Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Dummy Love

My name is Shake-Zula, the Mic Rula, The old schooler You want to trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, ''G'' [ thunder crashes ] Master Shake: ''Skulldilocks and the Seven Scorpions.
'' Written and illustrated by Robb Zhombee.
Hey, wait.
No, l want you to read ''Jimmy the Jet Engine.
'' Eh, just a few pages -- so you can relax.
Please don't read that book.
l don't like that book.
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl.
What happened to her? ''Her mom threw acid on her face because she was jealous of her beauty.
'' No.
MASTER SHAKE: '''Skulldilocks! Skulldilocks!' That's what the schoolchildren cried.
And she was so upset, she threw acid on the schoolkids' faces.
'' MEATWAD: Oh, my goodness.
MASTER SHAKE: ''Cause somebody from the Bible told her to do it.
'' Now press the button.
MEATWAD: l don't want to press the button.
lf you don't press it, she's gonna come for you in the night.
With a bucket of acid for my face?! Spoiler alert! Yes.
Press the button with all your might! No! l won't do it! [ click ] [ screams ] [ crying ] MASTER SHAKE: ''the children said again and again and again.
'' Press it again.
[ click ] [ screams ] [ crying ] MASTER SHAKE: Press it again -- twice, fast.
[ click, click ] [ screams twice ] [ crying ] ''And Skulldilocks was never found.
The end.
'' Adios! MEATWAD: [ crying ] See you in hell.
[ demonic voice ] Kill.
Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill.
MEATWAD: He's cute.
Can we keep him? Please can we keep him? Please? Uh, sure.
Why not? Kill.
Kill! Well, l got to run to dinner.
You guys have fun.
l'll be gone just long enough for something to happen.
But if anything does don't use the phone 'cause l just cut the line.
Later, haters.
Okay! We'll be very safe.
Hey, let's put him on the shelf.
Ain't no way he can get down from there.
There you go.
We'll put him up on the shelf.
[ thunder crashes ] Oh, man.
There's a storm brewing.
l hope the power doesn't go out.
[ thunder crashes ] - Uh-oh.
- Oh, no.
The power went out.
Oh, there we go.
[ gasps ] Meatwad! Buthow? l took him down.
l wanted to arrange him better next to my ceramic knickknacks and personal collectibles.
MEATWAD: Make it look good.
l'm gonna go lock all these windows.
Except this one.
[ click ] This one, l'm gonna unlock, for some reason.
Have you seen my collectible ax? Kill! Kill! Kill! Oh, there it is.
Hey, that looks great on you.
Kill! MASTER SHAKE: Oh, you -- you have another gift for me? They look like human fingers.
[ thunder crashes ] Kill! Well, l'm gonna stand them up around you, dummy.
Just like they're little trophies to you.
[ yawns ] Yeah, let's hit the sack.
Yeah, l'm pretty beat.
l left the scissors out.
[ thunder crashes ] Oh, leave them out.
We'll put them up in the morning.
All right.
Hey, you up for me reading a little bit of that book to you? MEATWAD: Oh no, please don't read that book.
l lose control of my bowels.
Kill, kill, kill.
Uh, somebody pass the syrup.
You know, Mickey Rooney looks fantastic for his age.
[ normal voice ] Kill, kill.
Kill, kill.
Kill, kill, kill.
What's everybody doing today? l don't know.
l was kind of thinking about stealing Carl's car and taking a drive up to the old cabin.
Oh, up on, uh, Monster Mountain.
No, no, no.
The old cabin -- on Mt.
That's one mountain over.
Why, a whole school bus of children disappeared up there.
[ thunder crashes ] Yeah, that was about five years ago -- today, exactly.
[ demonic voice ] Kill! [ normal voice ] Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill.
You know, you can get killed up there.
What?! What'd l say? Uh, you said l could get killed up there.
Oh, sorry.
l meant to say you can get good antiques up there.
Why do you think l'm going? lt's this damn dummy.
Oh, yeah.
He's keeping me up all night with his ''kill, kill, kill.
l like to kill.
'' l'd say, ''how about you try to get a little rest, dummy?'' And he'd just go, ''kill, kill, Meatwad.
Kill, kill.
'' [ demonic voice ] Kill! Kill! Kill! [ normal voice ] Kill, kill, kill.
Kill, kill.
[ demonic voice ] Kill! Kill! Kill! [ normal voice ] Kill.
[ demonic voice ] Kill! Okay.
Okay! l think it's dead.
Well, that's the end of that.
Man, l'm glad that's over.
Whoa! Kill! Kill! Kill! [ slurps ] [ grunting ] Take that, you son of [ grunts ] All right.
Well, he won't be bothering us anymore.
Kill! Kill! Kill! MEATWAD: Dang it.
Listen, the thing is, as soon as you turn your head, he pops up behind you.
lt's like a thing with him.
Just keep looking.
You see him? Uh, nope.
MEATWAD: Mnh-mnh.
How we looking on those monitors? MEATWAD: Monitors 1 through 8, no dummy.
Monitors 9 through 16, no dummy.
Thank you.
Thank you.
l think he's done -- well-done.
Kill! Kill! Aw, come on! Kill! Kill, kill, kill.
Ow! Whoops.
Ow! Stop doing that! Oh.
My bad.
- Ow! Sorry.
l'm sorry.
He got into my head, all right? All right, that's it.
l know what we're gonna do.
Kill, kill.
Yo, Carl! Check it out -- free dummy! You seen my fingers? Unh-unh.
We got a free dummy for you.
Yeah, no, thanks.
l already got one.
[ demonic voice ] Die.
Die! Die!! Who is giving out free dummies in this neighborhood?! lf it's that Mormon kid, l swear to god - Die.
- Kill! Die.
[ normal voice ] Kill.
[ normal voice ] Die.
- Kill.
- Die.
Die, die, die.
Die, die? Kill.
- Kill.
- Die.
Mmm, die.
[ demonic voice ] Kill.
[ demonic voice ] - Die.
- Kill.
- Die.
- Kill.
All right, fine! You can have the damn bed! Damn it! [ door slams ] [ creaking and clacking ] Those dummies sure do get along.
Yeah, l thought they'd hit it off.
They got a lot of similar interests -- slotted jaws.
They're both made of wood.
Can't move their fingers.
Look here, l ain't running no damn dummy boarding house.
This is gonna stop, and it's gonna stop today.
Leave them to me.
Clearly, ladies and gentlemen, my little wooden friend is torched.
And yet, where did he go? Voila.
Kill, kill, kill! MASTER SHAKE: Thank you.
Thank you very much.
And the gorilla says, ''you mean the one that [bleep] you up the ass?'' And the lion says [ gulps ] Why? Did it already make the papers? [ laughter ] That's exactly what he said, you son of a bitch.
Thank you.
[ laughs ] We got a million of them.
[ chuckles ] This is huge for me.
You know l'm the star, right? Oh, yeah, man.
We're real proud of you, Shake.
You know what Frylock? l have found my niche, and l've just grooved right into it.
Hey! Watch the wing sauce on the tux.
Jose Feliciano wants us to open for him.
That's big.
l wish them dummies was real flesh-and-blood boys.
No! Yuh-huh.
l do.
[ crash ] MASTER SHAKE: Um, where are my dummies? 'Cause l've been looking everywhere, and l cannot find them! Help me find them or confess to stealing them -- immediately.
Look, Shake.
They're right there.
They magically came to life.
MEATWAD: Because l wished it upon a star.
l'm the star! They're no good to me alive! Shake, don't! No! MASTER SHAKE: l want you to go up to Meatwad, tell him that he needs to wish on the same star He wants you to wish upon a star to wish me the [what] out of jail.
FRYLOCK: to get him out of jail.
Well, you tell him that l don't talk to suckers.
[ chuckles ] l don't talk to suckers, boy.
He says he doesn't talk to suckers.
[ chuckles ] Well, you tell him that l'm gonna wish on Satan's grave that he gets split in half! Aw, Shake, come on, man.
Look, your sons want to talk to you.
Kill, kill.
Die, die.
- Kill.
- Die.
- Kill, kill.
- Die.
Kill, kill, kill, kill.
- Die.
- Kill, kill, kill.
Die, die.
Kill, kill, kill.
[ click ] He hung up.
Yeah, he hung up.
Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden