Wrong Guy, The (1997) Movie Script
1
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
[ Elevator bells dinging ]
[ Bell dings ]
Morning.
Big day today.
Hey, fellas,
today's the big day, huh?
Good morning.
Morning!
Top of the morning, milady.
Good morning.
Big day, huh?
Morning.
Good morning, Cindy.
Good morning, Mister...
Hibbert.
Today's a big day for me.
Really? Wow.
Good for you.
All set for the big day?
Hi. Today's the day.
Hey, fellas, how 'bout
that game last night, huh?
What game?
There was no game last night.
Big day, though.
Gotta go.
Hey, there.
Morning to you.
Good morning.
Hey, how's it going?
Morning, folks.
Good morning, Denise.
Good morning, Mr. Hibbert.
Big promotion's being
announced today, and I think
I know who's going to get it.
Mm-hmm.
You think I'm gonna get it?
I suppose.
Who golfs with the CEO
every Wednesday?
Who is marrying
his daughter?
It's me.
Yeah.
I've got work to do.
Right, but you think
I'm gonna get it, right?
Announcement's at 10:00.
Righto.
It's a happy day for me
I'm gonna be the president
of the company
[ Door hinge squeaks ]
[ Bell dings ]
[ lndistinct conversations ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Loud slap ]
Well...
Before we begin,
some of you may have heard
through the office grapevine
who I have appointed
as our new president,
so I thought
I'd just make it official.
The new president
of Nagel lndustries...
is -- big surprise --
Ken Daly.
[ Laughs ]
Thanks.
What?
Pardon.
What did you just say?
Ken is the new president.
What?
I don't know how to say it
any more clearly.
Ken is the new president.
Somebody else
say something.
Hibbert, you're making
an ass of yourself.
Okay, I can hear,
I just can't believe what
I am hearing!
Now, uh, can we move on?
How is this possible?
How -- how -- how --
how -- how --
I mean, I have done
everything in my power
to suck up to you
to get this promotion.
My God, man, I am engaged
to your daughter!
Yes, but, uh, Daly here
is engaged to my favorite
daughter, Daphne.
What kind of a man has
a favorite daughter?
Now, moving on --
And if you do have
a favorite,
then you should label them
"favorite" and "not favorite"!
Hibbert, listen --
Ken Daly is the new president!
[ Laughs ] You --
You didn't really think
you were going to get it,
now, did you? [ Laughs ]
Yes. Yes, I did.
You gave me very strong reason
to think that I would.
In fact, you used the words,
"Between you and me, Nelson,
you are going to be the next
president of this company."
[ Laughing ] Oh.
Oh, that.
Right.
I lied.
[ Clears throat ]
Go to hell.
Pardon me.
Go to hell, you bastard!
Now, that is quite enough,
Hibbert.
I swear I will kill you.
Security!
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Restrain him.
Mmm.
Oh, you are dead to me, sir.
You are dead to me.
The only reason
I don't fire you
is that you are engaged
to my daughter Constance,
who, although she is
a great disappointment to me,
is still my daughter.
You don't know the man
you're dealing with here!
Listen!
I will leave here now...
but I will leave here
of my own free will!
Ow!
[ Sobbing ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Sobbing continues ]
[ Laughing ] Okay.
Okay, that's enough.
-- Aw!
-- Aw!
-- Aw!
[ Laughs ]
[ Clears throat ]
Mr. Hibbert?
[ Sobs ]
[ Knocking ]
Mr. Hibbert?
Yes?
Is everything all right?
Mm-hmm.
You're leaning on the intercom.
People can hear you.
[ lntercom beeps ]
Really great news
about Ken, huh?
[ Clears throat, sniffs ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
[ Sobs ]
[ lntercom beeps ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Sniffs ]
[ Sniffs ]
I'm going to give Nagel
a piece of my mind.
Are you sure
you want to do that?
I want to see Nagel now.
I'm sorry.
You'll have to wait.
Okay.
Excuse me.
I-I've read all of these.
Do you have anything else?
No.
Then I'm not waiting!
[ Door opens ]
Listen, Nagel.
I've got something
I want to get off my chest.
Your treatment of me is
completely unacceptable,
and I just --
Would you stop staring
at me like that?
Okay, 'cause the point
still remains.
How dare you --
how dare...
All right, fine, if that's
the way you want to play it.
You want to play
the staring game? Fine.
Two can play
the staring game.
Okay, I can't play
the staring game.
You win, all right?
Big man! You win, all right?
The -- The point
still remains that you
had absolutely no --
Okay, look,
maybe this was a bad i--
Mayb--
this was a bad idea.
Aah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
[ Gasping ]
Oh, G-- oh!
Oh!
Aah!! Aah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Ugh.
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Oh!
Aah!
Ugh.
[ Gasping ]
Aah!
Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhh!
Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh!
Ahhhhhh!
Aaaaaaah!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
-- Ahhhhhhh!
-- Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aaaaaaah!
[ Telephone rings in distance ]
[ Metal rattling ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Beeps ]
Sir...
Sir, you dropped this.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
I'm afraid
you're mistaken.
Well, I saw it fall
from your coat.
Thank you.
[ Glass cutting ]
[ Whistling ]
[ Click, beep ]
[ Whirring ]
[ Click, beep ]
[ Elevator bell dings ]
[ Thud ]
Nosebleed --
really bad nosebleed.
[ Sirens wailing ]
[ Tires screech ]
[ Sirens wailing ]
-- [ Metal rattling ]
-- You.
It's not how it looks.
Oh, what's the use?!
[ Engine turns over,
tires screech ]
[ Sea gulls cry,
fog horn blows ]
[ Buoy rings ]
[ Thud ]
[ lndistinct talking on radio ]
Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Oh, God! Aah! Aah!
So that's the woman
that found the body.
No, sir.
That's a man.
-- Aah! Aah! Aah!
-- Really?
All right.
Well, let's roll the
tape back and see the
actual killer again.
[ Tape rewinding ]
This killer is
one tough customer.
He's gonna be
tough to catch.
Look at him pull himself
into an air duct.
He must've been working out
for months.
Maybe we should
let the Feds handle it.
Sir, unless he crosses state
lines, this is a local matter.
Well,
what am I supposed to do?
I mean, we don't have
the first clue as
to who this guy is.
Well, from the video,
we've been able to establish
that he's 5'11 1/2",
183 pounds,
dark hair, right-handed.
Thanks.
Mr. Nagel's life
was recorded 24 hours a day
by sophisticated hidden
surveillance cameras.
So why wasn't anyone watching
the Nagel office monitor
at the time of the murder?
We found it...better
not to watch him when...
he's alone.
Why?
[ Beep ]
[ Nagel moaning pleasurably
and panting ]
And he knew
he was being recorded?
Oh, yes.
He wanted us to watch.
Ahh.
Well, I think
we have enough here.
Uh, Jimmy,
pull the patrol car around
to the loading dock,
then call me down.
Sir, should we try to find
that screaming woman?
Man.
Uh, screaming man
that found the body?
No. We've got this tape
and this printout.
Let's focus all our energies
on catching this killer.
[ Thud ]
[ Coins clinking,
men shouting and laughing ]
[ Coins clinking ]
-- In there!
-- In there!
-- Aw!
-- Yeah!
Every time!
Keep this up,
I'll retire.
[ Laughter ]
[ Men singing doo-wop ]
Ooh ooh ooh
Doo ba
Ooh Doo-doo-doo
Stop or I'll shoot
Gangster girl
Bom ba-i-o bom
Your love has got my guns
firing
Gangster girl...
Man on TV:...Johnson's
patented inside move,
but this is where they excel
in defense.
Man #2: We interrupt this game
for a live UNB update on the
murder of Randall G. Nagel.
Here's Cathy La Conole.
Although authorities
have not publicly stated
that they have a suspect,
police have released
surveillance camera footage
showing the grisly murder.
[ Nagel grunting ]
Nobody told me
they had security cameras.
What's the point of pulling
an inside job
if you can't get
inside information?
Now we'll have to switch
to Plan "B."
You remember --
the one we only use
if something goes
terribly wrong.
Yes.
And I'll need double the money.
I'll have to spend
the next couple of years
out of the country.
Meet me on the 23rd,
12:00 noon, Mr. Tiny's.
And don't make me switch
to Plan "C."
You stole my heart away
Ooh, gangster girl,
gangster girl
I'll get it back from you
someday
Bum bum doo ba-doo wa-ooh
When you get out of jail
When you get out of jail
Gangster girl
Wa-ooh wa-ooh wa-ooh
wa-ooh ooooooh
That was all right.
That was okay.
Yeah, we can work on it
tomorrow.
Same time tomorrow.
-- All right.
See you tomorrow.
-- See you, guys.
[ Coin rattling, bell dings ]
[ Dialing ]
[ Telephone rings ]
Constance:
You have reached Constance.
Please leave a message.
-- [ Beep ]
-- Hello, Constance.
It's me -- Nelson.
Nelson, your fianc.
Pick up if you're there.
Pick up, please.
[ Sighs ]
Look, l-I can't talk long.
This call's probably being
traced.
I just wanted to let you know
that despite what the police
may believe,
I did not kill your father.
I'm gonna try
to make my way to Mexico,
where I will remain
until I can prove my innocence.
But until that time,
I am a fugitive from the law.
I must live in hiding,
never able to rest,
never a moment's peace,
starting at every noise.
"What's that?" I'll say.
"Oh, only an alley cat
toying with an empty tin."
Hmm.
How like that mangy Tom am l,
forever search--
[ Beep, dial tone ]
1, 1, 1...
Oh...
[ Beep ]
[ Beeps ]
My name...
They'll know I was here.
[ Beeping ]
Table eight, please.
Yes.
This way, please.
Thank you.
Hi. Is there somewhere
I can clean up?
Is everything all right,
sir?
Oh, yes.
Nothing to worry about.
This isn't my blood.
Thanks.
[ Classical piano music
plays ]
Evening.
[ lndistinct conversations ]
[ Door hinge squeaks ]
Jimmy: Detective Arlen.
A guy covered in blood
showed up at La Trattoria.
You think it's a lead?
No. Our guy's too smart.
Pulled himself into an
air duct, didn't he?
I never would've thought
of that.
La Trattoria...
Is that that nice place with
the really thick veal chops?
Yeah.
Tell you what --
let's check this out.
Have the chef make whatever
the suspect ate. I want to
get into this cat's head.
Also, have him throw
a couple of those chops
on the grill.
[ Clears throat ]
Yeah.
Uh, I'd like to make
a reservation.
Woman: Last call
for the express bus to...
Hi.
How far will...$36 get me?
Hmph. You're there.
All right.
How far will this get me?
I don't care what direction.
I just need to get to Mexico.
There you go.
Thank you.
[ Up-tempo jazz music plays
on radio ]
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
[ Engine revs ]
Man on radio:
Uh, that was...
jazz --
some sort of jazz ensemble.
I don't see
the album cover here.
I'm not usually the DJ,
but I'm trying my best.
Uh, now here's some, uh,
news off the...news machine --
a man matching the description
of the murderer
of Randall G. Nagel
is believed to have stolen
a black Jeep Laredo
with flame detailing
on the sides.
[ Engine revs ]
[ Crickets chirp ]
Man: You.
[ Brakes squeak ]
Miss, this is your stop.
What?
This is Crow's Nest.
How can you tell?
Oh, it's Crow's Nest,
all right.
There's the broken branch,
the ditch, flat tire.
I've been driving this route
for years.
There's nothing out there.
There's no town.
Oh, Crow's Nest isn't a town.
It's a proposed town.
But then The Depression
came along,
and anyway, this is
your stop, so...get out.
[ Engine roars ]
[ Crickets chirp ]
[ Owl hoots ]
[ Dance music plays ]
Yeah, yeah
Crystal?
Miss Crystal Ball?
Detective Arlen,
Cleveland P.D.
Do you know this man?
No. I have no idea
who that is.
I'm not surprised.
It was just a hunch.
Shall I pull the car
around back, sir?
Not just yet, Jimmy.
My instincts tell me, uh,
we might get a lead
if we see
some of the girls dance.
Why don't you go get us
a table down front?
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Twig snaps ]
Mmm.
[ Vomiting ]
Okay,
before we continue on,
I'd just like to make
a special acknowledgement
to Nelson Hibbert,
whose procurement department,
uh, has increased
its efficiency level
by an astonishing 30%
in just the last week.
I-I don't know what you've done
to get the bugs out,
but congratulations,
Nelson.
Uh, where is Nelson?
I thought he was just here.
I don't know.
I think he, uh, I think
he went to the washroom.
Yeah,
I'm sure I saw him.
Anyways, uh, going on to
the next order of business.
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Leaves rustling ]
[ Door hinges squeak ]
[ Wires rattling ]
[ Gearshift clicks,
engine turns off ]
[ Clears throat ]
[ Deep voice ] Uh,
I'd like a room, please.
What?
[ Normal voice ]
l-I'd like a room, please.
Sure. Single, double,
junior suite?
[ Deep voice ]
A single room, please.
What?
A single room, please.
What?
[ Normal voice ] I'd like
a single room, please.
[ Chain jingles ]
That'll be $29.95
in advance, Mr....
Cal...
Oh, uh, Cali-- uh...
-- Cali--
-- Calicranston--
-- Calicranstonson--
-- Calicranstonson--
Calicranstonsonhil--
-- Calicranstonsonhil--
-- Cal--
-- Calicrans-- hilmanton.
--...ton, ton.
-- Hilmanton?
--...ton!
-- Calicranstonsonhilmanton.
-- Calicranstonson--
Cali--
...ton.
-- Calicranstonsonhilmanton.
--...hilmanton!
[ Money crinkles ]
Here's your change.
[ Money crinkles ]
[ Whistles softly ]
Is, um, that your car?
Yes...
Of course it's my car.
Why would I be driving
someone else's car
when I have my own
perfectly good...
[ Sighs ]
...Jeep?
[ Keys jingle ]
Room 4-0.
[ Deep voice ]
Thank you very much.
[ Door closes ]
[ Dialing telephone ]
[ Brakes squeak ]
[ Gearshift clicks,
engine turns off ]
[ Emergency brake engages ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Sighs ]
Damn!
Aw, damn!
Damn, damn, damn,
damn, damn, damn, damn,
damn, damn, damn!
Damn, damn, damn!
[ Sirens wailing ]
[ Tires screeching ]
[ Wailing stops ]
[ Tires screech ]
[ Man talking indistinctly
on radio ]
[ Oddly disguised voice ] Hey!
What's going on down there?
I was just taking a shower
when I heard all the sirens,
and I was wondering
what all the commotion was.
-- Is that him?
-- Can't be.
The person
we're looking for
is 6 feet tall,
180 pounds.
That woman's
nowhere near that size.
I think it's a man.
Really?
Yeah, so, anyway,
I figured I'd come down
and see what the trouble was,
you know?
You know, 'cause what with being
completely innocent and all,
it's, you know, only natural
that I should be curious.
That's him!
Ha!
[ Shoes scrape ]
Look behind you!
Look!
[ Door slams ]
[ Gunshots ]
-- Get down!
-- Take cover!
[ Gunshots continue ]
[ Panting ]
[ Metal clinks ]
[ Gunshots continue ]
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Gunshots in distance ]
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Train approaching ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
[ Whistle blows ]
[ Rumbling ]
[ Thuds ]
[ Brakes squealing ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Metal clanking ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Rumbling ]
[ Metal clanking and squeaking ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Cellphone rings ]
[ Beep ]
Hello?
We've got a problem.
Remember that guy
who walked in on me
in Nagel's office?
Hibbert?
Yeah, I guess so.
He's been trailing me
since Cleveland.
He's everywhere I go, and
he brings the cops with him.
No, that's, uh,
that's impossible.
I just was at a meeting
with Hibbert.
You must be thinking
of somebody else.
-- Whoever it is --
-- Not Hibbert.
Whoever it is,
he's getting in the way.
I'm gonna get rid of him.
Well, you can do
whatever you want.
I just want you to admit
that it's not Hibbert.
Look, Daly,
if you sent this guy
after me to set me up,
Iet me remind you --
if I go down, you go down.
Captain Hughes,
I want to know one thing.
Are you sure it was him?
I'm positive.
Uh, he wounded
a bunch of my guys.
He did this somersault
thing onto a squad car
while shooting.
That's him all right.
-- I've seen him pull himself
up into an air duct.
-- Really?
Well, great,
he's out of Cleveland.
No longer my problem.
Let's go, Jimmy.
Sir, sir!
The Feds would like you
to stay on the case
since you've been
so involved this far,
and the FBl will give you
all the backup and resources
you need to continue
your investigation.
That's just great.
What kind of resources?
Unlimited.
-- Unlimited, huh?
-- Uh-huh.
Jimmy,
how long would it take
to get from here to
Cincinnati by helicopter?
I don't know.
About half an hour.
Great, get one.
I got a sister
in Cincinnati
I haven't seen
in 8 months. Let's go!
Okay, Charlie, what are you
carrying today?
A whole shipment
of tainted ham.
[ Metal door squeaking ]
[ Breathing heavily ]
How do you feel now?
How do you feel?
[ Sighs ]
Fine, fine.
What happened?
You ate 10 tainted hams.
We pumped your stomach.
You're very lucky
to be alive.
Thanks.
Just need your name
for our records.
My name?
Mm-hmm.
My name.
My name is...
Jones.
Mr....
Enema Bag Jones.
That's not your name.
You're simply lying to me.
Right.
Sorry.
My real name...
is Harris...
Dr. Helen Harris.
No, that's my name.
You're probably still a little
out of it from the toxins.
I'll check back on you
in 15 minutes.
[ Clipboard snaps shut ]
[ Door opens, closes ]
[ Sighs ]
Must...escape...
before...police...
find me.
[ Groans ]
[ Yawns ]
Woman over paging system:
Dr. Rosco and Dr. Hanover
to Emergency.
[ Door slams ]
[ Hangers clanging, falling ]
[ Silence ]
[ Clanging resumes ]
[ Silence ]
[ Clanging resumes ]
[ Silence ]
[ Clanging resumes ]
[ Silence ]
[ Metal jingling ]
[ Door squeaks, slams ]
[ Bell dings ]
Woman over paging system:
Dr. Chris Cooper --
paging Dr. Chris Cooper.
[ Sighs ]
[ Bell dings ]
[ Door squeaks ]
[ Door creaks ]
[ Bell dings ]
[ Door closes ]
[ Knife clicks ]
[ Knife clicks ]
-- [ Newspaper crinkling ]
-- Give me!
-- Ow!
Give me --
give -- give --
Ow! Ow! Ow!
-- Dr., uh, Martin...
-- Yes?
-- We need you.
-- I'm sorry, I'm busy.
Look, my partner's
having a heart attack,
and you're gonna save him.
Let's go!
Fine.
He's ready.
Clear!
And...
[ Electricity surges ]
[ Flatline ]
Don't feel so bad, doc.
You did all you could.
You know, guys, l...
really need to be alone
right now.
I think I'll take a walk.
Yeah, right.
He's taking it
really hard.
So, you won't tell me
who you are or
where you're going?
Nope.
I like that.
You know how many assassins
it took to kill JFK?
One?
Nope.
There were no gunmen
at all.
Kennedy's head
just did that.
Really?
I call it
the "no bullet" theory.
Oh. Hey, maybe
you could help, uh, uh,
with a problem
a friend of mine is having.
This friend of mine
was the first person
to find his boss
stabbed to death,
and now everybody
thinks I did it.
I mean he.
Two things --
one -- one, the man who
killed your friend's boss
is a Cuban assassin.
9 out of 10 times,
this is the truth.
Two -- two, that means
they'll come after you
with everything
they've got,
including
man-made viruses.
Oh, God.
Is -- Is there any way
he can defend himself?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Many common household
items
can be used
as deadly weapons, friend.
I could kill you right now
using two tea bags
and some wax paper.
How?
I can't tell you.
Fine, l-I understand.
But this is great.
You've been a great help to me.
Look, do you have --
have, by any chance,
a list of Cuban assassins?
A list?
Oh, isn't that
a coincidence...
Uh-huh.
That I should pick up
a hitchhiker
and he should ask me
about a list?
You can tell your friends
at the post office
that they can suck my ass!
Hmm?
Adios, comrade!
Aaah!
[ Tires squeal ]
I'll never catch you.
You're just
too damn good.
I give up.
Arlen, we got a lead.
Some hospital
in Columbia, Missouri,
says they picked up
a drifter
off of a westbound train
from lndiana,
pumped his stomach,
then the guy disappears.
Let's follow this up.
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Coins clinking ]
[ Click, buzzing ]
[ Coughs ]
[ Vehicle approaches ]
Hi.
Hello.
Where you headed?
Mexico -- I mean,
nowhere in particular.
Look, I just need
a ride, okay?
All right, hop in.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Lynn.
Oh, uh, my name's...
Uh-huh.
Nelson --
my name is Nelson.
Nelson, Nelson. It's
nice to meet you, Nelson.
Nice to meet you, Lynn.
So, um, not from
around here, are you?
What makes you say that?
Well, you know,
it's a small town.
I've lived here
all my life,
and I've never
seen you before.
Oh, then, no,
I'm not from around here.
Where are you from?
Oh, that doesn't matter.
The real question is --
Where am I going?
Oh, where are you going?
Can't say.
Oh, okay.
I understand.
Thanks.
You know, I really
appreciate what you did,
but you probably shouldn't
be picking strangers up
off the highway.
Oh, well, you know,
normally I wouldn't,
but I'm a very intuitive
person, see,
and there was
something about you
when you were standing out
on the road that I trusted.
You seem so...
safe.
Mm-hmm.
Well, no, "safe"
isn't the right word.
You seem more, uh,
like, um, harmless,
innocuous, feeble, weak.
Thanks, thanks.
You're welcome.
Thank you, thank you.
But it's very friendly
of you to be concerned.
You know, I don't have
very many friends.
Really?
That surprises me.
Well, you know
how small towns are.
Everybody's
in such a rush.
The hurly-burly
of farm life --
it's just hard
to meet people.
There must be a lot of men
interested in you.
Oh, no.
I-I hope you don't mind me
saying this,
but you're
a very beautiful woman.
You think so?
Yeah.
Well, for some reason,
I'm not very popular.
Who knows why?
Who can map
the human heart when --
[ Sighs ]
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Fence cracks ]
[ Sighs ]
Lynn?
Lynn,
are you all right?
[ Groans ]
Are you okay?
Did I have
one of my spells again?
I'm guessing you did.
[ Sighs ] You'll have to
forgive me.
I'm slightly narcoleptic.
Ah.
Oh, my God,
you're hurt.
We'll go back to my house,
and I'll bandage that cut.
Maybe I should drive.
Don't be silly.
You don't know the way.
[ Gears grinding ]
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Dog barks ]
[ Gearshift clicks,
engine turns off ]
Oh, that looks pretty bad.
We probably should do
something about that.
First, we better
disinfect it.
I really don't think
that's necessary.
-- Ow! My eye!
-- Sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry.
Ow! Burning! Burning!
Burning my eye!
Here, here.
Ow! Ow! Please stop!
Please stop!
Oh, sorry.
I'm just making
things worse, aren't l?
-- No.
-- No?
-- No, it's me.
-- Really?
It's these damn eyes.
They're just too sensitive
to chemicals and...
filthy towels.
You know what?
I'm feeling much better,
really, much better.
Maybe just some ice
for the swelling.
That would be great.
-- lce?
-- Yeah.
[ Crying ]
We can't afford any ice.
Huh?
[ Sobbing ]
There, there.
There, there.
[ Sobs ] I'm sorry.
It's just, our refrigerator
is broken,
and we have to eat
canned food
because we can't afford
to fix it.
That's awful.
Everything
is falling apart.
Gee.
It sure sounds like
you folks could use
some help around here.
Yeah.
[ Sobbing continues ]
Well, I better be going.
Wait.
Nelson,
maybe you could help.
[ Sniffles ]
I don't follow.
Well, um, maybe
you could work here
for room and board.
Work -- uh, what --
what kind of work?
Um, well, you know,
odd jobs,
handyman kind of stuff.
I can't do
any heavy lifting.
Uh, bad back?
No.
Look, you don't want me
around here, all right?
Look, l-I'm trouble.
I'll bring you
nothing but heartache.
Nelson!
Oh...
where will you go?
I don't know,
down the road.
Maybe I'll scrounge a meal
from a dumpster...
find an old cardboard box
to sleep in.
[ Door handle jiggles ]
[ Jiggling ]
[ Jiggling ]
Are you sure?
All right, I'll stay,
but just for a little while.
Oh, good.
You can stay here.
Mm-hmm.
This was my brother
Billy's room.
Oh.
So, your brother's
gay, huh?
[ Laughing ] Gay?
[ Laughs ]
No, Billy is not gay.
[ Laughs ]
I mean, if you knew
how funny it is
that you would think that.
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ] Gay.
No, no, he's a Marine.
[ Laughs ]
Oh. Hmm.
[ Laughing ]
Oh, run away, turn away
Run away, turn away
Run away
[ Click, music stops ]
My mistake.
That's all right.
[ Laughs ]
He's about 5'9",
brown hair.
Yeah, I think I saw him.
Kind of an idiot?
No, he's smart,
supersmart,
most likely a genius.
No, then it's not
the same guy.
They guy I saw stuck his head
in the water machine.
[ Sighs ]
Yeah, well,
that's him all right.
He was here a while ago.
You sure
he's not an idiot?
Quite sure.
[ Bird caws ]
[ Siren wails ]
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Bell dings ]
[ Wailing continues ]
John...
My siren's stuck again.
[ Birds chirping,
brakes squeak ]
[ Hinges squeak ]
Lynn, who fixed the fence?!
[ Gate closes,
steady rattling ]
Who are you?
Oh, I'm Nelson.
Lynn hired me to be
the new handyman.
Well,
she's got a big heart.
Oh, you must be her father.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
Uh, now,
if you'll excuse me,
I have to glue this fence
back up.
Third time's the charm.
Lynn, I think we need
to talk!
[ Crickets chirping,
dog barking in distance ]
[ Wood thuds ]
[ Sighs ]
I am starving.
[ Thud, clink ]
Lynn: Canned ham?
Oh...this cracker
is so filling.
I don't think I could eat
another bite.
All right.
Suit yourself.
Nelson, I know that Lynn
told you
that you could be
our handyman,
but I'm gonna have to
let you go.
Daddy...
No, that's all right.
I understand.
I just want to thank you,
though,
for your --
your graciousness,
your warmth,
and your hospitality.
This has been the happiest
time of my life.
And whatever happens to me
from here on in,
I want you to know that
I will never forget
these past four hours.
See, I'm -- I'm just
a simple country banker.
And, well, lately it's been
impossible to make ends meet
with all
the low interest rates
and the federal controls
and all those damn
wealthy farmers
trying to shut me down.
Hey! Maybe I could be more use
to you down at the bank.
I-I do have an MBA
from an lvy League college.
I mean, it's not strictly
Ivy League, I mean,
but it was near Harvard.
You had to take
the same bus that you
took to get to Harvard,
not that anybody
who went to Harvard
ever took the bus.
[ Laughs ]
Well, normally,
it's not a good idea
to take a total stranger,
a hobo,
and put him in a responsible
position at the bank,
but...well, damn it,
I am the owner of Fred Holden
Savings & Loan,
and I think you're telling
the truth.
I know you didn't make it
through life as a handyman,
so tomorrow,
you start at the bank.
Great.
Well, tomorrow's
a big day for me.
I better get to bed.
Thank you, daddy.
[ Thunder rumbles,
lightning crashes ]
[ Knock on door ]
Yes?
Fred?
No, l-It's me -- Lynn.
Oh.
[ Negatively ]
Ooh.
That light is so harsh.
Do you mind?
No.
Can I come in?
No. Don't move.
Stay where you are.
It...wouldn't be...
proper.
Ah, Nelson...
-- You're such a gentleman.
-- Thanks.
Now, if you could just
pivot a little clockwise.
Sure. Why?
No reason.
Um, Nelson,
I just wanted to say,
"good luck tomorrow"
and I'm really happy
that you're staying.
Oh.
Thanks, Lynn.
Me too.
Good night, Nelson.
Good night, Lynn.
[ Door closes ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Lightning crashes ]
Protein.
[ Bones crack, dog barking ]
[ Growling ]
Get your own rat,
you son of a bitch.
-- [ Whack ]
-- [ Whimpers ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Evil laughter ]
Well, Jimmy [Sighs]
apparently, the killer
hasn't been to this French
restaurant either.
Well, sir, we have
no reason to believe
he's anywhere in New York.
Well, maybe that's what
he'd like us to believe.
Jimmy, call Ticketmaster,
get us two tickets to
that "Moby Dick" musical...
"Moby."
Yes, sir.
Uh, better yet --
make it four tickets,
and call one
of those escort places.
Get us some dates.
We don't want to look
too conspicuous.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, and, Jimmy...
See if they have
a blond Asian girl.
See, we went through
a pretty big modernization
back in 1958.
That's when my father died.
That's when we replaced
the inkwells
with the ballpoint pens.
Oh, very impressive.
See that chair?
That's new.
It's very nice.
Well, frankly,
I miss the old chair,
but time marches on.
So your uniform's
in the locker.
Uniform?
Gavin: Mornin'.
Oh, Gav, this is Nelson.
He's, uh, replacing
Mrs. Evans.
This is a stickup.
Oh, God. Please.
Please don't kill me.
I'm just begging you
not to kill me.
Nelson, Nelson, Nelson,
it's me.
It's Lynn.
I was just joking.
[ Exhales deeply ]
Me too.
[ Laughing ]
I thought I'd stop by,
and I'd bring you
some lunch.
Oh, that's great.
[ Footsteps approach ]
Well, Holden, I'm surprised
to see that you're still open.
Well, no thanks to you,
Farmer Brown.
I see you've finally got
a replacement for Miss Evans.
You know you can't
hold out much longer.
Your note's due in 30 days.
We'll make it.
We're doing just fine.
Maybe so.
But it'd be a shame
if people around here
started to lose confidence
in the bank,
if certain facts
became public.
What facts?
What do you think of this,
young man?
[ Panting ]
Oh, the bank,
wow.
Well, since you own
the newspaper,
I'm not surprised
they'd print your lies.
Sell me your share
of the bank now,
and your investors will get
some of their money back.
Sure will be nice to tear
this old bank down
and plant me
a fresh crop of corn.
You will never grow
one single ear
of your filthy corn here!
Well, we'll see.
To the broccoli field,
Jeddediah, and hurry.
Ah.
Why does everybody
look so down?
Well, Farmer Brown
was just here.
We may really be in trouble
this time.
The note's coming due,
and business is way off.
We're gonna need a miracle
and need it fast.
Damn him!
Aw.
I wish I could have
been there for you.
Oh, honey,
just having you here,
Iying on the floor
unconscious,
was comfort enough.
Thank you, daddy.
I can't get used to
this chair.
I'm so happy
you're staying.
I think you're really helping
out father at the bank.
Everything's so wonderful.
I know.
And that fence might stay up
if it doesn't rain.
Nelson, I think I'm falling
in love with you.
That's a bad idea,
Lynn.
Why?
This is hard
for me to say.
As much as I'd like
to stay here
with you and your father,
l-I can't.
You see,
I'm the prime suspect
in a crime
that I did not commit.
The crime...of murder!
Lynn?
[ Birds chirping ]
Lynn?
Lynn?
[ Singsong voice ]
Lynn?
[ Crickets chirping ]
Man on TV:...In this
grisly work that we do.
-- I know that.
-- This is one exception.
Contained within
the tragic murder tape
-- Mm-hmm.
-- of millionaire Randall Nagel
is this often-requested
bit of comedy relief.
I know that.
Please stop staring at me
like that.
I don't care
if that shopping mall's
been in your family
for generations.
Soon that land will be
a pasture for dairy cattle.
And there is nothing
you can do about it.
-- Ow! Ow!
-- That, my friend,
is a very wise decision.
The papers will be ready
to sign in the morning.
[ Nelson screaming ]
[ Volume increases ]
The killer is still at large.
-- Ah! Ah! Ah!
-- If you have any information
-- Ah! Ah! Ah!
-- about this or any of the
cases presented this evening,
please call us at the number
flashing on your screen.
Well, I wonder
how the customers will feel
when they find out
they've had a murderer working
behind the teller's window.
Well, Lynn,
that's my story.
You've got to believe me.
I didn't do it.
Well,
I consider myself a pretty
good judge of people,
except for that one guy
who said he was
an advanced scout for
an alien invasion force,
but it turned out
he just wanted to get
in my pants.
I just don't think
you're the kind of person
that could
commit a murder.
Thanks.
That means a lot.
I'm starting to have
some very strong
feelings for you.
The sort of feelings
I've never had for anyone
that couldn't further
my career.
Oh, Nelson.
Ahab's pissed,
he once missed
He's no ichthyologist
Sir, we just got
a call from --
Hold it.
Those are flesh-and-blood
actors up there.
Give them the respect
they deserve.
But, sir,
the killer --
Jimmy, you can tell me
at intermission.
I'll meet you at the bar.
Have a gin and tonic
waiting for me.
Oh,
and a mai tai for the lady.
Go.
[ Singing continues ]
How could you
let this happen?
Ken: What happened?
This
million-dollar reward.
Oh, that.
That's no big deal.
Who's responsible
for this?
What, the reward?
That was, uh, my idea.
I thought it was a good way
to throw suspicion off me.
Do the police
suspect you?
No, of course not.
With stunts like these,
they're never going to.
Look, just calm down.
No one's gonna find you.
I'm sure nobody even knows
about the offer.
Boy, you know what I'd do
with that million dollars?
I'd buy me a new gas station
with solid-gold pumps.
Just be at Mr. Tiny's
on Wednesday.
So you're sure the murderer
is in that bank?
Most definitely.
[ Evil laughter ]
Why are you laughing
like that?
Like what?
You know, weird, creepy.
It's a...allergy.
[ Clears throat ]
[ Clears throat ]
Uh, Jimmy, notify the locals
that we're coming.
On my signal, we move in
and apprehend the suspect.
Right.
[ lndistinct yelling ]
I want
to close my account!
Me too.
What's this all about?
Your teller there
is a coldblooded murderer.
-- Yeah!
-- Yeah!
-- Yeah!
Where'd you get that idea?
From the front page
of this newspaper.
Well, this is nuts.
This newspaper's owned
by Farmer Brown.
He's been trying
to shut us down for years.
Edgar, your father
got the money
for that house
you're living in
from this bank.
Jacob, do you remember
when you needed money
to start
that men's jewelry store?
Well, you didn't get it
from Brown.
You got it from us.
Uh, yeah,
I had to foreclose on you,
but, well,
it wasn't a good idea, was it?
Men in this town
just don't wear jewelry.
Everybody, look, the money from
this bank is in that town.
Now, you're not gonna
risk it all
just on the basis
of one stupid rumor!
Yes, we are!
[ lndistinct yelling ]
Hold on!
Wait a minute!
Hold on!
Hold on!
[ Yelling continues ]
Wait a minute!
Just wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
Now, Nelson,
set these people straight.
You're not a killer,
are you?
A killer? No.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm an alleged killer.
Yes, I did
threaten the man,
and my prints were all over
the murder weapon,
but that's just 'cause
I pulled it out of his skull.
[ lndistinct yelling ]
Freeze!
We know the killer of
Randall Nagel is in this bank!
[ Crowd murmuring ]
Follow me.
[ lndistinct yelling ]
I want my money back!
We want our money back!
We want our money back!
Money back!
Money back!
-- We want our money back!
-- We want our money back!
[ Whistles ]
Quiet!
Everybody just settle down!
You're letting the killer go!
The killer?
Yeah, he went that way!
Let's get him!
Don't let him get away!
[ Brakes squeal, hiss ]
You're going to the convention,
aren't you?
Hop in.
[ Brakes squeal ]
Tell us what you know about
the murderer of Randall Nagel.
I can't.
My daughter loves him,
and, well, I can't betray
my daughter.
There you go, Jimmy.
You can't fight love.
It's the most powerful
of all emotions.
That's it!
We know you know who he is
and where he went, so tell us!
I can tell you this.
The Nelson Hibbert I know
is incapable of murder,
not morally,
but physically.
Who?
This is the man
we're looking for.
Well, I thought
you wanted Nelson.
The man you want
came in the bank right
before the police got here.
I haven't seen him before
or since.
-- Uh, Lynn...
-- Uh-huh.
-- Look, we're gonna be on the
run together, right?
-- Right.
Let's face it.
I think there's some pretty
strong feelings going on here.
There's just something
I want to get settled.
Oh, don't worry.
I have condoms.
No, that's not it.
It's not?
But good.
I-I just need to make
a phone call.
Oh. Okay.
All right. Fine.
I'll go browse
the convenience store.
Okay.
All right.
-- And, Lynn...
-- What?
This may get dangerous.
You better pick up
two tea bags and
a sheet of wax paper.
Okay.
Constance, I have something
important to tell you.
[ Sighs ]
Oh, I wish I could do this
face to face,
but, you know, since I'm still
on the run and all...
I've met someone, and I think
I'm falling in love.
I'm sorry.
It just happened.
She's wonderful.
The way her eyes
light up a room,
the way her laugh
fills me with joy,
the way she flicks her tongue
when we kiss.
Perhaps I've said too much.
Please try to remem--
-- [ Telephone clanks ]
-- Uhh!
Freeze!
Put down your weapon.
No, you put down yours
or I blow a hole through
this guy's head.
Well, looks like we got
ourselves a Mexican standoff.
Not really.
A Mexican standoff is where
no one has an advantage.
In this case, I could use
this guy as a shield,
kill you,
and then kill him anyway.
My mistake.
What if I put down my gun,
walk away,
and you don't kill me?
What's that called?
That's called "you're
a stinking yellow coward."
Stinking yellow coward.
Works for me.
[ Air hisses ]
You're not going anywhere.
Hey, listen,
I don't know
what kind of trouble
you're in, pal,
but trust me, you're
making a big mistake,
all right?
-- I happen to be the most
wanted man in America.
-- No, you're not.
Well, you can believe
what you want,
but you're gonna feel
pretty stupid when you
find out who I really am.
-- I got your tea bags
and wax paper.
-- Thanks.
Get rid of her
or I'll kill her.
And I bought
more condoms.
Hey, thanks for
the condoms. See ya.
Nelson?
I left my home for you.
Well, now you can
go back. See ya!
Why are you acting this way?
And who's this?
Oh, just another meaningless
stranger, just like you.
Ow!
You cold
son of a bitch!
Look, I don't mean
to hurt you --
Ow! Would you let me
finish?!
Okay.
I'm just trying to tell you
that love is dangerous.
You should run away
from love.
It's like a gun
pointed at your head.
You're not making any sense.
He's trying to tell you
that I have a gun
pointed at your head.
No, he's not.
Oh.
See?
Well, how did you possibly
expect me to understand that?
It was so convoluted.
No, it was pretty clear.
No, it was not clear.
-- Yes, it was.
-- People don't talk
like that.
I said, "It's like --
there's a gun
pointed at your head."
You said, "It's like a gun
pointed at your head."
You should have said,
"There is a gun pointed
at my head."
Shut up!
You drive.
Oh, ho!
Bad idea, Lurch.
Get in. Come on.
Okay. We'll get
right on it. Thanks.
Detective Arlen,
a desperate man fitting
the killer's description
just stole a catering truck
outside Oklahoma City.
He was with
a woman and a man
that looked like he worked
in a pizza parlor.
They could be heading
toward Mexico.
See, Jimmy?
And you said a manicurist
had no useful role
in a police investigation.
Let's move out.
Look, I am telling you.
I am a terrible hostage.
I am a wanted man.
Yeah, the police think
he killed Randall Nagel.
No, they think
I killed Randall Nagel.
No.
No, they don't.
Yes, they do.
"Police-artist sketch
of Nagel assassin"?
What a terrible likeness.
This doesn't look
anything like me.
No, no, it doesn't.
It's me.
Look, you and I both know
I killed Nagel.
You're trying to tell me
that you killed Nagel?
That everybody knows
you killed Nagel?
Nobody thinks that I did it?
Nobody is after me?
I quit my job.
I-I abandoned my life.
I mended a fence
for no good reason.
Is that what you're
trying to tell me?
Stop the charade.
I'm not stupid.
I know you've been trailing me
ever since Cleveland.
I don't know what you are,
some kind
of highly trained G-man
or part of some
supersecret elite force
of international supercops.
Wow. Supercop.
I just thought
it would be up to me
to get a job
to support us.
Once we get to Mexico,
I'm gonna ransom you
for a fortune.
But don't get me wrong.
If I have to, I'll shoot you.
No, you're wrong.
You've got this thing wrong.
I'm -- I'm a nobody,
all right?
I'm just an ordinary guy --
a guy that just risked
the life
of the most wonderful woman
in the world.
I am an idiot.
I am a complete idiot.
No, you're not.
If I really believed that,
I'd have to pull over,
hogtie you, and shoot you
in the back of the head.
Well...it looks like
secret agent...Ken
of that elite thing
you were talking about
has finally
met his match.
Pull in up here.
Detective Arlen,
they've been spotted!
They're nearing the border!
They just turned
into Mr. Tiny's.
Don't pull 'em over yet.
He might kill the hostages.
Tell them to use air support
to follow them,
but keep their distance.
We'll set up roadblocks,
then move in.
[ Tires screeching ]
I haven't been miniature
golfing since I was a kid.
You know something,
Mr. Killer?
You're not such a tough guy.
You're just an old softie.
Gee.
Park over there.
All right.
[ Horn honking continuously ]
I tried to tell you.
[ Crashes ]
[ Car alarm blaring,
horn honking ]
[ Lynn moaning,
honking stops ]
Lynn: Did I have one
of my spells again?
Yes, you did.
But those of us that chose
to wear seat belts are fine.
Shut up!
And get out of the car!
[ Alarm blaring continues ]
[ Carnival music plays ]
If either of you speak,
I'll kill you.
If you try to run,
I'll kill you.
What about
signaling people
when we're not speaking
or running?
Yes, I'll kill you
for signaling.
Ah, but if I hadn't
brought it up,
you'd have never said
anything, huh?
-- [ Thud ]
-- Hey!
-- How 'bout you?
-- What?
Do you understand?
Oh, like I really
feel open
to asking you questions
right now.
[ Music continues ]
-- You're awake.
-- Yeah. For a while now.
-- I've been carrying you.
-- I thought you wanted to.
-- Lynn...
-- What?
I'm sorry about getting you
involved in all of this.
You know,
possibly getting you killed
and ruining your father's
business.
It would have gone under
anyway.
Great.
Then everything's okay.
Well, not really.
I still might get killed.
Right.
I'm sorry about that.
It's all right.
Ow. I'm sorry.
Did you bring the money?
I brought the money.
Hey, that's Ken Daly.
I work with him.
He's gonna find a way
to capture the killer
and get us to safety.
Shut up.
Oh.
That's Ken Daly.
I work with him --
I-I heard. I heard.
Open it slowly, Daly.
I've never trusted you.
I may be
a coldblooded killer,
but I would never marry just
to further my career.
Hey, you don't know
what it's like out there.
There you go.
$500,000.
[ Locks snap ]
Oh, and, uh,
here's your passport.
Iraq?
I asked
for a Swiss passport.
Oh, they --
they didn't have any.
You'll never get away
with this.
Of course I will.
It's simply a matter
of killing both of you,
taking the money,
and escaping
through this hatch,
which runs under
the Rio Grande to Mexico.
Where you'll find a car
waiting with provisions.
Open the hatch, Daly.
Why?
You got what you want.
Just go.
I will...
just as soon as you open
the hatch.
Hey, Ken...
thanks for saving my life.
I'm not gonna save
your life.
As soon as I kill him,
I'm gonna kill you, too.
No, you're gonna save me.
You double-crossing bastard.
[ Four gunshots ]
[ Thud ]
Hey.
You know what I think?
What?
I think Daly was
in on this thing
right from the start.
I think he hired you
to kill Nagel.
Of course he did.
Nelson, you solved
the mystery.
-- Yeah. Hey.
-- What?
What do you say you and l
get out of here?
Okay.
[ Gun cocks ]
Detective Arlen, we really
should do something
about those gunshots.
All right.
Let's roll.
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
I'm commandeering this vehicle.
Official police business.
It's an emergency.
Move it!
Go sit on that bench
over there.
[ lndistinct conversations ]
Ready.
Take that.
Give me that.
[ Panting ]
You see? It's like I said.
He is stuck.
I think his head is
probably wedged between
the ladder rungs.
Arlen on megaphone:
We know you're in there.
We've got you surrounded.
Up the ladder.
Let's go.
Stay back...
or the supercop gets it!
What supercop?
The supercop
I'm holding hostage.
Are you saying you
have a third hostage
we cannot see?
You're not a supercop,
are you?
You're just
an ordinary idiot.
No, I'm -- I'm -- I'm --
No, I'm sorry, Lynn.
I'm not a supercop.
Well, I kinda figured.
-- I just didn't want
to embarrass you in
front of the killer.
-- Ohh.
All right!
I may not have any supercops,
but these two human lives
are valuable, right?!
[ Gunshot ]
Sorry about that.
One of our boys
got a little overzealous.
All right!
But if one more cop shoots me,
I'm gonna kill at least one
of my hostages!
We don't want anybody
to get hurt.
I'm already hurt!
Right. We don't anybody
else to get hurt.
Agreed?
There has to be some way
out of this.
What do you suggest?
Give yourself up?
How does that help me?
I don't know.
Tell the snipers to get
in position.
I can hear you!
Sorry.
All right, here's my idea --
safe passage across the border,
a million dollars in cash --
-- And a helicopter.
-- And a helicopter!
Wait! Why?
I've always wanted to ride
in a helicopter.
Your helicopter
is on the way.
I don't want a helicopter!
It's on its way.
Cancel it!
We can't cancel it.
We've already
ordered it.
If I even hear a chopper,
I'll kill someone!
Let go of one
of your hostages,
and we'll cancel
the helicopter.
-- I'm serious!
-- [ Gun cocks ]
Ha! Ha!
What the hell
are you doing?
Ahhh!
[ Spike cracking,
killer grunting ]
[ Fabric ripping ]
Aaahhhhhhh!
-- [ Thud ]
-- Uhhh!
[ Guns cocking ]
I fell on my keys.
[ lndistinct talking
on police radio ]
Good work, Arlen.
Just doing my job.
I do, however,
have a few questions.
Yes?
Your expense account shows
you spent some time
in New York City.
Yes?
Well, Bob and I are going
up there next week,
and I was wondering
if you could suggest a show.
[ Laughing ]
Of course.
"Moby the Musical" --
a must-see.
-- "Beauty and the Beast"
was terrific.
-- Really?
The candlestick looks
just like a candlestick.
-- The teapot looks a lot
like a teapot.
-- Is that right?
So I guess you'll be taking
your million-dollar reward
and leaving me forever.
Oh.
O-Okay.
Sir --
Oh, there's -- there's
no need to thank me.
I just did what any
good citizen would do.
Uh, uh,
that's our blanket.
Oh.
There you go.
You don't have to leave,
you know.
-- Really?
-- Yeah, really.
Oh, great, great,
'cause, you know...
something happened to me
back there
with that gun pointed
at my head.
I had, um,
I had a, uh...
-- An epiphany?
-- No, no.
It was more like a realization,
but on a grand scale.
An epiphany.
No, no, it had, like,
religious proportions to it.
You're describing
an epiphany.
Well, whatever it was,
it made me realize how
shallow my life has been.
You know, clawing
my way to the top
of the corporate ladder,
willing to step over anybody
that got in my way.
It was empty
and it was ugly.
But out there in Metcalf
with you and your father --
Iife was real.
I felt, for the first time,
that I belonged somewhere.
I think
more than anything,
I'd like to go back there
and save your father's bank,
marry you,
and settle down.
I hate Metcalf.
Or we could stay
in Cleveland.
You know, I can jump back
into the rat race. Either way.
Cleveland
sounds good to me.
But we get married,
right?
-- Oh, right.
-- Oh, good. Good.
[ Engine turns over ]
Chorus:
It's a whale of a tale
And as told by Ishmael
Ishmael: Moby's on his way
Make a wish,
here's the fish
If he's caught,
he'll be delish
A blubbery buffet
Ahab's pissed,
he once missed
He's no ichthyologist
He thinks Moby Dick's
a king-size fish fillet
He'll throw
his steel harpoon
Revenge is his real soon
Soon as Moby's on his way
Man: Take it, Queequeg!
-- [ Queequeg grunting ]
-- Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Woman: Hey, pretty good!
Whoo!
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ahab: Blast ye, matey!
Men: Whoo!
Women: Whoa!
All: Whoa!
Ahab: Something white
off the starboard bow!
We're amazed, he's unfazed
Yep, ole Ahab's
kind of crazed
Hurry, old great white,
do not delay
Just put it in fifth gear
We wish that you were here
We hear that Moby's gone
Yeah, he's real, real gone
We hear that Moby's
on his way!
Gangster girl
Bom Ba-i-o bom
Your love has got my guns
firing
Gangster girl,
gangster girl
In the lineup, you're the one
I'm admiring
Ba-ooh dom dom
Listen,
can you hear the sirens?
Here comes the sirens
Well, none of your crimes
have been violent
Do do do do
I want to hear you say,
"I love you"
Wa-ooh wa-ooh wa-ooh
You have the right
to remain silent
Do do do do
And the right
to legal counsel, too
Whoa, gangster girl
Whooooooo hoooo hooooo
You stole my heart away
Ooh, gangster girl,
gangster girl
I'll get it back from you
someday
Wa-ooh
When you get out of jail
When you get out of jail
Gangster girl
Wa-ooh wa-ooh wa-ooh
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
[ Elevator bells dinging ]
[ Bell dings ]
Morning.
Big day today.
Hey, fellas,
today's the big day, huh?
Good morning.
Morning!
Top of the morning, milady.
Good morning.
Big day, huh?
Morning.
Good morning, Cindy.
Good morning, Mister...
Hibbert.
Today's a big day for me.
Really? Wow.
Good for you.
All set for the big day?
Hi. Today's the day.
Hey, fellas, how 'bout
that game last night, huh?
What game?
There was no game last night.
Big day, though.
Gotta go.
Hey, there.
Morning to you.
Good morning.
Hey, how's it going?
Morning, folks.
Good morning, Denise.
Good morning, Mr. Hibbert.
Big promotion's being
announced today, and I think
I know who's going to get it.
Mm-hmm.
You think I'm gonna get it?
I suppose.
Who golfs with the CEO
every Wednesday?
Who is marrying
his daughter?
It's me.
Yeah.
I've got work to do.
Right, but you think
I'm gonna get it, right?
Announcement's at 10:00.
Righto.
It's a happy day for me
I'm gonna be the president
of the company
[ Door hinge squeaks ]
[ Bell dings ]
[ lndistinct conversations ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Loud slap ]
Well...
Before we begin,
some of you may have heard
through the office grapevine
who I have appointed
as our new president,
so I thought
I'd just make it official.
The new president
of Nagel lndustries...
is -- big surprise --
Ken Daly.
[ Laughs ]
Thanks.
What?
Pardon.
What did you just say?
Ken is the new president.
What?
I don't know how to say it
any more clearly.
Ken is the new president.
Somebody else
say something.
Hibbert, you're making
an ass of yourself.
Okay, I can hear,
I just can't believe what
I am hearing!
Now, uh, can we move on?
How is this possible?
How -- how -- how --
how -- how --
I mean, I have done
everything in my power
to suck up to you
to get this promotion.
My God, man, I am engaged
to your daughter!
Yes, but, uh, Daly here
is engaged to my favorite
daughter, Daphne.
What kind of a man has
a favorite daughter?
Now, moving on --
And if you do have
a favorite,
then you should label them
"favorite" and "not favorite"!
Hibbert, listen --
Ken Daly is the new president!
[ Laughs ] You --
You didn't really think
you were going to get it,
now, did you? [ Laughs ]
Yes. Yes, I did.
You gave me very strong reason
to think that I would.
In fact, you used the words,
"Between you and me, Nelson,
you are going to be the next
president of this company."
[ Laughing ] Oh.
Oh, that.
Right.
I lied.
[ Clears throat ]
Go to hell.
Pardon me.
Go to hell, you bastard!
Now, that is quite enough,
Hibbert.
I swear I will kill you.
Security!
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Restrain him.
Mmm.
Oh, you are dead to me, sir.
You are dead to me.
The only reason
I don't fire you
is that you are engaged
to my daughter Constance,
who, although she is
a great disappointment to me,
is still my daughter.
You don't know the man
you're dealing with here!
Listen!
I will leave here now...
but I will leave here
of my own free will!
Ow!
[ Sobbing ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Sobbing continues ]
[ Laughing ] Okay.
Okay, that's enough.
-- Aw!
-- Aw!
-- Aw!
[ Laughs ]
[ Clears throat ]
Mr. Hibbert?
[ Sobs ]
[ Knocking ]
Mr. Hibbert?
Yes?
Is everything all right?
Mm-hmm.
You're leaning on the intercom.
People can hear you.
[ lntercom beeps ]
Really great news
about Ken, huh?
[ Clears throat, sniffs ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
[ Sobs ]
[ lntercom beeps ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Sniffs ]
[ Sniffs ]
I'm going to give Nagel
a piece of my mind.
Are you sure
you want to do that?
I want to see Nagel now.
I'm sorry.
You'll have to wait.
Okay.
Excuse me.
I-I've read all of these.
Do you have anything else?
No.
Then I'm not waiting!
[ Door opens ]
Listen, Nagel.
I've got something
I want to get off my chest.
Your treatment of me is
completely unacceptable,
and I just --
Would you stop staring
at me like that?
Okay, 'cause the point
still remains.
How dare you --
how dare...
All right, fine, if that's
the way you want to play it.
You want to play
the staring game? Fine.
Two can play
the staring game.
Okay, I can't play
the staring game.
You win, all right?
Big man! You win, all right?
The -- The point
still remains that you
had absolutely no --
Okay, look,
maybe this was a bad i--
Mayb--
this was a bad idea.
Aah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
[ Gasping ]
Oh, G-- oh!
Oh!
Aah!! Aah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Ugh.
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Oh!
Aah!
Ugh.
[ Gasping ]
Aah!
Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhh!
Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh!
Ahhhhhh!
Aaaaaaah!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
-- Ahhhhhhh!
-- Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aaaaaaah!
[ Telephone rings in distance ]
[ Metal rattling ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Beeps ]
Sir...
Sir, you dropped this.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
I'm afraid
you're mistaken.
Well, I saw it fall
from your coat.
Thank you.
[ Glass cutting ]
[ Whistling ]
[ Click, beep ]
[ Whirring ]
[ Click, beep ]
[ Elevator bell dings ]
[ Thud ]
Nosebleed --
really bad nosebleed.
[ Sirens wailing ]
[ Tires screech ]
[ Sirens wailing ]
-- [ Metal rattling ]
-- You.
It's not how it looks.
Oh, what's the use?!
[ Engine turns over,
tires screech ]
[ Sea gulls cry,
fog horn blows ]
[ Buoy rings ]
[ Thud ]
[ lndistinct talking on radio ]
Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Oh, God! Aah! Aah!
So that's the woman
that found the body.
No, sir.
That's a man.
-- Aah! Aah! Aah!
-- Really?
All right.
Well, let's roll the
tape back and see the
actual killer again.
[ Tape rewinding ]
This killer is
one tough customer.
He's gonna be
tough to catch.
Look at him pull himself
into an air duct.
He must've been working out
for months.
Maybe we should
let the Feds handle it.
Sir, unless he crosses state
lines, this is a local matter.
Well,
what am I supposed to do?
I mean, we don't have
the first clue as
to who this guy is.
Well, from the video,
we've been able to establish
that he's 5'11 1/2",
183 pounds,
dark hair, right-handed.
Thanks.
Mr. Nagel's life
was recorded 24 hours a day
by sophisticated hidden
surveillance cameras.
So why wasn't anyone watching
the Nagel office monitor
at the time of the murder?
We found it...better
not to watch him when...
he's alone.
Why?
[ Beep ]
[ Nagel moaning pleasurably
and panting ]
And he knew
he was being recorded?
Oh, yes.
He wanted us to watch.
Ahh.
Well, I think
we have enough here.
Uh, Jimmy,
pull the patrol car around
to the loading dock,
then call me down.
Sir, should we try to find
that screaming woman?
Man.
Uh, screaming man
that found the body?
No. We've got this tape
and this printout.
Let's focus all our energies
on catching this killer.
[ Thud ]
[ Coins clinking,
men shouting and laughing ]
[ Coins clinking ]
-- In there!
-- In there!
-- Aw!
-- Yeah!
Every time!
Keep this up,
I'll retire.
[ Laughter ]
[ Men singing doo-wop ]
Ooh ooh ooh
Doo ba
Ooh Doo-doo-doo
Stop or I'll shoot
Gangster girl
Bom ba-i-o bom
Your love has got my guns
firing
Gangster girl...
Man on TV:...Johnson's
patented inside move,
but this is where they excel
in defense.
Man #2: We interrupt this game
for a live UNB update on the
murder of Randall G. Nagel.
Here's Cathy La Conole.
Although authorities
have not publicly stated
that they have a suspect,
police have released
surveillance camera footage
showing the grisly murder.
[ Nagel grunting ]
Nobody told me
they had security cameras.
What's the point of pulling
an inside job
if you can't get
inside information?
Now we'll have to switch
to Plan "B."
You remember --
the one we only use
if something goes
terribly wrong.
Yes.
And I'll need double the money.
I'll have to spend
the next couple of years
out of the country.
Meet me on the 23rd,
12:00 noon, Mr. Tiny's.
And don't make me switch
to Plan "C."
You stole my heart away
Ooh, gangster girl,
gangster girl
I'll get it back from you
someday
Bum bum doo ba-doo wa-ooh
When you get out of jail
When you get out of jail
Gangster girl
Wa-ooh wa-ooh wa-ooh
wa-ooh ooooooh
That was all right.
That was okay.
Yeah, we can work on it
tomorrow.
Same time tomorrow.
-- All right.
See you tomorrow.
-- See you, guys.
[ Coin rattling, bell dings ]
[ Dialing ]
[ Telephone rings ]
Constance:
You have reached Constance.
Please leave a message.
-- [ Beep ]
-- Hello, Constance.
It's me -- Nelson.
Nelson, your fianc.
Pick up if you're there.
Pick up, please.
[ Sighs ]
Look, l-I can't talk long.
This call's probably being
traced.
I just wanted to let you know
that despite what the police
may believe,
I did not kill your father.
I'm gonna try
to make my way to Mexico,
where I will remain
until I can prove my innocence.
But until that time,
I am a fugitive from the law.
I must live in hiding,
never able to rest,
never a moment's peace,
starting at every noise.
"What's that?" I'll say.
"Oh, only an alley cat
toying with an empty tin."
Hmm.
How like that mangy Tom am l,
forever search--
[ Beep, dial tone ]
1, 1, 1...
Oh...
[ Beep ]
[ Beeps ]
My name...
They'll know I was here.
[ Beeping ]
Table eight, please.
Yes.
This way, please.
Thank you.
Hi. Is there somewhere
I can clean up?
Is everything all right,
sir?
Oh, yes.
Nothing to worry about.
This isn't my blood.
Thanks.
[ Classical piano music
plays ]
Evening.
[ lndistinct conversations ]
[ Door hinge squeaks ]
Jimmy: Detective Arlen.
A guy covered in blood
showed up at La Trattoria.
You think it's a lead?
No. Our guy's too smart.
Pulled himself into an
air duct, didn't he?
I never would've thought
of that.
La Trattoria...
Is that that nice place with
the really thick veal chops?
Yeah.
Tell you what --
let's check this out.
Have the chef make whatever
the suspect ate. I want to
get into this cat's head.
Also, have him throw
a couple of those chops
on the grill.
[ Clears throat ]
Yeah.
Uh, I'd like to make
a reservation.
Woman: Last call
for the express bus to...
Hi.
How far will...$36 get me?
Hmph. You're there.
All right.
How far will this get me?
I don't care what direction.
I just need to get to Mexico.
There you go.
Thank you.
[ Up-tempo jazz music plays
on radio ]
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
[ Engine revs ]
Man on radio:
Uh, that was...
jazz --
some sort of jazz ensemble.
I don't see
the album cover here.
I'm not usually the DJ,
but I'm trying my best.
Uh, now here's some, uh,
news off the...news machine --
a man matching the description
of the murderer
of Randall G. Nagel
is believed to have stolen
a black Jeep Laredo
with flame detailing
on the sides.
[ Engine revs ]
[ Crickets chirp ]
Man: You.
[ Brakes squeak ]
Miss, this is your stop.
What?
This is Crow's Nest.
How can you tell?
Oh, it's Crow's Nest,
all right.
There's the broken branch,
the ditch, flat tire.
I've been driving this route
for years.
There's nothing out there.
There's no town.
Oh, Crow's Nest isn't a town.
It's a proposed town.
But then The Depression
came along,
and anyway, this is
your stop, so...get out.
[ Engine roars ]
[ Crickets chirp ]
[ Owl hoots ]
[ Dance music plays ]
Yeah, yeah
Crystal?
Miss Crystal Ball?
Detective Arlen,
Cleveland P.D.
Do you know this man?
No. I have no idea
who that is.
I'm not surprised.
It was just a hunch.
Shall I pull the car
around back, sir?
Not just yet, Jimmy.
My instincts tell me, uh,
we might get a lead
if we see
some of the girls dance.
Why don't you go get us
a table down front?
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Twig snaps ]
Mmm.
[ Vomiting ]
Okay,
before we continue on,
I'd just like to make
a special acknowledgement
to Nelson Hibbert,
whose procurement department,
uh, has increased
its efficiency level
by an astonishing 30%
in just the last week.
I-I don't know what you've done
to get the bugs out,
but congratulations,
Nelson.
Uh, where is Nelson?
I thought he was just here.
I don't know.
I think he, uh, I think
he went to the washroom.
Yeah,
I'm sure I saw him.
Anyways, uh, going on to
the next order of business.
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Leaves rustling ]
[ Door hinges squeak ]
[ Wires rattling ]
[ Gearshift clicks,
engine turns off ]
[ Clears throat ]
[ Deep voice ] Uh,
I'd like a room, please.
What?
[ Normal voice ]
l-I'd like a room, please.
Sure. Single, double,
junior suite?
[ Deep voice ]
A single room, please.
What?
A single room, please.
What?
[ Normal voice ] I'd like
a single room, please.
[ Chain jingles ]
That'll be $29.95
in advance, Mr....
Cal...
Oh, uh, Cali-- uh...
-- Cali--
-- Calicranston--
-- Calicranstonson--
-- Calicranstonson--
Calicranstonsonhil--
-- Calicranstonsonhil--
-- Cal--
-- Calicrans-- hilmanton.
--...ton, ton.
-- Hilmanton?
--...ton!
-- Calicranstonsonhilmanton.
-- Calicranstonson--
Cali--
...ton.
-- Calicranstonsonhilmanton.
--...hilmanton!
[ Money crinkles ]
Here's your change.
[ Money crinkles ]
[ Whistles softly ]
Is, um, that your car?
Yes...
Of course it's my car.
Why would I be driving
someone else's car
when I have my own
perfectly good...
[ Sighs ]
...Jeep?
[ Keys jingle ]
Room 4-0.
[ Deep voice ]
Thank you very much.
[ Door closes ]
[ Dialing telephone ]
[ Brakes squeak ]
[ Gearshift clicks,
engine turns off ]
[ Emergency brake engages ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Sighs ]
Damn!
Aw, damn!
Damn, damn, damn,
damn, damn, damn, damn,
damn, damn, damn!
Damn, damn, damn!
[ Sirens wailing ]
[ Tires screeching ]
[ Wailing stops ]
[ Tires screech ]
[ Man talking indistinctly
on radio ]
[ Oddly disguised voice ] Hey!
What's going on down there?
I was just taking a shower
when I heard all the sirens,
and I was wondering
what all the commotion was.
-- Is that him?
-- Can't be.
The person
we're looking for
is 6 feet tall,
180 pounds.
That woman's
nowhere near that size.
I think it's a man.
Really?
Yeah, so, anyway,
I figured I'd come down
and see what the trouble was,
you know?
You know, 'cause what with being
completely innocent and all,
it's, you know, only natural
that I should be curious.
That's him!
Ha!
[ Shoes scrape ]
Look behind you!
Look!
[ Door slams ]
[ Gunshots ]
-- Get down!
-- Take cover!
[ Gunshots continue ]
[ Panting ]
[ Metal clinks ]
[ Gunshots continue ]
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Gunshots in distance ]
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Train approaching ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
[ Whistle blows ]
[ Rumbling ]
[ Thuds ]
[ Brakes squealing ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Metal clanking ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Rumbling ]
[ Metal clanking and squeaking ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Cellphone rings ]
[ Beep ]
Hello?
We've got a problem.
Remember that guy
who walked in on me
in Nagel's office?
Hibbert?
Yeah, I guess so.
He's been trailing me
since Cleveland.
He's everywhere I go, and
he brings the cops with him.
No, that's, uh,
that's impossible.
I just was at a meeting
with Hibbert.
You must be thinking
of somebody else.
-- Whoever it is --
-- Not Hibbert.
Whoever it is,
he's getting in the way.
I'm gonna get rid of him.
Well, you can do
whatever you want.
I just want you to admit
that it's not Hibbert.
Look, Daly,
if you sent this guy
after me to set me up,
Iet me remind you --
if I go down, you go down.
Captain Hughes,
I want to know one thing.
Are you sure it was him?
I'm positive.
Uh, he wounded
a bunch of my guys.
He did this somersault
thing onto a squad car
while shooting.
That's him all right.
-- I've seen him pull himself
up into an air duct.
-- Really?
Well, great,
he's out of Cleveland.
No longer my problem.
Let's go, Jimmy.
Sir, sir!
The Feds would like you
to stay on the case
since you've been
so involved this far,
and the FBl will give you
all the backup and resources
you need to continue
your investigation.
That's just great.
What kind of resources?
Unlimited.
-- Unlimited, huh?
-- Uh-huh.
Jimmy,
how long would it take
to get from here to
Cincinnati by helicopter?
I don't know.
About half an hour.
Great, get one.
I got a sister
in Cincinnati
I haven't seen
in 8 months. Let's go!
Okay, Charlie, what are you
carrying today?
A whole shipment
of tainted ham.
[ Metal door squeaking ]
[ Breathing heavily ]
How do you feel now?
How do you feel?
[ Sighs ]
Fine, fine.
What happened?
You ate 10 tainted hams.
We pumped your stomach.
You're very lucky
to be alive.
Thanks.
Just need your name
for our records.
My name?
Mm-hmm.
My name.
My name is...
Jones.
Mr....
Enema Bag Jones.
That's not your name.
You're simply lying to me.
Right.
Sorry.
My real name...
is Harris...
Dr. Helen Harris.
No, that's my name.
You're probably still a little
out of it from the toxins.
I'll check back on you
in 15 minutes.
[ Clipboard snaps shut ]
[ Door opens, closes ]
[ Sighs ]
Must...escape...
before...police...
find me.
[ Groans ]
[ Yawns ]
Woman over paging system:
Dr. Rosco and Dr. Hanover
to Emergency.
[ Door slams ]
[ Hangers clanging, falling ]
[ Silence ]
[ Clanging resumes ]
[ Silence ]
[ Clanging resumes ]
[ Silence ]
[ Clanging resumes ]
[ Silence ]
[ Metal jingling ]
[ Door squeaks, slams ]
[ Bell dings ]
Woman over paging system:
Dr. Chris Cooper --
paging Dr. Chris Cooper.
[ Sighs ]
[ Bell dings ]
[ Door squeaks ]
[ Door creaks ]
[ Bell dings ]
[ Door closes ]
[ Knife clicks ]
[ Knife clicks ]
-- [ Newspaper crinkling ]
-- Give me!
-- Ow!
Give me --
give -- give --
Ow! Ow! Ow!
-- Dr., uh, Martin...
-- Yes?
-- We need you.
-- I'm sorry, I'm busy.
Look, my partner's
having a heart attack,
and you're gonna save him.
Let's go!
Fine.
He's ready.
Clear!
And...
[ Electricity surges ]
[ Flatline ]
Don't feel so bad, doc.
You did all you could.
You know, guys, l...
really need to be alone
right now.
I think I'll take a walk.
Yeah, right.
He's taking it
really hard.
So, you won't tell me
who you are or
where you're going?
Nope.
I like that.
You know how many assassins
it took to kill JFK?
One?
Nope.
There were no gunmen
at all.
Kennedy's head
just did that.
Really?
I call it
the "no bullet" theory.
Oh. Hey, maybe
you could help, uh, uh,
with a problem
a friend of mine is having.
This friend of mine
was the first person
to find his boss
stabbed to death,
and now everybody
thinks I did it.
I mean he.
Two things --
one -- one, the man who
killed your friend's boss
is a Cuban assassin.
9 out of 10 times,
this is the truth.
Two -- two, that means
they'll come after you
with everything
they've got,
including
man-made viruses.
Oh, God.
Is -- Is there any way
he can defend himself?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Many common household
items
can be used
as deadly weapons, friend.
I could kill you right now
using two tea bags
and some wax paper.
How?
I can't tell you.
Fine, l-I understand.
But this is great.
You've been a great help to me.
Look, do you have --
have, by any chance,
a list of Cuban assassins?
A list?
Oh, isn't that
a coincidence...
Uh-huh.
That I should pick up
a hitchhiker
and he should ask me
about a list?
You can tell your friends
at the post office
that they can suck my ass!
Hmm?
Adios, comrade!
Aaah!
[ Tires squeal ]
I'll never catch you.
You're just
too damn good.
I give up.
Arlen, we got a lead.
Some hospital
in Columbia, Missouri,
says they picked up
a drifter
off of a westbound train
from lndiana,
pumped his stomach,
then the guy disappears.
Let's follow this up.
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Coins clinking ]
[ Click, buzzing ]
[ Coughs ]
[ Vehicle approaches ]
Hi.
Hello.
Where you headed?
Mexico -- I mean,
nowhere in particular.
Look, I just need
a ride, okay?
All right, hop in.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Lynn.
Oh, uh, my name's...
Uh-huh.
Nelson --
my name is Nelson.
Nelson, Nelson. It's
nice to meet you, Nelson.
Nice to meet you, Lynn.
So, um, not from
around here, are you?
What makes you say that?
Well, you know,
it's a small town.
I've lived here
all my life,
and I've never
seen you before.
Oh, then, no,
I'm not from around here.
Where are you from?
Oh, that doesn't matter.
The real question is --
Where am I going?
Oh, where are you going?
Can't say.
Oh, okay.
I understand.
Thanks.
You know, I really
appreciate what you did,
but you probably shouldn't
be picking strangers up
off the highway.
Oh, well, you know,
normally I wouldn't,
but I'm a very intuitive
person, see,
and there was
something about you
when you were standing out
on the road that I trusted.
You seem so...
safe.
Mm-hmm.
Well, no, "safe"
isn't the right word.
You seem more, uh,
like, um, harmless,
innocuous, feeble, weak.
Thanks, thanks.
You're welcome.
Thank you, thank you.
But it's very friendly
of you to be concerned.
You know, I don't have
very many friends.
Really?
That surprises me.
Well, you know
how small towns are.
Everybody's
in such a rush.
The hurly-burly
of farm life --
it's just hard
to meet people.
There must be a lot of men
interested in you.
Oh, no.
I-I hope you don't mind me
saying this,
but you're
a very beautiful woman.
You think so?
Yeah.
Well, for some reason,
I'm not very popular.
Who knows why?
Who can map
the human heart when --
[ Sighs ]
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Fence cracks ]
[ Sighs ]
Lynn?
Lynn,
are you all right?
[ Groans ]
Are you okay?
Did I have
one of my spells again?
I'm guessing you did.
[ Sighs ] You'll have to
forgive me.
I'm slightly narcoleptic.
Ah.
Oh, my God,
you're hurt.
We'll go back to my house,
and I'll bandage that cut.
Maybe I should drive.
Don't be silly.
You don't know the way.
[ Gears grinding ]
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Dog barks ]
[ Gearshift clicks,
engine turns off ]
Oh, that looks pretty bad.
We probably should do
something about that.
First, we better
disinfect it.
I really don't think
that's necessary.
-- Ow! My eye!
-- Sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry.
Ow! Burning! Burning!
Burning my eye!
Here, here.
Ow! Ow! Please stop!
Please stop!
Oh, sorry.
I'm just making
things worse, aren't l?
-- No.
-- No?
-- No, it's me.
-- Really?
It's these damn eyes.
They're just too sensitive
to chemicals and...
filthy towels.
You know what?
I'm feeling much better,
really, much better.
Maybe just some ice
for the swelling.
That would be great.
-- lce?
-- Yeah.
[ Crying ]
We can't afford any ice.
Huh?
[ Sobbing ]
There, there.
There, there.
[ Sobs ] I'm sorry.
It's just, our refrigerator
is broken,
and we have to eat
canned food
because we can't afford
to fix it.
That's awful.
Everything
is falling apart.
Gee.
It sure sounds like
you folks could use
some help around here.
Yeah.
[ Sobbing continues ]
Well, I better be going.
Wait.
Nelson,
maybe you could help.
[ Sniffles ]
I don't follow.
Well, um, maybe
you could work here
for room and board.
Work -- uh, what --
what kind of work?
Um, well, you know,
odd jobs,
handyman kind of stuff.
I can't do
any heavy lifting.
Uh, bad back?
No.
Look, you don't want me
around here, all right?
Look, l-I'm trouble.
I'll bring you
nothing but heartache.
Nelson!
Oh...
where will you go?
I don't know,
down the road.
Maybe I'll scrounge a meal
from a dumpster...
find an old cardboard box
to sleep in.
[ Door handle jiggles ]
[ Jiggling ]
[ Jiggling ]
Are you sure?
All right, I'll stay,
but just for a little while.
Oh, good.
You can stay here.
Mm-hmm.
This was my brother
Billy's room.
Oh.
So, your brother's
gay, huh?
[ Laughing ] Gay?
[ Laughs ]
No, Billy is not gay.
[ Laughs ]
I mean, if you knew
how funny it is
that you would think that.
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ] Gay.
No, no, he's a Marine.
[ Laughs ]
Oh. Hmm.
[ Laughing ]
Oh, run away, turn away
Run away, turn away
Run away
[ Click, music stops ]
My mistake.
That's all right.
[ Laughs ]
He's about 5'9",
brown hair.
Yeah, I think I saw him.
Kind of an idiot?
No, he's smart,
supersmart,
most likely a genius.
No, then it's not
the same guy.
They guy I saw stuck his head
in the water machine.
[ Sighs ]
Yeah, well,
that's him all right.
He was here a while ago.
You sure
he's not an idiot?
Quite sure.
[ Bird caws ]
[ Siren wails ]
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Bell dings ]
[ Wailing continues ]
John...
My siren's stuck again.
[ Birds chirping,
brakes squeak ]
[ Hinges squeak ]
Lynn, who fixed the fence?!
[ Gate closes,
steady rattling ]
Who are you?
Oh, I'm Nelson.
Lynn hired me to be
the new handyman.
Well,
she's got a big heart.
Oh, you must be her father.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
Uh, now,
if you'll excuse me,
I have to glue this fence
back up.
Third time's the charm.
Lynn, I think we need
to talk!
[ Crickets chirping,
dog barking in distance ]
[ Wood thuds ]
[ Sighs ]
I am starving.
[ Thud, clink ]
Lynn: Canned ham?
Oh...this cracker
is so filling.
I don't think I could eat
another bite.
All right.
Suit yourself.
Nelson, I know that Lynn
told you
that you could be
our handyman,
but I'm gonna have to
let you go.
Daddy...
No, that's all right.
I understand.
I just want to thank you,
though,
for your --
your graciousness,
your warmth,
and your hospitality.
This has been the happiest
time of my life.
And whatever happens to me
from here on in,
I want you to know that
I will never forget
these past four hours.
See, I'm -- I'm just
a simple country banker.
And, well, lately it's been
impossible to make ends meet
with all
the low interest rates
and the federal controls
and all those damn
wealthy farmers
trying to shut me down.
Hey! Maybe I could be more use
to you down at the bank.
I-I do have an MBA
from an lvy League college.
I mean, it's not strictly
Ivy League, I mean,
but it was near Harvard.
You had to take
the same bus that you
took to get to Harvard,
not that anybody
who went to Harvard
ever took the bus.
[ Laughs ]
Well, normally,
it's not a good idea
to take a total stranger,
a hobo,
and put him in a responsible
position at the bank,
but...well, damn it,
I am the owner of Fred Holden
Savings & Loan,
and I think you're telling
the truth.
I know you didn't make it
through life as a handyman,
so tomorrow,
you start at the bank.
Great.
Well, tomorrow's
a big day for me.
I better get to bed.
Thank you, daddy.
[ Thunder rumbles,
lightning crashes ]
[ Knock on door ]
Yes?
Fred?
No, l-It's me -- Lynn.
Oh.
[ Negatively ]
Ooh.
That light is so harsh.
Do you mind?
No.
Can I come in?
No. Don't move.
Stay where you are.
It...wouldn't be...
proper.
Ah, Nelson...
-- You're such a gentleman.
-- Thanks.
Now, if you could just
pivot a little clockwise.
Sure. Why?
No reason.
Um, Nelson,
I just wanted to say,
"good luck tomorrow"
and I'm really happy
that you're staying.
Oh.
Thanks, Lynn.
Me too.
Good night, Nelson.
Good night, Lynn.
[ Door closes ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Lightning crashes ]
Protein.
[ Bones crack, dog barking ]
[ Growling ]
Get your own rat,
you son of a bitch.
-- [ Whack ]
-- [ Whimpers ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Evil laughter ]
Well, Jimmy [Sighs]
apparently, the killer
hasn't been to this French
restaurant either.
Well, sir, we have
no reason to believe
he's anywhere in New York.
Well, maybe that's what
he'd like us to believe.
Jimmy, call Ticketmaster,
get us two tickets to
that "Moby Dick" musical...
"Moby."
Yes, sir.
Uh, better yet --
make it four tickets,
and call one
of those escort places.
Get us some dates.
We don't want to look
too conspicuous.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, and, Jimmy...
See if they have
a blond Asian girl.
See, we went through
a pretty big modernization
back in 1958.
That's when my father died.
That's when we replaced
the inkwells
with the ballpoint pens.
Oh, very impressive.
See that chair?
That's new.
It's very nice.
Well, frankly,
I miss the old chair,
but time marches on.
So your uniform's
in the locker.
Uniform?
Gavin: Mornin'.
Oh, Gav, this is Nelson.
He's, uh, replacing
Mrs. Evans.
This is a stickup.
Oh, God. Please.
Please don't kill me.
I'm just begging you
not to kill me.
Nelson, Nelson, Nelson,
it's me.
It's Lynn.
I was just joking.
[ Exhales deeply ]
Me too.
[ Laughing ]
I thought I'd stop by,
and I'd bring you
some lunch.
Oh, that's great.
[ Footsteps approach ]
Well, Holden, I'm surprised
to see that you're still open.
Well, no thanks to you,
Farmer Brown.
I see you've finally got
a replacement for Miss Evans.
You know you can't
hold out much longer.
Your note's due in 30 days.
We'll make it.
We're doing just fine.
Maybe so.
But it'd be a shame
if people around here
started to lose confidence
in the bank,
if certain facts
became public.
What facts?
What do you think of this,
young man?
[ Panting ]
Oh, the bank,
wow.
Well, since you own
the newspaper,
I'm not surprised
they'd print your lies.
Sell me your share
of the bank now,
and your investors will get
some of their money back.
Sure will be nice to tear
this old bank down
and plant me
a fresh crop of corn.
You will never grow
one single ear
of your filthy corn here!
Well, we'll see.
To the broccoli field,
Jeddediah, and hurry.
Ah.
Why does everybody
look so down?
Well, Farmer Brown
was just here.
We may really be in trouble
this time.
The note's coming due,
and business is way off.
We're gonna need a miracle
and need it fast.
Damn him!
Aw.
I wish I could have
been there for you.
Oh, honey,
just having you here,
Iying on the floor
unconscious,
was comfort enough.
Thank you, daddy.
I can't get used to
this chair.
I'm so happy
you're staying.
I think you're really helping
out father at the bank.
Everything's so wonderful.
I know.
And that fence might stay up
if it doesn't rain.
Nelson, I think I'm falling
in love with you.
That's a bad idea,
Lynn.
Why?
This is hard
for me to say.
As much as I'd like
to stay here
with you and your father,
l-I can't.
You see,
I'm the prime suspect
in a crime
that I did not commit.
The crime...of murder!
Lynn?
[ Birds chirping ]
Lynn?
Lynn?
[ Singsong voice ]
Lynn?
[ Crickets chirping ]
Man on TV:...In this
grisly work that we do.
-- I know that.
-- This is one exception.
Contained within
the tragic murder tape
-- Mm-hmm.
-- of millionaire Randall Nagel
is this often-requested
bit of comedy relief.
I know that.
Please stop staring at me
like that.
I don't care
if that shopping mall's
been in your family
for generations.
Soon that land will be
a pasture for dairy cattle.
And there is nothing
you can do about it.
-- Ow! Ow!
-- That, my friend,
is a very wise decision.
The papers will be ready
to sign in the morning.
[ Nelson screaming ]
[ Volume increases ]
The killer is still at large.
-- Ah! Ah! Ah!
-- If you have any information
-- Ah! Ah! Ah!
-- about this or any of the
cases presented this evening,
please call us at the number
flashing on your screen.
Well, I wonder
how the customers will feel
when they find out
they've had a murderer working
behind the teller's window.
Well, Lynn,
that's my story.
You've got to believe me.
I didn't do it.
Well,
I consider myself a pretty
good judge of people,
except for that one guy
who said he was
an advanced scout for
an alien invasion force,
but it turned out
he just wanted to get
in my pants.
I just don't think
you're the kind of person
that could
commit a murder.
Thanks.
That means a lot.
I'm starting to have
some very strong
feelings for you.
The sort of feelings
I've never had for anyone
that couldn't further
my career.
Oh, Nelson.
Ahab's pissed,
he once missed
He's no ichthyologist
Sir, we just got
a call from --
Hold it.
Those are flesh-and-blood
actors up there.
Give them the respect
they deserve.
But, sir,
the killer --
Jimmy, you can tell me
at intermission.
I'll meet you at the bar.
Have a gin and tonic
waiting for me.
Oh,
and a mai tai for the lady.
Go.
[ Singing continues ]
How could you
let this happen?
Ken: What happened?
This
million-dollar reward.
Oh, that.
That's no big deal.
Who's responsible
for this?
What, the reward?
That was, uh, my idea.
I thought it was a good way
to throw suspicion off me.
Do the police
suspect you?
No, of course not.
With stunts like these,
they're never going to.
Look, just calm down.
No one's gonna find you.
I'm sure nobody even knows
about the offer.
Boy, you know what I'd do
with that million dollars?
I'd buy me a new gas station
with solid-gold pumps.
Just be at Mr. Tiny's
on Wednesday.
So you're sure the murderer
is in that bank?
Most definitely.
[ Evil laughter ]
Why are you laughing
like that?
Like what?
You know, weird, creepy.
It's a...allergy.
[ Clears throat ]
[ Clears throat ]
Uh, Jimmy, notify the locals
that we're coming.
On my signal, we move in
and apprehend the suspect.
Right.
[ lndistinct yelling ]
I want
to close my account!
Me too.
What's this all about?
Your teller there
is a coldblooded murderer.
-- Yeah!
-- Yeah!
-- Yeah!
Where'd you get that idea?
From the front page
of this newspaper.
Well, this is nuts.
This newspaper's owned
by Farmer Brown.
He's been trying
to shut us down for years.
Edgar, your father
got the money
for that house
you're living in
from this bank.
Jacob, do you remember
when you needed money
to start
that men's jewelry store?
Well, you didn't get it
from Brown.
You got it from us.
Uh, yeah,
I had to foreclose on you,
but, well,
it wasn't a good idea, was it?
Men in this town
just don't wear jewelry.
Everybody, look, the money from
this bank is in that town.
Now, you're not gonna
risk it all
just on the basis
of one stupid rumor!
Yes, we are!
[ lndistinct yelling ]
Hold on!
Wait a minute!
Hold on!
Hold on!
[ Yelling continues ]
Wait a minute!
Just wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
Now, Nelson,
set these people straight.
You're not a killer,
are you?
A killer? No.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm an alleged killer.
Yes, I did
threaten the man,
and my prints were all over
the murder weapon,
but that's just 'cause
I pulled it out of his skull.
[ lndistinct yelling ]
Freeze!
We know the killer of
Randall Nagel is in this bank!
[ Crowd murmuring ]
Follow me.
[ lndistinct yelling ]
I want my money back!
We want our money back!
We want our money back!
Money back!
Money back!
-- We want our money back!
-- We want our money back!
[ Whistles ]
Quiet!
Everybody just settle down!
You're letting the killer go!
The killer?
Yeah, he went that way!
Let's get him!
Don't let him get away!
[ Brakes squeal, hiss ]
You're going to the convention,
aren't you?
Hop in.
[ Brakes squeal ]
Tell us what you know about
the murderer of Randall Nagel.
I can't.
My daughter loves him,
and, well, I can't betray
my daughter.
There you go, Jimmy.
You can't fight love.
It's the most powerful
of all emotions.
That's it!
We know you know who he is
and where he went, so tell us!
I can tell you this.
The Nelson Hibbert I know
is incapable of murder,
not morally,
but physically.
Who?
This is the man
we're looking for.
Well, I thought
you wanted Nelson.
The man you want
came in the bank right
before the police got here.
I haven't seen him before
or since.
-- Uh, Lynn...
-- Uh-huh.
-- Look, we're gonna be on the
run together, right?
-- Right.
Let's face it.
I think there's some pretty
strong feelings going on here.
There's just something
I want to get settled.
Oh, don't worry.
I have condoms.
No, that's not it.
It's not?
But good.
I-I just need to make
a phone call.
Oh. Okay.
All right. Fine.
I'll go browse
the convenience store.
Okay.
All right.
-- And, Lynn...
-- What?
This may get dangerous.
You better pick up
two tea bags and
a sheet of wax paper.
Okay.
Constance, I have something
important to tell you.
[ Sighs ]
Oh, I wish I could do this
face to face,
but, you know, since I'm still
on the run and all...
I've met someone, and I think
I'm falling in love.
I'm sorry.
It just happened.
She's wonderful.
The way her eyes
light up a room,
the way her laugh
fills me with joy,
the way she flicks her tongue
when we kiss.
Perhaps I've said too much.
Please try to remem--
-- [ Telephone clanks ]
-- Uhh!
Freeze!
Put down your weapon.
No, you put down yours
or I blow a hole through
this guy's head.
Well, looks like we got
ourselves a Mexican standoff.
Not really.
A Mexican standoff is where
no one has an advantage.
In this case, I could use
this guy as a shield,
kill you,
and then kill him anyway.
My mistake.
What if I put down my gun,
walk away,
and you don't kill me?
What's that called?
That's called "you're
a stinking yellow coward."
Stinking yellow coward.
Works for me.
[ Air hisses ]
You're not going anywhere.
Hey, listen,
I don't know
what kind of trouble
you're in, pal,
but trust me, you're
making a big mistake,
all right?
-- I happen to be the most
wanted man in America.
-- No, you're not.
Well, you can believe
what you want,
but you're gonna feel
pretty stupid when you
find out who I really am.
-- I got your tea bags
and wax paper.
-- Thanks.
Get rid of her
or I'll kill her.
And I bought
more condoms.
Hey, thanks for
the condoms. See ya.
Nelson?
I left my home for you.
Well, now you can
go back. See ya!
Why are you acting this way?
And who's this?
Oh, just another meaningless
stranger, just like you.
Ow!
You cold
son of a bitch!
Look, I don't mean
to hurt you --
Ow! Would you let me
finish?!
Okay.
I'm just trying to tell you
that love is dangerous.
You should run away
from love.
It's like a gun
pointed at your head.
You're not making any sense.
He's trying to tell you
that I have a gun
pointed at your head.
No, he's not.
Oh.
See?
Well, how did you possibly
expect me to understand that?
It was so convoluted.
No, it was pretty clear.
No, it was not clear.
-- Yes, it was.
-- People don't talk
like that.
I said, "It's like --
there's a gun
pointed at your head."
You said, "It's like a gun
pointed at your head."
You should have said,
"There is a gun pointed
at my head."
Shut up!
You drive.
Oh, ho!
Bad idea, Lurch.
Get in. Come on.
Okay. We'll get
right on it. Thanks.
Detective Arlen,
a desperate man fitting
the killer's description
just stole a catering truck
outside Oklahoma City.
He was with
a woman and a man
that looked like he worked
in a pizza parlor.
They could be heading
toward Mexico.
See, Jimmy?
And you said a manicurist
had no useful role
in a police investigation.
Let's move out.
Look, I am telling you.
I am a terrible hostage.
I am a wanted man.
Yeah, the police think
he killed Randall Nagel.
No, they think
I killed Randall Nagel.
No.
No, they don't.
Yes, they do.
"Police-artist sketch
of Nagel assassin"?
What a terrible likeness.
This doesn't look
anything like me.
No, no, it doesn't.
It's me.
Look, you and I both know
I killed Nagel.
You're trying to tell me
that you killed Nagel?
That everybody knows
you killed Nagel?
Nobody thinks that I did it?
Nobody is after me?
I quit my job.
I-I abandoned my life.
I mended a fence
for no good reason.
Is that what you're
trying to tell me?
Stop the charade.
I'm not stupid.
I know you've been trailing me
ever since Cleveland.
I don't know what you are,
some kind
of highly trained G-man
or part of some
supersecret elite force
of international supercops.
Wow. Supercop.
I just thought
it would be up to me
to get a job
to support us.
Once we get to Mexico,
I'm gonna ransom you
for a fortune.
But don't get me wrong.
If I have to, I'll shoot you.
No, you're wrong.
You've got this thing wrong.
I'm -- I'm a nobody,
all right?
I'm just an ordinary guy --
a guy that just risked
the life
of the most wonderful woman
in the world.
I am an idiot.
I am a complete idiot.
No, you're not.
If I really believed that,
I'd have to pull over,
hogtie you, and shoot you
in the back of the head.
Well...it looks like
secret agent...Ken
of that elite thing
you were talking about
has finally
met his match.
Pull in up here.
Detective Arlen,
they've been spotted!
They're nearing the border!
They just turned
into Mr. Tiny's.
Don't pull 'em over yet.
He might kill the hostages.
Tell them to use air support
to follow them,
but keep their distance.
We'll set up roadblocks,
then move in.
[ Tires screeching ]
I haven't been miniature
golfing since I was a kid.
You know something,
Mr. Killer?
You're not such a tough guy.
You're just an old softie.
Gee.
Park over there.
All right.
[ Horn honking continuously ]
I tried to tell you.
[ Crashes ]
[ Car alarm blaring,
horn honking ]
[ Lynn moaning,
honking stops ]
Lynn: Did I have one
of my spells again?
Yes, you did.
But those of us that chose
to wear seat belts are fine.
Shut up!
And get out of the car!
[ Alarm blaring continues ]
[ Carnival music plays ]
If either of you speak,
I'll kill you.
If you try to run,
I'll kill you.
What about
signaling people
when we're not speaking
or running?
Yes, I'll kill you
for signaling.
Ah, but if I hadn't
brought it up,
you'd have never said
anything, huh?
-- [ Thud ]
-- Hey!
-- How 'bout you?
-- What?
Do you understand?
Oh, like I really
feel open
to asking you questions
right now.
[ Music continues ]
-- You're awake.
-- Yeah. For a while now.
-- I've been carrying you.
-- I thought you wanted to.
-- Lynn...
-- What?
I'm sorry about getting you
involved in all of this.
You know,
possibly getting you killed
and ruining your father's
business.
It would have gone under
anyway.
Great.
Then everything's okay.
Well, not really.
I still might get killed.
Right.
I'm sorry about that.
It's all right.
Ow. I'm sorry.
Did you bring the money?
I brought the money.
Hey, that's Ken Daly.
I work with him.
He's gonna find a way
to capture the killer
and get us to safety.
Shut up.
Oh.
That's Ken Daly.
I work with him --
I-I heard. I heard.
Open it slowly, Daly.
I've never trusted you.
I may be
a coldblooded killer,
but I would never marry just
to further my career.
Hey, you don't know
what it's like out there.
There you go.
$500,000.
[ Locks snap ]
Oh, and, uh,
here's your passport.
Iraq?
I asked
for a Swiss passport.
Oh, they --
they didn't have any.
You'll never get away
with this.
Of course I will.
It's simply a matter
of killing both of you,
taking the money,
and escaping
through this hatch,
which runs under
the Rio Grande to Mexico.
Where you'll find a car
waiting with provisions.
Open the hatch, Daly.
Why?
You got what you want.
Just go.
I will...
just as soon as you open
the hatch.
Hey, Ken...
thanks for saving my life.
I'm not gonna save
your life.
As soon as I kill him,
I'm gonna kill you, too.
No, you're gonna save me.
You double-crossing bastard.
[ Four gunshots ]
[ Thud ]
Hey.
You know what I think?
What?
I think Daly was
in on this thing
right from the start.
I think he hired you
to kill Nagel.
Of course he did.
Nelson, you solved
the mystery.
-- Yeah. Hey.
-- What?
What do you say you and l
get out of here?
Okay.
[ Gun cocks ]
Detective Arlen, we really
should do something
about those gunshots.
All right.
Let's roll.
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
I'm commandeering this vehicle.
Official police business.
It's an emergency.
Move it!
Go sit on that bench
over there.
[ lndistinct conversations ]
Ready.
Take that.
Give me that.
[ Panting ]
You see? It's like I said.
He is stuck.
I think his head is
probably wedged between
the ladder rungs.
Arlen on megaphone:
We know you're in there.
We've got you surrounded.
Up the ladder.
Let's go.
Stay back...
or the supercop gets it!
What supercop?
The supercop
I'm holding hostage.
Are you saying you
have a third hostage
we cannot see?
You're not a supercop,
are you?
You're just
an ordinary idiot.
No, I'm -- I'm -- I'm --
No, I'm sorry, Lynn.
I'm not a supercop.
Well, I kinda figured.
-- I just didn't want
to embarrass you in
front of the killer.
-- Ohh.
All right!
I may not have any supercops,
but these two human lives
are valuable, right?!
[ Gunshot ]
Sorry about that.
One of our boys
got a little overzealous.
All right!
But if one more cop shoots me,
I'm gonna kill at least one
of my hostages!
We don't want anybody
to get hurt.
I'm already hurt!
Right. We don't anybody
else to get hurt.
Agreed?
There has to be some way
out of this.
What do you suggest?
Give yourself up?
How does that help me?
I don't know.
Tell the snipers to get
in position.
I can hear you!
Sorry.
All right, here's my idea --
safe passage across the border,
a million dollars in cash --
-- And a helicopter.
-- And a helicopter!
Wait! Why?
I've always wanted to ride
in a helicopter.
Your helicopter
is on the way.
I don't want a helicopter!
It's on its way.
Cancel it!
We can't cancel it.
We've already
ordered it.
If I even hear a chopper,
I'll kill someone!
Let go of one
of your hostages,
and we'll cancel
the helicopter.
-- I'm serious!
-- [ Gun cocks ]
Ha! Ha!
What the hell
are you doing?
Ahhh!
[ Spike cracking,
killer grunting ]
[ Fabric ripping ]
Aaahhhhhhh!
-- [ Thud ]
-- Uhhh!
[ Guns cocking ]
I fell on my keys.
[ lndistinct talking
on police radio ]
Good work, Arlen.
Just doing my job.
I do, however,
have a few questions.
Yes?
Your expense account shows
you spent some time
in New York City.
Yes?
Well, Bob and I are going
up there next week,
and I was wondering
if you could suggest a show.
[ Laughing ]
Of course.
"Moby the Musical" --
a must-see.
-- "Beauty and the Beast"
was terrific.
-- Really?
The candlestick looks
just like a candlestick.
-- The teapot looks a lot
like a teapot.
-- Is that right?
So I guess you'll be taking
your million-dollar reward
and leaving me forever.
Oh.
O-Okay.
Sir --
Oh, there's -- there's
no need to thank me.
I just did what any
good citizen would do.
Uh, uh,
that's our blanket.
Oh.
There you go.
You don't have to leave,
you know.
-- Really?
-- Yeah, really.
Oh, great, great,
'cause, you know...
something happened to me
back there
with that gun pointed
at my head.
I had, um,
I had a, uh...
-- An epiphany?
-- No, no.
It was more like a realization,
but on a grand scale.
An epiphany.
No, no, it had, like,
religious proportions to it.
You're describing
an epiphany.
Well, whatever it was,
it made me realize how
shallow my life has been.
You know, clawing
my way to the top
of the corporate ladder,
willing to step over anybody
that got in my way.
It was empty
and it was ugly.
But out there in Metcalf
with you and your father --
Iife was real.
I felt, for the first time,
that I belonged somewhere.
I think
more than anything,
I'd like to go back there
and save your father's bank,
marry you,
and settle down.
I hate Metcalf.
Or we could stay
in Cleveland.
You know, I can jump back
into the rat race. Either way.
Cleveland
sounds good to me.
But we get married,
right?
-- Oh, right.
-- Oh, good. Good.
[ Engine turns over ]
Chorus:
It's a whale of a tale
And as told by Ishmael
Ishmael: Moby's on his way
Make a wish,
here's the fish
If he's caught,
he'll be delish
A blubbery buffet
Ahab's pissed,
he once missed
He's no ichthyologist
He thinks Moby Dick's
a king-size fish fillet
He'll throw
his steel harpoon
Revenge is his real soon
Soon as Moby's on his way
Man: Take it, Queequeg!
-- [ Queequeg grunting ]
-- Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Woman: Hey, pretty good!
Whoo!
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ahab: Blast ye, matey!
Men: Whoo!
Women: Whoa!
All: Whoa!
Ahab: Something white
off the starboard bow!
We're amazed, he's unfazed
Yep, ole Ahab's
kind of crazed
Hurry, old great white,
do not delay
Just put it in fifth gear
We wish that you were here
We hear that Moby's gone
Yeah, he's real, real gone
We hear that Moby's
on his way!
Gangster girl
Bom Ba-i-o bom
Your love has got my guns
firing
Gangster girl,
gangster girl
In the lineup, you're the one
I'm admiring
Ba-ooh dom dom
Listen,
can you hear the sirens?
Here comes the sirens
Well, none of your crimes
have been violent
Do do do do
I want to hear you say,
"I love you"
Wa-ooh wa-ooh wa-ooh
You have the right
to remain silent
Do do do do
And the right
to legal counsel, too
Whoa, gangster girl
Whooooooo hoooo hooooo
You stole my heart away
Ooh, gangster girl,
gangster girl
I'll get it back from you
someday
Wa-ooh
When you get out of jail
When you get out of jail
Gangster girl
Wa-ooh wa-ooh wa-ooh