Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Grim Reaper Gutters

My name is Shake-Zula The Mike Ruler The Old Schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to ya.
Frylock and I'm on top rock you like a cop.
Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock.
Meatwad make the money see? Meatwad get the honeys, g.
Driving in my car living like a star ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus.
Uh, check-check it, yeah.
'Cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream.
'Cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream ? Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Number One in the hood, g.
I'm gonna do it.
Ha ha.
You--you so flinched when I did that.
Yeah.
You would jump! Oh, yeah.
And then I'd hit you with the arrow and you'd cry your little eyes out.
Yeah.
That was fun.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Good times.
Ha.
I remember that one time you's in the bathroom with that magazine, 'cepting we ain't got no bathroom.
So, you know, ha-- we all know what you was doing.
I'll show you stars! Take this! Ha ha ha! Wait! Good shot, buddy.
I--I-- what I'm doing in here is private! Oh, man.
Back then I was so self-conscious about my body.
You know, Frylock wanted to fix that hole, but I said no.
And now I like it when people watch.
I still can't figure out what you're doing with yourself.
Yeah.
So, what's up with you? We don't ever just talk anymore.
What is up with me? Well I got me a leaf-mulcher.
Really? That's interesting.
Yeah.
And, you know It comes with the warranty and it's got 3 different, you know, setting on it.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I can't got no money for gas.
I spent pretty much all the money on the leaf-mulcher.
Phew! Don't talk to me about gas.
So, yeah.
Probably gonna have to sell the leaf-mulcher.
Yeah.
Hey, remember when the core of the earth was melting and it started messing with the gravitational pull, you know, and we was all, like, flying upward.
And I called the president, and I says, "the core is melting.
We gots to do something about it!" Yeah! You know, and he says, "we're on it.
" You remember that? Yeah, I remember it.
Yeah, me, too.
Hey.
How 'bout that time "playboy" called me.
What-boy? The--the playboy.
He wanted me to go party at his mansion house, you know, 'cause he has too many girls and not enough guys.
Ha ha.
You know, he called me.
Remember? No, Jimmy, I'm sorry--i'm counseling a youth camp today.
Yeah, doing some stuff with my church.
Thank you though.
Have a blessed day.
Remember Remember that date I went on with Farrah Fawcett? And she said, "let's get nude, go to this hotel, and, like, do all this stuff.
" And she starts, like, playing with me and starts, like, hugging on me.
I says, "no.
No, girl.
" My shirt was on.
So, she dropped me off.
You know, you and I, we've made a lot of sacrifices over the years.
And if it wasn't for us, some people would not be where they are today.
That sucked about Farrah Fawcett, by the way.
Remember when I saved both y'all's asses? Oh! Oh, right.
When? Name one time! Once! ? Party, party, party I want to have a party ? He needs medical attention.
I guess I'm satisfied then.
Breathe, damn it! [coughing] ? Party, party, party party, party, party the party's getting started and this is how we party all he does is party party, party, party ? Wait, no! Those are awesome! [grunts] Fine.
I'm not spinning.
Don't touch me.
You son of a-- No, Shake! Take him out.
Wait, no! Hello! ? Get this party started ? There we go.
Oh, ok.
Ok, fine! ? Stay ? Aagh! Excuse me! Oh, no! Aagh! Aagh! Come on, let's go! Well You put that whole thing to rock music, huh? That never happened.
You clearly altered this.
Oh, you think I did, huh? Yes.
And I'm beginning to think that you moved me where you were.
Oh, really? I've seen you with that computer That I--that I bought! Remember when I bought you that computer? But this one is only 199.
I mean, it has everything I need.
Oh, come on.
This is the one! And it's only 3,099! We can't afford that.
You can't afford not to have this.
Listen, I will afford it for you because I want you to have it better than I had it Right now.
I don't know how we're gonna pay for this.
That's for me to worry about.
And remember when I got the bill? No, I sure don't.
Where the hell is Shake?! He says, "i'm moving to Mexico till all this bill business chills out.
" I have never said that.
I've never even said those words.
Oh, really? I'm going to Mexico until all this bill business chills out.
You can't prove that I said that.
Oh, yeah? Well, what do you think of this? I'm going to Mexico until all this bill business chills out.
I have hidden cameras everywhere.
Uh F.
Y.
I.
, I was in Jericho growing pasta for poor children.
Just how much I think of myself, you couldn't get a dog to do that.
Hey, you guys remember when I got my first pubic hair? In that restaurant? Hey, y'all, check it out! Look what came with my wings! Ew! Yeah! Don't touch that! And I've been collecting them ever since.
Here, Frylock.
I made you this.
It's a shirt.
Uh, yeah.
Uh, ha.
Thanks.
I figured you to be a large, but I went extra-large 'cause I know it's gonna shrink in the wash.
That's right.
I want you to wash this with the rest of your clothes.
You know who would like that, Meatwad? Carl.
Yeah, Carl would really appreciate that shirt.
How could you tell if he had it on? Carl, what's up?! Nothing.
And why you calling me here? I made you a shirt, man.
Oh, wow.
How thoughtful.
You know what? I made you a shirt, too! But, see, without the "r" part.
Ha ha ha ha.
Get it? I made you a shirt.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Come get it before it sinks.
[toilet flushes] Had a lot of meat last night.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Y'all, Carl's crazy.
Hey, Carl.
Come on over and hang out.
Just kicking back in the crib, talking about the good old days, you know? There's fellowship.
We got some tap water.
Got that all day.
And Tera Patrick.
No, there's no way I'm coming over.
Tera! What is in it for me? You know You da man! Tell him Tera Patrick's here.
Oh, yeah.
And Terry Patrick.
Tara! Oh, oh! Tara.
Tara Patrick.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, what, on your computer? No, Carl! In real life.
Oh.
Ok.
She's right here.
The porn star.
Right.
Yeah, the porn star, man.
All right, smart guy.
You got Tara Patrick over there, what's tattooed on uh Well, you know, in her uterus? Hey, what's tattooed on your uterus? A unicorn making love to a Keebler Elf.
Tara? Hey, is that you?! Is that you, Tara?! I love to meet all my fans.
Come on over and party with me.
Oh, man! I've seen all your pictorals! You are one of the most beautiful women in the world You know, spread eagle.
Tara, give me the phone.
How'd you get her to come over there? We just called her.
You ever hear of the telephone? Ok, ok.
Just keep her there.
Hang on.
I--I--I-- I gotta get some dvds together for her to sign! Oh, I'm so excited! [dial tone] You think he knows why we really want him to come over here? He don't need to know nothing.
[wolf howls] Hey, guys.
Remember when me and you, and Meatwad-- what, Tara? What?! Shut up! You--it's just you're so mouthy.
All I see is lips moving, stories that go nowhere.
Will you please just keep eating your corndog.
Mmm! I like to party with you.
Oh, hi.
Excuse me.
Get out of my way.
My name's Dan from Grim Reaper Gutters.
I won't leave until I make a sale.
Yeah, well, my--my gutters are fine there.
Thanks.
So Get lost, g.
Really? Are you sure? Yeah, I'm looking at 'em right now, and they're They're there.
So, get lost.
Tara! Have you seen our clog-free system? It safely routes roof run-off, leaves, and debris away from the home while tastefully accenting your roofline and soffits.
Look, man, I-- I told you no.
I don't know how many times I can say it.
Ok.
But, you know, top soil can erode from every run-off.
Well, you know what? It's not even an issue because I'm gonna pave my yard tomorrow, ok? Tara! Oh, listen.
There's no need to do that.
Why is this door locked? Tara! It's a free estimate.
Hey, the door is locked! We can have our factory trained professional over here tomorrow to take a look at it.
I said no! [sighs] Ok.
Whoa! Oh, dang! He killed Carl! Yeah, but did he leave? No! Haven't you seen their commercial.
They won't leave until they make a sale.
My name's Dan from Grim Reaper Gutters.
I won't leave until I make a sale.
Have you seen our clog-free system? It safely routes roof run-off, leaves, and debris away from the home while tastefully accenting your roofline and soffits Frylock, where are you going?! I guess I'm going to buy some [bleep] damn gutters! Well, he sold me the ultimate preemptive gutter.
It incinerates all leaves off the trees before they even get to your roof.
It also incinerates seeds before they can even become trees.
Wow.
And this box carbonates and flavors your rainwater-- not that you might want to, you know, drink it.
Where's Dan from Grim Reaper Gutters? I want to party with him.
He says he's coming back tomorrow.
Sell us a bridge in New York.
Ha ha ha ha.
There ain't no bridges in New York.
That's the joke! I said--I said there ain't no bridges in New York! [cocks trigger] Uh, Meatwad Where Where'd you find that? What does that matter? None of that matters now.
Wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no! F-finger puppets f-f-f-finger puppets f-finger puppets f-f-f-finger puppets f-f-finger puppets