Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Carl Wash

? My name is Shake Zula ? ? The Mike Ruler ? ? The Old-Schooler ? ? You want to trip, I'll bring it to ya ? ? Frylock and I'm on top, rock you like a cop ? ? Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock ? ? Meatwad make the money, see ? ? Meatwad get the honeys, g ? ? Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star ? ? Ice on my fingers and my toes, and I'm a Taurus ? ? Uh, check-check it, yeah ? ? 'cause we are the Aqua Teens ? ? Make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream ? ? 'cause we are the Aqua Teens ? ? Make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream ? Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Number One in the 'hood, g.
Hey, here's one -- "Looking for dollars? Are you gullible -- and stupid? As hell? You may qualify to be part of our dangerous experiment.
Bring your resume, wallet, social security, ATM and all credit cards to Carl's car wash.
Minorities need not apply, or we gonn' sue your balls to the wall.
That sounds promising.
That job is perfect for you! [80s Pop Music plays] ? Aw, come on ? ? Get your car wash on ? ? Come on, get your car wash! Get it on ? ? Come on, get your car wash on ? ? Sensei say, wax on, wax off ? Hot dog, we want you to get your car washed! Hey, look at this igloo! Now go on and get your car washed! Come on, y'all.
Somebody get a car wash.
Thanks for the beverage! Man on PA: Meatwad, report to Brain Quarters.
Meatwad, report to Brain Quarters.
Oh, shoot.
I'm in it now.
We've been open six months and had not one customer.
[high pitched mumbling] You don't think it's -- it ain't my dancing, is it? Yes, it is your dancing.
Show me your shapes.
Oh, I got a ton.
Here, check this out.
Hot Dog.
Hot Dog.
Those are not enough shapes! No one will wash their car here because of you! I got more shapes.
I mean, come on.
I know all sorts of shapes.
I better go home and practice me some shapes.
Yes, you will! You better go! You better go! Okay, here we go.
Here comes a chair.
Close enough.
What are you doing Meatwad? Trying to get into shape.
Some other shape other than hot dog or igloo.
I can't think of nothing new.
You know, there's more than just those two shapes? There is? Let's try this one.
An octagon.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like that Chuck Norris movie? That ain't Chuck Norris.
And it's not an octagan either.
Hey, do Octopussy.
Like this here? That's what I'm talking about.
There you go.
You know what? I gotta go take a dump.
I don't know.
All these shapes just freakin' hurtin' my kidneys.
Why can't people just like me for me? But sadly, no one does.
Not even the president.
He's a great guy, though.
If I don't come up with some new shapes, I'm gonna lose my damn job.
He says he don't need me.
I be the first to go.
I have an idea.
That will cost you $20 dollars.
[doorbell rings] What do you want? Shake: Get your car washed.
? Get your car washed uh, uh ? ? Get your car washed uh, uh ? Or you a dumbass gonna get your ass whooped.
? Or you a dumbass gonna get your ass whooped ? Right here and now! Right here and now.
Really emphasize the "now.
" You're mad with this guy.
Right here and now, boy.
Now shove him.
That's not necessary.
Very thoughtful, but, uh, you know, up yours.
'Cause 2 Wycked don't need no wash right now.
I just hit it with a Chamois.
She's gleaming like the freakin' sun.
Drop the load! Yeah! So, can I pencil you in for an appointment? Y'all a bunch of dumbasses gonna get your ass whooped! Then you go in there and get your car washed! Oops! Nice throw, wussy.
Oh, dang it.
Brain: Meatwad, report to Brain Quarters.
Meatwad, report to Brain Quarters.
We have a customer! I repeat, we have a customer! Better be free, little meat man.
Oh, Carl, it is, believe me.
I want the UV with the triple foam protectorant, and the car nouveau waxed.
The good stuff.
You just don't even worry about it.
Just sit back on that gurney, and, you know, suck from that mask, and relax.
All right, then.
This is very comfortable here.
Wearing a paper gown is a little off-putting, but, you know, I'll go with it.
When we do the interior, we like to enhance it with an aroma.
Do you have a favorite aroma you'd like to pick? We'd love to facilitate that.
You got Pina Colada? Nah, I'm afraid not, sir.
No Pina Colada.
Okay, how about Strawberry Boobs? Nah, we ain't got that, neither.
What we do have is Athlete's Foot, Bloated Beach Cod, and Stank Breath.
Go through the list again.
Oh, here we go.
This is the first part of our patented three-step treatment.
That kinda looks like you're just sorta flinging dirt on it.
What it actually is is Dumpster Juice.
Which is a combination of rain water and garbage.
Very acetic, very harsh on your paint job.
And why are we doing this again? It's just a pre-coat.
I mean, obviously we need to prep the outer coat for, you know, the cat urine.
[cats mewing] And, of course, the hammers.
What the frick are you doing? Hey, Carl, let's lay back down and relax, okay? [stammering] Just allow the mystery gas to do its work.
[sighs] And don't worry.
We totally redo the paint.
In a color of our own choosing.
Yeah, whatever.
I'm easy.
Hello, Carl.
I too, am Carl.
And this is my son, Carl Jr.
[mumbling] We are all Carls.
Yes, yes.
Remove his brain! [groaning] I wonder if you can get the whole thing in your mouth.
Hey Meatwad, how's the job going? Um, just okay.
Carl washed his car there, didn't he? Yeah, but But what? I'm having some reservations about this work.
And some nightmares.
Nightmares? There was a time in my life when I thought dancing in front of the car wash would be the only thing I'd ever want to do, but the way these people wash cars I just don't know anymore.
Well, Carl seems happy with it.
Is he licking it? Yeah, he's been doing that all morning, I'm afraid.
You know, snakes -- in the wild, of course -- have to unhinge their jaw to eat a car.
I think the trouble with you is that you have all that skin around your mouth.
Shake! What? He's doing it! Carl? Carl.
Carl? Carl.
Oh, no! Oh, no.
Someone's taken Carl's brain! That is what I've been trying to tell you.
Really? Well, you haven't been very specific about it! I know I haven't.
Because they says if I tell anyone, I'm gonna lose my job dancing in front of the car wash.
Well, I'll tell you what, we're gonna do something about it right now.
Look here, we can keep this cool, between us 'cause, look, this the third job I lost this week.
Come on y'all.
We're gonna go get us a car wash.
Are you outta your mind? They take your brain out! I know that! They take your brain out over there.
Here, I got a coupon.
That's okay, Carl.
I got the employee discount.
Free triple foam polish with UV protectorant.
Come on, Shake.
I'm trying to create a show here.
I'm a show.
What time the show come on? Brain: Brain Slave, report to Brain Quarters.
Brain Slave, kindly report to Brain Quarters.
Brain Slave! The new Brain Slave refuses to report! Ain't nothing but a brain.
As are we, Son.
And we do our job! You right, Daddy.
You right! Go on and fetch this Brain Slave, and kindly ask him to be on bug removal! Permanently! [horn honks] Customer, Daddy! Get my blue fright wig at once! Greet them with a smile, Son.
A hard plastic smile.
We got a free dashboard cleaning, get the lint balls off your car, free tire shine! You'll get all that with a free brain removal.
Carl Brain: Moron, don't tell them! I meant to say car wash.
Now gas them! Quickly! Look, I just came by to tell you that I've told the police about your little brain operation here.
Yeah, and they didn't believe us.
No, they didn't.
Then we shall call them and show them pictures! That's a good idea, Daddy.
It is a very good idea.
Where's Carl's brain? I am Carl Brain.
No, Carl's Brain.
I am Carl Brain.
No, no, no.
Different carl, okay? I am Carl Brain.
My friend Carl, his brain! Behind you.
Is that Carl's Brain? Over there? On the expressway? Beware, for it will immediately seize you upon my, command, and your mind will be enslaved to forever Polish the chrome at this wash -- car wash.
This is retarded.
Oh, he called you retarded, Daddy.
Stop him at once.
From calling me retarded.
Too late, he did it.
He got away.
Go eat your brain now, Carl.
Dinner time, isn't it? Oh, look at that.
It's dinner time.
Oh, no, you don't.
Where do you think you're going? Home, now get out of here.
We are closed.
We open at 10:00 tomorrow.