Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Hypno-Germ

Spacecataz.
Do My name is Shake-zula, the mike ruler The old-schooler You want to trip, I'll bring it to ya Frylock and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, G.
Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus Uh, check-check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Number one in the 'hood, G.
Shake, come in here for a second! Hey, why don't you just come in here? It'll be quicker.
Ooh ooh! I heard that.
Give him three seconds now.
Shake, will you please get in here?! - Ah! - He beat my projections.
Just go see what he wants and then tell me about it afterwards.
OK.
Shake, come in here! Ah! God! Why must I be cursed with such popularity? What? What? Get out your cameras.
I'm only signing for 5 minutes.
That's it! Take a look at this, Shake.
I can see it from here.
It's a toilet seat.
And you're a disgusting perv for having it.
Take a closer look.
Wow! You've discovered germs! Now how about you go discover soap? This is the same toilet seat that you sat on at that gas station in Branson and it's covered with hypnogerms! That is a lie, and you are a liar for saying that.
I've never been to Branson in my life.
Don't tell me you don't remember that.
It was just last week.
Yeah, you ate that batch of bad ribs after the Gatlin Brothers concert and made Frylock blow the door off that truck stop bathroom because you said you couldn't wait for the bathroom key? Squeezin' your butt together, trying to keep it in? I don't even know Charles Branson! Someone's losing their mind, Jack because that never happened! He's already lost his.
I'm lookin' at you, big boy.
Come on, come on, come on, come on! Just blow the door off! I can't hold it anymore! Oh! Oh! Oh, thank God! Wow, it's still just coming.
Hold it right.
I got it upside right side down.
- Where's the paper?! - I'm the director I want to see this again.
Rewind.
Come on, come on, come on, come on! Just blow the door off Yeah, that's not me.
I mean, it's just It's clearly not me.
Well, you're entitled to your dumb-ass opinion on where you think you were, but the fact is you didn't put paper on that toilet seat and I'm afraid you might be infected by hypnogerms.
Really? And that's what you think, huh? Hold on.
I think I may be able to take care of this.
Hey! Get in here! Tell him I never been to Branson.
- He's never been there! - See? Uh, see what? Tell him again.
Maybe slow it down for him.
He has never been there.
He's never been there! All right, all right! Will everybody settle down, please? We're not deaf! - He's never been there.
- OK.
Uh, who are you talking to? You're serious.
Hey, I can be stupid, too.
Tell him who I'm talking to.
He's talking to the basketball.
What the? Hey, where you been, man? I was looking for you.
I called you last Christmas.
Your mom said that Chicken Face was on Bone Row.
He's pulling your chain! Yeah.
I'm the basketball.
Yeah! Ha ha ha! Love is a basketball and chain, brother.
- Come on.
- I know! That's what freed the fish, man.
Yeah, I'm the basketball.
I meant to tell them that.
It's only a matter of time.
Time? Heh heh! Time is an illusion.
Yeah, I'm the basketball.
The only time now is party time.
Are we clear? - Come on! - Yeah, I'm the basketball.
Lovely.
You so got that from a beer commercial! - Yeah.
- See? I told you! These guys are totally out of control.
Don't squeeze the pancake batter.
Hey, no.
Don't interrupt.
I'm talking to him.
So what what kind of germs he got there? Hypnogerms, Meatwad.
Their only interest is to control your mind.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
And I'm an asshole for asking.
Mind control! You gotta have mind control If you want to take control of your mind Hey! Thank you! You, sir, you got a nice young lady with you.
- What's your name? - Phil Cabinet.
You precious little thing! Where you from, Phil? We're from Kill yourself! All right.
Phil from Killyourself.
And who's this with you? Rrrrowrrr! This is my 6-month-old and her name is Wear a hat made out of foil.
This is my wife Lock yourself in a cold, dark room.
Hi.
And how long have you two lovely people been married? Oh, about smear yourself with garbage and try to cross the freeway.
We just celebrated our eat your own dung.
Great to hear.
Yummy, too.
Hey, Phil, thanks for coming out.
Like the shirt, both of you.
You match.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Tulip Sniper! Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Die.
Die, all of you.
Jackass! Um I have a two-part question One What's he doing now? Two Should we light him on fire? He's probably fallen prey to one of their hideous off-Broadway productions.
But didn't you say that their only interest is mind control? Well, yes, and they also like to star in plays.
Star in plays? Oh, yes, Meatwad.
Plays that they've written after they've been drinking.
- After they've been drinking? - On the weekends.
- On the weekend - Will you stop repeating me?! Damn! Everything I say.
- Everything you say? - Meat You still think I'm an asshole, don't you? Well, what you gonna do now? Well, Meatwad, there's only one thing we can do.
- These beans.
- Those beans? Yes, Meatwad, these Mexican jumping beans are the only known enemy to the hypnogerm.
Now they must confront each other inside his brain.
OK.
Germ Master! Beans are invading from the west! It's Pancho.
He's come for me.
Young Donna you must understand that the beans are lowlifes.
Bean and germ must never mate It is written on this grape But, Father! But, Father But, Father - But, Father - Take her to the epiglottis! And so, she was imprisoned in the flabby epiglottis for a thousand years because of her love for one overweight bean.
Psst! Hey.
Donna.
Pancho! You've come for me! Donna, shh! Callete, niƱa.
How did you find me? Oh, you know, it's, like, my love for you carried me here like a thousand rivers, mang.
Hold on, honey.
I'm sorry.
What? What did you say? Did you just do what I think you did? Ugh.
You told me you didn't do that, mang.
Not in front of you.
Silly.
Yeah, OK, that's all OK, well, go back listen we're gonna battle your dad, mang, OK? You got to tell him to lay off, please, OK? I don't ever see him mang.
OK, look, here's the deal, OK.
I'll be back here tomorrow, mang 'cause, you know, I love you and I'll never leave you until you are free from this prison OK? But how? How will I ever get free? You must grow your hair and and then you know, we do something with it.
Something crazy, you know.
And that was the last Donna ever saw of Pancho for two weeks later he met a younger, more illegal bean who wasn't in prison, and she bore him many children and sued his ass for custody of them.
But one day Pancho! You've come back! For me! Yeah, no! Shut up! Damn.
Let your hair down.
Pancho climbed her hair and when he reached the top he looked in his long-lost lover's eyes and said Ohhh.
Ay, gross! From your nose? You know, eh, Donna, I've been thinking you know, I I don't want to break your heart and I'm going through a lot of right now got a lot of work to do and I'm not the best guy in the world, you know.
I'm not right for you.
I got to think about things a little bit, OK? It'll work out somehow, but, yeah, give me that hair.
And he snipped the nose hair from her breathing cavities.
Gracias.
Because he thought he knew someone who could spin nose hair into gold.
Now spin it into gold, man.
Donna's heart was shattered.
No, Pancho! No! Fortunately for her she turned into the Incredible Hulk But not the Marvel comic Hulk a totally different Hulk that we made up.
Hulk mad! And Donna took Pancho's body to the bean wizard.
Oh, bean wizard, can you help me? I'll see! He's been shot in the head.
I can't raise him from the dead If he's been shot in the head My powers are limit ed But isn't there anything? But isn't there anything you can do? Maybe.
Probably.
Definitely! A zombie Oh! Thank you, bean wizard.
- Brains! - Oh, wait.
No, no, no.
Ow.
Brains! Ay, que deliciisi.
And so the bean zombie terrorized the countryside for a thousand years and the beans drove the hypnogerms out of the countryside led by their zombiefied prince where they would rule the countryside for a thousand years.
Well, looks like it's working.
The beans are obviously winning.
Ay, miis Dii! Damn.
What's he doing? Oh, he's just passing gas out of his ocular cavities.
I told you there'd be side effects, you know.
Yep, he's Mexican now.
Congratulations! You're our new contestant! Whoa! What? Wait a minute.
Where did the hypnogerms go? Oh, yeah.
They went up your butt.
Who's the asshole now? I'm outta here, dude.
Dancing is forbidden D- D-Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D- D-Dancing is forbidden D- Dancing is forbidden