Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Super Computer

Frylick, you got that gamebox working yet or what? Come on.
This is not a gamebox, Shake.
- Well, I'm bored.
- Just go rent a DVD.
I don't want to rent.
I want to own.
Then go get a job.
Well, Dracula called and he's coming tonight.
Good.
Then he'll be the one to turn the knob to power the world's first hyperspeed super computer.
He doesn't know how.
I'm turning it.
I'm trained.
Where is it? You want entertainment? Just try to imagine a world where e-mails are sent by your brain before they are written and are read before they arrive by people you've never even met in countries you've never even heard of.
Now imagine a world where all disease can be cured with one digital Shake! I told you to wait until I tell you to do it! - Dracula did it.
- What was that? - What are you doing in the shower? - Bathing.
What do you mean, you gotta count? There's over $200 in there.
Okay, Candy, I'm sorry.
I guess we're not in America.
I guess now I'm not allowed to pay for sex with pennies.
Damn, Carl.
I thought you knew hoes will be hoes, brother.
All right.
There.
We'll try this one more time.
- Hey, is that a knob? - Get away from that! - No, turn it.
- It is a knob.
I'm gonna turn it.
- You should turn it.
- Will everybody shut up? That's how it works.
I'm gonna do the knob, okay? Now imagine, if you will, a world Yeah, imagine a world without your boredom.
Now, will you turn it on before the pizza shows up? This tape is starting to hurt my skin.
Gentlemen, the OoGhlJ MIQtxxXA! Frylock, come on.
You really gonna call it that? Yeah.
That's the Klingon word for "superior galactic intelligence".
And that's what this is.
Superior galactic grandma after eating a block of cheese smoking three packs of cigarettes, and drinking a quart of milk.
Disgusting.
That's the word.
Well, I invented it, and I can call it what I want.
Fine.
Good luck with the casual sex.
I mean it.
Because you won't get it, not with that name.
Anyway, go on.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Meatwad, what do you think? - My butt itches.
- All right, fine! - What should I call it then? - Badass Mother.
No.
Snoopy or Schroeder.
One of them two.
No.
Badass Mother 4000.
Twice as fast as your ass.
- Yeah, baby! - Snoopy.
How about we all just shut up and I turn it on? Gentlemen, say goodbye to your old desktop.
Say goodbye to your new one, too.
- Where is it? What happened? - Is it supposed to do that? - Did it bust through the wall again? - Yes, it did.
- No, it didn't.
- Dude, what did it do? Where do I go to do the poop? Then how did it just disappear, unless Oh, snap! It didn't! To transmit data from human nerve endings I suspended the ramina collodial fluid so it won't overheat when the hard drives spun at the speed of time.
Because you're a witch.
You made it disappear with your evil magic! - He's a witch? - Yeah! - I'm not a witch.
- Don't look at him wrong.
He'll shrink your head to a pea's size.
I've seen it.
The hard drive spun so fast, it sent the computer back in time.
To the time of witches, where you once lived! Bring forth the stakes.
You shall burn for your beliefs, witch! My pizza's here.
Pizza time! It's all starting to add up now, isn't it? The levitation.
The evil book reading.
Them cream cookies you're always eating.
You're a damn witch.
Oh, yeah? What you gonna do about it? Eat pizza.
Pizza time! Okay.
No, thank you.
We don't have any money here.
Thank you.
So I'd appreciate it if you dragged your crap My computer! Thank you.
That's nice.
Don't give the guy money or we're gonna be the hobo hangout over here.
Hello.
Me Oog.
Did you go to Vietnam, Oog? Hang on.
Let me shed some tears for your fake plastic toes.
- Leave the room now.
- I will.
And I won't be here when he tells you how sick his family is and that's why he has to inhale all the Freon Man, thank God you found my computer.
Where did you find it? Right here, 300 million years ago.
This way back before Oog's spine straightened front lobes developed, comprehend rational thought master English language.
Meatwad, your dad's here.
He wants to make amends.
So, there me was, beating boulder into powder because me couldn't eat it, and magic ball land in lap.
Naturally, me think, "All right! Free egg".
Because me stupid and me caveman.
So me spent about three days humping and bust open with thigh bone, so me could eat it good.
Then magic ball shoot Oog with beam, and next thing me know me go out and invent wheel out of dinosaur brain.
Magic dino wheel rolls for three short distance, until me eat it.
The point is, me get smarter.
Soon me walk upright.
Me feather-back dirty, matted hair into wings for style and me stopped to use bathroom as opposed to me just doing it as me walk.
That whole disease-free thing was just a marketing tool.
Honestly, it's just something I thought up to sell the thing.
How do you think me live this long, and me so smart from knowledge? A good diet? Me told you Oog spent half time eating dinosaur brains.
Me no like brains.
Oog, that is an amazing story.
And I cannot thank you enough, man, for bringing back my second prototype.
- Now, if you'll just excuse me - Me no bring back.
- Me think it miss something.
- What? Kick-ass fighting games with action missiles.
I get it.
So you can sublimate your primal hunting instincts in a safe, civilized environment.
No, me bored.
Bored! Oog, all right, please.
It's okay! - That ain't my daddy.
- Yes, it is.
I asked him, "Are you Meatwad's daddy?" He said, "How'd you know? Yes, I am".
- All right, please.
Just set the TV down.
- Bored! - Here, look.
Keys.
Jingle keys.
- Bored! Hello? Oog? You okay, man? Me get crazy when me no have cigarette.
Me try to quit, but me find it hard.
Me love refreshing taste.
- You sure you don't mind? - No, of course.
Fire! Please! Okay, look.
Keys.
Here are the keys.
Magic keys make Oog all better.
- Shake, will you come in here, please? - Do I have to touch him? Come here and jingle these keys while I talk to him.
I know how to do it.
Don't talk down to me in front of your friends.
I have friends, too, and they're coming over later.
Oog, I don't want to come down too hard on you We're gonna watch loud TV shows, too, me and my friends.
I'm jingling.
Damn, I'm doing it.
Oog, this ball, as you call it, is mine.
I created it, and I kind of need it back now.
You no understand.
Magic ball make Oog feel good.
Help Oog live long time.
Watch out, Daddy.
He's a witch.
Red Fryman want Oog to die.
Damn it! I suppose I could hook you up with a few games.
- Games good.
- Games very good.
Here you go.
The ultimate action fighting game.
"Soltar".
No.
"Solitaire".
Look at the Jack.
See the Jack there? When you do something good, he winks at you.
He look dumb with curly mustache.
Bored.
Wait.
Chill out.
Look.
He shoots missiles, too.
See? He's a warrior.
- Then me like better.
- Give him Clam Digger.
- I don't think Clam Digger is - Clam Digger.
Give Oog Clam Digger.
You gonna love this, boy.
Tyrone calls you up in the game and he says: "I can dig more clams than you, stupid".
And you gotta say, "No, boy".
And y'all got to race down to the beach with your buckets and shovels.
And the object of the game is to find parking.
- No Clam Digger.
- But this is a hard game.
And games convert into package play over Internet, small subscription fee? Well, sure.
I suppose it could.
Give to Oog! Mine! Me crazy! Me rip Oog head off! - See you later, Daddy.
- Magic ball mine! Oog head rip! Don't rip your head off.
You need that for breathing and stuff.
Goodbyes are so difficult sometimes.
One, two, one, two Hey, look, y'all.
Daddy's on TV.
That's right, dude.
Send e-mails from your brain.
And now it's got hot new games, like the Legend of Zoltar.
Plus it cures all diseases, dude.
I kicked my zits to the curb.
Dude, you're getting an OoGhlJ MIQtxxXA.
You buy.
Make Oog rich.
Rip head off! Man, now that I have seen that on TV, that is the shizz-nite! Apparently, since this guy has been around for about 300 million years he kind of beat me to the patent.
Well, you made that other one.
Your dead one.
We'll play with it.
- I don't know where it went.
- Yeah, good luck finding it.
It shot a hole through my roof.
Guess what it bounced off of? I gotta go.
And he did it.
Look, I know that you're staring I gotta drain it three times a day so my brain can think good.
We're hoping that's temporary.
You didn't happen to see which way it went, did you? "A" is for apple, "J" is for jacks.
Look, Err, free egg.
Damn, yeah! For straight! For shizm! - Try having omelets now, Denver.
- Omeletoids.
Did you hear what I said, Denver, or shall I turn it up for you? English