90210 Episode Scripts

N/A - Catch Me if You Cannon

Previously on 90210: Peter and I have been trying to conceive for the past few years.
We'd like to buy your eggs.
Money is a bit tight right now.
I've been thinking about your offer, and it's $20,000 for my eggs, right? I'm not gonna tell anybody we hooked up.
Just because you can't deal with who you really are, don't take it out on me.
I can't believe I get to kiss you as much as I want.
What are you doing on my boat? I'm sorry, I was wrong when I thought you and I could work.
This is the guy you've been dating? - How do you guys know each other? - We're brothers.
Hey, Mom, I think I wanna sleep with Dixon.
- Cool picture.
Your parents? - Man is my dad.
Woman is the bitch who ruined his life.
The guy from the bad breakup told me that he was HIV-positive.
I am too.
Cannon did not reject me.
He raped me.
He's gonna pay for what he did to you.
I'm sorry, orange.
Okay, so I just do that once a day to myself.
Um And you're sure they don't offer these hormones in a Flintstones chewable? If you feel squeamish about giving yourself the shot, you can come here and I'll do it.
Um, no, no.
It's okay.
I can do it.
Annie, I just want you to know how much I appreciate this.
Peter and I have wanted to start a family for so many years.
It's all we've ever wanted.
And what you're doing for us, well, it's such a gift.
I'm glad that I can help you.
Anyway, ha, ha, let's, um Okay, let's talk about your fee.
Uh, a bank transfer, is that okay? Sure, yeah.
Sounds good.
- You'll have it by the end of the week.
- Okay.
So ready for a little more practice? Sure.
Hey, Mom.
Hey, you're home late.
Oh, I know.
Katherine had me typing up these files for the new program.
And little known fact, every actor in the world has done an episode of CSI.
What's in the bag? Oh, nothing.
Katherine gave me some leftovers.
- You want me to heat them up? - No.
Um, I mean, it's a sandwich so it's cold.
- And I'm gonna eat it cold in my room.
- Okay.
So, uh, how is the job hunt going? Well, nothing solid yet.
But I do have an interview tomorrow for an executive-assistant position.
What do you think? Do I seem like a sharp, savvy executive assistant? Uh, sure.
Yeah, definitely.
You're not losing faith in me, are you? No, no.
Of course not.
Hey, Dave.
Uh, Jen's usual breakfast, but more sliced bananas this time.
She needs the folic acid.
I already ate.
Ha, ha.
In fact, I've been out shopping for hours.
I have a little girl's closet to fill.
But, Jen, you're supposed to be in bed.
Ryan, are you losing track of days? I am 37 weeks, which means that this little girl is fully cooked.
And the sooner I get her out, the better.
If you will excuse me, I have employees to berate.
Things have really gone downhill in my absence.
Wait, wait, Jen.
You should still take it easy.
I mean, the last three weeks are all about the baby putting on weight.
Ugh, yuck.
Who wants a chubby baby? Well, most people actually.
Not if they're honest.
Ha, ha.
We live in L.
It's bikini season all the time.
And I bought her the cutest little itty-bitty bikini.
I mean, how adorable is this? Don't look at me like that.
I have been carrying her around for nine months.
It's hard.
I wanna see my feet.
Well, fair enough.
And for the record, your feet look good.
Well, of course they do.
Hey there, uh, Dixon.
How you doing today? - A little under the weather? - No.
Uh I mean, maybe.
I don't know.
Uh My ex-girlfriend is HIV-positive.
Did you use condoms? Not every time.
Well, we'll run a test.
Yeah, need a blood draw in Room 1.
So, uh, what are the chances? I mean, that I got it? Well, you had sex with someone who's infected so it's possible.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Nancy will draw some blood and then we'll take it from there.
Excuse me.
When will I get the results? They'll be back from the lab on Wednesday.
Teddy, word around school is that you and Silver broke up.
Is that true? Yeah, so what? So my parents are out of town, I have a big bed and I don't like to sleep alone.
Not that I imagine we'll be doing much sleeping.
What, too soon? Way too soon.
- Tomorrow then? - Not gonna happen.
Well, let me know if you change your mind.
I used to be a gymnast.
You know what they do to rapists in less-civilised societies? Snip, snip.
Sounds pretty civilised to me.
What we talking about? Ways to castrate Cannon.
I mean, it's just so unfair, the fact that you have to see him here, every day.
Maybe she doesn't.
I have a plan.
Hey, Mr.
Cannon, wait up.
Hey, Silver.
Uh, haven't seen you around school much lately.
I know.
Look, I owe you an explanation for the other night.
- Truth is I didn't have to meet Harper.
- No? I had a realisation.
I had to break up with Teddy and I wanted to do it while I still had the courage.
Oh, well, I'm sorry that didn't work out.
I'm not.
I mean, the relationship was over.
And it was taking up too much of my time.
Now I can get back to more important things, - like my senior project.
- Right.
Any way that we could get together tomorrow, to brainstorm? Sure.
I'm really looking forward to it.
- So are you contagious? - What? You were puking your guts out after the bachelor auction.
- So whatever that was, I don't want it.
- Right.
Um, no, actually, uh, ha, ha, I'm feeling a lot better.
So then maybe we could pick up from where we almost left off? Sorry that That's so dumb.
That's, like, me trying to do something sexy with my voice, which is so not me.
Anyways, um, my mom is gonna be out again tonight, so Tonight? Um, I can't.
I have homework.
Okay, you're choosing homework over me.
I guess my sexy voice is even worse than I thought it was.
It's not that.
Um It's just that my mom, she's been on my case about keeping my grades up lately, so So when are you free to hang? Anytime after Wednesday.
Ha, ha.
That's when most of my homework is due.
Yeah, Wednesday.
Um Look, I gotta go.
Um I'll talk to you later, okay? - What are you doing? - Oh.
Are you living in your car? Well, the great thing about it is you can change the view when it gets old.
- Liam, wait.
- Annie I thought I made myself clear.
Stay out of my life.
And I'm organised and efficient and extremely detail oriented.
I'm confused.
Wait, you didn't go to college? Uh, no, I got married and had kids.
How sad.
Well, it says here that you had a career as a fashion photographer in Kansas.
- Well, that's impressive.
- Oh, thank you.
I was kidding.
Look, let me just level with you here, okay? For some reason, my last few assistants have quit.
I have no idea why.
And even though you are grossly under qualified, you have a certain desperation that I am responding to.
And I do like your highlights.
So I am willing to give you a shot on a trial basis.
You won't be sorry.
We'll see.
So here is a list of tasks that I'd like you take care of.
Have them done by tomorrow at 3 and you've got the job.
"Create a spreadsheet itemising all food expenditures, staff expenses and miscellaneous expenses over the last 36 months.
Total overtime incurred over the last 36 months.
Update the club's membership.
" No problem.
Here are the files.
Oh, uh There's just one more thing.
Can you stop smiling so much? It's giving me a headache.
- So - So Look, I really, really wanna keep seeing you.
I really, really wanna keep seeing you.
But we can't.
You know, I gotta do what I can to make things right with Liam.
And dating a girl he used to date Technically, we didn't actually date.
More like pined and maybe kissed a couple times.
I know.
It just sucks.
It really, really sucks.
Well, um, I hope things work out for you guys.
And I think Liam could really use a brother right now.
Why, what's going on? It's none of my business, but he's been living in his car.
I can't believe I have to sit in this room with you for another month.
Hey, no talking.
Do your homework.
Principal Nowack.
What's going on? Our janitors are swamped.
So I thought I'd take advantage of our detainees.
Up for some work tomorrow? In exchange, we'll cut your detention short.
- I'm in.
- Me too.
Hey, Annie, it's Mom.
I know you're on your way to your internship, but I can't figure out which slotty thing this zip thingy goes into.
And I realise that this is a cryptic message so maybe you could just help me when you get home.
Oh, Annie.
An old sandwich, really? Boy, I gotta get this thing washed.
Lots of scum on it.
- You're living in your car for real? - None of your business.
- It is my business.
You're my brother.
- I don't have a brother.
Come on, it's been years since everything went down.
Well, I'm glad you were able to get over it.
Annie told me that you were so sorry about the stolen credit card.
You didn't tell her the whole story, did you? No, I didn't.
Look, this isn't about Annie.
Whatever, I just came to give you this.
A key to the room at the Jacaranda.
All paid for.
Stay as long as you want.
Order room service, whatever.
You know, just because your mom is rich doesn't mean you can buy me off.
I'm not trying to buy you off.
You don't have to see me, you don't have to like me, but you can't live in your car.
Hey, so I got your message about the zip thingy not fitting into the slotty thingy and we've got a lot of work to do, Mama.
Sit down.
- Mom - Are you using drugs? - No, l - Well, how do you explain this? - It's not what you think.
- Look, I'm not mad.
I'm No, I am mad.
I'm really mad, but that's not the most important thing.
The most important thing is getting you help.
- And we are going to get you help.
- No, Mom, just listen.
Those needles, they're not for drugs.
Well, they are for drugs, but not the kind that you're thinking.
You're gonna be relieved when I tell you what they're for, since what you think they're for is way worse than what they're actually for.
Are you making any sense? Are you high right now? No.
Um Okay, look.
Here's the truth.
Um Katherine can't get pregnant on her own and she's tried everything.
And she needs an egg donor.
So I agreed to do it.
And tomorrow, I start giving myself the hormone injections.
- What? - Honestly, Mom, it's not a big deal.
- No.
Absolutely not.
- Mom This is not up for discussion.
This will not be debated.
- I'm 18.
- That's right, you're 18.
Too young to understand the implications of something like this.
Oh, what implications? It's an egg.
I've got like a million of them inside me and she can't have a kid on her own.
That's not your problem.
Look, I think it's very admirable you wanna help her That's not why I'm doing this.
I mean, that's great and I'm glad for that, don't get me wrong, but that is not the main reason.
The main reason is that she's paying me, Mom, $20,000.
And I know that we need the cash right now.
Not that badly.
Yeah, we do.
You're bouncing checks.
- You're getting final notices from bill - Which is why I'm getting a job.
- What? - You're not finding anything.
- That's not your problem.
- It is my problem.
- I will find something.
- Oh, yeah? Show me the want ad for a housewife with no college degree, no experience and no skills.
I didn't mean that.
It doesn't matter what you meant.
You're not selling your eggs.
End of story.
You want us to clean the gutters out with these? All the gutters? Unless you'd rather sit in detention for the next month.
- I'll do it.
- You'll be able to eat out of those gutters by the time we're done with them.
Not that you look like a lady who eats out of gutters, because you don't.
You actually look like the opposite of a gutter eater.
And I'm gonna stop talking now.
- Wise choice.
- Yeah.
I'll be back in three hours.
I want it finished.
Oh, and under no circumstances are you to go on the roof.
Is that clear? - Got it.
No problem.
- Yes, ma'am.
This is really gonna suck, huh? - How do you think we should start? - Why are you talking to me? - What are you doing? - Aah.
Man, haven't you heard of knocking? Haven't you heard of folding? Honestly, this sort of defeats the purpose of doing laundry, don't you think? Oh, my Gidget.
I'm blushing.
This is a far cry from Gremlin Underoos.
- Get away from my laundry.
- If you insist.
So how was your big night with Dixon? Earth shattering? Cheesy pop-song inspiring? - It was fine.
- Fine? Well, how about some details? Was it toe curling, sweat dripping, amnesia inducing? He got sick, okay? He never made it.
Can we just stop? - Sick? - Yeah, he was apparently hurling.
Got it.
Look, I'll just see you later.
- What? - No, you tell me what.
Look, I really don't want to get involved.
Tell me.
I I saw Dixon leave the auction with a girl.
- What? - Black.
Was quite attractive.
- Sasha? - I didn't catch her name.
Anyway, I'm sure it was nothing.
I should go.
- Ah! He logged on.
- Go, go, go.
I am.
Okay, I am.
Um Okay.
Hi, Mr.
Uh How do I lure him to the hotel room? Oh, okay, write, um, "I'd like to meet you at a hotel room so we can get naked and nasty all night long.
" - Naomi, we have to be subtle.
- Right.
Lose "all night long.
" Ahem, uh Oh.
That's perfect.
Those three little dots always make things sound juicy.
- Right? - Mm-hm.
I am.
And I'm really excited to work with you.
Are we still on for tonight? Okay.
I'm staying at the Villas at Sunset because my place is being fumigated.
Okay, "fumigated," not sexy.
I have to have a reason to be at the hotel.
Um Instead of going all the way across town to school, why don't we meet there? We can order dinner and talk about the project.
- Dot.
- Dot.
- Is it too much? - No.
- No, it's perfect.
- Okay.
- I shouldn't have added the dots.
- You shouldn't have added the dots.
We got him.
Spread sheets organised.
Expenses categorised.
Membership list updated and all by 2:45.
Good for you.
Wha? What are you doing? Oh, that was just busy work.
I wanted to make sure our desperate housewife had that can-do spirit.
You won't be doing any of that as my personal assistant.
No, you'll be getting me coffee and scheduling my manicures, combing my hair when I get out of the pool.
Congratulations, you got the job, missy.
- No.
- Excuse me? I said no.
Just because I'm not a college graduate doesn't mean I deserve to be abused by some spoiled, trust-fund brat who's never worked a single day in her life.
That's right.
That's what I said and I meant it.
No, I think my water just broke.
What? Oh.
Yeah, I need to get to the hospital.
Well, wait.
Um, you can't drive yourself.
I'll take you.
Okay, uh, fine, but we'll take my car.
You look like you drive a minivan.
I really don't think we should be up here.
Look, I know what the principal said, okay? But if we do it this way, we'll be done in ten minutes.
You what's funny about these gutters? They actually look pretty good from the ground.
You can't tell they're really full of crap.
Yeah, no kidding.
Like ticking time bombs, you know.
Stuff just keeps building up and building up, hidden from everyone.
Before you know it, the whole roof could cave in on you.
- What the hell are you talking about? - What do you think? All right, can we just do this? The sooner we finish, the sooner I'm done with you.
Well, not really, man.
I mean, you're still gonna see me at school.
And every time you do, you're gonna remember what happened.
Shut up.
Or what? You're gonna hit me again? I mean, you can punch me, you can call me a fag, but you're gonna have to face it.
You can't run away from who you are.
You don't know what you're talking about.
I think I do.
Whoa! Look at that.
Now we're gonna have detention forever.
Where you going? I got some tools in my trunk.
I'm gonna fix this.
Trust me, I don't wanna spend any more time with you than you wanna spend with me.
- Hello? - Mr.
This is the manager at the Jacaranda.
I'm afraid we have a serious problem.
Apparently, a bunch of high school kids were in your suite last night.
And from the looks of it, they had a great time.
How bad is it? You're looking at about $5,000 in damages.
I'm gonna have to put that on your credit card.
Um, where is she? Get her out of me already.
What the hell am I paying you for? - I got it.
- Mm.
Jen? Oh, Ryan, thank God.
Make them cut her out.
Okay, you're almost there.
Keep pushing.
- You keep pushing, you idiot.
- Okay, easy, Jen.
Ryan, I wanna kill somebody.
After you give birth, okay? No, I wanna kill somebody now.
First her and then you and then Oh, my God.
- You did it, Jen.
You did it.
- Oh, my God, I did it.
I did it.
How is she? Actually, she is a he.
You have a son.
What? But I know it's a girl.
It's a girl.
They told us that it was a girl.
Wh? Um, are you sure? I'm a doctor.
We're qualified to tell these things.
But, wait, we had an ultrasound.
Sometimes mistakes are made.
I have a pink nursery.
And I have girls' clothes and I don't have boys' clothes.
I'm not ready for a boy.
Jen, we can get boys' clothes.
It'll be all right.
Here's your son.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
I - I don't know - Um, I got caught up in a moment.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
Hello? Hello.
This is Dr.
Wright's office.
Is this Dixon Wilson? Yeah.
Um, ahem.
Uh, do you have my test results? They're back, yes.
Wright would like you to come in.
What? But why? I'm not sure.
I'm just relaying the message.
My test was okay, right? I'm sorry, I don't have the results.
The doctor has them, and he'd like to talk to you in person.
- Hey.
Thanks for picking me up.
- Of course.
- Oh, he's so small.
- Mm.
You wanna hold him? Uh, no, no.
It's okay.
- I mean, I don't know how.
- Oh, it's easy.
Just make sure you support his head.
There you go.
Pretty amazing, huh? Yeah, really amazing.
- It's time for me to check his vitals.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, gosh, it all seemed easy, you know, to think about giving away my eggs when it was all abstract.
But seeing him, I mean, he's a real person.
Yeah, he is.
I can't do it.
And Katherine is gonna be devastated.
I mean, she's counting on me.
She'll find another donor.
Someone's who's a little older.
- You're only 18, honey.
- Yeah.
Mom, I'm so sorry for all of the things that I said to you.
I just I know that it's my fault we're having financial problems.
- What? - Ugh, my legal bills were crazy.
Not to mention that I was so awful last year I put a strain on your marriage.
Honey, is that what you think? Annie, listen to me.
Your dad and I, we We were having problems for a long time.
We aren't separated because of you.
If anything, you and Dixon are the reason we stayed together so long.
- Really? - Yes, really.
What are you doing? Uh, you can't leave.
He needs a diaper change.
You're fired.
I don't work for you.
Well, what am I supposed to do now? Here, you do it.
- What do you say? - Uh, now? "Please.
" You say "please.
" Fine.
You do it now, please.
About your job offer, I'll take it, but I want twice as much money.
- What? That's absurd.
- Okay.
Come on, Annie Okay.
Whatever you say.
Just change his diaper.
He's starting to stink.
And anything over 40 hours is overtime.
- This is extortion.
- And I'll need health benefits.
Whatever you want.
Just Will you just help me? I have no idea what to do with a baby.
Not bad for a college dropout, huh? You trash the hotel room, really? Sorry I didn't invite you.
- I'm done with you.
- Oh, promises, promises.
No, I am.
I get you're mad about what happened that summer at the lake house.
But you know what? I was a kid.
I was scared too.
- Is it working? - Yeah.
Time check? Uh, 4:55.
She'll be back any minute.
Hand me a wrench? There you go.
- Done.
- All right.
The principal's heading around the building.
Hurry, hurry.
- You done? - Ahem.
Yep, the gutters are clean.
You boys are free to go.
- Oh, ha, ha.
- Whew! Ha, ha.
- I didn't think we'd make it.
- Me neither.
Me neither.
I You did a good job fixing it.
Thank you for not letting me fall off the roof.
Although it would have been an appropriately dramatic way to go.
Look, lan I shouldn't have hit you at the bachelor auction, and I shouldn't have called you Well, what I called you.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I get what you're going through.
You know, I went through it too.
And if you ever need to talk There's nothing to talk about.
Okay, I went to, like, five places and I couldn't find a Peter Pan collar or any Shh, shh.
Jacques almost asleep.
Don't mess it up.
"Jacques"? We're not calling my son Jacques.
It's pretentious.
- Well, ha, ha, it's his name.
- It's a terrible name.
I can hear the kids at recess call him "Jacques strap.
" Then they'll be slapped.
I'm calling him Jack.
- You will do no such thing, Ryan.
- Why not? This is for the new daddy so he can stay in the room today.
- Oh, you know what? I wasn't staying.
- Oh, no, no.
I didn't I didn't, um I'm happy to stay and help, uh, if you want me to.
Uh, I don't want you to stay.
But I guess that you might be helpful at 3:00 a.
Well, then I'll stay.
- For Jacques.
- For Jack.
Um, look, right now is really not a good time.
I know you weren't sick.
- What? - Don't even try to deny that, okay? Oscar said he saw you and Sasha together after the bachelor auction.
- It's not what you think.
- What were you doing with her? - Ivy - Why have you been avoiding me? - I haven't.
- Yeah, you have, Dixon.
You've been avoiding me and I just need to know why and - What is going on with you? - Nothing.
Okay, it's not nothing.
Will you just tell me the truth? What is going on? What is going on is I still have feelings for Sasha.
You what? Yeah.
Yeah, I still like Sasha.
So you and me, we can't be together anymore.
- Can you see me? - Yeah, perfectly.
- And it's recording? - Uh-huh.
This is totally gonna work.
Showing up to meet a student at a hotel room should be enough to get Cannon fired.
Are you sure you're still okay with this? I mean, being alone with him and all? Totally.
You guys will be watching.
I'll let him get a little inappropriate, then I'll tell him I'm not feeling well.
And if things get out of hand, you'll just come in, right? - We'll be there.
- Absolutely.
All right, it's almost time.
You should go.
Thanks for doing this for me.
Of course.
We'll be right in there.
Okay? - Okay.
Ha, ha.
- Okay? Okay.
Door's open.
Silver? Hello? Make yourself comfortable.
I'll be right out.
I'm so glad you came.
I've really been looking forward to this.
I grew concerned when you suggested we meet here.
I called Principal Nowack.
- This is bad.
- This is very bad.
Have you met Miss Henry? She's our school therapist.
This is not what it looks like.
You invited Mr.
Cannon to meet you in a hotel, which is obviously inappropriate.
Given your medical history I had no idea that you were bipolar.
I'm so sorry, Silver.
Had I known, I might have recognised the signs earlier on.
No, wait.
That's not what this Silver, we think you might be having another break.
- I'm not.
- You been taking medication? Of course.
That has nothing to do with this.
- What does this have to do with? - Him.
He has been acting all weird with me.
He has been inappropriate with me.
We have the transcript from your Internet chat.
You clearly propositioned him.
Yeah, but that's because he - Because - Because what? In light of your illness, we are not going to treat this as a disciplinary matter.
But we will be speaking with your family, and you'll have to commit to counselling sessions.
Silver, we just wanna help you.
So, um, what's going on? Um, ha, ha.
I thought that we weren't gonna do this.
I really wanna be with you.
And you really wanna be with me.
And Liam, he's made it really clear he wants nothing to do with either of us.
So I say we give everybody what they want.
I'm glad you changed your mind.
- What's the matter, baby? - Nothing.
Then why aren't you? Because you're just not that hot.
Dixon's an idiot.
Completely out of his mind.
I just don't know how I could be so stupid.
You weren't.
You aren't.
- No, I am.
- No, you're not.
He's the stupid one.
He is.
To have a girl like you and give her up, - I don't know what he's thinking.
- You don't have to say that, okay? I know I don't, but it's true.
You're so smart.
So funny.
So beautiful.
Look, I probably shouldn't tell you this.
What? I'm crazy about you, Gidget.
He thinks he's won.
Yeah, I'm beginning to think he has too.
No way.
Hey, Mr.
Now, remember, you're supposed to keep your distance.
You think you've beaten us, don't you? Well, you haven't.
We're not letting this go.
We have a plan that's gonna make you pay for what you did.
Oh, and by the way, your documentary, it sucks.
Silver, what is our plan? I have no idea, but he looks nervous, doesn't he? Totally.
Now laugh.
So got your test results back.
I know, and I know I have it because your nurse wouldn't give me the results over the phone and you wanted to see me in person Whoa, slow down.
You're negative.
- What? - You don't have HIV.
I don't understand.
Why did you wanna see me? Well, because you dodged a bullet.
And I wanted to have a talk with you about practising safe sex.
I don't believe it.
I broke up with my girlfriend because I didn't wanna tell her I had it.
I gotta call her.
Um, I gotta call her right now.
I'm sorry.