Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Gene E.

My name is Shake-Zula, the Mic Rula The old schooler You want to trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force number one in the hood, ''G'' GENE: Ka-gay! What we looking for? SHAKE: Shh.
The jewels! Or, any can that says 5 cents redeemable in Connecticut.
But l'm still looking for jewels.
Yes we know Shake.
You said it a number of times already.
SHAKE: Well that's because that's my preference.
Meatwad: Mine too.
Jewels would be great Shake, but right now we need money.
Jewels are worth money.
Mmm-hmm, lots of money.
That's why l want to get married.
So l can get one of them big rings.
You know the man gets it now.
Just get in there.
Saving the environment is fun and profitable.
Meatwad! When did you start smoking? Whoo, l don't know.
But l cannot stop.
lt's like a meal in a little paper stick.
Jackpot gentlemen.
Stop shaking the bottle.
Come on man! Peppermint Schnapps! What the hell Stop shaking the bottle.
l shake stuff.
- Come on man, what the hell! - That's how l spell my name.
lt's my roots man.
FRYLOCK: lt's a real live genie.
Well, my name's actually Gene.
Gene E.
''E'' stands for, huh, E-ugene or something.
We're gonna call you Double Gene.
Gene Squared.
Ain't that right? l'm gonna call you [fart] Oh, ok, l don't have to call you nothing.
l just thought that'd be fun.
Nice story.
Now grant us some wishes or l personally will destroy you.
Whoa Shake.
He doesn't do that.
Yeah, sure l grant wishes, all the time.
For food.
What's the problem? He's tiny and cute.
He's homeless and drunk, man.
How many genies you ever seen inside of a Schnapps bottle? Calm down there, Hitler! You think Ron Howard just wished Willow was great? No, and yet it was.
Genie, l'm putting Willow in.
Uh, l was saving this for my birthday but-- Yeah, well now it's mine.
We could share but-- that's the rest of it, that's in your mouth now.
l had some franks for protein, to give out more wishes.
l wish l was bald.
Ya'll l'm bald, he does grant wishes! He does! How many wishes do we get? Let's just not put a number on something that's so [fart] cool.
MEATWAD: Alright ya'll.
Look, just don't be pissed off when he doesn't come through for you with a wish.
l wish that you were gone with that attitude.
Gene, make it happen.
Wish Frylock away.
Ka-bingo! Oh, boom! lt's for reals ya'll! l knew it! FRYLOCK: l'm still here Shake, he just turned me invisible.
Oh, kill him Gene.
Dismiss with his life.
l wish that l was Zack of The Suite Life with Zack and Cody.
MEATWAD: Hey ya'll, l'm living in a hotel suite with my twin brother Cody on Nickelodeon.
- Right? - No.
FRYLOCK: You're just invisible like me.
Look, over time you will form into that guy.
That you just said.
MEATWAD Alright! And that castle thing will be built all around you.
- And it'll be great.
- Yeah! Now where's your money.
First l require for you to do something for me.
l wrote a great screenplay.
lt's called Fast.
There's a truck load of snakes that are on a bus.
lt's sort of like Speed only the speed is faster.
You have to go 155 miles an hour.
Or the bomb will go off.
Who's your star? l got the title which obviously we both feel really strongly about.
And l have an ending.
l like it.
My screenplay! Oh, don't worry, it's being sold or something.
But l was going to direct that piece.
[fart] Boom director.
SHAKE: Hey Frylock, guess what? l'm a director.
Hey, where's the money? Frylock's sock drawer.
Where's the sock drawer? FRYLOCK: Now you make me visible right now! Uh! Uh man, the wishes are limited.
FRYLOCK: You said they were unlimited.
Well now l limited them.
FRYLOCK: You ain't getting nothing more from me until you turn me visible again! Fine, whatever.
Hooray visible.
FRYLOCK: No l'm not! Yeah you are.
Now give me the money.
You let me out.
MEATWAD: Hey Gene.
Poke some holes in the damn lid.
FRYLOCK: Poke some holes in the lid, Meatwad.
MEATWAD: Meatwad ain't here.
See it's Cody now, of the Suite Life with Zack and Cody.
FRYLOCK: l thought it was Zack.
MEATWAD: lt don't matter.
They twins.
l'm on Nickelodeon.
SHAKE: And cut! Gene baby, l'm gonna need some more energy from you.
l don't feel like you're committing to the character.
Come on, look alive.
MEATWAD: He looks dead.
FRYLOCK: You didn't put air holes in the jar.
SHAKE: We're going to put digital holes in the jar in post.
So let's move on and let's reset the lights.
FRYLOCK: There's only one thing left to do.
MEATWAD: Go on tour with Hanna Montana and live in a hotel suite on Nickelodeon? FRYLOCK: No.
We're gonna open him up and create a visibly vaccine from his genie gland.
MEATWAD: Where's the genie gland? FRYLOCK: l honestly don't know.
Do you? MEATWAD: Hmm-mm, yeah, l do, it's this right here.
FRYLOCK: That's his foot Meatwad.
MEATWAD: No, no, not that, it's this.
FRYLOCK: And that's his shoe.
MEATWAD: What if it's this one? ls it this one? FRYLOCK: That's his little liver.
MEATWAD: No, l don't like liver.
Or onions.
l have very specific dietary requirements and on the bottom of my contract because l'm Cody, of Zack and Cody.
Alright l'll shut up.
l'll shut up.
[knocking on door] Hello anyone home? FRYLOCK: Ya'll hear something? MEATWAD: No, proceed.
FRYLOCK: Shut up, shut up, listen.
CARL: Hey! Can anyone hear me?! FRYLOCK: lt's in there-- MEATWAD Shut up Frylock, l hear something.
[beating] Hey! FRYLOCK: lt's coming from in there.
MEATWAD: Where you pointing? FRYLOCK: l'm pointing at the living room.
MEATWAD: 'Cause I'm under the bed.
In the nude.
CARL: Anyone see a little 3 inch dude running around in curly shoes? Smells like Schnapps? Gonna get his ass wrapped around his head, manually.
FRYLOCK: Carl, Carl where are you? l'm down here jackass.
Where are you? FRYLOCK: Oh, we're right here.
But don't be alarmed, we're just invisible.
Oh, come on! That's what l asked for! MEATWAD: Ohhh Carl, you're tiny.
Oh, you think? MEATWAD: You lost some weight and height.
Jeez your breathe is awful.
MEATWAD: l will eat me some dog crap.
Yeah, l know, l've seen you do it.
MEATWAD: Mostly empty calories.
lt ain't gonna keep you going through the day.
Uh, you need to find Gene.
And you find him now.
FRYLOCK: Carl, l'm afraid Gene's dead.
l thought l could create a visibility vaccine from his genie gland.
But then l realized that l don't know anything about genies.
Do you?-- Know-- anything about-- l studied elevator repair! FRYLOCK: Just asking.
You know.
All l wanted was the American dream.
What every immigrant wants when he comes to our shores or over our fences.
To get his rocks off indiscreetly and invisibly for free, in woman's public restroom or dressing area of a lingerie shop.
And now that dream is no more.
SHAKE: Wipe those tears Carl.
Your story's too important to America.
This is the jackpot, they didn't see us at all.
You know how long it -- SHAKE: Shh! Carl! The key is absolute silence.
Like a filthy predator creeping in the reeds.
As the big boobed crane flies ever closer.
Yeah, but here's the thing, you know some times they'll come in here to talk, l know that.
They don't always do number 2.
So we got to lure them into the stall.
And then lure their dresses off.
SHAKE: lt doesn't matter.
Soon as they hear these drips, they're gonna need to go.
This is basic science.
You stay in the toilet bowl, that's where the action is.
Good call.
SHAKE: See, it's like a pool to you.
You think uh-- think they'll see the camera? SHAKE: Shh! They're coming.
Hand me the camera.
WOMAN: Let me get here so l can let this go.
- Oh, really? - Yeah-- Show it to me baby! Yeah, there it is! Yeah.
Carl, l got some footage.
CARL: Alright, yeah! [toilet flushes] No! No! No! Carl? Carl? [coughing] The walls are so smooth.
Thank god for this used tampon.
SHAKE: Check this out, the toilet operates on laser beams.
No! No! No! Like Star Wars in here.
This is how Darth Vader craps! FRYLOCK: Genies are usually known to live in bottles.
Because of alcoholic tendencies that run in genie families.
Often genies will turn other people into little genies so they can have someone like them to drink with.
SHAKE: Oh, he's gone man.
FRYLOCK: Whoa! Whoa, Shake.
SHAKE: l flushed him down the toilet.
FRYLOCK: No, he was a genie.
Damn it, he could have turned us visible.
And how long have you been over there? SHAKE: Look at this.
Haunted hair dryer, coming to fluff you abnormal.
Shake, cut that out.
MEATWAD: Don't you worry Frylock, l done developed these special glasses in my science lab.
See l can see myself and my nose for when l'm picking on my-- my boogers.
FRYLOCK: These are toilet tubes.
Give 'em back to me.
They weren't calibrated right-- They still don't work Meatwad.
Then where did l find all of these boogers then, huh? l need boogers to live, and put boogers in food.
SHAKE: We got to find Carl.
He's the only one who can turn us visible again.
SHAKE: l know what we'll do.
The faucet lures them into the toilet.
Makes them want to go.
That's when Meatwad rolls in with his camera focusing only on the butts.
l know you're here.
You have any idea how long l was waiting for you at that restaurant? Huh? Answer me.
Haunted hair dryer.
Vroom! You know how long l was waiting for you at home? ls that-- ls that you in the floating underwear? MEATWAD: Yeah.
SHAKE: You're gonna get us arrested.
FRYLOCK: Shut up, we just found Carl, look.
Someone needs to give him mouth to mouth.
SHAKE: l'm not touching those lips.
MEATWAD: l don't know CPR.
FRYLOCK: Well someone needs to do it.
SHAKE: Then some one should do it.
FRYLOCK: Don't look at me.
SHAKE: You have no idea where l'm looking.
Well fine, l guess we'll just wear underwear the rest of our lives then, huh? MEATWAD: That sounds like paradise to me.
SHAKE: Oh it does, l want a zebra print thong.
And l'm gonna buy it right now.
FRYLOCK: You go through my sock drawer? SHAKE: l thought you were dead.
MEATWAD: Come on.
l think l need a change of underwear.
SHAKE: Stripes are slimming, but just for the record you want to make sure you wear those on the outside.
MEATWAD: ls this like a racing stripe? SHAKE: Yeah, those are racing stripes.
lf you consider diarrhea to be a sport.
MEATWAD: That's how l got it for so cheap at the store.
lt was pre-skidded SHAKE: Pre-skidded? By who? From the bum factory? CARL: What are you doing? No, no, no wait.
No! No! No! No! No! [chewing] Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden