Topkapi (1964) Movie Script
Emerald,
my kingdom for the emerald
For the Topkapi emerald, oh, hallelujah
It can be done.
That's the way it can be done.
Oh! Oh, excuse me.
I've just had a great idea.
Something I've been looking
for a long time. A very long time.
Josef, how many times have you
been in and out of the country?
Many times, many times.
I should say... Yes, 12 times.
Ever had a problem
at the border, at customs?
- Bah! They know me.
- Josef,
you're going to be very rich.
Do you like that?
I like that.
It will be some time
before I see you again, Josef.
I will wait for you.
This is...
You don't even know
who I am, or where I am.
First, my name is not really
Elizabeth Lipp, but please call me that.
It's convenient.
And I am in Turkey -
in Istanbul - in the seraglio.
This is where the old sultans lived.
They had a lot of wives
and other treasures,
so they made the palace
bigger and bigger.
Like each of the buildings here,
this little shack contains
works of art unique in the world.
The entire seraglio is now a museum -
the fabulous Topkapi Museum.
But... but there is one special room.
That's why I'm here.
I'll show you.
Come in.
This cradle - pearls, rubies,
and pure, solid gold.
This is the famous throne
of Shah Ismael.
No king or emperor ever sat
on a throne more precious.
From every corner of the earth -
gitts made to the Turkish empire.
But I would give you all of them
for just one dagger,
encrusted with diamonds
and emeralds.
The four greatest emeralds
the world has ever known.
Dazzling.
Flawless.
All four are priceless.
But there is one that is perfection.
It has life. It is warm.
It has nerves, senses...
Oh, forgive me.
A strange thing happens to me.
Difficult to explain.
All right.
I'm going to have it.
It's going to be mine.
How?
I didn't finish introducing myself.
I am a thief.
Honest.
Excusez-moi, monsieur l'agent,
o est l'Htel George V?
Vous descendez les Champs lyses
et vous prenez l'avenue George V.
- Merci.
- votre sant, monsieur.
Merci, monsieur l'agent.
Taxi!
A gun is one thing,
intelligence is another.
Since I'm more afraid of intelligence -
Htel George V. Here.
Up to your old tricks, Walter?
Hello, Elizabeth.
- What brings you here?
- That old magnetism. I was drawn to you.
It took three years to get
that old magnetism to work.
- How's the captain?
- Hm?
My successor.
It took three days
for the magnetism to wear off.
Seriously?
Seriously.
- Cannibal.
- It's like Chinese food.
One hour, and you're hungry again.
- What do you want?
- You.
- Business? Pleasure?
- So many questions.
Let's go and eat.
I am hungry.
- Where?
- My studio.
- Still the same?
- Slight change.
You've lost none of your skill.
- Darling, you too.
- I was talking seriously.
- I, too.
- You're never serious,
except when it comes
to stealing emeralds.
It's a living.
Well?
It's too tough.
But I'll do it.
- I knew you would.
- On one condition.
- Granted.
- I pick the crew.
- As always.
- Not as always.
This time, with amateurs.
- Amateurs?
- Only amateurs.
- All right, I give up.
- My favourite pupil.
Sit down.
Lesson one -
the three cardinal rules of thett.
How Swiss you are.
Eins, zwei, drei.
You're right. Eins - plan meticulously.
- Zwei - execute...
- Cleanly.
- Drei?
- Don't get caught before, during...
Or atter. That's right.
The Istanbul emeralds -
the most protected jewels
in the world - have been stolen.
Alarm system.
Check Cedric Page, London.
Cedric Page?
What's that?
You will meet him.
Now, the emeralds are gone.
Policemen of the world unite.
You're Scotland Yard, Turkish police -
what do you do?
- What do I do?
- You eliminate the riffraff.
Obviously, this is a class job.
You dig out the dossiers
on the top professionals, the elite.
How many are they? Not more
than half a dozen, and all known.
But, there is no dossier
on Elizabeth Lipp -
not even Elizavetta Lippmanova -
because you have been lucky.
There's no dossier on Walter Harper -
not even Walter Haberlee -
because I have been efficient.
- What you would call "Swiss".
- Liebling.
So there must be no police record
on anyone who works with us.
Where do you find
these lily-white innocents?
That's my job.
What do you say?
Amateurs?
Amateurs.
Ah.
He has many children, Cedric Page?
None.
These are all his own toys.
- Come, look at this parrot.
- I don't like parrots.
This one isn't real.
I'm beginning to wonder
if anything is real.
I'm beginning
to wonder if anything is real.
Well you may, dear lady.
Like the old faith healer of Deal
who said, "Although pain isn't real,
when I sit on a pin
and it punctures my skin,
I dislike what I fancy I feel."
I'm Cedric Page. How nice of you to come,
Walter, and to bring Miss Lipp.
I see you've met my recording Polly.
Amusing, isn't she?
Oh, very. I hope it won't record
all our conversations.
Polly is the soul of discretion.
I never go anywhere without her.
Well, shall we move into my den?
We'll be more private in there.
Come along, Miss Lipp.
My newest toy.
It doesn't work with a ray.
Just the smallest
change of temperature,
the natural heat of the human body,
close enough to it does the trick.
If you had a refrigerated dress,
it wouldn't work!
Fortunately, I haven't. I very seldom
wear one, especially not in England.
Make yourselves comfortable.
The entertainment is charming.
- Is it all for me?
- I'm a terrible show-off.
But do let me offer you a drink.
- No, thank you.
- How was your trip to Istanbul?
Marvellous! Did you go on
the underground railway?
It's the oldest in Europe.
Did you bother to go
to the museum, Mr Page?
Well, of course. That was the whole idea,
wasn't it? The alarm.
I take my responsibilities
in this enterprise seriously,
as I'm sure you do, Miss Lipp.
Well, now, let's all go
into the museum, shall we?
Here is the door, shall we say?
And Walter - Walter is the sultan...
with the dagger.
Miss Lipp?
It was you weight that did it,
on the Treasury floor.
Perhaps I should have said,
"Even your weight".
Try again, just one foot.
Well, just the toe.
It's all based on a little chap down here.
This is a delicate strain gauge.
There are hundreds of them
under the Treasury,
each one connected to the alarm system.
They measure weight -
the smallest weight.
Even a ping pong ball.
That's our problem.
Then all you have to do
is to find the switch and turn it off.
It could be anywhere,
hidden in the walls or the ceiling,
operated by remote control
a mile away or more.
And how do you propose to get into
a museum without touching the floor?
I wouldn't have to touch
the floor if I were a fly.
It isn't how I see you, Mr Page.
We have our human fly.
And our human fly holder.
- That's Giulio, that's Hans.
- And...
...we have a sucker!
A sucker?
Yes. You'll catch on.
And we need another kind of sucker,
but him we'll find in the north of Greece.
In Kavala, near the Turkish border.
- Yianis, give me my money.
- Tomorrow.
- Young one. No money. Nothing.
- And no groups aboard there?
- Some English.
- English? Open that bag.
Let's have the box. Come on.
Where is it?
Oh, ah, there we go.
Yes, the English lay great store
by things like this.
I hate to do it myself but, c'est la vie!
Well, wish me luck, Voula.
Ah, Simpson!
So that's Arthur Simpson.
Arthur Simon Simpson -
historian, guide, and schmo.
Morning. First time in Kavala, no doubt.
I'm Arthur Simpson,
archaeologist and historian.
I dug this up many...
Look, it's still wet.
This harbour's full of
historical connections.
Brutus spent the night here
before Philippi,
atter that unpleasant business he had
with Shakespeare... Julius Caesar.
Viens, chrie.
Je parle Belgique...
Ceramics, handmade by
the descendants of ancient heroes here.
Ah, Reverend!
My name is Simpson, sir.
Arthur Simpson.
I'm Church of England myself.
It's a very religious place.
Do you know St Paul passed through
here on his way to Samothrace?
I do.
You'd be surprised to know
the amount of people that don't, Bishop.
Mack, want to see the nightlife of Kavala?
You want the belly dancers, stripteasers?
You showed me Kavala nightlife.
Remember?
- I'm not expensive...
- No.
- Look work of art!
- I don't want any.
- Only 10 drachma.
- Go to Hell!
Nothing.
- Do I look like a tourist?
- A hustler's dream.
I like the touch of the parasol.
- Genius!
- Come, sucker.
- Genuine antique?
- Oh, madam has a very keen eye.
No, it's an imitation, but of a period
about 1000 BC. But I've got other things.
I'm Arthur Simpson,
the uncrowned king of Kavala nightlife.
- I've got some Minoan cuff links...
- Thank you!
I've got some Hellenistic ones
of the ninth dynasty...
- Hey!
- What? You want me, sir?
Come to the yacht club atter lunch.
Might have a little job for you.
Yes, sir.
Hello, Voula. Voula my doll.
I smell hard currency.
Take the plate.
Off home now, girl, and iron the tie.
- Ah, Simpson!
- Oh, yes, yes.
I know, I know, I know.
You wicked thing, you.
Here comes the schmo.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I ran into an old friend - archaeologist.
- We used to run an art publication.
- Simpson,
- how'd you like to earn a fast buck?
- Sir?
100 bucks, to be precise.
But if you are not interested...
- I am, sir.
- You live here?
Yes, well, while my own place
up there is being done up,
I'm right down...
right down there.
You see that Lincoln?
Don't see many of them in Kavala, sir.
It's been rented by a friend
to take to Turkey. He's going by sea.
- Do you know Istanbul?
- Turkey, oh, yes. Istanbul, yes.
Good. Here's what you will do.
Take the car to the Hilton Hotel, Istanbul.
- Your papers and licence in order?
- Oh yes, Mr... Yes, sir.
Here is the car key.
Leave it with the hotel porter.
Tell him the car is for Mr Plimpton.
Got it? Plimp-ton. P-l-i-m-p...
P-t-o-n. Yes.
They'll want the papers at the border.
They're in the glove department.
Glove department. Yes, sir.
Just one more little thing, Simpson.
This car is worth over $13,000.
If I don't hear from Mr Plimpton
by 5 o'clock tomorrow,
I'll report to the police here.
Understood?
That was uncalled for, sir.
Mr Simpson can be relied on.
He has a very reliable face.
- Thank you, Mrs...
- Miss.
Oh!
- Bon voyage, Mr Simpson.
- Godspeed, Arthur Simpson.
Walter, suppose they really
search the car at the border.
It could happen.
- Suppose they find...
- Finders keepers.
- What about Simpson?
- I'm afraid they will keep him, too.
- They'll ask him about us.
- So? Who is us?
We didn't rent the car,
Plimpton did, and he doesn't exist.
All our plans, all our hopes,
riding in the car with that...
what did you call him?
Schmo.
Schmo.
Istanbul, I love you.
Uh-oh.
- Morning.
- Passport.
Morning. Mind if I watch?
- Mr Arthur Simpson?
- Mr Simpson, yes.
There's nothing wrong there, I hope.
- You are English?
- Oh, yes.
Then why you have Egyptian passport?
That's a long story. My father
was a British officer - a colonel.
- Then why not a British passport?
- I'm coming to that.
Mummy - my mother -
she was Egyptian.
In fact, I was born over there, in Egypt.
Cairo. Which is in... Egypt.
Yes?
Well, there was some trouble
with the marriage documents.
Troop movements. You gentlemen
know what it's like in the army.
- I know how it is in the army.
- Yes. The army, yes.
Mr Simpson, this passport is not good.
It expired nearly three weeks ago.
This?
I'll tell you what,
as soon as we get to Istanbul...
I'm sorry, Mr Simpson.
You must go back to Greece.
Uh...
I do not speak Arabic.
Uh, officer? Officer?
May I have your ear
for a moment, please?
Now, you misunderstand entirely.
I thought that the Turks
were a hospitable people.
I know somebody who is going to have
something to say about this - me!
And another thing. I...
- Be careful!
- Don't!
- Mefkufsunuz.
- Mefkufsunuz?
- What does that mean?
- That means you're under arrest!
Mefkufsunuz.
- Uh...
- You will speak when spoken to!
- When did you join the Sigma group?
- Me?
- Who recruited you?
- Nobody.
- So you volunteered.
- No, no, please.
- I was hired to drive, to...
- Who else did the man and woman see?
I don't know.
- Did they send other arms out of Greece?
- No.
- Did they tell you?
- No.
- Then how do you know?
- I don't know...
- Why did you lie?
- I did not lie. I mean...
Simpson, be careful.
I am a victim of circumstances.
Ci...
I swear it.
Look here, I think it's time
you took me to my embassy.
- You can... you can call...
- Call which embassy?
I doubt the Egyptian authorities
will issue a passport to Arthur Simpson.
It seems there is a dossier.
The Egyptians bear me a grudge,
sir, because I claim to be British.
In 1958, he was deported from Britain
for smuggling pornographic literature.
An art magazine, sir.
Called...
Stop Press Nudes.
But may I remind you gentlemen
that not so very long ago,
James Joyce and even Lady Chatterley
herself were considered obscene.
Simpson, the penalty
for terrorism is death.
Were you going to use the roof
of the Hilton? One of the balconies?
Balconies? What for?
Where would you use
the smoke grenade?
Are they for your accomplices,
to create confusion?
Accomplices? I don't know.
Simpson, you're aware next Tuesday
is our annual Army Day parade?
I swear on the life of my fa...
of my mother.
You know our chiefs of staff
and the foreign military missions
will be together on the grandstand?
Their safety is our responsibility.
We shall be merciless with anyone
who threatens it. Merciless.
You frighten me, sir,
but atter all, that's part of your job.
But if my father could hear you now,
he'd laugh himself sick.
He wasn't no colonel, sir.
I just said that in order to make
myself seem important, you know.
He was a sergeant. Acting sergeant.
Acting, unpaid sergeant.
Do you know what he used to say?
He used to say, "Arthur,
Arthur, you're a carbuncle
on the behind of humanity."
Carbuncle.
I'm a nothing!
I'm a nobody!
Me, with a gun?
Me, up on the roof?
I don't like heights, sir.
I get very dizzy. Honestly.
I don't know what you're up to, sir,
but I can see it from your face.
You don't think that I'm a terrorist?
All right.
I will give you a chance to prove it.
You will work for us.
I can't do that, sir.
- If they were to find out, they'd kill me.
- You will not let them find out.
Mefkufsunuz.
The arms are back in the car,
just as they were.
The chances are they won't be touched
until the evening before Army Day,
but you will check them constantly.
If they have been touched,
you will report at once.
- What's the matter?
- I feel dizzy. Uh...
This is for your messages.
Cigarettes.
Be always sure to have an empty pack.
Put your messages there,
and drop them from the car.
That car will follow you everywhere.
They will pick them up
wherever you go.
Most important,
report everything you overhear.
Everything,
no matter how trivial it may seem to you.
One word could tell us
whom they work for.
- Yes, sir.
- Remember our briefing for the Hilton?
Hilton? Oh, yes.
If you betray us,
we will know. Understand?
- Yes.
- OK.
Courage, Simpson. You are now
an agent of Turkish Security.
- Off you go.
- Oh, well, you can rely on me, sir.
Stop!
I've come. I've got the documents
for Mr Plimpton's car here.
- Any mail for Mr Barlow?
- No.
- Thank you.
- Mr Plimpton? Is he staying here?
I was supposed to deliver them here
for Mr Barlow... Plimpton.
- I will give it to him when he comes.
- Thank you.
I've been waiting for
my telegram for three weeks.
It must be here somewhere!
It isn't possible. When my aunt
says she sends a telegram,
she sends a telegram.
Was that the driver
of Mr Plimpton's car?
- Yes. Do you want me to stop him?
- No, I'll catch him up.
I have been coming for three weeks.
Mr Plimpton, I'm the lad
who drove your car from Kavala.
She's a beautiful machine.
She really will motor.
- Thank you.
- Uh, um...
I suppose you want
some remuneration.
- Oh, the gasoline, sir.
- You mean the petrol.
Oh, I thought you
might be an American.
No.
Well, that will be $46, sir,
calculating the drachma at 29.7 and...
There. Have a pleasant
journey back to Greece.
Oh, Greece, yes.
The home of Homer, of...
- Oh, thank you very much, Mr...
- Goodbye.
I'm sorry, I don't speak
a word of Turkish.
- You'll have to ask somebody else.
- Please to show your car papers.
My car papers?
Why didn't you say so?
- You are Mrs Plimpton?
- Of course I'm not Mrs Plimpton.
- Effendi.
- That's all right. I'm not offended.
- Is not you who bring car into country?
- No. There's a driver.
Oh. Turkish law says only gentleman
who bring car or Mrs Plimpton may drive.
- I didn't know that. Now the driver's gone.
- You may not drive this car.
What do you expect me to do?
- You are not Mrs Plimpton.
- I know that. There is the driver. Driver!
- Driver!
- Called me, sir?
Come here a moment, will you?
Why don't you get rid of that
drunken cook? Makes me crazy.
He goes with the villa.
Learn to live with him.
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
In my country, cooks cook,
no shervish table.
Shervish people shervish table.
Blurry foreigns.
Put the tray down and get out.
Get out or I'll break your neck!
OK.
- Ah, pig.
Easy, Hans.
I've told you, one servant is
already one servant too many.
For poor Hans, too.
Come on, maybe you'll beat me.
- There's always a first time.
- I played backgammon...
- Not backgammon, tavli.
- What's the difference?
The difference between
you and the Turks.
It's their game. Backgammon.
He doesn't need speech.
He talks with his whole body.
His body talks too much.
Play.
Cedric is here with the car.
Somebody's with him.
Who is it, Giulio?
- He's brought Simpson. Why?
- Damn! What can we do with him here?
You wouldn't take the car in,
would you? Sit down.
Ah, Cedric, you have picked up
Plimpton's car, good man.
Forgive us, we began tea without you.
You've brought Simpson with you.
How nice to see you, Mr Simpson.
An unexpected pleasure.
- Nothing wrong, I hope?
- No, no, but...
I say, I'm afraid
we've run foul of the Turkish law.
They threatened to take the car away.
Only Plimpton or Simpson's allowed
to drive it, or take it out of the country.
How silly of Plimpton
not to have known.
- No other misadventures, Simpson?
- Apart from the customs.
Poor Mr Simpson.
Did they search the car?
Took the seats out, underneath...
Did they find
my heroin and marijuana?
No. You hid those too well.
We'll take advantage
of your being here.
Take us sightseeing
until Mr Plimpton arrives.
Hans, take Simpson to the kitchen
and see that he gets fed and has a room.
Come on.
- Bon apptit, Mr Simpson.
- Don't overdo it.
He scared me to death.
- You are foreign not?
- Oh, no. I'm English.
Oh, you OK.
Yeah, you good man,
like the King Victoria.
I say, those people out there,
they're tourists?
Huh? Ha!
- Aren't they?
- Take.
Everybody, all misters...
Russische spies.
Russians? No. They're a different
class of people. That lady's very...
Everybody Russische spies.
Fischer...
Fischer is Germanische
spy for Russische. I kill him.
Yes, I kill him.
I'll get a medal, big like this.
Music, boom-broom. General...
I kill him, my friend. Hmm?
- Are you here officially?
- Huh?
Are you here officially?
You mean... Oh, I understood.
Fishely? No. No fishely.
Give you good meat.
I give Russische spies fishely.
Fresh fishely...
English friend, no fishely.
Good meat, shish kebab.
Understood?
Good meat, shish kebab.
Understood.
Well, I thought I understood.
Stop pacing.
This is not a cage,
and you are not a lion.
OK, I am wrong. You are a lion -
the king of the jungle. My king.
Well, don't just stand there. Roar.
- Or give me a kiss.
- Later.
That's what I like about you Swiss.
You're so sexy.
I don't like Simpson being here.
Arthur Simpson is keeping
you away from my side?
- He's harmless. He's a schmo.
- No, no, no, no.
It's not that. It's a departure
from the plan. This I hate.
Not true. You do everything with style.
It's a departure from your style,
this you hate. For this I love you.
Mm. Style, my eye.
As long as I get the emerald for you,
you don't care how I get it.
Walter, I don't hide the way
I feel about the emerald.
I don't hide the way I feel about you.
The emerald excites me
physically, like a man.
Like you. You excite me.
The emerald and you
are fused in my mind.
Each of you excites me more
because of the other.
Mm.
I thought the evening was lost.
I was beginning to wonder
whom I could turn to next.
How about Giulio? Isn't he fused
in your mind with your emerald, too?
Mm.
But there is a dilemma -
so is Hans, so is Cedric Page.
There's a fine figure of a man.
But watch out, the English
are not what they seem.
- Read the papers.
- I know.
There's Arthur Simpson, too.
I feel a strange attraction.
- What's so strange?
- You're so understanding.
He has beautiful eyelashes.
Have you noticed?
First thing I noticed.
Do you mind
that I am a nymphomaniac?
No. It's your most endearing quality.
Don't waste it, use it.
The door is open, darling.
Now, Mr Simpson, you can show us
how well you know Istanbul.
We want to see Saint Sophia...
- And the Grand Bazaar.
- Everything.
- Do you mind if I smoke?
- Go ahead.
No, no. I prefer my own brand. I've got a...
Huh? Uh-oh. How stupid of me.
Whoop!
- Papa, there's your pretty searchlight.
- Shut up!
Ooh! Candyfloss!
Couldn't be better. Just a few
hundred yards from the museum.
There's your enemy, the searchlight.
But Walter will take care of it, eh?
Follow me.
- Are the arms in the car?
- They haven't been touched.
I don't think you're an idiot. What
made you suspect they're Russian spies?
- I deduced it.
- From what?
- The cook.
- What did he say?
- They're Russian spies.
- A clever deduction.
- Are they expecting Mr Plimpton?
- I believe they are.
- Is he their leader?
- I think it's Mr Harper.
- And Miss Lipp has her say.
- What has Miss Lipp to say?
- Did you hear her talk to anyone?
- Yes, I heard her speak to Mr Harper.
- What did she say?
- Personal things.
- I don't think they'd be of any interest.
- Everything she says is of interest.
- Well, she said I was attractive.
- Fool! She knew you were listening!
- That's impossible.
- Why'd she say anything so stupid?
Well, she did. She went further.
She said I had beautiful eyelashes.
Did Miss Lipp confide any more
tender secrets to Mr Harper?
Yes, she did. She said
she was a nymphomaniac!
There!
- I just came from the villa.
- What did you find?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
This is your last chance, Simpson.
Today is Thursday. On Saturday,
three days before the army parade,
your friends will be arrested
and locked safely away.
Lf, before that, you don't learn
who they work for,
you'll be charged with smuggling arms
into Turkey for terrorist purposes.
That's what I call a handsome man.
Him I would like to take home.
Ah, madam, the sultan
lives here with me.
But please,
you come and visit him again.
We can't.
We leave on Monday.
- Monday.
- Monday.
Well, now that the sultan has seen you,
maybe the sultan will leave with you.
Whereas the famous
Istanbul dagger
contains the four world's
most priceless emeralds.
The Topkapi treasury
is also famous for...
- Ah!
- Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
Excuse me.
Hope I didn't hurt you.
- Any time.
- It's a date.
Did you get the impression of the key?
- Naturally. Did Cedric get his?
- Yes.
Look behind me. That's the longest
stretch of roof we have to cross.
Look for the places
where we can lie low.
The searchlight sweeps
that roof every 21 seconds.
I can't shoot that light
until we get to this roof.
It's only from there that
I can get a clear shot at it.
Well, we paid our respects to culture.
Tomorrow we'll see the wrestling.
That I like more.
Hey!
While the guards are busy coughing,
this will assure our means of transport.
Pull.
- There is no stronger knot.
- Too strong.
I don't want to leave it up there.
You agreed, "not a trace".
Momento. Giulio...
Pull.
- Genius!
- Boy scout.
- Walter!
- Giulio.
You fool! Sports cars?
Understand this well:
For a year, you'll buy nothing.
For a year, you will rot in your garret.
There will be an army
organised to find us -
investigators, detectives,
and informers.
The overnight millionaire will be caught
in a spotlight from Istanbul to Peru.
This project's been planned
to the last detail and will work.
If our timing is right,
the whole Turkish Army can't stop us.
We've made contact
with Josef at the fair.
Josef is waiting for our signal to move.
You were chosen because
you're unknown to the police,
and it'll stay that way.
Everything's ready.
Everything has been timed...
All of the time I knew
that you spy on the spies.
OK, Giulio?
If there's to be a killing,
there can only be one leader.
And that doesn't go for Turkey alone.
Good evening.
It's a bit warmer...
- Yeah!
...tonight.
- Who's there?
- What are you doing here?
- I'm afraid it's cook, sir.
- Put him to bed.
- Get to bed, you drunken pig!
- Fischer, you Scheibkopf! I kill you!
- Scheibkopf?
- I make you chop-chop!
Big bakaklish. I make pipilish on you!
Don't be such an idiot!
I give you chotchka!
Hans!
Bakaklish!
My hands!
My hand! My hand!
My hand! He's ruined my hand!
Ah!
So close, so close, and then this idiot...
I'm sorry, darling.
I know how you feel.
Ah-ah! No good looking at me, dear.
I couldn't possibly hold Giulio.
Why, I used to get blisters
just holding my cricket bat.
Walter.
Cedric, call Simpson.
- Simpson?
- Simpson.
Simpson.
Giulio, bring the nylon cord
from the fishing basket.
- Simpson.
- Yes, yes, sir.
Simpson,
you are wanted.
Give it to him, Giulio.
Simpson, I've just bet $100
you can pull this sofa six feet
with just the strength of your arms.
If you win, you get half.
- I'm not very good at this, sir.
- Try.
As you wish, but you are not asking
me to do this just to settle some bet.
Bravo, Mr Simpson,
but you would still get your $50.
Do it, Mr Simpson.
Do it! Prove that you
are a man, not a jelly.
Feet together.
Just the strength of your arms.
You can do it, Arthur.
I didn't mean to talk to you like that.
I'm very fond of you.
Try it again, please.
Don't yank the cord.
Just pull steadily, hand over hand.
You can do it.
Quiet! Feet together.
Good, Arthur.
Good.
Steady, steady!
Hand over hand.
Bravo!
Oh! Oh... Oh, well.
- Dare we?
- Yes.
We can't postpone.
- Arthur.
- Yes.
Come sit down.
Get it, Giulio.
Simpson,
how would you like to make $10,000?
Ten?
Hoo! Whoo.
Paris, Roma, Washington.
Not a dossier on any single one of them.
No dossier, no dossier, no dossier.
But Simpson, "I heard Walter say,
if we are to make a killing,
there can be only one leader."
"And if our timing is right,
the whole Turkish Army can't stop us."'
Do you know what this is?
It's the... sultan's dagger
from the museum.
Not yet. We are going
to put it in the museum.
Close you mouth, my dear fellow.
Thank you.
Miss Lipp made the copy.
Isn't she clever?
We are going to
exchange it for the original.
And we are confident it will be
a long time before anyone is the wiser.
That's how you will earn $10,000.
You will be on the museum roof
and lower Giulio over the side by rope.
Museum roof?
That's impossible.
It has to be possible.
Now that you know about it,
you have no choice.
You don't understand.
I don't like heights. I get dizzy.
Give me your hand.
Arthur, you are a clever man.
You could have gone far.
But you always played for small stakes.
This is your chance.
You can do it.
It won't be so difficult.
You won't be on the edge of the roof.
- Yes, but can I do it?
- You can.
All right. I'll do it.
- But what about Turkish Security?
- What about Turkish Security?
They don't know about the museum.
They think you're terrorists.
Who thinks so?
Who? Who?
It's your own fault.
Why'd you get me to do your dirty work?
Why'd you get me
to bring the arms into the country?
They found the arms at the border,
and they let you in the country?
Then you must be working for them.
The time has come for us
to leave this beautiful country.
Cedric, who is going to let you out?
Who, indeed?
They lett the arms in the car, didn't they?
Yes.
And when do they think we'll move?
Not till Tuesday.
But they're gonna
pick you up on Saturday.
Saturday.
That gives us a little time, doesn't it?
Time for what? We can't go forwards,
we can't go back. We're trapped.
- We're finished.
- Who says we are finished?
- Just a minute.
- Quiet, Hans.
When Walter fights in a corner,
that's when he fights at his best.
One thing is sure -
the gun, the grenades -
they stay in the car.
We cannot touch them, ever.
How can you shoot
at the searchlight without a rifle?
How can you get away from
the guards without the grenades?
The searchlight and the guards.
The searchlight and the guards.
The searchlight and the guards.
There must be a solution.
Searchlight.
I wonder.
Cedric.
Cedric.
The guards.
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth, laugh.
- What's so funny?
- Laugh!
I have news for you.
Maybe it's even better.
God bless the Turkish Security. Cedric.
- You want to see me laugh?
- No.
I want you to take Elizabeth fishing.
- What are you doing?
- I'm being a lighthouse.
- Did you get in?
- We did.
Good. Tell me.
It was too easy.
The poor man was so lonely.
And we did get that invitation
to go back tonight.
- Good!
- To do what? Hmm? Guess.
Something no Turk can resist.
- Must I guess?
- Wrong. Tavli.
I have been invited to play tavli!
Giulio, come here.
Put your hand on the table.
Now, spread your fingers.
Turn my hand.
This is the way the beam revolves.
Two great wheels, their cogs
interlocked, turning each other so.
Now, try again.
You see, when I do this, it's slower.
- How much can you reduce the speed?
- Almost by half.
The beam comes around every 21
seconds. You can slow it down to 40.
You gain about 18 or 19 seconds,
Giulio. Is that enough?
Good work, Cedric.
I never liked that gun.
It upset the artist in me.
Picasso!
- Did you talk to Josef?
- He's ready, willing, and very amused.
Now, there is just one more little change.
We go tonight.
I'm getting dizzy.
Now, litt it up.
- What is it?
- Don't worry.
Not even Hans could do it.
It's like litting 200 pounds with one hand.
Oh.
Oh!
That dropped on the museum floor
and we are cooked.
- Cooked?
- Nothing to worry about.
You just concentrate on the $10,000.
- Again?
- I'm nervous.
To the attention of Major Ali Tufan.
I, Arthur Simpson,
herewith regretfully resign
from the Turkish Security services.
Now, be sure not to lose them.
Do you want them
to follow us to the museum?
Are they coming up
on the roof with us?
We are not going to the museum yet.
First we're going to the wrestling stadium.
- Wrestling, at this time of day?
- It's a big annual event.
There's a carnival, too.
It goes on all day until 8.30pm.
By which time, Arthur,
you'll be tired, happy, and rich!
Rich!
Psst!
It will all be this easy, Arthur.
Psst.
Search every corner of the villa.
Look everywhere
for a cigarette package.
How much longer are we staying here?
Until...
now.
Ah! Aaah!
You are all right, Arthur.
You are doing fine.
57, 58, 59, 60.
Now the alarm system is set
in every room of the museum.
There isn't a floor that can be touched.
- What do we do next?
- Nothing. Sit.
- Sit?
- Sit. Until dark.
Sit. What then?
Then we'll make our way to the Treasury.
- Where's that?
- Over there.
Huh?
In... in the dark?
It's impossible.
We have to make it in the dark.
There are guards.
Not with me. I'll fall, you see.
I get too dizzy.
Fool, it's easier in the dark.
I don't think you understand.
You won't get me across there in the dark.
- You will!
- You can kill me...
Shh!
You can kill me, I don't care.
I'm not going across in the dark.
No!
All right.
We'll go now.
This way. Move!
Come on!
Are you all right, Arthur?
Never... never better.
All right, Arthur. From now on,
it's all easy. Come!
There is the Treasury. The roof is
not very strong here, so one at a time.
First me, then you, then Giulio.
- It's down here.
- Will you be going through that window?
No. That would be too easy.
We can't reach the dagger through here.
Hm?
- That fair anything to do with us?
- A little bit, Arthur.
All right?
They leave in an hour.
It's going like clockwork.
That means the fair is ready to leave,
and Elizabeth and Cedric
are on their way to the lighthouse.
It will be dark soon.
All right, gentlemen,
it's time to undress.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
- Are you ready?
- Ready.
Good!
- What's that?
- The guard house.
Oh, those smoke grenades -
they were intended to deal with that?
They were.
They'll see Giulio going down.
Elizabeth and Cedric
are taking care that they don't.
Lt'll be seconds until
Cedric gets to the light.
Put your weight against the wall.
Stop.
Brace yourself.
Go!
Argh!
Don't let my hand go! Shh, shh, shh.
Hold it. I've got it.
Pull!
Up!
Hold it!
- Hey!
- Oh!
You're not gonna leave me here,
are you? I don't fancy that hole.
No, Arthur, I wouldn't go
anywhere without you. Come on.
If I get this out,
it'll give you some support.
- Can we go soon?
- In about ten minutes.
But let's take Giulio with us...
and the dagger.
You are not going to lose your nerve?
It's not a question of losing my nerve.
I never had none.
Giulio's on the sill now.
I'll help you lower him down.
Can't he do anything by himself?
Let's go to work.
Stop!
Pull up.
You have to hold it by yourself now, OK?
Yes.
I'm going to let go now,
Arthur. Ready?
Ready.
Pull up!
He's got it, Arthur.
He's got it!
This is the last bit, Arthur.
Lower slowly.
Slowly!
I'll tell you when to stop.
Stop.
It's done.
The time has come
to ask you to sit here on the edge.
Where else?
Put your hands around this bit of hose,
think of $10,000, and hold on.
- Then you push me off the edge?
- I wouldn't do that.
- Major Tufan?
- Yes?
My name, sir, is Walter Harper.
This is Miss Lipp, Mr Page,
Mr Vecchi, Mr Fischer...
and this is Mr Simpson,
who's been driving us in a car
rented by Mr Plimpton in Greece.
And borrowed by us
while waiting for him.
Yes, dear.
What can I do for you,
gentlemen? Madam?
Something quite extraordinary
has happened,
I felt I should report
to someone in authority.
- What do you wish to report to me?
- I heard a rattle in the car.
- I heard it first.
- Yes, dear. You heard it first.
I heard a rattle in the car,
had it investigated,
and discovered arms hidden in it.
- Arms?
- Yes.
A rifle and six grenades.
Were these arms in the car?
They certainly look like them.
How clever of you.
Had you lost them?
No, madam.
We had found them.
May I ask where you have been today?
At the wrestling, major.
It was quite an experience.
- Were you there all day, Mr Walter?
- Yes.
- Madam?
- All day.
Were you there all day, Mr Simpson?
No.
No, sir.
We didn't get there until atter 3 o'clock.
Gentlemen, madam -
sometimes a man's profession
gives him a narrow view of things.
- I know now why you are here.
- Do you really, sir?
Yes, Mr Simpson.
A little bird told me.
Mefkufsunuz.
Tomorrow we're out.
- I have an idea.
- Oh, no!
There is a secret stairway
in the Kremlin. The Romanov jewels...
ENHOH
my kingdom for the emerald
For the Topkapi emerald, oh, hallelujah
It can be done.
That's the way it can be done.
Oh! Oh, excuse me.
I've just had a great idea.
Something I've been looking
for a long time. A very long time.
Josef, how many times have you
been in and out of the country?
Many times, many times.
I should say... Yes, 12 times.
Ever had a problem
at the border, at customs?
- Bah! They know me.
- Josef,
you're going to be very rich.
Do you like that?
I like that.
It will be some time
before I see you again, Josef.
I will wait for you.
This is...
You don't even know
who I am, or where I am.
First, my name is not really
Elizabeth Lipp, but please call me that.
It's convenient.
And I am in Turkey -
in Istanbul - in the seraglio.
This is where the old sultans lived.
They had a lot of wives
and other treasures,
so they made the palace
bigger and bigger.
Like each of the buildings here,
this little shack contains
works of art unique in the world.
The entire seraglio is now a museum -
the fabulous Topkapi Museum.
But... but there is one special room.
That's why I'm here.
I'll show you.
Come in.
This cradle - pearls, rubies,
and pure, solid gold.
This is the famous throne
of Shah Ismael.
No king or emperor ever sat
on a throne more precious.
From every corner of the earth -
gitts made to the Turkish empire.
But I would give you all of them
for just one dagger,
encrusted with diamonds
and emeralds.
The four greatest emeralds
the world has ever known.
Dazzling.
Flawless.
All four are priceless.
But there is one that is perfection.
It has life. It is warm.
It has nerves, senses...
Oh, forgive me.
A strange thing happens to me.
Difficult to explain.
All right.
I'm going to have it.
It's going to be mine.
How?
I didn't finish introducing myself.
I am a thief.
Honest.
Excusez-moi, monsieur l'agent,
o est l'Htel George V?
Vous descendez les Champs lyses
et vous prenez l'avenue George V.
- Merci.
- votre sant, monsieur.
Merci, monsieur l'agent.
Taxi!
A gun is one thing,
intelligence is another.
Since I'm more afraid of intelligence -
Htel George V. Here.
Up to your old tricks, Walter?
Hello, Elizabeth.
- What brings you here?
- That old magnetism. I was drawn to you.
It took three years to get
that old magnetism to work.
- How's the captain?
- Hm?
My successor.
It took three days
for the magnetism to wear off.
Seriously?
Seriously.
- Cannibal.
- It's like Chinese food.
One hour, and you're hungry again.
- What do you want?
- You.
- Business? Pleasure?
- So many questions.
Let's go and eat.
I am hungry.
- Where?
- My studio.
- Still the same?
- Slight change.
You've lost none of your skill.
- Darling, you too.
- I was talking seriously.
- I, too.
- You're never serious,
except when it comes
to stealing emeralds.
It's a living.
Well?
It's too tough.
But I'll do it.
- I knew you would.
- On one condition.
- Granted.
- I pick the crew.
- As always.
- Not as always.
This time, with amateurs.
- Amateurs?
- Only amateurs.
- All right, I give up.
- My favourite pupil.
Sit down.
Lesson one -
the three cardinal rules of thett.
How Swiss you are.
Eins, zwei, drei.
You're right. Eins - plan meticulously.
- Zwei - execute...
- Cleanly.
- Drei?
- Don't get caught before, during...
Or atter. That's right.
The Istanbul emeralds -
the most protected jewels
in the world - have been stolen.
Alarm system.
Check Cedric Page, London.
Cedric Page?
What's that?
You will meet him.
Now, the emeralds are gone.
Policemen of the world unite.
You're Scotland Yard, Turkish police -
what do you do?
- What do I do?
- You eliminate the riffraff.
Obviously, this is a class job.
You dig out the dossiers
on the top professionals, the elite.
How many are they? Not more
than half a dozen, and all known.
But, there is no dossier
on Elizabeth Lipp -
not even Elizavetta Lippmanova -
because you have been lucky.
There's no dossier on Walter Harper -
not even Walter Haberlee -
because I have been efficient.
- What you would call "Swiss".
- Liebling.
So there must be no police record
on anyone who works with us.
Where do you find
these lily-white innocents?
That's my job.
What do you say?
Amateurs?
Amateurs.
Ah.
He has many children, Cedric Page?
None.
These are all his own toys.
- Come, look at this parrot.
- I don't like parrots.
This one isn't real.
I'm beginning to wonder
if anything is real.
I'm beginning
to wonder if anything is real.
Well you may, dear lady.
Like the old faith healer of Deal
who said, "Although pain isn't real,
when I sit on a pin
and it punctures my skin,
I dislike what I fancy I feel."
I'm Cedric Page. How nice of you to come,
Walter, and to bring Miss Lipp.
I see you've met my recording Polly.
Amusing, isn't she?
Oh, very. I hope it won't record
all our conversations.
Polly is the soul of discretion.
I never go anywhere without her.
Well, shall we move into my den?
We'll be more private in there.
Come along, Miss Lipp.
My newest toy.
It doesn't work with a ray.
Just the smallest
change of temperature,
the natural heat of the human body,
close enough to it does the trick.
If you had a refrigerated dress,
it wouldn't work!
Fortunately, I haven't. I very seldom
wear one, especially not in England.
Make yourselves comfortable.
The entertainment is charming.
- Is it all for me?
- I'm a terrible show-off.
But do let me offer you a drink.
- No, thank you.
- How was your trip to Istanbul?
Marvellous! Did you go on
the underground railway?
It's the oldest in Europe.
Did you bother to go
to the museum, Mr Page?
Well, of course. That was the whole idea,
wasn't it? The alarm.
I take my responsibilities
in this enterprise seriously,
as I'm sure you do, Miss Lipp.
Well, now, let's all go
into the museum, shall we?
Here is the door, shall we say?
And Walter - Walter is the sultan...
with the dagger.
Miss Lipp?
It was you weight that did it,
on the Treasury floor.
Perhaps I should have said,
"Even your weight".
Try again, just one foot.
Well, just the toe.
It's all based on a little chap down here.
This is a delicate strain gauge.
There are hundreds of them
under the Treasury,
each one connected to the alarm system.
They measure weight -
the smallest weight.
Even a ping pong ball.
That's our problem.
Then all you have to do
is to find the switch and turn it off.
It could be anywhere,
hidden in the walls or the ceiling,
operated by remote control
a mile away or more.
And how do you propose to get into
a museum without touching the floor?
I wouldn't have to touch
the floor if I were a fly.
It isn't how I see you, Mr Page.
We have our human fly.
And our human fly holder.
- That's Giulio, that's Hans.
- And...
...we have a sucker!
A sucker?
Yes. You'll catch on.
And we need another kind of sucker,
but him we'll find in the north of Greece.
In Kavala, near the Turkish border.
- Yianis, give me my money.
- Tomorrow.
- Young one. No money. Nothing.
- And no groups aboard there?
- Some English.
- English? Open that bag.
Let's have the box. Come on.
Where is it?
Oh, ah, there we go.
Yes, the English lay great store
by things like this.
I hate to do it myself but, c'est la vie!
Well, wish me luck, Voula.
Ah, Simpson!
So that's Arthur Simpson.
Arthur Simon Simpson -
historian, guide, and schmo.
Morning. First time in Kavala, no doubt.
I'm Arthur Simpson,
archaeologist and historian.
I dug this up many...
Look, it's still wet.
This harbour's full of
historical connections.
Brutus spent the night here
before Philippi,
atter that unpleasant business he had
with Shakespeare... Julius Caesar.
Viens, chrie.
Je parle Belgique...
Ceramics, handmade by
the descendants of ancient heroes here.
Ah, Reverend!
My name is Simpson, sir.
Arthur Simpson.
I'm Church of England myself.
It's a very religious place.
Do you know St Paul passed through
here on his way to Samothrace?
I do.
You'd be surprised to know
the amount of people that don't, Bishop.
Mack, want to see the nightlife of Kavala?
You want the belly dancers, stripteasers?
You showed me Kavala nightlife.
Remember?
- I'm not expensive...
- No.
- Look work of art!
- I don't want any.
- Only 10 drachma.
- Go to Hell!
Nothing.
- Do I look like a tourist?
- A hustler's dream.
I like the touch of the parasol.
- Genius!
- Come, sucker.
- Genuine antique?
- Oh, madam has a very keen eye.
No, it's an imitation, but of a period
about 1000 BC. But I've got other things.
I'm Arthur Simpson,
the uncrowned king of Kavala nightlife.
- I've got some Minoan cuff links...
- Thank you!
I've got some Hellenistic ones
of the ninth dynasty...
- Hey!
- What? You want me, sir?
Come to the yacht club atter lunch.
Might have a little job for you.
Yes, sir.
Hello, Voula. Voula my doll.
I smell hard currency.
Take the plate.
Off home now, girl, and iron the tie.
- Ah, Simpson!
- Oh, yes, yes.
I know, I know, I know.
You wicked thing, you.
Here comes the schmo.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I ran into an old friend - archaeologist.
- We used to run an art publication.
- Simpson,
- how'd you like to earn a fast buck?
- Sir?
100 bucks, to be precise.
But if you are not interested...
- I am, sir.
- You live here?
Yes, well, while my own place
up there is being done up,
I'm right down...
right down there.
You see that Lincoln?
Don't see many of them in Kavala, sir.
It's been rented by a friend
to take to Turkey. He's going by sea.
- Do you know Istanbul?
- Turkey, oh, yes. Istanbul, yes.
Good. Here's what you will do.
Take the car to the Hilton Hotel, Istanbul.
- Your papers and licence in order?
- Oh yes, Mr... Yes, sir.
Here is the car key.
Leave it with the hotel porter.
Tell him the car is for Mr Plimpton.
Got it? Plimp-ton. P-l-i-m-p...
P-t-o-n. Yes.
They'll want the papers at the border.
They're in the glove department.
Glove department. Yes, sir.
Just one more little thing, Simpson.
This car is worth over $13,000.
If I don't hear from Mr Plimpton
by 5 o'clock tomorrow,
I'll report to the police here.
Understood?
That was uncalled for, sir.
Mr Simpson can be relied on.
He has a very reliable face.
- Thank you, Mrs...
- Miss.
Oh!
- Bon voyage, Mr Simpson.
- Godspeed, Arthur Simpson.
Walter, suppose they really
search the car at the border.
It could happen.
- Suppose they find...
- Finders keepers.
- What about Simpson?
- I'm afraid they will keep him, too.
- They'll ask him about us.
- So? Who is us?
We didn't rent the car,
Plimpton did, and he doesn't exist.
All our plans, all our hopes,
riding in the car with that...
what did you call him?
Schmo.
Schmo.
Istanbul, I love you.
Uh-oh.
- Morning.
- Passport.
Morning. Mind if I watch?
- Mr Arthur Simpson?
- Mr Simpson, yes.
There's nothing wrong there, I hope.
- You are English?
- Oh, yes.
Then why you have Egyptian passport?
That's a long story. My father
was a British officer - a colonel.
- Then why not a British passport?
- I'm coming to that.
Mummy - my mother -
she was Egyptian.
In fact, I was born over there, in Egypt.
Cairo. Which is in... Egypt.
Yes?
Well, there was some trouble
with the marriage documents.
Troop movements. You gentlemen
know what it's like in the army.
- I know how it is in the army.
- Yes. The army, yes.
Mr Simpson, this passport is not good.
It expired nearly three weeks ago.
This?
I'll tell you what,
as soon as we get to Istanbul...
I'm sorry, Mr Simpson.
You must go back to Greece.
Uh...
I do not speak Arabic.
Uh, officer? Officer?
May I have your ear
for a moment, please?
Now, you misunderstand entirely.
I thought that the Turks
were a hospitable people.
I know somebody who is going to have
something to say about this - me!
And another thing. I...
- Be careful!
- Don't!
- Mefkufsunuz.
- Mefkufsunuz?
- What does that mean?
- That means you're under arrest!
Mefkufsunuz.
- Uh...
- You will speak when spoken to!
- When did you join the Sigma group?
- Me?
- Who recruited you?
- Nobody.
- So you volunteered.
- No, no, please.
- I was hired to drive, to...
- Who else did the man and woman see?
I don't know.
- Did they send other arms out of Greece?
- No.
- Did they tell you?
- No.
- Then how do you know?
- I don't know...
- Why did you lie?
- I did not lie. I mean...
Simpson, be careful.
I am a victim of circumstances.
Ci...
I swear it.
Look here, I think it's time
you took me to my embassy.
- You can... you can call...
- Call which embassy?
I doubt the Egyptian authorities
will issue a passport to Arthur Simpson.
It seems there is a dossier.
The Egyptians bear me a grudge,
sir, because I claim to be British.
In 1958, he was deported from Britain
for smuggling pornographic literature.
An art magazine, sir.
Called...
Stop Press Nudes.
But may I remind you gentlemen
that not so very long ago,
James Joyce and even Lady Chatterley
herself were considered obscene.
Simpson, the penalty
for terrorism is death.
Were you going to use the roof
of the Hilton? One of the balconies?
Balconies? What for?
Where would you use
the smoke grenade?
Are they for your accomplices,
to create confusion?
Accomplices? I don't know.
Simpson, you're aware next Tuesday
is our annual Army Day parade?
I swear on the life of my fa...
of my mother.
You know our chiefs of staff
and the foreign military missions
will be together on the grandstand?
Their safety is our responsibility.
We shall be merciless with anyone
who threatens it. Merciless.
You frighten me, sir,
but atter all, that's part of your job.
But if my father could hear you now,
he'd laugh himself sick.
He wasn't no colonel, sir.
I just said that in order to make
myself seem important, you know.
He was a sergeant. Acting sergeant.
Acting, unpaid sergeant.
Do you know what he used to say?
He used to say, "Arthur,
Arthur, you're a carbuncle
on the behind of humanity."
Carbuncle.
I'm a nothing!
I'm a nobody!
Me, with a gun?
Me, up on the roof?
I don't like heights, sir.
I get very dizzy. Honestly.
I don't know what you're up to, sir,
but I can see it from your face.
You don't think that I'm a terrorist?
All right.
I will give you a chance to prove it.
You will work for us.
I can't do that, sir.
- If they were to find out, they'd kill me.
- You will not let them find out.
Mefkufsunuz.
The arms are back in the car,
just as they were.
The chances are they won't be touched
until the evening before Army Day,
but you will check them constantly.
If they have been touched,
you will report at once.
- What's the matter?
- I feel dizzy. Uh...
This is for your messages.
Cigarettes.
Be always sure to have an empty pack.
Put your messages there,
and drop them from the car.
That car will follow you everywhere.
They will pick them up
wherever you go.
Most important,
report everything you overhear.
Everything,
no matter how trivial it may seem to you.
One word could tell us
whom they work for.
- Yes, sir.
- Remember our briefing for the Hilton?
Hilton? Oh, yes.
If you betray us,
we will know. Understand?
- Yes.
- OK.
Courage, Simpson. You are now
an agent of Turkish Security.
- Off you go.
- Oh, well, you can rely on me, sir.
Stop!
I've come. I've got the documents
for Mr Plimpton's car here.
- Any mail for Mr Barlow?
- No.
- Thank you.
- Mr Plimpton? Is he staying here?
I was supposed to deliver them here
for Mr Barlow... Plimpton.
- I will give it to him when he comes.
- Thank you.
I've been waiting for
my telegram for three weeks.
It must be here somewhere!
It isn't possible. When my aunt
says she sends a telegram,
she sends a telegram.
Was that the driver
of Mr Plimpton's car?
- Yes. Do you want me to stop him?
- No, I'll catch him up.
I have been coming for three weeks.
Mr Plimpton, I'm the lad
who drove your car from Kavala.
She's a beautiful machine.
She really will motor.
- Thank you.
- Uh, um...
I suppose you want
some remuneration.
- Oh, the gasoline, sir.
- You mean the petrol.
Oh, I thought you
might be an American.
No.
Well, that will be $46, sir,
calculating the drachma at 29.7 and...
There. Have a pleasant
journey back to Greece.
Oh, Greece, yes.
The home of Homer, of...
- Oh, thank you very much, Mr...
- Goodbye.
I'm sorry, I don't speak
a word of Turkish.
- You'll have to ask somebody else.
- Please to show your car papers.
My car papers?
Why didn't you say so?
- You are Mrs Plimpton?
- Of course I'm not Mrs Plimpton.
- Effendi.
- That's all right. I'm not offended.
- Is not you who bring car into country?
- No. There's a driver.
Oh. Turkish law says only gentleman
who bring car or Mrs Plimpton may drive.
- I didn't know that. Now the driver's gone.
- You may not drive this car.
What do you expect me to do?
- You are not Mrs Plimpton.
- I know that. There is the driver. Driver!
- Driver!
- Called me, sir?
Come here a moment, will you?
Why don't you get rid of that
drunken cook? Makes me crazy.
He goes with the villa.
Learn to live with him.
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
In my country, cooks cook,
no shervish table.
Shervish people shervish table.
Blurry foreigns.
Put the tray down and get out.
Get out or I'll break your neck!
OK.
- Ah, pig.
Easy, Hans.
I've told you, one servant is
already one servant too many.
For poor Hans, too.
Come on, maybe you'll beat me.
- There's always a first time.
- I played backgammon...
- Not backgammon, tavli.
- What's the difference?
The difference between
you and the Turks.
It's their game. Backgammon.
He doesn't need speech.
He talks with his whole body.
His body talks too much.
Play.
Cedric is here with the car.
Somebody's with him.
Who is it, Giulio?
- He's brought Simpson. Why?
- Damn! What can we do with him here?
You wouldn't take the car in,
would you? Sit down.
Ah, Cedric, you have picked up
Plimpton's car, good man.
Forgive us, we began tea without you.
You've brought Simpson with you.
How nice to see you, Mr Simpson.
An unexpected pleasure.
- Nothing wrong, I hope?
- No, no, but...
I say, I'm afraid
we've run foul of the Turkish law.
They threatened to take the car away.
Only Plimpton or Simpson's allowed
to drive it, or take it out of the country.
How silly of Plimpton
not to have known.
- No other misadventures, Simpson?
- Apart from the customs.
Poor Mr Simpson.
Did they search the car?
Took the seats out, underneath...
Did they find
my heroin and marijuana?
No. You hid those too well.
We'll take advantage
of your being here.
Take us sightseeing
until Mr Plimpton arrives.
Hans, take Simpson to the kitchen
and see that he gets fed and has a room.
Come on.
- Bon apptit, Mr Simpson.
- Don't overdo it.
He scared me to death.
- You are foreign not?
- Oh, no. I'm English.
Oh, you OK.
Yeah, you good man,
like the King Victoria.
I say, those people out there,
they're tourists?
Huh? Ha!
- Aren't they?
- Take.
Everybody, all misters...
Russische spies.
Russians? No. They're a different
class of people. That lady's very...
Everybody Russische spies.
Fischer...
Fischer is Germanische
spy for Russische. I kill him.
Yes, I kill him.
I'll get a medal, big like this.
Music, boom-broom. General...
I kill him, my friend. Hmm?
- Are you here officially?
- Huh?
Are you here officially?
You mean... Oh, I understood.
Fishely? No. No fishely.
Give you good meat.
I give Russische spies fishely.
Fresh fishely...
English friend, no fishely.
Good meat, shish kebab.
Understood?
Good meat, shish kebab.
Understood.
Well, I thought I understood.
Stop pacing.
This is not a cage,
and you are not a lion.
OK, I am wrong. You are a lion -
the king of the jungle. My king.
Well, don't just stand there. Roar.
- Or give me a kiss.
- Later.
That's what I like about you Swiss.
You're so sexy.
I don't like Simpson being here.
Arthur Simpson is keeping
you away from my side?
- He's harmless. He's a schmo.
- No, no, no, no.
It's not that. It's a departure
from the plan. This I hate.
Not true. You do everything with style.
It's a departure from your style,
this you hate. For this I love you.
Mm. Style, my eye.
As long as I get the emerald for you,
you don't care how I get it.
Walter, I don't hide the way
I feel about the emerald.
I don't hide the way I feel about you.
The emerald excites me
physically, like a man.
Like you. You excite me.
The emerald and you
are fused in my mind.
Each of you excites me more
because of the other.
Mm.
I thought the evening was lost.
I was beginning to wonder
whom I could turn to next.
How about Giulio? Isn't he fused
in your mind with your emerald, too?
Mm.
But there is a dilemma -
so is Hans, so is Cedric Page.
There's a fine figure of a man.
But watch out, the English
are not what they seem.
- Read the papers.
- I know.
There's Arthur Simpson, too.
I feel a strange attraction.
- What's so strange?
- You're so understanding.
He has beautiful eyelashes.
Have you noticed?
First thing I noticed.
Do you mind
that I am a nymphomaniac?
No. It's your most endearing quality.
Don't waste it, use it.
The door is open, darling.
Now, Mr Simpson, you can show us
how well you know Istanbul.
We want to see Saint Sophia...
- And the Grand Bazaar.
- Everything.
- Do you mind if I smoke?
- Go ahead.
No, no. I prefer my own brand. I've got a...
Huh? Uh-oh. How stupid of me.
Whoop!
- Papa, there's your pretty searchlight.
- Shut up!
Ooh! Candyfloss!
Couldn't be better. Just a few
hundred yards from the museum.
There's your enemy, the searchlight.
But Walter will take care of it, eh?
Follow me.
- Are the arms in the car?
- They haven't been touched.
I don't think you're an idiot. What
made you suspect they're Russian spies?
- I deduced it.
- From what?
- The cook.
- What did he say?
- They're Russian spies.
- A clever deduction.
- Are they expecting Mr Plimpton?
- I believe they are.
- Is he their leader?
- I think it's Mr Harper.
- And Miss Lipp has her say.
- What has Miss Lipp to say?
- Did you hear her talk to anyone?
- Yes, I heard her speak to Mr Harper.
- What did she say?
- Personal things.
- I don't think they'd be of any interest.
- Everything she says is of interest.
- Well, she said I was attractive.
- Fool! She knew you were listening!
- That's impossible.
- Why'd she say anything so stupid?
Well, she did. She went further.
She said I had beautiful eyelashes.
Did Miss Lipp confide any more
tender secrets to Mr Harper?
Yes, she did. She said
she was a nymphomaniac!
There!
- I just came from the villa.
- What did you find?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
This is your last chance, Simpson.
Today is Thursday. On Saturday,
three days before the army parade,
your friends will be arrested
and locked safely away.
Lf, before that, you don't learn
who they work for,
you'll be charged with smuggling arms
into Turkey for terrorist purposes.
That's what I call a handsome man.
Him I would like to take home.
Ah, madam, the sultan
lives here with me.
But please,
you come and visit him again.
We can't.
We leave on Monday.
- Monday.
- Monday.
Well, now that the sultan has seen you,
maybe the sultan will leave with you.
Whereas the famous
Istanbul dagger
contains the four world's
most priceless emeralds.
The Topkapi treasury
is also famous for...
- Ah!
- Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
Excuse me.
Hope I didn't hurt you.
- Any time.
- It's a date.
Did you get the impression of the key?
- Naturally. Did Cedric get his?
- Yes.
Look behind me. That's the longest
stretch of roof we have to cross.
Look for the places
where we can lie low.
The searchlight sweeps
that roof every 21 seconds.
I can't shoot that light
until we get to this roof.
It's only from there that
I can get a clear shot at it.
Well, we paid our respects to culture.
Tomorrow we'll see the wrestling.
That I like more.
Hey!
While the guards are busy coughing,
this will assure our means of transport.
Pull.
- There is no stronger knot.
- Too strong.
I don't want to leave it up there.
You agreed, "not a trace".
Momento. Giulio...
Pull.
- Genius!
- Boy scout.
- Walter!
- Giulio.
You fool! Sports cars?
Understand this well:
For a year, you'll buy nothing.
For a year, you will rot in your garret.
There will be an army
organised to find us -
investigators, detectives,
and informers.
The overnight millionaire will be caught
in a spotlight from Istanbul to Peru.
This project's been planned
to the last detail and will work.
If our timing is right,
the whole Turkish Army can't stop us.
We've made contact
with Josef at the fair.
Josef is waiting for our signal to move.
You were chosen because
you're unknown to the police,
and it'll stay that way.
Everything's ready.
Everything has been timed...
All of the time I knew
that you spy on the spies.
OK, Giulio?
If there's to be a killing,
there can only be one leader.
And that doesn't go for Turkey alone.
Good evening.
It's a bit warmer...
- Yeah!
...tonight.
- Who's there?
- What are you doing here?
- I'm afraid it's cook, sir.
- Put him to bed.
- Get to bed, you drunken pig!
- Fischer, you Scheibkopf! I kill you!
- Scheibkopf?
- I make you chop-chop!
Big bakaklish. I make pipilish on you!
Don't be such an idiot!
I give you chotchka!
Hans!
Bakaklish!
My hands!
My hand! My hand!
My hand! He's ruined my hand!
Ah!
So close, so close, and then this idiot...
I'm sorry, darling.
I know how you feel.
Ah-ah! No good looking at me, dear.
I couldn't possibly hold Giulio.
Why, I used to get blisters
just holding my cricket bat.
Walter.
Cedric, call Simpson.
- Simpson?
- Simpson.
Simpson.
Giulio, bring the nylon cord
from the fishing basket.
- Simpson.
- Yes, yes, sir.
Simpson,
you are wanted.
Give it to him, Giulio.
Simpson, I've just bet $100
you can pull this sofa six feet
with just the strength of your arms.
If you win, you get half.
- I'm not very good at this, sir.
- Try.
As you wish, but you are not asking
me to do this just to settle some bet.
Bravo, Mr Simpson,
but you would still get your $50.
Do it, Mr Simpson.
Do it! Prove that you
are a man, not a jelly.
Feet together.
Just the strength of your arms.
You can do it, Arthur.
I didn't mean to talk to you like that.
I'm very fond of you.
Try it again, please.
Don't yank the cord.
Just pull steadily, hand over hand.
You can do it.
Quiet! Feet together.
Good, Arthur.
Good.
Steady, steady!
Hand over hand.
Bravo!
Oh! Oh... Oh, well.
- Dare we?
- Yes.
We can't postpone.
- Arthur.
- Yes.
Come sit down.
Get it, Giulio.
Simpson,
how would you like to make $10,000?
Ten?
Hoo! Whoo.
Paris, Roma, Washington.
Not a dossier on any single one of them.
No dossier, no dossier, no dossier.
But Simpson, "I heard Walter say,
if we are to make a killing,
there can be only one leader."
"And if our timing is right,
the whole Turkish Army can't stop us."'
Do you know what this is?
It's the... sultan's dagger
from the museum.
Not yet. We are going
to put it in the museum.
Close you mouth, my dear fellow.
Thank you.
Miss Lipp made the copy.
Isn't she clever?
We are going to
exchange it for the original.
And we are confident it will be
a long time before anyone is the wiser.
That's how you will earn $10,000.
You will be on the museum roof
and lower Giulio over the side by rope.
Museum roof?
That's impossible.
It has to be possible.
Now that you know about it,
you have no choice.
You don't understand.
I don't like heights. I get dizzy.
Give me your hand.
Arthur, you are a clever man.
You could have gone far.
But you always played for small stakes.
This is your chance.
You can do it.
It won't be so difficult.
You won't be on the edge of the roof.
- Yes, but can I do it?
- You can.
All right. I'll do it.
- But what about Turkish Security?
- What about Turkish Security?
They don't know about the museum.
They think you're terrorists.
Who thinks so?
Who? Who?
It's your own fault.
Why'd you get me to do your dirty work?
Why'd you get me
to bring the arms into the country?
They found the arms at the border,
and they let you in the country?
Then you must be working for them.
The time has come for us
to leave this beautiful country.
Cedric, who is going to let you out?
Who, indeed?
They lett the arms in the car, didn't they?
Yes.
And when do they think we'll move?
Not till Tuesday.
But they're gonna
pick you up on Saturday.
Saturday.
That gives us a little time, doesn't it?
Time for what? We can't go forwards,
we can't go back. We're trapped.
- We're finished.
- Who says we are finished?
- Just a minute.
- Quiet, Hans.
When Walter fights in a corner,
that's when he fights at his best.
One thing is sure -
the gun, the grenades -
they stay in the car.
We cannot touch them, ever.
How can you shoot
at the searchlight without a rifle?
How can you get away from
the guards without the grenades?
The searchlight and the guards.
The searchlight and the guards.
The searchlight and the guards.
There must be a solution.
Searchlight.
I wonder.
Cedric.
Cedric.
The guards.
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth, laugh.
- What's so funny?
- Laugh!
I have news for you.
Maybe it's even better.
God bless the Turkish Security. Cedric.
- You want to see me laugh?
- No.
I want you to take Elizabeth fishing.
- What are you doing?
- I'm being a lighthouse.
- Did you get in?
- We did.
Good. Tell me.
It was too easy.
The poor man was so lonely.
And we did get that invitation
to go back tonight.
- Good!
- To do what? Hmm? Guess.
Something no Turk can resist.
- Must I guess?
- Wrong. Tavli.
I have been invited to play tavli!
Giulio, come here.
Put your hand on the table.
Now, spread your fingers.
Turn my hand.
This is the way the beam revolves.
Two great wheels, their cogs
interlocked, turning each other so.
Now, try again.
You see, when I do this, it's slower.
- How much can you reduce the speed?
- Almost by half.
The beam comes around every 21
seconds. You can slow it down to 40.
You gain about 18 or 19 seconds,
Giulio. Is that enough?
Good work, Cedric.
I never liked that gun.
It upset the artist in me.
Picasso!
- Did you talk to Josef?
- He's ready, willing, and very amused.
Now, there is just one more little change.
We go tonight.
I'm getting dizzy.
Now, litt it up.
- What is it?
- Don't worry.
Not even Hans could do it.
It's like litting 200 pounds with one hand.
Oh.
Oh!
That dropped on the museum floor
and we are cooked.
- Cooked?
- Nothing to worry about.
You just concentrate on the $10,000.
- Again?
- I'm nervous.
To the attention of Major Ali Tufan.
I, Arthur Simpson,
herewith regretfully resign
from the Turkish Security services.
Now, be sure not to lose them.
Do you want them
to follow us to the museum?
Are they coming up
on the roof with us?
We are not going to the museum yet.
First we're going to the wrestling stadium.
- Wrestling, at this time of day?
- It's a big annual event.
There's a carnival, too.
It goes on all day until 8.30pm.
By which time, Arthur,
you'll be tired, happy, and rich!
Rich!
Psst!
It will all be this easy, Arthur.
Psst.
Search every corner of the villa.
Look everywhere
for a cigarette package.
How much longer are we staying here?
Until...
now.
Ah! Aaah!
You are all right, Arthur.
You are doing fine.
57, 58, 59, 60.
Now the alarm system is set
in every room of the museum.
There isn't a floor that can be touched.
- What do we do next?
- Nothing. Sit.
- Sit?
- Sit. Until dark.
Sit. What then?
Then we'll make our way to the Treasury.
- Where's that?
- Over there.
Huh?
In... in the dark?
It's impossible.
We have to make it in the dark.
There are guards.
Not with me. I'll fall, you see.
I get too dizzy.
Fool, it's easier in the dark.
I don't think you understand.
You won't get me across there in the dark.
- You will!
- You can kill me...
Shh!
You can kill me, I don't care.
I'm not going across in the dark.
No!
All right.
We'll go now.
This way. Move!
Come on!
Are you all right, Arthur?
Never... never better.
All right, Arthur. From now on,
it's all easy. Come!
There is the Treasury. The roof is
not very strong here, so one at a time.
First me, then you, then Giulio.
- It's down here.
- Will you be going through that window?
No. That would be too easy.
We can't reach the dagger through here.
Hm?
- That fair anything to do with us?
- A little bit, Arthur.
All right?
They leave in an hour.
It's going like clockwork.
That means the fair is ready to leave,
and Elizabeth and Cedric
are on their way to the lighthouse.
It will be dark soon.
All right, gentlemen,
it's time to undress.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
- Are you ready?
- Ready.
Good!
- What's that?
- The guard house.
Oh, those smoke grenades -
they were intended to deal with that?
They were.
They'll see Giulio going down.
Elizabeth and Cedric
are taking care that they don't.
Lt'll be seconds until
Cedric gets to the light.
Put your weight against the wall.
Stop.
Brace yourself.
Go!
Argh!
Don't let my hand go! Shh, shh, shh.
Hold it. I've got it.
Pull!
Up!
Hold it!
- Hey!
- Oh!
You're not gonna leave me here,
are you? I don't fancy that hole.
No, Arthur, I wouldn't go
anywhere without you. Come on.
If I get this out,
it'll give you some support.
- Can we go soon?
- In about ten minutes.
But let's take Giulio with us...
and the dagger.
You are not going to lose your nerve?
It's not a question of losing my nerve.
I never had none.
Giulio's on the sill now.
I'll help you lower him down.
Can't he do anything by himself?
Let's go to work.
Stop!
Pull up.
You have to hold it by yourself now, OK?
Yes.
I'm going to let go now,
Arthur. Ready?
Ready.
Pull up!
He's got it, Arthur.
He's got it!
This is the last bit, Arthur.
Lower slowly.
Slowly!
I'll tell you when to stop.
Stop.
It's done.
The time has come
to ask you to sit here on the edge.
Where else?
Put your hands around this bit of hose,
think of $10,000, and hold on.
- Then you push me off the edge?
- I wouldn't do that.
- Major Tufan?
- Yes?
My name, sir, is Walter Harper.
This is Miss Lipp, Mr Page,
Mr Vecchi, Mr Fischer...
and this is Mr Simpson,
who's been driving us in a car
rented by Mr Plimpton in Greece.
And borrowed by us
while waiting for him.
Yes, dear.
What can I do for you,
gentlemen? Madam?
Something quite extraordinary
has happened,
I felt I should report
to someone in authority.
- What do you wish to report to me?
- I heard a rattle in the car.
- I heard it first.
- Yes, dear. You heard it first.
I heard a rattle in the car,
had it investigated,
and discovered arms hidden in it.
- Arms?
- Yes.
A rifle and six grenades.
Were these arms in the car?
They certainly look like them.
How clever of you.
Had you lost them?
No, madam.
We had found them.
May I ask where you have been today?
At the wrestling, major.
It was quite an experience.
- Were you there all day, Mr Walter?
- Yes.
- Madam?
- All day.
Were you there all day, Mr Simpson?
No.
No, sir.
We didn't get there until atter 3 o'clock.
Gentlemen, madam -
sometimes a man's profession
gives him a narrow view of things.
- I know now why you are here.
- Do you really, sir?
Yes, Mr Simpson.
A little bird told me.
Mefkufsunuz.
Tomorrow we're out.
- I have an idea.
- Oh, no!
There is a secret stairway
in the Kremlin. The Romanov jewels...
ENHOH