboard, Phil.
- You are with us now.
- Yes.
Well, Waldorf,
they finally made it to Broadway.
- Yep, and I already got tickets.
- You did? Are they good seats?
They sure are. They're for
the next train out of town!
So now the show opens
in just one week.
The publicity's started, and
tickets are already selling.
We're going to have to rehearse
day and night to get ready...
and we have got
to find Kermit.
Who is this guy?
He's Ronnie Crawford.
He's producing the show.
- Who's she?
- She's Jenny.
She's a friend of Kermit's
and mine.
What are we standing around here for?
We gotta find Kermit!
- Yeah!
- Let's go!
Go! Go!
Kermit!
Have you seen a frog?
This is a revolutionary new slogan...
which is,
"Ocean Breeze will get you..."
Yeah?
Right.
- Mr. Mayor! It's an emergency.
- Hold on, everybody.
I'm looking for a frog
who can sing and dance.
If he can also balance the budget,
I'll hire him.
Frog!
Wow. I thought opening night
was supposed to be exciting.
Yeah, but not without
our little green buddy.
Maybe we should
just cancel.
No, it is
opening night tonight.
The show must go on.
Kermit would want it that way.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That was a great presentation
you made this morning, Jill.
- Thanks to Phil's flow chart.
- Thank you, Jill.
How about a new place
for lunch today?
- Okay.
- Oh, good.
- This time I'll take the bill, Gil.
- Oh, good.
- Something from the grill, Jill?
- No, meat makes me ill, Gil.
We'd better go to the theater now
and get ready.
Yeah.
Together again
Just a couple of frogs.
No! It's Kermit!
It's Kermit!
- It's Kermit!
- How are you doing?
What friendly service.
Where were you?
We were all so worried.
Yeah. Where were you?
I believe there must be
some sort of mistake.
Hey, Phil, since you know the waiters,
why don't you order for us?
- Phil? What does he mean, "Phil"?
- Kermit, what's wrong?
Are you speaking to me?
There's nothing wrong.
I will have the tuna melt,
please, ma'am.
- Like, you don't know us?
- I'm afraid not.
- Should I?
- What do you mean, should you?
We have a show to put on, your show,
and it's opening tonight!
Seeing a show would be a
pleasant way to spend the time...
but I do have some
marketing data to review.
What?
- He really doesn't remember us.
- We have to get him to the theater.
Kermit, this is for your own good.
Grab him!
- Come on!
- Whoa!
Where are you taking me?
They must not get
a lot of repeat business here.
So, the grizzly bear,
he walks out of the room.
The panda bear is just sitting there.
He thinks, "This is odd."
Then the phone rings. You know
who it is? It's the polar bear.
The polar bear says
to the panda bear...
"I didn't know
it was a koala bear."
Get it? "Koala?"
This is all very amusing,
but I have to be going now.
Wait! He doesn't remember.
It's no use.
We've been trying for hours.
There's nothing left to do.
We have to go on without him.
Kermit, please!
We need you! Come back to us!
Look, maybe you do know me,
but I don't remember you.
I wish I did.
You'd better take your places.
What are we going to do?
Look at me. You are not Phil.
You are Kermit the Frog.
That's Gonzo. That's Fozzie.
That's Rowlf and Scooter.
They're your friends.
You wrote this show for them.
That's Ronnie and Jenny. They're
your friends too. And I'm Piggy. Listen.
You are Kermit the Frog,
and you love me.
You want to marry me.
You want to have children with me.
With you?
In love with a pig?
Wait till I tell the guys
in marketing.
Maybe you expect me
to go hog-wild?
Maybe you could
bring home the bacon, huh?
The sounds of love.
Cancel the show!
- Where am I anyway?
- Kermit!
- Kermy, you remember us!
- You remembered!
- Are you all right?
- What's going on?
You're going on.
It's Broadway! You made it!
No, the script isn't ready.
- There's something missing.
- It's terrific.
We got to tell everybody
Kermit's okay. Come on.
Do you remember
the opening number?
You mean...
Look at me
Here I am
Right where I belong
I see that face
comin'back to me
Like an old familiar song
What better place
could anyone be
'Cause you're here with me
It's all I've been lookin'for
and so much more
And now I'm here
Now you're here
Nothin'can go wrong
'cause I am right where
- I belong
- Yes!
Here we go!
Hi, guys! Kermit, could our friends
watch the show from backstage?
- Could they?
- Wait a minute.
No, they cannot
watch the show from backstage.
That's it! That's what's
been missing from the show.
That's what we need: More frogs and dogs
and bears and chickens and whatever.
You're not gonna watch the show.
You're gonna be in the show!
Come on!
Look at us, here we are
right where we belong
The curtain's up and
the lights are bright
And they're playing our old song
What better place
could anyone be
- It's Kermit!
- 'Cause you're here with me
So, everyone, here we go
Let's start the show
Extra! Extra!
Somebody is getting married!
Somebody is getting married?
Somebody is getting married!
Somebody's getting married!
Somebody's getting married?
Somebody's getting married
Somebody get some flowers
Somebody get a ring
Somebody get a chapel
and a choir to sing
Somebody get an organ to play
'Cause somebody's
getting married today
Somebody get a preacher
Somebody bake a cake
Somebody get some shoes
and rice and presents to take
Somebody get a sweet negligee
'Cause somebody's
getting married
Today
Wedding, wedding
Pig and froggy wedding
Somebody get champagne
Somebody rent a room
Somebody get the lovely bride
and somebody get the...
Somebody get this wedding
under way
Today
Somebody's getting married
Today
Are they here yet?
- Did I miss it? Am I late?
- They'll be here any minute.
- Oh, boy, me can hardly wait.
- Yeah.
- Isn't this exciting?
- It's the wedding of the year.
- Can't we start without them?
- No, you can't until they're here.
They're finally getting
Married
Now
He'll make me happy
Each time I see him
He'll be the reason
My heart can sing
He'll stand beside me
And I'll have everything
She'll make me happy
Each time I hold her
And I will follow
Where my heart may lead
And she'll be all
I ever need
Days go passing into years
Years go passing day by day
She'll make him happy
Now and forever
Until forever
Their love will grow
She only knows
He'll make her happy
That's all she needs
To know
They'll be so happy
Now and forever
Until forever
Their love will grow
I only know
He'll make me happy
That's all I need
To know
Piggy, I thought Gonzo
was gonna play the minister.
Do you, Piggy, take this frog
to be your lawful wedded husband
Do you
I do
Do you, Froggy, take this pig
to be your lawful wedded wife
Until you die
I
Do you
I do
Then because
you share a love so big
I now pronounce you
Frog and pig
They got married!
What better way
could anything end
Hand in hand with a friend
THE END
Gee, it's good
to be together again
I just can't imagine that
you've ever been gone
It's not starting over
It's just going on
Together again
Now we're here and there's
no need remembering when
'Cause no feeling
feels like that feeling
Together again
Together again
Gee, it's good
to be together again
I just can't imagine that
you've ever been gone
It's not starting over
It's just going on
- Together again
- Again
Now we're here and there's
no need remembering when
'Cause no feeling
feels like that feeling
Together a...
Together a... Together a...
Together again
Together again
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- They like it!
- They love it!
They're still applauding. Kermy,
you have to go out and take a bow.
- Yeah.
- Take a bow.
Go.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, uh... I really don't know
what to say except, uh...
Well, we're really glad
you liked Manhattan Melodies...
because we all worked so hard to make it
the best Senior Variety Show ever.
Hey, Kermit, next time
we'll see you on Broadway!
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
That's a great idea. Why don't we
take Manhattan Melodies to New York?
What?
Broadway'd be dying to get
a great musical like this.
Broadway?
We'd just like to thank everybody
for having so much faith in us.
It's not often that a frog
and a bear and a pig...
and a chicken and a whatever
even get accepted into college.
We're all so proud to be
graduating now, some with honors...
Woman! Woman!
Some with the help of
daily psychological counseling.
Anyway, anyway,
thank you again.
Thank you for everything, guys.
Thank you. Yeah. Thank you.
- Broadway?
- Yeah!
But this show's not
good enough for Broadway.
The script needs work. I think
there's something missing.
Remember you said we could not
get married until we had enough money?
Yeah.
Well, we'd have enough
if we had a hit on Broadway.
- That's right.
- Yes, yes.
Broadway of what city?
Aw, come on. Come on.
Even if the show was good enough,
we're just graduating.
What about our future plans?
- Well, this could be our future.
- Yeah! Yeah!
If we don't do it, we just
say good-bye to each other.
- Oh.
- Broadway! Broadway, Broadway!
What are we waiting for?
Let's go to Broadway!
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Broadway!
- New York!
- Look at everything there!
- We made it, guys.
- We're really here.
What a great-looking place.
It's filled with New Yorkers.
Look at 'em all.
Look how gorgeous everything is.
We'd better dump our stuff
and find a place to stay.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Scooter, break out the quarters.
- Yes, sir.
You all right down there?
How about up there?
- What do you think, guys?
- What?
- I say, how do you like it?
- Oh, it's great.
Much better than that cement
mixer I used to live in.
I'll trade with anyone
that has a Jacuzzi.
Come on.
It's just for one day.
- We'll all be on Broadway tomorrow.
- Yeah.
- We'd like to see Mr. Price.
- Do you have an appointment?
No, but we saw his name in the paper.
We've got this show...
called Manhattan Melodies he's gonna
want to produce on Broadway.
It's about a couple of kids that
come to New York City to get married.
It has a wonderful opening
number. It goes like this.
Hold it. Hold it.
What's going on out there?
Just a frog
with a musical, Mr. Price.
Musical? Send him in.
Net. I'm talking net.
You've gotta be kidding with gross.
- Nice upholstery.
- Hold it a minute. I'll get back to you.
Mr. Price, I'm Kermit,
and these are my friends.
We've got a show called
Manhattan Melodies...
we think you're gonna
want to produce on Broadway.
It's about a couple of kids that come
to New York City to get married.
It opens with a great number
that goes like this.
Look at me
Here I am...
Frog. Frog.
No singing, okay?
- Give me the general idea.
- It's all about life in the big city.
Big city, huh? Cops? Shootings?
Car chases? That kind of thing?
No shooting stuff.
It's more like songs and dances.
- Songs and dances?
- Mm-hmm.
That might be interesting.
Nobody cares about
shootings anyway.
What are you thinking about?
Big-name stars?
We're gonna be the stars.
That's what I was about to say.
You be the stars.
Unknowns...
songs, dances, shootings.
- No. No shootings.
- Uh-uh.
You know what?
I smell something.
Why does everyone
always blame dogs?
- What I smell is a hit.
- A what?
- A hit.
- You mean...
Absolutely. I'd be proud
to produce your show.
Fellas, you're gonna
be on Broadway.
- Oh, oh, oh.
- Kermit, we did it!
We did it!
Thanks a lot, Mr. Price. I really
would like you to read the script.
- There's still something missing.
- No, Frog, Frog.
We fix all those things in the previews.
I've got a million things to do.
Call the papers, rent a theater,
and all I need from you is $300.
- Three hundred dollars?
- Yeah. Apiece.
- Apiece?
- Today. Yeah.
What?
Look, fellas, that's
standard Broadway procedure.
You give me the money, and we start
the rehearsals tomorrow.
- But we don't have...
- I don't think that's right.
Yeah, now I smell something.
- Fellas...
- Mr. Price.
There are two police officers outside.
They'd like to speak to you.
That's him.
That's Murray Plotsky.
I gave him my life savings.
Murray? I thought
his name was Martin.
Let's go, Murray. You've
pulled your last con job.
I don't want any trouble.
Get back or the chicken gets it.
- That's a threat?
- Please don't hurt her! Take me!
Whatever you say, pal!
Get away from that door.
Move!
Let go!
Let go of my nose!
Watch it! You too!
Bad man!
Easy!
Bad man!
Back!
Get this chicken off my ear!
Take it off my ear!
Take it off! Oh!
Get it off!
Get it off my ear!
Bad man! Bad man!
- Way to go, everybody.
- Where were you when I needed you?
- Murray?
- Animals! You're crazy... all of you!
I want my money back!
Gonzo, are you okay?
I just saw my whole life
flash before my nose.
Camilla!
She's hyperventilating!
She needs mouth-to-beak
resuscitation!
Kermit, he never wanted our show.
He just wanted our money.
- Yeah.
- Gonzo, is Camilla all right?
Yeah, but I think we're engaged.
Come on, everybody.
We're gonna get this show on Broadway!
- Right!
- Yeah, let's go, guys!
You can't take no for an answer
You can't take no
for an answer
You can't take no
for an answer
No, no, no
Whenever there's a dream
worth a-dreamin'
And you wanna see that dream come true
There'll be plenty of people talkin'
Say forget all about it
Sayin'it isn't worth the trouble
All the trouble
that you're goin'through
- It ain't worth it, no
- What can you do
- You can't take no for an answer
- You can't take no
- You can't take no for an answer
- No, no, no, no
You can't take no for an answer
No, no, no
What ya gonna do
when the times get tough
And the world's
treatin'you unkind
You gotta hang on to
your optimistic outlook
And keep possession
of your positive state of mind
State of mind, state of mind
State of mind, state...state of mind
- You can't take no for an answer
- You can't take no
- You can't take no for an answer
- No, no, no, no
You can't take no for an answer
No, no, no
This is turnin' out to be
a little tougher than I thought.
Kermit, I'm not good at this.
I don't take rejection well.
Maybe we could sell the show
if you wrote in special effects...
like exploding socks.
Oh, Gonzo, like that's
a really lame idea.
- Oh, yeah?
- Hey, man, stop yellin' at her.
- He wasn't yelling.
- Yes, I was.
- Oh, Gonzo, don't make trouble.
- Fight! Fight!
Kermit, do you think
we should change the script?
Kermit, what should we do?
I don't know! How should I know?
Why are you asking me?
Can't you take care
of yourselves?
I don't know what to do next.
We failed, okay?
We tried and we failed.
Scooter, how much money
do we have left?
Enough for two nights
unless we find cheaper lockers.
Well, we have to eat.
- Why start now?
- Gonzo!
Gangway! Comin' through.
Hey, watch it, will ya?
Hey, that waiter's a rat!
I'm glad we got no money.
Now I got no appetite.
There you go.
One cheeseburger platter.
- What do you want to drink?
- Glass of milk.
I would like meat in here.
Picky! Hey, Pete,
where's the beef?
It's coming!
Got two hands only!
Okay. What'll you have?
The number for
the Board of Health.
That does it!
Another rat crack, right?
I got feelings too.
Do you think I'm doin' this as a hobby?
You wanna know what I make?
Nothing! Nothing!
I live on tips!
I work hard! I try to get tips
to feed my family and my mother.
It just isn't fair!
We understand.
We don't have any money either.
Sorry. Not my table.
What a rat!
I'll get us something to eat.
Is patty coming.
Is cow juice coming.
Rizzo, whereJenny?
May I see a menu, please?
Special today.
Yankee bean soup, with spoon.
Sorry I'm late, Pop.
Hi, Fran. How are ya?
It went longer than I thought.
You will be so proud of me.
I did great!
It was all essay questions.
No sweat. I know I passed.
Jenny, that's very good.
Is cow juice and patty for lady.
- Rizzo, I'm back.
- It's about time.
I can't handle everybody.
Take the weirdos at table four.
Which one is table four?
I wonder if Kermy meant it.
I mean, about failing.
Those producers looked at us
like we were from outer space.
What?
No, man. Go back to sleep.
Nobody's landed.
- We'll take 11 bowls, please.
- Okeydokey.
But there's just one thing.
We've got this show that's gonna be
a big hit on Broadway...
but, uh, well, uh...
right now we're all broke.
- You don't have any money?
- Not really. No.
We'd work it off.
We promise.
- Waitress!
- Coming.
Hey, I tell you what is.
Big city. Hmm?
Live. Work. Huh?
But, not city open.
Only peoples.
Peoples is peoples.
No is buildings.
Is tomatoes, uh?
Is peoples.
Is dancing. Is music.
Is potatoes.
So, peoples is peoples, okay?
Yeah.
Thanks. That helped a lot.
Where you goin'?
Aren't you gonna
wait for your soup?
But I told you.
We don't have...
I know, but I know my pop.
When he first started out in this city,
he didn't have anything either.
I bet he's back there
getting soup bowls for everybody.
Really?
With soup in them?
Uh-huh. I gotta
get back to work.
I had a test today,
so I came in late.
Yeah. I heard
you passed the test.
I hope I passed it.
It's for acceptance
into a fashion design college.
Oh, yeah? We just
graduated from college.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- My name's Jenny.
- Hi. I'm Kermit.
- Hi, Kermit. Nice to meet you.
- I'm a frog.
No, no, it...
Listen, I'm saying maybe it's time
we went out on our own.
You mean, on our own alone?
Without even each other?
The frog's right.
We do depend on him too much.
Like he feels
too responsible for us.
He'd be better off
if we left town.
I can't leave Kermit.
We're still pinned.
Maybe...
I'm sorry
I blew up outside.
But guess what.
Pete's cooking up some soup for us.
Well, what's wrong?
It's just...
We've had some job offers, right?
- Yeah! Right!
- Job offers!
Yeah!
That's great.
These job offers are...
kinda out of town, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- They're out-of-town job offers.
- What job did I get?
- Gonzo!
Piggy, are you going too?
Well, Kermy, l...
We go bye-bye?
Kermit, we'll write to you
and let you know where we are.
Yeah, and, Kermit,
we still believe in the show.
Yeah, yeah.
Board!
Saying good-bye
Going away
Seems like good-bye's
Such a hard thing to say
Touching a hand
Wondering why
It's time for saying good-bye
Good-bye, Kermy!
Saying good-bye
Why is it sad
Makes us remember
The good times we've had
Much more to say
Foolish to try
It's time for saying good-bye
Don't want to leave
But we both know
Sometimes it's better to go
Somehow I know
We'll meet again
Not sure quite where
And I don't know just when
You're in my heart
So until then
It's time for saying good-bye
Somehow I know
We'll meet again
Not sure quite where
And I don't know just when
You're in my heart
So until then
Wanna smile
Wanna cry
Saying good-bye
It's time for saying good-bye
Look at all those people out there.
Lots of people.
But my friends...
My friends are all gone.
I'm gonna get 'em back.
I'm gonna get 'em back!
'Cause the show's not dead
as long as I believe in it.
I'm gonna sell that show,
and we're all gonna be on Broadway.
You hear me, New York?
We're gonna be on Broadway!
Because...
Because I'm not givin' up!
I'm still here and I'm stayin'!
You hear that, New York?
I'm stayin' here!
The frog is stayin'!
Rizzo, is bagel ready!
Is hominy grits ready!
- Excuse me, Pete.
- What is?
- I thought you might have work here.
- Rizzo, is ready!
Part-time so I could
keep working on the show.
What is that supposed to be?
Is grits. Hominy grits.
How should I know how many?
Count 'em yourself! Ha-ha.
- What?
- Uh, listen...
Wait! Wait! What is?
Is all morning like this.
You complain. You slow.
You no take orders.
- You lazy rat, you!
- Lazy rat? Okay! Have it your way.
I don't have to
take this abuse!
I quit!
Quit? You no can quit!
Is breakfast crowd!
All right! Don't beg. I'll stay.
But I need some help.
Okay, guys, this is it.
Don't blow it.
Pete, meet your new employees.
- Say hello to Tatooey...
- Yo!
- Masterson...
- Hello.
- Chester...
- I feel terrible!
And Yolanda!
- What a crazy body!
- Yeah.
Pete, about that job...
Wait! Is no good!
Rats want job!
Frog want job!
- What next? Penguins?
- Do you have jobs available?
- No!
- Well, excuse us for living!
Hey, Pop, everybody's
waiting for their food.
Pete, I can work nights.
Come on, Pete. Give these guys
a break, all right?
Hey, I go crazy!
- Okay, rats, you go to work.
- Yea!
Wait! Wait!
Listen. I tell you what is.
Is no work, is dancing...
is cheese... is big shoes!
Waitress!
- All right, rats, go to work.
- Yea!
So, like, you got
a boyfriend?
Pete, is there nothing else?
'Cause I'll do anything...
Pop, we could use
some help in the kitchen.
Is dishes need washing.
Oh, thanks, Pete!
That's terrific! Oh, boy!
- Thanks a lot, Jenny!
- Hey, no sweat.
- So, where are all your friends?
- They had to leave.
- Oh, even your pig friend?
- Yes, but I'm bringing her back.
I wrote the show for them.
When I sell it, I can bring them back.
I'm staying and I'm getting
our show on Broadway.
I really admire that.
I'm going to do
something special too.
I mean, in fashion.
Maybe your fashion
designing can help me now.
- What do you mean?
- I did some reading last night...
about Broadway producers
and investors and agents.
Now I know what I have
to do to sell our show.
I can use your help
'cause I have a three-part plan.
And the first part is...
if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Hiya, sweetheart! I just
flew in from the coast.
I love your hair!
Don't ever touch it!
Listen, I got an appointment
with your top theater agent.
Leonard Winesop?
Yeah, Lennie, right.
What office is he in, doll?
He's in Suite 1024.
I'll call and see...
No, no, sweetheart. No need for that,
'cause Lennie and I go way back!
I'm talkin' way back.
But, thanks, honey.
Far out! Right on!
Mr. Winesop?
Yeah? A frog.
With an afro.
Hiya, Lennie, sweetheart, babe!
I just flew in from the coast.
Hey, I love your office.
Don't change a thing.
My private plane's
double-parked so I gotta run.
I got this boffo, socko script for a
Broadway slot called Manhattan Melodies.
It's totally today yet
tremendously timeless.
I'm giving you first look-see
'cause we're like family.
Have I ever lied to you?
Oop, I think I hear my beeper.
I gotta split. I'll have
your people call my people.
We'll set a conference call.
Remember, Lennie.
Boffo, Lennie. Socko, Lennie.
I'll call you.
We'll have lunch. Ciao!
- Hi, Jenny!
- Hi. Here. Have a seat.
Were you a hit?
They loved it, right?
- How'd the costume work?
- The costume was great.
It's hard to tell how it went. They're
probably reading the script right now.
Hey, baby.
Baby!
Where you goin', sweetheart?
Hello.
I said hello.
For the next part of my plan
I have to look older...
so I'm gonna
grow a mustache.
- You'd look cute with a mustache.
- You think so?
- Mm-hmm.
- Piggy said that to me once too.
- She's hot! Hot mama!
- Hey, baby!
- Hot stuff!
- Lookin' good.
Perfect and pretty.
Pretty and perfect.
- Hey, baby!
- Sweet thing. Sweet thing.
- She must be really talented.
- You're talented too.
- You mean it?
- Of course.
I know you're gonna be
a famous fashion designer someday.
Kermit, thank you
for saying that.
- Come on, baby.
- Don't be rude.
What was that?
- Oh, it's just New York.
- Yep.
I'm sorry I'm late,
Mr. Wrightson.
I would suggest to you that it
is neither prudent nor wise...
to be a half hour late
returning from lunch...
especially when
it's your first day on the job.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Eileen, sorry I'm late.
It's okay, Piggy. Everything's
been goin' wrong lately.
Get your French perfume.
Quelle Difference.
Something wrong?
Can we talk?
- No! I'll be fine. Just bien.
- Sorry.
Get your Quelle Difference.
It's French. It's feminine.
It'll help you grab one
of those rotten, stinkin' men.
- Quelle Difference...
- Piggy, please!
You were fine this morning.
Something happen at lunch?
- My frog turned on me.
- I had some bad tuna myself.
I'm gonna fight for him, though.
Eileen, do you think
I'm pretty?
Of course you are.
You're more than pretty.
Gorgeous?
Don't push it, Pig. You're...
You're more than gorgeous.
You're unique!
But you could use a little rouge.
- Have a seat.
- What are you...
- What are you going to do?
- We'll fix you up.
Make you look like a movie star.
How'd you like that?
- Yes!
- Cheekbones. That's what you need.
Your face is a little round. I'm gonna
give you a complete makeup job.
This morning, I said,
she needs rouge.
- Turn your face. Ever wear rouge?
- Yes.
Now you're gonna really wear rouge.
- Kermit won't care.
- Kermit, Shmermit. You look great!
It brings out your eyes.
You know what you need?
- You need eyebrows.
- Pigs don't have eyebrows.
This pig is going to.
And so is this.
- Why did you do that?
- Boy, I think I overdid it.
- Let me see.
- Take a look.
- You have them too.
- I have them too.
- Do some more.
- I'll give you doe eyes.
Doe eyes?
What are doe eyes?
- Doe eyes are what Bambi has.
- Let me see.
- Doe eyes.
- Do some more.
You need freckles for cutesy.
- Oh, freckles.
- Cutesy, cutesy. I'll be cutesy.
- You got it too.
- Lipstick.
Why don't you wear lipstick?
Pucker. Pucker.
You look fabulous.
A little more on the cheeks.
A little more on my cheeks.
A powder puff for you
and a powder puff for me.
Quelle Difference.
Try the newest perfume from France.
You are fired.
Pete, what happened
to those rats you had working here?
Customer complained.
They no like rats for waiters.
- Is okay. I make them cook.
- Hey, Pete.
Here you go. Two zeros on a trampoline
with a side ofJoan of Arc.
Yeah!
Oh, yeah.
Hey, how's the coffee?
The coffee's fine.
Come on in.
Kermit, when are you going to
start growing your mustache?
I stopped shaving three days ago.
Didn't you notice?
Oh. Well...
- It's subtle.
- Yeah.
I bet we could
help it along with makeup.
Good. I'm ready for
the second part of my plan.
Hey, Frog.
Mail come. Got mail for you.
Yeah, it must be from the gang.
Now, Yolanda,
chopping is an art.
You gotta be smooth.
Hey, it's from Scooter.
"Dear Kermit, How are you?"
"Have you sold the show yet?
Have you heard from the gang?
I'm in Cleveland.
I have this terrific job.
I'm managing a huge movie house.
Maybe not managing, but I do
have a lot of responsibilities. "
Here are your glasses.
Seating to the left.
- Hurry up, Mom.
- Thank you.
"I'm meeting
interesting people. "
Ah! Your poppin' corn is 3-D!
Aha! The corn is poppin'
in your face in 3-D!
Chef, that's not how 3-D works.
- Oh, never mind.
- Here's your ticket.
Thanks. Sir, your 3-D glasses.
Sir, your glasses!
Sir, don't you want
your 3-D glasses?
Oh, I don't need 'em.
I've seen this movie 97 times.
My name is Lew Zealand.
I'm a boomerang fish thrower.
I throw the fish away
and they come back to me.
Here's my favorite part.
The fish! They're coming
from the game room!
Oh, no!
The killer fish are attacking!
Go get 'em, guys!
- Help! Help!
- Yeah!
"So, life is great here in Ohio.
Love, Scooter. "
Here's one from Fozzie.
"Dear Kermit,
Wacka, wacka, wacka. "
"But seriously. I'm in Maine.
My job didn't turn out
too terrific.
So I decided to hibernate.
Ahh, back to nature.
I love it out here
in the woods.
It's where a bear should be. "
How do they do it?
I've been tryin'
to sleep for days.
Anybody got some warm milk?
Oh, brother.
Oh. I didn't know
this cave was co-ed.
My name's Beth.
Well, I'm Fozzie.
I can't sleep either.
Maybe if we snuggle.
Here's one more.
It's from Dr. Teeth.
"Dear Kermit, How's the man?
We got this great gig
outside of Pittsburgh.
I tell you, Frog, the band's wailin'.
The music's cookin'.
Crowd is also
wailin'and cookin'.
Yeah, we're in hip city here. "
They're all
doing pretty well.
Yeah, they are.
But there are no letters
from Gonzo or Rowlf or Piggy.
I'm sure they've written.
Sometimes it just
takes a while.
Yeah, sure. Piggy's probably busy
with some terrific job.
Yeah.
I guess they're all
out there doing terrific.
If I could only sell the show,
then everyone could come back...
and we could do it together
like the old days.
- You'll do it, Kermit.
- Well, thanks, Jenny.
- That's been happening a lot lately.
- I know.
It's New York.
Rizzo, I'm about ready
for the second part of my plan.
I'm going to need your help
and all the other rats too.
I think we could be
making some overtime here.
Jenny, I need you
to draw a picture of me.
- Sure.
- What's the scoop?
Have you ever heard
of a whispering campaign?
- Good afternoon.
- Kermit the Frog.
My reservation secretary
made a reservation for me.
Gesundheit.
This way, please.
Afternoon, all.
Don't get up. Keep eating.
Ta.
- May I take your coat?
- No!
That is, no, thank you,
very much indeed.
That's the closest I ever
want to be to a frog.
- Okay, guys, do your stuff.
- Right.
You start.
Say, isn't that
that rich producer over there...
the one who's investing
in Manhattan Melodies?
Yes, he's investing millions
of dollars in Manhattan Melodies.
What's that all about?
Manhattan Melodies?
Isn't that Kermit the Frog,
the big-time producer, over there?
- The producer is here.
- The producer, dear.
There's a big producer
over there.
It's the hottest thing
coming to Broadway this season.
It's one of the hottest shows
on Broadway.
Best Broadway show
in years.
Hello.
Vincent?
- Did I do something wrong?
- No.
Vincent, a frog.
- That food smells good up there.
- I'm starvin'.
But this is all
a misunderstanding...
Well, thanks a lot,
you guys.
So what's the third part
of your plan?
I don't think there's
going to be one.
I feel like I'm being a phony,
and I can't take it anymore.
But I don't know
what to do next.
All right.
Moping time's over.
- How about a little exercise?
- Well...
I knew you wanted to.
Dear Lord, not jogging.
Wow. It's such
a beautiful day.
Yeah.
Come on. Give me a break.
Come on. Let's go this way.
- Feel better?
- Yeah.
- Good. Exercise does the trick.
- Yeah, stretch the old frog legs.
My purse!
That does it!
Excuse me.
May I borrow those a moment?
- You creep!
- Get off!
I don't even know how
to skate! You know that?
- What's going on?
- She stole my purse.
- What?
- Good try, fella. Come on.
What? That'll teach you to mess
with a lady! Understand?
Oh, thank you so much.
Are you okay?
What are you doing here?
Sightseeing.
- But you're supposed to be out of town.
- Yeah.
I do not wish to discuss it
in present company.
That's okay, Kermit.
I'll see you back at Pete's.
I'm glad you're not hurt,
Miss Piggy.
Piggy? What's going on?
Well, vous is certainly
looking different now.
No gold chains, no shirt cut
to the navel, no "toupe"!
What's with all
this French stuff?
By sheer chance I
happened to learn French...
and get a job
interpreting at the U.N.
What?
Can I get my skates back,
please?
Just a second. How'd you
know about that "toupe"?
- None of your beeswax.
- Have you been spying on me?
I'll unlace them while you fight.
It's no trouble.
Piggy, have you been
spying on me?
Maybe spying on vous and that certain
young girl of the opposite gender.
- You two-timing her?
- No, it's justJenny.
She's a friend. She's been
trying to help me sell the show.
He's got to sell the show.
What show?
If she is just a friend,
what about the huggies?
- What?
- You gaveJenny the huggies?
Maybe it would have been better
if we had never met.
Then you and Jenny would not
be tormented by my presence.
- Oh, man.
- See what the huggies will get you?
Jenny and I were hugging
because we're friends.
That's what friends do.
Friends do not spy.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
I spied because I care!
- I care too!
- Why don't you say so?
- I just did!
- All right!
Keep the skates.
I never use them anyway. I just
like to run around in shorts.
Wait a minute!
Come on, Piggy.
Look, Waldorf.
It's the frog and the pig.
- Looks like they're in love.
- Yeah.
Kind of makes you sick,
doesn't it?
- Hey, lovey-dovey!
- Hubba-hubba!
Kermit, I'm sorry
I yelled at you.
I didn't mean it when I said it would
have been better if we had never met.
In fact, I wish
we'd met much sooner.
Kermy, just imagine.
Wouldn't it have been wonderful if we'd
known each other when we were little?
Imagine. Little Kermy.
Little Piggy.
No matter what life may bring
No matter what I may do
Be sure of one special thing
I'm gonna always be loving you
Gonna be a movie star
And I'm gonna learn
to drive a car
Gonna be a veterinarian too
And I'm gonna always love you
Hi, guys. Hi, Fozzie.
- Hi, Kermy!
- Hello!
I'll be the cutest model
you've ever saw
And then I think
I'll study criminal law
And I'm gonna learn
to scuba dive too
And I'm gonna always love you
I'm gonna be a singer
And I'm gonna learn
to fly a plane
I'll be a doctor with diseases
I'll help you with your sneezes
And practice neurosurgery
on your brain
Gonna climb the Matterhorn
But only after
all our children are born
'Cause I want
to be a good mommy too
And I'm gonna always love you
She's gonna be a movie star
And she's gonna learn
to drive a car
She's gonna be
a veterinarian too
And I'm gonna always
love you, you, you
Well, she's gonna be a singer
And she's gonna learn
to fly a plane
She'll be a doctor with diseases
and help you with your sneezes
And practice neurosurgery
on your brain
Gonna climb the Matterhorn
But only after all
my children are born
'Cause I want
to be a good mommy too
And I'm gonna
always love you
I think the ride is over.
- Bye, Jenny. See you tomorrow.
- Yeah. Take care.
Well, l... Here we are.
It sure is nice we're all
together like this, isn't it?
Yeah.
- Miss!
- Is customer!
- Coming.
- Excuse me. I will get it.
After all,
moi am a waitress.
Hey, Pete, thanks
for giving Piggy a job.
Is rats cooking. Is frog washing.
Is pig waitress.
Is no coffee shop.
Is zoo!
Yeah.
Kermit, come on.
What about the show?
What are we going to do next?
Frog, is mailman come
with letters for you.
- That must be more mail from the gang.
- I'll have two eggs over easy...
Pardonnez-moi, dear.
Is something wrong?
Do you believe in
inter-species dating?
I've gone out with some rats before,
if that's what you mean.
- It's from Gonzo.
- Great.
It goes, " Dear Kermit,
I am in Michigan."
"Camilla and I have joined
a traveling aquacade.
It's not like Broadway, but I have
met some good-looking chickens here.
We put together this terrific new act. "
Ladies and gentlemen,
the incredible Gonzo!
Thank you, Arriba!
And thank you!
You're a wonderful crowd!
Now, for today's climactic act,
look yonder!
I will first make a death-defying leap
from the loop-de-loop ramp...
spinning and hurtling my body
through the flaming circle of doom...
and landing comfortably on
the imitation-leather easy chair...
while my chickens do their
impression ofTony Bennett...
singing
the "William Tell Overture."
Please!
I must have silence!
Are you ready?
Thank you, Margaret.
Hit it, girls!
Here we go!
Wait. I can't see.
Whoa! Hey, I forgot my skis!
Don't sound like
Tony Bennett to me.
"Everything's going swimmingly.
Love, Gonzo. "
Hey, here's one from Rowlf.
"Dear Kermit, how's the frog?
I'm in Delaware, and I found
a terrific job in management.
I'm surrounded by friends,
and I love what I'm doing. "
I am Mr. Skeffington. One
of my secretaries made a reservation...
for the weekend
in the name of Snookums.
Oh, yeah.
This is Snookums.
Now, Daddy wants
his little Snookie-ookums...
to be especially good
this weekend while Daddy is gone...
or he'll be very angry.
Don't worry. We'll
take good care of her.
- Him.
- Take good care of him.
Snookums is a him!
Snookums gets breakfast
at 8:00 a.m. Exactly.
- Breakfast is quiche.
- Yes, sir.
Aren't you going
to write it down?
- Photographic memory.
- Write it down!
Dog gets quiche at 8:00.
Whatever that is.
Marvin, put him on the desk.
Do you have any toys here?
What kind of toys
would you like, sir?
Doggy toys.
Rubber balls, rubber fire hydrants,
rubber newspapers.
Snookums prefers
the rubber Wall StreetJournal...
to the rubber Washington Post.
Don't we all?
- Write it down.
- Yeah, rubber Wall StreetJournal.
Now, while Daddy's gone...
the little lumpy-dum-dums
won't have his daddy...
to give him washy-scrubby.
Very impressive. You speak Chinese
like a native.
- Now, shake hands.
- Beg pardon?
- Shake!
- Oh, yeah.
- Good boy. Now, sit.
- Yes, sir.
Stay.
That was the most humiliating
experience of my life.
Snookie!
Look at little Snookie-ookums!
Snookie-wookums want
his little boney-woney?
Little binky-booter!
Hey, you got a squishy bottom.
Yeah!
Lay off, will ya?
Rowlf. Hey, Rowlf, come on.
Let us out of here.
- We want to go home!
- Yeah, Rowlf, come on.
We want to go home.
Let us out. Let us go home.
Yeah, me too.
"Love, from Rowlf."
They're all doing terrific,
aren't they?
Here's one more.
"Dear Mr. Kermit the Frog...
I would be very interested
in talking with you about...
your musical,
Manhattan Melodies. "
"Please come to my office
at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely, Bernard Crawford,
Producer."
I've heard of him.
He's a big-time Broadway producer.
- Really?
- Yeah!
Maybe he wants you
to sign a contract.
I'd better get over there
right away.
Remember, just
act confident...
like you know the show
is going to kill them.
Right. Thanks, Jenny.
Good-bye, Piggy.
- Call us and tell us what happens!
- Watch it!
I'm sorry, but I have to get a contract
so I can go out and kill them.
- May I help you?
- I'm looking for Mr. Crawford.
- Are you Kermit the Frog?
- Yeah.
- I'm Mr. Crawford.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
The office boy
is out getting lunch.
You know kids nowadays.
They're always eating lunch.
Yeah. Well, you want
to go in your office?
No, actually...
Why don't we just have a seat
over there for a minute, okay?
Sure. You're very young
to be a producer.
You noticed. I started
when I was very... Yeah.
Can I tell you the truth? The thing
is that I'm not Bernard Crawford.
I'm Ronnie Crawford.
I signed my father's name because
I didn't think you'd come otherwise.
But I want to produce
your show on Broadway!
- You do?
- Yeah, yeah, I love it!
It is so different!
It's perfect for my first production.
- My dad and I have this agreement...
- Ronnie!
I'm coming up the stairs,
and I want my lunch.
That's my dad.
Ronnie! Now.
Dad, I got great news!
If you two are in love,
I don't want to hear about it.
You promised me I could have one chance
to become a Broadway producer.
You would get the sets and the lights
and the scenery and everything!
I want to take that chance
right now. This is Kermit...
and he has written a wonderful musical
called Manhattan Melodies.
I want to produce it.
- When do we hear the great news?
- Dad!
All right, all right.
Tell me, Mr. Author.
What is this musical?
All dancing, all croaking?
It needs a little work.
There's still something missing.
The two leads get married.
Then there's this song that goes:
Look at me, here I am
Hold it. I'm allergic
to amphibians singing.
Who's going to be starring
in this masterpiece?
It's just me and my friends.
They're all dogs and bears and chickens.
I told you. I want to
do something different.
So put someJell-O
down your pants. Come here.
Don't you realize it might
be against the law...
having a chicken
dancing onstage?
You mean you're going to
go back on your promise?
Who said that? Did I say that?
I'll do everything I said I would.
Just because this is ridiculous doesn't
mean it might not make it on Broadway.
- All right!
- Yes!
- When I started out in show business...
- Thank you, Dad!
- Yeah, thanks, Dad.
- See you later!
Yeah, I got
to tell the whole gang!
- Hello. Pete's.
- Jenny?
- Kermit?
- Yeah!
- What happened?
- What?
We sold the show. The producer
wants to put it on Broadway.
- Really?
- What?
The producer said he's going
to put the show on Broadway!
Listen. Tell Piggy
she's gonna be a star.
And, Jenny, I'd like you
to do the costumes.
Oh, Kermit, thank...
Now that we'll be on Broadway, remember
what you promised about getting married?
Not now, Piggy. We got to
write the gang and get them back.
I'll be at Pete's
in ten minutes. We did it!
We did it!
We did it!
Back together again
Pete, are you sure Kermit
wasn't at the bus terminal?
No, he's no there.
Is better wait. Come. Sit down.
But Kermit said he'd be here
in ten minutes.
He's never
been gone like this before.
Listen, I tell you what is.
Peoples is peoples.
Is frog gone? Yes.
Is peoples worrying?
Is peoples looking? Is no come?
But is peoples working?
Is water boiling?
Is come. Yeah.
Peoples is peoples.
Piggy,
I'm sure Kermit's all right.
I bet he got so excited about the show,
he lost track of time.
No, no. He's missing.
I know it.
Aren't you excited?
Just think. You're going
to be on Broadway in a few months.
Two weeks.
- The show opens in two weeks.
- The place is closed.
I'm Ronnie Crawford.
I'm producing Kermit's show.
Oh, well,
we're Kermit's friends.
- I'm Jenny.
- I'm her father.
The show opens in two weeks?
My dad said...
Oh, I'm letting my dad help out.
He said we could have the sets
and props and the costumes...
but the show has
to open in two weeks.
Did you just say
Kermit is missing?
The writer and the star
of my show is missing...
and we open in two weeks?
No sweat.
Come on, Piggy. We'll find him.
Wait. We got
to get his friends back...
all those bears
and chickens and things.
Pop, could you send telegrams
to Kermit's friends?
- Please!
- Okeydokey.
- Let's go!
- Great! Come on!
Is no sweat. I write good.
Dear bears and
chickens and things.
Is New York! Is play!
Is time!
Kermit needs me.
Beth, wake up.
I'm going to New York City
to be on Broadway!
- I'm up. Is it spring?
- All right. I'm up.
Hey, guys,
we're going to New York!
Hey, girls,
we're going to New York!
We're going to New York!
- New York?
- Yeah! Right, right.
New York City! Oh, boy!
Dr. Gomez, 3-33, stat.
Good morning.
I see we've had our breakfast,
haven't we?
Hi, Doctor.
How's our amnesia patient
this morning?
I don't know. I haven't been
feeling like myself lately.
I tell you what. If I may, I'd like to
check your reflexes once again today.
Just take a second.
A little slow...
and confused,
but that's to be expected...
because, as you know,
you have amnesia.
I'm going to check to see that there
are no physical injuries one last time.
Tickle?
This might hurt
just for a minute...
but it'll be over soon.
Adequate
musculoskeletal response.
Now, I want you to take a deep breath.
This will hurt.
All right. No rotator cuff dislocation.
Now, let's try the mandible.
Peachy. No doubt about it.
You have amnesia.
Now, the problem is, you were found
with no identification...
and, oddly enough,
wearing no clothing.
So, I did research into
the major nudist colonies in the area.
I think I've come up with something.
You are Mr. Enrico Tortellini
of Passaic, New Jersey.
Well, I really
don't feel Italian.
It was just a long shot.
Mr. "X," I'm sorry to tell you this...
but your case is hopeless.
Why don't you find a nice job
and make a new life for yourself?
What we can do is give you a nice,
clean set of clothes, wish you luck.
Well, thank you, Doc.
Okay, everybody. Listen, everyone.
Listen.
Look, buddy, I don't take my clothes
off for anyone, even if it is artistic.
Janice, everybody, please.
I'm glad to see you too.
But I've been trying to tell you
that Kermit is gone. He's disappeared!
- Kermit has disappeared?
- Yes!
- Excuse me.
- Yes?
I'm looking
for the Gordon Employment Agency.
- That's one floor down.
- Oh, I see. Thank you.
Wait a minute. Hold it.
What's your name?
Phil. Phil-up.
Phillip, Phil.
Phillip Phil.
Catchy name.
Phil, I'm Bill,
and this is Gil.
Phil, I'm Gil,
and this is Jill.
Phil, I'm Jill.
You know Gil and Bill.
- Pleased to meet you.
- Would you step into our office?
We're looking for the opinion of
the common, ordinary frog-on-the-street.
- We're in the ad game.
- What do you advertise?
- Ocean Breeze soap.
- I never heard of that.
We know.
The truth is,
our jobs are on the line.
- Here. Sit down.
- Oh, yes.
We've been working all night on
a new slogan. Tell us if you like it.
"Ocean Breeze soap, for people
who don't want to stink."
- What do you think?
- Be frank, Phil.
- I don't like it.
- You don't?
How about..."Ocean Breeze soap.
It's just like taking an ocean cruise...
only there's no boat and
you don't actually go anywhere."
Seems a bit long.
Have you tried
something simple like...
"Ocean Breeze soap
will get you clean."
Wait a minute.
Wait just a second.
You mean, just say
what the product does?
No one's ever tried that.
- Well, it's crazy.
- Why, it's nuts.
- We love it!
- Thank you, Phil.
If we can ever do something
for you, let us know.
I kind of need a job.
Phil, you've got one right here.
We can always use a frog
with horse sense.
Yes, welcome aboard, Phil.
- You are with us now.
- Yes.
Well, Waldorf,
they finally made it to Broadway.
- Yep, and I already got tickets.
- You did? Are they good seats?
They sure are. They're for
the next train out of town!
So now the show opens
in just one week.
The publicity's started, and
tickets are already selling.
We're going to have to rehearse
day and night to get ready...
and we have got
to find Kermit.
Who is this guy?
He's Ronnie Crawford.
He's producing the show.
- Who's she?
- She's Jenny.
She's a friend of Kermit's
and mine.
What are we standing around here for?
We gotta find Kermit!
- Yeah!
- Let's go!
Go! Go!
Kermit!
Have you seen a frog?
This is a revolutionary new slogan...
which is,
"Ocean Breeze will get you..."
Yeah?
Right.
- Mr. Mayor! It's an emergency.
- Hold on, everybody.
I'm looking for a frog
who can sing and dance.
If he can also balance the budget,
I'll hire him.
Frog!
Wow. I thought opening night
was supposed to be exciting.
Yeah, but not without
our little green buddy.
Maybe we should
just cancel.
No, it is
opening night tonight.
The show must go on.
Kermit would want it that way.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That was a great presentation
you made this morning, Jill.
- Thanks to Phil's flow chart.
- Thank you, Jill.
How about a new place
for lunch today?
- Okay.
- Oh, good.
- This time I'll take the bill, Gil.
- Oh, good.
- Something from the grill, Jill?
- No, meat makes me ill, Gil.
We'd better go to the theater now
and get ready.
Yeah.
Together again
Just a couple of frogs.
No! It's Kermit!
It's Kermit!
- It's Kermit!
- How are you doing?
What friendly service.
Where were you?
We were all so worried.
Yeah. Where were you?
I believe there must be
some sort of mistake.
Hey, Phil, since you know the waiters,
why don't you order for us?
- Phil? What does he mean, "Phil"?
- Kermit, what's wrong?
Are you speaking to me?
There's nothing wrong.
I will have the tuna melt,
please, ma'am.
- Like, you don't know us?
- I'm afraid not.
- Should I?
- What do you mean, should you?
We have a show to put on, your show,
and it's opening tonight!
Seeing a show would be a
pleasant way to spend the time...
but I do have some
marketing data to review.
What?
- He really doesn't remember us.
- We have to get him to the theater.
Kermit, this is for your own good.
Grab him!
- Come on!
- Whoa!
Where are you taking me?
They must not get
a lot of repeat business here.
So, the grizzly bear,
he walks out of the room.
The panda bear is just sitting there.
He thinks, "This is odd."
Then the phone rings. You know
who it is? It's the polar bear.
The polar bear says
to the panda bear...
"I didn't know
it was a koala bear."
Get it? "Koala?"
This is all very amusing,
but I have to be going now.
Wait! He doesn't remember.
It's no use.
We've been trying for hours.
There's nothing left to do.
We have to go on without him.
Kermit, please!
We need you! Come back to us!
Look, maybe you do know me,
but I don't remember you.
I wish I did.
You'd better take your places.
What are we going to do?
Look at me. You are not Phil.
You are Kermit the Frog.
That's Gonzo. That's Fozzie.
That's Rowlf and Scooter.
They're your friends.
You wrote this show for them.
That's Ronnie and Jenny. They're
your friends too. And I'm Piggy. Listen.
You are Kermit the Frog,
and you love me.
You want to marry me.
You want to have children with me.
With you?
In love with a pig?
Wait till I tell the guys
in marketing.
Maybe you expect me
to go hog-wild?
Maybe you could
bring home the bacon, huh?
The sounds of love.
Cancel the show!
- Where am I anyway?
- Kermit!
- Kermy, you remember us!
- You remembered!
- Are you all right?
- What's going on?
You're going on.
It's Broadway! You made it!
No, the script isn't ready.
- There's something missing.
- It's terrific.
We got to tell everybody
Kermit's okay. Come on.
Do you remember
the opening number?
You mean...
Look at me
Here I am
Right where I belong
I see that face
comin'back to me
Like an old familiar song
What better place
could anyone be
'Cause you're here with me
It's all I've been lookin'for
and so much more
And now I'm here
Now you're here
Nothin'can go wrong
'cause I am right where
- I belong
- Yes!
Here we go!
Hi, guys! Kermit, could our friends
watch the show from backstage?
- Could they?
- Wait a minute.
No, they cannot
watch the show from backstage.
That's it! That's what's
been missing from the show.
That's what we need: More frogs and dogs
and bears and chickens and whatever.
You're not gonna watch the show.
You're gonna be in the show!
Come on!
Look at us, here we are
right where we belong
The curtain's up and
the lights are bright
And they're playing our old song
What better place
could anyone be
- It's Kermit!
- 'Cause you're here with me
So, everyone, here we go
Let's start the show
Extra! Extra!
Somebody is getting married!
Somebody is getting married?
Somebody is getting married!
Somebody's getting married!
Somebody's getting married?
Somebody's getting married
Somebody get some flowers
Somebody get a ring
Somebody get a chapel
and a choir to sing
Somebody get an organ to play
'Cause somebody's
getting married today
Somebody get a preacher
Somebody bake a cake
Somebody get some shoes
and rice and presents to take
Somebody get a sweet negligee
'Cause somebody's
getting married
Today
Wedding, wedding
Pig and froggy wedding
Somebody get champagne
Somebody rent a room
Somebody get the lovely bride
and somebody get the...
Somebody get this wedding
under way
Today
Somebody's getting married
Today
Are they here yet?
- Did I miss it? Am I late?
- They'll be here any minute.
- Oh, boy, me can hardly wait.
- Yeah.
- Isn't this exciting?
- It's the wedding of the year.
- Can't we start without them?
- No, you can't until they're here.
They're finally getting
Married
Now
He'll make me happy
Each time I see him
He'll be the reason
My heart can sing
He'll stand beside me
And I'll have everything
She'll make me happy
Each time I hold her
And I will follow
Where my heart may lead
And she'll be all
I ever need
Days go passing into years
Years go passing day by day
She'll make him happy
Now and forever
Until forever
Their love will grow
She only knows
He'll make her happy
That's all she needs
To know
They'll be so happy
Now and forever
Until forever
Their love will grow
I only know
He'll make me happy
That's all I need
To know
Piggy, I thought Gonzo
was gonna play the minister.
Do you, Piggy, take this frog
to be your lawful wedded husband
Do you
I do
Do you, Froggy, take this pig
to be your lawful wedded wife
Until you die
I
Do you
I do
Then because
you share a love so big
I now pronounce you
Frog and pig
They got married!
What better way
could anything end
Hand in hand with a friend
THE END