Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Reedickyoulus

My name is Shake-Zula, the Mic Ruler, The old schooler You want to trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, ''G'' Terrence, you have my heart Ohhh, Terrence, you have my soul Terrence, you ate a bug today He's no longer moving You spit him out His shell don't taste good But you ate part of his brain MASTER SHAKE: lt is time.
This is home This is Main Street [ beeping ] Terrence? [ microwave hums ] [ squeaking ] MASTER SHAKE: What was that? What was that? Damn it.
A lot of time, these Korean capacitors, they can't take this many ohms.
And then double the problems when you're trying to defrost somebody's kitty cat in there.
Someone's kitty cat? Whose kitty cat? [ chuckling ] Whose do you think? Yours? This is Mr.
Sparkles.
He is a magician, and he is not to be touched.
Then whose kitty cat we talking about here? Well do the math.
You had one.
Now you have none.
What does that equal? Terrence! No! Terrence -- Boom! Terrence My skinless love l am the king! [ laughs ] FRYLOCK: Oh, yeah.
And the king is gonna sleep out in the yard tonight.
The grass? That is not a slumber chamber fit for a king! [ sighs ] Wrong again.
The rings must be joined.
lf you don't learn this, we're never gonna get into that condo.
CARL: [ groans ] Hark! The first firefly of the summer solstice.
Fetch my royal net.
Oh.
Hey.
Yeah.
You dropped something.
Eh, that's okay.
l don't need it anymore.
What if it's a golden egg? CARL: How about you crack it open with your teeth and see if it is? [ chomps ] Ugh! lt's not! [ laughs ] Sucker.
FRYLOCK: He was a fine pet, good friend, and he was very cherished, and -- what was he? lt's a she, thank you.
And his name was Terrence.
Oh, sorry, Meatwad.
Yes, she.
And now she's gone.
Her life's [ sniffles ] snuffed out in its prime.
Oh, my god, what is that smell?! MASTER SHAKE: l'll tell you what.
lt's called Carl -- right there, where he dropped that deuce.
Man, this is some bull.
Man, l don't care that we don't get along.
He needs to be using his own toilet! Carl, get out here! You need to answer for this! [ machine runs loudly ] MEATWAD: He looks busy.
MASTER SHAKE: Yeah, let it go.
You're not gonna be able to stop him now.
What do you mean? lt's called Reedickyoulus.
Ain't you never seen the ad on TV? ''Hey, baby, come back to pick you up later.
'' Only it ain't ''pick'' they saying.
lt's another word.
lt sound like ''pick,'' but it's like an inverted ''P'' at the beginning.
So, you know, it's a different word that sound like ''pick,'' but it ain't the word ''pick.
'' lt's a different word.
l get it.
l get it.
MASTER SHAKE: Then get it.
Get me one.
What does it do? MASTER SHAKE: lt lengthens, hardens, girthens, strengthens, satisfies, and fully pleasures your crotch.
[ machine running louder ] lt doesn't look safe.
MASTER SHAKE: lt's not.
They've been sued many times, but women don't get turned on by safe.
They crave danger.
Yeah.
They want a man who will try anything, no matter how disreputable the company.
[ machine bangs loudly ] FRYLOCK: When it shuts off, l'm gonna have to have a talk with him.
[ banging continues ] Hey! Check that out! MEATWAD: What?! MASTER SHAKE: Yeah, l know! You're sad about it, right?! What?! Hold on! Mr.
Sparkles! What?! [ banging continues ] We're gathered here today to say goodbye to another -- What's his name? Mr.
Sparkles! And he was a wonderful magician! Hey! lt stinks out here! [ banging stops ] [ door opens, closes ] Carl, we need -- O-oh.
Carl, we need to talk.
Hang on, Fry Man.
l got to cop a squat.
The deuce is loose.
[ laughs ] l got a big brown dog barking at my back door.
You know what l mean? MEATWAD: Yeah.
What are you doing? CARL: Look, hey, you talk to me all you want.
Just don't look at me.
l mean, it freezes me up.
l don't know if it's science or nothing, but somehow, it knows.
[ straining, farting ] [ clank ] What in the hell is wrong with you? Dude, my porcelain melted.
l got to go somewhere.
Holy -- Carl, it's glowing.
And you are, too.
Look at your groin.
CARL: Minor side effects that will go away over time [ chuckling ] While you're having a good time.
[ laughs ] You know what l'm saying? Ohhh! [ farts ] You guys got a machete or a bolt cutter or something? Nah.
Look, Carl, we're a little concerned about what's going on.
CARL: Well, don't be.
Unlike you, l'm going for the brass ring.
Speaking of brass ring, though, come here.
Look at this.
Does this look normal to you? FRYLOCK: Ew, man.
Not even close.
MASTER SHAKE: lt looks like a tiny city.
CARL: Oh, man.
l'm supposed to call the help line if that happens.
[ flies buzzing ] OPERATOR: lf you experience symptoms such as gleaming feces, luminescent groin flesh, or ghosts are escaping out of your anus, please press 1 .
[ beep ] What's that in your pants? CARL: Mesh underwear.
lt's like going commando, but you still got control.
Comes with the unit -- cools it down.
Otherwise, it'll overheat, and you got to, you know, apply a solution.
[ rapid chatter ] Uh, yeah, well, l have experienced some symptoms, yes.
[ rapid chatter ] No, l won't sign a release.
[ rapid chatter ] Yeah, sure, a set of steak knives sound good.
What's your point? [ rapid chatter ] They'll cut through a can? And then they cut tomato? You need an address, or, uh [ rapid chatter ] You can see me? How is that -- Unh! [ clank ] FRYLOCK: Look at this -- it's melted straight through the floor.
Don't bring that [fart] in my house.
FRYLOCK: The radioactive mercury isotopes are off the charts! Do you know what this means? Yeah.
lt means new carpets, bitch.
Hell, yeah, it does.
Give me some.
Finally! l've been telling him and telling the landlord that we're not gonna re-sign that lease.
Now he has to repair it.
Go, Frylock! Let's all smoke some cigarettes to celebrate.
No, Shake! The gas leak! All right, mom.
[ doorbell rings ] Yes, may l help you? Oh, my goodness.
[ Mr.
Sparkles meows ] [ gorilla hoots ] lt's a reunion! Group hug! FRYLOCK: Meatwad, back away.
They're all zombified.
When did you get a gorilla? Don't you remember this guy? Back in '02, l got tired of always losing them hamsters, you know, so l splurged.
Get me a gorilla.
Microwave [ laughs ] That would be classic.
[ cats screech ] No! Oh, no! Ugh! The only thing l can figure from this is that Carl's radioactive waste must have infected the animals with some sort of zombie virus.
Big Billy, is this true? Come on, boy, now.
Put him down and give me a big ol' hug.
Meatwad, don't.
lt's a virus.
No, not this one, Meatwad.
This virus can only be spread through bodily fluids.
That means blood, saliva Big Billy, you got an STD and you wasn't gonna tell me? MASTER SHAKE: Hey, whoa! Whoa! Where you going?! Get over here! Look, guys, they're offering us free sex, and you are an idiot to turn that down.
Sex is everything to me -- everything.
All right, then.
Go for it.
l will.
But l will use protection, 'cause l am smart.
Wow.
Do l have a big smile on my face? l'll never kiss and tell, but l pounded that ape -- twice.
Meatwad, back away.
Yeah.
And bow down to the king of ape sex! FRYLOCK: Hyah! l'm sorry you had to see that, Meatwad, but in order to kill a zombie, you have to separate the brain from the spine.
Hey, l just heard, like, a pop.
Did you hear that? [fart] damn Wikipedia! You guys got any of those brains lying around? l just want something to nibble on.
Sure.
Justhang on one sec.
OPERATOR: lf your friend has just been infected with a zombie virus through sexual contact with an undead Simian creature, please press 2.
[ beep ] Seriously, l need an aspirin.
[ rapid chatter ] Okay.
[ rapid chatter ] Tell him to stand out in the street.
[ rapid chatter ] And a gay zombie ape party bus will come pick him up? [ rapid chatter ] All right.
l'll tell him.
[ receiver clicks ] l heard.
ls that what you think of me? l can't control myself.
l l have no moral compass 'cause l wasn't raised right.
But if you want to get rid of me and my disease And my insatiable appetite for brains and sex with infected animals Then just tell me where to go.
Yeah.
Out in the street, with the zombie bus and the gay gorillas.
Fine.
Well, then go, then.
l am going.
l am moving.
That's what l'm doing.
ls that -- Yes! That's my people! [ dance music playing ] Let the parade begin, yo! l call first cigarette.
All right.
Wa-- no, wait -- the gas leak! Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden