Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - The Meat Zone

Gentlemen, who stole my "hairarium"? - Your what? - My hair helmet! That's right there.
On your head.
Bull There's only one way to get across this street: You close your eyes and just bolt out there with complete disregard for machines.
What if I just kept one open and maybe tried it that way? Yeah, if you think you're gonna get somewhere in life by cheating.
I mean, you may as well just paint yourself yellow run around like a maniac, and call yourself Banana Man 'cause that's what you're doing.
- What's that mean? - Shut up.
I'm trying to teach you.
- Get out there, Banana Man! - Okey-dokey.
But wait a minute! Let's wait.
- Hold on a minute.
Stop.
- I did it.
Look, I did it! - I'm across the street.
- Okay.
Yes, you did get lucky.
Now, what did we learn today? Pedestrian always has the right of way.
Yes.
Except? - When you in the way? - Exactly, my boy.
Okay.
This time we're gonna cross the street the hard way.
- The hard way? - Longways.
I'll keep score.
What are you all doing? - Great.
Geek patrol on alert.
- Send the nerd alarm.
Look, we're not doing jack so why don't you just go back inside and stroke your test tubes - like I know you love to do? - Yeah.
Go back inside.
- We don't want any - Geek.
Meatwad, come on in out of the road.
It's dangerous.
This here's my road when I'm in it.
And I'm in it.
- Who told you that? - Master Shake.
- Captain Master Shake.
- Of? Interplanetary Traffic Safety Squad and Patrol.
- Which unit? - All units.
Except? Except Jupiter and Spain, unless otherwise noted.
Good.
We're learning something here.
Meatwad, come here.
Traffic safety class is over.
Forever.
You leave now and you're gonna get an "F.
" - Come on, Meatwad.
- He's right.
If I don't pass this class, I'm never gonna get a job crossing roads.
But you're about to get a glass of chocolate milk.
- All right! Let's get the hell out of here.
- No! Grab my fry and look both ways for cars.
Technically that's not how the pros do it, but Don't drink the chocolate milk! Do not drink the chocolate milk! - Damn, Meatwad.
Your grip.
- I know.
Come on.
Let's go get me that chocolate milk.
But you just said not to drink the chocolate milk.
I did? Hell, don't listen to me.
Come on.
Don't drink the chocolate milk.
- Don't drink the chocolate milk.
- Okay, fine.
- We won't drink any chocolate milk.
- What? How come? Look, just go into the kitchen, and don't touch me.
Don't you be giving it to me in that sippy cup.
I'm an adult and I deserve an adult glass.
I don't think so.
This milk is expired, Meatwad.
I like it when it's chunky.
It's spreadable and it's edible.
How could he have known this milk was spoiled? It's been in there 18 months.
- But he knew! - Fellas, it doesn't matter.
The point is I still am gonna eat it.
You're not going to get it, Meatwad, because this is going right in the garbage.
Don't open the trash.
Do not open the trash.
- Don't open the trash! - What's in the trash? - Soon you will know.
- I guess we'll just have to find out.
It's stinky, isn't it? I knew it was gonna be stinky.
He has the gift.
He can see the future.
Sometimes trash does stink, okay, Shake? But he predicted it.
Surely you're not implying that was coincidence.
No.
It was The Prophecy, starring Christopher Walken.
- He wasn't in that at all.
- He was.
Look, you must tell me, when am I getting some? But, you know, don't actually touch me.
You got germs.
- Just grab on to this thing.
- Okay.
French maid? You didn't expect me home from the whipped-cream store so soon, did you? And who's your lady friend? Wait! Don't open.
There's someone in here.
I'm wrapping presents.
What did she say? What was I doing? Was she hot? I'm not at liberty to discuss it.
- Because you don't know, do you? - I know.
And it's sexy.
I'll buy that, so long as everybody else finally knows I got it going on.
So I gotta go in your room now.
I'm gonna be in there a long time, and I'm not to be disturbed.
- Watch this here.
- French maid? Wait! Don't open.
There's someone in here.
I'm wrapping presents.
I know what you're doing in there, and I'm telling Frylock.
He knows! He has the gift, but he's about to lie to you.
Please.
We all know what you do in there, Shake.
You do it about five to six times a day.
And what exactly is it that you think I do? - I think you read Butt Frenzy.
- No, I don't.
But how did you know? You have the gift! I'm surrounded by shiners.
Come on.
- Where are we going? - To exploit him.
I need the numbers for the Jersey Midnight Fantasy Pick 7 so latch on.
- Don't hit me with that.
- I'll whale on you all I like.
- Stop it.
No.
- How's it taste? Okay.
That was more of the future of the back scratcher - and not really you - Really? So let's just take this and break it into a bunch of pieces - Are you sure? - and let me touch your hand.
- I don't know.
- I'll be as gentle as a lamb - Fine, but I'm against it.
- that works out with weights.
- One, two - My fingers, damn it.
- three, four - Come on, this hurts! - K-five? - Yes.
K-five.
- How you doing? - Who are you talking to? Come on.
I just need one more.
Will you just - The last one's seven.
- All right.
That's what I was gonna put before I talked to you.
Just so we're clear here on the distribution of funds.
That's interesting.
Those are the same exact numbers in your Learn to Count numbers book.
You're right.
That is very interesting.
You saying he's not right? How do you explain the trash stinking? - I guess I can't.
- Need I remind you of the milk incident? The numbers are not one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven.
One, two, three, four, five, six, and seven, in order For frig! Damn it! What are the chances, Donna? Donna, how about shooting me in the head? - It could've been a coincidence.
- Where is he? Because I predict his brain is about to be yanked out right now.
You picked the different numbers.
Because you said that he would With the - You're the brains that's coming out.
- Behold, it is I.
I bestow upon you my dirty diapey.
But there is another.
Who among you shall embark upon such a quest? To peel it off the ceiling.
It's stuck up there.
Shut up.
You're not Yoda.
Yes, I foresaw that you would say that.
But give forth to me your fry, Red One, and secrets told shall be.
You think you can see the future, huh? Let's dance.
Do not leave the house! You heard the man.
Where are you going? I'm leaving the house, because nothing's gonna happen to me.
So are we.
And guess what? He knew.
Yep.
I'm pretty amazing.
The dog blew up again.
Carlac, what's up? I thought we decided not to call me that.
I wouldn't normally to your face, but I'm feeling lucky.
How much is in your wallet? What would you say if I told you I could triple it? I would say I've heard this before.
- The oil stain? - Yeah.
The oil stain.
Tell me that does not totally look like Jesus.
People would have paid to see it if this were the South, Carl.
The sign and the poles cost money, Shake.
And I still got about 1,000 of these in my living room.
We're hoping they ascend into heaven, 'cause no one's buying them.
- How about in planes? - They don't fit planes neither! They should.
We designed them.
Man, you are getting me so angry.
Let's forget that, okay? I've got something.
There's science behind this, and legend, and Get over.
Show him the damn future.
Hurry up.
Prepare to see what cannot be seen.
Hang on.
Shoot.
What's the problem? Do we have a problem? - Let me see your other hand.
- No.
- What's happening? - What the hell? - What's it doing? - It's pissing me off.
- No, it's about to.
Just chill out.
- Kick it in.
- I'm not gonna pay you to do that.
- Just give us a minute, Carl.
- Will you hit it? - It's coming.
- Get a little professionalism, please.
- Try the middle finger.
- Shoot.
- I've asked you nicely.
This is going in your file.
Don't make me go to the higher-ups about this.
Here it comes.
"The Giants are number one.
"The Giants are number one," is the future.
Your future.
That's not a prediction.
That's a fact of life.
- Tell me something I don't know.
- Better do it, and quick.
I didn't say jack to him about having oil on his property.
Are you prepared to tell him that? It's too late for concern.
Where were you when he was putting it up? You're the one that told him.
Because you were the one who was about to blow it! You said there's plenty of oil in Dallas, they shouldn't have it all.
By the way, Dallas, that's on TV.
- So, Meatwad predicted oil? - We're not telling you.
You're toast, baby.
I'm talking to a dead man here.
- Don't leave the house.
- Get off me.
Do not leave the house.
In that case, I'll stay out here as long as I please.
That's fine.
This here's a good bed.
- And this here is a good cheese.
- What are you doing? - Predicting the future.
- No.
You're messing up my bedspread.
I know.
Look, I mean Don't look in the room.
Do not look in the room! - See you.
- No, you don't.
What the You've been eating all my caulk! Caulk? No.
This is cheese.
No.
It's highly toxic industrial adhesive used to connect electronic circuitry to steel.
- It's caulk.
- And it's good, too.
Listen to this, okay? "Avoid human contact.
May cause dizziness, nausea "and an ability to think you can see the future, but you can't".
- What does it say about finding oil? - Nothing.
We're rich.
Black gold.
Texas tea! Is it supposed to stink like this? Yeah.
That's why they call it crude, Carl.
No, it's not.
We hit my septic tank, you jackass.
So you're storing extra oil in your septic tank? - I'm on to you.
- You're wearing my dinner! Gross! You eat corn? I hate corn.