Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - She Creature

My name is Shake-Zula, the mic ruler the old schooler You wanna trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies wanna scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies wanna scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, ''G''! Hey, hey! Buddy! Got a green thumb all of a sudden, huh? Or a green fry, l guess.
How about you come over and take a dip, cool off, beat the heat? - Nah.
No thanks, Carl.
l, uh, l did get rid of the water moccasins.
there's something else down there that l can't explain.
But you don't bother it, it don't bother you.
Yeah, l'm planting a row of trees so l ain't gotta look at that mosquito breeding ground that you're running over there.
Oh, listen to you.
Here we go.
Relax, it's cool.
l filled the pool with DEET, and that'll kill anything.
- Hey, Carl.
l like saying DEET.
DEET DEET, DEET DEET Well, just so you know, l called the city about it.
Oh, yeah? Well, l called the city on you, too! And your filthy, uh, trees there.
SHAKE: What the hell are you planting? This is a rental! You don't get your money back! Plus, l'm just gonna chop those down.
l may.
You don't turn your back on me.
- DEET, DEET, DEET, DEET, DEET, DEET, DEET, DEET, DEET, DEET What the -- Meatwad! He's gone.
That thing took him.
Back up! l'm going in after him.
- Yes, go in after him! - Wait.
Ain't no [expletive] way l'm going in after him.
- He could still be alive.
lf you went in after him, you'd know for sure.
Carl! You wanna feed me to that monster, don't you? Yeah.
That's cold-blooded, Carl.
Damn! - Last one in's a rotten egg! - Shake, no! Cannonball! Lower me slowly.
MAN: Hang on, here, tough guy.
Oh, hey! Terry.
l thought we were conducting this conference call tomorrow morning? Boss says he wants it done now.
Or he'll take your other nut.
Ha ha! Listen to this guy! Busting my balls.
l got two.
We ain't gotta talk about this publicly.
You know, maybe you oughta think about that the next time you bet Well, you told me the inside dope was that the other team had the flesh-eating virus.
You getting smart with me? Huh, smart guy? Wanna trip down a flight of stairs, huh? Have an accident in your pathetic life? You're pathetic.
Say it.
l'm worth nothing in your eyes, sir.
l knew that.
Now get your monster up here to take care of this trash.
Now, was that so hard? Say, before you guys go, who do you like in the A.
Beach lnvitational? - A.
Beach? - Women's billiards.
You guys do a book on that, right? [expletive], you're a [expletive] loser.
Scuba guy, you ain't seen nothing, and you ain't heard nothing.
See, Fryman, you gotta let that be a lesson to you.
lf you see someone racketeering, you let it go.
They're digging their own grave.
Look, Carl, l know it's none of my business, but gambling is a dangerous addiction.
All l need is one run and l'm back! You follow women's billiards? Wait, l got an idea.
How much money you got? - No, Carl.
- lt's a proven system! - No, no.
You're throwing money away! Unh-unh, Carl.
Fine, stay a sucker! Carl, lower me into the water.
Okay, one more idea.
You go kill them guys with your eye lasers, then l feed you to this monster.
Carl, that makes no sense.
There ain't nothing in it for me.
Sure it does.
You do the thing, and then why can't l get ahead?! Yeah! All right! Oh, hey there.
Oh, man! lt's amazing down there.
Are you serious? We spent what seems like seven lifetimes.
We sure did.
lt was fun down there.
Everything is a never-ending Superbowl of pleasure! You should try it, Shake.
Do they have a big screen TV? The biggest! lt's huge! Well, okay.
- We rented Michael Clayton, man.
- Michael Clayton? On Blu-ray.
How'd it look? We done saw every pore in George Clooney's face, yo.
Turn on the TV! l'm coming, Michael! So it's cool down there? Hell, no, man! lt's a pain unlike any l've ever felt in my entire life.
Oh, yeah, we was digested and defecated.
And digested and defecated.
And digested and defecated.
Okay, okay, l get the picture.
There weren't no TV down there.
And l'm starting to think that my hands are gone! No, l see one.
Oh, never mind.
All right, we gonna go home now, Carl.
Help me outta here, will ya? We need to treat that pool.
Take this, you mother-- [grunts] Carl's gonna be so happy and surprised and then happy, and then surprised.
And then happy and then surprised.
Then the surprise will wear off 'cause he will have seen it for a time.
But he'll still be happy.
- What did you do to my pool? - FRYLOCK: We cleaned it.
Now it's refreshing and enjoyable for the bitches we gonn' have coming over there this summer.
- Frylock.
- Sorry, l meant to say hoes.
- There we go.
- Sorry.
Monster! Monster! - lt's dead.
- No, no! - We killed it with chlorine.
They're dropping off a package tonight! Crime doesn't pay, Carl.
Oh, yeah, it does.
You ever seen his watch? l have, and l want a watch like that.
l should pamper myself more.
His pinky ring's worth more than my l-Roc.
Them freaking guys are loaded.
And l want to be loaded.
Loaded, you say? That gives me an idea.
[expletive] sumo wrestlers.
When l say take a dive, you take a [expletive] dive, you fat [expletive]! l don't think he understood English.
Well, he's about to be sushi.
So blow the [expletive] horn.
What the [expletive]? The water looks clear.
Where's that big [expletive] fish? You rang? Yeah! Fryman! Relax, Carl.
They're only stunned.
Just until the authorities can arrive.
Authorities! Are you outta your mind?! Shoot 'em again! ln the head! Nope, that's not how l roll, dog.
And you know it.
Okay, now, when do l cut off the fingertips? After l check the teeth for gold! Take your eye lasers and cut their heads off! Carl, they have your number, they know where you live, and you still owe them money.
Hell, they'll send someone else.
That's why it's called a mob.
Oh, yeah.
Good point.
This was not very well thought-out, Carl.
Porcelain! Outrageous! Whoa, l feel a little tug from this filter.
This jet is, uh, quite pleasurable, actually.
- Jet? [splash] Move over, it's my pool! - All right, damn! Look, guys, l need some alone time so l can think about my past and some of the poor choices l made.
And so you can [expletive] off in there? Yeah, yeah, maybe [expletive] in here, too.
All right, let's beat it.
Listen, y'all, name this tune.
You give up? Are you playing? - No.
''Toxic,'' Britney Spears.
All right, we'll do a different one.
''Touch My Body,'' Mariah Carey.
l changed the key, though.
And the meter.
And most of the words.
All right, let's play again.
Oh, man.
l think l just found a girlfriend.
The creature! Let go! Let go! No! l am this creature you speak of.
And you destroyed our civilization when you cleaned the pool.
And so l can never be your eternal sex slave because of what you did to my people, my fish people.
That wasn't me.
That was him.
Oh, okay, that changes things.
l will quickly disappear inside your penis and give you an indescribable pleasure beyond all description.
All right, do it.
- $30.
$50 if you let them watch.
- Come on, go for it! - Make it 50! SHAKE: 50, 50, 50! - $30.
Close the blinds over there! Am l doing it? lt's starting to itch now, itch real bad.
Come back up here.
Get outta my penis.
Hold on.
Have you been tested? Tested for what? Now, hatch forth, eggs.
Grow and reform our lost civilization.
Aw, damn it! l slept with her ass, too.
l told her l was saving myself for marriage and that wouldn't be right, and it'd screw up my friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine, and things lead to things, and yeah.
- What are you trying to say? Whoa.
What the -- Well, just for the record, l did her twice.
And her friend.
All over my jock like sexual animals.
l cannot believe that l haven't exploded yet.
l'm probably just immune 'cause l had so much exposure to their butts and sex.
You really should hear this story 'cause it is incredible.
Hey, hey guys? Hey, you wanna listen to this story about when l had sex underwater?! - Okay, okay! - l'm just walking by, minding my own business, flexing my pecs.
And this chick starts getting all up in my face.
- Yeah, yeah, l'm listening.
- And l'm like, ''Whoa, man.
l'm just out here for flexing.
'' and then she looked down and said, ''lt looks like you're here for more than flexing.
'' - Keep going.
Yeah, l'm listening.
Two broads, huh? - Yeah.
They started sexing me all up.
Hey, that's a good idea to cut those trees down, by the way.
Then they took turns.
Where do you want me to put your balls, in a jar? Wait.
What? Cut him down.
- No! Dancing is forbidden D-D-Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-D-Dancing is forbidden D-D-Dancing is forbidden