Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Moon Master

It's time to send a message, Err.
A message, comma, Err, not a messenger.
Let's just go.
Look at them, so stupid and so sad that they admit their own addiction.
We know you eat your own farts.
My name is Shake-Zula The mike ruler, the old-schooler You want to trip, I'll bring it to ya Frylock, and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see Meatwad get the honeys, G Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes And I'm a Taurus Uh, check-check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, G Hey, hey.
Yeah, you.
Where is my high-powered video game console? 'Cause I will kick some ass if I do not find it.
I told myself I wasn't going to but you've been very good this week so I upgraded it with these special chips.
Hey, them chocolate chips.
Yeah, and them's ants.
It's a new game called Ant Madness only this time, the game is real.
Can you handle it? Deliciously.
How's it work? What's the object? How many bosses must I face? It is a race against time and terror to save the world, starring Eric Stoltz.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I play this all the time.
Play again! Hurry, man, before there's still time.
Just roll around in there? Yeah.
Just piss them off real good.
- What are you doing? - What are you doing? - Boom! Ha ho! - Damn it.
You are so predictable.
- Pay up, babe! - Shoot.
I am the master and the commander.
Any more chocolate in there? I think we got it all.
Damn, that's a good game challenging yet nutritious.
So let's play it again.
Damn, don't you have any other games? I found this one under my pillow thanks to the game fairy.
What's it called, Anal Blazer? 'Cause that's what you like to play over and over, don't you? You know how you play it? I'll tell you.
Level one is at a truck stop filled with lonely truckers.
Level two is at a public rest room along the highway.
- Shake.
- Shake! Whoo! Aw, you won already.
What do you want to do? I rule your world! Congratulations.
You're the Moonmaster.
That's right, moon.
You best check yourself 'fore you wreck yourself.
Level two.
Yes, I am.
Thank you.
Level three.
Beware the Gorgotron.
What's that old Gorgotron doing? He's in love.
Shoot him in the head.
Head shot.
Killing spree.
You have mastered Miinmaster.
You are the Moonmaster.
No ing way.
Yes way, Err, for we are blessed to be in the presence of the Moonmaster.
But nobody makes it past level three.
Someone just did, Err.
Bow down before him, for he is our lord.
That's right.
Kiss the floor.
Now, get up.
You sicken me.
- A million space pardons.
- OK.
We have distributed this game to seek out and find gifted warriors to aid us in our real-life struggle against the real-life Gorgotron.
- He's real, and he hates us.
- And he hates us.
"The Gorgotron has destroyed our armies and villages "and people and all of our pets "and he has laid waste to our craps".
"Crops" is what I typed, Err.
But it says "Craps".
- I know, Err.
- "Craps" is funnier.
I've processed that humor.
It should be "craps" 'cause "craps" is a funny word.
Maybe we'll go with that.
Anyway, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one and if you think I got that from Star Trek you are very wrong, mister.
So won't you please help us save our craps? Err, please stop fueling my silent rage.
Anything for the future of the moon.
What kind of craps y'all grow up there? Ain't got up there, man.
It's the moon.
First, we must train you.
You can't go into battle like that.
He's right.
You would instantly turn to vapor.
Well, what you need is our free warrior kit.
Oh, most definitely.
We're selling it, and you're buying it.
It's got the helmet, energy bars, electric shoes Gorgotron repellent, Miinmaster stickers and now for the first time, instructional video.
And it's all free.
How do I get that? You pay far out the ass for it.
It's just three easy installments of $29.
Unless you want our race to die which it seems like you do.
Oh, no, no.
I don't want that but I thought you said it was free.
It was free.
A true warrior would have jumped on it like a beast before it went straight up to $99.
Well, damn, I guess I do need training.
What you need is recognition.
For a one-time charge, get your name placed in this handsome, leather-bound volume of Whi's Whi Aming Miinmasters.
You're the only one, and you're on page one.
Hey, you know what? This is a pretty good deal.
Yes, it is, Cathy.
Shake! Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake What?! Oh, so you just waltz out here and think that you're gonna face a true warrior and then, you know sign my sheet to be part of my warrior list? Oh, you better believe I will after these messages.
Shake! I said you better come out here and face a true warrior All right.
Is that it? Has he been faced? You done messed up the lunar scepter.
There is but one in the known galaxy.
Well, thank God I bought the 3-pack.
Thank God I brought 3 shells.
Come on.
Whip them out.
Well, whip on this.
All right.
Hang on.
"Sha na na na, sha na na na na".
- What the hell are you doing? - "Get a job".
"Get a job".
What? Are you feeling any sort of, like, melting sensation? No, but if I do, I'm gonna totally tell on you.
Then you'll have to go to jail.
No, no, no, please! No jail.
Oh, now that you mention it No, no, no.
Just I won't do it again.
I won't do it again but stand still.
I'm gonna do it again.
"Sha na na na " Impossible.
The lunar melting amulet is constructed of high-tensile moon noodles.
No mortal man can destroy it.
That's right.
Then you, too, are a Moonmaster.
Now and forever.
What else you got in this catalog I can blow away? Oh, you got the catalog.
That's wonderful.
I've been meaning to set up an appointment with you.
The fleece is nice, but I don't like the zipper.
First, you must pass that which is unpassable.
You're the Moonmaster.
- In your face! - Unbelievable.
- No way.
- Beyond all comprehension.
Nobody makes it past level three.
Wait, except I did.
Remember me, guys? That's him.
Remember him? - Hey, guys.
- Oh, yes.
How surprisingly delightful.
Two Moonmasters in one house.
What are the chances? - I'm not surprised.
- Me, neither.
I'm damn good.
So how does this work? We got nationals? See, you also the savior of their race, like me, OK? So you got to buy all the stuff in this catalog.
Then I get points.
Then so do they get points, and you get points, too but so they can get that Gorgotron killed and somehow, someone gets a Ferrari.
I get the Ferrari.
I'm the Moonmaster.
- Now what? - Go out and find fifty others that are rich enough to take pleasure in this facade.
Yo, sign my thing.
Well, you already signed mine.
Go out and do my bidding.
- I don't know fifty people.
- Can I help someone? - Hey, buddy, how's it going? - Come over here first.
I want to show you some literature.
Show us how you sign your name.
I know you know how to do it.
Did you bring a pen with you? Nobody's talking to you.
Let the adults speak.
I'll get you a Miinmaster pen.
How does that grab you? I want you to take a look at this Gorgotron repellent.
Go over it at your own pace.
No pressure.
But I do need you to sign it right now.
So buying all this stuff is gonna help you kill this Gorgotron thing? How? Just tell me that.
Wouldn't your ass like to know? - That is why he asked.
- I know, Err.
Shut up.
I am in control of this conversation.
Well, I'm waiting.
Well, while you wait take a look at some of our weaponry for spring.
No, no.
That stuff falls apart in your hands.
Just because the temperature rises doesn't mean you can't still be prepared.
I love the battle-axes on page nine.
Green is the new pink in warrior shorts.
You can get two of those in the defender pack which, for my money, is the best deal.
Shake, will you get that out of my face? Alert him to the fact that we will throw in a wacky wall walker his choice of five colors if that's what it takes for the dog to bite.
Just give me an example of your signature.
- Shake.
- What? He has a friend that made over $2 million doing this out of the house.
That is very extremely true.
That old boy didn't even have to get dressed.
Look here.
There's a naked picture of him.
Aw, man.
I thought we cut that out.
We did.
If you will excuse us we have a meeting with our printer.
Well, why would you want to go up there? I mean, that's where this Gorgotron is, right? W- well, I know that.
I said that, but it's his nap time now.
Because he, like, sleeps during the day.
But at night, he feeds.
And it's always night on the moon.
Don't with me, Err.
"Hello, lady or gentleman of the house.
"My name is insert name "and I am the one and only Moonmaster "savior of " Uh aw, man.
They already talked to you, didn't they? Damn it! Who? While he ain't looking, would you sign this? No, you don't.
Sign mine.
Oh, I'm the one.
I need points.
I'm still a cadet here.
Please, Moonmasters, silence.
Shut up.
The Gorgotron approaches.
W- wait a minute.
Are you serious? I only got one signature.
Are we ready? You're always ready, for you are a Moonmaster.
That's right, and see you later.
We got to go harvest our craps.
- Err, please.
- Ha ha ha ha! Hmm.
Where's the Gorgotron? - There is no Gorgotron! - Oh, thank God.
I mean, you think we'd defeat him with this? We each should've had our own defender packs.
That's the one with the stickers and the instructional video Hiw ti Wirk Stickers.
I found it to be informative.
All right.
Look, for the record I know that there ain't no Gorgotron, all right? I'm just doing this for the Ferrari.
You know some naked dude made over $2 million doing this out of the house? I know.
They were friends with the guy.
Tell him, Err, with your parallelogram mouth.
Now, see, what you need is the official keychain.
So you got to upgrade to the Stargate Pack.
You mustn't face the Gorgotron with your keys all willy-nilly.
He's right.
Oh, sh You're the Gorgotron? Yes, Err.
I told you this was a mistake that you were making.
I'll tell you what, Gorgotron.
I'll throw in the keychain.
How you like that? You like that, fatty? You are a fatty! Aah! He said no, Err with his foot.
Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden