Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Global Grilling

My name is Shake-Zula The Mic Ruler The Old-Schooler you want to trip? I'll bring it to you.
Frylock, and I'm on top rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock.
Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, g.
Drivin' in my car livin' like a star ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus.
Check-check it yeah.
'Cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homeys say, "ho!" And the girlies want to scream.
'Cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homeys say, "ho!" And the girlies want to scream รข?S Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Number One in the hood, g.
[hocking] Come on.
Keep going.
[hocking] This ain't nearly enough.
You need to pick up the pace.
I can't sit around all day waiting for you to make enough of this.
How much snot is this gonna take? It really all depends on how tall you want to make your Mucus Man.
I do want him tall.
Then keep on hocking, brother.
[hocking] I'm seeing a lot of blood now.
Do we need to take 5? I'm cleaned out.
My snot's on empty, man.
Have one of these assortment of cheeses: Gouda, Cheddar, Provolone No, no, no.
This is not working.
I need to be sick! Tick that doorknob.
and lick it I shall.
[slurping] What the hell are y'all doing? We're making us a Mucus Man.
Don't do that.
You don't have all the tools.
You need to something to heat the mucus so you can shape it.
Don't tell me how to do it.
[coughing] Listen.
Don't tell me how to do it.
You tell him how to do it, and he'll tell me.
With this grill, you can heat and sculpt the mucus into any fun shape.
The only limit is your imagination.
Is that a George Foreman grill? Uh, no.
George Washington.
Couldn't afford the real one, huh? Oh, and like you can.
Shut--you shut your mouth.
Where does it plug in? Doesn't have to, see? It's made of wood.
Wow, wood.
Ok, see? You have to rub the wooden grates together to generate the heat.
You have to do it really fast, and it takes a long time.
It's environmentally friendly.
Major dick move right there.
Dudes! Check this out! Oh, yeah! We grilling tonight.
Now, here's what's different about this, my friends.
It uses actual pieces of the sun, combined with some radioactive vials from Chernobyl.
And I know this is interesting also to the ladies out there.
It uses it to heat burgers, steaks.
Chicken? No problem.
And best of all, it's not even supposed to be inside this country.
This would incinerate mucus man, Shake.
Not on extra low.
[low hissing] Just a minute.
Got a--it's got a buildup in the pit.
Uh, hold on a minute.
It's 'cause it's new.
There she goes.
That's that hum.
Oh, I love that sound.
Hey, maybe you ought to turn that thing down.
Mucus man is melting here.
He's not melting.
He's chillaxing.
If you can't speak the language, go back to Mexico-- where you were born and are from.
Ow! Damn it, Shake.
What is this beam made of? You're noticing the patented flavor beam.
This injects your dogs or whatever your meat of choice with this zesty, hickory-smoky, down-home zest.
It's good, see? You want it more pink in the middle? Should've spoke up, 'cause this will not go backwards.
I'm not eating that.
You can eat this now, or you can be hungry in a couple days when we run out of money for food.
Hey, I'll eat it.
Give it to me.
Carl, what in the hell are you doing on our property again? Oh, I just came to see why my doorknob's covered with snot, and then I saw you, and I connected the two.
Hey, Carl.
How do you like your tube steak? I like to park it in some whore.
Yeah! Ha ha ha! Ok, uh, let me--let me see if I got one of them.
Ahh, you set me up on that.
It was too easy.
Ha ha ha.
You grilling? No, I'm curing Cancer.
Yes, we're grilling.
Putting out some btus.
I think those--are those clouds on fire? Oh, you noticed that.
Uh, don't worry, sir.
It's just the flavor beam doing its zesty magic.
You smell burning hair? [sigh] Damn it, Shake.
I told him not to mess with that damn thermostat.
How do I get this to be cold? I keep pressing it and pressing it and pressing it, and it won't get cold now.
Man, that's insane! That's what I've been saying for the last hour and a half while you've been dreaming of Jeannie.
Damn it.
Maybe we gotta freaking call the landlord.
The compressor's on the fritz again.
He may--he may be gone.
I wouldn't go out there.
And why not? Watch this.
That was my Alton Brown saucepot.
I use it to make my Balsamic reduction.
Damn it! You've seen me do it.
Shake, you left that grill on, didn't you? Uh, no.
Well, then, why is it on? I don't know.
It's in self-cleaning mode.
No, I think it's in create-a-hole-in-the-ozone mode, Shake.
Someone needs to go out there now.
And look who I'm looking at.
All right, fine.
I'll go out there.
I need to use the pool anyway.
Whoo! It is a steamer out--aah! Aah, aah, aah! Yeah, it feels great out here! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Open the door, open the door! Aah! Oh, damn it! Who took my sunblock? SPF 60 for fair skin? There ain't enough SPF in the world to protect you from this.
Well, we got all that cream cheese we won at the fair.
Can you tan through that? It's worth a shot.
And it may be the only shot we have.
Or we could just shut the [gunshot] grill off.
Will you relax? Look.
That thing's gonna shut the grill off in, like, two seconds.
Oh, my God, it's a tidal wave! I know what it is.
[yelling] Ooh, feel that cool water.
So soothing.
Feel that polar bear up here, chewing on my head.
Oh, my God.
This is a melted polar cap.
No, no.
Polar caps are traditionally cold.
Ha ha ha.
This--ooh, this is starting to get hot.
Oh, hell.
We've got to get to that grill.
I know.
You said it, like, 93 times.
Hurry, somebody.
Mex--Mexicans! They'll do it.
They do anything.
Who here knows Spanish? Carl may! His hair is dark.
That's a good thought.
I'm gonna ask him.
No, no, no! My father's amateur porno! I love you, Dad, and all those money shots.
Damn it.
It's too damn hot.
Frylock! Use your fries! Use them! That's what I'm doing.
Well, I couldn't see that from here.
We gotta stop bickering.
We's all need to join together and thank God that It's on extra low.
Look, will you just blow it up like you blow up everything else? You bought a grill with a nuclear core, Shake.
That might make us a little bit worse off.
That's why it was illegal.
So why can't you just throw it into space? Well, I would, but I'd probably be destroyed in the process.
So? Throw it into space.
Yeah, really.
What's the holdup? Y'all suck.
I wish Superman was here.
I'd say, "Hey, Superman.
Will you mow the lawn while you're here?" And he'd be like, "Yeah.
I'm Superman.
I know how to work the mower.
" [crash] Hey, who bought the grill? He did.
He did.
Hey, you're welcome, Mucus Man.
This weather's perfect.
I can finally breathe And take over your dumbass planet.
selfish, puny humans [hocking] Pass me some more of that cream cheese, please.
[hocking] I can't believe they eat this.
There's no--there's no nutrition in it.
They don't eat it.
They make more men with it, Shake.
How many times do I have to tell you that? I can't do this anymore.
I think a little chunk of brain came out last time.
Come on, Carl, you've got to.
You gotta have something in there.
You gotta blow.
Carl, don't you give up on me.
I need you to lick this toilet seat.
Come on, it's our only hope.
No, I'm totally immune to them germs.
I'm not spitting one more oyster.
Today, they got to deal with me on my terms.
What is this dissension in the ranks? Someone refuses to blow.
I got something you could blow, all right.
Carl, no.
But why is he the king?! Uh, because he is the smartest and best Looking, and his wisdom led us to this great utopia.
Isn't that right, handsome master? Yes.
That is correct.
Mucus minions, congest him.
At once.
No, Meatwad.
Come on! It'll take two of you.
Let's go.
No! And it doesn't use carbon-based fossil fuels or emit Chlorofluorocarbons, or CFCS, which are the main culprits behind global warming.
That's why you gotta eat your boogers.
Before the Mucuzoids take over.
That's the message I'm spreading to America.
Our future's at stake, and it's in your nose.
You must eat your boogers, America, for the sake of your grandchildren's lives.