Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Gee Whiz

Aah! Suck on this! What was that? - Spacecataz.
- It was so awesome! - Did you get 'em? - Totally! They are doomed to drown in the balloon water! It's like a flooded carnage.
I got it.
Who is it? - I guess it was nobody.
- Ha-ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! My name is Shake-Zula The mike ruler, the old schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to ya Frylock and I'm on top Rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next With your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, G Driving in my car Living like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes, and I'm a Taurus Uh, check-check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho And the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho And the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, G Hey, hey, hey, hey! Do a search for free pizza.
Then see if it come out this drive.
Is this a drive? I'm reading my news, if you don't mind.
News is good food for your mind but I want food for my mouth.
You better hear what I say.
I'm I'll unplug this whole computer.
Oh, look at this! Apparently there's some billboard in town and people are seeing the face of Je uh, you-know-who.
No, I don't know who.
Who? Oh, I'm not allowed to say, Meatwad because of standards and practices.
Standards and practices? What are standards and practices? Well, that's an interesting question, Meatwad.
Here, let's take a look at this video.
Standards and practices are a vital link in keeping good and funny ideas away from you the television viewer.
Watch how this nun reacts when we blow her brains out.
No! Permission not granted.
Oh, no! Somebody's going to get an e-mail.
What's a better, more acceptable solution? That's right! A happy and colorful rainbow! Although not nearly as funny it's guaranteed not to offend the black people! No! Unacceptable! Ooh! Did I say black? I meant to say minorities.
Acceptable! Looks like someone's about to get an "A.
" By following the rules you're guaranteed to make a mediocre product that no one can relate to.
So, you see, Meatwad, that's why I can't say the J-word.
I don't understand any of this sh That's OK, Meatwad.
No one else will, either.
So, what was we talking about there? Well, apparently, people are seeing the face of the J-man in this billboard and they're claiming to be healed.
Uh-huh.
Who's the J-man? You know, starts with a "J" son of "G".
Died and went to "H" on the "C".
Died on the "C".
Commode.
Commode! Elvis! - No.
- It's Elvis! But he was a king, and he did live in a Graceland of sorts.
He looks like Ted Nugent.
Oh, yeah, I know that old boy.
It's Jes Don't say it.
Let's just call him Gee Whiz.
Well, what's old Gee Whiz doing in Jersey? Uh, Meatwad, I don't think it's for real.
Meatwad? Meatwad! Dear Gee Whiz please bless thine presence with a sixteen-inch thick crust meat-craver's special with the mild sauce.
Amen.
And please bring a side of wings while we wait.
Meatwad, what the hell are you doing? - Shut up, he's making pizza.
- Who is making pizza? Gee Whiz.
Don't you see his face? It's right there.
Where? Down near the butt of the gun, all Ted Nugent looking.
Meatwad, the real Gee Whiz was a black man.
I mean! I mean, I mean, African-American.
Gee Whiz is American? Oh, that's awesome! - No, no, no, no, no! I mean - U.
S.
A! U.
S.
A! I mean African African.
Not in Pop-up Bible.
He looked just like Ted Nugent in there.
- Whatever.
You done? - Hang on.
You think this is enough? Meatwad, put that away! What are you doing? I know, OK, OK.
You're right! I should tip.
No, you should save your money from these false prophets flying around here and buy yourself a real damn pizza! Now, come on! Aah! I'm sorry, Gee Whiz! Forgiveth me! Meatwad, I think it's time you learned about the real Bible.
My God! Oh, wait.
That's the Necronomicon.
Sorry.
Here it is.
Well, what's that say about me being pregnant? Nothing! Well, they need to update it now, 'cause I'm pregnant.
Does that freaking book say anything about flaming arrows? - And where have you been? - At work.
I got jobs.
Well, guess what? Meatwad's pregnant.
True that.
Meatwad, you can't possibly be pregnant! Ye of little faith.
How do you know that? First off, you're a ma Uh, well, you're kind of a I don't know, you're a male.
I am? Awesome! That is so cool! I always wanted a gender! Do you even know how people get pregnant? No, but I know how I did.
I was touched by the power on my unit in broad daylight.
Starring Lou Diamond Phillips.
You're not pregnant.
Of course he is! Now I can wail on you for two! OK, but let's do it later, OK? Right now, my little boy needs his rest.
Golly willickers, fellas.
I think that's Meatwad's baby's daddy.
He's been sleeping for three freakin' days straight! I don't do that, because I am not irresponsible and don't go out and get knocked up every time there's a party at the frat house.
Shake, he's not pregnant.
Well, he's getting bigger down there.
Have you seen how he eats? It's disgusting.
He doesn't even look at it anymore, he just shovels it in.
Whoa! Maybe we damn! Oh, boy! I apologize.
My hormones are going nuts! Now, please, if you would get the out of my way.
I mean, how many times do I gotta write ice cream on this list before someone gets his in gear and brings home the ice cream! Maybe I should get a steak knife and etch in your mother forehead! How hard can it be? Ice mother cream! I guess that's the price I pay for living with two morons! What happened to courtesy? Did it just disappear? I just can't believe it.
Who would make love to that? How do you make love? Do you have a book? What how do you do it? I'm asking.
I I guess it was an immaculate Convection oven and I done got a bun in it.
Hee hee hee.
I'm tilting my head.
I still don't see the damn thing.
All right, you see the homeless guy up there in the grid work? Not him, it's above him.
I don't see anything but wood.
I mean, it's just wood grain.
Right in the butt of the gun.
Look at the butt of the gun.
I'm looking at the butt of the gun.
I don't see nothing but the gun.
What the hell's the matt Hey, yo! Choch! Show my dumb friend over here where Gee Whiz is, will ya? Gee whiz.
You Gee Whiz! That's yeah, thank you! OK, show him on the billboard! Me! Me, Gee Whiz! Great, another whack job.
Hey, Gee Whiz! Can you fly? Heaven in my head! OK, now that he's gone, right where his head was - you gotta squint like me - I'm out of here.
This is bull.
Don't turn your back to it.
Flaming arrows are gonna come flying out of there.
You you believe this, too, don't you, Shake? Hell, no, but I need him to think that I do.
Where are you going? Meatwad's baby shower.
Oh, Gee Whiz, I totally for Aagh! I know not what I didith! Carl, this is so sweet.
Really! You didn't have to do this.
It's - What the hell is this? - Why, it's a fishing rod.
You see, it, uh, it folds up.
You know, you put it in your I got about a hundred of them.
Well, they make pretty good gifts if you don't, you know give a crap about who you're giving them to.
Thank you, but this child will have no need to fish 'cause if he want fish he'll just yank one out of midair 'cause he's a Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fryman told me, there.
You, uh, you sure you wasn't raped? No, but I was raped with joy.
So, there's gonna be another one of you animals running around over here.
Great.
We'll start a zoo.
Super.
Open this one, Meatwad.
Oh, Frylock, you didn't have to do What the hell is this? It's a car seat for the baby.
- We got a car? - Carl does.
Here it comes, OK! It's for when we ride around with Carl.
Yeah, when we take our road trip to Fantasyland! It's never freakin' happening.
Look, your baby wants a car make him yank out a freakin' Lamborghini out of midair.
I'm afraid that would be a vulgar display of his power.
Oh, what did you get me, Shake? Shake, didn't you get him something? I should be the one! Who'd choose you? Nobody! And I don't know how he did it.
He probably had to put a bag over your head and think of me.
Meatwad, come on.
I got a surprise for you.
And now he gets surprises! Yippidy-doo! OK, we're gonna get our first look at that little baby.
I stole this ultrasound program off the internet.
- Well, that's stealing.
- I said I stole it.
Would you get me The Lord of the Rings? I already have that.
It's on my hard drive.
- All right, Meatwad - How 'bout watching it? I'm just gonna run this across your belly and then we're gonna get to see the first look at Is this The Lord of the Rings? Oh, my "G!" What? What's about to happen? Is this is this the scary part? This can't be right! Do he have his daddy's beard? I want him to have red hair.
Uh, Meatwad, I think you better take a look at this.
Well, clearly these are eyeballs that he needs so he can see everything that's going on in the world that's evil.
They're spider eggs, Meatwad.
Well, he works in mysterious ways.
Who? The spider? Yeah, let me see that again.
Oh, my goodness.
You must have picked up a spider on the side of the road or something.
Will someone please tell me is what we're watching The Lord of - Oh, oh! - Oh! Ew! - My water broke.
- Let's get out of here! Out of here! Lock him in.
Lock him in! Tell me you put towels under the door.
Oh, yeah, but don't worry.
They won't attack his body for at least a couple of days.
I wasn't worried about him.
I'm worried about Frodo and I want to know what he's up to.
Hey, how you guys doing? Anybody without a gun and a knife and a handkerchief and a chapstick get the out of here.
- Who are you? - Gee Whiz! That is freakin' Ted Nugent! Aagh! You shot my arm! Oh, man, sorry 'bout that.
I thought it was a varmint.
"Wango, zee tango," Huh? Yeah, it is I, Ted Nugent.
It was my image you saw on that billboard.
I kept telling him, "Ted Nugent!" He's stupid.
Well, OK, but why are you here? Hey, which of you numb nuts left a dollar in front of my billboard? Hey, Nug, you gotta sign my arrow! Don't move, man.
I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth I still wear on laundry night.
I'm telling you, don't move! Why, what's a aagh! Well, I'm sure glad that wasn't blood.
I would have been mother offended out of my ass.
Me, too, you mother suck.
Acceptable! Dancing is forbidden Dan-Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D- D-D-Dancing is forbidden Dan-Dancing is forbidden