The Visitors: Bastille Day (2016) Movie Script

In the glorious year of 1124, in an effort to avert a terrible event
Godefroy de Montmirail and his servant Jacquouille the Fripouille
a magic potion that accidentally transferred them to the 20th century.
In the 20th century with the potion they should return
back to the glorious year 1124
The fate wanted something else,
something terrible happened.
By adding Marnier to the magic potion
they went to 1793, directly to the middle of the French Revolution,
the Terror.
They were arrested by the public prosecutor Jacquouillet,
a direct descendent of Jacquouille.
Both of them were thrown into jail, where they waited for the court.
Castle Montmirail, 1124
You louse, why are you so slow??!
I am coming, Sir. I am coming!
I am hurrying up!
Hurry up!
Come on, Aymeric, into the saddle!
Not so fast, not so fast! Slowly, slowly!
- Dismount, or die! - Bloody traitor,
Let me pass, or you will hang! My lord, Louis VI. The Fat
is sending me
Let me die, if I give in!
I am coming, sir, I will cover your ass!
Where is my ax? Well, where?
The ax is impossible to get out!
Here you go, you pig!
- Louse! I beg for forgiveness!
Watch out, Mr. Aymeric!
Godefroy the Hardy returned and we were attacked. Bad dream.
The nightmare is that Godefroy disappeared after drinking the potion.
What will you say to the King?
Aymeric from Tourbes, where is your master?
We are at war and all my barons are here,
from Raoul the One Eyed to the Duke of Aquitaine.
- just Montmirail did not come.
- He's sick, sir, but he will arrive.
Speak quietly!
Don't disturb the eternal sleep of Pepin
and his wife Bertha with big feet.
What do you want then? - There is a strange talk about Count de Montmirail
Godefroy did not come to the Christmas mass. He disappeared after
he began to dabble in sorcery. He is a heretic!
- I demand God's court for this libel! - Enough!
I do not want to lose knights in a fruitless battle.
Let Godefroy join my troops by the next full moon.
If he does not obey, his county, titles and property
will be distributed among vassals.
And his castle will be razed to the ground!
Oh open, Eusebius, magician, a misfortune!
This way, Aymeric.
- Hell! The magician is dead! They are lost! - I expected you, knights.
I am the daughter of Eusebius, who lies in front of you.
Where are Mr. Godefroy and his servant Jacquouille?
I'll rip your insides and bake if you don't get them back!
Right now!
Your master is stuck in future years of the Lord 1793
He and his servant were imprisoned
when they came from the 20th century with pockets
full of objects from the future.
They are waiting for the court,
which means death.
Robespierre seized power.
They call him The Incorruptible.
He controls EVERYTHING. On behalf of the dreaded
Committee of Public Safety.
I embody terror!
Let Saint Just speak!
We don't judge!
WE Kill!
And even if the Hardy miraculously escaped
from the revolutionaires,
his troubles would not end anyway.
It's screwed up here, Sir. They want to kill us.
The body of the Hardy and his servant Jacquouille
age by ten years each week,
because they are trapped in the corridors of time.
What ? EVERYTHING hurts. My knee hurts just like
in the battle of Montlhery.
If they remain there, terrible death awaits them.
Since this morning, you look dreadful! You would frighten anyone.
My tooth is broken.
The agricultural school in Issoudun,
is converted into a court
The accused for questioning!
Citizens! The commissioner says you are enemies of the people!
- I will kill him.
- Corpus delicti nr. 1.
English livery, showing that you are in the service of England.
Corpus delicti nr. 2! Nasal helmet
and the Spanish style chain mail!
- Who's that ragamuffin? - An Englishman and firemaker.
- That livery with things was his. - Exactly!
In his pocket were sunglasses with mirrored lenses ...
to protect the eyes before another infernal machine.
Flacon of strange substance from England,
because it's written on there - spray!
Why did you steal all this? They think we are English! Asshole!
I and Englishman? Such a shame!
In the flacon, there is a hazardous gas.
Weapon made evidently by an English thug, it has an English name.
- Franck Provost! - It is a spray, a gift for Mrs. Ginette.
- It is for stiffening the hair. - A torch!
Very effective in igniting the wick. Pen!
It contains ink and produces music!
Silence! A capital punishment is called for and without delay.
If you have something to say, say it quickly.
I have the impression that they do not understand.
We are neither English nor spies!
You have no right to judge us!
- I am French, Jacquouille's word. - I do not understand! Your name is Frenchman,
- or Jacques Couille? - Jacquouille.
Jacquouille? He has something to do with prosecutor Jacquouillete?
- His bastard. Speak, you cretin! - It is true.
My bastard arrested us. - What is bastard?
Watch. It is possible. He looks like him.
Although he is dirtier and more disgusting.
- And that huge oozing boil on his nose!
- Yes, it must be so.
- That dirty man! - That's a relief.
Scribe! Is the public prosecutor in Issoudun?
- I think he has a dinner in the company. - Whose?
His partner, Charlotte Robespierre.
Get him quickly!
- Charlotte Robespierre? - Welfare and brotherhood!
- We expected your partner. - It is better for the revolution
to let him rest. I am here instead.
Committee of the Public Safety is interested in a relationship
between the prosecutor Jacquouillete and the culprit.
This individual is linking himself to the family, he is an English spy.
Jacquouille was born by Montmiraile.
Well, I'm a bastard of the laborer Anselm and the bigassed Gertrude.
Inspector, they express themselves with a local dialect. You are making a mistake.
- Yes, the people there are not easy to understad. - Leave Paris more often, citizen inspector!
Citizen countryman, your name is Jacques Couille.
- Are you a relative of prosecutor Jacquouilet? - It's my bastard.
- Well, that's obvious.
- What is clear, citizen?
That man is Ignace Jacquouillet, an uncle of
Antoine Claude Jacquouillet.
- Antoine Claude ... - Silence!
We did not know about him since he was sent to prison
for stealing half a cubic meter of wood!
- The man is a hero of the revolution.
- If that is a hero who is the other?
That's clear. It is his partner in chains.
Another misfortunate one.
You've been in prison with the uncle,
right, citizen?
Definitely. The prison. With Ignace.
We are prisoners.
They had weapons for assassinations.
Before you send them to the gallows, I advise you, citizen commissioner,
do a proper investigation.
- I'll take your advice, citizen.
- Yes, it will be better that way.
- Good night, citizens.
- Good night, Charlotte.
Good night, Charlotte!
What do we do, commissioner?
Sentence them to death.
Put them in the morning cart. To the gallows with them!
- Wake up, Antoine, uncle Ignace is alive.
- Who?
- Ignace Jacques Couille.
- My uncle?
- He was arrested by Verdier.
- How so? Did he not die in prison?
No! He got out.
Thanks to his mate, he is a giant.
He is so tiny,
he could not get out alive.
- He is not smaller than you.
- I'm normal.
Not really!
You are truly a family of wee people.
- Why do you say it? It insults me.
- He does have your figure. To the centimeter.
That's enough to be my uncle?
Uncle Ignace is dead, I'm saying!
Try to be clever, once in a while.
We need to get him out of there.
- And why?
- Robespierre is looking for examples
and your uncle is a lovely example of the old regime's victim.
He is suited for it.
- Is that so?
- Yes. He has an ugly head.
Features distorted by suffering.
The Committee of Public Safety will love him.
- I'll take care of it by the day after tomorrow.
- Tomorrow. - I'll confiscate the castle Montmirail
and toss out the conceited pricks who insulted my family.
They'll go live in the poorhouse.
I'll savor it, believe me.
I missed you.
School of agriculture in Issoudun
at the dawn ...
Dungeons are adjusted to jail ...
There are executions nonstop.
- He cut her throat.
- Away with the aristocrats!
- Sir, what is the "aristocrats"?
- It's me, rascal.
- I'm no aristocrats!
- Definitely not.
Don't torture yourselves by looking, gentlemen.
The sound is enough.
- Lorenzo Baldini, the Marquis of Portofino.
- I'm not aristocrats! I do not belong here!
- Neither do we. - Count of Montmirail,
Malfete and Papincourt.
- Montmirail?
- Yeah.
A relative of the deceased count Philipp?
Brother, cousin?
- Definitely. Cousin. Quite distant.
- Let's go to the era of cars, sir!
- Calm down!
- You Philipp's cousin!
- It smells og death!
- Do you know Victoria Rose, his daughter?
I courted her in better times.
I have not seen her for a long time.
Wild beauty that man just wants to tame.
I dare say she has gotten more femme.
- You won't say anything?
- Definitely.
I understand. Discretion.
Not a peep! We face danger.
It is fun to find our mates in misfortunes here.
When I think of the time when my father in law had
the honour of carrying the candle for Louis XV.,
- When the King wanted to urinate in the middle of the court.
- Pissing in the public is disgusting!
- Silence, rascal, it is a royal shit!
- Excuse me, sir, since it is a royal shit.
Sir? Rascal? You provocateur!
We are so afraid to talk.
But you're right. With what awaits us,
we can let loose.
Okay, I will loosen up.
I don't care about all the pricks from the Commitee of Public Safety,
Robespierre and Danton, they'll get theirs!
They will get theirs!
- Be quiet! If you want our death?
- Do you think, Duchess, we are picknicking here?
It is not suitable for the aristocrats to provide
light for the royal potty,
- That's work for servants.
- What a stench.
Yes, forgive me that I disagree,
but, God, it is a privilege.
We can only praise the king Louis XIV.
that he has entrusted toilet to the aristocrats.
Wiping royal ass, beautiful proof of trust!
Wiping any ass is pathetic.
Dirty ass is a dirty ass.
Definitely. It's an honor for a knight.
It's degrading.
- They deserve death!
- My God!
The duke goes to the execution!
He is so noble.
Perhaps we will also be Hardy when
it comes to us.
- Good God!
- Damn!
- They chopped off his head!
- Horror! Blood is everywhere.
The head fell off in a clean cut.
Calm down, he had a good death.
Guillotine just beheaded
my helpless father in law,
and you think he had a good death?
In my time bad treatment with an ax
caused a great suffering.
That machine is handy.
In my time, they skinned him, quarted him,
and fed him to the pigs.
He is lucky, he died before
he could say Ouch.
Ouch, you say? That's not a good sense.
Sorry, I will not talk to you anymore.
- Forget it.
- Forget it.
Silence, you up front!
This morning fat Capet's head tumbled into the sawdust!
The King is dead! So is the
tyranny! Hip, hip, hooray!
Silence! Pray!
The King is dead!
Long live his successor, his son!
Let us pray.
Our father who art in heaven ...
thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread...
daily bread
Stop the whining, it is a day of joy!
- and forgive us our trespasses...
Picarde! Alsace! Come and help me!
Silence that whiner!
Revolution is mine!
Get up, damn it!
Get up, mercenary!
Take your weapons and follow me!
Here I go, sir!
Be careful, sir!
Watch out, sir!
Be careful, sir!
Watch out, sir, that clown
looks like a real ass !
- I'm with you!
- Stop squishing me!
I'm sorry, Sir, I am using your great strength
- to get out.
- It's a chump.
- That's all.
- What an ass.
Let's hurry!
- The stepmother's upstairs?
- Chateau Montmirail by Issoudun
- Ma'am, at dawn, you are required to be gone.
- We're not finished.
- I do not want to leave the castle with nothing.
- If they find me here, I am finished.
I should be in Paris.
Jacquouillet will be here soon!
We'll wait for him with guns
iand give him a lesson, to that pig!
Victoria, we will end up at the gallows!
Madam, I bribed a clerk with my last money,
when I bought a letter of leave to Austria.
Bring her to her senses.
It is true, Victoria, you are delaying us.
Go and finish packing.
Madam, I am too old for this familiarity
and listening to your orders!
- Oooh, If only your father heard you!
- He is dead.
- Can't get to him.
- What?
I made his last years beatiful!
You're obliged to respect me!
Not the best moment, ma'am.
Thank me that I will transport you to Austria,
on my own expenses, dammit!
Fear rises to your head, Gonzague.
There's gonna be seven of us in that little
hunter's lodge, thanks a lot.
We are fleeing like gypsies,
and we live in Paris!
There is a Reign of Terror in Paris. Sans cullottes
report aristocrats and execute them!
Forget Paris!
And the palace is mine since father's death, I'm the oldest.
I'm sorry. As a member you voted
to cancel the rule of the oldest.
So my children have an equal right to inheritance
of Montmirail just like you!
Don't let it embarrass your political career!
Don't be so unfair to your brother.
I respect you like your deceased mother.
- It is an honor for me to save you and your siblings.
- And do not forget Elise,
who loves you dearly.
- Are those books neccessary?
- If Elise doesn't read to me, I can't fall asleep.
Here, I give you the accompanying letter, brother.
Signed by citizen Collot d'Herbois.
- Again the "citizen"! It makes me sick!
- What? Wine merchants?
- Do we look that way?
- What do you want? Aristocrats on the run?"
- You taking Honorine?
- Who would cook beans
- and biscuits for children?
- The Germans eat cabbage.
- That too?
- Sure! This is a gift from the Queen.
For dinners there must be music!
We are not leaving that wonderful instrument
to that pig Jacquouillet!
I would rather die!
- What about the gun?
- I will blow the brain of the first sans-culottes.
- We want to fight with Victoria! - With a gun!
- No, darlings, it's dangerous.
- Gun!
- Please!
Well, I agree.
But stop screaming. My ears!
- Robert, find them a gun.
- I can't stand them.
Thank you, Hercule.
To Paris. Fast!
Sir, why have you brought us to this time?
Let us understand your will.
- This is magic, sir.
- Stop that inappropriate speech!
God is testing us. We listen.
We put back successor to the throne.
It is our destiny.
- Hosanna! - Hosanna!
Speak for yourself, sir.
- What are you saying, you rogue?
- Hosanna.
- Hosana.
- It's about time.
- It is me.
- What do you want, you ass?
Issoudun is full of sansculottes.
I would rather join you.
- Where are we going?
- To Montmirail, hire soldiers.
I do not want to be a party pooper,
but to find such people, it does not simply happen.
Let's arm ourselves with courage
- for our mission.
- Hosanna!
- What mission? - Get the successor to the throne.
Isn't it marvelous?
- He is locked up in Paris, in Temple.
- And so?
Admirable. Stunning.
But without me, in Paris,
as an aristocrat, I don't have a chance.
So the three of us, to...
Find them and kill them!
No mercy for anyone!
You have to find them!
Let's look for those dogs!
To death!
Still here. So I belong to you.
All the way to Montmirail.
- Horse, sir!
- It's mine!
It rips my heart, but we must do it!
No insult, Mother, but that wig is way too much
for a wine merchant.
- It will be under the hood.
- Can't fit into the carrige.
This is my travel wig.
I thought about that.
Voila! And if not...
- And it is done.
- Ma'am, I forgot the jewels!
What a silly goose!
Go and get them!
- Terrible. Only these for money.
- I do not intend to sell them.
- But how are we to live, madam?
- I do not know.
- You will work.
- Work? - Yes.
- We shall not work like townspeople!
- I'm going.
Elise! Give it to me.Everything will be spilled.
Get out!
I'm going to get my mummy's portrait!
- Who are you? What do you want?
- You do not have to worry.
Lorenzo Baldini, the Marquis of Portofino,
son in law of the Duke of Cheneviette.
- Do you recognize me?
- Not at all.
- Where is the master of Montmirail?
- My husband died of a stroke,
after the massacre of the Swiss guards.
- Who is the new Count?
- The step-son. He went to Paris.
He does not want to be "Montmirail"
but "Malfete", so he doesn't seem aristocratic.
Put down your weapons or I will shoot!
- Lorenzo? What are you doing?
- Don't you recognize me!
I was saved from the guillotine
by your cousin, the hero.
- What cousin?
- He.
Hubert from Montmirailu, Malfete
and Papincourt.
- Are you Montmirail?
- Well, cousin Hub!
- That's funny, sir!
- Rogue, silence! - My servant.
- We have no cousins in France.
-They come from far.
Their French is used in foreign countries.
You're the secret Austrian cousin,to whom Gonzague wrote?
I do not understand.
I thought you would meet us by the border.
- So you decided to come for us?
- Definitely.
This is so Hardy.
And you, who are you?
Jacquouille the rogue, madam!
"My dear Madam." Good Prussian manners.
Out of fashion, but lovely.
I'm sorry, sir, I did not get your name.
- Cousin Hub.
- Hub? - Hub. Hubert.
I see! You say Houbert of Montmirail!
Houb cousin! I understood.
- Gonzague talked about cousin Kurt.
- Definitely, Kurt Houbert, Miss.
Well yes! Kurt, Houb, it's the same thing.
Like Fritz, Schmitz, Frida, those local names.
Kurt Houber, a double name. Like Victoria Rose.
- An Austrian with a French accent?
- European courts speak French.
What is this suspicion?
- Do they speak French in an Austrian court?
- Definitely.
We speak French, damn it!
Stop goofing around!
- The smelly thing is suffocating!
- Robert never tips, it's intolerable.
We were about to leave,
cousin Kurt Houb.
To Paris. Whip the horses!
We get a successor to the throne.
- To Paris? I was not paid for that!
- The King is dead, long live the king!
- I don't know anything else.
- Hooray!
Finally someone Hardy!
You make one proud again to be Montmirail!
- We will take you to Paris with our carriage.
- This goes against your brother's orders.
- Gonzague is a coward.
-Coward! Gonzague is a coward!
Silence! Your servant cannot insult
my stepson.
You will not take this.
Otherwise, you will not go!
Wine merchants are not terrorists.
- Put this to the cellar.
- Madam! The gendarmes crossed the river!
Come on! Let's save ourselves!
- Hurry and drive that carriage!
- Listen, you rogue!
- Excuse me, countess!
- Well, if it has to be.
- Giddy up!
- Children! Children! All aboard, all aboard!
- Somewhere there is a stinky bog.
- Get away from that smell,
- it hurts on the bottom.
- It's him who stinks!
You are the stinker! You have to wash, otherwise
you are going in the back.
Shut up, I do not stink!
It's the horses' asses!
- Yeah, they're horses.
- Farting horses!
Search the castle and bring them!
Look, Lolotte!
Cigar from Saint Domingue, at least 5 sous a piece.
A lot of spenders!
They make common people poor!
Kurt Houber, for an Austrian aristocrat,
you dress modestly.
But, Robert. He is simply in a hunting gear.
More like the peasant gear!
A real aristocrat does not wear short pants
and tights for girlies.
These horrible events made it so that we met,
dear Victoria.
Thank you.
How is your wife?
She passed away.
You did not know that? I am a widower.
- Guillotine?
- No, a cold.
He bathed her feet,
in a draft.
That's sad.
That's why I never wash my legs.
A pity.
Sometimes, it is needed.
Particularly when one travels in an enclosed space.
Beautiful forest! One could hunt bears.
- Do you hunt bears?
- With a knife.
It is great to let them bleed to death and eat their warm heart.
My God. Raw hearts? Disgusting.
- Grandmother, the Austrian's feet stink!
- Marie Therese! Do not talk that way!
- She's right, the stench is suffocating.
- Marquis, open the window,
- We let in some air. - Air ...
- I want too!
- I also.
Smell in the closed carriages is so obtrusive.
- For example, farts.
- Those are probably pillows, they look moldy.
No. The old rose is stinking.
It gives me a siren.
- Migraine, Count Hubert. Migraine.
- We all understood.
-You too would be uncertain in German.
- Not at all, I'm good at languages.
He speaks French, after all,
we will not speak with in German.
Marie Therese is cold.
Close the window.
Are you cold, my little, little, little little girl?
- Nobody is here, the castle is empty.
- Someone warned them! I am angry!
I will not see their reaction when facing
a new owner!
A new owner?
Are you going to keep the castle for yourself?
Oh no! A new owner,
I am speaking in the name of revolution.
- The new owner means the people, of course.
- That's better, Antoine Claude.
It is beautiful here! When I think of that shack
by the swamp where father lived...
- Well, I'm going. - Where?
- I'm going to Paris with a night coach.
Lolotte, we have not even spent
a single night here.
It would be a pity not to use all those beds.
I'll suggest to Marat to write
in the "Friend of the people" about uncle Ignace.
It will be good for me.
I am not doing it for you,
but for the victory of justice.
- Marat will make of him an icon of the revolution.
- Ignace and icon? This is strong stuff.
Citizen, mutiny broke out in jail, and your
uncle with some giant escaped.
- What? - You waited a long time!
- I find him again. Don't change your plans!
Yes. And do not forget to be on Tuesday in Pairis
at dinner with my brother
- And the Committee of Public Safety.
- Dinner with Robespierre is hard to forget.
You too are an Austrian?
You are not responding.
You are conceited.
- I do not know about what.
- Don't let him speak, his breath is putrid.
He does have an accent, not Austrian though.
I am a widow from Lorraine ...
- Shut your trap, you fat pumpkin!
- Damn!
You are right. I have never smelled anything so awful!
Bad luck, gentlemen.
I don't have any fresh horses.
- But I can give you four mules.
- What ?!
We will not exchange a nice horse for a mule!
I will cripple you, you thief!
- Come and repeat it here.
- Whom are you talking to, innkeeper?
Should I punch you, fattie?
Okay, okay, calm down,
this is a misunderstanding.
- Horses are on pasture. I forgot.
- It's about time.
- Punch you.
- It's a madness to have dinner here,
- They will find out we are aristocrats.
- Oh, relax.
Cousin, it is visible that you are an Austrian.
Stay in the carriage.
Your servant will bring you food.
We are on an enemy territory.
Do not worry, lad.
Give me your coat!
- Give him a good price. - 25 sous. It is new.
Welcome to the Golden hunter's carriage, citizens!
Make yourselves comfortable.
Kurt's lackey looks like that servant
who use to rob your husband.
- What was his name?
- Ignace Jacquouillet.
But that's not possible.
Oh no, Philippe sent him to prison.
20 years for stealing half a cubic meter of wood,
he really paid for it.
Where from so late?
You want to be subtle, citizen.
Give me a proper repast!
I'm hungry!
For 25 sous you pay my way, I hope.
- At the table, one does not talk about money.
- I don't see them anymore.
Boil the meat properly,
don't want any worms in it!
- My meat is not spoiled, citizen!
- So roast it properly, girl.
- Citizen.
- Yeah, citizen.
Those townspeople are ugly.
It stinks like escaping.
- Honorine, to the table!
- Yes, madam countess. - Oh, God.
- She must stop calling you countess.
- It's too complicated for her.
Very appetizing, their glass of wine!
We will stuff our faces with it!
Give us three jugs, you old hag!
Get up, rascal!
Go and eat your bread in the cart!
- When I have leftovers, I'll throw them.
- It is so unpleasant to eat with the servants.
- Let her eat with the horses. They don't mind.
- Why doesn't the hag eat in the cart too?
She is serving us.
For that your fingers are too soiled.
It's not fair!
It's also a servant!
I should have stayed with Mrs. Ginette
at the time of the Cadillacs!
Get out or I'll cut your ears off!
Go and collect and horse poop.
- Horse poop? And for what?
- A proper fire.
- They heat really well.
- And we have the explanation.
- What?
- That Austrians are shit.
- They use them for fire, they smell like them.
- Robert! We are at the table!
- You! - What are you up ot?
- That's for a proper fire.
As you wish, I will not clean up.
Don't you eat with a fork in Austria?
- Sorry.
- Honorine, water!
Yes, Mrs. Count.... Damn, I can't,
citizen countess.
Silence! Do not talk!
- What is it?
- Nettle soup.
It's horrible. What did you put into it?
Do you have cream?
- No, only goat's milk.
- Did we not say half done omelette?
- It's like wood.
- They don't like anything.
- And that heifer wants to be called a countess.
- We have to report them.
I'll finish my soup and get the gendarmes.
We could get a reward.
Enough. In the pike mix, there is no pike
just some mix.
- But it flows nicely to the throat. No bones.
- Sure, because there is no fish.
- He does not close his mouth when he eats!
- He is an Austrian, darling.
And don't talk at the table unless spoken to.
Horses are ready, sir,
and here is the horse poop for fire.
Catch, taste, yes!
- There is shit everywhere!
- We do not want your horse poop!
Out, you!
And take the basket and that snack!
- I will not go! It's cold out there!
- Get a move on!
-You will listen to me!
- It stinks!
I am warning you, the horse poop must be paid.
More cleaning, two sous extra.
Do you think we are idiots?
You robbed us enough already.
We are leaving.
And no paying.
You deserve nothing less.
I have never had such awful food.
- Come on!
- EVERYTHING is wrong. Really great!
Only Kurt stuffed himself,
and now he is warming himself with shit.
Kurt? He is an Austrian!
Hands up!
Take this, bastard!
Take this, oaf!
Help! Help!
They crippled my Gaspard!
Hurry up!
Paris, the Franciscan street ...
Gonzague, stop!
Thank you, Hercule.
It seems you triumphed at the meeting, darling.
- I said, the land should go to thevillagers.
- I'm proud of you.
Not that I am worried ...
But when does your husband return?
Tomorrow, what does it matter?
I'll celebrate with you, do not worry.
State! On behalf of the Republic.
Driver, who are these people?
- There was no place inside.
- Why are you staring?
- You look dangerous.
- No, he's not dangerous, handsome.
He is exhausted after the journey.
I see.
- I'll make a mincemeat out of you.
- Shut up, fool!
- What did he say?
- Something ugly, it seems.
- Mutton-heads!
- Enough!
Show us your entry permission!
Here, please.
- Are you a wine merchant?
- Yes.
- And driving from Issoudun.
- Yes. - Yes.
- And there are vineyards?
- Yes, it ...
- There are vineyards, yes.
- We do not know what to do, so many vineyards.
We are simply awash with them.
And this fattie is who?
It is our barrel maker.
- He works on our barrels.
- And what is he going to do in Paris?
We took him with us.
Because of safety.
What I am going to tell you, eh, citizen?
We will meet with Deputy Malfete.
- Do you know him?
- No. Does anyone know deputy Balfete?
I do not. But I know Brunelin, they executed him yesterday.
- So what?
- It's the only parliamentarian I know.
And this doll is also a businesswoman?
- I never travel without my children.
-You seem too classy for a townswoman.
- Very high wig indeed.
- Sergeant, our letter was signed
by Collot d'Herbois.
Commissioner Collot!
- You know Collot d'Herboise personally?
- A friend of my brother.
Let them go!
- Long live the revolution!
- Long live the revolution.
- Go!
- Long live the revolution!
Long live the wine, you muttonhead!
Wait, when you will return!
Bravo, Robert. You were cool.
We are inside.
- I do not know if this is good news.
- Why, Mr. Lily livered?
The problem is not getting in,
but getting out.
- Victoria, you will not stay here!
- Who will take Kurt to town?
- Do not discuss anything so near the National Guard.
- Board! Now!
- What are you doing?
- Why toss our luggage on the ground?
- I will not go with you!
- Stop or I will hit you!
- We paid to go to Vienna!
- And you went to Paris, so stay.
Away or I will report you!
Help! Help!
Damn, soldieree, sir!
This guy is crazy! He is tossing luggage!
Calm down, sergeant,
we live with Deputy Malfete.
Go home. And quiet!
- Honest people are asleep.
- I'll wake up the concierge to help us.
- Let there be peace, you lot!
- Oh, shut up.
What noise is this!
- Who are you?
- And who are you? What is that noise?
- What are you up to in Marietta's chamber?
- They got her.
- She shouted on the street: "Long live the queen!"
- My God!
- God does not exist, anymore, citizen.
- You're the new concierge, eh?
I clean the staircase.
And I keep a watch on everything.
- We are the owners.
- Hardly. The landlord lives on the last floor.
And the rest is rented to the Convention.
On the second floor,
we have Charlotte Robespierre.
and on the 1st one lives Marat,
the famous journalist from a "Friend of the People"!
- He demands an execution of all the aristocrats.
- So, what do you want?
It would be nice if you could help us
bring the luggage, good woman.
- What sort of a tone is that, you fattie?
- Fattie?
We don't have to bend our backs anymore.
Here we are all equal.
- Philiberte! Here is something to do.
- Just like Mrs. Ginette, sir.
- Ms. Ginette!
- What do you want, stinker?
- Rogue, don't make it worse.
- Is your name Rogue, citizen?
- It's not her, she is old.
- I am what?
- Philibert!
- Whaat?
- There is some citizen Rogue and he insults me.
- What rogue?
- God! That's awful! The way he looks!
- What is awful?
Well, baby. He turns his nose up because you are black.
They are racists.
- Racists! Let's have them executed.
- That is ridiculous!
- I like foreigners. Ask anyone!
- What foreigner?
I am French and a Sergeant of
the National Guard!
- That's good. Congratulations, sergeant.
- Saracen, sir! They are here again!
- Do not say "sir," it is dangerous.
- Swallow your fear.
This is a misunderstanding, citizen.
We have a big load
and we wish for you to help us take the luggage up.
- Paid for by jingling coins, of course.
- Now you starting to talk civilized,
It is different.
- How much?
- I thought two sous is a good price.
- Five.
- For that we might take it ourselves.
- No, Robert, it's too heavy for us.
- Not for us though?
- You can take your luggage and shove it up your ass!
- Deep down...!
- Be nice or I will whip you, rogue.
- Nice to Saracen!
What Saracen? Your think we are in the crusades?
To be insulted by a white man whose name is Rogue,
that is really too much!
- To hell with you! On the lantern with them!
- Apologize or I will shoot!
Damn, my ass, he hit me!
He hit me!
- What's this noise? Marat is taking a bath.
- The rumpus is caused by the Malfetes.
Take care of it and be quiet!
I am writing!
- And I am hurt!
- Great, this is Marat and his wife and angry at that.
We will stop disturbing Marat.
I will gladly help with the luggage,
but it will be 10 sous.
- You doubled the price!
- We will hurt him.
- That's a shame!
- Take it or leave it, fattie.
- That hurts!
- Fattie.
- Dreadful statue. Some fireman?
- That's Marat writing.
Done by Lecoeur,
really admired artist.
Quiet! We are passing by Marat.
He gets angry easily because of his illness.
- He cures it with a sulfur bath.
- That's the smell of the rotten eggs.
- We asked for silence and you bang about!
- Excuse us, it is slippery.
- The troubadour's box is really heavy.
- Playing harpsichord when Patriots suffer.
- It is a scandal.
- Without music and arts man turns into a beast.
Hurry, you hag!
What's that damn noise?
Nothing, citizen, a bag fell.
- I have had enough!
- It will not happen again.
The killed Marat!
What is this noise?
Someone got arrested?
No, your family is here.
And with them problems.
- Drink, I am thirsty.
- Who is it?
- It did not break.
- Cousin Kurt, with whom you are to connect.
- He was to wait for you at the border.
- I'm sorry, I'm injured.
- Kurt's Prussian name?
- Oh no, it's French Alsatian.
It's the Alsatian branch of the family Malfete.
Alsace is French?
- Yes.
- Who's going to pay me that ten sous?
- The deputy, we are at the deputy.
- And add 5 sous for the the cast.
I will fix Marat's beautiful statue,
which was smashed by your clan.
The citizen actress is here, eh?
Good that she is hidden.
- Beauty, tought to maintain.
- What are you talking about?
Yes. Yes. Quiet andclose the fly.
Relax, you can trust us.
- So, good night.
- Clink, clink.
Yes. Tomorrow, when I take the post.
Welfare and brotherhood!
- Sure, otherwise, the trust will be broken.
- My back is done for.
It deserves a reward!
Philiberte, the citizen Rogue.
Don't you think you know him?
No, he never has been here.
This is heavy.
- Saracen fell!
- Philibert?
Oh no, that is enough!
- Can I have some quiet at night?
- Sorry, citizen, Philibert tripped.
Not surprising,
the stairs are eaten by woodworms.
- Who broke my statue?
- Citizen Rogue. Should I have him arrested?
No, toss it in the bin, it looks like a fireman.
He has no talent, that jerk Lecoeur.
- There is nothing wrong with you, sissy!
- It is a deep wound?
- The skin is barely red.
- Only if you experienced it!
It has a tick.
It is cold!
You walked straight into the lion's den.
you were seen by watchmen, they will report you!
- Lovely.
- Where can I put the kids to sleep? They're tired.
- Into the study, this one is occupied.
- And very nicely. Who is it?
- A friend.
- Why did you end up under the roof?
- There used to be servants' quarters.
- That part of the house I rented to the Convention.
It is right to share your property that you selfishly use
for over two centuries.
That's why you are renting
to Charlotte Robespierre
- And that odious Jacquouillet?
- Otherwise, I would lose my palace.
- We have to do minor compromises.
- And the rent does add up.
Here it is. I found two big knives
,and this sharp blade.
- Return those weapons. What do you want?
- To invade the prison.
- You are insane!
- Thank you, ma'am.
- And this is it, finally.
- My porcelain!
He crushed the Sevres porcelain! Jerk.
Help me! IHe smells like a corpse.
- That was an original! This is a jerk! - ?? Footman at our Austrian cousin.
- Looks like Jacquouillet's double.
- Whose?
I'm no doppelganger!
I am Jacquouille la Fripouille!
It's a nightmare. Cousin why change plans and come here?
- We were arrested.
- Yes, we met in prison.
-What a halfwit!
- Lorenzo Baldini. Former son in law
- of the Duke of Cheneviette. Nice to meet you, Count.
- No, citizen.
- I am citizen deputy Malfete. Titles don't exist anymore.
- If you don't want your title, I'll take it.
Now I'm the Count! Dear Lorenzo.
Good night, citizen deputy,
I'll leave you and your family.
I am honoured that you read my speech.
- Well, you don't say!
- My God! Naked!
I'll introduce you. Flore d'Angelas,
the star of Parisian theater.
No names, they would be embarrassed.
Citizens, nice to meet ya and long live the revolution!
- Long live the revolution!
- Long live the revolution and her beautiful ass!
- You can't go home alone.
- I am to sleep with your siblings?
I will send them away.
- Flore! I adore you!
- Yes, I do too.
Stop with that noise!
Can't concentrate on my writing.
- Sorry, Marat, I am embarrassed.
- Well yeah.
Whoa! She's fabulous.
- Good night, citizen.
- Good bye.
I think I know her.
Isn't it Collot's lover? Oh, yes.
Lousy actress, but what a demagogue.
And always stars naked.
- No, that's a mistake. It's not her.
- I'd be surprised because Collot is jealous.
- Marat?
- What are you doing?
- Inside! You'll catch pneumonia!
- Yes, I'm coming, do not worry.
- Amazing ass! I'll be a revolutionary!
- Robert!
- What? It is the fashion nowadays.
- But it must be well done.
- Don't you have anything smarter to say?
- She's an actress.
- This would not be true for you.
- My bust is not worth it?
On the contrary, my dear,
your bossom deserves freedom.
Take it out, take it out!
- Thanks. You have spoiled my evening.
- Quiet, Gonzague!
I'm not proud of you.
You stink of cowardice.
- Yes, it stinks!
- You are clever, eh? - It stinks!
He is a coward! Pissing his pants!
Gonzague is a sissy!
Remember, you are a lackey!
You are annoying me, Austrians.
I don't go backwards.
You are Barbarians!
I am a progressive man!
Today's world is progress, an equality among people.
Even between men and women!
That should appeal to you, Victoria!
Even you, lackeys, you have the right to equality,
even if you do not understand it.
The world is made in France, not in America,
in palaces that stink of mould.
- We risk a fall in front of the Germans.
- I do not know.
I'm not a coward. I chose the revolution.
It's the future. Even for the family.
I disagree, Gonzague.
In the city, there is no future.
When you lose your land, you lose your soul.
Have your region prosper even with beggars
who love you. Like my Jacquouille.
- Do you love me, you rascal?
- Yes, sir, sometimes.
- What?
- Always, sir always, sir!
Gonzague, it has nothing to do with Austria.
Pessimist! Even your father said so,
I'm done, I'm going to bed.
I'm taking the big room.
Elise, come and put me to bed. Thank you.
According to them, you are a coward
and I am Mr. Sissy.
Jacquouille, make my cot in the hallway.
We need a rest before tomorrow's struggle.
And lie down in the kitchen.
Robert, that lackey of the Austrian looks
very much like Ignace,
- who was fired by your father.
- It's him.
Marie thinks that it is his double,
but it's him. Ignace Jacques Couille.
He came back to us to make us angry.
- That thief Ignace?
- I am sure.
Who else has such a face!
Wait, I'll clear it up.
Cousin, how come Ignace,
our former servant, is in your service?
- Who? - Ignace.
How did he get to you?
He came from prison.
I took him in.
- It was humane.
- Did he go directly to Austria?
- Unbelievable.
- They're indestructible.
They would crawl miles and miles,
just to make us angry.
In order for us to be angry.
Help! He tried to kill me!
He wanted to kill me!
- What happened?
- That rogue wanted to kill the countess!
It was not me! It is not my fault.
It's the snoring!
- Make your bed here!
- Not here, it's cold here!
- Enough!
- Yes. Out!
- That's enough!
- We don't want him here!
What is that idiot doing?
Hey, no, no, no!
Do not be afraid, I am servant of cousin Kurt Houb.
My court is not a toilet. We observe hygiene.
We pee on the street.
- I had to go urgently.
- Won't they let you into the latrine?
What kind of a manners do these have?
You can report them today.
If I were you, I would confiscate everything,
I would take over it all.
- That would piss them off!
- Yeah, all of it. That will piss them off, Montmirail!
See? What a relief
to speak freely.
- Your face reminds me of someone.
- Perhaps we met in another time,
- But you were younger.
- Thanks. - No, you are still a looker.
- I could tumble you.
- Who wants to topple whom?
- What are you thinking, baby?
- He will return to the attic, the dwarfkin.
- Otherwise, I will cut him up!
- I do not fear you, Saracen,
- I will skin you alive!
- Stop, you are not going to fight!
- We are the people.
- Prune, Marat cannot sleep.
He wants to get a hot bath.
Philibert, can you get some hot water?
Sure, but I've got to start the fire again. But since it is for Marat...
Come here! You will help me, alright?
- Isn't there some chocolate cake left?
- A piece that I left for Philibert
for breakfast.
But no problem, I will get it to you.
- My Philibert will be on a little diet.
- Very kind. And quickly, he is hungry.
- Good night, citizen.
- Good night! Heifer.
Come here, do me a favour.
Take it upstairs
and put it beside the bathtub.
Is the bath ready?
Where are you? I am not going to carry all this alone!
That idiot will spill everything.
There will be nothing left!
It is too heavy, Saracen.
What a chump! He burned my leg! Cretin!
- I will go crazy!
- Simone, it is an ice bath, it will be a death of me.
It's coming! It's on the way!
We are coming, voila! Fast!
Beautiful water!
Stupid, it is too hot!
You boiled me like a shrimp.
You idiot, it should be pour bit by bit!
Bring over some cold water.
- Sorry, Marat, he is a beginner.
- No apologies.
- And no tip.
- As usual.
Are you going to be stuck there?
Go and help him.
I will help him.
They gave me soap instead of cake!
Prune! Thanks for the soap cake!
We'll remember it.
- Hello, citizen Robespierre.
- Hello, Prune. Philibert.
- Enjoyable journey? - Tedious.
- During the night, Malfete's family came in.
They made a terrible mess.
Their lackey damaged Philibert's back.
- Insist on a payment for it,
medication is expensive. - Yes.
We get on just so so, Charlotte.
- Do you want help?
- No. Everyone has to carry his load.
It is a privilege to have a full suitcase.
- Alarm! Saracens attack!
- What are you doing here? Do you know soldiers looking for you?
- Charlotte, I am scared.
- Do not worry, I'll take care of you.
- Are you afraid, uncle?
- My stomach is empty.
Come along.
Damn! All there is left is this
moldy cheese full of maggots.
That's not good to eat.
Wait! Perhaps I have some apples.
Oh no! Ignace, don't eat it!
- This is delicious, this cheese!
- You must be hungry, to eat something so terrible.
They are meaty, these maggots!
- How did you get to me?
- When I went to the Montmirails.
- To Malfete?
- We'll take it all, they will anger them!
Don't take revenge personally, the republic
will take care of it. It's been done.
- Your nephew confiscated their castle.
- Confiscated the castle? - Yes.
Today it belongs to the people. It is your home, mine,
and ours.
- Long live republic!
- Long live republic!
Let's get you changed and I'll
introduce you to Marat.
You will make the Convention proud
before you can say ouch.
No! I don't want to say ouch!
It hurts too much.
- What hurts? Why not say ouch?
- I don't want to die.
You are not going to die. You don't have
to say ouch, if you don't want to.
- Not to say ouch!
- Okay, let's go.
Here you are. Here is some water.
You can use it.
And a comb for your hair.
It was a birthday gift from my brother, so don't damage it.
I'll give you Jacquouillet's best suit.
No, this is for your face!
- If you are thirsty, I have some almond juice.
- Good juice.
- Hosanna, Sweet Charlotte! Hosanna!
- The world has changed during your captivity.
- Not Hosana but yay! It is not a church's.
- Hooray not church's!
- See, you got it. Hooray, it's not church's!
- Hooray no church!
- Mrs. Charlotte?
- Yes?
- Is there no water that goes in the tub?
- Running water?
Cold water. Warm water. Faucets.
And there is a radiator for towels.
There's ball into the shower.
There are no lightbulbs.
Dark. Light.
Hell, there is not nothing!
This bathroom is not modern,
it's rotten.
Rotten? There is nothing more modern than this,
this one is a copy of the bathroom of the king of England.
You are quite a snob, for someone
who got out of hard labour. Don't push it.
If needed, the point of relief is here.
It's the most modern.
A toilet bowl.
- Look, this've never seen.
- I know that well.
- We washed in it.
- In a toilet?
Hands and face.
And then we drank water
that was too cold.
What a horror! They were forced to drink
water from the toilet! They're horrible!
- I thought in my sleep. You do not have balls!
- Compliment is always enjoyable.
When I am by myself, the conquest of the prison
of heir to the throne is doubtful.
I'm going back to my castle
to take care of people.
- When are you going?
- When I meet with the wizard.
You're not a wizard?
Why not with a card reader?
The revolutionaries cannot stand superstitions.
- They will execute you.
- Find the wizard! Otherwise I'll stay.
It is going to be a lively debate today,
I have to be in a good shape.
Now I have to work.
Ignace, give me that prison garb, I'll clean it.
Hooray not church!
There is no need to yell it,
I know you understand.
I didn't know such a stench can exist.
It is a shame to put people through this.
I'll put shoes out there to air them.
They can only poison your lungs here.
- Will you watch me while I sleep?
- Yes.
Good. Much is said about some crazy old woman,
who is called God's mother.
- God's mother?
- Yes. - Does she have great power?
She is enlightened, has a vision of the future.
Robespierre visits her, so they say.
Take me to her immediately!
- I do not know her address, we can not find her.
- Where is the villain Jacquouille?
- Take the dog in.
- I don't have any dog.
He probably pooped on the landing.
There is an awful smell on the stairs.
- And who will clean it up?
- Who is yelling? - The Malfetes.
- Their dog pissed everywhere!
- It stinks here like a dead donkey.
Maybe shoes of your lackey?
Is is downstairs. Come.
What did you put on your hair? They are white.
You used up all of the vials of talc. Why?
- It eases the itching.
- Do you have lice?
The prisoners.. Let's get them out.
The Incorruptible's Sister is clever,
but I'll take care of her.
She likes me a little bit.
I will be back soon.
- Welfare and brotherhood!
- What do you want, citizen deputy?
I know you! You're Ignace's prison mate!
- How come?
- Don't pretend you don't know Ignace Jacquoillet.
- He dispute with father, it's not my fault.
- You are liable for the consequences.
- It is arguable, citizen.
- Why was forced to sleep in a draft
- On the stairs like a dog?
- He wanted to kill my stepmother.
- Do you support murder, citizen?
- No. But I support a just revenge!
He was looking for a remedy for his misfortune!
Are you going to sue?
- No.
- Hooray not-to-church!
- How proud you look, Ignace. Look!
- So do I look good, citizen Houb?
You are ridiculous, you heap of garbage! You will be
a laughing stock in your village, when we get back!
I do not want to go back, it's rotten there!
There is no need to argue.
Nobody is going back to prison.
- You can be proud, they are traumatized.
- Hooray not-to-church!
All right, Uncle, you are getting ridicilous with that.
Can you leave us?
- Why?
- Don't need you anymore. - Whee!
They got us alright.
The Austrian cousin is not a cousin.
- It is a prisoner!
- Maria Joseph! Prisoners?
- How naive I was.
- The children traveled with them. They could kill us!
- I totally forgot about them.
- I could feel it, when we went.
- They looked like gypsies.
- Now you're stuck here!
Stop arguing!
Perhaps there is some solution.
Elise, please this paper to the Embassy of the Netherlands
and the United Provinces
and get it into the hands of Duke MacManus.
- In case of danger, swallow it.
- Swallow? That's the safest way.
- Even with the wax seal?
- Even with the wax seal.
- Isn't it my suit?
- So it is.
- There was no time to ask.
What a pity.
- I'm not going to be in one shirt for 14 days.
- Glutton! You have plenty of suits!
- You have my silk suit from Florence.
- Yes, but I shortened it with the sword.
Sword. He destroyed the suit
that cost a fortune.
I did not know that I was destroying something.
I'll take my pants again.
So those two unfortunate souls hid with me.
- This is a good material for an article.
- Sure. I'll publish it in the morning.
Thank you for the notice about those poor people.
The republic must wake up,
and give a proper ...
to those poor souls.
- What do you think, citizens?
- We will strip them of everything! That will anger them.
Wonderful. I will add it to the.
article, it will be good.
Hooray not-to-church!
- Pardon?
- Hooray not-to-church!
- They're traumatized by the hard labour.
- I see.
They express themselves like fanatics,
like lost children.
And you, citizen, you look weird.
I don't dare speak.
Speak, your opinion is important.
I'm listening.
You smell of death. You are not going to be here for long.
You have to find a cure, while it is possible.
You have oozing boils, you will croak soon.
- What is it they say?
- We'd better go.
Get a move on, out. Marat has a lot of work
we cannot bother him.
What the ... what do they say?
Are they talking about me?
- Why did you say he was sick?
- Because he is.
Such sincerity will cause you
nothing but problems.
Charlotte brought two loonies!
And the water is freezing!
- What's your name, prisoner?
- Godefroy the Hardy.
Hardy? Like a hardy man?
- That's good.
- Do you know the residence of God's mother?
- God's mother? Who is that?
- An old woman who sees into the future.
- Who told you about her?
- Where is her residence?
I know nothing about it and do not want to know.
Collot knows her and he slanders Maximilien,
that he visited her. That woman says,
that Robespierre is our new Mesiah.
As if the Incorruptible
indulged in the black magic.
- Who is this Collet?
- It is Collot.
An ambicious man spreading gossip.
Maximilien does not watch him.
Even invited him for dinner.
- Good food, sir.
- We'll speak with that Collot.
Milk! Fresh, warm!
Directly from cow's udder!
Come on, it is quite warm!
From tits! Milk from tits!
Come on, take it!
Take it myself,citizen Kurt!
Here, everyone is equal!
- I will slap you equally!
- You will not!
Stop the arguing. Hardy citizen, you are stronger,
you will carry it.
Be so good! Well, with a smile.
Citizen Kurt, with a smile!
With a smile, citizen Kurt.
Madam, it would be good to know
whether the duke has money.
Robert, he has 500 000 pounds annually.
- God, it's him! Open, Victoria!
- I do not want to participate in this.
- What?
- You've hardly widowed!
- Pardon, I am shocked.
- All these circumstances.
Come on, Duke.
We've been waiting for you.
Countess, I am very happy
to see you again.
Can I sit down? My heart jumped to my throat.
How do you do in the middle of the riots?
We survive, sir. But I fear
it leaves some traces.
- Woes made your face untouched.
- His were touched. His is like a catfish.
- Thank you, my friend, you are lying nicely.
- We observe from the embassy
the terror falling on France. Robespierre wants blood.
We have nothing, neither castle nor palace in town,
they took it all, we have nowhere to go.
They want to destroy and execute us.
Madam, do not talk about such misfortune!
Forgive me this moment of weakness,
but unfortunately, such is the situation.
- I am you humble servant.
- He is taking the bait, that catfish.
Order me! I will try and ease your sorrow.
Do you still have that residence of the Vechta?
I enlarged it a lot.
I have added twenty rooms.
I dream about seeing it!
This is exactly we need.
Could we visit before the revolutionary clouds dissipate?
Madam, it would be really tremendous.
- Madam, did you time to read my letters?
- Henri,
- I am mourning.
- I am a fool!
Agreed then? I'm happy.
You will welcome us soon.
I'm sorry, when you say we,
whom do you mean?
Us all. I will not leave without my step-children,
the reader and the cook.
Thank you, ma'am.
Thank you, sir, you're very kind.
- Remember our friend Lorenzo.
- Of course.
Lorenzo Baldini, Marquis of Portofino.
Former son in law of the Duke of Cheneviette.
- Nice to meet you. I am honoured.
- The honour is mine, Marquis.
I would be honoured to welcome you.
Countess, wouldn't it be more sensible if
only the two of us went,
to get my mother and sister ready for welcoming you?
Bad idea, everyone now, or nobody.
Yes, I give in.
- But it will be a great surprise for them.
- Not really.
So just a little bit.
I would be here at six in the morning
with the diplomat's carriage.
A large carriage, Henri, we have
a lot of luggage. We are not going just for a week.
- My name is Hendrick, dear. Sorry.
- Really? What did I say?
- Henri.
- So? Henri is a translation of Hendrick
- in French. - No.
- It is simpler. Let's stop this.
So Henri it is.
I am going.
Till tomorrow, Duke.
I miss you already.
So do I, ma'am.
Citizen prosecutor, we are pleased to see you.
Oh what terror, the Malfetes arrived.
- They live in Nr. ten.
- In addition to everything, they are racists.
Did they come to hide with the deputy?
There are stupid.
Suspicious people move around here
and such odd faces ...
They came with cembalo.
That's an aristocratic instrument, isn't it?
That will cost them dearly.
The most dangerous of this bunch
is a big Alsatian, Kurt.
He has some little rogue with him
who pushed me down the stairs.
- Are you injured? - My back.
- Write a report and give it to me.
Apparently the Incorruptible
comes tonight to his sister for dinner.
- To his sister is like to me, I pay the rent.
- Yeah, but the name Robespierre is
- is more famous than yours. Is it not?
- Certainly.
Wait, we'll give you something.
We like the Incorruptible so much that
Philibert him made their special meal.
What is it?
- Sausage.
- It is completely black.
- Sausage is black and white.
- Of course.
- I prepare just as Mama Renee.
- Mom.
I did not spare the paprika,
even if it is expensive.
If we were greeted by the Incorruptible.
Friends would not believe us that we know each other.
I will ask him,
but I do not promise anything.
Lolotte? Lolotte!
- This is me.
- Yes!
I have good news.
Ignace is here with his companion.
- What are they doing here?
- It is your family.
They are refugees.
We provide them with shelter, excellent!
- Come.
- Lolotte.
To your health, my tiny, little bastardee!
To your health!
Did you see the way they look! Like mercenaries.
And the other one stole my clothes.
- Oh no, I gave it to him.
- But we are dining with your brother.
I do not see a problem. They suffered from under the yoke of tyranny,
it is something Maxmilien will appreciate.
I will tell their story in the evening.
The heroes of the Republic. And you with them!
I hope so.
Here, sausage.
From Prune and that bird of hers.
- Yeah. Come and kiss your uncle,
he's waiting for it. - So let him wait.
Come on!
Come on!
- Don't be shy and kiss!
- Do you think it's easy?
- His breath is suffocating.
- Enough!
- Satisfied?
- Yes.
I love family. Showing some
affection is a good thing.
- What's that on your face?
- What's there? - This is from the lice!
- It itches! - Don't touch it!
- That dirtbag spat on me! It burns!
- That's what I was afraid of, he got lice from prison.
- And I should be kissing him, huh ?!
Boiling water!
Vegetable soup, no!
- Inflamed skin. What is it, sir?
- The start of death. We have to find God's mother.
The guy cannot be my uncle.
We are not alike!
15 years of hard labour.
You'd look like horrible too.
The family never looked that horrible!
Robespierre's clique!
Come and clap!
Everyone is here!
Couthon, man of Great Terror.
Saint Just, archangel of the revolution.
Billaud Varenne.
A Fouche, Lyon's executioner.
- That's Supper, which is honour for the house!
- Long live the Committee of Public Safety!
- Hallo.
- It will work, it will work!
- Welfare and brotherhood, citizens.
- Welfare and brotherhood, citizen.
Let me introduce Ignace,
Antoine Claude's Uncle.
He spent 15 years in hard labour.
- Citizen Hardy.
- Definitely.
- Welfare and brotherhood, citizen Hardy.
- I am Jacquouille.
- What does he say? Jacques Couille?
- Yes. He forgot the "t" at the end,
that Claude Antoine intelligently added.
- Welfare and brotherhood.
- If I did not now that it is your uncle, I'd guess it.
Why? We're not at all similar.
- He is your spitting image, mainly eyes.
- And the forehead. Your low forehead.
- There is family resemblance, it is indisputable.
- Questionable! It is questionable!
- Why do they scream?
- They scream like that in prison.
Come and toast!
I will not help you.
Let us toast Robespierre and the Revolution.
Long live the revolution!
Long live Robespierre!
You're shy, citizen Hardy.
You do not like to toast the revolution?
- Long live Robespierre.
- Right on time.
To Bespierre,citizen!
Hooray not-to-church!
Enough! That's good, right?
Marat suggesteded to introduce those two
martyrs to the convent.
- That's complicated.
- No, the representatives of the people will be thrilled.
But there's a problem.
Can Collot, who is tomorrow's Chairman,
call for citizen "couille" (ass)?
- Let's not set off a mockery.
- I am Jacquouille la Fripouille!
- We can hear. Stop shouting.
- We bet on truth.
Not that. The deputies will remember Couille
- And they will laugh!
- We cannot call you Couille.
- How do you want call yourself?
- I am Jacquouille!
Stubborn ass.
We'll find it ourselves.
Citizen Bourse?
- A couille? What do you think?
- Silence. I know what name he should have.
- He must be called Jacquard.
- Ignace Jacquard. That is not bad.
Jacquard, that's my little, little bastard.
- I dislike it. Jacquard - caca
- More elegant than Jacquouillet.
- You should change it.
- Jacquouillet - bayonet. - Exactly.
- What about meat?
- Done! It is on the way.
Hold this.
Maxmilien, finally!
Welfare and brotherhood.
Welfare and brotherhood, Maxmiliene.
We are glad to see you.
- Welfare and brotherhood! - Welfare and brotherhood!
- As per your advice, we started eating.
- Sure. No formalities.
We are family, let's stay humble.
And who are these two?
Ignace, Jacquouillet's uncle,
and citizen Hardy,
unjustly sent to hard labour.
- The soup is fabulous!
- I will proudly introduce them to you.
- Welfare and brotherhood, Bespierre!
- Robespierre!
- Welfare and brotherhood. - To you, Robespierre,
- A great leader! - Pardon?
I'm not anyone's great leader.
- That one who looks like you is your uncle?
- Yes, but very remote.
- It's your father's brother!
- Exactly, it's not my father.
So he is pretty remote.
Do you have information about the rebelion
in prison in Issoudun?
- Isn't Issoudun your area?
- Yes, it is.
But when it happened,
I confiscated the castle Montmirail
- of the family Malfete's family.
- We will take EVERYTHING,
- That will anger those aristocrats.
- That's what happened.
- What a shame!
- Was it necessary to confiscate the castle,
- when the rebelion started?
- It was because of soldier's accomodation
- going to the border!
- A beautiful tradition, the soldiers in the castle.
This I confirm.
Get's get back to more pressing stuff.
How many refugees?
- Only a handful, a small handful.
- They told me forty five.
Yes, forty five, that is the right number,
that's right.
I did not want to bore you with precise numbers.
- I did not count women and old men.
- Why?
- Why so lenient?
- I do not know. Actually, I do.
I thought they were less harmful.
It does not matter whether they are women and old men,
they are symbols.
- Sure. - Nobody is taking the role
- of the Republic lightly.
- Golden words.
They said that 16 of them were caught, executed,
but the two leaders escaped.
- How are you doing with the investigation?
- Well, that ... honestly, you caught me by surprise.
Do you have a description of the two leaders?
What? I? No, it is not precise.
It's very vague.
The two guards did not come to their senses yet.
I got messages from inspector Verdier
and it is accurate.
He states that the two leaders are foreigners.
One Spaniard and one Englishman.
One giant one and one little smelly one.
- Foreigners, even better.
- Why?
It is better they are foreigners.
It is sad when the French betray us.
Two hundred of my men are in whole region,
those men will not escape.
So what are you doing here?
- What?
- Are you sampling food and wine instead of investigation?
- At night, I go back.
- I am warning you, you have 48hrs for arresting them,
and executing them. Not a minute more.
- You look feverish.
- I do not feel well.
I guess I caught a cold on the way.
- Where's the cologne?
- In the bathroom.
You are forcing me to gamble!
We got the two leaders at the table.
Calm down.
Come and eat, put on your brave face.
This Supper must end without any problems.
Honestly, I'm scared.
So no dirty tricks, okay?
- Hurry!
- Yes.
Excellent, you are a hero, that you
confiscated the chateau.
- Everything is ours now.
- It belongs to the Republic, don't you get it?
We have to keep it. For the family.
We will be proud of you.
Shut up, otherwise we will not have anything.
Including our heads.
- There you are.
- It is better ? - Yes.
- Maxmilien, white or red?
- Milk.
- A glass of milk?
- Yes.
-Do we have milk?
- No.
- There's no milk?
- Half a glass.
Nobody in here drinks it.
There is no milk! This is insane!
Not even a glass of milk for Robespierre.
This is a scam!
How can a house without milk?
- Go out on the street, there might be a cow!
- Yeah! I'm going on the road in middle of the night,
to find me a cow! What nonsense!
The scandal, there's no milk!
I will find some milk.
Trust me!
- No.
- No milk!
- Uncle, why do you have the prison rags?
- To have more comfort.
It suits him better.
It is more folksy.
Next time, you will have more time.
Danton overdid it today.
The cuckhold and his bastard!
- No time for a speech.
- Yeah.
- Where are you going???
You look confused. - For milk!
- Well ...
- Prune! I need milk!
- I don't have any, I made a dessert.
- No milk in this shack?
- Go and get it!
- Where can I find milk?
Well? The cow was here this morning.
And now she is asleep!
- Cow Now sleeps! Sleeps!
- Yeah.
And why is the cow sleeping?
I do not believe it!
- Deputy, do you want something?
- To wish your brother a bon appetit.
- Bon appetit.
- Thanks. Good evening.
- Did you have dinner Malfete?
- No. Not yet.
Something else, deputy?
No? So hurry.
Have a nice evening.
I'm late, I read my latest poem
in the club of the Jacobins.
- I donated it to you. Do you want to hear it?
- Is it long? - Ten stanzas.
- Read the first, we'll get a feel for it.
- To the Tree of Liberty.
Beloved tree, be the symbol of
our hopes and wishes.
You bloom from time to time,
you cover the lives with your crown...
Sorry, Collot, Maxmilien ate
all the sausage.
- And I have to eat more.
- I don't digest paprika well.
It was sharp enough.
No one has milk?
Throughout Paris, there is no milk!
Robespierre wants some milk,
I'll take them a little.
- They drank the whole thing.
- I bought a big jug in the morning.
After Duke left we had some chocolate.
The Duke bought madam,
- And we buried in Utrecht.
- You are going too far.
- This is my champagne.
- I can have a drop.
The Incorruptible is there for over 10 minutes.
It starts to be worrisome.
- They call you Collot?
- Yes, why?
- This is terrible. That sausage did not sit well with me.
- I am sorry.
It's full of tobacco here!
Had it not been for my sister, I would think
they wanted to poison me.
Sure. Done.
Charlotte, tell Maxmilien about your plan
to introduce the prisoners to the Convention.
Yes. Marat had an idea to introduce Uncle
as a victim of the monarchy.
- Fouche thinks it is a good idea.
- I do not think anything.
- Can they handle it before the meeting?
- Ask them.
Are not you afraid to get on the podium,
- The audience is not an easy crowd.
- I do not know fear, great commander.
We can explain it
and give them a couple of slaps.
And kick them in the balls
just like the steward of the Limousin.
And then one fine morning ...
we will croak!
Let them hang us!
Hooray not-to-church!
Charlotte, can you
let us discuss something?
- Come, gentlemen, I will give you a dessert.
- Desserts, that's good!
Bespierre Hooray!
You are irresponsible.
I do not understand a word of what they say.
I do not understand the words,
those are not thoughts.
Feel free to share it,
while they discuss it next to us.
They are illiterate.
I hate demagogy!
The Convention would reproach you,
if you used two insane people.
You're very brief.
Robespierre is as dangerous as a snake.
He will reveal us and have us decapitated.
We cannot leave, tomorrow they
will applaud to us!
You will obey or I'll gut you.
We are people of reason and virtue.
I refuse to elicit sympathy using those poor souls.
Send them to the countryside, Charlotte.
I knocked on dozens of doors. No milk.
We have to wait till tomorrow,
because the cow is asleep now!
- Forget milk. I have cramps,
I'm going home. - Me also.
- Should I accompany you, Saint Just?
- No, no need. - Barnabe!
- Home, I'm exhausted.
- To God's mother, or you're dead!
Silence or I will gut you!
- I'll never give you a gift again. - Why?
- I found the tortoise comb
swimming in the latrine. Frayed.
I saw Ignace and his accomplices
disappearing on a street corner.
- Do you know where they went?
- They were supposed to wait in the kitchen, but ran away.
Excellent! I've got 48 hours to arrest them.
You should have kept a better guard.
- You want my death, you crazy woman?
- What sort of a tone is this ?!
I forgot my briefcase,
my speech is in there.
- Are you okay? - Yes, of course.
- I thought I heard an argument.
- No, not at all. - No.
Charlotte, do not worry about the politics,
it will be better.
- Exactly, that's men's business.
- I did not say that!
A woman is equal to a man and has to take part
in all of life. Do not be nasty to my sister.
Sorry. With this running away,
I am like a headless chicken.
- Don't lose your head in the future.
- What?
My head? Yes, of course.
You did it! Uncle and his friend will be
executed by guillotine.
In the morning, I'll give their description
to the National Guard.
Robespierre is coming.
How do you like my sausage?
- It's vile! I ate a rat!
- What a snob.
To the bottom of the well, Collot!
- Where are you coming from?
- From Collot.
God's mother is listening to you.
- Mother, I beg you ...
- Shut up!
I feel there are people out there
who came from a great distance.
From an abyss.
You big one there, come closer.
You are surrounded by an evil wheel,
and your mate as well. Where do you come from?
- From time immemorial, where God reigns as master.
- If you remain here,
you will suffer till you die.
You're Godefroy the Hardy.
Great warrior from Louis the Fat Capetian.
He asks your help! Well, listen to me, Hardy one,
I'm Nora,
Eusebius's daughter. Louis VI. is in arms
against Germanic Emperor.
Montmirail, if you are not by my side
by the late frosts
Your land will be confiscated and given to Raoul One eyed.
Fatman! There is a king, sir.
This is magic! This is magic!
- How do I get back?
- Go to Issoudun, to the square of herbs!
There is a stand of the citizen Eusebe.
It's my descendant, Hardy,
he will prepare the magic potion.
Hurry, your body is changing and rotting away,
and so is the body of your partner.
Stay here, I will get weapons
and food for the journey.
- Will we return to the time of cars?
- Trust me, rascal.
- But time of the cars was the best.
- Your opinion. Go and watch a horse.
- That's not my opinion, it's true!
- Sure, citizen Jacquouille.
Do not move! I will not let you rob.
- Were you stung by a wasp?
- Robespierre will chop your head off.
The day is near. So listen to me, nephew,
because I know your future.
- Did they talk about me at the dinner?
- Robespierre doesn't like you.
They disgraced you when
they refused to take to the table.
This is true.
Montmirail will not be refused at dinner.
So listen.
Your time is near. Marry that beauty
and create a succesor.
Even if don't get away from the capital punishment,
your child will survive
- and the name will stay.
- "Our" name!
What name?
I am Godefroy the Hardy, the first Earl of Montmirail,
through the grace of Louis VI.
You are my offspring and I am very moved,
that you and I met.
Heed my advice, give your beauty a child.
I'm going home.
Stop! Deputy's party!
- Let him go! - Mutton-heads!
It is not true! It is not!
On behalf of the Republic!
Someone warned them!
You can always wait for Malfete.
- Papers.
- Permit.
Ambassador of the United Provinces of Holland.
Mr. citizen, we are on the street of herbs!
Sir, your nose is all red and it is swinging.
- And you are wrinkly like an old crone.
- And you have a neck of a bull.
- Therefore, we must immediately get out.
- I am not going, I don't trust it.
- What do you not trust? - Me?
- I'm afraid to swallow that potion again.
You, jackass!
Look at our lousy state.
We will die in a terrible pain.
This is horrible! I'm choking!
Take me with you.
Ten drops after a meal.
Sore throat after three days will disappear.
Dissolve it in water.
No in wine.
Everything is swollen. I will die!
Pardon, those citizens need me.
You can pay later.
- I did not expect you so soon.
- The potion!
I see it it urgent.
Come this way.
Soldiers! Hurry!
I found the refugees! Hurry!
Fast! Fast! I'm choking. I'm choking!
I am like a frog!
The drink is ready, now just the viper's venom.
Shut up! It is urgent!
I'll croak! Fast!
- I cannot wait to be back in my time.
- You will return with the potion.
- That is my mission.
- Sir, do we return to the time of cars?
- If not, I will die here.
- Definitely. Trust me.
- Swear, knight Godefroy. No!
- I swear.
Hurry up, magician.
Soldiery is coming.
Drink! Drink!
Sir, I can finally breathe again!
Yes! We are in our region, Jacquouille.
We did it!
You have your hefty body again.
- Body?
- We are in a time of knights, rascal!
I almost listened to your whims!
The castle guard is waiting for us.
- This is a great lie! You swore and lied!
- Stop.
- You're damned to hell!
- To swear to a serf, that is wrong.
You are not a noble, it seems to me!
Be on your way, you rascal!
It is a big shame!
It is a big shame!
Citizens, where are you?
- You are slow, you rascal.
- Forget you, you villain!
My castle guards! To which vassal does the flag belong?
- Louis confiscated the castle!
- Well it's done! Good punishment!
Cars! Cars!
Cars! Cars!
This is really great!
Magician really screwed up!
We went back to the time of cars!
Let's dance gig!
Silence! This is enemy soldiery!
They speak Germanic! They conquered my castle tower!
My bastard is imprisoned by Germany!
Jacquard is imprisoned by Germany!
Here you are! I followed you.
You impotent! You have betrayed us!
We went back to the time of cars! Damn!
- We will find Mrs. Ginette.
- We will find a shelter in the dungeon. Come on!
I'm sorry, Colonel, what's happening?
Your soldiers are moving my room.
I'm sorry, Herr Jacquard.
Rommel is on the way from Tunisia
to inspect the Atlantic Wall.
It it an honour that he will stop here.
Sure, great, but I have to live with the servants
in the stables.
- Edmuntte ... - Edmond, please, yes?
- Do you need a whole castle?
- It is a general and company. Excuse me.
Colonel, I am a follower of Europe that
you are building with Petain,
and you confiscate my castle as if I was the enemy.
Learn to separate the wheat from the chaff.
We know how absolutely well how to
separate the teeth from the chaff.
No, it is wheat, not the teeth. And chaff.
- EE-Edmuntt ... - EE-Edmond.
Can you ask your son Jacques Henri
to stop that American music?
We like classical music.
Mozart, Bach, Beethoven.
- We have a great selection of German music.
- Yes, sir, I'll be right back.
That buffoon is getting on my nerves!
Jacques Henri!
Enough with the turntable!
It annoys the colonel.
- Do you want us to be shot because of your music?
- Dad, it's jazz!
Can't we dance?
- What did you say?
- Nothing.. a labourer. - Right.
I will conquer my castle!
My armour!
- Jacquouille, grab a gun and come with me!
- Sure, nothing could be simpler.
Damn! Pardon! Pardon!
Pardon me, sir, it fell! It fell down!
Don't move!
- Leave!
- I am innocent. Certainly, sir.
You toad, the wizard was arrested because of you.
We are in trouble, we're stuck in time.
- At least there'll be no more of that potion!
- Be respectful, bastard!
- No, no beating!
- Get out!
Stop or I will shoot!
- Welfare and brotherhood, citizens!
- Hands up!
Captain! These men were spying on us.
What about them?
- What do you want?
- It is Gonzague, sir. Coward!
This is not Coward, it is his son.
Malfete had descendants.
- Come to my bossom!
- Do not move! - I know you are Montmirail.
You are continuing the line.
- Do you know the Montmirails?
- Do I not resemble the first Count?
Are these emblems yours?
It's weird, you look like the painting.
- Terrible. Where did you get that?
- From the castle.
- We escaped through the chimney before the Teutons.
- On Germany!
- You know the entrance to the underground?
- Definitely, I had it done.
- They are nuts, Captain. Kill them?
- Certainly not.
We have been looking for the secret passage
for three weeks.
- Let's get out, the Krauts found us!
- Take them!
Who are they? The big one looks
like my ancestor.
They talk about gypsies, who
attempted to join the resistance.
If they are gypsies, they are too conspicuous.
They will not get anywhere in this clothing.
We find out who they are.
I will interrogate them mercilessly.
But make sure he will be able
to lead us underground.
- Not now, Captain.
- Now is never.
It is a joy to get back into a car.
This cart has nice sound. It's modern.
She was check at Renault.
Runs like clockwork.
- Here, man, a good cigar.
- Black market? I cannot refuse.
I have not seen it in two years.
- Stop screaming. Are you nuts?
- Jerk.
Okaay, it is a nutcase! Okaay!
- This is nuts! Yeah!
- Shut up back there!
This is nuts!
Stop squeezing, Henri, I'm choking.
- Are you well , dear?
- No.
There is not enough space in this carriage.
You want me to climb to the driver, my dear?
That would be fantastic, Duke.
Not that I'm ordering you around.
God! this weather is terrible!
- He was pressing against me, that fattie.
- Unbearable.