Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Robositter

Spacecataz.
Oh, damn it! Why, he hung up again.
- Hello.
- Yes.
Don't hang up.
You may think I just called, but I didn't.
I'm looking for Mike.
His last name is Hunt.
Does he live there? Ha ha.
I can't pronounce his name.
You do it.
You get it? Michael Hunt! Ha ha! He doesn't live here.
You have the wrong number.
That's right, I do.
They are so mad that someone keeps calling them and asking for wrong information.
Hello? How you doing? Yeah, look, um, my name's Biff and I'm looking for Holden McGroyne.
Well, I don't think so, but I'll ask.
Do we know a Holden McGroyne? Hmm no, man.
I'm sorry, man.
Well, how about Oliver Klohsoff? How about an Oliver Klohsoff? - Ha ha ha! - Nope.
Him, neither.
Why don't you leave a message? And if I see him, I'll leave it for him.
Just hang up.
If you could just give him this message that he could please off.
Whoever you are, you can off, too.
- Well, that's a rude message.
- Come on, man.
Wait.
Who is this? This is who this is.
Suck on this! Oh, that's just great.
My name is Shake-Zula The mike ruler, the old schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to ya Frylock and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, G Driving in my car, living like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes And I'm a Taurus Uh, check-check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho And the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho And the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, G.
Would someone please tell me where the Steak-umms are? I ate the last one for breakfast.
Oh, that's great.
Oh, for break you don't say.
Wow.
That's wonderful.
So, uh, what in the hell am I supposed to eat now? Nothing.
You just have to hold on until I can pawn this TV for some food money.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold it.
No way.
We are fed by the government and you know that.
Look, Shake.
We're gonna have to get jobs.
What, are you nuts? What about that big, fat welfare check we get every month? It doesn't come until next Thursday.
Now, either I pawn this TV or we're not gonna have money for food.
But we're detectives, remember? Remember I made the T-shirts? I bought the T-shirt cannon, remember? I've been firing T-shirts all over the neighborhood that say we're detectives! Now we're going to look like fools.
We haven't detected anything in three years, Shake.
Well, I detect anger in your voice.
Now, pay me.
I need to eat.
I need some Steak-umms.
Good morning.
I'll have me two Steak-umms.
You're about to learn the value of a hard day's night because you need to get out there and start working at a job.
That'd be a violation of child labor laws.
Well, he is right.
He's too young.
Besides, there are sanitation issues.
That's right.
This hand's been up my butt but I'll touch your food all day long with it.
Your congressman will know about how bullcrap this is.
Shake, either I pawn this TV, or we get a job.
All right.
Just plug that in and let me think about it.
That's when I do some of my best thinking that's been done with the TV on.
So plug it in.
Just put the two prongs in the holes.
I don't watch it.
I just need the back uhh! What the hell is this? I told you fireman, astronaut race car driver, maybe bikini judge and this is what I get food service? Are you kidding me? This is third world, and I'm from the first.
I'm number one, baby.
I'm amazed that they even hired you.
No one else will do it.
They're taking that chance and then if something goes down, which it will I will sue the corporate office so badly.
Look, Shake.
We're about to get the lunch crowd.
So help me liquefy this pork roast.
Disgusting.
That's what we do here? Yeah.
See, you just put this roast on that press - God, no.
- And then You got to be kidding me.
You don't pull out the bone? No.
There's a lot of calcium in that.
You didn't read the orientation booklet? All I read are the zeros on my paycheck.
Look.
OK.
I'll do this.
Why don't you go and give out free shots of that ham? Yaagh! That was ham in that pitcher? No.
That was fried chickwit.
Who friggin' thought of this place? Ha ha! Yeah.
Oh, man.
She is it.
You are it, baby.
Yeah.
Shake them buns.
Hey, Carl, we're home.
We brought you back some bratthirst.
Get it? Brat thirst? You got to drink the sausage.
Yeah.
I'm watching my show, so I tell you what.
Set it over there in the trash.
So how was Meatwad today, Carl? - I don't know.
- Wh-what do you mean? Did he get in any trouble? Did he break something? I don't know.
Well, you were watching him, weren't you? Yeah.
I watched him help himself to the medicine cabinet.
Ha ha ha! One down, two to go! Ha ha ha! What? I got things to do here.
I ain't got all day to jack around.
I mean, I do that.
I make time for it, but I got schedules.
Meatwad! Don't tell me he's dead.
Please don't! Hey, your welfare check come in yet? Payment will be received upon discovery of the body.
You know the contract.
Meatwad, are you in here? Meatwad! I'm Harmony, and these are some good jellybeans, man.
Meatwad, put those down.
No one is here by that name.
You're speaking to the all-being formerly known as Meatwad Let me see your eyes.
Are your pupils dilated? But I still handle his messages.
Stick out your tongue.
Let me see it.
Join me, brother.
You're not supposed to be able to open these.
You don't want to open the mind, open the doors of percept Meatwad, look at me.
Meatwad, look at me.
How many fries am I holding up? You come here to kill me.
Both y'all came! All right.
Just step back, please.
The drugs are making him paranoid.
He could leap out at you at any minute.
I know how to deal with it.
But you I know you're on drugs.
You're in big trouble.
I'm calling the police right now.
Look.
We can't leave him alone here anymore.
That's why I'm taping the fridge shut.
We'll know exactly where he is at all times in the fridge.
He's got food in there.
He'll be fine.
What? I guess we need some sort of sitter.
I'll be here.
I'm sick.
I will be sick tomorrow.
Yeah.
Don't do this, idiot.
Wait a minute.
Is we on, man? Where are you going, costume party? To work.
Where's your uniform? I proved a point, OK? I did it.
I worked.
What are you gonna do, sell out to the man? Well, I'll be here keeping it real.
Well, you keep it real with your vest buttoned today, buddy because Ken is coming by and I want to win that rain poncho.
Whoa! OK.
All right! But just think.
What about Meatwad? He'll be here all alone in the crisper.
Oh, I've solved that problem.
Uh, you OK, Meatwad? Hmm, yeah.
I'm just depressed.
Plus, I got some freezer burn back here.
Well, I tell you what.
This should cheer you up.
I made you this robot, and she's gonna be fun to play with and keep your little ass in line.
Meet Robositter.
Robositter? Wow.
That's original.
Will you please once think outside of the friggin' box? Robositter? Gah! Hey, what was the name of that movie where the guy is a robot and then the doll was a robot and it had Lance Henriksen? Yeah.
What is that one? Well, that's a good one.
Use that name.
Yeah.
Use that name.
Robositter, what is your prime directive? To ensure the safety and comfort of Meatwad.
She is pretty hot.
Robositter, how old are you? Are you legal? Rrowww! Shake! Get lost.
Like you never thought of it.
- I didn't.
- Yeah, right.
Robositter, what are the rules? In bed by 7:00.
No sweets.
Robositter, what will you be wearing to bed? - Come on, Shake.
- What? Throw a bag over those wheels, and I'd do her.
We'll be home after 8:00.
Directives will be achieved.
You have nothing to worry about.
Where's your phone? You can call Candy Land with this one talk to Gumdrop Larry.
You need a calling card made of candy.
You are in big trouble.
I want the real phone, and I want it now or I will tear your soul apart! I'm telling.
I'm telling.
Tell who? The rage of hell will feast upon you and I'll make it happen! Hey, Sheila.
You would not believe what I think I did today.
I was, like, at the mall, and you know who was there? Derek.
Grody Derek.
Can I have some Imodium A-D? What did I tell you about the hounds of hell you retarded mutant? You said they was gonna get me.
You can have a pill.
Here.
Let me help you open them.
Go see if they're open.
OK.
Someone broke a window that needs a spanking! Oh, my God! Hey, I just whipped this up fresh.
Try it.
It's on me.
What is it? It's my vest, my tie, and my name tag.
You drink what I wear.
Shake, have you cleaned out those bone traps yet? No.
Are you out of your mind? I'm going to the arcade.
Stop fooling around, will you? Now, where's the change drawer? Uh-uh.
Uh-uh, Shake.
I'm the only one allowed to work the register.
Then I'll just have to see if they will accept ham.
- This is my severance.
- You can't quit, Shake.
But I got Pac-Man fever.
Feel my head.
Look, Shake.
Ken's gonna be here today.
Yeah.
Ken.
I know.
The district manager.
"I'm gonna do whatever Ken tells me to do.
" I quit.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Shake.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Ken says if we sell a dozen drinks they'll give us a Slurp-a-Lunch rain poncho complete with logo.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Well, drink this.
- What is it? - It's the Slurp-a-Lunch rain poncho complete with logo.
I got it when I kicked in the door to the prize cage.
- I'm gone, brother.
- Wait a minute, Shake.
Hey, Robositt what are you doing wearing a thong? All prime directives have been achieved by 4:00.
I said 8:00.
Um, well, heh, robots work twice as fast as humans.
So I altered the time-space barrier to whatever.
I did it.
Are you calling me a liar? Well, no.
I just wanted you to stay until 8:00.
- Whatever.
- What? Whatev why, you you look like a little tramp in that belly shirt.
Come on, Sheila.
Let's blow.
- Sheila? - Um, I built her.
She's my friend and you have no right to talk to her that way.
I'll talk to her mother, then.
Her mother lets her do whatever she wants because she's divorced and she gets full custody.
Wait a minute.
I thought you said you built her.
Uh, doy.
I built her mother and father and then I made them get divorced.
Well, Sheila, does your mother know that My brother says it's pathetic that you work at Slurp-a-Lunch.
I am assistant manager.
We want our baby-sitting money because we're gonna get tattoos just above the crack of our robot asses.
All right.
Fine.
The money's in there.
You look like a total dork in that hat.
Thanks a lot for sending me once again to aah! You're liquefied, bitch.
Hey, um, that was, like, not very cool.
Aah! Where are where are those girls? Did you give them the money already? Does it look like it? I was supposed to buy them wine coolers.
So it's either you definitely should not play with matches or you definitely should.
It's definitely one or the other.
Which one you think it is, Carl? Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden