Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Carl

What's going on? What is the dealio? Oh, look, Err.
Talking farm animals.
So, you having a movie night with the P.
s? Can I have a tiny slice? - Tell him no.
- We would love to but this has to last us through lunch.
What the Plus it's gone.
My name is Shake-zula, the mike ruler The old schooler You want to trip, I'll bring it to ya Frylock and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, G.
Driving in my car, living like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes And I'm a Taurus Uh, check-check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Number one in the hood, G.
Oh, ho ho! Super.
Dear Carl, thank you in advance for feeding my dolls while we out in Panama City scaring up venture capital money for my stand-up comedy tour "Meatwad Unplugged, No Buns Allowed".
And also, we also getting a tan.
Now, remember, Dewey and Vanessa won't eat anything but chicken chow mein noodles and you know Boxey he'll eat anything as long as it's deep fried.
They need to be walked twice a day and be sure and pick up their doll droppings or you get a fine from the city.
Thanks again.
Sorry about the house, big guy.
Sincerely, Meatwad.
All right, what the does this say? - What? - Did you find my note? Oh, was that you? Yeah, thanks for etching it into the side of my house.
Is you mad? You ain't mad, are you? Hey, while we're talking you want to tell me what it friggin' says? - What what says? - The note.
What note? The one on the side of my house.
Oh, that, yeah.
Well, I don't remember.
Of course.
Something about feeding dolls or something.
I left 'em out for ya.
They like to run.
Super! Anything else you want me to do? Will you hang up the freak Damn, it's hot out here.
You guys must be seriously thirsty.
Hey, open up.
Drink up, there.
Oh, shoot.
Did I do that? Here, let me put you out.
In your face! Wow.
Ho ho ho, yeah! Did y'all see that? Aww, someone should have been here to see that! It was classic! OK, it's, uh, July 27 in the afternoon and, uh, and I think something's about to happen here.
All right, stay tuned.
It's about to come.
Dammit! I can't do it now! It's too much pressure! Let me tell you about this airplane.
Airplane food.
I mean, what's up with that? Am I right? See, that's when the people laughing then I gotta be, like I gotta have a joke there.
Guess who.
Hey, is that the girl that busted me for looking at her butt? Put her on speaker.
Give it here.
Hello? - Hi.
- Hey, Carl.
How's my boys doing? By boys I mean dolls.
Oh, they're good.
They're, uh they're rooting around for some food right now.
Airplane food? Am I right? Yeah.
Is, uh, Shake there? - Oh, yeah, hang on one - No! Tell him no! He says he ain't here, even though he is.
I mean, am I right? What's up with that? Meatwad, hang the phone up.
You're wasting my damn minutes.
So, uh, how's it goin' out there? You, uh, you don't talk much there, do ya? Oh, you noticed.
See, a lot of water gets wasted during the day flushing the toilet in the bathroom, you know so I fill all this up all I gotta do when I go to the kitchen for lunch is pour it down the sink.
Whatever it takes to save the earth.
'Cause granola girls, gets 'em all moist.
Homeless girls, too.
They'll do anything for shelter.
You know, stay with me, man.
I'm full of information.
I'm like an infomercial.
You know what one of them is? It's information that you get in a commercial.
Let's, uh, friggin' see if one's on now.
Whoa, yeah! The sound of lunch.
'Scuse me.
It's, uh, 7.
OK, here's, uh, $8.
00 and, uh, keep it.
All of it? I don't know if the bank will take all this.
Hey, man, the night's young.
Knock off for a bit.
- Let's party.
- Oh, no, thanks.
This is gonna take me all night to count.
Oh, don't be so uptight, man.
I got a pool in the back.
I got beer on ice and I'm calling your supervisor, asshole! Oh, what the Oh, great, yeah.
No, I love to live in the woods and eat with sticks.
No, thank you.
We're American.
I'll use utensils, OK? But, uh, they're in the kitchen, so, uh so no harm, no foul, you know what I mean? Hey! Guess who this is? H- hello? That's what your mom said before I shaved her back! Yeah! Naw.
No, actually, I did talk to your mom tonight.
She said to call you.
Well, do you know what time it is? Nah, I keep the blinds closed, so it's kind of disorienting but you know, I don't want the government in my business.
It's 2:00 in the morning.
Oh, it's my bedtime.
Come on, what happened to the Donna I remember the one who knew how to party back in '81? Oh, yeah, you're that guy with Oh, come on.
It's Carl.
Class of '81! Oh, OK.
Well, I wasn't there for long.
That place is a scam.
I left it in the dust.
But, hey, enough about me, Donna.
You still got that cleavage? Still smuggling balloons wherever you go? Where are you now? Hello? Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't booty call me when I got guests here! Oh, God, she is so horny for me.
All right, that's the last of the Ws.
There's a "Z" left, but Ooh.
She had that unibrow.
Ah, screw it.
Look up Zambrano.
Normally I wouldn't do a fat chick from the flag corps, but, uh, it is a new era of loneliness.
Oh, God.
Oh, it's so nice to be watching TV here.
Uh, well, Meatwad and I are gonna go down to the clambake.
Yeah, that's fine.
You do that.
And I'll watch this and learn how to bake frittatas.
Look, you can watch TV at home.
I know, but it's exciting to know that I can watch it here, too.
You know there's girls down there, right? Yeah.
Stuck-up girls.
They know where to find me.
I tell you what just so everybody knows it, let me just say this if I meet me one and I get my groove on you might just end up sleeping on the beach, man 'cause I'm getting the bed.
Argh! There.
Hey! Go get the bed.
This call will cost $9.
00 a minute for the first sexy minute then $12 a minute for every 30 dirty sexonds.
I will not accept charges.
Let me take this to the office.
for every 30 dirty sexonds.
Ooh, did I say sexonds? Yeah.
Hell, yeah, I'll accept charges.
Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Wait, wait! No, it's me! I'm telling.
I am telling.
Go ahead.
Oh, who's back here, I pray tell? What the hell's that thing? Whoa! Oh, no, no, no! Oh, yeah, you want some, eh? Feels good.
Hey, wait a second here.
The Amazing Mongrel, ladies and gentlemen! The Mongrel! This is good.
You're pouring them down your throat.
You know, if you chewed them it would make them a little more enjoyable.
Look at you.
You don't care.
Come on, Shake.
Frylock's trying to get him some down here.
Be a good wingman.
I would, but she won't let me have any.
I'm afraid to get my hands by the plate.
She might suck them down.
Wait, Amber, don't go! Ah, you drove her away! Frylock, let's go.
Shake, we're still, uh, we're still talking here.
- Uh, thank you so much.
- People, let's go.
Where's Amber? I I can't turn my head.
Hopefully throwing up some of the food she was jamming down her throat.
- Did you see her? - Shake.
She finished the meat and then she turned on the bones.
Get out of here.
I need to go check on my friend.
Oh, wait, Stacey, Stacey, Stacey.
W Ahem.
I mean Let me get them digits, you know? Um, let me give you my cell Intruder alert! Intruder alert! She was robbing you.
Was she robbing you? Of what, my virginity? No, not anymore, I don't think so.
Go home! And I'm not a virgin.
I never was.
I mean, I was, but Just get the out of here.
Hey, y'all, check this out.
They selling fireworks across the street.
Guys? Hello? And he was standing right here in your living room getting ready to rob it and using your phone to make his long-distance calls.
He was robbing you of long distance.
OK, Rudy.
That is why I flew all the way down to Panama City to get you.
OK, OK, Rudy, thank you.
But it was quite a long trip, and I OK, Rudy.
OK, Rudy, Rudy! Thanks! OK? You did a good job.
Guess who's back! Come on, everybody, group hug! Boxey, what's wrong? Don't you ever leave me with that fool again! I'll slit you up the middle! - OK, Boxey.
- OK nothing.
Mutha did not feed us.
I will I will know better next time.
He peed on me, bitch! Frylock, get him off of me, please! Look at these red footprints! Oh, my God! Really, I would leave, but every time I try to move it really hurts bad.
Carl, we missed you, boy.
Come here, give us a hug.
No, no.
Don't! Get off! Get off! OK, Carl, OK.
I'm trying, it's just you sticky.
Whoa! This girl's copping a feel here, huh? Hey, you want a little feel? No.
Shake, Shake, no! Oh, God, no! Think my sunburn's finally gone.
So, welcome back, there.
How was the Was he trying to rob you? No, Rudy, he wasn't trying to rob us.
Where is my w He took my wallet.
I got the what now? Dancing is forbidden D-Dancing is forbidden D-Dancing is forbidden D-D-D-Dancing is forbidden D-Dancing is forbidden