Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Shake Like Me

My name is Shake-Zula, the Mic Rula The old schooler You want to trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force number one in the hood, ''G'' SHAKE: Rims! MEATWAD: Hey look ya'll they putting in a pool next door.
Man, l was told they were gonna fix that house up.
Well l was told that they was gonna get a trampoline.
You know, maybe l was just projecting my desires onto them.
l jump on a tramp every night.
That's how l roll.
The juice just keeps on flowing.
Who is writing this down? This is gold.
FRYLOCK: No, this ain't safe.
l need to talk to them.
Ok, it's all good.
They've agreed to shut it down.
[engines grinding] Oh damn it.
Ok, finally, it's all good.
They said they forgot that they had promised to stop dumping the radioactive waste but now that they remember, they said that they're sorry and that they'll stop dumping.
[helicopter] What the hell! We had an understanding.
Let them understand it from the lips of the master.
Hey! Yeah you, jerkoff.
You want a yellow fist in your face, huh? ls that what you crave? Shut it off or l will march up there and cut it off for you.
Come on down here and discuss things with the-- First off-- this swimming pool is not Olympic size.
l want a high dive, what does that mean? lt means depth for flips and twist.
To me this pool looks poorly constructed.
At best.
And l want a trampoline.
You heard him.
The boy wants a trampoline.
[growling] Yeah, l want a Spongebob bounce house and a petting zoo with real llamas.
Not the stuff that you win at the ring toss at the fair, but -- but l want a fair too.
Have them have a fair.
So you gonna hop to it? Or will l have to beat you down in front of the child? [growling] [yelling] What are you a vampire? Ahh! Alright, Alright-- And further more, your crew was irresponsible-- Highly irresponsible.
[typing] Highly irresponsible in biting my roommate.
l am appalled.
Very appalled! [typing] Very appalled.
And l await with great patience.
And will kill without warning.
[slurp] [typing] A response, please.
Sincerely, your friend, Frylock.
MEATWAD: P.
S.
, we need water.
Yeah, see if they'll turn the water back on.
No, that's a different letter.
I'm lickin' the sweat off the bologna! The city's gonna be on this.
Oh yeah, they're gonna be on it.
Yo, where they get off, biting me like an animal all up in here? All up in here? Yeah, yo.
All up in here.
This region of the epidermis.
Dog.
Look Shake, l don't know why he chose you, ok.
Sometimes people snap when confronted.
And then animal instincts take over.
And plus he was radioactive.
And glowing.
And-- 'Cause you glow, 'cause you're radioactivity.
- Oh yeah? - Yeah.
That's right Meatwad.
You were bitten by a radioactive black man.
But l don't expect any lingering effects.
Naw, me neither.
- Good night ya'll.
- Good night.
MEATWAD: No turn on the light, l'm scared! l don't want the dark-- Yeah boy.
Huh.
Fryman in the hissie with the shishee.
Shake? Come here, yo.
l got a complicated hand shake l want to try out.
Ah, for real ya'll.
Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You look different.
l feel ya.
Hey check this out.
Rims.
l put a spell on them hoes ya'll.
'Cause l'm hell on them hoes ya'll.
What hoes? Just hoes in general.
You know-- fly honeys.
That l would hit, with my genitals.
[ rap music] l wake up every morning with a woody You make a blast when you get close to the pudding Hmm-mm, ok, can someone get me a dewy? Damn your vertical leap is incredible, man.
lt's all my mad skills, they pay the bills l'm ripping trills like Celine Dion l ain't no hip-hop B l got a glock 40 shot, Jumping slash dunking like Hack-a-Shaq Best believe it now son 'Cause l'm black.
You what? l don't know what the hell happened.
What'd l say? You said you're black.
Aw, for reals? Shh you tripping.
When you were bitten by that radioactive black man you literally blacked out.
Giving you special powers.
Special black powers.
l'm not convinced Meatwad.
One more test.
Go on, swim.
No.
You're right, he's black.
Aw, damn! l mean l don't have no problem with race.
Race is not an issue in my house.
l'm color blind.
Then why you keeping my man, Boxy Brown, down in the crawl space? Oh Frycracker be filling me with old magazines and whatnot l ain't no storage slave Meatwad, l needed a box.
Shh, the man needs a box Let's get the man a box, right quickly No, no-- You want a shoeshine Frycracker, man lt's not like that.
l needed a box, ok? Look, l'm not a racist.
Frylock, what are you doing? He's a box, boy.
[laughs] You a fool.
We need to make you white again, Shake.
Oh, the man wants to craft me in his lily white image.
You can't white wash me with your lies.
l'm black and l'm proud.
And l will make sure that it reads that in both gold and diamonds.
On my teeth, yo! l just got turned down for a damn loan for my expensive teeth, yo.
Make me white again, yo.
Ok, drink this.
Hell no.
lt's milk.
lt's where you come from.
l dislike the case it comes in.
Frylock: That's right, it's professional hockey.
The team is from Salt Lake City.
lt's too white.
Open your eyes.
- l can't.
- You must.
Aw, why you got to treat me like this? Squeeze those organic avocados.
Damn, those are expensive.
Judge them by smell.
Why you got to pay that much for an avocado? Do it.
Excuse me, do you know where l can find saffron? By the hot sauce.
Move along, lady.
He's white, ok? Oh, l'm sorry, l assumed he worked here.
Aisle 2, now put 'em on the glass.
Swim.
Ah no, l ain't hearing that.
Do l look like a duck? Swim! Damn you swim! Swim with all your might.
- No.
- Cardio, damn it.
Do it for fitness.
- lt's burns.
- Do a lap.
What-- where my big sneakers? They're fine, just fine.
Ok, we're going to return your skin to it's normal pigmentation through a complicated process l call ''house painting''.
What we do is we take this here house paint and we just sort of dump in on your head.
Don't listen to him, just lie back breathe and in the morning you'll be white and back in control.
Aight, ya'll.
[snoring] Paint him.
Now how does it feel to be Caucasian? What's this? lt's a wrist watch Shake.
You know, time is valuable to you now.
And a health insurance card.
Now if you fall down, or someone tries to hack you in half with a battle ax, you're covered.
l live for sorcery.
Oh ya'll be tripping, see.
l know it's an adjustment.
Look, just let the whiteness work.
Take a long weekend, mow your grass, recycle, ride your aluminum 10 speed in an urban area.
Hell adopt a Chinese baby, you're white now man! Aight ya'll.
l'm down with that.
[speaking different language] You done sold out to the man Cracker be playing you and you smiling like the fool What ever do you mean sir? You've been bamboozled They enslaved your ideas, shackled your mind 300 years of oppression and it goes on and on and on Well l was-- Ask your great-grandparents Who were brought over on boats Toiled in the fields in chains Ask them how they liked it See actually, you're mentioning grandparents, but-- How could you possibly do that Well l-- Unless you had a time machine of some sort Well the difference in my story is-- l was bitten by a radioactive black man.
Oh.
And somehow that turned me.
That's an important part of information, man Yeah, l guess.
Shh, leave it to a cracker Your brain is white washed my man You're right.
You're damned straight l am Master Shake is your slave name lt does say master in there but-- From now on You are Mocha Shakah Kahn Yeah, l'm feeling that.
Now you follow me But first, pick me up and carry me.
There we go, Boxy Brown! Dunk.
Get the rebound.
Dunk again.
But what about school and my swimming lessons? [burp] bunch of school.
You gonna be a superstar.
Get on that rim.
Uh-uh.
Oh come on, now.
Lets see some chocolate thunder.
Get the Jordan out ya ass.
Get on up there.
Ah.
[gasp] Your grill.
What's happening to your fade dog.
My do, the blackness is wearing off.
Hurry Mocha Shakah, rock the mic.
[bee-boping] Boxy Brown, yo Sucker M.
C.
You calling me, the place to be, is Applebee's For the-- For the bottomless shrimp platter You gotta-- Eating good in the -- The apple margarita, yo Sugar on the rim Damn it, l can't free style any more.
'Cause l created a black-cine, and l injected it into your orange soda when you weren't looking.
Ahh, naw, naw, naw, the hell you say Mocha Shakah, don't listen to the lies Oh really? Shake, what's the Boss up to nowadays? Springsteen? Man, l love the E Street Band.
You know he's recording a new album with Pete Seeger? All acoustic.
Oh god! No! Yes! lt's working.
Hey, what did the Dow do today? Damn, it! Down over 60 points.
My 401 k.
When do the Simpsons come on? Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden