Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Hoppy Bunny

My name is Shake-Zula, the Mic Rula The old schooler You want to trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, ''G'' [ recorder plays ] Whoa! That was smokin'.
[ chuckles ] That was on fire.
That riff burned down the town, man.
Hey, you too -- you can learn the secrets of recorder, man.
Every vagina on Earth will be yours.
That's right.
lncluded in your kit is a recorder, instructional DVD, banana nut massage oil, man, and you get five pages of sheet music.
Play all your favorite soft rock hits and get you some tonight.
CARL: Oh, yeah.
Tonight! MEATWAD: You got a package here, Carl.
Yeah, Carl, it's true.
You got a package out here.
[ box rattles ] lf l can open it and play with whatever is in it, please stay quiet.
Thank you.
Give me that.
What'd you get, Carl? You get you a hot dog? Yeah, l ordered a hot dog through the mail.
Well, hot dang diggity.
You gonna give me some? Oh, yeah, l'll give you the whole thing when it comes out the other end.
[ laughs ] [ door closes ] He said he's gonna give me some hot dog.
Which you will split with me after l determine which half is bigger, for you have been known to rook me.
That wasn't a hot dog.
l shook it.
Only processed meat makes that sound.
Meat make this sound, too.
[ farting ] Ohh! Oh, no, Meatwad.
No, you didn't.
That was a little one.
Hang on.
Oh, yeah.
Damn.
Jeez, look at that.
The stoop melted.
MAN: All right.
You bought the kit.
Cool.
Now, first things first, you rip those pants off like an ape.
All right, you conquered step one.
Step two -- put the recorder to your lips, man.
Put them in there like this.
[ recorder plays ] That's where the brains are.
You got to think to play recorder.
Wait a minute.
[ mumbles ] Relax, guy.
Those are just wires.
Let them do their thing, man.
They're not hassling you, right? This is America -- home of the eagle.
Okay, step four -- you should not have bought this recorder.
The recorder is not for everyone.
You might have a pre-existing condition where it's like you're allergic to recorders.
l'm serious, man.
You are stupid.
Put this onand play.
Play for me! ''You have lost a kidney.
Move back three spaces.
'' You get that card every time.
Damn.
Okay, your roll.
l love family night.
[ recorder plays ] What is that? Some girl begging for my body.
That's not a woman.
How can you even tell it's a woman? lt sounds like a flute or something.
l only date women.
Yeah, right, but what's your point? l never had one.
And that drives you crazy, doesn't it? Huh.
That's kind of weird.
MEATWAD: Yeah, that is weird.
l'm gonna go join them.
Damn it.
Carl ordered that kit.
He's gonna score more than l do, and l've been saving up for that.
There's only one of them in existenceprobably.
Uh, Carl, who's your friend? Please do not speak to the musician.
l am Hoppy Bunny, and he is here to entertain.
Help me.
Huh? What's that, Carl? - Help me.
- l-l can't make -- what? Carl, what are you saying? Help me.
That's right.
Help him out, y'all.
Put your hands together, let him know you love the music.
When l say ''uh,'' y'all go, ''oh, yeah.
'' Ready? We do a practice run.
Ready? Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
You're not doing it.
Come on, do it.
Uh.
Where you going? Uh.
You going inside? Don't close the door.
Uh.
[ knock on door ] Where's the bathroom? Where's the bathroom? We don't have a bathroom.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
Never mind.
[ dance music plays ] Shake, what the hell are all these people doing dressed like animals on the lawn? l don't know.
They paid me to park, not freaking loiter.
Park? MASTER SHAKE: Yes, park.
lt's English.
lt means ''to put your car at rest at a public or private area.
'' And how much did you charge? For parking or for cigarettes? Cigarettes? You sold them my cigarettes? What? You said you quit.
Look, l'm dealing with a lot of bull [fart] right now at work, okay, and l kind of need it to get me through this hump.
Buddy, l know what you mean.
l'm running a parking business in our house, and let me tell you, that's damn stressful.
What do you mean ''in our house''? Not the house, in your room -- or as it is now known, level C-4 promenade.
[ car alarms blaring ] Damn it.
Everybody in the house say ''uh.
'' - Uh! - Uh, uh.
Oh, yeah! Uh, uh, uh, uh.
Meatwad, l don't think you need to be hanging out with these furry people.
You need to go inside.
But if l go inside now, l can't be going ''uh'' and everybody go ''oh, yeah.
'' - Oh, yeah! - That one didn't count, y'all.
Now l'm doing it.
Uh.
ALL: Oh, yeah! You need to get the hell off me.
Yeah, don't be hugging that unicorn.
He gets, like, inappropriate.
And that wet spot keeps growing on him, man.
You're a newbie.
l'd start out with the frog or the bumblebee or the tadpole.
Work your way up to the unicorn.
FRYLOCK: Okay, okay.
Where the hell is Hoppy Bunny? Oh, he's in the pleasure chamber.
He's not to be disturbed.
Pleasure cha-- Well, l'll tell you what, he's about to be very disturbed.
Well, just clamp the main artery, and l'll be there as soon as l can.
Look, it's standard brain-replacement surgery.
l do them in my sleep.
What do you mean, what am l doing? l'm getting my groove on.
l have a life outside of brain surgery.
That's just what l do for a living.
lt doesn't define me.
lt doesn't make me a bad surgeon.
Oh, but furry bunny hands make me a bad surgeon? lt may be weird to you, but it is my religion.
Oh, um.
[ clears throat ] What the hell do you want? What have you done to Carl? We've unleashed him! You know you want a piece.
A piece? A piece of what? A piece of the animal.
The wires go all the way into his body.
lt controls him.
He'll die without it.
Get that thing out of him.
No! Carl.
Carl, stand still.
Carl, please stop prancing around.
Carl, stand still.
MEATWAD: Uh.
Don't dance over there.
Get off of that.
Meatwad.
This is a delicate procedure here.
l'm trying to X-ray Carl.
Will you please stop with the ''uh'' and the ''oh, yeah''? - lt's a delicate procedure.
- Oh, yeah! l need quiet here.
Just take them down the hall.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Let's go down the hall.
- Uh.
- Oh, yeah! [ recorder playing ] - What's going on? - Shake! Dy-no-mite! l love that.
Look at this, Shake.
lt appears that the recorder has fused with every organ in his body.
lt seems to be controlling his every action.
l can cure him with my healing stick.
- No.
- Put that away.
MASTER SHAKE: You know l'm a gangster, ''G.
'' You just won't admit it 'cause Styrone won't let you into the club.
You got to have ice water in your veins.
- Follow me.
- Wait a minute, Shake, Shake.
He's trying to tell us something.
MASTER SHAKE: You're -- you're, uh -- you're happy that the city repaved the roads? - No, no, it's not that.
- Get a car.
He wants a car to come.
He's trying to kill himself.
MASTER SHAKE: Naw, naw, naw.
He's happy with the repaving.
These are brand-new roads.
Carl, if that's what you want let's do this quickly.
[ gun cocks ] MASTER SHAKE: Do it, do it! [ click ] Hmm.
lt's not loaded.
- There's gum in the barrel.
- Come on.
l could have been killed in that liquor store.
What liquor store? Shh.
[ beeps ] Yes, uh, leaving a message for Styrone.
Uh, the gun you sold me -- no bullets in it.
ls this your idea of kicking it real, huh? 'Cause it's not very real to me.
You better text me, dawg, and explain this.
[ beeps ] He usually is good about getting right back to you.
Look -- He's probably gonna call back right now.
l do not have time for this, Shake.
Well please tell me what you do have time for.
Ahh! Yeah, man.
Oh, yeah, that's the spot.
Stress knots all over here.
Oh, yeah.
That feels good.
[ grunts ] Oh, yeah, yeah, right there.
Eh, l shouldn't get so worked up about everything, you know? l know.
You can't be there every time Carl makes a bad decision.
You got to live your own life.
l know.
l know, but it's just -- he's so stupid, you know? [ crashing ] Oh, that was Carl.
Naw, naw naw.
We're talking about you right now and the jewel.
Ow! Shake, no! The jewel is mine! [ door opens ] l have the power of a thousand suns! l'll go $20 on this.
MAN: $12 -- that's the best l can do.
All right, how about $20? How about $12? You're killing me here.
All right.
Tell you what l'll go $20.
Tell you what, l'll go $12.
How about that boom box back there? That's an A.
M.
transistor radio.
But it will play cassettes, right, and the MP3s? l don't know.
Yeah, it does.
Can you throw that in? Okay, sure.
Yes! You got a deal, sucker! l can finally start my deejay business.
l think my back is infected.
Oh, it's always about you.
Well, l am working weddings now, and l am extremely motivated.
What about Carl, y'all? Hmm, almost forgot.
His tape collection -- get it! [ lasers firing ] Hey, check it out.
l got the power of a thousand suns.
Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden